Can I Try A Piece? - Episode 217

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 217: “Can I Try A Piece?” (July 30, 2025)

Overview

In this episode, hosts Patrick Johnson and Michael Esiobu bring their signature comedic banter to a mix of current events, viral scenarios, and listener calls. The duo unpacks everything from social media etiquette and weddings to the leaked "T App," national debt donations, and wild listener confessions. With a conversational, irreverent tone, they blend sharp humor with genuine takes on trending topics.

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Highlights & Key Discussion Points

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Social Media Takes & Pop Culture

00:00-01:01

• Pat reacts to P. Diddy’s viral “eyeball emoji” tweet, joking that the emoji has lost its mysterious meaning (“If you send me the eyeball emoji, I think like, oh, you got tickets to something”—Pat, 00:29).
• Mike and Pat riff on celebrities using Twitter in cringe ways.

01:18-02:08

• Pat apologizes to Philly for forgetting the “215” area code reference in the last episode after having Philly guests.

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Merch Announcement (Skip – Ads)

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The T App Scandal & Anonymous Apps

04:36-08:28

• Mike explains the “T App” scandal: originally an anonymous app for women to warn about men, it was hacked and private data—including IDs and explicit images—got leaked.
• Mike: “Those apps start off with a really good purpose, but I don’t think it’s ever gonna be used for those good purposes.” (06:25)
• Pat and Mike discuss double standards, with social commentary on how gossip/expose platforms affect both men and women.
• Pat: “If everybody can access something, it’s not going to be good.” (06:25)
• Guys share how similar apps and Telegram groups for men pop up, with even more questionable results (“That's a little zesty…like you putting yourself having sex online”—Pat, 08:28).

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Venmo/PayPal for National Debt

09:37-12:17

• Mike found out you can now send money to the US government via Venmo/PayPal to help pay the national debt.
• Hosts mock the concept: “Imagine sending $20,000 to the government, you get a message back that you just funded a pizza party for the Pentagon.”—Pat, 12:39.
• Discussion on the absurdity and opacity of national debt (“That’s a debt that’s never gonna be paid off because we’re always gonna borrow money…”—Pat, 10:15).

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Weddings: Venues, Speeches, and Attention

12:52–18:55

• Prompted by a couple marrying at Dollar Tree, hosts debate the best/worst random stores for a wedding.
  • Kohl’s/Macy’s suggested for the wardrobe options.
  • Trampoline parks and mattress stores mocked as “unique and stupid.”
• Mike on why he’s reluctant about his own wedding: “I just don’t like all the attention being on me...I like to leave the party early.” (14:16)
• Pat’s family uses weddings as a rare reunion: “I get this, like, automatic family reunion I get to put together.”
• They critique wedding speeches, mainly “main character” syndromes (maid of honor/best man) and oversharing. (“I hate when you break the [wedding] rules...Girls are more sensitive about their friendships”—Mike, 18:05)
• Funny observations: “Don’t talk about no exes during here.”—Mike, 21:00; “You might not know the story, but you gonna remember it when I start…”—Pat, 21:21.

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Barbershops & Childhood Memories

24:25–29:36

• The power dynamic at the barbershop is dissected. If you disagree with your barber’s venting, your haircut might take longer!
• “Your barber kinda has that power. You have to be somewhat cordial with him, even if he’s annoying you.”—Mike, 25:22
• Pat shares a wild story of a barber with Tourette’s taking 90 minutes to cut his hair—“900 day recovery, bro.” (28:26)
• The hosts reminisce about childhood discipline, wake-up routines, and how parents would retaliate for kids staying up late.

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Internet Culture: IG Calling, Sex, and Sexual Insecurities

The Dick Detective

35:36–38:18

• Pat prank-calls Jean, who confesses he’s “tired of porn—dick be too big.” Leads to great running gags about “dick detective,” “penis police,” and the relational insecurities internet culture creates.

Serial Cheaters

39:03–44:56

• A caller admits to being a “serial cheater”—not physically, but emotionally (FaceTiming, flirting with others).
• She wants monogamy but enjoys attention: “It makes the relationship better in entertainment in general...because I get bored easily.” (39:43)
• She refuses to let her boyfriend do the same: “I don’t want the other person talking to nobody else.” (40:46)
• Mike and Pat try, mostly in vain, to make her see her hypocrisy. “You just sound like you’re having a little pickle to me.” (44:51)

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Hoe-flation & Dating Culture

45:12-47:45

• Caller discusses “hoe-flation”—where casual sex is so accessible it lowers relationship value and self-development.
• “Being easy is not cool, bro. You guys are actually like whores and...you shouldn’t treat sex so casually.”—Caller (47:14)
• Hosts reflect on hookup culture, casual sex, and consequences on self-perception.

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Pet Peeves from Listeners

52:54–63:47

• Several call-ins about social trends:
  • “Pick-me” girls (online attention-seeking post-breakups)—debate on whether it’s cringe or a dating tactic.
  • Friends who overshare random celebrity posts: the Chet Holmgren selfie with Rod Wave song (“Be a man. Quit being weird. No, get a job.”—Caller, 61:16)

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Politics: Trump, Obama, & Public Truth-Telling

65:10–68:39

• Exploring the NYT quote: “Trump lies frequently but also tells the truth.”—Hosts laugh at the “blunt” honesty of Trump compared to the more reserved Obama. (“At least he's blunt about the lie!”—Pat, 66:44)
• Discussion of how political figures appear on podcasts, how times have changed.

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Final Twitter Takes: Sex, Milk, and Generational Shifts

75:54–86:46

• Riffing on viral tweets: sex “performance pressure,” judging men for drinking strawberry milk (“If I see you as a grown man drinking strawberry milk...I'm robbing you.”—Pat, 75:04).
• Open talk about evolving sexual standards, preference, and communication with partners (“Normalize having sex talks with the person you’re with”—Mike, 82:22).
• Generational differences in what’s “normal” in sex and dating.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• National Debt: “If you Venmo the government, you are dick riding America. That's ultimate American glaze.” (Mike, 12:10)
• On the T App: “If everybody can access something, it’s not going to be good.” (Pat, 06:25)
• Weddings: “The only thing that’s gonna bother me is when do I fart?” (Pat, 16:05)
• Serial Cheating: “I want the relationship thing, and I want another person. I want to talk to everybody else at the same time.” (Caller, 40:26)
• On Hoe-flation: “Like you guys are actually like whores and it’s...I just think you shouldn’t treat sex so casually.” (Caller, 47:14)
• Milk Judgments: “If I see you as a grown man drinking strawberry milk...I could be with my grandma, having a good day—I’m grabbing a ski mask.” (Pat, 75:27)
• Sex Communication: “Normalize having sex talks with your—person you’re with. Conversation around sex and not being awkward…” (Mike, 82:22)

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Listener Calls – Rapid Fire Highlights

• Emotional cheaters who want attention, but expect monogamy from others.
• Complaints about “hoe-flation,” pick-me energy, and friends being online stans for random celebrities.
• Odd jobs: a fire practitioner working with endangered snakes.
• Hilarious banter about regional stereotypes, being called “dummies” as show fans, and who’s allowed to use certain cultural slang.

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Tone & Style

The episode maintains Crash Dummies’ signature: irreverent, raw, and unapologetically funny. Pat and Mike aren’t afraid to roast each other, call out listeners, or flirt with controversial topics. Their rapport and playful clowning keep discussions lively, even on serious subjects.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• T App / Leaked Apps: 04:36
• Venmo/PayPal for National Debt: 09:37
• Weddings – Venue Debate & Speech Roast: 12:52, 17:10
• Barber Tales & Childhood Woes: 24:25
• IG Call & Dick Detective Segment: 35:36
• Serial Cheating Confession: 39:03
• Hoe-flation Explained: 45:12
• Listener Pet Peeves: 52:54
• Trump/Obama/Truth-Bluntness: 65:10
• Sex, Milk, and Twitter Takes: 75:54–86:46

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Closing

Pat and Mike close the episode hyping up their merch drop, encouraging more fan interaction, and poking fun at negative commenters. They reinforce their desire for a genuine, engaged listener community—and, as always, leave listeners with plenty of laughs and outlandish wisdom.

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Crash Dummies Podcast: irreverent social commentary, audience participation, and a stream of laugh-out-loud hot takes. Don’t take it too seriously. Or do…and call in.

Transcript

[Pat]

So I was scrolling on Twitter the other day and I saw a tweet from what I thought was a parody account. So I ignored it. And then I saw another screenshot about that tweet. So, you know, sometimes you got a fact check, some stuff.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I went to the person's page and saw that they actually tweeted. And I thought it might have been like the worst tweet of all time. And it was just an emojis. It was from P. Diddy and it was like the eyeball.

[Mike]

Oh yeah.

[Pat]

And I just. I just feel like that's just not him. I feel like he. The eyeball emoji is no longer yours. Like you don't get to use that. Like that's the eyeball emoji. Like if you send me the eyeball emoji, I think like, oh, you got tickets to something or you're somewhere and you're about to let me know or whatever.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Eyeball emoji is more like surprise giddy. That's not. You did it.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Mike]

He can't. You can't try to be like mysterious and you already kind of live this mysterious lifestyle.

[Pat]

Yeah, you put the eyeball him on. Like who got.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

What are you about to tell us?

[Mike]

Anyway, welcome to crash dummies episode 216. I'm Mike, by the way. Haha.

[Guest 1]

He he.

[Mike]

And I am from Nigeria. Giggle boy. Giggle.

[Pat]

Wait.

[Mike]

Go ahead.

[Pat]

Wait. I want to apologize real quick because that's the only time I'm remember it. Episode 215. My bad, Philly. That's crazy. Cuz we just had our Philly guys up here. Lionel J and Plug.

[Mike]

That's gonna be on the Patreon episode on Monday.

[Pat]

On Monday. But 215. I apologize, Philly. You right. But that's not just something in my

[Mike]

brain remembering a Philly area code is not. Come on now. They don't. I don't even hear Philly rappers rap about the area code.

[Pat]

Like yes, I see.

[Mike]

Like Detroit. I know Detroit's area codes. Cuz a lot of people say 313 all the time.

[Pat]

It's literally three world. I mean free world.

[Guest 2]

313.

[Pat]

Like come on. It's mile all over.

[Mike]

Like Philly. That's up to y' all to shout out y' all area code live.

[Pat]

215. I didn't know that the 215 was Philly. That's my fault. But don't get mad at me for some like that.

[Mike]

Oh man. Yo, quick break to talk about Merch. Merch is finally here.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

Y' all thought I was capping.

[Pat]

You see me, I have on the yellow crash dummies with the little car.

[Mike]

And Mike, I have the. The crash on me's head. This is. I feel like this is one of our very artful pieces of merch, something that you can actually wear at with a fit, not just like podcast merch and stuff.

[Pat]

I wanted to get. That's the thing I wanted to do for them, which I'm glad, you know, Mike took the lead on finding this design is to give y' all a shirt that y' all can actually go out to the club with, to the bar with, because the last shirt we put out, Listen, I'm not judging some of y' all style. Y' all should not have been going to the club in that. You know what I mean? So I want to get y', all, like some graphic, you know, something like this, something simple where y' all can rock us. And. And also we got another one that obviously y'.

[Guest 2]

All.

[Mike]

Yeah, you guys will see on the screen somewhere. Audio listeners, just go straight to the crash wsmerch.com but, yeah, we also gave

[Pat]

y' all something that's also a little bit more subtle. So people don't know you got a podcast shirt on. Maybe you want to hide us for some reason.

[Mike]

These are very good quality. They are printed on unfinished legacy blanks. So you guys know, part of the clothing brand, and we use really nice blanks and really high quality. So you guys are getting really good quality. Give them about two to three weeks to ship. And yeah. And, oh, yeah, if you're in the Patreon, you already saw already you guys got the discount. So if you're not in the Patreon, you can join the. The Patreon, get you a little discount.

[Pat]

Join the Patreon, get your discount.

[Mike]

And it's so Patreon discount.

[Pat]

You get a discount on Patreon, discount on merch.

[Mike]

Yep.

[Pat]

And then obviously, you get to enjoy the. The content that's coming. And we're about to push out some more vlogs, so you get a lot more than what people usually get when they join a Patreon. So let us know.

[Mike]

And as we got to tell them, the website, you got to go to www.crash dummies merch.com or you can just click in the description somewhere and we're going to put it somewhere, make it for y' all to get to.

[Pat]

Yeah, man. Also, again, once you get the merch. What? We'll keep rewinding. You keep reminding you, you know, two or three weeks from now, when you get your merch, take pictures in the merch, show us, Tag me, Mike, Jean, whoever you want and just show us that you got your merch on so we can repost it and influence others to get the merch. So appreciate it.

[Mike]

All right, enough yapping and gets back to more yapping. Peace y. Oh, we talked about this on the Patreon episode that's coming out next week, but Jean wasn' here. The T app is going through some, some, some scandals right now where it got hacked. And the tf for people that don't know it was a anonymous app where a woman can go on and talk about men that might be a danger to society. And I was saying how kind of one. It's kind of weird that there's some guys that are too angry at this. Like, all right, bro, chill out.

[Pat]

We know why those dude. Some of those dudes mad because they know they're going to end up on the T app and they don't want that T out there.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Wow.

[Mike]

That was very philosophical of you.

[Pat]

Appreciate it. Appreciate. But what, but like you were saying, like, you explain more how the T app got leaked. What, what exactly.

[Mike]

I was so basically was saying that one, that the security measures of the. The app were. Were terrible. Like you could download like the JPEG files and like hacked it pretty easy and got all that. But they saw they, they. So they hacked it. And so like people's, you know, you need an ID to. To verify that you're a woman, I guess.

[Pat]

Right.

[Mike]

And then people's IDs were getting leaked. And the shitty part about this too, is that there's people's IDs and their faces getting put on the Internet too. And like, this is the type of people I expected in this group and stuff like that. The thing. I mean, people are just. We're saying that there was a lot of like porn kind of going on or like, not even porn. I guess it's not point for acting. But sex tapes that are like, they're putting out there and like they. People dudes might be sending like dick pics and like they're posting on there. The thing about those apps, I feel like they start off with a really good purpose, but I don't think it's ever going to be used for those good purposes either.

[Pat]

If, if everybody can access something, it's not going to be good.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because there's always. There's bad people in the world. There's people that want to see destruction and it's up about some of those leaks, you know, people get put on there and they get exonerated on the spot. Yeah, those dudes also get their leaked. It's like a girl. It's like, oh, let me put this dude on the T app. Because I've been dating this dude six months and he's kind of mysterious about his life. And then everybody was like, ah, he just a good dude, but not his information got leaked out. Being a good dude, it's just like,

[Mike]

I think like anytime there's an app like that when only one, I guess only woman can do it or only men can do it, I think it never is going to be the. The outcome. Because the thing about those Facebook groups, I are not. I think they're better than the apps in a sense because at least it's more of a. It's a little bit more public then. And then people can kind of verify if people are lying and stuff like that or like the story doesn't make sense like we said.

[Pat]

Yeah. Calling people out. I'm just like, dudes wouldn't. I don't think dudes would have an app like that because there's.

[Mike]

There was one with the dudes. They said they made the dudes T app already.

[Pat]

But I'm just saying I don't think it will work in the way that people think it will work. Yeah, the thing about women is that if a woman likes a dude and she sees the dude on an app, she's like less likely to like that dude anymore. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, oh, I don't want this dude that everybody's saying that they. Yeah, no, some men work way differently. They like, oh, this girl been with six dudes.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

I'm number seven.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Or they start lying and. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, man. I was with her last week. That's with her last week. Well, she be playing, bro. But I'm telling you, that's my girl.

[Mike]

I don't know where to verify this or where to look for. But they. I saw an Internet too of saying that the, the guys made their own too. I think it was maybe like a telegram group or something with the same thing. And then there was. They were posting sex tapes as well. Like, oh yeah, crack this. I just cracked this girl yesterday. This and that free game type of. You know, that's like, that's a little different.

[Pat]

That's a little zesty. I'm not going to lie.

[Mike]

It's a lot different.

[Pat]

That's zesty. Why?

[Jean]

Huh?

[Mike]

What do you mean by zesty?

[Pat]

I mean that's like very, very like

[Mike]

putting you putting yourself having sex.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Trying to like, oh, I'm quote unquote putting people on game and then posting the sex tape. Like, oh, watch me have sex with this girl. I'm putting you on game. You can have sex with her too. Like, I'm inviting you to have sex with the same person I had sex with.

[Guest 2]

And look,

[Pat]

Position, like, but see, like

[Mike]

you said, dudes are like that. Like, some dudes are like that. Whereas like they want to be number seven. They don't care. I would say more dudes don't really care about too many. Like, especially if it's just sex, they don't really care about the girl's past and stuff like that.

[Pat]

I see more porn stars that are like, women get married and go have a kid. I feel like the dude, the famous dude porn stars, they never going to settle down. Like, no woman want to deal with that. She could just be scrolling on Twitter.

[Mike]

Unless she's in the industry as well.

[Pat]

Yeah, that is very true.

[Mike]

Are you out of 22 and his girl?

[Pat]

That's just different.

[Mike]

Yeah, it is different. That is different.

[Pat]

He probably always been a low key porn star. If you think of Adam as a porn star.

[Mike]

Yeah. So I saw a, a post, it says Venmo and PayPal users can now send money to the US government to help pay down the national debt. So he's like, why the would I do that? It's crazy how the, the government makes it easier for you to help them out, but they still won't tell us what we owe on our taxes.

[Pat]

I don't, I, I just don't understand. Right. That's the other thing we always talk about. Yeah, you, we gotta guess every year how much we either get back or owe on our taxes. And then you want us to help you pay a debt that technically isn't even real.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? It's just like, it's a debt that's never going to be paid off because we're always going to borrow money from such and such and technically if we got the best army in the nation, we really don't owe nobody. You want to go like that? Like, okay, like, okay, if I owe Gene 250, right? And he, he really wants it and let's say Gene owns a gun, like, okay, then I really owe him 250. You know what I'm saying? But if I borrow 250 from a nine year old and then he keep asking for it back. I'm just like, I'm gonna just pay you little man. I'll pay you $10 a month here in the moment. I don't feel like paying that shit. I'll just invade this country. Nah bro. Here's the tank though.

[Mike]

But I think with the national depth one, I think that's like within the U.S. i don't know if it has even anything to do with any other country.

[Pat]

How we end. We can't. No, it has to be us borrowing from other countries. We have to. Oh why will we, why would we be in debt with ourselves?

[Mike]

I think that it's possible you all like and who do we owe? Let me see who we owe. You said the federal owes his creditors an intra governmental debt. Yeah, it doesn't. Domestic investors, individual Americans. Oh, foreign countries like Japan and China.

[Pat]

That's what we owe.

[Jean]

Yeah,

[Pat]

yeah, yeah. I mean at that point. But it just get to a point and just like it's like, like you know, certain, certain millionaires and billionaires are paying like fifteen hundred dollars a month for their taxes. Like they're not gonna pay that off before they die. It be just these reoccurring payments. Like we're never going to pay that off. So you getting that money, I know you're not putting that towards your bill because you're going to pay the same on your bill that you've been paying for the last 25 years.

[Mike]

And it's in the trillions. So there, you know like you, if you, if you're pay, if you b the government, you are dick riding the America. But the thing is that's ultimate American glaze.

[Pat]

We know the IQ of America, you

[Mike]

know that you know who's paying, you know, you know a demographic.

[Pat]

It's a, with 15American flags up in this living room that just sent 20,000 doll of the government. They said I hope this helps.

[Mike]

That not going to be a drop. I don't even think that would move a number. Like you know how those national debt tickers on billboards, I don't think that would move any number on that.

[Pat]

Imagine sending 20,000 to the government. You get a message back that you just funded a pizza party for the Pentagon. Like everybody in Pentagon eat lunch because of you, man. Real American hero.

[Mike]

So I saw a couple got married at a dollar tree and so I, it prompted a question for me is like if y' all had to marry at a random store, which store would

[Pat]

it be at a random store?

[Mike]

Yep.

[Pat]

I'mma go, I'm going go with like a Kohl's or like a JCPenney, because everything there, you know what I'm saying? If like, let's say I wanted to switch up. Like, damn, this red suit not hitting like I thought it was. Let me go buy. Get this little turquo voice blazer real quick. Throw that hoe on.

[Mike]

You know what I'm saying? Just like, I feel it.

[Pat]

We could costume switch. We got some jewelry in there.

[Mike]

I was probably pick Macy's over Kohl's.

[Pat]

Any. Any of them type of stories. This don't matter to me. They all the same.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Anywhere you can get a diamond necklace and also a pico. I feel like, you know.

[Mike]

Yeah. What would you do?

[Guest 2]

Just like a good venue, you're saying?

[Mike]

Yeah, venue.

[Guest 2]

I don't know why my immediate thought was like, Verlo's Mattress store.

[Pat]

Imagine that boy trying to little daddy Wedding mattress. Yeah. All beds just in a random spot.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

A mattress store is crazy.

[Mike]

But how about you like a trampoline park?

[Pat]

A trampoline park? Yeah, that's.

[Guest 2]

That's.

[Pat]

That's kind of like. That's very unique and stupid. Like, very dumb. Like, I'll be pissed, bro.

[Mike]

I think it'll get people to leave quicker.

[Pat]

A trampoline part?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. All the people that don't work out. All right, that's enough.

[Mike]

The thing that always like, kind of not made me turn me off the weddings and stuff like that for myself, particularly turned off by get having a wedding for myself particularly, is I just don't like all the attention being on me. I'm like. I'm the person that likes to leave the party early. So I don't like all the attention being on me. So like if say we. The reception's going on and the reception don't end to 11, I might leave the reception before everybody else and everybody. And it's just like. It's a lot of conversations you have to have with a lot of people saying the same thing. It's just kind of like too much for me.

[Guest 2]

I feel like that's normal.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest 2]

Because I just DJ my mom's wedding and her husband left like 8 o'.

[Jean]

Clock.

[Mike]

Oh, really?

[Guest 2]

Like two hours before everybody.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

But then you put the pressure on your girl, though.

[Pat]

She was still there.

[Mike]

Yeah, you put the pressure on your girl.

[Pat]

I think the thing about weddings I think is dope, especially for a family like mine. Because I feel like my family is super. I got a lot of family and a lot of like all my Family, mom and dad. I grew up in Pontiac.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But, like, those people will never interact again unless it's. I get married and I like, look at that day as that, like, I get this, like, automatic family reunion that I get to put together. So I'm putting on a show in that bitch. Like, I'm gonna have performers, everything, Strippers. No, I'm kidding.

[Mike]

I also don't like having that many people watch me, like, do everything through the night. Like, people are. Imagine. It's like for. I'm just saying. But this doesn't seem the same. This is like, act actual eyeballs. If so just say your average length of your wedding is like, your ceremony starts at three. And then reception, everything 11, you know, at least five hours straight. People are staring at you. Just like staring at your whole move. How you eat your chicken. How you about to eat this cake, Everything.

[Pat]

They're making you kiss your girl.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And you're the next.

[Pat]

The only thing that's gonna bother me is when do I fart? Like, I'm here.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, can I toot before the ring?

[Mike]

Can I toot it? It's crazy.

[Pat]

I said two. No, the way I think. I think weddings. I think weddings are good. Especially when you're not important. In a way, a wedding is like the best time.

[Mike]

Nice. Yeah.

[Pat]

I can't. I can leave any time. And I think people are trying to, like, are catching on to the trend of not having their ceremony be that long.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

The last three weddings, I went through my friend Ellie's. Marvin's wedding. Quick as hell.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm. I did one scroll on Twitter and it's over. I was paying attention, but. But it's over and it's good. And like, the reception is longer and people are playing better music now because I think we're getting in a space where even people from, like the outskirts of inner city listening to more urban and hip hop music. Because back in the day when we used to go to weddings. Oh, my God.

[Mike]

Boy, I was gonna say that. Also. The other thing I do hate about weddings sometimes some weddings is just that when the groomsmen or the bridesmaids, the maid of honor try to be the main character and that, like, I'm not gonna lie. And this might sound sexist, it does happen more with the maid, the mason

[Pat]

that, like when. When I see the maid of honor pull out that. You know, when you rip the paper out of a notebook. When I see them pull it out for the speech. My God. Telling you, don't let a rifle be near me. I not kill her.

[Jean]

But.

[Pat]

But I'm saying it's just like it get to a point where. All right, the, you know, the up part is like sometimes that first bridesmaid. Because, you know, usually the main bride is that the.

[Mike]

The made of mate.

[Pat]

Sometimes it's too maid of honor. Yes.

[Mike]

Which is not a real thing too.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You can't do this.

[Pat]

I hate.

[Mike]

I hate when you break the rules. Just do it again. This might sound sexist again to our woman listeners. Girls are more sensitive about their friendships.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

Dudes. If I'm not the best man, even there's a wedding I'm about to go to. I've been friends with this. This person I'm going to wet to. I've been friends with himself. 5. I'm not even in his, like, his groomsmen. And it's fine because obviously we grew up together, but we kind of didn't go to college together. So, you know, as you become an adult, you don't talk as much on it, but it's still like, I would never feel away because that was. Those are your friends you made in college and they saw you grow up. But I think it's not the same with girls. So they make. They do the two thing. The two. Two mains are.

[Pat]

That could really up their whole friendship if I don't let this second girl get this speech off. But, you know, that's not your maid of honor.

[Mike]

And you know, the most instances I see it in is sister.

[Pat]

Yep.

[Mike]

And best friend. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pat]

Well, my sister's been there my whole life. But you don't really with your sister. Just be real. Your best friend. And then usually the sister is the top one.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because they have to. But you can always tell who closer because of whose speeches.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, one person would be like, the sister would be like, we grew up together. I love your kids. I love your husband.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

People say we look like twins. Done the best friend be like, when we were 18 and we were in that car accident, I looked in your eyes and said, we're going to make everybody cry this shit. Like, that's the real mate. We need to bring back boy into speeches at once. Like, y' all don't sound that close. Boom. Make me cry.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Or it'd be like the stories back to kind of like the story. So it'd be like it almost like the main character syndrome of like, she wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me type of thing. Like she wouldn't have made this far. She wouldn't have met this person. She wouldn't have gotten the job where you met this person. That. Those type of situations, right, the little dry humor. Yeah, like that.

[Pat]

Like, don't diss me, like, unless it's like, about to. It makes sense that you're dissing me because I'm doing this now.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, some people be like. And she was always late to class.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That is not funny.

[Mike]

And Kyle's. When she was sleeping with all those 10 dudes and he was the one that came. I said, that's him also.

[Pat]

Okay. I feel like we've been too hard on the women.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

With the guys.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

If you can't read, don't go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were the best of friends. And every day I look at you as motivation.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

One day I want to get married just like this. Like, please.

[Mike]

Hooked on phonics or the nonchalant, like, jokes and like the random ass. College stories.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like the ones especially the one I think as a. As you're a groomsman. Right. What's it. What's the one for the groomsman. Best man. Yeah.

[Pat]

Best ass.

[Mike]

But. But I feel like you should still give you like a heads up of like a story you can like, hey, bro, I'm about to tell that story from college, and in my head you already kind of know. But to bring up a whole other story about like, the girls that maybe that came before, like, their exes. Don't talk about no exes during here.

[Pat]

You might. Hey, bro, I'm not gonna lie. You might not like. You might not know the story I'm about to say, but you gonna remember it when I started.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So it was the night that you had fucked that dude on accident. He's actually here tonight.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Ronnie, you said what's up?

[Mike]

Yeah, you should not. He might have an ejection later. Actually, it's too late. It's a reception.

[Pat]

Remember you and Ronnie used to be in love. But that's how the fresh started. Obviously. Ronnie back there. What up?

[Jean]

Ronnie.

[Pat]

Ronnie. Open it up. Tuned it up.

[Mike]

Or it be like I passed through my ball situation.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah. So we used to fight. She actually here.

[Mike]

Look like you won, bro. Congrats. Or maybe that dodge a bullet.

[Pat]

Like, come on now. It's funny. I met your wife. I actually her. It's crazy we were even friends because the things I did to your wife.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jean]

Insane.

[Mike]

I don't even want to hear the stories if y' all work together or something. Like that or you and my girl are best friends? Like save all the best friends. And you guys were kid. Oh, when we were kids, we used to think we were gonna end up together. I don't want to hear that.

[Pat]

Like, that would be crazy. Ever been a situation of like the guy best friend is technically the maid of honor.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

It's best to see her top pick. You know what I'm saying? But he's like a very like straight man.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? So it's just like. Oh, in there he's describing their friendship,

[Mike]

you know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

Yeah, we were really close. All those late night cuddles and study sessions and just like. Basically this dude just up here like, yeah, man, I her so good. She is ready for you, buddy. Got her warmed up.

[Mike]

I see like the. There's women too that are usually part of the groomsmen too, but for some reason, like all the time I see them is usually like studs that they do that way.

[Pat]

That's not true. I just went to a wedding where it was like that.

[Mike]

Was she straight?

[Pat]

Yes, it was his sister and he

[Mike]

was one and she was straight woman.

[Pat]

Yes. But her dress matched the.

[Mike]

Got it. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Pat]

So it just. I think it was just like a number first thing. Yeah, yeah, but.

[Mike]

But I get it, I get it because usually.

[Pat]

But the thing is, I wish I had a stud friend because I would love to have a.

[Mike]

We do have a stuff friend.

[Pat]

Put a stud in the suit.

[Mike]

Oh, oh, you talk a close friend. Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? I feel like you gotta grow up with those. Like at this point.

[Mike]

You said with those.

[Pat]

But they. It's a lot of friends that kind of friend those. But yeah, it's like. Because at some point they weren't always,

[Mike]

oh, you're good, bro.

[Jean]

You're good, bro.

[Pat]

No, no, I'm good.

[Mike]

No, you're good. I got you. Don't worry, I'm not gonna do nothing to you.

[Pat]

Shout out to my studs. But yeah, you gotta grow up with them. You just can't get them in adult life. Like that's not like ain't no 21 year old studs out like that you meet in college. He's like, oh, you my friend for life.

[Mike]

You know what I'm saying? Some. Something I noticed is that when you're getting your haircut and your barber is venting with you, you have to kind of agree with what he's venting about to make the your haircut. Not take any longer or does he get up? Yeah, if you. If you offer an objection, I do feel that's when your haircut. Because that's when he'd be like, nah, that's when the clippers stop. Because he obviously. Because he'll say something and then he'll stop the clippers after you object them because he don't think you really hear him.

[Guest 2]

Him.

[Mike]

So now he's stopping. So now he's turning off the clippers so you can really hear what he's saying. And you still don't agree then your haircut, your hair is not getting cut, bro. And there's no way to really be like, as much as you want to say no, I'll just tell my barbers, keep coming my hair up ass. It's like, no, you. Your barber kind of has that power where you have to be somewhat cordial with him, even if he's annoying you, but all right, bro, I got somewhere to go type of thing. But you're still saying it respectfully. You're not going to disrespect them. You know what I mean?

[Pat]

He's still in the vulnerable position.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

No. The worst thing is when your barber is running behind and then the person that gets their haircut after you sits down. And you can kind of tell, like, usually barbers cut at like the. The 30:45 or the 0 on the clock, you know what I'm saying? So you can kind of tell like, ah, okay, it's 5:43, this sitting here. So his haircut must be at 5:45. And you look at your hair and you're like, oh, my. Not even halfway done. So, you know, he about to try to zoom past your. Like, hell, no. I'll be watching. I'll be watching every little cut. My new barber don't play that, but my old bar would be like, zip, zip, zip, zip, Fuck out of here. Like, what Nick of my beard. I got you next time.

[Mike]

I feel like it was worse when we were kids. Like, the, The. The disrespect you can take when you're kids. Like your barber kind of getting on the phone and kind of stopping you and stuff, like, without doing anything. But as you get adult, it's just like not really doing all that. That I don't really. Honestly, I don't really see barbers taking that many phone calls anymore. It really was like when I was getting cut by a whole bunch of Africans, like the Ghanaians and Nigerians, they always. And it's the Bluetooth era, when The Bluetooth era was popular, man. Multitaskers.

[Pat]

This is barbershop in Omaha. I swear, all the barbers are 63 plus, bro. They stay on a Bluetooth. And for some reason, I feel like none of them have appointments. It's all, like, walking.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And they just all sit there, and it's almost like you got to choose because nobody say some shit to you. They just all flapping that cake.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

What you need? I see you got that high top going. They try to compliment you on your hair. I see you with the growth. Let me go ahead and shape that up for you. That's how you know they about to

[Mike]

you up when they say some shit like that.

[Pat]

Shape that up. No bright. So there's. I don't even want to call him out because I think people might know who he is. There's a barber in Milwaukee that I had went to. It was like Valentine's Day, like, a couple years ago. And I went to a flower shop, literally right, like, near our place. Went to a flower shop, and it was a barber shop right next door. So I'm like, oh, this is perfect. I can get a little haircut.

[Mike]

You went into a barbershop that you've never been to before?

[Pat]

Never been to. But my. Wait, wait, wait. This like, six, seven months into Milwaukee. So at this point.

[Mike]

Okay, okay.

[Pat]

I didn't really have a consistent number in the first place. You know what I'm saying? So I went into the barbershop. He said, what you need? I literally googled. Google the picture for him. He said, I got you, blah, blah. And I'm looking around.

[Guest 2]

A barbershop.

[Pat]

The barbershop. Nice as hell. So I'm like, dude, gotta get some clientele. But as I'm getting my haircut, it's 20 minutes in, and nobody has walked in, so it's just me and him. So I'm like, bro, this don't get no customers or some. Not a phone call, not a texting. And I thought he was on drugs because he kept nodding off in the corner of my head. Like, he kept nodding off during the haircuts. I'm like, damn him, dude. Sleeping during my haircut. Good. And he finally pulled me to the mirror to where I can see him for real. And he had, like, Tourette's, and he was taking a break every time, like, when his Tourette's. So the haircut literally took an hour and a half, bro.

[Jean]

Huh?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

No, he.

[Mike]

He.

[Pat]

That's probably one of the worst haircuts that I ever had. I. I Still haven't recovered. That's like three years. It's like a 900 day recovery, bro.

[Mike]

Oh man. Have you ever thought about that? You know when they say that it was their last of everything? It was your last. You're never gonna know if it was your last time that you did something. And it was like there was the last time that your parents put you to bed to sleep type of thing.

[Pat]

Right?

[Mike]

But like I. It's just interesting when that moment becomes that moment. I just, it's just like a very. Those are like, those are like deep shower thoughts.

[Pat]

I don't remember. I think my mom stopped putting me to bed when I was like 6 or 7.

[Mike]

Or like putting you to bed.

[Pat]

Like my. I don't ever remember. Like it was go to bed or get the beat out. You like, what's up?

[Mike]

Open that door if you want to my seat.

[Pat]

I never, I was patting myself to sleep.

[Mike]

I never had a. I never had a bedtime.

[Pat]

Me either. I had no bedtime. But it was. I had a wake up time though.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a. Shut the quiet hours.

[Pat]

But my dad didn't play that. Like, I stay up to like five in the morning, but he coming in that room at 5:30 though.

[Mike]

My parents did not care.

[Pat]

My dad kicked down the door. Get up, I said, because he knew I was up late. Get up, get up. Let's go, let's go. Let's go get ready for school. And then if you especially. The worst thing you can do after a parent wake you up is what?

[Guest 2]

Go back to sleep.

[Pat]

You go back to sleep, boy.

[Mike]

I was.

[Pat]

And they catch you all, they about to go crazy. Especially like, I don't know you. I don't know if parents got the concept of like, obviously, okay, my bad for falling asleep.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But I just woke up. You just woke me up and you're yelling at me, bro. Like, it's like being in like the army or something. Yeah, it's like, get up. Get. I told you not to go to sleep. You sitting there in wrinkle clothes and like, what the.

[Mike]

My dad, my dad used to like come back sometimes, like 12 o', clock, 1 o' clock in the morning. And then he'll be like, just like whisper in the room, like talk in the room. Like, do y' all do your homework?

[Guest 2]

Huh?

[Mike]

You do? Everybody get up. Everybody get up, get up. He's like, did y'. All, did you do your homework? No, we're doing our homework at like 18 o' clock in the morning, bro.

[Pat]

That's actually the worst thing I've ever heard in my life.

[Mike]

We're doing math and then my dad's like. My dad's a really smart dude, like math and all that type of stuff. He's. He studied architecture, text or whatever. But he's very strict on academics with us. And legit having to solve a math problem at 2am is like the worst experience ever.

[Pat]

Sound like. It sound like you got to be off drugs to do some. My dad will also do weird like.

[Mike]

But then, then we'll still get mad as we sleep in. So sometimes I'll just go into as I get sleep in the morning I would like wake up, go to the bathroom, turn the shower on, and then sit on the toilet and just like cat some Z's sitting on the toilet

[Pat]

catching like some prison I think too,

[Mike]

because I lived across the street from my school, right? So you know when you live close to something, your perception of time, you think you have like all the time in the world. So you never really factor in going down the elevator, mail the elevator, getting to you on time, then going down the elevator. And all that time that kind of happened. So I was always late to school like, like two minutes. Like two minutes, three minutes, four minutes. Because it'd be like, next say school starts at 8, 7, 30. I'm just getting up and looking out the window, seeing everybody walk into. I'm like, now I got time.

[Pat]

That would be a glitch mode. I live. I live like two miles from school. My dad used to make me walk. Like, why am I walking? The worst thing he used to do, if he catch you staying up too late, he will wake you up like super early, no questions asked. Get dressed, shorts, T shirt, put you in the back seat. That's how you know you up. You try to open the front seat door and it was. It was locked. No words. He hasn't spoke to you yet. He told you is shorts and shirt. And you basically following around the house. Y' all know what you do. And you know you up when the front door is locked, so you gotta get in the back seat. And then he just drive. And he just drive. You don't even know where the you going. And he stop on the side of the road and he tell you run back home later. This bro you lucky. I can't get my hands on no cell phone. Be in jail. I can't tell you how many times my. I was so enraged at my parents that if I had a phone to child protective services and they were already on the phone.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I would have ratted on these. They're being in jail. RIP Hulk Hogan.

[Mike]

Rp. Rp.

[Pat]

RIP Hulk Hogan. I know he looking up right now.

[Mike]

There's people there. Like. Like the thing about. With people. Again, we talked about this on Patreon next week, but the thing about people passing away, that did, like, because all. Hogan is a legend no matter what. Nobody said he's a legend. He's also a shitty person. Yeah.

[Pat]

Legendary racist.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah. But no, I'm just saying, like, people. He was good at what he did. Like, growing up watching Hulk Hogan, you like Hogan Maniac. That was iconic and stuff like that. But I think that's what, like, anybody like that done terrible things and they. They pass away. I think sometimes I think I see people going too far. Yeah. With, like. With the disrespect of the dead. It's just. That's not my thing.

[Pat]

Smoking on. Smoking on Hulk Hogan pack is, like, way too. Way too, like, crazy. Especially like, if you believe in karma. And.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest 2]

I feel like that was a thing already, though. Like a wee strain called, like, hug that wasn't.

[Mike]

That is.

[Pat]

But the thing about it is, like, I. I had people. People reach out to me, like, oh. Because I had posted some stuff about Hulk Hogan, which I never said. Like, I'm not telling Hulk Hogan to rest in piss or no weird shit like that. I'm just saying I'm not celebrating like everybody else's.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And the people that reached out to me, they were non African Americans. Like, I don't think, you know, like, if somebody says they don't like me, be like, a person because of their skin color, and I'm that skin color. I'm that person he's talking about. Why would I ever show respect for a person like that?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So, yes, I don't. I'm not gonna say Hulk Hogan rest in piss. But I can also say I don't

[Mike]

give a. Yeah, you cannot care. That's the thing.

[Pat]

I don't care. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't care. I'm not saying that I wish he died. Like, yeah, if I saw Hulk Hogan walking in the street, I wouldn't say, I wish he was dead. I would say maybe I wish somebody to kick him in his mouth or some. But you know what I'm saying? I don't think disrespecting the day like that. Smoking and all that, especially if you're not from the streets, like, that's awesome. People that live in the burb saying that. Just stop that. Yo.

[Jean]

Yo, who this?

[Pat]

Any who? I got a question for you, bro.

[Jean]

What's up?

[Pat]

Who the called you on ig?

[Jean]

Oh, I'm tripping. What's up? What? What's up? What's going on?

[Mike]

Okay. Are you serious?

[Guest 1]

Oh.

[Pat]

Oh. Did you just answer the phone blindly?

[Jean]

I absolutely did, yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, okay. Oh, gotcha. Okay, safety. Safety first.

[Guest 2]

Ass.

[Pat]

Scary driving ass. All right, I got a question for you. What's something that you're tired of?

[Jean]

Porn, bro, I'm sick of porn. But they meet be too big is od. It's overly big. Don't make no sense, bro, I'm talking about. I'm talking about pulling out 1012 inches like it's nothing. Don't make no sense. That ain't realistic. You know what I'm saying? That crazy.

[Pat]

Oh, we got the dick detective over here.

[Jean]

Hold on.

[Pat]

The slings?

[Jean]

What?

[Mike]

Is that what you're, like, paying attention to when you're watching porn?

[Pat]

Penis police.

[Jean]

No, no, no, no. And listen, don't. Don't get me wrong. I'm not just like. I don't just go look up porn like that. It's usually on Twitter. Like, on Twitter, you know, you scrolling, you see some. They might. Somebody might retweet, okay? But then you get to, like, watching it and you like, damn, that kind of big. I can't help it. You know what I'm saying? It just be there. You know what I mean? And then I'll be like. Like, you'll think about your own shit. You'll be like, my 6:30. My decent as my. Ain't that.

[Pat]

You know what I mean? Okay, so I got a question for you. Okay, so if. If you were at a restaurant, right, and it was just you and a guy at a restaurant and you got a plate of food, right? And a guy got a plate of food and his plate of food looked better, what would you say?

[Jean]

Oh, no.

[Mike]

Oh, no, go ahead.

[Pat]

Okay, sorry.

[Jean]

I don't know what you said.

[Pat]

Okay, I got you. If you was at a restaurant with another dude, just you and another dude, and y' all both got your place at the same time, and his. But y' all got the same meal, but his food looked better than yours, what would you say?

[Jean]

I mean, I'd be like, damn, cuz, Can I try a few?

[Pat]

Correct. So that's the same thing you're saying about dick. Because.

[Mike]

I think it walked right into that one. You didn't even have to answer that one honestly. I thought your answer was going to Be. Oh, his looks better than mine. Did I have a piece?

[Jean]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not. I'm not looking at.

[Mike]

I have a piece is so crazy.

[Jean]

I'm not looking at the big elite thinking, damn, I want to try that.

[Mike]

Yeah, but that's not what the.

[Pat]

I'm saying, serious. You are a. Good lord.

[Jean]

Hell no, bro. I'm looking at him and I'm like, damn, that is crazy. What the is he doing with that? That's too much. That's all I'm saying.

[Pat]

That's too much.

[Mike]

No, you're crazy, man. All right, bro.

[Pat]

All right, bro.

[Mike]

Appreciate you the dick detector.

[Jean]

Hey, man, watch that.

[Pat]

Sergeant Chaff is right here.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh. All right, bro. You have one.

[Jean]

All right.

[Guest 1]

Hello?

[Pat]

Hello?

[Guest 1]

Can you hear me?

[Mike]

Yeah, can you hear us?

[Pat]

I know she in the bathroom.

[Guest 1]

Okay, can you guys hear me now?

[Pat]

What you whispering?

[Guest 1]

Sorry.

[Mike]

All right, I got a question for you. What's. What's something that you're tired of.

[Guest 1]

Tired of being a serial cheater? I'm over it.

[Pat]

Why don't you just stop?

[Guest 1]

It's hard, okay? It's hard to stop. That's the problem. It's hard to stop.

[Mike]

Can you explain, like, why, like, what are the urges that you're feeling? Like, what do you get out of cheating? Like, what makes you feel good about cheating?

[Guest 1]

What I get out of it is I'm not as bored as I am in the relationship that I am in. I don't know how to explain it.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. So you're saying you're. You're doing this to get entertainment while you're in a relationship?

[Guest 1]

It makes a relationship better in entertainment in general. Like, because I get bored easily.

[Pat]

So what are you doing? Like, what are you doing when you cheat? Are you, like, meeting up with other dudes and just having sex with them, or are you going out on dates with these other dudes?

[Guest 1]

There's nothing, like, physical. It's just, like, the, like, attention, like, FaceTiming, calling. It's just. I get sick of one person, and I feel super bad because right now I'm in a relationship, but I'm talking to, like, six other people at the same time, and I don't know.

[Pat]

Okay, so then the question is, why not just be single and talk to multiple people freely?

[Guest 1]

But that's. That's where I'm confused. That. Because, like, I want to be in a relationship. I want the relationship thing, and I want. I want another person. It's just. I want to talk to everybody. Else at the same time.

[Mike]

Yeah, but why don't you just find some dudes that are into that? There are some dudes that don't care that, like, you're with other people.

[Guest 1]

I don't.

[Jean]

I don't want.

[Guest 1]

I don't want the other person talking to nobody else.

[Jean]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

You want this one?

[Pat]

Yeah, they got a word for that.

[Mike]

That.

[Guest 1]

So I. I don't know. You know, but it's nothing like this.

[Mike]

So you haven't had. You haven't cheated on him physically?

[Guest 1]

No, no, no, not physically.

[Mike]

Why you say no? Like. Like, it's, like, a crazy question. That's very. That's very likely with your situation.

[Pat]

So you're.

[Jean]

So.

[Pat]

You're legit. So you're legit just meeting up with these, like, or just texting and FaceTiming these other dudes just for the fun of it.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, just. Just something new. It's like something new every day, so.

[Pat]

I know what it is. You. You like attention. I bet you're probably doing this when he. At work or something or when he can't be with you, then you're probably reaching out to these people.

[Guest 1]

Yes, but. Okay, it's so complicated because I love this boy. I love him to death. But he's so annoying. He's so annoying. All he wants to do is FaceTime and call.

[Pat]

But you.

[Jean]

But you.

[Pat]

But you FaceTime and call other dudes, though.

[Guest 1]

That's like.

[Mike]

It's different, right?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're annoying. No, it's. I think you just, like, like, attention. I think you should just, like, break up with him and then just get.

[Guest 1]

No, I don't want to break up with him, though.

[Pat]

No, you don't deserve him, though. What if he was doing the same thing, though?

[Guest 1]

I would be mad. I would be hurt.

[Pat]

This.

[Guest 2]

Don't.

[Mike]

I don't think it's. I don't think it's really, like, registered. I don't think you're clocking what we're saying right now.

[Pat]

She not standing on business.

[Mike]

No, she's not clocking it right now.

[Guest 1]

Clocking it is crazy.

[Pat]

It's your cheating ass.

[Mike]

Wait, are you, like, sexting these dudes? Like, what are you saying? Like, again, what's the. What's the entertaining part of it? Like, like, are they saying, oh, you're so beautiful and this and that, Sending you money?

[Guest 1]

It's not even that. It's just, like, we can have conversations, I think. Okay. I think the problem is that my boyfriend is white and the people that I talk to are not White.

[Pat]

What are you?

[Guest 1]

I'm mix.

[Jean]

Okay.

[Mike]

But is. So is this a conversation you had with your boyfriend and saying, like, hey, I don't feel like I'm getting enough attention or I'm craving this? Like, you know, just like, I need this in my life to make your relationship better.

[Guest 1]

I thought about bringing it up to him. I just don't want to hurt him. And then on top of that, like, he buys me everything.

[Pat]

So this is what's confusing me. You're in your story really quick. You're. You're saying this for the conversation because your boyfriend's not black and stuff like that. Why don't you find a woman, like, a best friend or some more friends to talk to if you're bored or you need attention? Why does that have to be a guy? Another guy?

[Guest 1]

Because I don't get along with females. I don't know.

[Pat]

So you're saying. Are you saying all these guys that you're reaching out to are, like, they're your guy. Best friends or you're. Or I would say, are you talking sexually with them?

[Guest 1]

I would say they're more like best friends. But then sometimes, like, like, I'll make little jokes here and there or.

[Pat]

What's a joke? Give me a joke. You tell me a joke.

[Guest 1]

It would be, like, a sexual joke. So, like, say we're on the phone. We're FaceTiming. He's, like, in the shower or something. I'll be like, let me get in

[Jean]

the shower with you.

[Mike]

Watch your best friend. And then they're in the shower, and

[Pat]

it's in the shower on FaceTime. That's a joke. No way.

[Jean]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

Man, you are.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You're a different type of woman. I tell you that. Bless your heart. You know, I hope you. Hope you find your way. I hope you. I hope you just, like, leave them and just, like, enjoy being single. It's not like you want to be single. Just. Just go be single.

[Guest 1]

No, I don't want to be alone.

[Pat]

I think I. How about the. That you on the shower with?

[Mike]

Go pay them a visit.

[Guest 1]

No, I don't want. I don't want them either.

[Pat]

Oh, you don't want that?

[Mike]

You just sound like you're having a little pickle to me. Huh? All right, you have a good one.

[Guest 1]

All right, you too.

[Mike]

All right, bye. Hello.

[Pat]

Yo, yo, yo.

[Jean]

What's up?

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash on his podcast.

[Guest 2]

What's good?

[Guest 1]

Hey, man, I'm honored to be here.

[Mike]

Honor. Honor. All right, I got a question for you. What's something that you're tired of.

[Guest 1]

Hopefully it's such a serious thing these days and it's overlooked. Everybody's happy now because everybody gets free play. To get big's easy to get. That's not good for the community long term. That's short term gratification. I need it to end.

[Pat]

Did she say whole flash?

[Mike]

Oh, flation.

[Pat]

Interesting.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Can you explain to some of our listeners that might not know what hoeflation is?

[Guest 1]

Okay. Basically it's like there's a surplus of hoes around, so now it's easier and easier people to get play. But this also drops the value of individuals overall because they have to work less on themselves to get what they want.

[Mike]

So what has your experience been with the whole flash and how's it been affecting you?

[Guest 1]

It's less about me specifically. I mean like dudes I talk to, they usually pretty like bogus, so I'll just cut them off. But like, see how it affects my homegirls. It's like, man, man, that hurts. You know, getting treated like a cheap object is just sucks for everybody. Even my homies too. My homie just got dogged out by a girl. I put them on with my bad.

[Mike]

So you can't even sense the whole flation in your friends?

[Guest 1]

Oh yeah, it's. It's a serious issue. Like it's deeper than just like a small community. This is worldwide.

[Pat]

I, I believe you.

[Mike]

Have you had this discussion with any of them?

[Guest 1]

Oh, yeah, for sure. It's the serious problem you got to have like, you know, you can always plant the seed, but when people actually want to do something with it, it's on their own time.

[Mike]

So, you know. So you don't think you're contributing to the whole flation at all then, right? Like you're.

[Guest 1]

Oh no, not at all. Nah, like stay out of that. But I am looking like from the outside in and it still sucks. Like, you know how you're watching a horror movie? It's probably scarier to be in the horror movie, but people still jump sometimes and they're just watching it, you know.

[Mike]

Inflation. Okay, nice.

[Pat]

I think you just put us on.

[Jean]

Yeah,

[Guest 1]

feel free to spread the word.

[Mike]

Oh, what's your message? This is your platform now, I guess. So what's your. What's your message? To stop hopelation and

[Guest 1]

being easy is not cool, bro. Like you guys are actually like horse and it's. I'm not speaking on your character. I just think you shouldn't treat sex so casually.

[Pat]

Hey, or, or don't facetime other while they in the Shower and joke that.

[Jean]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

There was some whole flashing going on.

[Mike]

All right, you have to come on.

[Jean]

Yo, what's good? Dummies.

[Pat]

Don't call us that. The thing is, like, when y' all say dummies, I know y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Pat]

Y' all trolling. Y' all trolling. Y' all trolling. Y' all trolling. We don't want to be called dummies. You. If you listen to this show, you know damn well we don't want to be called. There's been enough people that tried that for you to know not to say that you still said that.

[Jean]

Yeah, yeah. No, no, I was just with y', all, man. I didn't know y'. All.

[Mike]

All right, man, we got a question for you.

[Jean]

I'm good, I'm good.

[Mike]

What's something that you're tired of?

[Jean]

Man, I'm tired of just getting shot, then hopping on IG like, you need to pray is. No, bro. Got their priorities up. Got their priorities up, man. Need to pray first.

[Mike]

At least, you know, didn't they pray?

[Pat]

I'm not gonna lie. If I get shot, I'm going straight to the ground. No doubt about it. Especially I survived.

[Mike]

I mean, either way.

[Pat]

Either way. Yeah, right. Either going on a gram, you're live yourself or somebody else.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But yeah, I'm definitely going on the ground. I just survived getting shot.

[Jean]

Nah, your mixtape. That need to get nine to fives. That's why don't got nine to five.

[Pat]

Where do you work at?

[Jean]

I'm a conservationist. I'm a fire practitioner.

[Pat]

A what?

[Jean]

A fire practitioner.

[Pat]

Explain that to me. I've never heard of that before.

[Jean]

So. So I work for a company called the Nature Conservancy, and pretty much we're like the world's biggest second biggest non profit conservation group. And so I work with an endangered snake called the eastern indigo, and I do. And I burn the woods, basically.

[Mike]

You work at a circus?

[Jean]

No, I like working.

[Mike]

Now. We're joking, bro.

[Pat]

I never heard that boy work with snakes. That's dope. So you burn the woods. Safer for the snakes.

[Jean]

Yes, yes. Literally.

[Mike]

Oh, fire.

[Jean]

That the eastern indigo. The gopher tortoise. The. What is it? The coach whip.

[Pat]

That boy giving snakes. Boy work with snakes. I've never heard of that before. You got a new unique, unique job.

[Mike]

But yeah. Watch your back, though. You know how snakes get.

[Jean]

Hey, yeah.

[Pat]

N, N. So I stay on the.

[Jean]

Hey, bro, am I. Hey, look, am I going on the pod?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you work with snakes.

[Jean]

Hey, all right. Bro, Hey, I with y', all, bro.

[Pat]

No, I've been watching this episode.

[Mike]

I, I. Let me get this straight. I always appreciate everybody's support and everything, but to scream a grown man to scream at the top, top of their lungs for us, that's a little too far.

[Pat]

No, he was screaming in different octaves. And I bet you you have to be doing jazz hands during that scream. Like there's no way you can put that up.

[Jean]

No, bro, I wasn't, bro. But listen, hold on. I've been watching y' all since episode 47.

[Pat]

Damn, that's pretty good.

[Mike]

That's still not enough for a scream. As you said one. Did you say one? Okay, but 47.

[Jean]

And I still got a bone to pick with you, Mike.

[Mike]

Don't pick nothing.

[Jean]

You said all roster. Hey, Ronald, if you, if your name is Ronald, you're a. And you know what Mike, All Mike's are. And you. And you got a soft ass voice.

[Guest 1]

Soft ass.

[Pat]

That's what you get. Good shit, bro. No, you can't do that though. That's crazy.

[Guest 2]

Crazy.

[Mike]

This just scream because I said yes and they said I got a soft ass voice. This soft ass voice made you scream at the top of your lungs. No, it's not, it's not going out,

[Jean]

man.

[Pat]

Matter of fact, we put, we putting you on a Patreon episode that come out in three months. Good luck.

[Mike]

Not you sk. For no reason.

[Jean]

Lucky.

[Pat]

Said. You know what's funny? When he first, when he first started off, I thought he was trolling.

[Mike]

Yeah, I thought he was joking too.

[Pat]

Like towards the end, like, I'm like, you can't.

[Mike]

When he starts to catch his breath and like that, he was really catching his breath. I said, okay. He was for real.

[Pat]

No, you can't fake like that, bro.

[Mike]

Golly.

[Pat]

A screamer. Screaming.

[Mike]

Hello.

[Guest 1]

Hey, how's it going? Okay. How are y'? All?

[Mike]

Pretty good, Pretty good. I got a question for you.

[Guest 1]

What's that?

[Mike]

What is something that you're tired of?

[Pat]

Yeah. TV in the background or what?

[Guest 1]

Yeah, I'm watching Big Bang. Too loud for y' all a little bit.

[Pat]

Turn it down on the phone. And now I like to turn people up. Like I feel like now it's like a real conversation, you know what I'm saying? Like you got the TV in the background watching a Big Bang Theory. That's a good show though.

[Mike]

Go ahead. I haven't really seen.

[Guest 1]

You said what I'm tired of. Yes, I'm tired of Pikm. Okay, explain like girls, just like that. Just like, go out of their way to get or seek male attention or just attention in general especially, they'd be

[Pat]

taking the easy route. You saying?

[Guest 1]

Yeah, like, I don't know, it's just, it's just weird. Like I know somebody that she has pick me like a pick me mentality. And it's just like she posts certain stuff online and what's something that she

[Pat]

posts, like very pick me up.

[Jean]

Her,

[Guest 1]

like, she'll post stuff like, like she just got out of her relationship and the guy still follows her. And she'd be like, oh, give me some ideas for a solo date this weekend. And then when he, she'll like let me know, like, oh, he swiped up. I'm like, do you want to be with him or not? Like you posting all this stuff, talking about some. Oh, I just love being by myself. Just so he can be like, oh, so you don't miss me type. And I just be looking like, that's weird. If you want to talk, then just talk to him.

[Mike]

But did it work for her though?

[Jean]

No.

[Guest 1]

They're not even talking because some, there

[Mike]

are some pick me's that there are pick me's to get to their ultimate goal. So sometimes you can't really hate on the pick me if they get to what they actually wanted to get in life.

[Pat]

Yes. And you.

[Guest 1]

And you. Yeah.

[Pat]

And you can't judge people about how they communicate because that's just a dude. That's probably a dude that you would never talk to. But that's how they communicate. They can't communicate. If she probably would text him and be like, I miss you, I want to see you. He probably like put on his. He'll probably put a status.

[Mike]

I get what you're saying though, because there are some pick mes that don't believe in the thing that they're pick me for. For instance, for like the girls that be on Instagram kind of doing like the Apple alpha male type of thing. Like if you're a woman, you should be doing all these womanly traits and stuff like that. But they don't really believe that. They're just doing it to get. Get engagement, I guess.

[Jean]

Yes.

[Mike]

But they don't really follow that in their life.

[Pat]

Yeah, but she says she's doing it for like a, a person's attention. I don't think that's a pick me if it's like she's doing it for one person. I feel like a pick me is like I'm about to do something that's very low vibrational. Like I'm about To wear a certain shorts outside and take a picture a certain way and then act surprised when a bunch of dudes swipe up. Like, that's.

[Mike]

That's more delusional.

[Pat]

Yeah, but I feel like that's more. That's more.

[Jean]

I don't know.

[Guest 1]

I just feel like. Like, I just feel like. Like at the age that. Because we're the same age, I just feel like we're too old for stuff.

[Pat]

Like, how old is that age?

[Guest 1]

We're about to be 25.

[Guest 2]

Damn.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's kind of old for that.

[Mike]

You think so?

[Guest 1]

Yeah, that's like.

[Mike]

That's Pick me prime. Pick me age.

[Pat]

No, that's like. I feel like this is. Are you going to ascend or not?

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Jean]

Okay.

[Pat]

If you still doing that at 25 and not on your way out, I feel like it's going to continue into your 30s. Yeah, you're right. You need to get away from her. She thought she bringing you down.

[Guest 2]

Down.

[Guest 1]

You can't bring me down. I'm settled down.

[Pat]

Oh, you. How long you been in a relationship?

[Guest 1]

3 and a half years. We just had a baby a year ago.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. Didn't.

[Jean]

What?

[Pat]

What? That debunks everything you said. I don't like when people do that. People be settled down and got their family and then they judge people off, like the single life because they found a person early. You can't do that.

[Jean]

It's not good.

[Guest 1]

I'm not judging her off her single life. I mean, she just has. She has a track of being. Relationship. Relationship rel.

[Pat]

She's 25.

[Guest 1]

Just sat down for longer than you just said.

[Pat]

That was too old, though, to be doing that. But not judged by a person. She should be on her way out.

[Guest 1]

I thought.

[Pat]

I thought that she was a single friend and I was trying to get. I thought y' all was both single and I thought y' all was both, like, in, like.

[Mike]

Nah, she just giving a good advice.

[Guest 1]

I'm not judging her.

[Pat]

I'm just been at 22.

[Jean]

You don't.

[Guest 1]

I'm saying, like, since our. Our sophomore year of high school, she has always been in a relationship like. Like, hasn't sat down, just took. I always tell, like, you need to sit down, take time for yourself, you know?

[Pat]

Okay.

[Guest 1]

And just figure out what you want because you're jumping in and out relationships and not getting anything out of it. And she's like, yeah, I'm gonna take time for myself. And then a couple weeks go by and she's like, yeah, me and this guy are Talking, and we're gonna go out. And then weeks and weeks go by, and she's like, yeah, I think I love him. And I'm like, you just said you was gonna take time for yourself out. It's like. She's like, yeah, for real this time. I'm done with me. I'm just really going to take time, focus on myself. I'm just like, okay, I've heard this before.

[Pat]

Everybody. I feel like everybody has different journeys to different things.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because, you know, like, that's true a lot. Like, if she figures it out by 29, I think that's still pretty early. And that's four years from now. Yeah, I think you figured out pretty early. It just, like, your path and your journey, you just matured earlier in that thing. There might be something she's more mature about on her end that she has that you're not doing there yet. So it's just like different journeys, a different path. You gotta let. You gotta let her go through that. You gotta let her get over a bunch of times and just be there and have her.

[Guest 1]

But it's like she asks for my advice, and then when I give it, she does.

[Mike]

Yeah, I get. That's frustrating. No, that's frustrating.

[Pat]

All right, just stick with her, though. Just stick with her.

[Mike]

No, you can.

[Jean]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

No, it's all right. Be a bad friend and leave. All right, you have a good one.

[Jean]

You too.

[Guest 1]

Me?

[Jean]

Hello.

[Mike]

Yo.

[Jean]

Hey, what's up?

[Mike]

What up?

[Pat]

Why are you talking like that?

[Jean]

All right, don't.

[Pat]

Don't change. Don't change your voice for the podcast. Nobody talks like that. Nobody says, what's up? Nobody talks like that.

[Mike]

No, I think he does.

[Jean]

Like, what?

[Pat]

Exactly. It's over already. All right, I got a question.

[Jean]

He's hating on me because I talk like a white guy.

[Pat]

This is my first time hearing your real voice. I know. You even talk like that, and I didn't even know you was white.

[Jean]

Plate.

[Pat]

Like, what the.

[Jean]

All right, you got a point. You got a point.

[Pat]

There you go. So country ass up. All right, I got a question for you.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Pat]

What's something that you're tired of?

[Jean]

My weird ass? Dude. Friends that, like, share social media posts from, like, athletes and stuff like that. Like, what kind of glaze is that? You really got nothing better to do on a Sunday? All right, rotten bed.

[Pat]

Give us. Give us an example.

[Jean]

Let's hear. Let's hear it.

[Pat]

Give us an example. I'm not attacking you, bro. Calm down.

[Jean]

Oh, you didn't let me finish, though. I thought You.

[Pat]

I know, but whatever you about to finish. Unless it's like, something crazy, but you're just talking about their post or is there something else you gotta talk about?

[Jean]

So, like, if a guy posts him at the beach and he's got Rod wave as the sound, why are you sharing that on your story?

[Pat]

Oh, wait, what?

[Jean]

Yeah, exactly. Wait, what is.

[Guest 2]

Right.

[Mike]

So can I. Guess we're confused then. So it's like your friends. Can you give us an example? That's what we kind of need.

[Jean]

So my friends.

[Mike]

Oh, that was.

[Jean]

Will share some random dude, like a celebrity or something like that.

[Mike]

Okay, celebrity.

[Jean]

Or just somebody that they really don't have any ties to, they'll share their stuff on their Instagram or Snapchat. And it's always the weirdest stuff.

[Pat]

Yes. Give us an example of it happening.

[Jean]

Like, because you, like, the dude is at the beach with Rod.

[Pat]

Okay. It's your friend. And then what did he. Who did post. Did he share?

[Jean]

All right, let me give it. Let me look right now. He shared Chet Holmgroom at the beach, and he got robbed. You don't know chat. Like, why are you sharing his stuff?

[Pat]

No, chat is crazy. Like, not even, like, no Michael Jordan or no shit chat.

[Jean]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, why.

[Pat]

That is crazy. That. That's crazy.

[Mike]

Why does that make you mad, though?

[Jean]

Be a man. I don't know. Quit being weird. No, get a job. Do something else.

[Pat]

Is it up right now?

[Jean]

Yeah, look at. It's Chet's Instagram post right now.

[Pat]

Let me see this.

[Mike]

Chad, that.

[Pat]

There we go.

[Mike]

On ground.

[Pat]

It's not up anymore.

[Jean]

That's a good thing. He took it down. That Rob Wave is crazy.

[Mike]

I was not. It was a post or a story.

[Jean]

It was a post.

[Pat]

Wait, which post did he share?

[Mike]

No way.

[Pat]

No, it's just all selfies at the beach. Send us the one that he actually shared. Why would he share that?

[Mike]

The only one that I see with him in it is a selfie.

[Pat]

Yeah, it's this. Yeah, look, y'.

[Jean]

All. Yeah, it's the second one.

[Pat]

That's what he shared. That's crazy.

[Jean]

Weird, isn't it? You'd be tired of that, too, if you had to see that every weekend.

[Pat]

No, I would honestly beat my friend's ass. Like. No, we're fine. This is. This is. I'm calling you out.

[Mike]

You're not even doing a basketball move.

[Pat]

It's literally just Chet. You sure he's not attracted to Chet or something?

[Jean]

Hey, he might be one of. What is it? A DL? Is that what they call it? He might be one of them. Girls say DL on your podcast a lot.

[Pat]

Don't be learning from our podcast, bro. I told you about that, bro. Pick up a book.

[Jean]

Don't worry. The problems they bring to your podcast will never be a part of my life.

[Pat]

That boy live in Mobile, Alabama, talking

[Jean]

like, hey, you're close.

[Pat]

Close, but I know I'm close.

[Jean]

I'm closer to you than I am in Alabama.

[Pat]

Really? What you in a Carolina or something?

[Jean]

Wait, y' all Milwaukee? Yeah, I'm in Oklahoma, I guess.

[Mike]

That's not that far.

[Pat]

You might be there soon.

[Jean]

Oh yeah? You come to a Thunder game? You gonna share chat story and get courtside tickets?

[Pat]

No, bro.

[Mike]

I guess being from Oklahoma and Sharon Chet is not bad.

[Guest 2]

Not.

[Mike]

It's.

[Pat]

It's crazy.

[Mike]

But cuz Oklahoma is like a. It's a very close knit type of

[Pat]

sports community that might be like top five famous people that lives in Oklahoma. Like it might go zsbu sga N

[Mike]

sga SGA is popular than Zs and Blue.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Jean]

Yeah, but here's the thing though.

[Pat]

CSB Lou Jalen Williams Chat five, bro.

[Jean]

But it's not basketball. It's just him. Selfie. Like that's weird.

[Mike]

Selfie's a bit strange. All right. Hey, I was kind of against you at first, but you might be right. Bro. Bro.

[Jean]

Hey, I just had to share the vision, that's all.

[Pat]

You started off shaky, but you made it, bro. That bro.

[Jean]

Hey, this is for the audio listeners. All right? Hey, don't hate on me now.

[Pat]

Don't hate on me.

[Jean]

Hey, y' all have a good one though.

[Pat]

All right, man. Tell you.

[Mike]

Oh, this was. I was about to say as a message for the audio listeners. My bad.

[Pat]

No, he was just saying this is for audio. Listen. Hey, man, appreciate you coming on your show. Tell your sister, your wife or I know that the same person just tell them.

[Jean]

No, that's great. Hey, first off, I'm from Florida. We don't do that weird down there. I just live in Oklahoma, but I'm from Florida.

[Pat]

I been there for a long time.

[Jean]

No, I just got a. Well, I do have a southern ass family, now that you say it, but we're not weird.

[Mike]

All right, man, you have a good one.

[Jean]

All right, see you guys. Guys.

[Pat]

All right, this is. This is one of the best quotes I've seen about Trump because this is so true about him. Donald Trump, not Tiana. Just listeners be confused about this.

[Mike]

Shout out Tiana though.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, shout out.

[Mike]

I haven't seen much from her lately, but I'm just saying I haven't seen like her on social media or anything.

[Pat]

You think she's. When the last time Tiana Trump posted. Can you get that for me, Jean? See her last post. Just go to your book marks. That was quick as hell. Three weeks.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Now she tweet something yesterday.

[Pat]

She with gun in them just drop, bro. All right. A New York Times reporter said Trump lies quoted in their article. I'm guessing Trump lies frequently but also tells the truth. Now, before I talk about the. The response kind of cooking that sentence. That is very true.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because like during his.

[Mike]

The.

[Pat]

The campaign when he was like re running for president and even now there's been like some blatant lies he's told.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know, and that's like almost every politician but obviously president you held a different accountability whatever. But there is like sometimes he weirdly tells the truth about some that you think like, damn, another president might not have said that right there in that spot. Like, like he might call like that reporter is dumb as hell. He might just say some shit like that where Obama might have like danced around it.

[Mike]

Just. Yeah.

[Pat]

I don't pay attention to naysayers or something.

[Mike]

Definitely more blunt. I feel like Obama would have been more blunt now than he was about what in general and just more blunt. And I just think this. It was just different times too.

[Pat]

About what though?

[Mike]

In general. Just more. But just like the situation you just explained.

[Pat]

Okay, you think what. What would he be more blunt about? Because there's one thing, I don't like Trump as a president, but I do think. Think he's the most blunt person.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Even if he's lying, at least he's blunt about the lie. Like he's like outrightly. I don't really see him dancing around words during his campaign. He did a lot, but not really now.

[Mike]

There's like, I would say there's more when you're. You don't like somebody and it being knowing you don't like somebody. Yes.

[Pat]

He doesn't hide. Yeah. Yeah. I will say like if Obama went through a list of people he didn't like, I bet you there'll be some surprises on there.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, I didn't know you ain't like him.

[Mike]

I feel like Obama always did in place the first funny way. It was always at those like corresponding dinners when like the comedians real Jo. The funniest one was when Trump was actually there and it was like, you know that whole campaign about Obama not being American.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

And that comp was like, really? Trump ran a campaign about that. Like, he wasn't. He was born in, in Kenya or something like that. And his birth certificate was fake.

[Pat]

And like that, that, that's a up part. Because during this, like, just looking back at the presidential race, how they have to go on podcast. Oh, my God, Obama would have killed it.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, that. That's what I'm talking about. Just like different times are just like,

[Pat]

oh, yeah, like imagine Obama on Joe Rogan's podcast. Like, he would kill Obama.

[Mike]

Damn.

[Pat]

They're probably going, Joe Button.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And he probably. I don't know why Joe Button and Joe Biden just don't collab.

[Jean]

Yeah, right.

[Pat]

Same person to me. But the response to like this runs to the quote. I'll say it again. Trump lies frequently but also tells the truth. Somebody responded and said, Jeffrey Dahmer ate a lot of people, but also often ate chicken. So it kind of like those, that whole thing. Tweet of the week. This is true. As a man, you got to work all your life to avoid being that one uncle. And I didn't get that at first. And then I really thought about it how your nieces and nephews, like, not your kids, because you kind of have a cheat code with your kids. Like, your kids should think like, you're the best person in the world, especially at a young age.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But your nieces and nephews are only really viewed through you by like your siblings or like whoever gay, like whoever kids those are. And they. And so like, you actually really have to be something, something for them to describe you in like, good grace. Like, my, my nieces think like, I'm amazing and I'm like some big time celebrity. But I imagine if I was like a bum, like, my sister would tell them the truth. Like, yeah. So that would be always like, that's my uncle. He a bum ass.

[Mike]

Like I even think that about with your son. I tried my best to be the best person that he knows outside of outside. Once he starts, once, once he starts remembering gifts, it's raps. I'm literally, I'm. Because it's, it's, it's obviously I'll give him stuff here and there, but it's different when they actually remember. Like, uncle Mike got me this. Uncle Mike got me this. Uncle Mike got me. When you started doing that and that repetitive thing, that's when I, that's when the gifts start flowing.

[Pat]

That's what, that's who the kids be Killing first, though. Yeah. Like, they favor uncle that be

[Guest 2]

all right.

[Pat]

It's not really tweeting week, but I got it from Twitter. A fire broke out. A fire broke out at American Airlines at Denver's airport report resulting in the immediate evacuation of passengers. And that was my first time really seeing, like the slides deploy not on water.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And somebody slid down the slide and like tumbled three times and like lost like their carry on. So you could tell they went to go. Go get their carrier.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And my thing is if I'm on a flight, I feel like if I'm in that situation, I'm probably in danger because I'm about to push it to the limit of when I get off this plane. Like, I'm trying to inhale a little bit more smoke because I know, I know I'm being worked on by the. By the people that's coming in the ambulance and they gonna take all my vitals down because this I need my. To look bad for of court. This could have died, bro. Like, I need my name.

[Mike]

I feel like once you get on your plane, I feel like they make you sign a compliance thing or something. Like you're already like, if it's not like a pilot's fault type of.

[Pat]

I might start Tesla with the pilot. I'm going to keep pushing a pilot till they punch me, bro. Crash. He punched me. Oh, bro.

[Mike]

The. The other thing is that I saw a plane flying. This just happened. It was like the. So the wing was on fire and then. And it landed. It's just like, I hate when those situations happen, but it's gonna sound bad, but I don't mind sometimes those situations happening like that when I'm. Because it makes me know that at least somebody is like paying attention to the next time that happens. You know, there's more attention on it. Like, there was a time where this plane didn't take off off on time and while plane was landing and they almost collided. Right. I know now that that mistake happened. All those traffic control agents now are on, on, on go now. They like, yeah. Oh, I don't want to make that same mistake.

[Pat]

It's like the lighting is not going to strike twice in the same.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Just like the pilot should be more up. Like, okay, if I saw the first true plane crash in American. In America in the last 20 years happens, I know I got least a good 40 before it's me. Like, let's put these flights, you know, RP to the people of Flight 272.

[Mike]

But like, bro, planes Planes are just getting like it. I don't feel like it's happening a lot. It's, it makes it seem like it's happening a lot with the plane stuff, but I think it's, it's just getting reported on a lot more because that's what's like everything with news is about clicks and like that, so.

[Pat]

But that's, that's all it is.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

How many times they told us peanut butter is good and bad for us in the last 20 years?

[Mike]

No, they got us with milk though, for sure.

[Jean]

Sure.

[Pat]

Don't start that, bro.

[Guest 2]

Is it good or bad right now?

[Mike]

Milk.

[Guest 2]

Where's it at?

[Mike]

Milk. Milk, milk. They got us with milk. Milk.

[Pat]

He revving that up. He got to rev it up to say it, right?

[Guest 1]

Milk.

[Mike]

Milk, Milk, Milk, milk, milk. But they got us with milk. You know, with the Got Milk commercials and like that. But now if you drink whole milk, people kind of get on your ass about it.

[Pat]

Now I'm not going. I, it's up because when Lux was younger, my son, he had started drinking whole milk. And I want to tell you that's the most embarrassing thing to have in my car. Like I had whole milk in my carton I'm checking out and I could just feel the judgment on everybody eyes like damn, bro, I've tried no soy milk for my son.

[Mike]

Are you worried about it? And when I was in Sweden, they had that. They actually have a lot of like lactose free milk. So you don't have to do. Because I, that I actually enjoyed that because I, I, I get with my coffee now I get oat milk. But it's nice to have just like non oat tasting coffee that's just lactose free because that's what really it is about with milk. A lot of people are lactose intolerant.

[Pat]

They know that your not supposed to smell like that. Like let's just be.

[Mike]

But why don't you drink milk? Like why? What's your reason though? Like your personal reason? Like did you get bullied out of it? Like for me I got bullied out of getting, getting the iPhone. IPhone. Because I was tired of being in the group chat with the green text.

[Pat]

Yeah, I got bullied. The iPhone, they bullied me for sure.

[Mike]

But like how did you get bullied out of drink? Do you drink whole milk?

[Guest 2]

No, I don't drink whole milk.

[Mike]

When did you stop drinking whole milk?

[Guest 2]

Well, I went to the school I graduated from was like a green school. So they was like all like plant based stuff. We didn't get like they didn't cook any meat there. Everything was like catered from like vegetarian restaurants and stuff like that. So a lot of. A lot of students started to like transition into like vegetarian.

[Pat]

Gave a real head.

[Jean]

He just. On us,

[Mike]

we are very health. We are very health conscious as kids, you know. Yeah.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Mine, I used to drink.

[Guest 2]

I used to drink that out the gallon though. Like the blue cap I used to run in. I used to run in from playing outside and just like chug that and run back.

[Mike]

Yeah. Cuz it's like strong bones and like that.

[Pat]

I was never naturally a fan of just like pure white milk. Like I did strawberries milk and chocolate milk.

[Mike]

Strawberry milk is like the most childish thing ever.

[Pat]

But no, I'm just saying I did that in.

[Mike]

It doesn't matter.

[Pat]

I. Middle school, high school.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's fine. But I judge people drinking strawberry milk.

[Pat]

You drink strawberry milk. If I see you as a grown man drinking strawberry.

[Mike]

Even as a kid, I was judging.

[Pat]

I don't even rob people. I'm robbing you.

[Mike]

Yeah, come off everything you Strawberry milk.

[Jean]

All right.

[Mike]

Strawberry milk.

[Pat]

Glad to be having a good day. I could be with my son. I could be with my grandma having a good day. And I see a dude drinking strawberry milk. I'm going in the house and grabbing a ski mask. The out this now you got an hour straight.

[Mike]

You. You in the grocery store. You're in the grocery store, you see somebody with a strawberry milk in their car, you're just like, oh, how many. How many kids you got, man? I don't got no kids. Oh, I just saw the strawberry milk in. In your car. Just wondering.

[Pat]

I'll be right back.

[Mike]

It's my favorite milk to drink.

[Guest 1]

Okay.

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

Give me the milk.

[Pat]

I got a AK with a shoestring. All right, last tweet of the week. My Be loud as when we have sex.

[Mike]

Sorry. Oh my God, I'm sorry. But it's just like I took a

[Pat]

deep breath before that too.

[Mike]

We don't say. We don't say that. I don't really hear you say that often, so. It's always funny. Go ahead.

[Pat]

I never. It's funny because I don't refer to women as.

[Mike]

Yeah, but go ahead. My bad. We don't have. You don't have to wear your cape right now.

[Pat]

This is really.

[Mike]

You don't have to wear your cape. I didn't think it's. Or I just. It just go ahead.

[Pat]

Let me finish.

[Mike]

No, I'm hating. Go ahead, bro.

[Pat]

Listen, I just want to put this out there. Like, because, you know, a lot of dudes use bitch for women, but in. In real life, most of these is the. I just want to. You know what I'm saying? Most people don't know that I'm put. I hate when people say close like that. Like they put on game and comment

[Mike]

respect in the comments right now. Respect.

[Pat]

Respect.

[Mike]

Go ahead, Go ahead.

[Pat]

All right. My. My woman be loud as. No, I'm just fine. My girl be loud as. When we have sex. Like, relax. This the same dick from last time. There is like, some moments, like, there's been times, like, where I've had in my life a gap between, like, okay, this is my second time around with this woman.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And there's been maybe a one or two year gap. And she's like, visibly better at sex this time around. And it's just like, that's okay with me. But I always imagine if I had that. I always imagine myself of having a mindset of some of these other dudes. It's like, would that bother me at what rate with the. What would she have to do in this bedroom to where it bothers me. Me that much? And they're like, is there something that she could do? And I just, like, I would enjoy her getting better. But there is like, certain things, like, okay, if we were just having regular sex this time and you did some crazy move that made me come in 30 seconds, we're done. Because what the. That's a lot of practice.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And it's like, not even about like the. I don't think I Whole bodies that she would have. Just the fact that like, that, like, you was in the gym.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Some shots up.

[Mike]

Definitely. Probably it. It definitely have to be a thought after the fact because I feel like if you're thinking about another dude at the time. At the time during sex, it's just like 30 seconds. There has been times, though, not even thinking about what she. The. The person. There's times that my mind is wandering. Wandered during sex, but more to like, think about, like, household things. Like, what did I leave the. Did I leave the door unlocked or what I got to do tomorrow. It's just like. It's just so random sometimes. That's why you have to have like, some type of like, noise if it's too quiet.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You don't have like, the. There's no ambiance. It's just her voice. You kind of need a little more ambiance than that sometimes.

[Pat]

But that's obviously, if you don't agree with that. That means you agree Minute man, and everything is action, action, action, action. If you. If you have sex, like, sometimes, like, you know, sex for me, like, can go on for like an hour or whatever, like just doing different things and stuff, just being real.

[Mike]

No, that's fine.

[Jean]

Just like.

[Mike]

Or

[Pat]

I'm be real.

[Mike]

I go for hours and hours and hours.

[Pat]

Most of y' all calling y' all girls, but it's really.

[Guest 2]

These

[Pat]

put y' all on girl game. But no, I'm just saying. Just not. Not on. No, it's a bragging. I'm just saying, like, it can happen like that sometimes there's going to be time. You're not locked in for the whole hour.

[Mike]

It's hard to stay locked in for

[Pat]

all that long when you down there eating a little. Eating a little cat.

[Mike]

That's what my mind. That's why my mind wanders the most.

[Pat]

But listen, but. But you real. If you lie back in. Cuz you almost get offended that she not. Wait, why she not moaning? Got me up, you know, I think

[Guest 1]

Bobby knows

[Pat]

are you hitting it and stuff like that? And then you realize. You realize yourself that, oh, wait, I'm not that locked in. And then you kind of look down and just like, oh, you still enjoying this unlocked in?

[Mike]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pat]

Just locked in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about this? When I actually concentrating, I think also

[Mike]

because a lot of us, especially. Especially in the creative field, a lot of things wander through your brain a lot. So it's just like sometimes it's like you can't always turn your brain off no matter who you're with.

[Pat]

Nobody. It don't matter who you with. And if. If you locked in for an hour, I bet you can't do it again. There's no way you locked in every time during sex. You know what I'm saying? Not every. It's just impossible.

[Mike]

There are times too, even during sex, where you know, like, oh, let me lock in, because I'm slacking right now.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

Because every dude, some dudes, we try to believe that every performance in the bedroom is their best performance.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

And it's not. Especially when you're, like, consistently with somebody, you're like, no, I wasn't as. Like, I couldn't turn. I could have did more than that.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And then, you know, the next time it's like, all right, I gotta take it. I gotta take it there.

[Pat]

That's what's wrong with people. They don't want to get better. And sometimes, like, even if you're like, the best, because I feel like A lot of people, like, especially like, like the relationships I've been in, the sex at the beginning could be end up being the best sex that you had, the whole damn relationship. And it's like, because people just get repetitive and don't get locked in. It's like sometimes you got to get locked in.

[Mike]

I think as the older I've gotten, the more mature like mentally I've gotten, I think you start to know that it's, it's a normal thing to ask your girl what she likes and what she doesn't like. Yeah. And even just like stuff that, that you could just ways people, there's ways to guide, guide it through like what you should be doing better in during sex and stuff like that. But some dudes don't even like to have those conversations and just like, nah, I'm good. I'm doing everything right. And they're not knowing, they're not really pleasuring their girl. Yeah. So you gotta, you gotta be dudes. Especially early 20s now if you're with somebody that you're really with, I guess you guys don't want to react to the girls. You're just hitting for one night stands and like that. But, but still, that's still good stuff.

[Pat]

It's game.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Receive the game. Like get better because that could be the time where you actually need it to bag your wife.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? And you don't, you don't do something. Right. That could have like sealed the deal for you.

[Mike]

And now I think is, yeah, we should normalize having sex. Sex talks with your, the person you're with. Like conversation around sex and not being awkward or being like. Or don't even do it because I think it would be. More dudes might be offended. It's like, oh, I wish you would do this better. And now it's like, nah, she tripping.

[Pat]

I literally watched it. I literally heard a dude, he was talking about sex. She was like, man, I was with this freaky girl. She kept putting her, her finger in her butthole when I was hitting it and like that, like, okay, you stupid ass. She wanted you to do that.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

She tried to show you what to do.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Just looking at it like, dude, that's crazy.

[Mike]

Or if that's not your. Or that's not your thing too. You can just have that conversation.

[Pat]

You a dude. Ain't no such thing as there is

[Mike]

something is not your thing, man.

[Pat]

Let's.

[Mike]

No. So you let your girl do whatever she's in or a girl unless it's

[Pat]

like some play or something that.

[Mike]

But that is. That's legit.

[Pat]

If she's saying, I want this done to me, I don't think there's anything that. You know what I'm saying? Like, as a dude, what you doing?

[Mike]

I mean, there's still limits to what you want to do.

[Pat]

If a girl told me, hey, I

[Mike]

won't like, personally, I want you to

[Pat]

wear a strap on with your dick. So you got three dicks.

[Mike]

Exactly.

[Pat]

Then you call me tri dick.

[Mike]

Tri dick is crazy.

[Pat]

Trying it. Coming through.

[Mike]

Like, I personally wouldn't do anything anal. Right.

[Pat]

That's just with your.

[Mike]

With my girl, I just. That's not my thing.

[Pat]

But, but, but even if that was

[Mike]

her thing and she said that was her thing, I would be like, that's something. That's a compromise we have to make.

[Pat]

That you not doing it.

[Mike]

That I'm not doing it. How is that weird? But I think because I think analysis always an. I think that's an extra additive thing. That's like a.

[Guest 2]

You didn't sign up for that.

[Mike]

Yeah, I didn't sign up for it.

[Pat]

But the thing is, it's all about, like, who you've ran into. Like, I've. I legit know women out there. Y' all can not believe me or not. But there's legit women that don't like to be eaten out like that.

[Mike]

Yeah, there's. They're women like that.

[Pat]

They're women like that. So if. If a guy just runs into those type of women more than often, then he might get to a point. Just because that's how he start having sex is like, oh, I don't really do that.

[Guest 2]

Just.

[Pat]

It just becomes the norm to him at some point. Like, oh, I don't do that. But, you know, like, let's say, you know, your first couple of times having sex all three girls like anal. And like, you only had three sex from. From age 18 to age 24, you only have sex with three girls and they all were into anal. You would kind of think that's the norm. It's whatever you're introduced to as a norm. But I feel like our generation anal was like, deemed as bad. Yeah, like, it. When we came up, it was just like, it's kind of bad. Like, oh, you doing anal ill. You know what I'm saying? Like, stuff like that.

[Jean]

That.

[Pat]

Whereas like the generation before and I think the generation after is kind of just like.

[Mike]

I think it's just like a. Just not a normal thing. Yeah, I think it's just Not. Not a norm. I think there's more dudes eating girls out than there are people that are doing anal.

[Pat]

Yeah, I'm not.

[Guest 2]

I'm not.

[Pat]

If. If the. I just think the girl I was talking to wanted.

[Mike]

It's just a lot of preparation for it too.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah, I would. That's the thing. That's what I say girl have to be good at.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, God damn.

[Mike]

I think just cuz naturally nothing.

[Pat]

But to me, I also find it like, I guess a lot of anal

[Mike]

talk right now, but to anything, my

[Pat]

only attraction would be that the girl is so attracted to that. And I don't think I would run into. I haven't met a girl like that in my life. They just be like, I love anal. So I just like, why would I. Why would I introduce it?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I've never seen. I've never looked at a butthole and been like, yeah, it's not me, man. I'm sorry.

[Mike]

All our gay listeners right now, they're like, don't knock it till you try. Respect to y', all, though, man.

[Jean]

It's very.

[Mike]

That's the. To rock with y'. All.

[Pat]

Let's get to some listening callers.

[Jean]

All right.

[Mike]

That. Actually, we. We should end it.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Guest 1]

All right.

[Mike]

All right. That has been crash dummies episode 217.

[Pat]

2. Oh, you got a correct. We're supposed to do that earlier, but still. The 215 thing still is the same thing, but shout out to. To 215. I gotta shout them out because I feel like I dissed them. My fault. My Philly listeners. Merch.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, merch is out. Remember, link in the bio description wherever and when you guys purchase the merch again, we said this already. Make sure you guys tag all our pages. My page, Pat's page, Jean's page, and the Crash Dummies, just so we can see the people actually interact and give you all and mess y' all back.

[Pat]

I do want to say something. I got one. I do think that's. That we're one of the best communities out there, but I do think our community plays it too cool. Like, it's okay. Like, when I see. Obviously we're not as big as these podcasts, but the Joe Button Network and all these other people that have Twitter communities and stuff, I just feel like they talk about the show more and it's okay if y' all give opinions on stuff we talk about. And obviously we don't talk about subjects as hard to give crazy opinions on, but we like when y' all Tweet. We like when y' all mention us. Us. We like when going back and forth on IG comments or whatever like that. So if y' all got stuff to say, share more. Like, do just whatever. And if y' all need us to interact more, just let us know, because I'll be busy anyway.

[Mike]

Make sure you guys subscribe to Patreon as well. Patreon members. You guys already know y' all got your discount. Yeah.

[Pat]

And who said, oh, first of all. And somebody was like, oh, they giving discounts because they going, bro, let's go band for band actually.

[Mike]

Actually bothers you.

[Pat]

It's just like crazy accusations like, oh,

[Mike]

they doing 50% off. Honestly, I might even extend it. I really just want a barrier of entry to be a little bit less for people to join for the first month. That $10 is the thing that's scaring you. You don't know this is worth it yet. Pay the. Pay the 50% off, and then if you like it, keep it. If you don't, then cancel. It's like, it's. Obviously, we appreciate the. The. The support. Yeah. But. Yeah, it's.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Jean]

And.

[Pat]

And I'm always going to call out the one negative thing. I hate when people say, oh, 20 positive things and one negative comment. Tell that one negative comment I'm coming.

[Mike]

I got. Oh, that's crazy. My. My rule for that. My rule for that is that if I ever respond to a negative comment, I have to respond to two positive comments.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

That's my rule.

[Pat]

My rule is if I respond to a negative comment, find his cousins, aunties.

[Jean]

All right.

[Mike]

All right, y'.

[Jean]

All. Peace.