He’s Cheating Starter Pack - Episode 226

Summary

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Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

Episode 226: He’s Cheating Starter Pack
Release Date: October 1, 2025

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Episode Overview

Pat and Mike, hosts of the Crash Dummies Podcast, return for their 226th episode with their signature blend of hot takes, hilarious stories, and listener interactions. This week’s theme centers on suspicion and relationships, including tales of infidelity, bizarre confessions, and being real about trust in the digital age. The episode also dives into personal taste development, the economics of borrowing from family, and the impact of travel and body image. True to form, Pat and Mike mix absurd humor with relatably real talk amid wild listener calls and banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Viral Moments and Social Commentary

• Zion Williamson’s Evolution
  • Starts with a viral photo of NBA player Zion Williamson and the commentary on “how far he’s come but has a long way to go.” Pat and Mike riff on social media’s fascination with athlete personal lives and public shaming.
  • pat: "Somebody tweeted, ‘The good news, nga, is you went the long way. The bad news, nga, is you went the wrong way.’" [00:56]
• Mariah Mills and BBL Culture
  • Jokes about the extremity of body enhancements and the notorious “BBL” (Brazilian Butt Lift). Genuine awe and confusion over Mariah Mills’ physique lead to funny observations on public reactions.

2. Banter About Personal Tastes and Growing Up

• Juice Rankings and Changing Palates
  • Pat and Mike compare favorite juices and discuss how tastes change with age and income, especially regarding overly sweet foods or drinks, and developing a taste for "mature" things like wine and IPA beer.
  • On lemonade:
    • Pat: "Lemonade might be number one, because lemonade be f***ing everybody, too. That’s… yeah, lemonade a little slut too." [08:12]
• Growing Up and Taste
  • Mike reminisces about eating cheap tilapia in college and how both their tastes matured with more money.
  • Pat discusses “acquiring taste” by first drinking bad wine, then appreciating the good stuff.

3. Borrowing Money from Family—How Much Before You Need an Explanation?

• Pat: "If my dad was like, I’m not explaining what I need, but I need $10,000, I give him 10k because I know he a natural born hustler... One of my sisters asked for 10k? Yeah, I need a detailed plan..." [19:10]
• Mike flips it, saying low amounts also demand explanation (“Why do you need $5 from me? That’s a bigger problem.”) [19:35]
• They agree context, timing, and the requestor's track record all factor in.

4. Listeners Call In: Wild Relationship Confessions

★ Segment 1: “I Think My Man is Cheating” (24:27–30:00)

• Caller Details:
  • Her boyfriend is a truck driver (red flag), has dreads ("always lies in them dreads"), takes 2-hour bathroom breaks, puts phone face-down, won’t add her on social media, and exhibits classic “cheating signs.”
  • Mike: "He literally might have a whole nother family." [28:08]
• Pat’s Reaction:
  • "You needed us to tell you this? This is fucked up... My man won’t even add me on Instagram. Like, what the fuck is going on?" [28:26]
• The caller admits, “I love him,” but the hosts emphatically insist her suspicions are justified.
• Mike: "If you still feel that way, I think you should leave. It’s only been a year, so it’s not too late." [30:11]

★ Segment 2: Sexual Confessions – Threesome Edition (32:01–37:38)

• Caller recounts confusing threesome experiences—peer pressure, not knowing how to “join in” with two people preoccupied, becoming an "adlib" participant.
• Mike: "She turned into a cheerleader." [37:17]
• Pat: "She was doing ad libs with the threesome. It’s crazy." [37:19]

★ Segment 3: Accusing a Partner of Being Closeted (38:33–45:00)

• Caller suspects her man is secretly gay, details how she found Grindr (dating app for gay men) on his phone, and her confrontation with him.
• Pat: "If I didn’t eat pizza, why the fuck do I got Domino’s app on my phone?" [40:08]
• The situation exposes issues of sexual orientation, trust, and the confusion it brings into relationships.

★ Segment 4: Butt Plug Mishap & Racist Receipt (53:50–58:24)

• Butt plug escapades gone awry:
  • Guest: “…at one point, that shit just, like, shot out my butt across the deck…” [54:59]
• Receipt marked “negro” at local taco shop sparks discussion about casual racism.
  • Pat: "Negro is crazy. At least you got your food." [58:02]

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5. Tweet of the Week & Relationship Sarcasm (59:29–61:47)

• Discussing the hazards of sarcasm in relationships and how jokes can backfire.
• Mike: "I said, ‘I’m done using my words in this house… I’m only talking with my hands now.’ But in my head, I’m thinking sign language." [60:19]
• Pat’s story about a class clown moment in high school and the difference comedic timing can make.

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6. On Taking Personal Time Off (PTO) (66:16–69:51)

• Discussion on using PTO just to sleep or decompress, rather than for travel.
• Pat: “Seeing the world will make you hate the city you live in.” [69:32]
• Mike: “A lot of people just want that sense of ‘I don’t have any responsibility for the day.’” [69:10]

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7. Body Dysmorphia and Cosmetic Surgery (72:07–76:12)

• Pat & Mike weigh in on Kris Jenner’s “wild transformation” and the prevalence of body modifications.
• They empathize with celebrities’ struggles under the lens of public scrutiny and discuss how self-image is impacted by both money and exposure.
• Mike: “I feel like everybody sees themselves… everybody has some type of dysmorphia about themselves…” [73:01]

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8. Dating & Relationship Real Talk

• On Serial Dating:
  • Pat: “If a girl ever dissed you and you kinda sorta the same person you are now, like c’mon bro, it’s way too many women out there to let her spin the block like that…” [82:12]
  • They stress: Don’t accept being someone’s “alternative” after they’ve tried everything else.
• On Early Vacations While Dating:
  • Pat is wary of couples traveling together too soon; it’s a “different level of trust” than just sleeping over. [67:48–68:21]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Pat, on borrowing big sums from family:
  "For safety reasons. Five grand is enough money to put on a n***a’s head. Imagine paying to kill yourself." [21:42]
• Caller, on her boyfriend:
  "I just know for a fact my man is cheating. I even got a list why..." [24:46]
• Mike, on ‘private’ social media:
  "You should have led with [him not adding you]." [27:57]
• Pat, on sarcasm in relationships:
  "You gotta be careful... there’s no getting out of it. Once you say some shit like that, and someone takes you serious… it's gonna look like you panicking." [61:47]

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Memorable Listener Stories (and Timestamps)

• [24:27] Suspicious girlfriend details her man’s cheating starter pack: truck driver, dreads, marathon bathroom breaks, secretive social media.
• [38:33] Caller suspects her partner is gay after finding Grindr on his phone, walks through a bizarre confrontation.
• [53:50] College experimentation gone wrong—flying butt plugs and accidental comedy.
• [58:24] Casual racism on a food receipt sparks laughs and commentary.
• [32:01] Uninvolved in a threesome, caller becomes “ad-libbing observer.”

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Tone & Language

• Pat and Mike keep it raw, unfiltered, and insistent on honesty—especially around relationships and modern life.
• Listeners call in with wild, often explicit stories, which the hosts greet with both humor and unsolicited but candid advice.
• Episode language is explicit, with racial and adult references throughout, in line with the hosts’ internet-driven, meme-heavy discourse.

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Useful for Listeners Who Haven't Tuned In

This episode dives deeply into the red flags of cheating, relationship trust issues, and the chaos of modern dating. With real listener stories, Pat and Mike dissect what it means to ignore warning signs, why self-respect matters in relationships, and why you should never accept being “Plan B.” The podcast also exposes the pitfalls of quick judgments, the humor found in awkward sexual encounters, and the comfort (and danger) of sarcasm in emotional topics.

From social trends (influencer bodies, PTO use) to biting relationship advice and cringe comic relief, this episode captures Crash Dummies’ blend of raunchy, chaotic, but sincere discussion.

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Major Segments/Topics by Timestamp

• [00:56] – Zion Williamson meme & athlete reputation
• [08:12] – Juice discussion as a metaphor for change
• [19:10] – Borrowing money limits in families
• [24:27] – Caller: “He’s Cheating Starter Pack”
• [32:01] – Threesome confusion story
• [38:33] – Finding Grindr on boyfriend’s phone
• [53:50] – Butt plug mishap
• [58:24] – Racist receipt at taco restaurant
• [61:47] – Sarcasm backfiring in relationships
• [66:16] – PTO and travel/self-care
• [72:07] – Body dysmorphia and plastic surgery
• [75:35] – Podcast, audience scrutiny, and wardrobe anxiety
• [82:12] – Serial dating and self-respect
• [84:59] – Outro, upcoming events, and call for costume ideas

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Final Notes

• No section is off-limits: Pat and Mike’s “no topic sacred” energy fuels the episode’s wild, rapid-fire transitions.
• Listener calls provide the rawest material, ranging from genuine relationship woes to hilarious sexual misadventures.
• Chunky with quotes, punchlines, and “did-that-really-happen?” moments—perfect for fans of unfiltered comedy and relationship commentary.

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For future episodes, subscribe to their Patreon for bonus content and live event info.

Transcript

[Guest or Caller]

When did making plans get this complicated?

[Pat]

It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans, send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom 60th and never miss.

[Mike]

A meme or milestone.

[Pat]

All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone.

[Guest or Caller]

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[Pat]

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[Guest or Caller]

Enjoying Activia twice a day for two.

[Pat]

Weeks as part of a balanced diet.

[Guest or Caller]

And healthy lifestyle can help reduce the.

[Pat]

Frequency of my minor digestive discomfort. There's this old picture of Zion Williamson floating around on the Internet. There's a Caucasian woman when he was at Duke holding this picture up. It was a screenshot of a snapshot of him laying on his stomach and the caption said, I have a big room. Come sleep with me. And basically she was like exposing him and stuff at the time. And somebody tweeted over that picture and said, zion has came a long way from this but still has a long journey ahead of him. And somebody quoted that tweet and said, the good news, nigga, is you went the long way. The bad news, nigga, is you went the wrong way.

[Mike]

And it just, he went to a girl that also exposed them still. So I don't even think he went though.

[Pat]

That's funny. But it was different out because it was white women at first. And then it's just like probably the biggest BBL that I've seen today by Mariah Mills.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

I wonder if there's a record for it. Like, I mean, I've never seen anything bigger and it's like one of those things.

[Mike]

I've never seen anything bigger. Like, her ass is fat. Like what?

[Pat]

That's probably like. I pride myself on, like, if a woman is walking by me and I know that she's trying to show everybody that she has a big ass butt. I pride myself in not paying attention to that shit. Really? I'm not looking at that shit. I'm not giving in to what you want. But if Mariah Mills walked by me, I'm looking until she's out of view. And by the size of that ass, it might be a long time. And I know some of y' all don't know who Mariah Mills is. And y' all like, damn, Pat, I never heard you talk about a woman like this. And it's not. When I say size of the ass, it's not like I'm calling it, like, oh, it's attractive. Like, damn, that's a big ass I'm talking about. Look it up on your phone right now. It's the biggest ass you've ever seen in your life.

[Mike]

Anyway, welcome to the Crash Dummies, episode 226.

[Pat]

226.

[Mike]

Oh, I forgot to say 22. Oh. Happy Independence Day to Nigeria. By the time you guys listening to this is. I should have wore that jersey. But it's funny. We posted a repulse.

[Pat]

Oh, you definitely should have wore that, bro. You're not real.

[Mike]

It's already too late. And by the time we shot this already, we have to wear the same thing anyway.

[Pat]

Okay. Shout out to Jean. Yeah, I. I just want y' all to know that y' all just called Jean on an off day. He not. Because it's a lot of y' all think that y' all gonna bully Gene not aware of his shit. This just him, like, he switch it up like this. Switch up. Y' all just caught him on a. On a random day. Y' all just saw him yesterday. Y' all be like, man, what the fuck? It was somebody, bro. It was somebody that said they didn't finish the episode. Cause they couldn't get over the sock on G's head. They're like, I can't even get through this shit. It's like, bro, I honestly think there's, like, a small percentage of our fan base that wants to fuck Gene. And then they, like, get mad when they get too turned on, so they go to cop. It's like, I couldn't even finish this shit. Like, what?

[Mike]

Anyway, make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon. We just drop an episode there. What else we got? I got a fight coming up.

[Pat]

Yes, sir.

[Mike]

So in racing, November 22nd. The day before my birthday, actually. So come back. Fight birthday celebration. So if you guys want to come.

[Pat]

To the fight after party after.

[Mike]

Might do a little afterparty.

[Pat]

We doing an after party.

[Mike]

We might have a live show. Chicago. We might have a live show announcement for you guys coming soon. It's going to be in January, most.

[Pat]

Likely, so couldn't get January 6th, though. Sorry. So y' all some of y' all can still celebrate your holiday.

[Mike]

What do you call it? I want to actually start this pod with some hate from somebody that DM'd us. Okay, so. And there's actually somebody that probably listened. So that's why I'm saying at the top of the show, it says, I knew y' all were sexist. All those episodes, y' all were hiding your sexism. What do you mean? You can't argue about sports with your girl. You know how many feminine women are into soccer, tennis, F1.etc, and I know if that's the most sexist thing we've ever said, I am happy.

[Pat]

No, that's the. That's literally the person they asked to.

[Mike]

Like, they're so stupid.

[Pat]

The person that reads out loud in class and then the teacher ask him, hey, what did you just read? And he can't understand. Like, he can't regurgitate it like that. There's no way he got that out that conversation. I just said I didn't want to be talking about fantasy football with my woman. That's it. I don't even.

[Mike]

And it said argue. We didn't say talk about. Have discussions about. I don't want to argue about. I think I said football too. Yeah, I don't want to argue about sports.

[Pat]

If my girl came up to me and was just like, oh, yeah, I think Russell Wilson shouldn't be benched. Like, okay, I don't give a fuck. You know what I'm saying? But like, if I'm watching my lions game and she was just like, ugh, y' all need to do such and such. And it's like, that's the shit I don't know and hear. You know what I'm saying? Oh, what's this dude name?

[Mike]

Oh, I can shout them out. Shout them out. J. JT24.

[Pat]

Hey, man, shout out. I mean, everybody entitled today on the. No, no, just like everybody.

[Mike]

But just. But to say we're hiding our sexism. Like, we're just been hiding it this whole time.

[Pat]

Everybody entitled today, bro. You got the right to say anything you want. Just like we do. And you a bitch ass nigga. See how that work? I did it. Anything I wanted.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Anyways, let's get to some actual stuff.

[Pat]

Okay, I got something. So I. I was recently scrolling the Internet and I saw a cranberry ocean spray. You know how they come out with different cranberry juices?

[Mike]

I didn't know they had different ones in the cranberry ocean spray.

[Pat]

Yeah, they got. But they do, like, Crayon something like cranberry with it.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

And I saw crayon banana.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

And this is a cold tweet. Somebody said cranberry just be giving it up to anybody at this point. Like, no, for real. Yeah, yeah. Cranberry be. Everybody the is going cran banana. The thing about it is just like, there's no way I'm drinking juice. And it's like, it's not. Because obviously when you do smoothies, bananas take over the whole smoothie. So you telling me you can make bananas into a juice? I don't even want to know what you're doing at that factory. These niggas lasering down bananas.

[Mike]

Cran apple. What?

[Pat]

They got to cran apple?

[Guest or Caller]

Cranberry.

[Pat]

They got. They got it all, bro. Cranberry. Just be. I don't even know.

[Mike]

I hate that. I don't like cranberry. Cranberries in general.

[Pat]

You don't like cranberry juice?

[Mike]

No. My mom would buy cranberry juice.

[Pat]

Sus.

[Mike]

That's us.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

My mom would buy cranberry juice because she knew that was something we didn't drink often. Okay. So she knew that was the only juice that would survive in the house. But it was like apple juice and all this stuff. I think cranberry juice out of all the juices is cranberry might be first and then grapefruit.

[Pat]

What's your. What's your top three juices? Because I already know what you're going to say. I know you like orange juice.

[Mike]

Orange juice is number one for sure.

[Pat]

That's your number one.

[Mike]

Okay. Number orange juice. I'm going to go guava next.

[Pat]

Guava juice.

[Mike]

Yeah. Guava juice is fire.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

And then I'm just going to stay classic with the apple juice.

[Pat]

Apple juice. Okay. Mine go like apple juice. Lemonade.

[Mike]

I forgot about lemonade.

[Pat]

Orange juice. Lemonade. Lemonade might be number one, because lemonade be fucking everybody, too. That's. Yeah, like, lemonade. Lemonade. A little slut, too. Yeah. Lemonade.

[Mike]

So there's hella lemonade flavors, but I think because it's such a light drink, you can just. It absorbs every other flavor.

[Pat]

Yeah. No, for real. Like, you can tell if a nigga's spitting your lemonade. Like, come on, bro. I know that. But you know what? We went to a fair recently. I forgot when we got that lemonade.

[Mike]

Brady Street Days. Yeah.

[Pat]

And we got a lemonade, and I never thought somebody could fuck up some lemonade. But, like, I'm at the age, like, if some shit is Too sweet. I can't fuck with it. Like, have a bunch of sugar at the bottom. Yeah. It just, like, bothers me. Like, with any food, that's the only thing that could fuck something up. Like, I've, like, different people cook for me, and I love. I appreciate the chefs that allow you to enhance the meal on your own.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Because I've been around. I grew up around so many people that cook. Like, I got aunties and like, that. And they try to, like, do it down to the exact taste. And like, sometimes like, bro, why do these tacos taste like this? Money.

[Mike]

It's. It's also interesting how your taste palette kind of changes a little bit, sometimes even, like, with how much money you start making, so. I know, I know my taste palette was a lot different in college when I was a broke college kid to, like, what it is now because I was eating, like, tilapia and shit. Like, buying the tilapia from Walmart. Just frying that shit up, I think.

[Pat]

I don't know. Sound like you was talking in cold for a minute.

[Mike]

Tilapia.

[Pat]

I was like, wait, what was he doing? I'm trying to. Every time you tell a story like that, get crazy. I'd be like, where was I? Where was I?

[Mike]

Just to make sure that is so true. Because a lot of it, like, our craziest. A lot of our craziest moment, because me and Pat, we've known each other for, like, 10 years, so a lot of, like, the highlights and low lights of our lives, one of us was somewhere in the moment there or in close proximity of it. So you always got to think about, especially as a story that you don't remember, like, oh, bro, remember in college, these 10 dudes jumped me, right? And then you're like, damn, where the was I when this happened?

[Pat]

It was always a girl involved. You was dating such and such. Yeah, yeah, there we go. Trauma moment. What was he talking about just before why you started talking about tilapia in the first place?

[Mike]

He said, I sound like I was talking to code. I like our taste palates.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's what I like about the taste palette thing. Going back to that is I love drinking IPA in a nigga face and watching him cringe like, yes, I'm more of a man than you, bitch.

[Mike]

Nah, I can't.

[Guest or Caller]

Cranky.

[Pat]

You like IPAs?

[Guest or Caller]

Nah.

[Pat]

But it's just a fake. It's just the fact if I'm around, I get an IPA on purpose because ain't nobody about to hold me, you know? What I'm saying, them IPA dudes think they some fucking bullies. Like, hey man, try this mushroom Swiss ipa. And then they try to look at your face like, no, I'm enjoying it. How about that?

[Mike]

It's also true too with like, as you age, you start to appreciate the taste of things without necessarily liking that thing.

[Pat]

Let me just give you an example. Go ahead, go ahead.

[Mike]

I appreciate you trying to be mature.

[Pat]

Because you were fine, you were fighting.

[Mike]

And I was like, what am I saying? I said, okay, I get it. That sounds wild.

[Pat]

But there's another pause moment. I was about to explode.

[Mike]

But I was doing a coffee tasting, right? I don't drink black coffee. Black coffee's never been my thing, right? But now I think as I'm older now and a coffee I like, I drink a lot of different types of coffee, but always has some type of milk in it, right? But now I can taste it. I don't like black coffee, but I can understand like why this is good. I can understand why this is like a good quality coffee.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That like even in wines, there's some wines I don't really care for. But then you can like, oh, this is a really good quality wine. Even though this is not a wine I would personally drink myself. But it's good quality.

[Pat]

I think that's how you acquire taste though, is that you have to have the worst of that kind. Because when you, when you drink like barefoot wine, right? Shit give you a headache, blah, blah, blah. And then you drink the best Moscato in the world. Then you like Moscato. You like that Moscato that like that's how I got into wine. That's how I used to hate like cab and all that shit. Like I'm good on no dry ass red wine. And then like you had that cheap dry red wine and you had to keep drinking it and then you finally had some upper echelon shit and you're like, God damn.

[Mike]

There's also a point of no return for me with like really good wine. I feel like once you for me, for nobody kill me. The wine condo sumers. There's a certain price point you get to. Let's call it $150. Whereas any other more expensive wine, I don't think the. I don't think there's a big difference between like 150wine and a thousand dollar wine.

[Pat]

Correct.

[Mike]

But there's a big difference between a twenty dollar wine and $150 wine.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

Or $200.

[Pat]

Anything above that. Yeah.

[Mike]

At that point you're branding and everything else. And the marketing. Aging. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the aging and stuff like that.

[Pat]

Better poop my bottle out. I picked 300. Where my bottle at? Just wait, sit on the table.

[Mike]

They'd be like, oh, this wine is a hundred years age. And like that. I'm like, the person that made this wine didn't even want me to drink this wine.

[Pat]

This wine has actually been inside this nigga for 10 years. Bring them out. Just a nigga limping that shit. This human store wide. They slice a nigga open right in front of you. Call this a C section right here.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

There's not a tweet of the week little meme here. There was a door dash driver that sent a message. You know, usually they say, hey, I've arrived. This is the message you usually get when Uber eats doordash. And it said, message from your doordasher. Be on point when I pull up. I'm not gonna lie, bro.

[Mike]

I get it, though, sometimes.

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. They used to be taking all day to come down and get their food because I've been there where I was like. Because you kind of. Anybody that order food, you kind of want to forget that you order food.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So it gets there faster in your head, like, especially if you hungry and you want to, like, you go play the video game, you go edit or do some shit. But, like, you. Sometimes you actually forget. And you. Five minutes, they've been sitting down there five minutes and shit. Like, they'd be like, damn, I would hate for that to be me. So I get it sometimes, but because.

[Mike]

I've seen, like, especially on the weekends, I come back late, Right. I see people's Uber orders at our apartment, like, on the. At the front door, like, the front lobby door that you need the keypad to kind of get into. Right? So I always know that because I know that's like the party crowd that. Or the crowd that, like, getting high late at night is like, oh, I'm hungry as hell. And they fell asleep on their Uber driver. I guess sometimes they don't want to be waved there.

[Pat]

Boy, so many times, bro, you slept.

[Mike]

On your Uber driver, bro.

[Pat]

So I used to. I used to sleep so much that I had to set because I was. Still wanted the chance to get my food.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I was one of the people that, like, as soon as I touched the door, I was falling asleep. So I don't even know why I was ordering in the first place. And there's been so many times, like, the delivery driver just took my food. So I had to start putting my preference as leave at the door. So just in case I nod off, I still got a chance to get my food. Well, I didn't know I lived in like a neighborhood full of raccoons, bro. My shit used to be tore to pieces, but I used to feed them raccoons like at least like twice a week, bro. I used to get down. I even caught him one night. Hey, I whacked the fuck out of one of them little and I'm a whole ass nigga. This is why I'm a whole ass nigga because it was two big ones and like five little ones. I waited till the big ones ran off and one quartered a little was like, tell your family this little we're.

[Mike]

Going to take a quick break from today's podcast to thank today's sponsor in the Cloud.

[Pat]

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[Mike]

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[Pat]

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[Guest or Caller]

All.

[Pat]

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[Mike]

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[Pat]

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[Mike]

I got a question for y'. All. What's the max amount of money a family member can borrow without an explanation?

[Pat]

Whatever. It depends on what it is though. Like if my dad was like, I'm not explaining what I need, but I need 10,000. Yeah, I give him 10,000 because I know he he a natural born hustler and I know it come back to me. One of my sisters asked for 10k. Yeah, I need a detailed plan of matter of fact, we stand on FaceTime till you pay me my shit might be the longest face ever.

[Mike]

Mine works in reverse as well. I think if somebody asked me for too low amount of money, I'm asking questions. If somebody, like if my little brother, you know, my younger brother asked me for $5, I'm asking them like why do you need just $5 from me? Like, it's just too low of amount. Because there's a bigger problem here. There's no way you're not like what do you need $5 for? It just, it's, it seems like you're going to buy something very pointless. And also why are you that broke that you need $5 from me? So it's a lot of questions to be answered.

[Pat]

It's all about the timing too. Like, hey, I need to borrow a certain amount of money, and I need it in a month and a half. I got you. Now I can, you know, stop ordering, Uber eat. You know what I mean? I can actually save money to give to you by cutting out a couple extra things.

[Mike]

But do people ever do it that way?

[Pat]

No, it's always the I need. I need 2900 by when they kicking me out in the hour. Like, the.

[Mike]

Some people. But some people try to, like, exhaust all avenues before they start asking people that, too, though. Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, it depends on, like, obviously, if it's my sisters, like, dad, mom, brother, like, whoever it is, like, if I'm the first person, that's cool. But if it's like, a cousin and I just be like, oh, what? What does your mom say? I asked her yet?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, okay. Honestly, like, for me, you don't matter a dollar, Mom. Ask for what? Yeah, for me, I'd rather just do the task for them.

[Guest or Caller]

You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, that's. That's true too, because sometimes you might have a guy for that. Like, you might be asking me a thousand dollars to fix a rim, and then I know somebody that can do it for cheaper. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

For me, my mom. For my mom, it definitely, like, I would say, like, five grand. If you asked me for five grand out of nowhere, I would have to ask, why? Because just a random five grand, but any other money is just like, okay, whatever, right? Like all 500. It could just be like, I'm giving her this amount of money just because. But it was like, five grand. And I kind of want to know, again, like, what it is, because I'm like, they might be a cheaper option there where I can help you out for less money.

[Pat]

And this is also for safety reasons because, like, five grand is enough money to put on a nigga head. Like, imagine paying to kill yourself. Hey, bro, let me get 10 bands. Go ahead, bro. I got it.

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Wow.

[Mike]

And I know it depends on the person. Like, if it's somebody I kind of know or a friend and they asked me for, like, just say a grand or a thousand dollars. I know they're in so much trouble that they needed this money. I want to now know the plan of how I'm going to get this. Or it's like, I even want, like, who do you owe that much money to? Yeah, imagine your mom coming to you. I need 250. I need to come up with $250,000 by, like, Tuesday. It's like, okay, something there's a deeper issue here.

[Pat]

You go to jail.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. Whatever you did, you did it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Time to serve that time. Also, it's about the history of the person too. Yeah, it's about the history, like, depends on, like, if Gene asked me for a thousand, that I know that, you know what I mean? Like, he might need this. He might got. He might need to protect himself or some. I need a thousand, bro. I need an ak. Oh. Especially if a going to war or some. You don't want to help him with the war. Let me go get this a thousand before you try to come by my crib.

[Mike]

And.

[Pat]

That'D be so up if you know your friend always instant beef, and you wake up at 3am and he knocking on your door like, nah, bro, that's.

[Mike]

That's definitely a different way of like. Like alleviate. You're alleviating yourself of responsibility by just giving the money rather than if they need an actual item for you to submit something. Don't ask me for my car.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Don't ask me for a gun. Don't ask me for anything. A knife. There's a cash. You do whatever you want to do with that.

[Pat]

That's my new thing. Like, I don't have to help you move if I pay the movers.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, anytime, like, a family member is like, oh, I need help moving here. There's like 3, $400 to pay for the movers. Don't expect me to lift. Okay. Yo, what the deal?

[Guest or Caller]

How's it going?

[Pat]

Good, good, good, good. Welcome to Crashing Me podcast.

[Guest or Caller]

Damn, y' all sound good. Hey, what's up, Pat? My bad. My voice for Mike. Hey, Mike, what's up? How you doing, baby?

[Pat]

All right. You clicking? Put your pants on, baby girl.

[Guest or Caller]

No, it's not for you, baby.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's get to your question about.

[Mike]

You go first, bro.

[Pat]

You go first.

[Mike]

No, it's yours.

[Pat]

You want me to go first?

[Mike]

No, this is only. Though it's not the same person.

[Pat]

We can't go at the same time.

[Guest or Caller]

Come on, y'.

[Pat]

All.

[Guest or Caller]

Get us together. Get us together.

[Pat]

All right, all right. I got a question for you.

[Guest or Caller]

See, look, y' all flustered. I like that.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Please, please. We're actually very high, so just. It's not you, all right? What. What's something that you think is true, but you don't have the evidence to prove it?

[Guest or Caller]

Okay, I just know for a fact that my man is cheating.

[Mike]

Oh, damn.

[Pat]

For real?

[Guest or Caller]

Like, I know it. I just I just know it. I even got a list of why I think.

[Mike]

So that's the other list?

[Guest or Caller]

Yes. Okay, so number one, he a truck driver. Can't trust them. Yeah. He travels a lot.

[Pat]

Okay, you got that one, too, right?

[Guest or Caller]

Right. Okay, go ahead. He got dreads.

[Pat]

Okay. Okay.

[Guest or Caller]

They always lies in them dreads.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Guest or Caller]

Okay, so the third one is. Y' all gotta tell me if I'm tripping or not. He spends way too long in the bathroom. We'll be in the middle of a movie, and he'll be like, oh, pause it real quick. And he'll be gone for, like, two hours.

[Pat]

Two hours.

[Guest or Caller]

I'm a little crazy, I swear to God. What are you doing in there for two hours? Oh, I had to take a shit. For two hours.

[Mike]

Okay. Are you saying two hours, like, you're exaggerating or, like, legit two hours?

[Guest or Caller]

No, I've timed it before.

[Pat]

Oh, he. He had time.

[Guest or Caller]

I timed it before.

[Pat]

Yeah, he had time to shit, cheat, and beat his meat.

[Guest or Caller]

So.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's.

[Mike]

I have a whole other family.

[Pat]

No, for real.

[Mike]

Cause you can talk to. You can pillow talk a little bit during two hours and talk to the kids, too.

[Pat]

And talk to, like, legit talk to the kids. Like, ask the kids about their day to the point.

[Guest or Caller]

I know I'm not tripping.

[Pat]

He in there so long that the girl actually get tired of him and just be like, go to sleep, babe. Damn, we've been on the phone forever.

[Mike]

They're having a. You hang up battle.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

No, you hang up.

[Pat]

No, for real.

[Guest or Caller]

He even takes the phone in the shower.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

In the shower.

[Pat]

Well, okay, I got a question for you. In the shower, where does he. Where does he sleep with the phone? So, like, when y' all go to bed, where's the phone?

[Guest or Caller]

Okay, that's another thing, too. So we both have, like, nightstands on the side. So his house, he got nightstands on both sides. My house, we got nightstands on both sides. Okay. He puts it on his nightstand, but no matter what we're doing, he puts his phone face down.

[Mike]

I'm a post down, face down phone.

[Pat]

Yeah. Sometimes it could be for his thought process. Like, he don't want to be. Is it on a charger?

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah, give or take.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Guest or Caller]

Everywhere we go.

[Pat]

It'S a lot of complaining, but you can go through that phone. Okay, so now just take it. Just take an energy drink.

[Mike]

So next question. Have you ever confronted him about this, about your suspicions?

[Guest or Caller]

Okay, so I like to believe that I'm a great communicator and I've come to him like, hey, babe, it's kind of suspicious, you know? I kind of feel some kind of way. You've been taking a lot of bathroom breaks. Whatever. You cool? Everything all right? It's even to the point where I'm like, I randomly check him. Hey, how's the relationship going? Anything I can do better? Am I doing cool? Because I know I could be annoying sometimes. I'm pretty clingy. So I be trying to check with, you know, my man, like, hey, we doing all right? Anything I need to work on? He tells me, you're fine, you're perfect, we're straight, but it's just something. And he won't add me on social media at all.

[Mike]

Oh, you should have lived with that.

[Pat]

Because he's crying. Yeah. A truck driver and you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on now. You needed us to tell you this? This is fucked up.

[Mike]

You literally might have a whole nother family.

[Pat]

No country. You know what? Fuck you for putting us in this up position. There's no way you told any of your friends this and they just let you play house with this.

[Guest or Caller]

But you can't let people in your relationship like that.

[Mike]

I feel it.

[Pat]

So let people in your relationship.

[Guest or Caller]

It's basic, guys.

[Pat]

My man won't even add me on Instagram. Like, what the is going on?

[Mike]

Okay, how long y' all been together?

[Guest or Caller]

We're coming up on here.

[Pat]

Oh. Oh, my God. Yuck.

[Guest or Caller]

I love him.

[Pat]

Nah, this is. This.

[Guest or Caller]

This is like, pat, come save me then. I'm a good stepmomy. What's up?

[Mike]

I got kids. Whoa, whoa. No, no.

[Pat]

You. You might be lost a little bit. You need some time alone. Like, you need to. There's no way. Okay, the social media thing. Not one social media thing. So no Facebook, no Instagram. Can you see his.

[Guest or Caller]

No. Nothing. Nope. It's private.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

You lied.

[Guest or Caller]

Yup.

[Pat]

They got private.

[Guest or Caller]

I got my friends following. No, though.

[Pat]

Wait, it's cool.

[Mike]

So he follows your friends back out on him?

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah, but he don't know all my friends, though.

[Pat]

Oh, that means he trying to them.

[Guest or Caller]

He had to take nothing to bait. He hasn't been in none of the inboxes or anything.

[Pat]

This the fucked up part. If, like, you got friends, but your friends ugly as hell and your man don't want them.

[Guest or Caller]

You gotta get a couple of them, though.

[Pat]

You gotta get some better friends. You gotta get some badder friends. You gotta get. You gotta stand. You gotta find a girl. Like, hey, just. Can you follow my man and see what he do? I got you. There's so many niggas mad at me right now. What the fuck is you doing?

[Guest or Caller]

Nah, I sent the ugly ones and a pretty one ones.

[Pat]

Oh, damn.

[Guest or Caller]

Hey, can you take the bed or nothing?

[Pat]

That's still crazy, though.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's.

[Guest or Caller]

I. I know.

[Mike]

I mean, I hope things get better. I hope it's not true, but if you still feel that way, I think you should leave. It's only been a year, so it's not too late.

[Pat]

Hey, and listen, we could be. We could be totally wrong. You know what I mean? You might go through his phone and find some proposal plans and he cut you and end it all. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

So, like, the thing, though, is, like.

[Guest or Caller]

I don't believe in going through phones, though.

[Mike]

I know, but then you have to, like, nix that. You lit. The only way you're gonna. The only way you're gonna really find out and get the answers you need is you crashing out. And essentially, like, you have to. You probably have to go through his phone.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You gotta be willing to be wrong, though. Just know that there's no whichever way. Just know once you try, once you check the phone, just know the relationship is over regardless. Especially if you get caught catching. Looking at the phone. If you get caught looking at the phone.

[Pat]

Wait, wait. So. So if you're not on any social media. This is my last question. Does he go.

[Guest or Caller]

He won't add me. He won't follow me. I don't follow him or nothing.

[Pat]

Okay, does he go on social media around you.

[Guest or Caller]

All the time? Scrolling.

[Mike]

All right, you have a good one.

[Pat]

Well, I thought you had another question.

[Mike]

Oh, God.

[Pat]

All right, all right. Amen.

[Mike]

You have a good one.

[Pat]

God bless your soul brain.

[Guest or Caller]

Hey.

[Pat]

Oh, no.

[Guest or Caller]

Hello?

[Mike]

Are you in a safe place?

[Guest or Caller]

17 seconds.

[Pat]

You got a small speaker?

[Guest or Caller]

No. You have my airpod.

[Pat]

Try to talk to your regular phone and see if that's better.

[Guest or Caller]

Talk to it or just.

[Mike]

Yeah, this is. This is good.

[Pat]

Yeah, it's better.

[Mike]

All right. Welcome to Crash Podcast. We got a question for you. What's one thing you tried that. What's one thing you tried or done that you would tell people to avoid?

[Guest or Caller]

Okay, so threesomes, bro, because, like, they're so confusing. Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Like, I just feel like that's so much pressure and, like, so I don't know. Like, I know it's bomb, but.

[Mike]

So in the threesomes that you've been in, right, were you the one with the. The spouse? Or the whoever.

[Pat]

Or were you the add on?

[Mike]

Yeah. Were you the relationship or were you that on?

[Guest or Caller]

No. So it was like people we kind of just like, knew. Like, I just like new people, like, they used to be like clubs and all that type stuff, you know, and they're like, oh, let's do a threesome. Let's do a three to one, you know, whatever. But one night I was like, fuck it, I'm drunk. Let's do it. I'm down.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, how are you getting approached like this? Is there something that they're seeing or hearing that just like, man, we gotta ask that girl to be involved in threesomes.

[Guest or Caller]

Do not st.

[Pat]

I'm just saying, like, how do they know?

[Guest or Caller]

I think, well, okay, so I used to be a dancer.

[Pat]

Ah, there we go. Okay, let it out.

[Guest or Caller]

There we go.

[Mike]

What type of dancer.

[Guest or Caller]

Huh? Mike. I said ballet Mike.

[Pat]

Nah, fu with it. Okay, okay, okay, okay. So how they know? Okay, and then how are they?

[Guest or Caller]

Evening time.

[Pat]

How are they? How are they approaching you? So are they, Are they. So y' all all getting drunk and they just like, girl, you need to join us for this threesome.

[Guest or Caller]

Okay, so basically like, Eric, hold up. Peace, love. So basically like, you know, and everything, but whatever. So I used to downtown, like, it was one girl. We used to always do, like. You're like. Usually when you dance like you might have like a partner you do little tricks and stuff with, you know. So me and her were like, super cool. And it's this one dude that would come in the club all the time, and he was like, like, hella blurred on this. Like, it was like me and like three other girls. He was like, gang. I try to get y' all like, like at home to the ground or. Nah, you know, I'm cool because I do think of being like a rapper. It's just like, oh, come on, keep on me and whatever. I chilled on there, whatever. But one day I was like, hella drunk and like, I made like poor coffee. Like this one dude. And I was already like. I kind of was feeling him, but, you know, I wouldn't kind of do it like that. But basically like, boom. And me talking to me and the girl, and I was like, you know what it. Let's try it. I'm gonna, you know, whatever. And she's like, oh, can I use for crochet? And I was like, no, you know, both. But she's like, oh, somebody fine. You know, it's gonna be fun. Like, you find this bird. So that'd be cool. And we're chilling or whatever, and I guess, like, they just kind of started, like, rubbing on each other inside. And I didn't know that that was, like, the cue, I guess. You feel me? So I just started texting, like, I'm on my phone, like, and then, like, dude starts, like, rubbing my thighs. But we were smoking, so I thought he was like, I had the blood for too long.

[Pat]

No, this is hilarious.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Guest or Caller]

Like, making a story on Instagram. Type like, okay, okay, keep going. No, the guy started hitting him. Kind of, like, kissing it. Oh, this is it. Like, this is. Okay. So I kind of started, like, rubbing the dude, right? And, like, you know, she's, like, kind of kissing on him. And, like, they're supposed to be, like, fuller making out. We're on the couch. And I'm kind of just like, I don't know where to. What to do because who. Like, kids like, you guys. You guys took both. You took the partner. Like, so what do I do?

[Mike]

They're supposed to centipede. No, just document. Go ahead.

[Guest or Caller]

If I go and send him shouts.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no, no. Keep going, keep going, keep going.

[Guest or Caller]

So I was like. I didn't know what to do, so I was just like, I don't know, like, trying to fake mood girl. Like.

[Pat]

No way.

[Mike]

She turned into a cheerleader.

[Pat]

No, she said she was doing ad libs with the threesome. It's crazy. She was doing cheesy ad libs. Okay. Yeah. No way she was ad libbing.

[Guest or Caller]

And I did say yeah at one point. I was like, yeah.

[Pat]

No way. Okay. All right. I got a question that was very awkward.

[Mike]

We saw you answer two questions.

[Pat]

Answer two questions. So we'll do the other one. Okay. This is a crazy transition. What's something.

[Guest or Caller]

Okay, go ahead.

[Pat]

No, she deserves that silence. That was a long ass laugh. I'm not gonna lie. It's like an echo to it, too. Like, that was like, at least three seconds of that laugh was very unnecessary. But it's okay. Are you ready? All right. What's something that you think is true but you don't have all the evidence to prove it?

[Guest or Caller]

I think it might be gay.

[Pat]

I say that a little bit. A little bit louder. I don't want you to get. I don't want to hear the door open up. Or, no, but you got to say.

[Mike]

A little bit louder.

[Guest or Caller]

No, I said, like, I think my nigga might be gay. Like, or at least by at least five. But I don't know. I can't, like, prove it, but, like, okay, what?

[Pat]

What Evidence do you have?

[Guest or Caller]

Okay, So I was, like, looking on. Like, I thought his phone landed on perfect. I was looking, looking for. I had to do some with my phone. And T was like, okay, find the nearby phone. And, like, I used his phone. There was this weird T, I think, like, a little yellow monkey or something. And I was like, what the Is this? Like, side trigger? Like, look. And it was recently open. I'm like, okay, I don't want to do it. Like, see serious off at work. And then, like, okay. So then, like, I looked it up, and I was like, a grinder. What? Like.

[Mike]

Did you talk to him about this?

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah, I did.

[Mike]

What do you say?

[Guest or Caller]

So first I did it. First I did. I'm not gonna hold that. I was like, I didn't know what to do. Like, And I'm like, what? You know what I mean? So I just let that shit slide. And I was like, slide?

[Pat]

What the. No, no, no, no shame to anyone. Everybody love. Everybody love who you want. But you're in a relationship with a woman, and you have the Grindr app downloaded. If I didn't eat pizza, why the fuck do I got Domino's app on my phone? The nigga, he that love Domino.

[Mike]

What happened? What happened when? What happened when you confronted him? What happened when you confronted him?

[Guest or Caller]

So, like, I have to. Well, okay, I don't really like slide shy, but I have to kind of get my duck before, like, because I'm a little bit crazy, so I know I can pop off. You feel me? So I was just like, can't be that crazy. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not. I'm not. Thank you. That's so. So the next thing, I was like, have you got dating apps on your phone? And he was like, why would you ask me that? I was like, do you. And he was like, I feel like I'm sending more 10 to that question. And I was like, I mean, I feel like I already know the answer. He's like, well, if you already know, then why did you ask me? I said, so I started asking, like, like, wearing gay questions. Like, I was like, ain't you ever been pegged?

[Pat]

Like, no way, no way. You asked him the famous question, so you doing the bending. That's crazy. That's so crazy.

[Mike]

What is. What was his answer?

[Guest or Caller]

So actually, like, where he said he was like, hey.

[Pat]

Like.

[Guest or Caller]

So I was just like. I didn't like, okay, now I'm good. So I was like, let me see if I need to get the actual, like, thing because, like, you know, if it's not. If it's not true, I don't want to accuse him of nothing. You know what I mean? That's a huge accusation for me. So boom, I see on his phone again, open. So then they got. I made a profile. So it. So I'm in the house. Everything. I'm trying to just roam around and see. Because, like, if you don't know the Grinder, I had to learn it. That will say like, this person is like two miles away. This person is like 270ft away. I'm in a living room. And that talking about less than 100ft over there. It was a whole profile. And I was like, hey, yeah, can you get home?

[Pat]

Can I ask a question real quick?

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

What was in his profile? Like, did. Did you read his profile?

[Guest or Caller]

Oh, my God. It was like he said, it's like I'm picky. I like. Like I'm passenger on a late night. They need a twink. And I was like, here's the crazy part. Here's the crazy part, y'. All. So I'm cute as, right? But when I'm like, I cut my hair and everything and all that, I looked like, like a blank sometimes. So I'm like, is that why this works?

[Pat]

No. Oh, man.

[Mike]

Told you you want to tell to get home. And what happened?

[Guest or Caller]

I was like, hey. So I made up a whole line of trying to like put proof on everything, right? So I was just like, yes, my name Chris. You know just like, what? I'm like, yes, my name purchase. I know a couple Christians. I was like, yeah, that's you. So. Because my friend Chris said he knows you really well, he was like, oh, how you know me? Like, you ride bikes and cuz he. He's a bike. He motorcycles. And I was just like. I was like, no, he rides something else like, so I don't know the go. And he said no. He was like, what? No. I said no. I was like, okay, because there's my thing. I found your Grinder account and you literally have a picture of my son's bathtub in the background. So that's what's pissing me off. Like, so it's like, yeah, it's kind of like kid. I'm like, I just had a baby. So by him, I was just like, bruh. Right? Yeah.

[Pat]

ABC Tonight Shifting Gears is back. He has arisen. Tim Allen and Kat Dennings return in television's number one new comedy.

[Guest or Caller]

What what?

[Pat]

With a star studded premiere, including Jenna Elfman, Nancy Travis and hey, buddy. A big home improvement reunion. Welcome.

[Guest or Caller]

Oh, boy, that guy's a tool.

[Pat]

Shifting Gears. Season premiere tonight, 8.7Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. Lowe's knows how to help make your home holiday ready for less. Get select style selections vinyl flooring for just $1.99 per square foot and have it installed before the festivities begin.

[Mike]

Our team can help you every step of the way. See a Lowe's red vest associate or.

[Pat]

Visit Lowes.comholidayinstall to get started. Lowe's.

[Mike]

We help you save basic install only. Date restrictions applied subject to availability. Install by independent contractors.

[Pat]

See associate for details.

[Mike]

Contiguous us only. So did he admit to having the Grindr account.

[Guest or Caller]

Bro? He said so. He was like, I didn't mess nobody from there, you know? He was like, yeah, I have an average, but I'll show you why. And I was like, oh, I don't want to see, like, this weird. Like, man, you like, Boy, that's wild. Like, and I'll disrespect to their, like, Alphabet community. Like, be a big one. Y' all be out there. You feel me?

[Mike]

Like, I guess it's still cheating regardless.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I mean, that's the whole thing of it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[Mike]

He got.

[Pat]

He got an app to cheat on you. That's crazy.

[Guest or Caller]

And there's a crazy. You do it as if I don't have your own passcode. But what.

[Mike]

So are you still.

[Guest or Caller]

Are you still with him where he takes America? I'm just staying home. The wait.

[Pat]

But yeah, she said she a stay at home mom. She said she not. Oh, she ain't going nowhere. Oh, yeah, you might as well get the app, too.

[Mike]

Are you lying? Hey, you said that'll be a good threesome experience, I guess for you then it's like the full circle.

[Guest or Caller]

Like, two poles, bro. No, not so much pressure. That's crazy. That's wild. Mike, what did he think about.

[Pat]

Yeah, that was kind of crazy. Mike said. Mike said. Mike said. Mike said. Oh, you just found out your man gang Get a train ran on.

[Mike]

She just talk about three songs, though.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's crazy.

[Mike]

For clip pur. For clip purposes. If, like, this is part of one clip, she was already talking about having a three song.

[Pat]

I know, I know.

[Mike]

I was just reintroducing you.

[Pat]

It don't matter, though. It's still crazy, though. Hey, your man cheating on you. Get a train, random girl. It'll fix everything.

[Mike]

Still with him. She's still with him.

[Pat]

That don't she just had a baby. What's she supposed to do? What would you do if your son was at home? Come on, Mike don't know about that. That's how he.

[Mike]

All right, you have a good one.

[Guest or Caller]

All right. Hello.

[Pat]

Yo. Welcome to Crash Podcast. What's good?

[Guest or Caller]

You know, same thing, different day type type.

[Mike]

The. The. The picture in the story was. Was me.

[Pat]

Why you asked if that was Mike in. In the picture? Post the one of him in a tuxedo for audio listeners.

[Guest or Caller]

Kevin Bur. That looked like Mike.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's Mike.

[Guest or Caller]

Like, he was happy because I didn't want to go fight him, but I didn't know if y' all was gonna be like, no, that's it.

[Pat]

Oh, that's it. Do kind of like Jamie Foxx a little bit.

[Mike]

We actually don't want to hear your answer to the question answered. You answered something a while ago that we want to hear about.

[Guest or Caller]

So, boom, it was this one. But we was talking for a cool little minute. Like, she was kind of like my first, like, gay girl. You feel me? Like, real relationship. I was just going in this, like, I don't know. You told me. I met her on Tinder. We hung out a couple times. And, like, she was like, oh, yeah, we're at sex with a girl. And I was just like, yeah. She was like, for real? No, like, no, I did it, like. And she's like, oh, okay. She's like, it's cool. Like, because some, like, gay girls have a problem with, like, you know, he recently had sex with guys, I guess, or whatever type. So I tracked Ryan and Salvation, and she was like, well, what type of dudes do you date? And I was like, mostly black dudes. Well, she goes to her closet, and the front is like, hella Jordan. Like, like, literally Jordans and Nike. Like, just like a wannabe niggas. Like, not like that, like, but just, like, it. You feel me? So, but the front, it's like, just a pair, like James, and then it's just some chunky. And she moved the trucks down, and behind the Chucks, it's like a bunch of dildos. Just a bunch of dicks, right? And she pulled out this, like, thing. Like, it was like, I want to, like, literally almost like a garter belt type, like, type thing. And she started taking, like, her clothes off, and I'm like, oh, wait, like, fans. Get real now. Like, I don't know. Like, I don't know what I said to make this happen, but, like, all right, well, so she starts taking them out like, and she goes. She puts one on. And it was like. First I was like, it looks like 13 inches. She was like, oh, yeah. She's like, like this way. And like, she flicked it on. Like, she hugs y' all this thing, and she just, like, moves her hips. I don't know. Y' all can't see me, but, like, you know where, like, dad's, like, swinging dick type thing. So she tries to do that. She said, like this. And I'm like, oh.

[Mike]

She was helicoptering.

[Guest or Caller]

Like.

[Pat]

No way. She had the most. She had to practice that for sure. That's the up part.

[Guest or Caller]

And I'm like, you a little chunky. So how you learn to do that? Like, yeah, you got the most. Okay, whatever for me. So boom. I was just like, sh. And she goes. And I went on you like this type, huh? So that was like 24 inches. Like, I could swear it was like 2ft long. But she went bigger. Bigger, bro. Like, it went bigger. So then, like, I read, I was like, oh, my God, this is too much. Like, I don't even know how to shut up. No, I didn't say I'm escaped. She's like, I got this too. You look like you might like these type of guys and put it out like, this long, skinny dick. And I was like, what makes you feel like I like that? Because then I ask questions like, what type of woman do you think I am? But it was like a maybe like 10 inch, like, skinny shape.

[Pat]

Oh, she pulled out the pistol after. After taking out the AK and the bazooka. She said, okay, maybe you like pistol. That's crazy.

[Guest or Caller]

This the one for you. And I was just like, bro. I just hit m like, I don't know. Like, this is wild.

[Pat]

Wait, wait. Was she clothed when she did all this?

[Guest or Caller]

She. She took off her boxer. So it is just like shave cat.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know you're doing that on purpose.

[Mike]

Oh, no. Well, boxes is crazy.

[Pat]

You're funny.

[Guest or Caller]

You didn't even get to with the PSDs or nothing. Like, she went straight to boxers.

[Pat]

Oh, like real boxers.

[Mike]

Like, real, like, loose boxers.

[Guest or Caller]

Boxers.

[Pat]

Interesting.

[Mike]

With, like, with the button in the front.

[Guest or Caller]

Like, with a little. Like, with a little coco.

[Pat]

No way. Oh, man. All right.

[Guest or Caller]

See you tomorrow. She had jeans on. She had like some 405. This one sleepy bio jeans on helicopter and type shit. Her five little wearing this. And pull them down. Pull their boxes down. Both legs are tearing to the light skins. We can see it real bad. It was crazy. But yeah, I hope y' all have a good night.

[Pat]

All right, you too. Be careful out here. Welcome to Crash on Me's podcast. What's the deal?

[Guest or Caller]

Not much. Thanks for having me.

[Mike]

I got a question for you.

[Guest or Caller]

What's up?

[Pat]

Sound too good? Probably a lot of pitching.

[Guest or Caller]

Shut the up.

[Pat]

Oh, see, I knew. I knew I knew. You sound like you're having a bad day.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

You just went through a phone.

[Mike]

I could tell.

[Guest or Caller]

I just got out of the gym.

[Mike]

Oh, congrats.

[Pat]

What you work on? Would you do some legs, some cardio?

[Guest or Caller]

I did upper body and cardio.

[Pat]

Upper body, Cardio.

[Mike]

Okay. All right.

[Pat]

I'm getting ripped tonight.

[Guest or Caller]

All right. What's rip that?

[Mike]

Hey, what's one thing you tried or done that you would tell people to avoid?

[Guest or Caller]

So one time, I was in college, mind you. Like, I was in an experimental phase, and my friend worked at a sex shop. And I went in there and I was just like, okay, like, get a couple things, you know, like, spice things up. And I got a butt plug. And I used it with the person that I was with at the time, the man. A man. And I don't know if it was, like, it wasn't enough room in there because his shit was kind of, like, dirty. But anyway, we were fucking, and at one point, that shit just, like, shot out of my butt across the deck. I'm not gonna lie. And it went.

[Pat]

I don't think so. Yeah, I don't think that. I don't think that's crazy.

[Guest or Caller]

It's not.

[Pat]

I don't think that's that crazy.

[Guest or Caller]

You wouldn't be turned off if you watched a butt plug shoot out of a girl's butt while you were.

[Pat]

I'll put it back in. It's called a plug for a reason.

[Mike]

Sounds. I don't think.

[Guest or Caller]

I think the problem. I think the problem was there wasn't enough room.

[Pat]

There was enough room.

[Guest or Caller]

I don't think it would go back in.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, what? It won't go back.

[Guest or Caller]

I mean, why else would it.

[Pat]

You saying, like, the butt plug was too big?

[Guest or Caller]

Oh, no, I said, like, his was big.

[Pat]

Like, I'm not understanding where.

[Guest or Caller]

I mean, the, like, canals are right next to each other. There's only, like, canal. Okay.

[Mike]

The canal is crazy.

[Guest or Caller]

How old I'm not a.

[Mike]

Hey, smile would be.

[Pat]

I mean, you try, I guess you try some new stuff.

[Mike]

Try something new.

[Pat]

Congrats to you.

[Mike]

Turn into a candy.

[Guest or Caller]

It was.

[Pat]

The kid. No. No way.

[Mike]

That's stupid.

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah.

[Mike]

They should just go try to return it, though.

[Guest or Caller]

Oh, no, I didn't.

[Mike]

What were you gonna say?

[Guest or Caller]

Never been I want to tell another story.

[Pat]

Go ahead. But girl.

[Guest or Caller]

Chill, Pat. Watch out before you meet one. Okay, so a couple. Not even a couple episodes ago, a long time ago, Pat was telling this story about how he, like, went through a drive through in like, a chick fil a in like, a racist town or something like that. And they put, like, black as his description who was in a, like, red car or something. I went to this taco place that's literally down the street from my house. I've been going there since, like, I can remember. And I was, like, looking at my receipt, and at the very bottom, it says negro. And my. My car is green. And so I was trying to figure out, like, what they meant by that.

[Pat]

You never. Did you confront them about it or you just kind of drove off?

[Guest or Caller]

No, I didn't see it until I went home because I was, like, looking at the receipt and I was like, wait, what the fuck?

[Pat]

No delay. Racism hurts so much for you not to be able to do some shit about it. You're like, wait, hold on. No, that's crazy. Negro is crazy. At least you got your food.

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Was it good?

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah, they have firefish tacos.

[Pat]

Hey, hey. They. Hey, they want to get. They.

[Guest or Caller]

Hey, racism tastes good.

[Pat]

Sometimes they couldn't get the order roll, like, all right, you can't this up. It's a lot of white cars out there, but it's only one negro. I like that these fish tacos.

[Mike]

All right, you have a good one.

[Guest or Caller]

Have a good night, guys.

[Mike]

You too. Me too.

[Pat]

This one of the tweet of the weeks is just a text message thread is literally all from the dude. It says, that was so smart. Not giving me pussy. Made me like you even more. But please don't make that a habit. So I say that to say this, it's just like, you ever accidentally, like, kind of, because I feel like we all think that we're good dudes and we all think that we're respectable to women. And, you know, like, sometimes you try to be sarcastic to the, like, the opposite of what you really are. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, I'mma pretend like I hate this when I really would never. You ever, like, tried that sarcasm with a woman? It's happening. I feel like it happened to every guy. And you, like, tried that sarcasm, like, nah, I ain't holding the door open for you. Yeah, yeah, like, say some little shit like that, and she catch attitude like, you don't fucking got to, or some shit like that. And it's just like, like, wait, why would you think that I would even say some shit like that? And it's because of shit like this.

[Mike]

But I said some shit to my. My girl today that was, like, me being sarcastic, but then it sounded weird because she was saying something to me, and she wasn't listening, right? So I was like, I'm done.

[Pat]

What?

[Mike]

She was saying something to me.

[Pat]

Oh, man, that sounds crazy. That setup sounds crazy. She wasn't listening to me. I get what you try to say.

[Guest or Caller]

Gets worse.

[Mike]

It gets worse. So I was like, I'm done. I was just joking around. I was like, I'm done using my words in this house, right? Yes, sir. I said, I'm just gonna talk with my hands now. And I was like, wait, that sounded so bad. I said, I'm done. I'm done using my words. I'm only talking my hands now, but in my head, I'm thinking, like, sign language. Yeah.

[Pat]

Now that's crazy. Now that's so crazy. You got to be careful.

[Mike]

I know you do.

[Pat]

My cousin got actually kicked out of his house because I think he was trying to tell a story, and his girl cut him off in the middle of the story to ask a question. And he was like, this one time I had. He was telling this girl that he had a threesome in college, and he was trying to explain it, and she butted in, and he thought she was being sarcastic, and she asked. She was like, so you had a threesome in college? Was it two guys, a guy and a girl? Blah, blah. And he's like, it was two dudes. And he said when he looked up, she was crying. And he was like. And then he was like, wait, why would you say I said that? She was like, I don't know. Why would you say that? And why are you trying to walk back on your words? And I was just like. And usually I try to, like, give advice. Like, oh, I would have did such and such. But it's like, once you say some shit like that, and somebody just like, oh, I'm taking you serious on what you said, Even if you try to, like, take it back, it's gonna look like you panicking. Come on. When I really say some shit like that. Nah, man.

[Mike]

Because then it just seems like you're doing your answers based on the reaction.

[Pat]

Exactly.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

There's no getting out of it. She was literally crying, and she kicked them out and everything. She was calling everybody. Like, I just want to know. That boy was getting Eiffel Tower by the football team. All right, all right, Tweet. Of the week. Okay. When you walk in the prison shower and you drop the soap on purpose and they yell hell no.

[Mike]

Everybody has a type, though.

[Pat]

That's true.

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

In quotation marks. You're so funny. Thanks. They used to put my desk in the hallway. Did you ever get your desk put in the hallway?

[Mike]

No. I've seen people maybe once or twice, bro.

[Pat]

I don't know if. If this was the reason, but sometimes I made the whole class laugh by accident. And everybody made the same type of comments I did. But I think it was my delivery and timing that made the whole class laugh. You know what I'm saying? Like, I forgot. I think I was in Spanish class legit. My teacher was a woman, Ms. Cop. Shout out to her. She started doing like, you know, a little dance, little salsa dance. And the class got quiet when she started doing. Everybody was talking. But when she started doing a salsa dance, the class got quiet. I said, damn, go off then. And the whole class laughing. She kicked me out. And it was just like when you had that comedic timing in high school. It was like the teachers hated that shit. Like, oh, you got the whole class laughing. Get the fuck off.

[Mike]

I feel like I didn't talk as much in school. I feel like I became more vocal, actually. Probably in college I was taught.

[Pat]

He was quiet at the beginning of college though.

[Mike]

Yeah, Yeah. I didn't talk. I don't talk that much.

[Pat]

Mike, you still talk out.

[Mike]

I don't really talk that much. Even to the like. This is the only time I feel like sometimes people approach me thinking I'm a super talkative dude. And I feel like I talk because I talk around my friends. But in real life, I think I'm a little more.

[Pat]

That's what I told. I used to tell Mike in college, just shut up after you make a big play.

[Guest or Caller]

Play.

[Pat]

Because Mike will make some cold ass play in practice or the game. And then he'll say the lamest after. What? What? Mike will like catch the ball, stiff arm five, take it 50 yards versus rock with university going crazy. And then he'd go up. That's too easy, bro. Don't say that.

[Mike]

Just be quiet.

[Pat]

Is a liar.

[Mike]

I never said anything at that city of college. I didn't talk shit in football. Like, no.

[Pat]

One time I was like, I talk shit.

[Mike]

This is the way I talk shit. Was like very like talk. Just normal talking to you. Like trying to have a conversation that has nothing to do with football on the field.

[Pat]

My shit talking in college was so elite. Cause mine Was like, I lured them in first quarter. I'm talking to you, Reg. Like, hey, bro, how you been? How you been? And then at the snap of a moment, I just turned bipolar. And I just be like, hey, bro, how you doing? He'd be like, I'm doing shut your bitch ass up, nigga. Scoreboard hoe ass, nigga.

[Mike]

That's how I used to do it.

[Guest or Caller]

I literally.

[Mike]

Literally talking about, hey, bro, what y' all doing after this? Like, how. Start asking about the school and shit like that. And then I'm like, then you l them to sleep, and they just run and cast a touchdown. And he snapped the ball and said, you think it's.

[Pat]

He can't guard me. I got a baby on me. The worst thing I ever did was this receiver that, like, kept talking shit. And I was just like, bro, like, if I get my hands on you, bro. And it was just like, usually, like, if a receiver catch a ball in front of you, it's a solo tackle as a corner and everybody watching. So you really can't do anything dirty. Rarely do receivers get tackled in piles. And he ran like a screen, and we all tackled him. And I literally legit, you can see on film, I'm late to the tackle because he ran inside. I dove under the pile and I put two fingers in the back of his throat and made a throw up.

[Guest or Caller]

At a. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Pat]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Gag that. It was throw up all over my glove. Oh, my God. Oh, man. Threw up under the dog pile, man.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

This is a tweet. It's not funny. It's more informational. Okay? Americans are burning PTO Pay time off. You don't know what that is if you ain't got no job and shit. Okay, Americans are burning PTO just who sleep instead of traffic travel. 43% of millennials admit they've used paid vacation days to stay in bed.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's tough. I feel it, though.

[Pat]

It's like, what else they expect you to do with that shit? You know what I mean? Like, if I go on vacation. Because people don't realize the. The first or second day after vacation is worse than anything. Like, bro, I got. I got a pile of dirty clothes. I'm sunburnt. The girl I went on a trip with don't with me no more. Yeah.

[Mike]

Bro, I've seen so many dudes go on trips with a girl, and then they're not with that person, like, the next week.

[Pat]

I don't.

[Mike]

I. I don't like the. The going on trips with girls you don't plan to. Obviously. Happens. Yeah, but sometimes you go, no, genius.

[Pat]

It's like a nice.

[Mike]

Let me. That put my man out.

[Pat]

If you're going like a. It's like going on a group trip though. I like that same kind of vibe, but it's just a little more, you know, controlled. Some cities are better. I've done it before, I'll admit it. Some, yeah, like shot like traveling with a companion. Especially if, you know, like the people you traveling with are like gonna do some dolo anyways. Yeah, like walking around London alone is very creepy. You know, I mean, you might get stabbed in that.

[Mike]

I'm saying a girl that you're in the dating phase with. I'm talking about like maybe a moment, a month in you guys going on a trip together.

[Pat]

That's kind of creepy though. And you know what? I. If I offered a girl that and she said yes, I would immediately stop talking to her. Yeah, because there's no way you're that safe with me that you feel like we can go out of the country in a month. You know what I mean? Like crazy. Like your airspace ain't there. You ever seen a girl do something very unsafe?

[Mike]

But why is it not safe if it's another place? Because I've seen people that have been together for a month and then you start sleeping over their place or you sleep over their face one night. You think it's the same thing? Kind of just a different location. I mean, it's.

[Pat]

I think it's a different level of trust, for sure.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because then you're putting your safety in like the only other person that you're with.

[Mike]

Got it.

[Pat]

Yeah. You're relying on that person, like, purely for safety. And then now there's your ID phone, all that. You decline so they can make you lose your ID phone and like that.

[Mike]

True, true, true.

[Pat]

You know what I mean? But like, it's easy to have your. Like. Like if you're dating a girl, she got her location on it, all her friends see and within a 10 mile radius. That makes sense and get there. But now they looking at her location and it's like the middle of the ocean and the girl you want to boat.

[Mike]

But. But going back to what you were saying about like people taking PTO and stuff like that, I think it is a. A lot of people just want that. That sense of like, I don't have any responsibility for the day.

[Pat]

Day.

[Mike]

Yeah. I want to just chill, sleep all day and relax and Then come back to work, refresh. Like you said, like when you go on a vacation or you do some type of bender because you're taking the pto, you might not come back feeling refreshed. And you also might have like, it's kind of going from too much of a high sometimes to back to that like low of having to work your job that you probably don't like.

[Pat]

Yeah, bro. Seeing the world will make you hate the city. You do.

[Mike]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pat]

But I'll be coming back like when we go and we do our LA trips like monthly and like that I'd be coming back to Milwaukee. This should be like a war zone. Somebody bombed this bitch or something. No, for real. Duh.

[Mike]

By going to Sweden and coming back to supply here was different too. It's like, oh shit. It's just like a lot more peaceful, I would say. It's just like it felt more peaceful walking everywhere. Things just were just, it was just fresh energy.

[Pat]

If you talk, if you talk to foreigners, the, the first thing they'll say about America is that they're scared to come over here because they think they're going to get shot.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And it's, and it's solely because I'm not sure about the statistics. I don't want to get into all that.

[Mike]

We don't have the most guns in this country.

[Pat]

Yes. But I'm talking about like just pure stories. Like there was a man drew recently, this is like within Wisconsin, who traveled from Canada to Sheboygan Falls. If anybody knows Sheboygan Falls, like a small town, like one of the safest places you could possibly be in America. And he was killed like on a golfing trip. And I say that to say this is like if somebody's a foreigner, there's probably like 10,000 different ways someone has been shot in America, not how many people, not the statistics. They can look up a situation. It could be like a dude from Russia that wants to come to America. He can look up has a Russian ever been shot in America? And I guarantee you there's been like a Russian shot in Florida while visiting. You know what I mean? Like it just like I think that.

[Mike]

Also has to, has to do with how the amount of guns they're in this country and with the amount of guns in this country. There's a lot of random ass scenarios that can happen. It just leads to way more random scenarios happening. There's too many things like in other countries, too many things have to align for this random ass thing to happen. Like it's like the craziest coincidence here. It's just like, oh, okay. Like, I can see how that, that happened. I can see how that happened. So especially, like, especially with the headlines, especially with everything that's going on.

[Pat]

You know how many, you know how many kids, teenagers, whatever, they don't have a gun on them, but they know exactly where to get a gun. Yeah, legally too. The person that owns it is legal. And they'd be like, okay, my dad keep his gun under one of his guns under his bed. This nigga just pissed me off. I'm about to go under my dad's bed. Yeah, go get that monster. No, for real, man. They be letting it go in America, bro. This is sad, bro. This shit's sad.

[Mike]

As I got a. What was, what was I gonna say?

[Pat]

I saw, I saw Kris Jenner makeover. It did a side by side when she was 68 to now she's 69. And bro, I've never seen a transformation like that. That was crazy. It looked like they put her on her stomach and then they had like five people just grab all the skin and pull it back and tighten it up. It's like actually amazing. And I don't know if it's like a bad thing. I know it's been looked at as like, oh, that person got plastic surgery and stuff like that. I think we get into like different phases of, okay, she was already beautiful and then she enhanced something and just like, then the debate starts and stuff like that.

[Mike]

I think it's just a doing of things. Sometimes it happens and it's like everybody, I feel like everybody sees themselves and everybody has some type of dysmorphia about themselves, right?

[Pat]

Facts, facts, facts.

[Mike]

And like, guys, women, everybody. And sometimes when you have the, the funds to get rid of your dysmorphia right away, a lot of people kind of go towards that. So I, it's like I've never tried. There are a lot of people that look really weird with the plastic surgeries they're doing, but it's just like now everybody's getting Botox. Like, people don't even like their facial expressions. You can't even see it anymore. Everybody start. And everybody's starting to look the same as well because of the same type of. Everybody's getting the same surgery to. Or the same botox or the same fillers to look a certain way of like, hey, this is the person I'm trying to look like, or this is the person I saw, dude. So everybody's starting to look the same now too.

[Pat]

The up part about, like, getting surgery because of dysmorphia, which will bother me more, is if I get complimented on the thing I got surgery on. I think in, like, let's say a woman is trying to pursue me and I got. I got new teeth, right?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And she's like, I'm just so attracted to your teeth. And I'm just like, damn, knees, not mine. You know what I mean? They're just like. And that's where it will, like, kind of get me. And it's like, I wouldn't want anybody that's attracted to the unoriginal me. Like, you're attracted to the enhanced me, and that's that. I wouldn't.

[Mike]

But it's the same. Would you say it's the same thing as losing weight? Like, people give you the compliment a lot now. It's like, oh, Pat, you lost a lot of weight.

[Pat]

But like, okay, I put it like this. If I was fat my whole life.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I mean? Or if I was a little chubby my whole life, like, I had six pack abs, you know what I mean? Like, seven years ago. So it's like, I feel like I'm just getting back to myself. So if someone says, like, they're attracted to that, it's just like, oh, I just went through a bad phase. But if somebody was like, like, if I got, like, bigger chest muscles. I love your chest, but I ain't always had that, you know what I'm saying? And I'm go away anytime, you know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

It's like, go through a depressive month.

[Pat]

And she not rubbing on your chest no more. Baby, y' all ain't rubbing my chest no more. It's just not there.

[Mike]

No, I get it, though. I. I think the body dysmorphia thing, too. Like, even the people that are always on TV and. And even doing this podcast, there's been times where it's like, damn, you started, like, overanalyzing yourself. There'd be times where you want to wear. I think this is the first time I've, like, repeated an outfit. Like, shame on this. On this podcast. Right. But it shouldn't even be that way. It could be like a whole two months before I wear something. Right. But to everybody else, it's like eight. Eight episodes. And it's like, oh, it's only eight hours and you're wearing the same thing the next eight. You know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying.

[Mike]

It's weird.

[Pat]

It's weird.

[Mike]

It shouldn't matter, though.

[Pat]

I'm over here changing shirts for some of these niggas that watch our pop and they got the same draws on for the last five episodes. These niggas ain't changed draws. But I gotta change shirt. Y' all crazy as hell, man. That's big expectations, bro. Nigga cooking me all pat. Somebody said I had a hole in my pants. I had a hole in my pants. Like, let me follow you around for a whole year and point out all of your flaws. Cause I could go to your IG page, a picture that you took on purpose and show you a flaw.

[Mike]

But it is a thing.

[Pat]

But your existence. I'm sorry.

[Mike]

It's also not like a. It's not like a thing that people are forcing to. But I do get now the. Some of the. What's the word I'm looking for? Like, the dysmorphia and some of the self confidence issues sometimes that happen with celebrities in a sense. I'm not even at that level where it's like, I'm worried about it. I really don't give. I'm wearing. I always wear slippers on the spot. Like, I come here casual as hell, so it's not really a problem for me. But I get it now.

[Pat]

I think that. I think the cheat code is like, obviously we're sitting down.

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So that helps us. The shoes are, like, a big part of, like, outfits.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That's my.

[Mike]

Because Side of feet, so it's cut off.

[Pat]

There's so much. I have a lot of shoes. I got, like, over, like, 50, 60 pair of shoes. But there's always that outfit that you run into. You're like, bro, I don't have any shoes for this. And if I do have a shoes, the hat I got for this throws the outfit off. Like. But like, not showing our feet, man, that's the best thing we ever did.

[Guest or Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Mike used to have a camera under our nuts.

[Mike]

Sex.

[Pat]

If you go back to the older episodes, like, you can literally see. Like, you can see the ripples when I fart. That's how low the thing is. I like, bro, what the.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Anyway.

[Pat]

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Misinform my. Misinformation of the week.

[Mike]

Oh, okay.

[Pat]

I. I hate when people.

[Mike]

We always say of the week of everything.

[Pat]

And we never, like, and never continue to. I feel like I do talk about people doing misinformation. Misinforming people. Somebody tweeted and was just like, wow, I can't believe there's a college out here. A D1 college that is wearing all white to the football game in remembrance of Charlie Kirk. And I'm like, damn, this shit is crazy, because I have been seeing, like, some sports teams, you know, put them on the big screen, hold a moment of silence. I'm like, damn, a whole college did it. What college did it?

[Mike]

It.

[Pat]

And I looked it up, and it's Penn State who does, like, a white out for every home game. I'm like, bro, you, bro. Y' all are stupid as hell. And it's people arguing the contract. But going back to Zion, I know we talked about him earlier. I didn't know he had in his contract that he has to weigh in six times a year and he has to be under 295 pounds and he has to play a certain amount of games, which he didn't last year. So it didn't make.

[Mike]

He didn't get this guarantee. His contract wasn't fully guaranteed. So now he's like, on a year to year guarantee.

[Pat]

I don't like that shit. That made me not like, obviously, I'm. I, you know, a lot of people. Obviously. I don't say this on the podcast a lot. I'm a big LeBron fan. I say that a lot. But, like, I thought Zion was the second coming of LeBron. So I love Zion's game and I love. I watch almost every game that he had at Duke, and this is the hoest shit I've ever heard in my life, bro. Like, you got.

[Mike]

Hold on. Oh, whose part, though?

[Pat]

Zion.

[Mike]

For signing that.

[Pat]

No, not for signing that. For not being 295. My millions of dollars, like nutrit nutritionist chefs. You got all access. All that.

[Mike]

He took that advice. He's looking like that now.

[Pat]

No, he's definitely looking like that. I want to see what that.

[Mike]

What the season looks like.

[Pat]

No, I want to see what that search history looks like. I'm just saying. Okay, the thing about the Mariah Mills thing, if. If he actually. Okay, he. He has sex with Mariah Mills, we can. And I think that's kind of confirmed, right?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I feel like everybody's search history is more extreme than what they've actually done in real life.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

I get you me.

[Pat]

So if he has sex with Mariah.

[Guest or Caller]

Mills.

[Pat]

What the is in his searches.

[Mike]

Would you say that the same as, like, is like, the person is dating, like, Tiana Trump right now?

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

We looking at his search history to freak.

[Pat]

I know he freaked out, but Tiana Trump, that's still one woman at the End of the day, you know what I'm saying? Now if you see a dude walk around and he got three girlfriends and he be having sex with all three of them, his search history gotta be crazy, you know what I'm saying? You gotta keep going through a search history. You on page like 11. And it's like, okay, hey, he added a dude in there, bro. You know, the party getting too big, man. He's gotta be careful, you know what I'm saying? You can't keep track of.

[Mike]

I've always interested the dudes that like, not even just cheating on their girls, but like the dudes that like can talk to like three, four girls at the same time. Like, like not in just.

[Pat]

I'm talking about like legit, like legit keeping up.

[Mike]

We keeping up, hang out, we have sex here and there type of shit. But like, we're both pursuing to maybe get something more with four different people. I. I'm not saying it's not impossible. It's impossible. It's just like. It's just the time of like the, the commitment level to it.

[Pat]

It.

[Mike]

Because there's one person that might not be getting the. The full you. I guess, in a sense, yeah. I feel like I can only like if I'm dating and. Or in the dating pool. Like I can only really. Like one girl really knows that we're really working towards something and another person knows that this is probably just like a thing right now type of thing. You know what I mean?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

It's never the got quietest, you know.

[Pat]

It on his own. But I always. That was. That. That always bothered me in the past. Like you. I don't know if you've ever been like on dates. Like when the last time you was on a date. Like a date with a single woman. Yeah, right. And the date seems too routine for her, if that makes sense.

[Mike]

In what sense?

[Pat]

Like, it looks like she just does this shit, you know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

Is it like a regular at the place type of thing?

[Pat]

Not even a regular at the place. It's more of like you go on a lot of dates with a lot of guys for the first time.

[Mike]

Got it.

[Pat]

And this isn't like. Because I feel like then people kind of. There's no connection. Like, I don't, I don't like those women. Like, I recently heard. Overheard two women talking and just like this girl started dating this guy after seven years because she just wanted to try something different. She was tired of going after her type.

[Mike]

That's the worst thing that like what the. You're not my type. That's why I overly want to be with you.

[Pat]

She legit said, I'm tired of going after these drug dealers, these street dudes. I'm just. I'm not that attracted to him, but he got his shit right and stuff like that. And, fellas, if. If a girl ever dis you and you kind of sort of the same person you are now, like, come on, bro. It's way too many women out there to let her spin the block like that. And she. You gotta take pride in that, bro. You gotta stand up, get off your knees.

[Mike]

Patrick Tate.

[Pat]

No, I'm just. No, no, no, no. Women, too, though. Like, get. Get up. Like, you know, like, if a dude don't like you and you ain't making no crazy changes, like, if you wasn't, like, a bad person, jobless or some. And. And he. And they try to, like, if.

[Mike]

Go ahead and it.

[Pat]

I'm just saying, like. And he totally dis you. Not saying, like, if it worked and then it didn't work out for some reason and a person left and then y' all reconnected. I'm talking about, like, it was only.

[Mike]

The wrong time for that one person.

[Pat]

Yeah, they wasn't in the. Like, no, don't do that. I'll be hating that, bro. It's way too many people out here to just be like, oh, I'm gonna go with the same person that dissed me. Nah, the person didn't like that. There's so many stories out here where people are getting married after, like, meeting each other for the first time, and then, like, they've been dating and. And they happily married. Why the fuck would you date somebody that didn't like you at some point or wasn't. Aw. Imagine dating a girl. Like, you would be hearing them wedding things, like, oh, the first time we talked, I wasn't attracted to him.

[Guest or Caller]

What?

[Pat]

You wasn't attracted to him?

[Mike]

I think sometimes he grew on you.

[Pat]

What the fuck?

[Mike]

I think it works sometimes when both people didn't see each other that way, like, they both didn't really have a attraction to each other.

[Pat]

Yeah, both as right. Everything has to line up correct. Oh, we both. We both were friends for five years, and we were in different relationships, and then we took a trip to Italy as friends and fell in love. You know what I'm saying? Like, that makes sense. Not like, oh, I watched her date five dudes and finally got my turn, and we happily married. So you're telling me you was there when 5. Dig down your life.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

You was. You was shaking hands with these every day. These are. Y' all all in the group chat and, like, Come on, man. That cannot be your wife, bro.

[Guest or Caller]

At the wedding.

[Pat]

And take this pill, man.

[Mike]

Anyway, that's been crash dummies episode 226. Appreciate y' all for listening. Make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon. We really appreciate it. What else? What else? Live show.

[Pat]

Live show. Fight.

[Mike]

Fight.

[Pat]

Fight party.

[Mike]

Halloween party. If you're in Milwaukee, we're doing a Halloween party.

[Pat]

Reach out to Mike for tickets.

[Mike]

Reach out to. Oh, for Maya. For fight tickets. Halloween party. Reach out to Gene.

[Pat]

Reach out to Gene. Halloween party.

[Mike]

Oh, we host it.

[Pat]

We hosting.

[Mike]

I guess we're hosting.

[Pat]

Hey, help us pick our costumes. Yeah.

[Mike]

Let us know what we should.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Before.

[Pat]

And we're gonna do a Halloween episode.

[Mike]

Episode. We do. Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, we'll do. Yeah, we'll get the. The same. We're not getting two different costumes. I can tell you that right now. Help us get, like, some. Not just some matching shit, but, like, some tandem shit, like, maybe from the same movie or same scene or whatever. And, like, we'll do that for the pot. You know what I'm saying? Like, try to. You know. We could be Spidey from the office or some shouting, though. We black send links for the costumes, and they'll go through them up.

[Mike]

Are you just.

[Pat]

What happened?

[Mike]

Gene just cut out. It doesn't matter.

[Pat]

I just, like.

[Mike]

I got episode now.

[Pat]

You dress like a barber today. I wanted to say that.

[Guest or Caller]

Limu Emu.

[Pat]

And, Doug, here we have the Limu Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug. Uh, Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us. Cut the camera. They see us. Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty, Liberty.

[Guest or Caller]

Liberty.

[Pat]

Liberty Savings Ferry, underwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company and affiliates.

[Mike]

Excludes Massachusetts.