Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 245: “Crash Court”

Hosts: Patrick Johnson & Michael Esiobu
Date: February 11, 2026
Theme: Satirical dive into current events, wild 'what if' scenarios, and the debut of their new 'Crash/Dummies Court' segment, featuring fans' funny confessions and debates on relationships, loyalty, and modern culture. Expect their signature raw, comedic banter and social commentary.

1. Episode Theme & Purpose

This episode has a dual focus:

• Timely Satire: Pat and Mike riff on current events (often in an exaggerated or hypothetical vein), blend in personal stories, roast politics, and touch upon racial conversations.
• Crash Court Debut: The “Crash Dummies Court” segment is introduced—listeners call in with their wildest 'cases' for judgment, giving the hosts and crew a platform to analyze, mock, and sentence them for their sins.

Tone: Candid, irreverent, and unfiltered, switching from social critique to absurd humor.

2. Key Discussion Points & Insights

A. Racial Politics & Media Absurdity

[00:00-02:02]

• Pat questions why Black people are blamed for political violence involving white perpetrators, referencing memes and media narratives.
  • “Like, what Black people gotta do with this sh*t?” (Patrick, 00:24)
• They joke about hypocritical political leaders, accountability, and right vs. left excuses.
  • “Hey man, it looked like they was wearing your gear... That’s your team!” (Patrick, 01:10)

B. Touring Announcements & Social Commentary

[02:03-05:12]

• Upcoming live show dates (with humor about small towns, Southern fashion, and flannel shortages).
• Conversation about which cities they're excited to visit—and how Charlotte is always showing out.
  • “Everyone in Charlotte either dress like J.Cole or Michael Jordan. No in between.” (Patrick, 04:57)
• Banter about why different cities and crowds hit different as comics.

C. Super Bowl and Versus Battles

[05:13-10:15]

• Light, unserious Super Bowl predictions (“Cardi B boyfriend’s team!”).
• Playful breakdown of who’d win a 50 Cent vs. T.I. ‘Versus’ battle.
  • “50 Cent is one of the ones...he’s got like a Joker in the deck.” (Patrick, 07:09)
  • “People sleep on T.I. though.” (Mike, 07:24)
• Debates about crowd energy, region bias, and why some artists surprise during live competitions.

D. Family, Fame, and Celebrity Drama

[10:15-14:56]

• Pat discusses how going viral or getting famous is nerve-wracking if you have messy relatives—referencing Glorilla’s real-life family drama and clout-chasing.
• Ethics of ‘giving back’ to family, especially entitled relatives: “If someone asked me for $500 five years ago, it feels the same as if they asked for $500 now...” (Patrick, 12:48)
• Quote:
  “That’s the thing about making it. Sometimes you can’t really bring everyone with you.” (Mike, 12:24)

E. Bro Code & Relationship Loyalty

[15:18-19:39]

• Complex scenarios: When does the “bro code” not apply—especially if the fallout is unequal?
• The difference between college-age excuses and grown-up accountability (“We’re 30, bro. I ain’t keep you at the strip club.”)
• How comfort with “covering” for friends changes with age and family life.

F. Relationship Dynamics & Location Sharing

[20:00-23:52]

• Mixed feelings about sharing locations in relationships (privacy vs. security, trust vs. surveillance).
  • “If you ask me where I’m at more than three times a week, that location going off forever.” (Patrick, 22:14)
• Gene adds he likes having his partner’s location mostly for practical reasons (domestic timing, running errands).

G. Podcast Inside Jokes & Lo-fi Moans

[24:00-24:45]

• Bit about Lo-Fi Girl (YouTube music)—Gene suggests Lo-Fi “moaning” and everyone breaks character in laughter.
  • “Lo Fi moans is crazy.” (Mike, 24:04)

3. Segment Highlight: Crash Dummies Court

[27:14-73:19]

Patrick and Mike don judge costumes and take listener calls to “sentence” fans for their questionable, embarrassing, or chaotic confessions.

Notable Cases & Quotes:

• Ghosting and Stalking a Coworker

  • “I showed up to her work, which...Oh, I’m such a weirdo...” (28:45)
  • “Seven unresponded texts? Seven years, man.” (Mike, 30:44)

• Sabotaging a Friend’s Love Life

  • Listener admits to purposely giving a friend bad dating advice after being rejected.
  • “Excessive horniness, some player hating, and just being a bad dude overall” (Mike, 33:31)
  • Sentenced to seven years, with friend’s gullibility used in mitigating circumstances.

• Roster Ghosting on Valentine’s Day

  • One caller brags about ghosting six women to avoid spending money.
  • “I’m not gonna sentence you to prison time, but I am gonna put you on... a little bail-less.” (Patrick, 36:41)

• Breaking a Stripper’s Heart & Relationship Karma

  • Listener describes his heartbreak cycle, ending in a wild tangent about local dating preferences and failed relationships.
  • “I bring... very good attributes, you know… as a young man. I damn near gotta figure out, you know?” (Guest, 43:08)

• Freelance Stepdad Confession

  • “Don’t start beef with the other dad. That bit me in the back twice now.” (Guest, 48:17)
  • Hilariously describes being a “freelance stepdad,” his learnings, and why he refuses to have his own kids.

• The 'Lesbian' Identity Confusion

  • “I know I sound crazy, but I might be a lesbian. Hear me out, though...” (54:05)
  • Mike and Pat break down the flawed logic (“That still don’t make you a lesbian, bro.”)

• Confession: 'It Was Gay to Wash My Ass'

  • “At one point in my life, I thought it was gay to wash your ass.” (Guest, 58:01)
  • This segment veers into a discussion on hygiene, socialization, and peer education—with comedic roasting aplenty.

• Cuckold Concerns & Relationship Experiments

  • A listener tries opening his relationship for “clarity,” only to get more than he bargained for.
  • “You just didn’t know those experiences would be better... That’s like part of science, man.” (Patrick, 65:12)

• Belgian Listener’s Controversial 'Shoe Analogy'

  • “Even if you have a shoe, you still go into shoe stores to look for other shoes.” (Guest, 70:21)
  • Hosts lampoon the analogy and reflect on youth, relationships, and the fear of being alone.

• 'A Little Twang'—Quirky Honesty

  • “When the coochie is a little bit musty, it kinda turn me on.” (Guest, 74:01)
  • Patrick and Mike react with shock and laughter, spinning off into a riff about “18-hour shift coochie” and mutual hygiene.

4. Quick Fire Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Versus Battles:
  • “$0.50 (50 Cent) could come out with Many Men, Candy Shop, In The Club... Versus just like, 20.” (Patrick, 08:43)
• On Giving Money to Family:
  • “It’s just about the principle. Like, that’s a lot of fuckin money for you just to be asking me...” (Patrick, 12:48)
• On Bro Loyalty:
  • “If you got a wife and kids, that bro code shit gone.” (Patrick, 18:34)
• On Stepdad Life:
  • “Well, like, I’m a free agent. I’m... looking for a family. You know, I’ve been a stepdad twice when I was 20 and 21. But I’ve grown a lot in these past couple of months, man…” (Guest, 47:40)
• On Social Media Comparison:
  • “Thinking people were doing better than me—it just happened to be they were just taking better pictures.” (Mike, 95:33)
• On ‘Internet Competition’ for Valentine’s Day:
  • “One thing you don’t do is let other girls one up your girl like she about to be sittin...” (Patrick, 93:35)
• On American vs. Foreign Identity:
  • “No. You a foreigner, bro... You not in the Constitution!” (Patrick, 90:42)
• On Hygiene Misconceptions:
  • “At one point in my life, I thought it was gay to wash your ass.” (Guest, 58:01)

5. Timestamped Highlights

| Topic/Guest | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------|---------------| | Racial politics & memes | 00:00–02:02 | | Tour & Live Show Announcements | 02:03–05:12 | | Super Bowl/Versus Battles | 05:34–10:15 | | Family money drama | 10:26–14:56 | | Bro code debate | 15:18–19:39 | | Relationship location arguments | 20:31–23:52 | | Lo-fi moans/Lo-fi girl bit | 24:00–24:45 | | Crash Dummies Court calls (multiple) | 27:14–73:19 | | Ice fishing & Mexican flags in MN | 82:55–84:30 | | Social brawls/violence etiquette | 85:13–87:49 | | Snapchat nostalgia/demise | 88:28–89:58 | | Valentine’s Day relationship talk | 90:07–94:28 | | Social comparison & fitness scams | 95:17–98:20 |

6. Overall Style & Flow

Crash Dummies Podcast remains true to its voice: hyper-current, meme-informed, often R-rated, blending relatable real-life trials with outlandish hypotheticals. The new “Crash Court” segment adds even more audience engagement by putting fan confessionals through the comedic wringer. Pat and Mike’s willingness to tease, challenge, and laugh with (and at) listeners—without much filter—is part of what keeps the dynamic both unpredictable and magnetic.

Listeners will leave entertained, slightly more suspicious of their friends, and perhaps questioning their own bro code limits, Valentine’s obligations, and shoe analogies.

7. Final Takeaway

If you want a hilarious, irreverent window into modern relationships, culture, and the messiest side of the internet—punctuated by fan confessions and audacious advice—Crash Dummies Episode 245 is for you.
“Everybody is guilty.” — Patrick, 28:13