Crash Court - Episode 245

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 245: “Crash Court”

Hosts: Patrick Johnson & Michael Esiobu
Date: February 11, 2026
Theme: Satirical dive into current events, wild 'what if' scenarios, and the debut of their new 'Crash/Dummies Court' segment, featuring fans' funny confessions and debates on relationships, loyalty, and modern culture. Expect their signature raw, comedic banter and social commentary.

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1. Episode Theme & Purpose

This episode has a dual focus:

• Timely Satire: Pat and Mike riff on current events (often in an exaggerated or hypothetical vein), blend in personal stories, roast politics, and touch upon racial conversations.
• Crash Court Debut: The “Crash Dummies Court” segment is introduced—listeners call in with their wildest 'cases' for judgment, giving the hosts and crew a platform to analyze, mock, and sentence them for their sins.

Tone: Candid, irreverent, and unfiltered, switching from social critique to absurd humor.

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2. Key Discussion Points & Insights

A. Racial Politics & Media Absurdity

[00:00-02:02]

• Pat questions why Black people are blamed for political violence involving white perpetrators, referencing memes and media narratives.
  • “Like, what Black people gotta do with this sh*t?” (Patrick, 00:24)
• They joke about hypocritical political leaders, accountability, and right vs. left excuses.
  • “Hey man, it looked like they was wearing your gear... That’s your team!” (Patrick, 01:10)

B. Touring Announcements & Social Commentary

[02:03-05:12]

• Upcoming live show dates (with humor about small towns, Southern fashion, and flannel shortages).
• Conversation about which cities they're excited to visit—and how Charlotte is always showing out.
  • “Everyone in Charlotte either dress like J.Cole or Michael Jordan. No in between.” (Patrick, 04:57)
• Banter about why different cities and crowds hit different as comics.

C. Super Bowl and Versus Battles

[05:13-10:15]

• Light, unserious Super Bowl predictions (“Cardi B boyfriend’s team!”).
• Playful breakdown of who’d win a 50 Cent vs. T.I. ‘Versus’ battle.
  • “50 Cent is one of the ones...he’s got like a Joker in the deck.” (Patrick, 07:09)
  • “People sleep on T.I. though.” (Mike, 07:24)
• Debates about crowd energy, region bias, and why some artists surprise during live competitions.

D. Family, Fame, and Celebrity Drama

[10:15-14:56]

• Pat discusses how going viral or getting famous is nerve-wracking if you have messy relatives—referencing Glorilla’s real-life family drama and clout-chasing.
• Ethics of ‘giving back’ to family, especially entitled relatives: “If someone asked me for $500 five years ago, it feels the same as if they asked for $500 now...” (Patrick, 12:48)
• Quote:
  “That’s the thing about making it. Sometimes you can’t really bring everyone with you.” (Mike, 12:24)

E. Bro Code & Relationship Loyalty

[15:18-19:39]

• Complex scenarios: When does the “bro code” not apply—especially if the fallout is unequal?
• The difference between college-age excuses and grown-up accountability (“We’re 30, bro. I ain’t keep you at the strip club.”)
• How comfort with “covering” for friends changes with age and family life.

F. Relationship Dynamics & Location Sharing

[20:00-23:52]

• Mixed feelings about sharing locations in relationships (privacy vs. security, trust vs. surveillance).
  • “If you ask me where I’m at more than three times a week, that location going off forever.” (Patrick, 22:14)
• Gene adds he likes having his partner’s location mostly for practical reasons (domestic timing, running errands).

G. Podcast Inside Jokes & Lo-fi Moans

[24:00-24:45]

• Bit about Lo-Fi Girl (YouTube music)—Gene suggests Lo-Fi “moaning” and everyone breaks character in laughter.
  • “Lo Fi moans is crazy.” (Mike, 24:04)

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3. Segment Highlight: Crash Dummies Court

[27:14-73:19]

Patrick and Mike don judge costumes and take listener calls to “sentence” fans for their questionable, embarrassing, or chaotic confessions.

Notable Cases & Quotes:

• Ghosting and Stalking a Coworker

  • “I showed up to her work, which...Oh, I’m such a weirdo...” (28:45)
  • “Seven unresponded texts? Seven years, man.” (Mike, 30:44)

• Sabotaging a Friend’s Love Life

  • Listener admits to purposely giving a friend bad dating advice after being rejected.
  • “Excessive horniness, some player hating, and just being a bad dude overall” (Mike, 33:31)
  • Sentenced to seven years, with friend’s gullibility used in mitigating circumstances.

• Roster Ghosting on Valentine’s Day

  • One caller brags about ghosting six women to avoid spending money.
  • “I’m not gonna sentence you to prison time, but I am gonna put you on... a little bail-less.” (Patrick, 36:41)

• Breaking a Stripper’s Heart & Relationship Karma

  • Listener describes his heartbreak cycle, ending in a wild tangent about local dating preferences and failed relationships.
  • “I bring... very good attributes, you know… as a young man. I damn near gotta figure out, you know?” (Guest, 43:08)

• Freelance Stepdad Confession

  • “Don’t start beef with the other dad. That bit me in the back twice now.” (Guest, 48:17)
  • Hilariously describes being a “freelance stepdad,” his learnings, and why he refuses to have his own kids.

• The 'Lesbian' Identity Confusion

  • “I know I sound crazy, but I might be a lesbian. Hear me out, though...” (54:05)
  • Mike and Pat break down the flawed logic (“That still don’t make you a lesbian, bro.”)

• Confession: 'It Was Gay to Wash My Ass'

  • “At one point in my life, I thought it was gay to wash your ass.” (Guest, 58:01)
  • This segment veers into a discussion on hygiene, socialization, and peer education—with comedic roasting aplenty.

• Cuckold Concerns & Relationship Experiments

  • A listener tries opening his relationship for “clarity,” only to get more than he bargained for.
  • “You just didn’t know those experiences would be better... That’s like part of science, man.” (Patrick, 65:12)

• Belgian Listener’s Controversial 'Shoe Analogy'

  • “Even if you have a shoe, you still go into shoe stores to look for other shoes.” (Guest, 70:21)
  • Hosts lampoon the analogy and reflect on youth, relationships, and the fear of being alone.

• 'A Little Twang'—Quirky Honesty

  • “When the coochie is a little bit musty, it kinda turn me on.” (Guest, 74:01)
  • Patrick and Mike react with shock and laughter, spinning off into a riff about “18-hour shift coochie” and mutual hygiene.

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4. Quick Fire Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Versus Battles:
  • “$0.50 (50 Cent) could come out with Many Men, Candy Shop, In The Club... Versus just like, 20.” (Patrick, 08:43)
• On Giving Money to Family:
  • “It’s just about the principle. Like, that’s a lot of fuckin money for you just to be asking me...” (Patrick, 12:48)
• On Bro Loyalty:
  • “If you got a wife and kids, that bro code shit gone.” (Patrick, 18:34)
• On Stepdad Life:
  • “Well, like, I’m a free agent. I’m... looking for a family. You know, I’ve been a stepdad twice when I was 20 and 21. But I’ve grown a lot in these past couple of months, man…” (Guest, 47:40)
• On Social Media Comparison:
  • “Thinking people were doing better than me—it just happened to be they were just taking better pictures.” (Mike, 95:33)
• On ‘Internet Competition’ for Valentine’s Day:
  • “One thing you don’t do is let other girls one up your girl like she about to be sittin...” (Patrick, 93:35)
• On American vs. Foreign Identity:
  • “No. You a foreigner, bro... You not in the Constitution!” (Patrick, 90:42)
• On Hygiene Misconceptions:
  • “At one point in my life, I thought it was gay to wash your ass.” (Guest, 58:01)

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5. Timestamped Highlights

| Topic/Guest | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------|---------------| | Racial politics & memes | 00:00–02:02 | | Tour & Live Show Announcements | 02:03–05:12 | | Super Bowl/Versus Battles | 05:34–10:15 | | Family money drama | 10:26–14:56 | | Bro code debate | 15:18–19:39 | | Relationship location arguments | 20:31–23:52 | | Lo-fi moans/Lo-fi girl bit | 24:00–24:45 | | Crash Dummies Court calls (multiple) | 27:14–73:19 | | Ice fishing & Mexican flags in MN | 82:55–84:30 | | Social brawls/violence etiquette | 85:13–87:49 | | Snapchat nostalgia/demise | 88:28–89:58 | | Valentine’s Day relationship talk | 90:07–94:28 | | Social comparison & fitness scams | 95:17–98:20 |

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6. Overall Style & Flow

Crash Dummies Podcast remains true to its voice: hyper-current, meme-informed, often R-rated, blending relatable real-life trials with outlandish hypotheticals. The new “Crash Court” segment adds even more audience engagement by putting fan confessionals through the comedic wringer. Pat and Mike’s willingness to tease, challenge, and laugh with (and at) listeners—without much filter—is part of what keeps the dynamic both unpredictable and magnetic.

Listeners will leave entertained, slightly more suspicious of their friends, and perhaps questioning their own bro code limits, Valentine’s obligations, and shoe analogies.

---

7. Final Takeaway

If you want a hilarious, irreverent window into modern relationships, culture, and the messiest side of the internet—punctuated by fan confessions and audacious advice—Crash Dummies Episode 245 is for you.
“Everybody is guilty.” — Patrick, 28:13

Transcript

[Patrick]

I'm not tripping, right? You know the person that killed Charlie Kirk, what color was he?

[Mike]

I think white. Yeah.

[Patrick]

Okay.

[Mike]

The.

[Patrick]

The person that shot Trump, what color was he?

[Mike]

I think white. Yeah.

[Patrick]

Was he white? Right?

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

So, like. So, like, why right wingers. Like, back in Trump's racial meme about the Obamas.

[Mike]

What do you mean?

[Patrick]

Like, what black people got to do with this shit? The dude was like. It was like a tweet, and this dude was like, you shot my president in the fucking ear. So I don't care what you think about what he tweets. And just like, yo, what the we do, bro? Always blaming us. Did you hear his excuse on why.

[Mike]

He posted it, that he didn't watch the whole thing?

[Patrick]

Is that. Was that what his excuse was?

[Mike]

It was something like. Something like he didn't watch the whole thing. And there was a. It's like an animal kingdom and stuff like that, you know?

[Patrick]

I mean, I'm like, I'm getting sick of this dude. Right?

[Mike]

Because it says the most craziest I've ever seen. It's.

[Patrick]

It's like your. It's like your son being on a football team, right? And a football team. Teams to lose, and they. And they don't have any discipline. But when you talk to the head coach, he like, we're about this, we're about that, we're about this. It's like your team undisciplined, like, oh, I had nothing to do with the riots. Hey, man, it looked like they was wearing your gear like they had on your team, bro. That's your team.

[Mike]

You told them to go there.

[Patrick]

Like, oh, man, I did not tell.

[Mike]

Them to do that.

[Patrick]

Yo, whatever.

[Mike]

Talking about.

[Patrick]

I was trying to tell them that I was the king of the jungle.

[Mike]

Some like that. It was a dumbass excuse.

[Patrick]

Crazy.

[Mike]

They could have made anybody the. The. The monkeys and gorillas. Anybody in that little thing.

[Patrick]

Hey, don't. Don't make me mad, because I can show you some Republicans that literally look like monkeys. Like, if you want to do that, you pig looking like, we could go there. The literally got pig eyes, bro. You talk about somebody. Look, you the king of the jungle.

[Mike]

Anyway, welcome to Crash Dummies podcast, episode 245.

[Patrick]

That's gonna be illegal in 10 years, by the way, so you might as well get it out now. What, like, in 10 years, by the way? If, you know, if this country keep going the way it's going.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

If I say that on podcast, I'm gonna be beheaded in Washington. They gonna fly Me out in the helicopter. Let's get him to the pronto.

[Mike]

Make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon. We just dropped an episode there last week. And then we drone drop some live show clips there, too, when we're going on tour. Speaking of live shows, we are going to be in Indiana February 24th, and we're going to be in St. Louis February 25th, Seattle March 24th, and Portland March 25th. And all we have more dates. It's all in the link in the bio or link in the description. Crashdummieslive.com make sure y' all check the link.

[Patrick]

Make sure y' all check all the cities and actually do your due diligence and actually click the link, actually buy the tickets. Because we don't want somebody from Atlanta or Nashville not seeing their city and then traveling, traveling to another city only to find out that we're doing it in their city two weeks later.

[Mike]

Yeah. Full schedule will drop hopefully by the time this comes out. If it's not, it's going to be out at least by Friday. I know some of the links to these cities aren't up there, but yeah, we're gonna be in Atlanta, Nashville, Birmingham, Baltimore, Philly, New York, Boston. What else we got?

[Patrick]

Detroit, Pittsburgh, Cleveland.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Yep.

[Mike]

So we're gonna be. We'll be a lot of these. Texas, LA, Texas, CA, and Florida. Like, y', all, we're planning something bigger for y'.

[Patrick]

All.

[Mike]

So y' all might not be on this first little leg.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

But we might do something in May. If not May, we might do something the fall. We're going to definitely do something in the fall, but we try and get a bigger show out there for you.

[Patrick]

Yes. And a bigger show is not just for y'.

[Guest 2]

All.

[Patrick]

We know a lot of people use y' all city as vacation spot, so we want to make sure, you know, we doing a big by then. So just good, good tour run. Make sure we go into, like, some small towns. Shout out to all the Birmingham people. People that have been reaching out to me. All 70, y' all reached out.

[Mike]

So, like, yeah, we're going to Birmingham, Alabama. That didn't want to go at first.

[Patrick]

That's not true. I just feel like I don't have enough flannels for it. You know, I don't know what to wear. I don't know where my straw hat is.

[Mike]

Like, what city are you most excited to go to?

[Patrick]

Charlotte, of course.

[Mike]

Charlotte. Okay.

[Patrick]

Yeah, that's kind of like. That's kind of like hometown. Ish. Like Obviously Detroit when it pops off because it's close to Pontiac, but Charlotte is like hometown. Plus, I feel like those are the most people I see. Yeah, like I can physically see. You said you're from Charlotte. No offense to other cities, but Charlotte, people pop out. I ain't gonna lie.

[Mike]

They'd be on it. I would say for me it would be like New York. And I think just because New York just has like the most diverse type of people and like just seeing people in the crowd and just like I feel like it's gonna be a lot to kind of go off of just by the people alone that be there.

[Patrick]

I got you saying everybody in Charlotte gonna dress the same. He said y like Charlotte.

[Mike]

Going like sim characters.

[Patrick]

Everybody in Charlotte either dress like jcole or Michael Jordan. No, in between.

[Mike]

What about you, Jean?

[Gene]

Atlanta. I'm excited to go back to Atlanta.

[Mike]

Atlanta.

[Patrick]

Hey, man, you a funny.

[Mike]

Man.

[Patrick]

Me and Jean was out to 10pm at Atlanta. We was home early in with Bibles. Let's get this out the way. This is my favorite part. To see how wrong or right that we're gonna be. Okay, super bowl predictions. I know you don't not into the game, but nobody gives a mike. Give us.

[Mike]

I'm going with Cardi B boyfriend's team.

[Patrick]

Cardi B boyfriend's team.

[Mike]

Now I'll go with the Patriots. I like the Patriots.

[Patrick]

Okay.

[Mike]

Yeah. What about you, G?

[Gene]

I'm going for the Seahawks.

[Patrick]

Seahawks. Is there any particular reason? It's just Cardi B. I like Stefon Diggs too. You want to see Cardi B on the field?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Okay.

[Mike]

I feel like Taylor had our moment last time.

[Patrick]

No, that was fire. This is like scripted.

[Mike]

I like it.

[Gene]

I like their colors better.

[Patrick]

The colors just straight color.

[Mike]

What are you going for?

[Patrick]

I'm always just like. It's an in game thing to me. It's like it's like a real thing. It's like the underdog.

[Mike]

Somebody pat go to the games with two jerseys and like this. And like I'm. I'm just going off all vibes who I'm supporting today, fellas.

[Patrick]

Oh, God. It's usually because I build a hate for somebody doing some shit like during the process. Yeah, just like I like the way.

[Mike]

He warmed up, bro. High knees.

[Patrick]

I'm looking at the pregame interviews and Sam Darnold talking that shit. Nah, not today, white boy. Whoever got the most niggas on the team is who I will root for. I'm not going to lie to you. Okay, so somebody brought something up. To me, which I actually. Because we did this before with other artists. But I actually didn't know the answer to this question is a verse is between 50 cent and ti and I actually thought that's the first one I've actually been stumped on because I actually don't know. That's another one where we talked about they would actually have to do it.

[Mike]

Pull up, pull up. TI's of and 50 cents discography.

[Patrick]

I think 50 cent is one of the ones where like he's winning. Whatever. Right? He has like a joker in the deck.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Patrick]

You know what I mean? He has like a couple. I think he might have two.

[Mike]

Let's go. Let's just. We can just stick with. Yeah.

[Patrick]

Like is in the club. Like the automatic. Like. Ah, I got you.

[Mike]

It depends. I think people sleep on TI though. I think. You know, I think people are sleeping on ti. I think it'd be closer than a lot of people think. And I think with versus it's always a thing about like the performance aspect of it. $0.50 still on to be doing tours and like that. And TI still do life like that. But I'm trying to think like, where would they even do it? I don't think they're a good matchup, first of all. But I'm going to. We're going to debate why they're not a good matchup. I just think New York, Atlanta. I feel like if TI was going to go against somebody be like a ludicrous. I just. So you can be like in Atlanta, you know, like, it's going to be hard to like, where are we really going to. Like.

[Patrick]

He would beat shit down Ludacris leg. But I get what you're saying. You think so he would beat the dog shit out of Ludacris. Like dog shit.

[Mike]

All right. I'm trying to see what's what. Live your life. All right. Ti. That's one of his biggest songs.

[Patrick]

That's tough.

[Mike]

But is that like a. I don't even know.

[Patrick]

I don't even know if he played that. He might have too much pride to play that cuz TI got some.

[Mike]

But that's like ti's joker right there. Live your life.

[Patrick]

Yes, but I. I don't know if he'll play some like.

[Mike]

But does. Does live your life be everything? Nothing? What? What doesn't.

[Patrick]

What doesn't in the club doesn't like. They wash each other to me.

[Mike]

Gotcha. Cuz.

[Patrick]

I love both artists. You know what I mean? It's just a preference thing. After that I mean, y' all can be in the comments saying, I picked this song, but it's just like, that's a preference thing.

[Mike]

This ain't about the money. Oh, whatever you like is another. It's another one.

[Patrick]

I would just say 50 Cent would start off strong, but I think ti can make it easy come back because I think 50 Cent could come out with Mini Man Candy Shop in the club. No, 50 Cent got some because it's.

[Mike]

Versus just like, 20.

[Patrick]

Do it, homie. It can be done. But. But, T, I got some, too, obviously.

[Mike]

Again, dead and gone, too.

[Patrick]

If you had to pick one right now, who you going with? Just to end the conversation? Oh, 50.

[Guest 3]

50.

[Mike]

I'm going to just 50 based on what I'm looking at. I think ti could win it, though, based on, like, the performance aspect of some of those songs as well. I'm going.

[Patrick]

If it's in New York, obviously, it's like. I feel like the verses, like, it has been. Like, it's been more of a crowd thing.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Because even the Jada Kiss moment, obviously I. With Jadakiss, But I think if the crowd wasn't doing nothing, it obviously wouldn't have been as big as a moment.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Just like, I'm outside.

[Mike]

That shit was tough. And the camera zooming in, and it's like New York has that aura about them, too.

[Patrick]

And they was looking kind of salty when he was rapping. I was like, oh, this shit.

[Mike]

On paper. I would. When I saw that matchup, I was like, oh, dipset got it. That was one. That's like. That's the easy1. Mario vs. Omarion. I was circling that one, too. I was like, oh, Omarion got it. But I was just looking at the.

[Patrick]

Songs, and it's about the performance.

[Mike]

Yeah. Mario was singing. Singing.

[Patrick]

Mario's one of the best singers of all time. Just, like, vocal.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

So it was just like. You never know with that stuff. I know you've been seeing this. So my biggest fear before I say that, my biggest fear is that I get famous, which I think I am. You know, I think I'm gonna be super famous, like, all over y'.

[Guest 4]

All.

[Patrick]

TV screen one day. All over y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Patrick]

But I do. But I do have some cousins that just don't act right. You know what I'm saying? And, like, I don't know if it's any of my siblings, but I definitely got some cousins that don't act right, and they might get online and say some whole ass shit. And I feel bad for Gorilla right now because her sister been going crazy.

[Mike]

Okay, what's her name? Scarface or something like that.

[Patrick]

I thought they call her Borilla.

[Mike]

I think they're trolling.

[Patrick]

Are they trolling? Yeah, they're trolling. I don't know.

[Mike]

I think. I think her sister's name is Scarface.

[Patrick]

Scarface. She. She looked.

[Mike]

She looked.

[Patrick]

I mean, you could tell us. Gorilla sister. I'll put it like that. It looked just alike, to be honest. Except she got a buzz cut. She got a taper.

[Mike]

Yeah. Scarface speaks out.

[Patrick]

Scarface. That's her name. That's a perfect name for her. It's kind of like the Lion King.

[Mike]

Yeah. That's always tough, though, because it's like, especially a big, like, looking at it. She has like a big family. Nine siblings. There's no way you cool with all nine siblings. Especially they're not from, like, the. The same mom or dad. I don't know if that's the situation, but, like, nine siblings, you're not gonna be cool with everybody.

[Patrick]

Especially, you know, I'm not really rocking with TMZ giving her the platform like that. Especially since they haven't talked about them being named in the Epstein files. But they not reporting on that shit. But they over here interviewing Glorilla's sister. But I just saw the worst picture ever.

[Mike]

What?

[Patrick]

I saw gorilla sister in the car with skinny bone eating two McChicken sandwiches. So the greatest skit of all time is on his way out already, I think. So it got to be. Why did she just be right in the car with.

[Mike]

I think that's like, the whole point of it. It does. It looks very, very clout. Chasey. Yeah, that's the main thing is like, cloud chasing off your sister and like, bad Mountain. And then the gorilla posted the text message thread with her mom and stuff like that. And the mom's being thankful and stuff like that. I feel like the moms are always going to be thankful for no matter what you do, like, the little stuff you do. But that's the thing about making it. Sometimes you can't really bring everyone with you. And there's people in my life, I feel like if I start making a lot of money, like really a lot of money, like millions of millions of dollars. I feel like my family will still act the same. They wouldn't be like, asking me every time. He's like, they still want to make a way for themselves. Because, like, her saying, like, all. All she had to give us is 20$500 is like, come on now. That's all you're doing this for, for 20$500 for y'. All.

[Patrick]

For y'. All. That like, for y' all that's going up on the money scale in your life. I want to tell you whatever that you feel bad about borrowing or like letting people borrow. Now it's going to be the same thing when you get a lot of money. Like if someone asked me for $500 five years ago, it feels the same as if they asked for $500 now, even though I have more money. It's just about the principle. Like that's a lot of fucking money for you just to be asking me. And especially if you don't have a plan to pay me back or I can't see where the money going. So I can see the vision is just like, oh, I need $2500.

[Mike]

It's just like, bro, moms, moms always can get everything. Like I send my mom money just randomly.

[Patrick]

All your moms can get it.

[Mike]

Yeah. No, that's crazy.

[Patrick]

You say anything from y'.

[Mike]

All. No, I'm just saying with my, with moms, I just feel like it's like, especially like if your mom is in your life, it was a big part of your life. Like mine was. It's like you almost want to do that. Cuz there have been times where I was, I borrowed money from my mom in my 20s, you know?

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You know what I mean? Like, and that especially like you start feeling like, damn, like I'm not really doing. I'm still asking my mom for. To borrow me money and like that. So definitely, she definitely gonna get whatever she wants.

[Patrick]

Because that's what I mean, that's what the motivation is.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Right. You, you feedback into what actually motivated you to get there.

[Mike]

Exactly. And I don't think Lorella's sister was the one that got her where she was.

[Patrick]

Yeah, I'm saying yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

But it's nice because you think, you.

[Mike]

Think like I feel like most people would give back to their family members who really put on for them and really supported them.

[Patrick]

Especially if you have. That's why I feel bad for child stars.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Because they really can't see that because they were famous when they were before they were able to comprehend everyone's intentions around them. But when you get start to get money late in your 30s, like when you're 20s, 20s can be very lonely. You can actually see like, okay, who was there for me when I barely had any money in my pocket? And then it's actually easy to read. So gorilla probably saw like Damn, my sister. Don't fuck with me. Like, why would I give her 2500? But that's a nice taper she got. I'm not going.

[Mike]

I thought it was all even.

[Patrick]

I really fuck with it, though.

[Mike]

I thought it was all even.

[Gene]

Huh?

[Mike]

That was all even. Cut.

[Patrick]

No, it was a taper from the videos I saw.

[Mike]

Oh, it is a taper.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Patrick]

Nice, though. She got some tats and stuff like that.

[Mike]

It look alike, too.

[Patrick]

She like a. A WNBA point guard. Look like she averaged four points, nine assists. You know those point guards that only want to get people involved. Yeah, like, damn. Everything about fast. God damn. Okay, I got a question for you.

[Mike]

Damn.

[Patrick]

And it's up because we. Me and you talked about putting the questions in the notes, and I actually missed this question, and it's my best question, so, you know, I'm putting you on the spot.

[Mike]

Go ahead.

[Patrick]

I don't care. Is there any time the bro Code doesn't apply?

[Mike]

Oh, I feel like the bro Code doesn't apply if it also gets me in trouble.

[Gene]

I knew he was gonna say, but.

[Patrick]

That'S the Bro Code, though.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no. Okay. Gets me in trouble with basically, like, girlfriend, wife. Yeah.

[Patrick]

And what if it gets you in less trouble than your bro is going to be like, let's say your bro did something right that's going to make him lose his wife and his family.

[Mike]

But would I lose my wife and my family as well?

[Patrick]

No, no, but listen. No, no, no, no. Exactly. It's not even.

[Mike]

Okay, if it's even, you think I'm gonna leave with just an argument then?

[Patrick]

No, no, no, no. But I'm just saying, like, bro code to me is like, is it even?

[Mike]

Yes.

[Patrick]

If it's even, then, yeah, Bro code doesn't apply. Like, no, we about to get the same sentence, nigga. Just keep your sentence. Why both of us got to go through the same.

[Mike]

Exactly.

[Patrick]

But if it's like, okay, bro, if this happened and they find out or whatever, I'm about to lose my wife and my family.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Patrick]

If. If you somehow take the blame or jump into it too.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

You're probably just gonna be sleeping on the couch for a month.

[Mike]

But I just feel like. I feel like any.

[Patrick]

Start stretching it back that couch.

[Mike]

I just feel like any situation that will make you lose your. Your wife and your family would also make me lose my wife and family. I just. It is like in my head, it's like, if it's that bad and I'm the one that can save you, I just Think the.

[Patrick]

The.

[Mike]

You just don't know that. The. The result would be a couch in your head. It's like, I'm about to lose my family, too.

[Patrick]

Hey, you start thinking about the scenarios, like you losing everything and still being friends with this. Yeah, with this.

[Mike]

Like that, bro. This. It's like, you have to really think about it because you're. He's thinking with panic brain, right?

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And I'm thinking with, like, my. I still got my bearings about me. It's like, oh, that. You up. That's your problem, right?

[Patrick]

You still thinking like you got your family.

[Guest 5]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Ex.

[Mike]

He thinking like, you already know that you got to lose my. Like, I feel like when dudes get caught up like that, it's like their stomach sinks to their ass, whatever the term is for that. Was it. What is it? What is it?

[Patrick]

I think it's something like that.

[Mike]

Yeah, something stinks in your stomach.

[Patrick]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get what you're saying.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

I don't even want to go into what you.

[Guest 5]

But.

[Patrick]

No, but I get what you're saying, though. But that. But to me, that's my.

[Mike]

So I feel like then that means, like, bro code. You have a limit to your bro code.

[Patrick]

If there's a clear, I guess, for Broco, is there a clear path where I get immunity if I help you? Like, what's my clear path? And if I don't agree with the clear path, then the bro code doesn't apply.

[Mike]

And is it bro code if it also gets me in trouble? Because obviously it gets going to get me in trouble or potentially get me in trouble, and I'm probably not part of it.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So is that bro code to bring your friend into your own problems?

[Patrick]

I also think if you got a wife and kids, that bro code shit gone.

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

You know, because it's like. Because it used to be, like, when we was like, like growing up in college or something like that. Let's say we stayed out late, and then, like, you want me to be your excuse? Like, oh, Pat kept me out, like, when we was 21, 22. And then you went to tell your girl, like, oh, Pat was the reason we was out. Like, okay, that's cool. But it's like, all right, bro. We 30, bro.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

I ain't keep you at the strip club, bro. It's glitter on both of us. You motorboated her.

[Mike]

Nigga.

[Patrick]

That's extra. I told you she was FaceTiming you. Like, bro, you gonna keep ignoring that?

[Mike]

Yeah, I feel like dudes do get those. Like, they have really chill girls. And then the girls would give them like, a little pass. Like. Like, my girl wouldn't care if I went to a strip club. Right, Right. But my girl would care if I went to a strip club and it was like motorboarding, like, titties and shit like that. It's like, I. Bro.

[Patrick]

But that's. That's so dumb. I feel like. I feel like as a woman, if you don't want your man motorboating, then you shouldn't say, you can go to a strip club.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

You know what I'm saying? That's just like. Oh, let's say whatever religion we part of, we don't drink. Yeah, but you can still go to a bar. Like, come on now.

[Mike]

You can't go to a bar.

[Patrick]

How many shots they gonna keep? Come on now.

[Mike]

No, I know a lot of my friends that don't drink. They'll come out.

[Patrick]

No, no, no, no. Anytime I get somebody that don't drink around me or don't eat pork, that's exactly what I'm getting, man. I take a shout out to you.

[Mike]

That's not true.

[Patrick]

And the biggest pig you got.

[Mike]

No, that's not true. That's not true. No, it just literally dinner.

[Patrick]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, I know. Yeah, that's true. No, I'm respectful. I don't even eat pork, though. I'm just trolling. But. Okay, how about this? How y' all feel about this? How do you feel about sharing locations in a relationship? Is that cool? Is there a time and place for it? Are you just one off and one on? So, like, you share your location when you're going somewhere or is it on 24 hours?

[Mike]

I'm a. I'm a one on, one off type of person.

[Patrick]

Got it.

[Mike]

Especially, like, mostly too, if I'm going out out.

[Patrick]

Can I ask why, though?

[Mike]

Because my girl works from home and I see her like all the time, so it's really like we're just. We can see each other.

[Patrick]

Right.

[Mike]

But if I'm going to, like, that's.

[Patrick]

Not what I'm asking.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

I'm asking you why, though.

[Mike]

I personally never. We never had that.

[Patrick]

What's the feeling of it, though? I don't feel like the 24 hour thing. What bothers you about it?

[Mike]

Because I think you feel like you're being watched all the time.

[Patrick]

Got it. Okay.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

So you just send like the little, like, hour.

[Mike]

No, I do, like, end the day or something like that, I think. But though once. That will change once we have kids. I think it'll be 24 hours, you know? Yeah. There's really no reason. Like, if she asked for that, then I would. It's just like, you can't say no to it. So it's like. Yeah, but we're just in that we. She does the same thing with me.

[Gene]

In the past, I've had it, like, in relationships for, like, insecurity purposes, you know, like, where you at? You know?

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Patrick]

By the time you got my location, I'm out. So to me, it's just like, I would give it up forever because it don't matter to me. Like, wherever I'm going, I'm going.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Like, I was going there, come get me.

[Mike]

I know. And it's just like. I don't know. I feel like when it's for those, like, insecurity reasons, sometimes I just feel like it never ends well, in a sense. Yeah. Because it's just like. It's like I'm like, this is the only reason that you think I'm, like, being faithful. Yeah, in a sense. Because if you really wanted to cheat, there's ways that. Whatever. Do other stuff with locations and like, that.

[Patrick]

Just leave your phone.

[Mike]

Yeah. There's something you can do, Patrick. I'm pretty sure it's somewhere on tick tock to explain it for you.

[Patrick]

The thing about me is I don't mind sharing my location, but after that, you're never allowed to ask me where I'm at.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Patrick]

Never, ever, ever, you ask me where. If you ask me where I'm at more than three times a week, that location going off forever now. You never know where I'm at.

[Gene]

I found myself, like, not caring, and then I was like, I didn't want her location. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but, you know, in my. Like, right now, I was just asking my girl, like, where she was at, and I was just like, I should just have her location. You know, there's certain things I want to have, like, done before she get home or whatever like that, you know?

[Mike]

Yeah, that's true. That's all crazy, but. Yeah, that's true. I know what you mean, though.

[Gene]

I don't want to keep on calling.

[Patrick]

And asking her, like.

[Gene]

Like, when she's gonna be, you know.

[Mike]

I don't like being.

[Patrick]

Looks like we got 12 minutes, ladies. No, I appreciate you guys coming over.

[Mike]

I appreciate it.

[Patrick]

Start that tomorrow. Hey, set a timer for 12 minutes.

[Mike]

Uber here in six.

[Patrick]

Not going to work.

[Mike]

Oh, damn, she's driving. Oh, she's driving fast. Let me check traffic on this highway real Quick.

[Patrick]

Is that a camera? Oh, ladies, might as well stay now.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Patrick]

I need protection. Bible studies. Everybody, let's just change lives here sometimes.

[Mike]

It'll be nice too, because, like, I also. We. We both have a. We both have BMW, so we have the BMW app. So we always know like, car wise too, where we're at too. That's always like. That's kind of like sharing the location.

[Patrick]

Nah, nah, nah. Nobody getting my BMW app. Location. That over with.

[Mike]

We both have. So we can both use each other's car.

[Patrick]

Draw the line that over with. Nobody getting the app to my car at all. The app to the car.

[Mike]

Come on now. No, but we have the same car. Yeah, so like, we can change it in the app.

[Patrick]

It's like, I just don't understand why you're listening to porn instrumentals.

[Mike]

I just drive low five moans is crazy.

[Patrick]

You know, on long road trips, I like just like to hear lesbians moaning.

[Mike]

I don't know. You think people have that? You know, like the lo Fi girl is on. On YouTube.

[Patrick]

It's just a Lo Fi girl.

[Mike]

Yeah. Lo Fi girl.

[Patrick]

What is that?

[Mike]

Damn you un. For real. Wait, what is. What you laughing at? So Lo fi look on YouTube.

[Patrick]

I don't know where he's taking this.

[Mike]

YouTube is lo fi girl. It's just like a studying thing. Like people. It's just like a forever girl sitting on the piano and just like lo fi music that plays.

[Patrick]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. So. But Gene was. Gene was saying that if they had lo fi moans and that'd be like somebody that just want to hear 10 hours of like moaning.

[Patrick]

That'd be fire, though.

[Mike]

You think so?

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

So I look it up.

[Mike]

No, don't. That's my. This is my computer. Yeah, Let me explain some shit. The scenario, the fake scenario Pat made up is the. What's really going to happen?

[Patrick]

Yo, let's take a quick break from today's episode and thank the sponsor of the pod. Hugh, are you someone who gets 30 minutes or 30 seconds to cook? If you like me, you only have 30 seconds. I'm being a father, I'm podcast, and I'm doing live shows now. So it's definitely hard. So having hu ready to go at any time helps me throughout my day.

[Mike]

On days I'm sprinting out the door, I grab a black edition, ready to drink. It's a complete meal. 35 grams of protein, 7 grams of fiber, and 27 vitamins and minerals, which is kind of amazing because it's cheaper than a latte and actually Keeps me full throughout the day. And I know what you're asking. Does it taste good? The answer is really good. My go to flavor is the chocolate ready to drink meal and it's actually really good. Good.

[Patrick]

Sometimes there's days where I want something more customizable. I use the black edition powder. I'll blend it with ice, fruit, milk if I'm doing like a whole smoothie thing. Or I'll just shake it with water if I'm being lazy and I'm on the go. With a bigger boost of 40 grams of protein, same complete nutrition and just a different vibe. The ready to drink and powder duo has basically become my insurance policy against chaotic days.

[Mike]

We got a limited offer for you guys get healed today with our exclusive offer of 15 off online with our code crashul.com crash new customers only. Thank you to Heal for partnering with us and supporting the show.

[Patrick]

Yo, let's thank the sponsor of today's podcast, Quince. A well built wardrobe is about pieces that work together and hold up over time. That's what Quince does best. Premium materials, thoughtful design and everyday staples that feel easy to wear and easy to rely on even as the weather shifts.

[Mike]

Quince has everyday essentials with quality that last. Organic cotton sweaters, polos for every occasion, lighter jackets that keep you warm in the changing season. The list goes on. This works directly with top factories and cuts out the middleman. So you're not paying for brand markups, just quality clothing. Everything is built to hold up daily wear and still looks good season after season.

[Patrick]

Plus they only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. For instance, they have great cashmere sweaters that feel cozy, soft but still affordable. Plus they come in ton of colors too.

[Mike]

Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.com crash for free shipping on your order and 365 day return now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com/crash and 365 day returns. Quince.com/crash yo. Well I guess audio listeners won't see why that we're dressed up like that's true too.

[Patrick]

Like like judges for real.

[Mike]

Yeah. Well, we're trying out a new segment called Dummies Court. Pat, you can go into it.

[Patrick]

Yes, we're trying out new segment called Dummy Score. If you are audio listener, shut the up.

[Mike]

You just reignited the audio listener beat for like another like five years.

[Patrick]

Well, live shows getting ready to start and I thought these wanted to meet up in person. So what's up. But no, for audio listeners that can't see us, we're actually in judge outfits, you know, white wig, robe. You know what I'm saying? I'm not into describing what I gotta wear to different. You know what I'm saying? You know what it is? I got a gavel.

[Mike]

Whatever.

[Patrick]

But we're gonna do Crash.

[Mike]

What it's called Dummy Score or Crash Dummy Score. Yeah, Whatever name y' all think we should name it.

[Patrick]

You know, we'll find a way.

[Guest 4]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

So people will call in with their case. It's kind of similar to dilemma. The dilemma thing that we did. And we'll decide if they're guilty or not guilty. More likely, they'll probably be guilty.

[Mike]

Right?

[Patrick]

Everybody guilty?

[Mike]

Everybody. Everybody's gonna be guilty.

[Patrick]

We'll also give them a sentence at the. The end, so. Just trying to have a little fun with it.

[Mike]

Yeah. Let us know what y' all think about the segment. And yeah, enjoy.

[Patrick]

Oh, my God.

[Guest 1]

This is crazy.

[Mike]

Yeah. Welcome to Crash Dummies Court, man. Oh, yeah, this is trouble. Yeah. You're in the courthouse, bro. What's. What's your case?

[Patrick]

So recently, I. I talked to a girl for four months, and then she ghosted me out of nowhere.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Patrick]

And I don't know what's going through my mind. It's because I wanted to speak to her because she literally just gone.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Patrick]

And I showed up to her work, which. Oh, like, I. Oh, I'm such a weird. Hold on now, nigga. These might be real charges.

[Mike]

Okay? You showed it to your work and did what?

[Guest 1]

I was all shopping. I was just, like, shopping.

[Patrick]

I'm, like, just trying to look for.

[Mike]

Also, she, like, worked at a mall or something.

[Guest 3]

She worked?

[Patrick]

I'm not gonna say, but.

[Guest 4]

Yeah.

[Mike]

No, you don't have to say, like, the type of business.

[Patrick]

Yeah. Was it other stores around there, or was it, like, a specific isolated store that you went to that she knows?

[Guest 6]

It was a.

[Patrick]

It was a grocery store.

[Mike]

Oh, got it.

[Patrick]

No. Oh, what, do you live in, like, a big city or is it a small town where you have to go to that grocery store for? It's like Walmart.

[Mike]

Oh, got it, got it. Okay. Okay. So you showed up like a creep.

[Guest 4]

Yeah, I showed up.

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Mike]

It's not looking good for you, bro.

[Patrick]

I didn't see her, but I felt, like, really guilty, like, I don't know what's going through.

[Mike]

So what would you have done if you saw her while she's working?

[Patrick]

That's a good question. Would you have bought something and Went to her line or whatever. Or you would have just kind of stared at her from the distance like the creep you are. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Guest 4]

Okay.

[Patrick]

I think I would have went up there. I just tried to like. That's even creepier.

[Mike]

So what else did you do? Because it sounds like this is not the only thing that you did.

[Guest 6]

No, well, I texted her a lot.

[Patrick]

And she just like.

[Mike]

How many texts? How many unresponded texts did you. Did you send?

[Guest 6]

Seven.

[Mike]

Seven.

[Patrick]

Okay, that's perfect. We get a seven.

[Mike]

Seven years, man.

[Patrick]

See you in seven, creepy ass.

[Guest 4]

Oh, my God.

[Patrick]

Wait, is this like a special? Yeah, I guess it's sort of.

[Mike]

Kind of.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Well, you'll see in seven years. Check it out on YouTube, bro. Should be at a hundred thousand views by now.

[Mike]

Come on.

[Guest 1]

What's good?

[Guest 6]

Was good?

[Mike]

Wel.

[Patrick]

Welcome to Dummies Court. Welcome to Dummy's Court.

[Guest 1]

Thank you once again.

[Patrick]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Okay, state your case.

[Guest 1]

All right, so apparently I sabotaged my friend in getting a girlfriend.

[Mike]

Okay, you sabotaged him how?

[Guest 4]

I.

[Guest 1]

Okay, so there was this girl online that I found attractive. So I sent her a message, but she didn't want me. So I told my friend, like, just send her a message to see what she says, and she find it very, very attractive. And I didn't like that. So he asked me for advice on how to get her. And. And the things I told him to say were like, horny, I think.

[Patrick]

What are some of the things that you told him to say?

[Guest 1]

Okay, so he was basically spinning game and he wanted to say, like, let's see if the inside matches the outside. Talking about the personality. Right. But I mean, like, I made it seem like he wants to be inside.

[Guest 3]

Of her, you know, so.

[Patrick]

Yeah. So you're trying to sabotage your friend.

[Mike]

He did.

[Patrick]

Oh, he did.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yep.

[Guest 1]

Of course.

[Patrick]

What did the girl end up doing?

[Guest 1]

He blocked him.

[Mike]

So it's a tough case right here. There's a. I feel like there's a one count of like, player hating. You think there's some. A little excessive horniness in there?

[Patrick]

I think, to me, I'm not on this dude side because.

[Guest 3]

Oh.

[Patrick]

Because when you do certain actions, you have to be ready for the good results and the bad results.

[Mike]

Exactly.

[Patrick]

You knew the whole point of you even putting your friend on was to see if the girl was into you, and you got that answer. She wasn't into you, and now she into your friend. So, like, doing all that hate and stuff now you dragged him into a situation. Then you also, you know, Sabotaging them. I think that's weird, bro.

[Guest 1]

How's that weirdo?

[Mike]

That's weird, bro. What's. What's the verdict? I think I'm gonna give you, for me, excessive horniness, some player hating, and just being a bad dude overall. Your friend. Also, I might. I want to give you like eight years. Right. But your friend listening to that dumbass advice as well lowers your sentence a little bit. So I'm giving him seven.

[Patrick]

Seven. Final verdict. Seven years, you ass, nigga.

[Guest 3]

One more. One more appeal.

[Mike]

Go. Go ahead. What's your last appeal? You only get one in this?

[Guest 7]

Apparently.

[Guest 1]

Apparently I cheated on my ex with her best friends at the beginning of our relationship.

[Patrick]

Okay, you just earned yourself life. Take him away.

[Guest 7]

Yo, yo, what's good?

[Mike]

What up? What up? Welcome to Crash Dummies Court.

[Guest 7]

What's happening? What's happening? So I'm gonna just go ahead.

[Mike]

Yeah. State your case.

[Guest 7]

Yeah, I'm gonna just go straight into it. So, yeah, I'm not gonna lie. I got a roster of six and I got them all hyped up for Valentine's Day because, you know, this is what I do. I'm not gonna lie. I'll be gassing these women. It is what it is, but I'm gonna ghost the out there. That just is what it is too. Not doing that. I'm not going to talk to the nose, but like at least three, four, five days, I'm telling like three of them I got locked up and the other two that basically I'm probably with my kids or some, and then I'm just not gonna talk to the other one.

[Mike]

Is this to avoid spending money?

[Guest 7]

I mean, partially. Not all the way. I'm not gonna lie. Like, all these is bomb and I'm not.

[Guest 1]

And.

[Guest 7]

And I'm. And I'm just an easy. And I just don't think they deserve anything from me.

[Patrick]

So all. All these women are bums and you're easy? Like, what do you mean by easy?

[Guest 7]

Like, if she going, yeah, I'm right there with her ass. If she throwing something, I'm catching that every time.

[Guest 5]

I don't care.

[Patrick]

Like, do you want to find love one day? Or you just kind of like this lifestyle you living with all these B words you say.

[Guest 7]

Oh, sorry, yeah. Oh, my bad. I don't mean to call them that.

[Patrick]

This is just my language.

[Guest 7]

No, but on the cool. Like, I want to find love one day because I'm low key, a lover boy. But at the same time, bro, I love this game.

[Patrick]

Okay. Yeah. Okay. We're gonna ask you the famous question. Who broke your heart?

[Guest 7]

Oh, man. So I got like two baby mamas, man, and both of them, I tried. I tried so hard to be a family, man. I tried so hard, you know I'm saying, to do the right thing and all that. And, yeah, bro, they just.

[Guest 3]

They just.

[Guest 7]

They just crush me when I know. I know my power, I know my. I know my abilities out here, you.

[Guest 3]

Know what I'm saying? They just.

[Guest 4]

They just.

[Guest 3]

They just.

[Guest 7]

They just crush my spirit.

[Patrick]

So.

[Guest 7]

And so I. Now I gotta say ho is what it is, bro.

[Patrick]

Okay, there it is. You know what? You know what? You know, you putting on the front like. Like, you hard body, but you're really not hard body. So I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna. Oh, no, I'm not. I'm not gonna sentence you to no prison time, but I am gonna put you on.

[Guest 3]

No, no, listen, listen here.

[Patrick]

A little Bayless. Yeah, Quiet while the judge talking about.

[Mike]

Man, respect the judges, bro.

[Patrick]

Respect the judges. But no, it's cool. Matter of fact, 500 fine. Broke ass. You pissing me off. We'll get to his case later. 30 days in jail. This. Learning how to talk on time, ordering the court order to court.

[Guest 4]

What's good, Mike? What's good, Pat?

[Patrick]

What's the deal?

[Guest 4]

You know, just, you know, out the gym, trying to get a meal in, bro. Excuse me. Hungry? Excuse me. God damn. How tall am I?

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Guest 4]

Why?

[Patrick]

I know. I just feel tininess on the phone.

[Guest 5]

I don't know.

[Guest 4]

Tininess is crazy, bro. Don't. Don't do me like that. I'm five eight. On a good day.

[Patrick]

Five eight. Use that. Minus two, going five six.

[Guest 7]

All right.

[Guest 4]

Nah, I'm five nine now.

[Mike]

Congrats, man, Congrats. Anyway, welcome. Welcome to Dummies Court, man.

[Guest 4]

I'm just butchering what's good. Let's go, let's go, let's go.

[Mike]

Welcome to Dummy's Court.

[Guest 4]

Oh, oh, okay.

[Patrick]

It's like a new segment and stuff like that. So state your case.

[Guest 4]

All right, all right. So here's my case. I think I'm facing the karma now for the stripper's heart. I broke, like, I think it was like, last year.

[Guest 3]

No.

[Patrick]

Okay, okay. So, Pete, how did you break the stripper's heart?

[Mike]

And how.

[Guest 4]

What I was gonna say. So, so, so peep. So peep. All right, so right now I'm in. I'm in a phase of my life where I'm, like, trying to find, like, a relationship, I guess, because I just got out of a relationship, like almost four years ago now, you know, three years ago. Excuse me. And every girl who I come across, every person who I meet or, like, try to actually have a conversation with whole, like. Like. Like connections. They either goes to me with someone who I knew or just mentally unstable. So now, Pete. So last year, there's this girl that I went to school with and we met at the club, like, just randomly. She's been adding me on Instagram. She, like. She kind of, like, seemed like she was trying to, but, like, not really, so. Because, you know, like, I be delusional. You know, be delusional types usually when.

[Patrick]

It'S not really, it's. No, but okay, go ahead.

[Mike]

All right.

[Patrick]

Right.

[Guest 4]

Exactly.

[Mike]

Exactly.

[Guest 4]

You know what I'm saying? But so anyway, so we meet up at this club randomly. And she. She would. I guess, like one of her tricks. I'm like, oh, do. But she. I could tell, like, I don't know, she's just sauce and was like. Had jungle fever. But she was with a. So later that night, you know, she.

[Patrick]

Come over or whatever.

[Guest 4]

We, you know, we get. Do whatever we gotta do.

[Guest 7]

And then.

[Guest 4]

So I don't know if I just gave her the whole thing, but I think she fell in love. So, like, I think it was like two months of us with each other, like, off and on. I was like, all right, yeah, she's getting a little too attached. So then I. I just pretty much ghost her and I just move on.

[Patrick]

What?

[Guest 4]

So mind you. Okay, okay, go ahead.

[Patrick]

Why'd you ghost her?

[Guest 4]

All right, so. Okay, all right. So she. In all honesty, she was a. She was like a hoe. Like. Like a real life hoe. Like, Like, I. I, you know, like to be like. No, no, no. You know, like, real life. I heard some. Cause my homegirls dance with her at the same club right now, mind you, this. This was. This was like a year ago. This is. I've changed a lot. I've changed a lot. I'm a great man.

[Patrick]

Don'.

[Guest 4]

Okay, so I guess from what I've heard, she did favors for money.

[Patrick]

So you never. You never gave her any money? This whole time you was messing with her?

[Guest 4]

No, I don't do that. I don't ever pay for. You got me twisted.

[Mike]

Watch your language in the court, brother.

[Patrick]

Well, yeah, this is. We just.

[Guest 4]

Oh, my fault.

[Patrick]

Hey, you know, 500 fine. 500 fine. Watch him out. Don't be. Don't be degrading.

[Guest 4]

1.

[Patrick]

All these and hoes. I forgot about that. Another.

[Guest 4]

Okay, no, no, no.

[Patrick]

Because.

[Guest 4]

Because if you know me, like, I respect women like a. So if I call you a hoe, you will hoe. Like, okay. Like a conniving liar. Like a liar.

[Mike]

That's fair.

[Guest 4]

So, like, so what's the karma like? Like, so, okay, my karma right now that I'm facing is that I can't find a good woman.

[Guest 3]

So.

[Guest 4]

No, but.

[Guest 6]

But there.

[Guest 4]

But there's. But this is. There's more to the story because. Because I let. Pretty much let my homie crack. Okay, okay, okay.

[Patrick]

Pimp. No, let's focus. Let's focus on you. But we found out.

[Guest 4]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Patrick]

The story is you can't find love right now and you blaming it on a past situation. So let's figure out what you bring to the table. Little. Like, how tall is you?

[Guest 4]

All right. How tall is you, Pat?

[Patrick]

I'm six foot.

[Guest 4]

Cap.

[Patrick]

I swear to God, bro.

[Mike]

Why is. No.

[Patrick]

Baby, I don't get that. You can literally Google it. But anyway, it's about you, though.

[Guest 4]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Mike]

You're right. You're right.

[Patrick]

We know you five' eight. Okay. How much you weigh?

[Guest 4]

Okay. Yeah, like, 185. 180. I'm. I fluctuate.

[Patrick]

Okay. 160 because you just keep going down. Okay, so you five, eight.

[Guest 2]

No.

[Guest 4]

You could look at my Instagram foe. I'll be in the gym.

[Patrick]

How old are you?

[Guest 4]

22. About to be 23.

[Patrick]

23. What you do for a living?

[Mike]

He sounded young.

[Patrick]

I'm.

[Guest 4]

I'm a security guard right now. I'm about to get a new job to be a teacher's aide, though.

[Patrick]

What are you a security guard at?

[Guest 4]

You know, securitized.

[Patrick]

No, no, I'm just saying, like, what. What type of things do you secure?

[Guest 4]

Like, office buildings, parking lots? Not for real. I'll just be kicking homeless people out.

[Patrick]

Okay, yeah, they do. They do. Not to put you at no bank or nothing like that.

[Guest 4]

Hey, come on, bro. I'm from Minnesota, bro. Ain't nothing but some holy security guards here. Skinny ass. I'm like, bro, I can fight half these, bro. Come on, now.

[Patrick]

But I see crazy straight to my Somalian brothers. Don't do that, bro.

[Guest 2]

No, no.

[Patrick]

Okay, okay.

[Guest 4]

Awesome.

[Guest 6]

Real, though.

[Guest 4]

I do. I bring, like, very good attributes, you know what I'm saying? As, like, a young man, because I still have a lot of that I damn near got to figure out, you know? I'm like, this. The whole story itself is a mess. Like, that's. That's the brief, like, short story, you.

[Patrick]

Know what I'm saying, you got a car house? Yeah, yeah, I got.

[Guest 4]

I'm sitting in my car right now. I got an apartment with my cousin. You know, I'm doing my.

[Guest 3]

You know What? I'm.

[Mike]

He's 22, my cousin.

[Patrick]

Okay. Just like roommate type.

[Guest 4]

Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah. We got two bedrooms, two bathrooms, washer, dryer, and unit. You better ass by me on, bro.

[Mike]

Dishwasher.

[Patrick]

I believe in you, but I'm just trying to make sure we know what we got, you know what I'm saying? And wonder why you can't find love. So what do you think the reason you can't find love is because it sound like you got.

[Guest 4]

I think half of it. Half of it is because I'm like the night shift. I don't see nobody. All I do is go home, go to work, and then go back home to sleep throughout the whole day. Like, throughout this whole ice right now, I haven't seen no. Cause I've been asleep.

[Mike]

So I feel like ice because he. Minnesota.

[Patrick]

Oh, got it.

[Guest 4]

Yes. Like, I like, like. And when I do go out, it's in. It's on the weekends because I get weekends off and it's the bars, you.

[Mike]

Know, shooting your shot in the dms.

[Guest 4]

See, I. I tried hinge. Hinge I. With hinges because there's a lot of ethnic women on there. And that's what I with. And I'm in Minnesota. Like I said, bro, it's nothing but the snow bunnies, bro. I'm not trying to play no snow. I ain't no husky, you feel me? So it's like. So like I've been on the dating ass. I've been like, trying to find.

[Mike]

Trying to find it.

[Patrick]

I ain't never heard that for. I'm a pitbull.

[Mike]

I'm short hair.

[Guest 4]

You feel me?

[Guest 2]

I be.

[Guest 4]

I belong in the sun.

[Patrick]

Yeah, but you poodle.

[Gene]

All right.

[Guest 4]

Don'T do that. People are short and stocky as I'm muscular too. I got. I got double D titties. Come on now.

[Mike]

Okay. Excessive horniness you got here, brother.

[Patrick]

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[Mike]

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[Patrick]

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[Guest 3]

Hello? Can you hear me now?

[Patrick]

Yeah, we can hear you.

[Mike]

Yes, sir.

[Patrick]

Welcome to Craftsman's podcast, bro.

[Guest 3]

Hey, Happy Black History Month, y'. All.

[Mike]

Thank you, man. Where are you from?

[Guest 3]

I'm from Virginia, but I live in Charlotte.

[Patrick]

Oh, shout out to Charlotte. You white or black or Hispanic?

[Guest 3]

I'm white.

[Patrick]

Okay, say the. The Black History Month over thing. Say the Black History Month thing over with a little bit more passion this time now that I know you white.

[Guest 3]

Excuse me. Happy Black History Month, y'. All.

[Patrick]

Appreciate it, man. Don't say y', all, though.

[Mike]

I mean, he's Virginia.

[Patrick]

Oh, that's true. That's true. I can't take that away from you.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Start the prom with. I know I sound crazy, but.

[Guest 3]

I know I sound crazy, but being a stepdad at 22. That's the moves.

[Patrick]

That's the moves. Are you 22?

[Guest 3]

Yes, sir.

[Patrick]

Are you a stepdad?

[Guest 3]

I was twice, but now I'm freelance.

[Mike]

Freelance stepdad? What does that mean?

[Patrick]

Are you talking about resume or something?

[Mike]

What does that mean?

[Guest 3]

For sure? For sure. What do you mean?

[Mike]

What does a freelance stepdad mean?

[Guest 3]

Well, like, I'm a free agent. I'm. I'm looking for a family. You know, I've been a stepdad twice. You know, been a stepdad once when I was 20 and once when I was 21. But I've grown a lot in these Past couple of months, man. I'm ready, man. I'm ready for. I'm ready for a new shot at it.

[Patrick]

What did you learn the first two times that you can apply to the next time?

[Guest 3]

Don't start beef with the other dad. Dad bit me in the back twice now.

[Patrick]

Bit me in the back.

[Guest 2]

Don't.

[Guest 3]

Yeah, for sure.

[Patrick]

What happened.

[Guest 3]

The first time? We had a physical altercation. I had just gotten sober at that point, so I was having, I was having a hard time, you know, but.

[Mike]

We'Re laughing at that.

[Patrick]

I don't know why. Because it's just like, did you win that altercation? Because usually people be like, I have to beat his ass, but, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest 3]

I'm six one, 300 pounds. He was, he was, was a twink. I, I, Yeah, I rocked the. For sure.

[Patrick]

Okay, so what, what else did you learn?

[Guest 3]

Don't just, Just don't fight the other dad. You know, I think that's been. I think that's been a running problem in my escapades.

[Mike]

Did that lead to, like, the relationships ending then?

[Guest 3]

Oh, for sure. Yeah. It was that night the first time. And the second time, it was less of a physical altercation and more of them. I don't know how to explain this, but it was bad. It was a bad situation.

[Patrick]

What, like, what were you doing to cause those fights to happen? Because it sounds like you're blaming it on yourself that they even happened.

[Guest 3]

Yeah, definitely. Instigating and. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. I was pretty much my fault both times. Sometimes I have to remember to mind my own business, stay in my lane, you know, I'm the stepdad. I'm not really, you know, the dad that, you know.

[Mike]

No, that. Hey, hey, that sounds insightful, though, real stuff.

[Patrick]

Because some people get into these stepdad situations and try to take over and be brolic, not knowing there was another guy there before.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, you gotta be.

[Guest 3]

You gotta be honest with yourself that this isn't your kid. And push comes to shove, you know, you're not paying child support. And I think that's why it's the move. Yeah, but it's a, It's a family. But it's your family. But shit hits the fan, man, you know, like, you can get out easy break rather than a fracture, you know?

[Patrick]

Are you only. So is that the wait, Is that the only reason why you think it's good to be a stepdad is because you can leave anytime you want.

[Guest 3]

Man, now you make me sound like a super villain. Nah, man, that ain't me.

[Patrick]

But why Would you say that, though?

[Guest 3]

Hey, man, it's the truth, though. Like, it's not the only reason to be a stepdad, but it's. It's definitely. Are you top three.

[Mike]

Are you only dating women that have kids?

[Guest 3]

Absolutely.

[Mike]

So if she doesn't have kids, you're not interested?

[Guest 3]

No, no, not at all.

[Patrick]

Okay, Nice to know, but okay. So what. What would make you leave the family?

[Guest 3]

Well, I don't know, man. That's. That's a hard question.

[Patrick]

So you've only. You've only ever been kicked out, so I guess you never left anybody?

[Guest 3]

Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what would break the. You know, I don't know what would break off. So you got, you know, for me to.

[Patrick]

But, you know, it's taken for you to leave. You just trying to look for a place to stay, so you're trying to get all your. Together so the next family you run into, you can kind of, like, seamlessly fit in.

[Guest 3]

For sure, you know, like, I've been doing really well with my life. I think I'm. I think I'm ready for another family, you know? Like, I think. I think my time as a freelancer stepdad is over, you know, for me, it's like I've been sober for 18 months now. You know, I converted to Islam. Life is good.

[Patrick]

I'm chilling. Oh, man, that's not funny.

[Mike]

But it's just like. It was very left field, but just.

[Patrick]

Seeing his trajectory is just like. And what he. What his goal is.

[Mike]

So you don't want to have kids of your. Of your own?

[Guest 3]

No, no, not at all. I'm trying to get a vasectomy, and it's as fast as possible.

[Patrick]

Okay, got it, got it. You just kind of just want to be in and out if you choose and not have any ties.

[Guest 3]

Man, that makes me sound evil, but for sure.

[Patrick]

I mean, it's a lot of. You said that sounded evil. You need some self reflection.

[Mike]

All right, man. You have a good one, bro.

[Guest 3]

Oh, second, One second.

[Mike]

Go ahead.

[Guest 3]

I just want to say I'm a big fan. I appreciate y'. All. Y' all make my days on Wednesdays and have a. Have a blessed rest of your Black History Month. And Ramadan. Kareem Ramadan's coming up.

[Mike]

I appreciate you.

[Patrick]

Appreciate you, brother.

[Mike]

Happy Ramadan in advance.

[Guest 3]

Yeah, have a good one.

[Mike]

All right. You too. Yo, what it do?

[Patrick]

What's the deal? What's up with it? What's up with it? I wonder, like, when people call in on our show, do they automatically think they made the show or do they think they got to work for it?

[Guest 3]

I feel like people gonna say crazy to make the show because that's just like the.

[Patrick]

That makes the show.

[Guest 3]

This sound like it's pretty. It's not like it's pre loaded.

[Patrick]

Yeah, I was talking to Mike. I was asking Mike.

[Guest 3]

All right.

[Mike]

We got a question for you, bro.

[Guest 2]

All right, hold on.

[Guest 3]

How do you headphones sound? I know y' all begin on AirPod users.

[Patrick]

Oh, yeah, we tell you.

[Mike]

Oh, okay. That's why you sound like.

[Patrick]

Was that the first generation? Okay, see, we can hear you better already.

[Guest 3]

Perfect.

[Patrick]

All right, start. Start with this prompt. I know I sound crazy, but.

[Guest 1]

Hold on.

[Guest 2]

Say it again.

[Patrick]

Start with this prompt. I know I sound crazy, but.

[Guest 2]

I know I sound crazy, but I might be a lesbian. Hear me out, though.

[Patrick]

No.

[Guest 1]

Okay.

[Guest 2]

I said my girl like girls. I'm interested in, like, lesbians. And so I'd be like. Like, I'm more so into that than like, oh, no, I'm interested in lesbians. I'll be feeling like I'm a lesbian one day.

[Patrick]

Okay, so to be a lesbian, you, like, really want to be a lesbian? I'm assuming you have a penis.

[Guest 2]

I don't want to be a girl. I just like girls that much, like.

[Patrick]

Nah, it don't work that way, brother.

[Mike]

I just like girls.

[Guest 3]

Okay, you're not.

[Patrick]

You're not Drake, bro.

[Guest 3]

Bro.

[Guest 5]

What?

[Guest 2]

Why the would I want to be Drake, though?

[Mike]

So you like girls that your girls lesbian or by your girls bisexual?

[Guest 2]

I would say bisexual. I wouldn't say she's full lesbian.

[Patrick]

Of course she's dating you.

[Mike]

But wait, I'm so confused.

[Patrick]

It'll make sense.

[Mike]

It don't make sense.

[Patrick]

So have you had a threesome with your girl or something? You watch it. Do something.

[Guest 2]

I'm interested in watching her. Yeah, we had threesome, like, scenarios and situations.

[Mike]

It's threesome scenarios.

[Patrick]

So you. Have you ever actually done it or you guys just talk about it?

[Guest 2]

Oh, we did one, but then after that, it's just been, like, conversations, and that's why I said scenarios.

[Patrick]

What happened during that one?

[Mike]

That never happened again.

[Guest 2]

I guess it was just the other girl she didn't like, and it was just a bad experience. Like putting people on. Not on, but, like. What's the word? I don't know. Just putting people too much in our personal business. I feel like was like, conflicting it.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Patrick]

No. Did you have a good time during the threesome? That's the question.

[Guest 2]

It was me because I didn't feel like everybody was in on it.

[Mike]

I feel like it was a team effort.

[Guest 2]

It was no team error, for it.

[Mike]

Was too much tension.

[Guest 6]

And what was.

[Patrick]

What was going on? Like, what.

[Mike]

Like, how'd you. Could you sense. How could you sense there was tension?

[Guest 2]

I felt like she was just doing it because she knew I was talking about it. She's like, oh, here, like. Like a here damn type.

[Mike]

Got it.

[Patrick]

But what was she doing? Like, what is like, a physical thing that happened where you, like, oh, like.

[Guest 2]

Forcing me to do it. But that's why I said I feel like I'm a lesbian because I'd rather watch you feel good. I'm a pleaser. Like, I eat. I like to eat.

[Mike]

That still doesn't make you a lesbian, first of all.

[Guest 2]

It's for me, though.

[Patrick]

Yeah, but that still don't make you a lesbian.

[Guest 2]

I can get off without my mist touching me, though.

[Mike]

The education system has failed us.

[Patrick]

You just got a good imagination, bro. Maybe you should use it for something educational or something, you know?

[Guest 4]

Oh, my.

[Patrick]

Okay, you probably can solve cancer with a brain like that.

[Guest 2]

Gotta put the weed down.

[Mike]

No, your brain's smooth as hell, brother. All right, you have a good one, man.

[Guest 2]

Appreciate y'.

[Guest 3]

All.

[Patrick]

All right, ya go to a louder place. Give me a moment.

[Guest 5]

My God.

[Guest 4]

Damn.

[Mike]

You got it, bro. It's your world, man. We'll wait for you, bro. We don't got other. Any other calls to do either, bro. You're the only one today.

[Guest 3]

All right.

[Guest 5]

What's going on, my guy?

[Mike]

What up, man? Welcome to Crash Dummies Podcast.

[Patrick]

Yes, sir.

[Mike]

Everybody's like a emote to go to after you say, what up? Yes, sir.

[Patrick]

I don't know what to say.

[Mike]

All right, start the sentence off like this. I know I sound crazy, but at.

[Guest 5]

One point in my life, I thought it was gay to wash your ass.

[Patrick]

No, like, start the sentence, but I know I sound crazy, but.

[Guest 5]

Oh, you want me to start? Ah, okay, okay, okay. I know if at one point in my life I thought it was gay to wiper and wash your ass.

[Patrick]

Okay, the prompt is, I know I sound crazy, but.

[Guest 5]

Yeah, didn't I just say that?

[Mike]

No, no.

[Guest 5]

Ah, crazy.

[Patrick]

You got it.

[Mike]

He might just be breaking up. He might have said it.

[Patrick]

No, he didn't say it that last time for sure.

[Guest 5]

I know it's crazy, but at one point in my life, I thought it was gay to wash my ass.

[Mike]

Close enough. Who.

[Guest 1]

Who.

[Mike]

Who was telling you this?

[Guest 5]

No one told me. That's just what I thought as a kid.

[Mike]

Up to What? What age did you start washing your ass?

[Guest 5]

Yeah, I don't know if I really want to say that.

[Mike]

I mean, you're here now, brother.

[Patrick]

Made it this far, bro.

[Guest 5]

I believe I was 20.

[Patrick]

How old are you now?

[Mike]

What the.

[Guest 5]

32.

[Mike]

Oh, God.

[Patrick]

20 years of stinkiness.

[Mike]

You survived high school without washing your ass?

[Guest 5]

I wouldn't say survived, but yeah, I got out of there.

[Patrick]

Like, how many people told you you stink growing up? Just be real.

[Guest 5]

To be honest, I can't recall anyone calling me stinky.

[Patrick]

That's. You wanna know what? That's even crazier because the person that everybody knows already stinks. They never tell them. So that's how stinky you are. People are just like, this is the norm. Here comes shitty butt.

[Mike]

That shit didn't feel uncomfortable to you?

[Guest 5]

Nah, it didn't.

[Patrick]

Like your. Like your ass in itch?

[Guest 5]

No, I mean, like, my ass started to itch after I found out that I was supposed to wash my ass.

[Patrick]

Who taught you that?

[Guest 5]

My wife.

[Patrick]

What was she doing?

[Guest 5]

No, it was crazy. Like, the whole thing came up. Like, we're hanging out with friends and, like. I'm not sure how it came up, but, like, there was, like, my friend next to me and I told him, like. Like, that's just gay, right? Like, you don't wash your eyes, do you? And he looked at me so crazy and said, he does. And I just felt really embarrassed at that point.

[Patrick]

Wait, you said. You said your wife did.

[Guest 5]

No, my wife was telling me, it's not gay to wash your ass. You're supposed to wash your ass. Okay, but like, when I. So I didn't believe her.

[Mike]

But then what was your. What was your breaking point? Like, the time that you actually washed your ass? Like, walk us through that day. Like, did you wake up knowing you're gonna wash your ass? Like, this is the day I'm about to do it.

[Guest 5]

After that conversation with my homeboy, I went home and washed my ass.

[Mike]

Oh, you went straight to. You went straight to. Go watch.

[Patrick]

Keep switching from your wife to your homeboy.

[Guest 4]

I'm.

[Patrick]

I'm confused.

[Mike]

It was two separate conversations.

[Patrick]

Okay, I got it. I thought somebody got up in that ass instead of stick.

[Guest 5]

I mean, I wish someone did as a kid.

[Mike]

That did. Not the way you said. That is not the way. Like, what? However you thought that sentence sounded, I swear it didn't sound.

[Guest 5]

Ah, let it be there.

[Mike]

Okay, I'll let it be there. We gotta get off the phone. Yeah. What the. Nah, that's crazy.

[Patrick]

That's too crazy. Not as Too crazy.

[Mike]

I wish. You just see, like, a Epstein head pop up.

[Patrick]

You lucky we ain't got no editor yet. Be sick. No, I'm just heat on in this.

[Guest 6]

Hello. Yo, yo, what's up?

[Mike]

What it do?

[Guest 6]

Damn. Crazy.

[Guest 1]

Crazy.

[Guest 6]

I think.

[Mike]

Speaking of crazy, let us know. What's your craziest thought?

[Guest 6]

All right, my crazy thought right now is if my girl gets an experience with someone else, she'll realize how, like, important our connection is compared to other people.

[Guest 4]

You know what I mean?

[Mike]

When you say experience, you mean sex, correct?

[Guest 6]

Yep.

[Patrick]

Okay, got it. Do you want to choose the person she does it with, or you want her to find her own connection to just.

[Guest 4]

Just.

[Patrick]

Just connection versus connection.

[Guest 6]

I mean, I wish I could choose.

[Patrick]

Okay, so. Okay, okay. So, like, who is he choosing? That's what I'm saying. Like, we're literally talking to a cuck right now. Like, this dude. I knew it. No, no, that's why I asked you. Because if it was real, you would want her to find her own connection just to compare it to your connection. But you want to choose the dude.

[Mike]

Because you might be rigging the game.

[Guest 6]

Oh, no, no, no. You're right. You're right about that. But the only reason I say that is because when I said we could, like, talk to other people for a.

[Patrick]

Second.

[Guest 6]

She started, like, acting a little weird. And I looked in her phone, and this. Sending her horc horse cock a dude sitting.

[Patrick]

Sending her meat pics.

[Guest 6]

Yes. Yes, bro.

[Patrick]

Wait, this is your girl?

[Guest 6]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

So, like. So what did you say after you found the other guy sending meat pics?

[Guest 6]

I said I wasn't comfortable with us talking to other people.

[Mike]

Now, also, you reneged on your. On your first suggestion.

[Guest 6]

Yeah, I rescinded it.

[Patrick]

You resented off the size of another guy's meat.

[Guest 4]

No, it was.

[Guest 6]

It was like, she's talking to two other people, and I'm like, you just. We're supposed to, like, move into it, like, slowly. Like, you tell me if it's something I tell her.

[Mike]

Yeah, but how does one move into it slowly? I think. So you want to be in an open relationship, but you still wanted to discuss, like, the people you guys were open with.

[Guest 6]

Yeah, I just wanted transparency.

[Patrick]

Got. So are you doing this more for her or doing this more for you?

[Guest 6]

I mean, it's more for her at this point.

[Patrick]

Oh, she took over?

[Guest 6]

Nah, she left.

[Patrick]

Oh, oh, oh. So your test actually worked?

[Mike]

You got the results? Got the results.

[Patrick]

You did a good job, man.

[Guest 2]

What?

[Patrick]

That's a good scientist. You started an experiment. You wanted to show her that your experience is different than that any experience that she would have with any other guy. You just didn't know that those experiences will be better. You know what I mean? That's like part of science, man.

[Guest 6]

No, there hasn't been an experience yet. She would tell me if there has been.

[Mike]

You just said she left.

[Guest 6]

But, like, we're still talking. We just. Like, she's at her friends right now.

[Patrick]

Oh, she's at her.

[Mike]

Wait, you still think this is like, the over relationship matters after? You guys are not in a relationship anymore, bro.

[Guest 6]

Who's there?

[Mike]

Just me and. And Pat.

[Guest 6]

Oh, I thought three laughs. I'm sorry. Would you ask you about to hear.

[Patrick]

The whole world laugh after this? No.

[Mike]

Like I said, do you feel like you're still in an open relationship with her even though you guys are not in a relationship with anymore.

[Guest 6]

From how we're talking? Yeah, because she. She's still saying she loves me too.

[Patrick]

Hey, tell another joke.

[Mike]

Come on, man. You are a comedian. No.

[Patrick]

Eat top tier, bro.

[Mike]

Come on, man. Netflix special on the way.

[Guest 6]

You've seen how long we've been together, right? Have you looked at my profile?

[Mike]

No. No.

[Patrick]

How long.

[Mike]

How long you been together? Yeah.

[Guest 6]

Four years.

[Patrick]

Four. Oh, my God. So long, bro. Trump will be out of office maybe for your relationship.

[Mike]

So you guys are in an open relationship, right? Did you have other experiences with women then?

[Guest 6]

No, I haven't. Because I said I don't need that.

[Mike]

Did you try it?

[Guest 5]

No.

[Guest 6]

No, no.

[Mike]

You tried it. It didn't work out.

[Guest 3]

Bro.

[Patrick]

I mean, like, okay, come on, just be honest. But.

[Guest 6]

All right, I'm gonna be honest. Part of me is okay with it too, because I did some up already.

[Patrick]

Got it. You got a little guilty conscience, so you can't even fight back the way you want to fight back, like.

[Guest 6]

Straight up. Yeah.

[Patrick]

Yeah. I mean, we knew you was a shitty person to begin with. That's not what we talking about. But what did you do that was so up?

[Guest 3]

Damn.

[Guest 6]

Can I, like, text it?

[Patrick]

No, no, no, Go ahead, text.

[Mike]

You can text it right now.

[Patrick]

Just say it, man. Be a man for once, bro. Stand for something.

[Mike]

Since you don't want to say with your own voice, man.

[Patrick]

Soft, bro.

[Guest 6]

I'm not trying to soft, bro.

[Patrick]

You soft. Just text it, bro. Soft, bro. We know you're gonna text her, bro.

[Mike]

I. I really don't understand how this makes a difference. I don't think her best friend cheated with me. What's the difference of me saying it and you saying you're. You're talking now.

[Patrick]

We hear your voice right after, so say something and confirm it's you.

[Guest 6]

Bro. Supposed to be like informant. Confidentiality informant.

[Mike]

Okay, bro, you're the only suspect in this.

[Patrick]

What the.

[Mike]

You have a good one, brother.

[Guest 6]

All right, y' all take care.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's okay. We gotta let him live.

[Patrick]

He white.

[Mike]

No.

[Patrick]

Oh, about to say what you mean, let him live.

[Mike]

Yo, welcome to Crash Dummies podcast.

[Guest 1]

Thanks for having me.

[Patrick]

The prompt is. I know I sound crazy, but. So make sure you say that.

[Guest 1]

I. I know I sound crazy, but we should stop shaming women in their early 20s that are hoeing around. Let them host. Those are easy parts for us.

[Patrick]

God.

[Guest 1]

Yo, chill.

[Mike]

Where are you from?

[Guest 1]

I'm from Belgium.

[Patrick]

Belgium. Is there a lot of holes in Belgium?

[Guest 1]

Yeah, pretty much in Antwerp, I think.

[Patrick]

Okay, so you just want women? So you just want more women? Are you like.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, basically. I mean, if you look on tick tock, there's a lot of women talking about some, I cheated on my man. I'm breaking up with him. Yeah, of course they're breaking up to go around with other men, but it comes as filled with, like, boys saying, oh, no, you're ashamed of your father and such. But I think that's a positive thing.

[Mike]

No. Okay. More for everyone.

[Patrick]

Yeah, exactly. Do you have a girlfriend?

[Guest 1]

Kind of.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Patrick]

Like, are you still looking for other girls even though you have a girlfriend?

[Guest 1]

Look, my philosophy is this.

[Mike]

Anytime anybody without a doctorate degree says my philosophy, he already knows about me. Some.

[Patrick]

Go ahead, Dr. Pepper.

[Mike]

Go ahead, bro.

[Guest 1]

Even if you have a shoe, you still go into shoe stores to look for other shoes, right? That basically applies to women as well.

[Patrick]

No, no, no, no, no. How old are you?

[Guest 1]

I'm 23.

[Patrick]

23?

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Okay, you got. You got about five. About two more years, brother. Just go ahead. We not even going to sit here and try to teach you a lesson. It's just like.

[Mike]

Yeah, we all. We all made dumb mistakes too, when we were kids. But you realize, you know, you probably.

[Patrick]

Get the same amount of women if you didn't have a girlfriend. You're just afraid to be alone, though.

[Guest 1]

Perhaps.

[Guest 5]

I don't think that's.

[Guest 1]

That's a problem, though.

[Patrick]

You don't think as long as you.

[Guest 1]

Have, you have, like, a soul connected to you, I think, oh, my God.

[Patrick]

Like, you're beyond saving.

[Mike]

Like, it's cooked.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, but you got. You gotta understand me, bro. Like, look at your shoes right now, for example.

[Mike]

Okay?

[Guest 1]

They might not be the greatest, but there's still other options. You can still.

[Mike]

We heard. We heard when you use the analogy before, and we. We thought it was ass. And we still think it's ass. Yeah, but.

[Patrick]

But that just says, like, you don't have quote, unquote. If I got shoes on that I don't think are the best shoes, that means I don't have the money or resources to get the shoes that I want. So maybe you should work on your resources to get the shoe that you want. Mean resources. Mean, like, your personality. You know, how tall you are, your job. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

So you don't gotta work on his height.

[Patrick]

Yeah, his height. They got height.

[Guest 1]

I'm good on that, bro. I'm a six. Six two, I think.

[Patrick]

Six two. What you do for a living at 23?

[Guest 1]

Architecture.

[Patrick]

Architecture. How much money you make a year? Just be transparent with us. Yeah, yeah, I think.

[Guest 1]

I mean, I just started, so it's around. Might be 90. Yeah, something like that. That's what I'm saying.

[Mike]

No, you're still wrong.

[Patrick]

But the world is yours, young.

[Guest 1]

I shouldn't be only building houses. I should also build my roster up, you know?

[Patrick]

No, no, no. Like, you have the worst analogies.

[Mike]

The worst.

[Patrick]

You are terrible.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Patrick]

Shakespeare would not steal.

[Mike]

All right, man. You have a good one.

[Patrick]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Guest 1]

I gotta say one more thing.

[Mike]

Go ahead, go ahead.

[Patrick]

Not another analogy, please.

[Guest 1]

Happy happy Black History Month.

[Mike]

Thank you, brother. Black? No, I don't think so.

[Patrick]

You white?

[Guest 1]

No, no, I'm Hispanic. Hispanic.

[Mike]

Hispanic. Okay.

[Guest 4]

Yeah.

[Guest 1]

All right. You ski there?

[Mike]

No.

[Guest 5]

All right, bro.

[Mike]

You have a good one.

[Patrick]

All right. All right.

[Guest 4]

Yo, what the going.

[Patrick]

What the it is. Welcome to Crashing Me's podcast.

[Guest 2]

What's up?

[Guest 6]

What's up, man? What's up?

[Mike]

Well, I watch our boys every day.

[Guest 2]

On the way to work there and from. I'm telling you guys.

[Mike]

Camera.

[Patrick]

Why you got your camera on, bro?

[Guest 2]

You asking too many questions, bro.

[Patrick]

You want us to see you, bro? What he look like, bro? You want us to. You want us to see you that bad?

[Mike]

Oh, my.

[Guest 2]

Sound like that. This don't feel real.

[Patrick]

It's not real.

[Mike]

This. AI.

[Guest 3]

It might be.

[Patrick]

All right, we got a prompt for you to follow. Started off with. I know I sound crazy, but.

[Guest 2]

All right, hear me out. I know it sounds crazy, but when the coochie is a little bit musty, it kind of turned me on.

[Mike]

What would you just. What would you describe as a little bit musty?

[Guest 2]

Like, just a little bit. Like, it just got a little twang to it. But it's not dirty, obviously. But you Know, it got like a. A hint of like.

[Patrick]

You feel me?

[Guest 7]

A little bit of that.

[Guest 2]

Bite back.

[Mike]

So bite back.

[Patrick]

Bite back is like crazy.

[Mike]

So you wanted to like, you wanted to smell like she like did something for the day? Like normal day activities?

[Guest 2]

Yeah, in a way. But no, I just like.

[Guest 4]

I just like. It just keep me locked in.

[Guest 2]

Like whenever I'm in it and I smell it, I'll be like, I don't even know, bro. It just turned me on. Just something about it, Bro, you got a girlfriend? Something like that.

[Mike]

Why does everybody say that legit? Everybody's in situationships, right?

[Patrick]

Are y' all not official or something? What's going on? We gonna.

[Guest 2]

I plan on making it official February 14th.

[Patrick]

How long y' all been talking?

[Guest 2]

We've been talking for like a cool, cool month or two.

[Patrick]

Okay.

[Guest 5]

Around there.

[Patrick]

Okay. How old are you?

[Guest 2]

I'm 20.

[Patrick]

You think. You think this is it? You think she the one?

[Guest 2]

I hope so, man. I hope so. I'm tired of being in the streets, bro. These girls been doing me bad. I need to settle down, bro.

[Mike]

You need to settle down, but they've been doing you bad.

[Patrick]

Yeah. What's so different about her?

[Guest 2]

I don't know, it's. I think it's her presence, the way she talk. She not really like. I'm used to messing with ghetto girls. Like the girls that are messing around slap you mid conversation. If they feel like you lying, she gonna really sit there and listen.

[Patrick]

She gonna listen to you lie.

[Guest 2]

She gonna listen to me lie. She's not gonna ask no questions about it.

[Mike]

And she has a mild musty coochie as well, huh?

[Guest 2]

No, no, no, no. Hell no.

[Patrick]

Hell no.

[Guest 6]

Hell no.

[Patrick]

No. But you said you like that though.

[Mike]

Hold on.

[Patrick]

Y' all gonna get me caught up. Oh, she must got the modest coochie. That's what got you hooked.

[Mike]

She got that.

[Patrick]

She got that 18 hour shift coochie.

[Mike]

Okay, Nice and said miles. So probably like a four part time.

[Patrick]

Part time. Okay, little waitress.

[Guest 6]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Okay.

[Mike]

I got you a little hike, a little walk. Got you little hot girl walk.

[Patrick]

Shout out.

[Mike]

Shout out to her.

[Patrick]

Shout out to her. Part time work coochie is we calling it?

[Guest 2]

Yeah, that's called. Let's go with that.

[Guest 5]

It.

[Mike]

Yeah, it.

[Patrick]

That's y' all forever. That's all you needed, huh? I'm telling you.

[Guest 2]

And I'mma make sure my balls musty too, so we could really be twinning.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Guest 1]

Gonna be twins.

[Patrick]

Bro.

[Mike]

Sometimes getting hard to podcast, bro.

[Patrick]

No, that tough, bro.

[Mike]

This honestly suffering from success.

[Patrick]

I Think we're not. I think honestly, like, no human is meant to talk to this many people.

[Mike]

No.

[Patrick]

You know what I mean? Especially in like a comedic state, because I feel like, like people let loose a little bit more. Yeah, we're not supposed to retain all this information. I think we're actually going to end up in therapy, like in our 40s. You know what's getting really eerie to me is we had a situation a couple months ago where Kyrie Irving kicked the robot.

[Mike]

Yes. Right.

[Patrick]

And the robot fell and stuff. And everybody talking about this. The video they gonna play when the robots take over the world. And I recently saw another video just recently during this, like, super bowl press run where Cardi B was dancing on a robot and like, the robot like twitched and like, made her fall.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

And like, it was people in the comments saying, like, the robot did that on purpose. Robot did that on purpose. And I'm just like, man, I just like, I went home and I literally just punched my toaster in his face, just letting it. I just want all my electronics to know you freaking order around here. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

First. You first.

[Patrick]

You think I'm first? Yeah, that's fine. Bro, I'm gonna be so racist towards robots, it's gonna be insane.

[Mike]

Now they're coming for you first.

[Patrick]

It's okay. Every single one of them. I'm gonna be the first. You know what I'm be. Because this the only people that can defeat robots is like the half man, half robots. Yeah, I'm gonna be the first one in that. And I'm gonna be a robot bounty hunter. I'll be scrap metal and up. I'm gonna take them to the junkyard, to the compressor.

[Mike]

That's going to be the solar powered robots. They don't get you.

[Patrick]

Oh, no, that's crazy. Now that's crazy.

[Mike]

Plug white plug these nuts.

[Patrick]

Block the sun on these.

[Mike]

Come with an umbrella and shit.

[Patrick]

Okay, somebody came with a tweet. You got something? My bad.

[Mike]

Go ahead.

[Patrick]

Okay. Somebody came with a tweet and said, I promise you, bro, when you play the role of a laid back, quiet guy, you can fool people.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Patrick]

What does he mean by that?

[Mike]

I think you can come off as nonchalant in situations where you're like, really care about or you're trying to be sneaky about because you always act like you don't care about, like when you do some odd shit and you're really nonchalant about it, then there's gonna be like, okay, he just does weird shit. Like that you don't like over compensate for like the weird shit that you're doing or like maybe like the, the sneaky shit you're doing.

[Patrick]

Somebody like had a quote where it was just like the quiet person gets their opinion respected more. And I can't think of a dumber thing I've ever heard in my life. Because sometimes like with quiet people, I'm just like, oh, you don't have anything to say, you know what I mean?

[Mike]

But I get what they mean too.

[Patrick]

Because like it's quiet successful people, that's a different aura because they make you nervous. Like if somebody like a billionaire and then you've been talking for minutes and he's just shaking his head, talking about some. Yeah, you like dam what that thinking.

[Mike]

Sounds like a great idea.

[Patrick]

Sound like a great idea. I'm copyrighted tonight. No, being a big idea person at a marketing company is not it. They be using abusing you.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

So what you think about this?

[Mike]

Good.

[Patrick]

Good. Now get out.

[Mike]

There was a theme. Like when we're in school, getting like early dismissal made you feel elite for no reason. Like getting up.

[Patrick]

Why?

[Mike]

Like at 12 o' clock in the morning, you hear your name get called to office, right. You know your parents are gonna come like, you know, you, you put your book bag, you don't even zip that up all the way. You walking down the hallway. Look, especially when you look at kids in their classroom and they see you leaving. If you feel like you got superpower, you get home and then there's nothing to watch because you know they don't. They show all the ass shows at like 12 and like that. Yeah, yeah.

[Patrick]

No, the best feeling is, is the class that you know you're leaving from.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

So it's like you kind of ora farming. Everybody got to take out their books.

[Mike]

Yeah, exactly.

[Patrick]

You don't need to take out your books.

[Mike]

Everybody.

[Patrick]

Like, what the you doing? You just sitting there with your backpack and your coat on. Like, don't even worry about it. Just listen to the announcements.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Well, Patrick Johnson, please come to the office. Hop up. I'll see y' all later.

[Mike]

Yeah, you guys, everybody. Yeah.

[Patrick]

All right.

[Mike]

Bro, you gotta dap up everybody.

[Patrick]

All right? Especially, and I love especially if some.

[Mike]

Came up on TV the day before they didn't catch.

[Patrick]

Oh my God. The best feeling though is like when a teacher don't know what's going on and you kind of got power over her for the first time. You just like, yeah, they just call my name to the office. She was like, for what? Just like, I don't know. I'm about to go find out. You ain't gonna know either, little man. Between me and the.

[Mike]

What would be dope is, you know, like you might have like a really on time parent that's come to get you. And so you know you're going to be out the door at 12:03. You start walking to the door before you hear your name, just so your teacher can be like, where are you going? Sit down, Mike. And then you hear your name, Mike, come to the office. And you turn around, I'll see you later, walk out.

[Patrick]

That's fire.

[Mike]

You only got to go back and forth with the man again.

[Patrick]

And then you fart before you leave.

[Mike]

Closet door.

[Patrick]

Now it's a stinky history class. No, somebody. Somebody came to our thing. Our comment section was like, past jokes are so corny. No, they're supposed to be corny.

[Mike]

I feel like we all got corny jokes. I feel like sometimes my jokes are.

[Patrick]

Corny, but like, it's all about perspective.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's a podcast, man. If I say don't want us to talk.

[Patrick]

Yeah, it's just like what you want us to do, not be corny. Gotta take some risks, you know what I'm saying? And like, usually people that use the word corny are corn. You know what I mean? Like, they don't have any jokes. They just sit back and judge everybody all day. Joe Stank ass. Okay, so this is dope. Some people in Minneapolis, some white guys in Minneapolis shout out to white boys.

[Mike]

We definitely got a couple hurrahs. No, out of like the hundreds and thousands of people that listen to this podcast, there's somebody said hurrah.

[Patrick]

Listen, I'm for sure we have racist white people that listen to this podcast because those are only people that get mad. They're like, come on, man, fuck all that politics. And we don't talk about politics. We just say like, what's right and what's wrong sometimes. And they just be like, okay, I get. I see what you mean. So apparently white Americans in Minneapolis are putting Mexican flags on their cars. So ice agents waste time pulling them over. They call it ice fishing.

[Mike]

Okay, you think we're ice agents just pulling people based on the flags?

[Patrick]

I feel like, I mean, they dumb as fuck.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Like, the thing about it is this is. I feel like this is sometimes the most important people during protests because, like, when we protest. Protest, like black lives matter, you protest ice and stuff like that. Minorities can't do some of the shit that white People can do. Like, do you think us three could ride around Minneapolis right now with a Mexican flag, like, on the back of our car?

[Mike]

Why not?

[Patrick]

Because they gonna pull us over and be like, oh, even better. Okay. Like, oh, wait, wait, wait. We hit the jackpot.

[Mike]

They might think they have a two for one for. With me.

[Patrick]

No. Oh, no. With Gene, they cook. Oh, this brother's half. A little bit of everything. Got a little hybrid here.

[Mike]

Look at. Are you even half. You're, like, 75 black?

[Gene]

No, I'm half.

[Mike]

Half Puerto Rican, half black, man.

[Gene]

Mom is 100.

[Mike]

Come on, now.

[Patrick]

I knew that. That's crazy, bro.

[Mike]

I thought Gene was more.

[Patrick]

You're not even 100 Nigerian.

[Mike]

I'm 100.

[Patrick]

I'll put a thou. You think you're a hundred percent?

[Mike]

If. If I'm not a hundred percent? Like, if you do, like, anybody's 100 anything, I'm 100. That's what. That's gonna pop up on the thing. Right on the results.

[Patrick]

I knew it.

[Mike]

Cause who wrote it? White person.

[Patrick]

No, that's crazy. No, that's crazy. Story of the week. Somebody posted on the Instagram story to the who just punched on me in the club. Y' all better stay in that jaw all night. On my mama.

[Mike]

Also, he left the club after getting beat up and. And tweeted that.

[Patrick]

That in. Tweeted that.

[Mike]

Okay, that's a good warning.

[Patrick]

That's a very good warning. Also, I will say the reason I screenshot that because I don't like people's social awareness. Sometimes I've seen a fight happen, and, like, as soon as the fight is over, as soon as you get the. Like, before the fight is over, you're supposed to leave. Especially if this is between dudes and especially if you down south. Like, there's one time I was in Tennessee, and it was a bunch of people fighting the street.

[Mike]

Like.

[Patrick]

Like, I'm down south. I'm about to leave. Like, somebody has a gun. Yeah.

[Mike]

I'm at. I'm at the point, too now is, like, if I see, like, a brawl happening, and first of all, I can see when a brawl's gonna happen. Yes. I kind of, like, start walking my way away from the brawl just to kind of have a better view of everybody.

[Patrick]

Yes.

[Mike]

And then once they brawl and brawl, it's like, what's the point of being there after the. The brawl is over? That usually just kills the mood anyways. Just like, bro, let's be out, bro.

[Patrick]

I'm doing my one checklist that I always do during the Brawl and I'm out.

[Mike]

What's your checklist?

[Patrick]

Find a with glasses. I punched a glasses off.

[Mike]

Like, I probably just throw a drink.

[Patrick]

No, you gotta do.

[Mike]

I probably just throw a drink.

[Patrick]

No, throwing a drink is like throwing.

[Mike]

A bottle into a dude's. A dude's brawling, it's probably a distraction. No, especially if it goes right against the wall.

[Patrick]

Yeah, especially if you. You hit the like old lady that's in there celebrating her 75th. He hit.

[Mike]

He shouldn't been in there.

[Gene]

Mine is smashing a bottle, holding it up.

[Patrick]

Oh, yeah. You. You going to jail. Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

They locking you up. They're tackling the out of you, man.

[Patrick]

No, they doing. They doing a. They doing a more embarrassing the 4 Nelson. When they walk a out in the 4 Nelson.

[Mike]

I would hate to get tackled by like a security or like a cop.

[Patrick]

Because, you know, they not listening to nothing logical.

[Mike]

Cuz also, like, my instincts is always like football. I might especially some of those cops I've been seeing. Slow as hell. I'm stiff arming the out. Those are sprawling right now. It's like you're resisting, but that's just my instinct.

[Patrick]

The first thing, you're getting choked out.

[Mike]

I don't give up. No, no, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. No, they're gonna use that. Don't say that. Huh? Don't say that. Bro. You're not. You're never gonna be in a situation like that.

[Patrick]

I'm literally rebuke it if bouncers take me out of the club.

[Mike]

Oh, bouncer.

[Patrick]

Yeah, yeah. The first. If they not letting me go out the club, like, bro, that over with all that. Like, I'm gonna walk out the club as soon as I see the bouncers. And then, then the per. The reason I'm getting kicked out is already de. Escalated. You got it?

[Mike]

Whatever.

[Patrick]

You need me. You need me to move this fast, I got you. I know how we go. I know you got to do your job. I know you got to look tough. I get it. You got cut from the college football team. I get it. You got some anger issues. Oh, my God, your cholesterol is up. I get it.

[Mike]

Little.

[Patrick]

But as soon as you do some extra. Oh, boy. I'm not leaving that hoe no more. I refuse. Now what? Let's wrestle. Now you gotta be careful today. These security guards starting to shoot now for sure. No, you got to be careful. Okay, so we're going to talk about it. I always see those posts where they'd be like Delete one forever. And it's Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat. And I realized, obviously, I think we're all aging out of Snapchat collectively. Do you still use Snapchat, Gene? No, because I know he don't. No, I ain't since I don't know, last time. It's probably been like six years.

[Mike]

I still have Snapchat on my phone basically for that Crash Dummy Dummies podcast page. That's not ours.

[Patrick]

Yeah, make sure y' all go report that. It's a Crash Dummies page on. On Snapchat. Report them. They're probably making about 10 bands off your boys, you know what I'm saying? That's stopping us from touring. But no, for real. So it's funny because somebody kicked me off Snapchat.

[Mike]

What do you mean?

[Patrick]

Like a person spam me so much that I actually deleted the app because some people still use that as a form of communication. Because back then it used to be dope, like. Like somebody will send you a damn near 3 minute video or something. You sit there and watch the whole thing on Snapchat. And just like now, like, I don't even click through people's stories now.

[Mike]

Yeah, sometimes I do miss it in the sense of like, it was easy to kind of send like people like quick things. It, like with Instagram, it kind of feels a little permanent because I know they have the same feature when they. You can like take the picture and then it's like. You see it like that.

[Gene]

Yeah, the filters are fire.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I think it's just quicker too, because you open Snapchat and it goes right. Opens right into the camera. So it's like you're almost like opening the camera app. With Instagram, obviously you open it, then you find the messaging, then you find the actual message and then you like. It's like a lot of thought process, especially with like, she already stopped sucking. Yeah, no, it's crazy. It's crazy too. Horny. Horny Patents chat.

[Patrick]

If I had Snapchat, I already got.

[Mike]

The whole thing, the chat. And horny chat in the pat as well.

[Patrick]

No, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that. They love that though. I get it though. I'mma make shirts.

[Mike]

Somebody said you're handsome in February. You think I'm stupid? There are. You think there are a lot of dudes that are getting the handsome text. They're getting more compliments this year. Like, especially those people that are on the fringe of like, situationships.

[Patrick]

I do think. I do Think Valentine's Day is very, very important. I think it's just as important as your anniversary to me. If you're in a relationship, I promise you. Why you might not think the same because of, like, the situations you've been in. I'm talking about the real American women, bro.

[Mike]

Are you just American woman? We've been here just as long as each other.

[Patrick]

No, we haven't, bro. No, no. You a foreigner, bro. This.

[Mike]

I've been here since I was five.

[Gene]

No, he's. He's right, though. I know you're saying you.

[Patrick]

What I'm saying like this not you not in the Constitution. Like you not. You don't know about the Declaration of Independence. Ain't no real American.

[Mike]

I got two passports. Huh? I got two passports.

[Patrick]

That's what I'm saying. You don't. You don't know what it's like. You know what I'm saying, bro?

[Mike]

You weren't doing at five either, bro.

[Patrick]

I was in the streets at five. I was off the porch.

[Guest 5]

Go ahead.

[Patrick]

What was I talking about again?

[Mike]

Oh, Valentine's Day.

[Patrick]

No, I'm telling you, bro, if you a dude out there, just come out before Valentine's Day. Yes. Perfect. If you're a guy out there, you in a relationship, and you think everything good, you still gotta ask your girl to be your valentine every year, bro.

[Mike]

You think so?

[Patrick]

Yes.

[Mike]

At what age, huh?

[Patrick]

If you want to keep that woman. I mean, if you're just. Then you're just bullshitting, huh?

[Mike]

I'm not saying celebrating like you can celebrate it. Obviously, everybody's celebrating, celebrates it.

[Guest 1]

Right?

[Patrick]

That means you need a lot of people.

[Mike]

But you, if you get, say, say you get your girl flowers on Valentine's Day, right?

[Patrick]

No, no, you gotta do it before.

[Gene]

Yeah, you gotta ask before.

[Patrick]

Way before.

[Mike]

You have to ask the day before. Will you be my balance? I don't know.

[Patrick]

February 1st, usually, I think is a good day. I'm just trying to put people on game.

[Gene]

It's beforehand.

[Mike]

At age, like 30.

[Patrick]

Yes.

[Gene]

If you're gonna do it, you're gonna do it, man.

[Patrick]

Yes.

[Mike]

You don't stop, ask like. But I understand. If I got my girl roses and.

[Gene]

Christmas, like, if you bought the gift before Christmas, you going to wait till Christmas.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Gene]

Type.

[Mike]

So you wait till Christmas, till Valentine's.

[Patrick]

Day to give the gift, but you still got to ask.

[Gene]

So you ask to get the valentine.

[Mike]

But what? Well, how you compare it to Christmas? You don't ask anything before.

[Gene]

No. But you still prepare for the holiday. You know what? I'm saying there's like a sequence to it there.

[Mike]

But I'm still preparing saying next day.

[Gene]

You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

No, but don't say say next day.

[Patrick]

No, he sounds like, but he preparing it like you. I'm preparing too by getting the present under the tree. Like she see the presents under the tree before Christmas.

[Mike]

But I feel like when you're asking will you be my valentine to somebody you've been with for years, then ask.

[Gene]

Them be your forever Valentine then.

[Patrick]

That's exactly no, no, ask though. You gotta ask every year.

[Mike]

No, you don't have to ask every year, okay? Because you're asking a question. You're asking a question. You're asking the question like it's gonna be. If you're asking the question like it's going to be a different answer. A yes or no.

[Patrick]

But it's just the principle.

[Mike]

What's she say? No one here, huh? You're giving an opportunity to say no to you every year.

[Patrick]

Here I be. If she want to live that type of life, these flowers could be for something else.

[Mike]

That's crazy.

[Patrick]

You want these flowers on top of you. But no, but I think, I think it's. That's very romantic. And I feel like that's how my.

[Gene]

Mom raised me though.

[Mike]

I feel like it's a romantic thing.

[Gene]

Ask me to be here.

[Mike]

It is a romantic gesture to do. But to say that you have to, you have to somebody like I've been with you for five years, six years.

[Patrick]

And we're married even more, even more.

[Mike]

The longer I think you can can still one up and do stuff.

[Patrick]

Because one thing you don't do is let other girls one up. Your girl like she about to be sitting.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no. That's Internet competition. Cuz everybody, that's subjective.

[Gene]

They be talking about that though. That's girl talk.

[Mike]

That's subjective. You can't let somebody else's in like somebody else one up in you. Especially on the Internet. It's like, bro, you don't know what the these people have going on in their real life.

[Patrick]

Some flowers and adds her valentine is like the equivalent to head, right?

[Mike]

I'm agreeing with flowers. I'm agreeing with flowers.

[Patrick]

I'm just saying if, if I go and then all my, all my guys talking about, man, my girl give me the best head.

[Mike]

My girl do this crazy conversation.

[Patrick]

My girl give me the best hair, right? It is crazy, crazy. But I'm just saying it's just like I don't want to be left out. You know what I'm saying girls when.

[Mike]

They talk about that's you're. You're still putting on other people's like.

[Patrick]

No, bro, it's not bro.

[Mike]

See, it's not. While not strictly necessary. You're already in a committed relationship asking your girlfriend to be a found. Hey, but this is.

[Patrick]

This is a robot.

[Mike]

I told you. But AI, they've had hundreds. They probably are hundreds of people's girlfriend. You know how many boyfriends are probably in and husbands are asking Chap GBT to what to do.

[Patrick]

I seen that. Yeah. Didn't somebody just call in and said that they stopped talking to somebody because they went on their phone. Oh, dude. He called his co worker asking Chat GPT if how to talk to how to get his girl back. Yeah, which. Which makes sense. Some people are. I just feel like this is a very remedial though. Yeah, there's nothing Chat GPT can tell me about like a human situation.

[Mike]

Yeah, I feel it.

[Patrick]

Maybe some suggestions like, damn, like, take your time. Like, I already know that. What belief did you hold five years ago that you don't believe anymore? And what changed it?

[Mike]

I would say think thinking people were doing better than me and it just. It just happened to be. They were just taking better pictures. A lot of these people that like live a good life and you especially, like early days of Instagram, people were posting like random places. They are nice places, watches, money and like that. And you start to realize these things are scammers, scammers. Or there's just broke and like came up on some cash like that. So I stopped letting the Internet kind of like make me think that I need to work faster or I need to be in a different spot that I'm not supposed to be, you know? Yeah.

[Patrick]

I mean, a lot of these dudes are one Google search away from being exposed. Like, you know what I'm saying? It's like, oh, man, I'm in first. First class. Okay, let me Google what first class on Southwest looks like. I'm telling you, buddy, this looks like he kind of. Yeah, your knees are pretty close to that seat.

[Mike]

And it's also. It's like with social media as well. It's like you never want to compare yourself to anybody because you don't know where those people started. Because you guys could be like, there have been times where we like early on the podcast, we're like, all this podcast is doing. You know, we think we're at this level. We think we're at this level and stuff like that. But you never know. Anybody's starting point. Point. Like a lot of people on the Internet, they could have came from like rich, really rich parents and like that. And you see them at 23 and stuff like that, and they're super successful. Money, cars and like that. And you think, I'm 23, I should be where this person's at. It's not. It. You're not starting from the same. This from the same spot. So, yeah, you got to give yourself some grace in that sense.

[Patrick]

Yeah, you, you might be their parents, you know what I'm saying? You might be online with more of their parents. You're the start of the generation. Yeah, I never looked at that because especially women too.

[Mike]

Yeah. With fitness, like, I think, like they see the woman that either edit their photos, they might be on like some type of medication and stuff like that.

[Patrick]

Might have got some surgeries, surgery, and.

[Mike]

They start losing weight and they think that I have to look, that I have to look like that or that's even attainable. It like, you know, it's very hard to have like a super slim waist and like a, a fat ass. And you know what I'm saying? It's like, it's not. Everybody doesn't have that genetics and shit like that. So I don't know, everybody just needs to run their own race individually.

[Patrick]

Also. Like, I'm not like, if somebody's like 40 years old, right, and they're a trainer and they're telling you, hey, you got to do this workout to look at me. Go back to when they were 20 years old and they. Or when they were 16 years old and they were playing high school basketball and you'll see they had the same exact frame. I, I swear to God, some people legitimately, like, people compliment me on my legs and be like, what leg workout routines you do? I like, I've had strong legs since I was 11.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Patrick]

Like, it just like, like got passed down to me. Like some people be like, oh, I trained this to get this. Like, bro, I just saw a picture of 18 year old you before you were doing the exercise and you had six pack abs. Now you over here selling some ab workouts.

[Mike]

Yeah, come on now, bro, you got good genetics.

[Patrick]

Yeah, you got good genetics. And a lot of those people don't even be strong. Yeah, don't be strong or fit. And they vape like bitches.

[Mike]

Vapor like.

[Patrick]

Whole time like trying to sell know some.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Anyway, that could be in the podcast again. Live shows, Crash Dummies, live.com merch is coming out. If, if it is out. Just check Crash Dummies merch.com or just check the Crash Dummies dot com. You'll find everything. Live show merch and stuff like that. Yeah, it should be live by Wednesday. If it's not, then it's probably gonna be like Friday or something. What else we got live shows. Make sure you guys come to live shows. Participate. When you guys do buy tickets, please tag us in it. Tag Pat. Tag Gene. Tag us in it so we can share it on our story as well.

[Patrick]

Yep. Always tag. Keep posting clips. We love when y' all post clips. We love when y' all take pictures of y' all watching the podcast all over the world, all over United States, wherever you at. We encourage that more. We'll try to repost. The days that we don't repost are probably days we're shooting because we need the story, obviously, for callers, but. But if we'll get to it eventually. So if you got a favorite clip that you like. We're trying to just keep building up, you know, visibility of the podcast so we can do more stuff for y'.

[Guest 3]

All.

[Patrick]

Also vlog ideas. If now we actually have the resources to probably get any vlog idea that you can think of. Be creative. If you are a. A business owner. Minority business owner. Not to say like, if you white, you can't it, can we. But if you're in a patreon or we know you watch the show and you have a business, let us know if we could come through and maybe make some content at it. If it's, like, available for.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Mike]

If it's a unique business as well.

[Patrick]

Yeah. Unique bit. So if you got fencing, snowboarding, wakeboarding.

[Mike]

Some things we don't typically see us do or.

[Patrick]

Yes. Like, you don't invite us to shoot dice at your bar. Yeah, we good on it. Come down to whiskeys, bro.

[Mike]

Anyway, we'll see you guys on the live show. That's been the episode piece.