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Jean
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Pat
First of all, first of all, Happy Black International Women's Month. To all the ladies out there.
Crash
Shout out to Maya Angelou.
Pat
Shout out to Maya Angelou. Shout out. Shout out to all the ladies that listen to our podcast. And we appreciate y'.
Guest 1
All.
Pat
You know, that's facts. That's why we got y'. All. Y' all own merch. Our own set of merch. And then we made these niggas buy it too. And then, so speaking of black women's history, I just want to go over my favorite tweet from a black woman of all time, which I just recently ran into.
Guest 1
Okay.
Pat
A dude tweeted, a woman will kiss you like this, knowing fully well she got a pad on. And it was a video of a.
Crash
Oh, I saw that. Yeah.
Pat
Couple making out. A woman, a black woman responded and I never gave a fuck. Hashtag press that dick on this diver. And my favorite comment was here, crinkle hoe. And it's so up. Like, as a guy, like, I don't know if you've been there.
Crash
This, this probably ain't afraid of a little catch up.
Jean
Yeah. Ketchup is so immature.
Pat
No, no, no. We not about to talk about running red lights.
Jean
So crazy.
Pat
But I just want to put it out there. Like, I feel like a lot of people have been in that situation. Situation. Like I've, I've pressed on a pad before, you know what I mean? Like, I feel like everybody's been that morning. You've never, you've never just been like, I'm you. You humping on a woman that you like and she got a pad on women. You don't.
Crash
That's just something on a woman.
Pat
Sometimes you gotta grind. Like, what was you doing? Now the dead giveaway is the asthma, you know? Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You could definitely feel it.
Jean
Or.
Pat
Or if your girl usually don't wear them big panties. You got a diaper on, B.
Crash
A diaper is crazy.
Pat
Nah, it just depends on if she's or not.
Crash
That's not what we doing.
Pat
Hello.
Crash
Hey, the radio is for people who are driving.
Jean
I'll drive.
Crash
Welcome to Crash Zombies podcast. Anyway, welcome to Crash Dummies episode two twenty two hundred and fifty three.
Pat
Oh my God.
Guest 1
Oh my.
Crash
I went back in the past.
Pat
Hey, Harar. Put a highlight of him getting tackled on your screen.
Crash
Welcome to episode 253 live shows. We will be in Atlanta by the time this is aired. Atlanta would already happened. So shout out to Atlanta for y' all coming out. Nashville, you'll still have probably time to buy tickets as well. Brooklyn, we added a new date.
Pat
New York. We added a new date.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
New York.
Crash
Yeah, it's in Brooklyn. Raleigh, new day. Toronto, new dates. I'm just talking the new dates. But every other dates, crash dummies live.com merch. Merch is going to be restocked. We're going to put the international women's century T shirts out again. We might leave them this up to Jean. Letting Jean decide.
Pat
We can leave them Live forever. Fog it forever. Because that's how long history last year. If you, if you want my blood on one of the shirts for me offing myself for y', all,
Crash
the CDP route T shirts are going to be available and ready to ship right away. Again, those the women's history ones. They're going to be like a two week turnaround. So be patient if you order those.
Pat
Also just to let y' all know, for those that do listen to the pot and those like plan on coming to a live show. Also we talk to people more when we know like, oh, this person got patreon, this person got some merch and stuff like that. So when we at the meet and greet and you walk up to me and then I ask you if you got Patreon, you ain't got a. You ain't got a shirt. And then you'd be like, bro, what's up? I'm Gonna get the out. Pass me that, Drake. Fdo. Fdo.
Crash
Oh, you know, this is the part of the first year I didn't realize it was April Fools on. On the first.
Pat
Yeah. Because he. Bro, the world lies so much.
Crash
The Internet is just so, like, troll. There's all these troll accounts already, so it's like people are lying. Like, Pat said a lot already. So when I see on Internet, sometimes I like, I believe there's one. There's one. I actually believed it was a clothing brand that he sold to Nike or something.
Pat
Oh, Bravest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bravest got us good with that. I really thought that the ones that get me is like, I don't know. April 1st is coming up. So the best ones are made on May 31. Because it's just like, oh. Like, I think someone said that my niece was having twins and she's like 19. I was like, what the. Why are we celebrating? This
Crash
is it. Do you think.
Pat
Do you think she's.
Crash
Do you think people should stop with the. The fake pregnancy ones?
Pat
No, because those. Those are kind of like the realest ones. And those are like. I think those are like bulletproof in a sense of. Only your best friends get to call you out if you're lying or not. Everybody else that's from a distance, they either can't say or they have to say congratulations. And everybody know the Internet sways off the comments. You get seven congratulations. The eighth person coming in, like, I think someone.
Crash
I think someone was saying this would have been a good one for Carrie to put her woman input on, but someone was saying crazy to put a woman input on. Yeah, someone was saying that it's kind of insensitive to women that can't have kids. Or like that birth. Birth is kind of like a sensitive topic too, to be joking about that you're pregnant when somebody might not be able to. To get pregnant.
Pat
Yeah. Don't make us take the shirts off the site. No, I've been like, you got. Come on now. You know, people always.
Crash
There's always something for that for every joke.
Pat
Some of these jokes that people get offended by, like, I'll be on Instagram or Tick Tock and I'll Somebody complaining in the comments. Like, this is so insensitive. How the. Did this get to your algorithm if you're so sensitive? Yeah, no dark humor should touch your bro. It should just be the Asian dude that keep predicting wars. And bro, he up my timeline. Bro, he got me thinking I'm about to die or some. He like, America will lose this war.
Crash
You know that MD Motivator guy? He's on Instagram, so he'll do, like, the. He'll pretend that he's homeless, and then someone would give him, like, some money, and you ask him for money, and then he'll be like, oh, then he gives him a car or.
Pat
We met him, right? No, yeah, we met him at.
Crash
Not Gary Vee thing.
Pat
Yeah, that was him.
Crash
No, no, he wasn't popular back then. There's another guy that was doing that.
Pat
Oh, it's another.
Crash
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll know who I'm talking about. But I feel like it's coming to a time where I'm afraid that he might get canceled soon, because I feel like when somebody's doing so good on the Internet and being, like, very, like, humble and giving a lot, some. Someone's gonna find something bad about him and. And cancel him. I feel like just the way the. The Internet moves.
Pat
Has he done anything?
Crash
He hasn't, but I just woke up. I just woke up. I just looked at his face one day. I was like, brother's gonna be something, bro. I'm telling you. They always find something to cancel you about.
Pat
They didn't cancel the other dude, though. The one that. He's still doing it. The dude that, like, be going up to, like, homeless families and, like, getting a story, and they end up buying him a car in the house.
Crash
Yeah. I haven't seen him as much, though. I won't lie.
Pat
He just. He had a very popular one with that black woman, but I'm pretty sure he making videos all the time. I met him, though.
Crash
Yes. You met him?
Pat
I met him.
Jean
Yeah.
Crash
Yeah. I didn't give you a.
Pat
He asked me to borrow some. I said, nigga, watch out. He said, bro, you got a dollar for the vending machine? I was like, yeah, my dollar. Those are my favorite type of pranks, though. You ever seen those pranks where a guy walks in, so he'll have his friend at the end of the line, he'll walk into a gas station. There's four people in line. He'll walk to the third person and just be like, hey, you got $30 I can put on my tank? And then, obviously, you got a gas station in the hood. Shit, not happening. Nine times out of ten, no, I don't have it. Then they'll ask his friend, who's like, a setup actor, and be like, oh, my God, that's what I wanted you to do. Here's $100,000. And then they celebrate right in front of the person. That's my biggest fear.
Crash
It is unfair, though, for those type of situations, because sometimes it's like, I might not have $30 to give you. I might have $30 in my. My account, but, like, I might not have it for you. I need this 30.
Pat
Yes. My other biggest fear is, like, someone. I win some type of money like that, but the Internet shames me into, like, donating it because. You know what I mean? Like, we're almost reaching that status where, like, people assume, like, oh, he got a couple hundred thousand, a bank account, he might got a meal or something like that. So if I win $10,000, it'd be like, oh, yeah, were you donating that?
Crash
That's what they're trying to do. The Kaisanat one time with the Mr. Beast team water thing, they're trying to guilt him into, like, oh, I donated 300,000. You need to donate more than that because you're perceived to make more money than me.
Pat
What did he donate? It was like, I forgot, like, a million, though, didn't he? Or.
Crash
No, it wasn't a million, but it was just something he donated some amount. I don't know if he donated or not, though. But, like, they were trying to. I hate the pressure.
Pat
I remember we were talking about. Yeah, a long time ago.
Crash
Yeah, I hate the pressure. Yeah.
Pat
Somebody. It just be like, people would be sending me, like, gofundmes and stuff like that. And I was like, yeah, bro, I'm about to put $50 on here, just like I would before. Yeah, I can't, you know? I mean, you want me to pay for the whole thing? I am not D. Rose. I don't got money. Like, I feel like I did some petty the other day that just reminded me of, like, I didn't round up my total, but then I let them
Crash
keep the change at where it was.
Pat
I got a Goodwill or some. I ain't supporting the cause like that,
Crash
you know, Give them the cash.
Pat
No, Gene. Donor farming is crazy. So the other day, I was at Goodwill.
Crash
No Gene trying to count the money in their face. And that's crazy.
Pat
You go there, count. I counting a bunch of 50s, and then get to your ones. They see the money go down in real time, man. Shout out to Tiger woods, though.
Crash
No, Tiger is.
Jean
Is.
Crash
He's checking himself into rehab to get some help.
Pat
Hopefully he ain't dry there.
Crash
No, because. Because that is crazy. He is the Meme Central. Like, like to say, I just got off the call with the president is like, all right, bro, you still.
Jean
Yeah, yeah.
Crash
Sit in the back of this car, nigga.
Pat
Like, I actually believe him because I actually believe, like, Tiger Woods, a billionaire golfer, right.
Crash
He might have called the president.
Pat
Billionaire golfer. Golfer is, like, the richest sport ever. That's, like, for a rich person and the best person to ever do it, who's also a billionaire, hits your phone. I don't care if you're president of the United States, you probably do pick that up. I really believe.
Crash
I don't.
Pat
I believe that was Trump. I believe that was Trump.
Crash
No, I don't believe. I believe he has Trump's direct line that you can call him.
Guest 1
Right?
Crash
Yeah, I don't believe in that moment, he was talking to President Trump. I think he. I think I'll give him the benefit, though. He might have tried to call him and then he didn't pick up.
Pat
Just get in the car.
Sam
I'll get you out.
Crash
But that is, like, it. I don't know. It's. It's a privileged thing, too, to be, like. To be. Get into that much trouble, and it's just like, oh, I can. I'm gonna check into. Into rehab to get help. Like, everybody doesn't have that opportunity to.
Pat
I love when people find out that, like, I say, like, 70 of cops or some, like, I want to call them lame ass, but they like lame ass niggas when it comes to, like, pop culture and media. Like, these people are, like, going out every day and, like, they're being a cop. They're watching the news. They're not paying attention to what's what. It was like when Justin Timberlake got pulled over and tried to pull out I'm Justin Timberlake card, and they're like, who?
Crash
No, they definitely knew who you was.
Pat
But I think some. Even when they know who they are, they aren't obsessed with.
Crash
No, no.
Pat
Because I feel like that's part of being a cop. If you're a cop, you feel like everybody should be held against the law the same exact way equally.
Crash
I think it's. It eggs them on a little bit. Like, it makes them treat them like. I know that you're. You think you can get away with anything you want. But he. Justin was funny, too, because he was trying to say, I'm Justin Timberlake without really saying, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pat
I'm not gonna lie. Like, if I pull over Justin Timberlake, I'm treating him the same way.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
Ever. Unless he start dancing and singing. Go ahead. Blowing this breathalyzer. But I get it, though. You're right, though. That's just like, it like anything else, it's like a scout coming to your game. You know, this tape is about to make national media. Why would I treat you different? I got to.
Crash
Exactly.
Pat
I got to arrest you.
Crash
You know? You know this body. You know, this body cam footage is definitely coming out, bro.
Pat
You got, you got. They probably reading like off of like, chat GPT. Like, make sure I don't especially say
Crash
anything wrong with Tiger's situation too. Like, it was a rolled over vehicle.
Pat
Like, you're by yourself.
Crash
Somebody has to go to jail. Somebody has to. Now he started doing this.
Pat
Now he started doing a d. What the. What the is this?
Crash
Got on one knee, bro, and blew a zero. He didn't blow even anything alcoholic, right? It was all like, pills probably.
Pat
I think where he. Where he messed up at. He should have act like he was injured or that he seized up. He should have, like, got some medical attention because, like, yeah, for sure. Coming to a crash, right? And I know Tiger woods history. Like, yeah, that's a fucked up part about Tiger was like his breakup, his car crashes, all that shit is like etched in stone. Like it was a historic moment.
Crash
Exactly.
Pat
So, like, you should have got pulled
Crash
in the ambulance right away.
Pat
Yes, the cop already know, bro. He already know your history.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
And then you walk up from the crash, crash and you perfectly fine and you moving. So, like, if you're right, if I just saw somebody roll over their vehicle and they're walking fine. Yeah, you're going to jail.
Crash
Yeah, I definitely. If I was tagged, I definitely would like my back, my knees, something, bro. You would have to put me in the back of the ambulance so I legit on that ambulance ride. I would have had the opportunity to like, come to and like, you know, come down on whatever the I'm on and then have a articulate conversation with the body cam on. Because I think it was sweating, bro.
Pat
Exactly, bro. The person, you know, you're not gonna sway their opinion are the. Are the cops. Yeah, but the person. The person's opinion you can sway are the ambulance people. Like, on the way there, just be like, yeah, bro, I seized up, right? I had a little mini heart attack.
Crash
Brother was in the back of the police car, bro, with a. Looking like E.T. with the E.T. means, bro. Like legit going through it back there.
Pat
Why was he screaming?
Crash
Like that was a. I think there was another one. Because I thought. No, no, I thought the whole. I thought the whole police interaction was AI. I was like, there's no way but that salt. Then saw that they're using AI from the police interaction, I thought this was fake. Some of the that he was doing, I said, that's fake. Him, like, tweaking out in the back of the police car. I thought it was fake.
Pat
I thought the president one was called Don. Imagine Donald Trump being on the end of the line after you just rolled your shit over.
Crash
No, because you know they're going to ask Trump one of his next press things.
Pat
No, they not asking Trump no more. You want me to tell you what Trump said this morning? Oh, this is what I don't like. How he keep tweeting on True Social, then screenshot the shit from True Social and post it on Twitter. Nigga just tweeted, bitch, nigga. He said, Tuesday will be power plant day and bridge day. Basically saying, telling Iran that we're gonna bomb your power plant and bridge day all wrapped up in one Iran. There will be nothing like it. Open the straight, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in hell. Just watch. Praise to be a lot. Praise be to Allah. President Donald, he said that? Yes.
Crash
Praise be to Allah.
Pat
Praise be to Allah on Easter.
Jean
Oh, my God.
Crash
That's crazy. I mean, it means God, but still. He's, like, being funny, though.
Pat
That's what I'm saying. That's why he, like, he trolling like that. It's just like the Penguin and. Yeah, bruh.
Crash
It's like one of those dudes that, like, talk shit from behind, from the safest place ever, when it's like, actual troops are gonna have boots on the ground. They're gonna have to, like, deal with this and fight these wars and stuff like that. But that's.
Pat
That's every president. What was he just talking about? That presidents ain't got to do that no more. It was a situation we was talking about. Like, how dumb. Like, because it used to be like that. The kings and presidents used to actually fight in the war because they used to be, like, the top generals.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
And now we got people just calling shots and bombing and then just hiding behind other people dying, and it's crazy. Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro. Just let y' all know, my physical ability is dropped. I cannot serve. That's when.
Crash
This is one I'm gonna actually mention. I'm Nigerian.
Pat
No, this a good Nigerian. I wouldn't even blame you. Shout out to Ty L. Coach for the Clippers. Sorry, ladies, Little sports talk, but not too long. Ty Lu on the Spurs. This is what he commented. We couldn't withstand their thrust going to the hole. We couldn't control their penetration. Like, when do you think, like, obviously you understand that in basketball teams. Right. We couldn't withstand their thrust going to the hole. We couldn't control.
Crash
Thrust is a very unique word to use. Yeah, I would say that.
Pat
Am I tripping?
Crash
No, you're not tripping. Thrust is very unique.
Pat
That's not B. Ballville.
Guest 1
Okay.
Jean
Yeah, yeah.
Crash
I've never heard something like. I've never heard anybody say that with basketball.
Pat
I try to, like, look to the greater side. Rust is crazy. Thrust is crazy. We couldn't control their penetration. I've. I've heard that before. Like, you got to penetrate. You got to penetrate the D. Yeah,
Crash
yeah, I've heard that. That one. You just have to accept that one.
Pat
You got to suck the D in. You got to penetrate the D. Jason Terry said, why somebody think I said the first time.
Crash
They were trying to give us, like, the. The breakdown of pause, like, the historical. Like, I'm not saying that I didn't start in New York, but everybody will say something started where they're from. Especially back then when it was like,
Pat
Paul's definitely started in New York.
Crash
We. There's no way to for sure say
Pat
that a thousand percent. It got.
Crash
Maybe got popular in New York, but there are still people saying Paul's everywhere.
Pat
No, but I'm.
Crash
I'm. I'm still young enough not to be in that. Like, with the Cam and Mason. I'm so. That they were saying it before I probably was born.
Pat
Yeah, my. My thing.
Crash
But I'm just saying the people always. I'm not saying it's not made in. It wasn't started in New York. I'm just saying people always say something started in their city because they heard it in their city. It's like, where else. Where else would you know that it didn't start from somewhere else if you didn't travel?
Pat
Paul's definitely started from New York. Thousand percent.
Crash
Listen, I'm not saying. I'm not saying did it, but I'm just saying, like, how can you prove it?
Pat
No guarantee. I don't think there's any debate about it because, like, the first. I had lived a lot of places before I end up moving to Charlotte. So when I was in Charlotte, there was, like. I don't know why. There was, like, a lot of New York kids that moved to Charlotte, and I got paused so much that year that, like, I had to change my whole vocabulary. This is like 10th grade. So pause is.
Crash
I've heard. I've heard Paul since I was a kid in Chicago. So I'm just saying. And I didn't. I didn't. Yes. Since I was a kid in Chicago, there's been pause. Or there's been like the. The no homos as well. Yes, but that's the same. Isn't that the same thing?
Pat
No, it's not the same thing.
Crash
I'm saying now it graduated to not being the same thing. But it was the same thing back then. It used to be we said pause in Chicago, like in high school.
Pat
Yes, you're right. Okay, but I.
Crash
But I'm just saying. I'm not. But I can't say. I wouldn't say that Paul started in Chicago because I don't know where it started.
Pat
I think they're just talking about the word pause. Okay, but you're talking about the other one you just said, which I won't repeat. Oh, my God.
Jean
Come on now, bro, that's crazy.
Pat
So Jean. So G, you said no, it's gonna
Crash
be a whole bunch of New York like, ah, bro, we definitely started that.
Pat
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Crash
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Pat
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Crash
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Pat
And now available in Canada too. Go to Q-U-I-N-C-E.com crash for free shipping and 365 day return difference. Quince.com crash now back to the pod, yo. Let's take a quick break from today's podcast to thank our sponsor, HelloFresh. Come on now, fellas. You know you just got off work. You headed to that hoop session after work because you don't want to miss the run, and you realize, dang, I ain't cooked tonight. Hellofresh could definitely help you there.
Crash
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Pat
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Crash
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Guest 2
And what's up with y' all boys?
Crash
Yo, where you from?
Guest 2
I'm on the east coast type type.
Crash
You come to any live shows?
Guest 2
Hey, just know I'm a CEO. I'm gonna see y' all on the 16th, bro.
Pat
16. Okay?
Crash
But,
Guest 2
yeah, just. It's cool, it's cool. It's cool. It's cool. For sure.
Pat
Got a question for you, bro.
Guest 2
What's up, Pat?
Crash
Okay.
Pat
What's something you're fed up with?
Guest 2
So I'm fed up with women using me for a free meal.
Crash
How you know they're using you for a free meal?
Guest 2
So I won't say it's probably happened in the past, but it just happened last week. And this is a woman that hit me up first, like, found me on Instagram. I'm like, cool, okay. When we get to text him for, like, a few days, I schedule. You feel me? A little date. Prior to the date, we wasn't really texting, but the day comes around, boom, I pick her up. We have a great time. We go to this little interactive kind of sport. Y' all know how, like the golf.
Crash
So I'm hearing myself like, topgolf. Don't worry. You good?
Guest 2
All right. No, not top golf, but like the. The simulation. The golf simulators. Yeah. So it's a spot around where I stay at. It's like, they have that, but they have, like, other sports, like baseball, archery. Like a real fun time, right?
Crash
Yeah.
Guest 2
We get to know each other. We playing games, having a great time. Leave, we get some food. Still a great time, getting to know each other. I take her back to her car. On the way there, she's like, oh, like, when am I gonna see you again? In my head, I'm like, damn. Okay. A woman taking initiative in 2026. This is a blessing in disguise. I'm like, we'll figure it out. She's like, okay, cool. She get out the car. She's like, we're gonna figure it out. Ride one. See you again. I'm like, yeah, like, we really will. That was the last time she talked to me. It's been a week.
Pat
Did you send her anything? What have you text her since?
Guest 2
So actually, the next day, she was getting her hair done. She sent me a picture. I'm like, oh, you look real good. Okay. What you doing? No response. I kind of let it rock because I feel like anybody. Everybody makes time for what they want. I'm like, she wants to text back. She might be busy.
Pat
I'm going to let you know, you. You already dropped the ball. But that's if you might have missed that sign. Because she didn't want to see that sign. But it was a reason why she sent you her hair.
Guest 2
No, no, no, no, no, no. I asked. No, she got her hair done. The hair was done. I said, oh, what it looked like, and then she sent the picture.
Pat
Yeah. And, you know.
Guest 2
No, no, no. Listen, listen, Pat, Pat. If you're saying that I wasn't asking.
Pat
I'm definitely not telling you that, but I'm just saying that's why.
Guest 1
Okay.
Pat
That's why she ain't hit you back.
Crash
What do you think your name is? Saved that as in her phone.
Guest 2
I don't think my number say, bro. Her number. Not saying neither.
Crash
All right.
Pat
What the are we talking about?
Guest 2
What do you mean, what we talking about, bro? It's. We. We went out. Like, it's a date. Okay. We go on another date. Cool.
Pat
So you haven't asked her. You haven't asked her on a date since.
Guest 2
Listen, after the date, the next day, we chat for a little bit midday. I'm like, okay. Like, what you doing? Because I was. I was going out of state. She ain't respond. I'm like, okay, cool. Next day, no response. Cool. Third Day, no response. Cool. Then on the fourth day, I'm like, something off. So I call her. She like, I'm at work. I'm gonna hit you when I get out. And she never did. So I'm like, damn, I hope she enjoyed a free meal.
Crash
This has happened multiple times,
Guest 2
bro. If it happens more than twice, it's. It's just not. It's. It's too common.
Crash
You might not just been a vibe that day.
Pat
Yeah, you.
Jean
I think.
Pat
I think you think the conversations are
Crash
way better than what they really. You might be giving yourself a little too much credit.
Guest 2
All right, all right. I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell y' all why I really. I really feel like it was a great day. Number one, I ain't gonna toot my own horn. I'm a great vibe. Like, it don't matter who I'm with. You know me. You don't know me. I'm a great time. But listen, the girl was very affectionate, right? By that, I mean, like, I would say, like, my love language might be physical touch, but off a first date, someone you just met, you don't really want to do too much for them to be comfortable. But she was overly comfortable, which I didn't. I didn't mind. Like, she was very affectionate. Like, touching me, hugging me. Like, come here, let me give you a hug.
Pat
She said that to you? She said, if you were here, let me give you a hug, bro.
Jean
Yeah, bro, like, she was telling me,
Guest 2
like, come here, like.
Pat
And you didn't you, like, did y' all kiss me?
Guest 2
Yes. She initiated like she wanted, but that's what we saying.
Pat
Stop, stop. Look, your vibe.
Guest 2
I'm listening.
Jean
Like, what.
Pat
Don't do that.
Jean
She literally gave.
Pat
No, she literally gave you a test run. She, like, see if you could kiss. She seen if you was a vibe. She had a conversation with you, and she left the date like, man, this kissed. Like he's still in middle school.
Crash
Or like, you said she used you for a free meal, but broke as
Pat
you know what I'm saying?
Crash
Exactly. Because I've heard. I've heard of the situations, too. I've heard the situations, too. When the one of my friends was like, be like the girl using for a free meal, and it's like, less effort that was put into the actual dinner. You can tell from the. From the get go that she was just here for the free meal during the day. Yeah, you sounded like you guys actually have a good time. And it might not just been the vibe, bro.
Guest 2
I'm saying a great time. Like, she's asking, like, when am I gonna see you again?
Crash
Yeah, she might just.
Guest 2
You know what?
Crash
It might have just been a bad day.
Pat
This. How many times y' all kiss?
Guest 2
Probably like three times.
Pat
And did she. How many times did she initiate it?
Guest 2
Twice? The first time. Because
Jean
that's what I'm saying.
Pat
You initiated a kiss. She had to do it twice. She was obviously on.
Guest 2
No, she did it.
Pat
Listen, listen. I'm not, I'm not. Listen, listen. This is your problem.
Jean
You don't listen. Hard headed.
Guest 2
Think he got all the vibes. All right, Pat, I'm listening.
Pat
Okay. She initiated a kiss twice. I'm saying, like, I rarely hear of that. I'm gonna just put it out there. If a girl initiates a kiss twice, she wants you to probably do it double the times that she did it. She's not just initiating the shit and it's on her time. So for you to only do it one time, you just showed her, like, she probably like this. Not the type of dude I want.
Jean
What do you mean?
Crash
Because I think my assessment is you could be right, that she did probably use you for a meal. Right. But I guess what I'm trying to say is that if she was already using you for a free meal, I don't think the effort. She's already there. She's already gonna get a free meal no matter what she does on that date. So I don't think she would have to put in the type of effort for the free meal that you, you know, if it was actual vibe.
Guest 2
I. I agree. 100 agree, Pat. I ain't gonna lie. I feel like you region, but.
Jean
No, no, listen, listen.
Pat
This is what I'm gonna give you. I honestly believe that your conversation was a vibe. That's how I think she got to the kissing part. I don't think she would, like, initially kiss you and then be like, oh, his vibe is off. So I think your vibe was on. And then she went to the physical part of things and said, bam, this dude ain't aggressive enough and he can't kiss. It just is what it is.
Guest 2
You know what, Nick?
Pat
You better practice.
Guest 2
It really could be, bro. All right, I'm good where I'm at, brother.
Crash
That's what Josh said last time too. He said he was good in the west.
Jean
And what happened?
Guest 2
Oh, my God.
Crash
You have a good one, man.
Guest 2
Appreciate y'. All. I'm. See y' all on the 16th.
Guest 1
Yeah.
Crash
All right, bro. See ya, bro.
Guest 2
Hello.
Pat
What's the word?
Jean
Oh, this is cool.
Guest 2
All right.
Crash
Where you from, bro?
Jean
Dc.
Crash
DC you coming to the Baltimore show?
Jean
I am, yeah. Actually, me and my girl coming.
Crash
Hey, turn up, I got a question for you. What's something that you're fed up with?
Jean
People with office jobs making stupid ass stories to get out of work when they could just say that they're not feeling well?
Pat
Like what?
Jean
Just because, like, okay, people will talk about cars, people will talk about whatever it is and they'll repeat excuses and all that. But in reality, like, I don't know, is giving. Is giving like grade school is giving, like excuses for why you didn't turn in your homework.
Guest 2
You know what I mean?
Crash
But don't you feel like people are saving their I'm not feeling well card for the time they actually need it?
Jean
I hear what you're saying, but like, I don't know. To me, you can do it like pretty often. Like, I feel like all the time. I do it like if I want to get off in the afternoon or whatever. I just did that today. Like just because my girl's birthday was yesterday and she wants to play some tennis. So I said I wasn't feeling well, and here we are outside.
Pat
I'm not gonna lie, I actually would. Like, if I was like a CEO, which I am, but if I was like a CEO and I had employees in it and they just said like, I didn't do it because I'm not feeling well, I feel like that is more respectable instead of like, oh, I can't do it, my car broke down. And it's the third time you use this excuse. Like, bro, go get a new car, bro. This shit pisses me off.
Crash
You're the reason I don't have one though. Pay me,
Pat
do more.
Crash
What's your message to those people then?
Jean
I don't know, like if you're, if you're working an office job, like, you're probably not working for yourself. Like, it's not that serious. Obviously, like, do your. Keep your job. Do what you got to do. Like, obviously I do. I'm not, I'm not about to lose my job, but like, I don't know, just do your own. Sometimes, like you gotta, gotta give yourself some time, give yourself some space.
Pat
That's, that's a good message, man. Sound like a snitch to me though. We got the word snitch on the phone. Like, man, that was a long ass break.
Crash
Was that your 15 or you're 30?
Pat
Are you working until 6 today? Cuz you came in at 10, so I'm just
Crash
right to the door.
Pat
Just trying to figure it out, man. I don't know if you're boss said we're getting off early today.
Crash
I don't get it. All right, bro, I thought you're going through a ratatouille.
Pat
All right.
Guest 2
Appreciate it.
Guest 1
Yeah. What's going on?
Crash
What it do? What it do around.
Pat
Okay. I got a question for you.
Jean
Yeah.
Pat
What's something you're fed up with?
Guest 1
I am fed up with deadbeat's dad who thinks they can come around after 13 years, no calls, no birthday calls, no graduation show up thinking they can come in with arms wide open, asking for a kiss and thinking they're welcome back.
Crash
Sounds kind of personal.
Pat
This sounds very personal. Like, it does.
Guest 1
All right. Let me tell y' all something. Let me tell you something about my dad. I do left me when I was three. I saw this dude last time in the back of a window from a car waving goodbye. Let alone that was the last time I'll see the dude in 11 years. And then after that, I met him like 11 years afterwards that event. How saw I do for an hour and didn't. Didn't see him again for another three years.
Pat
That's not like.
Guest 1
That dude. Like, what do you say?
Pat
No, go ahead.
Guest 1
All right. And then that dude. Cheers. Like, tends to lecture me about my life and how that dude is even part of my life. How was that dude knowing what I'm doing, what I'm not doing.
Pat
What's one of the lectures he gave you?
Guest 1
He was like, stay in school. Don't do drugs. That dude was a gang banger. But I'm talking about.
Pat
But like, maybe he's speaking from experience. Like, he trying to like, make sure you don't go down the same path he. He went,
Guest 1
bro. He was not even my life, bro. I don't even know what path he took throughout those years. You feel me? Like, how you better tell me something not to do when you did it yourself. But I'm not even in there to see what you're doing. That makes no sense.
Crash
He wasn't part of the process.
Pat
What's your relationship with them now?
Guest 1
No. Hell no. That dude texted me. I don't even answer.
Crash
Oh. What's your message to him, though?
Guest 1
You're lucky, bro. My mom made me pay no child support. 18 years. The one time you gave me money was a hundred bucks and a hat.
Crash
What type of hat?
Jean
And that's.
Guest 1
It was just a New York Knicks hat.
Crash
Are you from. Are you from New York?
Guest 1
Nah, bro, I'm from Ohio. Hey, and also y'. All. Y' all chose Cleveland, bro. Oh, why all the way up in.
Crash
Is that far? Where you at?
Guest 2
I'm in.
Guest 1
I'm in, like, the day in Cincinnati area, and that's like, a five hour car ride. I love y', all, but I'm not driving no five hours.
Pat
You my fault. What you do for a living?
Guest 1
Yeah, I'm in school right now. I'm in. I'm a firefighter and EMT in training, so I'm doing that.
Crash
So.
Guest 1
So if y' all need to get a little soaked, let me know.
Pat
Pause. What's your. What does your dad do for a living, bro?
Guest 1
That dude does. You know when people from Best Buy install, like, the washing machines and whatnot? Yeah, he does that.
Pat
That's not a bad job.
Crash
That's respectable.
Pat
Hey, man, does he have any other kids?
Guest 1
He has three other kids he takes care of instead of his only son.
Pat
Oh, all three daughters?
Jean
Yeah.
Pat
Where they. What they do? They successful or they what?
Guest 1
No, they're all. They're all still school.
Crash
Is it Is. The daughters are with a. A different mom.
Guest 1
They all. They all have different moms.
Crash
Oh, okay. So you just probably don't.
Guest 1
No, you don't vote. He tried to again, but he tried like, three different times, bro. But I think. I think mom took the head when she. When he left him. Once you left her, I meant for another girl and nicked my mom for 2k and never showed up.
Pat
All right, man, well, I'm glad you. Where you at, bro? Yeah, you're doing a lot.
Crash
It's cool, man. Keep saving people.
Pat
You ran up.
Guest 2
Nah.
Guest 1
And I need. I need y' all to come to, like, closer in, bro, and come to show, bro. Like, come to Columbus, Cincinnati or something. Cleveland, bro.
Crash
No, we got you. Got you, brother.
Guest 2
All right.
Guest 1
Appreciate y'.
Crash
All.
Guest 1
Y' all have a great one there, too, man.
Jean
What's going on?
Crash
What it do? What it do?
Pat
What's the word, brother?
Jean
Man chilling like a villain to keep on killing.
Crash
Okay.
Pat
Got a little rhyme down and that sound like it been passed down through generations like your uncles used to say.
Jean
Yeah, I heard this from my great granddaddy.
Pat
I'm already hip. I'm already hip. I got a question for you.
Jean
What up? What's something you're fed up with my faking that phone?
Crash
What's your definition of funk?
Jean
Nah, it's like. But no funk to me. Like, it's really on some spunk. Like, you really flexing that you got that money or you really got it like that and you really funky. You really get. You really getting to that. But a couple days later, a want a. Want to text me going like, hey, what's called you got. You got a couple dollars on cash up? I need it. I'm trying to get a black or some, but it's like, I just seen you posted up with straight 50s and honey sports.
Guest 1
So, like.
Jean
Like, is we talking about lost it
Pat
at the dice game? You know how it goes.
Crash
Is crazy.
Pat
That's like scum. Like, go stock some shells at cvs.
Crash
Like, do some work, because how much are black, man?
Guest 2
These don't be wanting to work.
Guest 1
For real.
Pat
Nah, these. I can't believe that. Who are you talking about, though? Is it personal?
Crash
Yeah, it's definitely personal.
Jean
I ain't gonna. I ain't gonna lie in this city. I ain't gonna lie.
Guest 2
It's really. You could really.
Jean
What city is a lot of Memphis?
Pat
Oh, come on, now. Don't get us in trouble now.
Jean
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. That's y'.
Pat
All.
Jean
Hey, that's y'.
Pat
All.
Jean
If y' all talk bad about this.
Pat
I'm just saying about the LeBron.
Crash
Y' all heard what LeBron said?
Jean
Hey, no, that. Hey, on God. That LeBron.
Pat
But you just said thereby. Nah, bro.
Jean
Cause it's like, nah, it's cool. It's cool. Like, it's cool when in the city
Guest 2
talk about the city food.
Jean
Because it's like, you know, but it's like, bro, yo ass, you don't even be out here type, so you really don't need. Man, out of here, bruh.
Pat
What's your message to LeBron, bro?
Jean
Man, look, Brian, I with you, bro. But if I see you. If I see you out here, my. I ain't gonna lie. That raps, bro. I ain't gonna let that dead, bro.
Pat
You can't threaten the king, bro.
Jean
You bet nothing.
Pat
Now, you have a good one, though, Brown. Watch this pie, bro. All right, y', all, bro.
Jean
All right, all right. Love y', all, man.
Crash
All right. Peace.
Pat
Love you too, bro.
Jean
Amazon presents Jeff vs. Taco Truck Salsa. Whether it's verde roja or the orange one.
Pat
For Jeff, trying any salsa is like
Jean
playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habanero. More like habanero. Yes. Save the everyday day with Amazon.
Sam
Hi, this is Sam.
Crash
Hello, Sam. How's it going? I just saw your DM right now, so I was just. You had something to say about us? Canceling the Birmingham show?
Sam
Yes. Oh, my God. I was looking forward to that. Like, I've been going through it. This has literally been the worst year ever. And the silver lining was going to be coming to y' all show.
Pat
You was counting on us. That's what's. What's been going on.
Sam
I'm about to jump off the bridge.
Crash
No, no, do that. You can come to Atlanta, though. It's not that far.
Pat
Make sure you cash at me what's left in bank account before you jump. But no, don't be selfish. No, for real, though, what happened in your life that. That you needed a silver lining?
Sam
So my aunt that I was really, really close with passed away, but it was in December, and so she went on hospice, and I became like a. Like a caretaker. So I just kind of watched her fade away. That's been really difficult for me. But, like, two weeks ago, I got fired from my fucking job. It's a lot going on. I think somebody put in, like, voodoo or some shit on me.
Pat
You got enough. I gotta buy you an evil eye. You got enough to. You got enough to make it to Atlanta? You got enough money to make it to Atlanta or Nashville?
Sam
Oh, my God. Why you saying I'm broke? I never said that.
Pat
No, no, no, I'm asking. Cause we gonna give you a free ticket to the show. To Atlanta, Nashville show, so.
Sam
Okay. And y' all gonna cover, like, travel and hotel and all of that?
Jean
No, no, no, no, no.
Sam
Y' all doing pretty good.
Pat
No, I'm broke. I'm broke, too. We just gonna give you free ticket. Matter of fact, just let us know if you can make it to any of the shows left.
Sam
Except I don't have a job. I'm, like, hella available.
Pat
Okay.
Crash
How far is Atlanta? Atlanta's like, what, an hour and a half?
Sam
Two hours? Two and a half hours.
Pat
Yeah. If you can make that drive, we'll put you on a list vip. You just walk right in.
Sam
Awesome. So who do I need to give my information to? Y' all responded quick as hell.
Pat
Just dm. Just DM Jean and send them your info, and we'll get you added to a list. Yep, gotcha.
Sam
Okay. And hotel and gas and all of this, right?
Pat
We ain't say all that. We got you free. Free meet and greet. Let's do.
Crash
Obviously, gas is, what, like, 50 bucks?
Sam
Yes. It's getting ridiculous. And y' all know I don't have a job.
Crash
I'm not paying for a state. But I will give you 50 bucks
Pat
for it for gas if she come competes in. Oh, you gotta do karaoke when you get there. We gonna do karaoke at the show, and we'll pay you 50.
Sam
Okay. I'm not. I'm not a shy person, but why did y' all cancel the show? Because of the slow ticket sales.
Crash
Yeah, slow ticket sales. And because I know y' all do things a week of. But that doesn't benefit us that the tickets legit would go half off. Off. And then we'd probably go there, make like 300, 500 or some. That's why they wait. That's like. Yeah.
Sam
So y' all canceled that like three weeks ago, though. Like, it ain't even.
Pat
Come on now.
Crash
It's just the way the other tickets were moving. It was just very irregular.
Pat
So, yeah, like, all the other. All the other ones shot up to like 150, 200. Right away. As soon as we released the link, Birmingham jumped up to eight. Like, come on now, Birmingham. We'll try again. Again in maybe like a year or something. We'll try again, but we just might
Crash
not have that much motion there. It's fine.
Pat
Yeah, it's just you, maybe.
Sam
No, it's okay. Because, like, if y' all know me, that's enough. Like, I'll get the word out. I actually need two tickets. Let me bring someone with me.
Pat
Yeah, you bring somebody here. Go ahead.
Crash
We got you with two tickets.
Sam
Okay, so I'll DM Gene.
Pat
And then what?
Guest 2
I mean, when you're.
Sam
Did I make the pot?
Pat
Yeah, you making a pot. But that mean you don't need no gas money because you need to be getting on that other person. Y' just all need to. That's 25.
Sam
Don't tell me what the. I need after y' all just crush my world. I'm standing on the bridge. I just going lean.
Jean
No.
Crash
Come to your show.
Pat
Don't.
Crash
But you have to come to the show. I'm not. We're not going to give you the money. Be the. Be the $50 for gas before you come to the show.
Pat
Yes, we'll reimburse you.
Crash
Yeah,
Sam
that's cool.
Pat
All right. Yeah. And we gonna see you at the show. You can press us like, we. We not going nowhere. Come on now.
Sam
Will they be checking for weapons?
Pat
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Sam
I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, guys.
Crash
All right. You have a good one.
Jean
Like, dark humor.
Crash
What it do? What it do?
Guest 1
Nothing much. Thanks for having me back. Thanks for having me back.
Crash
Back. Okay. I never knew you're on the pod, but again, we know second Time.
Guest 1
Second time.
Crash
All right, what's something that you're fed up with?
Guest 1
So I work at a car dealership, so I'm on the phone all day, and I'm just fed up with people calling, asking the dumbest questions.
Crash
What was. What would be a dumb question?
Guest 1
For instance, before y' all even call, customer call from Alabama, and I'm in Michigan. And he asked if one of our trucks had all wheel drive. He said he's looking on the website, gave me the vin, and he read it says, awd. Is that front wheel or all wheel? I was like, sir, that's. That's all wheel drive. He's like, but I don't see it. I'm like, sir, awd, all wheel drive. And it just. It pisses me off all day. They call and asking these dumb questions specifically to older folks.
Pat
What's. What's another dumb question you got?
Guest 1
Had a customer call once, asked about an electric vehicle, the Hummer, and they said, if it's electric, what's the miles per gallon? I was like, there is no miles per gallon. It's electric. So how do you fill it up? I explained to him, again, it's electric. It was like, so where do I. Where do I go get the electricity from? Where I get the electricity from? I said, you can either charge it at a station or get an at home one. They said, so do y' all sell the at home station? I was like, no, we sell the car. I'm just. I'm getting fed up with these people asking these ridiculous.
Crash
If y' all sell it. If y' all sell it, it. Like, if y' all sell electric vehicles, I would probably ask too. Like, hey, do you get the station too? Damn. What city do you live in that people are asking these type of questions?
Pat
Alabama. Alabama.
Crash
Okay.
Guest 1
No, no, they. They called from Alabama. The first customer. I stay in Michigan. Yeah, yeah.
Pat
Where are you from?
Guest 1
I was born in Detroit. I work in Redford.
Pat
Okay, sure, sure. You come to the live show?
Guest 1
I am, yeah. This next paycheck, I'm gonna get a ticket.
Pat
Okay, that's a bet. That's a bet. What's one more dumb thing that somebody asked you? Because that. That last one was a little iffy.
Guest 1
Okay, let's see. Probably on one of our used cars, we have a Dodge Durango here. They were asking, why doesn't it display the Ram badge? They were thinking that it was still like, Dodge Ram, like it was back in the day. Again, an older customer. So I'm telling them, like, oh, yeah. They branched off now. So it's Chrysler, Dodge, Jeep, and then Ram. He was like, so is this a phony? Why is there no rain badge? I was like, like, sir, I just explained it to you. It's. They're separate now. And I was just. He asked that question probably three times during my test drive. I was so fed up. I was like, man, can we just put a RAM badge on it? No. I said, if I put a Ram badge on it, will you buy it? He was like, but then it's. It's not real, is it?
Pat
I was like, you know what, bro?
Jean
You got it.
Guest 1
You got it, bro.
Jean
You got it.
Crash
All right.
Pat
All right, bro.
Crash
All right, bro.
Guest 1
You have a good one, y', all, too, man. Peace.
Crash
All right. Peace.
Pat
Somebody tweeted and they put in quotation marks. These kids different. Said every generation once, they were no longer kids.
Crash
That is true. I still think these kids different, though.
Jean
I just.
Pat
I literally just saw a video. Like, I. I. One of my places are near, like, a shopping mall.
Crash
Mall.
Pat
These kids got together for a meetup.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
Over like, five or six hundred. And fought.
Crash
Yeah. And like, okay, it's a teen takeover. It's going on everywhere right now in America, and I want. No, it's just, like, people are doing different teen takeovers. And, like, there's one. There's one in New York. There's one in different. Any other state, too.
Pat
And I don't want to say this generation too crazy. Like, I've, Like, I've. I've done that. When I was younger, like, we used to meet up at the movies.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
I literally, like, one of the most famous fights of my city growing up for my generation, was that somebody fought during. What's the. The. The movie with Chris Brown in it.
Crash
Stomp the Yard.
Pat
Stump the Yard. Somebody fought during the premiere of Stump the Yard, and the brawl started directly after Chris Brown died.
Crash
That's the beginning of the.
Pat
Yes, exactly. And it was literally because Chris Brown died. I think somebody got up and said some shit, and it just started the fight. It was just like, we used to meet up at places, but these little. From that Culver's, it's like, yo. I mean, like, these fighting that y' all fighting in front of Arby's.
Crash
Where's the Meats? I think. I think, too, it's. It's interesting because it's like, I saw another. It was like, another meetup, right. Team Takeover meetup with Lime Scooters. And it's just interesting because it's like we're meeting up with no objective. Like. Like we're gonna get these scooters and we have no objective where we're going, what's gonna happen, who's gonna be there. We're just showing up.
Pat
Yeah.
Crash
And even I was younger, it was always like, who's gonna be there? Type of thing. And I was like, there's some place I wouldn't go because I'm like, I don't want to be there with this person. These kids do not care. I think the Internet, back when we were younger, back in our day, if we're gonna do like a meetup like that, it would have to be word of mouth. And it's word of mouth takes a little bit longer to kind of spread. Especially if you like planted the morning of school. Right. Are we gonna meet at the mall after school? Right. Boom. This is like making an Instagram post. So you're gonna have thousands of people that make pages. They make pages
Pat
especially around Milwaukee, I think maybe three pages to. To post something. And they'll get almost every kid in the city.
Crash
And it takes 12 minutes to get everywhere here.
Pat
This, this. I'm not gonna lie. If you have like a sibling, a little cousin, niece, nephew, that's around like the teenage years, take them in this summer.
Crash
Yeah. Do something. For sure.
Pat
Something. Take them on a trip, four days. Show them that it's something other. Give them another thrill than riding around a city, not doing nothing, loitering in front of B. I know.
Crash
They've been making me feel like uncs now should be looking at my window and like that. I get it. I get it though, because. Because I just don't think there's a lot, a lot of activities for especially kids in the inner city. I don't. I think a lot of the activities are being taken away. Like growing up, for me, it was just like sports was a big thing. Like I played baseball, basketball, football, like all year round. There's always a different sports. In the summer, we did like the summer camps from like nine to four. So it was like something to always do. And especially in like some cities, I feel like there's nothing to do. Why are you laughing?
Pat
Because I just. I just thought of a funny ass concept.
Crash
What?
Pat
Like this might be speech in the rain summer.
Crash
What do you mean?
Pat
Like, you might have to like round up a bunch of kids. It is like rated outside. And then you give it a speech like, we gotta be better football game. Life could be over real soon. Yeah. Jay, what's your GBA 1.9. That's what I'm saying is stupid. We not thinking.
Crash
I think more rec league stuff, though. Like, anybody from Chicago would know this. We had Chicago Park District, so there was always a rec league. There was a fall rec league and a summer rec league, and there was always basketball. And they did the drafts and stuff like that, and they made it fun. I don't think there's enough of that. It's like either you're playing high school or aau, but we had that. That other in between thing of just like, just normal City park rec league.
Pat
Bro. I'm not gonna lie. Like, the. It's fucked up because I think these kids are outside more doing shit more because is boring around. It is because, like, I. I think about like, what like we grew up with and like a. A basketball rim was enough to occupy us for like three, four hours. You know what I mean? A basketball rim and some dice, right?
Crash
That's the whole day.
Pat
Yo said we good. These like. I'm looking around like, some of the cities I look around. Like, you look at a restaurant here, like, it's so many restaurants opening. Like. Like, bro, like, these kids ain't got shit to do. It's like, of course they're trying to get crab legs. The first one that opened this week, I saw.
Crash
I saw a tweet saying me thinking of different reasons why this person is calling me before I an the call. It's like somebody's calling you. You see they're calling. Like, why would this person be calling me? And you're thinking about that before you pick up or you don't pick up.
Pat
Did I forget something?
Crash
Yeah, there. There's certain people that call you. Like, why is this person calling me? Like, it's not a text. A call. A call is crazy.
Pat
That's exactly what Donald Trump was thinking. Think. Must have flip.
Crash
Yeah. Yeah.
Pat
What's up up, tiger? Hey, A. I can do man. You get back in that police car. Yeah, we at war right now. But I'll talk to you later, bro. Just go ahead and take that charge.
Crash
But did y' all ever have that though, when somebody like is calling you and like, you don't know why this person is call. Like they're. You're not on call basis with this person to have a conversation.
Pat
It's us only person that can shock me like that is a woman.
Crash
Yes, that's true.
Pat
That's like a dude too, sometimes.
Crash
No, usually it's like, dude for me is if somebody I don't talk to like that, I know they're calling me. I've never really talked to them on the phone. They're asking me for something.
Pat
That's how I assume the broke gotta be broke. Why is it had history class with freshman year in college calling me gotta be broke. You know what I mean? Like there's no reason you should be calling me unless you're broke, bro. And I can't do it, man.
Crash
But a girl. A girl is like a rant. Especially if it's like a girl you never talk to on the phone. It's like why are you calling me now?
Pat
That's. Come on now I'm in the car
Crash
with my girl too. And you're like you're calling me right now like what?
Pat
What man?
Crash
And you have to pick up. Yeah.
Pat
Cuz then she going, why you not answering? Yeah, who is? Do not answer. Oh well, maybe we should follow instructions. Bab. You never follow the rules.
Crash
That's all it said. Cuz it especially if it's a girl you don't talk to all the time or at all.
Pat
We should follow instructions.
Crash
Especially if it's a girl that you had like limited interaction interaction with. You probably saved her name as blank, blank name, whatever. Plus where you know her from because it's not somebody you talk to all the time.
Pat
Oh yeah.
Crash
So now it's a lot of explaining to do when the were you in Cancun? Who is destiny? Cancun? Like wait, you went to Cancun?
Pat
Who the is Terry from Diamond City. Diamond City is. It's like a Walmart down.
Crash
It's a girl I met on GTA rp.
Pat
So Diamond City is a strip club? Yeah, they named it after a real strip club, but it's a strip club. And GTA rp.
Crash
Yes.
Pat
Yes. I'll pack my clothes. I look chee on the table. I got it.
Crash
I get it. It just making you have other unnecessary conversations because it could be. It honestly could be nothing. Right? Yeah. And usually the case. I feel like for a lot of dudes it might be nothing but having to explain that nothing. And you might even forget like small details of that your interaction. So now you kind of sound like you're lying because now you're kind of like going back and forth like no, I met her here actually, I met her here. Oh, I actually swim this. And it's like now your stories kind of get convoluted.
Pat
No, the. The up part is like usually women, they do a really good job of making it seem like you haven't lost touch. So they'll call you and they just be like hey, you just like, wait, wait. Why you said hey. Like, why aren't you doing like the like exploratory hey. Like hi. You know what I mean? They be like, hey, what's up, big man? Don't. She used to call me big man.
Crash
Especially if the culture knowledge I just tall now shrunk. Especially if you're driving. It's in the car, right? I know every dude has done this. Their face legit. You act like you don't even see it. This is everybody's face when they're driving. Act like you look. You look awkward because you're trying to act too normal.
Pat
One time I swiped the swipe the notification it so fast. I said I was looking for the time. What time is it?
Crash
But the thing I did it was a past relationship I did was like I hit the end button too fast. Like, it was just like out of like muscle memory. It's just like, boom.
Pat
Oh, you fold it.
Crash
Yeah. Didn't let that ring.
Pat
No. The best thing to do is press talk and press in.
Crash
Why?
Pat
Because it kind of them up. It's just like, yeah, I don't want them to leave a void mail. Who is that? It's just like, I don't even want to talk about it. I just don't want them on my life. I'll tell you about it later after I think about it. This tweet say be such haters. You could win the lottery and a be talking about but after taxes.
Crash
No, I think that's like, that's fun hate though. Because I have to hate like that I will hate if somebody's like, want a billion dollars or some of the lottery. I be hating because it's not me. Not I'm going to be real. It's not me. So I'm going to find a way like, oh, he probably going to be broken like five years. You know, people that win the lottery, they always go broke.
Pat
It's like a bit like that's. I love that percentage. I used to have it in the back of my head. But it's just like, I think my hating thing is that I think the lottery is a conspiracy. I don't think like our government will hand out random money to a random person. I feel like you got to fall under some tear. Who bought this ticket? Is it the person that secretly wants the government to burn down? We're not about to let this win $100 million.
Crash
I'm saying I feel it.
Pat
Yeah, well, check this hard drive.
Crash
That's fun hate though.
Pat
Okay. Somebody said I Hate when white people randomly get a black scent when they talk to you.
Crash
There's some people that do that.
Pat
It. See, I don't. I can't tell people where they from. You.
Crash
No, that there's. There's true. But there are some people that do, like, the. They'll add a little twang to the. Or just say certain words or certain like, phrases. It's like, all right, bro, that's not in your everyday vocabulary. No.
Pat
I heard a white dude say. He asked me, he was like, what cuss?
Crash
Say, yeah, yeah, cuz
Pat
you think you mook or something. This tweet say, mom, am I adopted? The mom responded, if we had to adopt, why would we choose you?
Crash
That's real, though.
Pat
That's so real, bro. Like, bro, if you ever think you adopted, like, the only people that should, like, ever think they are adopted are talented people.
Jean
Oh, my God.
Pat
No, for real. Like, if. If you think you're adopted, but what.
Crash
How do you know what age you're talent?
Pat
No, I'm saying the people that should be questioning if, like, if you 610 in the NBA right now and you got a really, really good life, then yes, you need to like, see if you're adopted or not. Because they might have seen you at like three and be like four foot tall at three. I don't know. I don't know what's a tall three year old. But I'm just saying, like, if you like, burnout and you still stay with your parents at 26 and you walk your dusty ass up to that them basement stairs and say, mom, dad, am I adopted? Like, no, nigga, go adopt a job, My nigga. Go adopt a career.
Crash
No, I'm talk to y' all while past looking for tweets. Why is that pause? I said I'm gonna talk to you. I'm just trying to fill in the dead silence right now. How y' all doing though? Like, how's life? Happy Easter.
Pat
Was the supposed to praise after that?
Crash
I mean, they did already. They said happy Easter back. Stop hating, bro. Come up with the tweet of. Tweet of the week.
Pat
I got the tweet of the week.
Crash
All right, come on, go.
Pat
No, finish your speech.
Crash
No, it's okay. They good.
Pat
I feel like you need to at least tell it. Like, give them.
Crash
Y' all good. I know. It's all right. Happens.
Pat
Got this. You talking to them.
Crash
That's a. That's a very evergreen saying. Y' all good. Yeah. Happens.
Pat
Okay, type. I got you.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
Somebody tweeted Posting a receipt to show that you spend money got to be top five corniest things you can do.
Crash
Yeah, I feel like it's always interesting. I see sometimes people go to, like, they'll go to Chanel or one of these high end stores and they'll post, like, how much they spend in the store. And I'm like, I get it. But it's like, you already. You could just post the bag like, we know, like it's expensive. Or you in there, like, it's expensive. Like the price you spent on this, it's really irrelevant.
Pat
I like, feel like, yeah, to me, that's like an excitement thing though. I don't really mind that because I don't like, yeah, it got to be for them. They must have thought, like, man, my rent used to be this, or my mom used to like, work for this for six months and I'm spending it in the store. That's like investing it in stocks. You do what you want with your money. The only I. But in real life, I think the only receipts that should be taken taking a picture of are the ones that are very cheap. Like, I think it's like very, like, brag worthy. Like, yeah, like, okay, you took a picture of your plate, right? You took a picture you eating with five people. You take a picture of all the plates and drinks and then you show me the receipt and the, say, 37. And then you got the plug emoji at the top. Like, that's fire to me. Like, damn, you got the plug. You got all that for cheap. I don't want to see you, like, you showed me a receipt and told me me that you spent, you know, $1,000. It's only two of y' all eating steaks. I think you are idiots.
Crash
I see, I see the receipt stuff too. When people do the, the group tables and then they'll like, do the card roulette and they'll like, take a picture and like, oh, this person had to pay $1,000 sometime. You seen people's like, receipts and be like, $8,000 for dinner. I'm like, bro, what did y' all get?
Pat
That's what I'm saying. As soon as you leave.
Crash
It'll be the drinks that get them, though.
Pat
Like, 8,000 bottle. The whole bottle.
Crash
The whole bottle. That's what they get. That's what gets them.
Pat
It's just like, bro, $8,000 for dinner. Like, bro, I'm eating that twice. I might poop. I might poop in a to go box.
Crash
I think the most honestly, I think the most I've ever spent on like a dinner, maybe like $400. But it was like a big group as well.
Pat
I spent. I spent like $600, but it was like. It was a humongous group.
Crash
Yeah. I mean, we spent. We spent a th. For our.
Pat
We.
Crash
For our birthdays, for everybody.
Pat
I guess that is probably like the. Like.
Crash
Yeah, that's the biggest.
Pat
One thousand. Thousand for some pizza too. Yeah.
Crash
But that's. I feel like that's different. That's like a business.
Pat
That's a business fence. And we were trying to, like, we had company. We were also hosting a birthday.
Crash
We didn't take a picture of the receipt at that point, though. I actually did take a picture of it so I could use it for taxes.
Jean
Yeah.
Pat
But it was a business event, though. It wasn't a birthday party.
Guest 2
Come on, man.
Pat
You know what to do. So what do you think about. I don't think we ever talked about the Chris Brown situation where I don't know if she was there with her man or a guy that she brought to the concert. Basically it was a girl going on concert. Let's just stick to that.
Crash
Yes.
Pat
What we know is a fact. It was a girl going on stage and getting serenade. Serenaded by Chris Brown and getting kissed on. So. And we've seen this in the past where women or men can get on stage, depending on, like, who's performing, and get serenaded by the artist. And then people always wonder, does that person have a significant other at home? And is this. Okay. And I've been in a relationship or a situationship where the person is obsessive over a male artist. And I always thought of that. That as the same as like, you being obsessive as the next door neighbor.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
Because if you're this obsessive over him and it's like, not the. Like, it's a different type of obsession because some people, like, obsess over the music.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
And they can separate it. Man, I love this song. I'm listening to this song. But you know when it starts to get a little crazy, like, you follow him. Okay. You reposting every outfit. There's one girl that kept reposting each elbow. Like, how many times you gonna post this in the suit? Like, but. No, but for real. But then you'll see that. And then, you know, like, that person's probably also in a relationship, and that person that they're in a relationship with accepts that thing is like a normality only because they think their partner is out of range for that artist.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
Until that they get in range and, like, if they're that obsessed and they're going to eventually get to an event with that person, you better hope they not trying to.
Crash
Oh, yeah, that video. I would like to hope. I would like to think that girl's not in a relationship and kissing Chris Brown on stage. Just like, faith in humanity, right?
Pat
Yeah, like, but I believe some girls would admit that, like, to their. To their significant other.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
They would just be like, yes, if the opportunity presents itself because they think it's so unrealistic, and they'll even throw it back to the dude and just be like, you can do that with your favorite celebrity. No one is way less likely. Like, Missy Elliott. Don't want to make out with me.
Crash
Yeah, that is true. True. Like, I feel like a lot of the. The women artists, they. They don't do. They do more stuff with women than they would do with a guy on stage.
Pat
Exactly.
Guest 1
Yeah.
Pat
And it's like, obviously it's way harder. It's just like, way harder for a guy to pull that off. It's just like, bruh.
Crash
Like, Tiana. Tiana Taylor, I would say to you Tiana was. Was doing lap dances at her shows, but I don't know. I can remember if it was ever with a dude food. Because she was with Iman at that time. I believe, too.
Pat
Okay. Yeah.
Crash
So she was doing lap dances, but it was like, you know, I see the shows, too, when guys have to, like, keep their hand behind their back
Pat
and, like, that they're not allowed to touch.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
Just like being at the strip club.
Crash
Yeah.
Pat
It's like, gta. GTA taught you that. Can't touch the stripper. Hey, that's such, like, a dumb part of the game. Why are you teaching little kids hey.
Crash
When nobody looking?
Jean
It's a meter and.
Pat
Yeah, a meter. Meter for sa. It's crazy. No. What were we just talking about?
Crash
Oh, the Chris Brown thing.
Pat
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Crash
There is a. There is a limit, I think, with, like, where everybody has, like, their hall pasting. And I would say some people's girls, like, like the older actors, like, those ones seem more like a Denzel or whatever. Yeah, those seem like, I love Denzel. Like, you know, Denzel's not on stage serenading your girl and like that. And even she see, like, fans out about Denzel. It's just like, that's.
Pat
That.
Crash
That's Denzel. You know what I mean? I'm not saying Chris Brown's a goat. Right. But it's still different when it's like, you're bringing. You're in a more of a performance. Like, you perform with the audience. So it's like a different experience where even when he's doing the. The meetups, obviously, there's some of them. Are we. We did a meet and greet, right? A girl asked us to hold her up. That one's, like, was very friendly. If that girl had a boyfriend, I don't think that would be taking, like, like, too seriously.
Pat
It was a there holding her jacket.
Crash
So I don't know, like, but I don't.
Pat
That might have been a foreplay, but also because hold you up.
Crash
But we're. We're podcasters. It's like, we're not like, I'm a rock star, dude.
Pat
I don't know about you, dude. I'm a rock star, dude. They. They.
Crash
They know that. Especially, like, it's a very, like, innocent thing. Like, but there's different ones. Like, she said, hey, could you guys Eiffel Tower me now? That would be a little different, like, if we.
Pat
You lost me.
Crash
No, I'm just saying, if she asked it to do that, that would be a lot different. That's like, okay, now you're, like, you're fanned out. There's different poses that might be. And everybody has their limit of, like, what's acceptable and what's not.
Pat
No, V. This crazy, bro. What? Try put me in the Eiffel Tower.
Crash
I didn't put you. I said, she asked us to Eiffel Tower. What the
Pat
Said we both don't got to participate. It's a fortune cookie break one piece. Yeah, that's crazy. Anyway, we're not Eiffel towering nobody. I'm sorry. We got to put that out there.
Crash
No, I give you. I give hugs, though, so.
Pat
No, we definitely give hugs to the ladies.
Crash
I give. Hey, if I do really want a hug, I give him a hug.
Jean
Hug.
Pat
Okay, bro.
Crash
I'm so. Again, I'm comfortable with my masculinity. Oh,
Pat
Let's start a montage. Put both of the ones back to back.
Crash
Man demasculates them and stuff. Or is it emasculate or demasculate? I'm comfortable with my masculinity. Oh, I'm just. Should I just start saying manhood?
Pat
Yeah, yeah, let's try it out.
Crash
I'm comfortable with my manhood, that if a guy actually wanted a hug, I'll give him a hug.
Pat
Like, what? It got to be like a handshake before the hug.
Crash
Yeah, yeah, Handshake to a hug.
Pat
It's a tap hug.
Crash
Yeah, yeah. Like the.
Pat
No, no, Hell no. Hell no. I'll give.
Crash
Come on now, bro.
Pat
The strong tap hug. Like it's a football game. Yeah, yeah. Like real. You know what I'm saying? That's why I with our show because like when we on our way to like when we at the live show, we on our way to the stage, like we giving out handshakes. I'm having. I had a full blown conversation with a before I went on stage that didn't give a about the performance was throwing me off. Literally I was five seconds from going on stage and I had a ask me. Yo, how's this live going for you? We about to see dude.
Crash
Anyway, man, that's been the pod. Make sure you guys go to crashdummieslive.com for ticket again. We really appreciate y' all coming to the live shows. New York has been sold out. Chicago sold out. And I think we're going to sell out a couple more cities on the tour. Cali, Cali. Texas, Florida again. Phoenix. I mean Arizona with the whole state patient. We. We'll try and do more theaters there. Cleveland, Cleveland, step up.
Pat
Don't do it to us. Cleveland, Cleveland, Cleveland.
Crash
It's a big venue, so don't make it.
Pat
This is not for you. Don't do it.
Crash
Make sure you guys subscribe to Patreon as well. It's half off. I didn't mention it at the beginning, but it's half off for this month.
Pat
Again, happy International Black Women's History Month.
Crash
Shout out to you all.
Pat
Shout out to the ladies. Go cop your shirts. Go copy all merch niggas. Y' all cop too. Shout out to everybody. We appreciate you all on the journey. Hey, let's turn up again.
Crash
Peace.
Release Date: April 8, 2026
Hosts: Pat (Patrick Johnson), Crash (Michael Esiobu)
Main Theme:
Pat and Mike (Crash) riff on current events, trending internet moments, wild scenarios, and offer up their signature blend of humor while engaging with fans via call-ins. The episode balances topics from viral tweets to musings about celebrity behavior, everyday annoyances, and honest takes on relationships and growing up.
The hosts kick off with shout outs to Black International Women's Month, address their live show tour, and quickly move into a blend of viral Twitter topics, celebrity gossip, and engaging, often hilarious fan call-ins on what they're "fed up with" lately. Throughout, Pat and Crash riff on social norms, the strange world of internet fame, and interpersonal relationships, always staying rooted in sharp observations and quick-witted banter.
This episode typifies Crash Dummies’ rapport: smart-mouthed, observant, and openly interactive with their growing community. Expect sharp takes, lots of laughter, human vulnerability, and the hosts’ unique ability to make even mundane topics – like awkward phone calls or car dealership questions – feel memorable and hilarious.
If you want honest, funny commentary on the world, sprinkled with viral memes and listener participation, this episode is a must.