Loading summary
Pat
I figured out why people like 2016 so much, though.
Gene
Why?
Pat
It was the only year you could survive while being fucking broke. Yeah, you could be broke as fuck in 2016 and have a great night, man, but you could go out with.
Gene
$2010, stretch like a month, man.
Pat
Oh, that's some broke shit. You know when you can't relate, you're like $10. I thought I was gonna say like a week or something. I always sold a little weed here and there, like. No, I'm just joking.
Gene
I definitely lived way above my means in College in 2016. Exactly.
Pat
2016. You walk into the club with $100 nigga shots on me. I'm the man tonight. Matter of fact, open this bitch up. I'm about to hit the ducky takes off Cardigan. No, I'm kidding.
Gene
Laces up KD's.
Pat
This nigga got KD's and cargo. He got that shit on, don't he?
Gene
No, it's like the year, like, a lot of people fell into debt, too. Yeah, it was like, obviously I don't want anybody to be in any financial crisis, but I feel like back then it just, like, you didn't really think about it. It was just like, I'm going to. I know this is going to fuck up my future, but I don't give a fuck right now.
Pat
And back then, like, that aura shit didn't really exist. Like, everybody had aura. Like, the nigga over there jacking off in the corner got aura. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, everybody in this bitch got. Or, you know, they got their own little. Now you walk into places, it's a. The mysterious with the section. And ain't nobody in there with him.
Gene
And the Full Rick outfit.
Pat
Yeah, the Full Rick outfit. I gotta ask five who this is. You know what I'm saying? I think he own Chrysler, right? No, he don't. Who the is this? This sit on the bench for the Pistons. I know who that is.
Gene
Oh, man. Anyway, welcome to crash dummies, episode 242, a mic. We got Pat to the right. Or to your left.
Pat
We got Gene Unnecessary, too, because sometimes.
Gene
I don't know if it's. If I'm to the right because I'm to my left and you're to the.
Pat
Right, you're to the right.
Gene
And when they're looking at the screen, you to. You're on the left.
Pat
Yeah, you're to the right. Because somebody in the comment was like, dude, to the right. The laugh then, yeah, it was like, he ugly as.
Gene
I feel like, ugly hurts you less when you're kind of in, like, a really a happy relationship.
Pat
Yes, yes, yes. Also, somebody just DM'd me. Somebody went, no, I'm not gonna say. Actually, I don't give a fuck. Somebody went through an old picture and found it of me and said, why would I ever respect you? This is how you looked in your prime. And I screenshotted my bank account and said, no, nigga, I'm in my prime right now. So just let him know. Y' all can put some of that on your head, too. Fuck, nigga, if you want to keep.
Gene
Going there, like, we could do that anyway, so. Subscribe to the Patreon. We just released the episode on Tuesday. So yesterday, if you're listening to this on a Wednesday, what else we got? What else we got.
Pat
Upstairs neighbors that already dropped.
Gene
Oh, you just.
Pat
Okay, you said that already. Twitter community. There we go. We gonna start pouring back into the Twitter community. We know we abandoned y' all for a little bit, but obviously you'll see us doing a lot more things differently. We're trying to get more listener callers from different social medias. We get a lot. Oh, I don't have an Instagram. I don't have a Twitter that. I want you to know one thing. We don't try to get to every social media eventually, but email, that should never happen.
Gene
Yeah, do not. Do not email us and say, hey, I got some funny shit for y', all, bro. Just call me. Like, we don't have no context, nothing, bruh.
Pat
It's a dude on there. His name is no talent. Why we reach out to you, brother?
Gene
But it just. It's just we don't. We don't operate that way. We obviously do it through Instagram right now because just easy. We'll remember it's in the moment. We can't. We hardly ever schedule callers a week out unless it's something really crazy. But it's like, again, we don't know what half the people or like 90% of people are actually even going to say with the first sentence.
Pat
So also, for y' all that love us, if you ever been on the podcast, because we've had. I feel like we've had over three, 400, 500, maybe a thousand people on this podcast. If you've been on a podcast, let people know that you actually been a caller on the podcast. Because if we get accused of fake callers again, I'm going to start slapping fire from like, bro, if y'. All, man, we sit through so many Callers. Every time we hear, bro, like, fake callers, man, suck my dick. I wish we would fake callers. Should it be easy as hell?
Gene
It would have been so much easier.
Pat
You think I just want you. It's offensive.
Gene
Look at our outfits in the. In the collars. Look how many times they change.
Unnecessary
We just got a lot of callers in the collar protection program.
Pat
Like, it's actually offensive that people think that we would fake our callers. That that's the worst scenario that we can think of. You don't think we more creative than that? I would have literally had a nigga get shot in his head during the call already. I'm creative. Would you rather foul?
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
I just killed the nigga y' all was talking to.
Gene
Y' all want to hear him breathing?
Pat
Would you rather live or die for the rah rah rah rah?
Gene
Y' all think I should shoot him again?
Pat
Come on, now.
Gene
Y' all pick. Y' all pick leg, shoulder, or head again.
Pat
No. Stop crying. Let the Crash Jimmies pick.
Gene
Y' all got your pick. I'm on my way there now.
Pat
This who you want to give my Patreon money to?
Gene
N.
Pat
No.
Gene
Oh, man.
Pat
Why people at Kaiser not here? I feel like he's being vulnerable right now. And then I feel like there's way more backlash than I thought there was going to be from him reading a book.
Gene
I think. I think a lot of people think it's performative because there's, like, a video of him reading out loud, and he's, like, timing, and people are just saying, I. I just think he's expressing himself the way he wants to express himself. I think it's not for everybody to understand. Would I do some of this stuff? No. I'm also not him either. And he might be going through his own thing. So I don't know. I just. I think he's doing his thing. He's. I think he's trying to document the process. I think because he's documented so raw, it makes it seem. Because usually you see those type of document, like when you see, like, the. The Kanye documentary, right? We see unseen footage, and there's already an end product.
Pat
Yeah.
Gene
I think him taking people through the journey with no end product, like this clothing, stuff like that, it makes people, like, say shit about it. So I think me personally, I would have recorded everything, got the end product. It's already popping, and then I'm releasing that shit. So y' all see the process. But that's just. That's just me.
Pat
Yeah, I Think. I think. But he has a way bigger audience than anybody that would go through this process. So it just. I think people are hating because they see an influencer stepping into something new and actually seeing them struggle a little bit.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
And I would say, like, I wouldn't say Kaiser is struggling because obviously he's doing better than us, but I would say, like, he's on a new venture of being an influencer where the camera is on him during serious moments.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
And that's a way different aspect. It's. So. I wouldn't say it's easy to be goofy on camera, but it's easier to be goofy on camera. Like, it's easy to, like, try to make people laugh and stuff, to be serious and, like, have the camera on you and then have to go into a monologue every once in a while about what you're doing and why you're doing it.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
People are gonna pick through that. Like, nah, bro, he stuttered when he said that. He don't really mean it. Come on, nigga. Like, I'm trying to.
Gene
Yeah. I think learning anything new as already being popular. That's why when we said, like, I always told you to hurry up and start doing stand up if you want to do stand up. It's gonna be way harder to do stand up after you get famous for something, you know? Yeah.
Pat
No, no. I mean, you see it all the time. You see, like, D.C. young fly. Look at ti right now. Ti is starting. Like, people, once people see you in a certain way, they expect greatness because you were great here.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
Now we expect you to be great here. And now, like, if Kaisen that doesn't put out the best designer clothes ever, he's going to get bashed because people expect him to be so popular.
Unnecessary
I don't even think it matters. I think people are going to buy it regardless. I think the content that he's been, like, putting out or. And however people feel about it is somewhat don't matter, you know, because I think that's his sense of accountability is, you know, he's used to being on stream and, like, doing things for the people almost, you know, so now he's doing it for him themselves. And people have a lot of expectations, but they still don't buy the shit.
Gene
They don't buy. And they're going to bash it. Like it's. Some of it might not be it. Right. And that's the process of, like, creating anything.
Caller 1
Yeah.
Gene
Our first couple episodes. Not it. Even though people go back and watch it, like, I Saw KSI reacting to our videos, and one of the biggest UK YouTubers, the outfits we had in those videos was, my God.
Pat
It's like, bro, why those KSI doing that on purpose? Bro, stop reacting to videos when my outfit is shitty. KSI, come on, man. Don't actually. Don't react to. Yeah, wait till I start getting some better, bro. We good, we good. No, that. No, for real, though. Like. And it's funny that most of the negative comments are coming from Twitter, and I had to realize that Kait's fan base and his demographic is way younger than that. And they probably don't. They're probably not tweeting think pieces. So.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
So everybody that's tweeting a think piece about Kai Sonat is just not old enough and not in his algorithm. That's my thought process on it.
Gene
If animals could sue humans, what species you think is getting the biggest settlement? Fish. Fish. For some reason, I think cows especially, like, you know, you're getting touched in your. You're getting touched, you know, without permission the whole time.
Pat
That's true.
Gene
Nobody's acting the cows for permission.
Pat
That's true.
Gene
And they got, like, copyright infringement. They're making oat milk, like, soy milk, almond milk. That's not really milk.
Unnecessary
Is that copyrighted?
Gene
Like, if I was a cow, it's like, bro, you got a case against all these. Milk. That's not really all copying me and calling it milk. You got to call it something else. Got to call it oat drink.
Pat
You're not wrong. I think. I think it's like. I think it's more domestic animals. I think it's a dog or a cat.
Gene
You think dogs are cats?
Pat
Yeah, because they seeing shit. You know what I'm saying?
Unnecessary
Like, imagine. No, that's. Imagine a dog in court, like, comparing.
Pat
It to slavery, Bro, for real. Like, what if they want to be free? We don't know that. We just dressing them up. And, bro, like, one. Like, one time I was with this girl, and she locked her dog in the room with us and wanted to have sex. I'm like, you forcing your dog to watch us have sex?
Gene
That's true.
Pat
I'm like, you watch the doggy. Watching doggy. What the is going on? I couldn't concentrate because I'm like, bro, if he licks my ass, I'm gonna beat the out that dog. I'm gonna rip his dick off. I swear to God. That was my biggest fear. I don't know why I was spinning. I'm like, well, he gonna jump on Back and try to hunt me. He gonna try to get me.
Gene
No. Having sex in front of the animals is just, like, it seems a little disrespectful.
Pat
Like, come on now, bro, I know you felt the cat run across my.
Gene
Back, because I think it's. Especially when, like, the animal jumps on the bed. You're both actively ignoring it. Like, you know, some weird. Yeah, we're both not acknowledging it.
Pat
Yeah.
Gene
So it makes it more weird. And I'm not thinking, like, in, like, inception. And, like, bro, I know what you're thinking now.
Pat
I think he'd be licking your coochie a little bit too quick. He hopped right here. He hopped right here. How you know that?
Unnecessary
How many cats in here burn right now?
Pat
You see the backlash. I call it a little backlash, but I think Drew Ski does that on purpose. But the Drew Ski skit, it's Mega Church 1 is going viral. A lot of people that are in mega churches are saying that, oh, that's not right. You don't play with the word of God. And I feel like that's a cop out. Like, it's not. He's not playing with the word of God. He's playing on these preachers or pastors who pray on their congregation, who. Like, their congregation is somebody in a congregation that literally doesn't have a house, a car, a place to eat at. They're going to a homeless shelter, and you're driving off in a half a million dollar car.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
It just doesn't make sense.
Gene
Yeah, I know.
Pat
And he's like, sometimes jokes are. They reveal the truth. And I feel like this is one of the cases.
Gene
Yeah. And there was this. This one pastor reacted to it. And I think, like, I'm paraphrasing, but he basically said, like, mega churches are, like, 1% of, like, all churches out there, but it's still the ones that are most seen. So it's like, still, like, there's some truth to it, because people think. And that's kind of scaring people away from the church in a sense, because those mega churches and all that stuff, that's what goes viral. And it's only going viral because some of them are doing, like, crazy, like, Michael Todd spinning somebody's face. That's his name, Michael Todd, the pastor.
Pat
I think so. Yeah.
Gene
Yeah, Michael Todd. I think spinning, like, in the. I don't care what you're trying to explain. Right. Spitting in somebody's face is just like, you could have. There's so many other ways to, like, even fake spit. You could have A spray bottle, like someone. Those are the things that go viral. So, like, I think sometimes that that type of stuff scares people away from the church.
Pat
I don't know. I feel like they just pray on the week in those mega churches because especially if you're going through a hard time and you're leaning on God and a person that's supposed to be the closest to God that you think is telling you to do something, to donate something, of course you're going to do that or be more influenced to do that. And they're using it for, for their own gang. Now you, you got a private jet for what? Yeah, what do you need to fly across that fast the world for, huh? Like, who are you preaching?
Gene
I think it's like, obviously, like pastors have to get paid. But I think when you do get in that mega church realm, it's like, how much do you think you deserve for what you're doing? You know, in a sense, because again, it's people's money and you're living tax free as well. So it's like there's a lot of like, resentment, you know, like people. I think there's also a lot of resentment for like people like the super wealthy as well, in a sense. Just like, if I had that, everybody just has that. If I had that money, I would do this. Or you can save and cure world hunger and stuff like that. So I think that has a little bit to do with it. But knowing that too is just like, why flaunt in front? It's like almost like you're stunning on. You're stunned off people. Sometimes it feels like you're flaunting.
Pat
Yeah, my preacher shouldn't have no bands, bro. Why the. My preacher got a ride of bands. I, I don't understand that, bro. I got a Toyota, bro. I just put money in a collection point and you got a bins and you skirting on me.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
Why you got a srt, bro? Don't piss me off. This dude. Michael Jordan, bro.
Gene
Somebody just sent an email.
Pat
No way.
Gene
It said, I got a story. This is a, this is the thing. I got a story. Trapped in a T.R. a trouble, right? What's the word? Trle. Tru. Yeah. And pincer moved.
Caller 1
Huh?
Pat
Let me read it.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
Is that German?
Gene
Yeah. I don't know.
Pat
Pinster trapped in the thruffle. And pincer move. And pier move.
Gene
Who?
Pat
Man, just call this dude. No legit. Just call this dude. I, I just to wig out on this. Like, okay, I'm in a bad mood. That's Funny.
Gene
We just said we never do it.
Caller 2
Yeah. What's up, yo?
Gene
First of all, we've always told people. We just literally just told people not to email us to be a caller.
Pat
Get that mic.
Caller 2
I straight up Googled it, so I don't know.
Pat
You Google what?
Caller 2
I googled it. I was like, dude, I've been watching you guys for a minute. And I was like, yo, I got some to say.
Unnecessary
And then you asked Google how to get on.
Caller 2
I literally hate Google. And Google was like, here it is. And I just emailed us.
Pat
What was your story, bro, this better be good, bro. We never answered email. This is our first email.
Gene
First email. We're never gonna do this again, bro.
Caller 2
All right, all right. It's gonna be at least decent. All right, so. So I was with this girl for nine years, right? Two kids, one coming.
Unnecessary
Twins.
Caller 2
No, no, no. Like two and a half years apart. So, like, it was a progression. So I'm. I come home from work, right? I was working like a 14 hour shift. I'm coming home, dude. I was cheating on her. And when I went to pull in my driveway, I saw my side chick's car in the driveway with my chick. Score. So I just went, nope. And just left. And it's like, stayed at the hotel for like two days. Finally was like, yo, this. I'm going home. Both cars were still there, though. Not a fan of that. But walked in. Both of them were sitting there. One was hiding behind a fake tree, which is hilarious.
Gene
But.
Caller 2
No, it wasn't.
Gene
But.
Pat
Hurry up. Damn. Why you. What's up? What's all these breaks? And you got ads in this?
Caller 2
Yeah, let me plug. Manscaped. What do you want from me, bro?
Pat
Speed this up, bro. Times two, this hoe.
Caller 2
Nah. But I come in, right? And they're like, yeah, it says you can't stop with her and you won't leave me alone. Then we're just gonna do this. I'm just like, well, And.
Pat
Do what? Wait. I'm so ready to hang up on you, bro.
Caller 2
Do it. All right, so she moved my. My kid's mom moved my ex into my house. Or not my ex, my side chick into my house.
Pat
Just out of spite.
Caller 2
Decided that for me. Nah, I mean, maybe. I don't know.
Pat
Bro, bro, what's your current situation? Like, what's currently going on?
Caller 2
Ah, they both want me to die.
Pat
Oh, so you're out of the house and she's still in there?
Caller 2
Oh, no, no, it's my house.
Pat
Oh, my God. Bro, bro, bro. We're never Emailing nobody. No more emails.
Gene
This is a perfect example of a call that probably wouldn't make the pod, but we're gonna make it just to show you guys, just to teach y' all a lesson too, how like, no.
Pat
No good man communicates through email. Come on. I was gonna say, how do you.
Unnecessary
Even hear about the pod?
Gene
He never seen a clip or nothing.
Pat
He probably just like, holy. What the was that, bro? That was so bad that Google chat GPT us. How can I get in contact?
Caller 1
Yo.
Pat
Let's take a quick break from today's podcast to thank our sponsor Factor. I know a lot of you guys want to eat better, but you don't have the time or energy to make the change. Factor can help with that. You don't have to meal prep or follow a recipe. It just removes the entire problem. Them two minutes, real food, just done. I realized that I'm not good at meal prep because I add too much because I get a little chicken rice. The next thing you know, some Mac and cheese and snuck into my meal prep. So I'm not good at it. So factor is good for me.
Gene
You're not failing at eating healthy. You're failing at having three extra hours every night. Fact is, already made by chef, designed by dietitians and delivered to your door. You heat it for two minutes and.
Pat
Eat lean proteins, colorful vegetables, whole food ingredients, healthy fats, the stuff you make if you have the time. No refined sugars, no artificial sweeteners, and no refined seed oils. You pick what fits your goals. Healthier eating, calorie management, more protein, whatever you're actually trying to do.
Gene
The smoke, gouda, cream meatballs from Factors are super clutch. They taste great, it takes no time and the ingredients actually help me stay fueled. And factor has plenty of options with 100 rotane meals every week with high protein and calorie smart meals, always fresh, never frozen, ready in two minutes, no prep, no cleanup, no mental load.
Pat
And remember, this is not motivation to eat better, but the elimination for the reason you don't. That's why we love using Factor. Head to Factor Mills.com Crash50OFF and use code CRASH50OFF to get 50 off your first Factor box plus free breakfast for a year. Remember, this offer is only valid for new factor customers with co and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with Factor. Let's thank the sponsor of today's podcast.
Gene
See geek.
Pat
I've been looking for the best deal on bucks tickets because I think we about to get a trade here in Milwaukee. Either way, And I'm trying to see how the team finishes out the season, which is why I love SeatGeek. You know, with over 35 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticket app.
Gene
There are more than 70,000 events events listed on Sea Geek, including concerts, sports festivals, and more. The NFL and college football playoffs are here, and the NBA is in full swing. And right now you can get World cup tickets on SeatGeek. I love using Sea Geek. I wish I could. I wish Nigeria was obviously in the World cup, but you know, they fail, so I won't be seeing Nigeria in the World Cup. I'm glad to see the World cup in America.
Pat
So also remember, seatgeek has your back. Each ticket is rated on a scale to 1 to 10, so you know you're getting a good deal. So look for the green dots. Green means good, red means bad. Plus, every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee. And of course, we have a code for you guys. You can use code dummies10 for 10 off your next set of tickets at se.
Gene
That's 10 off any ticket with promo code dummies10. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thank you, Seagi, for sponsoring the podcast. Now back to the show.
Pat
Yo, yo, what's the deal? Welcome to Crash on his podcast. Hey, what up, man?
Caller 1
Hey, I was just at your show in Chicago. I was that tall man. Hey, Pat, my homegirl Brie with you on version. Put me on your.
Pat
All right, that started off crazy. I did not your home girl. That got crazy. Okay, I got a question for you.
Caller 1
Yeah.
Pat
What's your rant of the week?
Caller 1
I gotta stop nutting stripper man.
Pat
You gotta stop what?
Caller 2
I gotta.
Caller 1
I gotta stop nothing. And stripper man.
Pat
What?
Gene
What?
Caller 1
But like, I know it sound bad. It sound bad.
Pat
Like it's a crazy.
Caller 1
It sound bad but like, it wasn't on purpose. Like, you know, you first meet somebody you don't really know. You don't really know this here for real until, you know, till y' all really link.
Pat
No, I know she a stripper though.
Caller 1
But she told me she used to be type. But you know, she don't. She don't pay no bit. Like, you know, she. She lived with a. With a. With a roommate. She got a dude roommate. Like none of this was really making sense to like afterwards. But like, let me get into it though. We. We go to see Avatar, right?
Gene
Cool. Fine.
Caller 1
Daily cuddling up. We go get some food. She already flirting, trying to talk crazy talk about, you know, just talking unholy things. You feel me? Then, then we get in the whip. He started making out. I'm like, girl, let me take you home. Because she mind you. She live 40 minutes away from me. I already gotta drive. Drive this bro back home. So I don't. Bro, just calm down. We already in public. And mind you, I'm in a fishbowl. You try to do this in front of all these. In front of the restaurant, bro. So boom, we go, we get. I get up, I get on the eway, bro. Tell me why this get to going down as I'm driving. You're tweaking, you're tweaking. I ain't going lie. It was fire though. I can't believe I'm going to get up there.
Pat
That nigga Ms. Hella X's. God damn. You feel me?
Caller 1
No. Hey, shout out lanus, dis and cruise control. Your on, bro. So boom, I get up to the crib. I get up to the crib. Then she talking like, oh, yeah, we might also just duck off, cuz, you know, I want to f. I'm all right. Boom. Then she get to talk. She want to crash, huh? All right, right.
Caller 3
All right, cool.
Caller 1
Soon as you get on top, right? Feel me? I'm like, all right, I'm about. I'm about.
Gene
I'm about to.
Caller 1
I'm about to. You feel me? I'm already my feet all the way back. Let him finish. Let finish. No, no, listen up, listen up, listen up. I know it's crazy. Stop saying let him finish.
Gene
M.
Caller 2
He.
Caller 1
And she like, she like, oh, okay, then keep going. What the is wrong with you? Then she stopped. I'm like, bro, get the off me. Did she laughing, bro, Guess what the she say right after she said, you ready to be a daddy? What? When I tell you I ain't go. I ain't go to CVS fast enough, bro. And I get to the crib, I get to the crib. I ask her, I'm like. I asked her, I'm like, so when was your last period? She like, two weeks ago. I said, oh, so that means like you. You at the. You at the pinnacle point of fertility right now, right? Yeah, two weeks. I gotta know if I'm gonna be daddy or not, man.
Gene
Avatar, though.
Caller 1
Oh, nah, like, oh, bro, I did see Avatar, but it was like the theme, I guess. You know, they was be freaking that movie.
Gene
But like, I'm just saying that the Reese, the recent.
Pat
Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. So you went to see all this.
Caller 1
Just happened yesterday, all this.
Pat
But listen, okay, but, but okay, let's go back to this. You went. You actually went to cvs.
Caller 1
I had to remember, I went to Walmart.
Pat
But like, okay, but I'm just saying, you got this, what you got the day after pill, right?
Caller 1
I got that one step on, bro.
Caller 2
Whatever.
Pat
Whatever it's called. Okay, you got it. But did she take it?
Caller 1
Yeah. Nah, hell no. Cause I spoke mind you, where she is, like in the suburbs or whatever. So everyone's sitting nearby. So I went back to the grid, man. I got that, came back, she tried it. Oh yeah, I forgot this. I pull back up. Mind you, her roommate is a. I pull back up. She not answering the phone. I'm like, why the you not answering the phone right now? Hell no. Right? Hell no. Right? So I get about the witch. You know, I got. It's 11:30 in the morning. Of course I got on me. You feel me? Safety on, bro. I bring the doorbell here, dog. Then I hear a. He's like, man, what the. And then that's what she gets to reading my. Then texting my. And she's like, oh, you know, just go back in the crib. Just go back in the whip. I said, it's cold as. Hurry the up. Then like five minutes later, that's when she bop out. And then, mind you, right here. And he's off the inside. As I'm waiting outside the door, I use. Oh, okay. I was about to sit this through. You finna Swiss tease me. For what? And on both teeth, you know. See, she got to the whip. So I'm like, cool. I watch her take it. I'll bust a little, you know, that hard ass box to open up, you know, Give it to her. Yeah, I got the little drink in the whip. I'm like, all right, let me see you. You know, did she take a sip? Take a sip. Then she talking. Take another sip. I said, all right, open your mouth. Yeah, open your mouth. I'm looking through a tongue. Yeah, I put my finger all through that. Making sure ain't no. No premises with tucked into.
Pat
You make sure she took.
Caller 1
Listen. Yeah, I gotta make sure I don't for hell no.
Pat
That's a Chicago love story right here. I said, yeah, I got it.
Caller 1
And the worst part about it all, like two days ago she asked me to be a Valentine. I said, yeah.
Pat
No, they locked in. I think you like her, bro. You like her on a low, bro.
Caller 1
Nah, like, like, I Ain't a lot that was, you know, I still as high as hell, you know, like, damn, you freaking. But like, not, Not. Not wipeable, though. I ain't gonna lie.
Pat
Just. Just ready to have a baby with her, though.
Caller 1
Nah, nah, I gotta. I told her I was like, maybe two. Like two.
Pat
That's us. That's on us.
Gene
Make sure I believe that.
Pat
That's on us. We knew he was getting there and we. We antagonized him and antagonized.
Caller 4
Hey, how's it going, guys?
Pat
Wel. Podcast. Oh, my bad. Say I'm good. Is that rude to kind of skip.
Gene
Over your podcast, bro?
Pat
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Welcome to Crash Podcast.
Caller 4
Thank you, thank you. I'm glad to be here.
Pat
All right, we got a question for you.
Caller 5
Yeah.
Pat
What's your dilemma?
Caller 6
My.
Caller 4
My dilemma right now is trying to see if I want to continue things with this 32 year old I met because we. We hooked up first link. But I did let him know that I do have an STI and he still wanted to go through with it. So that's kind of a red flag for me.
Pat
Well, did you go through with it?
Caller 4
We went through with it.
Pat
So where's your red flag? Don't you have one too? Matching at that? Y' all sound like a good couple to me.
Caller 4
No, because I told him ahead of time and I did. Like, I was not prepared to do anything and he was more so like with it than I was, and I was just like, okay, that, that, that.
Gene
Wait. He was like, okay. What? Sorry, it hung up.
Pat
Oh, my bad.
Caller 4
Did you hear me?
Gene
No, no, it hung up on accident. You just said. And he was like, what?
Caller 4
Oh, I said, I wouldn't have done that in my position. In his position? Absolutely not.
Pat
I don't make no sense.
Gene
They really don't.
Pat
Because you participated in something that you're giving somebody else a red flag for. So.
Caller 4
Yeah, but it's just like, I let him know ahead of time. I was just like, okay, you know, I'm not trying to do anything. You know, I have this. I'm still in antibiotics. You know, I should be clear in like two weeks. And he was just like, if you started the antibiotics, you know, I don't mind. And I'm like, are you sure? And he went through with it. I wouldn't have gone through with it.
Gene
But you still had the power to tell him no.
Pat
Yeah, to me. To me it sounded. It sounds like two people were starving and two people ate. That was so true. Like, y' all Was both starving. Like, I don't get why you giving him a red flag. You don't think you can give him a little bit Grace because you did the same thing.
Caller 4
I think he was more so willing to do it than I was. So I'm just like, it took a lot of convincing on my part, so I'm just like, okay, put it on the table, girl.
Pat
Like, I feel like you, like, it's almost like you, like, downplaying yourself. You're saying, like, oh, that was so nasty of him to have sex with me.
Caller 4
You might be right. You might be right because I wouldn't have done it. I would have canceled the entire day. I wouldn't have done it.
Pat
So what's the. So, like, are you still talking to him?
Gene
No.
Caller 4
Yeah, but it's given. I don't know. He, he's 32, which, I'm 24, so this is already a big, bigger age gap and he doesn't have a job right now. Hopefully he doesn't listen to this podcast. He then he got a DUI in November, so he doesn't even have his license either.
Gene
So I'm like, sti now?
Pat
Yeah, yeah. Don't got a dui, but gotta ask.
Caller 4
I was like, make sure you get tested afterwards, you know, just in case. He was like, well, I don't have health insurance. And I was like, oh.
Pat
I mean, he only stupid too. Yeah, he just ready. Yeah, he just like. But just like, okay, okay.
Unnecessary
Like, she probably gotta go get checked again.
Pat
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He might have brought some with him. Oh, my God.
Gene
I gotta make sure something.
Pat
Yeah. So, like, okay, this is my thing. Like, when people come on this show with dilemmas, like, obviously we're grateful that you, you know, saying your dilemma to us, but you're saying all these negative things. So that tells us, like, you can process this in real time.
Caller 4
Yeah, I just, I don't know. I just don't know if I want to give him a shot because he's going through a rough time. And I'm like, okay, I know.
Gene
Guilty.
Pat
Let's talk about you, though. Like, let's talk about your thought process.
Gene
Like, I mean, you talked about before. I guess they're both are just horn too, way too horny.
Pat
But she hasn't admitted that she's horny, though. Yeah, like, she needs to miss.
Caller 4
Oh, my God. I don't think I, I, I think I'm just easily convinced.
Gene
No, no, we're gonna do some accountability here. Okay.
Pat
There we go.
Gene
You don't have to say your name Just say I.
Caller 2
I.
Gene
Crash Dummies caller.
Caller 4
Crash Dummies caller.
Pat
I'm nasty as. Say that.
Caller 4
That's crazy.
Pat
You nasty. Just say it.
Gene
You.
Pat
It's okay if you. You. Whatever you call him, you are too.
Caller 4
Crazy. Listen, I don't know. I told him. I told him straight up. I was just like, I don't know how you did. I wouldn't have done that. I already have it. I'm on antibiotics. You're clean. But, you know, hey, at least.
Gene
At least give him some of the antibiotics.
Pat
Yeah, I'm done with it now.
Caller 4
I'm free.
Pat
Now at least share something. Share some of them pills, girl.
Caller 4
Hook up with them again because I'm not trying to get it. Get it again. That'd be crazy.
Pat
That's crazy.
Gene
All right, you have a good one.
Pat
You're so cool.
Caller 4
You, too.
Caller 6
Bye.
Gene
Remember, Crash Dummies listeners, practice safe sex. My charts, all that jazz. Jazz.
Caller 6
Hi.
Caller 5
Yo, what's good?
Pat
Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies.
Gene
Yo.
Pat
Welcome to Crash Podcast.
Caller 5
Thank you. Thank you. We got this.
Pat
I guess this is the ladies episode.
Gene
It's a lot of girls.
Pat
No, it's all girls.
Gene
Is it? No. That guy.
Pat
Welcome to Crashing Me Podcast. We got a question for you.
Caller 5
Yeah, what's up?
Pat
What's your dilemma?
Caller 5
So my dilemma is falling for a normal man who treats me nicely and gives me all the love I want and need.
Caller 4
Being conflicted because I have.
Caller 5
Children and I'm incredibly toxic.
Gene
Can you repeat that again?
Caller 5
Yeah. Disliking somebody that's really nice to me and has. Is normal and has good penis and everything, but being a lady who's very toxic and has children, it's very hard.
Pat
You got an inhaler or something?
Caller 5
No, dude, I just.
Caller 6
I'm. I ride a bike for work.
Pat
Oh. Oh, you just got off a bike?
Caller 4
Yeah.
Gene
Okay.
Pat
It's nice to know. We'll give you time for a breather.
Gene
Like. Thank you.
Pat
There you go. She about to kill herself over this.
Caller 5
I had to climb, like, three flights of stairs after running.
Pat
Damn. Don't pass out during our show. It's just a talk show. We can slow down if you want.
Gene
To, but so did this.
Caller 5
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
Gene
Does this guy want something more serious? And you're not, like, willing to do that?
Caller 5
No, he absolutely wants something more serious. But, like, I'm a hot pocket and I like to live my best life, and I use men's. Describe what you mean, and I don't know how.
Pat
What is a hot pocket?
Caller 4
Like, you know, I'm.
Caller 2
I.
Caller 6
This is.
Caller 5
Okay. Okay, okay, my bad. When I say I'm a hot pocket, like, I live my best life as a single woman. I don't have kids when I don't have kids, and when I do, I do.
Gene
Before we just say, what do you mean by a hot pocket? Come on.
Caller 5
We're all like, I, I, I get around. You know, I like to spread the love.
Pat
Oh, I get it.
Caller 5
I mean that too. I mean, that wouldn't be the first time.
Pat
I thought she was saying, like, she hard on the outside, she tastes good for the first bite, but she really cold in the middle.
Caller 5
I mean, that's that as well. Like, I'm very emotionally detached.
Pat
There we go.
Caller 5
And, and I just like, I've, I've been known to use men's for things. And then there's this guy. Yeah. Multiple at the same time. We got a barbecue in the backyard with everybody. All my lovers in the backyard.
Pat
Like, men is already plural.
Caller 5
I know. That's why I had an extra plural, because it's that real.
Pat
God damn.
Caller 5
How many guys are you currently talking to right now? Three, but one is a sponsor, one is a potential, and then the one, the normal person, that's the one you're.
Pat
Afraid of because it might be something.
Caller 5
Yeah, yeah, exactly. And we used to kick it before and then we stopped because I told him not to catch feelings.
Pat
Okay. Uninteresting. I don't care about the Mr. Potential. I don't care about Mr. Normal. I want to talk about the sponsor.
Caller 5
Yeah, I want to talk about the sponsor.
Caller 2
Yeah, yeah.
Pat
How is he sponsoring you?
Caller 5
Oh, he pays my rent. He pays for vacations for me and my hot pocketivities.
Pat
Like rent every month or just like sometimes every month?
Caller 5
Every month.
Unnecessary
God damn.
Pat
How old is he?
Caller 5
He is 46.
Pat
46. How old are you?
Caller 5
31.
Pat
31. So like, does the sponsor get the cash in every once in a while or he just like, like kind of sponsor from a distance?
Caller 5
He sponsors from a distance. He stays in Colorado, I'm in California, but I'm on the wheel, so I'm jazzed about that.
Pat
So you've, have you ever had like any intimate situations with him or just.
Caller 5
Like we've made out and like dry humping, but nothing beyond that.
Pat
In 2025, as grown ups, what would come cause y' all to dry?
Caller 5
As a grown up, I enjoy dry humping. Like, give me your thigh and let me just.
Pat
Boring.
Caller 5
But no, no intimacy. And that's why it's even nicer. He just pays for my life, to live my best Life. And we just chat and I send nudes and that's it.
Pat
Oh, he one of them dudes. He one of them dudes that sit all the way in the back of the strip club with binoculars, you know?
Caller 5
Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, Exactly.
Pat
Well, happy for you. I know as people like, we're not gonna hate on your situation. Do you. If you enjoy sending news, I'm guessing so.
Gene
So what?
Caller 5
Yeah, I have a whole series called Back Shots and Bathrooms where I just take pictures of my backside in random bathrooms.
Gene
Boring.
Pat
Okay. But he like it though.
Caller 5
Okay.
Pat
Somebody like it, right?
Gene
So. So does this.
Caller 5
I mean, a lot of people like it a lot.
Pat
God, there's normal.
Gene
There's normal guy know you do these things.
Caller 5
Oh, yeah. He's like, keep the sponsors. Live your best life.
Pat
That's some type of. I say, you know, don't lose your sponsor. He know he not stand.
Unnecessary
That's why he don't know about the potential.
Caller 5
Well, no, no, he is. He. He wants to. I've told him that, like, I'm not really down for it. He's like, no, no, no. He's taking me out for my birthday.
Unnecessary
But your regular don't know about the potential, though.
Caller 5
No, not at all. Not at all.
Pat
So potential, really, He. He the mystery dude out of all this?
Caller 5
Yeah, he knows everything. But nobody else knows anything.
Gene
Does your sponsor.
Caller 5
He kind of buy me a farm and everything.
Gene
Does your sponsor know about them?
Caller 5
No, the sponsor's not supposed to know. He's just a sponsor.
Pat
Yeah, I mean, I don't like. Wait, what's her dilemma? Sound like you got everything figured out.
Caller 5
Well, I'm a modest woman and I would love to have a family and everything.
Pat
Modest woman? After all that? What the. Like, bro, we. We. We. We love women on this podcast.
Gene
Oh, my God.
Pat
And I think. I think every woman. I think every woman should. Deserves love. Until today.
Caller 5
Absolutely.
Pat
You don't deserve it. Just stay in your little hot pocket. Stay there.
Caller 5
I'm.
Caller 4
I wanna.
Pat
I'm.
Caller 5
You know, I'm getting old. I'm 31. It's time to settle down.
Gene
I feel it.
Pat
I got two children, you know, back shots and bathrooms. Getting too mature for that.
Gene
What the. You have two kids already.
Caller 5
I do, yeah.
Gene
Nice, nice. Congrats.
Caller 5
I've been married and everything, though.
Gene
Oh.
Caller 5
So, like, I could.
Gene
This kid's from the marriage?
Caller 5
Yeah, they're from the marriage. I got divorced, like, four years ago.
Pat
Or. Living your best life. What happened?
Caller 1
You know what happened.
Pat
Did you leave? He left.
Caller 5
Oh. Domestic violence. I was a domesticator I was the violence person, if that means anything.
Pat
No, that's double standards.
Gene
Double standards.
Pat
We got to get you off the phone. Oh, yeah. I gotta make sure. I gotta make sure I stick up for the dude. So remind me when I say this, you.
Gene
Thank you.
Caller 5
I love you too.
Pat
I love you too.
Caller 5
It's okay.
Pat
Well, let's thank today's sponsor of the podcast, heel. I will say the first time I ever had heel, it was an emergency. I had just pulled a back to back workout and realized I haven't eaten and went in my backpack and realized I got a heel on it. So it saved my life at some point.
Caller 1
Point.
Gene
That's why we both started using this high protein starter kit from Hu. It's 5 black edition ready to drinks plus a black edition chocolate powder. And it's honestly the first thing that's made it easy for me to stay consistent. On days I'm running out the door or heading to the gym, I just grab a black edition ready to drink. It's a complete meal. 35 grams of protein, 27 essential vitamins and minerals, no artificial sweeteners, and it actually tastes good. Plus, it's shocking feelings for something I didn't have to prep.
Pat
Then on days when I'm home or I want something colder or just more customizable, I use a black edition powder. Sometimes I I make a whole smoothie situation or other times I just shake it with water. It still hits that protein goal I'm aiming for. Having both the ready to drink and the power in my kitchen keeps me from falling off my routine. Honestly, it just makes hitting your protein goals a lot less stressful.
Gene
Get heel's full high protein starter kit online with our code CRASH20 for 20% off@hu.com crash20 new customers only. Thank you he'll for partnering and supporting our show.
Caller 6
Hello?
Caller 1
Hello.
Pat
Oh my gosh.
Caller 6
Hi, Mike and dad.
Pat
Hey, what's the deal? Whoa.
Caller 6
Nothing much.
Caller 4
How are you?
Pat
You're the first person that ever had your video on. When we call, I don't know what you think about to go on, but.
Gene
Got the red lights on and everything.
Pat
About to get crazy.
Caller 6
This is just my room. That not too much and I'm sorry. Okay, I'll turn it off.
Pat
No, you ain't gotta turn it off. Mike got the phone. He don't care.
Gene
What's something you want to get off your chest?
Caller 6
Freaky men need to like, come with like, you know, I don't know, like we'll remind you something. Like they're scary.
Pat
Describe a Freaky man.
Caller 6
Okay? A man that wants to have sex with you with no deodorant, And then, like, he wants to suck your armpit.
Pat
I get what he doing. He trying to even it out. He, like, I'm gonna suck the deodorant off her shit. So we both.
Caller 1
So no.
Caller 6
Like, he will request you not to wear deodorant.
Caller 2
It.
Pat
Oh.
Gene
Oh. So is this somebody that you're dealing with right now?
Caller 6
Off and on.
Pat
This girl dating Tarzan. Wait, but you participated, though?
Gene
Yeah. Did you do it?
Caller 6
Maybe a couple of times.
Pat
Interesting.
Gene
So you didn't wear deodorant and then he sucked your armpits?
Caller 6
Okay, no, I only did it. I didn't wear deodorant one time. And then, yeah, he sucked my armpit. Like, kind of left a little hickey. And then. But then after that, it was like. It's just. I just found it weird after a while because then he started doing, like, more freaky things.
Pat
Okay, you know, we gonna ask what the freaky thing is? Come on.
Caller 6
Okay.
Caller 4
Okay.
Caller 6
We're kissing, making out, whatever. He, like, literally sucked the out of my tongue. Like, there was no saliva left on my tongue.
Pat
Oh, okay. Is that. Is that it?
Caller 6
Well, it's not too bad.
Caller 4
Okay.
Caller 6
It's not weird because everybody does it kind of, but I'm just not used to it. Like, he loves to eat ass, but, like, he wants to make sure it's sweaty. Like, you know, like, I actually did something today.
Pat
Oh, he wants you to go to work. Like, work this nine to five and come straight to me. So this. So anytime someone complains about a king, this is the. The question that I've learned to ask is, were the kinks the thing that made you stop talking to them, or did something else happen and now you're complaining about the kink?
Caller 6
No, it was the kings. It was the Kings. But then also, other things happened.
Pat
Like what?
Caller 6
Like, I was working. Did it like a whole double. 18 hours. He wanted to see me so bad. I said no.
Gene
Prime condition.
Caller 1
Oh, my God.
Pat
19 hours.
Caller 1
Shit.
Pat
That's like. That's like having the pot roast on that. Like, that falling off the bone.
Gene
That's his wag.
Pat
The tenderism. The tenderism that said that was falling off the bone. Oh, my God. But go ahead. You say you had ATI our cooch and what happened?
Caller 6
But, yeah, he wanted me so bad, but I was telling him, like, no. Like, I'm tired. Like, no, I just don't. And I got working the next morning. So, like, no. And he just took that to her.
Pat
Oh, you just tease it down. I got work in the morning, too.
Gene
You're not gonna take a shower, and then you're gonna go back to work. So then you probably get, like, what, 24 hours of sweat? No shower, 36.
Caller 6
Oh, my God.
Gene
Oh, man. So why is it on and off? Like, why. Why haven't you left him?
Caller 6
Only reason why I left him the first time, it was because, like, he would do. Like, he would say things to hurt my feelings. And, like, I don't like that. Because then if I go to hell, you're gonna be mad. Yeah. Like, if you try to hit me, but I'm below. I'm go all the way to hell. Like, I'm gonna get you. Like, I'm gonna bring up your mom problems. Like, I don't do that.
Gene
Got it?
Caller 6
Because I didn't. I'm trying to have a conversation.
Pat
Okay. Okay. Can I ask you a question? When he talks down on you, has he ever said that you stink?
Caller 6
No.
Pat
Interesting. Interesting.
Caller 6
Well, so he just trying to be.
Caller 1
Like.
Caller 6
He'S good at what he does, like, you know, other than the weird things. But, like, you know, he's good to be around. Like, I actually have a friendship with him, like, before we started actually being, like, sexual.
Gene
Right. Is there anything that he wants you to do to him, or is it just he's the one that, like, are doing all the kinks to you.
Caller 6
He's doing all the kinks to me.
Gene
Got it. Okay.
Pat
Well, this is good to know. Good information to have, you know?
Caller 6
Yeah, Pat, Whenever you want to try it.
Caller 1
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Pat
I'm good. Stink.
Gene
Yo.
Caller 3
Hey, y', all, what's good?
Pat
No service. All type of trash, yo. What's good, bro?
Caller 3
Hey, how's it going, y'?
Caller 2
All?
Pat
Good. Good.
Gene
I got a question for you. What's your dilemma?
Caller 3
Oh, all right. So the current girl that I'm talking to is trying to force fed me.
Pat
They're trying to what?
Caller 3
She trying to. She trying to, like, turn me into a girl.
Unnecessary
Force.
Gene
Femme.
Pat
Oh, force femme.
Gene
Femme. Okay. I've never heard that term.
Pat
Learning something new today. I like it.
Gene
I think.
Unnecessary
How's that going?
Caller 3
Yeah, I think. I think it's, like, a fetish or hers or some.
Gene
How's each, like, how is she trying to turn you into a girl?
Caller 3
Oh, so she's trying to, like, dress me up like one. And I can, like, tell by some of her behaviors that she, like, wants me to be more visibly girly.
Pat
Okay, explain the behaviors.
Caller 3
Okay, so when we were first, like, hanging out it started getting colder out. You know, I'm out in Chicago, right? And she was like, oh yeah, like take this, you can go home. Big sweater or whatever, right. I started noticing over time that she was like actually like buying clothes specifically for this, like specific cut sweaters, some like blouses and stuff like that. You're making her sound like.
Gene
You're making her sound like she's your mom. How old is she?
Caller 3
Oh, no, no, no.
Pat
Hold on.
Caller 3
Well, for 43, first of all, she's like 29.
Pat
Okay, there you go.
Gene
It starts to make a little sense.
Pat
Yeah, she definitely be a teenage mom to you.
Caller 3
Hey, listen, I, I, I, I'm an adult. I, I, I have agency.
Gene
Like agency.
Unnecessary
You don't got to convince us, man.
Pat
I don't know what you're trying to prove here. Okay, so other questions. Do you know any of her exes or have you seen them?
Caller 3
Oh, so she's lesbian.
Pat
Okay, you could have started with that.
Unnecessary
Are you lesbian?
Caller 3
No, I'm like, I'm like a whole 29 year old man.
Unnecessary
A hole that doesn't answer.
Pat
I'm a whole 29 year old man.
Caller 3
I mean, I guess if I could be lesbian, like.
Pat
Whatever you're about to say, do not say it. Probably the dumbest you're ever gonna say. No lie.
Gene
Well, I guess we were trying to ask like what you identify as us.
Caller 3
Oh, a straight man.
Gene
So she's male. So she's. So she's lesbian, but you guys are in a relationship.
Caller 3
Yeah, but I think she's trying to like, I think she, I, I think I, I think she trying to like turn me into a girl to make herself feel better about being lesbian.
Pat
But she's. So she's bisexual?
Caller 3
No, no, no, she, if you ask her, she lesbian.
Unnecessary
So you're letting her.
Caller 3
I mean, when you put it that way, I, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. She's like, I'm lesbian. And then like I'd be waving.
Unnecessary
Yeah, whatever makes sense.
Gene
Free yourself, bro. It's all right, bro.
Caller 1
It's good, bro.
Gene
Just be yourself.
Unnecessary
Hey, if it fits fire bro, don't complete. Can't you really complain? You know, like if you with the fits.
Caller 3
Yeah, I just don't know about like being called like a girlfriend in public. I'm like, what's going on?
Gene
Wait, what?
Pat
She's calling you her girlfriend?
Caller 2
No.
Caller 3
What other people are. Cuz, like, she, like I'm, she's like I'm lesbian and then she points at me and I got like a whole Mustache. And they're like, are you a stud? And I'm like, no.
Unnecessary
You can't care about what people think though.
Gene
I see even. I've never even seen a stud with a mustache.
Pat
I have.
Gene
You have? Really?
Pat
All right, man. This is, this is crazy. It's different though. I've never heard of a situation like that. Do you want to be in this relationship still?
Caller 3
I mean, I mean, like, yeah, I just, I just like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if I don't know about being a lesbian.
Pat
I don't know how to like, I.
Caller 3
Don'T know how to like explain.
Pat
Like they're going crazy. Like, have you brought this up to her? I guess is the next question. Have you confronted her about it?
Caller 3
Kinda. So like, so like back when we like first like intro, like, like met each other because she'd been like checking me out for like a good minute, right? She came up to me at this one party and she just like introduced herself, says hi or whatever and then, you know, I respond and she's like, wait, you're a guy? And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, well, well, I'm a lesbian. And I'm like, well, there's got to be some room in the budget if we got here, right?
Gene
Is going on, bro? What's going on? What is this?
Pat
That's crazy. What are we talking about? So are you going to be with like, where do you see you and her going? Like, are you guys going to get married or what?
Caller 3
I mean, like if, if. I mean, I'd love to get married, but I think she want me to wear the dress, which I'm kind of confused about.
Unnecessary
Yeah, I mean, you know, you ladies deserve happiness, man.
Caller 3
I'm a man.
Pat
Yeah, brother, you're gonna get pegged.
Gene
Oh my gosh. Oh, man.
Pat
It's only a matter of time, right?
Gene
Bro, honestly, just have, have that discussion with her and just. You just gotta stand your ground a little bit more.
Caller 3
I do, but then she'd be like buying me like a designer blouse. And then I'm like, I'm like, I'm like. I'm like a light skinned two Hollis.
Gene
If you, I mean, if you want to wear it, you just wear it. If you don't, you don't. I don't. There's really no like, if what?
Pat
Or so he's wearing the blouses.
Gene
That means he likes them.
Caller 3
I mean, I'm not, I'm not turning down a gift from my girl. I'm not starting an argument. Like, that's the problem.
Pat
I don't.
Caller 3
Like. Like, the problem is, like, it's like, chill.
Gene
You might be afraid that you actually like the way the blouse looks.
Caller 3
No, I know I look good. No, I'm not afraid about that. It's just, like, the implication.
Pat
No, no. One more question. What is. What is. What's the sex like? Not like. You don't have to describe yourself.
Caller 3
Oh, it's some fire.
Pat
But I'm just saying, is it, like, kind of what you've been used to, like, your whole life, or.
Caller 3
No. Yeah. No, she's not actually into, like, the pack. No, she's not. Like, she's not trying to touch her. She don't want to touch my butt. It's just like, she want me to be a girl. No, this shit's, like, freaky. No, it's good. It's good.
Caller 2
Y'.
Pat
All.
Caller 3
Y' all gotta get someone a little older than y'.
Gene
All.
Caller 3
Like, just. Y' all gotta check it out.
Pat
I should be tearing that ass, not mine.
Caller 6
Whoa.
Caller 3
I mean.
Gene
What if you had to explain your job to someone from 1820? What part sounds the most made up?
Pat
We free. We good? Kinda.
Gene
She's going.
Unnecessary
All right.
Pat
It'd be up because, like, if we could talk to somebody from back then that's of our same essence and same skin color, it would be like we would almost have to say everything's perfect.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
Compared to, like, where we were.
Gene
Yes.
Pat
Because we came a long way.
Gene
Depending who you're talking to.
Pat
Yes. Depending on perfect.
Gene
Perfect definitely has two meanings back then.
Pat
Yes.
Gene
But.
Pat
But we're pretty good, you know? I mean, like, from. From anybody. Like, you look at the 60s, 70s, 80s, like, we're way better, but it's still up.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
They still clip you, though. It ain't as bad as it used to be. But they get you, though.
Gene
Slave masters. Like, oh, we. We still. We still catching bodies. They still.
Pat
They just. They just prison guards now. You see Michael Jordan?
Gene
No, everybody's not seeing. Man, where am I supposed to see Michael Jordan?
Pat
Well, exactly. You're not. You haven't seen him. He's supposed to do more interviews. He got paid by NBC.
Gene
Oh, yeah. To be a commentator.
Pat
Yeah, bro, he's not doing it anymore. Yeah, he just took the money. But that's what happens when you piss a billionaire off.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
And I want y' all to know that every billionaire or every person that we got that's rich and got all this money, if they're still making music, if they're still playing. You better appreciate them because, like, once it stops, they gonna realize they don't have to do shit. You see what y' all did to Rihanna, right? Rihanna ain't giving y' all no more fucking music.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
Because y' all annoyed her. Every bad critic, Every time you criticize her, she saw that shit, and then she looked at her bank account right after and said, I'm not giving these no more. LeBron James gonna do the same to you, bro. I actually think he might retire and just be like, y'. All.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
That's what Michael Jordan did. Michael Jordan did the interview, and he talked about the game, and then people got online criticizing what he's saying, this and that, and Michael Jordan, like, all right, back to my yacht. You broke ass. Since y' all don't want to listen. You know what I'm saying? I try again. Been 10 years, it's like, bro, every time y' all criticize one of these billionaires, athletes, artists that y' all love, they gonna leave, bro. They're not gonna do nothing.
Gene
That's true. I have another topic for you. Another question for you is saying, I'm sorry you feel that way a true apology?
Pat
I'm sorry you feel. It depends on who it's coming from. And it depends on the situation.
Gene
If they say in a relationship situation.
Pat
Depends, like, okay, if it's something that I can't fix, Right. My ex wished me happy birthday on my Facebook wall. It was nothing I can do. I'm sorry you feel that way. I think that's a really good apology. It's nothing I can do, right?
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
Why are you sleeping with the next door neighbor? I'm sorry you feel that way.
Gene
I'm sorry.
Pat
I'm sorry. No, I'm just saying. But it's just, like, it definitely depends on, like, the person that's coming from. From and what situation it's in.
Gene
So if it's in, like, a. If you say your significant other says, that hurt my feelings is your thing. And you say, I'm sorry you feel that way. Is that a apology?
Pat
As a man? As a man, that's not good enough.
Gene
No. Right. I'm sorry I made you feel that way.
Unnecessary
That's more accountability.
Pat
That's more accountability. If you say that made you feel that way, it's just like, come on now.
Caller 2
Yeah.
Pat
That's not acknowledging that made you feel that way.
Gene
Boom.
Unnecessary
Sometimes accountability ain't enough. And they like, what you gonna do, you know?
Pat
Yeah, it's about action. But I, you know, they weren't Here to change. Yeah, yeah. All that change. And it's here nor there.
Gene
No, I think sometimes the, the thing that used to, like, like I had trouble in relationships sometimes is that I feel like sometimes when you make those changes. Right. Sometimes the mistakes just always seem louder than the changes. So even when you make those progressive changes, the little things, maybe it's just like, like a girl that wants more like, physical touch. Right. And you're doing, like the physical touch. Physical touch, right. And maybe this one day you don't do the physical touch. Then it turns into you never do phys. You haven't been doing it because it's just that the. The things that go wrong in your life and the things, the big arguments, they always seem bigger than the. The times where you guys almost get into an argument, both of you guys being mature, and then it's like, okay, it's good, okay, let's agree to disagree, and then you move on or something like that. They don't. I feel like that doesn't get remembered enough. Like, that's not big enough in your head.
Pat
Yeah, is that. But I also feel like with age, those arguments become obsolete.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
You know, it's like as a man, if you're, if you're like in a relationship, you understand that your woman is going to hit you with waves of argument and it's going to be like, random sometimes, and sometimes they're not going to come with logic and vice versa. Like, as men, we do it too, but it's our. I feel like it's our job to be like, okay, I know you tripping. There's no point in me trying to correct you. Let's see if you still feel that way tomorrow.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
Let's go to bed, baby.
Gene
That's the biggest thing that, like, therapy helped me with is like, that's why I feel like I'm in a really healthy relationship right now. Is more of, like, knowing when to, like, admit when you're, like, wrong in a sense. Like. Or just like, like actually try to see what you can do to fix the problem. Like, so me and my girl ever have an argument, it's like, what can we do to fix this right now? Is it like this? Revisit this, or. Because it's always like this. Like, what if you start there? I feel like you don't go back and forth because in the past I'll have arguments and then sales say something and then something from like five years ago that we already, like, said that we apologize for and stuff like that. Then you bring up again. And it just turned into, like, a toxic back and forth.
Pat
Yeah. It's just like the concept of. What's the goal?
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
Is the goal to be together? Do you want to be together for the rest of our lives? What's the quickest way through this argument so we can get back to getting on track to go towards our goals?
Gene
Yeah, exactly.
Pat
Because I'm not taking out this trash. I got it. I'll take out his fast. You got it.
Caller 1
You got.
Pat
You right? I should not have went to sleep with the trash. Well, you got it. We gotta. You win, baby. Like, you're married. I'm a man.
Gene
Yeah. You ever have those moments when you're at the club and you hear a good song and, like, you're a little tipsy or high, whatever, and the song sounds so dope. Right. Then the next day you go listen to that song and it sounds ass. I've. So my thing now is to, like. I write down the song just so, like. Or I save it just no matter what, because I still want to, like, listen to it the next day just to make sure if it was like. Like, was I just in a mood or was that song just ass? And I've been finding a lot of these songs are like, not it.
Pat
You think so?
Gene
I feel like it's not it. I think it's the mood thing. I think it's just the environment made this song better.
Pat
Sometimes, like, listening to something intoxicated makes you think, like, damn, that person was intoxicated when they made it. Like, sometimes when I listen to Young Thug in future, like, I. I would hear. I've heard the song two, three years in a row, and I've never liked it. And then I just got super high one day.
Gene
Yeah.
Pat
And I'm just like, damn, Young Thug the goat. You know what I'm saying? I understand where you come from. That little squeaky voice.
Gene
It's interesting how, like, music is, like, it's a mood as well. Like, in different environments, in a sense. Like, if you're playing house music and you're in the right setting for that house music, it's always a vibe. Or if you're Afrobeats and you're that setting where Afrobeats will hit, that's a vibe. And I think a lot of DJs sometimes mess up where it's like, they're playing a vibe of songs in a place that's not that vibe. It's not. It don't. It don't relate. Like, we're in a. We're in a freaking beat up basement right now and you're playing like some classical, you know, just around three. It's totally left field.
Pat
No, bro, I hate it, bro. You got all these ladies dancing.
Caller 2
Yeah.
Pat
Having fun. They got the vibe and all here is. Hold on, wait a minute.
Caller 1
I'm like, what the.
Pat
Who played that? Put on some Tyler.
Gene
The now when they. When start to play too much street music, it's like, bro, come on, bro.
Pat
Man, the ladies dancing. What's it. Yeah, and they all dancing and like, baby, can you hear my car? Every day some new.
Gene
What the. Those songs have their place. It's just like I feel like sometimes on the dance floor you just see the. The dudes when you. Anytime you start to see the dudes start to get a little too. Take over the dance floor a little too much. Everybody's like jumping hands in the air and it's like very broish.
Pat
It's like, all right, bro, we, we. We gotta get back. We gotta get back to making the ladies feel safe. We gotta get back to letting the ladies had a dance floor. I don't give a if you call me a simp or not, you little dick ass. Like these, man. The boys like, I ain't never. I ain't never went and commented and told a bunch of other that they simps. You know what I'm saying? Unless y' all dick gotta be little bro. It gotta be like, bro, what the y' all be talking about? The. The ladies bring the party, bro. They bring the vibes they bring. They gonna dance, they gonna break a move. So nobody notice your soft ass standing up on against the wall with that weak ass outfit that you wore last week. Just because it's all black. We still see it's the same jeans ho ass. I'm so sick of that hoodie, bro. Wear the same hoodie every time just because it's unzipped. It's still the same hoodie like.
Gene
And you missing like three rhinestones from last week.
Pat
That's. That was five unfinished legacy drops ago. Get a new jacket. They talk about you like my ul. Yeah, I liked it two months ago too. It's a new drop on the website. Here it is right here. Unfinished legacy co log in.
Gene
Oh man, that was funny.
Pat
Oh my God. Oh, the Desmond and Chrissy. Yeah, Desmond. Recently, I don't know if you know Desmond Chris. We.
Gene
Yeah, we talked about it. Come on now.
Pat
If you don't know who they is, just this times to it then. But he got caught out making out with a girl. Yeah, and it makes sense for a dude that's been in a relationship since he was 14, on his first night single get caught making out in a public place. He don't know the rules.
Gene
He probably thought he was being sneaky, like just making. Not even just like a peck. It's like full on makeup session.
Pat
You know, he. You know he nutted from that kiss. No, that's so it's the only thing I don't like about it that would bother me about people knowing that I've been with the same woman Since I was 14 is people automatically knowing my sex life. Yeah, like you know exactly what my sex life was like if I'd been dating this person since I was 14. That's why he was tonguing her down like that. He never had that before. He tried to see what that feel like. Boy, he about to be up. I'm he either. I hope he get himself together and I hope he, you know, realize some stuff soon. Because the first girl that throw it back on him n he gonna have a kid. Bro, he don't know what he doing.
Gene
Bro, I hope the girl he was for, from Chrissy's point of view, she was cheating already.
Pat
But we don't know what he was doing though.
Gene
Yeah, I mean, you know what I'm saying? We don't know how long he was cheating.
Pat
It could have been some text messages. It could have been anything that, like.
Gene
When you say infidelity, I think it means.
Pat
Means like to somebody who've been dating since he was 14. You don't know.
Gene
Yeah, I guess.
Pat
You know what I'm saying? It could have been like he never texted another girl before and she went through his phone and found out he had a pen pal or something. You know what I'm saying? It might not have been sex. We don't know. Yeah, we don't know. But he out of there now.
Gene
Oh, man. All right. I think that's the podcast. Appreciate y' all rocking with us today. First of all, too, all you people that like send messages and saying, oh, the podcast makes your day better and stuff like that, I really appreciate y', all, man. We just me and Pat, I don't make it sad. That's why I want to. Me and Pat went to a funeral for our friends. Has me and Eric's. Their son passed away. 16 year old kid. So this is just a little thing. It's like any y' all going through anything, it's okay. Seek help and yeah, you all have a good week. Peace.
Hosts: Patrick “Pat” Johnson and Michael “Mike / Gene” Esiobu
Release Date: January 21, 2026
In this episode, Pat and Mike (Gene) ride the nostalgic wave of 2016, dive into why younger generations view influencers and creators the way they do, and, as always, take a series of wild, funny, and sometimes profound listener calls. They also break down the chaos that is modern relationships—from the “Hot Pocket” lifestyle to outrageous kinks and dilemmas. Solid life advice, raw stories, and signature Crash Dummies banter abound.
[00:00–01:49]
“It was the only year you could survive while being fucking broke. Yeah, you could be broke as fuck in 2016 and have a great night, man...” —Pat [00:04]
[03:02–05:20]
“If we get accused of fake callers again, I'm going to start slapping fire from like, bro…We sit through so many callers…Fake callers, man, suck my dick.” —Pat [04:16]
[05:39–09:18]
“It’s way easier to be goofy on camera...To be serious...and have to go into a monologue every once in a while...People pick through that.” —Pat [07:07]
[09:27–11:21]
“Like, you forcing your dog to watch us have sex? I'm like, you watch the doggy. Watching doggy. What the fuck is going on?” —Pat [10:41]
[11:38–14:32]
“It's not…playing with the word of God. He's playing on these preachers or pastors who pray on their congregation…you're driving off in a half a million dollar car.” —Pat [12:13]
[15:11–18:54]
“Both of them were sitting there. One was hiding behind a fake tree, which is hilarious.” —Caller 2 [16:05]
“No good man communicates through email. Come on.” —Pat [18:54]
[22:11–28:32]
“I asked her, I'm like, so when was your last period? She like, two weeks ago. I said, oh, so that means like you. You at the pinnacle point of fertility right now…” —Caller 1 [26:02]
[29:26–34:18]
“So where's your red flag? Don't you have one too? Matching at that? Y' all sound like a good couple to me.” —Pat [29:49]
[34:36–41:23]
[44:28–47:44]
“A man that wants to have sex with you with no deodorant, and then, like, he wants to suck your armpit.” —Caller 6 [44:45]
[50:11–56:49]
“I don't know about being called like a girlfriend in public. I'm like, what's going on?” —Caller 3 [53:34]
[57:03–58:00]
[58:06–59:26]
[59:26–63:10]
[63:27–66:56]
[67:21–69:08]
Episode 242 showcases the unapologetic energy and chemistry central to Crash Dummies, with Pat and Gene deftly weaving together humor, raw life stories, hard-hitting social commentary, and authentic audience engagement. Whether reflecting on past eras, dissecting messy relationships, or roasting wacky listeners, the hosts keep it candid, insightful, and fun—a true-to-form “Hot Pocket” of podcasting chaos.
If you missed this episode, you missed hilarious stories, raw advice, and all the awkward, real-life messiness the Crash Dummies brand is known for!