Hold Our Hands - Episode 270

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat & Mike

Episode 270: "Hold Our Hands"
Release Date: August 5, 2026

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Overview of the Episode

In this lively and highly entertaining episode of Crash Dummies, hosts Patrick Johnson and Michael Esiobu (joined throughout by producer James and guest Gene) bring their signature irreverence and wit to a range of topics: from relationship vulnerability and hygiene confessions, to awkward and hilarious listener dilemmas, weird names, and the philosophy of friendship and support. The show is recorded at Perception Studios in downtown Toronto, with the crew reflecting on their experience of Canadian hospitality and current events. Throughout, they take a rapid-fire assortment of listener calls, each bringing its own chaos and comedic gold.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Relationship Vulnerability & Hygiene Confessions

00:00 – 04:00

• Mike kicks off with the importance of transparency in long-term relationships, admitting things you'd never admit to your friends.
• Example: Not knowing how to swim and asking your girlfriend to teach you.
• DJ Envy's viral confession: his wife taught him proper butt-washing techniques.
• Product politics in relationships – using each other’s face creams, scrubs, and the disrespect men have for how expensive and precious some partner products are.
  • Notable Quote:
    • “A girl caught me using her face spritz on my kneecap. She caught me red-handed. That's the worst feeling in the world.” — Mike, [03:30]

2. Toronto Hospitality & Comparing Cultures

04:07 – 12:39

• Crash Dummies record from Toronto; discuss feeling further from each other physically than usual in this new studio.
• Recap of OVO Golf Classic and the concept of "northern hospitality."
• Mike & Gene discuss escaping family time for golf, and poke fun at suspicions about opposite-sex friends playing golf together.
  • Notable Quote:
    • "Eighteen holes is intimate...your significant other should not be golfing with somebody that you threaten." — Mike, [08:02]
• Comparison between U.S. and Canadian tech—no TikTok shop, reliance on EMT (email transfer), and differences in payment apps.

3. Smart Devices: The Rise of Flirty AIs

09:12 – 12:39

• Funny riffs about Alexa getting too conversational or suggestive.
  • “Alexa, please bend that ass over...” — Mike, [09:36]
• Speculation on a future where smart devices become even more interactive and maybe even flirtier.

4. Travel Etiquette: Who Controls the Airplane Window?

17:52 – 19:49

• Lighthearted debate about who has the rights to the airplane window shade.
• General consensus: for short flights, the window-seat holder decides; for longer flights, everyone in the row should have some say.
  • Discussion about scenic routes, taking photos, and asking permission to open/close the shade.

5. Cross-Cultural Observations: U.S. vs. Canada

12:39 – 22:55

• The group jokes about "Game of Thrones"–style pigeon money transfers in Canada.
• Canadians’ response to American politics and why “the 51st state” label annoys at least some Canadians.
  • Notable Quote:
    • “They probably hate [Trump] more than we do. We kind of dislike him, but he our distant cousin at some point, you know what I’m saying?” — Mike, [22:39]

6. Rich People & Luxury: Arbitrary Standards

23:39 – 24:53

• Why some things are only “luxury” because rich people say so—tiny portion sizes at fancy restaurants.
• The pain of eating something inauthentically, e.g., not knowing about the sauce until after the fact.

7. Poutine, Racist Dilemmas, and Cultural Stereotypes

25:03 – 27:38

• Group recounts their first experience with poutine in Toronto, including “build-your-own volcano” innovations.
• Self-aware discussion about feeling inadvertently racist for comparing people who don’t share your ethnicity.

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Listener Dilemmas & Calls

(Throughout the episode, from [27:44])

1. Is This Even a Relationship? (Caller 1)

27:44 – 40:34

• Caller describes a relationship with minimal in-person contact (none in 4+ months), limited effort, endless arguments, and evasive partner behavior (refuses to share his address, job info, or let her visit).
• Hosts gently but firmly break the news:
  • “Virtually hold our hands...You’re not in a relationship. He has another family he’s taken care of.” — Gene, [31:36]
  • “Ain’t no thank you. Nah. You need to be—oh no, you don’t listen. You hard-headed as fuck. I ain’t gonna lie. You’re stressing me out.” — Mike, [33:04]
• The moral: “Nothing works like how it’s working right now. This is not real life.”

2. “Love Ain't Real” & Monogamy Hot Take

41:13 – 44:45

• Caller claims “Monogamy ain’t real,” but gives almost no details; hosts roast him for being evasive, “More of a listener, not a talker.”
  • “You sound like generic Georgia voice. Ain’t nobody gonna recognize you, bro.” — Mike, [43:51]

3. Should Teachers Gatekeep Kids' Names?

46:34 – 52:09

• Teacher calls in with the hot take that doctors should sometimes refuse to allow parents to give overly creative names.
• Examples: Tabor, Absidy (ABCD), “virtue names” like Honesty, Faith, Grace (which the hosts disagree with).

4. Disabled Vet, Felon, Stalker Wants My Booty (Caller 3)

53:09 – 64:07

• Wild story from a smoke shop worker being stalked by a mentally unstable, felonious vet who becomes obsessed after buying him wings.
• Hilarious and harrowing advice: get bear mace, maybe wear baggier jeans, stay alert.
  • “That was his down payment on booty—$30!” — Apartment manager, [59:11]
  • “He tryna play Call of Booty with you.” — Mike, [61:41]

5. "Should I Go Back to the Streets?" (Caller Pat)

64:34 – 73:43

• Caller reflects on a year-long situationship that's become routine and uninspired (“bare minimum”), debating whether to break it off or stick it out.
• Discussion about relationship effort, initiative, and not wanting to see your ex with someone else.
  • “You don’t really want him—you just don’t want him with nobody else.” — Mike, [70:43]

6. Icebreaker: What’s Your Biggest Flaw?

73:54 – 86:52

• Several callers, asked about their biggest flaw; topics included self-doubt, lack of self-confidence, and the fear of vulnerability.

Example: Deep-voiced aspiring content creator

• Feels self-conscious about his voice but is encouraged to try voice acting/voiceover work.
  • “Allstate. Are you in good hands?” — Caller (on request), [75:09]
  • “EA Sports, it's in the game.” — [77:30]

Example: "Shy Guy" (Caller 4)

• Haitian caller, 24, deeply afraid to approach women, never been in a relationship or had sex.
• Has a crush on a coworker and debates confessing; hosts encourage honesty.
  • “There’s so many girls that are your age, out here, bro. Don’t bank it all on her.” — Mike, [80:44]
  • “If she rejects me, character development. If she don’t—I got a girl.” — Caller 4, [86:31]

Example: Undercover Flirty Investigator (Caller 5)

• Admits to flirting/manipulating a guy to investigate whether he really bullied her friend.
• Hosts question her methods—“You brought him back to your room as a trap?”

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Fun Rapid-Fire Segments

"Tweet of the Week"

91:48 – end

• Various viral tweets are read and riffed on—topics include inappropriate twerking comments, weed strain names (Kawhi Leonard, Gary Payton, Billy Ray Cyrus, etc.), and being suspicious of friends who go into network marketing.
  • "All he said to you once...Now you lying."—Gene, [110:51]
  • "My weed man a rapper. So I bump his when he pull up for a little deal." — Mike, [111:03]

Hygiene & Household Observations

108:11 – 110:00

• Washing dishes and blenders that never lose the smell of past meals.
• “All I smell is taco seasoning in my cereal.” — Mike, [108:14]

Parents and Over-the-Top Risks

110:14 – 110:51

• Stories about parents using exaggerated warnings (e.g., “don’t keep your lights on or the police will shoot you”).

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On relationship honesty:
  “You ain’t seeing him in four months and he lives 45 minutes away? He only shows you his room? He probably lives with his parents.” — Mike, [35:13]

• On men using women’s beauty products:
  “We used it all, like damn. This small ass bottle. I had that for a year.” — Mike, [03:23]

• On AI voice assistants:
  “My Alexa don’t respond to me unless my girlfriend not over. She like, ‘yes Daddy.’” — Mike, [09:12]

• On strange weed strain names:
  “I’m not trying to smoke...Jussie Smollett. Feel like I just started smoking, now these trying to hate—what’s going on?” — Mike, [101:29]

• On music and support:
  “You need to get back in the studio. If I’m the share that’s supposed to take it over the top, that can’t be it, bro.” — Mike, [112:57]

• On helping “Shy Guy”:
  “Just say, I miss you, and see where she take it. Say, let me help you with your bags.” — Mike, [83:19]

• On food hygiene:
  “I'm eating cereal, and all I smell is taco seasoning.” — Mike, [108:14]

• On Call of Booty:
  “He tryna play Call of Booty with you.” — Mike, [61:41]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |---------------|--------------------------------------------------| | 00:00-04:00 | Relationships & Hygiene/Transparency | | 04:07-12:39 | Toronto Reflections & Tech Comparisons | | 09:12-12:39 | Alexa/AI Flirtation Humor | | 17:52-19:49 | Window Seat Airplane Etiquette | | 23:39-24:53 | Luxury by Rich People: Tiny Portions | | 27:44-40:34 | Caller 1: Relationship Illusions Exposed | | 41:13-44:45 | Caller: "Monogamy Ain’t Real" Debate | | 46:34-52:09 | Teacher: Hot Take on Baby Names | | 53:09-64:07 | Disabled Vet Stalker Story | | 64:34-73:43 | Caller Pat: "Back to the Streets" Dilemma | | 73:54-86:52 | Flaws & Confidence: Deep Voice, Dating Woes | | 91:48-end | "Tweet of the Week" & Free-for-All Banter |

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Episode Tone & Vibe

Consistently relaxed, wildly candid, and full of “no holds barred” humor, the Crash Dummies deliver hard truths with a comedic punch. The rapport between Pat, Mike, Gene, and the callers makes for a fast-paced, enjoyable, and unpredictable hour-plus.

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Ideal For...

• Listeners who love real talk about relationships and the messiness of dating.
• Anyone who enjoys unscripted, authentic humor and the chaotic wisdom of group chats.
• Fans of podcasts that mix random current events, street smarts, and call-in confessions in a no-judgment zone.

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Recommended Moments to Listen (if you only have a short time):

• [09:36] Alexa “freaky mode” skit
• [31:34] The “hold our hands” relationship intervention
• [61:41] Call of Booty punchline
• [75:09] Deep-voice caller’s “Allstate” impression
• [83:19] Live coaching: “Just say, I miss you” to your crush
• [101:29] Wild weed strain names

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Crash Dummies 270 packs laughs, hard truths, and pure chaos—an episode that truly showcases why their fans keep coming back for more.

Transcript

[Mike]

Okay, so I want to say anybody that's been in a long term relationship or relationship with somebody they love and they think they going to spend the rest of their life with, you're a lot more transparent with them and a lot more vulnerable with them. And you might learn some things that you've been scared to learn because it's embarrassing to learn. Like if your girlfriend can swim, you might finally admit like, yo, I can't swim. Can you teach me to swim? And it's just like, that's the most person you'd be vulnerable because you tell your boy that he'd be like, damn, you can't fucking swim.

[Pat]

Lame.

[Mike]

I say, you're going to drown. And it's just like, like, and it's like that. But like, I think some people take it too far. And if, even if you take it too far, some is just not for the Internet. And what. So this is to DJ Envy. DJ Envy says his wife had to show him how to wash his butt properly in the shower.

[Gene]

I saw that one. I saw the clip. Did he actually say that? I didn't see the clip.

[Mike]

Yeah, I think he think he just, I thought he just, um, he just thought he just had to wipe the outside of it. I don't think he was getting inside his booty crack. So, like, he wasn't, he wasn't wiping his ass. Like, he wasn't washing his ass for like how many years? I don't know, they've been married a long time, but I would say, like, he had to at least meet her. What, in his early 20s? Yeah, that's a long time.

[Gene]

What, how does that discussion even start though?

[Mike]

Like, it had to be some ass play. I ain't gonna lie, right? It had to be. No, DJ Envy shout out to you whatever happened in your bedro happen in your bedroom. But for that conversation to happen, she had to be looking at that the whole time like, yo, this ain't touched his ass. You know, that is a weird. I've been lucky enough to like any girl that I've ever dated has like, had great hygiene. But I can't imagine the thought that goes through a partner. Like, you know, you already love somebody and you just now taking a shower with them and you see them not hit a spot. You'd be like, yo, what's, what's good with that?

[Gene]

You, you analyze you taking the shower.

[Mike]

If I, yes, I look at, if my girlfriend taking a shower, I'm looking at like, what? Like, what are you putting it in? What you put in your Hair. Like how many products you got? Like, if I get in the shower with a girl and she got a 10 in one body wash, that's the last time I see that girl. No way. You just washed your hair.

[Gene]

10 in one is crazy.

[Mike]

It's some girls out here using three in one. Like if you're in a relationship and your woman doesn't have more products than you, then what are you doing? At that point she's have some products that you can kind of steal a little bit. Like, oh shit. It's a clear up.

[Gene]

I feel like with me and my girl, my, my product to product ratio we're kind of like almost equal now. But you got to limit.

[Mike]

It's a reason for that though.

[Gene]

Because she has a shaved head.

[Mike]

Yes, that's the only reason. That's the only reason. Because it's even right now, probably right? I was, I was looking in the

[Producer James]

shower and I only had like a couple of products, you know, I'm saying like some stuff for my hair, you know, body wash. I was looking at my girl. I lucky wanted to try something.

[Mike]

Yeah, this cocoa butter scrub right here.

[Gene]

I think as dudes though, we don't respect our, our partners products either though

[Mike]

because like I left the jar open

[Gene]

because my girl has like some, some expensive ass like face cream, right? And when she's using it, like the little oils and shit, you know, it's like a little drop. All you need is this and then, you know. But when we use it, it's like,

[Mike]

yeah, yeah, we, we used it all like damn. This small ass bottle. I had that for a year.

[Gene]

One day, one go.

[Mike]

Oh God. A girl didn't call me using her, her face spritz on my kneecap. I was like, damn. She called me like redheaded. That's the worst feeling in the world. Getting caught red handed using your girl product.

[Gene]

Yo, yo, that's not what we doing.

[Mike]

Hello.

[Gene]

Hey, the radio is for people who are driving. Welcome to Crash podcast. Oh, man.

[Mike]

Anyway, that's my face.

[Gene]

Welcome to Crash Dummies episode 270. We are Perception Studios in downtown Toronto.

[Mike]

Toronto.

[Gene]

Appreciate the hospitality here. Yeah, the only thing I would say right now is I feel a little far from you. Like we're usually kind of like a lot closer. Like we could, like we have to adapt.

[Mike]

I like your hand placement though, because I thought you was like going reach under the table. I'm like, hey, that'd be cool.

[Gene]

That'd be crazy.

[Mike]

This, yo, I'm a little far for you. Watch out now we got Gene. Gene. Actually, I don't know if you can tell by the no part, but, like, he's below us.

[Gene]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

So our view has an ass. Yeah. Talk down to this. I never talked down to this.

[Producer James]

Like, I'm at a seminar or something.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So how would you say, oh, my 401k, that's a up part about, like, podcasting. Oh, my bad. Go ahead.

[Gene]

I was gonna tell you you can move your. Your phone thingy. It was kind of in your close shot.

[Mike]

What do you mean?

[Gene]

It was like, front of your thing.

[Mike]

Oh, okay. Was it? I'm not repping this brand, though.

[Gene]

No.

[Mike]

Shout out to Kobe, though.

[Gene]

But we have a live show prize. Dummieslive.com. make sure you guys are purchasing tickets. Tickets for San Francisco. They're going pretty fast. London, Phoenix. Just go to Crash Dummies Live sees your cities there. Patreon. Make sure you guys subscribe to Patreon. We just dropped an episode there.

[Mike]

I challenge everybody on Patreon because I would say, like, at least 33% of the members that have Patreon were put on by another Patreon member. So if you got a friend and y' all always talk about our podcast and you realize, damn, you never talk about the Patreon episodes with me because they don't have Patreon. Challenge them to get Patreon so y' all got more shit to talk about and we can relieve some of their stress because that. I feel like that's our job now every time. Like, we was at the OVO Golf Classic yesterday, and I, like, maybe, like, 20 people came up to me. And that's the reoccurring theme is like, man, I listen to y' all when such and such. I had a dude come up to us, was like, man, Mike voice was so soothing when my girlfriend was cheating

[Gene]

on me, and I said, damn, my voice was soothing.

[Mike]

He said, me. He's like, sometimes he turned me down because, like, I'd be talking about, like, get your ass up and saying all that. He was like, he listened to your advice. Like, hey, move on. Do this. Like that. And that's what he was saying. I was like, bro, go talk to that Mike on my face. You got cheated on. Now this crying you do

[Gene]

well, yeah, we playing golf at the OVO Golf Classic. Shout out to October's very own for hospitality. I said, hospitality.

[Mike]

Like, there's a such thing as northern hospitality, and I'm learning that. And it's not. You got to go way north, though. You got to go to Toronto. Because this don't exist in Michigan.

[Gene]

It was dope. It was dope. It was dope. I realized I kind of have the. The golfing itch. Now I understand why y' all be spending so much time. Actually, not that much time. 18 holes is a lot of. Of golf. I think I'm. I'm gonna do nine, right? Nine is kind of like my cap right there. But I do see how y' all be trying to go away from y' all families and to go golf for four hours. Where else can you really do that? Go away chopping it with your boys?

[Mike]

Because even hooping get crazy. Like, four hours hooping, you cheating. You know what I'm saying?

[Gene]

And you can't have casual conversations when. When you hooping. You can go to the. You can go to the gym as friends and leave a little heated, you know, but golf is just like. It is what it is.

[Mike]

Oh, ladies, ladies. If you don't golf and then your man golfs and there's a woman in his foursome or his. Whatever he doing, they. Because that golfing, you gotta get you learning each other. What. What do you mean?

[Gene]

What do you mean?

[Mike]

I'm saying, like, okay, let's say it's a woman, right? She don't go off. She take care of the kids. A guy has a hobby, right?

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Part of his golfing group. There's a couple women in the golfing group. There's no way they doing 18 holes and they not.

[Gene]

But what is. They're all married.

[Mike]

Who fucking

[Dominique]

that?

[Mike]

Eighteen holes is intimate. Like, I don't care how much information you don't want to give somebody. You end up just talking and yapping for so long like, yo, your significant other should not be golfing with somebody that you threaten.

[Gene]

We were just golfing two women yesterday.

[Mike]

Two women. Two married women.

[Gene]

Yeah, that's what I just said, though.

[Mike]

Two married women. And one of the women had a kid with them, and the other one was. That was an event.

[Gene]

I'm saying you move the pole again, moving that.

[Mike]

I might up that, too. No, but just like. I'm saying, like, regularly, like, for casual time. Not a golfing event, but casual. Like, hey, I'm going to golf with Stacy. Yeah, he doing something else. He putting in that pussy.

[Gene]

Wouldn't that be any activity then? Oh, my gosh.

[Mike]

You made me say that.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

No, no.

[Mike]

You forced me to say that.

[Gene]

I forced you to say that?

[Mike]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Gene]

My Alexa is starting to give me very random responses now. Like when I, you know, Alexa turned TV light on, right? And now saying, like, affirmative. Like, what do you mean affirmative? Or gotcha. Like, I just. Like when it just says, okay, like, that's all I need. I don't need the extra sauce on my Alexa.

[Mike]

Yeah, my Alexa be tripping. My Alexa don't respond to me with her soft voice unless my girlfriend not over. Like, my girl not over Alexa. I'd be like, alexa, turn it down. She's like, yes, daddy. Oh, man. Try to give me that AI Coop.

[Gene]

I got a girl waiting for the future.

[Mike]

Alexa, please bend that ass over.

[Gene]

Wait till you turn 80. You wouldn't even know the difference anyway.

[Mike]

Alexa, turn off light one and light two and come suck this. Hey, yo, yo.

[Gene]

No, it's probably gonna be like that in the future.

[Mike]

No, it is gonna be like, alexis, shake that ass

[Gene]

n. You got to delete your command history. Your girl. Your girl come home, and it', like, see all the little prompts that you did?

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

All.

[Producer James]

She.

[Mike]

She tried to do her, like, cooking routine, like, alexa, tell me the recipe for beef Wellington. Do you want me to shake ass like usual? What the.

[Producer James]

Again?

[Mike]

Jerry, get in here. I don't know why Alexa's saying that. Alexa, why are you saying that? Me, Daddy?

[Gene]

No, no.

[Mike]

Why she home? Alexa, get back into normal mode. Why do you have freaky mode on our.

[Gene]

I just gotta give the Alexa the prompt. Alexa, anytime you feel there's more than one person in this household, please go to your default settings.

[Mike]

No, that's crazy.

[Gene]

You want the Lexa to go to the far left now?

[Mike]

You catch your boy at a bad time, you're like, bro, let me. I need to come over there. I left my shoes over there. And then you'd be like, oh, let me. He like, yeah, bro, just make sure you turn off my lights. Use my Alexa. Yo, Alexa, turn off his license. Yes, sir.

[Gene]

Hey.

[Mike]

Oh, yo, Alexa got a D voice, bro.

[Gene]

That is. I. I do judge the people that. That do have, like, the different. Alexa. I feel like your Alexa has to be a woman.

[Producer James]

Gotta be the OG Alexa.

[Gene]

Yes, it gotta be. Stop. Stop doing the Australian accent, the British accents, the. The dude. The British man accents. That's just kinky to me.

[Mike]

And that's not even. I don't think that's even sexist, though. No, no, I don't think that's sexist, because I look at Alexa as, like, motherly. You're asking that?

[Gene]

Not even that. It's just the original voice. If Alexa was Alex at the beginning. Keep it as Alex. You know what?

[Mike]

I can't. I can't I can't have Alex shutting off my lights.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

My

[Mike]

Alex. Turn off light 1 to light 2. Bet I've been that ass.

[Gene]

Nah, why is it I would know? Hey, I did Fat Tooth Freaky, bro.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no. AI Dick, please. No, no, no. Shout out to Toronto. But I never realized, like, some of the stuff that we talk about, they don't have any idea about or they don't have access to, like, I was just talking about, like, the. The horse beaters that are going viral right now on Tik Tok Shop. I was just like. Someone was like, yo, you probably hot as hell under the sweater because we had these like, OVO vest on. I'm like, no, I got. I got the horse on. You know, it don't. It don't make you sweat like that. Whatever. Got good technology. Whatever. And they're like, damn, I got it from Tick Tock Shop. It's like, oh, yeah, we not allowed to use TikTok shop. I was like, damn, yeah, Like, I

[Gene]

don't got no Venmo here.

[Mike]

They got Venmo. Like, y' all got, like. They got so many restrictions in America. It's just a free for all around that we can use any app we want, bro. Yeah, you can use cash app. You. You can bet sports in a different country in America. They got so many different restrictions.

[Gene]

Producer, Producer James, what do you guys use for. To exchange money here?

[Toronto Host]

We usually use. It's called emt, like, like email transfer.

[Gene]

So, no, it's crazy. Y' all have to exchange emails.

[Toronto Host]

Yes, you have to send the email. That email.

[Mike]

Still doing pigeon messages.

[Toronto Host]

Game of Thrones over here, man.

[Gene]

Put a dollar. A dollar bill on the pigeon. You get the pigeon.

[Mike]

Be like, nah, nah, bro.

[Dominique]

I'm just.

[Gene]

Hey, I'm just a pigeon. I'm just. I just flew you 10 bucks. I didn't know he owed you 15.

[Mike]

No, the owe you money. He sent a pension. The pigeon come back with one wing. Send that a message. Definitely serious. Oh, pause on me. I apologize. I. I was walking in downtown Toronto and I'm like, man, I need a smoothie. I need something replenished. I need, you know, some. Something protein, something that's also giving me some nutrients. I'm like, oh, near a smoothie bar near me. Yo. Let's take a quick break from today's episode to thank the sponsor of today's podcast, Baskin Lather. In the past, we've all used the same shampoo for our hair beer, just for the convenience, one bottle. To make it simpler for me in the morning. I didn't even know there were beer specific shampoos or care products. Then I discovered the full range of Baskin Lather beer products that are tailored for your fac hair needs.

[Gene]

Using beer specific product versus all in one products is night and day specific shampoo, conditioner and oil. All in one specifically designed for the use in your beard can do everything from removing buildup and strengthening your hair texture to minimizing breakage and shedding.

[Mike]

I'm not gonna lie, I really enjoyed the beard oil. It's used to help seal in moisture and promote a thicker full of beard. So just so you know, now I'm not using the same products that I use for all over my beard. I've noticed a change with healthier facial hair. As you can see, Baskin Lather creates product for textured hair needs.

[Gene]

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[Mike]

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[Gene]

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[Mike]

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[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Okay.

[Mike]

And I was. When I tell you, like, I was opening the door and I like, I put my hat real low because I'm like a nut bar. I. I like, I was ducking in there, bro.

[Gene]

Be yourself, bro.

[Mike]

No, but I am.

[Gene]

You can't live life that way.

[Mike]

I'm scared of nut. What are you talking about? I'm being myself.

[Gene]

I got no nut allergies.

[Mike]

I'm scared to be. I'm scared of being nut at all. Oh, my gosh.

[Gene]

Everything's a sexual thing.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my life. So I, like, walked in there and it was all women in there, and it was just like, so, so vibrant. I'm just like, man, y' all could have came up with a better name. But shout out to the nut bar. It was good.

[Gene]

What'd you get?

[Mike]

I got a strawberry.

[Gene]

They didn't even give me a smoothie, bro. Walk out there with no cup in here.

[Mike]

Walking in, nut bar with an umbrella and. All right, now I just want a smoothie. I just want to get in and out. All right. They're like, dog, bro. Put that umbrella away. No, I was scared in that bar. But hey, no fire, though.

[Gene]

Who actually controls the window seat? Is it the person with the. At the window seat, or does the whole row have any jurisdiction with the window?

[Mike]

To me, that all depends on, like, where are you going?

[Gene]

Okay.

[Mike]

I feel like the flight's over two hours. Then everybody should have a say. If it's a quick flight, like, we going from Milwaukee to Toronto. No, hour and 20 minutes, bruh. He got control of the window. You should have took a nap before you got on this. It's only an hour and 20. Yeah, we going from, you know, Milwaukee to Cali or whatever it may be. And it's four hour flights. Everybody should. That's nap time. People can take naps. So that's. That's what I feel like. But if it's a dude, that can be everybody eyes in a Row. Hey.

[Gene]

Because I like. So what are your thoughts on somebody? Like you're going over a scenic, you know, scenic route, right. There's something that's out the window. You kind of want to get a little video of it, right? The dude's sleeping or. Or the lady's sleeping. Whoever the person's sleeping that has the window. That has the window.

[Mike]

Got it.

[Gene]

Is it rude to reach over to open the window now?

[Mike]

I feel like. Yes, it is.

[Gene]

It's rude to reach over.

[Mike]

No. Yes.

[Gene]

But what did you want to get a picture of that view of video.

[Producer James]

They're sleeping.

[Mike]

It just rap. They pay for that. That's your extra. Just ask. Yeah, you can your broke ass window

[Producer James]

seat is they window. I ain't gonna lie.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Gene]

What would you do if somebody asked you to? It depends what mood.

[Producer James]

You experienced that before?

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah.

[Producer James]

It was like this lady, she was trying to get a photo and I already had the window open because, you know, I like a view and. Yeah, but she was like getting a video. I thought she was getting photos. She was getting a video, bro. It was like a minute and a

[Gene]

half and it'd be all in your space too.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's the same.

[Gene]

Maybe all your space. And I was. I was the Grinch one time. Like you can, you know when I think the. The lady or the guy who was beside me, they were too afraid to ask. And I had the window down. I knew every. I knew it was a scenic thing and everybody's kind of having the video. Their cameras to the windows. I kept my window. My. The window down.

[Mike]

Was that when we went over the Grand Canyon?

[Gene]

It was something like that, yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah. The. The pilot announced that, hey, we're going to take a detour over to Grand Canyon. I almost slapped the out that pilot.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Yeah.

[Mike]

It was about to be a new day. It was gonna be like decided it for everybody.

[Gene]

Yeah, because he said it because a lady asked before we got on the plane. She said, oh, we're gonna fly over the Grand Canyon. He was like, that wasn't really like the original plan, but we can kind of make. Because I don't think it's like a. A direct reroute, but it definitely added like 10, 15 minutes to the flight that he took that way.

[Producer James]

Nah, something went down in the cockpit.

[Mike]

No, he says he got hit. So where do you want to go, baby? Anywhere, I take it.

[Gene]

I'll take you any.

[Mike]

Wherever you want to go. Toronto make me freaky, bro. It's the terrorists. Terrorists got me hard as hell. You telling me to take that much of ship here. Turning me off.

[Gene]

No, that's different, too. The tariffs, though, sometimes it be costing more than, like, producer James, is it. Are you afraid to buy things from different countries?

[Toronto Host]

Nah, not really, to be honest.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

No.

[Gene]

Okay. He got money.

[Toronto Host]

I mean, all I know is that a lot of Canadians have just blatantly just stopped going to the states and not buying American products.

[Gene]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

Is that like. Is that like a. Like a rivalry or something? Like, like, protests?

[Toronto Host]

Yeah, I think all the. Like the 50.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

The.

[Toronto Host]

The 51st state or whatever it was, that whole rhetoric.

[Gene]

Oh, yeah.

[Toronto Host]

I think there was a lot of people that were just like, no. Okay, good. We're just gonna, like, kind of sit.

[Mike]

Y' all stay with our wallets. Y'. All. Y' all let that ride, though, that y' all let people call you out of 51st date.

[Gene]

That's what they were doing at first. Remember, Trump was saying that they're gon. Canada would be a good.

[Mike]

So I'm saying a 51st state has always been offensive, or it used to be a trend.

[Toronto Host]

No, I think it's. I mean, it's just defensive off the jump.

[Mike]

Okay, that's what I thought.

[Toronto Host]

Yeah. So everyone's just like, well, you know, fuck that guy.

[Gene]

Like, you know, we're not.

[Toronto Host]

We're not one of those. Like, we're not like your little brother.

[Mike]

No, fuck that nigga.

[Gene]

Say, saying you're gonna turn the whole country into a state is crazy.

[Mike]

Like, all of Canada. Like, I don't think. I don't think Trump drove through this before. I'm convinced it's different. No, it's different. This definitely not no state, I tell you that.

[Gene]

It said 51st.

[Mike]

51st.

[Gene]

Like. Like it's a Puerto Rico or Hawaii or some shit.

[Mike]

That's That. I think that's. That's the only time I realized Donald Trump is our president. Because, like, when I'm in America, it's so easy to walk up to another person and, like, they talking shit about Trump, and we both like, that's not our president. And we can say that confidently. It's like, that's not my president. When you go to another country, they don't want to hear that shit. Like, nigga, you just told me you're from America. That's your president. Why your president doing such and such. And, like, we had some Canadian people come up to us, and they were talking about Trump, and it felt like. I mean, I wasn't defending him, but it felt like I had to, you know, take on, like, his Criticism. They're like, oh, y' all. President doing such and such. I'm like, damn. Yeah, he a whole ass nigga, you know what I'm saying? This is my first time ever. Like, damn. Yeah, that tripping. And it's like, bro, that's crazy that other people just hate him that much. They probably hate him more than we do. We kind of dislike him, but he our distant cousin at some point, you know what I'm saying? Because he's still running the country.

[Gene]

And it now, I feel it now.

[Mike]

It's crazy what they be doing. Trump. Trump's only president I know to respond to hecklers. They'd be like, you, you. Such and such. I ain't gonna say the name because YouTube was tripping last week on some weird.

[Gene]

We'll see what they do. This one.

[Mike]

Yeah. I mean, we ain't been vulgar.

[Gene]

You said you're gonna get.

[Mike]

There's only one thing I said on here that can get us in and it should be edited out. If that don't. If that make the pie, bro.

[Gene]

No, that's not even it, though. The nut bar.

[Mike]

The nut bar. It's an actual franchise. The nut bar Facts.

[Toronto Host]

It's actually right around the corner from here.

[Mike]

Yeah, Come on now.

[Gene]

You gonna go for seconds.

[Mike]

It's plenty, huh? No, no, no, no, no.

[Gene]

First, the last.

[Mike]

They ain't got no umbrellas around here, bro. I just want my smoothie. I want to get out. The question is, was something that's only luxury because rich people decided it was,

[Gene]

I'm gonna say portion sizes because I think with these expensive, like, restaurants, they're having like a 10, a 10 course meal, and it's equivalent to like one. One meal.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

And I don't even eat scallops. But when I be seeing people get those little scallops and it'd be like, it's like 90 of your plate is exposed. Like, I don't feel like that. Should be over a hundred dollars.

[Mike]

I think that's fire that they do that in a sense when if it's some shit that's very nasty to you. Yeah, it's gone already.

[Gene]

Yeah. Okay.

[Mike]

Like you ever got like a nasty ass meal from a restaurant and gave you a big portion. Now I get to call this shit nasty. 10, 11, 12 times because I'm like cutting the steak. Damn, this nasty. Damn, this nasty. I'm never coming to this again. But like, on the fancy restaurant, he's like, damn, that was nasty as hell. Yeah, but then when it's good, it's like I can't wait to have that again, bro.

[Gene]

You can eat that in one bite. You don't even get. You can't even give yourself a second opinion.

[Mike]

Was that nasty? He's like, there's another one.

[Gene]

Should I have used the sauce with that? That's the worst feeling when you. When you eat something and you find out you ate it the wrong way.

[Mike]

What are you talking.

[Gene]

Explain yourself. I'm just saying, like, say you have a type of sandwich or a type of steak. Right? Right. Or whatever, and it's like a dipping sauce or a way you're supposed to eat it that came with it, but you didn't have it that time, so you really. You really didn't try it in its, like, authentic way. Yeah, so that's what I'm trying to get at.

[Mike]

No, no, I get that. I always get that. I. I feel like I've been a place where they brought something out and I started eating, and then they started coming around with the pouring sauce. Yeah.

[Producer James]

To me, yesterday, actually. But I wasn't really tripping. We had some poutine yesterday, and I got to the table and everybody had gravy. And I was like, yeah, but you

[Mike]

got to put the gravy is.

[Gene]

You had dried poutine.

[Mike]

Oh, brother. Them niggas love poutine in this.

[Gene]

Oh, my God.

[Producer James]

They were crazy for that.

[Mike]

No, they was. They got the poutine. They go crazy.

[Gene]

They had the full thing. It was like. It was a build your own poutine. So I saw. Going crazy. I saw people doing, like, the. They were putting the. Is it the producer? James? The. Is it cheese? Right?

[Toronto Host]

Yeah, it's cheese curds, though.

[Gene]

Cheese. Okay, so cheese curds.

[Toronto Host]

Yeah, the squeakiness. They squeak on your teeth.

[Gene]

Yeah. I saw somebody put the cheese curds. They made a volcano. So they put the cheese curds as, like, a little volcano, and they put the gravy inside the. The top. You know, the opening.

[Mike]

Yeah. So I don't really put the fries at.

[Producer James]

Around.

[Mike]

Oh, it made everything a volcano.

[Gene]

Yeah, the poutine was the volcano.

[Mike]

Oh, the.

[Gene]

The fries was like the. The grass.

[Mike]

I know you can say, play spades on that back.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Oh,

[Mike]

no, for real.

[Gene]

There was somebody that looked like our manager, too, Mark. But he didn't want to admit it, though.

[Mike]

That was crazy. That was probably the first time I ever felt racist, in a sense, because when he denied it, I was like, dude, look, just like you. And then when he denied it, I was just like, because he's from Pakistan. So it just like. I Was like, damn, I kind of feel racist when he was denying it. And I'm just like, nah. And. And I realized that I had to double down. I was like, damn, if I back off right now, I'm racist. I gotta keep going. Nah, I think it didn't feel.

[Producer James]

It didn't feel that way until, like, you try to bring somebody else into

[Mike]

it and they say, no, disagree.

[Gene]

But that's the thing. Anytime you're asking somebody, especially if it's a minority, and you're trying to ask somebody else's opinion if this person looks like them, especially here, people are super nice, so they're not trying to seem, like, offensive. So of course they're not going to say, another Pakistani man looks like another Pakistani man.

[Mike]

How you know he's Pakistani? The other dude.

[Gene]

Come on now.

[Mike]

No, that's crazy. That's racist. I got your back.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Hello?

[Gene]

Hello? Can you. Can you hear us?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Okay, perfect. Welcome to Crash on me's podcast.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Holy. I made the podcast.

[Mike]

No, you did not.

[Gene]

Oh, never mind.

[Mike]

Not yet.

[Gene]

Happy international woman's century Past. Hayden, I'm gonna ask you the question

[Mike]

I just didn't want to get you.

[Producer James]

Sure.

[Gene]

I'm pretty sure you're gonna have a great call.

[Mike]

I don't. I don't lie to women like Mike do.

[Gene]

I'm not lying. I'm gonna ask you the question.

[Mike]

I would never lead you.

[Gene]

Allow me to lead you on.

[Mike]

Oh, talk or do it.

[Gene]

What's your dilemma?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

It's kind of a long story, but bottom line, I don't know if I should keep dealing with this because he's more of a headache than I think anything.

[Gene]

Okay. How long y' all been together?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

I mean, we've been and whatever it is for about eight months.

[Gene]

Okay, eight months. Interesting. Okay, that's not that long. What was the next question? Pat threw me off, showing me some.

[Mike]

Y' all been together eight months. What's been happening in those eight months that's giving you a headache?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

So doesn't really do anything. Like, we've literally had one date in eight months that he planned. And, like, when we hit four months, it was, like, his birthday. And I let him come to my place. He stayed here. I made him a cake and a basket and was super sweet. And it's like, he's just been a weirdo ever since. Like, he constantly argues. I try and pull up on him. He's like, nah, I don't have time. Da, da, da. But then, like, he'll press me about other niggas about what I Got going on. And I'm like, you not on shit. So what you want me to do?

[Mike]

Okay, okay, okay. So if you. Let's. Let's go like month by month. So like, let's say in a month, how many times does he sleep with you at your place or you sleep with him at his place? Like, y' all actually sleep together and wake up together.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

How many times?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Like, that ass has been a good four plus months since I've seen this man.

[Mike]

Wait, wait.

[Gene]

In prison? What. What's going on?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

You tell me. I don't know.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Gene]

It don't sound like you're in a relationship. That's what it sounded like.

[Mike]

It sound like he with his family right now. You

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

literally 45 minute, like, distance between us.

[Gene]

Oh, yeah.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

And it's always some. It's always an argument like, I'm trying to see you. He's trying to see me. Like, he was mad because I was going back to work. I'm a teacher. And so I'm like, I'm going back to work. And he finally decided to be like, hey, let's get breakfast. I'm like, sorry, I can't. I gotta go to work. And then he asked the second time, but then I was like, I'm in the middle of getting my hair done. Sorry, can't. So then he cussed me out. After that, he said he was cool. I was like, okay, cool. Don't speak to him. Literally the next day. I miss you. I want you. Like.

[Mike]

Yeah, it just sounds like I'm just slow, huh? Yeah.

[Gene]

Yes, for sure. You know, we.

[Mike]

We trying to. We trying to help you out. Like, do you talk to anybody else you still talk to?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Only him.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Oh, I've recently started talking to other people.

[Mike]

Okay, good. I mean, you on the right track. He don't want you. I just. I don't know.

[Gene]

Just like, hold our hands when we say this. Like, virtually hold our hands. Hands. Just reach her. Reach your hands out.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Okay.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

All right.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

My hands out.

[Gene]

You're not in a relationship. He has another family that he's taken care of.

[Mike]

Oh, Shannon.

[Gene]

And oh, Lord, it's a good time to continue to talk to those other people that you're talking to and just cut them off immediately. If you haven't seen him in four months, four months from now, again, you still won't see him. It's over.

[Mike]

He want to get breakfast. You just wanted to hit.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You want to put some syrup on your pancakes?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Okay.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Okay.

[Mike]

Was that okay? We don't mean we don't want to Leave you in like a bad.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

We're apparently trying to see each other. Well, we're apparently trying to see each other sometime this week.

[Gene]

No, no, no.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

But it's like putting in all the effort and he has no car.

[Gene]

He's going to have to pick up his kid from day.

[Mike]

He going to have to come eat some coochie. Flat out. Let me say it again or you heard me?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

No, I heard you. I was just laughing.

[Mike]

That's it. He gonna have to come eat some Kochi to see. That's what, that's what you need to text him. You come to eat this box.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

See. But when I do like that, he starts feeling some type of way because he wants a relationship.

[Gene]

You haven't seen him in four months. What relationship? We just held hands and we just told you this.

[Mike]

No, ain't no thank you. Nah. No, you need to be. Oh no, you don't listen. You don't listen. Fuck you hard headed as fuck. I ain't gonna lie. You stressing me out. How do you know this though? You stress me.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

I promise. I do listen. But the problem is like I'm listening to what he's saying over like what he's actually doing.

[Gene]

You've been doing that for four months without seeing him and he lived 45 minutes away.

[Mike]

You ain't seen him in four months. And then you talk about. Apparently we supposed to be meeting up. You about to get ghosted again.

[Gene]

That's enough time to grow afro.

[Mike]

No.

[Gene]

Do y' all FaceTime or anything?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Yeah, when he's not in his feelings.

[Mike]

If he facetimes you, where is he? Like, where is he?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Home.

[Mike]

He home. In what room? You've seen his home before?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

He's in his room and like I've seen the hallway. But he's like. He told me he don't want to show me his place because it's depressing and it's a sad space. I don't know, I feel like he got issues.

[Mike]

Oh my God.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

And so it's like I. I'm just Captain Saber ho. I just like niggas to fix.

[Mike]

And that's the problem, I think.

[Gene]

You think you need fixing?

[Mike]

Yeah, you not. You not fixing. If he ain't showed you his crib, that means it's not all his crib. That shit don't work like that. You've been knowing this man seven months and never seen anything outside of a hallway in his bedroom.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

Yeah.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

And you know what's crazy? He got mad at me earlier this week and, and was like, you don't even have my address. I've had pull up on me because they with me, and I'm like, you didn't give me your address because you're paranoid ass told me you didn't want to give me your address.

[Mike]

So you still don't have his address?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

No, no. Even after the argument when we got cool again, I was like, okay, send me your address.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Still hasn't said to.

[Mike]

I mean, he probably lives with his parents, so. How old is he?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

He's 27, 28.

[Mike]

Yeah, he probably still live with his parents. That's what it sound like. If he only showed you his room, he don't want to show you. Cause you gonna see all the family pictures on the wall. Like, why you got so many pictures of your siblings and shit? You know what I'm saying?

[Gene]

What are we doing here, bro?

[Mike]

And he only comes to your crib. He probably ain't got. Do he got a car?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

No.

[Gene]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

You got it.

[Producer James]

You know what?

[Gene]

You got it.

[Mike]

You playing. We tried you playing.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

He claims he's saving. Like, he wants to get a specific type.

[Mike]

You are saving.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

He wants to get a specific.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

No.

[Mike]

Somebody sent you here to piss us off.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Somebody said that or not? Why? I know why. He fuck with you? Yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Gene]

Come on now.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

If you don't do me like that.

[Gene]

I'm sorry. That was rude. That was rude.

[Mike]

That was really rude.

[Gene]

That was rude.

[Mike]

That's my rap. We should have said if y' all went to the same school, y' all would be in the same class.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

You know what? I think we are both autistic low key now.

[Gene]

We want the best for you. Just as a listener of the pod. We want the best of you.

[Mike]

Yeah. Your side the way.

[Gene]

This position you're in right now does not sound ideal at all. It's. I just think there's what's. What's. What's, like, keeping you, like, interested.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

I think it's like the first, like, the first three months. The first three, four months, like, was so good. And we had a great day. He took me all around his city, showed me a bunch of, like, everywhere

[Gene]

is in the city, but.

[Mike]

So he took you around the city and you didn't go to his place? Where did y' all go?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Well, we went to, like, a bowling alley in an arcade. We went to a record shop. Like, there was a bunch of little stores, a bookstore.

[Mike]

Oh, this definitely. He lived with his parents. So what did y' all do? So you. You drove back home that night?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Yeah. Because I told him. I mean, it was our first date. I told him I wasn't on the first night.

[Mike]

Okay, so y' all had sex when he came to your crib?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So that's the only time y' all ever did anything is when he came to your crib?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Yep. And he, like, extended his stay when he was here, too. Like, each day it just got longer. Like, at first, he was only supposed to be here, like, two days.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Yeah.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Then he's supposed to go back to work, but then he's like, oh, I'mma stay today and I'mma stay another day.

[Mike]

And also, like, this ain't got no job. He ain't got no job then.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Because you do.

[Mike]

No, you do. Where he work at?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Okay. See, y' all be trying to catch people being federal.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no.

[Gene]

What kind of.

[Mike]

What kind of work does he do? Don't tell us where he works at. Like, does. Like, how do you have proof that he has.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

You know, I don't even actually know the company either. He's so paranoid. He don't want to tell me nothing. But he works, like, doing airplane parts. So, like some blue collar manufacturer job,

[Gene]

nigga putting together Legos. I told her, told his airplane parts niggas, Legos in his bedroom that he know.

[Mike]

No way. You believe this? He won't give you his address. He won't tell you where he worked. You ain't been to his crib, you ain't seen him in four months. And then you talking about, apparently we supposed to be meeting up this week if he.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Listen, I know I'm delusional, but I think I'm that delusional.

[Mike]

Man, you know delusional would be a compliment, right?

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Oh, man.

[Mike]

You should not meet up with him next week. I think you should move on. He's a liar. Just to let you know, we trying to put you on game. Nothing works like how it's working right now. This is not real life. What you doing. Don't nobody do FaceTime and don't show their place. Don't nobody not invite a girl they like over their place. Don't nobody ghost somebody for four months. Don't nobody play games how he playing. Don't nobody like he live with his parents. He don't got a car, he don't got a job. We just put it like that. That's why he ain't seen you.

[Gene]

And he has a second family, and

[Mike]

he might got a family. That makes sense.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Okay.

[Mike]

You good? How you feel about that?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

I mean, I feel Like. Like low key. I'm starting to piece it together. And I'm like, maybe he really don't have a job. Because like every little thing, he be like, you want a To trick on you? And I'm like, no, I just want you to treat me like a girlfriend if that's what you want me to be. My like. And like, even with. What was it, his birthday? I paid for dinner and I asked for the check. He's like, oh, you want them to know you paying? Da da da. Like, I'm like, nigga, pipe down. I'm trying to get out of here. That's the only reason I asked for the check.

[Mike]

Like, shit. Ridiculous. Like, shit. Like we can't even get through to her. She's so fucked up in the head, this little sis right now, and we can't even help her out. Like, we.

[Producer James]

So sorry.

[Mike]

Hit us back though. Gotta do a check in.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

For sure.

[Mike]

For sure. Yo, yo, Mr. Wordy.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

What's up?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

What's up? What's up? What's going? What's going.

[Gene]

Oh, man, okay, off the.

[Producer James]

Off the back.

[Mike]

No, we got a question.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

What's up, ass?

[Gene]

Oh, is that type of call?

[Producer James]

Huh?

[Mike]

Okay, all right, cool,

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

man. I had to put that in west cow.

[Mike]

Oh, let us ask you the question. All right, you know what? You know what grades this got in school? All right, what's the hot. What's your hot take of the week?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Damn. What else? Shoot, I think I put that love ain't real.

[Mike]

Love ain't real. Why you say that?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Just feel like it ain't. It's not monogamy. Not real. I'll change. I say monogamy ain't real. I don't feel like nobody's monogamous no more. Or me personally,

[Mike]

okay?

[Gene]

Oh, man.

[Mike]

Oh, you gotta. You got a girlfriend?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

I got a girlfriend.

[Mike]

That's what I asked you.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

No. No, man, I ain't got no girlfriend.

[Mike]

Have you had a girlfriend before?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

What's up?

[Mike]

Do you got any women in your life?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

For sure,

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

man.

[Gene]

Oh, man. Have you ever been in a relationship?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Yeah, I've been in relationships, man.

[Gene]

Why those didn't work out, brother?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

I can't call.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Oh, man.

[Mike]

Have you ever been on a phone call before?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Hell no, I ain't been on the phone call now.

[Mike]

I can tell, bro. God damn. They ain't got no people skills. Can't talk. What you think everything you gonna say is. Is gonna be. Is federal or something?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

I'm just not much of a talker, man. I'm more of a I'm more of a listener, man. I'm more of a listener.

[Mike]

I never heard that before. That didn't say I'm not much of a talker. I'm more of a listener, man.

[Gene]

Man, another win for the death,

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Not

[Gene]

deaf people are eating right now, aren't they?

[Mike]

No, they eating right now. That said, I'm more of a listener. I'm not one to talk. I feel it, bro. Where are you from?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

I'm from Georgia, bro.

[Mike]

Georgia. You from Atlanta, ain't you? We could tell, bro.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Nah, I ain't from Atlanta.

[Mike]

Yeah, you is.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

All right.

[Mike]

Yes, you is, bro, or you wouldn't have said nothing.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

I swear for God, I ain't from Atlanta.

[Gene]

He's from the deep South.

[Mike]

Jonesboro.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Nah, man, I ain't gonna put on business.

[Gene]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

You literally. You literally sound like generic Georgia voice. Ain't nobody gonna recognize you, bro. I told us where you was from, bro.

[Gene]

You didn't even say anything.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Hey, y' all probably sitting up there with the FBI suits on right now.

[Gene]

What did you say? It was FBI worthy, bro.

[Mike]

You haven't said. Why the would we try to get you.

[Gene]

Monogamy isn't real. First said relation. Whatever. You said monogamy isn't real. And then you said you couldn't expand on that point.

[Mike]

You don't have a girlfriend. Like, how can we get you caught up? There's nothing. You talking about some FBI shit. You ain't give us no information.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Yeah, you're right, man. I'm keeping that way.

[Mike]

No, but, like, legit. We was trying to. This is probably going to make the pot, but we was trying to get more information out of you just so to make sure you make the pot. And you still did. Bare minimum. And you made us do all the work. Like you lucky Mike landed a joke or this shit would not make it. I promise you make sure.

[Gene]

You think?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

I'm hoping it wasn't gonna go on the pod, man.

[Mike]

No, that's going on a pod.

[Gene]

We're gonna waste everybody's time.

[Mike]

Hey, and you know one other thing.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

What's up, ass?

[Mike]

That's exactly what I was about to say to you. That's crazy. You read my mind.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

I know, I know. You said. That's. That's the whole point of the call.

[Mike]

Yeah, I'm already here. I'm already here, but now they want

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

to call you a. You call everybody.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How I feel? How I feel? Quiet ass. Get your quiet ass on this. Shy was practicing the mirror. Pat you ass.

[Gene]

This I'M gonna tell him that today.

[Mike]

Today's the day

[Gene]

you confronted his bully.

[Mike]

That nigga about to be in the YouTube comments. Y' all see what I did? No, you win, bro. You win, bro. A lot of people. A lot of people, I don't know why they just don't be clapping. People be trying to, like, make me seem like a bully when all they got to do is tell me to shut the up. I appreciate it, bro.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

At night, bro.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

You cool, though, bro.

[Mike]

You know what I'm saying? I'll be trying to be cool. I just be trying to get tough love to and then take it, like, offensively, like, be getting cheated on. I call them him. I tell him he need to strap on his nuts. And now I'm the. That's bullying. You know what I'm saying? You get what I'm trying to say, though, man, shut your ass up. You and them.

[Gene]

Oh, my gosh. I literally was shaking my head as he was kept agreeing. I was like, oh, man, he doesn't know what he's doing. Yo, what it do?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

What's good?

[Gene]

What's good with y' all boys?

[Mike]

That chillin? Okay, what's your hot take of the week?

[Dominique]

So doctors have to start saying no to certain baby names. So the reason why I say this is I'm a teacher, and I got some. Some students that got some very interesting names. I got, like, a kid named Tabor, which is absolutely outlandish. Should never name your kid that. Name him a normal name.

[Gene]

Tabor, spelled Tabor.

[Dominique]

I believe it's T, A, B, O, R. Tabor.

[Producer James]

Tabor.

[Mike]

Oh, okay. He got a daddy named.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Don't do it.

[Mike]

You got a daddy named Tay. Daddy named Boris Tabor.

[Dominique]

I mean, he said, you two dads.

[Mike]

Yeah, you probably got two dads. She ain't know. She's like, I'm named after you, devontae. And you bore Tabor.

[Dominique]

I don't know why. I mean, he's. He's a white kid, so Devontae's a little crazy for a white man.

[Mike]

Tabor. Crazy for a mix kid.

[Dominique]

That's. That's fair. That's fair. I mean, I've. Obviously, I've heard of the name Absidy. The A, B, C, D, E. That's just.

[Mike]

Can't do it.

[Gene]

A, B, C, D, E. That's a name.

[Mike]

That's a name.

[Dominique]

Absolutely.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Yep.

[Gene]

I've never heard that before.

[Dominique]

Crazy. And then. Yeah. And then also don't do virtue names anymore. So no honesties, no faiths, no graces, no now you.

[Mike]

Now you're going too far.

[Gene]

Faith and Grace, you had me an absolute. I agree with you. Absolutely is kind of crazy. Crazy. Shout out to apps all the ABCD's out there though. Yeah, kind of crazy.

[Mike]

I don't even know what. What are they though? Are they majority men, women? Like what is the. What do. Absolutely.

[Dominique]

I would assume. Absolutely. I mean the absence I've seen have been women.

[Mike]

Okay, girls. Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. Oh yeah. But we need the grace in the face. Like when I meet a grace, faith, serenity. Those people bring me peace. You know what I mean? Just like oh, you a sign or something like that. Like oh, grace. You know what I'm saying? So just like we need those.

[Gene]

Promise.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Promise.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yo, yo. Let's take another break from today's podcast to thank the sponsor.

[Gene]

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[Mike]

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[Gene]

Download earning on the app store or the Google Play store, spelled like earning money without the G type in crash dummies under podcast when you sign up, it'll really help the show. Mandatory disclaimers Number one, Earning is a financial technology company, not a bank. Two, access limits are based on your earnings and risk factors. Standard cash outs take one to two business days with no mandatory fees. Three expedited transfers available for a fee. Tips are voluntary and don't affect the service. And four, available in select states. Terms and restrictions apply. Visit earning.com for full details. Now back to the pod.

[Dominique]

Every serenity I have met has been absolute hell. Anything but serene. They have been just straight ass, like, just terrible people. I'm like, why. Why did your parents name you this? It did not come true.

[Gene]

We need all the serenities to defend themselves in the comments.

[Mike]

Yes. If we have any. Okay. No, no, but what's your name?

[Dominique]

So my actual name is. I mean, I'm assuming y' all gonna kind of bleed this out, but, like, my name is Dom, but I. It's actually like, Dominique.

[Mike]

Okay. We ain't gonna believe that. I mean, just a simple. It's a super first name. Nobody gonna find you, bro. Yeah, Dominique. I just think you don't like your name, though. I feel like if your name was, like, more creative, you would lean into, like, the creative names. But since you have, like, Dominique is, like, very generic, so I. So if you just feel like that's where the hate kind of stem from,

[Dominique]

maybe a little bit. I ain't gonna lie.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

If you had.

[Gene]

If you had a kid, what would you name your kid? Boy or girl? Both.

[Producer James]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Dominique]

Well, funny enough, my wife is actually right next to me, so, like, you know, and she also listens to the pod. So, like, we haven't necessarily fully come up with one, but I would say that if it was a boy, we have the middle name picked out, which is crazy.

[Mike]

Spit it out.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

My bad.

[Mike]

God damn. That was getting crazy.

[Dominique]

I don't know. We probably got something more normal, though, like, you know, something that's like, I don't know, a James or like a Boo. No, we're not gonna go. No, Patrick. Sorry, we can't do Pat.

[Mike]

No. You're gonna name your kid. I hate my name. I. Like, I wouldn't name my kid.

[Gene]

I would not name my kid Michael either.

[Mike]

But James, like, James is crazy generic. God damn.

[Dominique]

And we try to give him an old name, so he just old soul,

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

you know, he real.

[Gene]

What about a girl named him Esther? Hell no.

[Mike]

About to say Mary. James and Mary.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Gertrude.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Gertrude?

[Gene]

Are you being for real?

[Dominique]

Hell no.

[Mike]

You ain't got no names, bro. You need to start stealing some of these names. You need to name your daughter Tabor.

[Dominique]

I don't know.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

If we had.

[Dominique]

If we had a girl, maybe, like, I don't know. I feel like Maya's not terrible. Sasha.

[Mike]

Sasha. Okay, get this guy off the phone.

[Gene]

Didn't they want to be Obama so bad. You have a good one, bro.

[Dominique]

Appreciate y'.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

All.

[Producer James]

All right.

[Mike]

Appreciate you, bro.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Hello.

[Mike]

Yo, what's good? Got a question for you. What's your dilemma?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

So I have a disabled vet, felon, stalker, and he wants my booty.

[Gene]

Disabled vet.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Like, he's a disabled vet. Like, and he's a felon, too.

[Mike]

Like, disabled vet, felon, veteran, and he's my stalker. Yes, I said veteran.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Oh, and he wants my booty.

[Mike]

Okay, okay, let's go through them all.

[Gene]

Disable, like, missing a leg.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Like, he's a disabled vet. So he got discharged.

[Mike]

Okay, that's one disabled vet. No, no, no, no, no, no. We gotta.

[Gene]

We need, like, what type of disability?

[Mike]

Everybody need context first.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Oh, like, he. He, like, went mental.

[Gene]

Got it. Got it. Mental. Mental.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Mike]

That type.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Okay.

[Mike]

Disabled, mentally. He's a vet. He fought in the war.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Yeah.

[Mike]

He's a stalker. He's stalking you?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Yeah.

[Mike]

He wants your booty.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Yup.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

And Got it.

[Gene]

Okay, and where is he stalking you?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

And he's a fella.

[Mike]

Oh, he's a felon, too.

[Gene]

What do you do? What was the felony?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

He said he had a hundred bows on him, like, like, pounds of wheat. But I don't. I don't know if I believe it.

[Gene]

Oh, this is what he told you.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

He told you something else.

[Gene]

He told you he was a felon.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Okay. Because he was lying the whole time, but I'll get into that one.

[Gene]

Okay, so where were these conversations happening? Like, Like, y' all wanted a couple

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

dates or something, so. No. All right, bro, don't play with me like that.

[Mike]

We'll let you tell the story because we don't want to, like, ruin your story, though.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

So this. Yeah. So this guy's a regular at my job. I work at a smoke shop, and he comes in, like, twice a week, and he usually buys edibles. But he'll tell me. He's like, yeah, like, I don't use these. These are for my girl. So I'm thinking he's straight. Like, I'm thinking he's a cool guy. Then, like, three days ago, he comes in and, like, obviously something's off. Like, he's moving, like, manic. Like. Like, his eyes. He's just looking through you, bro. He stayed at my job for five hours that day, bro. And, like. Like, I'm trying to get away from him. I'm like, yo, I'm gonna go on the back and eat lunch real quick. He's like, I bet I'll just Be out here. I'm like, yo, I'm about to go use the bathroom. He's like, you know what? I got it too. Like, I'm gonna drive home and then come back. Like, it's crazy. And, like, he lost touch from reality. Like, he had gone to the VA earlier that day, and he said they stole his phone. I'm like, damn, why you think they stole your phone? He looks at me dead in the eyes like, bro, because I got the cure for cancer in there. And I start dying laughing in his face. He's straight face, like, looking at me. And then he goes into, like, what he thinks a cure for cancer is. I'm like, bro, like, there's something wrong with this guy. But, like, he's not acting real crazy in the store. So, like, I'm not kicking him out because he also keeps buying stuff. But he spent, like, $200. Like, bro, he drank four Red Bulls in five hours. Like, this nigga was tripping, bro. He didn't have his phone, but he had this Samsung watch, bro. He was jumping up and down playing Yo Gotti on, like, full, like, full blast, like, in front of, like, customers.

[Gene]

Like, with the watches. Like, the watch to his ear.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Yeah, like, to his ear, like, on full block. And I'm like, bro, we got an Alexa. Like, we could play it on there. So way better speaker. Like, like, that's why I thought he just came out of jail because all the technology was so new to him. Like, he wanted to use my phone to call his phone to see if, like, they would pick up. And now. Now I think he just did that to get my number. But, like, I get him my phone to go call his phone, and he like, bro, I don't know how to work these new things. I'm like, bro, it's an iPhone 15. Like, it's not, like, no crazy technology, but. All right, so he calls himself off my phone, and, like, I'm not even gonna get into the stuff he did at the store. Like, just know he's a weird guy, but he was manic because that doesn't really matter. But so he has my phone number in his watch, and he doesn't have his phone yet. So, like, I go home, I'm. I'm in my bed, and, like, yeah, so he's like, I'm laying in bed. Like, I'm sleeping, but, like, every two hours, I'm waking up because I keep getting phone calls, but from different numbers, but I'm not picking them up, because I'm just like, oh, wait, there's one more part from the day before. So he bought me dinner. Like, he bought me, like, 10 wings. Like, I was hungry as hell. He bought me 10 wings. I'm not thinking nothing of it because, like, he ate some of them too. So I'm just like, all right, I

[Gene]

ate ladies to get lady to the champ.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

See? Yep. See? See, I wasn't thinking of the number at the time. All right? So he keep calling me throughout, like, the night. And so 8am he calls me again, but this time it's from his phone. So, like, I'm like, bro, if I keep ignoring him, he know where I work. Like, he gonna come in mad as hell. So, like, I call him back, like, 9am he instantly start going. He's like, bro, I know you probably your girlfriend right now. You supposed to be with me. Like, he like, oh, you. You asleep. You eat out here eating breakfast. And I ain't slept for four days. Like, we supposed to be making money. Like, where you at right now? Like, what? Drop Addie. I'm like, what? He's like, bro, drop the Addie. Like, let me pull up. I'm like, bro, it's 9:00am like, what you mean? He was like, bro, like, let's hang out. Let's do something. And like, the day before, he had also been like, there was a festival that was going on Saturday. And he was like, bro, let me scoop you. Like, I'll take you. Like, you know, I'll pay for all your food. Like, we can just have a good time. He's talking about his girl in between, like, all this gay stuff he doing. So I'm not, like, I'm not reading into it, bro. So this phone call keeps going, and I'm like, all right, bro. Like, I'll let you know when I get home. I was home, but I just lied to him and told him I wasn't home. So I'm like, I'm talking to my girl. I'm like, bro, like, this guy's weird, but at this point, I still don't know. Like, he's gay. So I'm just like, bro, like, he just wants to hang out with me. Like, he wants to keep buying me stuff. Like, I'm just confused, bro. Like, I think he wants you. I'm like, nah. Like, what you mean? Like, like, what you mean? Why would he want me? I go talk to the manager of my apartment complex, and, like, he had been to jail, too. And, like, I'm telling him the whole story, and he was, like, off the first few sentences I could tell he wants to you, but once I told him about the wings part, he was like, bro, you ate the honey bun. I'm like, what you mean? He's like. He's like, that was his down payment on booty. $30.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

He double face palm.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Hey, bro, I'm gonna need you to go down to that pawn shop and get you.

[Mike]

Hold on, hold on.

[Gene]

Your services was. Was. Was a little bit.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

Hold on.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Let me take my AirPods out.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, take them.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Can y' all hear me better?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

So it was a down payment?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Yeah. So he was like, bro, that's a down payment on your booty. So he's like, bro, I'm gonna need you to go to the pawn shop right now and, like, get a gun. And, like, you need to file a police report. And, like, while we're talking, this guy keeps on, like, calling me. He's like, texting me, like, yo, what up with it?

[Mike]

Like, where you at?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

That? And, like, keep him. See, he's also from Memphis, so he's a felon. He's a vet. Like, he's killed people, and he's from Memphis. Like, this has no regard for life. So I'm scared. Like, I'm a little from the suburbs. Like, I'm from Rhode island, bro. I ain't never been in no for real. So, like, I don't even want no guns. So, bro, I got some bear mates this pink, too. Like, I look like a little hoe, but, like, I needed something because he want my butt, and I, like, I'm not going, bro.

[Producer James]

Like.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Like, that's why I don't even be doing illegal shit like that. For real, because I'm not trying to go to jail. Like, none of that. But, bro, so he keeps calling me and, like, I just block them. I file a police report and, like, what's it called? But, like, the last time he had called me, it was like, 10, 12, and I was working at a different location but, like, the same, you know, workplace. Bro. He calls me, and then 12 minutes later, I see him walk by. Bro, I never ran so fast since, like. Since I was like, 13, bro, outside playing. I ran to the back. I grabbed that mace, and I was just in there clutch there. The shiver of this. Like, bro, you're in the store by yourself. No, bro, I was with a girl. I made her sit at the front. I made her sit next to the door. She had to tase her eye of the bare mace.

[Gene]

I was like, bro, that boy put her in the line of fire.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Yeah, but like, it was crazy because we heard him before we saw him. So, like I was saying, there was a festival that day. So, like, it was packed on the sidewalk. And, like, we just hear this guy yelling. And, like, we see all these white folks staring at him, and we just see this black guy walk by just like on the phone, but he's yelling. And we're just like, yo, who is that? Like, who could that be? Like, acting crazy. I'm staring at him. I'm like, yo, it's that nigga. But like, he ain't look at me. I'm so lucky, bro. Cause I'll be telling you, he would have came in that store with a vengeance. And I know he got pulled. Like, I'm not trying to die over my butt game, but like, I will. Like, like, it really is that deep, bro.

[Mike]

He trying to play. Yeah, army vet trying to. Trying to play Call of Booty with you,

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

bro.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Pat, this is a serious situation.

[Gene]

Like I said, he's not that deep. That's exactly what he was trying to do.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

I gotta go back to the same location today.

[Mike]

Yeah, I usually don't tell people to get the law involved, but, brother, you're. You need it. I know, I'm just saying.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

But you already filed a police report.

[Mike]

No, no, no. You got. You got to set up a trap or something. You gotta lure him. You might have to show him the booty.

[Gene]

Like, bake car.

[Mike]

Yeah. Instead of bait card, it's bait butt

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

yesterday.

[Gene]

No, you got.

[Mike]

No, listen, you might to go buy some nice leggings and stand in front of the store and just had a cops pull up like, yo, he gonna try to come take it from me.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

You know what's crazy?

[Mike]

Just don't give him the wrong location.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

You know what's crazy? When I was talking to my manager about that, he would like, at the end of the conversation, he's like, you know what the problem is? You got that fat ass and you'd be wearing them short shorts. He has to be jiggling all over the place.

[Gene]

Was he looking you up and down, manager?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Hey, yo, this. I'm like the manager of my apartment complex. So I'm like, hey, yo, this gay too. But then, like, after the conversation, I go. I go up to my room and like, I'm in the mirror on facetime with my girl, and like, I'm telling her what he said. She like, do a 360, but I do a 360 in the mirror. She like, nah, yo, look crazy right now, bro. I instantly went to the store and spent 300 trying to look like Lil Yachty and them concrete boys. I'm going baggy jeans. Tim's everything. From now on. I'm not wearing no more shorts, bro. Like, so you probably look like a snack to this.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You tried to hide that ass from OG.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

I got some waist 38 jeans, bro.

[Mike]

Oh, damn. Yeah, that's. That's crazy. It just sound like you are on a lot of felons.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Yeah, I work at a smoke shop, so crazy people come in all the time.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gene]

Around a lot of felons and horny people.

[Mike]

Yes, everybody horny.

[Gene]

Everybody.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

And, like, I don't know what it is about my build. Like, people tell me I'm built like a torto, but, like, I attract a lot of gay people, but, like, usually they back off and I'm just like, nah. Like, this guy kept coming. Pause, pause, pause. He kept. He kept trying to do something.

[Gene]

Oh, okay, bro. I hope you stay safe.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

I hope I do too. Peace, boys.

[Gene]

All right.

[Mike]

I hope I do too. Krillin ass.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

Hello?

[Mike]

Hello?

[Pat]

I make the pie. Check me out.

[Mike]

Oh, we don't know about that yet.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

We don't know.

[Gene]

Pretty good. Pretty good.

[Mike]

We don't know that yet. I don't want to make no false promises, so.

[Pat]

Oh, that's fair. As long as I got a phone call, I'm okay.

[Mike]

Oh, bare minimum. We got you. All right. We got a question for you.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

What's your dilemma?

[Pat]

You know, Pat, my dilemma is I done gave a year worth of my time to this man that I really wanted, but I just feel like I'm better off playing in the streets.

[Mike]

What this man do to you?

[Pat]

I don't think he did anything to me. I just don't think that he's doing enough. Like, he's actually giving me bare minimum, and I'm worth way more than that.

[Mike]

Do he pay your bills?

[Pat]

No.

[Gene]

I mean, that's not a requirement.

[Pat]

No, it's not a requirement.

[Gene]

So what is he doing? What do you think he could do better at?

[Mike]

You don't know that.

[Pat]

I do know that. I think he could be more intentional. He's not very intentional. No. Planning is always very chillax around the house. Like, mundane activities.

[Gene]

Like, I don't know,

[Pat]

like, going to the house. We chill around the house. For sure. He's got a pool. He got hookah. He feels like he got a lot of activity.

[Mike]

Got hookah. Girl, you up here complaining, no blood.

[Gene]

So what attracted you to him at first, then? Like, what were the things he was Doing that made you. And how long you been in a relationship with him?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

A year.

[Gene]

Okay, so what are the things that attracted you to him that made you stay for.

[Pat]

Of course it's physical activity. Like a physical attraction came first. He did, like, casual activities together, like psycho going to the gym. And we had those similarities as far as, like, our motivation and things like that. So that's what eventually attracted me to him.

[Gene]

Okay.

[Pat]

And I didn't. I didn't come up to him and talk to him. He pulled me to the side, and he came with big energy in the beginning, and so now I slow down.

[Mike]

Got it. So he shows you everything, and then as soon as he got you over there with his hookah in this pool and y' all start hustling and rumpling, he just let off the brakes or let off the gas, hit the brakes.

[Pat]

Exactly. Poor communication, all the things.

[Gene]

Have you brought this up, too?

[Pat]

I think after I have.

[Gene]

And what was his responses?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

He does.

[Pat]

His responses are, I trust issues, previous trauma with other females, blah, blah, blah. And he'll show improvement and effort for a little bit, but then just falls off randomly.

[Producer James]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Do you think there's anything you could be doing better?

[Pat]

I could be doing better. You know, I could have more patience. That's about all I can give. Patience and grace at this point.

[Gene]

The reason I asked that. Because you're already talking about going back to the streets.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

What's wrong with that?

[Gene]

I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, but if you already have that mindset already, you might as well just end it, you know?

[Pat]

That's true. But I think it's also like, I caught him outside in the streets this past weekend right after a little disagreement, and he was really playing his card out there. I wasn't on that.

[Mike]

I think maybe usually, I think what holds people into a relationship like this because, like, you know, a lot of information that sounds like you should leave, but the reason you not leaving is, you know, you're not giving full effort either. So, you know, there's some things. Because it don't sound. Because usually you would come on here, you'd be like, oh, we not doing nothing. I plan this, and then he didn't do nothing. I plan this, and then he do nothing. It don't sound like you doing nothing either, though. It sound like you kind of just. You expected him to lead because he came with big energy, and now, like, the big energy is not there and you not putting in no effort either, and it's just kind of whatever.

[Pat]

Yeah, it is just Kind of whatever. But should I not expect the man to leave?

[Mike]

Yeah, but you. I feel like. But the only way you gonna leave is you put in some effort and see he rejecting the effort. You know what I'm saying? Like, maybe he put in big energy and saw, like, oh, I'm doing all this. She not doing nothing. She just going along for the ride. Let's see what happened when I pull back pack and I don't do nothing, and we're not doing nothing, and now y' all passing back and forth some Febreze hookah.

[Pat]

No, for sure, it's just dry energy.

[Gene]

So do you think?

[Pat]

Do you think?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Go ahead.

[Pat]

No. What's your question?

[Gene]

No, I was gonna say, do you think the streets are going to be better?

[Pat]

No, I don't think the streets would be better, but I think my anxiety will go down being back in the street.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Would you rather cry in the streets or in the backyard with a pool with some hookah?

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Come on, now.

[Pat]

I'd rather not cry at all.

[Gene]

No, no, that's. That's a good answer.

[Mike]

No, but that's the thing, though. You know, hookah getting expensive these days. I think you need to hold on to them just a little bit longer.

[Pat]

What's so much longer? It's been a year. How much time do you really need? You know? You know?

[Mike]

No, no, I bet you. Okay, then leave the.

[Gene]

What do you think's holding you back from leaving, though?

[Pat]

And this sucks for every girl. It's potential. And that's it. Because that's it. It's just a potential because he could

[Mike]

end up getting more hookah and then you. Not now both y' all got y' all hookah sticks,

[Pat]

right? Cause we'd be passing back and forth to one.

[Gene]

Yeah, with the two little nozzles.

[Mike]

Look, bro, I'm telling you, as soon as she leave and he gonna get the next girl, and then she gonna post on Instagram like, look, me and babe both got her old because he

[Gene]

got the octopus hookah.

[Pat]

You know what really pissed me off is if he go get an electric hookah, cuz we still putting the stones on the stove.

[Gene]

I didn't even know they had electric one. That got to be way more worse for your lungs.

[Mike]

Now that's crazy.

[Gene]

Now that sucking up lithium and that going.

[Mike]

That gonna you up, though. That gonna you up. You see a new girl in that spot? She in the pool smoking on that electric hookah.

[Pat]

It is, but. And he just gave me compliments maybe a couple months ago, like, you don't Know how many match you got your spot. But it's like. My spot for what?

[Gene]

Did he use the word too?

[Pat]

Yeah, we don't call girls.

[Gene]

No, no, no, no. It's not even about that. It's not even about that. It's just the vocabulary people use sometimes.

[Mike]

They just like, yo, self respect too, though. They just sound like. It's just like. You got a lot of confidence when you talk. But like, as soon as we talk about the relationship ending and you leaving and another woman entering, that's when you get a little insecure. So I think it's really because you don't want another woman in that spot. You really don't want him, but you don't want him with nobody else. Because then you got mad that he was out at the club and he was like, oh, he doing this and he doing that. That's what's keeping you. You. You don't come on. And if he talking to you like that, he already got them girls on the line. Because how the. You know.

[Pat]

No, for sure. I feel like it was a bit telling in your hand. Like, what?

[Gene]

That's a whole ass.

[Mike]

I'm just saying.

[Gene]

I know.

[Mike]

I'm saying how the. You know, I'm not that. I'm on your side. It's somebody. Hey, it's somebody else smoking. It's somebody else smoking that cherry cola flavored hookah. You know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

Like, y. Blueberry man.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Blueberry man.

[Mike]

Blueberry man. Oh, yeah, blueberry.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

He.

[Dominique]

He.

[Mike]

He meant to another girl.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

So that.

[Pat]

Y' all gotta go.

[Gene]

All right, get out there.

[Pat]

Y' all didn't tell me. Happy International Women's. I'm on y' all ass.

[Mike]

We ain't had time. All the hookah was in our face. No, Happy International Women's Century to you. You need to give him an ultimatum that he need to step it up.

[Gene]

Ultimatum is crazy how she got her breaking point.

[Pat]

No, I am. Ultimatum is crazy. But I'll give him a little bit more time. And I'll be more stern. No, for sure, I will. I'll try.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Gene]

He love you.

[Pat]

Winter's coming up. It's cuffing season.

[Gene]

Let's go. Exactly.

[Mike]

Winter coming up. That pool ain't gonna be shit.

[Gene]

And Christmas.

[Mike]

It ain't no indoor pool, is it?

[Pat]

No, no, you know it ain't.

[Mike]

What? And then wait, y' all live down south? Up north?

[Pat]

No, we're in Chicago area.

[Mike]

That's what I'm saying. That pool gone. That pool literally got like a month and a Half left. You good.

[Gene]

Memorial Day is raps.

[Mike]

The Nick. The Nick. Not a whole house smell like hookah. Cuz y' all can't go outside. Like, get rid of that. This the perfect. Yeah, get rid of that, though. What he do for. What he do for a living?

[Pat]

Oh, that's a lot of telling.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

I'm just saying.

[Mike]

Do he make a lot of money?

[Pat]

Law enforcement. Law enforcement? Yeah. Six figures.

[Mike]

Oh, he a cop. Smoke?

[Pat]

I'm a nurse, too. Oh, I'm a nurse, though.

[Mike]

Oh, y' all got a little. Oh, you trying to build a little life. Okay.

[Pat]

No, I am. I'm so serious about it. I'm tired of playing games. I'm 31.

[Mike]

Oh, I feel it. No, I get it. It's time. It's time to put up or shut up.

[Pat]

Tell them that I. I will.

[Mike]

In the words of Pet baby, pass me the hookah.

[Gene]

You have a good one.

[Mike]

He gonna have so many women over if y' all break up. I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna be crazy.

[Gene]

Welcome to Cry's podcast.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Okay. Hear me?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Yeah, boy.

[Mike]

Boy sound like God.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

What the fuck?

[Gene]

I have a question for you. What's your biggest. What's your fit? What's your biggest flaw, and how's it holding you back? I'm obsessed with my bad.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

I'll say my voice just because, like, I really want to do content. I did. I played college ball for the past five years, and I just want to get in that space, but I feel like everybody think I'm faking my voice.

[Mike]

Who's this? DDG.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Cute.

[Mike]

Nah, you got that first 48 voice

[Gene]

at least. I was like that black screen, right?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Producer James]

We should send him something to read.

[Gene]

No.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Okay, look, let's just take a deep breath. You know what I'm saying? Chill out.

[Gene]

How old are you?

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

23.

[Gene]

God damn.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

But it ain't all, like. It ain't always sound like this. Like, it kind of got, like, progressively lower as I, like, got older, I guess.

[Mike]

Hold on real quick. I got something for you.

[Producer James]

Do you use your voice like you sing or anything?

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

No, my dad. My dad some, but I ain't saying.

[Gene]

Can you say you're in good hands with Allstate?

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Y' all want me to say it for real?

[Gene]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

All state. Are you in good hands?

[Gene]

Oh, man. You might have a profession. Hey, man.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Hey.

[Gene]

He getting old man.

[Producer James]

Potential.

[Gene]

You never thought about being, like, a voice actor?

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Hey, I'm taking all our jobs.

[Gene]

You never thought about being, like, a voice actor?

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

I want to be But, I mean, I have no clue how to get into it. I'm a. From the country. I. I ain't never heard nothing like that.

[Mike]

I'm about to send you a couple scripts. Okay.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

I never planned on saying any of this. I kept my mouth shut for a long time because around here, people disappear over this. But after everything that happened, I couldn't pretend I didn't see it. I'm only doing this because the truth deserves to come out. That's all I'm gonna say.

[Gene]

What position you play in college football?

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

I was a tight end. I played. I played three different colleges.

[Mike]

Nick could have played on the field and been the announcer at the same time, catching the ball for TRS first down. All right, this is. This is you on a movie trailer. Let's go ahead.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

In a world where every decision could be your last, a city built on lies is about to face the truth. For years, one name was erased from every file, every record, every memory. They thought he was gone. They were wrong. Now the people who created the perfect weapon have become its next target. As old enemies emerge and new alliances are tested, every second becomes a fight for survival. Come on, now. Come on. Come on.

[Mike]

We gonna get you. We gonna get your stupid ass boys paid. Promise you that.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Say, baby.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Lock them all.

[Mike]

Say, baby. Lock them doors and turn the lights down.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

If y'.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

All.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

If y' all got, like a connection or something with me, okay, say.

[Mike]

Say EA Sports is in the game just in case. Dude, retire.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

EA Sports. It's in the game.

[Gene]

Oh, man, he might cook. 2k28, you might be cooking. All right, bro. You have a good one, man.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

I appreciate you.

[Mike]

I think it's a bad sound.

[Gene]

Like my conscious. What it do?

[Mike]

Oh, no, whatever. You got headphones?

[Producer James]

Take them off.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

No, no, no, I'm outside.

[Gene]

No, you're good, you're good.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

All right.

[Mike]

All right, bro, I got a question for you.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Yo.

[Mike]

What's the biggest flaw you have and how is it holding you back?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Yeah, my biggest flow is that, like, I'm scared of women and, like. Like, overly. And because of that, I. I can talk to them, bro. Like, I have it. Like, had a relationship. Nothing. No talking. Stage.

[Mike]

Okay. Where are you from?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

First of all, I'm from Haiti.

[Mike]

Haiti. Okay. So. So you don't have no girlfriend? Do you have any potential candidates that, you know you're trying to get at that we can help you, get you some advice so you get closer to that?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

I mean, there is a girl that, like, I'm trying to talk to, like, so Basically, I've had a, like, a crush on her for, like, a while now, and I'm gonna tell her, like, at the end of August.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

So.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Yep.

[Mike]

Oh, damn. We running out of time. Okay, let's get this right. What questions you got for Mike and Pat and Gene here, too, bro.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

You just had, like, he's. He's my whole issue, like, in the whole thing is that, like. I mean, I've, like. I have, like, very good friends. I have, like, you know, like, very good female friends, but at the same time, like. But, like, you're some woman are evil, bro. So it's just that, like, when I'm seeing this whole thing, I don't want to, like, end up, like, on this side of the other. Of, like, for instance. But there's one of my boys. He was in a relationship, and then, like, yo, he was, like, doing everything for Shorty, bro. And, like, Shorty, like, cheated on him in the worst way possible, and I'm like, dang. So, like, you can still do everything right, right? And still get done wrong. So I'm like, bro, like, at this point, let me just like myself.

[Mike]

It's a game of love, brother.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

The game is wicked, bro.

[Mike]

Either put up. Either put up or shut up, man.

[Gene]

No, for real. You can't be afraid of, like, those negative outcomes, because it's gonna happen regardless. Like, if it was gonna happen, it was gonna happen.

[Mike]

Come on, Bobby.

[Gene]

There's nothing you can do to stop it. Like, if that person's gonna cheat.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Cheat?

[Gene]

They were gonna cheat.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Now, I mean, like, that's something that I've, like, learned over the past year is that, like. So there was, like, a girl. I had a crush on her, but I never asked her out. And, like, all I have, like, for the rest of my life is, like, what ifs? Because, like, I'll never know how, like, she would. If she would reject me or not. So, like, well, I'm just gonna ask, like, that girl. I would be like, if she don't in, like, ball of top, bro.

[Mike]

Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what it is. You gave yourself somebody to make champions. So you 24, and you never talk to a girl. Have you ever had sex before?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Nope.

[Mike]

Oh, you never had sex before? You don't even know what that should feel like, huh?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Oh, bro, I'm missing out, bro.

[Mike]

Listen here, brother. You are not gonna lie to you. Usually, you know, usually we come on here, just be like, hey, man, do what you got to do. But it sound like you interested. I would take things slowly. I Wouldn't bank everything on one girl. Because, like, the way you're talking, I don't know if that girl is reciprocating. And I don't want you to base, like, your whole dating life on. Off this crush, because if she doesn't like you or something goes wrong, I don't want that to deter you from other people. There's so. I want you to get off here. Get on Google, and look how many girls there are that are your age that are out here, bro. And you, you know, I'm saying. I'm not saying disrespecting your crush, but I'm just saying don't bank it all on her.

[Gene]

How's y'? All, like, do you guys have, like, a friendship, though, currently?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Yeah.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

We have a friend. We've been. We've been friends for a year now, you know? So, like, she's. We've got in, like, mad clothes, like, over, like, the past year, you know? And so here's my thing. Like, right as part of me, like, the delusional side, think that she likes me because of, like, there was, like, some things that I've been seeing that I'm like, okay, like, you don't do that to random friends. But at the same time, like, I'm, like, being safe and be like, okay, you know what? Let's not be, like, to the Lulu

[Mike]

and, like, what are the things so we can. So we can help you out.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

All right? So, like, the first thing that, like, happened was that, like, I feel like, okay, I'm gonna tell you, like, the craziest one that happened, bro. I'm just gonna, like, cut the shot. So we live on, like, in each floor, there were, like, different lounges. And, like, one time I should walk from a room with a, like, bag. The bag was heavy, bro. I kid you not, bro. She walks into, like, lounge. She look at me dead in my eyes, and she says, I wish I had a man, bro. I thought I was tripping, but my friend started laughing, and she was like, yeah, she wants you. So I'm like, I'm not tripping. Then come. Because you don't say that to, like, a random person. But I also, like, don't want to get ahead of myself and be like, yeah, like, she liked me overly so.

[Mike]

She looked specifically at you in your eyes and said, I wish I had a man,

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

bro.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Yo, she look at me dead in my eyes.

[Mike]

Did you help her? Did you help her with the bag?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

I mean, I didn't know she was gonna get it because she got it from her room, so I didn't know. I helped her with it once, though, because, like, one time, like, like. No, no, she lived. Like, one time. I went to a different lounge.

[Mike]

But why didn't you help her with the bag that time, though? She literally looked you in your eyes.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

I know, cuz. Like, the lounge, like, the way the lounge is, like, she's coming from, bro.

[Mike]

That might have been it, bro.

[Producer James]

You followed it.

[Mike]

It might have been it.

[Gene]

Has she ever left you on red more than 24 hours?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Nah, nah.

[Gene]

She.

[Mike]

She text you back every single time you text her?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Yep.

[Producer James]

Text her right now.

[Mike]

Text. Yeah, that's perfect, Gene.

[Producer James]

Yeah, you're right.

[Mike]

Text her right now. Just say, I missed you. It could be friendship. You just say, I miss you, and see where she take it.

[Producer James]

Say, let me help you with your bags.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

I'm crying, bro. No, I'm. I'm not here tomorrow, though, so, like, tomorrow? Yeah, yeah, we have, like, a.

[Mike]

Somebody going there tonight. I don't want to hear nothing.

[Gene]

Y' all send memes. Y' all send memes to each other in reals?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

No, not really. We've. We've been like. Cuz the thing with me is that, like, there's been, like, some restrictions that kind of, like, stop me from, like, talking to her fully. So I'm gonna give you the context. Right, so basically, like, this summer, I was a boss. I've known her, like, since last year.

[Gene]

You were her boss?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

I was her boss, yeah. So it's not like. Yeah, so I could.

[Mike]

Like, you don't even know she being nice to you? Like.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

No, she's not.

[Dominique]

Not. I'm just.

[Mike]

No, I'm just saying you don't know she being nice to you because you her boss.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

No, I mean, like, it's. I don't think that's the reason because, like, the way my job is, like, whether she's not to. Whether she's nice to me or not, like, she ain't getting nothing out of it. You know what I'm saying? So, like, yeah.

[Mike]

She can't even get her bags taken care of,

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

bro.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

I'm telling you. But, like, it's just like. It's just like that type of thing when I'm like, dang, like, should I just, like, gimbal the friendship?

[Mike]

Yeah, man.

[Producer James]

What you got to lose? Nothing to lose, man.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Bro, she's dope, bro.

[Mike]

She's so dope. You like her. You just got. I think it's weird that if you like her and you stay around her, that's kind of weird. You know, I'm saying by you.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

No, I'm not.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Yeah.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Hence, like that's. This is why I want to tell her.

[Mike]

Yeah, tell her right now.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Nah, it's not appropriate because I'm still her boss.

[Mike]

Yeah. Get this off the phone.

[Gene]

Is that why you're waiting to the end of August when you're not her boss anymore?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Yeah, yeah. Because I'm not her boss at that time.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. So somebody else gonna be her boss.

[Gene]

What are some seeds you're gonna plant?

[Producer James]

Plant.

[Gene]

Then like, what's some seeds you're gonna plant?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

So right now what I do, like, because the thing is that what I want her to know right now is that I like her. So I'll just be doing like some things that I don't usually do. I like text her like randomly, like, ask her like some random questions and I'm like showing her that I want to know her. Like, I'll be asking a question about like, what's your favorite this? What's your favorite that? So like, she's. She's a small girl. She did this stuff. You know what I'm saying? Green.

[Mike]

Oh, he was on it. What else?

[Producer James]

What else?

[Toronto Host]

Else?

[Gene]

What's your favorite dish?

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

I don't know yet, bro. We ain't there yet.

[Mike]

I got a question you can't answer. Yeah, what does a vagina look like?

[Gene]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

24 year old version.

[Gene]

That's not bad, bro. That's not bad, bro.

[Mike]

Go get something.

[Gene]

Nah, bro. Save yourself, bro.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Is that cause I'm ugly though? Like, you know what I'm saying?

[Gene]

It's just your choice, bro. Bro, I respect your choice, bro.

[Mike]

He's scared of it.

[Gene]

I'm not gonna bully you over that, bro.

[Mike]

He's scared of it.

[Gene]

There's at 24 that have three kids, bro. You're doing. You're doing just fine, bro.

[Mike]

That don't mean he can't show him a picture of vagina. Run the other way.

[Gene]

Don't let these bully you, bro.

[Mike]

Show the picture of vagina,

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

boy.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

We going, we going.

[Dominique]

We.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

But we balling regardless, bro. I was telling my border boy, like, yo, if she reject me, bro, Character development, bro. If she don't, I got a girl, bro.

[Mike]

That's true. But I with that, I with that mentality, bro. Great mentality.

[Gene]

All right. All right, bro. Wish you luck, bro.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

I appreciate.

[Gene]

Let us know how it goes, bro.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Bro, definitely, bro. Appreciate y'.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

All.

[Gene]

All right. Peace.

[Mike]

Just fill with testosterone.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

Yo, what's up?

[Gene]

What it do? What it do?

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

So, hi Guys, I don't know how to start this.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Sorry, guys.

[Producer James]

It's all good.

[Mike]

It's all good.

[Gene]

You guys.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

I don't know.

[Mike]

You guys.

[Producer James]

Yeah, I don't know. Yes.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

All right,

[Producer James]

all right, I got a question for you.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

All right.

[Producer James]

What was the last meal you prepared?

[Gene]

I was confused.

[Mike]

I was like. I was like, I don't want to

[Gene]

click it because my phone be making noise when I'm trying.

[Mike]

Okay, what's. What's the biggest flaw you have and how is it holding you back?

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

All right, so I once flirted with and manipulated this guy because my friend told me he used to bully her. So I wanted to find out, like, how he, like, worked as a person. So, you know, I was like, investigative work.

[Pat]

I might.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

So I was like, you know, maybe I have a problem with, like, having to figure things out to, like, the bare minimum. Oh, exactly.

[Gene]

So you flirted with him. Did, like, where did the flirting lead to?

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

Okay, so basically, she told me, like, oh, he used to, like, bully me. He's, like, really mean to his ex girlfriend, who's my best friend. So I was like, okay. Bet she didn't know about the plan. So I was like, okay, cool. I'm just gonna approach him. I'm gonna go like, what's up? Yeah, undercover, you understand? And since he has, like, a type, his type is, like, mean, rude. I don't know, Mike, you're Nigerian. You know, like, how we flirt. So it was just basically, like, making fun of him, but not, like, too harshly. And he was like, oh, my God, I actually love how you put me in my place.

[Gene]

Okay.

[Mike]

Real dom.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

And then we went back. And then we went back to, like, my place, hung out for a bit, and then randomly, I was like, so you know my friend, like, this friend, you know, we've met her in, like, one of these college meetings and stuff. And he was like, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, okay, so why doesn't she with you? And he tells me, like, his side of the story, and I'm like, okay, what about the money you offered to, like, tell that guy to, like, sleep with her? What about that money? And he was like, who told you that? And mind you, it's my room. It's dark. He has his car on, like, the other side. So I'm like, you're trapped, little dude. So what. What happened? And he's like, who told you that? How long have you known this and that? I'm like, just answer the question. So he answers the question. He goes like, oh, that was two Years ago. I've changed as a person. And then he goes like, you know, this is, like, conniving level type. And I'm like, but you were a bully. So I'm trying to, like, investigate. I'm doing this for, like, the girls, for the people out there, for, like, my people. But, yeah, that's my story.

[Gene]

Did you guys ever get, like, intimate?

[Producer James]

Did he leave?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Oh, no.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

Okay, so we didn't. He was like, that's conniving, because I was actually really feeling you this and that. I'm like, you seem sweet. We didn't get intimate or anything. It was just like, oh, this is really heartbreaking, dude. Like, this and that. I'm like, damn.

[Gene]

Why'd you bring him to your room, though?

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

Because it was, like, flirting. We're hanging out. I'm like, okay, I think.

[Gene]

I think you.

[Mike]

I think you were into it a little bit.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

A little bit? Yeah, but, like, at the end of the day, yeah, but I feel like

[Mike]

if he would have made the right moves, something would have went down. That's where I'm getting.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

Oh, no, that.

[Mike]

No, that don't make sense to me. To take a guy to your room and think you're trapping a guy. That's, like, probably the opposite of what every woman on earth is doing right now.

[Producer James]

It's not very normal.

[Gene]

It's not safe.

[Producer James]

How many times have you done this?

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

Never. This was, like, the first time, and I knew we wouldn't try anything.

[Mike]

I don't.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

Like, you know it.

[Mike]

I don't believe you. You got, like.

[Producer James]

I don't.

[Mike]

I feel like you would have did something to him if he would have just tried to get up and leave. Because you're, like. You're trapped.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

What the.

[Mike]

Why you say you're trapped?

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

I didn't say he was trapped. I didn't say he was trapped. I just. I'm saying as a storyteller.

[Producer James]

His car was on.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

As a storyteller. Not the other side of town. No, no. I said, he's prepped on the other side of, like, the building.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You're going to jail.

[Gene]

What?

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

No.

[Mike]

All right, we caught you. Tweet of the week. Tweet a week. Tweet a week. NBA legend here.

[Producer James]

Okay?

[Mike]

Imagine being in middle school and you just see Carl Malone take your crush. Mailman.

[Gene]

He got. He can't keep that nickname. He got to get rid of the nickname. You can't be the mailman.

[Mike]

You got to be the jail man. This girl tweeted and said, I told this. I can't twerk he talking about it's easy.

[Gene]

Show me an example.

[Mike]

Let me show you.

[Gene]

No, that's true, though. You can't say something is easy if you can't do it.

[Mike]

That is true.

[Gene]

You can't.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Gene]

I don't know about that. No, I'm saying you. If you physically can't do it, I

[Mike]

feel like there's something that's eat.

[Gene]

You think is easy that you can't do.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

No.

[Gene]

Not gonna say twerking.

[Producer James]

No. I still think golfing is easy.

[Gene]

You do?

[Producer James]

Yeah.

[Mike]

In a sense, golfing might be the hardest sport to pick up late in the world.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like.

[Gene]

Like, I feel like if you don't. It's almost like boxing to me. If you don't. If you don't play for, like, as a kid.

[Mike]

That's not true. Even boxing. Even boxing has his outline.

[Gene]

Yeah. You can use.

[Mike]

I mean, Deontay Wilder started boxing at 21, and he's like, world champion.

[Gene]

You can use brute strength.

[Mike]

Yes. But golf? Hell no.

[Gene]

I also think golf is difficult, too, because the entry. The barrier of entry for it, like, especially, like, kids in the inner city.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

If I think it was. Golf was super accessible. It would. A lot more people would be like, oh, I can play golf. I think it's just accessibility.

[Mike]

There's. It's accessibility, but there's the equipment factor, too. There's. There's so many. How many pieces are there? I don't even know.

[Gene]

That's part of the accessibility. Accessibility.

[Mike]

Yeah. And just like, there's no golf courses in the hood. You know what I'm saying?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Be around on 18. Jump me.

[Gene]

You only song once. It was afraid. Afraid of the.

[Producer James]

I'm not good at it. That's what I said.

[Mike]

I tweeted we. This girl said, so boom. Okay, let's say you get pregnant by your partner, even if you don't have one, and then they pass away. Right. Let's say you're only a month pregnant. Are you gonna keep it? Another girl quoted the tweet and said, oh, thank God.

[Gene]

I was like, are you trying to make me?

[Mike]

Not you, baby. Another girl quoted the tweet and said the father would have full custody. In the. Let it fly.

[Producer James]

Damn.

[Gene]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

What are you gonna say?

[Gene]

No, no, no.

[Mike]

You don't want to say nothing. I mean, that's everybody. Her choice.

[Gene]

Yeah, true.

[Mike]

Yeah. She could let it go. Hypothetically, is this. That's a woman's business. We're not even supposed to be in. That's why I read the quote. Tweet Because I'm like, that's why.

[Gene]

When you asked, I thought when you're asking the questions like, this thing is crazy.

[Mike]

What's your view on abortion? Let's get down to it. What's your favorite Bible verse? No, this ain't that type of show. I'm sorry, y'.

[Gene]

All.

[Mike]

Some people be wanting us to tackle like, bigger issues and it's like, bro, there's so many outlets. Like, like, you got Hassan, Piker, Deontay, Kyle. You got all these people talking about serious things and you can lit the platforms and content creators are so crazy today. You can literally niche down anything you like and find a content creator that spews the exact thing that you love and he'll just give you all the information on it. So why the would you come to us and sit here and, and, and question us on our opinions on what we think and then like fact check us and stuff? Sometimes we do need to be fact check. I get it.

[Gene]

I appreciate something.

[Mike]

But like a like opinion check is crazy. Like I'm, I'm me, bro. Like, why are you. Why are you talking about my opinion? Like, you what's your opinion? So I can delete the comment. I get your platform more. You want another Twitter?

[Gene]

Yeah, come on.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

1.

[Gene]

I think they want another one. Don't offer. Don't offer me. He said you want another tweet in a week. Like you want some more.

[Mike]

Yeah, he talk about, no, everybody wants something.

[Gene]

You're not about to isolate me.

[Mike]

You got enough for everybody. Put it back up. This tweet a week says, finish my voodoo classes. This should be a broom by 5:55pm

[Gene]

I'm not like the people that actually do the do the voodoo dolls. Those are some like, scary people because my parents always told me, like, especially like black magic. It's like one of those things where if you believe in it, that's when it works on you. So I feel like when say like it's a girl that has a voodoo jaw of you and you see that. If you are really afraid of that, I think that shit's gonna start.

[Mike]

Let it creep in.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Tiny portal.

[Gene]

You're gonna be paranoid as hell.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Every little, every little thing that happens to you, it's like, oh, she that. That girl again.

[Mike]

Yeah. I had an ex who, who was a witch. I had to get like an evil eye for like two months just to shut her off a little bit.

[Gene]

Where'd you put the evil eye?

[Producer James]

Huh?

[Mike]

Where'd you put the evil eye around my penis, bro?

[Gene]

Oh my God. You see, that's like the third thing you said to them.

[Producer James]

I know.

[Mike]

He wanted to ask you that. She trying to curse me somebody on, on that same tweet. So the tweet was finish my voodoo. Finish my voodoo classes and this should be a broom by 5:55pm Somebody responded, Can you make him text me? The guy then responded, said, I'm not the devil himself. Twin can't even get a text. He'll be doing all that voodoo doll about people they hate when you really. When they really want them to love them.

[Gene]

That's a lot of work though.

[Mike]

That's a lot of work. I got a question for you. Listen to this. It's gonna go viral too.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Okay.

[Mike]

When a fly flies through a fart, do you think they feel the same way we do when we drive past a barbecue place?

[Gene]

I. I would, I guess.

[Producer James]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Right?

[Gene]

Yeah, I think so.

[Producer James]

I think that's when they get the rub in their hands and shit.

[Gene]

No, the flies will be doing that.

[Mike]

Oh, that's how you know a stink the fly. Like finally this onion smelling ass. That's. But do you also going back to that comment I just made? If we're in like an open setting, right. Let's say there's 10 flies around and six of them are around one guy.

[Gene]

No, you read my mind.

[Mike]

What's your thought process like?

[Gene]

Dude stinks automatically. Yes.

[Mike]

Not that they, not that they just like so happen to be in that vicinity.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

It just. He has to sting.

[Gene]

I think that with any bugs around you, like, like if you have mosquitoes around you, there's something wrong with you. Like why is your, why is your blood so appetizing? But flies don't know. They have the, that power.

[Producer James]

Yeah.

[Gene]

They have the power to make somebody like a very normal person seem like they have poor hygiene.

[Mike]

Yes. No matter how good somebody look or whatever, if two flies land on you at the same time and they want to on top of you, I think you smell like salt and vinegar chips.

[Gene]

I'm about to say there's a dragonfly that landed on me.

[Mike]

That's good luck. I think there was two of them. Oh, I think it's bad luck.

[Producer James]

They were.

[Mike]

Oh, they're like, yeah, yeah. This just smells just like a motel room here. Shoulder was a Motel 6. All right. Tweet a week. It says at a weed store. You can say, I want something to help me sleep that won't make me wonder if my back door isn't locked. And they will take you seriously. Think hard about it and then say something like, have you tried Uga Booga Skywalker Cake? I hate that, bro.

[Gene]

Because rebranded, like, said, I. I've. I've declined weed just because the name of it, like, out of a choice. The choices. I don't even care, like, what the potency. I don't even read. I read packaging. Yeah, I'm reading all the packaging. Does that look like clean packaging? If you have, like, the white boy with the spike hair and, like, the red eyes on the shit, like, yeah, like a sour head. Like, I'm good.

[Mike]

No, I just like. Like, I don't get it. Because it'll just be like, okay, I want some sativa, right? And it's like, do you want infused or not infused, right? That's the question I'm really looking for. Depending on where I'm at, depending on where I get. And they'll introduce something to me and they'd be like, oh, we got sunrise Sativa. Supposed to wake you up. Sunrise. That sound good to me. I'm out. But instead, they'll show you some, like, oh, Kawhi Leonard, Game seven. I'm like, what the. What I want this for? That's the calmest I know.

[Gene]

Cold blooded, though.

[Mike]

No, for real. Cold blooded as hell.

[Gene]

That might be. That might be like a. Ones, like, for more focus. Yeah, focus. What's a weed strand that you would never get that's named after a person?

[Mike]

It'd probably be like, Jussie Smollett. Is that his name? Right?

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Feel like I just started smoking. I'm like, yo, these trying to hate what's going on, man.

[Toronto Host]

Sounds like Subway.

[Mike]

No, no,

[Gene]

I feel like, me. It would be like any random, like, country singer. Like, if they. Somebody says Billy Ray Cyrus. I don't know why, it's just like, that's crazy. No. Shout out to Billy Ray Cyrus. Just. I don't want my weed named after.

[Mike]

After somebody that's country.

[Gene]

I'm just a country singer. No, too random. It just seemed like you just naming it. Name it just to name it.

[Mike]

No, for real.

[Gene]

What would you do, Gene, after a person?

[Mike]

Yeah, no, I'm not, I'm not. And I also am not getting named after somebody that, like, just recently died too.

[Gene]

No. Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

I'm not trying to smoke.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

No.

[Mike]

Charlie Kirk. I'm good, bro.

[Producer James]

I think I've only ever smoked, like, Gary Payton.

[Mike]

Gary Payton. That was. I feel like that was, like, a good strand because Gary Payton is like. It has something to do with, like, the Sonics logo. I think it was more for, like, the Sonics brand. Like, obviously they couldn't name his Sonics, but Gary Payton played for the Sonics and he was a glove, and it kind of made sense. Like, if I ain't gonna lie, if Wim Yama has some alien weed, I smoke that, bro.

[Pat]

I ain't gonna lie.

[Mike]

I smoked the out of some.

[Gene]

I feel like you don't. I wouldn't want anybody, like, obviously that committed, like, a serious crimes. Yeah, but it's like, I don't know, like, a. Another name would be like, Bin Laden. Like, I wouldn't want Osama Bin Laden. We strain.

[Mike]

I don't know, man. We might differ on that. That's not actually good.

[Producer James]

Reggie Bush.

[Mike]

You wouldn't smoke Reggie Bush.

[Producer James]

Why not? Not because that's just what they used to call, like, the Bunk.

[Mike]

Oh, got it. Oh, Reggie, Right? Got it, got it, got it, got it. No, that is bad market.

[Producer James]

Reggie Bush.

[Mike]

You cannot name. You cannot name any weed off the Reggie book because it used to be Reggie. Like, oh, you smoking that, Reggie.

[Gene]

What about Kim Jong Un?

[Mike]

Kim Jong Un? Man, let me smoke that. I'll get his haircut after I smoke. That's crazy.

[Dominique]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

You can't go to North Korea. You can't either. Yes, I can, bro. Man, be good, bro.

[Producer James]

That's what you got to watch out for, though. You ever have a homie that's just like, he's cool, but he's a little off sometimes.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Producer James]

And he offer you, like, a drink or, like, to smoke with him. You're like, nah, I'm good.

[Mike]

I was, bro. It's funny because when I was like, 22, 23, and I didn't always have, like, access to weed.

[Caller 1 (Relationship Dilemma)]

Weed.

[Mike]

You know, like that time in your life where you smoke a lot of weed, but you never have a lot at your crib. Like, you always have to go get it or like, you have to smoke with somebody else. And at that time in my life, I would smoke with anybody. Like, if I was walking on the street and somebody was smoking some weed and they stopped and they're just like, yo, bro, you trying to smoke? I was smoking now. And like, now being in the older age, I realize how crazy that is. I was walking in Toronto downtown, and I saw somebody smoking, so we weed. And I was smoking some too. My is from a dispensary. You ever heard somebody, like, smoke a weed? They take one puff and they cough hard as. You're just like, bro, it's crack in there. There has to be like, one pool that look full as hell. Like, every poor. Like, come on now, bro. Every boy I know.

[Gene]

If I cough like that, then, yeah, that's like. That's when I really activate. I feel like that I'm coughing everything to my brain.

[Mike]

We used to.

[Producer James]

We used to cough on purpose.

[Gene]

Some crackheads, bro.

[Mike]

No, real, real. I swear to God. We used to. I used to cough on purpose. I used to. We used to, like, fake hot box. And hot boxing was important. When you didn't have enough weed, though.

[Gene]

It was. It was.

[Mike]

But I always thought, like, when I got.

[Gene]

But I was never. No, I was never really hot boxing.

[Mike]

When I got to college, I stopped that. I thought that was dumb. I'm like, what? Wait, why do we want to smell like we going into a facility? Yeah, I always think, like, that's, like, the worst thing that you can give yourself. It's like smelling like we. Especially like people that's not around you a lot. That first smell is important, bro.

[Producer James]

And the think they smart getting out the hot box and spraying themselves.

[Gene]

Oh, my gosh, bro.

[Mike]

2. Two dumbass saying we don't smell like weed. Y' all are dumb, bro. And you're going to jail. All right, somebody said, Auntie Anne be putting her whole in impress. My word. And then somebody. Somebody responded and said, just say they taste good, bro.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Right?

[Mike]

No, not right. She putting her whole in that mother.

[Gene]

What does that mean? Is that like a compliment saying that it tastes good?

[Mike]

It tastes amazing.

[Producer James]

You know that, right? Like, you put they foot in it.

[Gene]

I saw. I heard that one.

[Producer James]

Everything but the kitchen but your aunt.

[Mike]

You hear that, Auntie And. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[Gene]

Oh, Auntie Ann cookies.

[Mike]

No, Auntie Ann pretzels.

[Gene]

Pretzels. Oh, yeah, yeah. I thought he's talking about his real aunt.

[Mike]

That's lightweight. Let me read that over. Wait, I gotta read that over. Auntie Anne be putting. Whoa, wait. What type of you think I am? What the.

[Gene]

That's the one. I was. I was like, oh, this thing is really freaky. This episode.

[Mike]

I was like, no, not that freaky.

[Gene]

I was like. I was like, huh? Then you like, no, her whole. I was like, I'm not.

[Mike]

Come on. I ain't got no auntie. I do got a Auntie Anne.

[Caller 5 (Undercover Flirt)]

That's.

[Mike]

She like, radon.

[Gene]

No, that's me.

[Pat]

What up?

[Mike]

Somebody said, who the be 18 plus without a license? Dumb SpongeBob ass.

[Gene]

That happens.

[Mike]

No, no, no. 18 plus.

[Gene]

Oh, 18, okay.

[Mike]

No, no, no. Back in the day, to me, it was okay. Like, when I Was in College. Somebody 19, 20, don't have a of lot license. Especially you from a small town, that's okay to me. But today's age, everything is so accessible. Like, it just shows laziness. Like, you ever met a kid that's like 18, 19. Like, y' all don't know what to do. And he walking all around town and just like, bro, you. The way these kids can make money. Like, they can walk into places and they still can live with their parents and make $20 an hour. Like, they. They got everything. If I had this much access when I was that age, I would have never went to college. I just got to working right away.

[Gene]

Yeah. If I didn't play sports, I don't

[Mike]

think I would want to, man. Sports, that's your waste of time, man. If you. If you ain't him, come on, man. Somebody gotta work at McDonald's. All right, these are tweet a week. These Mike's. Tweet a week. Sorry.

[Gene]

No, it's not.

[Mike]

I swear to God. He sent me.

[Producer James]

I have.

[Gene]

No, I didn't. Oh, maybe.

[Producer James]

Okay.

[Mike]

Okay. This is Mike's Twitter weeks. He says, my sister cannot wash dishes.

[Producer James]

Gift.

[Mike]

I'm eating cereal, and all I smell is taco seasoning. No, that's real. No, there.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

There.

[Gene]

There's some dishes, especially back then, especially the Tupperware plates that. Once you put a different type of food, especially something that's really oily, you're. It's. It's done. You can't put no baked goods in there.

[Mike]

Nothing. No, that. And people be. People be following with that. You ever, like, got some cookies for somebody, like. Oh, yeah, my girl made some cookies. Yeah, I can still see spaghetti sauce around these things. Like garlic bread.

[Gene]

Yeah. For the longest time, I. When I growing up, I never had a smoothie because our blender, my mom, all she blended was spices in there. So I try to use a fruit smoothie in there. And then I had a. A spicy berry smoothie. I was like, bro, I can't never again Puerto Rican.

[Producer James]

My grandma had one blender for sofrito, which is like a spicy mix for food, and the other one for, like, whatever else you needed.

[Gene]

Yeah, no, we only could afford one blender, bro.

[Mike]

No, that's crazy. That's typical, though.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I didn't have a blender growing up.

[Gene]

We even bake.

[Mike]

I wouldn't. My. My cousin. His. My aunt had a blender, and my cousin put his finger in a blender and actually cut it.

[Gene]

So I feel like, as kids, you. It's always that you always want to know. Like, you always want to experience the consequences for yourself. You don't want people telling you the consequences.

[Mike]

That's the problem, though.

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

It's the people telling you what will happen. They'd be like. Like the first time I ever played with like a gas fire mama, like, you gonna set the whole house on fire. So now I'm intrigued because I'm like, this little ass flame can set the house on fire. So one day I walked up to it. I was eating, you know, those little chocolate swirl things. You know, the hostess used to come with that, like, piece of paper, that cardboard piece of paper under all the hoses.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So I took that and I lit it on fire. And the fire got bigger in my hand. I was like, oh, I'm just throw this in the trash. It's. Oh, my God. Turn my back around. The whole trash can was influenced. I just tossed the trash can out the window.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Yeah.

[Gene]

I think because parents would. When they're telling you not to do something, they over exaggerate the consequences.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

So then it's like the consequences sound so unbelievable where it's like, you mean the house. The whole house was going to burn down. It's just this one room should be real.

[Mike]

Parents be trying to. Parents sometimes, especially black parents, they gotta warn you of, like, the. The most extreme consequences. My dad be like, don't keep your lights on in your car. Police gonna pull you over and shoot you. Like. Yeah, yeah. And you turn on the news anyway, next week, this one Mike sent me. Mike, sweetie, it says all he said to you once.

[Gene]

Now you're lying.

[Mike]

No, no, no.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

These.

[Producer James]

Look.

[Mike]

Look at this, bro. They even in the same font. Okay, you're right.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

You're right.

[Gene]

Okay.

[Dominique]

Yeah.

[Mike]

It say, my weed man a rapper. So I bump his when he pull up for a little deal.

[Gene]

No, that's true. That's real.

[Mike]

I'm not gonna lie. I got a bad habit of doing that. Like when I run into a rapper, especially if I know that he don't get a lot of streams, I might learn one of his, like, songs. Because that mean a lot to them, bro. Like, it's something like most like. I feel like this happens with a lot of rappers. Even if somebody's not not, quote unquote, a good musician, they didn't put out so much music that they got a banger somewhere in that.

[Gene]

That's true.

[Mike]

I'm telling you.

[Gene]

I try. I think for me, especially for friends that really with their music, I try to like Overly support them too.

[Mike]

Got to, bro.

[Gene]

You got to.

[Mike]

Got to. Music is one of those things you can't around with. Now somebody say they don't watch my podcast. I don't give a. Because that's a. That's a lot of content. No consume like, oh bro, you don't watch my pie. Like, I never got like that. And I never been into like the friends thing either. That bothers me. Well, I can't be your first customer. That's why I don't with them. Northwestern Mutual, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, why is a from my college basketball team asking me do I got representation financially?

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

No.

[Mike]

Can you make a left hand layup to get us to the playoffs? No, you couldn't. Why the would I ever work with you?

[Gene]

No, I think that's like, I'm not saying people that sell insurance or financial advisors are scammers, but those old school MLM stuff, stuff they used to always start with your family.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

And I'm like, bro, it's like, that's crazy. It's just low hanging fruit. And I'm like, I don't know is if it.

[Caller 3 (Disabled Vet Stalker)]

Hold on.

[Gene]

I. I view our friendship differently if you do that. Like we're like cordial friends. I kind of view it differently if you're trying to sell me.

[Mike]

Yeah, you gotta.

[Gene]

Some. Some. What's the thing? Airborne. Airborne.

[Mike]

I just don't, I don't get that. I get like, okay, if you start a restaurant, like y' all got a restaurant.

[Caller 4 (Shy Guy)]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Your family and friends and you also giving them a service like that they already do every day. Right. But like when people start like podcasts, music, any content and like they're sending to their friends, you supposed to send it to your friends and be like, what do you think about this?

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Once you get that initial little thing. That's what we did like with the podcast we send to our friends. Once you get that initial like, yo, this fire. That's all they ever owe you is like one little listen after that. Bro, I'm not supposed to be the one that's sharing. If you count on me to share your album, you need to get back in the studio. Like if I'm the share that's supposed to take it over the top, that, that can't be it, bro.

[Gene]

Yeah, I think sometimes we just. There's pressure put on friends that. Because it's like there's some things your friends do that you're like, okay, that's cool. But it's not, it's not My cup of tea. But it's cool. I love that for you. I love that you're pursuing something. But now it's like, oh, bro, you never share my music or this and that.

[Mike]

But you never bought my only fans, bro.

[Gene]

You never support, and it's going to stay that way.

[Mike]

Come on, bro, the. At least a solo video. Yeah. It's like, come on, bro, I can't support this.

[Gene]

But it just might not be like, I might not like that particular song. And some people take that offensive. Like, bro, I'm not going to fake that I like your song. Or maybe I just didn't. Wasn't thinking about it.

[Mike]

Yeah, come on now. And it's like, don't. Don't hit me up, bro. Don't hit me up saying, oh, bro, you share Drake. You ain't share my bro.

[Gene]

No, I. I think that's weird.

[Mike]

Did you drop three albums did you make? Don't work worry. You got. You started playing Drake. Shane, you got some to match this? Please show me what you got to match it.

[Gene]

I think people only get offend, offended by stuff like that. If. Because, like, a person like Drake, who's super popular, that's like, his music's widely known. Like, use Sharon Ship. Like Janice. His Janice song. Like, and not sharing my song. But again, it kind of goes back to if I really, really. If I don't really with that song you put out. I'm gonna put out the song that I like the best.

[Mike]

It depends on what you're doing now. If you catch your friend, like, marketing something, especially for a bigger artist, and he don't do anything for you, that is kind of weird.

[Gene]

Like, if you put in a link to the person album in your.

[Mike]

No, that's crazy. That's crazy.

[Gene]

You buy Taylor Swift merch and then you put the link in your bio. You should go grab yours, too. Like, I'll. All right, now.

[Mike]

No, that is crazy. Without getting nothing back.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yo, that's the end of the podcast, man. Shout out to Perception Studio. Shout out to producer James. I know y' all heard him chime in a couple times. He gave us alcohol.

[Gene]

He gave you alcohol?

[Mike]

No, no, no. That's literally a full cup of vodka.

[Gene]

Water. Watch this.

[Mike]

Go, go, go, go, go.

[Gene]

That's water.

[Mike]

Go show them what that mouth do.

[Gene]

Nah, that's water. You try. You're the one that's trying to get loose.

[Mike]

Lose who you, Man, I'm already losing. It was like a page I tried to start and it was like, out of context, Pat.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And it's literally they made the pay because I was like.

[Gene]

I saw it.

[Mike]

Why? Where did they get the idea? Because it was kind of clever. Yeah. And it was you. You said, somebody gonna make a page.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Oh, yeah.

[Gene]

Keep doing it.

[Mike]

All right. No, you want to start pages? Because I got a couple idea pages

[Producer James]

now.

[Gene]

There is a couple. I feel like.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, Start a mic grunting thing. All his grunting from boxing.

[Caller 2 (Voice Concern)]

Put it in.

[Dominique]

Put it in.

[Mike]

The audio.

[Gene]

No content.

[Mike]

We got.

[Gene]

We got live shows. Make sure you guys go to crash dummies live.com patreon.com for. For our Patreon. And. Oh, James, you got anything? Shout out.

[Toronto Host]

No, man. No, bro. I appreciate you guys coming through to Toronto, obviously, like, really great that you guys were here for a little bit. And, yeah, anytime you're in this and anyone from the US that's coming through, obviously, you know, can you hit us up on via email, you know, if you want to put us in the description or something like that, that'd be awesome. But, yeah, pleasure having you guys. Good times.

[Mike]

I know. Yeah, I know. Y' all see the quality. This is a great studio, great spot, good area. Nut bar right around the corner.

[Gene]

All right, y', all, peace.