Pill Ladies - Episode 269

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 269 "Pill Ladies"

Release Date: July 29, 2026
Hosts: Pat (Patrick Johnson), Mike (Michael Esiobu)
Guests/Co-hosts: Jean, Carrie, Various Callers

---

Episode Overview

In this energetic, joke-heavy episode, Pat and Mike—joined by Jean and Carrie—dive into recent events, hypotheticals that "will never happen," and field a range of unfiltered stories from callers. The hosts riff about social etiquette, movies, relationship dilemmas, wild friendship breakups, and the ever-present saga of what not to do on social media. Listeners will find a blend of cultural commentary, pop culture analysis, and rapid-fire banter, complete with the hosts’ trademark irreverence and sharp, observational humor.

---

Table of Contents

1. Podcast Culture & Social Media Commentary
2. Movie Talk: "Odyssey," Oscars, Horror, Air Bud & More
3. Hypotheticals & Relationship Dilemmas
4. Listener Call-ins: Wild Friendships & “Pill Ladies”
5. Dating App & Modern Connection Critique
6. Tweets of the Week & Miscellaneous Hot Takes
7. Memorable Quotes
8. Closing Announcements

---

1. Podcast Culture & Social Media Commentary

Timestamps: 00:00–04:41

• Mike’s Dilemma: Commenting on Men’s Fashion Posts
  • Mike shares the awkwardness of trying to comment on a male designer’s outfit without sounding "freaky."
  • “Need that top.” – Mike (01:22)
  • Discussion about how complicated it is for men to compliment each other online without being misinterpreted ([01:17], [01:37])
  • Carrie is surprised by the terminology: “I didn’t even know guys called it a top. That’s what’s so crazy.” – Carrie (01:31)

Hydration Lore with Carrie:

• Carrie tries to hide her (lack of) hydration with a "flask"
• Ongoing running joke about her water intake ([03:28], [117:08])

---

2. Movie Talk: "Odyssey," Oscars, Horror, Air Bud & More

Timestamps: 04:42–25:07, 27:07–29:02, 85:46–95:13

• "Odyssey" in IMAX — Spoilers & Cast

  • Pat talks about seeing “Odyssey,” and being surprised by Travis Scott’s cameo ([04:42–05:05])
  • Discussion of classic Greek myths, Trojan horse, and practical effects
  • Comments on the lack of CGI and use of practical stunt work ([09:08])
  • Oscars Season: Missing nominated movies, especially when cultural moments pass by ([09:36–10:15])
  • “I don't think your girl would even care if you took her to see it. It’s fire, great storytelling.” – Mike (07:58)

• Horror, Animation, and Subtitles

  • The group debates horror movie tropes; modern horror offers more creative storylines than older “jump scare” movies ([14:39–15:01])
  • Pat observes: “Now I watch horror movies in the comfort of my home—daytime!” (15:25)
  • Subtitles: Are they ruining suspense or boosting comprehension? ([16:11–16:48])
  • Carrie’s nostalgia for "old-school" animation and low-res graphics ([18:39])

• Air Bud, Famous Movie Dogs, and Childhood Shows

  • Debate over “Air Bud” and its outlandishly talented golden retriever ([85:46–91:09])
  • Famous movie and cartoon dogs: Clifford, Beethoven, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Old Yeller ([86:05–86:28])
  • Carrie’s “girlier” Disney/TV viewing taste vs. Pat/Jean’s preference for sports/action or sitcoms ([87:00–89:03])
  • Pat’s observation on Air Bud: “That dog had more PT than the Black kids.” ([89:53])

---

3. Hypotheticals & Relationship Dilemmas

It gets real and sometimes ridiculous

Weight Gain in Relationships ([20:10–24:53])

• “If you met your girl at 132 and over the course of a year she got to be 240, would you stay?” – Mike
  • Group discusses “happy weight,” stealth tactics for gently encouraging a partner to get healthier, and the double standard if both gain weight.
  • Carrie: "If you see the person every day, you might not notice it happen … five months later you look and realize: Ooh, I got big.” (21:14)
  • The ethics of weight-loss surgery vs. lifestyle change ([25:10–26:14])
  • Food as relationship glue: “Eating is a big part of relationships…eating out, home meals, those are all dates.” – Mike (26:14)

College Relationships and Parties ([54:03–58:33])

• Young caller claims you should "love your girlfriend to a minimum"; debates over jealousy and trust in college life
• Pat and Mike provide a dose of reality: "At 19, this don’t matter. Just break up."
• 8 months = “long time” in college, gets roasted.

---

4. Listener Call-ins: Wild Friendships & "Pill Ladies"

Phone lines are truly open—stories go from hilarious to harrowing and back

[37:09–42:01] Shooting Story

Caller’s wildest friendship break-up:

• Friend got shot while with caller, relationship fizzles after traumatic incident
• Caller is laissez-faire: “I just had to be oblivious…”
• The hosts roast, probe details, and try to find the thread of responsibility—"You in the streets, bro" – Mike (33:29)
• “He was 2 inches from his heart…could be spicing that up…” (31:15)

[45:38–53:56] Pill Ladies & Drug Stories

• Callers open up about ending friendships due to addiction, from Xanax to coke ([45:38–53:56])
• “It was kind of hard to judge him, ‘cause I was on pills…but he had a HUGE bag of coke…”– Guest (45:41)
• Mike: “That said, ‘I don’t do no orgies, bro. Glory hoes only.’” (46:54)
• Honest discussion about sobriety, listener support, and the stigma of addiction (“Happy International Women’s Year to the pill heads. We love y’all pill ladies.” – Guest Caller, 50:03)

---

5. Dating App & Modern Connection Critique

[96:45–100:41]

• App dating woes: “Don’t get on dating apps if you ain’t looking for nothing serious.”
• Carrie: “Sometimes people just want that dopamine rush of matching with someone, with no intent to talk or date.” (99:28)
• Pat: “Do I really wanna keep telling my life story over and over…” (99:54)
• Issues with seeing people you know, lying about hobbies, and awkward IRL encounters.

---

6. Tweets of the Week & Miscellaneous Hot Takes

Running segment – recurring, rapid-fire takes and laugh-out-loud bits

• Favorite dogs that “can’t be Scooby or Air Bud”—leads to hilarious Air Bud nostalgia (85:46–91:38)
• “After two cutwaters, I’m taking the ten pounds out.” – Host incredulous at TMI Twitter overshares (32:39)
• Dating apps: “You know your feet big when everyone uses your shoes to take out the trash.” (101:41)
• The “first to die to an RPG" would have had to see some wild medieval trauma ([118:05])
• Instagram live with only one watcher—roasted: “Be on live with one viewer, squinting they eyes. You see Shanice?” (115:13)

---

7. Memorable Quotes

Social Media/Commenting:

• “Need that top. I took it too far.” – Mike (01:22)
• “I didn’t even know guys called it a top. That’s what’s so crazy.” – Carrie (01:31)

Movies:

• “I used to love watching the trailers when I was younger, ‘cause you—when you saw a trailer for a movie coming out next year…you could take it back to school and be like, ‘You know Spider Man 20 coming out…’” – Pat (13:16)
• “New SpongeBob is too clear. It’s like you’re watching HD porn. I’d rather watch some amateur…” – Pat (18:48)

Relationship/Caller Advice:

• “If you met your girl at 132 and she goes to 240 in a year—without pregnancy, would you stay?” – Mike (20:10)
• “It is a team thing…One person losing weight, other not, sometimes there’s jealousy in the relationship…” – Mike (25:37)

Pill Ladies/Addiction:

• “Happy International Women’s Year to the pill heads. We love y’all pill ladies.” – Guest Caller (50:03)
• “You just gotta cut people off, bro.” – Pat (53:10)

Dating & Youth:

• “At 19, nothing at 19 matters…Just give it up, bro.” – Mike (56:10)
• "You can’t even drink legally, bro. Why are we even…" – Pat (57:22)

Air Bud/Nostalgia:

• “That dog had more PT than the Black kids.” – Pat (89:53)
• “If Air Bud started doing me over, I’d put peanut butter on my glove…” – Mike (90:38)
• "Air Bud played basketball, football, soccer, baseball... okay, baseball is crazy." – Jean (90:38)

---

8. Closing Announcements & Show Details

[119:13–End]

• Plug for Carrie's YouTube: “Carrie Noni” and her podcast “Brain Squeeze Pod” ([118:57–119:20])
• Upcoming live shows: Tour dates include Toronto, New York, Boston, and the UK ([119:29 onward])
• “If y’all want us to open up more tickets, let us know—we might got 25 more spots.” – Mike (119:38)
• General reminder to support their Patreon and live shows.

---

In Summary

Vibe: Wildly funny, quick, and unscripted. The hosts move seamlessly from movie reviews and relationship hypotheticals to raw stories of addiction and betrayal, all while keeping the energy up and the laughs coming.

Whether it's dissecting the awkwardness of being a man online, waxing nostalgic about childhood movies, giving tough love to young callers, or poking fun at themselves and each other, “Crash Dummies” Episode 269 delivers authentic, no-holds-barred perspectives on today's culture, relationships, and more.

For Fans Of:

• Candid, uncensored humor
• Mix of pop culture, everyday absurdities, and listener stories
• Friendship and dating advice “from the trenches”
• Reminiscing about 2000s cartoons/movies
• Real talk on life changes—without the filter

---

Notable Timestamps

• 01:22 – "Need that top" social media commentary
• 05:00–08:38 – Movie “Odyssey,” cast, CGI, and adaptation discussion
• 13:37 – Movie trailers & nostalgia
• 20:10–24:53 – Relationship weight gain debate
• 45:38–53:56 – “Pill ladies” and friendship breakups on drugs
• 85:46–91:38 – Air Bud & famous movie dogs
• 115:13 – Going live with “one viewer” joke
• 118:05 – “First to die by an RPG” tweet

---

For a wild, relatable, and occasionally profound listen, skip the ads and jump into the conversations, hypotheticals, and hot takes only the Crash Dummies can deliver.

Transcript

[Mike]

I was commenting on a designer I know broke life. I was commenting on his post. He had a shirt on that I liked, and I typed out a comment, and I deleted all three comments. And I'm just like, man, it's a fucked up pause era we live in that. Didn't feel comfortable with any of these. I'm not gonna lie. I started off hot, and then, like, at the end, it was just like, I was reaching, but I just felt like I was in that realm.

[Pat]

What were they?

[Mike]

So my first one was need that fire emoji, but he was modeling his

[Pat]

old stuff, so I'm like, oh, no, that's a reach.

[Gene]

Is it?

[Pat]

I would say that's a low reason.

[Carrie]

You should have said it.

[Mike]

Need that.

[Carrie]

Yes.

[Mike]

Okay. And then the second one, I kind of. I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. I don't want him to think that one. I need that. Like, him or he had other stuff on, and I only want the shirt. And I said, need that top.

[Pat]

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

That was a little crazy.

[Pat]

Why did you say, leave that sh.

[Mike]

But that's what I went to the last. I was like, duh, need that shirt. But then I'm like, I'm so thrown off that I just said top. I'm like, I'm already on some freaky shit. I'm trying to get the nigga undressed or what? So I just like, I'm just. Leave it alone. And I just put fire emojis.

[Pat]

Like, it n. You make being a guy too complicated now.

[Mike]

Need that top. I took it too far.

[Pat]

Crazy. Need that top is a little crazy. I won't lie.

[Carrie]

I didn't even know guys called it a top. That's what's so crazy. I thought, it's just a shirt for y'.

[Jean]

All.

[Young Caller]

Exit.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's why it's a little crazy, because top is like a category that you find on websites.

[Jean]

Yeah, it depends on. Like. Yeah, we're talking about fashion.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just trying to, you know, like, I feel like when you comment on social media, you sometimes get in trouble because you try to sound different. Like, you ever top a regular comment, you just be like, this sounds very generic. I want to use a different word or maybe use a little bit more slang. So I'll just. Trying to be different.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Need that top. Fire emoji. I heard about this before.

[Pat]

I think your biggest. Your biggest fear is just a podcast listener finding it.

[Mike]

No, they would never let me live that down. There's certain that. I didn't even say that they say. I said, y' all know what the y' all talking about watching.

[Pat]

That's not what we doing.

[Mike]

Hello.

[Pat]

The radio is for people who are driving

[Mike]

out.

[Guest Caller]

Drive.

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash Dummies podcast. Anyway, welcome to Crash Dummies episode. Is this 269.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jean]

Wow.

[Pat]

Wow. That was crazy.

[Mike]

Crazy immature me. That was immature as hell. All right, come on now.

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash D. Make sure you guys, we got live shows. Most of the dates are live. Hopefully the Florida dates are live, but every other date should be live. So go to crashdummieslive.com Patreon is live. Is still 50 off for like 2 more days. When you guys hear this, when's Wednesday? Is it gonna be the 31st or the first? No. Right?

[Mike]

No, it's like 39th, 29th.

[Pat]

I got a couple more days to get half off.

[Mike]

We'll be in Toronto, too.

[Pat]

Yeah, we'll be in Toronto. So if anything, we should do like a little meet and greet or something there. Yeah, sell some merch. Merch is still alive.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Pat's here, Jean's here, Carrie's here. And I want to call Carrie off or something because she has a new strategy today because you guys always know. We call her out for not being hydrated, right? And obviously the lore starts from her going out with her friends and her. Them. Her ruining the night because she wasn't hydrated.

[Carrie]

I was the victim.

[Pat]

But. But now she has a new strategy of coming in with a flash so we can't see the level of water.

[Carrie]

Not a flash.

[Pat]

What is it? What would you call that?

[Carrie]

It's like a water.

[Mike]

That said a flask. That's definitely not a fl.

[Pat]

What is that?

[Mike]

A flask is like the little liquor bottle, like the little canteen.

[Jean]

Your little pocket shirt.

[Pat]

No, that's not.

[Kelly]

That's a flask.

[Pat]

Can be like that, too.

[Carrie]

Water bottle. There's like.

[Pat]

There's 24 ounces flask.

[Mike]

N. That ain't a flask, though.

[Pat]

No, that's a flask. But now we can't see how much water she's drink. She drank or not. So I got it.

[Carrie]

You clock it?

[Pat]

No, I knew. I knew exactly what she doing.

[Mike]

Yeah. Ain't nothing but air in that.

[Carrie]

No, I need to feel it now.

[Mike]

That. That. Feel that. Filled with root beer. Whatever she thought about hydrated. If I put some ice cream in that. That go overflow.

[Pat]

I finally saw Odyssey. I saw it in imax. Really good movie. The only thing that threw me off at the beginning was seeing and this is amazing. By everybody. Because I didn't see it online. They didn't say anything. Travis Scott in the first opening scene kind of threw me off at at first.

[Mike]

That's all spoiler. That's all I saw.

[Pat]

I don't.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's what I think. That's why people aren't saying it. Because it is kind of a spoiler.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

To say. To say he's in it and then

[Pat]

like he's doing like new stuff that he's in it now. He's been on Jimmy Kimmel before the movie came out.

[Mike]

That's crazy. They had two Batmans in a movie, you know, that was a star studded ass cast, you know.

[Jean]

That reminds me of what? When Chris Brown died in the beginning. What's the movie yard? Because everybody knew Chris Brown was in the movie.

[Pat]

Oh, man, I saw people leaving the theaters because Chris Brown.

[Mike]

But that makes sense though. Like if, you know, okay, if somebody tells me Travis Scott is in any like this type of genre, I know for sure he has to be doing somewhat of what he does in real life. Like they're just going to translate it somehow. But you told me Chris Brown is in a movie about dancing. And this nigga dies first scene. Somebody at the movie theater is going to die. First scene.

[Pat]

People were pissed. But then I think people. Some people stay because they thought like some random way the story is going to be tied around him and he'll be back.

[Mike]

It's a pop locking zombie. The just took his head off.

[Pat]

But I feel like Odyssey was a really good movie. But I think this was one of the movies that actually made me want to go to the theaters. And I feel like there hasn't been that many movies that like I need to go to the theaters to see this. Like what was the last movies for. For some of y' all that y' all was like, I need to go to theaters to see this.

[Carrie]

Definitely Sinners.

[Pat]

Sinners is another one.

[Mike]

Yeah, Sinners. But yeah, just talking about the Odyssey, he just got away with too much. Like he was fucking a whole nother girl. He know. He remembers shit. He go keep. He going to keep eating the flower and shit.

[Pat]

Nice out of context.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

Okay, but wait, can you kind of break down what is the movie about? Because I want to go see it, but I don't think I'm really into like those war fighters fighting type of.

[Pat]

It's like the same story that's been told. Ancient Greeks.

[Mike]

Yeah, the story already exists.

[Pat]

The Troy, the Trojan horse. You know, people going to Trojan horse, hear another Story?

[Carrie]

Yes.

[Young Caller]

You don't.

[Mike]

You've never heard of the Trojan horse?

[Carrie]

I mean, I've heard of it. I don't know.

[Mike]

What is the Trojan horse?

[Carrie]

The condoms?

[Guest Caller]

No.

[Jean]

Right.

[Carrie]

But I have heard of a Trojan horse. I just didn't know where it came from.

[Mike]

The fame, like, just like the famous scene. Just. I don't know if you know this or not. I'm not trying to mansplain this to you. I feel like you set me up. But is when, like, soldiers hit in a horse, and they hid it, like, as a gift to get inside the walls. And then they broke out of the horse and attacked. It's like the famous attack.

[Carrie]

Okay.

[Mike]

So just like, some people use it as a metaphor. Yeah.

[Pat]

And sometimes the movie was just like, the consequences of that war. And basically the guy, Odysseus or whatever his name was trying to find his way back after the war. And it's kind of like that middle part of like.

[Carrie]

Did you go with your lady?

[Pat]

Yes.

[Carrie]

Did she like it?

[Pat]

Yes.

[Carrie]

Okay. I'm.

[Mike]

No, no. It's fire. It's like.

[Pat]

It's really good storytelling.

[Mike]

What's. Damn, Chris. Christopher Nolan.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

He's like. You know, a lot of people get mad because these stories, you can kind of add your own flavor to it because they're written so long ago, so you can take any text. Those stories are way longer, so you're not going to hit every detail. So as a director, you can kind of take the details you want from the book that you like and then apply it to yourself. Because there's a lot of people pulling out because the movie was made before, like, a long, long time ago. And there's a lot of people like, oh, he up this scene. He up this scene.

[Pat]

It was a book, too. And, like, there's other adaptations of it, too. Like Troy, I would say it was like, kind of like that.

[Carrie]

I've heard of that.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

Okay.

[Pat]

There was a Cyclops in it.

[Carrie]

Okay.

[Mike]

Yeah. Oh, man.

[Pat]

And if there was a cycle, there was a cyclops scene. Obviously, there's like. There's. You saw the movie, so this would make more sense to you. Where, like, when you got stabbed in the eye.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And in the original book or that happened. He really said that. Who? There was another Cyclops, too. And it's like, who. Who attacked you? And he said, nobody, because the cyclops name was. Was Nobody. So it was just kind of like. It was like the comedic timing in that. In the book.

[Mike]

Got it.

[Pat]

And I don't think he wanted to add that part to it?

[Mike]

No, no, he kept that serious.

[Pat]

I think the. I think the other part that really made the movie really popular is like the use of like all the. The non use of CGI or very minimum cgi. It's like very practical camera work. And I think that's. And even like there's some scenes you'll see and you like, damn. That was. That wasn't cgi. That wasn't cgi.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, they use like for, like to make the Giants and the. Making them look a little shorter. They use stunt doubles that were like 5ft tall and then really tall. People that are like 7, 6, 7. That type of stuff.

[Carrie]

Like, you know, I'm interested in seeing it too, just because I always hate when the Oscars come around and I never have seen the movies that the

[Pat]

Oscars be kind of like tripping me out sometimes though.

[Carrie]

What is this?

[Pat]

There'd be a lot of movies where I'm like, what? But then I think sometimes that makes me want to go watch the movies. Like the last Oscars. I think Hammett won a lot of Oscars. And I went and watched it and I thought it was a pretty. It was pretty good.

[Carrie]

Like one battle after another. I haven't seen that one.

[Pat]

Oh, really?

[Carrie]

They said that that one was good.

[Pat]

You didn't see Tiana Taylor?

[Carrie]

I did. They said her role was like, you know, iffy.

[Pat]

But I would say she was like in the. She wasn't in it as much. I would say.

[Mike]

One thing I.

[Pat]

Is the reason she wasn't in it.

[Mike]

Don't listen to people's movie reviews. Like, like, whatsoever. Just like, as a person, is it good enough to go watch? Because some of these people, they get some shit, a 9 out of 10 and be complaining about one fucking part and be like, I didn't like how this part went. Just like, nigga, it's a good movie.

[Pat]

LeBron.

[Mike]

LeBron James, he chose.

[Carrie]

Are you happy?

[Mike]

Yeah. Are you happy?

[Carrie]

I think it's decent. I think it's fine. You know, some people are saying he's ring chasing, obviously because the team is already pretty stacked. But I was more so just surprised that it wasn't like a Cleveland or it wasn't a Miami.

[Mike]

Yeah, I think. I think that was his. I think that's what the holdup was. But I heard that it was always like Golden State or Philadelphia. So it was definitely about him, like winning one more time. Yeah, I think.

[Carrie]

And I don't think he would have

[Pat]

won with Golden State.

[Guest Caller]

Huh.

[Mike]

But I think Anthony Davis coming there I think there was a trade that he wanted certain teams to pull off so that he would go there and those teams couldn't pull off those trades, so he went to the best option. That's just my opinion and what I heard. So. But, but we all could be wrong. Cause like the one thing I know about they camp is they kept that shit tight.

[Pat]

Yeah, I mean, I, I, I honestly don't think Rich Paul knew his choice at the beginning.

[Mike]

I don't know. Go look, go look back at some of them tapes. Like the way he was talking about the 76ers the whole time is like

[Pat]

he knew, but obviously he knew the options. But obviously I just think like when he's like, when we have just like our agent, if we have something we want, like a decision we're going to make, he'll know the options of our decision. But obviously we're going to have to call him and be like, this is what we're leaning towards.

[Mike]

I just think it was like, not to say it was too performative, but it was performative like that, like decision making process. Even when Shams announced like LeBron going there, he put Rich Paul's podcast in the tweet. So I just like, I think everything was like the build up and I think all that's going to be part of the documentary and it's going to look dope. So just like sometimes when you know a documentary is being filmed and you know somebody is shooting some shit, it's annoying, like knowing like LeBron is going to have his son in a documentary and then watch this nigga trying to pass from the ball the whole game. It's just like we. So it's a little bit annoying watching it, but like in 10 years you're going to appreciate this shit.

[Pat]

But one more thing about the movies in a sense was that I came

[Mike]

the nick, he brought up LeBron.

[Pat]

I did, I did, I did. But I knew we weren't going to go like too elaborate about the LeBron thing because it's like, it's very like low hanging fruit type of topic right now. But I used to, because I came to the movies when the commercial is over because it kind of gave me the thing that's like commercials, like 25 minutes to 30 minutes. And it made me think about when I was younger how I used to love watching the commercials before the movies, the trailers. Trailers, yeah, okay. The trailers before the movies. Because it would, don't do that.

[Mike]

It could have been commercials.

[Pat]

Commercials, you know, trailers, trailers.

[Jean]

That's before the show early as

[Pat]

I'm seeing. I'm seeing Mr. Marcus.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Yeah.

[Mike]

With the state troopers.

[Pat]

But I used to love watching the trailers when I was younger. Because you. When you saw a trailer for a movie that was coming out next year, we're not in the Internet age back then, so it's like you really have some information where you can take back to school and be like, you know, Spider Man, 20s come about to come out next week. But now it's like you don't really care about the trailers because it's. Everything's on the Internet.

[Young Caller]

Did.

[Pat]

Were you.

[Carrie]

I love watching the trailer still. Yeah, I love watching the trailers. I feel like I'm getting like multiple movies for one for the price of one ticket. You know what I mean? Nah, I feel like it feels like it, though.

[Mike]

Only ones. Only ones I really like. My bad.

[Jean]

I was gonna say, I think still, they still present some of the trailers that you won't really regularly see on your algorithm and stuff like that.

[Mike]

Yeah, the only ones I like are the scary ones. Because it's like if I'm seeing a rom com movie trailer, it's just like, I don't want to see that. You know what I'm saying? Just like it kind of is like, it's too much. Because rom coms only can end one way. It's just like, oh, they either gonna fuck or one of them gonna die. Like, you know what I'm saying? No, but rom com romances, I'm saying, like, any of those type of movies that have any romantic twist to it, like, they either gonna be together or somebody gonna die where they can't be together. But like the scary movies, it just like, you get to kind of see that. That's what would draw me back to the theater. Trying to see the context of a scary movie, it's like, okay, it's based around this. Okay, I might go see it to see how it ends, to see if they survive. That's more.

[Pat]

I feel like a lot of the horror movies are kind of doing better these days because back then I didn't really like horror movies because the storylines didn't really ever seem interesting. It was just same like more jump scare, jump scare. Jump scare, jump scare.

[Mike]

Like, oh, we gonna do Cabin in the Woods. Come on, bro. Like, be creative.

[Pat]

She gonna go. Exactly. She gonna go and see what that noise was. Of course.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

What was that noise?

[Mike]

What was that noise? We in the cabin. The power went out the first day. It's okay, guys, we can stay. We got generators. Like, no, it's time to go.

[Carrie]

I'm just glad a lot of the Paranormal Activity ones are not in theaters anymore. They're not making new ones to my knowledge, because I don't know, I feel like those are kind of played.

[Mike]

Yeah, now they're played. But when they first came out, my

[Pat]

Lord, you have to be a brave soul to go watch it in theaters too.

[Mike]

Man.

[Pat]

I didn't like watching scary movies in theaters. I don't think. There's only like a handful I saw. I like being like the cup from my home. And I watch it during daytime.

[Carrie]

So you could be.

[Pat]

Not really, but it's just like strike two characters.

[Mike]

I ain't gonna lie. I do, I do get. I have a habit of getting on my phone when like an intense part is coming up in a movie. Like, it don't matter what it is. It could be like a couple that's together and the dude doing something stupid and the girl around the corner, I'm like, ah, let me take her out my phone. I don't, I don't, I don't like that. Or if I know a scary part come up, I start pretending like, did my mom text me?

[Carrie]

I squint, I'd be like.

[Pat]

But I feel like now it's like very predictable though. Like you, when you start hearing that little rising tone in the music kind of happening, it's like, okay, something's about to happen.

[Mike]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Jean]

My girl likes watching the subtitles. So I always get like a little step ahead, you know what I'm saying? And my self defense mechanism is to be like, like almost to kind of like, you know, say what's gonna happen? I'm like, watch this, watch this.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, here we go.

[Mike]

For thrillers, I have to turn off subtitles.

[Pat]

Oh, really?

[Mike]

Yeah, because. Yeah, because it'll be like a guy, he's creeping around the corner and. But he doesn'. Know what it is.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And then it says it's like some hissing and then in parentheses, monster. Hissing. It's a monster.

[Pat]

Sometimes the. Sometimes. And sometimes it's a little bit ahead because the same scenario that you put.

[Mike]

What?

[Pat]

Sometimes, sometimes it's a little ahead because like the same scenario where it's like they hear the noise and it'll be like gunshot in the. Before the gunshot kind of happens because like they don't know how to break off the sentences with the scene sometimes. So like this, it'll be a long ass sentence with the subtit. Like with the dialogue. Dialogue, dialogue. And then gunshot. But the gunshot hasn't happened yet. So it's like, oh, fuck. That kind of ruined it for me.

[Mike]

It's like a husband. It's like a husband coming home in a movie and it's like sex sounds upstairs with his wife, but he doesn't know yet.

[Pat]

Fuck.

[Mike]

Just tell me all this.

[Carrie]

Do you need the subtitles for everything you watch nowadays? I don't.

[Pat]

Yeah, I do. My.

[Mike]

I don't.

[Carrie]

No, I don't. I don't like subtitles.

[Mike]

What the fuck?

[Pat]

Honestly, I guess I'm saying I know

[Carrie]

a lot of people who literally say now that they can't watch a movie or watch any type of show without having the subtitles. And I don't get that.

[Pat]

There was a theory behind that too, that they think they're making movies with really bad sound quality on purpose. So people. But I do now because my girl does. So that's the only reason. Like, I'm used to it now, but I think her reason was, like, there's some, like, American lingo sometimes that she just rather like, exact know exactly what people are saying.

[Carrie]

Got it? Because you got me, bro. I'm still over here laughing.

[Mike]

You guys do that? Because I don't.

[Pat]

Caption elitist.

[Mike]

Are you guys stupid? Because I'm not. I don't need that. I can pay it.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Tension.

[Pat]

You're talking about. You're talking about. You're talking about something new movie before, like, new Toy Story last week. We're talking.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

I still haven't seen Toy Story, like, what, five?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But you're saying you don't really with it because the. The new. The new graphics.

[Carrie]

I think that the old school way that people would film movies and TV just felt more. I don't know, it just felt better to watch.

[Pat]

No, I kind of feel that because the new animation, like, especially like the new spongebob, is all clear yet too clear. It's like. It's almost like, you know, you're watching, like, HD porn in a sense. I'm just saying, like, you rather watch some amateur than see some shit in 4K.

[Mike]

No, that is true.

[Carrie]

Crazy comparison.

[Pat]

They're like, why am I watching?

[Mike]

Or the house a little bit too nice.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Ain't no clothes on the floor. The laundry basket empty. Now. Come on now. What are we doing? What are we doing? Y' all not even trying. God damn. Throw a dish in the sink. This should be too clean.

[Pat]

It's too high quality. That's.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

That's what.

[Mike]

That's when I stop. I stopped watching porn, bro.

[Pat]

You have to.

[Mike]

I stopped Watching porn. When I started recognizing sets. What?

[Pat]

Cause you too.

[Mike]

I've seen this bedroom before.

[Carrie]

Too far in the back.

[Pat]

All they start using the same sets. It's like, bro.

[Gene]

What?

[Mike]

Yeah, I'm too deep in the game, man.

[Pat]

Yeah, you definitely gotta leave the game. Once you. Once you go to page two of anything, it's like, all right.

[Mike]

No real, bro.

[Pat]

It's like if you go to page two, it's like, all right, this is.

[Jean]

You're done.

[Guest Caller]

Done.

[Pat]

You got to be done.

[Mike]

No, definitely got to be done.

[Pat]

Come on, bro. Go experience real life. Fellas, fellas.

[Mike]

If you met your girl at 132 and over the course of a year she got to be 240, would you

[Jean]

stay

[Mike]

in a comment said you asking about her salary.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Right.

[Pat]

Would you say would I stay without.

[Mike]

Without pregnancy?

[Pat]

Yeah. Would I stay.

[Mike]

Pregnancy doesn't count.

[Jean]

One year.

[Mike]

One year. No, like, no. No deaths in the family. Like nothing. Like crazy. Where you like, ah, this is why

[Pat]

that's always a hard one. Because it's like, it's just that my. It's not my lifestyle. Like I'm very active and the person I'm with, that's kind of like the thing I look for a very active lifestyle.

[Mike]

But it's saying that it just stopped for a year. And then some crazy weight gain happened.

[Pat]

But I feel like you see that happening.

[Mike]

I feel like everybody in here would stay. But the, the question is what the are you doing?

[Pat]

That's what I'.

[Carrie]

That's the happy weight.

[Mike]

Yes, but what are you doing though? There's no way you let him gain 120 pounds.

[Carrie]

I mean sometimes, you know, if you're seeing a person every single day.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

You might not notice gradually happen when you look back at pictures five months later you like, ooh, I got big.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Nah.

[Jean]

I don't know. Cuz the holidays come around, then you got to buy them like a. A XL instead of the media.

[Mike]

N got to plan. Tired to play this? Guess again.

[Guest Caller]

You getting bad.

[Mike]

She talking about it don't fit. I guess so that's what I bought you. Like now you can start asking cryptic ass questions. How come you don't wear that shirt I got you last year?

[Pat]

Well, that's true. I don't know.

[Mike]

I wouldn't like.

[Pat]

I feel like sometimes these questions are very like low vibration kind of questions.

[Young Caller]

No, that's.

[Mike]

No, but it's. But it's real. I think the would you stay part makes it low vibrational. If you love, then what would you do? Is the. Is like the bigger question, because it's. It very. Like, people's bodies change during that time, and then you as a person have to figure out, is their body a big part of why you're with them?

[Pat]

I feel like £100 on anybody would look very different.

[Mike]

Yes, it's very different. So it's just like. Do you say something? Is it like.

[Pat]

Yeah, I would say something.

[Mike]

What do you say? Like, I think.

[Pat]

I feel like once you kind of get to the point where it's like. Even if it's like, £50. Right. Right. When you get to the point where it's like, all right, let's. I'm gonna start inviting her to the gym with me. I'm gonna start doing the same things I do now.

[Carrie]

You gotta sneak in walks.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, Sneak in walks. Meal press. I might just buy a meal prep for the whole family type of thing.

[Jean]

Yeah. This month.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I ain't gonna lie. I'm gonna sit on the edge of that bed. Like, I'm not gonna lie, baby. I'm broke. We came to four groceries this week, y'.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

All.

[Mike]

I gotta spinach your steak. I crazy, ain't it?

[Carrie]

No, you gotta. You gotta do a better job of trying. They get smaller, though. Like, it has to become your interest now.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

You know, you got to be like, you know what? I just feel like walking after every meal now. You want to join me?

[Mike]

What if they say no?

[Carrie]

Come on. Anyway, I want to bond.

[Pat]

That is true.

[Mike]

You got to kind of use it as, like, a dating thing.

[Pat]

That's why sometimes these type of hypotheticals are always hard, because it's like, is there so many things, like, in my head, I just can't put myself in that position where it's like, there's so many things I would try to do to. Before the guy. Yeah. Because I feel like sometimes it might say something about the person that let somebody get. Get to, like, 100 pounds heavier. Because 100 pounds is a lot of weight to gain. Like. Like, it's not, like, something that just happens, like, overnight.

[Mike]

But I feel like it's though, like. Like you said along the way, it has to be somewhat your fault as the other partner, especially if y' all spending time with each other. It's just like, you gotta stop participating. You gotta, like, shame, like, God damn, we going to McDonald's again.

[Carrie]

But what if y' all both getting bigger?

[Pat]

That's the different thing then.

[Mike]

That's it. Yeah. That's everything. We. We've seen couples where they both got bigger and only one of them is complaining about the other person's look. Literally saw that on the show. Dead ass. And they found out in real time that the other person knows that they gain weight too.

[Pat]

Crazy. It is a team thing though. And even like there's even situations where one. And I think that can affect the relationship because there's situations where one person in a relationship's going through like a really good weight loss kind of journey and then the other person isn't. And sometimes that kind of like, you

[Mike]

know, they're about to cheat on each other.

[Pat]

No, no, no.

[Mike]

I'm telling that person that's working out. If your partner working out without you and they own like, okay, it's a difference. Cause we talked about this before.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

If your partner's working out differently than you and maybe they lose like a little weight, that's different. But if your partner's embarking on a whole new journey and you're going the opposite direction, eating out one of them little workout niggas about to fuck her good.

[Pat]

No, but I do think it's like a different. It's just like a difference in lifestyle. Like, it's just like if you're a lifestyle because obviously to lose weight is hard and that means you're putting a lot of time into this and it's. I'm putting a lot of time into this and we're not putting.

[Carrie]

Well, do you care how they end up losing the weight?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

No.

[Pat]

Oh, I guess you mean if they took a shortcut that you're not willing

[Carrie]

to take or that you wouldn't, you know, prefer for them to take. Yeah.

[Mike]

What like would. What would I not.

[Pat]

I'm just saying.

[Carrie]

Or some like if they took one of those. Yeah, I didn't know. Yeah. Brand or straight light bulb or something or something like that.

[Welder Caller]

Yeah.

[Mike]

No surgery would bother me. Like surgery is just like you putting your life at risk for something that you can work for.

[Pat]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Mike]

I feel like that's irresponsible.

[Pat]

I still think there's those needs to be a main maintenance of like a lifestyle too. Like there's still like a thing of like going to the gym. Like even when you're doing those type of drugs, like you still have to go and maintain. Like there's still. It can always come back right away. So I still think like the working out and I think there's like been studies about this where it's like when couples. When you're in a relationship and one person is like going through like, hey, I want to lose a hundred pounds and other persons, like Pat said, going in the opposite way. It does kind of cause like, jealousy in the relationship where it's like, oh, you're going this. Or you. You think you're. You know, you gain this newfound attention maybe, and it might make them feel a little jealous.

[Mike]

Eating is a big part of relationships, right? No, but. But no, like, eating like. Like when you think about your partner and spending time with them, like going out to restaurants, having meals at home, like, those are all dates. And like, those are some of the easiest days to do with your partner. And if y' all are eating separate meals or. Because you gotta look at it. If I'm a guy and I'm bringing home a burger and my girl trying to get in shape, like, ain't that kind of her up? I'm just putting this juicy burger in front of her face.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Every.

[Mike]

This good as hell. Did you eating the kale salad again? Or there's a recall on that.

[Pat]

Nice. Recalling everything.

[Mike]

No, they recall. They recall everything.

[Pat]

We had bad air quality. We couldn't eat lettuce. This We. We couldn't eat eggs.

[Mike]

Had recall on the air. Like, yo, the air you sucked in today.

[Pat]

Oh, my last. My last movie topic.

[Mike]

Oh, my God, I'm sick of this.

[Pat]

But I am glad that you can Google if there's end credits or not or there's like a. A final scene after the credits.

[Mike]

Oh, because there's been.

[Pat]

There's been multiple times when, you know, know again, back in the day where you would sit through the credits at the end of a movie thinking that's there. You know, like the Marvel movies that have those end scenes at the end of the credit.

[Jean]

You can't Google it.

[Pat]

You have to Google it. Because I've been. I've been there stank before. Well, I've been there. Be like, you sat through this, and you're waiting for that, and then the

[Mike]

lights just turned off. No, it's a light. Yeah, you got to pay attention to the lights. That's the whole game. You're supposed to be surprised by it. It's supposed to be like, damn, wait, the lights came up, but they ain't come up all the way. Yeah, and it's like, oh, what's about to happen? And it's like, that's like the thrill of taking the thrill off this. No, you supposed to love that.

[Jean]

You supposed to do it for the love of the game. You supposed to watch.

[Pat]

I hate going. I. That happened to me with sinners. I didn't know.

[Gene]

I.

[Pat]

We talk about the the movie with P. He's like. He's talking about some end scene. I was like, wait, he was. They came and met them at the.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

The.

[Pat]

The bar.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

I think everybody should stay and watch the credits regardless, because it gives the people who worked on the movie their shine.

[Young Caller]

I'm.

[Pat]

No offense. Shout out to all the people that work on movies, but. But ain't nobody got time to read all that.

[Guest Caller]

I would.

[Jean]

I would.

[Mike]

The only thing my friend was in

[Pat]

the movie, like the credits. I'm waiting till I see their name. For sure.

[Mike]

I need actors. I need like. I need like the top actor. Like somebody did good. I need directors and I need executive producer. But after that.

[Carrie]

So just the first 20 seconds.

[Pat]

I don't.

[Guest Caller]

I don't.

[Pat]

Come on now. I respect the, like the. The effort of case to go into those movies, but I don't have to see the second colorist of the. The of the movie for real.

[Carrie]

Or just be there for the vibes of the soundtrack. Like the last.

[Kelly]

The soundtrack.

[Pat]

Be fire sometime.

[Carrie]

Come on.

[Mike]

Soundtracks of Black Panther.

[Pat]

That's they it up.

[Carrie]

That was an amazing one, man. Shout out Kendrick.

[Pat]

All right. That's my last movie topic, guys.

[Mike]

Yo, bro.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Hello.

[Pat]

You said that like you knew me.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

All right. Welcome to C Pod I a even be you.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

What you say?

[Pat]

I said welcome to Crash podcast.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Oh, thanks, man. I've been trying to get on a

[Mike]

call for a while.

[Pat]

You know what that means, bro?

[Guest Caller]

Good luck.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

What that mean, good luck? Oh, something like that.

[Pat]

All right, I got a question for you. What's the real reason your last. What's the real reason your last friendship ended?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

I think it's Cuz. I guess I got him shot at. But not really, though. Like, it was a situation going on. I was already. I'm saying it was already. I told him about it, but he already knew. He just didn't know who Cuz was. And I only seen boy once,

[Carrie]

so.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

So one day we just chalked school early and we left, went to the crib. Cuz just popped up and my homie and he was saying he. He looked at him, I thought he knew him for a second. I'm like. Because he about to get out the car. But, you know, I ain't pieced it together until last second. He just. He ran off. I'm like, what the this running for? I look over back at Cuz, this pulling the pole out. He started throwing that at the wheel through four shots. He got hit in his chest. I ain't get hit. Next thing you know, a couple Days later, like, three later, I went to the hospital, said visit him and all that, but I, I ain't see him since. Like, I had his backpack for like, like a full month. There's some change. This has never responded to me. Nothing, honest.

[Pat]

Is he alive?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Oh, yeah, he alive.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

The bullet was like, like 2 inches from his chest. That's what they said. That's what he said. And I don't know, to be honest. You know, could be spicing that for all I know.

[Mike]

No, I don't know.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

I'm just saying.

[Mike]

Accusing, Accusing somebody of spicing up them getting shot. And you were there, crazy.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Hey, I'm not saying that he didn't get a shot. I'm just saying, know two inches from his heart. I, I, I, I ain't really saying. I don't know. I wasn't there saying I wasn't in the hospital, in the surgery room and all that, getting a bullet, all this.

[Mike]

But why?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

I'm just saying.

[Mike]

Why are you questioning that? Like, why is that even in your line of questioning? Like, if he's over exaggerating how close it was to his heart

[Kelly]

seems like a great.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

It could have been that case. I'm saying I don't really know.

[Pat]

Okay. The gun was, the gun was never aimed at you.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Well, I was in a driver's seat. He was in the passenger seat. He looked at me, but I, I mean, he, he, he got out the car. I think that's why he got shot, honestly, because I ducked and I, I ain't get hit. And again, I ain't.

[Mike]

You. You were driving, though?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

I was driving. Yeah, Yeah, I just went to my crib.

[Mike]

Was the car on? Or y' all, like, sitting in car?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

No, like, the way, the way Bull pulled up and he pulled up, so couldn't even pull off. Anyway, like, he pulled up like, like his ass of the car was by the front of my car, so there's no, it was no falling off.

[Guest Caller]

For real.

[Pat]

Oh, you.

[Mike]

And you sure. Who do you think it. So you don't, you don't know the dude that shot y'?

[Pat]

All?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

No, no, no, I knew, cuz, but I ain't really. I ain't know him.

[Mike]

Like, like, so you got that good of a look where you.

[Gene]

Where.

[Mike]

You know. You seen him before?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

I seen him before once, but that was like, like, like a month before I even saying. Knew what he was going on for.

[Mike]

What, so you. So you for sure he wasn't there for you? He was for, for the other guy?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

No, he, he was there for my brother. But I guess cuz thought you saying we looked like or whatever saying he thought I was him. I don't know. Be honest.

[Mike]

Yeah, man. You need to get off the streets, bro. You don't know nothing, bro.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Huh?

[Mike]

You in the streets, bro. If you hang around people that's doing you in the streets.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Nah bro, I ain't. I ain't been in the streets and

[Mike]

like if you hang around people that's doing. If you hang around people that's industries. You in the streets.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Nah bro, I don't hang out with in the streets.

[Mike]

Is this stupid or what?

[Pat]

I think you're saying this happened in the past.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

This happened in the past? Yeah, you said the last friendship. I'm still cool with a couple. I'm saying certain people that don't do. I'm saying what I was getting into.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

This is like. Yeah, yeah, it's cool bro. I knew you were stupid for a second.

[Mike]

I'm stupid, bro?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Yeah, it's cool bro. I had to get my little. You saying my little one, two in.

[Mike]

No, no, no. You got it bro. Yeah man, good thing.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Thanks for call man.

[Mike]

Good thing. Good thing them ain't got good aim. You know what I'm saying? We wouldn't even be on the call, right?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

No real yo, I swear bro. So did the cop is crazy?

[Pat]

Did the cops ask you?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Yeah, yeah cop. They was on some weird. I forgot about that man.

[Pat]

You didn't tell them you knew it was.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

I guess they thought. No, no, I ain't say that.

[Kelly]

What?

[Mike]

I'm not about to say what.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

I ain't even saying I friend got shot. I'm not. Listen, he was in the streets too. So he. He knew what the was going on. You ain't about him saying.

[Pat]

Did you tell him who shot him at least?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

No, the funny part, before it happened that day, I was telling him about what was going on, but I didn't saying I didn't see cuz in a while. I'm saying like. So I just. I'm saying I just happened to be talking about it the same day. Next thing you know cuz it happened to pull up.

[Pat]

Just so happened.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

So.

[Mike]

So where's your.

[Pat]

So where's your what is coincidence?

[Mike]

Where's your brother in law? All this like where is like this.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

He. Well he didn't do like to. To you saying to try. You mean like like mend the situation or anything. You're saying like I basically had to. I'm saying like men for myself, defend for myself.

[Gene]

For real.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

I'm saying, like, so when 12 pulled up, I just had. I had to act like I ain't really know what the. Was going on at all. I had to be oblivious.

[Mike]

So what's your brother?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

I just got. Yeah, it worked.

[Mike]

I want to know what your brother. I want to know what your brother is saying to you. Like, did you talk to your brother? Like, yo, that's looking for you? Shot at me?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Yeah. Yeah. So I told him that he. He knew, but it was nothing. Like, he wasn't. He wasn't doing this. I'm gonna be honest with you. But, like, basically, he.

[Carrie]

He.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

He jams. He. He stole. He stole 100 for some.

[Mike]

And a hundred dollars.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

This? Yeah, 100, bro. Yes, 100, bro. 100. Stole 100 from this and then this. He goes, then links with the.

[Guest Caller]

Later.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Like a week. A week or two later after this, just took a bean, stole the bean from her, goes and links with her again. She lines this. She launching.

[Gene]

She.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

She had his car tucked. Everything was in his will, you know, like, you know, be having your world. Keys, sneaks, clothes, and his license was in the car. So they got that drop on our addresses. So I guess they just been spinning around this, I'm saying. But I didn't know all that until, like, probably like a week or two before that happened. Like, before. Before I got shot at.

[Pat]

All right, bro.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Crazy ass, man.

[Pat]

Yeah, man.

[Jean]

All right.

[Pat]

You have a good one, man. Man.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Yeah, Bro, you. You got cut this off, bro.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

What up, man? How's it going?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

It's good. Just chilling right now.

[Gene]

Okay.

[Pat]

I got. I got a question for you, man. What's the dilemma?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

All right, so I was friends with this girl for, like, a while, since, like, eighth grade. And like, we've been, like, pretty close friends. Just like, none, none, none crazy. But then maybe, like, around four months ago, it was just, like, chilling, and at my crib, we were smoking, and I kind of, like, just made my move and. And she was going for it. But, like, she said she wanted, like, no relationship or nothing.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

So I was like, all right.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Bet we could be friends with benefits. And that's cool. And then, yeah, so, like, I went out of town for work and maybe like, like three, four weeks ago. And then she called me and told me, like, like, she was getting, like, a pregnancy test or whatever. So I'm like, oh, hold on now. I ain't ready for all that. But turns out she was, I guess, like, with somebody else, which is cool because we know we just friends and. But what really had me was that she, you know, let him, you know, nut inside of her. I'm like, yo, that's wild work.

[Mike]

So how are you a candidate?

[Gene]

I don't know.

[Mike]

How are you a candidate?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

What you mean, how am I a candidate?

[Gene]

I'm.

[Mike]

I'm that Nick. No, I'm just saying, like, you mad at her for letting somebody nut inside of her? Did you do that?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

No, no, no, I was. Come on. I'm pulling out. We ain't doing that.

[Pat]

So you're just mad that. That she's sleeping with other people

[Kelly]

or

[Pat]

you feel away about it?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Yeah, I just feel some type of way about it, I guess.

[Pat]

Why do you. Do you want a more of a relationship with her?

[Mike]

A little bit?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Like, she a cool ass person like I with her. Like, that's why we've been friends for so long. But I don't know, like her, her like she a cool person, like I said. But she just. I guess she. She said she just want to have her fun when she young and which I mean, I respect.

[Mike]

Where the baby at?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Oh, no, she didn't have a baby. She was. No, she was not pregnant.

[Mike]

Oh, okay. So how's the relationship now?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

This just happened like two days ago, so I ain't really talking.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Wait, so how. Wait, whoa. How did you even obtain the information that somebody else nutted in her?

[Pat]

She told me how.

[Jean]

That's her friend.

[Mike]

Like, how did she tell you that that's his bestie?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Yeah, that was. Oh, so Gene. Yeah, that was just like. Yeah, that was. We would be friends. You know what I'm saying? So we be talking and. But that was crazy though.

[Jean]

Did you get jealous?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

I don't want no kids, so I ain't really jealous.

[Mike]

But so she told you that and then I'm guessing you'd be eating her out too.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

No,

[Mike]

you lying. I know you lying because the way you talk about this, this is your best friend friend and you got a crush on her and then you still considering being with her. You can't tell me you didn't eat her out. I will hang up right now.

[Young Caller]

No.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Oh my.

[Mike]

You're a liar, bro. You a liar. That's why the information was so important. That's why you asked. No, I'm not.

[Young Caller]

Come on.

[Mike]

No, he ate it up. It's crazy.

[Pat]

You don't really like. You like that one dude from the last call, man?

[Mike]

You the reason why she got pregnant. You the plan C's

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

when I was out of town.

[Mike]

You sucked that nut right up. Oh, my God. He said I got you bestie. You're not getting pregnant by hell.

[Jean]

That's crazy.

[Pat]

But so do you. Do you still want something more than a friendship with her, or are you just looking for, like, monogamy with, like, a free trial?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Say the one more time.

[Pat]

I said you're looking for something more

[Mike]

every time you use a big word with this. That's your stick of time, bro. Use it in a sentence.

[Pat]

I said candidate.

[Mike]

That said explain more.

[Pat]

What you mean? I said it sound like you want a free trial of, like, monogamy. You know what monogamy means?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Yeah, no, I know what it means.

[Guest Caller]

What it mean?

[Mike]

No, what it mean?

[Young Caller]

Fuck that.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Why you not messing with no other people?

[Mike]

Okay, okay, my bad, my bad. I'm stupid, bro.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

I mean, a free child will not give me. I feel like that's what everybody want.

[Pat]

Like, I would say everybody. Some people just want the monogamy part.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So you can't feel no way then because she's doing her thing. You doing your thing. I'm pretty sure you're doing your thing. Obviously, if she's like, no, he not doing the same.

[Mike]

That's why that shit hurts so bad. He thought when they was friends with benefits is. He thought like, hey, benefiting. Yeah, yeah, she out here.

[Pat]

Everybody got the benefit plan.

[Mike]

Benefits, but on some real.

[Pat]

On a plane, man.

[Guest Caller]

What the.

[Jean]

That's the air show last day.

[Mike]

Oh, this us? That's us. Yeah, yeah, it's the air show.

[Young Caller]

Me.

[Mike]

No. We tried to film on the air show last year and we canceled the

[Pat]

whole p. Holy us.

[Mike]

It's on the rooftop too. We can see it. But no, my bad. Back to you, bro. What was the last question I was gonna ask him? Oh, yeah. If she came to you right now and said, I want to have a relationship with you, I'm done playing. Let's do this. What would you say?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

I don't know.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

I can't. I can't save myself for somebody. I'm just gonna do me. She can do her. That's cool.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no. But she's saying, like, she done with all that, that she just wants you and she want to be now.

[Jean]

Yeah,

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

I mean, I consider we grown. So it ain't like. Like what she did in the past, really. Like, I don't really care too much.

[Mike]

That nut didn't dry it up. You good, bro.

[Jean]

It's been two days.

[Mike]

That nut dried up. You ain't got. Hey, no. What's your message to her, though,

[Young Caller]

bro?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

I mean, just have your fun, but don't expect Me to come crawling back. I. I guess.

[Pat]

Crawling back. You're. Where's there to crawl back from? Y' all just.

[Mike]

You confusing us.

[Young Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So you would not be friends with her because she's having sex with another person. Isn't that what the purpose of friends with benefits? Y' all sleep together and y' all also have y' all fun regardless.

[Mike]

That's what I'm saying. Tinder dick like, you bro up the game.

[Pat]

So when you were out of town, were you like, you didn't talk to nobody when you're out of town or you talk to nobody besides her?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

I mean, yeah, okay, but I don't know.

[Mike]

But he not nobody. That's what hurt.

[Pat]

Oh, you're not having sex. Okay, this is difference now. Are you trying to have sex and it's just not working out for you?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Nah, not really.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

He said not really.

[Mike]

He like her.

[Pat]

Yeah, he do like her.

[Mike]

He like her a lot. She.

[Welder Caller]

He.

[Mike]

Some people look at friends with benefits as a different thing. Like, some people going to friends with benefits as like. Like, oh, this the beginning to us starting a relationship. We just try not to put that much pressure on it. But some people like her look at friends of benefits like, okay, bet we gonna have sex. And that means that you're not gonna call me out for any other thing that I do. So y' all just took it different ways. Y' all gotta sit down and have a talk.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Yeah, I guess you're right.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I said no.

[Jean]

Tell her to call the show.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Nah, fuck no.

[Mike]

We ain't doing that. What's it.

[Carrie]

Do you.

[Mike]

Do you know the other dude that she doing it with or he just, like, around random. Just a random now.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

I don't know.

[Mike]

Can't be too random now. I'm just trying to put that people be acting like I'll be mean. I'll just be trying to put that pressure on, like, so people can see the situation that they in. You know what I'm saying? It sound like you really like you.

[Guest Caller]

Damn right.

[Mike]

Yeah, it sound like you really like her. We just trying to make sure you don't get your heart broke because it sound like she on some other bro.

[Jean]

She let him.

[Pat]

All right, man. You have a good one, bro.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Bro, I appreciate y. Enjoy your day.

[Guest Caller]

Hey, yo, what's up, man?

[Mike]

What the are you talking about?

[Pat]

Yo, yo. Welcome to Crab Podcast, bro.

[Guest Caller]

Hey, what's. Oh, what's up, Mike and Pat? What's up, Dud?

[Pat]

Why you so act surprised when you knew us calling?

[Jean]

Not bad.

[Mike]

I'm Moving this mic?

[Guest Caller]

No, cuz, I just, I honestly, I. What? I picked up. I didn't realize what I was picking up. I just.

[Pat]

Got it.

[Young Caller]

Got it.

[Pat]

Okay, okay, that's fair. That's fair. I got a question for you. What's the reason your friendship and what's the reason your friendship ended?

[Guest Caller]

The reason my friendship ended is because my friend was addicted to coke.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Heavy.

[Guest Caller]

And I used to be, like, more into pills or those kinds of things. Like, more so into those kind of heavier drugs. I wasn't, like, selling or nothing. Like, I was just kind of like in college, like, just, Just kind of like I was having some bad years, basically.

[Kelly]

Okay.

[Guest Caller]

So it was kind of hard for me to be in a position to judge this guy because he was doing, like, coke, which was something I never did. But I went home. It was one of those, like, hometown friends type of things. And we grew up together. We went to middle school, elementary. And I come home one day and he's like, yo, come over to my house, man. And I did. And he just lays out this big bag of cocaine. Like, the biggest bag of cocaine I've ever seen. I, I, I was like, shot. I was like, shot. Like, I was a pill addict. And I was like, ew. So, so then he proceeds to give me the, you know, the dollar bill or whatever the fuck. And I was like, hey, oh, slow your roll, buddy. I'm, I'm good, I'm good. I'm a. I'm gonna sit back here and take my zans, you know, Like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna be all up.

[Pat]

Okay, so you were still doing drugs at that time, though?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pat]

You just judging the type of drugs

[Mike]

he was doing that, that said.

[Guest Caller]

Exactly.

[Mike]

That said, I don't do no orgies, bro. Glory hoes only.

[Jean]

No, he wanted to be depressed in the corner and not have fun.

[Mike]

Same freak, different beast.

[Pat]

But it's like different frequencies, isn't it? Like a Xanax versus a cocaine.

[Mike]

Yeah. Downer versus other.

[Guest Caller]

No, it's so different. It's so different. Like, he was, like, bouncing off the walls, talking about, like, oh, I'm a. I'm gonna film a movie. I'm gonna write a. To do all that. And I'm sitting in the back like, man, it's just. I'm just trying to listen to this, like, childish G. I don't even know. I was trying to listen to music.

[Pat]

Childish G.

[Guest Caller]

Y' all can tell I'm

[Mike]

white, but yeah, then they go over there, drowsy, talking about 3005. Oh,

[Guest Caller]

listen to firefly. Try to. All of a sudden.

[Pat]

So what was, like. What was the bowling. What was the bowling point then?

[Guest Caller]

The boiling point was. I. When he showed me that. It was like, a week after that, it happened. And I just. He was texting me. He was like, yo, you want to come over again? And this was, like, during, like, winter break or whatever. And I was like, no, bro, I don't. And, like, honestly, I think you have a big problem. And he was like, oh, well, that's

[Gene]

so rich coming from you.

[Guest Caller]

Like, you pill at it.

[Kelly]

And I was like.

[Guest Caller]

Like, hey, listen. I was like, listen, listen, man. Yeah, he called me a pill. I know. So I was like. I was like, listen, man, I love you. I don't want to, like, make this critical.

[Mike]

One thing two addicts don't tell each other is that they love each other. I swear to God.

[Jean]

And then you went to rehab.

[Gene]

That's my childhood friend.

[Mike]

I love you, bro.

[Guest Caller]

That's why.

[Mike]

But let's talk about your pill. Let's talk about your pill habit, though. That's gone, though, right?

[Kelly]

Right?

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, God.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Gone.

[Guest Caller]

Gone.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Yeah.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Mike]

What do you do now to, like, kind of. Because usually people can't quit cold turkey. They pick up, like, some cigarettes or some weed or.

[Guest Caller]

No, that's so true. I was doing weed and cigarettes at the time. I'm free from nicotine. I'm free from opioids and pills. I graduated college.

[Gene]

I got a job. Okay.

[Guest Caller]

I'm doing good now. You know, I don't. I don't got ladies, but, you know, I'm trying.

[Mike]

Just need one. Just need one.

[Guest Caller]

Just need one. Just need one. You know, Ambition is late these.

[Mike]

He said that.

[Pat]

Hey, I get it. Sho high, bro.

[Gene]

I'm sober now.

[Guest Caller]

You know, I don't. I don't need those pill ladies like, they were. They're ugly, so. Yeah, no.

[Pat]

Funny, man.

[Mike]

Man. All ladies, beautiful, man, shout out to my pill ladies. Don't listen to this whole.

[Kelly]

No.

[Mike]

They gonna say, keep popping your zen, baby girl. I'll listen to him.

[Guest Caller]

Happy International Women's Year to the pill heads. We love y' all pill ladies.

[Mike]

We still love all ladies on here. Zan's perks, ladies. We, like, put it on your tongue. And let's see some crafts from these podcast. Let's get crazy. No, I'm playing. No, happy to hear you. You doing all those great things, bro. For real. Much love, man.

[Guest Caller]

So I appreciate. Much love to y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Guest Caller]

I appreciate y'.

[Gene]

All.

[Guest Caller]

I love y' all doing Your thing. I've been a listener since y' all were on Hassan, but because of that, I. I just. I just wanted to take a minute just to say y' all are the freaking best. Underrated. Should be.

[Mike]

Question, question, question, question. Before the dig riding.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Guest Caller]

Dig riding over the grinding over.

[Mike]

Okay. Appreciate it. Were you on pills when you were listening to it us or is like, you always missed.

[Guest Caller]

No, no, no, no. I was. I was sober. And it was helpful.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Guest Caller]

Honestly, because I would. I was. I was. I was really high, though. For real.

[Jean]

Like, on.

[Guest Caller]

On weed, but not like.

[Pat]

Not like on weed.

[Mike]

Mike trying to relapse you, bro by bullies.

[Pat]

He made we sound like a control

[Jean]

now when he used to do drugs. I feel like that's how they talk. Oh, it's like I was on whiskey.

[Pat]

Whiskey is crazy.

[Mike]

Got like. Like four rehab groups and so. Yo, what up?

[Pat]

How long. How long have y' all not been friends for? Because obviously that last conversation is the reason y'.

[Young Caller]

All.

[Pat]

The friendship ended basically, right?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Guest Caller]

It's been four and a half years now.

[Pat]

Well, if you got a message to him, bro, I.

[Guest Caller]

My message to you, bro, is to get sober. Life is better, and it won't hold you back if you laugh, man. If you laugh, laugh. Laugh will heal you.

[Mike]

No, he just. He just snorted a line and said, shut your ass up. He trying to hear that, man.

[Pat]

Oh, so you know, he's.

[Guest Caller]

I gotta get on pills and talk to him again.

[Pat]

You got to make that like he a oracle. He popped his film. He speak his language.

[Mike]

When Black Panther goes to that other world. He said the oracle, like the Matrix got locked in.

[Pat]

He's still on drugs, though. You know that for sure?

[Guest Caller]

I know that for sure.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Guest Caller]

We do follow each other on. On socials, and I, you know, I'm on his private. And I see all that stuff, and I.

[Pat]

Okay, I don't.

[Guest Caller]

I just don't talk to him anymore. I just had to cut him out.

[Mike]

Does he snort coke on his private so story?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, damn. He in the game. Yeah, he's like.

[Guest Caller]

He's like a stocks kind of guy. So he'd be like, you know, come. Come buy my stock thing.

[Young Caller]

And like, then he's like.

[Guest Caller]

Then the next post is like, him snorting coke, and I'm like, all right, bro. It's not going well for you, is it? Like, we gotta. We gotta pull this bag. Come on.

[Pat]

Hey, wait, man. You tried, though.

[Mike]

You tried, man. Don't waste your time, bro.

[Guest Caller]

I did, and I love that. I love that. Man, like, he's my brother for real. He was. I don't talk to him anymore. But. But yeah, it's just like.

[Pat]

No, sometimes life is like that.

[Guest Caller]

I hope you do better.

[Pat]

Sometimes you gotta cut people off, bro.

[Mike]

For real, bro.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Facts.

[Guest Caller]

It's better for you.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Yeah.

[Pat]

All right, bro. Continue your silver life. Hope you get the ladies in the future. You can shoot your shot right now to some listeners that might be interested though.

[Young Caller]

Some.

[Pat]

Some.

[Guest Caller]

Okay.

[Pat]

Some women love newly sober people too.

[Jean]

Some ex pill ladies, maybe.

[Guest Caller]

Hey, listen, X pill ladies. This is the pill. This is a former pill man. I'm here now to save you and to save that.

[Young Caller]

Come on now.

[Pat]

Give me something.

[Mike]

Give me something. Can't trust a drug. Get them.

[Gene]

All right, man.

[Pat]

You have a good one, bro.

[Guest Caller]

You too.

[Young Caller]

Love you guys.

[Guest Caller]

Have a good one.

[Pat]

Yo, what it do?

[Mike]

What's happening?

[Young Caller]

How are you boys?

[Pat]

Good, bro. I guess I'll ask you the question. What's your dilemma?

[Young Caller]

You know, I think loving your girlfriend to a minimum is the key to a happy relationship and maybe even marriage.

[Pat]

Loving your girlfriend, your girl to a minimum. Okay, you want to elaborate on your theory?

[Young Caller]

All right, so, boom. Basically, you know, I'm in college, so a lot of things.

[Pat]

Are your advice about to be dumb as because you're still young? Okay,

[Young Caller]

no, but because I'm in college, you know, my girl wants to like go to frat parties, which I think is crazy, but she wants to go to frat parties. And I think if you love your girl too much, you're going to get mad at her for wanting to go to frat parties.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Right?

[Young Caller]

Like, how do you guys feel about your girl? Girls wanting to go to like bars and stuff without you?

[Mike]

Do what they want, have fun.

[Young Caller]

What do you mean they won't have fun?

[Pat]

We're also not in college, bro. So yeah, it's definitely a little different.

[Mike]

That don't affect us. Like, like all y' all college boys, y' all got Tinder dick and y' all hate when y' all girl go to different parties. And it's like, it's, it's when you get to the grown up world, it's okay, bro.

[Young Caller]

Yeah, but you guys are like 40. You guys like live my life twice.

[Mike]

How old are you?

[Young Caller]

Oh, my God, I'm 19.

[Mike]

19 or something with a deep ass voice like that.

[Pat]

We're taking, we take it up. A 19 year old's giving us advice on relationships and marriage. Go ahead, bro.

[Young Caller]

Oh, no, you guys are like, this is. I'm trying to get advice from you. Guys, Because I know, like, as you grow up, it gets easier. But, like, right now, I feel like the more that I like is the more that I'm in love with her, the more upset that I get when she wants to go to parties.

[Pat]

But I feel like like 19, bro. And 19. You're not going to be with her when you graduate college. Just trying to tell you not right.

[Young Caller]

You don't know that, bro.

[Pat]

No, no, no. It's over, bro.

[Jean]

Especially if you think doing the minimum.

[Pat]

It's rap. So this just end the relationship. Real talk. It's over, bro.

[Mike]

Literally.

[Pat]

You're already talking like this. It is raps, literally.

[Mike]

Yes, it is, bro.

[Pat]

Yes, it's raps. Telling strangers who don't know you in real life. This type of story worries. It's over, bro.

[Mike]

Yeah, nothing at 19 matters, bro. I'm not gonna lie like this. This whole year. This whole year is a wash, bro. Just give it up.

[Pat]

Yeah, ball up top, bro.

[Mike]

Look, we literally. This literally might not even make the pile. We giving you real advice, bro. Like your don't matter.

[Young Caller]

Like, I know it. You don't know her like I know her.

[Mike]

There's another. I know her like you know her, though, probably better.

[Pat]

Alpha Sci Fi. Alpha, whatever the fraternity is.

[Young Caller]

Stop.

[Pat]

Brad.

[Mike]

Hello.

[Young Caller]

Come on.

[Pat]

So you don't go to parties and stuff like that? You don't.

[Jean]

You're not in the frat?

[Young Caller]

I. I mean, I could be in the frat, but, like, she doesn't.

[Mike]

No, don't say that with me. There's no.

[Jean]

Not.

[Mike]

What the. Bro?

[Young Caller]

No, I got, like.

[Mike]

I got admitted, but, like, no, you can't. Ain't no such thing as could be in a frat either in one or you not in one. And also. What you mean she don't let you be in a frat, but she going out to parties and you don't go to the parties?

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Parties.

[Mike]

So, like, she got control over you and you ain't got control over her?

[Young Caller]

Nah, it's kind of like mutual. I feel like as a man, you gotta, like, you gotta let your girl do.

[Mike]

You're not a man. What the.

[Young Caller]

I am.

[Mike]

No, you're not, bro.

[Pat]

Became an adult last year.

[Mike]

Literally.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Can't.

[Mike]

You can't even drink legally, bro. Like, why are we even.

[Young Caller]

Like, 19 is old enough, bro. Like, I've lived a lot of life.

[Mike]

Yes, please do us a favor and sign up for the army, bro. Please.

[Young Caller]

I'm not. I'm not protecting you guys.

[Pat]

Protecting you guys? What degree you are you trying to get?

[Young Caller]

What are you studying finance? Business and finance.

[Pat]

Finance, bro.

[Mike]

Come on, man. Military, man. Military man.

[Young Caller]

Oh, that's you, man.

[Mike]

It's literally not, but I'm literally a podcaster. As I say, you 19 year olds just be saying, bro, bro, you know more than me.

[Young Caller]

You should. You should be able to, bro.

[Pat]

We told you our advice though, it's raps.

[Mike]

It's not raps, but you just keep saying that we wiser than you and then every time we try to give you advice, you deny the advice. So what'd that make you?

[Pat]

How long you been with her?

[Young Caller]

Eight months. Which is a long time for 19,

[Mike]

he said. Which is a lot because I'm only 19.

[Pat]

Oh my gosh.

[Young Caller]

That's like. That's a long time.

[Mike]

No, it's not, bro.

[Pat]

Just give it up.

[Young Caller]

Months.

[Mike]

Just give it up.

[Young Caller]

What were you doing eight months ago, man?

[Mike]

This same thing, bro.

[Pat]

All right, man. You have a good one, bro.

[Mike]

No more 19 year old men on our last one. Yo.

[Young Caller]

What?

[Guest Caller]

What up?

[Mike]

What's the word?

[Guest Caller]

What's the word?

[Mike]

Got a question for you, bro.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah?

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

What broke your heart but you pretend it didn't?

[Caller with Shooting Story]

I mean, also my friends agree with

[Guest Caller]

me that that anal hurts the dude. Like when you be. I found this out first time when

[Caller with Shooting Story]

I was like, you know, the girl

[Guest Caller]

and then also like normally and she was like not working wet.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

That like hurt my dick.

[Pat]

I was like, oh, okay,

[Mike]

all right now, brother. Oh, all right.

[Pat]

I thought, I thought. I was trying to. I was trying to think who was like if he was the receiver or.

[Mike]

Yeah, cuz he like hurts.

[Pat]

You said anal hurts men too.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, no, no, no. Like I'm get as a girl but like I'm hurting. Like my dick's hurting. So like I'm put. I'm saying like it's not lubricated, so I put it in. It's like hard scrapes. Like I probably, probably three, four pumps in. And I was like, ow.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

So I'd like stop.

[Guest Caller]

She's like, well, what's the problem?

[Mike]

We good?

[Guest Caller]

Because it's kind of like concrete.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Dang it.

[Kelly]

Yo, what's good?

[Mike]

What's the word?

[Pat]

Sounded sleepy at first and pop right out.

[Welder Caller]

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm in a rehab home. I got to be a bit quiet.

[Mike]

You working at a rehab home?

[Welder Caller]

Hell no. I don't like old people.

[Mike]

Wait, okay, okay. Oh, you visiting somebody at a rehab home? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Welder Caller]

My nana fell trying to get some verners.

[Pat]

Okay, okay, I guess I'll just ask you the question. What's your dilemma? Gotta get back to Nana.

[Welder Caller]

Okay. Oh my gosh. Okay. Y' all can't laugh at me, right?

[Pat]

Got it.

[Welder Caller]

So my dilemma is I recently. Well, everyone thinks I'm a lesbian because I look at the part. I can't lie, lie. I'm a pretty good looking young man if I am, you know, But I kind of miss my boyfriend, my ex boyfriend from years ago.

[Mike]

So where's like, so where's the lesbian part coming in the story? Are you.

[Welder Caller]

Well, well, okay. I don't got no post of me up, but like if you were to see me for a really long time, I had some long, not long, but I had some locks. I got a pretty mixed looking face on if I'm a boy or girl, you know, Know, I dress comfortable.

[Mike]

But you, you also.

[Welder Caller]

I like women.

[Pat]

I said, look, I was trying to see, I was trying to see a picture of herself and it had the flag in her profile.

[Mike]

She literally has gay bar. She, she has the worst gay bar under her profile picture.

[Welder Caller]

Oh, because I told you I just had a girlfriend.

[Pat]

Okay, okay.

[Jean]

I don't remember hearing that, but yeah.

[Pat]

So you're recently lesbian?

[Welder Caller]

No, I've never been a lesbian.

[Jean]

Is your first time having a girlfriend?

[Welder Caller]

Oh, hell no. I've been had a girlfriend.

[Mike]

This was my longest.

[Jean]

You just miss your man.

[Welder Caller]

Low key. Okay, but like, but like, listen, I also recently cut my hair so I look like a little boy. So like I don't think my man missed me.

[Mike]

Not yet. You gotta maybe grow your hair out a little.

[Jean]

I don't recognize you.

[Pat]

But you don't know that. Did you shoot your shot?

[Mike]

Yeah, just start showing up to his hoop sessions, keep passing on the ball,

[Welder Caller]

oh my gosh, I can't play basketball. I pass out.

[Jean]

How long ago was the relationship?

[Welder Caller]

Well, here's the thing. We were messing with each other from what, like 14 to 17? Like my whole high school career.

[Young Caller]

Okay,

[Mike]

You're how old now?

[Guest Caller]

20?

[Mike]

Come on, bro,

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

that.

[Mike]

Is this our demographic now?

[Welder Caller]

Like, are we young people? Wait, stop. Don't play with me like that. I've been trying to get on. I've been trying to get on a call.

[Mike]

Yeah, y' all be living like, it's like, it's funny like when a 19 or 20 year old gets on here, like they present a problem, but they don't have any layers to the problem. And it's just like. Okay, it's just like y' all don't have that many problems. Y' all say some shit and it's like a super simple fix. Because we just gonna tell you, hey, why don't you just shoot your shot at him?

[Pat]

And then.

[Mike]

And then it's like, well, okay, what

[Welder Caller]

do you want me to talk about? My dilemma being? Geez, my dilemma could be what? I hate my job as a welder. Like, I don't know what you want me to say.

[Gene]

You're a wel.

[Mike]

That is very unique.

[Jean]

Wait, so do you just pass as a lesbian? I mean. Never mind.

[Welder Caller]

Oh, you know what? Okay, listen, I'm gonna try to send y' all a photo.

[Mike]

Are you.

[Pat]

Are you bisexual? Would you consider yourself that?

[Welder Caller]

I consider my. Oh, I just almost said my name. Because that's what I be saying to people when they ask me.

[Kelly]

My.

[Welder Caller]

Almost said race.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Welder Caller]

Sexuality. I don't have one.

[Kelly]

For real.

[Pat]

But why do you have gay bar in your. In your. Your profile then?

[Welder Caller]

Because I was going through a real streak. I was going through a streak of, like, just loving women, you know?

[Mike]

Got it.

[Pat]

You don't want to update your. The flag then.

[Mike]

Well, the flag is for, you know, I. It covers everything.

[Welder Caller]

But I'm scared. Listen, listen, listen, though. I'm scared that my ex girlfriend gonna, like, be looking at my page because we just broke up.

[Pat]

Got it.

[Mike]

Oh, why I break up? Why I break up?

[Pat]

I don't know, bro. That is a crazy update.

[Mike]

If you're in a lesbian relationship and then you break up with your partner and then see they took the flag out of.

[Pat]

Or if you see a flag added after you broke up, too, it's time,

[Welder Caller]

dog. That's why I'm scared people gonna be like, damn, she not gay no more after that. Well, I mean, I guess I wouldn't be, but I would be.

[Jean]

Why'd you break up with her?

[Mike]

Okay, because she's fucking 20, Gene. That's why. It's about to be some 20 year old ass problem.

[Kelly]

Young.

[Welder Caller]

No, actually, it's like. It's like some. Like, my sister didn't like her, so they were like, beefing 20 year old. All right, grandpa, you don't got to make fun of me for living life, kid.

[Mike]

Bro. You kid, and I am a kid.

[Welder Caller]

Thank you.

[Mike]

What you got? What you wearing right now?

[Welder Caller]

I got on a tight Under Armour shirt, some gray hoochie daddy shorts, and some crocs.

[Mike]

They could dress like a stepdad.

[Welder Caller]

I told y'.

[Kelly]

All.

[Welder Caller]

I told y'. All. People think I'm a stud.

[Mike]

They probably see them rough ass hands you got.

[Welder Caller]

My hands are still pretty for a girl who welds. Stop.

[Mike]

No, no, no. It's fire that you weld?

[Pat]

No, it's fire. It's just very. It was very left field.

[Mike]

Threw us off for a little bit. Well, we don't know. What, like what?

[Jean]

Like.

[Mike]

What do you want us to tell you?

[Pat]

Nah, being a. Well, you make good money being a welder.

[Welder Caller]

I make pretty decent money, I guess

[Mike]

for a 20 year old, that's pretty good.

[Welder Caller]

No? Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Like you. You got everything settled and then you just said you was too young for the relationship and the person was beefing with your sister.

[Jean]

Sister.

[Mike]

It sound like you just got it.

[Welder Caller]

I was too young for a relationship.

[Kelly]

You made that up.

[Mike]

No, you said you was too young.

[Pat]

She said she's too young. I know why you thought that, though.

[Jean]

Yeah?

[Mike]

What'd she say?

[Pat]

She did say it was too young, but it wasn't. It just was intertwined of like sentences.

[Mike]

Only a 20 year old will some up like that. Come on, man. You. You got your. You got your life pretty, pretty set. It just sound like you don't like your hair right now. That's what you're telling us basically, right?

[Welder Caller]

You know what? I'm about to start wearing hats like y'.

[Kelly]

All.

[Mike]

No, I mean, yo, but your hair gonna grow back way further than ours though.

[Pat]

Or extensions too.

[Welder Caller]

Extensions? Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Go get some kinky twists.

[Welder Caller]

Listen, I'm about to put some extensions in my hair and then I'm gonna hit up my ex.

[Mike]

All right, but you should have confidence enough to like be yourself. Cause it sound. Just because your hair is short don't mean like he shouldn't like you. He should like you with all that stuff. So I would hit him up when your hair.

[Welder Caller]

No, he don't like me.

[Young Caller]

I.

[Welder Caller]

When What?

[Mike]

Oh, man, this, that, this a 20 year old. Like, y' all just flip back and forth. It's like. That's why we don't give y' all advice. Every time we get somebody young advice on here, they start arguing against it. Like, we not your parents, man. Nobody going back and forth with you. Do what you want it.

[Welder Caller]

My bad. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm listening. I'm listening.

[Mike]

N. I ain't falling for that. No, just keep. Just keep doing you. You sound like you're doing a good job live, though.

[Welder Caller]

Oh, my phone at 1%. I can't lie. I gotta go.

[Gene]

All right,

[Pat]

young people, 1%. Phone battery. No responsibility.

[Welder Caller]

I'm at rehab, bro.

[Mike]

I'm at rehab.

[Welder Caller]

You can't be mad.

[Mike]

No, no, you're right. Oh, she visiting grandma.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

She good.

[Pat]

Okay, okay.

[Mike]

You're A good person. That's what I'm saying. You just ball headed.

[Pat]

Oh my God.

[Welder Caller]

Like you little do you know I dead ass look like you. So it's okay.

[Mike]

We look alike. Send me a picture.

[Guest Caller]

We.

[Welder Caller]

We'd probably be going out in like the same club. Fits. I just.

[Mike]

You can't get into a club.

[Pat]

What are you talking about?

[Welder Caller]

I can, you know. You know. Oh, these Detroit clubs don't care.

[Mike]

Oh my God. Oh, you okay?

[Pat]

You have a good one.

[Mike]

You done?

[Kelly]

Bye.

[Jean]

I got the same pants on.

[Mike]

I know she's swaggy.

[Jean]

No, I understand.

[Mike]

You swaggy.

[Pat]

Yo, yo, my bad.

[Mike]

I'm talking to Kelly about. I'm g. We giving Carrie a compliment on her outfit, but she don't know how to take a compliment.

[Kelly]

Oh, bet me either.

[Mike]

What you. Damn. I hope you having a good day. Your outfit fire too.

[Kelly]

I appreciate it. Yeah, I'm having a better day than normal already kind of drunk at like 8:00am Damn. Oh, it's 12.

[Mike]

You good?

[Kelly]

Yeah, no, it's actually 12. My cousin came out here to visit so I had to drop her off at the train station and.

[Jean]

Papa bottle.

[Mike]

Yeah, okay.

[Pat]

That seems very actually this morning.

[Mike]

Okay, I got a question for you.

[Kelly]

All right, what's up?

[Mike]

What's something that broke your heart but you pretend it didn't?

[Kelly]

Honestly, for me, it was probably the night that my ex brought her cooworker home and I met the and everything. I fell asleep on the couch. I wake up and these are.

[Mike]

What was a co worker? Another woman?

[Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, they went to like a lingerie party that some other co worker threw, which is already dangerous work. She was like, yeah, I'm push shorty to bed in my room real quick. I fall asleep, I wake up this in there. Clapping cheeks.

[Pat]

Clapping cheeks. Okay,

[Kelly]

my bad.

[Pat]

No, no, no, wait.

[Mike]

So they went to a lingerie party?

[Kelly]

Yeah, yeah, she went to a lingerie party with her co workers and I was supposed to pick her.

[Mike]

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm confused

[Guest Caller]

because it's.

[Jean]

She.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

She.

[Mike]

She has a girlfriend.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yes.

[Mike]

And then. But she said. Huh?

[Kelly]

Oh yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right, I did. So.

[Mike]

So you have a girlfriend and then your girlfriend bought a girl home

[Pat]

and.

[Mike]

But you say clapping cheeks.

[Kelly]

I mean when you use certain accoutrements in the bedroom, it can turn into accoutrements.

[Pat]

Got it, got it.

[Mike]

So she's saying she used a strap on.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

How deep of a sleep do they think you. Well, I can see them like you know, sneaking off in A room, touching each other. But to put a full strap on

[Pat]

you, it takes a preparation. Like a utility belt.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Mike]

What happened?

[Kelly]

So I said it was a bold move because I'll sleep on the couch with my gun on my stomach.

[Pat]

In your own house?

[Kelly]

No, I was at her cruise.

[Pat]

Oh, got it. Okay.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Jean]

Oh, yeah. So she got the upper.

[Mike]

So what? So what happened after you heard her clapping cheeks?

[Kelly]

Well, I woke up, I thought it was a dream, so I went back to sleep. This was like, like three or four o' clock in the morning. I wake up again, it's 6am These niggas are still.

[Pat]

Oh my God. Oh my. Talk about that's why people be mad at. At lesbians and studs and. And sometimes.

[Mike]

Yeah, people that use strap on, they got unlimited stamina.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

What's crazy, if she was the femme, I'm the stud.

[Mike]

So she was there trading played.

[Pat]

So was it.

[Guest Caller]

Was it.

[Pat]

Wait, did she use other stud though?

[Welder Caller]

Huh?

[Pat]

Was it a stud that she brought home?

[Kelly]

No, it was two films.

[Jean]

She used your strap though?

[Mike]

Yeah, she. She said, I'm playing point guard and she's mushy. That's crazy. Like, what was going on? Like there. There has to be some turmoil in the relationship. I don't feel like this is like a loving relationship. And then this happened.

[Kelly]

No, it. It definitely was not. Not at all. We both have like bipolar disorder. So it was very tumultuous, ultra and all that. Good.

[Jean]

The other one a. I didn't know. I didn't.

[Mike]

I didn't know horny could be part of the bipolar disorder.

[Kelly]

It is. It is when you're like mannequin makes you hypersexual, which bust down some together or, you know, have some fun together.

[Pat]

But she couldn't wait.

[Jean]

You were sleeping.

[Mike]

Got it. Okay, so those are good details because,

[Kelly]

like, like maybe somebody I already had a problem with.

[Mike]

Oh, but. But did you see her bring her over?

[Kelly]

I did. And she was like, oh, I'm. Because the girl drove her home. She was too drunk. And she was like, oh, I'm gonna go set her up in my room to sleep. I'm gonna come sleep in the living room with you. So I fall back asleep, I wake up half ass asleep and I hear something. I'm like, yo, what the. But I thought it was a dream.

[Mike]

And you went in the bedroom.

[Jean]

I thought she was going in the room.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Living room.

[Pat]

And it was your strap on.

[Kelly]

Oh, no, it was mine because that's the only one that was in there.

[Mike]

Okay, so like, what's Crazy. How did the discovery go? You you busting the room or what?

[Kelly]

Hey, you know what's so crazy is I was in such shock and I had a gun on me and I knew I was going to act up if I bust open that door so I left and then I came back an hour later and these in the bed but naked cuddled because I had a key. So then that's when I had the un know handle things a little differently.

[Mike]

Right. That don't make sense though. It's almost like they wanted to be caught because they knew you were in the living room.

[Kelly]

Well I mean maybe they did cuz they're together now but she said she till this day she says she don't remember nothing. She don't know what happened. All she know she woke up naked and she still barely remember me coming back and busting open the door.

[Mike]

And were you supposed to be there? Yeah, she was. I know together.

[Guest Caller]

Now

[Mike]

I know you was pistol whipping the out of the way.

[Kelly]

Hey, I'm not going to confirm nor deny none of that.

[Mike]

I know you was gun butting the out of that.

[Pat]

Probably hit him with your own strap on too. Did you take your strap on back?

[Kelly]

Oh hell yeah. Don't in my drawer right now.

[Pat]

That's that like TI did to give me my chance.

[Mike]

No she went to go get she went to go get her strap on back. That is crazy. You so real and stupid at the same time. I ain't gonna lie.

[Kelly]

This is probably like hey dumb as cuz I took her back like two weeks later.

[Pat]

Oh my God.

[Jean]

And she's still with her now and

[Kelly]

they stood together and she took her home to meet her family and the whole when I was supposed to go damn.

[Pat]

So yeah hey sometimes hey wiser now right?

[Kelly]

Oh yeah, definitely.

[Mike]

All right yeah we know to wake up now.

[Kelly]

I got my look back when I her homeboy that she knows since kindergarten.

[Mike]

Her homeboy oh you switch teams for the vengeance Take that flag out your bio.

[Kelly]

That's that's all I call myself a stud. I'm a full blown I do what I feel like like doing. Got it but yes homeboy I her plug I her other homeboy.

[Pat]

Oh wow.

[Mike]

Them them crazy them them the guy what did I do to deserve it?

[Kelly]

I love oh yeah and they still together.

[Pat]

Oh wow.

[Mike]

Wow. So you not so you didn't so you took it there when you had sex with those guys you didn't really want them. You was just doing it at a pure event singe.

[Kelly]

Oh no, I'll be with Too. Okay. And it was. It was her homeboys that I was like low key islands from jump. Anyway.

[Young Caller]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

So why not hurt a feeling just a little bit?

[Mike]

Yeah. Them cut different. Because, like, if me and you on a date and I hear you talk like that date's over, y' all be other. Yeah. Can we get the check, please? Nah, that's real. Hey, man, do what you gotta do

[Kelly]

because, you know, got to. I can't be the only one hurt, and that's that bipolar. I can't be the only one hurting. This.

[Mike]

Are you getting help with. With the bipolar stuff?

[Kelly]

Oh, yeah. I'm taking medic. I've been taking medications ever since. Yeah. So we all good over here.

[Mike]

That's all that matter. Just get that revenge out your heart. Take your medication. Focus on yourself.

[Kelly]

Yeah, I already did subscribe to Patreon.

[Pat]

You've been to live show.

[Kelly]

No, y'. All. Y' all never come to Arizona.

[Pat]

It's like, oh, we're coming to Arizona.

[Mike]

Yeah, we coming to Phoenix.

[Welder Caller]

Phoenix.

[Mike]

Link in the bio.

[Kelly]

Okay, well, I'll be there.

[Mike]

Pop out. Bring a. Bring a. Or a girl, whatever you want to bring.

[Carrie]

Both.

[Kelly]

The way I'm feeling.

[Mike]

You got it. Got it.

[Kelly]

One of each Situation.

[Jean]

Come on.

[Mike]

One of each.

[Pat]

All right, you have a good one.

[Kelly]

Hey, y', all, too. Bye.

[Pat]

Peace.

[Gene]

Good afternoon, gentlemen. How y' all doing?

[Mike]

What's good?

[Jean]

Good evening, young squad.

[Mike]

Why you laughing at us?

[Pat]

I don't know, bro. I just think everybody just be trying to act funny sometime.

[Mike]

No, no, I feel like this is real. This real him.

[Gene]

What you mean? I swear to God, I talk like this.

[Young Caller]

Okay.

[Mike]

Told you.

[Pat]

Hey, he went from gentleman to sound like he from Atlanta.

[Gene]

Atlanta.

[Pat]

No, see, not.

[Mike]

He is back and forth.

[Pat]

All right, I got a question for you. What's the real reason your friendship ended?

[Gene]

Well, you see, I had this friend, right? I had this girl best friend, right? And I had known her since like, ninth grade. I'm in college now, right? You know what I'm saying? This is my ride or die, you know what I'm saying? And then one day, she started talking to a dude. And that's cool, you know what I'm saying? We wasn't messing around or nothing like that. And she showed me to do it. My first question was, number one, why he looked like me. You know what I'm saying? Look just like me. I don't know. I was kind of confused. Basically, after that, I remember she would talk to me every day, and I'll be sitting there, I'm coaching Her, you know what I'm saying? I'm on the bench. I'm doing the little Steve curse up. I'm saying, listen, so and so. You want him to do this? Tell him this, text him this time, ask him to watch this, ask him, hang out this blah, blah, you know what I'm saying? I'm trying to get her to where she want to be. I'm trying to get her to succeed. And then I woke up one day and I was blocked. I couldn't tell you from. I went on. I went on all Instagram pages. I had. I tested a number. It was something about it. It was something. One day I woke up and life was just over. I don't know, man.

[Mike]

So you ain't talked to her since?

[Gene]

No.

[Pat]

Or her?

[Gene]

I couldn't. I wish I could.

[Mike]

Are her and that guy together Know?

[Jean]

She don't even know.

[Guest Caller]

I couldn't.

[Gene]

I couldn't tell you, man. I couldn't tell you, man. The only thing. Now, listen, listen, I'm gonna keep it a be all right. I left one thing out. The only thing I left out was after she has spent probably about, I don't know, three weeks not talking to me for. Because she started talking to. I may or may not have been a little sassy about it. You know what I'm saying? Other than that, though.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Pat]

What is a big part, though?

[Mike]

What did you say?

[Gene]

What you mean? No, no, no, no, no, no. What? You. Know, I think I. I hit her with a little. Hey, listen, man, I talk to you all day about how to get right with this. Then I want to talk to you about some. I want to talk about. You wouldn't trying to talk to me about it. What's going on, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what I'm saying? Did I get a little livid maybe?

[Pat]

Okay, you keep living out the living part. We want to hear exactly how it said.

[Gene]

Listen, I've been telling you for so long how to get with this. Blah, blah, blah. I tried to talk to you. You wouldn't want to have a. I had to say, what the going on, man? You act like you me. You don't give a about me. You want to give a about me, and I'm trying to help you get with this. I don't know you for X amount of years. What the going on, man? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she was like, oh, but so and so, but so and so, but so and so. And I said, man, listen, listen, you know What I'm saying, like, why are you doing this? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Guest Caller]

And I just.

[Gene]

You know what I'm saying? But I feel like that's unimportant to the. To the total story of the fact that.

[Pat]

So there could be some. Some things kind of going on. The dude Matt heard you, you know, arguing with her about that and say, hey, that dude don't sound like a guy best friend type of situation. And she might have to cut you off because the guy. I'm not saying it's right.

[Mike]

No, it is right. No, just say she talking to a dude and, like, she has a guy best friend, and then that guy best friend is supportive into her talking to that best friend, and then he actually helps her get with her, and then they have a falling out, right as they get together, she's definitely going to tell the dude that she's talking to, like, yo, me and my best friend just got into it, and he's telling me all this stuff. Why are you doing this? And why you doing that? Then the dude was like, man, he like, you block that nigga or I'm out.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's why. I don't think it's. Oh, I don't think it's particularly right, though, if they're like, actually best. I don't know how. Obviously I don't know y' all for real friends friendship. But if that was your real best friend, then it's like, if he's trying to talk to you about, like, why are you ignoring me? Type of thing, then it's like, yeah, he's already getting ignored for three weeks.

[Mike]

But she not stupid, though.

[Jean]

She.

[Mike]

She probably saw through, like, the argument and saw, like, he was only arguing because she wants. He wants her. That was his whole thing. That's why he mad. Cause dude looked like him. He like, why didn't I get a chance?

[Gene]

Hell no.

[Mike]

That's how you present how. But it doesn't. But you said he looked like you, and then you like. But that.

[Gene]

Yeah, I'm saying, why the nigga look like me? Why are you trying to. Let me ask you a question, right? Let's say you got a sister or something, right? If she bring home a. The look like you, how you gonna feel?

[Mike]

I would never say another look like me. That's like the first thing.

[Gene]

Oh, no. Come. When you playing.

[Guest Caller]

Like what?

[Mike]

Like, what's your. Like, what's your bill?

[Gene]

Let's see. Six, two black dreads, glasses. I'll be working out probably like 2:30.

[Mike]

So he. He's exactly that.

[Gene]

I ain't gonna hold you like this was uncanny. I feel uncomfortable, bro.

[Mike]

I'm looking at you, bro. I. I don't think there's another that looks like you,

[Welder Caller]

bro.

[Mike]

You are one unique looking ass. Like, send us a picad. What you mean send us a picado. I know you got a picture of him.

[Gene]

I can't do that, bro.

[Mike]

So he's six two with glasses, dreads and £230.

[Gene]

Yes.

[Mike]

And he works out?

[Gene]

Yes.

[Jean]

And he got your girl. That's not his girl though. That's just his friend.

[Mike]

Yeah, I mean that's not even his friend no more. Oh, ain't got.

[Young Caller]

Oh man.

[Pat]

Sorry, sir. Sorry to hear about this brother. We got for you.

[Mike]

He shouldn't have yelled at her. That's just. That's on him. He lost his temp, he lost his cool. She don't feel safe around that no more.

[Jean]

Where your girl at?

[Young Caller]

Where yo.

[Pat]

Yeah, that kind of solves it a lot, right? You got a girl.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, hell no.

[Mike]

We knew that.

[Pat]

Why was it a hell no though?

[Mike]

We knew that. I don't even know why they set you up and asked you that. No, no, they knew you ain't had

[Gene]

one point clearing me like that.

[Pat]

I believe in you, bro.

[Mike]

I knew you ain't had no girl. You way too obsessed with this girl.

[Pat]

That's been harder you for no reason, bro.

[Mike]

I'm not. He won't even admit that he like her. That's why he yelled at her. But then he coming on here trying to say every time he got to explain himself and why he like her. That's what all those blah blah blahs in this story. Every time he went blah blah blah, that was like why you ain't do such and such for me. It's just like that. Way too sensitive to be you supposed to be big bro. And but you over here, yeah, sassy.

[Gene]

I'm a sassy ass, but I ain't want her son. One of the reasons one of my rider dies is because she had, you know. You know them breakups I'd be having you talking about something. I did everything but die. Yeah, that was a that for me the whole time. So that's heard me ugly crying and blah blah blah. I can't hold you, man. I could. I ain't gonna hold you. The way that heard me crying over that. I could never date a who seen me like that before. And plus, and plus for the matter of fact, she told me that she had a crush on me when was in like, 10 grand.

[Kelly]

I never like her.

[Pat]

Well, and what you. What you say to that? When she told you she had a crush on her? When she told you I was like, what?

[Gene]

She told me that back when I was in a relationship, I wasn't gonna do nothing.

[Pat]

Hey, man, it wasn't meant to be, bro. Y' all. Friendship wasn't meant to be. Y' all relationship wasn't meant to be. I don't think you. I don't think you're sassy for, you know, feeling away. You can express your feelings, but I think you just gotta deal with it the way you have to deal with it. Hey, bro, you are what you are. What you kind of feel like, then, I guess. All right, man.

[Gene]

Hey, by the way, I just want to let y' all know, though, I just want y' all know how much I appreciate y'.

[Welder Caller]

All.

[Gene]

Back when I was in jail, AKA Working at Walmart, y' all the only who got me through the day.

[Mike]

What happened first? Walmart or jail?

[Pat]

He's an A.K.A.

[Gene]

no, I'm saying Walmart was the jail.

[Young Caller]

Yeah.

[Gene]

My fault.

[Pat]

All right, man. You have a good one, bro. I appreciate you.

[Mike]

Okay, I got. I got a challenge for y'.

[Pat]

All.

[Mike]

Y' all ready? Oh, then we might end up getting back on movie topics. The tweet says, name a famous dog, but it can't be Scooby Doo Air buddy. So I want you to save your earbuds. I got something to say about that. Okay, that's just weird that we even watch that.

[Carrie]

I was gonna say. Oh, Yeller.

[Mike]

Oh, Yeller. Is that a movie?

[Carrie]

Yeah, that's a dog, ain't it?

[Jean]

It's his name. Oh, yep. I guess. Yeah.

[Mike]

Who was he from?

[Carrie]

I don't know. I just remember the Cosby Show. Used to talk about it all the time.

[Jean]

That's the dog they took behind the barn. And. Oh, yeah, Rabies. And Clifford.

[Mike]

Okay. Oh, Clifford.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Okay. Okay. The dog from Beethoven.

[Pat]

From Beethoven movie.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pat]

I can think about courage. The Crowded dog.

[Mike]

Is that a movie? I guess he probably.

[Pat]

Oh, you said movie. Sorry.

[Mike]

It's cool, though. It's cool. But airbud, though, that's the one I wanted to get on and just like. Did you watch airbuds?

[Jean]

I love airbud.

[Pat]

No, you never see any of the airbuds.

[Mike]

How old are you again?

[Carrie]

Don't worry about it.

[Mike]

Okay. No, that's crazy that you never seen airbud. Basically, it was a golden retriever that played a bunch of sports.

[Carrie]

It was a Disney movie, right?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

He was good at it.

[Jean]

Was it Disney?

[Pat]

He didn't have kids.

[Gene]

Cable.

[Carrie]

I did. I just wasn't interested in watching that one.

[Mike]

What, you was watching MASH or some. Watching the Tonight show with Jay Leno. And I knew what I wanted to be. I ain't got time for that.

[Carrie]

No, I was just more into the girly stuff. Like Cheetah Girls.

[Mike]

We watch Sheeta Girls. It don't make no sense that you don't cross over for me.

[Carrie]

I wasn't a big Cartoon Network girly. I felt like that was a lot of the action shows.

[Pat]

Airbud is a liveaction movie, though.

[Carrie]

I know, but I'm just saying I was giving an example that airbud to me seemed like a more guy movie.

[Jean]

But you were Disney Princess. You were like watching those kind of.

[Carrie]

Yeah, I was just more into, like, other stuff. Do you guys remember the movies Stuck in the Suburbs on Disney?

[Mike]

Hell no.

[Pat]

1.

[Jean]

It sound like some Kiki Palmer used to be.

[Carrie]

Y' all not gonna be right me

[Mike]

for my young movie Stuck in the Suburbs.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

Sound like a bad porno.

[Pat]

It had Brenda Song in it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay, I see it. You know why we didn't see it? That got a 5.6. Out of 10.

[Mike]

Out of 10 stuck in the.

[Carrie]

It was a Disney Channel original movie.

[Mike]

Damn.

[Pat]

N. This was.

[Gene]

That makes sense.

[Pat]

That the girl from Good Luck Charlie?

[Mike]

Yeah, it is.

[Jean]

Okay.

[Mike]

Got it.

[Pat]

Yeah. This one never made.

[Mike]

No. This flopped for sure.

[Carrie]

My hair. But can you go with your point?

[Young Caller]

No.

[Mike]

What else did you watch?

[Carrie]

Bashed.

[Gene]

No.

[Pat]

What's. What else do you watch? This is really telling a lot about you right now.

[Carrie]

It is. I liked a lot of Nickelodeon, so I would like watch Rugrats a lot.

[Mike]

Fire

[Carrie]

as told by Ginger.

[Mike]

Fire as told by Ginger. Someone was telling me the grass was much greener.

[Carrie]

She did her thing on that one. What other. That's so Raven. My goodness. Yes. I also watched a lot of just like black sitcoms, so. Like Moesha, Fresh Prince, Martin, Jamie Fox show. Parkers, Bernie Mac show.

[Pat]

You know what show I do? We uning it out right now. But the show I really liked that was kind of lowkey, but high key was 101.

[Mike]

I love UPN, man.

[Carrie]

I went as her for Kyla Pratt one day.

[Mike]

That man. I know a. That look just like Flex Washington look just like that.

[Pat]

What was your problem with airbud?

[Mike]

He don't know he was a white man.

[Guest Caller]

It did.

[Pat]

It did kind of see

[Mike]

he was white. You know what I'm saying? They never brought like A black character to it.

[Pat]

Golden retriever does seem like a. Like a.

[Carrie]

It's a white family. I don't know too many black families with a golden retriever.

[Mike]

I don't know too many black people that treat a golden retriever like that. Like that. That. It was no black you in a movie.

[Pat]

They got more PT than. Than the black people.

[Mike]

I'm not going to lie. If I would have ever played football versus Airbutt, man, them would have put me in jail.

[Guest Caller]

Oh no.

[Carrie]

Call Michael.

[Pat]

Oh man, call it Michael.

[Mike]

Vic. I would have Will Smith that like they did on Legend. I would have choked that out to. Is he shut the door n. They got 300 yards. I'm sick of this dog.

[Pat]

Dog gave more play time. That's when it started getting ridiculous. When they started making that play too many sports. Like niggas playing football, bro.

[Mike]

I'm not gonna lie. If I play. If I play airbud and he kept like doing me over. I just like, bro, I'm putting peanut butter on my glove.

[Pat]

AirBud played basketball, football, soccer, BA. Okay, now baseball is crazy. Baseball is crazy. Football's kind create soccer. Come on now.

[Carrie]

Y' all hating on the dog.

[Pat]

Basketball and volleyball, I can kind of get like just because like you can throw.

[Mike]

No, basketball is literally the worst one. And that was the first.

[Jean]

That was the first one originally.

[Mike]

It's really the worst one because it's

[Pat]

not that bad because you can kind of throw the oop to the dog.

[Mike]

He don't have to dribble like who guarding that though?

[Carrie]

What is that?

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying.

[Mike]

Huh?

[Carrie]

What is the plot?

[Mike]

The dog like helps to win a championship.

[Jean]

I think the dog used to belong to a clown. And then family finds him because he runs away because he's tired of being a clown dog. And then so he want to be an talented and.

[Mike]

Yeah, talented. Hoop dreams. Hoop dreams.

[Pat]

Airbud follows a 12 year old Josh Fram a lonely boy who moves to a new town after his father dies. Josh befriends a runaway golden retriever named Buddy who has an amazing talent for playing basketball. Together they join the school team and face Buddy's cruel former owner.

[Mike]

Yeah, the clown. But that bro, that shit is so stupid. They ain't even check that age. Like just letting.

[Carrie]

What's the rating on that one?

[Mike]

Playing with high schoolers, probably higher than the.

[Pat]

They higher than what you said though.

[Mike]

In the suburbs, I swear, I bet you it is that in the suburb.

[Pat]

But honestly, I think down the line it definitely probably was probably went down a little bit.

[Mike]

Soccer and they up the game with the hockey for sure.

[Jean]

Had kids and they all play different sports or some.

[Mike]

Oh, for real?

[Jean]

It was a. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

They started going downhill, bro.

[Mike]

Made a franchise that's airborne. Third son, he left a legacy.

[Pat]

Oh, maybe not just. It's 5.6, 5.4.

[Mike]

Okay, that's pretty good rating for a movie starring a dog. You talk about in the suburbs with Brenda Songs and the girl from Good Luck Charlie. Them two major actors.

[Carrie]

Y' all tripping.

[Mike]

Okay, next tweet of the week while he find that. All right, this girl said, after two cut waters, I'm taking the ten pounds out.

[Young Caller]

Whoa.

[Carrie]

That's wild.

[Guest Caller]

Okay,

[Pat]

that's crazy. No comment.

[Mike]

No comment. Yeah, why not?

[Carrie]

Some people run red lights.

[Pat]

Some people not fed a little ketchup.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Man.

[Mike]

Ketchup is. Ketchup is immature.

[Jean]

Some people ain't afraid to be a vampire.

[Mike]

No. What the fuck? Not in Ransom. Red lights, but nigga ain't drinking no red light.

[Pat]

I believe it.

[Mike]

Think he on Twilight and

[Pat]

Gene Patterson.

[Mike]

No, the way. The way. I want to ruin it, but the way. Was it Robert Patterson? The way he said beggar.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

In that movie. He better watch his mouth. I know that, but. Okay, okay. Oh, yeah, I already read that one. Some dude tweeted, said my dad definitely went for looks. My mom's food deserves to be on Fear Factor. I'm not going to lie. I had an aunt. So this again, another Odyssey pool. You know the. There's a scene where Cersei is. I'm not going to rule it, but Cersei is making people eat, you know something. And she's watching them eat and making sure they feel like finish their meals. But I don't want to ruin it.

[Guest Caller]

But.

[Mike]

But I had an aunt who used to couldn't cook for. And she would sit down at the table and watch you eat the. And then make you compliment her like, it's good, ain't it? It's good.

[Carrie]

She thought it was good, too.

[Pat]

Yeah, bro.

[Mike]

I was.

[Jean]

Did you ever see her eat this?

[Pat]

No.

[Guest Caller]

And.

[Mike]

And right handed.

[Jean]

God.

[Mike]

I had heartburn at 9. My chest used to be hurting. I'm like, why the. My chest. Or one time I watched her cook, bro, she used to take the. So I didn't even know the why part. Like, you know, on salt and. Or when you get a new spice, there's a wide part on there that you never use. You're like, why the would I use this?

[Jean]

They don't take the. You Usually don't take the wrapping off that side.

[Mike]

Yeah, she used to take the whole top off that and go like this and shake it over. I said, oh, yeah, we going to die.

[Pat]

I had an aunt that was not great at cooking either. And my. My strategy was also to, like. I would like, shift the food to one side of the plate to make it seem like a. I ate the food. Like, I damn full. I just like, almost like you're making like a pile. You just gotta, like move it, maneuver it. Yeah. Eat a couple bites, obviously. Cause you just gotta, you know, you got to. But I was just like, shifted over a little bit.

[Carrie]

You had a strategy.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Also my best strategy was if I eat everything but one thing, I'm good. And if there was ever, like, my mom made mashed potatoes a lot, and I would get. If I didn't want to eat it, I could already tell that I'm not going to like that. I would get a lot of mashed potatoes and I would hide everything inside the mashed potatoes. And then one day she called me and she made me eat all that.

[Pat]

Now, growing up, Nigerian aunts, they don't let you serve your own food. They gonna put exactly, exactly. Gonna give you the full arrangement. Like you're gonna eat everything on the menu.

[Carrie]

And you can't get no juice before you eat it.

[Pat]

Hell no. Water

[Mike]

never got no juice. It's crazy. Somebody says, stop raising these kids in motels. Little just told me he. From day in.

[Pat]

I don't think I've ever slept at a motel before.

[Mike]

At a motel. I'm trying to think maybe when I was younger. Because it's a motel if it's only two stories, right?

[Jean]

Is that the.

[Mike]

And they don't have a lobby classification.

[Carrie]

I thought it was just called motel.

[Pat]

A motel.

[Mike]

Yeah, but I mean, what's the definition of a motel?

[Carrie]

Trash. I don't know.

[Mike]

All motels aren't trash.

[Young Caller]

Trash.

[Mike]

There's some motels that are okay.

[Pat]

Yeah, there's some motels are okay.

[Mike]

All motels trash.

[Pat]

I don't know.

[Jean]

Motels and accommodations specifically designed for motorists. Exterior room doors that are open directly into a parking lot.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So no lobby area. Yeah, basically. So that's the difference.

[Pat]

Yeah. I never slept in one of those.

[Mike]

I have. I've been protested and demonstrated.

[Jean]

All right.

[Mike]

Somebody said, what the. You mean you ain't ready for a relationship when I met you on a dating app. Which is true.

[Carrie]

I think it needs to be clear. Like, put that in your bio.

[Mike]

You. I mean.

[Pat]

I mean, it's true though.

[Mike]

There should be like a genre on dating apps.

[Pat]

But just be like, yeah, I guess if it's just there for like a good time.

[Mike]

But you know, people infiltrate that because there'll be people. Like it's some people that get off on that. You can literally have categories. Be like people that are just looking for kind of a hookup dating and you date multiple people. Go here and then people that's looking for a long term relationship come here. It's still going to be a nigga like, nah, I want the long term relationship baddies. They way better. This nigga hit up, bro. Did you ever hit the long term relationship part? Nah, bro, bro. They way batter in there. You got to go.

[Pat]

I don't get that. Somebody puts in their profile. Not looking for, for a long term relationships. Like what are you looking for?

[Carrie]

A fun time.

[Pat]

Just like in the moment type of thing.

[Carrie]

Yeah. Probably a situationship or you just want somebody to kick it with or.

[Jean]

But do you feel like a summer fling?

[Pat]

But then, But I feel like sometimes people put that in their bio but then expecting like a, a different type of person that approaches them.

[Carrie]

Well, then they're dumb.

[Pat]

Yeah. Because I'm like, if you have that you're, you know, you get approached by people that maybe just want to have some sex.

[Jean]

Yeah. And then it's hard to be taken serious.

[Pat]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mike]

But it's all. But it's also dumb though because if somebody, if, if it's a woman that puts that on, let's say it's a very attractive woman that says, I'm not looking for anything long term. A guy that's looking for something long term that don't mean to him. Yeah, he's still going to holler. And it might be like an easier way now I don't have to tell you as much about me. And then we can start it even earlier. So I just feel like that's stupid. Overall, I'm just like, that's why I

[Pat]

had to get off dating apps. I was on it for like, like a month. It was too tough.

[Mike]

I didn't get on it at all because like I, I saw some of your stuff that you had and you'd be like, yo, we know her.

[Pat]

That was the weird part. Yeah.

[Mike]

I never want people I know like going past my dating profile and it's just like what the. Like they just saw information about me.

[Pat]

They don't even. Milwaukee. Like I never set my location to Milwaukee. I just did Chicago because it's the next biggest city because Milwaukee's like, everybody knows everybody. And I'll see some girls and they see like the. Their hobbies and their profile. Like, like, she's lying.

[Mike]

Yeah, we don't.

[Guest Caller]

We don't.

[Mike]

We don't even have water sk Here. What are you talking.

[Pat]

She doesn't own a horse. She doesn't like horseback riding. No.

[Mike]

You know what be so up if you was in a club and then you saw a girl literally go to your profile and then swipe the exo. Hell no. Hey, hey, hey.

[Jean]

I know that.

[Pat]

But that start to feel like they now start to feel like a game, though.

[Carrie]

Like, it's like, it's like a rush of dopamine. I feel like to people's brains as they're swiping through, they just want to feel wanted. I know some people who just want to connect with people where you guys match and then it goes nowhere just because it gives them that ego boost.

[Pat]

That was. No, that was me. No, but not. Not the part of, like, the part of like, matching with people and like not doing anything after we matched. Not even, like, reaching out.

[Mike]

I feel like that's. That's the game. Like, you.

[Pat]

Okay, what am I? Because then you start to, like, put yourself in a position where it's like, do I really want to put this effort? Because again, I was doing Chicago, so it's like, do I really want to put the effort to go to Chicago? Especially when you get out of a relationship, I think the hardest part is like, especially long term relationship is trying to like, reintroduce yourself and start telling people about yourself so much. And that part just seems like, bro, I'm not trying to keep doing this over and over. You know how many times I had to tell somebody I was born in Nigeria, grew up in Chicago, then went back to high school, went back to high school in Nigeria area, went to college here, played professional football, and now I'm here. And this and that, that. Telling that story over and over and over. It's like, bruh, that's why I had

[Mike]

to be out there. Because me, if I keep telling the same story over and over, you might

[Pat]

want to spice it up a little.

[Mike]

I'm about to start lying and then I'm wondering, like, I'm on a third date with the girl. She'd be like, okay, show me your daughter. I'm like, hold on. Said, I got a daughter. Talking about, you did. All right, man. This date is over with. Pay attention. A little bit too much. That's the fucked up part about, like, the date, like, not Wanting to tell people certain things about you and then, like. And then, like, having to because of just the longevity of the conversation. Damn. Okay. They didn't told me some stuff about them. And then you figure out, like, damn, it's not going to work. And now there's this person in your city that knows something about you and you don't know who they're telling. And people talk more about. About the people that they don't hook up with than the people that they do. So they yapping about you. You know, this dude podcast what he say to you? Anywho, this is my favorite tweet. Somebody say you. This is for Mike, too. Oh, somebody said, you know your feet big when everybody use your shoes to take the trash out. This bigfoot. It was one time, it was like an emergency going on, and I thought my car was going to get told, and I saw two shoes at the door. I was like, bro, I put on his big boats. You know, them are clean. I said, God damn, my shoes would

[Jean]

have took a while.

[Mike]

I had to sit down.

[Pat]

The worst part is when you, you know, you guys have. Well, I'm going to say you guys have small feet, but you guys have, like, regular size feet. I use y' all as flip flops, you know?

[Jean]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

You just stuff the. The heel flat as.

[Mike]

What happened to my off white Disrespectful. No, that's crazy.

[Pat]

You ever borrow your, like, you're like, growing up, especially in high school, sometimes you exchange clothes with your friends, you know, your shoes and stuff like that.

[Mike]

Never. But I get what you're saying.

[Pat]

You never, like, let their friend borrow some shoes in high school.

[Mike]

Maybe stole my dad's is probably the closest I get with that.

[Pat]

But I'm not like, my friends borrowed my shoes in high school.

[Mike]

That's crazy. Borrow your shoes?

[Jean]

Yeah. I feel like I said this before. We used to. Homies used to swap shoes. Shoes.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jean]

Best friend used to wear the opposite shoe on there.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

That's how you knew you was best friends.

[Pat]

Yeah, like my good friends. Like, but then. But then it's like when you borrow something, somebody, and you see the way they, like, they handle it, how they moving around. It's like, all right, bro. I would have like, bro, you could have jumped over that puddle, bro. Like, why Walking through dirt roads and I'm like, what the.

[Mike]

Not a worse, is it? When I listen my bro, my car and it was like, zooming around. I was like, wait, what the.

[Pat]

You see them pulling up and they're zooming through, like, the campus. I'm like, bro, hitting every p. Yeah. Calling me and like, bro, Mike, why you driving so fast on campus? Like, bro, that is not me.

[Mike]

No, bro, I legit let one of my friends borrow my car. And I told him, hey, bro, I need my car back by a certain time because I got to get off work. He's like, oh, I just bring the car straight to you.

[Gene]

You.

[Mike]

So he pulled up at my job, and he like, bro, just hop in. We ain't got a switch. Like, I'm like, all right. Bet you can drive me to the crib. And then he drove me to the crib. He was like, all right, bro. I was like, park my.

[Gene]

My.

[Mike]

What the you mean, all right?

[Kelly]

I got.

[Mike]

My dumb ass got out. Like, thanks, bro. Like, wait a minute.

[Pat]

Now, the worst part is when you let somebody borrow your car. And this is kind of like the. The beauty of being adult results now, but when you let somebody borrow your car and they don't put, like, the right amount of gas in there, it's like. And sometimes I think when. Especially when we're in college, my thing was like, if I borrow your car, I'm gonna, like, at least put it, like, $5 more than what. What?

[Mike]

I.

[Pat]

What? You let me borrow?

[Mike]

It has to be some perk to, like, yeah, I'll let you borrow my car, and I'm not charging you for it. Yeah, come on.

[Pat]

Don't. Don't fill my. Right up to the line. Like, nah, bro. Bro, like, put a little extra gas in my.

[Carrie]

I'm trying to think it. When I let my friend borrow my car, put gas in it, I feel like she did. I let her use it a lot, so.

[Caller with Shooting Story]

Who?

[Carrie]

One of my friends.

[Mike]

They still your friend?

[Carrie]

No.

[Mike]

God damn. I'm like, I'm worried about. I'm worried about our friendship. Like, we got a time living on.

[Carrie]

This is looking a lot better now.

[Pat]

No, we. I was telling Carrie this.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

We.

[Pat]

We. We do have to hang out as a group outside of the pod. I don't think we do that enough.

[Mike]

No, we definitely have great chemistry.

[Pat]

I don't know if Carrie wants to hang out with us outside the pod.

[Mike]

Come on, now.

[Carrie]

I would hang with y'.

[Gene]

All.

[Pat]

N. I don't. I don't know why you making that

[Carrie]

face after I've had this face the whole time.

[Mike]

That's what I'm saying.

[Carrie]

I would hang with y'.

[Kelly]

All.

[Gene]

Okay.

[Mike]

No, that's okay. That's fine.

[Carrie]

We did hang somewhere.

[Mike]

Remember?

[Carrie]

We went to Elsa's real quick Quick.

[Mike]

Fair, fair.

[Pat]

No, I left. I left early, though.

[Mike]

No, that's.

[Pat]

We there for like legit three. Three minutes.

[Mike]

I'm telling you.

[Pat]

When you came late.

[Carrie]

I didn't come late. It was right after this.

[Pat]

No, you came late.

[Mike]

No, you didn't come late.

[Pat]

We literally already one drink down. Yes, you came late.

[Carrie]

Oh, because y' all switched the location up. Oh, they don't want me to come.

[Pat]

It didn't seem like we were spinning.

[Jean]

You didn't it.

[Kelly]

You did.

[Guest Caller]

I was like.

[Mike]

Well, he had to go. So we went to Elsa. We to was going to go to the other place. But I'm not trying to be fed like y'. All. Y trying to get a show up and what. All right, this tweet of the week,

[Pat]

the that everybody see outside.

[Mike]

They don't know where I'm going, though. That's the thing. Until I'm there. Oh, man, I ain't got no bullets in this. I know that nigga's going to be here.

[Carrie]

And you don't post when you're. When you go. Go somewhere, even after you leave, I don't really see you post about you.

[Jean]

Hell no.

[Mike]

I hate that.

[Pat]

I feel like people shouldn't do that in general. No matter if you're like posting, like, where you exactly where you are, like at that moment, especially if it's like a. A public event, then it's like, it is what it is. Like, I'm at this public event, but it's like something a little more intimate. Like just like friends and like that.

[Mike]

I can't sometimes. Like, I'm worried about, like, I was worried about going to the night market alone. Like, I hate sometimes going places alone long, cuz then it invites more conversation. So I was just like, damn, I really want to put like head it here, but I can't even do that. You can't even be like, night market tonight. Then people see your stuff like, okay, he gonna be at the night market

[Pat]

or you get the wrong responses.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Young Caller]

Hey, bro.

[Mike]

I got you, bro. I'mma see you there, bro. This about to be a movie.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Carrie]

I hate when people say that. That is such a ramp.

[Mike]

This about to be rated 3.3 on IMBD. This your ass. Okay.

[Pat]

I can't believe Pat wants me to go to Toronto.

[Mike]

That's how I be for real. My. I had to learn my lesson with that because, like, when you're not to say, like, regular person, but like, when you're not an Internet personality, stuff you says get passed and win. You know what I'm saying, so, like, if I go up to a friend and I'm still working corporate as a marketing strategist, and I'm telling them like, yo, bro, yeah, bro, I'm trying to go to. I'm going to Texas and it's summer, dude. Like, all right, bet I might slide to Texas too. But he know he on his own. He good. Like, he got to pay his way. But like now, like, we at the point where it's just like, yo, bro, I'm sliding to Toronto. Hey, bro, you got room at the Airbnb for me? It's like, hold on. It ain't that type of party, man.

[Guest Caller]

Hold on.

[Mike]

Y' all sound like Russia. I'm not gonna lie.

[Pat]

I don't know if they can hear it on camera, but it's like the air and water show is literally jets flying past our freaking 25 story building right now.

[Mike]

I'm not gonna lie. If that was another country attacking us, I'm not dumb enough to like run. You know what I'm saying? Like, like, if it's like a. It's like a fighter jet, right? And then shooting, it's gonna shoot through this part of the building. Like, regardless, Regardless. I'm trying to aura farm. Like, if his bullets coming through the windshield. Tweet of the week, trying to go viral one last time.

[Pat]

He wants to end his life. His last thing to be twerking.

[Mike]

Quiet on the creek. They just came out with the video to that.

[Pat]

There was a video now.

[Mike]

Yeah, I saw. Well, I didn't see the whole video. I saw a screenshot because somebody was mad that it was at. It said Creek University. And they're like, why is this at a school?

[Pat]

Did y' all see, see that, that video of Usher bringing somebody on stage and. And her not looking like she was like really into it. And then he's like, I don't think she want to be up here. Do you think, like, if you, if you're obviously. I'm pretty sure she's seen a Usher concert. Do you think that she's wrong for even going on stage if she knew she was going to act like that?

[Carrie]

Somebody in the comments has said, I think she thought she was going up there for Chris Brown. So when she got ushered, she probably was just not impressed.

[Pat]

I don't think that's what happened though.

[Carrie]

I feel like that would be funny though.

[Pat]

That would be funny. But like, do you think, like, if, like, if you're go to a live show and you know what these people do on stage?

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Do you think it's, like, your obligation to also participate in that thing? Or is it, like, maybe you kind of changed your mind and you felt like you got uncomfortable once you kind of got in the moment.

[Carrie]

That's really hard to decide, because having somebody up there, like a Usher or Chris Brown who, you know, they might try to kiss you or something like that, you don't know how far they're gonna go because they're all in relationships.

[Pat]

Yeah, but you've seen how far they've gone.

[Carrie]

You see how far they've gone. I don't want to say, like, oh, just because she's up there now. She don't have the right to say, oh, I don't want to kiss you.

[Pat]

No, no. But she does have the right to.

[Carrie]

She does. But now people looking at her like, she weird. And we looking at her like, girl, you shouldn't have been up there if you wasn't trying to bust it open.

[Jean]

But I feel like.

[Mike]

Like, the. I feel like her argument would be like, okay, it's either y' all call me weird or like, whoever back home see this. Like, whether that's a family she don't want to embarrass or her significant other, it's like one of those.

[Jean]

That's.

[Mike]

That's her option. Because I feel like getting called on. It's just like, I can't tell you how many times somebody just like, yo, like, who. Who trying to take this free trip to, you know, Cancun. We got. We got the whole thing. Oh, yeah, I am broke, bro. Then they could be like, all right. Bet you're like, hold on, let me think about it. And it's just like, somebody was probably choosing, like, who want to come on stage. She probably raising her hand like, me, me, me. I come on stage with Usher and then Usher, like, yeah, I choose you.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

She's like, oh.

[Pat]

Because I'm like, if I'm at, like, a Meg the Stallion concert or a Rihanna concert and they pull me on stage, I think initially, if I see what they do at their. Or Tiana Taylor or Cardi B. Yeah, if I see what they do on. I already see what they see on stage, I might be so, like, shocked at the point that's like, she already caught. She's like, if I see Rihanna do like this, like, come on. My head might be like, what are

[Mike]

you willing to do?

[Pat]

So I might. It might be like a. It might be a outof body experience where it's like, oh, now I'm on stage. But it's Like, I know what she about to do. Not.

[Mike]

Maybe not, but that's like another or moment too, though.

[Pat]

Wait, what the.

[Mike]

Is that this? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're not about to talk over this. You literally went, What I'm about to do. I have to call my girl, Baby.

[Pat]

You won't believe this mag Stallion. She forced me

[Guest Caller]

everywhere.

[Mike]

That's exactly how you explain it to me. And I'm like, bro, I'm in a trans. I'm like, what you want me to do, B? I'm telling you, before I knew it, I was already back in the crowd. I don't know why my pants wet.

[Young Caller]

I don't.

[Carrie]

I spill.

[Pat]

But, like, for. For instance, it might have been like, one of those things where it's just like, oh, Usher is telling me to come on stage right now.

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But, you know, but now I'm in this moment. Now it's like, oh, I don't know if I really want to do this because. Because she. Everybody knows how viral them shits be going.

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, Chris Brown was. Was. Was dry humping a girl in doggy

[Carrie]

style, and they be kissing, making out and stuff. And like, I get it if you last minute are just like, oh, I don't want to. But the fact that he called it out and like, oh, she don't want

[Pat]

to be up here.

[Mike]

I mean, that's good. It is.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Getting turned down, especially getting turned down by a woman. Like, I don't know how many women are at a Chris Brown Usher con concert. And Usher probably can say there's probably a thousand women in here who want me and my dumbass picked the one who don't. So, hell yeah. He probably pissed. Like, what the.

[Pat]

But it's also good on him, too, that he kind of noticed that some people, some artists might be oblivious to the fact that she looked a little, like, uncomfortable. So it's just like, he. He played it cool and he did what he's supposed to do. He made. He made it a joke too. So it's like, I think it was, like, all around. Wasn't that big of a deal. But some people were like, I saw people killing her in the comments.

[Carrie]

Oh, I know people are gonna be on her head for her next post.

[Pat]

Y.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

But that's.

[Mike]

But I think she should come out and just be like, yo, Usher called me on stage. I love Usher. And when he called me on, I'm like, one of my favorite artists is calling me on stage. And when I stepped on the stage, I realized, like, oh, shit. Only time people come on stage, it has to be something sexual. And I got this back home or this back home. So I'd rather have this embarrassment of y' all killing me than to be, like, getting humped on on stage and lose something I got back home.

[Kelly]

Boo.

[Carrie]

Get off the stage.

[Pat]

When did us just stop doing the cherries?

[Carrie]

This is a new tour.

[Mike]

Kool Aid Pineapples.

[Pat]

She probably went on stage, was like, damn, where did Sherry's at? This usher is like 2 inches away

[Mike]

from my face, like, laying her out on the bed. No, no, Gene Crazy Jean said he gonna have a Kool Aid Pineapples up there. Kool Aid Pineapple. That going to jail if he do that.

[Pat]

That's the power.

[Mike]

That's some Cosby right there trying to give her a heart attack.

[Pat]

Oh, man.

[Mike]

Oh, Last tweet of the weeks. Okay, I got to say, cuz, they. They told me last week. Ladies, I really don't want to say this. It says, be on live with one viewer squinting their eyes. Come on, come on, come on, come on, man. Okay. It says, be on live with one viewer. Squinty name eyes. You see, Shanice?

[Pat]

I feel like rappers do that too, though. It'd be like a lot of rappers that kind of do that be on live. They'd be like, what y' all talking about? And I see them, like, scrolling the screen like the chat is not even moving.

[Carrie]

That one tweet from.

[Mike]

I do that on Twitch sometimes, but sometimes it's my adhd and I'm like, hold on, hold on.

[Guest Caller]

Slow down, y'.

[Kelly]

All.

[Mike]

It's like we barely typing this. Just scroll up a little bit.

[Pat]

Or they pretend. You know, when somebody sees something on their live, they to try to ignore. Because some people have a really bad ignoring face. Cuz you get.

[Mike]

Okay, this is my favorite.

[Carrie]

It was. It was irrelevant a little bit. But I was going to say y' all were on live one time, and I was in the messages saying stuff, and you were not reading it. And I was like, is he doing this on purpose? I say another one, the same thing. And you looked right past it again and mentioned the person either above me or below me. And then eventually I did it again.

[Pat]

I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes I ignore, like, people I actually know in real life.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Carrie]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

It's way. I hate when people do that. And this is. No, like, next time we'll just bring you into the live. I'd rather do that. But I hate when we're doing something like listener callers live Anything. And it's somebody we know because it's like the dialogue that we have with our listeners is dope because it's anonymous. Like, they don't know us. They never met us. Us. But you on here, like, trying to conversate with me. I had so many people, like, my cousin, like, let me in alive. To do what? Like, what are we gonna do?

[Pat]

I don't think I was ignoring you on purpose.

[Carrie]

Y' all weren't doing that. And you was changing your clothes 5,000 times.

[Mike]

Oh, that live. Was that YouTube?

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, okay. You must. You definitely was skipping past.

[Carrie]

My name's a Carrie Noni. I was like, what the heck?

[Pat]

I feel like I said something, though, eventually.

[Carrie]

You did.

[Mike]

After, like, my fake as hell, bro.

[Pat]

I might just say no. I just did.

[Mike]

Never said that. We would have never known that Mike said something. You was about to let us slide you. You little slay.

[Pat]

I told her.

[Carrie]

I'm just saying. You missed.

[Pat]

And she ain't touched that.

[Gene]

That.

[Pat]

That water. This whole pot. We've been shooting for an hour right now.

[Carrie]

How many times have I touched it?

[Jean]

Three.

[Carrie]

Thank you.

[Pat]

Yeah, now. Now we got an actual carry a carry water counter now.

[Mike]

Let's go, girl.

[Pat]

You go, girl.

[Carrie]

It was like, three. I do recall.

[Mike]

No, your. Your fiance experimenting with everything. Maybe if I make it three different colors, she'll start drinking this. They gotta make it shiny for her to drink.

[Carrie]

It gotta be cold, though, not feel it.

[Mike]

The water gotta be just right. Carrie gonna be in the desert. I ain't drinking that.

[Pat]

Said she died of dehydration. Wait,

[Mike]

it was too warm. Okay, my favorite tweet of the week. I don't know if y' all gonna rock with this, but this is funny to me. First to die to an rpg ain't deserves that. Not gonn.

[Pat]

No. That must have been like, shell shock. Like, what is happening right now?

[Mike]

Okay, the next tweet says, probably laughed at the shooting it, like, yo, did this bring a trumpet to a. Bro? That must have been crazy.

[Guest Caller]

What?

[Mike]

Definitely looked that right in the eye. Like, what the. Oh, my God.

[Pat]

Damn.

[Mike]

Okay, that's all my tweets.

[Pat]

Anyway, that's been the podcast. I appreciate y'. All. We actually have a podcast with Carrie coming out. She actually invited us. This comes out on Wednesday, so I don't know when the actual podcast is gonna be out by here by now.

[Carrie]

I don't know when it is. Cory's editing it right now.

[Pat]

Oh, okay. So she doesn't. She doesn't know when it's coming Out. But make sure you guys subscribe to her YouTube page. She does have a YouTube page. Can you tell them what your YouTube page?

[Carrie]

Yes, my YouTube is just my name. Carrie Noni. C A R E N O N I. But Brain Squeeze Pod is the audio of all of my podcasts. The video that we did for the podcast with them, the interview that's going to be on my YouTube car, Noni.

[Pat]

So audio, though.

[Carrie]

Brain Squeeze Pie is the audio.

[Pat]

So is it going to be on audio, too?

[Carrie]

Yes, Brain Squeeze Pie will have the audio.

[Pat]

Oh, I'm just saying. You just say there is going to be on video.

[Mike]

Okay, I'm just making that mansplaining, bro. We gotta let women speak for themselves.

[Pat]

Past the. There's like. There might not be no tickets for past lives.

[Mike]

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I don't even want to talk about the live show. It's over, bro.

[Pat]

Okay. Sold out.

[Caller with Friends with Benefits Story]

If y.

[Mike]

If y' all want us to open up more tickets, though, let us know. And then Maybe we got 25 more spots if y' all want to slide

[Pat]

through and then crash dummieslive.com we're going to be in San Francisco, Cali. I mean, it's a Cali. San Francisco, LA, Orlando, Tampa, Miami, Houston, Irving, Dallas, DC.

[Mike]

Most slide through New York, September 11th, Boston. I think that's when we going.

[Carrie]

I know, but you said it like that on purpose.

[Mike]

No, I didn't. I did. New York. Why wouldn't I point out New York? That's one of the major places you paused it, man. You just.

[Carrie]

You. And you said the date.

[Mike]

September 11th. That's the date we're gonna be there.

[Pat]

Yeah, we are gonna be there that day, man. You might be there actually September 10th, though. But we'll be in. The show is September 11th. And then.

[Mike]

Keep it playing.

[Pat]

You. England, London, Birmingham, Manchester. We're going to be there, remember? Tickets atcrass dummies live.com subscribe to our Patreon. Follow us on all platforms. Gene, you're pointing at me.

[Jean]

No.

[Pat]

Oh, you just kind of acknowledging.

[Jean]

Oh, making sure you're good. Yeah.

[Pat]

Jean like music. Soul Child.

[Mike]

No,

[Jean]

no.

[Mike]

Jean dressed like he own a Dominican coffee shop.

[Pat]

With the table right there, too. You ever see that meme where it's like, the owner of those foreign coffee shops, how they be acting? They'd be sitting in the front on the phone and. And they'd be having a conversation. They're on the phone, like, come

[Gene]

anyway.

[Pat]

That's been the podcast. Appreciate y'.

[Kelly]

All.

[Pat]

Peace.