Favorite Eater - Episode 210

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 210: "Favorite Eater" (June 11, 2025)

Hosts: Pat (Patrick Johnson) & Mike (Michael Esiobu)
Theme: Pat and Mike dive into wild scenarios, relationship etiquette, financial realities, and take hilarious calls from listeners on everything from scammy jobs to friendship drama and viral internet moments—all with their trademark unfiltered banter.

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Overview

Episode 210 of Crash Dummies Podcast is a classic blend of Pat and Mike riffing on improbable life situations and biting into topical conversations with fans and friends. Dubbed "Favorite Eater," the episode explores awkward reveals in dating, multi-level marketing schemes, friendship pettiness, financial struggles, and internet culture, all while seamlessly balancing genuine life advice and side-splitting comedy. Notably, listener call-ins feature prominently, providing raw, real, and often hilarious insights into their fans' lives.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Jersey Jokes and Community Engagement

Pat and Mike open in full sports regalia, encouraging listeners to roast their jersey choices and crack on them—AI-generated jokes included. Pat introduces a "star rating" for comment section jokes, promising to block the lowest performers.

• Memorable moment:
  • “I'm gonna start rating them with stars. If you get one star three times, you are blocked.” – Pat [00:20]

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2. MLMs, Forex Scams, and the Death of the ‘Easy Money’ Myth

The hosts reminisce about the forex (foreign exchange) trading craze and MLM (multi-level marketing) era, criticizing the friend-hitting tactics and questionable financial advice.

• “Any job that tries to make you sell to your friends first...I don't like that.” – Mike [02:44]
• “Everybody with money the expert.” – Pat [05:13]
• They highlight how most such "mentors" made money recruiting, not trading, exposing the pyramid nature of the schemes.

Highlighted Discussion (01:36–06:26)

• MLMs and scams dissolving friendships.
• The illusion of getting rich quick, and harsh truths on “six figures” not going as far as people think due to inflation.
• Quote: “With inflation, six figures doesn't seem like that much money anymore...you can still feel broke making six figures.” – Mike [06:12]

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3. Friend Etiquette—What Not to Say Around Your Boy’s Girl

Pat and Mike lay down unwritten rules for hanging out when friends' partners are present:

• Don’t reminisce on wild past nights or bring up inside jokes about exes.
• Never air personal relationship complaints in front of the group; it messes up perspectives.
• Notable callout: Mike admits to exposing Pat with an ex-girlfriend joke at the wrong time:
  • “No, Mike did me dirty in college...Mike was just like, ‘yo, I wonder how your ex doing?’” – Pat [09:27]
• Rule: Don’t introduce new partners to friends too early (before 3–4 months).

Segment: [07:10–12:16]

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4. Internet Comedy, Drewski, Trey Rags, and Dark Humor Boundaries

The hosts reflect on Drewski’s comedic style and “safe spaces” created by comedians who never apologize for dark humor (like Trey Rags).

• Discussion: How controversial jokes land with audiences already conditioned, and the risk of cancel culture.
• “He has the type of content you gotta send without any context.” – Mike [14:10]
• “Let me send this from my burner.” – Pat [13:59]
• Real talk about lines in comedy and who can laugh at what.

Segment: [12:16–15:02]

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5. Call-in Segment—Confessions, Regrets, and Hilarious Scenarios

Favorite Eater Origin Story ([15:23–21:29]):

• Guest 4’s viral confession:
  • Shares a story where her friend tells a guy at a club she's "an eater" (slang for being enthusiastic about certain acts), leading to instant internet tracking and a new "contact name":
    • “I'm talking to him. If that, you know, tells the whole story.” – Guest 4 [18:44]
    • “Hey, and I'm the favorite eater. I'm the saver eater. That's my contact name.” – Guest 4 [18:58]
• The guys riff on nicknames in phones and the roles people play in hookup culture.

Petty Friendship Endings ([21:44–32:06]):

• Ghosting a groomsman for missing a wedding (and the fallout that followed).
• Ending friendships over shirtless video gaming sessions because of new girlfriends.
• Allowing listeners to vent about financial strain (“Why do I feel broke making almost six figures?”—a common refrain).

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6. Money Woes, Family Dynamics, and Modern Fatherhood

• Candid caller stories about supporting multiple kids by different mothers, the relentless expense of family life, and being locked into relationships “for survival”.
• “You actually don't make enough money. Talking about almost six figures. You need a million dollars.” – Pat [38:03]
• “This is why life is expensive. Because you have three different households.” – Mike [38:03]

Segment: [35:39–39:12]

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7. Overly Clingy Friends and Boundaries

• A caller vents about a friend monopolizing his vacation time for free labor at his shop—blurring the line between friendship and exploitation.

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8. Relationship Etiquette and Awkward Scenarios

• Entertaining takes on how to support an ex who is now a friend, and the boundaries that get crossed (kissing exes on the forehead at bars while with your current partner).
• "You got a forehead fetish" – Pat [47:15]

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9. NBA Beef, Regional Slang, and Single Life Realities

• Quick smack-talking between Celtics and Knicks fans.
• Lessons in New Orleans and Boston slang ("I'm loaded" = high/ready for the day).
• Deeply honest convo on why some men stay single: "You the bad thing at the thrift store" – Pat [52:10]

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10. Stripping, Tricking, and Gender Roles

Pat recounts a trip to Atlanta’s Cheetah strip club, observing the psychological games strippers play, and the blurred lines between “tricking” and “running game”.

• “Man, some of you dudes are weak minded, bro...man, they finessing the out of y’ all.” – Pat [55:42]
• Debate on if spending money for nothing in return is really “tricking”.

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11. Random Internet News, Viral Tweets, and Social Takes

• Review and breakdown of absurd, viral internet moments:
  • Alzheimer’s research body resale horror story ([71:03])
  • “Blast test” as a euphemism gone wrong
  • “Jautism” as a jaw-related meme, and reactions to hilarious tweets.
• Memorable tweets:
  • “She a little weird, but she got a throat coat. Shoddy got jautism.” [72:40]
  • "I gave a crackhead $15, he looked and said, I’ll kill a behind you nephew." – [73:06]
  • "Dude went to her crib to get my stuff after she cheated, and her ex broke my jaw." – [75:16]

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12. Fight, Flight & Self-Preservation

• How to handle hostile situations with exes and their new partners: Sometimes it’s better to walk away.
• “You either gotta believe me or get down, bro.” – Pat [70:13]

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13. Reflections on History and Internet Age

• How will the Trump, Elon Musk, and COVID eras be remembered? Questioning if future generations will even believe the bizarre public battles of our time.
• "Imagine going back in time, like, yo, y' all won't believe that..." – Mike [66:15]

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Notable Quotes

• “Nothing is easy. I don't give a...like, no matter how much money I make, every time I see the amount, I'd be like, damn. Four years ago, I would have looked at this and went crazy. But now it's like I earned that, bro.” – Pat [05:38]
• "If you’re in somebody’s phone as ‘favorite eater’ instead of your name, then there's other roles being played." – Pat [19:27]
• "It's like a thrift store around here. Sometimes you find some good, sometimes some trash, but you just gotta keep digging...You the bad thing at the thrift store.” – Pat [51:41, 52:14]
• "It's more about killing somebody than what you think." – Pat [70:33]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:36] – MLM & Forex scam reflections
• [06:35] – The inflation reality of “six figures”
• [07:10] – What not to say around friends’ girlfriends
• [15:23] – "Favorite Eater" confession and viral moment
• [21:44] – Friendship drama: ghosting a wedding
• [35:39] – “Why I feel broke making six figures” and parenting
• [43:10] – “Name a time you were a problem”: Awkward relationship boundary stories
• [55:41] – Strip club psychology and debate on “tricking”
• [62:02] – Elon Musk, Trump, and the spectacle of internet culture
• [66:25] – How will history remember us?
• [71:03] – Tweet/viral moment breakdowns

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Tone & Style

The episode's tone is raw, conversational, and relentlessly comedic. Pat and Mike blend social commentary, relatable “struggle stories,” and wisecracks with genuine listener engagement. The language is authentic and unfiltered, consistently matching the laid-back, "barbershop hangout" energy that defines Crash Dummies Podcast.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential Crash Dummies experience—sharp, irreverent, deeply honest, and full of wild stories from both hosts and listeners. You'll get hot takes on financial realities, friendship loyalty, and modern dating, all filtered through viral meme culture and personal confessionals.

Skip to segments with memorable quotes or listener stories for some of the biggest laughs and most relatable moments.

Transcript

[Pat]

Go ahead, bro.

[Mike]

Well, it's like the alley oop, is it?

[Pat]

It's like Dwyane Wade off a flexible.

[Mike]

Yes, we. We both have jerseys on. Let's just get that out the way.

[Pat]

Oh, y' all weird, bro.

[Mike]

Because I know they can.

[Guest 1]

Like, y'.

[Mike]

All, Y' all dress, like, get the jersey jokes in now. Let's go. Let's do it.

[Guest 2]

It's.

[Pat]

You know, I appreciate the jokes. No, I do too, because it keeps the comments alive. And I like when the comments alive. But, like, some of y', all, like, come on, man, you can literally chat GBT or chat gbt. Another joke better than yours. Like, you can literally put your joke into the AI chat, and the chat could spice up your joke. So. All right, from now on, I'm judging jokes and comments and quotes. I'm gonna start rating them with stars. And if you get one star three times, you are blocked.

[Mike]

Anyway, welcome to craft Dummies, episode 210. Make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon. We just dropped an episode there on Monday. People keep asking about the Poor Minds episode. I honestly don't know when it's coming out. Maybe this Friday. I don't know.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, bro, listen, those are some hard working. When I tell you when we was there, like, they was just shooting, shooting, working. I don't know what they was working on. They got a lot of jobs, so we don't. We don't know when that's coming out. Yeah, just be on the lookout for it. I'm sure you'll see us post it and then post it. We'll let you know. We got you.

[Mike]

Well, I was wondering, you remember those MLM Forex scams?

[Pat]

The what?

[Mike]

The mlm. I said scams. The MLM Forex, like groups.

[Pat]

Oh, like the forex group.

[Mike]

Yeah, the forest groups. Yeah. That confused you with mlm, the multi level marketing?

[Pat]

Yeah, just. Bro, just say forex.

[Mike]

The forest groups. I honestly wonder how many friendships were. Were like, ended because of like, that type of stuff. Like the. The MLMs in general. Because, you know, like the. They always have those MLM groups that they might be selling protein powder or some. And they only got. They have to sell to their friends first.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Even sometimes, like, oh, financial advisors. Sometimes.

[Pat]

Yeah, like Northwestern. Your boy gets snatched up by Northwestern Mutual. That's only. He about to hit you up. Hey, man. And it's gonna come, like, casually by, oh, my boy hitting me up like, what's up, bro? He be like, how you doing, bro? Like, man, I'm good. Just living life. Hey, man, you know how you living? Like, you know, hey, man, I just bought a car. Hey, man, I just bought a car too. Oh, you did? How'd you budget that?

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yo, my nigga, what you. You switched on me, bro.

[Mike]

Nah, it. I don't like anything. Any job that tries to make you sell to your friends first. Yeah, bro, I don't like that. And your friends and family, because they know those are the people that might support you regardless. And it's like, it's one of those products too, where you like, some people might not need that right now.

[Pat]

Yeah. If you, if you go to your friend house and you take you to the basement, just be like, hey, man, what happens when you die? He's taking care of your family. Like, yo, just pass the blind, bro. Not trying to hear that, bro.

[Mike]

Not because I don't see the Forex groups anymore. I mean, I remember when it was a thing when they would, they'll travel, rent a big ass Airbnb.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And they have like 50 shouting.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And the money,

[Pat]

let's go.

[Guest 2]

Ah.

[Pat]

If you want to be now, the next person I'm introduce you to is the man that started it all.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And it's a. With a turtleneck on and a blazer.

[Mike]

The Cuban on.

[Pat]

You want to be like me. See, I'm looking at your forces right now and they tell me you need this group. Yeah, those are white girl forces.

[Mike]

Yeah. I don't know. Multi level marketing. I'm glad it's, it's, it's dying down a little bit. It's still, it's still out there in the live. I think a lot of the, I would say the self help gurus are kind of in that realm now.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Of like the only way you make money is by recruiting other people to buy this, this coaching program and stuff like that.

[Pat]

Yeah. I don't like it. It's the pyramid scheme.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

The.

[Pat]

The only person that makes money is a person at the top. And the more pe. I mean, if you understand the pyramid scheme, then you can actually work it. But the only people that are making money are the people that understand the pyramid. Like, you have to have people under you, and if ain't nobody under you, then who the making you money?

[Mike]

The, the thing I hated about the Forex stuff, it was that because I traded before too, and I was, you know, I was okay at it, but it was like I wasn't consistent enough.

[Pat]

Right.

[Mike]

But the people that would sell like their Mentorships and all that stuff. They never made a significant amount of money. Just doing their trade. The trading.

[Guest 4]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Correct. They never made enough to do it full time. They 90 of their income came from bringing people on to the thing. So I was like.

[Pat]

Or.

[Mike]

Or it's not really your friend.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah. And then some. And then some people like regardless of what they did, they probably big one time.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I mean? They got lucky one time. They got into something early one time and all of a sudden they the expert because they got the money. Everybody with money the expert.

[Mike]

What I've learned in this life is that money is not easy to come come upon. Like your first. Once you get may start making money, it's easier to make more money, obviously. Yeah, but nothing. If it sounds too easy, you got to be skeptical, bruh.

[Pat]

I'm telling you not like. Nothing is easy. I don't give a. Like, no matter how much money I make, every time I see the amount, I'd be like, damn. Four years ago I would have looked at this and went crazy.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But now it's like I earned that, bro. You know what I'm saying? Like I. I put in work, bro. Cuz especially when you find out what other people making. Yeah, that'll you up. You think mad that I don't. I'm almost at six figures. Okay, bro, let's really calculate what you do. Brought the business $2 million and they paying you 90,000, my boy.

[Mike]

With inflation and now six figures. And this is obviously don't take this anyway, but six figures this way six figures is. Doesn't seem like that much like unachievable anymore that like that much money anymore like it used to be back then.

[Pat]

No, they. They doing something, bro.

[Mike]

I just think everything's so expensive. So make a $10.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike]

Even if you're making six figures is still expensive, you can still feel broke making six figures.

[Pat]

Now y' all need to start doing like the. You ever seen Big Daddy with Adam Sandler?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And it was smashing the cans. You know, if you got a smash can at target, it's 10 on smashing your drinks.

[Mike]

I used to think people.

[Pat]

The other day I actually dropped something in front of the target person. It was like, damn, this is really dented. You still want it? I was like, yeah, I don't care. And it was like, all right, that's 10% off. I was like, all right, dump this shit out my. Okay. What questions or conversations shouldn't you have in front of your friend's girlfriend?

[Mike]

I Got to think about this one. I would say anything that starts with like. Like, bro, that was a wild ass night. Like, you can't talk about, like, your wild nights in front of your friends, girl. Not.

[Pat]

Not too much.

[Guest 3]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

I just want to say, like, it's not toxic that your woman thinks. That your woman wants to think the most fun you could possibly have is with me.

[Mike]

Uhhuh.

[Pat]

So why is your homeboy screaming on the phone, yo, was crazy, bro. Bro, Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro. Don't tell me to shut up, bro. No, bro, I don't care how you look at me. You standing on that bar, bro, giving everybody shots.

[Mike]

You in the life of the party, bro. How are you still.

[Pat]

Damn, you got a shirt on now. You have a shirt on all night,

[Mike]

bro, I didn't even know you had that tattoo right there.

[Pat]

How you stood on both of those girls shoulders was crazy, bro.

[Mike]

I would say another thing, too, is, like, you never should make, like, the complaints, you know? Like, every guy kind of, like, talks about their girl about something they did. Annoying, right?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Never talk about the complaints that you complain about your girls in front of him.

[Pat]

No facts.

[Mike]

Yeah. So, like, if you say, oh, she was annoying as hell, something like that or something, you can't be. You can't. Like, she can't do something annoying. Like, damn. I see what. I see what Mike was talking about.

[Pat]

Yeah. Oh, bro, look, she talking over you again, just like you said.

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Stop doing that to my boy.

[Mike]

Like, ah, I see. I see it now.

[Pat]

You right. She don't cook, bro.

[Guest 3]

Yeah,

[Pat]

Yeah, I see it now.

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You do not cook.

[Pat]

So. So will be ordering something. That's what y' all usually do, right? Nobody cook over here.

[Mike]

And then I think the. The last one I can think about is, like, no inside jokes that, like, involve, like, an ex. No, not at all.

[Guest 3]

No.

[Pat]

You did that to me one time, though.

[Mike]

What? Oh, yeah, I did do that.

[Pat]

No, Mike.

[Mike]

What was the inside joke? It was a joke joke.

[Pat]

No, Mike did me dirty in college.

[Mike]

And you're not with her anymore, so it's. It's fine. It was worth it.

[Pat]

No, one time I was.

[Mike]

I mean, I could have held that joke in the whole time I was

[Pat]

hanging with a girl. And then Mike was just like, yo, I wonder how your ex doing? Wait, what?

[Mike]

You.

[Pat]

You know, you.

[Guest 1]

You remember her?

[Pat]

I wonder how she doing, bro. You think she blocked me, bro? No, that's how.

[Mike]

What did I say? I think I said, damn. I. I said I missed her.

[Pat]

Oh, you said you missed my Ex

[Guest 3]

dirty.

[Pat]

I was just. We was with a group of girls. I was like, yo, what the. You know what's worse? It was just me and you and, like, six girls, so it was no other dude there to help me call you out. So it's just some minor emano.

[Mike]

No, I think what happened. I think, you know, Pat is, like, it's past the life of the party sometimes. No, you are, though. And everybody. You just joking, and you made a joke. You made some type of African joke about me, and I think I. I waited. I waited to the perfect moment. No, that's crazy to say that, but it was. It's good that I said that joke because it was funny in the moment, and you're not with that person. So if I would have held that joke in trying to save that relationship, it wouldn't matter. I haven't done it since.

[Pat]

Hey, good job. Might need one of them.

[Mike]

Just know when I say it's for a.

[Pat]

A reason, bro. Trust me. The thing I'm about to do for you is for you, my boy. Yo, you still hug your ex on the weekends? What the. You just say no. You know, one thing I will say is if you're a good enough person to where your boy's ex still follows you on social media.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That's how. Like, that's how you could judge if you're a good person. She blocked both of y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Pat]

She never with you anyway. Like, damn, you block me too. Well, you too.

[Mike]

You kind of get it. That's why I don't like being introduced to my friends. Like, girl in the talking stages. I don't want to do, like, too much, like, double dates and all that type of. You need to, like, be, like, three, four months in.

[Pat]

Yeah. Because sometimes how the relationship end, you'll. You'll find someone trying to, like, be friends with your friend just because that door is open type.

[Mike]

And I also don't want my girl to be friends with somebody that now it's gonna be awkward if they actually hit it off and be friends when that ends.

[Pat]

Oh, it's like, yeah, yeah. But not mine.

[Mike]

How do you think Drew Ski gets away with all his skits? Because he recently did the one with cosplaying as a white dude that. That be in the hood.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

The Yovon had a tweet about that.

[Pat]

But it's. We talked about it. It's up that we use Ellen DeGeneres as an example.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Of every scenario. But it's also like, selling the thing that you're selling. You can't get. He's always sold that.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Dark humor. He's always sold that. And he's never got on anywhere and apologize. So if that's also. That's like somebody coming at Trey Rags for one of his things.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

This is. Blah, blah. The people that view him, the people that watch him, the people that pay to see him, they were already into that style of comedy. Like, yeah, Juicy got some, like.

[Mike]

And I think people. Yeah. Again, because you curate that type of audience, so they're already used to that comedy. I think the only thing Juicy really ever got black backlash for from his own, like, audience was, I think it was like the skit about the girls at a party.

[Pat]

And that's what I said, but I. I never heard an apology about that. Did he apologize?

[Mike]

No, I think he took it down.

[Pat]

Did he take it down?

[Mike]

Yeah, I think so.

[Pat]

That's still, like. They still use it as a meme, though. Yeah, yeah, they still got it, but it's like, it's. I mean, that's what that style of comedy is. It's like, gonna go on the borderline of that. Like the. I wouldn't say he's as far as Trey Rags. Like, Trey Rags different.

[Mike]

He's funny as hell.

[Pat]

That's like, Trey Rags has that one where, like, I'm. If I watch one of his videos and I laugh in one of his videos, I'm by myself.

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I'm not around nobody.

[Mike]

You can't even send. Like, this should be so funny. But, you know, I can't send this because I don't want this person to see me in this light.

[Pat]

Yeah. Let me send this from my burner.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You see what they did? Can you believe this? And then you just wait on the laughing emojis.

[Mike]

That's the type of stuff he's a. He has the type of content you gotta send without any context. Just send it.

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And wait for the reaction, because then you can kind of go based on the reaction. So if I send it to a friend, I'm like, oh, that is kind of up. I'd be like, yes, it's kind of up. No, because you send it and it's a up video, and then you send the laughing emojis, and it's like, oh, you think this is funny? So you gotta send it with no comments at all.

[Guest 4]

Yes. Can you hear me?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Welcome to Craft Sammy's podcast.

[Guest 4]

What's up? I finally made it. Is that an echo?

[Mike]

No, not for us. It might just be for you, but don't worry about it.

[Guest 4]

Okay, cool.

[Pat]

Talk her through it.

[Mike]

Mike, I got a question for you.

[Guest 4]

All right, what's up?

[Mike]

Honestly, where'd your answer come from?

[Guest 4]

Well, I mean, which one? Because I sent two answers.

[Mike]

Okay, what question did you answer?

[Pat]

She answered both of them, I think

[Guest 4]

the one that I regret saying out loud.

[Mike]

Okay, what's something that you regret saying out loud?

[Guest 4]

I would have to say that I'm an eater. It's a long story.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Guest 4]

But I can make it short.

[Pat]

Yes, please, go ahead.

[Mike]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Pat]

Please, please.

[Guest 4]

Okay. So, like, you know, I don't know if y' all know, like, the baddie, but I'm not an eater when it comes to fighting. I'm an eater when it comes to eating. So, like, I'll give y' all example. Like, me and my friend, we went to this club and we got a section and. And she knows I'm an eater. Like, one thing, you know, girls, we talk about guys, we talk about what we do. What they, you know, the nicknames they give us. So apparently, like, we're sitting at this booth at this bar, and I see a cute guy. So I'm like, oh, like, he's fine as, like, she's like, call him over here. I'm like, no. One thing about me is I don't like being rejected. So I'm like, no. And he looks like he got ho. Real, real dressed, nice looking guy. But I'm like, no, I'm not gonna say nothing. But she's like, I'm gonna say something. I'm like. So she walks over there and she's like, hi, how are you? I see them talking. I'm trying to hide my face. Look at my phone. Like, someone's texting me. No one's texting me. So she walks back over to the freaking booth, and she's like, hey, blah, blah, blah. This is blah, blah, blah. And he's like, hey, what's up? I'm like, hey. I'm like, you look good. He's like, oh, yeah, you look good too. So then she's like, you're not gonna get his number. I'm like, no. She's like, well, I just wanna let you know my friends are eaters. And I'm like, oh, my gosh, my mouth dropped. Mind you, I don't know this man. I haven't even known him for two minutes and you already letting him know I'm an eater?

[Pat]

No, that's crazy.

[Mike]

Was she wrong?

[Guest 4]

No, she's not wrong. I'm. I'm an eater. But that guy don't know. He don't need to know that because he's probably gonna look at me like, oh, I need her to come eat me up. Like, no, it's not that.

[Guest 3]

Not that, right?

[Guest 4]

Not that at all.

[Pat]

But, like, so what happened?

[Guest 4]

So, okay, after she said that, I'm like, bruh, I looked at her and she looked at me, and I'm like. And the guy, he's just standing there, like, in disbelief. Like, did she just say that she's a fucking eater?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Guest 4]

So I'm looking at him. I'm like, don't say him.

[Pat]

Disbelief.

[Guest 3]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest 4]

So he's. I know he's thinking like, oh, she's an eater. So I'm like, I'm sorry. Don't believe her. So he's like, nah, you good. Like, you look good. Like, you know, if you want to drink a bar. So I'm like, all right. I never. I never go to the fucking bar. So literally, you know, I don't know if y'. All. Y' all got iPhones. This is 2025. So, you know, like, you get on Instagram or Facebook and it says, like, people you may know or some shit like that. Bruh, I'm freaking scrolling on Facebook and I see the guy that was at the bar, and then you see, like, it says, accept request. Like, accept friend request. I'm like, oh, my God, this dude done found me on fucking Internet. Now he really wants me to eat him up.

[Pat]

So,

[Guest 4]

you know, that happened. That happened a few months ago. But I am talking to him. If that, you know, tells the whole story.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He came and got his eater.

[Guest 4]

Hey, and I'm the favorite eater. I'm the savor eater. That's my contact name.

[Mike]

That's your contact name for him?

[Guest 4]

No, like, in his phone, it says favorite eaters for you. Yeah.

[Mike]

So does he have, like, normal eaters then, too, in the song?

[Guest 4]

No, because one thing about me is you got to be lying for me to eat you on a constant base. And I'm just like. When I met him, I'm like, you look like you got holes. And he's like, nah, I don't. You know. You know how guys be. I don't got hoes.

[Pat]

Let me. Let me put you on game real quick. If you're in somebody's face phone as favorite eater instead of, like, just your name, then there's other roles being played.

[Guest 3]

No.

[Guest 4]

And, I mean, I don't tell people my real name anyways. So, like, he act like, what name

[Mike]

you want you don't got no other nicknames?

[Pat]

Initials, maybe, Like.

[Guest 4]

But, I mean, it better not be another female on the phone that says favorite eater, because.

[Pat]

Yeah, I bet you it's not, but I bet you it's one that says wifey

[Guest 4]

or, you know, ass shot.

[Pat]

Either.

[Guest 3]

Or.

[Guest 2]

Or.

[Pat]

Yeah. Somebody got a ring emoji.

[Mike]

Yeah, there's a couple hard emojis. Yeah, they might be a little.

[Guest 4]

I mean, mine, mine. Mine's got 100 and a lot emoji, so I guess that means something.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pat]

Hey, don't.

[Mike]

Don't even do it. Don't ruin it for him.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, you're right.

[Mike]

It's man's mental health awareness month.

[Pat]

Girl, he love you.

[Guest 4]

And you know what? My birthday was just last week. I'm not about to be your favorite eater. He's gonna be coming to eat. Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Guest 4]

Thank you.

[Pat]

Where he get you for your birthday?

[Guest 4]

Well, I was in Vegas. I just got back, so. Yeah, I took a solo trip to Vegas.

[Pat]

You ain't answering my question. What did he get you for your birthday?

[Guest 4]

Nothing yet. I mean, I don't. I don't really. I don't really want the kids. You can just come over and just let me be the favorite eater. I. I enjoy.

[Guest 1]

You know what?

[Pat]

We not gonna ruin a happy home.

[Guest 3]

Or happy home.

[Guest 4]

He's gonna be the only one ruining if he finds another one. And he better not.

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

Shout out to bro.

[Pat]

Shout out. Hey, man. You got it, brother. My bad for even, you know, trying to play defense, but.

[Guest 4]

Hey, you guys, you. I know y' all got a favorite eater, so don't. I mean, you might not have her saved in your phone, but y' all got a favorite eater.

[Guest 3]

No.

[Pat]

Hey, all I gotta say is to you, lock emoji, hundred emoji.

[Guest 4]

You too.

[Mike]

All right, peace. What up? What up? Welcome. Crash on me's podcast.

[Guest 3]

Hey, man, thank you so much for having me on, man. Nice to meet you.

[Guest 1]

No problem.

[Guest 3]

No problem.

[Mike]

I got a question for you. What's the. What's the pettiest reason you ended a friendship?

[Guest 3]

Man, I freaking. I ended a friendship with a dude that I knew. Excuse me? I knew this dude since high school, and I had to break the friendship. Break the friendship apart because he decided to call off on my wedding, like, the day prior to the wedding about to happen. So I kind of knew. I should have known that something was going to happen like this because right before we were getting prepared and getting the suits together, he hits me with this whole, hey, man, I might want to send you the money to pay for the suit, because knowing me, I'm probably gonna spend it. And I'm, like, thinking to myself, like, bro, we're all adults. I'm not about to hold this money for you. Like, you got this on your own. Should have listened to him. So a week or so prior to the wedding, when we're getting all the suits prepared, he calls me and he's like, hey, bro, I'm trying to go get this suit, but they don't have this in stock. And I'm like, what are you talking about, bro? Like, just go to men's warehouse. Just go in there, show them this picture. They order it, and you go and pick it up a week later. And he's like, no, I went there. They don't have it. And I'm like, what the are you talking about? They order it. Like, they. Of course they're not going to have it on hand. And so he finally has me on the phone while he's doing this, and I hear him going at the clerk. He was like, hey, man, do y' all happen to have this soon in stock or this? This and that? And he was like, yeah, we do have in the stock. I think It'll be about 375 if you want to go ahead and take this off the rack. And he was like, okay, well, I just got to go get some money out of the car, so just give me one second. And he walks out. And I'm like, so you didn't ask him if they had the suit? He's like, yeah, bro, they didn't have it in hand. And I'm like, are you at men's warehouse? He's like, no, I'm at. I think it was at kng's suiting spot or something like that. I'm like, bro, take your ass to men's warehouse. That's what I told you to do. Why the you go to another place and then.

[Pat]

Yeah, bro, is this an ad, bro?

[Guest 3]

Literally,

[Mike]

it's an ad here.

[Guest 3]

No, I literally had the picture. I'm like, bro, all you have to do is just say, hey, man, I need this to take my. Take my fitting, and we're gonna go on about our business. But he decided to go to a whole other place. And then, like, a week goes by, like, probably two or three days before the wedding, and he ironically hits me with a picture, and he goes, amen. So I wanted to go to this wedding and whatnot, but one of my homies, he got killed by the police officer, and he shows me the video of the guy laid out on the floor and everything, and I'm sitting there like. Like, this is real convenient that this happened, like, two or three days before. I'm like. I mean, I'm like, I'm glad that. I mean, I'm sorry to hear about your friend, but, like, bro, you're supposed to be one of. One of the men in the wedding, fool. Like, what are you talking about? Your friend passed away. Like. And he was like, yeah, bro, so I'm not gonna be able to go. So I'm like, yeah, I'm not gonna talk to you anymore. Like, bro, you got me up.

[Pat]

Can you confirm that the friend didn't really die? Are you saying the friend didn't die?

[Guest 3]

I mean, he probably did. Something tells me it happened, like, way, way prior to this, but it just conveniently popped up in his mind that his friend had passed away, so he kind of needed it as an excuse. But he did post that same weekend that he was at a funeral, but it was just like, damn. Like, so you can make the drive to go five hours to Louisiana, but not three hours to the opposite side of Oklahoma to come to my wedding.

[Pat]

Hey, bro, I think you wrong. No, I think you in the wrong, bro. I've never been on this side. Usually people that come to this podc. I'm kind of, like, on their side, like, with most stuff. I'm just saying, usually when they present a problem in the situation, I'm like, yeah, you was right.

[Guest 4]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, the girl that Pistol with. The other two. The other two people because they were cheating in her bed. Like, that's justified.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I've never been on this side where the person was wrong and they explained. Funeral definitely ranks over wedding.

[Mike]

But who was the. Who was this? Who was the friend to him? Like, was it they. Were they close friends?

[Guest 3]

I mean, I don't know. I think it was just somebody standing his wedding.

[Pat]

He don't know. But friends ain't. I got friends. You don't know. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

I would never listen to those friends. I don't know your friends, though.

[Guest 3]

How. I mean, I don't know, though.

[Guest 2]

I didn't know,

[Mike]

As somebody that had a wedding then. How much. How much does missing a. Because he was your groomsman.

[Guest 3]

Yeah, one of my grooms. I think it was like, one of the three.

[Mike]

How much does missing the groomsmen or missing one groomsman from a wedding affect the wedding?

[Guest 3]

I mean, it can affect, like, the. Like, the wedding flow, which was kind of Ironic, because one of the dudes who was there in town missed the ceremony. So, like, we're talking, like, people who are supposed to walk out in pairs. One of the people a part of the wedding had to walk out with two people because one of my homies showed up late.

[Pat]

So one. So one didn't show up, and then the other one was late. So you only got one person there at one point?

[Guest 3]

Yes, yes. I was like, bro, I really gotta reach.

[Mike]

You had three, four groomsmen.

[Guest 3]

It was three.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, Three.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

And then one was late, and then one didn't show up, so.

[Guest 3]

Exactly.

[Guest 2]

We had two.

[Guest 3]

Yeah. My best man, he was there. Oh, yeah.

[Pat]

You chose right. You had a 33 chance. You always had nobody there.

[Mike]

Nah, that would have been crazy because that your wife must have been going, like, crazy then.

[Guest 3]

Oh, she was pissed. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pat]

The bride would definitely. Because that's her wedding.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's like, her day. And I feel like women stress about weddings regardless sometimes.

[Pat]

Y' all got. Y' all gotta.

[Guest 3]

Exactly.

[Pat]

I got an Eiffel Tower going down the aisle.

[Mike]

So when. So when did the other guy show up then, bro?

[Guest 3]

Not joking, bro. In the middle of the ceremony, like, going towards to. When we're, like, presenting the rings to each other.

[Mike]

Did he walk up and take his place up there?

[Guest 3]

Yes.

[Pat]

That's what he's supposed to do.

[Mike]

Not in the middle of the wedding. The attention dance shifts to this. They could be late.

[Pat]

You know what he should have did?

[Guest 4]

He should have scared.

[Pat]

He should have came in freestyling. I know y' all thought I was late, but this is.

[Mike]

That's a good plan, though.

[Pat]

Flash mob at the wedding. That's crazy. He took his spot. Did you look back at him?

[Guest 3]

I did. I was like, bro, you got me up right now, man. I was like, what was it? No, I didn't say it out loud. I just kind of just looked at him kind of like that. You know that dad look that you. That you get whenever you know you did something, and I know you caught you in the middle of the act,

[Pat]

and I know you did it too, because if you didn't do do it, your wife would have looked at you like, hey, why are you not checking him?

[Guest 3]

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And then. And then had the audacity to give this awkward ass speech when it came time for speeches and like that. He was, like, holding my shoulder like. Like an uncle. Like, oh, let me tell you something about my brother. I'm like, let me tell you something, guy. This is about to be the Last time I ever talked to you.

[Pat]

How's your relationship now?

[Guest 3]

Oh, I don't talk to bro no more. We had. We had to fall out. We had a fallout.

[Pat]

Did you fall out with the other dude? Oh, you fell out with the other dude, too? So you got one?

[Guest 3]

Yeah. Yeah, man. Dude, you know how it goes whenever, you know, you got a family, you got a wife. You know, when the wife says, oh, I don't know about this guy. You know, sometimes you're like, ah, I mean, this is my homie. But then, you know, when. When a little bit of breadcrumbs start. Start dropping, you got to kind of think about it a little bit more. Yeah, closely, I guess is how you can say that.

[Pat]

Put yourself in a different environment, Man, I'm glad you're getting your friend group together. I can't even call y' all group.

[Guest 1]

Y' all just a duo, bro.

[Guest 3]

What?

[Mike]

All right, bro. You have a good one.

[Guest 3]

Hey, you too, man. Hello.

[Mike]

Yo, welcome to Crash on Me's podcast.

[Guest 3]

What's going on, man?

[Mike]

What up? What up? I got a question for you.

[Guest 3]

All right. What's the question, man?

[Guest 1]

All right.

[Mike]

What's the pettiest reason you ended a friendship, bro?

[Guest 3]

So back in high school, I used to play video games with my buddy, and he had this, like, new girlfriend, right? And she came over once, and I answered the door, cursed my shirt off, and she pretended to be cool, and then I went home.

[Guest 2]

And then, like a day later, he

[Guest 3]

called me and said, hey, man, I'm sorry, but, you know, you can't come over without your shirt on. I'm like, what? I mean, granted, I am a little

[Guest 2]

on the thicker side.

[Guest 3]

You got some mean titties, you know? But that's besides the point, bro. Like, what? 17 years later, I still ain't talking about my dude, bro. I'm telling you. It's just. I don't know what it was. I mean, they only lasted a week, but I still don't talk to him for that very reason, bro.

[Pat]

So you was trying to go over

[Guest 3]

there, but we went over just playing some Call of Duty, and, you know.

[Pat]

But why is it shirt not on, bro?

[Guest 3]

Because that's just what.

[Guest 2]

What dudes do.

[Guest 3]

Am I wrong? You. I mean, when you go play basketball,

[Guest 2]

sometimes you play shirts and skins, but

[Pat]

you're going over his house to play a video game.

[Guest 3]

Bro, we're playing video games. We ain't playing freaking.

[Pat]

You know, why is your shoes.

[Guest 3]

You know, I'm just saying, man, why

[Pat]

is your shirt off?

[Guest 3]

That's just what we do?

[Guest 2]

I don't know. It's Florida.

[Guest 1]

I'm big.

[Mike]

So did both of y' all used to do that?

[Guest 3]

Hey, that don't. That don't make me gay.

[Guest 4]

He ain't touched me.

[Guest 3]

I'm not saying.

[Pat]

Did y' all play video games with the door closed and both y' all shirts was off?

[Guest 3]

Off?

[Guest 4]

Not.

[Guest 3]

The door wasn't closed, man. It was in the living room. I'm big. I'm telling you.

[Guest 4]

I was sweating.

[Guest 3]

My body was leaking, bro, so.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

Was this a thing you guys did prior to him getting a girlfriend?

[Guest 3]

That's what we've been doing, bro, since like the freshman year of high school. And it was like, what. What.

[Pat]

What video game y' all be playing?

[Guest 3]

Call of Duty. You know how they say you be

[Guest 4]

spend playing video games?

[Pat]

Your boys probably be playing one on one, huh?

[Guest 3]

Not with him. I'll destroy him anyway. He can't handle this even if it was. I'm just saying, man, you know, don't judge me, boy. But that's not the case, though.

[Guest 4]

I haven't talked to that man and

[Guest 3]

since my junior year in high school.

[Pat]

What's your message to him?

[Guest 3]

My message? Like, hey, bro, like, I know, I know it's been a long time, but when you ready to apologize for what you did, maybe I'll come around. Yeah, I mean, man, I'm so toxic. I just realized, man, I'm so toxic, bro.

[Pat]

You want. Hey, go get your man back.

[Guest 3]

I hate both of y', all, but I'm still listening, though. I'm still listening.

[Guest 4]

You know how it goes.

[Pat]

Don't put your shirt on, bro.

[Guest 3]

Bro, I walk around my shirt off right now.

[Pat]

We good, bro.

[Guest 3]

The big boys. You gotta air it out, man.

[Guest 1]

Big boys.

[Guest 3]

Where you at, man?

[Pat]

How much you weigh, bro?

[Mike]

I just hung up. What up? What up?

[Pat]

What's the deal?

[Guest 2]

Chilling.

[Guest 3]

We're good.

[Mike]

I got a question for you. What's something you want to vent about, man?

[Guest 3]

Mic sound strange Money. Anyway, so I want to vent about, man, how much the podcast help. Help me. I know I'm not the only one. That probably helped a lot of people, man. The podcast really help a lot of people like that be dealing with day to day problems and all that. Keep you going, man. Every. Every Wednesday. I'm looking forward to listen to this project.

[Mike]

I appreciate that.

[Pat]

So don't take a break,

[Guest 3]

you said. No, no, don't take no break.

[Pat]

You know, I got y', all, bro. Is this for anybody out there that's just. Just, you know, using Our podcast to bypass time. Go get some help.

[Mike]

We don't know what y' all do for them.

[Pat]

We one vacation away from missing a week. I'm telling you. Don't be dependent on us.

[Guest 3]

Hey, that's enough, man. Hey, hey. That one hour be a no, man.

[Mike]

No. I appreciate it, brothers. How you been?

[Guest 3]

Day by day, you feel?

[Pat]

Yeah, man. Hey, man, we appreciate you, man.

[Guest 3]

I appreciate y', all, boy, for real, though, man. Y' all keep it up, man.

[Mike]

All right, brother.

[Pat]

All right, man.

[Guest 4]

Good night.

[Guest 3]

Good night. Oh, I'm not calling. That's a good night, man. I watch you, Pat.

[Pat]

That's not me.

[Guest 3]

Good night. All right, man.

[Mike]

Well, you don't like your homeboys can't say good night to you, man.

[Guest 3]

Oh, my homeboy can't say good night to me, man. Ain't never, man, gonna say good night to me, Ray. You my homeboy or not. You're not gonna tell me Good night. Hold on.

[Mike]

Good morning.

[Guest 3]

I don't know. I don't like good morning. I'm not a. I'm not a morning person anyway. What about good morning, Mike?

[Pat]

What about have a good night?

[Guest 3]

Have a good. No. Like, no. If I'm going to go out for club. All right, bro. All right, bro. Enjoy yourself. Have a good night. That cool, babe. I'm gonna get in the bed and go to sleep, man. No. You ain't gonna say good night like you just took me in now.

[Pat]

I'm about to text you, bro. Socks or no socks, bro?

[Guest 1]

No.

[Mike]

All right, bro. Yeah, y'.

[Pat]

All.

[Mike]

Good one.

[Guest 3]

Yo, yo.

[Mike]

Welcome to Crash Zombies Podcast.

[Guest 3]

What's the deal?

[Pat]

What's the deal? What's the deal?

[Guest 3]

Not, man, you know, it's Sunday. Thriving, chilling.

[Mike]

I feel it.

[Pat]

I feel it's usually like. Not the. Like the sentence after a Sunday, but usually something.

[Mike]

What's something you want to vent about, bro?

[Guest 3]

There's no reason why I should feel like I'm broke than a. And I make almost six figures.

[Mike]

Almost six figures or six figures almost?

[Guest 3]

I'm like eight, nine grand off, I guess.

[Mike]

Man, that's good.

[Guest 3]

Nah, bro, it's not. It's not good when you got hella kids, bro. This trash.

[Pat]

How many kids you got?

[Guest 3]

I got four kids. How old are you, bro?

[Guest 1]

I have 27.

[Mike]

Oh, damn.

[Pat]

How old is your oldest?

[Guest 3]

Both my. I got ghetto twins, bro. They both eight.

[Pat]

Eight,

[Mike]

okay.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah, they like the different.

[Mike]

Yeah, different. Yeah, same time, different baby mamas.

[Guest 3]

How close are they, bro? That has two weeks apart.

[Pat]

Okay, so they ate. Okay, so how old is the next two then, bro.

[Guest 3]

Actually, bro, it took me five years to have another kid after that.

[Pat]

I'm saying. What type of dumbass dude is this? I had a vasectomy. I ordered two 8 year olds my life. They need all the attention they can get. So what. What else you have, bro?

[Guest 3]

I got a three year old, she'd be four next month. And then I got a. She'd be my other daughter who won. She'd be two in September.

[Pat]

So you got a. You got a two year old and a what?

[Mike]

A two year old?

[Guest 3]

Yeah, bro. So I got two eight year olds,

[Mike]

a three year old, all by the same. How many baby moms?

[Guest 3]

Hey, Two, three?

[Pat]

Yeah, they need to cut your off.

[Guest 3]

Hey, look, I done made the appointment. Look, that's why.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, wait. Oh, wait, wait. This is the only way you can save it. You have to. You're. Please tell me you're together with this last one.

[Guest 3]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we'd be beefing, but, you know, we cool, bro, you need to

[Pat]

hold on to that one.

[Guest 1]

Yeah, yeah, that's my ball.

[Guest 3]

I ain't got no choice.

[Guest 4]

What you mean?

[Pat]

That's my ball. It's crazy 27 using that. But I will say, bro, you need to hold on to that. Because if you go into the single world again, bro, I'm telling you, I'm.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's raps.

[Pat]

You won't get a date. I promise you that.

[Guest 3]

Ah, that's okay. I'm telling you, they be going, it's all good.

[Pat]

Yeah, we gonna see who that is.

[Guest 3]

That's.

[Mike]

But that's why life is expensive, because you have. You have three different households.

[Pat]

Yeah. You actually don't make enough money. Talking about almost six figures. You need a million dollars. Because I felt you.

[Mike]

I felt you on that. Because even making six figures, you still kind of feel. Sometimes it's just life gets more expensive,

[Guest 3]

Bro. Before the last one, when it was just like two baby mamas, I'm like, damn, bro. And I was with like my like

[Guest 1]

one of my baby moms, so I

[Guest 3]

got two kids, but I'm like, this shit cool, bro. I'm making a lot of money. As soon as the last one dropped, I'm like, damn, I am poor. This sucks.

[Pat]

Yeah, all four of them got different birthdays. Well,

[Guest 3]

all right, be cool.

[Mike]

All right, bro. You have a good one.

[Guest 3]

All right, man. Y' all stay up.

[Pat]

Y' all play 8823 in the lottery, though.

[Guest 3]

Hey, my kids got a left hand, though. Like, I'm cool. I Ain't going nowhere.

[Mike]

Yo, welcome to Crash Dummies Podcast. Pretty good. Pretty good. I got a question for you. What's something you want to vent about?

[Guest 2]

He's real clean lately.

[Mike]

You say that again. We can't hear you. We can't hear you.

[Guest 3]

Hold up.

[Mike]

Are you on speakerphone right now?

[Guest 2]

No, I'm on my AirPods.

[Mike]

Yeah, take the mpods out, bro.

[Pat]

Grown man, that's why you want to

[Mike]

take your air,

[Guest 1]

man.

[Guest 2]

Shut up.

[Mike]

You sound way better. It's always the AirPods.

[Pat]

Don't tell me to shut up. You just let this man let you take.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

Hey, Mike, tell him. Shake something, bro. Listen to anything you say.

[Mike]

All right? What's something you want to event about?

[Guest 2]

Yeah, I got this buddy of mine. He's there, he's becoming very clingy. Like, we've been hanging out recently. I took a hiatus. I haven't talked to him for like two or three years. And then out of nowhere, I. I got in contact with a mutual friend of ours and we've been hanging out and this mutual friend of ours started bringing me around him again. And my buddy is self employed. He runs like, his own shop. So he wants me around him all the time lately. And so what he's been doing is he'll be calling me early in the morning, six, seven in the morning, and he wants me to come hang, hang out with him all day. He'll be doing that from like 6, 7 in the morning. And then he won't let me go home or like at all until like 8, 9 at night.

[Mike]

What is he doing to not let you go home?

[Guest 3]

Like, he's just.

[Guest 2]

He'll find his ways of like, saying, oh, he needs a hand with a certain project he's doing for like a certain thing.

[Pat]

Are you getting paid for this?

[Guest 2]

No, I'm not getting paid for this. It's just him wanting to hang out with me.

[Pat]

So how do you. How are you? How are you there all day? If he has work, what do you do for work?

[Guest 2]

Nothing. I don't do anything. Like, I help him out. Like last time I was there, he was. I was helping him out install an engine on like an O5 truck. And he spent the whole day leaving the shop. And then I'd sit there in the shop with his, like, employee and just we'd talk for like, good two, three hours. While he was gone, he'd go say he was going to go talk to a client or go do something and he'd come back and then he'd be like, all right, let me eat lunch. I'll eat lunch real quick. We ate lunch together, and then we'd be sitting there after. We'd eat lunch. An hour would go by, two hours to go by. If it's just sitting there after we ate.

[Pat]

I'm sorry to cut you off, but what do you do?

[Mike]

That's what I'm trying to get.

[Guest 2]

Like, nothing. I don't do anything there. I just stand around.

[Mike]

What do you do for a living? Like, what is your occupation?

[Guest 2]

Oh, I'm a trust builder. I build trusts for a living.

[Pat]

Oh, okay. So how do you have time to be at the shop all day?

[Guest 2]

Oh, recently, I think I'm on vacation right now.

[Mike]

Just go to work,

[Guest 2]

Trying to enjoy my vacation.

[Guest 1]

But it's like,

[Mike]

oh, how he's forcing you to be there. Tell a no.

[Pat]

We got some horny dudes. What type of aura he got that Got working aura.

[Mike]

All right, bro. You have a good one, man.

[Pat]

He pipping you out, bro. I said, yeah, work my shift. I'll be back. I work this.

[Mike]

Oh, my.

[Pat]

He really pimping them out, though. I was you on vacay, bro. Come work at the shop. No, don't go to Cancun. Yo, yo, bro, what's the deal?

[Guest 1]

Hey, what's happening? What's going on? Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me on.

[Mike]

No problem.

[Pat]

Well, you got voice. Sound like God. Yeah, but, like, I'm praying right now. All right, Name a time you were a problem.

[Guest 1]

All right, so this goes back to. This is 2020. Okay. You know, I just started seeing my wife. We probably been out about a year. Right? All right, So a little more context is needed. My wife met her best friend through me because me and her best friend were a thing for, like, four years on and off. So basically, you know, her best friend never had good luck with a man because you never found a guy who want to stick around. Because we all just come in and do what we got to do and

[Guest 3]

get out of there.

[Guest 1]

But, like, she meets this dude, right? And she really likes him a lot. They're going well, but he does her dirty, has a baby on her, all that. So they break up. You know, my wife, being the caring person she is, she's like, hey, let's throw a surprise party for old girl. We just gonna do it big, because Remember, this is 2020. Everything shut down.

[Pat]

Right, right, right.

[Guest 1]

So, you know, we do the birthday party. It goes over crazy. Everyone's having a great time, drinking, smoking, what have you get to the end of the Night. And someone's like, hey, let's go to, like, the little one bar that didn't close down. So we're like, I bet we're gonna

[Guest 3]

go to the bar.

[Guest 1]

So we get to the bar, you know, more drinking shot. I'm not a liquor drinker, so if I get. If I get on the liquor, that's it for me. I'm just a beer drinker. But, you know, we're. We're doing. We're at the bar, I'm talking to her best friend, Just kind of catching up. Because, you know, we're not as close as we used to be, for obvious reasons. But we get. You know, she. She mentioned something about old boy. And I'm sitting there like, damn, man, I'm sorry to hear that. That's crazy. You know, he would do that. She starts tearing up a little bit, and I start feeling real bad, like, hey, don't. Don't do that here, man. We out here having a good time. It's your birthday she talking about. You know, man, I'm just never gonna find anyone to be with me. You know, I'm getting older, yada, yada, yada. So, you know, I'm. I'm feeling bad, so I give her a hug, you know, I just give her a nice, warm embrace, a friendly embrace, as one would do, you know? Then she really starts crying. I'm feeling horrible, mind you. I don't know where my wife is at that point. She's somewhere in the bar. So, you know, I'm holding her, she crying, you know, and she. I just feel so bad. I give her, you know, let's give

[Guest 3]

her a little kiss, a little on

[Guest 1]

the forehead, you know, Just a little kiss on the forehead. You know, nothing. Nothing super crazy, okay? But that's who. My wife shows up, and that's what she's. That's all she sees. So now she flips out. She's like, the going on here. I'm like, man, you see Beth? She's so sad.

[Guest 3]

You know, she. She.

[Guest 1]

She crying and she's real upset.

[Pat]

It's so crazy.

[Guest 1]

No, but. Hey, man, shut up.

[Pat]

He said,

[Guest 1]

y.

[Guest 3]

Hey,

[Pat]

Young up.

[Mike]

Yeah. No, here he is. But this thing was still talking.

[Pat]

Oh, my bad. We. We lost.

[Guest 1]

I thought. I thought y' all hung up. I thought y' all hung up. I'm like, oh, okay.

[Guest 3]

I guess that's it. No, no.

[Pat]

Okay, keep going. Okay.

[Guest 2]

She.

[Pat]

She reacting right now. You just kissed her on her forehead. And y' all just got nothing, right? Y' all got another tongue kissing what happened?

[Guest 1]

Hey, hold on, hold on, hold on. But now, you know. So she's like, what the is that

[Guest 4]

I'm saying, hey, it's not.

[Guest 1]

It's just, you know, just, you know, friendly, platonic. And I grabbed my wife and I give her a kiss on the forehead. Same deal. That didn't help the situation. Now she's more upset.

[Guest 2]

I'm like, the.

[Guest 3]

Did I do wrong?

[Mike]

Why would you give your wife a kiss in the forehead after kissing your ex on the forehead?

[Guest 1]

You know how I told you I don't really drink liquor, right?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Guest 1]

See, there you go. I was up in my mind. It's like, no, see, we cool. We cool. Everything's cool, you know?

[Guest 3]

Or.

[Pat]

But you got a forehead fetish. Your wife.

[Guest 1]

I ain't gonna lie to you. Oh, I ain't gonna lie. Rihanna is my number one, man. She does a big ass forehead.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

She's taken, brother.

[Guest 3]

Oh, hey, I can't.

[Guest 1]

I can't hold a candle to old boy.

[Pat]

Okay, I see you just into threesomes.

[Mike]

Oh, man. All right, bro. You have a good one.

[Pat]

Do that live one more time.

[Guest 1]

All right? Hey, man, don't do that. Hey, I just want to let y' all know. Throw this in right quick. I'm a newer listener.

[Guest 3]

All right?

[Guest 1]

I only probably start listening to the top of the year in real time. I'm only up to episode, like, 145 right now.

[Pat]

Okay?

[Guest 3]

So.

[Guest 1]

But, you know, rock with y'. All. Y' all make me laugh. And I'm on the audio so that you can. You can be the dick.

[Pat]

Okay, Whatever you say. Office. Once you get mic, don't talk anymore, man. I see we're under investigation. The CIA one time, brother. Look what happened.

[Mike]

I was like. I was about to say, once you get past, like, episode, like, 200, you'd probably be over. Oh, yeah, 145. He should be over it, too.

[Pat]

He don't know what episode he on either. He probably to miss this.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, true.

[Pat]

Yeah, he probably gonna be fired by that. They like, you still ain't got those crack? No, man. They just talk about jokes all day.

[Mike]

Yo, yo, welcome to Crash Dummies Podcast. You right.

[Guest 3]

I'm cooling, man.

[Pat]

Y. Man, I can tell.

[Mike]

All right, who are you beefing with this summer?

[Pat]

What time is it?

[Mike]

Yeah, I said, who are you beefing with this summer?

[Guest 3]

And I'm beefing with the Knicks, man. I'm a Celtics fan. Them ass ended our season and get skunk by the paces, man. Them some hoes.

[Mike]

They didn't get skunk, though.

[Guest 3]

It was a gentleman, bro. They just tapped them on their back like, you know how it be, bro.

[Pat]

Five is a new sweep, bro. Ain't nobody really.

[Mike]

It's five. Like the gentleman's suit.

[Pat]

Now, hold on. Address some bigger problems. Here it is 11:49am on Monday, and you. You high, you drunk, you good.

[Guest 3]

I'm loaded, brother. I'm not drunk.

[Guest 2]

What the.

[Pat]

You say you loaded?

[Guest 4]

Yeah, I'm loaded. I'm getting. I got work in a few.

[Mike]

That's how y' all talk in Boston.

[Guest 3]

I'm not from Boston.

[Guest 2]

I'm from New Orleans.

[Pat]

Wait, what. What y' all say?

[Guest 3]

Huh?

[Pat]

You say, you what loading, Loaded.

[Guest 3]

I'm loading. I'm from New Orleans.

[Guest 2]

I'm not from Boston.

[Pat]

No, I'm just trying to get the lingo down. What. What is

[Mike]

sound like saying? Loaded.

[Pat]

Loaded is.

[Guest 2]

I'm loaded.

[Guest 3]

L O. Like, loaded like a gun. Like.

[Pat]

Oh, loaded. Okay. Like, you loaded. You load it. Getting ready for work.

[Guest 2]

Tight, tight, tight.

[Pat]

Put me. Okay, I'm loaded right now, too.

[Guest 3]

Right now type like, you know, okay, I'm loaded. Type that type.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. I. With this.

[Mike]

There was that one girl that's talking about not liking the word type.

[Guest 3]

I don't. Bro, them hoes don't like a lot of. We do. I don't know, bro. These hoes, dog, in all honesty, I ain't really even been with these hoes recently, bro. These hoes been blowing me, dog.

[Pat]

So you. This on you, and it's going on the p. This is. He knew what was happen, and he still.

[Guest 3]

These hoes, Ag Bro, these act.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, okay.

[Guest 3]

Be blowing it, bro.

[Pat]

Like,

[Mike]

agitated, right?

[Guest 3]

Yeah. Ag. Yeah, things are shorted.

[Mike]

Everything now.

[Pat]

We can't let you talk like that. Why are you talking like that, bro?

[Mike]

The girls he might be talking about might be hoes, though.

[Pat]

But you can't. You can't generalize like that.

[Guest 3]

What you bow. No, bro.

[Mike]

What the girls. What's the. What's the woman? What are the women like? What. What are the women like in New Orleans

[Guest 3]

really? Like gutter and grimy, but, like, you know, they got a select few that's

[Guest 2]

really there, you know?

[Guest 3]

I mean, you just gotta dig through.

[Guest 4]

It's like.

[Guest 3]

It's like a thrift store around here. I mean, sometimes you find some good, sometimes you run up on some trash, but you just gotta keep, bro, like, you know, that moment you give up, you lost.

[Mike]

How's the digging been going for you then?

[Guest 4]

Like I said, I didn't find a few Good ones.

[Guest 3]

Find a few trash ones.

[Mike]

But why couldn't you keep the good ones?

[Guest 3]

I don't know. I'm young, bro. A like that had 40 good ones.

[Pat]

I know. Yeah, yeah.

[Guest 2]

You.

[Pat]

You the bad thing at the thrift store.

[Guest 3]

You said I'm the bad.

[Pat]

Yeah, bro. You can't get your together either, bro.

[Guest 4]

My together.

[Guest 3]

I got a good job, I got a car.

[Guest 4]

I'm doing my thing.

[Mike]

Good job. How are you in a relationship?

[Guest 3]

I'm not in a relationship, bro. I got hoes.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying. On level 9 out of 100. Talk about I'm here. All right, man, you got a long way to go. You're on the right path, though.

[Mike]

I wouldn't say all that, but I mean. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

[Guest 4]

Come on now.

[Guest 3]

I got a good job, bro.

[Pat]

But you should 2, 400 right now.

[Mike]

I guess. My point. My point is that you're on your way, though. What else are you bringing to, like, the relationship besides, like, that's what we talking about, Like, Besides what you have, like, emotionally, how are you in a

[Pat]

relationship you just can't have and just expect it to go well?

[Guest 3]

I've been working on that.

[Pat]

That's what we say. You ain't there yet.

[Guest 3]

I've been working on that.

[Pat]

So you're the bad thing at the thrift store because you ain't. You know what I'm saying?

[Guest 4]

Yeah, I'm not.

[Guest 3]

It's not that I'm bringing bad emotional vibes, but like, I'm not like an emotional support.

[Pat]

It's not what I'm saying, but it's what I'm saying. Type.

[Mike]

I feel it. I feel it

[Pat]

type, Bro,

[Guest 4]

when you

[Guest 3]

say type shit, it opens up for like. It's like so many options.

[Mike]

Yeah, I feel it's like etc.

[Guest 3]

Type.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You have a good one, man.

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Need to unload. All right. I want you to guess who said this or what profession they're in.

[Guest 2]

Okay.

[Pat]

Okay. It literally is about 3 inches, so I don't think it's that big of a deal.

[Mike]

A sex worker.

[Pat]

This is Chip Kelly, the offensive coordinator of a Raiders. He was talking about Alon Genti's stance, his running back stance. You know, he has a. He has a high stance and he's talking about lowering his stance.

[Mike]

Is Chip Kelly the. He's still in football?

[Pat]

Yeah, bro. He keep a job. I don't know if he, like, be getting fired or he like, new challenges or moving on.

[Mike]

Is he a head coach or just offensive Coordinator.

[Pat]

He's offensive coordinator with Pete Carroll as a head coach. Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

Interesting.

[Pat]

Yeah, Yeah. I just, like. I don't know. He keep a job, though.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Also, I went to a strip club in Atlanta called Cheetah. Okay, okay.

[Mike]

Did you go there with a group of guys? Because remember your stance on strip clubs.

[Pat]

I did not go to a group of guys.

[Guest 2]

Okay, okay.

[Guest 3]

Appreciate it.

[Pat]

But. So I went to a strip club

[Guest 4]

and

[Pat]

there was a stripper that watches our pot.

[Mike]

Oh, shout out to me. Shout out to her.

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I had nobody half naked, just say my name in public like, yo, what the. No, that's crazy.

[Mike]

How was it? Strip club?

[Pat]

I feel like. I feel like it's weird to talk about what goes on in the strip club. I will say. I will say, like, man, some of you dudes are weak minded, bro. Like, I Like, I watch some of them women, they. They walk dudes down in there.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, they got their psychology of like, what a man wants, what they. Man, they get them. Obviously, if you go to a strip club, you've already. You're already interested.

[Mike]

Right.

[Pat]

So they got you at that point.

[Guest 1]

Point.

[Pat]

Right. But I'm seeing them, like, how was. They was working in the strip club, man. Catch a dude walking out the bathroom, where you going? To make it feel as natural as possible. They're not just walking up to tables like, oh, do you want to dance? They walking like, oh, we naturally made eye contact. We naturally started a conversation. It's just like, man, they finessing the out of y'.

[Guest 3]

All.

[Pat]

But hey, I know y' all finesse, and that's okay, though.

[Mike]

Is that. Is that considered like a form of tricking too?

[Pat]

Yeah, I think so.

[Mike]

You think so?

[Pat]

Yeah, especially I feel like. I don't know why I take. Tricking to me is like giving someone money, not thinking that you're going to get anything in return.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That's what my definition of tricking is. I know some people got different definitions.

[Mike]

So spending money on somebody.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Without expecting anything in return.

[Pat]

Yes. This is like, I got it. That's how much I got it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I mean? Like, I can, you know, buy you something and just be like, we cool. We friends, like, type. Like, that's. It's like, I feel like it's a form of running game.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

For a guy. And then sometimes the girl participates. Just like, okay, let me show you something. I'm gonna take all this and you still not getting. How's that? You know what I mean? That's when it's.

[Mike]

I Guess the, the. The saying is it ain't tricking if you got it right. Wait, wait, wait. But I'm just saying though, there are some dudes that feel like they trick and they don't got it.

[Pat]

No, it's dudes out here like tricking their.

[Mike]

Like they spending the last. Their hard earned money there was.

[Pat]

Exactly, man. These dudes out here buying girls, cars and they ain't got it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Dudes out here with two cardinals just because they got a beautiful girl and then they afraid the girl. If you afraid your girl gonna leave you, bro, Come on now, bro. That should be the last thing on your mind. Yeah. How can you even work hard at life if you're afraid somebody gonna leave you? If you're not getting them a bunch of.

[Mike]

That's like.

[Pat]

If that's your. Like, I'm not gonna lie. Like, the people that have the love language of like gift giving or like gift receiving, like receiving gifts, that the next line after you say that's your love language is just be like. And not even the big ones, the small ones. That means I'm like, that better be your next line. It's like, I would never like, of course I want you to have the finer things. Of course I want you to have like diamonds and stuff like that. Whatever I can give you. But like someone that desires that. Yeah, that's one of their top things. It's just like, hey, I come from a little bit different background. Yeah, we gotta work for this.

[Mike]

I've seen dudes like, the girls working like bottle service and like they come to the club and just like damn near helicopter their girl the whole time. Yeah, just like legit. Just follow her around like that'. That kind of odd.

[Pat]

Man, I seen, man, that happened, that cheetah. But it was for a different reason. That was Friday, you know?

[Mike]

Yeah,

[Pat]

but you know what I'm saying, it's just like, oh, damn. Every time she has a conversation with a guy, she's a bartender, then you. She has to come back to you to check in.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

It's like, damn. I mean, but if that's a relationship, sometimes that dude need that reassurance. Like, if you gonna be working. I mean, that's just him.

[Mike]

Yeah, I feel it. It's just like there, there's that image in between part of when she's going to work and doing the little dance at the bottles and him standing there, like legit, not drinking on the, on his phone in the corner. It's like, all right.

[Pat]

That's why I'm Being people's business because you'll look at a situation like that and be looking at the dude like, oh, you a sucker, man. Blah, blah. But the whole time it's the girl, and she's like, I want you to be there so they know I got a boyfriend so they don't try to talk to me. You know what I mean? Like, it's her that. You know what I mean? So that's why you got to stay out of people business sense.

[Mike]

I feel it. I just don't know if I could. Like, I know I wouldn't because, you know, as a, As a, as a. There's as a bottle, sir, Even if you're just a restaurant working at a restaurant, there's a. There's still a. A sense of like, you have to be a little bit. Have a little charisma. You know what I'm saying? You can't just be like, dry and stuff like that. So seeing your girl kind of like, do that. Okay.

[Pat]

But the thing is, especially seeing your woman and like, that type of energy got to be more smiles and stuff like that. So you watch your girl smile all day. It's 5am she's like, why the. The heat so high? It's like, oh, you just. I just watch you be happy with everybody in the club turn up like you was earlier.

[Mike]

People say that sometimes where. It's like, I hear the argument sometimes girls make is like, I. I feel like you're more happy around your homeboys than you are with me now.

[Pat]

Some of these dudes do, man. Yeah. Yeah. They. Some people. Some people, they legit hate the person they with. And instead of just like, being like, damn, you might not be my person, and just continue hating the person they with. Say, baby, some people be running from a girl.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Every chance they get, like, damn, bro.

[Mike]

I think that is. That is important too, to actually get into a relationship with someone you have. You have fun with.

[Pat]

Fun like, like real fun. Not just like, damn, we have sex three times. Yeah.

[Mike]

It legit can't just be. Because obviously there has to be the. The sexual attractiveness for you, if that's your thing. And you know, the physical attractiveness and all that stuff. The other stuff. But you do have to have a moment where it's like, outside this house. We can go somewhere and I can have fun with you.

[Pat]

Yeah. But so on both sides, people are. Are boring. Yeah, people are boring. There's dudes out here that can't even put a date together. They literally can't, bro. Just. It's literally an app, bro. You go in there, you. You pick. Go to Tick Tock or something. Find the best restaurants, save up your little coins. Surprise with a date. Just send her the reservation. Pick you up at 7:30. Whatever she got, she gonna cancel that day. Yeah, she just wants somebody to love her that much.

[Mike]

Much.

[Pat]

That's all you got to do, little man. He mad as hell right now. Now, what is this called? Open table.

[Mike]

Oh. Why Elon and Trump fighting? I kind of. I saw that.

[Pat]

I heard he got into it with somebody at the. I like spreading rumors about Elon. I don't give a he. Like, like, if I was talking about like this was like a situation with Obama, I probably, like, I'll be like, I don't know, because it's such and such. But every statement I make about Elon right now, I'm taking his facts. Yeah, I heard he got into it with somebody at the White House because he was drugged up.

[Mike]

Now, I think whatever Elon is, is somewhat on the spectrum, right?

[Pat]

You.

[Mike]

You would say that.

[Pat]

Hey, now you taking the two.

[Mike]

No, I'm just saying I think that he's on the spectrum regardless. I can't. I'm not going to self diagnose him or anything, but I'm just saying there are some.

[Pat]

Look it up.

[Mike]

There are some instances where he.

[Pat]

Did he say that?

[Mike]

I think he said no. He said that. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's. I just don't want to like, Elon on spectrum.

[Pat]

Elon has publicly discussed being on the autism spectrum, specifically identifying the aspect.

[Mike]

Burgers. Yeah, I was gonna say that.

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So. So there are some times where he's standing still and you can kind of see his brain like kind of working a million miles per hour. So it does kind of look like a little odd sometimes or. Or, you know.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

But he kind of dropped the bomb of like Trump being on the Epstein file. So that's why I didn't come out and stuff like that. I don't know.

[Pat]

I think he deleted the tweet. I was looking for the tweet.

[Mike]

Yeah, but it's interesting when somebody does stuff like that because it's like, I'm with you and I knew this stuff about you, but until you pissed me off, that's when I want to expose whatever possibility can happen. You. I just don't like that. I don't like. It's just like, even with dudes, you're like, oh, dudes fall out and like, yeah, you. He hit. He hit his girl, right? Like you were boys with him while he was doing that. Until he pissed you off. Yeah, that's when you want to, like, go out and, you know, claim that you're holy to the endow.

[Pat]

I think, I think with Elon, I think they. I think they all had different plans on what Elon's role was going to be after they won the presidency. And I don't know, like, obviously they needed Elon to win the presidency. Presidency.

[Guest 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

He. He gave them the boost that they Twitter.

[Mike]

Twitter and like, him doing podcasts and stuff, like, was a really big reason.

[Pat]

Really big reason. And podcasts really live on Twitter. Yeah, some podcasts.

[Mike]

Clips too, for sure.

[Pat]

Clips for sure. Like, we just got into the Twitter game, like just recently, so. But he helped them. And then I guess maybe he thought that he had. Was going to be there the whole presidency or be around. And I think they had a plan for him not to be there anymore. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

He also was just like stocks and Tesla was like, the ownership was like getting on his ass for not like actually doing his job. It's like, this is like, you don't. You hardly get paid for this. This is what your actual job is, is Tesla. So focus on that. And yeah, people.

[Pat]

I don't get how people tell him to do his job. Like, people like, oh, Tesla lost such and such billion. Like, you think he give a bro?

[Mike]

Yeah,

[Pat]

his phone bill still got paid.

[Mike]

I think Elon now is in a weird position. It's like he's on the island. What's the. The term? Whatever island of no one right now. Just on his own little island. Because he was so far right that people on the left hated him. Right?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Or people on the far. Whatever. People didn't like disliked him. And then now people on the right kind of don't like him anymore now because the. Because of Trump. Yeah, he beefing with Trump and people on the left is like, nah, stay over there. So it's kind of like in his.

[Pat]

On in Atlanta,

[Mike]

send your ass back to Africa.

[Pat]

I don't care if you got cheeseburgers or not. You got people my present

[Mike]

up. Nah, it is crazy though, because just seeing them going back and forth on. On the Internet, it doesn't seem real. It's like I feel like people in the. In the past will look at today if we explain these are. If there was a time machine. We can go in the past, right, and show them, hey, our president is arguing with this dude named Elon and stuff like that. They wouldn't believe it. And I I'm also interested to see what the.

[Pat]

Going back, how far?

[Guest 3]

Huh?

[Pat]

Go back?

[Mike]

Yeah, it don't matter. They're both white.

[Pat]

I guess somebody worried about that, bro.

[Mike]

But even, like, I wonder, imagine going

[Pat]

back in time, like, yo, y' all won't believe that. Like, bro, we got bigger problems. Problems, Mike.

[Mike]

I wonder how history this time we're living in is going to be written in history books in the. In the. In the future.

[Pat]

I think, obviously, I think Trump's going to be a big figure. He's been like, a big figure for, like, probably the past decade.

[Mike]

Right.

[Pat]

A little bit more. So it's just like, that's what the history book's gonna be.

[Mike]

Yeah. I'm thinking, like, you know how we see, like, Abraham. You see how we see, like, Abraham Lincoln and like, George. George Washington. They're kind of like prominent people. One was the first president, obviously, the other one got assassinated and stuff like that. But I wonder in. In the future, like, far, far in the future, like, legit, how this is going to be, like, interpreted, especially like Covid. And we just went through a lot, though. I just feel like in our lifetime, there's been so many, like, random things, like, covet. Don't seem like it was real anymore to me. I don't know, bro.

[Pat]

I. That cove is definitely going to be a big land. Like, we. We live through history. Like, we live through a time. Like, it was like the movies at some point. Like when, you know, when towns get taken over in movies and nobody allowed outside. Yeah. But there was a moment where, like, I didn't see anybody outside and I lived downtown. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

Yeah. People were driving up to their grandparents window and waving at them.

[Pat]

A lot of people didn't experience because you, like, you live in a suburb and like, all y' all cousins and y' all live in the same neighborhood, small town in Oklahoma City. And it's like, bro, like living in a city, like, not to say Milwaukee is the biggest city, but like, seeing something that's so vibrant be shut down and like, the only people you see out, like, you gotta have a dog if you out. Yeah, you ain't got no dog. They will still. They were shooting you on the spot.

[Mike]

Crazy time.

[Pat]

I'm playing what are your dog at?

[Guest 3]

Hey, what you mean?

[Mike]

I. I think I'm at the age now where I go on Facebook marketplace, with no plan of buying anything, just to see what people are selling. Just because sometimes I saw. Like the other day I saw like a. A replica Batman suit, like, for Three grand. Like a real Batman suit. I'm like, oh, there's people out there with real batman.

[Pat]

We haven't. We haven't reached that time yet, though.

[Mike]

What do you mean?

[Pat]

We're still, like, of age of the things that we would want. They're being created now, right? So right now, there's. There's something that, you know, we bought or had that we have right now that in 30 years, you know, we're gonna be rich at an auction. Like, hey, man, that's that what you call. Yeah, I'm a bit. A million dollars. Just like, damn. And I got that. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? It's gonna be something like that. Like, you'll be old with $30 million. You're gonna be walking up. You're gonna see that thing right behind you. It's gonna be like, $1 million, I take it, man. I used to have one. Just like before this dude pat beat the out of me and take everything.

[Mike]

Hell, no.

[Pat]

Now he a triple billionaire.

[Mike]

Now. Becoming a billionaire off your friend's back is crazy.

[Guest 3]

Whoa.

[Pat]

Who's selling ass? Wait, my phone. You stole my phone.

[Mike]

No, that is the worst thing is losing something in a room and it's the only other person there is. Like one of your good friends.

[Pat]

The up part about it is, if you lose something and there's only one person that looks like they steal it, you the only person that look like you still in here, bro. You keep watching that person. You looking for it. I'm only watching you, bro. You look like. But you got dirt under your fingernails, bro.

[Mike]

I've seen fights start because dudes say, bro, I gotta check your pockets. Type of.

[Pat]

No checking my pocket. I don't have it, bro. You either gotta believe me or get down, bro.

[Mike]

Yeah, at that point, right?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. Like, out of here, bro. All right, all right. Tweet of the week.

[Guest 1]

Okay.

[Pat]

I'm about to line you up, bro.

[Mike]

Crazy.

[Pat]

It's more about killing somebody than what you think.

[Mike]

I know. That's exactly what I thought about it, though.

[Pat]

All right, all right. Okay, okay. This is a news article. Man who donated his mother's body to an Arizona center for alzheimer's research, discovers it was sold to u. S. Military for $6,000. She was strapped to a chair

[Guest 2]

and

[Pat]

blown up in a blast test.

[Mike]

What the.

[Pat]

What the is a blast? What the, bro? Somebody told me they accidentally use my mom in a blast test. What? Oh, okay. Okay. This is a text between two lovers. One of them said, when you get here, you're all mine.

[Guest 2]

Okay.

[Pat]

Double emoji face. The person replies, not if I myself on the way they reply. Why would you say that?

[Mike]

Okay, well that's like, I don't get that type of the, the. The pre sex talk.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Before, like when you're already on your way. I get it, but I don't. Like, it's like one of those things where it's like, I'd rather have it in person.

[Pat]

It has to make sense. Yeah, you have to make me think we wasn't gonna have sex at this place. You know what I'm saying? Like. Like, you know what I'm saying? We upstairs at your parents house and stuff. At the cottage, you talk about something. Yeah, we having sex here. Like that. Ain't nobody's gonna have sex. My bad story.

[Mike]

Oh, I think I actually have one.

[Guest 3]

What?

[Mike]

I think I have one tweet of the week.

[Pat]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

So the tweet reads, yours is tweet a dough week.

[Pat]

Tweet of the week. Yours is tweet of the week.

[Mike]

She a little. She a little weird, but she got a throat coat. Shoddy got jautism.

[Pat]

All right.

[Guest 1]

What the.

[Mike]

Come on, bro. Jawtism. That's tough jawtism.

[Pat]

J. Autism is crazy. What are you doing? You gotta change your algorithm.

[Mike]

All right, all right, here we go.

[Pat]

The bro. All right. Somebody said, I gave a crackhead 15. He looked and said, I kill a behind you nephew.

[Mike]

Yeah, no, that's. That's loyalty right there.

[Pat]

Real loyalty. 15 is like, I guess that's where I'll be because like I barely carry cash on me. And that's. It's specifically for that reason. I don't know why I stutter so bad. Right? Specifically for that reason. I gotta do it to myself because I want to do it.

[Mike]

Sometimes I listen back to the pod and be like, damn, why was I stuttering that situation? I think because sometimes I talk a little faster than I think. So it happens. But I don't talk like this in like person. And I think because I. I don't have to be as entertaining in person. So my voice, I think I was like, damn, why am I talking so loud sometimes?

[Pat]

Mike Biden.

[Mike]

No, it's okay though.

[Pat]

Yeah, I with it.

[Mike]

My brain. My brain is worse. Worked for. For everything I needed. My brain has worked for everything I needed it to.

[Pat]

Boy, just give it all heads to everybody.

[Mike]

All right. So weird, bro. It is a weirdo. Like I have a weird ass friend.

[Pat]

Jautism.

[Mike]

Jautism. That was the tweet. Of the week. You just talked about a lady getting exploded.

[Pat]

Blast test. Don't forget the blast test.

[Guest 3]

All right.

[Pat]

Somebody said I gave a crackhead. Oh, I read that on.

[Mike]

Yeah, see, look at you.

[Guest 1]

Look.

[Pat]

No CTE comments. I really don't care about the cte.

[Mike]

Yeah, cuz you don't remember it.

[Pat]

That's.

[Mike]

That's past Michael's problem, not mine.

[Pat]

Cte. Who got cte? Is you talking?

[Mike]

What the. Your name?

[Pat]

Get out my house. This is a hospital. I was wondering why I had white curtains. All right. Some dude said I went to the cr. I went to her crib to get my stuff after she cheated on me and her ex broke my jaw.

[Mike]

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

So dude went to a girl's house to get his stuff after she cheated on him with that guy. And then that guy broke his jaw. I think somebody, somebody commented. My bad. Somebody said got cheated on and your jaw broke. A Glock would have flew into my hand like Thor's hammer.

[Guest 3]

Come on now.

[Mike]

Yeah, for sure.

[Guest 2]

But.

[Pat]

But why would you post it though?

[Mike]

The thing I need to like, I wish we could have. This is the type of person on the pod to kind of explain what happened.

[Guest 3]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Because if you go there, right, and you see the other dude, someone initiated the talking crazy part, right?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And if he initiated the talking crazy part or the dude tone now, come back later and get your. When I'm not here, I. Sometimes you gotta know the fights you can win and you can lose, you know?

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You know, you just have to know like there's situations where it's like, like I'm not saying I'm a world beater, but I would say like 90 of the dudes I might come in contact with, I probably can beat up hand to hand. Right. But there is that. You know, those, those people always like I have to second guess it a little bit. I'm always going to stand on business, but I might not be as the antagonist in the situation. I would say no, no.

[Pat]

And I feel like that that gives you another advantage. It's like to be dangerous and not to agnostic.

[Guest 1]

Dangerous.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

It's like, okay, you gonna stay on the more safe side, but you know, yeah, you can handle business. Yeah, that's how you keep an advantage, brother. Like all that. He probably went over there like, let me get my stuff. Probably walk right past the dude. Like if you're not going over there to fight, then don't go over there.

[Mike]

Yeah. Just wait. Just wait to do's not there.

[Pat]

Just wait.

[Mike]

It's over already.

[Pat]

So if I go somewhere, if there's a dude at a place and I go somewhere, like I'm not going to get myself. I'm coming over to fight you talking about I ain't come to get my stuff. I might leave here without the. I don't give a.

[Mike]

That's the thing. It's like. It's an interesting. I like. It is nice that people can just, you know.

[Pat]

Kidding, kidding. My bad.

[Mike]

It is nice that people can just. Can just go and fight it out and it. That be it and nothing else happened. But in certain situations, I just know like it doesn't end like that. There's. I feel like there's no winners. Like a fight. Sometimes everybody, especially when you live in these down south states gates with the standard stand your ground laws and like that.

[Pat]

Imagine pushing somebody and they push you back with a 12 gauge. That's a different type of push.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

Anyway, but. Oh, yeah, let me. Let's see. I think I got one more tweet of the week.

[Mike]

Okay, let's hear it.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Guest 3]

Boom, boom, boom.

[Mike]

I'm giving y' all waiting music.

[Guest 3]

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[Pat]

I've been ready.

[Mike]

I ironically, I give them elevated music.

[Pat]

The worst beat I've ever heard.

[Mike]

What happened to El? What happened?

[Pat]

No, explain your beat first.

[Mike]

I think I was trying to go, she'll be coming around. But then I kind of lost track.

[Pat]

They put the jazz version of coming Around.

[Mike]

What happened to elevator music? I don't hear it anymore.

[Pat]

Elevator music. Oh, that's true. That's very true.

[Mike]

But go ahead, go. Your tweet of the week. I made you put your phone down.

[Guest 2]

Everything.

[Pat]

That's one of them stupid ass thoughts.

[Guest 3]

Where'd it go?

[Pat]

I was like, where is it?

[Mike]

Somebody said, mike, just be saying anything. I'm like, I do just be saying anything. That's the point. That's true.

[Pat]

Okay, listen to this. Somebody said, rush hour sucks. Person says, you take that back. He responds, you jobless. I meant at work. Oh, man, talk about a movie.

[Mike]

I get it though.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Guest 2]

You.

[Guest 4]

I.

[Mike]

People are allowed to complain however they want to. But sometimes when people complain about things that people naturally like, we all don't dislike.

[Pat]

Yeah, it.

[Mike]

It can get a little confusing.

[Pat]

No, no, Cap.

[Guest 1]

Bro.

[Mike]

All right. Anyway, this has been crashed on me's episode 210. We're gonna be traveling a lot more.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Next stop is New York. So we have some surprises for y' all when we go to New York, so just let us know. Anybody else we should link up with.

[Pat]

Also, when y' all give suggestions on who we should link up with, actually make sure they in New York. Like, some dude sent me a podcast. I was in London. I said, New York. I typed it again. New York, bro. I'll be in New York.

[Mike]

Make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon and. Yeah, that's all.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Appreciate y'.

[Guest 3]

All.

[Pat]

Appreciate y' all be on the lookout for any drops. We got a lot of collabs coming out.

[Mike]

Can I do that?

[Pat]

No, you can't do that.

[Mike]

I can't fire fake guns thing. No air guns at them.

[Pat]

It's literally some army vet ducking right now.

[Mike]

My God.