From The Passenger Seat W/ Malik B - Episode 236

Summary

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Crash Dummies Podcast Ep. 236 - “From The Passenger Seat” w/ Malik B

Date: December 10, 2025
Guests: Malik B
Hosts: Patrick Johnson (“Pat”), Michael Esiobu (“Mike/Obi”)

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Episode Overview

In this high-energy episode, Pat and Mike welcome comedian and viral content creator Malik B. The trio, joined by various callers and friends, dive into hilarious real-life stories, relationship drama, gender dynamics, club and dating culture, and the sometimes awkward realities of creating online content. The conversation is sprinkled with quick wit, improv humor, listener call-ins, and authentic takes on modern relationships.

Tone: Unfiltered, comedic, candid, sometimes irreverent.

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Main Topics & Discussion Points

1. Origins & Friendship Dynamics (00:00–05:05)

• Backgrounds: Pat (Pontiac, MI, near Detroit), Obi (Nigerian, grew up in Chicago), Malik (comedian).
• How They Met: College football; riffed on how meeting at the gym would be a “weird” best-friend origin story.
  • “How do you become best friends at... Hey, that was deadlift. He get it.” – Malik B (00:34)
• Locker Room Humor: Jokes about dirty gym towels, “air-dried” underwear, and the awkwardness of male friendships.

2. Comedy Content, Real Life, and Internet Hate (05:05–08:55)

• Malik’s Content: Many bits come from stories friends tell him; he imagines what he’d do in those scenarios.
• Backlash & Threats:
  • “Do you get dudes that DM you and tell you shut up?... Bro, why every day you choose to be ignorant?” – Pat, about criticism Malik receives (05:11–05:28)
  • Malik recounts threats and angry DMs, including a fan blaming Malik’s videos for his being caught cheating.
• Writing for Both Sides: Malik writes for both men’s and women’s perspectives, often showing women’s “delusional” belief in their partner’s stories.
  • “A lot of people... only see you acting like that and they don’t give you credit for writing the woman’s part.” – Pat (07:11)

3. Club Culture, Dating Scenes, and Women’s Safety (19:09–25:34)

• Clubs and Safety: Pat laments how club/dance culture is dying because women don’t feel safe. DJs and club setups play a big role in maintaining comfort.
  • “We gotta get back to making it safe for women and giving them an area where they don’t feel like they’re gonna be touched on inappropriately.” – Pat (20:09)
• VIP & Sections: Sections and VIP have ruined the communal nature of nightlife, making people feel “more important than they are.”
  • “If they take away that red rope and VIPs... that will bring the club atmosphere back.” – Malik B (21:57)
• Men Approaching Ladies' Night: Both warn men never to approach large groups of women on their night out:
  • “They just want to have fun... Last thing they want to do is have you, a loser, talk to them.” – Malik B (22:27)

4. Call-In Relationship Dilemmas (31:12–57:10)

a. “Passenger Seat” Dilemma (31:12–37:39)

• Caller: Relays being taken out on a date by a woman (his sister’s friend) who ends up kissing another guy during the night.
  • Group roasts him:
    • “Are you asking this from the passenger seat? You’re basically a cuck.” – Pat (34:03)
    • “He needed his ride home.” – Malik B (34:20)

b. Favorite Ex Got Married (45:37–48:20)

• Caller’s “favorite ex” recently got married. Discussion about “exit interviews” in relationships—when exes reconnect just for closure.

c. “Fat Shaming for Motivation” (54:51–58:16)

• Truck driver caller says he asked his girlfriend to fat-shame him for motivation, but now she does it hurtfully.
  • “I just hit 200 this year, and I’m a 5’8” Mexican... I gained fat in my stomach, but it’s mainly on my face... Now if I don’t do something in the house, she’s like: That’s why you’re fat.” – Guest 1 (Truck Driver) (55:13)
  • Group questions whether this “motivation” is healthy.

d. Gender Dynamics: Who Benefits More? (61:26–65:41)

• Female Caller: Asserts “men benefit more” from relationships because women tend to give more (career, mental health, etc.)
• Hosts’ Rebuttal: Men dislike confrontation, often don’t complain unless complained against—seeking “peace.”
• Malik’s Take:
  • “In the Bible, they said women are natural, naturally caregivers and nurturers. So if you’re not nurturing... are you doing your part in a relationship?” – Malik B (65:03)
• Caller admits: She’s a “retired man-hater working on herself.”

5. Modern Love, Rom-Coms, and TV Nostalgia (26:46–30:17)

• Rom-Coms: Love for older romantic comedies (“You’ve Got Mail,” “What Women Want”).
  • “I like the ones where it’s like, damn, we never gonna be together. Then at the end, we found each other...” – Pat (27:36)
• Black TV Representation: Nostalgia for “One on One,” “Girlfriends,” and “Smart Guy.”
  • “That was the first time having a Black single dad that I can remember was on TV.” – Pat (29:35)
  • Jokes about TV families not matching real-life genetics.

6. Toxicity & Social Media (86:00–88:49)

• What’s Actually Toxic?
  • Dialogue about what’s “actually” toxic in relationships (liking pics on IG, what kind of posts are OK, gender double standards).
  • “A dude can like a picture and go about his day. But if a woman likes another guy’s picture, that's cheating. That’s toxic.” – Malik B (87:30, jokingly)

7. Comedy, Temptation, and Dating as a Content Creator (73:32–78:48)

• Dating Life and Perception: Malik talks about temptations as an entertainer, clarifies he’s a “faithful Black man.”
  • “But the cheating didn’t start until we were together. But I didn’t cheat on her.” – Malik B (73:53; playing with perceptions)
• Fan Interactions: Stories about women approaching after shows, some fans being surprised he’s “not that guy” from his sketches.
• Managing DMs: Joking about the “types” who slide into DMs, OnlyFans links, and the conspicuous “look” of super forward online fans.

8. Closing: Staying Authentic & Shouting Each Other Out (89:17–90:28)

• Shoutouts: Malik thanks the show, wishes Crash Dummies success, plugs his tour; reciprocal admiration from Pat and Obi.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Malik on Content Creation:
  • “A lot of people... only see you acting like that and they don’t give you credit for writing the woman’s part.” – Pat [07:11]
• On Keeping the Club Safe:
  • “We gotta get back to making it like safe for women and giving them an area where they don’t feel like they’re gonna be touched on inappropriately.” – Pat [20:09]
• On Women’s Optimism in Relationships:
  • “Women want happiness, men want peace. But women are so delusional, they won’t give you peace, fellas. You have to find your own peace because she’s gonna take that away.” – Malik B [07:48]
• On Relationship Double Standards:
  • “In the Bible, they said women are natural, naturally caregivers and nurturers. So if you’re not nurturing... are you doing your part in a relationship?... And also, they forgot to say in the Bible, your girlfriend is going to be annoying.” – Malik B [65:03]
• On Toxicity in IG Likes:
  • “If a woman... like a guy’s picture, that's cheating. That’s toxic. I can’t be with you.” – Malik B [87:30, joking]
• On Club/Section Era:
  • “If they take away that red rope and VIPs... that will bring the club atmosphere back.” – Malik B [21:57]
• On Hilarious Gym Tales:
  • “I saw a dude dirty draws when I used to coach college football, and it literally looked like he had brown paint on his ass when he had the underwear on.” – Pat [01:41]
• Pat’s Playful Admission:
  • “I believe him because I might fuck him now.” – Pat (about Malik’s faithful image) [74:36]

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Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Topic/Speaker | |:------------:|:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:06–00:15 | Hosts introduce themselves, friendly banter, “how they met.” | | 05:11–05:28 | Malik B describes getting DMs and threats for exposing “relationship secrets.” | | 07:02–07:48 | Acknowledgment of writing both male and female perspectives for skits, and the gendered “delusion” motif. | | 19:09–21:57 | Pat and Malik discuss changing club culture and the need for women’s safety. | | 22:12–23:10 | “Never approach a woman on ladies night”—comedy on male overconfidence in the club. | | 31:12–37:39 | Call-in: “Passenger Seat” story (dating humiliation, group roasting). | | 45:37–48:20 | Call-in: “Favorite ex” got married; “exit interviews” in relationships. | | 54:51–58:16 | Call-in: Fat-shaming for “motivation,” partners pushing boundaries. | | 61:26–65:41 | “Who benefits more in relationships?” Debated candidly between hosts, caller, and Malik. | | 73:32–78:48 | Malik on fame, temptation, and relationship boundaries as a content creator. | | 86:00–88:49 | "What's actually toxic?" — liking IG pics, gendered double standards in social media. | | 89:17–90:28 | Malik plugs his tour, thanks, positive send-off. |

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential Crash Dummies mix: real issues filtered through absurd humor, with enough insight and self-awareness to keep listeners both laughing and thinking. Malik B proves a natural fit with Pat and Mike’s dynamic, matching their candor and comedic speed while sharing relatable moments about modern romance, social media pitfalls, and club nostalgia.

If you want unfiltered male perspective, relationship “game,” and non-stop laughter—with the occasional sharp social commentary—this episode delivers.

Transcript

[Pat]

I'm from Pontiac, Michigan.

[Malik B]

Oh, Michigan. Oh, okay. You close by Detroit?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, I'm real close. I'm like five minutes from Detroit.

[Malik B]

Oh, you. You from.

[Obi]

No. Born Nigeria. And then I lived in Chicago my whole life, too.

[Malik B]

So wait, how did y' all meet?

[Obi]

College football.

[Pat]

We played college football.

[Malik B]

I'm about to say the gym. Something had to be ass sweaters.

[Pat]

No, I'm not gonna lie. The gym would not be like, a good story. Like, oh, this your best friend y' all met at the gym. Like, y' all weird as that's kind of weird.

[Obi]

Like, y' all saying started the conversation.

[Pat]

Yeah, y' all defin.

[Malik B]

How do you be? How do you become best friends at. Hey, that was dead liff. He get it.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

He get it.

[Malik B]

He was about to pass out. I caught him n he was.

[Pat]

I saw him washing up with his hands and I'm like, bro, you want to use my towel?

[Malik B]

You should be washing.

[Female Caller 1]

What?

[Pat]

What you talking about?

[Malik B]

I fight it, bro.

[Pat]

You left your dry off towel, huh?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

I got you.

[Malik B]

I got you, bro.

[Pat]

Just don't put your face on it now. He just wiped his face with it, like. Yeah, man.

[Malik B]

Gave it to me.

[Pat]

Was this beige towel before you got it, brother? No.

[Malik B]

What if you give me a towel? Like, you keep it and he give it back to you the next day all clean and like. Here you go, bro.

[Pat]

I appreciate you N. That's crazy.

[Obi]

Washed it and folded it.

[Pat]

Yeah, bro, actually, you left your underwear in the locker. I went ahead and cleaned them too.

[Malik B]

I took the liberty to go ahead. Dirty ass jaws on. How hard you work out, man?

[Pat]

Hey, I air dried these. I ain't going to lie, bro. That's the only way that stain was coming out. My

[Malik B]

lightning stains.

[Guest 2]

Get rid of them.

[Malik B]

Stadia draws. I got you a pack right here. Bought me a pack.

[Pat]

I saw. I saw a dude dirty draws when I used to coach college football, and it literally looked like he had brown paint on his ass when he had the underwear on. Like, all brown on.

[Malik B]

White draws on.

[Pat]

No, like, turquoise draws. So it was like real brown. So I went to him and I was just like, yo, like, I. Like, I actually had a conversation. I'm like, bro, your underwear not supposed to be looking like that. He was like, I'm not gonna lie. I just had a bad day. Me and my girl have been going through it.

[Obi]

I said, wait, this girl gotta do with it?

[Pat]

Whoa, whoa. What do you mean? So every time you and your girl get in an argument, you just say it?

[Malik B]

No showers get you back. I'M gonna shit on myself. You want me. From the nigga getting angry.

[Obi]

He's like,

[Malik B]

you're so blonde.

[Pat]

You're making me. You're making me do this. You're going to listen to this.

[Malik B]

Usually I get threats like, I'mma kill myself or I'mma on myself. Wait, what? It's so funny, cuz.

[Guest 2]

You found it.

[Female Caller 1]

He got.

[Malik B]

Hey, look, bro, you. You wasn't supposed to see that. Me and my girl, we've been fighting. That's funny, bro.

[Pat]

She. She come in the living room and see you piss your pants. You went through my phone, didn't you? You do it. Why would you do that?

[Obi]

She already. She already. She at the door. She just snaps me. It's like in a bad text.

[Pat]

He didn't got that iPad in that iPad, you know? You know, hey, fellas, you out there. Your woman got an iPad and she don't use it around you.

[Malik B]

Come on now, man, I got caught. She got caught on the iPad, too. That's the scariest ever.

[Obi]

You got caught cheating on the iPad, huh, bro?

[Malik B]

Cause you know, you never, like, you log in. Like, sometimes you. You just log. Hey, man, your phone tripping or some shit? Or I need to leave. Use the laptop. Logged in and we never forget to log out. She saw all the text.

[Pat]

He said we.

[Malik B]

I thought we was outside this game.

[Pat]

See how far I got away from this? Go ahead, brother. Speak your truth.

[Malik B]

Speak your truth.

[Pat]

Your truth.

[Obi]

This is way too early in the podcast for me to speak like, my girl. Listen to it.

[Malik B]

Chill, bro. Hey. Yeah.

[Obi]

Four minutes in.

[Pat]

You know, she listening to the rest of the episode now. Got another viewer.

[Malik B]

What else?

[Pat]

You know, this one. We talk the craziest. The intro is always the craziest.

[Malik B]

For real. Oh, man. Yeah, y' all dope, y'.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

All.

[Obi]

Yeah. Welcome to Crass Podcast. We got.

[Malik B]

Wait, we were recording all that? Oh, y'. All.

[Obi]

Malik, right?

[Malik B]

Malik.

[Obi]

You know, some people say Malik, but I was like, I heard you say Malik, so thank you.

[Malik B]

I appreciate you. Yeah, they always call me Malik.

[Pat]

Yeah. Welcome. Welcome, bro.

[Malik B]

Thank you, bro. Appreciate y' all for having me, man. Like I said, bro, I love what y' all got going on. Y' all are the funniest podcast right now.

[Obi]

We obviously asked you to be on because we appreciate your content, too. Appreciate. I was wondering, though, a lot of your content, do they come from, like,

[Malik B]

real life, like, experiences for the sake of someone listening?

[Obi]

Yeah, yeah, I feel it.

[Pat]

Thank you.

[Female Caller 2]

Yeah, yeah.

[Malik B]

This is what my friends tell me, what they go through. Yeah, I'm like, oh, okay, that can be like good content. I just think of like, what will I do in that situation? And that's how I come up with it.

[Pat]

I just want you to know, like, I really with your content, appreciate you, bro, but my uncle hate you.

[Malik B]

I understand.

[Pat]

He think, cuz that's why I want to ask you, do you get dudes that DM you and tell you? Shut up, cuz. My uncle, every time he watches video, he send it to me. He's like, look at this. He be mad as hell. I'd be like, you know, he, he making money off it. He's like, I don't give a what he doing.

[Malik B]

Like, he giving all the secrets you need. Shut his little buck ass up. I. I got like, threats. I got like all kind of threats, bro. They're like, bro, bro, why every day you choose to be ignorant? That's what they tell me. Like, bro, like, come on, bro, like, why are you doing this shit? No, like, some people just send it. It's like, bro, I can't even like this shit, bro. I just gotta like send it to the homie. I get like one of those. They're like, bro, bro, you making it loud in my apartment. He said one time a dude DM me. He was like, hey, bro, I'm gonna come to your show and I'm gonna fight you. I said, wait, why, why? What was going on? He was like, hey, bro, I was watching your video with my girl on accident, and when you came back home, the text popped up with the chick. I guess his chick popped up. He was like, bro, I feel like God put me on alignment. And I was doing so good in my relationship. I had the chick happy and I had my girl happy. And the fact that your video ruined all that. You got to catch this face.

[Pat]

No, that's crazy.

[Malik B]

I was like, hey, bro, well, hold on. Can we get her back?

[Pat]

Right?

[Malik B]

Yeah. Finding comedy shows.

[Pat]

Let me make a video for you.

[Obi]

Do a cameo.

[Pat]

Dudes that always get accused. But really didn't do it.

[Malik B]

Really didn't do.

[Pat]

Put that video out there.

[Malik B]

Oh, you should not watch. I tell guys, don't watch my videos around your women, man. It's just. Unless you like not doing it.

[Obi]

Yeah, exactly.

[Malik B]

Yeah, I'm not doing it so I can watch you with my queen.

[Pat]

But what a lot of people don't. What I. What, What I appreciate about your direction is because I was showing OV your last military clip.

[Malik B]

Yes.

[Pat]

Got death threats and wait, I bet you did. And what I appreciate about it is that I know you're. You're writing for the woman's part too.

[Malik B]

Yes.

[Pat]

And a lot of people miss that part about your direction. They only see you acting like that and they don't give you credit for writing the woman's part. And. And it shows you. We were talking about it. It shows you that women believe what they want to believe in those situations. You get what I'm saying?

[Malik B]

I love how you.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Thank you, bro.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying?

[Obi]

Like, thank you.

[Malik B]

I didn't even think everybody like, oh,

[Pat]

this woman's so delusional. How she ain't know her man was missing for 12 hours Thanksgiving. Because she don't want to think that her man doing that.

[Malik B]

Thank you.

[Pat]

She know she could dive and look into that. She knows she can. Go find your dog, T. Go get your dog tags.

[Malik B]

What you mean?

[Pat]

Let's go to the airport. Let's go get your dog tags.

[Guest 2]

We going.

[Pat]

You going to show me your.

[Malik B]

She don't want to believe that N. Women, Just women. I, I think my man Ryan Davis said it so perfectly. Women want happiness, men want peace. But women are so delusional. They won't give you peace, fellas. You have to find your own peace because she's gonna take that away. So, meaning women that when I write these roles, I really write em for like experiences like what a woman would do. And at the end, where you been for six hours like, yo, well, babe, you know, the grocery lines are long. You could have came with me. You see what I'm saying? You could have came with me. You wanna spend time together, but yet you wanna see me out there in the world to come back home with a turkey. Well, of course I'm gonna have side missions. I'm gonna have side missions. Of course I got adhd.

[Pat]

No, you. You almost had me agree

[Malik B]

we were here.

[Pat]

You almost got you. They would. They would have gotten me in the country like Patrick Tate. Stop saying that.

[Malik B]

Nah, you are, bro.

[Pat]

Patrick Tate is crazy. That don't stick, bro. And I'm telling you, if I make money off it, I'm going that way.

[Malik B]

It's right there for you, bro.

[Pat]

You my first thousand dollars from that type of content.

[Malik B]

See ya, G. That's all it take. I thought he was gonna go higher.

[Pat]

That's what they be selling out for, a couple GS, man. That's all I got to say about Obama. It I ate him another thousand.

[Obi]

I didn't really like that tan suit anyway.

[Malik B]

Hey, I hate how the guy just like, you know, he's supposed to stick to agenda, but he go overboard.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

I hate matter of fact, Michelle ass. He go in like, hey, bro, hey, chill. We only told you, stick on Obama. Nah, nah, let's talk about him.

[Pat]

If I. If it was me back then, I would have been watching Martin March from my window. We didn't say. We didn't say, say that.

[Malik B]

That's crazy.

[Pat]

Don't say that. You ain't got to take it that far.

[Female Caller 1]

Exactly.

[Obi]

We just.

[Pat]

We just wanted you to say you didn't disagree with some of the Obama

[Malik B]

did when he was in office.

[Pat]

And another thing, that Lamar Jackson running back. No, no, no, no.

[Malik B]

He does look like the football. He's cheating. I'm like, hey, bro, wait, whoa. You start to get all these.

[Pat]

I'm telling you, Shador Sanders sucks.

[Obi]

I know it.

[Pat]

I just can't prove it yet. I tell y', all, and you again,

[Malik B]

you have so many people, bro, you'll take off. I think that's what's holding you back.

[Pat]

Yeah, I think it is.

[Malik B]

I think that's what's holding you.

[Obi]

Red pill.

[Malik B]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And I know the red pill because I'm super non. Red pill, so I really know what people want. I know. Piss me off if somebody said so. Yeah, yeah. I'm on it, man.

[Malik B]

Bro, if you become a troll, bro, and enter your, like, your next phase, I think you really will, bro. I can see you on commercials.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah.

[Pat]

For real. A Mountain Dew commercial.

[Malik B]

Cracker Barrel commercial. Chili's commercial. You know where they hang up?

[Obi]

Cialis commercial.

[Pat]

Frisbee is Chili's. Is Chili's like a. More a white person thing?

[Malik B]

I. I think that it's like Golden Corral and Chili's. I just wanna, like.

[Pat]

Oh, Corral is black. Where I was from. No.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

Oh, well, now what? Where do. Well, Olive Garden. Olive Garden.

[Pat]

Olive Garden. A little diverse, you know?

[Malik B]

Nah. Because that's. I. Nah. Especially when white people graduate, they go straight to Olive Garden. Yeah,

[Obi]

that's like. That's like the fine dynasty. So, like, straight out of college, kid.

[Pat]

That's where you find out. You in the white town during homecoming world, there's all these kids coming in

[Malik B]

with suits and dresses on.

[Pat]

They come in that they don't know what to do. And can we get a table for two? That's how you order a table.

[Obi]

There you go.

[Malik B]

Mash Shirley Temple.

[Obi]

Can I have massage?

[Malik B]

Mash Shirley Temples at the table. Ah, God.

[Pat]

Can we do it? Two cherries this time. Oh, you're gonna get crazy.

[Malik B]

Just graduated.

[Pat]

I'm 18 now.

[Obi]

I'll do the bizarre salad.

[Pat]

Could you dip a cigarette in my drink? I'm 18.

[Malik B]

I want to make it feel authentic. Put a cigarette in it. Oh, yeah. Olive Garden for sure.

[Pat]

Olive Garden. Any little steakhouse like. Like a Texas Roll House.

[Obi]

That.

[Malik B]

No, that's. Hell, no.

[Obi]

That's pretty mixed.

[Pat]

Texas row house mix.

[Obi]

Yes. They're letting you spit peanuts on the ground, bro.

[Pat]

Wait, wait. Texas ro. House is mixed, like, black and white?

[Obi]

Yeah. I feel like hell.

[Malik B]

No. Well, I went to one out here. Not in la, but, like, maybe the staff. Well, see, we don't have that. We don't have that out here, though. We don't have, like, too many Texas roadhouses. We don't have, like, the Cracker Barrel. We don't even have a White Castle. We got to go. We got to drive all the way to.

[Obi]

I haven't had White Castle.

[Pat]

White Castle. White Castle is good.

[Malik B]

I'm be honest with you. I only had it once. I was trying to look for it again in Seattle. It closed. White Castle.

[Obi]

Yeah, they used to sell those frozen ones, too, you can make at home.

[Pat]

But that's just like.

[Obi]

That's not the same.

[Pat]

No. Hell, no.

[Obi]

You don't think so?

[Pat]

No, no, not even close.

[Obi]

Damn, they kind of taste the same.

[Pat]

No.

[Malik B]

It's been so long since I had it. But what do you get at the White Castle?

[Obi]

I don't know. I just. Whatever. The regular.

[Pat]

You gotta go to one.

[Obi]

What's the order?

[Pat]

Deep in Detroit.

[Malik B]

Detroit?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You might not make it out, but you're gonna have a sandwich. Wait, you gonna have a good time? Eat in your car, man. It's over.

[Malik B]

Church is chicken.

[Obi]

They get provided funeral food already.

[Pat]

That's where you get church's chicken. Deep in Detroit. Like, those are the places that like the food fire. The food fire. You know what I'm saying?

[Malik B]

Your safety. We don't know.

[Obi]

We don't know where you jerk. Place chicken in.

[Pat]

Oh, I was about to say. I'm glad you added the chicken part. You're back.

[Malik B]

What's my man? Tenderism.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah.

[Malik B]

That's out here and everybody going. And that's. That's blackified.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's here.

[Malik B]

That's here. Two hours away.

[Obi]

Wow.

[Malik B]

Two hours away. I'm not la.

[Pat]

No, that's Mike, conservative side coming up.

[Malik B]

Two hours to support black business now he's supported, though.

[Obi]

Like, I'm pretty sure the lines are long as hell.

[Malik B]

Crazy line.

[Pat]

Is it?

[Malik B]

But y'.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

All.

[Malik B]

Y' all famous. Y' all can go up there and just like.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah, Reserve.

[Pat]

Oh, I was about to say the greatest. Paul stain on this camera. Thank God. I'm gonna say it anyways. I was like, damn, I want to go there and drop that meat with him. How do you say, like, drop the meat off the bone, bro?

[Malik B]

He said, I want to go there and drop that meat.

[Pat]

Where you at, Paul? You try to break in there. No, I want him.

[Malik B]

No, don't give me. Don't get. Give me a younger version. No, I want the real. I want the real thing.

[Pat]

Where OG at?

[Malik B]

OG the one who be dropping the meat.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

God damn.

[Pat]

You breaking the baggage. He in the break room.

[Malik B]

Nah, get up, OG you got a black of mild. Wait, man.

[Obi]

When I was watching your content.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah.

[Obi]

It reminded me of a thing that guys do a lot. We say, huh a lot in arguments or, like, conversations when we want to use that time because we heard the question. We just want to process the question and our answer. Because you don't. If you just ask. Answer a question without saying, huh. I think you say the wrong thing.

[Malik B]

But facts. I think that. You know what's so crazy? When I talk to everyone, isn't it crazy that we have the. All have the same playbook?

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

That's why I think that, like, I try to.

[Obi]

It's relatable.

[Malik B]

Just come on inside. Come on, bro. This whole podcast, I'm gonna try to get you on this side. I swear to God, babe, I'm not. That's. I'm just trying to help.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Pat.

[Obi]

Yeah. Anyway.

[Malik B]

Yes, Pat. Yeah. Nah. I remember arguments because I lie a lot, and I remember that, like, when I say a lie, I remember I was dating this chick, right? And she was such. She was a lawyer, right? And she would just. She knew when she actually. When a woman asked you a question, she already has an answer. She already knows. She already did. The information just. They come like the FBI. And this is like my first real relationship. And she was just like, I had to get quick on my feet. So she'll just tell me, like, oh, where were you last night? I'm like, you know where I was. That's a lot. I'm trying to think because I'm like, did she really know or did she know? Why would she ask me that? She was like, no, I forgot. Oh, my God. So you don't remember anything I told you. So I used to stall and I would break a woman down, right? Because I. I had nothing. Look, I'm a comedian. I got nothing. My work is at night. We can spend all day here. And I remember this Lawyer. She would just, like, she was so patient with me to the point where should catch me in a lie. It's like, so the beginning of a conversation. She'll just, all right, so you were at, what, Jesse's house? Yeah, I was at Jesse's house. And we'll move for, like, an hour. And then she's like, what you. And what you doing? I just said, we're playing the game. An hour later, she was like, so why were you at Jesse's house? Y' all weren't playing the game? We were playing the game. And then she'll move and she'll say, okay, well, who's this? I'm like, damn. So it's kind of like. It's kind of like that. Like, they already know. Yeah, but. But the huh. Process is like, I'm just thinking, like, hold on. I'm trying to. I'm lying for you. You know what I mean? At the end of the day, I'm lying for you. I don't want to hurt your feelings. Yeah, because I went behind your back and found happiness. I could have told you. You see what I'm saying? I went behind your back and found happiness, and you're trying to disrupt my piece because you're not happy that I went out and didn't tell you. You see, that's really the argument. And then once women can kind of understand that, hey, I'm cheating for you, then it'll be better that way. Now, I know, Pat, you're not going

[Female Caller 1]

to agree with me.

[Pat]

I don't agree either.

[Malik B]

I don't agree either way. It's a character.

[Pat]

Still, I'm taking a stand right now. And I tell you, you come in, podcast disrespecting our women. That's one thing you're not gonna do on class.

[Malik B]

Shout out to the beautiful women that are faithful. No, I'm preaching. You know what? I really. I really do skits to just show dudes, like, how. How crazy you look cheating. Just think about all the energy and effort you do. You got a real woman at home, and that's how you really look. So when women come to my show, they're like, yo, you a cheater. I'm like, no. All I do is hold the mirror up to show fellas, like, bro, look at that energy, that time, that money you spent that you come on to your family. And then she's like, hey, babe, how was your day? And you got a lie to her. And that's a good woman. So really, I'm trying to preach, like, we look stupid.

[Guest 2]

Stupid.

[Malik B]

How was that?

[Pat]

I think we got the ladies back. Ladies, ladies, welcome back. See how quick young crash dummies could cleanse them? Man, look, change, man. Anything else you want to say to the ladies?

[Malik B]

I just want to say we cannot. We cannot move forward and progress in this country without a woman. A woman is the backbone. The backbone. The. The. The. The person that we. We go for. I never heard a dude going to the spot where it's all dudes. And he was like, man, call his boy. Hey. Never women around. We want. We want to better ourselves. We want to be better. So I appreciate.

[Pat]

I mean, I tell this what man? Because I feel like the. The club industry is dying down. Like people aren't dancing anymore. And I really think it's because women don't feel safe. And I'll.

[Malik B]

Wait.

[Female Caller 2]

What you mean?

[Pat]

And I. So I mean that by like DJs are like creating spots. I talked to my DJ friends about it. They like, they're. I think they're like some of the best at making sure women feel safe in that spot. Like men, like some DJs will have a DJ booth and it's all dudes back there, right? And then you got all the girls down here. And it's not to like show off. Like, oh, there's so many girls in here. It's like giving them a safe place to dance. Making this like they area. Because men are gonna be there regardless.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

But you.

[Pat]

Because there's women there. But then if there's men there, men don't need to be. You know, like the girl called here said, like, men don't need to be standing on couches. She's somewhere right at the club. You know what I'm saying? Like, you don't need to be standing on that couch, bro. You too 40, bro. Get your big ass down, bro. Let this little. Let that 140 pounds.

[Obi]

It's like three of them can fit

[Pat]

on the three girls can fit in this spot.

[Malik B]

He up there telling us

[Pat]

Olivia Dean is playing it. Get your ass,

[Malik B]

bro. 240 standing on the couch is insane.

[Pat]

That's. But that's what I'm saying. It's just like, we gotta get back to like making it like safe for women and like giving them an area where they don't feel like they're gonna be touched on inappropriately. Because that's how it used to be.

[Malik B]

1.

[Pat]

When we was growing up, like, we wasn't even allowed on the dance floor without a woman. Like, you had to be the woman controlled like the Dance thing. And that's what. And we still showed up. We'd be all sitting in a circle.

[Female Caller 2]

Yes.

[Pat]

And then a girl will, like, surf through the crowd. You don't know if you're gonna get picked. She grabbed you by your collar. All your boys be like, yeah, okay, okay. Then you gotta hold.

[Malik B]

Don't run, bro.

[Pat]

Don't run.

[Obi]

That's crazy. That was true, though. People weren't saying don't run from it. People weren't saying.

[Pat]

That's no cl.

[Obi]

Were saying that it's like, don't run from me, bro.

[Pat]

Don't run.

[Obi]

Yes.

[Malik B]

Yes, bro.

[Pat]

Like, what if your boy bust in while you was doing it? Say, no, don't run, bro. I hear you run. I'll run from her, bro.

[Malik B]

And I'm running you. Hey, he's not my homie no more.

[Pat]

No, that's.

[Malik B]

I don't speak to him. How can you face that? That. Because he gonna tell the Barbershop. Yeah, bro. We met these chicks. I finished mine, bro. I bust in on the homie running. He was running. Yeah, bro. He was running. I told man up. I started coaching him. Like, I'm on the final four. All right, lift your leg up.

[Pat]

Straighten your back.

[Malik B]

Straight your back, bro. I know you ain't struggling like that, bro. I think the club, like, industry ruined when they started having sections in VIP in a room. Remember, they just brought that out. So it made people feel more important than what they are.

[Obi]

Yep.

[Malik B]

So I think if they take away that red rope and take away VIPs and make everyone regular.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

I think that will bring the club atmosphere back. Because you see women in section, you see a ladies night, and they balling. They got money. They twerking. Like you said. They twerking on their own. And they always that loser. Hey, y', all, like, never. Can I talk? Never approach a woman on ladies night.

[Pat]

Come on, man. Idiot talk.

[Malik B]

Don't ever do that, bro.

[Pat]

Oh, my God, bro.

[Malik B]

They having fun with out. You just think about it. Look at the circumstances. They having fun. They got money. They in section. Turning up and your ugly ass. How y' all ladies doing, bro? You up the vibe.

[Obi]

Especially. Especially if it's like, more than like, three. Like, three people. So a group of seven girls, and you're a singular dude that walks up to you. Think you're gonna break up this friend group for them?

[Malik B]

Bro, they planned it. They got all dressed at their house. They got in the Uber together. They chill out, bro. They bought drinks. They have a section. They just want to have fun. The Last thing they want to do is have you. A loser. Hey, can I buy y' all a drink?

[Guest 2]

Ugh.

[Malik B]

No, that's the worst. You see all these bottles?

[Pat]

Come on, let me get y' all a shot. They holding up the Casamigo bottles.

[Malik B]

We driving a boat over here.

[Pat]

Nah, he come over with the shots. Ladies, ladies.

[Malik B]

And they ruin it for me.

[Pat]

Fuck out of here, Dr. Huxtable.

[Malik B]

But that's what I'm saying. Never approach. But I got you with the club. I remember back then, the club VIP was. I remember it was like celebrities used to come out here. Like, we had Greystone, we had Playhouse. All these clubs before Pandemic. I think the greatest year was in 2016 out here in LA, all the stars. I think it was like All Star Game and celebrities like galore. And I was just a regular dude blending in. And they used to throw money in the club, like. Like regular bro. In the clubs, you could dance, everybody twerking. And this how I knew I had to. I was done with clubs because I don't smoke a drink, right? And I get hungry in the club. So I got invited to a section. But my section out here in clubs, you have, like, a regular section and you have a celebrity section. They hire above, like, club live. So I'm right underneath. I'll never forget. I was right underneath Future. And he had. He was with Sierra at the time.

[Female Caller 2]

Time.

[Malik B]

And bro, he. It was like I woke up in my brand new batt. That one he threw stacks like above. Like, he making a rain like. Like over us. True story. So I'm. I'm like in the club of women, and he making it rain, right? And at the time, I didn't have a lot of money, right? So it was nothing but chicks and they picking the money up. And, you know, you got to be a cool. So I couldn't be cool. So I started catching it with him. Tell me why, bitch. Get like. That's my. I was arguing with women. They were like, what kind of man?

[Obi]

As a man.

[Malik B]

As a man, why would you. I was like, I get up out of here. Yeah, but that. That's why I was like, oh, the club is only for people with clout.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

You know what I mean? That's when they made it now. Now, like, if you remove that red rope, remove vip, Everybody's free. We'll be back there.

[Obi]

Yeah. We went to a boiler room thing in New York, and it was like a vibe because it was like. Like, the DJ floor is in the middle of the floor, and Everybody's just like. There's no sections.

[Malik B]

For real?

[Pat]

Yeah, no sections. And it's like. It's. It's. It's weird. It's like a ritual going on in there. So it's like all the dudes stand in, like, this square, right?

[Guest 2]

Okay.

[Pat]

All the dudes inside the square. All the women are inside. Like, it's like old school because everybody down there, all the women are inside at the bars, behind the DJ booth, blah, blah. And it's like a. The women rotate while the men sit there. And, like, you see different people. I swear to God, you'll see 50 girls dance on 50 dudes. They'll go to the next session. Those same 50 girls will approach the crowd to see what guys are over there, see them start dancing, and they make your way all the way over to you. And then you, like, realize, like, oh, you're doing this to Everybody. Like, you 50 girls want to see every dude in here, make them dance. I don't know if they was paid or what. They came in our crowd. We were scared, though. We were scared. Was like, oh, oh, what's going on? Because at this point, at this. At this point, we didn't see them. We didn't see them dance with three people. So we not ready. We like, damn, they know them. Damn, they know them. Because we watching it now. And then when they get to us, we realize like, oh, shit, this is what it's like. It felt like a village was being invaded. It was like. It was like, oh, shit. I like, nah, good.

[Malik B]

I can't.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Obi]

I can't.

[Pat]

What's your name?

[Obi]

What's your name?

[Pat]

You go to school or something?

[Malik B]

You shouldn't be doing this.

[Pat]

You ain't gotta do this.

[Female Caller 1]

This.

[Malik B]

Y' all like the third person in the orgy.

[Pat]

Like, y' all waited, then they trying to kiss us.

[Malik B]

What you did with the other?

[Pat]

I decided it was pretty good. But it was nasty, though.

[Obi]

Like,

[Pat]

it looked good from here, but like. Oh, man.

[Malik B]

Pack, come to the side, man.

[Pat]

No, I can't. I can't, man. I still would be watching rom coms, and I still got hope.

[Malik B]

Hey, hey, what's a good rom com? What's like the last good one you seen we haven't had?

[Pat]

Like, I watch an old school one. You've got Mel.

[Malik B]

Oh, with Tom Hanks.

[Pat]

Yeah, real old school.

[Malik B]

That's a great one, bro.

[Pat]

What women want.

[Malik B]

What women want with Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson, Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, man, Fire.

[Malik B]

You listen like. Like, old ones.

[Obi]

I'm talking about.

[Malik B]

What's the last I'm trying to look last.

[Pat]

The new ones just be too, like, they show the love interest way too fast. Like, what you mean like the new ones you'll watch, Like, I'll be watching, like, new series with, like, they're supposed to be like, romantic comedies and new movies. The main characters will already be in love and dating like, 30 minutes into the show.

[Malik B]

And you don't like that?

[Pat]

I like the ones where it's like, damn, we never gonna be together. We never gonna find each other. Then at the end, we found each other on some, like, coincidence. And then the last five minutes show us with our family and shit, and you see the future. You like?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

You want the trial and error.

[Pat]

Ye to see, like, y' all together the whole movie. And then this died at the end.

[Malik B]

What the was this? Boys in the Hood?

[Obi]

Is Emily a Paris?

[Pat]

No, that's crazy.

[Malik B]

That's crazy.

[Obi]

By the way, is Emily Paris a romcom?

[Pat]

Emily in Paris? Oh, yeah, you do like Emily in Paris.

[Malik B]

I a hold you. I watched one season and it was cool.

[Obi]

It was an easy watch for me. Like, it was like one of those kind of easy watch. But after I watched the first season, it's like, I don't think it's like the. The greatest show on earth, but it's like one of those, like. Like a comfort show. It's like, I. I'm already invested in this storyline. I want to see how the storyline finished.

[Malik B]

I liked her, cuz she was bad. I tell you. Hey, she bad. I started. Then she started doing them hoish things over there. I'm off her. She's not who I thought.

[Pat]

That was me. I. I want to shout out to Sarah Jessica Parker because she made me watch every Sex in the City. And it was only because I wanted to see a sex scene. I'm like, somebody gonna have sex on the one day I' ma see somebody moves? 13, 14. I'm like, I'm seeing somebody. Booze. Well, I'm invested. It gotta be a season five. It gotta be here. This is the one.

[Malik B]

Yo, that's funny. You just addicted to a show because you want to see some titties. Yeah, that is funny. Yeah, I'm watching the story. Like, hey, she gonna. Yeah, she gonna get the job.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

What came for the titties? You stayed with the storyline.

[Pat]

I'm telling you, it made. It made me softer. Like watching those shows. I'd be like, man. Man, dudes ain't man.

[Female Caller 1]

Damn.

[Pat]

I was watching Girlfriends. Like, come on, man.

[Obi]

Yeah, Girlfriends was the show too. That's a good show.

[Malik B]

I like one on one.

[Obi]

One, one.

[Pat]

Flex.

[Malik B]

Flex is my God.

[Pat]

He was. He was a single dad and wasn't

[Malik B]

he with Kyla Pratt?

[Pat]

Yeah, that was the first time having a black single dad that I can remember that was on tv.

[Malik B]

Hell no. Smart guy.

[Pat]

Smart guy. That was right. That's a fake ass family though.

[Guest 2]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Come on. You got a dark, dark skinned son, light skin. Like, come on.

[Malik B]

He had different women. Come on now.

[Guest 2]

He had different.

[Malik B]

Come on.

[Pat]

Two baby mamas that he got custody in the 90s.

[Guest 2]

No,

[Pat]

that didn't happen for 100. Alex got custody of both of these

[Malik B]

and he had a good ass house. Yeah, right.

[Obi]

Come on now.

[Pat]

Good neighborhood, you know what I'm saying?

[Malik B]

And we never saw any of his neighbors. Never think about that.

[Pat]

Yeah, damn.

[Obi]

Some of those shows, you never even saw those like characters outside. It was always school or inside.

[Pat]

Yes, always school.

[Obi]

It was always weird when you kind of saw trees. Them on like trees in the background and it'd be like fake trees.

[Pat]

And I ain't gonna lie, I would beat my little brother ass if he was in the same grade as me. He was way younger and everybody knew he was smarter than me. I would like legit go to class.

[Obi]

Oh yeah. That was it.

[Pat]

I was like, push him up against the locker.

[Malik B]

I'm like, bro, homework. Your school do our home homework. Yeah, yeah, man, I wish I had like a little smart brother. I go to sleeping class. I used to love going to sleeping class. That'd be the best sleep.

[Guest 2]

What up with y'? All?

[Pat]

What up with it, folk?

[Guest 2]

Hey, get the out of here.

[Obi]

Oh, man, we got our boy Malik with us too.

[Guest 2]

You said what?

[Obi]

So we got boy Malik with us too.

[Malik B]

He don't give a.

[Obi]

When you hear another voice, it's cool, cuz it. It gets to the point people are gonna be saying like, who is that? Who is that?

[Malik B]

I'm Malik B.

[Guest 2]

What's up with you?

[Obi]

What's up type?

[Pat]

What up? What up, you stupid hell too, bro, why you talk so stupid?

[Obi]

All right, bro, what's your relationship dilemma?

[Guest 2]

So, well, this. This some old switch.

[Pat]

His voice actually

[Malik B]

get the out of here. But n particular.

[Pat]

Some old though.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

But.

[Guest 2]

So long story short. Long story short, I met this shorty through like my. My sister or whatever. And I came at her on some. You're like, you know, what's up? And she was like, nah, I ain't even on that type of time. And I'm like, oh, all right. So then I talked to her nice. And so then like we just talking or whatever. And then so eventually she was like, yo, if you don't start showing interest, then I'm gonna move on. So my dumbass fell for the bait. I set up this little. Little date night or whatever. We went to a movie, and then we went out for, like, drinks. And so we was at one spot, it was just me and her, and then we was going to the other spot to be my sister and some of our other mutuals. And so she like, all right, let me make my little circle around. That should have been a red flag right there. Yeah. What type of chick need to make a circle around the club?

[Malik B]

And.

[Guest 2]

But anyway, so I'm like, all right, yeah, I'm about to get these drinks, and then you do what you gotta do. Then when we're done, we'll just go meet up with everybody. But then I see her against the wall, hugged up and kissing on this. So I just sat at the bar. I'm feeling, you know, I'm doing my thug dizzle. Like, I ain't tripping. We ain't in no relationship or, like,

[Pat]

you know, should have been tripping.

[Obi]

What the.

[Guest 2]

Nah. So we ain't in no relationship. It ain't like we went out on a date. We did. You know what? I like, I'm way worse. Yeah. So then I met the. She was like, yo, why you just sitting over here? I'm just. And then I'm like, I'm just chilling. Here go your drink. And then I'm like, I'm just doing my thing. You do your thing. So we finished the drinks, we went over to the spot. Everything cool. Everybody just chopping it up, talking. So then on the way back to the crib, because we had rode together or whatever. So on the way back to our crib crib, she like, yo, you wasn't. What? She said? She said you wasn't, like, spending no time with me. You wasn't, like, showing me that she was really interested in all this other. I said, I told you at the bar I was letting you do your thing, and I was doing my thing. She like, oh, we supposed to be together. I said, well, how was I gonna fit in when you was kissing that in the corner? And she told me some. Oh, you seen that? And then she driving and fake crying. I'm like, it ain't. It ain't. It ain't nothing serious like that. Like, you know, we're not in no relationship. So it's like, I ain't tripping, but don't try to play me like, are

[Pat]

you asking this from a passenger seat? You're basically a cuck.

[Obi]

I was about to say, you saw her kissing another dude and y' all

[Malik B]

still went home together. He needed his ride home. He went on a trip, bro. He needed that ride home.

[Pat]

He had a passenger seat. Moving his seat back, talking about. I just don't like the way you express. Like, make this turn right here.

[Guest 2]

So.

[Malik B]

No, y' all stupid.

[Guest 2]

My

[Obi]

two more doors down. Two more doors down.

[Pat]

Can I. Can I hook up to the Bluetooth?

[Guest 2]

No, get the out of here.

[Malik B]

You say you're.

[Pat]

I got a good driving playlist.

[Malik B]

You'll fuck with it.

[Guest 2]

I did fuck up the beginning because it was like. So we was talking and she was like, you know, that's what she was like, you gotta. You gotta show me that you entered or I'm gonna move on or whatever. So I was like, all right, it's a comedy show. My in the shop. Like, we could ride together, whatever. We'll go to the movies, then we go to the. The bar and all that other. So that's how she ended up driving because my was in the shop.

[Pat]

But listen, but listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no, no, no, no, no. But I just want you to answer something rude. Listen real quick. Do you feel good? I get like, if you've been dating a woman for like a month and then she driving.

[Malik B]

Cool.

[Pat]

But do you feel good that she's picking you up on the first day after she told you to make some effort? You don't think she would. Of course she did. You like.

[Obi]

And then you guys are going on a date and she's kissing another dude. It doesn't matter if you're together.

[Guest 2]

It's like we was friends. It ain't like somebody that I just randomly met. Like we was associates and cool. Like I said, that's my sister's people,

[Obi]

which I went there on a date.

[Guest 2]

We already knew each other. Other night.

[Obi]

It was date night. And she was kissing on another dude.

[Malik B]

Yeah, she probably told another like, hey, I gotta pick this up, but I'mma kiss you.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Just be.

[Malik B]

Just be patient. No, get the out of here.

[Pat]

Are you dead ass serious though? Like, you trying to piss me off.

[Malik B]

Hey, Pat, you always say somebody trying

[Guest 2]

to piss your little ass off.

[Pat]

Shut up. Passenger princess.

[Malik B]

Hey, hold on, wait. What I want do to know. What did you think in your head? How the night was gonna go?

[Guest 2]

What the you talking about?

[Malik B]

Like, like, like, okay, so a girl picked me up, right? And I see her kissing another dude and I'm like, man, I ain't tripping. And then I get in the crib, I might get in her car and she crying. And you know when women driving and they crying, they upset. They don't believe in breaks. So I know you scared. And then you over here saying, I wasn't scared.

[Guest 2]

That was crocodile tears. She wasn't crying for real. She thought I. I told you. She thought I was a simp, like that was gonna move me or something. Like, hell no. I don't give a fuck about them.

[Malik B]

She thought she was a simp. And I kissed the. In front of you.

[Guest 2]

Nah, it wasn't even like that.

[Pat]

Did you buy the drinks?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah.

[Guest 2]

Get the out of here.

[Pat]

He said, yeah. I like the way you kiss that. Come get your.

[Guest 2]

Hell no.

[Pat]

Come get your shot, baby. Kiss me like that.

[Obi]

My turn, my turn.

[Pat]

Me next, me next.

[Malik B]

Don't wipe your lips.

[Pat]

Don't wipe your lips.

[Malik B]

My turn Terms.

[Pat]

Who kiss who kiss better out of being here.

[Malik B]

All right, man.

[Pat]

Oh, man. He's sick, bro.

[Malik B]

Cucks.

[Obi]

Okay.

[Female Caller 2]

Hello?

[Obi]

Hello?

[Malik B]

She sound good?

[Female Caller 2]

What you mean by that?

[Malik B]

No, I'm just saying you sound like your voice.

[Pat]

That is not mic or pat. I just want to put that out there. We have a guest on.

[Female Caller 2]

Oh, hey, guess what's up.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

My name is Malik B. I guess. Okay, kidding, kidding.

[Pat]

Anyway, he broke you down that easy?

[Female Caller 2]

Happy belated birthday to the dummies.

[Obi]

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

[Pat]

Nah, I'm not taking that. Okay. You know what you're doing?

[Female Caller 2]

Every time I get on this phone, you own some bs.

[Pat]

No, you calling me dummies. You know, it's crashing dummies and you saying dummies. I know what you're trying to do. Mike might fall for that when the guys do it.

[Female Caller 2]

It'd be cool.

[Pat]

No, they. Hell no.

[Obi]

You do be on with the guys.

[Pat]

Matter of fact, turn her down a little bit. Kind of loud.

[Female Caller 2]

Okay. And I was trying to give you grace because you a barb. And I feel like, you know, as a barb myself.

[Pat]

Yes, I am a barb. Mono. Shout out to Nikki. Wow, Big Nikki fan. Okay, we got a. You want to do the top five?

[Guest 2]

One.

[Pat]

Okay. What's your top five? Sorry, I'm asking again. What's your top five?

[Female Caller 2]

Okay, y' all gotta guess my top five.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

Yeah.

[Female Caller 2]

At number five is a drug dealer. Number four is a male massage therapist. Three, a male photographer. Two, a male trainer. And number one is a male obgyn.

[Guest 2]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

What category is Category is this is what you want in a man.

[Obi]

Oh, no, all the men you want inside you.

[Pat]

What?

[Obi]

Obi. I thought I said ob.

[Pat]

What?

[Malik B]

The water.

[Obi]

Wait, the last one.

[Female Caller 1]

You just.

[Obi]

What was your last one?

[Pat]

Why does she have to get a train run on her? Just because she made top five things. That's so.

[Obi]

How do you say it's a train. Michael Tate, what was your last one?

[Malik B]

Zoom in on Mike.

[Obi]

What was the last one?

[Female Caller 2]

The top spot was male obgyn.

[Pat]

Yeah, but she said drug dealer too.

[Malik B]

So your category.

[Obi]

I was just going by what that that OBGYN does.

[Pat]

No, what did the drug dealer do? Why is a drug dealer inside of her?

[Obi]

She might like drug dealers.

[Malik B]

Oh, all the dudes that are red flags.

[Female Caller 2]

First of all, I'm married, so let's not even go there.

[Pat]

Oh, excuse me.

[Malik B]

Take my flirting back. Should have started the conversation.

[Obi]

That's why she's hit you with the high guest.

[Malik B]

I'm kind of tight. I had the voice on.

[Pat]

Matter of fact, let's change this whole call up. Let's get this over with. No, we playing. We playing shout out to you. Shout out to you and your husband.

[Female Caller 2]

Last time I was on her pet, you told me I wasn't a good leader because I'm married and all my friends are single.

[Pat]

Oh, you're not a good leader. That's right. And you be giving them bad advice.

[Malik B]

That is true.

[Pat]

You probably be telling them what you do instead of telling them what they need to do.

[Malik B]

And also you probably flaunt the ring, like when they try to challenge you and you like, well, who married throw it in their face.

[Female Caller 2]

I mean, it do come with a little authority.

[Obi]

Group leadership.

[Pat]

No, she definitely ain't a group leader. But what's your top five mean?

[Female Caller 2]

Okay, so this is the top five freakiest job. Job occupation wise.

[Pat]

That's why we got on your ass last time. There you go again. We told you, you're married.

[Malik B]

Stop.

[Obi]

Single people.

[Pat]

That's the problem. That's why you a bad leader.

[Female Caller 2]

No, I'm so tired of you saying that. Because I can have an opinion.

[Malik B]

No, how the you can't.

[Female Caller 2]

Now I know. Now I know how and where to go.

[Pat]

Okay, what's give? Give. Give some advice to women that are single women. We going to see if it's right.

[Obi]

I want to know why these are the freakiest dudes.

[Malik B]

Yeah, I was. I just want

[Female Caller 2]

male trainers always trying to flirt during your session. Okay, photographers. We already know about the photographers.

[Pat]

Yeah, we know about the photographers.

[Female Caller 2]

Drug dealers. Gonna give you a little discount. The massage therapist. Come on. And what are you A male obgyn for what?

[Malik B]

Because I. I study.

[Pat]

Like, I don't.

[Malik B]

That last one, I don't understand that that's a real job. My job is to look at your snatch and look at it like.

[Female Caller 2]

Oh, because you want to look at that all day?

[Malik B]

Well, because maybe I am an expert in what I do. Like, hold on, hold on. You look at your job. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't you look at your vagina all the time?

[Female Caller 2]

I feel like this conversation is going too left for me.

[Pat]

She started twisting a ring on her finger. She said, let me tighten this up.

[Malik B]

But I'm just saying, OB G. O I N is not a freaky dude

[Pat]

if he can't even name.

[Malik B]

I'm like, yeah, I'm wilding.

[Obi]

Yeah. Honestly, that's why it was taking me a little bit to explain the last one. Obg. O, B, G Y N. Yeah.

[Malik B]

O, B, G Y.

[Obi]

It's the BG that gets it.

[Pat]

It sound like the. The network that Oprah bought. Yeah. Didn't Oprah buy obgyn?

[Malik B]

She left out some letters, but have you.

[Obi]

Have you personally had any experience with the freakiness of any of these people? I apologize also for saying these people are inside you as well.

[Pat]

Well, that was crazy. Five people inside of married woman. Coming from Michael Tate is crazy.

[Obi]

I'll say Michael Tate, But. But you. You experienced Mike X.

[Female Caller 2]

But okay. Anyway, the male trainer, for sure. Yeah, I can see Male photographer for sure. The male masseuse. Like, that was kind of just like an awkward situation, but also, like, I work out, so it's like, you know, I'm a little technical, and men can go a little deeper.

[Pat]

Oh,

[Malik B]

Cash, you a question? Cash, your question. What color was the male masseuse?

[Female Caller 2]

He was black, but his name was like. I thought he was a girl before I went into it, because his name was, like, dowfy or something like that.

[Malik B]

Alfie.

[Female Caller 2]

And I'm like, oh, this girl? No, that was a black man.

[Pat]

That's a little dolphy.

[Malik B]

That's like. That's his game right there.

[Pat]

All right, you too. Happy? Happy.

[Female Caller 2]

No, I have to give it. No, no, no, no. I have to give advice to the single girls.

[Obi]

Okay.

[Pat]

They don't want to hear this, but go ahead.

[Female Caller 2]

To my. To my ladies out there. A lot of y', all, especially that be calling it on this pod put up with so much bs.

[Guest 2]

That's true.

[Female Caller 2]

Don't do that. That's all I really have to say.

[Malik B]

Wait, wait, hold on, Wait, hold on.

[Pat]

Wait.

[Malik B]

What do you mean by bs don't do that. Don't do it.

[Female Caller 2]

I'm not gonna say men are the prize because I feel like, like relationships take two to tango. And that's my. That's actually my advice. Women be wanting to be put on this pedestal and think it's all about them, but whole time it takes two to tango.

[Malik B]

Talk about it.

[Pat]

Talk about it.

[Obi]

They gonna call you a pick.

[Malik B]

She ain't a pick.

[Pat]

She already got picked.

[Malik B]

I was about to say, hey, flash that ring when they say period.

[Pat]

Oh, I can feel you flashing it through the audio. God damn. Motherfucker rock big as hell, girl.

[Obi]

All right, you ever got.

[Guest 2]

Good one.

[Female Caller 2]

You too.

[Guest 2]

Bye.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Can you hear me?

[Pat]

Yo.

[Obi]

Thought you running out the club. You good?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

No, I'm. I'm at work right now.

[Obi]

I was trying to go to like a quieter area. He can't really hear you.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah, give me. I need like two minutes.

[Pat]

N. It's r. Bro. I think.

[Obi]

I think we can.

[Pat]

We'll see you another time. Brody.

[Obi]

You're good right now. I think I can hear you. Pretty.

[Pat]

No, him.

[Obi]

All right, I got a question for you. Just. Just speak clearly. All right? What's your relationship dilemma, pet buddy?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Oh, my favorite ex.

[Obi]

Your favorite ex got married?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah, you know, it was like the. The right one at the wrong time.

[Pat]

Oh, right one at the wrong time. Why was it the wrong time,

[Guest 2]

man?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

We were 18, you know what I'm saying? It's my first real girlfriend.

[Pat]

How old are you now?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

I was just 29.

[Malik B]

Hey, love. Hey, love don't expire, bro.

[Obi]

Nah, 18 year old love, bro. His favorite eggs. Like what type of life you have? Your life has not gotten any better since you're 18.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

18,

[Obi]

bro. You experience so you experience so much between 18 and 20, bro.

[Pat]

Did y' all at least reconnect in that, what, 11 year time frame?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah, she still talks to my mom.

[Pat]

She still talks to your mom? Maybe your mom just a cool person, bro. You ever thought about that? You think it's because of you she still talks to your mom?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

No, I don't know. But he had refollowed me on Instagram. Like I'm assuming around the time she met this dude. Because we were talking a little bit and we stopped talking. I didn't know why. And then like a couple months later, she posting his.

[Female Caller 2]

Dude.

[Pat]

I think. I think that was her getting her. What's it called? The closing? The closure. The closure, yeah. Yeah, she got her closure. She was like, yeah, this closure for

[Obi]

18 year old relationship.

[Pat]

But she. He said he. She followed him back on Instagram, and they reconnected, and then she ghosted him. So I'm guessing she came back to see that he's still stupid and was like, yeah, I think every woman have.

[Malik B]

Exactly. They have an exit interview.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

So he had. That was his exit interview before she go and move on with her life.

[Obi]

Do you think it's an exit interview for most relationships that end?

[Female Caller 2]

Yes.

[Malik B]

Yeah, some of them. Yeah. But I don't know about an 18 year old. Yeah, but the exit interview is very proficient. They just wanted to talk and see, like, okay, he's still.

[Obi]

I feel like it's like exit interviews, and I feel like when I got out of relationship, it's like, always, like, talk this initial talk, and then you talk again.

[Pat]

Yeah, but you.

[Obi]

You again.

[Pat]

You never had that one where. Where you. Because I've been in a situation, like, a couple times where you're in a relationship. Ish. With somebody, and then y' all both just stop talking to each other. Like, y' all maybe get into it. Like, y' all disagree over something. You're just like, you know what? And y' all both the same type of stubborn person, and y' all don't reach out for each other for a while, and then, like, maybe a couple years later, you, like, reconnect, like, oh, yeah, why we didn't work again.

[Malik B]

Oh, I see why.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Okay.

[Malik B]

Yeah, yeah, that's why.

[Pat]

That's. Now you got a more mature mind. You can see, like, why didn't we work? That seemed like it was good. So she had to come back to see why, bro.

[Malik B]

And I think it's usually the dude that's like. Like that. So he kind of like. That was a reverse rose flip.

[Guest 2]

Go ahead.

[Obi]

No, no, I was listening to you. Oh, y' all were cooking. I was just gonna try and get the next caller going.

[Malik B]

Oh, you.

[Obi]

Man.

[Malik B]

God damn you. Hey, Mike, you so quick with it, bro.

[Obi]

Yeah, I'm efficient, man. Yo.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Hey, what's going on, man? How y' all doing?

[Obi]

What up? What up,

[Guest 2]

man?

[Pat]

What up?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

All right, so we. Well, we going on that. Oh, we going on that. The take jump, right?

[Obi]

The.

[Pat]

The.

[Obi]

Go ahead, bro.

[Pat]

Your podcast. Ask yourself the question, too, while you at it. Go ahead. Since you the host and.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Man, let me tell y'.

[Female Caller 1]

All.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Y' all the host.

[Pat]

But all right, then. Then let me ask a question. Can I get the question out? When have you ever. Do you watch a podcast, nigga? Yeah, we never had nobody watch the podcast. Okay, okay.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah, I watch it.

[Pat]

Can I ask a question then?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yes, sir. Go ahead, bro.

[Obi]

Don't let talk to you.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Malik B]

Yes, sir, it's crazy.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

I ain't focus on that.

[Pat]

Yeah, I know.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

One more time.

[Pat]

He was ready that time. Okay, I feel you. Ain't falling for it, bro.

[Obi]

Good.

[Pat]

All right. What's a relationship dilemma you have?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

If you're. If you're dating a girl and she broker than you, she'll cheat on you, no questions asked, she's broker than you.

[Pat]

Like, yeah.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

So, like, if she don't make it, so let's say you make a hundred thousand and she make like 50. She gonna cheat on you. Simple, simple.

[Malik B]

How did you come to that?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Math. I mean, you gotta think about it, bro. Most women. Most women, they don't build. They move in. You ain't never seen a woman build a house.

[Pat]

Camera on him. Camera.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Build a house. Think about it. Can you name one? Can you name a female that built a house?

[Pat]

Brother, just keep.

[Female Caller 2]

You.

[Pat]

You keep going on.

[Obi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

You keep going on, you keep talking.

[Obi]

It's all about you, brother.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah. So thanks. So, yeah, but, man, I remember I had a friend, right? I can't say no name, but I had a friend, right?

[Guest 2]

Okay.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

He was. He made a good amount of money. I say, like, upper 90s. I say, so he was dating this girl, and she was pretty solid for the most part. And then I remember we went to this bar one night and I think his tab was like $70, not too bad. But then she wanted another drink, and he ain't have it. He ran out of cheese. So I'm like, oh, man. So he asked me, so, you know, you know, if you. If you a real homie, you know, you do that little side tap on the thigh like, yo, let me borrow. We bought a dub or something. I ain't have it. I mean, you know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

As a group of broke ass.

[Malik B]

All y' all broke as with y'

[Pat]

all outside, don't got $100 combined.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

You can't really. You can't really say. You can't really say it's broke. Cuz, when you out on a date with a girl, you don't know what she gonna get. So how can you.

[Pat]

Okay, brother, you don't want that.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

To the bill code, bro.

[Pat]

You can spend 70 at Olive Garden.

[Malik B]

That's what white people graduated, 70.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

No, no, no, no. He didn't get no food. It was just drinks. It was just straight drinks.

[Pat]

Matters not the principle.

[Obi]

One drink, like 15 someplace.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

See, and that's wild. That's why you gotta check the happy hours up.

[Malik B]

You said go out when you're broke. You got to go out at the right time.

[Pat]

Like got me out here at 7:00 and Damn.

[Malik B]

Well, we missed that window. Yeah, now we got all the long islands.

[Pat]

So you telling me your happy hour just ended? This is I be talking about.

[Malik B]

And she want another drink.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Our happy hour don't start till seven down here. I'm in Virginia, so our happy hours usually don't start till 7, but.

[Obi]

Okay.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Anywho. Yeah. So next thing you know, he go to the bathroom. I guess he's stressed. He ain't got no money.

[Obi]

You talking to the bathroom attendant like,

[Malik B]

bro, she got in his tip jar

[Guest 2]

and

[Pat]

he, he, he, he keep counting the $73 in the store.

[Malik B]

You go to the bathroom and you call your, your mama, hey, mom.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Hey, mom. I'm like 20 hours.

[Malik B]

I know that. I know that bathroom. I know how it go, bro.

[Pat]

Yeah, I know you know how it go. You probably ask your mom for 80

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

now. I'm an electrician, bro. I can't do that.

[Pat]

But you just said you ain't even had no $20 at the time.

[Malik B]

He said at the time.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

No, I said I had it. I didn't give it to him. I'm not giving him no money to treat a whole out there in my thing.

[Female Caller 1]

No.

[Malik B]

Damn, bro. Bro, don't you look out for bros.

[Obi]

So are you, basically. So what happened? What happened with him then? She. She cheated on him.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Oh, yes. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't say she cheated, but like a dude came up to the bar and he ordered like the, the highest that's most expensive shot got. And she went for it. She just started. She started eating up on it. And I'm just like, Jesus. And I just. I ain't tell him. I wait till he came out the bathroom, he saw it, and boy, that was a. That was a long drive home.

[Obi]

So you basing your whole opinion on like one experience?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

No, I mean, you can see this anywhere. Like you go to a club.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Why were you there? What the.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Why was I there?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

Third Willing.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Why was I at the bar? Yeah, with the them A can't get off work and get n. I'm with them. They would. They showed up. I with them.

[Malik B]

I was already there.

[Obi]

Are you there by yourself?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. I kick it by myself, dog.

[Guest 2]

Okay.

[Malik B]

No women.

[Obi]

It's cheaper.

[Malik B]

Say it's cheaper.

[Pat]

I feel it.

[Obi]

All right, man.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Not. Not. But we said all right.

[Malik B]

Mike is Efficient with that.

[Obi]

We got, like, two more.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yo, yo, My bad. I was. I'm driving right now, so I just.

[Pat]

You driving a truck or something?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah, yeah, I'm a truck driver.

[Pat]

Truck driver a lot. Lizards?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah. Well, I'm local. I drive in Chicago, so I don't be seeing them over here.

[Obi]

Where do you see them at?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Well, I. I actually don't see them at all.

[Pat]

Yeah. Okay.

[Obi]

I feel it. Right. I'm not even gonna dive into that.

[Pat]

All right. We got a question for you, freaky man.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah.

[Pat]

What's your relationship dilemma?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

All right, so I've been dating my girl for five years. And, I mean, I was. I was pretty skinny when I started dating her. And I told her, if I ever get fat, I want you to fast shame me so I can lose that weight. I just started truck driving like, three years ago, so I was. I was. I started slowly gaining weight, but I. I just hit 200 this year, and I'm. And I'm a 5. 8 Mexican. So.

[Obi]

You.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

That's. I'm a good 200.

[Malik B]

Yeah. You like a tortilla?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah. So I. I gained fat in my stomach, but it's mainly on my face where I see it. So now that I take pictures. He always wants to take pictures, and I'm like, ah, I don't even look good. So. Well, now if I don't want to do something in the house or I'm. I get out of work late. I work 12 hours. She's like. He's like, that's why you're fat.

[Pat]

Oh, damn. She used. I don't think she using it right. It's supposed to be. It's supposed to be when you, like, about to eat. Like, hey, babe, don't eat that. Or you don't stay fat. Not like when you don't do something around the house. She calling you fat, bro. That's not good.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

She called me fat. And the thing is, she calls me fat, but she gives me her food when she doesn't eat it, so she.

[Pat]

Oh, she's trying to keep you there.

[Malik B]

Yeah, yeah. And honestly, she's telling the truth.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

That's the happy weight. Nah, but she. I. That's the thing. I. I can't eat good because I'm always working all the time, so she fascinates me all the time.

[Female Caller 2]

It's a good thing.

[Obi]

Have you told her that's how it makes you feel? Like, you know, just because you say something, you can say, hey, actually, don't say that to me.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Sometimes it's good, but sometimes it hits me and I'm like, that's what I, I, I think of it. My, my, my biggest hater is my biggest motivation later.

[Malik B]

Do you like, do you like being, let me ask you this, do you like being submissive?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

I don't think of it like that. I'm only submissive. I don't even think about why, why you think of it as sexual? Who's this?

[Obi]

We got a guest on.

[Malik B]

It's Malik B, man. And I'm trying to, I'm trying to. I hear you. And you was like, yo, call me this, call me that. And I'm trying to figure out like, is it legal?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

It's a, a mess. It's a mental game because I had, I had a fat friend in high school and that's how he told me he lost weight. And I used to call him fat all the time. I seen him a couple years later and I'm like, dude, how the you lose all this weight? He's like, all that bullying.

[Malik B]

So, so when she bullies you, do you do like couple push ups and sit ups? What do you do?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

I take my ass to the gym or I go walk my dog.

[Pat]

So it's working. Hey, man, shut your fat ass up, man. Go run somewhere, ass.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

I'm gonna shed some pounds. I'm going to that Chicago event, you guys.

[Pat]

Oh, you can do our live show. Hey, if you come to that show fat, I got you, bro. I'm gonna give you all the motivation you need. Trust me. It's gonna be an hour on you, buddy.

[Malik B]

Wait, does it, wait, does it work with other people or just your girl?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Nah, my boys do it, but I

[Malik B]

have some better than me.

[Pat]

He said everybody feed into call me a fat boy. You get turned on by that? How you still fat?

[Obi]

He talking about.

[Pat]

Please say this.

[Malik B]

Please say this. Exactly. Okay, bro.

[Obi]

It seemed like you're putting in the work, though.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah, I am.

[Obi]

You don't. Your girl doesn't have to bully you to breathe to get that way, though.

[Pat]

Putting in the work on that plate, fat ass.

[Malik B]

How many times do you not play for? How many times do you eat a day?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Like today? I just, I just ate once, but do I get hungry as hell? I'm doing sitting so I, I don't got to do.

[Pat]

You got to go when you, when you hit those rest stops, bro. That's why you got to get that little 15 minute workout in in that lot.

[Malik B]

Lizard.

[Obi]

Yeah, it's cardio.

[Pat]

Just do missionary, bro. All right, man, I can't even. Oh, no way. He's about to say. I can't even do.

[Malik B]

I can't even do missionary because it hurt my hips.

[Female Caller 2]

Hi.

[Pat]

What up? What it do?

[Female Caller 1]

I know you lying.

[Malik B]

Who.

[Pat]

Who lying? See, that's what I'm saying. Y' all always talking about somebody like. No, I'm playing.

[Obi]

Anyway, welcome to the Crash Dummies podcast. We got Malik B. On the podcast, too. So when you hear another voice, that's. That's who it is. I got a question for.

[Female Caller 1]

I'm sorry, y'. All. I don't want to sound like no groupie. Give me my time. Right?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Go ahead.

[Female Caller 1]

I've been listening to y' all since episode, like, 50, and my sister put y' all on. Who's been listening to y' all since episode one.

[Obi]

Oh, damn.

[Pat]

So shout out to her. Shout out to you. Welcome to Crash on these podcast. No matter of fact, no matter what, you say, you want a podcast. How about that?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

That's.

[Pat]

We appreciate you.

[Malik B]

That's a loyal supporter.

[Female Caller 1]

You know what, Pat? You my favorite. I love you, Mike.

[Pat]

I've been trying to tell Mike, anytime

[Obi]

he says, I love you, is that really love?

[Female Caller 1]

No, no, no.

[Obi]

We're gonna ask you a question.

[Female Caller 1]

I don't want to interrupt.

[Obi]

You're good.

[Pat]

It's your show. You can do whatever you want.

[Obi]

You dropped a thousand dollars right here, though.

[Pat]

Again? That's like the fifth time. Oh, that's a different stack. That's different.

[Obi]

Okay.

[Pat]

Yeah, I just picked it up and put it back in my pocket.

[Malik B]

Next.

[Pat]

It fit right next to my Lambo K keys.

[Malik B]

Whatever.

[Pat]

I'll pick you up.

[Malik B]

Go ahead.

[Pat]

Go ahead. Mike.

[Obi]

What's your relationship. What's a relationship dilemma? You have.

[Female Caller 2]

Get it.

[Malik B]

I like how she said that, too.

[Pat]

Hey, this my girl.

[Malik B]

My bad, my bad, my bad, Right?

[Female Caller 1]

I cannot.

[Obi]

I got a son, though. But I got a question for him.

[Female Caller 1]

Listen, y', all. It's okay. No, no, no. Me and my boyfriend listen to y' all on road.

[Malik B]

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. Hurry her up. Yeah. What's ask? Matter of fact, turn her off.

[Pat]

She loud as hell.

[Malik B]

Turn her down, man. You should have started. Me and my boyfriend. It was her sister at first. Me and my. Episode one, Obi.

[Pat]

What you say? We got 30 seconds left on this call.

[Malik B]

Hurry on.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

All right.

[Pat]

Our producer said. Our producer.

[Obi]

What's your relationship drop Drama.

[Female Caller 1]

Okay, so you said dilemma.

[Obi]

Oh, dilemma. Go ahead.

[Pat]

Now you catching attitudes.

[Malik B]

Brought up her Nick, and now she got. Yeah, it was just her show.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Female Caller 1]

Okay, so my relationship dilemma is that women. No, Ben. Men benefit. More from relationships than women do.

[Guest 2]

True, true.

[Female Caller 1]

And. Oh, y' all agree?

[Obi]

I don't know yet. I'm waiting to see what else you have to say.

[Female Caller 1]

Okay, so I say this because women give up their bodies. With careers, mental health, friendship, sometimes family. Sometimes. If anything, I feel like we make men's lives better.

[Pat]

Yes. But I'm gonna give you the famous question that I always say to someone who says stuff like. Like that. Who the hell is asking you to do that? Nobody asked you to do that. That's y'. All.

[Female Caller 1]

I mean, you're right. You're right. But I feel like it's the nurturing part of us. We want to see our partners do good, so we encourage them. We help them. But then sometimes it makes us feel like a mom. Like, do you know what I'm saying? It's not a bad thing because I, you know, I love my boyfriend. I like helping him. He helps me. But this is a conversation that I've had before. Like, he's caught me. He'll say, say. He'll say, okay, mom. And then I have to catch myself, like, oh, I am reminding you to do things. I am telling you to pick up things. I'm telling you to wash the dishes. I'm telling you to do this. So then it starts to feel like a mom. So I feel like you been. Men benefit more from that conversation or that relationship. And then women in some situations can feel depleted by doing so.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Female Caller 1]

By feeling. So they are the mom.

[Pat]

Can I ask you something? I just want to. Before we dive into more questions. What. What are his responsibilities? So you're on him about the clothes, the. His dishes, whatever. Does he pay, like, more bills? Is he taking out the trash? Is he f. Handling the cars? Fixing the cars? Like, is he doing something?

[Female Caller 1]

Okay, so I do want to preface that we don't live together yet.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Female Caller 1]

Being apart and living separately. When we are together, he. He does all that stuff. He. He will do the dishes. He could cooks. He's the one that cook. He'll clean. He takes out the trash. He does those things. But these were. This was a conversation we were having about general things. And then we did point out things in our relationship as well. I love my relationship.

[Pat]

No, I get that. But I feel like some. I feel like sometimes men, we don't complain until we get complained against. And it's like, because we want peace. So if it's something that you doing, like, oh, man, I can't believe. Believe, you know, she let this battery die. Now I gotta go jump It. You know what I'm saying? But he might be, ah, I'm just happy I'm helping you out, babe. You know what I mean? So he might let that go and then you like, man, why the hell he leaving this underwear in the middle of the bathroom? And then you bring it up and stuff like that. He. Sometimes men don't complain about as much as, you know, the women in a relationship. In my experience.

[Female Caller 1]

Yes. No, no, you're right. Because I can be. I remind him. I remind him of one thing, like six times in a day. He's just like, I'm not even on word. Can you chill? So I get what you mean. Like,

[Pat]

that is so annoying when you can't even do it yet somebody reminding you what you gotta say.

[Female Caller 1]

Yes.

[Malik B]

You scared?

[Obi]

No, I was just letting this.

[Pat]

I feel like Micah have a lot to say.

[Guest 2]

No.

[Malik B]

Oh, go ahead.

[Female Caller 1]

This is your.

[Obi]

You know, I think my only question was the. What do you think men give up? Because you said women have to give up a lot. I just wanted to know what. Like, what do you think? Do you think men give up?

[Female Caller 1]

I'm thinking, give me time, Mike.

[Female Caller 2]

I think.

[Malik B]

I think that this is Malik B. Talking, by the way. I think that. How you doing? I think that, you know, I agree with you that women benefit more. I mean, men benefit more in relationships, a thousand percent. But in the Bible, they said women are natural, naturally caregivers and nurturers. So if you're not nurturing and you're not caregiving, are you doing your part in a relationship? So when he says, okay, mom, and stuff like that, you gonna. Of course. And also, they forgot to say in the Bible, your girlfriend is going to be annoying. So therefore, you're doing everything that you're supposed to do. So what's the dilemma?

[Female Caller 1]

I'm tongue tied because I'm a retired man hater and I am working on myself.

[Pat]

Oh, you want to go back to your old ways right now?

[Female Caller 1]

No, no, I'm trying to answer the question effectively.

[Obi]

No, I feel it.

[Pat]

No, let's hear more people.

[Obi]

More people have to think before they talk.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Talk.

[Obi]

And I agree with.

[Pat]

Whoa, whoa.

[Obi]

No, I'm just saying, like, she. That's what she's doing. I get it.

[Female Caller 1]

Yes. I'm thinking before I talk friends.

[Malik B]

Like, I love that because they said if you gotta, you gotta answer the question five times in your head before you say it out loud.

[Obi]

That's why I say, huh, Y.

[Guest 2]

Huh?

[Malik B]

Let me five times before you ever

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

go, yo, yo, what's good, dummies?

[Obi]

What it do? What it do?

[Pat]

Nah, nah, nah. Don't call us dummies, bro.

[Obi]

Oh, he said dummies. I thought you said brodies.

[Pat]

Y' all gotta stop that, dummy. Y' all think.

[Obi]

Did you say dummies or brodies?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

I said Brody is, man.

[Pat]

Oh, damn, that's. That's me jumping to a conclusion. My fault, bro.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Brody ain't no problem, man. Pat, what's good?

[Pat]

What's good, bro?

[Obi]

Yo, yo, yo. All right, we got a question for you. What unserious opinion? What unserious opinion do you have,

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

man? One unserious opinion I have. We need a bathroom attendant for these urinals, man. It's crazy.

[Obi]

Wait, say that again.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Going to the bathroom. This is crazy.

[Obi]

No, say that again. I didn't really hear you.

[Pat]

The bathroom attended for years.

[Obi]

Yeah, well, say it, though.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah, the bathroom. You need a bathroom attendance for the urinals.

[Pat]

Where are you from?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

I'm from the Caribbean. Turks and Giggles.

[Obi]

So what do you hate about the bathroom attendants, man?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

I'm tired of going to the bathroom. You know, these. These guys will have bathroom etiquette. They will be like, who empty stalls in the middle or want to come stand on the side of you? Damn, that damn near looking at your, like, ready to hump you and all.

[Malik B]

That is funny.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, wait. So, like, why you peeing at work?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

What you mean? You gotta use the restroom.

[Pat]

So you. You probably use the restroom more than anybody. I. I'm not understanding. Like, so are you peeing, like, why you at work and then people coming up next to you peeing next to you?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Definitely. It's like, it's cool as drinking a lot of water and want to come

[Pat]

right next to you now you freaky, bro.

[Malik B]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Do you like. You like being a bathroom?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

No, you.

[Pat]

I'm just saying you're a bathroom attendant, bro. Yeah.

[Malik B]

That's crazy.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

I'm not a bathroom attendant. I say we need bathroom attendants.

[Pat]

Okay, got it.

[Female Caller 1]

It's kind of like.

[Malik B]

It's kind of like orchestrate, like, oh, you pee over here. You pee over here.

[Pat]

So you wanna.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Malik B]

Hey, so you want another man to tell you to. What you do with your dick? Nah, bro, nah. Cause it seem like you. You don't know what you're doing.

[Pat]

Hey, could you please get his dick away?

[Malik B]

Hey, come here. Your dick too. Hey, hey, bring your dick over here. Install three bathroom attendant.

[Pat]

He looking at my dick. Make him move.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

He.

[Pat]

He's snitching up people.

[Female Caller 2]

Listen.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Now, we just need some control, man. I need a old White man. I don't need an old white man standing outside of me trying to peek at my. You feel me?

[Malik B]

How do you know you're trying to pee? A peek at your.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

What you mean? He like, ah, no wonder why they have slivery peeking out my.

[Malik B]

Who said that? What?

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

All white man. Man trying to peek over say, oh, I see why. Why they have slavery.

[Pat]

How is that? What is that? How's that?

[Obi]

Bathroom stall. And why you making eye contact?

[Pat]

I making eye contact.

[Obi]

The only way you know somebody's looking at you is you looking at them.

[Malik B]

Yeah, cuz when I look, you see.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Now you see when you have your peripheral view, like, you can feel somebody looking at you.

[Pat]

No, that's true. I got your.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

But you just feel this guy just looking.

[Pat]

Okay, but you letting, like, a old white man hold your penis and say, that is so crazy, bro. Yeah, all right.

[Obi]

He said, oh, man. All right.

[Pat]

Let me know if you do this.

[Malik B]

Okay?

[Pat]

I recently realized that. And I just did it again today. Obi was carrying out, like, 15 boxes in front of my face, and I, like, asked her if she needed help like, 15 times. I'm like, oh, you need more me help? You need me help? And I realize how rude to dudes I am, because I will see a dude go. I can see a dude with, like, 15 boxes, and it look like it's about to tip over. And I'm just watching like, yeah, yo, dumbass should have had all the boxes. Take your time, stupid. Look at him, stupid.

[Malik B]

You start roasting.

[Pat]

Yeah, you see a dude, you like.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

You see.

[Pat]

You see a woman coming from far away, and you like, let me hold this door open. Matter of fact, you go through first, you know what I'm saying? And take that elevator by yourself, girl. You feel safe. But dude come in like, man, this door heavy as hell. He needs to feel this.

[Malik B]

You see what I went through?

[Pat]

Look at him struggling. Not stronger than me. I'll beat his ass real.

[Obi]

That is how you do dudes do. Size up each other.

[Pat]

Like, I seen you size us. I'll be like, yeah, I run these over in my car. I was like, hey, we good.

[Malik B]

You where?

[Pat]

You're like, yeah, I could kill y', all.

[Malik B]

But I'm coming, y' all outside, and

[Pat]

I'm gonna come in and do your little podcast

[Obi]

saying, like, air charges for the warning. Hey, just. Y' all know I could have.

[Pat]

Don't trust everybody.

[Malik B]

Y' all want pod today. I got different agendas. Nah, nah, I think that. I think we. You funny, bro. You see, you was holding 15 boxes, and you asked a woman to help. Yeah, but you see a guy, I think that's. That's how we treat. My friend has a joke about this. He said, we treat women how they look. If it's a beautiful woman, it's like she's carrying 15 boxes. Hey, hold on. Wait, stop. Girl, you better. Hey, put that shit down. That's what men are for. But if you see an ugly woman with 15 boxes, she be like, she got it. She got it. She probably trained it. She probably trained it. Let me. Cause I don't want to use my energy in a bad bitch show up now. I'm tired because I was helping the ugly.

[Pat]

Can we cut my camera off?

[Malik B]

Oh, my bad, my bad, my bad. It's too much. Hey, no, I'm just.

[Pat]

I refuse to be a part of this.

[Malik B]

No, you said that was the question.

[Pat]

We got the women back, and then you pull that on them. That's exactly what's wrong with me today, I swear.

[Malik B]

I said we need to treat women equally. I said that. That was my gist of my point. Hey, we need to treat women equally because you'll see a woman. I gave an example, and we all kind of related because we was like, he right. You know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

You wanna know? You wanna know?

[Malik B]

Nah, nah, nah, nah, Wait. You wanna know what money out here to die?

[Pat]

This is how different women work. Like, let's say there's 100,000 women listening to this, okay? 25,000 of them just got gaslighted into thinking like, no, he right. He fixed it.

[Malik B]

He's okay with me. Shout out, shout out.

[Pat]

You got a good 25k.

[Malik B]

They tell I say yes K been off me happiness behind his back, I was doing from the jump.

[Pat]

I knew what he was like.

[Malik B]

I am not like that. I am not. I'm trying to figure out, man, you can't lead me into these goddamn trap.

[Pat]

My fault. You're right. You're right. That one on me. I take a little blame for that.

[Obi]

Your content does revolve around a lot of, like, toxic males and stuff like that, Right? Did that ever affect, like, your actual dating life? Hell, yeah. Like, people like thinking that's, like, how you are.

[Malik B]

Yeah. I got my girl now. We've been together for, like, three. Three years.

[Obi]

Oh, congrats.

[Malik B]

So, yeah, and I've been doing content for, like, four. But the cheating didn't start until we were together. But I didn't cheat on her.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

So therefore, she can kind of, like, all right. Like, yeah, yeah. Like contrary to popular belief, I don't. I'm a faithful black man.

[Obi]

Yes, sir.

[Malik B]

Even on the road and at the height you could tell women like, I got a girlfriend. I was like, she not here. You know what I mean? So it's definitely temptation out there where I kids slipped on. But I feel like, no, I don't want to do that because. Because I don't want my woman to think I'm that person and I'm not that person. So dating with her, it's just been smooth. Copacetic. I was on the phone with her before we started filming the podcast. That's my best friend. So I just want to make sure. I want to clarify. So I lost like 15,000 more women because I announced I have a girlfriend.

[Pat]

Oh yeah. The other 25,000 was only staying here so they can fuck him.

[Malik B]

Exactly.

[Pat]

I believe him because I might fuck him now.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Now.

[Malik B]

Ain't he faithful?

[Guest 2]

No,

[Malik B]

he a.

[Pat]

No backbone.

[Malik B]

So why you promoting it then?

[Pat]

If you. That's funny.

[Malik B]

I know. Yeah. So the dating life been great.

[Pat]

Shout out, shout out to her. Because I like how free you've been on the podcast with like some of your jokes. I didn't even know that.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And like I like that because I've been in situations where I'd said something very slight on a podcast and a woman that I don't even talk to to is like assuming like, oh, you get all girls. Cuz I heard a girl flirt with you on the pod and you didn't say such and such. I was like, is that how you think I.

[Malik B]

It goes back to my point. Women are delusional. And men.

[Pat]

No,

[Malik B]

I keep going back.

[Obi]

Camera on him, camera on him.

[Pat]

And then all three, all three.

[Obi]

The close up shots. Oh, no wide. No wide here. No wide,

[Pat]

no edits, no captions.

[Malik B]

Just focus, focus. That's going to be the title. Women are delusional. Chill, chill. Certain women.

[Pat]

What if we clip this and only have you on the camera and edit out our voices?

[Malik B]

Put it out as trying to tarnish my career. Hey, women show up to my show now.

[Pat]

You know, Malik finds Crash dummy. Studio goes on. Tyret, Crash dummy's not there.

[Malik B]

Hey, hey. I'm going to get some behind the scenes footage. This is them, right? Like you know how to chick catch them when they. Yeah, like a celebrity.

[Pat]

You go see me do a vlog for Malik to use AI and video just shows he doesn't care about men or women. And I think it's really tough to get.

[Malik B]

You don't care about Humans, robots, the levels of low he will go. I can see it now. And I'mma clipping. I was like, he said he hate Obama.

[Pat]

That's crazy. That's crazy.

[Malik B]

He did say it. He did say it. Oh, didn't he talk about Martin Luther King? I was like, I got. I gotta get out of here. I gotta get.

[Pat]

Hey, I don't like men and women. But he don't like black men. That is canceled. Well, that's one thing I tell you, because that's a good thing, that you starting to get more women out your show. And I know, I'm just guessing. It's more black women. Yeah, right. And that's the most loyal fan base that you gonna have. That's the best fan base that you can have.

[Obi]

Have.

[Malik B]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And that's good. That they can see through. Like, those women are mature enough to see through. Like, this is a person making content, and this is a person using his brain and grasping other things from different people.

[Malik B]

I was in Atlanta, and it was a girl. A dude brought his girl to the show, and she was like, I'm not gonna lie to you. And she was in a meet and greet. She was like, I hate your content. She filmed it. She was, I hate your content. But seeing you stand up at your stand up and like, you're not that person. I'm like, you got a fan for life. Every time you come to in Atlanta, I'm gonna be like, here to support. Yeah. So I was like, oh, but majority of the women will just go. Because he's like, oh, he's good looking. Let me just see. And they see the show and they're like, man, I really like him, you know? So there. I'm completely different in real life. So that's why women were kind of like, oh, okay, you got a fan for, like, they'll buy merch. They'll. They'll talk. They even dm. I'm like, all right, cool. Just keeping it professional. They want to now they want to

[Pat]

let me support you. For real?

[Malik B]

Yeah. You need motivation.

[Pat]

I'm about to subscribe to that dick. Yeah, it's actually closed.

[Malik B]

Do you turn them down and they want you more? They was like, okay. You know, they try to wear me down. I'm like, no, I'm cool.

[Pat]

Yeah. I'm not playing hard to get. I really blocked you come to the show.

[Malik B]

It's so weird because I can't block. Because I wanted them to come to the show.

[Obi]

Yeah, exactly.

[Malik B]

So I'm in, like, a weird place where it's like, I got. You kind of, like, got to let them down. Like, let them know we friends and we cool and then keeping it professional because, you know, they think that you're cool and trying to. Yeah, that's when it's like, oh, I see you in Atlanta. Can you put tickets inside? No, no, go pay.

[Guest 2]

Go send it. The link.

[Pat]

Yeah, send the link.

[Female Caller 1]

Here you go.

[Malik B]

Yeah, but that's where it's just a fine line of trying to find that balance of when they come to the show and they want to, quote, unquote, fall in love or whatnot. No, we cool. Let's just keep it.

[Pat]

I will say there's like. Like, me and him joke about it, but no matter what color they are, no matter what background they come from, there's a certain look in their eyes that if they DM you and say something freaky right away, it just looks like, I'll show him. And I'll be like, look what this woman said. It just be like, hey, Pat, just watch your podcast. I want to suck your dick or something like that. And I'll show him the profile picture. He's like, she looks like she would say some shit like that. You know what I mean? And it's just like this look in their eyes, their face. Face. How they take their pictures. They got 3,000 posts on Instagram and only 49 followers, and they follow 7,000 people. You like?

[Malik B]

Yeah, it look like, suck my.

[Obi]

It's actually who I usually have to.

[Malik B]

You.

[Obi]

This whole little Venn diagram. I have you feel like right here.

[Malik B]

You plug it in. Ah, yes.

[Obi]

The missing piece.

[Pat]

That's so the demographic is. That's crazy, Mike. I'm not going to lie, bro. Do you.

[Malik B]

Do y' all have celebrities dming you like women and saying like, hey, I. What y' all doing? Like you want to.

[Obi]

I'll say before I feel like none of them.

[Pat]

I feel like, ah, damn. How can I say this?

[Malik B]

Come on, be.

[Female Caller 1]

Pat.

[Female Caller 2]

Come on.

[Pat]

Okay, I. I'll be. It's more of like, if they're popular, they also do similar content. So they. They've been on a podcast before and start. So there has to be some correlation. And it's like. Then you see it. And then you may see only fans link in the b.

[Malik B]

That link tree.

[Pat]

The link tree. Like, damn real estate. That's dope. Damn the pipe, the Pipeline, vagina599.

[Malik B]

You can. You can throw a whole journey on a link tree like, you sucking dick. Now you're here. So for this condo 3750.

[Pat]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. I seen that couch before.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

I seen that.

[Obi]

Now if you notice a couch, you are too far in.

[Malik B]

You w. Too far gone.

[Pat]

Oh my God. They using the same room as last season. I've seen this room before.

[Obi]

You walk up to the bed and like

[Pat]

now you mad.

[Malik B]

You.

[Pat]

You know, you too deep into porn when you watching a scene being shot in a scene that you seen before. Like, I seen this room before. Let me guess. You about to take her over to that dress. I turn this off.

[Malik B]

I used to watch amateur porn. I hated. I hated scripted. I used to watch amateur porn.

[Pat]

Did you don't know what's going to happen.

[Malik B]

Yeah, it just.

[Obi]

It just.

[Malik B]

Yeah, like kind of like I like the raw.

[Obi]

Seeing the HD kind of makes it feel weird.

[Malik B]

Yeah, I'm like, I want to watch a movie. I want to watch some that I can hear sports center in the background. That makes me feel comfortable. Hell yeah. Like, okay, how do we lead up to this working boy? You know, I like. I like to get.

[Obi]

That is true though, because sometimes it be some. It be a random thing on TV like. Like Rick and Morty. Like y' all watching Rick and Morty and just seen the episode.

[Malik B]

Yeah, I know this.

[Female Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know you want to know the most up about amateur porn when I was growing up was trying to find a video again and it got you typing dumb in the URL. You sitting there like, okay, dude, he was from the back and Rick and Morty was playing in the background. Ebony, Ebony. Yeah, come on now.

[Malik B]

Enter and you got a backspace and

[Pat]

just put out there.

[Obi]

Maybe not.

[Pat]

Maybe he was. Maybe the girl look a little bit Filipino trying to mix.

[Malik B]

I could I a see a face

[Pat]

like that orange pillow.

[Malik B]

And it's the funniest part, cuz porn would give you like suggestions that you like two black girl. They don't even say two getting thrashed by big cock. Like, I ain't asked for this.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

Wait, no.

[Malik B]

Thrash. Thrash.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

I'm.

[Obi]

I'm glad that word went. Went away. Thrash.

[Malik B]

Oh yeah.

[Obi]

Like I'm about the thrasher. Like, bro.

[Malik B]

What?

[Guest 2]

That's insane.

[Obi]

I'm so glad that word died.

[Malik B]

Thrash.

[Obi]

Thrash.

[Malik B]

Thrasher.

[Pat]

No, about the thrashers. I'm calling the police.

[Obi]

Yeah, right.

[Malik B]

Said he said her from behind. Ebony.

[Obi]

Tracy McGrady jersey on.

[Pat]

Barely moan. She wasn't moaning that much because I think their parents was home.

[Malik B]

Eviction notice on the floor.

[Pat]

It's always, always those white dresser with a lot of cigarette butts. I saw that.

[Obi]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

No. Okay.

[Malik B]

All right. I don't know how we got on porn, but go ahead.

[Pat]

Yeah. That's so crazy.

[Obi]

Okay, Back.

[Pat]

Back to relationships, okay? Because that's what. Lady, that's why your man in the bathroom for an hour and a half, he looking for that video. When I was 18, there was one video that really got me. Let me find this motherfucker on the toilet. She got the kids. All right? So what was funny is I was in a relationship. The relationship I was in college, okay. And the way I used to check on if that girl was mad at me or. Or not is when she started cooking and doing stuff for herself. So, like, when you.

[Obi]

You get.

[Pat]

Try to. I just want to know ways that you try to find out your girl is mad without approaching. Because sometimes when you approach a girl and you'll be like, you mad? It could spark up something like, you knew I was mad, but sometimes you want to find out on the slide. So you can, like, maybe approach a little bit differently. So you seeing what she cooking. And he's like, man, that don't look like enough for me. She might be mad she not cooking for me. You see what show she watched. This ain't our show.

[Obi]

Oh, now when she starts watching her own the series by herself.

[Guest 1 (Truck Driver)]

That's Che.

[Female Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

That's cheating.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Malik B]

And we started.

[Obi]

Yeah, no, if you start even sometimes, like, my girl will, like, watch a, like, series that we don't. Both don't watch. So like her shows. But sometimes it'll be something like, hey, why are we watching this one together? Like, what happened?

[Malik B]

I think that I. I hate how I get. I answer your question in a bit. I hate how you watch your girl watch a show and then you kind of like, man, turn the station and you kind of like, like, just tune in a little bit. Hey, you start asking question. So wait, why they fighting me? You be on the couch, propped up, like, her, cuddling her and all that here. I hate. I hate how I get.

[Obi]

She'll be like, I thought you didn't want to watch it. I'm like, no, I just want to understand it. I just want some more context so I can, like, watch this little part right here.

[Malik B]

I be throwing. I'll be on her. Since you want. You say, we want to spend time together. I'm trying to see.

[Pat]

Especially when you watch a dating show and then you get into the dating show and then you start seeing on social media, you like, look at this cheating ass. He think we don't. He don't think. He think we won't remember, let me hop on my burner account. Shut your cheating ass up.

[Malik B]

That's how I do.

[Pat]

Hope you don't come back. Season three dumb.

[Malik B]

Like, bro, what you doing? Yeah, but they never know. He said, my burner account. Yo, that's funny.

[Obi]

The worst, too, is when, like, I get in trouble for this, too, is like, when I agree with the. The toxic guy where I think people think he's toxic. I'm like, I'll be like, I don't really think that's that to toxic. And then she look at me like, what? Really, Michael? There'd be some stuff. I'm like, ah, I can see where he's coming from in this situation. And then my girlfriend.

[Pat]

That's a good question for you. She's like, huh, That's a good question for y'.

[Female Caller 2]

All.

[Pat]

What's something that you think is deemed as toxic? That's really not.

[Obi]

I don't want to take too much brain power.

[Malik B]

What's toxic? But really not like, some like. Like in a girl's picture.

[Pat]

Ooh.

[Malik B]

Let me say this.

[Obi]

Okay.

[Malik B]

Okay. I think that. And honestly, I don't like pictures anymore. Cause she broke it down. But I think it's not toxic, because if I follow you, I'mma support you. I followed these women before we got together, and I shouldn't. I cannot follow them. And especially if they're friends. Like, it. A dude can like a picture and go about his day.

[Obi]

Yes. I think you know what I mean.

[Malik B]

But I think it's toxic if women like another guy's picture.

[Pat]

Turn my shit off.

[Female Caller 2]

Okay, gotcha.

[Malik B]

All right, camera on him.

[Obi]

Camera. Solo shot. Solo shot.

[Pat]

There you go.

[Malik B]

5,000 just left. Okay, got you. Okay, got you. No, I got 10,000 back. I got 10,000 back. They want to argue now? No, I just think that that's very. Because a guy can kind of like. Like, we. You know, naturally, we are perverted.

[Obi]

Yeah. Right.

[Malik B]

But it's an understanding. Like, all right, I like the picture, and I don't like any ass photos.

[Obi]

Yes. That's different. It's always about the type of picture.

[Malik B]

Yeah, exactly. But if it's her birthday or she has a dress on her or any whatever, she's like, in Italy. Like, yeah, mom like it because she's in Italy. Like. But if a woman. I don't care what the it is. Right. If you like a guy's picture, that's cheating. That's toxic. I can't be with you.

[Pat]

You know, I think.

[Malik B]

I feel like, come on now.

[Obi]

Does it depend what the Guy posted too.

[Malik B]

Yeah, it does. I don't give a. If he. If he posts like, hey, I'm in Italy. So what.

[Pat]

What came around him camera.

[Malik B]

So the what? Yo, yo, you better watch like, yo.

[Pat]

No, but we were just there. What's messed up is that photo dumps is a thing now.

[Obi]

Yes.

[Pat]

Where people are dumping photos. So it's like you damn near gotta send your girl what picture you like. So these are the seven I really with the one where she bent over. That's not the one I met the one one she.

[Malik B]

Cuz they. They'll put that one on like number seven. Trying to scroll. And you liking like, okay, four or five. Like, all right. Bet I like. And you get a question. So you like and ask pictures.

[Pat]

No.

[Malik B]

No. Then seven out of seven.

[Obi]

I didn't see. I didn't see that.

[Pat]

I've been shocked. I actually been shocked before that I

[Obi]

had one I didn't like, take away like, before.

[Pat]

Yeah, I had to take away a like, man. A girl doing a golden eagle.

[Malik B]

I didn't know. I didn't even know.

[Pat]

I had to Google this movie.

[Malik B]

Damn, that is tough.

[Obi]

Oh, man.

[Malik B]

I wanted to ask y' all before you say, what is dem is toxic. What did you say? You had a question before. I was gonna answer your question.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah. Like, what's something that you deem is toxic?

[Obi]

No.

[Pat]

Oh, before that. Oh, come on, man. We play college football, man.

[Obi]

I know, cuz. I. I asked a different question too. And then he said, I'm gonna get back to you.

[Pat]

No, that. Bingo. I started reading the letters on Mike's sweatshirt.

[Malik B]

My ADHD started kicking in.

[Pat]

Y' all was talking. I said, represent. Where the get this from?

[Obi]

Malik, appreciate you coming on the podcast.

[Malik B]

Thank y' all so much for having me, bro. I had a good time. I see what y' all go through.

[Obi]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Anything you want to shout out tour dates?

[Malik B]

Oh, yeah. Yo, I'm gonna be on tour. All they just come to my page. Malik Basil. All dates. Malik B. On all platforms. I'm in what, Connecticut. Tomorrow I'm in Chicago. Next week, I'm in Philly. The following week I'm in Buffalo. The following week I'm in Boston.

[Pat]

This come out in seven days.

[Malik B]

Okay, well, whatever you should have said,

[Obi]

we'll put all the links link in the description.

[Malik B]

I'm glad because I thought it was efficient.

[Pat]

Somebody

[Malik B]

in Connecticut. I was going to buy tickets at the door. This a liar, bro.

[Pat]

On Tik Tok Things to do in

[Malik B]

Connecticut a week later. Now, I just want to say bro. Continue to do what y' all do, bro. This was fun. Y' all funny as, bro, for real. And I can't wait till y' all really blow up like the other podcast.

[Obi]

Appreciate it.

[Pat]

I appreciate it. It's on the way, bro.

[Malik B]

It's right around the corner, bro, for real.

[Obi]

Appreciate that. That's been the episode.