Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

Episode 247: "In Love With Two People"
Release Date: February 25, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, Pat (Patrick Johnson) and Mike (Michael Esiobu), joined by regulars like Gene and Kibi, dive into wild current events, dish out offbeat social commentary, and open Crash Court for caller confessions. From conspiracy theories and childhood nostalgia to the chaos of dating and the drama of being in love with two people, Episode 247 showcases the show's trademark blend of spontaneous humor, debate, and unfiltered advice. The hosts riff on everything from reality TV scandals to being accused of “meat maxing,” with a heavy dose of audience interaction.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Housekeeping (00:30–03:15)

• Behind the Scenes: The hosts joke about their production “process,” teases about updates to tour info, and plans for new editors with intentionally over-the-top video edits.
• Tour & Merch: Details about live shows and merchandise (CrashDummiesLive.com & CrashDummiesMerch.com), with typical Crash Dummies self-deprecating hype.
• Celebrating Cultures: Shoutout to Chinese New Year and Ramadan, with comic riffs on traditions involving red envelopes full of money and good-natured nudges between the hosts.

2. Conspiracy Theory Free-for-all (05:02–11:46)

• Conspiracies Normalized: The crew jokes about once-taboo topics now being common (“Now everybody, everything is exposed. We see everything for what it is.”—Gene, 05:17).
• Wild Conspiracies:
  • “Every big celebrity eat kids.” (Kibi, 05:57)—sparks laughter and gets shut down immediately.
  • Denver International Airport as Illuminati HQ, Disney creating “Frozen” as a distraction, flat earth, fake moon landing, and Bigfoot.
• Gene’s Reflection:
  “There's people that will stop living their everyday life if they find out a certain conspiracy is true... If I found out Bigfoot was real on Tuesday, I would still go to work on Wednesday.” (Gene, 09:34)

3. Nostalgia: What Do You Miss from Childhood? (19:21–22:20)

• Money’s Impact: “How much money meant to me back then... Now, a thousand dollars in my head is already going somewhere else. But, like, when I was younger... That changed my whole week.” (Gene, 19:25)
• Simple Friendships: “Liking people for no reason... like, I don’t know, he had fruit snacks.” (Mike, 20:09)
• Summer Aura: “The air smell different... [you] got one condom in your wallet... It was definitely expired.” (Pat, 21:04; Gene, 21:36)
• Childhood Self-Healing: Kids recover quickly from injuries, unlike adults: “It’s like you’re Wolverine as a kid.” (Mike, 22:01)

4. Callers & Crash Court — Love, Lies & Moral Dilemmas

Caller G: "In Love With Two People" (25:06–32:47)

• Situation: Once in love with two men, one in Italy (where she lived as a military member), one in America. Not physically cheating, but “emotionally” involved with both.
• Quote:
  “If we all lived in the same place, I would have. [slept with both].” (Caller G, 28:08)
• Moral Tightrope: Both men thought the relationship was exclusive. Pat and Mike point out the contradiction and challenge her justification.
• Notable Exchange:
  “You don't think you was doing something wrong? Cause that's like a lie right there.” (Gene, 29:08)
  “Men are delusional. And we don’t talk about this enough…” (Caller G, 29:11)
• Resolution: She’s now in a monogamous relationship, but openly admits her former double-life and takes “accountability.” Conversation ends with laughs about her moving states and “taking her talents” elsewhere.

Caller Sarah: "In Love with a Married Man" (54:53–66:17)

• Deep Confession: Admits to an ongoing affair with a married coworker, begun after boldly flirting and exchanging numbers—"He cracked me just the other day." (Caller Sarah, 56:09)
• Self-awareness, No Change: Insists she’s “very self aware,” yet continues (“Self-aware with zero action doesn’t mean anything.” —Mike, 62:23).
• Insight:
  “You waste 27—half your 20s—on this dude already... And you waste your twenties on a married man?" (Gene, 64:57)
• Advice from Hosts: Blunt but caring: “Let's start with stop sleeping with the married man.” (Mike, 65:55)
• Memorable Moment:
  “Well, you know, and he likes me, I think. I mean, he put up a whole freaking... He helped me with my apartment.” (Caller Sarah, 66:01)

Other Callers:

• Sticky Kia Soul Story (33:00–36:51): A listener follows past podcast advice, gets his rental car stolen in Milwaukee, and provides comic relief.
• Tall Man Problems (6’6", 300 lbs) (38:48–48:31): A gentle giant—called a “wasted cash cow” by the crew—explains why he stepped away from sports, dealing with familial pressure and stereotype.
• Cringe Gold-Digger Confession: Young woman (“Caller H”) details being showered with gifts and concert tix by a much older man she’s trying to gently break things off with—“I'm just not trying to jump into anything. …I was like, ‘I don't think we should do this anymore.’” (Caller H, 74:48; 75:08)
• Attempted Cheating Caller (67:03–72:06): A man claims he never actually cheats because he “just beats his meat” instead of texting other women, to skepticism and shrugs from the hosts.

5. Reality TV, Sensitivity & Cultural Commentary (11:49–18:19; 52:07–54:07)

• Reality TV Shockers: The crew discusses recent documentaries on "America's Next Top Model" and how the culture has shifted—“...when you look at things with, like, 2026 eyes, how crazy some of those things seem back then.” (Mike, 11:54)
• Cancel Culture & Comedy Risks:
  “You have to take risks to be funny. It's going to hit sometimes, sometimes it won't.” (Gene, 17:02)
• Names and Pride: Discusses African names, mispronunciations, and the sensitive value placed on lineage.

6. Sports & Height Stereotypes (80:17–84:01)

• Giant in a “Regular” Life: The crew teases people who are 6’8”+ but don’t play pro sports. “Being 6’8” and not doing nothing with it is kind of selfish.” (Kibi, 81:01)
• Historical Comparison: If you were a big dude in medieval times, “you automatically have to be a knight and gotcha.” (Mike, 81:43)

7. Superstitions, Childhood Punishments & Parenting (84:01–93:23)

• Splitting the Pole:
  “Life is life. Like, people putting these rules on life... do what you gotta do, bro.” (Gene, 84:11)
• Cultural Lessons: Respect and adaptability as core parental values, with stories about surprise trips and family discipline.

8. Sports Banter, Trash Talk & Content Creation Realities (97:25–108:24)

• Sports Ego:
  “Sports is the only thing that changes the dynamic of talking shit.” (Gene, 99:21)
• Content Creator Struggles:
  “When you create content, you're on the way up. You’re literally practicing in front of everybody else, and everybody thinks they can do what you do, and they're not even doing it.” (Gene, 102:08)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Gene (on being in love with two people):
  “You are the game they're playing.” (29:34)
• Caller Sarah:
  “I just want some dick. What's up?” (61:43)
• Gene (to attempted cheater):
  “Give him attempted... We’ll give him attempted cheating this time. If we see him again in this courtroom though, that’s three strikes.” (71:09)
• Mike (about celebrity conspiracy):
  “See, this is why we'll never get to anything. People are exposing conspiracy theories left and right, and all we doing is paying our bills.” (06:06)
• On sending dick pics:
  “Meat maxing is crazy. No, we’re gonna need the pod Meat Maxing.” (Mike, 105:15–105:23)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:30 – Opening banter and announcements
• 05:02 – Conspiracy theories lightning round
• 11:49 – Old reality TV & cancel culture
• 19:21 – Childhood nostalgia
• 25:06 – [Crash Court] Caller G: in love with two people
• 33:00 – The “Sticky Kia Soul” story
• 38:48 – Tall guy, sports stereotype
• 54:53 – [Crash Court] Caller Sarah: in love with a married man
• 67:03 – Attempted cheating confession
• 74:45 – Gift-showered situationship (Caller H)
• 80:17 – Tall people and sports
• 84:01 – Superstitions, parenting, and adaptability
• 97:25 – Sports trash talk, content creator woes
• 105:15 – “Meat maxing” and dick pic debates

Closing Notes

This episode is a fast-moving rollercoaster of irreverent advice, confessional comedy, social critique, and unscripted mayhem. No call is too awkward, no topic too random. With each segment, Pat, Mike, and friends bring both empathy and hilarious disbelief to their callers' dilemmas, always circling back to a lesson—often couched in heavy sarcasm. From love triangles to car theft to the merits of "meat maxing," the Crash Dummies continue to do what they do best: keep it real, keep it funny, and keep everyone guessing about what could possibly come next.