Crash Court - Episode 245

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

"Crash Court" – Episode 245

Release Date: February 11, 2026

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Episode Overview

In "Crash Court" (Ep. 245), hosts Patrick Johnson (Pat) and Michael Esiobu (Mike), along with guests and live callers, dive into current events, social observations, and outlandish hypotheticals—the signature style of Crash Dummies Podcast. This episode debuts their new interactive segment, "Dummies Court," where listeners call in and have their wildest confessions, dilemmas, or indiscretions judged by Pat and Mike (equipped with judge costumes and gavels). The tone throughout is irreverent, playful, and unfiltered, covering everything from internet culture and relationships to audience confessions that border on therapy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Race, Meme Culture, and Political Hot Takes

[00:00–02:02]

• Pat questions the persistent blaming of Black people in political discourse and meme culture, referencing incidents involving high-profile right wing figures.
  • “Niggas always blaming us. Did you hear his excuse on why he posted it, that he didn't watch the whole thing?” – Pat [00:24]
  • “It’s like your son being on a football team... you talk to the head coach, he like, we're about this, we're about that. Like, your team’s undisciplined, like, ‘I had nothing to do with the riots.’ Hey, man, it looked like they was wearing your gear...” – Pat [00:59]
• The hosts mock the excuses made for racially insensitive memes, laugh about Republican politicians’ looks, and riff on the hypocrisy in public rhetoric.

2. Live Shows and Tour Announcements

[02:11–05:12]

• Mike and Pat run through an extensive list of dates for their upcoming Crash Dummies Live tour, with stops in major and mid-sized U.S. cities.
  • “All 70 y’all reached out. So like, yeah, we're going to Birmingham, Alabama.” – Pat [03:58]
  • Observational humor about what to wear to different cities; Pat jokes about flannels and straw hats for Birmingham.
• Each host shares which city they're most excited to visit and why – e.g., Pat for Charlotte, Mike for New York.

3. Super Bowl (and Music Versus) Predictions

[05:12–10:33]

• Nonchalant and comedic run-through of their Super Bowl picks, with little actual football knowledge but plenty of off-the-cuff reasoning.
  • “Whoever got the most niggas on the team is who I will root for.” – Pat [06:18]
• Deep dive into the hypothetical: Who wins a VERZUZ battle, 50 Cent or T.I.?
  • “I think 50 Cent is one of the ones where, like, he's winning. Whatever, right? He has like a joker in the deck.” – Pat [07:09]
  • “TI could win it, though, based on, like, the performance aspect.” – Mike [09:13]
  • Consensus leans 50 Cent but acknowledges T.I.’s catalog and performance skills.

4. Family, Fame, and Entitlement: Glorilla’s Family Drama

[10:33–14:47]

• Pat expresses his worries about becoming famous and having “cousins that don’t act right.”
• Discussion of rapper Glorilla’s family issues, specifically her sister (Scarface) airing grievances online and being accused of clout-chasing.
  • “Sometimes you can't really bring everyone with you ...like her saying like all she had to give us was $2,500 is like, come on now.” – Mike [12:44]
  • Principles about lending money and expectations from family as you gain success.

5. Relationships: Bro Code, Sharing Locations, and Boundaries

[15:17–22:41]

• Pat asks: "Is there any time the bro code doesn't apply?" resulting in humorous but thoughtful debate about loyalty and self-preservation.
  • “If you got a wife and kids, that bro code shit gone.” – Pat [18:34]
• The group delves into sharing locations with partners – when/why it's appropriate, and when it signals mistrust or insecurity.
  • “I don't feel like the 24 hour thing... because I think you feel like you're being watched.” – Mike [20:56]
  • “If you ask me where I'm at more than three times a week, that location going off forever now.” – Pat [22:17]
• Insights into modern digital trust (or lack thereof) in dating.

6. Lo-fi, Porn Instrumentals, and Dumbest Music Ideas

[24:00–25:02]

• Tangent about “Lo-fi moans”—the idea of a lo-fi beats channel featuring moaning sounds for background ambiance.
  • “I just drive lo-fi moans is crazy.” – Mike [24:00]
  • The hosts imagine "10 hours of moaning" as a real YouTube background, laughing at how weird it would be.

7. Debut of "Dummies Court" Segment

[25:02–43:29]
The main focus of the episode—a segment where listeners confess their messy or wild situations for Pat and Mike to "judge." The podcast’s signature mix of genuine advice, wild storytelling, and ruthless roast is on full display. Notable cases:

- Case 1: The Ghosted Shopper

• Caller confesses to showing up at the workplace of a woman who ghosted him after texting her seven times with no reply.
  • “Seven. Okay, that's perfect. We're getting seven years.” – Pat [28:31]
  • Hosts call it “creepy” and sentence the caller to “seven years.”

- Case 2: The Hating Friend

• Confession to sabotaging a friend’s attempts to get a girl the caller originally failed with by giving him bad advice.
  • Mike: “One count of player hating, some excessive horniness, and just being a bad dude overall...” [31:10]
  • Sentence: “Seven years, you ass, nigga.” – Pat

- Case 3: The Multi-Valentine Ghoster

• Caller with multiple women lined up for Valentine's Day plans to ghost them all.
  • Pat: “$500 fine. Broke ass. You pissing me off. We'll get to his case later. 30 days in jail.” [34:34]

- Case 4: Breaking the Stripper’s Heart & Karma

• Pete confesses his string of failed relationships, breaking a stripper’s heart, then laments “karma” stopping him from finding love.
  • Hosts probe into his life, income, height, and routines, mixing jokes and genuine advice.
  • “You got your brother.” – Mike, after Pete brags about his physique [42:59]

- Case 5: The Freelance Stepdad

• Call from a 22-year-old “freelance stepdad,” who only dates women with kids, and shares stories of fighting biological dads.
  • “Don’t start beef with the other dad. Dave bit me in the back twice now.” – Guest [44:52]
  • Hosts alternate between therapy and ribbing: “You just trying to look for a place to stay.” – Pat [48:22]

- Other Memorable Confessions

• Man thinks he’s a lesbian because he loves women so much. [50:40–53:41]

• Caller reveals he didn’t wash his ass until he was 20, believing it was “gay.”

  • “20 years of stinkiness.” – Pat [55:48]

• A man convinces himself letting his girl hook up with others will prove his relationship is special, only to get upset when she actually seeks other men.

  • “You just didn’t know that those experiences will be better.” – Pat [61:41]

• A Belgian caller argues women “hoeing around” is good for men looking for easy options, equating relationships to shopping for shoes.

  • “Even if you have a shoe, you still go into shoe stores to look for other shoes, right?” – Guest [66:56]

• Multiple conversations about musty body parts and attraction for comedic effect, i.e. “when the coochie is a little bit musty, it kind of turned me on.” – Caller [70:36]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If you got a wife and kids, that bro code shit gone.” – Pat [18:34]
• “If you ask me where I'm at more than three times a week, that location going off forever now.” – Pat [22:17]
• “20 years of stinkiness.” – Pat [55:48]
• “Even if you have a shoe, you still go into shoe stores to look for other shoes, right?” – Belgian Caller [66:56]
• “You’re giving an opportunity to say no to you every year.” – Mike, on asking partner to be Valentine [89:31]

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Important Timestamps

• Discussion on race, conservatives, and blame: 00:00–02:02
• Live show & tour details: 02:11–05:12
• Super Bowl picks & VERZUZ debate: 05:12–10:33
• Glorilla’s family drama: 10:33–14:47
• Bro code and location sharing in relationships: 15:17–22:41
• Lo-fi porn/moans meme: 24:00–25:02
• Dummies Court begins: 25:02
• Best Dummies Court cases: 26:10–43:29
• Social media comparison & internet perceptions: 91:51–94:14
• Valentine’s Day partner expectations: 86:42–90:39

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Episode Tone & Style

• Language: Candid, unfiltered, heavy on slang, swearing, and AAVE
• Vibe: Casual, joke-heavy, self-aware, but occasionally poignant
• Structure: Loose, chaos-driven but with recurring themes and callbacks

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For New Listeners

Crash Dummies Podcast blends culture critique, relationship talk, wild hypotheticals, and community confessions through the lens of two quick-witted (and often trolling) hosts. "Crash Court" is a sampler of all the show’s strengths: outrageous real-life calls, clever banter, and a willingness to turn even off-the-wall confessions into thoughtful (if ridiculous) discussion.

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Note: This summary omits intro/outro, ads, and tour plug repetition, focusing solely on the substance of the episode.

Transcript

[Pat]

I'm not tripping, right? You know the person that killed Charlie Kirk, what color was he?

[Mike]

I think white.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Guest 2]

The.

[Pat]

The person that shot Trump, what color was he?

[Mike]

I think white.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Was he white? Right?

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So, like. So, like, why right wingers, like, back in Trump's racial meme about the Obamas.

[Mike]

What do you mean?

[Pat]

Like, what black people got to do with this shit? The dude was like. It was like a tweet, and this dude was like, you shot my president in the fucking ear. So I don't care what you think about what he tweets. And just like, yo, what the we do, bro? Niggas always blaming us. Did you hear his excuse on why

[Mike]

he posted it, that he didn't watch the whole thing?

[Pat]

Is that. Was that what his excuse?

[Mike]

It was something like. Something like he didn't watch the whole thing, and there was a. It's like an animal kingdom and stuff like that, you know?

[Pat]

I mean, I'm like, I'm getting sick of this dude. Right?

[Mike]

Because it says the most craziest I've ever seen.

[Caller 2]

It's.

[Pat]

It's like your. It's like your son being on a football team, right? And a football team. Teams to lose, and they. And they don't have any discipline. But when you talk to the head coach, he like, we're about this, we're about that. We're about this. It's like your team undisciplined, like, oh, I had nothing to do with the riots. Hey, man, it looked like they was wearing your gear like they had on your team, bro. That's your team.

[Mike]

You told them to go there. Like, oh, man, I did not tell

[Jean]

them to do that.

[Pat]

Yo, whatever. Talking about. I was trying to tell them that I was the king of the jungle.

[Mike]

Some like that. It was a dumbass excuse.

[Pat]

Crazy.

[Mike]

I could have made anybody the. The. The monkeys and gorillas. Anybody in that little thing.

[Pat]

Hey, don't. Don't make me mad, because I can show you some Republicans that literally look like monkeys. Like, if you want to do that, you pig looking. It's like, we could go there.

[Jean]

The.

[Pat]

Literally got pig eyes, bro. Talking about somebody. Look, you the king of the jungle.

[Mike]

Anyway, welcome to Crash Dummies podcast, episode 245.

[Pat]

That's gonna be illegal in 10 years, by the way, so you might as well get it out now. What, like, in 10 years, by the way? If. You know, if this country keep going the way it's going.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

If I say that on podcast, I'm gonna be beheaded in Washington. They gonna fly me out in the helicopter. Let's get him to pronto.

[Mike]

Make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon. We just dropped an episode there last week. And then we drone drop some live show clips there, too, when we're going on tour. Speaking of live shows, we are going to be in Indiana February 24th, and we're going to be in St. Louis February 25th, Seattle March 24th, and Portland March 25th. And all we have more dates. It's all in the link in the bio or link in the description. Crashdummieslive.com make sure y' all check the link.

[Pat]

Make sure y' all check all the cities and actually do your due diligence and actually click the link, actually buy the tickets. Because we don't want somebody from Atlanta or Nashville not seeing their city and then traveling, traveling to another city only to find out that we're doing it in their city two weeks later.

[Mike]

Yeah. Full schedule will drop hopefully by the time this comes out. If it's not, it's going to be out at least by Friday. I know some of the links to these cities aren't up there, but yeah, we're gonna be in Atlanta, Nashville, Birmingham, Baltimore, Philly, New York, Boston. What else we got?

[Pat]

Detroit, Pittsburgh, Cleveland.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yep.

[Mike]

So we're gonna be. We've been a lot of these. Texas, LA, Texas, CA, and Florida. Like, y', all. We're planning something bigger for y'. All. So y' all might not be on this first little leg.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

But we might do something in May. If not May, we might do something the fall. We're going to definitely do something in the fall, but we try and get a bigger show out there for you.

[Pat]

Yes. And a bigger show is not just for y'.

[Caller 2]

All.

[Pat]

We know a lot of people use y' all city as vacation spot, so we want to make sure, you know, we doing a big by then. So just good, good tour run. Make sure we go into, like, some small towns. Shout out to all the Birmingham people. People that have been reaching out to me. All 70 y' all reached out.

[Mike]

So, like, yeah, we're going to Birmingham, Alabama. That didn't want to go at first.

[Pat]

That's not true. I just feel like I don't have enough flannels for it. You know, I don't know what to wear. I don't know where my straw hat is.

[Mike]

Like, what city are you most excited to go to?

[Pat]

Charlotte, of course.

[Mike]

Charlotte. Okay.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's kind of like. That's kind of like hometown Ish. Like obviously Detroit when it pops off because it's close to Pontiac, but Charlotte is like hometown. Plus, I feel like those are the most people I see. Yeah, like I can physically see. You said you're from Charlotte. No offense to other cities, but Charlotte people pop out. I ain't gonna lie. They be on it.

[Mike]

I would say for me it would be like New York. And I think just because New York just has like the most diverse type of people and like just seeing people in the crowd and just like I feel like it's gonna be a lot to kind of go off of just by the people alone that be there.

[Pat]

I got you saying everybody in Charlotte gonna dress the same.

[Mike]

He said y like Charlotte going like sim characters.

[Pat]

Everybody in Charlotte either dress like jcole or Michael Jordan. No, in between.

[Mike]

What about you, Jean?

[Jean]

Atlanta. I'm excited to go back to Atlanta.

[Mike]

Atlanta.

[Pat]

Hey, man, you a funny

[Jean]

man.

[Pat]

Me and Jean was out to 10pm at Atlanta. We was home early in with Bibles. Let's get this out the way. This is my favorite part. To see how wrong or right that we're gonna be. Okay, super bowl predictions. I know you don't not into the game, but nobody gives a mike. Give us.

[Mike]

I'm going with Cardi B's boyfriend's team.

[Pat]

Cardi B's boyfriend's team now.

[Mike]

I'll go with the Patriots. I like the Patriots.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

Yeah. What about you, G?

[Jean]

I'm going for the Seahawks.

[Pat]

Seahawks. Is there any particular reason? It's just Cardi B. I like Stefon Diggs too. You want to see Cardi B on the field?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

I feel like Taylor had our moment last time.

[Pat]

No, that was fire. This is like scripted.

[Mike]

I like it.

[Jean]

I like the colors better.

[Pat]

The colors just straight color.

[Mike]

What are you going for?

[Pat]

I'm always just like. It's an in game thing to me. It's like, it's like a little thing. It's like the underdog.

[Mike]

Somebody pat go to the games with two jerseys and like this. And like I'm. I'm just going off all vibes who I'm supporting today, fellas.

[Jean]

Oh, God.

[Pat]

It's usually because I build a hate for somebody doing some shit like during the process. Yeah, just like I don't like the

[Mike]

way he warmed up, bro. High knees.

[Pat]

I'm looking at the pregame interviews and Sam Darnold talking that shit. Nah, not today, white boy. Whoever got the most niggas on the team is who I will root for. I'm not going to lie to you. Okay. So somebody brought something up to me, which I actually. Because we did this before with other artists, but I actually didn't know the answer to this question is a verse is between 50 cent and ti and I actually thought that's the first one I've actually been stumped on because I actually don't know. That's another one where we talked about they would actually have to do it.

[Mike]

Pull up, pull up. TI's of N50. You said 50 and 50 cents. Discography.

[Pat]

I think 50 Cent is one of the ones where, like, he's winning. Whatever, Right? He has like a joker in the deck.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

You know what I mean? He has like a cup. I think he might have two.

[Mike]

Let's go. Let's just. We can just stick with.

[Pat]

Yeah, like, it's in the club, like the automatic. Like. Ah, I got you.

[Mike]

It depends. I think people sleep on TI though. I think, you know, I think people are sleeping on ti. I think it'd be closer than a lot of people think. And I think with versus, it's always a thing about, like, the performance aspect of it. 50 cents still on. To be doing tours and like that. And TI still do slife like that. But I'm trying to think, like, where would they even do it? I don't think they're a good matchup, first of all. But I'm going to. We're going to debate why they're not a good matchup. I just think New York, Atlanta. I feel like if TI was going to go against somebody, be like a ludicrous. I just. So you can be like, in Atlanta, you know, like, it's going to be hard to, like, where are we really going to?

[Pat]

Like, he would beat shit down Ludacris leg. But I get what you're saying.

[Mike]

You think so?

[Pat]

He would beat the dog shit out of Ludacris. Like, dog shit.

[Caller 2]

All right.

[Mike]

I'm trying to see what's what. Live your life. All right. Ti, that's one of his.

[Pat]

That's tough.

[Mike]

But is that like a. I don't even know.

[Pat]

I don't even know if he played that. He might have too much pride to play that cuz TI got some.

[Mike]

But that's like ti's joker right there. Live your life.

[Pat]

Yes, but I. I don't know if he would play some like that.

[Mike]

But does. Does live your life be everything, nothing? What? What doesn't.

[Pat]

What doesn't in the club doesn't like, they wash each other to me.

[Mike]

Gotcha, cuz.

[Pat]

I love both artists you know what I mean? It's just a preference thing after that. I mean, y' all can be in the comments saying, I picked this song, but it's just like, that's a preference thing.

[Mike]

This ain't about the money. Oh, whatever you like is another. It's another one.

[Pat]

I would just say 50 Cent would start off strong, but I think ti can make it easy come back because I think 50 Cent could come out with Mini Man Candy Shop in the club. No, 50 Cent got some because it's

[Mike]

versus just like, 20 do it, homie.

[Pat]

But. But ti got some too, obviously.

[Mike]

Again, dead and gone, too.

[Pat]

If you had to pick one right now, who you going with? Just to end the conversation. Oh, 50.

[Guest 1]

50.

[Mike]

I'm gonna just. 50 based on what I'm looking at. I think ti could win it, though, based on, like, the performance aspect of some of those songs as well.

[Caller 3]

I'm going.

[Pat]

If it's in New York, obviously, it's like. I feel like the verses, like, it has been. Like, it's been more of a crowd thing.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because even the Jada Kiss moment, obviously I with Jadakiss, But I think if the crowd wasn't doing nothing, it obviously wouldn't have been as big as a moment.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You're just like, I'm outside.

[Mike]

That was tough. And the camera zooming in, and it's like, New York has that aura about them, too.

[Pat]

And they was looking kind of salty when he was rapping. I was like, oh, this shit.

[Mike]

On paper, I would have. When I saw that matchup, I was like, oh, dipset got it. That was when I was like, that's the easy1. Mario vs. Omarion. I was circling that one, too. I was like, oh, Omarion got it. But I was just looking at the

[Pat]

songs, and it's about the performance.

[Mike]

Yeah. Mario was singing. Singing.

[Pat]

Mario's one of the best singers of all time, just, like, vocal wise. So just, like, you never know with that stuff. I know you've been seeing this. So my biggest fear before I say that, my biggest fear is that I get famous, which I think I am. You know, I think I'm gonna be super famous, like, all over y' all. TV screen one day. All over y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Pat]

But I do. But I do have some cousins that just don't act right. You know what I'm saying? And, like, I don't know if it's any of my siblings, but I definitely got some cousins that don't act right. And they might get online and say some whole ass shit and I feel bad for Glorilla right now because her sister been going crazy.

[Mike]

Okay, what's her name? Scarface or something like that.

[Pat]

I thought they call her Borilla.

[Mike]

I think they're trolling.

[Pat]

Are they trolling? Yeah, they're trolling. I don't know.

[Mike]

I think. I think her name is. Sister's name is Scarface.

[Pat]

Scarface.

[Pete]

She.

[Caller 3]

She looked.

[Mike]

She looked.

[Pat]

I mean, you could tell us. Gorilla Sister. I'll put it like that. It looked just alike, to be honest. Except she got a buzz cut. She got a taper.

[Mike]

Yeah. Scarface speaks out.

[Pat]

Scarface. That's her name. That's a perfect name for her. It's kind of like the Lion King.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's always tough though, because it's like especially a big, like looking at it. She has like a big family, nine siblings. There's no way you cool with all nine siblings. Especially they're not from like the. The same mom or dad. I don't know. That's the situation. But like nine siblings, you're not gonna be cool with everybody.

[Pat]

Especially in, you know, I'm not really rocking with TMZ giving her the platform like that. Especially since they haven't talked about them being named in the Epstein files. But they not reporting on that shit. But they over here interviewing Glorilla's sister. But I just saw the worst picture ever.

[Mike]

What?

[Pat]

I saw gorilla sister in the car with skinny bone eating two McChicken sandwiches. So the greatest skit of all time is on his way out already? I think. So it gotta be. Why else would she just be right in the car with.

[Mike]

I think that's like the whole point of it. It does. It looks very, very clout chasey. Yeah, that's the main thing. It's like cloud chasing off your sister and like bad mountain. And then the gorilla posted the text message thread with her mom and stuff like that. And the mom's being thankful and stuff like that. I feel like the moms are always going to be thankful for no matter what you do, like the little stuff you do. But that's the thing about making it. Sometimes you can't really bring everyone with you. And there's people in my life, I feel like if I start making a lot of money, like really a lot of money, like millions of millions of dollars. I feel like my family will still act the same. They wouldn't be like asking me every time. It's like they still want to make a way for themselves because like her saying like all. All she had to give us was 20$500 is like, come on now. That's all you're doing is for, for 20$500 with.

[Pat]

For y'. All. For y', all that like, for y' all that's going up on the money scale in your life. I want to tell you whatever that you feel bad about borrowing or like letting people borrow now is going to be the same thing when you get a lot of money. Like if someone asked me for $500 five years ago, it feels the same as if they asked for $500 now, even though I have more money. It's just about the principle. Like that's a lot of fucking money for you just to be asking me. And especially if you don't have a plan to pay me back or I can't see where the money going. So I can see the vision is just like, oh, I need $2500.

[Mike]

It's just like, bro, moms, moms always can get everything. Like I send my mom money just randomly.

[Pat]

All your moms can get it. Yeah.

[Mike]

No, that's crazy.

[Pat]

You say anything from y'?

[Mike]

All. No, I'm just saying with my, with moms, I just feel like it's like, especially like if your mom is in your life, it was a big part of your life. Like mine was. It's like you almost want to do that. Cuz there have been times where I was, I borrowed money from my mom in my 20s, you know?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You know what I mean? Like, and that especially like you start feeling like, damn, like I'm not really doing. I'm still asking my mom for. To borrow me money and like that. So definitely, she definitely gonna get whatever she wants.

[Pat]

Because that's what I mean, that's what the motivation is.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Right. You. You feed back into what actually motivated you to get there.

[Mike]

Exactly. And I don't think Lorella's sister was the one that got her where she was.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. But it's nice because you think, you think.

[Mike]

Like I feel like most people would give back to their family members who really put on for them and really supported them.

[Pat]

Especially if you have. That's why I feel bad for child stars.

[Pete]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because they really can't see that because they were famous when they were before they were able to comprehend everyone's intentions around them. But when you get start to get money late in your 30s, like when you're your 20s, 20s can be very lonely and you can actually see like, okay, who was there for me when I barely had any Money in my pocket. And then it's actually easy to read. So gorilla probably saw like, damn, my sister. Don't fuck with me like this. Why would I give her 2500? But that's a nice taver she got, though. I'm not going to lie.

[Mike]

I thought it was all even.

[Pat]

I really fuck with it, though.

[Mike]

That was all even, huh? That was all even. Cut.

[Pat]

No, it was a taper from the videos I saw.

[Mike]

Oh, it is a taper.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

Nice, though. She got some tats and stuff like that.

[Mike]

It look alike, too.

[Pat]

She like a. A WNBA point guard look like she averaged 4.9 assists. You know those point guards that only want to get people involved? Yeah, like, damn. Everything about sn. God damn. Um, okay, I got a question for you.

[Mike]

Damn.

[Pat]

And it's fucked up because we. Me and you talked about putting the questions in the notes, and I actually missed this question, and it's my best question, so, you know, I'm putting you on the spot. I don't care. Is there any time the bro code doesn't apply who?

[Mike]

I feel like the bro code doesn't apply if it also gets me in trouble.

[Jean]

I know he's going to say, but

[Pat]

that's the bro Code, though.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no. Taking a fall, okay, Gets me in trouble with basically like, girlfriend, wife. Yeah.

[Pat]

And what if it gets you in less trouble than your bro is gonna be like, let's say your bro did something right that's gonna make him lose his wife and his family.

[Mike]

But would I lose my wife and my family as well?

[Pat]

No, no, but listen. No, no, no, no. Exactly. It's not even. Okay, if it's even.

[Mike]

You think I'm gonna leave with just an argument then?

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. But I'm just saying, like, bro code to me is like, is it even?

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

If it's even, then, yeah, Bro code doesn't apply. Like, no, we about to get the same sentence. Just keep your sentence. Why both of us got to go through this?

[Mike]

Exactly.

[Pat]

But if it's like, okay, bro, if this happened and they find out or whatever, I'm about to lose my wife and my family.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

If. If you somehow take the blame or jump into it too.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You're probably just gonna be sleeping on the couch for a month.

[Mike]

But I just feel like.

[Pat]

I feel like any Start stretching it back that couch.

[Mike]

I just feel like any situation that will make you lose your. Your wife and your family would also make me lose my wife and family.

[Caller 1]

I just.

[Mike]

It is like, in my head, it's like, if it's that bad and I'm the one that can save you. I just think the. The. You just don't know that the. The result would be a couch in your head. It's like, I'm about to lose my family, too.

[Pat]

You start thinking about the scenarios, like you losing everything and still being friends with this. Yeah, with this.

[Mike]

Like that, bro.

[Guest 1]

This.

[Mike]

It's like, you have to really think about it because you're. He's thinking with panic brain, right?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And I'm thinking with, like, my. I still got my bearings about me. It's like, oh, that you up. That's your problem, right?

[Pat]

You still thinking like you got your family.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Caller 4]

Ex.

[Mike]

He thinking like, you already know that you got to lose my. Like, I feel like when dudes get caught up like that, it's like their stomach sinks to their ass, whatever the term is for that. Was it. What is it? What is it?

[Pat]

I think it's something like that. Yeah.

[Mike]

Something stinks in your stomach.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get what you're saying.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I don't even want to go into what you. But no, but I get what you're saying, though. But that. But to me, that's my.

[Mike]

So I feel like then that means, like, bro code. You have a limit to your bro code.

[Pat]

If there's a clear, I guess, for bro co. Is there a clear path where I get immunity if I help you? Like, what's my clear path? And if I don't agree with the clear path, then the bro code doesn't apply.

[Mike]

And is it bro code if it also gets me in trouble? Because obviously it gets. It's going to get me in trouble or potentially get me in trouble, and I'm probably not part of it.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So is that bro code to bring your friend into your own problems?

[Pat]

I also think if you got a wife and kids, that bro code shit gone.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know, because it's like. Because it used to be like, when we was like, like growing up in college or something like that. Let's say we stayed out late. And then like, you want me to be your excuse? Like, oh, Pat kept me out, like, when we was 21, 22. And then you went to tell your girl, like, oh, Pat was the reason we was out. Like, okay, that's cool. But it's like, all right, bro, we 30, bro.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I ain't keep you at the strip club, bro. It's glitter on both of us. You motorboated her. That's extra. I told you she was facetime you like, bro, you gonna keep ignoring that?

[Mike]

Yeah. I feel like dudes do get those. Like, they have really chill girls. And then the girls would give them, like, a little pass. Like. Like, my girl wouldn't care if I went to a strip club. Right, Right. But my girl would care if I went to a strip club and it was like, motorboarding, like, titties and shit like that. It's like, all right, bro.

[Pat]

But that's. That's so dumb, though. I feel like. I feel like as a woman, if you don't want your man motorboating, then you shouldn't say, you can go to a strip club.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? That's just like. Oh, let's say whatever religion we part of, we don't drink. Yeah, but you can still go to a bar. Like, come on now.

[Mike]

You can't go to a bar.

[Pat]

How many shots they gonna keep me? Come on, now.

[Mike]

No, I know a lot of my friends that don't drink. They come out.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. Anytime I get somebody that don't drink around me or don't eat pork, that's exactly what I'm getting. I take a shot at.

[Mike]

No, that's not true.

[Pat]

And the biggest pig you got.

[Mike]

No, that's not true. That's not true. We just had it.

[Guest 2]

Just.

[Mike]

L just had dinner.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, that's true. No, I'm respectful. I don't even eat pork, though. I'm just trolling, but. Okay, how about this? How y' all feel about this? How do you feel about sharing locations in a relationship? Is that cool? Is there a time and place for it? Are you just one off and one on? So, like, you share your location when you're going somewhere or is it on 24 hours?

[Mike]

I'm a. I'm a one on, one off type of person.

[Pat]

Got it.

[Mike]

Especially, like, mostly, too, if I'm going out out.

[Pat]

Can I ask why, though?

[Mike]

Because my girl works from home and I see her, like, all the time, so it's really like, we're just. We can see each other.

[Pat]

Right.

[Mike]

But if I'm going to, like, that's

[Pat]

not what I'm asking. Yeah, I'm asking you why, though.

[Mike]

I personally never. We never had that.

[Pat]

What's the feeling of it, though? I don't feel like the 24 hour thing. What bothers you about it?

[Mike]

Because I think you feel like you're being watched all the time.

[Pat]

Got it. Okay.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Jean]

So you just send, like, the little, like, hour.

[Mike]

No, I do, like, end the day or something like that, I think. But though, once that will change once we have kids, I think it'll be 24 hours, you know? Yeah. There's really no reason. Like, if she asked for that, then I would. It's just like, you can't say no to it. So it's like. Yeah, but we're just in that we. She does the same thing with me.

[Jean]

In the past, I've had it, like, in relationships for, like, insecurity purposes, you know, like, where you at? You know? Yeah.

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Pat]

By the time you got my location, I'm out. So to me, it's just like, I would give it up forever because it don't matter to me. Like, wherever I'm going, I'm going.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, I was going there, come get me.

[Mike]

I know. And it's just like. I don't know. I feel like when it's for those, like, insecurity reasons, sometimes I just feel like it never ends well, in a sense. Yeah. Because it's just like. It's like I'm like, this is the only reason that you think I'm, like, being faithful. Yeah, in a sense. Because if you really wanted to cheat, there's ways that whatever. Do other stuff with locations and like, that.

[Pat]

Just leave your phone.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

There's something you can do, Patrick, maybe doing.

[Mike]

I'm pretty sure it's somewhere on Tick tock explaining it for you.

[Pat]

The thing about me is I don't mind sharing my location, but after that, you're never allowed to ask me where I'm at.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

Never, ever, ever, you ask me where. If you ask me where I'm at more than three times a week, that location going off forever now. You never know where I'm at.

[Jean]

I found myself, like, not caring. And then I was like, I didn't want her location. You know I'm saying. Yeah, but you know, my. Like, right now, I was just asking my girl, like, where she was at, and I was just like, I should just have her location. You know, there's certain things I want to have, like, done before she get home or whatever. Like that, you know?

[Mike]

Yeah, that's true. That's all crazy, but. Yeah, that's true. I know what you mean, though.

[Jean]

I don't want to keep on calling,

[Pat]

asking her, like, when she going to

[Mike]

be, you know, I don't like being.

[Pat]

Looks like we got 12 minutes, ladies. No, I appreciate you guys coming over.

[Mike]

Appreciate it.

[Pat]

Start that tomorrow. Hey, start a timer for 12 minutes.

[Mike]

Uber here in six.

[Pat]

Oh, not going to work.

[Mike]

Oh, damn, she's driving. Oh, she's driving fast. Let me check traffic on this highway real quick.

[Pat]

Is that a camera? Oh, ladies, might as well stay now.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

I need protection. Bible studies, everybody. Let's just change the vibes here sometimes.

[Mike]

It'll be nice too, because, like, I also. We. We both have a. We both have BMW, so we have the BMW app. So we always know, like, car wise too, where we're at too. That's always like. That's kind of like sharing the location.

[Pat]

Nah, nah, nah. Nobody getting my BMW app. Location that over.

[Mike]

We both have. So we can both use each other

[Pat]

Car draw the line that over with nobody getting the app to my car at all. The app to the car.

[Caller 1]

Come on now.

[Mike]

No, but we have the same car. Yeah, so, like, we can change it in the app.

[Pat]

It's like, I just don't understand why you're listening to porn instrumentals.

[Mike]

I just drive low five moans is crazy.

[Pat]

You know, on long road trips, I like just like to hear lesbians moaning.

[Mike]

I don't know. You think people have that? You know, like, the lo fi girl is on. On YouTube. It's just a lo fi girl. Yeah. Lo fi girl. What is that you unc. For real?

[Pat]

Wait, what is.

[Mike]

What you laughing at? So lo fi look on YouTube.

[Pat]

I don't know where he's taking this.

[Mike]

YouTube is lo fi girl. It's just like a studying thing. Like people. It's just like a forever girl sitting on the piano and just like lo fi music that plays.

[Pat]

Oh, okay.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

So. But Gene was. Gene was saying that if they had lo fi moans and that'd be like, somebody that just want to hear 10 hours of, like, moaning.

[Pat]

That'd be fire, though.

[Mike]

You think so? Yeah.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Mike]

No, don't. That's my. This is my computer. Yeah. Let me explain some. The scenario, the fake scenario Pat made up is the. What's really gonna happen, Yo. Well, I guess audio listeners won't see why that we're dressed up like.

[Pat]

Oh, that's true too. Like. Like judges explain it for real.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Well, we're trying out a new segment called Dummies Court. Pat, you can go into it.

[Pat]

Yes. We're trying out a new segment called Dummy Score. If you are audio listener, shut the up.

[Mike]

You just reignited the audio listener be for like, another, like, five years.

[Pat]

Well, live shows getting ready to start, and I thought these wanted to meet up in person. So what's up? But no, for audio listeners that can't see us. We're actually in judge outfits, you know, White wig, robe. You know, I'm saying I'm not into describing what I gotta wear to different. You know what I'm saying? You know what it is? I got a gavel.

[Caller 3]

Whatever.

[Pat]

But we're gonna do Crash. What?

[Mike]

It's called Dummy Score or Crash Dummy Score. Yeah, Whatever name y' all think we should name it.

[Pat]

You know, we'll find a way.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. So people will call in with their case. It's kind of similar to dilemma, the dilemma thing that we did. And we'll decide if they're guilty or not guilty. More likely. They'll probably be guilty, Right? Everybody guilty.

[Mike]

Everybody. Everybody's gonna be guilty.

[Pat]

We'll also give them a sentence at the. The end, so. Just trying to have a little fun with it.

[Mike]

Yeah. Let us know what y' all think about the segment. And yeah, enjoy.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Guest 1]

This is crazy.

[Mike]

Yeah. Welcome to Crash Dummies Court, man. Oh, yeah, this is trouble. Yeah. You're in the courthouse, bro. What's. What's your case?

[Pat]

So recently I. I talked to a girl for four months, and then she ghosted me out of nowhere.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

And I don't know what's going through my mind. It's because I wanted to speak to her because she literally just gone.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

And I showed up to her work, which.

[Guest 1]

Oh, like, I. Oh, I'm such a weird.

[Pat]

Hold on now, nigga. These might be real charges.

[Guest 2]

Okay.

[Mike]

You showed it to your work and did what?

[Guest 1]

I was all shopping. I was just, like, shopping.

[Pat]

I'm, like, just trying to look for.

[Mike]

Also, she, like, worked at a mall or something.

[Guest 2]

She worked.

[Pat]

I'm not gonna say, but.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Mike]

No, you don't have to say, like, the type of business.

[Pat]

Yeah. Was it other stores around there, or was it, like, a specific isolated store that you went to that she knows?

[Caller 4]

It was a.

[Pat]

It was a grocery store.

[Mike]

Oh, got it.

[Pete]

No.

[Guest 1]

Oh, yeah.

[Pat]

What, do you live in, like, a big city or is a small town where you have to go to that grocery store?

[Caller 3]

Store?

[Pat]

It's like Walmart.

[Mike]

Oh, got it, got it. Okay. Okay. So you showed up like a creep.

[Pat]

Yeah, I showed up.

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Mike]

It's not looking good for you, bro.

[Pat]

I didn't see her, but I felt, like, really guilty, like, I don't know what's going through.

[Mike]

So what would you have done if you saw her while she's working?

[Pat]

That's a good question. Would you have bought something and went to her line or whatever? Or you would have just kind of stared at her from the distance like the creep you are Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Guest 1]

Okay.

[Pat]

I think I would have went up there. I just tried to like. That's even creepier.

[Mike]

So what else did you do? Because it sounds like this is not the only thing that you did.

[Caller 4]

No, well, I texted her a lot

[Guest 2]

and she just like.

[Mike]

How many texts? How many unresponded texts did you. Did you send?

[Caller 4]

Seven.

[Pat]

Seven. Okay, that's perfect. We're getting seven years.

[Mike]

Seven years, man.

[Pat]

See you in seven, creepy ass.

[Pete]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

Wait, is this like a special? Yeah, I guess it's sort of, kind of.

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Well, you'll see in seven years. Check it out on YouTube, bro. Should be at a hundred thousand views by now. Come on.

[Caller 1]

Good.

[Guest 1]

Was good.

[Pat]

Welcome to Dummies Court. Welcome to Dummies Court.

[Guest 1]

Thank you once again.

[Pat]

Yes, sir.

[Jean]

Yes, sir.

[Pat]

Yes, sir. Okay, state your case.

[Guest 1]

It's apparently I sabotaged my friend into getting a girlfriend.

[Mike]

Okay, you sabotaged him How?

[Guest 1]

Okay, so there was this girl online that I found attractive. So I sent her a message, but she didn't want me. So I told my friend, like, just send her a message to see what she says, and she find it very, very attractive. And I didn't like that. So he asked me for advice on how to gather and. And the things I told him to say were, like, horny, I think.

[Pat]

What are some of the things that you told him to say?

[Guest 1]

Okay, so he was basically spinning game and he wanted to say, like, let's see if the inside matches the outside. Talking about the personality. Right. But I mean, like, I made it seem like he wants to be inside

[Guest 2]

of her, you know, so.

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So you're trying to sabotage your friend.

[Mike]

He did.

[Pat]

Oh, he did.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Guest 1]

Yep.

[Caller 3]

Of course.

[Pat]

What did the girl end up doing?

[Guest 1]

He blocked him.

[Mike]

So it's a tough case right here. There's a. I feel like there's a one count of, like, player hating. You think there's some. A little excessive horniness in there?

[Pat]

I think, to me, I'm not on this dude side because. Because when you do certain actions, you have to be ready for the good results and the bad results.

[Mike]

Exactly.

[Pat]

You knew the whole point of you even putting your friend on was to see if the girl was into you, and you got that answer. She wasn't into you, and now she into your friend. So, like, doing all that hating stuff now, you. You dragged him into a situation, then you also, you know, sabotaging them. I think that's weird, bro.

[Guest 1]

How is that weirdo?

[Mike]

That's weird, bro. What's. What's the verdict? I Think I'm gonna give you for me, excessive horniness, some player hating, and just being a bad dude overall, your friend also, I might. I want to give you like eight years, right? But your friend listening to that dumbass advice as well lowers your sentence a little bit. So I'm giving him seven.

[Pat]

Seven. Final verdict. Seven years, you ass, nigga.

[Guest 2]

One more.

[Pat]

One more appeal.

[Mike]

Go, go ahead. What's your last appeal? You only get one in this?

[Caller 3]

Apparently.

[Guest 1]

Apparently I cheated on my ex with her best friends at the beginning of our relationship.

[Pat]

Okay, you just earned yourself life. Take him away.

[Caller 3]

Yo, yo, what's good?

[Mike]

What up? What up? Welcome to Crash Dummy's court.

[Caller 3]

What's happening? What's happening? So,

[Mike]

yeah, state your case.

[Caller 3]

I'm gonna just go straight into it. So, yeah, I'm not gonna lie. I got a roster of six and I got them all hyped up for Valentine's Day because, you know, this is what I do. I'm not gonna lie. I'll be gassing these women. It is what it is. But I'm gonna ghost the out there. That just is what it is too. Not doing that. I'm not going to talk to them, like at least three, four, five days. I'm telling like three of them I got locked up. Telling the other two that basically I'm probably with my kids or some and then I'm just not gonna talk to the other one.

[Mike]

Is this to avoid spending money?

[Caller 3]

I mean, partially. Not all the way. I'm not gonna lie. Like, all these is bomb and I'm not.

[Caller 4]

And.

[Caller 3]

And I'm. And I'm just an easy. And I just don't think they deserve anything from me.

[Pat]

So all. All these women are bums and you're easy. Like, what do you mean by easy?

[Caller 3]

Like, if she going, I'm right there with her ass. If she throwing something, I'm catching that every time. I don't care.

[Pat]

Like, do you want to find love one day or you just kind of like this lifestyle you living with all these B words you say.

[Caller 3]

Oh, sorry, yeah. Oh, my bad. I don't mean to call them that.

[Pat]

This is just my language.

[Caller 3]

No, but on the cool. Like, I want to find love one day because I'm low key, a lover boy. But at the same time, bro, I love this game.

[Pat]

Okay. Yeah. Okay, we're gonna ask you the famous question. Who broke your heart?

[Caller 3]

Oh, man. So I got like two baby mamas, man, and both of them, I tried. I tried so hard to be a family, man. I tried so hard.

[Caller 1]

You Know what I'm saying?

[Caller 3]

To do the right thing and all that. And. Yeah, bro, they just. They just. They just crush me when I know, I know my power, I know my. I know my abilities out here, you

[Caller 1]

know what I'm saying?

[Caller 3]

They just, they just. They just. They just crush my spirit, so. And so now I gotta say what it is, bro.

[Pat]

Okay, There it is. You know what? You know what? You know, you putting on the front like. Like you hard body, but you're really not hard body, so I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna. Oh, no, I'm not. I'm not gonna sentence you to no prison time, but I'm gonna put you on. No, no, listen, listen here. A little Bayless. Yeah, be quiet while the judge talking.

[Mike]

Judges, bro.

[Pat]

Respect the judges. But no, it's cool. Matter of fact, 500 fine. Broke ass. You pissing me off. We'll get to his case later. 30 days in jail. This. Learning how to talk on time, ordering the court. Order the court.

[Pete]

What's good, Mike? What's good, Pat?

[Pat]

What's the deal?

[Pete]

You know, just, you know, out the gym, trying to get a meal in, bro. Excuse me. Hungry. Excuse me. God damn. How tall am I?

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Pete]

Why?

[Pat]

I know. I just feel tininess on the phone.

[Caller 1]

I don't know.

[Pete]

Tininess is crazy, bro. Don't. Don't do me like that. I'm five eight. On a good day.

[Pat]

Five eight. Use that. Minus two.

[Caller 3]

All right.

[Pete]

Nah, I'm five nine now.

[Mike]

Congrats, man.

[Pat]

Congrats.

[Mike]

Anyway, welcome to Dummies Court, man.

[Pete]

I'm just butchering what's.

[Caller 4]

Good, Good.

[Pete]

Let's go, let's go.

[Mike]

Welcome to Dummy's Court.

[Pete]

Oh. Oh, okay.

[Pat]

It's like a new segment and stuff like that. So state your case.

[Pete]

All right, all right, all right. So here's my case. I think I'm facing the karma now for the stripper's heart. I broke. Like, I think it was like last year now.

[Pat]

Okay, okay, so, Pete, how did you break the stripper's heart?

[Mike]

And how.

[Pete]

What I was gonna say. So. So peep. So peep. All right, so right now I'm in. I'm in a phase of my life where I'm like, trying to find, like, a relationship, I guess, because I just got out of a relationship like almost four years ago now, you know, three years ago. Excuse me. And every girl who I come across, every person who I meet or like, try to actually have a conversation with whole, like, like, like connections. They either goes me with someone who I knew or just mentally unstable. So now, Pete. So last year, there's this girl that I went to school with and we met at the club, like, just randomly. She's been adding me on Instagram. She, like, she kind of like, seemed like she was trying to, but like, not really, so. Because, you know, like, I be delusional.

[Guest 2]

You know, be delusional types usually when it's not really.

[Pat]

No, but.

[Mike]

Okay, go ahead. All right.

[Caller 4]

Right.

[Pete]

Exactly.

[Caller 2]

Exactly.

[Pete]

You know what I'm saying? But so anyway, so we meet up at this club randomly. And she. She would. I guess, like one of her tricks, I'm like, oh, do. But she. I could tell, like, I don't know. She's just sauce and was like. Had jungle fever. But she was with a. So later that night, you know, she come over or whatever. We, you know, we get. Do whatever we gotta do.

[Caller 3]

And then.

[Pete]

So I don't know if I just gave her the whole thing, but I think she fell in love. So, like, I think it was like two months of us with each other, like, off and on. I was like, all right, yeah, she. She getting a little too attached. So then I. I just pretty much ghost her and I just move on.

[Pat]

What?

[Pete]

So mind you.

[Mike]

Oh, God.

[Pete]

Okay, go ahead.

[Pat]

Why'd you ghost her?

[Pete]

All right, so. Okay, all right, so she. In all honesty, she was a. She was like a hoe. Like. Like a real life hoe. Like, like, I, I, you know, like to be like. No, no, no. You know, like real life. I heard some. Cause my homegirls dance with her at the same club.

[Caller 4]

Right.

[Pete]

Now, mind you, this. This was. This was like a year ago. This is. I've changed a lot. I've changed a lot.

[Pat]

I'm a great man. Don'.

[Pete]

Okay, so I guess from what I've heard, she did favors for money.

[Pat]

So you never. You never gave her any money? This whole time you was messing with her?

[Pete]

No, I don't do that. I don't ever pay for. You got me twisted.

[Mike]

Hell, watch it. Watch your language in the court, brother.

[Pat]

Well, yeah, this is. We just.

[Pete]

Oh, my fault. Hey, you know, 500 fine.

[Pat]

500 fine. Watch him out. Don't be. Don't be degrading. One all these and hoes. I forgot about that. Another five?

[Pete]

No, no, no, because. Because if, like, I. I respect women like a. So if I call you a hoe, you a hoe. Like, like a conniving liar. Like a liar.

[Mike]

That's fair.

[Pete]

So, like, so what's the karma like? Like, so, okay, my karma right now, that I'm facing is that I can't find a good woman. So. No, but. But there. But there's. But this is. There's more to the story because. Because I let. Pretty much let my homie crack, if that. Okay, okay, okay.

[Pat]

Let your homie crack.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Some type of pimp. Let's focus on you. But we found out.

[Pete]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Pat]

The story is you can't find love right now and you blaming it on a past situation. So let's figure out what you bring to the table. Little. Like, how tall is you?

[Pete]

All right. How tall is you, Pat?

[Pat]

I'm six foot,

[Pete]

Cap.

[Pat]

I swear to God, bro.

[Mike]

Why is no baby.

[Pat]

I don't get it. You can literally Google it. But anyway, it's about you, though.

[Pete]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Jean]

You're right.

[Mike]

You're right.

[Pat]

We know you five' eight. Okay. How much you weigh?

[Pete]

Okay, yeah, like, 185.

[Pat]

180.

[Pete]

I'm fluctuating.

[Pat]

Okay. 160, because you just keep going down. Okay, so you five, eight.

[Caller 2]

No.

[Pete]

You could look at my Instagram foe. I'll be in the gym.

[Pat]

How old are you?

[Pete]

22. About to be 23.

[Pat]

23. What'd you do for a living?

[Mike]

He sounded young.

[Pete]

I'm. I'm a security guard right now. I'm about to get a new job to be a teacher's aid, though.

[Pat]

What are you security guard at?

[Pete]

You know, security ties.

[Pat]

No, no, I'm just saying, like, what. What type of things do you secure?

[Pete]

Like, office buildings, parking lots? Not for real. I'll just be kicking homeless people out.

[Pat]

Okay, yeah, they do. They do. Not to put you at no bank or nothing like that.

[Pete]

Hey, come on, bro.

[Mike]

I'm from Minnesota, bro.

[Pete]

Ain't nothing but some Bali security guards here.

[Guest 2]

Skinny ass.

[Pete]

I'm like, bro, I can fight half these, bro. Come on, now.

[Pat]

That's crazy. Straight to my Somalian brothers. Don't do that, bro.

[Pete]

No, no.

[Pat]

Okay, okay.

[Pete]

Awesome. Real, though. I do. I bring, like, very good attributes, you know what I'm saying? As like, a young man. Because I still have a lot of that I damn near got to figure out, you know, I'm like, this. The whole story itself is a mess. Like, that's. That's the brief, like, short story, you

[Caller 2]

know what I'm saying?

[Pete]

You got a car?

[Pat]

House? Yeah, yeah, I got.

[Pete]

I'm sitting in my car right now. I got an apartment with my cousin. You know, I'm doing my. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

He's 22, cousin.

[Pat]

Okay. Just like Roommate type.

[Pete]

Yeah, yeah, of course.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Pete]

We got two bedrooms, two bathrooms, washer, dryer, and unit. You better ass by me on, bro. Dishwasher.

[Pat]

I believe in you, but I'm just trying to make sure we know what we got, you know what I'm saying? And wonder why you can't find love. So what do you think the reason you can't find love is because it sound like you got.

[Pete]

I think half of it. Half of it is because I'm like the night shift. I don't see nobody. All I do is go home, go to work, and then go back home to sleep. Throughout the whole day, like, throughout this whole. Ice right now, I haven't seen no. Cause I've been asleep.

[Mike]

So I feel like ice. Because in Minnesota.

[Pat]

Oh, got it.

[Pete]

Yes. Like, I like, like. And when I do go out, it's in. It's on the weekends because I get weekends off. And it's the bars, you know, dating apps.

[Mike]

You shooting your shot in the dms.

[Pete]

See, I. I tried hinge. Hinge. I with. Because there's a lot of ethnic women on there, and that's what I with. And I'm in Minnesota. Like I said, bro, it's nothing but the snow bunnies, bro. I'm not trying to play no snow. I ain't no husky. You feel me? So it's like. So, like, I've been on the dating ass. I've been, like, trying to find.

[Mike]

Trying to find it.

[Pat]

I ain't never heard that before.

[Mike]

For.

[Pat]

I'm a pit bull. I'm short hair.

[Pete]

You feel me?

[Caller 2]

I be.

[Pete]

I belong in the sun.

[Pat]

Yeah, but you poodle.

[Jean]

All right,

[Pete]

don't do that. People are short and stocky as. I'm muscular, too. I got. I got double D titties. Come on, now.

[Mike]

Okay. Excessive horniness. You got your brother.

[Caller 4]

Hello.

[Guest 2]

Can you hear me now?

[Pat]

Yeah, we can hear you.

[Mike]

Yes, sir.

[Pat]

Welcome to craft's podcast, bro.

[Guest 2]

Hey, Happy Black History Month, y'.

[Jean]

All.

[Mike]

Thank you, man. Where are you from?

[Guest 2]

I'm from Virginia, but I live in Charlotte.

[Pat]

Oh, shout out to Charlotte. You white or black or Hispanic?

[Guest 2]

I'm white.

[Pat]

Okay. Say the Black History Month over thing. Say the Black History Month thing over with a little bit more passion this time. Now, I know you white.

[Guest 2]

Excuse me. Happy Black History Month, y'.

[Caller 3]

All.

[Mike]

Appreciate it.

[Pat]

Don't say y', all, though.

[Mike]

I mean, he's Virginia.

[Pat]

Oh, that's true. That's true. I can't take that away from you.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Start the problem with. I know I sound crazy, but I

[Guest 2]

Know I sound crazy, but being a stepdad at 22. That's the moves.

[Pat]

That's the moves. Are you 22?

[Guest 2]

Yes, sir.

[Pat]

Are you a stepdad?

[Guest 2]

I was twice, but now I'm freelance.

[Mike]

Freelance stepdad? What does that mean?

[Pat]

Are you talking about a resume or something?

[Mike]

What does that mean?

[Guest 2]

For sure, for sure. What do you mean?

[Mike]

What does a freelance stepdad mean?

[Guest 2]

Well, like, I'm a free agent. I'm looking for a family. You know, I've been a stepdad twice, you know, been a stepdad once when I was 20 and once when I was 21. But I've grown a lot in these past couple months, man. I'm ready, man. I'm ready for, I'm ready for a new shot at it.

[Pat]

What did you learn the first two times that you can apply to the next time.

[Guest 2]

Don't start beef with the other dad. Dave bit me in the back twice now.

[Pat]

Bit me in the back?

[Guest 2]

Yeah, for sure.

[Pat]

What happened

[Guest 2]

the first time? We had a physical altercation. I had just gotten sober at that point, so I was having, I was having a hard time, you know, but

[Mike]

we're laughing at that. I don't know why, man, but, like,

[Pat]

because it's just like, did you win that altercation? Because usually people be like, I have to beat his ass, but, oh, yeah,

[Guest 2]

yeah, I'm six one, 300 pounds. He was, he was a twink. I, I, yeah, I rocked the shit.

[Pat]

Okay, so what, what else did you learn?

[Guest 2]

Just, just don't fight the other dad. You know, I think that's been, I think that's been a running problem in my escapades.

[Mike]

Did that lead to, like, the relationships ending then?

[Guest 2]

Oh, for sure. Yeah. It was that night the first time. And the second time, it was less of a physical altercation and more of them. I don't know how to explain this, but it was bad. It was a bad situation.

[Pat]

What, like, what were you doing to caused those fights to happen? Because it sounds like you're blaming it on yourself that they even happen.

[Guest 2]

Yeah, definitely instigating. And, and, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. I was pretty much my fault both times. Sometimes I have to remember to mind my own business, stay in my lane, you know, I'm the stepdad. I'm not really, you know, the dad dad, you know.

[Mike]

Hey, hey, that sounds insightful, though, real stuff.

[Pat]

Because some people get into these steps, dad situations and try to take over and be brolic not knowing there was another guy there before.

[Guest 2]

Yeah, you gotta be, you gotta be honest with yourself that this isn't your kid. And push comes to shove, you know, you're not paying child support, and I think that's why it's the move. Yeah, but it's a. It's a family. But it's your family. But shit hits the fan, man, you know, like, you can get out easy break rather than a fracture, you know, Are you only.

[Pat]

So is that the. Wait, is that the only reason why you think it's good to be a stepdad is because you can leave anytime you want,

[Caller 4]

man?

[Guest 2]

Now you make me sound like a super villain. Nah, man, that ain't me.

[Pat]

But why would you say that, though?

[Guest 2]

Hey, man, it's the truth, though. Like, it's not the only reason to be a stepdad.

[Caller 3]

But it's.

[Guest 2]

It's definitely. Are you top three.

[Mike]

Are you only dating women that have kids?

[Guest 2]

Absolutely.

[Mike]

So if she doesn't have kids, you're not interested?

[Guest 2]

No, no, not at all.

[Pat]

Okay. Nice to know, but okay. So what. What would make you leave the family?

[Guest 2]

Well, I don't know, man. That's. That's a hard question.

[Pat]

So you've only. You've only ever been kicked out, so I guess you never left anybody?

[Guest 2]

Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what would break the. You know, I don't know. It would break off, you know, for me to.

[Pat]

But, you know, it's taken for you to leave. You just trying to look for a place to stay, so you're trying to get all your together, so the next family you run into, you can kind of like seamlessly fit in for sure,

[Guest 2]

you know, like, I've been doing really well with my life. I think I'm. I think I'm ready for another family, you know? Like, I think. I think my time as a freelance stepdad is over, you know, for me, it's like I've been sober for 18 months now. You know, I converted Islam. Life is good.

[Pat]

I'm chilling. Oh, man, that's not funny.

[Mike]

But it's just like it was very left field.

[Pat]

But just seeing his true trajectory is just like. And what he. What his goal is.

[Mike]

So you don't want to have kids of your. Of your own?

[Caller 3]

No, not.

[Guest 2]

Not at all. I'm trying to get a vasectomy as fast as possible.

[Pat]

Okay, got it, got it. You just kind of just want to be in and out if you choose and not have any ties.

[Guest 2]

Man, that makes me sound evil, but for sure.

[Pat]

I miss a lot of. You said that sounded evil. I think you need some self reflection.

[Mike]

All right, man, you have A good one, bro.

[Guest 2]

Oh, second. One, second.

[Mike]

Go ahead.

[Guest 2]

I just want to say I'm a big fan. I appreciate y'.

[Caller 3]

All.

[Guest 2]

Y' all make my days on Wednesdays and have a. Have a blessed rest of your Black History Month. And Ramadan. Kareem. The Ramadan's coming up.

[Mike]

I appreciate you.

[Pat]

Appreciate you, brother.

[Mike]

Happy Ramadan. Have a blessed one in advance.

[Guest 2]

Yeah, have a good one.

[Mike]

All right, you too. Yo, what it do?

[Pat]

What's the deal?

[Guest 2]

What's up with it?

[Pat]

What's up with it? I wonder, like, when people call in on our show, do they automatically think they made the show, or do they think they got to work for it?

[Guest 2]

I feel like people gonna say crazy to make the show because that's just like, the. That makes the show.

[Pat]

I was talking.

[Guest 2]

This sound like it's free. It's not like it's pre loaded.

[Pat]

Yeah, I was talking to Mike. I was asking Mike.

[Guest 2]

All right,

[Mike]

we got a question for you, bro.

[Caller 2]

All right, hold on.

[Guest 2]

How these headphones sound? I know y' all begin on AirPod users.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, we can tell you.

[Mike]

Oh, okay. That's why you sound like.

[Pat]

Was that the first generation? Okay, see, we can hear you better already. Perfect. All right, start. Start with this prompt. I know I sound crazy, but.

[Caller 3]

Hold on.

[Caller 1]

Say it again.

[Pat]

Start with this prompt. I know I sound crazy, but.

[Caller 2]

I know I sound crazy, but I might be a lesbian. Hear me out, though.

[Jean]

No.

[Caller 2]

Okay. I said my girl like girls. I'm interested in, like, lesbians, and so I'd be like, I'm more so into that than, like, I don't know. I'm interested in lesbians. I be feeling like I'm a lesbian one day.

[Pat]

Okay, so to be a lesbian, you, like, really want to be a lesbian? I'm assuming you have a penis.

[Caller 2]

I don't want to be a girl. I just like girls that much. Like.

[Pat]

Nah, I don't work that way, brother.

[Mike]

I just like girls.

[Caller 3]

Okay, you're not.

[Pat]

You're not Drake, bro.

[Caller 2]

Bro.

[Caller 3]

What?

[Caller 2]

Why the would I want to be Drake, though?

[Mike]

So you like girls that your girls lesbian or by your girls bisexual?

[Caller 2]

I would say bisexual. I wouldn't say she's full lesbian.

[Pat]

Well, of course she's dating you, but

[Mike]

I'm so confused. It don't make sense.

[Pat]

So have you had a threesome with your girl or something? You watched her do something?

[Caller 2]

I'm interested in watching her. Yeah, we had threesome, like, scenarios and situations.

[Mike]

It's threesome scenarios.

[Pat]

So you. Have you ever actually done it or you guys Just talk about.

[Guest 1]

About it.

[Caller 2]

Oh, we did one, but then after that, it's just been, like, conversations, and that's why I said scenarios.

[Pat]

What happened during that one?

[Mike]

That never happened again.

[Caller 2]

I guess it was just the other girl she didn't like, and it was just a. A bad experience. Like putting people on. Not on, but, like. What's the word? I don't know. Just putting people too much in our. Our personal business, I feel like was, like, conflicting. It.

[Guest 1]

Okay.

[Pat]

No. Did you have a good time during the threesome? That's the question.

[Caller 2]

It was me, because I didn't feel like everybody was in on it.

[Mike]

I feel like it wasn't a team

[Pat]

effort in the room.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, it was no team effort. It was too much tension in the room.

[Pat]

What was. What was going on? Like, what.

[Mike]

Like, how'd you. Could you sense us? How could you sense there was tension?

[Caller 2]

I felt like she was just doing it because she knew I was talking about it. She's like, oh, here, like. Like a here. Damn type.

[Mike]

Got it.

[Pat]

But what was she doing? What is like, a physical thing that happened where you, like, oh, like, forcing

[Caller 2]

me to do it? But that's why I said I feel like I'm a lesbian because I'd rather watch you feel good. I'm a pleaser. Like, I eat. I like to eat.

[Mike]

That still doesn't make you a lesbian, first of all.

[Caller 2]

It's for me, though.

[Pat]

Yeah, but that still don't make you a lesbian,

[Caller 2]

nigga. I can get off without my miss touching me, though.

[Mike]

The education system has failed us.

[Pat]

You just got a good imagination, bro. Maybe you should use it for something educational or something, you know?

[Pete]

Oh, my.

[Caller 2]

Okay.

[Pat]

You probably can solve cancer with a brain like that.

[Caller 2]

Gotta put the weed down.

[Mike]

No, your brain's smooth as hell, brother. All right, you have a good one, man.

[Caller 2]

Appreciate y'.

[Caller 3]

All.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

Y. Y. Why you go to a louder place?

[Caller 1]

Give me a moment. My God. Damn.

[Mike]

You got it, bro. Joe Oral Man. We'll wait for you, bro. We don't got other. Any other calls to do either, bro. You're the only one today.

[Guest 2]

All right.

[Caller 1]

What's going on, my guy?

[Mike]

What up, man? Welcome to Crash Dummies Podcast.

[Pat]

Yes, sir.

[Mike]

Everybody's like a emote to go to after you say, what up? Yes, sir.

[Pat]

I don't know what to say.

[Mike]

All right, start the sentence off like this. I know I sound crazy, but

[Caller 3]

at

[Caller 1]

one point in my life, I thought it was gay to wash your ass.

[Pat]

No, like, start the sentence. I know I sound crazy, but.

[Caller 1]

Oh, you want me to start? Ah, okay, okay. I know if at one point in my life I thought it was gay. Wiper and wash your ass.

[Pat]

Okay, the prompt is. I know I sound crazy, but.

[Pete]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

Didn't I just say that?

[Caller 2]

No,

[Caller 1]

Crazy.

[Pat]

You got it.

[Mike]

He might just be breaking up. He might have said it.

[Pat]

No, he didn't say it that last time for sure.

[Caller 1]

I know it's crazy, but at one point in my life, I thought it was gay to wash my ass.

[Pat]

Close enough.

[Mike]

Who, who, who was telling you this?

[Caller 1]

No one told me. That's just what I thought as a kid.

[Mike]

Up to what. What age did you start washing your ass?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, I don't know if I really want to say that.

[Mike]

I mean, you're here now, brother.

[Pat]

You made it this far, bro.

[Caller 1]

I believe I was 20.

[Pat]

How old are you now?

[Guest 1]

What the.

[Caller 1]

32.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

20 years of stinkiness.

[Mike]

You survived high school without washing your ass?

[Caller 1]

I wouldn't say survived, but yeah, I got out of there.

[Pat]

Like, how many people told you you stink growing up? Just be real.

[Caller 1]

To be honest, I can't recall anyone calling me stinky.

[Pat]

That's. You wanna know what? That's even crazier because the person that everybody knows already stinks. They never tell them, so that's how stinky you are. People are just like, this is the norm. Here comes shitty butt.

[Mike]

That didn't feel uncomfortable to you?

[Caller 1]

Nah, it didn't.

[Pat]

Like your. Like your ass in itch?

[Caller 1]

No, I mean, like, my ass started to itch after I found out that I was supposed to wash my ass.

[Pat]

Who taught you that?

[Caller 1]

My wife.

[Pat]

What was she doing?

[Caller 1]

No, it was crazy. Like, the whole thing came up like, we're hanging out with friends and, like, I'm not sure how it came up, but, like, there was like, my friend next to me and I told him, like. Like, that's just gay, right? Like, you don't wash your eyes, do you? And he looked at me so crazy. And I said, he does. And I just felt really embarrassed at that point.

[Pat]

Well, you said. You said your wife. Did he.

[Caller 1]

No, my wife was telling me, it's not gay to wash your ass. You're supposed to wash your ass. Okay, but like, when I. So I didn't believe her.

[Mike]

But then what was your. What was your breaking point? Like, the time that you actually washed your ass? Like, walk us through that day. Like, did you wake up knowing you're gonna wash your ass? Like, this is the day I'm about to do it.

[Caller 1]

After that conversation with my homeboy I went home and washed my ass.

[Mike]

Oh, you went straight to. You went straight to. Go watch.

[Pat]

Keep switching from your wife to your homeboy. I'm confused.

[Mike]

It was two separate conversations.

[Pat]

Okay, I got it. I thought somebody got up in that ass instead of sticky.

[Caller 1]

I mean, I wish someone did. As a kid.

[Caller 4]

That did.

[Mike]

Not the way you said. That is not the way.

[Pat]

Like, what?

[Mike]

However you thought that sentence sounded, I swear it didn't sound.

[Caller 1]

Let it be there.

[Mike]

Okay, I'll let it be there. We gotta get off the phone,

[Jean]

man.

[Caller 1]

What the.

[Mike]

No, that's crazy.

[Pat]

That's too crazy. No, that's too crazy.

[Mike]

I wish somebody. Did you just see. You just see, like, a Epstein head pop out.

[Pat]

You lucky we ain't got no editor. No, I'm just heat on in this.

[Caller 4]

Yo, yo, what's up? Damn. Crazy. Crazy. I didn't think.

[Mike]

Speaking of crazy, let us know what's your craziest thought?

[Caller 4]

All right, my crazy thought right now is if my girl gets an experience with someone else, she'll realize how, like, important our connection is compared to other people. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

When you say experience, you mean sex, correct?

[Caller 4]

Yep.

[Pat]

Okay, got it. Do you want to choose the person she does it with Or. Or you want her to find her own connection to just. Just connection versus connection?

[Caller 4]

I mean, I wish I could choose.

[Pat]

Okay, so listen. Okay, okay. So, like, who is he choosing? That's what I'm saying. Like, we're literally talking to a cuck right now. Like, this dude.

[Guest 1]

I knew it.

[Caller 4]

Call me that.

[Pat]

No, no, that's why I asked you. Because if it was real, you wanted to find her own connection just to compare to your connection, but you want to choose to do.

[Mike]

Because you might be rigging the game.

[Caller 4]

No, no, no, no. You're right. You're right about that. But the only reason I say that is because when I said we could light talk to other people for a second, she started, like, acting a little weird. And I looked in her phone, and this nigga sending her horse. Horse cock.

[Pat]

A dude sitting. Sending her meat pics.

[Caller 4]

Yes. Yes, bro.

[Pat]

Wait, this is your girl?

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So, like. So what did you say after you found the other guy sending meat pics?

[Caller 4]

I said I wasn't comfortable with us talking to other people now.

[Mike]

Oh, so you reneged on your. On your first suggestion?

[Caller 4]

Yeah, I rescinded it.

[Pat]

You resented off the size of another guy's meat?

[Caller 4]

No, it was. It was like, she's talking to two other people, and I'm like, you just. We're supposed to like, move into it, like, slowly. Like, you tell me if it's something I tell her.

[Mike]

Yeah, but how does one move into it slowly? I think it. So you want to be in an open relationship, but you still wanted to discuss, like, the people you guys were open with?

[Caller 4]

Yeah, I just wanted transparency.

[Pat]

Got. So are you doing this more for her or doing this more for you?

[Caller 4]

I mean, it's more for her at this point.

[Pat]

Oh, she took over?

[Caller 4]

Nah, she left.

[Pat]

Oh, oh, oh. So your test actually worked.

[Caller 4]

You just.

[Mike]

You got the results?

[Pat]

Got the results. You did a good job, man.

[Pete]

What?

[Pat]

That's a good scientist. You started an experiment. You wanted to show her that your experience is different than that any experience that she would have with any other guy. You just didn't know that those experiences will be better. You know what I mean? That's like, part of science, man.

[Caller 4]

No, there hasn't been an experience yet. She would tell me if there has been.

[Mike]

You just said she left,

[Caller 4]

but, like, we're still talking. We just. Like, she's at her friends right now.

[Pat]

Oh, she's at her.

[Mike]

Wait, you still think this is, like, the open relationship? It matters after? You guys are not in a relationship anymore, bro.

[Caller 4]

Who's there?

[Mike]

Just me and. And Pat.

[Caller 4]

Oh, I thought three laughs. I'm sorry, would you ask you about

[Pat]

to hear the whole world laugh after this?

[Mike]

No, Like I said, do you feel like you're still in an open relationship with her even though you guys are not in a relationship with anymore

[Caller 4]

from how we're talking? Yeah, because she. She's still saying she loves me too.

[Pat]

Hey, tell another joke.

[Mike]

Come on, man. You are a comedian.

[Pat]

No, he top tier, bro.

[Mike]

Come on, man. Netflix special on the way.

[Caller 4]

You've seen how long we've been together, right? Have you looked at my profile?

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

No. How long.

[Mike]

How long you been together? Yeah.

[Caller 4]

Four years.

[Pat]

Four. Oh, my God. So long,

[Caller 4]

bro.

[Pat]

Would Trump be out? Trump will be out of office before y' all relationship.

[Mike]

So you guys are in an open relationship. Right. Did you have other experiences with women then?

[Caller 4]

No, I haven't. Because I said I don't need that.

[Mike]

Did you try it?

[Guest 2]

No.

[Caller 3]

No, no.

[Mike]

You tried it. It didn't work out

[Pat]

Well, I mean, like.

[Mike]

Okay, come on, just be honest.

[Pat]

But.

[Caller 4]

All right, I'm gonna be honest. Part of me is okay with it too, because I did some up already.

[Pat]

Got it. You got a little guilty conscience, so you can't even fight back the way you want to fight back,

[Caller 4]

Straight up. Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. I mean, we knew he was a shitty person. To begin with. That's not what we talking about. But what did you do that was so up?

[Caller 4]

Damn. Can I, like, text it?

[Pat]

No, no, go ahead.

[Mike]

You can text it right now.

[Pat]

Just say it, man. Be a man for once, bro. Stand for something.

[Mike]

Since you don't want to say with your own voice, man.

[Pat]

Soft, bro.

[Caller 4]

I'm not trying to.

[Pat]

Soft, bro. You soft. Just text it, bro. Soft, bro. We know you're gonna text it, bro.

[Mike]

I. I really don't understand how this makes a difference. I don't think her best friend cheated with me. What's the difference of me saying it and you saying you already were talking.

[Pat]

Now we hear your voice right after, so say something and confirm it's you,

[Caller 4]

bro. Supposed to be like informant. Confidentiality informant.

[Mike]

Okay, bro.

[Pat]

You're the only suspect in this whole.

[Mike]

What the. You have a good one, brother.

[Caller 4]

All right. Y' all take care.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. It's okay. We gotta let him live.

[Pat]

He white.

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

Oh, about to say what you mean, let him live.

[Mike]

Yo, welcome to Crash Enemies Podcast.

[Guest 1]

Thanks for having me.

[Pat]

The prompt is. I know I sound crazy, but. So make sure you say that.

[Guest 1]

I. I know I sound crazy, but we should stop shaming women in their early 20s that are hoeing around. Let them host. Those are easy parts for us. God. Yo, chill.

[Mike]

Where are you from?

[Guest 1]

I'm from Belgium.

[Pat]

Belgium. Is there a lot of holes in Belgium?

[Guest 1]

Yeah, pretty much in Antwerp, I think.

[Pat]

Okay, so you just want women? So you just want more women? Are you, like.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, basically. I mean, if you look on TikTok, there's a lot of women talking about some. I cheated on my man. I'm breaking up with him. Yeah, of course they're breaking up to go around with other men, but it comes as filled with, like, boys saying, oh, no, you're ashamed of your father and such, but I think that's a positive thing. No.

[Mike]

Okay, Say more pussy for everyone.

[Pat]

Yeah, exactly. Do you have a girlfriend?

[Caller 2]

Kind of.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pat]

Like, are you still looking for other girls even though you have a girlfriend?

[Guest 1]

Look, my philosophy is this.

[Mike]

Anytime anybody without a doctorate degree says my philosophy, he already knows. About to be some.

[Pat]

Go ahead, Dr. Pepper.

[Mike]

Go ahead, bro.

[Guest 1]

Even if you have a shoe, you still go into shoe stores to look for other shoes, right? That basically applies to women as well.

[Pat]

How old are you?

[Guest 1]

I'm 23.

[Pat]

23?

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay. You got about five. About two more years, brother. Just go ahead. We're not even gonna sit here and try to teach you a lesson. It's just like, yeah, we all.

[Mike]

We all made dumb mistakes, too, when we were kids. But you realize, you know, you probably

[Pat]

get the same amount of women if you didn't have a girlfriend. You're just afraid to be alone though,

[Guest 1]

perhaps. Yeah, I don't think that's. That's a problem, though.

[Pat]

You don't think.

[Guest 1]

As long as you're. You have, like, a soul connected to

[Pat]

you, I think, oh, my God, like, you're beyond saving.

[Mike]

Like, it's cooked.

[Pat]

Yeah, you're.

[Guest 1]

No, but you got. You gotta understand me, bro. Like, look at your shoes right now, for example. Okay, they might not be the greatest, but there's still other options. You can still upgrade.

[Mike]

We heard. We heard when you used the analogy before, and we. We thought it was ass, and we still think it's ass. Yeah, but.

[Pat]

But that just says, like, you don't have, quote, unquote. If I got shoes on that I don't think are the best shoes, that means I don't have the money or resources to get the shoes that I want.

[Caller 3]

Want.

[Pat]

So maybe you should work on your resources to get the shoe that you want. Mean resources. Mean, like, your personality. You know, how tall you are, your job. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

So you don't work on his height.

[Pat]

Yeah, his height. They got height.

[Guest 1]

I'm good on that, bro. I'm a six. Six two, I think.

[Pat]

Six two. What you do for 11 at 23?

[Guest 1]

Architecture.

[Pat]

Architecture. How much money you make a year?

[Caller 2]

Just.

[Pat]

Just be transparent with us. Yeah, Yeah, I think.

[Guest 1]

I mean, I just started, so it's around. Might be 90. Yeah, something like that's what I'm saying.

[Mike]

No, you're still wrong, but the world is yours, young.

[Guest 1]

Look, I shouldn't be only building houses. I should also build my roster up, you know?

[Pat]

No, no, no. Like, you have your worst analogies. You are terrible.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

Shakespeare would not steal.

[Mike]

All right, man. You have a good one.

[Guest 1]

Wait, wait, wait. I got to say one more thing.

[Mike]

Go ahead, go ahead.

[Pat]

Not another analogy, please.

[Guest 1]

Happy, happy Black History Month.

[Mike]

Thank you, brother. No, I don't think so.

[Pat]

You white?

[Caller 3]

No, no.

[Guest 1]

Hispanic. Hispanic.

[Mike]

Hispanic. Okay.

[Pete]

Yeah.

[Guest 1]

All right.

[Caller 1]

No. All right, bro.

[Mike]

You have a good one.

[Pat]

All right, all right.

[Pete]

Yo, what the going.

[Pat]

What the. It is. Welcome to Crashing Me's podcast.

[Caller 4]

What's up?

[Pat]

What's up, man?

[Caller 2]

What's up?

[Mike]

Well, I watch our boys every day on the way to work there and from.

[Caller 2]

I'm telling you guys.

[Mike]

Camera.

[Pat]

Why you got your camera on, bro?

[Caller 2]

You asking too many questions, bro.

[Pat]

You want us to see you, bro. What he look like, bro? You want us to. You want us to see you that bad?

[Caller 1]

Oh, my God.

[Caller 2]

Damn.

[Caller 1]

This.

[Caller 2]

This don't feel real.

[Pat]

It's not real.

[Mike]

This. AI.

[Pat]

It might be.

[Guest 2]

It might be.

[Pat]

All right, we got a prompt for you to follow. Started off with. I know I sound crazy, but.

[Caller 2]

All right, hear me out. I know it sounds crazy, but when the coochie is a little bit musty, it kind of turned me on.

[Mike]

What would you just. What would you describe as a little bit musty?

[Caller 2]

Like, just a little bit like. It just got a little twang to it, but it's not dirty, obviously. But, you know, it got like a. A hint of, like. You feel me? A little bit of that. Bite back.

[Mike]

So fight back.

[Pat]

Bite back is like, crazy.

[Mike]

So you wanted to, like. You wanted to smell like she, like, did something for the day? Like, like normal day activities?

[Caller 2]

Yeah, in a way. But no, I just, like.

[Pete]

I just like. It just keep me locked in.

[Caller 2]

Like whenever I'm in it and I smell it, I'll be like, I don't even know, bro. It just turned me on. Just something about it.

[Pat]

Bro, you got a girlfriend?

[Caller 2]

Sound like that.

[Mike]

Why does everybody say that legit? Everybody's in situationships.

[Pat]

Are y' all not official or something? What's going on? You gonna.

[Caller 2]

I plan on making it official. February 14th.

[Pat]

How long y' all been talking?

[Caller 2]

We've been talking for like a cool, cool month or two.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

Around there.

[Pat]

Okay. Not too long. You. How old are you?

[Caller 2]

I'm 20.

[Pat]

You think. You think this is it? You think she the one?

[Caller 2]

I hope so, man. I hope so. I'm tired of being in the streets, bro. These girls been doing me bad. I need to settle down, bro.

[Mike]

You need to settle down, but they've been doing you bad.

[Pete]

Yeah.

[Pat]

What's so different about her? I don't know.

[Caller 2]

I think it's her presence, the way she talk. She not really like. I'm used to messing with ghetto girls. Like, the girls that are messing around slap you mid conversation if they feel like you lying. She gonna really sit there and listen.

[Pat]

She gonna listen to you lie.

[Caller 2]

She gonna listen to me live. She's not gonna ask no questions about it.

[Mike]

And she has a mild, musty coochie as well, huh?

[Caller 2]

No, no, no, no. Hell no.

[Guest 1]

Hell no.

[Caller 2]

No.

[Pat]

But you said you like that, though. Oh, y' all gonna get me caught up. Oh, she must. She got that 18 hour shift coochie.

[Mike]

Okay. No, he said miles, so probably like a 4. Part time.

[Pat]

Part time.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

Little Waitress.

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Guest 2]

Okay.

[Mike]

I got you a little hike, a little walk.

[Pat]

Got you a little hot girl.

[Mike]

A little hot girl walk.

[Pat]

Shout out. Shout out to her. Shout out to her part time work coochie as we calling it.

[Pete]

Yeah, that's called.

[Caller 2]

Let's go with that.

[Caller 1]

It.

[Mike]

Yeah, it.

[Pat]

That's y' all forever. That's all you needed, huh?

[Caller 2]

I'm telling you. And I'm make sure my balls musty too. So we could really be twinning.

[Guest 1]

Okay, we going to be twins,

[Caller 1]

Bro.

[Mike]

Sometimes getting hard to podcast, bro.

[Pat]

No that tough, bro.

[Mike]

That honestly suffer from success.

[Pat]

I think we're not. I think honestly like no human is meant to talk to this many.

[Mike]

No, not at all.

[Pat]

You know what I mean? Especially in like a comedic state because I feel like people let loose a little bit more. Yeah, we're not supposed to retain all this information. I think we're actually going to end up in therapy, like in our 40s. You know what's getting really eerie to me is we had a situation a couple months ago where Kyrie Irving kicked the robot.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pete]

Right.

[Pat]

And the robot fell and stuff and everybody talking about this. The video they going to play when the robots take over the world. And I recently saw another video just recently during this like super bowl press run where Cardi B was dancing on a robot and like the robot like twitched and like made her fall.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And like those people in the comments saying like the robot did that on purpose. The robot did that on purpose. And I'm just like, man, I just like I went home and I literally just punched my toaster in his face just letting it. I just want all my electronics to know it's a freaking order around here. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

First you first.

[Pat]

You think I'm first? Yeah, that's fine, bro. I'm gonna be so racist towards robots, it's gonna be insane.

[Mike]

Now they're coming for you first.

[Pat]

It's okay. Every single one of them. I'm gonna be the first. You know what I'm be because this the only people that can defeat robots is like the half man, half robots. Yeah, I'm gonna be the first one in that. And I'm be a robot bounty hunter. I'll be scrap metaling up. I'm gonna take them to the junkyard, to the compressor hear now it's going

[Mike]

to be the solar powered robots. They going to get you.

[Pat]

Oh no. That's crazy. Now that's crazy.

[Caller 4]

Plug.

[Mike]

What? Plug these nuts.

[Pat]

Block the sun on these.

[Mike]

Come with an umbrella and okay.

[Pat]

Somebody came with a tweet. You got something? My bad.

[Mike]

Go ahead.

[Pat]

Okay. Somebody came with a tweet and said, I promise you, bro, when you play the role of a laidback, quiet guy, you can fool people.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

What does he mean by that?

[Mike]

I think you can come off as nonchalant in situations where you're like really care about or you're trying to be sneaky about because you always act like you don't care about. Like when you do some odd shit and you're really nonchalant about it, then there's gonna be like, okay, he just does weird like that you don't like over compensate for like the weird shit that you're doing or like maybe like the, the sneaky shit you're doing.

[Pat]

Somebody like had a quote where he was just like, the quiet person gets their opinion respected more. And I can't think of a dumber thing I've ever heard in my life because sometimes like with quiet people, I'm just like, oh, you don't, you don't have anything to say. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

But I, I get what they mean

[Pat]

too because like quiet successful people, that's a different aura because that they make you nervous. Like if somebody like a billionaire and then you've been talking for minutes and he's just shaking his head talking about some.

[Caller 3]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You'd be like, damn, what that thinking

[Mike]

Sounds like a great idea.

[Pat]

Sound like a great idea. I'm copyrighted tonight. No, being a big idea person at a marketing company is not it. They be using abusing you.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So what you think about this?

[Caller 2]

Good.

[Pat]

Good. Now get out.

[Mike]

There was a theme. Like when we're in school, getting like early dismissal made you feel elite for no reason. Like getting up. Why? Like at 12 o' clock in the morning, you hear your name get called to office. Right. You know your parents are going to come like, you know, you, you put your book bag, you don't even zip that up all the way. You walking down the hallway looking. Especially when you look at kids in their classroom and they see you leaving. If you feel like you got superpower, you get home and then there's nothing to watch because you know they show all the ass shows at like 12 and like that. Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

No, the best feeling is the class that you know you're leaving from.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So it's like you kind of or a farming. Everybody got to take out their books.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pat]

You don't need to take out your books. Everybody like, what the you doing? You just sitting there with your backpack and your coat on. Like, don't even worry about it. Just listen to the announcement. Well, Patrick Johnson, please come to the office. Hop up. I'll see y' all later.

[Mike]

Yeah, you gotta dance, everybody.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

All right, bro, you gotta dap up, everybody.

[Jean]

All right?

[Pat]

Especially, and I love especially if some

[Mike]

came out of on TV the day before they didn't catch.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. The best feeling, though, is like when a teacher don't know what's going on and you kind of got power over her for the first time. You just like, yeah, they just call my name to the office. She was like, for what? Just like, I don't know. I'm about to go find out. You ain't gonna know either, little man. Between me and the

[Mike]

what would be dope is, you know, like, you might have like a really on time parent that's come to get you. And so you know you're going to be out the door at 12:03. You start walking to the door before you hear your name, just so your teacher can be like, where are you going? Sit down, Mike. And then you hear your name, Mike, come to the office. And you turn around, I'll see you later. Walk out.

[Pat]

That's fire.

[Mike]

You only got to go back and forth with them at the game.

[Pat]

And then you fart before you leave.

[Mike]

Close it down.

[Pat]

Now it's a stinky history class. No, somebody. Somebody came to our thing. Our comment section was like, past jokes are so corny. No, they're supposed to be corny.

[Mike]

I feel like we all got corny jokes. I feel like sometimes my jokes are

[Pat]

corny, but like, it's all about perspective.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's a podcast, man. If I say don't want us to talk.

[Pat]

Yeah, it's just like what you want us to do, not be corny. Gotta take some risks, you know what I'm saying? And like, usually people that use the word corny are corny. You know what I mean? Like, they don't have any jokes. They just sit back and judge everybody all day. Joe stank ass. Okay, so this is dope. Some people in Minneapolis, some white guys in Minneapolis shout out to white boys.

[Mike]

We definitely got a couple hurrahs. No, out of like the hundreds and thousands of people that listen to this podcast, they're. There's somebody that said, hoorah.

[Pat]

Listen, I'm for sure we have racist white people that listen to this podcast because those are only people that get mad. They'd be like, come on, man, all that politics. And we don't talk about politics, we just say, like, what's right and what's wrong sometimes? And they just be like, okay, I get. I see what you mean. So apparently, white Americans in Minneapolis are putting Mexican flags on their cars, so ICE agents waste time pulling them over. They call it ice fishing.

[Mike]

Okay. You think were ice agents just pulling people based on the flags?

[Pat]

I feel like I say. I mean, they dumb as.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, the thing about it is this is. I feel like this is sometimes the most important people during protests because, like, when we protest. Protest like black lives matter. You protest ice and stuff like that. Minorities can't do some of the. That white people can do. Like, do you think us three could ride around Minneapolis right now with a Mexican flag on the back of our car?

[Guest 1]

Why not?

[Pat]

Because they gonna pull us over and be like, oh, even better. Okay. Like, oh, wait, wait, wait. We hit the jackpot.

[Mike]

They might think they have a two for one for with me.

[Pat]

No. Oh, no. With Gene, they cook. Oh, this brother's half a little bit of everything. Got a little hot hybrid here.

[Mike]

Are you even half. You're, like, 75% black.

[Jean]

No, I'm half.

[Mike]

Half Puerto Rican, half black.

[Jean]

Mom is 100%.

[Pat]

Come on, now. I knew that. That's crazy, bro.

[Mike]

I thought Jean was more.

[Pat]

You're not even 100% Nigerian.

[Mike]

I'm 100%.

[Pat]

I'll put a th. You think you 100% if.

[Mike]

If I'm not 100%, like, if you

[Caller 1]

do, like,

[Mike]

anybody's 100% anything, I'm 100%.

[Guest 2]

What?

[Pat]

Real.

[Caller 4]

That's what.

[Mike]

That's gonna pop up on the. In the thing. Right on the results.

[Pat]

I knew it, cuz.

[Mike]

Who wrote it? White person.

[Pat]

No, that's crazy. No, that's crazy. Story of the week. Somebody posted on the Instagram story to the who just punched on me in the club. Y' all better stay in that john all night.

[Mike]

On my mind, mama. Oh, so he left the club after getting beat up and tweeted that.

[Pat]

And tweeted that.

[Mike]

Okay, that's a good warning.

[Pat]

That's a very good warning. Also, I will say the reason I screenshot at that. Because I don't like people's social awareness. Sometimes I've seen a fight happen, and, like, as soon as the fight is over, as soon as you get the. Like, before the fight is over, you supposed to leave. Especially if it's between dudes and especially if you down south. Like, there's one time I was in Tennessee, and it was a bunch of people fighting the street. Like, I'm down south, I'm about to leave. Like somebody has a gun.

[Mike]

Yeah. I'm at, I'm at the point too now is like, if I see like a brawl happening, and first of all, I can see when a brawl's gonna happen. Yes. I kind of like start walking my way away from the brawl just to kind of have a better view of everybody.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

And then once they brawl, these are brawls. Like, what's the point of being there after the, the brawl is over? That usually just kills the mood anyway. It's just like, bro, this we out, bro.

[Pat]

I'm doing my one checklist that I always do during the brawl and I'm out.

[Mike]

What's your checklist?

[Pat]

Find a with glasses. Just like I punched a glasses off. Like,

[Mike]

I probably just throw a drink.

[Pat]

No, you gotta do. Huh?

[Mike]

I probably just throw a drink.

[Pat]

No, throwing a drink is like throwing

[Mike]

a bottle into a dude's. A dude's brawling, that's probably a distraction.

[Pete]

No.

[Mike]

Especially if it goes right against the wall.

[Pat]

Yeah, especially if you, you hit the like old lady that's in there celebrating her 75th.

[Mike]

He hit G you. You shouldn't been in there.

[Jean]

Mine is smashing a bottle, holding it up.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, you, you going to jail.

[Jean]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

They locker you up. They're tackling the out of you, man.

[Pat]

No, they doing. They doing a. They doing a more embarrassing. The full nelson. When they walk a out in the full nelson.

[Mike]

I. I would hate to get tackled by like a security or like a.

[Pat]

A cop, cuz, you know, they not listening to nothing logical.

[Mike]

Cuz also like, my instincts is always like football. I might. Nice. Especially some of those cops I'd be seeing slow as hell. I'm stiff arming the out though, or sprawling right now. It's like you're resisting, but that's just my instinct.

[Pat]

The first thing, you're getting choked out.

[Caller 3]

I don't give up.

[Mike]

No, no, don't do that. Don't do that, don't do that. No, they're gonna use that. Don't say that.

[Caller 1]

Huh?

[Mike]

Don't say that, bro. You know you're never gonna be in a situation like that.

[Pat]

I rebuke it if bouncers take me

[Mike]

out of the club. Oh, bounces. Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

The first if they not letting me go out the club, I'm like, bro, that over with all that. Like, I'm gonna walk out the club as soon as I see the bouncers. And then the per. The reason I'm getting kicked out is already the escalated. You Got it? Yeah, whatever. You need me. You need me to move this fast, I got you. I know how we go. I know you gotta do your job. I know. You gotta look tough. I get it. You got cut from the college football team. I get it. You got some anger issues. Oh, my God, the cholesterol is up. I get it. Little. But as soon as you do some extra. Oh, boy. I'm not leaving that hoe no more. I refuse. Now what? Let's wrestle. Now, you gotta be careful today. These security guards starting to shoot now for sure. No, you got to be careful.

[Caller 1]

Careful.

[Pat]

Okay, so we're gonna talk about it. I always see those posts where they'd be like, delete one forever. And it's Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Snapchat. And I realized, obviously, I think we're all aging out of Snapchat collectively. Do you still use Snapchat Gene? No, because I know he don't. No, I ain't since I don't know, last time. It's probably been like six years.

[Mike]

I still have Snapchat on my phone. Yeah. Basically for that Crash Dummies podcast page. That's not ours.

[Pat]

Yeah, make sure y' all go report that it's a Crash Dummies page on Snapchat. Report them. They're probably making about 10 bands off your boys, you know what I'm saying? That's stopping us from touring. But no, for real. So it's funny because somebody kicked me off Snapchat.

[Mike]

What do you mean?

[Pat]

Like, a person spam me so much that I actually deleted the app because some people still use that as a form of communication. Because back then it used to be dope, like. Like somebody will send you a damn near 3 minute video or something. You sit there and watch the whole thing on Snapchat. And just like now, like, I don't even click through people's stories now.

[Mike]

Yeah, sometimes I do miss it in the sense of, like, it was easy to kind of send, like, people, like, quick things. It, like with Instagram, it kind of feels a little permanent because I know they have the same feature when they. You can, like, take the picture and then it's like. You see it like that.

[Jean]

Yeah, the filters are fire and stuff.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

I think it's just quicker too, because you open Snapchat and it's. It goes right. Opens right into the camera. So he's like. You're almost like opening the camera app. With Instagram, obviously you open it, then you find the messaging, then you find the actual message, and then you like, it's like a lot of thought process, especially with, like, she already stopped sucking. Yeah. No, it's crazy. It's crazy too. Horny. Horny. Patents chat.

[Pat]

If I had Snapchat, I already got the whole thing.

[Mike]

Horny pat in the chat and horny chat in the pat as well.

[Pat]

No, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that. They love that though. I get it though. I'mma make shirts.

[Mike]

Somebody said you're handsome in February. You think I'm stupid? There are. You think there are a lot of dudes that are getting the handsome text. They're getting more compliments this year. Like, especially those people that are on the fringe of, like, situationships.

[Pat]

I do think. I do think Valentine's Day is very, very important. I think it's just as important as your anniversary to me. If you're in a relationship, I promise you why you might not think the same because of, like, the situations you've been in. I'm talking about the real American women, bro.

[Mike]

We've been here just as long as each other.

[Pat]

No, we haven't. No, no, no. You a foreigner, bro.

[Mike]

This. I've been here since I was five.

[Jean]

No, he's. He's right though. I know you're saying.

[Pat]

Get what I'm saying like this. Not you. Not in the Constitution. Like you.

[Jean]

Not.

[Pat]

You don't know about the Declaration of Independence. Ain't no real American.

[Mike]

I got two passports.

[Caller 1]

Huh?

[Mike]

I got two pass.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying. You don't. You don't know what it's like. You. You know what I'm saying, bro?

[Mike]

You weren't doing at five either, bro.

[Pat]

I was in the streets at five. I was off the porch.

[Mike]

Go ahead, though.

[Pat]

What was I talking about again?

[Mike]

Oh, Valentine's Day.

[Pat]

No, I'm telling you, bro. If you, a dude out there, just come out before Valentine's Day. Yes, perfect. If you're a guy out there, you in a relationship, and you think everything good, you still gotta ask your girl to be your valentine every year, bro.

[Mike]

You think so?

[Pete]

Yes.

[Mike]

At what age?

[Caller 4]

Huh?

[Pat]

If you want to keep that woman. I mean, if you just. Then you're just.

[Mike]

Huh. You can get. I'm not, I'm not saying celebrating like you can celebrate it. Obviously everybody celebrates it. Right?

[Pat]

That means you need a lot of people do.

[Mike]

But you. If you get, say, say you get your girl flowers on Valentine's Day, right?

[Pat]

No, no, you gotta do it before. Yeah, you gotta ask way before.

[Mike]

You have to ask the day before. Will you be my balance.

[Caller 1]

I don't know.

[Pat]

February 1st usually I think is a good day. I'm just trying to put people on game.

[Mike]

It's beforehand at age like 30.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Jean]

If you're gonna do it, you're gonna do it, man.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

You don't stop ask like. But I understand if I got my girl roses like Christmas.

[Jean]

Like if you bought the gift before Christmas, you're gonna wait till Christmas.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Jean]

Type.

[Mike]

So you wait till Christmas till Valentine's Day.

[Pat]

But you still gotta ask.

[Jean]

So you have to get the Valentine's.

[Mike]

But what? Well, how'd you compare it to Christmas? You don't ask anything before.

[Jean]

No, but you still prepare for the holiday, you know what I'm saying? There's like a sequence to it, but

[Mike]

I'm still preparing saying next day.

[Jean]

You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

No, but don't say saint next day. No, he sounds like that, but he

[Pat]

preparing it like you.

[Mike]

I'm preparing too.

[Pat]

The tree like she see the presents under the tree before Christmas.

[Mike]

But I feel like when you're asking will you be my valentine to somebody you've been with for years, then ask him be your forever Valentine then that's exactly no.

[Pat]

No ask though. You gotta ask every year.

[Mike]

No, you don't have to ask every year.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

Because you're asking a question. You're asking a question. You're asking the question like it's gonna be. If you're asking the question like it's gonna be a different answer. A yes or no.

[Pat]

But it's just the principle what you say.

[Mike]

No one here, huh? You're giving an opportunity to say no to you every year.

[Pat]

I be. If she want to live that type of life, these flowers could be for something else.

[Mike]

Baby girl, that's crazy.

[Pat]

You want these flowers on top of you Or. But no, but I think, I think it's. That's very romantic. And I feel like that's how my

[Jean]

mom raised me though.

[Mike]

I feel like it's a romantic thing.

[Jean]

Ask me to be her.

[Mike]

It is a romantic gesture to do. But to say that you have to, you have to somebody. If I've been with you for five years, six years and we're married even more, even more.

[Pat]

The longer it gets.

[Mike]

I think you can just still one up and do stuff.

[Pat]

Because one thing you don't do is let other girls one up your girl like she about to be sitting.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no. That's Internet competition. Cuz everybody that's subjective.

[Jean]

They be talking about that or that's girl talk.

[Mike]

That's subjective. You can't let somebody else's in like somebody else one up in you. Especially on the Internet, it's like, bro, you don't know what the these people have going on in their real life.

[Pat]

Flowers. And as for Valentine is like the equivalent into head, right?

[Mike]

I'm agreeing with flowers. I'm agreeing with flowers.

[Pat]

I'm just saying if, if, if, if I go and then all my, all my guys talking about, man, my girl give me the best head.

[Mike]

My girl do this crazy conversation.

[Pat]

My girl give me the best head.

[Mike]

Right?

[Pat]

It is crazy. I was leave crazy freaky ass. But I'm just saying it's just like I don't want to be left out. You know what I'm saying? Girls, when they talk about that's that's you're.

[Mike]

You're still putting on other people's like,

[Pat]

no, bro, it's not. Bro.

[Mike]

See, it's not. While not strictly necessary. You're already in a committed relationship asking your girlfriend to be a father.

[Caller 2]

Never.

[Mike]

Hey, but this is, this is a.

[Pat]

A robot.

[Mike]

I told you. But AI, they've had hundreds. They probably are hundreds of people's girlfriend. You know how many boyfriends are probably in and husbands are asking ch Gbt to what to do?

[Pat]

I seen that. Yeah. Didn't somebody just call in and said that they stopped talking to somebody because they went on their phone. Oh, dudes. He called his co worker asking Chat GPT if how to talk, how to get his girl back. Yeah, which, which makes sense. Some people are. I just feel like this is a very remedial though. Yeah, there's nothing Chat GPT can tell me about like a human situation.

[Mike]

Yeah, I feel it.

[Pat]

Maybe some suggestions like, damn, they're like, take your time. Like, I already know that. What belief did you hold five years ago that you don't believe anymore? And what changed it?

[Mike]

I would say think, thinking people were doing better than me and it just, it just happened to be. They were just taking better pictures. A lot of these people that like live a good life and you especially like early days of Instagram, people were posting like random places. They are nice places, watches, money and like that. And you start to realize these things are scammers, scammers or there's just broke and like came up on some cash like that. So I stopped letting the Internet kind of like make me think that I need to work faster or I need to be in a different spot that I'm not supposed to be, you know?

[Pat]

Yeah. I mean a lot of these Dudes are one Google search away from being exposed. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's like, oh, man, I'm in first class. Okay, okay, let me Google what first class on Southwest looks like. I'm telling you, buddy, this looks like econ.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Your knees are pretty close to that seat.

[Mike]

And it's also. It's like, with social media as well. It's like, you never want to compare yourself to anybody because you don't know where those people started. Because you guys could be like, there have been times where we, like, early on the podcast, we're like, all this podcast is doing. You know, we think we're at this level. We think we're at this level and stuff like that, but you never know anybody's starting point.

[Guest 1]

Point.

[Mike]

Like, a lot of people on the Internet, they could have came from, like, rich, really rich parents and like that. And you see them at 23 and stuff like that, and they're super successful. Money, cars, and like that. And you think, I'm 23. I should be where this person's at. It's not. It. You're not starting from the same this on the same spot. So, yeah, you got to give yourself some grace in that sense.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

You.

[Pat]

You might be their parents. You know what I'm saying? You might be online with more of their parents. You're the start of the generation. Yeah, I never looked at that, because.

[Mike]

Especially women, too. Yeah. With fitness, like, I think, like, they see the woman that either edit their photos, they might be on, like, some type of medication and stuff like that,

[Pat]

might have got some surgeries, surgery, and

[Mike]

they start losing weight, and they think that I have to look. That I have to look like that or that's even attainable. It, like, you know, it's very hard to have, like, a super slim waist and, like, a. A fat ass. And you know what I'm saying? It's like, it's not. Everybody doesn't have that genetics and like that. So I don't know, everybody just needs to run their own race individually.

[Caller 4]

Also.

[Pat]

Like, I'm not, like, if somebody's like, 40 years old, right, and they're a trainer and they're telling you, hey, you got to do this workout to look at me. Go back to when they were 20 years old and they. Or when they were 16 years old and they were playing high school basketball, and you'll see they had the same exact frame. I. I swear to God, some people legitimately, like, people compliment me on my legs and be like, what leg workout Routines you do. I like, I've had strong legs since I was 11.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, it just like, like got passed down to me. Like some people be like, oh, I trained this to get this. Like, bro, I just saw a picture of 18 year old you before you were doing the exercise and you had six pack abs. Now you're over here selling some ab workouts.

[Mike]

Yeah, come on now, bro. It's got good genetics.

[Pat]

Yeah, you got good genetics. And a lot of those people don't even be strong. Yeah, don't be strong or fit. And they vape like bitches

[Mike]

vapor like

[Pat]

all the time, like trying to sell some.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Anyway, that could be in the podcast again, live shows. Crash dummieslive.com merch is coming out. If, if it is out, just check crash dummies merch.com or just check the crashdummies.com you'll find everything. Live show merch and stuff like that. Yeah, it should be live by Wednesday. If it's not, then it's probably gonna be like Friday or something.

[Pete]

Yeah.

[Mike]

What else we got live shows. Make sure you guys come to live shows, participate. When you guys do buy tickets, please tag us in it. Tag Pat, tag Gene, tag us in it so we can share it on our story as well.

[Pat]

Yep, always tag. Keep posting clips. We love when y' all post clips. We love when y' all take pictures of y' all watching the podcast all over the world, all over United States, wherever you at, we encourage that more. We'll try to repost. The days that we don't repost are probably days we're shooting because we need the story obviously for callers, but. But if we'll get to it eventually. Like, so if you got a favorite clip that you like. We're trying to just keep building up, you know, visibility of the podcast so we can do more stuff for y'. All. Also vlog ideas. If now we actually have the resources to probably get any vlog idea that you can think of, be creative. If you are a. A business owner, minority business owner. Not to say like if you white you can't it tell me. But if you're in the Patreon or we know you watch the show and you have a business, let us know if we could come through and maybe make some content at it. If it's like available for that.

[Mike]

If it's a unique business as well.

[Pat]

Yeah, unique bit. So if you got fencing, snowboarding, wakeboarding,

[Mike]

some things we don't typically see us do or.

[Pat]

Yes, like you don't invite us to shoot dice at your bar? Yeah, we good on it. Come down to whiskeys, bro.

[Mike]

Anyway, we'll see you guys on the live show. That's been the episode. Peace.