In Love With Two People - Episode 247

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

Episode 247: "In Love With Two People"
Release Date: February 25, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Pat (Patrick Johnson) and Mike (Michael Esiobu), joined by regulars like Gene and Kibi, dive into wild current events, dish out offbeat social commentary, and open Crash Court for caller confessions. From conspiracy theories and childhood nostalgia to the chaos of dating and the drama of being in love with two people, Episode 247 showcases the show's trademark blend of spontaneous humor, debate, and unfiltered advice. The hosts riff on everything from reality TV scandals to being accused of “meat maxing,” with a heavy dose of audience interaction.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Housekeeping (00:30–03:15)

• Behind the Scenes: The hosts joke about their production “process,” teases about updates to tour info, and plans for new editors with intentionally over-the-top video edits.
• Tour & Merch: Details about live shows and merchandise (CrashDummiesLive.com & CrashDummiesMerch.com), with typical Crash Dummies self-deprecating hype.
• Celebrating Cultures: Shoutout to Chinese New Year and Ramadan, with comic riffs on traditions involving red envelopes full of money and good-natured nudges between the hosts.

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2. Conspiracy Theory Free-for-all (05:02–11:46)

• Conspiracies Normalized: The crew jokes about once-taboo topics now being common (“Now everybody, everything is exposed. We see everything for what it is.”—Gene, 05:17).
• Wild Conspiracies:
  • “Every big celebrity eat kids.” (Kibi, 05:57)—sparks laughter and gets shut down immediately.
  • Denver International Airport as Illuminati HQ, Disney creating “Frozen” as a distraction, flat earth, fake moon landing, and Bigfoot.
• Gene’s Reflection:
  “There's people that will stop living their everyday life if they find out a certain conspiracy is true... If I found out Bigfoot was real on Tuesday, I would still go to work on Wednesday.” (Gene, 09:34)

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3. Nostalgia: What Do You Miss from Childhood? (19:21–22:20)

• Money’s Impact: “How much money meant to me back then... Now, a thousand dollars in my head is already going somewhere else. But, like, when I was younger... That changed my whole week.” (Gene, 19:25)
• Simple Friendships: “Liking people for no reason... like, I don’t know, he had fruit snacks.” (Mike, 20:09)
• Summer Aura: “The air smell different... [you] got one condom in your wallet... It was definitely expired.” (Pat, 21:04; Gene, 21:36)
• Childhood Self-Healing: Kids recover quickly from injuries, unlike adults: “It’s like you’re Wolverine as a kid.” (Mike, 22:01)

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4. Callers & Crash Court — Love, Lies & Moral Dilemmas

Caller G: "In Love With Two People" (25:06–32:47)

• Situation: Once in love with two men, one in Italy (where she lived as a military member), one in America. Not physically cheating, but “emotionally” involved with both.
• Quote:
  “If we all lived in the same place, I would have. [slept with both].” (Caller G, 28:08)
• Moral Tightrope: Both men thought the relationship was exclusive. Pat and Mike point out the contradiction and challenge her justification.
• Notable Exchange:
  “You don't think you was doing something wrong? Cause that's like a lie right there.” (Gene, 29:08)
  “Men are delusional. And we don’t talk about this enough…” (Caller G, 29:11)
• Resolution: She’s now in a monogamous relationship, but openly admits her former double-life and takes “accountability.” Conversation ends with laughs about her moving states and “taking her talents” elsewhere.

Caller Sarah: "In Love with a Married Man" (54:53–66:17)

• Deep Confession: Admits to an ongoing affair with a married coworker, begun after boldly flirting and exchanging numbers—"He cracked me just the other day." (Caller Sarah, 56:09)
• Self-awareness, No Change: Insists she’s “very self aware,” yet continues (“Self-aware with zero action doesn’t mean anything.” —Mike, 62:23).
• Insight:
  “You waste 27—half your 20s—on this dude already... And you waste your twenties on a married man?" (Gene, 64:57)
• Advice from Hosts: Blunt but caring: “Let's start with stop sleeping with the married man.” (Mike, 65:55)
• Memorable Moment:
  “Well, you know, and he likes me, I think. I mean, he put up a whole freaking... He helped me with my apartment.” (Caller Sarah, 66:01)

Other Callers:

• Sticky Kia Soul Story (33:00–36:51): A listener follows past podcast advice, gets his rental car stolen in Milwaukee, and provides comic relief.
• Tall Man Problems (6’6", 300 lbs) (38:48–48:31): A gentle giant—called a “wasted cash cow” by the crew—explains why he stepped away from sports, dealing with familial pressure and stereotype.
• Cringe Gold-Digger Confession: Young woman (“Caller H”) details being showered with gifts and concert tix by a much older man she’s trying to gently break things off with—“I'm just not trying to jump into anything. …I was like, ‘I don't think we should do this anymore.’” (Caller H, 74:48; 75:08)
• Attempted Cheating Caller (67:03–72:06): A man claims he never actually cheats because he “just beats his meat” instead of texting other women, to skepticism and shrugs from the hosts.

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5. Reality TV, Sensitivity & Cultural Commentary (11:49–18:19; 52:07–54:07)

• Reality TV Shockers: The crew discusses recent documentaries on "America's Next Top Model" and how the culture has shifted—“...when you look at things with, like, 2026 eyes, how crazy some of those things seem back then.” (Mike, 11:54)
• Cancel Culture & Comedy Risks:
  “You have to take risks to be funny. It's going to hit sometimes, sometimes it won't.” (Gene, 17:02)
• Names and Pride: Discusses African names, mispronunciations, and the sensitive value placed on lineage.

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6. Sports & Height Stereotypes (80:17–84:01)

• Giant in a “Regular” Life: The crew teases people who are 6’8”+ but don’t play pro sports. “Being 6’8” and not doing nothing with it is kind of selfish.” (Kibi, 81:01)
• Historical Comparison: If you were a big dude in medieval times, “you automatically have to be a knight and gotcha.” (Mike, 81:43)

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7. Superstitions, Childhood Punishments & Parenting (84:01–93:23)

• Splitting the Pole:
  “Life is life. Like, people putting these rules on life... do what you gotta do, bro.” (Gene, 84:11)
• Cultural Lessons: Respect and adaptability as core parental values, with stories about surprise trips and family discipline.

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8. Sports Banter, Trash Talk & Content Creation Realities (97:25–108:24)

• Sports Ego:
  “Sports is the only thing that changes the dynamic of talking shit.” (Gene, 99:21)
• Content Creator Struggles:
  “When you create content, you're on the way up. You’re literally practicing in front of everybody else, and everybody thinks they can do what you do, and they're not even doing it.” (Gene, 102:08)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Gene (on being in love with two people):
  “You are the game they're playing.” (29:34)
• Caller Sarah:
  “I just want some dick. What's up?” (61:43)
• Gene (to attempted cheater):
  “Give him attempted... We’ll give him attempted cheating this time. If we see him again in this courtroom though, that’s three strikes.” (71:09)
• Mike (about celebrity conspiracy):
  “See, this is why we'll never get to anything. People are exposing conspiracy theories left and right, and all we doing is paying our bills.” (06:06)
• On sending dick pics:
  “Meat maxing is crazy. No, we’re gonna need the pod Meat Maxing.” (Mike, 105:15–105:23)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:30 – Opening banter and announcements
• 05:02 – Conspiracy theories lightning round
• 11:49 – Old reality TV & cancel culture
• 19:21 – Childhood nostalgia
• 25:06 – [Crash Court] Caller G: in love with two people
• 33:00 – The “Sticky Kia Soul” story
• 38:48 – Tall guy, sports stereotype
• 54:53 – [Crash Court] Caller Sarah: in love with a married man
• 67:03 – Attempted cheating confession
• 74:45 – Gift-showered situationship (Caller H)
• 80:17 – Tall people and sports
• 84:01 – Superstitions, parenting, and adaptability
• 97:25 – Sports trash talk, content creator woes
• 105:15 – “Meat maxing” and dick pic debates

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Closing Notes

This episode is a fast-moving rollercoaster of irreverent advice, confessional comedy, social critique, and unscripted mayhem. No call is too awkward, no topic too random. With each segment, Pat, Mike, and friends bring both empathy and hilarious disbelief to their callers' dilemmas, always circling back to a lesson—often couched in heavy sarcasm. From love triangles to car theft to the merits of "meat maxing," the Crash Dummies continue to do what they do best: keep it real, keep it funny, and keep everyone guessing about what could possibly come next.

Transcript

[Caller Sarah]

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[Mike]

Like, it look like you're doing extra steps.

[Pat]

So, you know, it's my process.

[Mike]

No, I feel it, man. My bad. I apologize, bro. As a man.

[Gene]

Somebody apologize as a man. They don't really mean that. They just like, hey, they trying to take a higher role than you. They catch you in like, oh, you kind of mad at what I'm saying right now. I' ma go above you. I'm more mature.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's almost like a. I'm trying to brush this off.

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Like, like, like you're, like, overreacting. It's like, oh, bro. No, bro. You got it, bro.

[Gene]

Yeah, but you, you got a bigger philosophy of life than me that you just that much above me. You found peace.

[Mike]

That's what we doing. Sometimes you do have to take the higher ground.

[Gene]

No, no, ain't no higher ground. We got to sell these tickets. This conversation.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. All our tour dates are going to be on Crash Dummies live dot com. You can. It's going to pop up for audio listeners. I'm going to remember this time. Audio listeners. I mean, video listeners. Here you go. Somewhere right here for y'.

[Caller Sarah]

All.

[Mike]

Because everybody keeps saying, I'm never going to put it on the screen. I will this month. Next month, we got a new editor starting. So, yeah, they're going to do all that.

[Gene]

They're going to do everything. Matter of fact, we just going to do. We're going to do something that we probably never going to do again. We're going to throw in like, some edits, like maybe do like a gunshot edit and just show y' all we got a new editor. Then it's never going to happen again.

[Mike]

Merch is live as well. I think by the time people are listening to this, we'll be in on our way to St. Louis. So, yeah, St. Louis show you still can buy tickets probably that day as well. So, yeah, we'll be indie. Where you been in indie?

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah, Indy, if you, if you hearing this is too late. Yeah, we already did. Sucks for you.

[Mike]

Merch, too, at crash dummies. Merch.com will be. Anybody that bought Merch will be shipping them this week. So you should be getting end of this week, next week, y'.

[Caller Sarah]

All.

[Gene]

I know y' all fuck with the design, you know, shout out to hubs for the design and stuff like that. That should look good on it. That look good, don't it? I guess. What we talking about the Mexican cartel? No, I'm kidding.

[Mike]

Oh, Happy I Chunies Chinese New Year to all my Chinese listeners.

[Gene]

You know what you supposed to say?

[Mike]

Happy Ramadan to all the Muslim listeners as well, Man.

[Gene]

Shout out to my brothers and sisters. Happy Ramadan. Happy Chinese New Year, too. You're supposed to give me an envelope full of money, though.

[Mike]

Why?

[Gene]

That's what they do on Chinese New Year.

[Mike]

Why would I give a red envelope? Where's my red envelope?

[Gene]

In my backpack. But I'm only giving you your envelope if you got an envelope today.

[Mike]

I got an envelope today.

[Gene]

All right, let's exchange envelopes.

[Mike]

Okay. After this.

[Caller Sarah]

Man.

[Mike]

That sounds. That sounds very like, let's exchange envelopes. Like, if a stranger told me that let's exchange envelopes, I would think. Yeah, this is trying to.

[Kibi]

Whoa. I thought you was gonna say, like,

[Gene]

death or something like that.

[Mike]

That's nasty. Exchange envelopes.

[Gene]

N. That's crazy.

[Kibi]

What are you gonna have condoms in the envelope?

[Mike]

Something?

[Gene]

No. That's so crazy. A pull out a gun, he be like, no, don't kill me. Then he attach a dildo to the gun. What are you talking about?

[Kibi]

No, I was gonna say, cuz I. I got a Chinese friend, and I asked him what he does on Chinese New Year, and he said they don't really do much besides look at a paper dragon and set off fireworks.

[Gene]

You're lying. You don't have a Chinese friend.

[Kibi]

I have a Chinese bro. Why do you. I'm.

[Mike]

What's his name by.

[Kibi]

I can't. I don't want to say that because his family might shame him, bro. Why would I expose my Chinese friends?

[Gene]

No.

[Mike]

Why would I do.

[Gene]

That's racist. No, it's not, because you would never say that about a Hispanic man.

[Mike]

I have.

[Kibi]

No, you would say.

[Mike]

You said your friend Jose on this part. Podcast all the time.

[Kibi]

But it was nothing incriminating. But.

[Gene]

No, but the shame thing is racist because that. I feel like that's kind of like.

[Mike]

Oh, that is like a foreign parent type of thing.

[Kibi]

No, I seen. I've seen him get yelled at for.

[Mike]

Does he have that much of a unique name?

[Kibi]

Yeah, actually, it's like, very white It's a white name.

[Gene]

Say something good about Chinese people right now.

[Kibi]

They have great food.

[Mike]

Okay, that's it.

[Gene]

I bet you they believe you. Believe that fella right there. Shout out to Chelsea Gray. What the was that? That's all I got to say.

[Mike]

Shimmy.

[Gene]

That was crazy. That shimmy was crazy.

[Mike]

It was a little crazy.

[Gene]

That was too crazy. She cold as though, but that shimmy. Don't do that again. And Jackson Hayes, we told you, don't enter no dunk contest. We told you. What we gonna do to you. Hey. But you know who's very happy right now? The people like me. The conspiracy theory people.

[Kibi]

You a conspiracy theorist?

[Gene]

Yeah. The people that like. The people we've been shamed the last five years. Oh, shut up. You can't believe it ain't no aliens. The government ain't hiding nothing, man. Get back to work now. Everybody, everything is exposed. We see everything for what it is.

[Mike]

It's still not.

[Gene]

We still got to get back to work.

[Mike]

But I feel like I. I feel like with the conspiracies, there's people with normal conspiracy. There's still conspiracy theorists. That they're conspiracies is so wild. That still not proven.

[Kibi]

We need a normal conspiracy theory.

[Gene]

We need them, though.

[Mike]

I would say the normal conspiracy theory is like, there's aliens. Like, the government's hiding aliens.

[Kibi]

It was deeper than that, though, because the conspiracy theory not normal. Because if I tell y' all some. Y' all gonna look at me crazy.

[Gene]

I mean, I look at you crazy all the time.

[Kibi]

I could say it on the podcast.

[Mike]

Yeah, we might bleep it, but go ahead.

[Kibi]

Every big celebrity eat kids.

[Gene]

All right, that's nice.

[Mike]

See, this is why.

[Kibi]

This is why we'll never get to anything. This is why we'll never get to anything. People are exposing conspiracy theories left and right, and all we doing is paying our bills.

[Mike]

So let's, instead of outrage, go to number one.

[Gene]

So these are these 30 crazy conspiracy. 30 crazy conspiracies.

[Mike]

The moon landing was fake.

[Kibi]

I don't believe.

[Mike]

I don't think that.

[Gene]

You don't do that. No, you're part of the problem.

[Kibi]

Where was you at when that happened?

[Mike]

There's a lot of. We weren't born yet.

[Kibi]

Oh, damn. I thought y'.

[Gene]

All. Come on now.

[Kibi]

It's gonna be, like, five. That wasn't in the 90s.

[Mike]

That's how.

[Gene]

That's what you want to play this episode?

[Kibi]

I'm just asking.

[Gene]

Okay, I got.

[Mike]

He got.

[Gene]

They got.

[Mike]

Been in a minute. So you got. We got Like a month's worth of jokes for you. Oh, I got.

[Kibi]

I got a year's worth of calories.

[Gene]

Government killed jfk. I believe thousand percent.

[Kibi]

That's real. They said that the driver was the one who shot him too.

[Mike]

I don't. I don't see the things like what

[Gene]

it's up because, like, I be confident in my conspiracy theory, but when key agree with me, I started questioning myself. This how I sound.

[Mike]

Let's go. I don't even want to talk about Kobe.

[Gene]

Good. He about to demonetize us.

[Mike]

Yeah. What was number four is moving a little late.

[Pat]

Earth was sucked into a black hole.

[Gene]

I really don't give a fuck.

[Mike]

Those. Those ones that we don't care because, like, we're here. So don't really. There's nothing really can do.

[Gene]

Disney created Frozen as a distraction. I don't know what he was doing.

[Mike]

What was the distraction for?

[Kibi]

Was Frozen.

[Pat]

A long time ago, they said that he, like, froze himself.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. So I went to a school called Walt Disney Magnet School in Chicago, right? And there was a big bust of his head at the school.

[Kibi]

A big bus.

[Mike]

A bust? Like a bust. Like when people go in the hall of fame, the statues are called like a bus. Right? Let's take a fat. You're good. But I just don't like that. Your facial expression, it was like bronze. It was like a bronzer. But the thing about it, though, is that there was a theory that he was. It was haunted and like, that too. So used to like, pick his nose and like that. Because he did have a giant ass nose.

[Gene]

Got it. Got it. The Denver International Airport is Illuminati's headquarters.

[Mike]

See, like, these are the type of.

[Gene]

Like, can you.

[Mike]

Can you scroll? I want to see, like, what's the. The lore behind this one?

[Gene]

That don't make sense, man. That is.

[Pat]

They wrote conspiracy rabbit hole that we're not going to delve too far into. Except when it comes to Denver International Airport.

[Mike]

That didn't make any sense.

[Gene]

They believe that there's tunnels and lizard layers beneath the building. Okay, do I believe that?

[Mike]

See, these are like, y' all been

[Kibi]

to Denver Airport before?

[Gene]

But, like, what am I going to do with that information if I go downstairs and there's nothing there? Or if I go downstairs and they kill me? Like, what information did I get out of that?

[Kibi]

The point is for billions of people to go downstairs and find out, but

[Gene]

they won't do it on billions of people to show up to the Denver International Airport.

[Mike]

But, like, like, so now those are the type of conspiracy theories where I feel like. Like they're still not proven right. So, like there's people that have those, like those like those type of conspiracy theories.

[Gene]

Yes. But I also believe that America especially has to kind of like suppress some conspiracy theories because there are people that will stop living their everyday life if they find out a certain conspiracy is true.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Like if there was like hardcore evidence out on the news, like the government did assassinate such and such. Such and such. Such and such. There's somebody out there, a group of people, thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands. Be like, since that's true, I'm not going to work tomorrow. I'm done. I don't believe they gotta say. And some people just can't handle that because. Good. I would hear, like, if I found out Bigfoot was real on Tuesday, I would still go to work on Wednesday. I wouldn't give a.

[Mike]

The. The earth just flat is another one.

[Kibi]

I think the earth is flat.

[Gene]

But what does that do for you, though?

[Kibi]

Why do you think it shows you that there's. So what it's supposed to do is awaken, like the real you and everybody's supposed to go over there and find some shit out.

[Gene]

Go over where?

[Kibi]

Go to the walls. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

But there's like photographs and videos of the earth.

[Kibi]

There's photographs of me being skinny. Like, what does that mean?

[Gene]

What the fuck?

[Kibi]

That's irrelevant.

[Gene]

That makes sense because you know, that

[Mike]

don't make any sense.

[Kibi]

Anything.

[Mike]

You think they Photoshop the pictures of Earth?

[Kibi]

If the moon landing is fake and they can fake that, why wouldn't they photoshop the Earth?

[Mike]

The moon landed and they got a whole movie about people that they go to space like that.

[Kibi]

And they don't go to space.

[Gene]

We faked that moon landing to the other countries.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. Too many ten. Too many ten. Four hats.

[Gene]

That's easy one, though.

[Pat]

Classic.

[Gene]

Bigfoot is real. I believe Bigfoot is real. I just believe it was a musty ass white man in the woods.

[Kibi]

I don't even know who Bigfoot is.

[Gene]

No, that's crazy.

[Kibi]

Well, I know who he is, but, like, I didn't dove that deep.

[Gene]

Six, seven, bro. Okay. Did y' all hear that story? Oh, man. Shout out to all the studs. Does tap in. Somebody say that? We don't got a lot of studs that listen to it. They like challenging our stud listenership. After the last stud call. Studs tap in. It's a safe space for y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Gene]

Y' all can wear y' all Jerseys, beaters with the chains, wave caps. Or y' all could dress in blazer suits. Like, y' all can dress how y' all want. We love the studs here. I don't know who trying to start that rumor that we don't rock with studs. We love Gene.

[Mike]

Tell him.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Any of you guys see the American Next Top Model documentary?

[Pat]

Yeah, I did watch it.

[Mike]

You watched it?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That was crazy. Is that what Tracy Banks, Tyra Banks? No, I feel that feel. I'm not gonna shame you for not knowing that, but it's kind of crazy how when you look at things with, like, 20, 26 eyes, how crazy some of those things seem back then.

[Pat]

Yeah, a lot of the reality TV shows.

[Mike]

Yeah. But this one, like, she had them like blackface, basically. Like, everybody. There was a. There was a. Was the event that they did, right?

[Pat]

They swapped ethnicities.

[Mike]

Yeah, exactly. And some people were like, a black woman was a Korean, a white woman was a black woman.

[Pat]

They had the babies on there.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, they had. They had the kids. They had the kids. Yeah, exactly. So a white woman, black face to be a black. To be a black woman or African woman. And they also had the kid. They also had the kid that come. That was a black kid, and they took pictures with them.

[Gene]

Now, that's actually crazy, but I feel like that was the thing back then because, like, there wasn't. There wasn't that many opportunities back then to be famous. So when somebody gave you an opportunity, like, to a beeline to Hollywood, people would do anything. Like, we can't. Like, if we had this podcast back then, you know what we could do to Key. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

We can have Keys doing anything, but do the key. I wouldn't do anything.

[Gene]

No, I'm just saying, like, just wait a minute.

[Kibi]

Like this. Why this, like, Diddy out in the world? It's like.

[Mike]

Pat, that was sounding crazy, but we

[Gene]

could literally make you do anything, bro.

[Kibi]

No, you couldn't.

[Mike]

Bro.

[Kibi]

No, you couldn't. I just wouldn't show up.

[Mike]

I think, too, with those.

[Gene]

You gonna show up

[Mike]

with those shows, too. I think since there was no social media, in a sense, there wasn't like, that immediate, like, backfired. You would get, like, today, like, if that came out today, obviously, you would get, like. You would hear the instant, like, reviews on it. Not just, like, stuff in the tabloid newspapers and stuff like that. You literally get instant. And more people will see it, too.

[Kibi]

But when you look up to somebody, you're not going to want to expose Them or you're going to feel intimidated for exposing them. So I feel like it's so much shit going on now that we probably won't find out to the next, like, 10 years.

[Mike]

There was crazy scenes like this girl, they invited, like, the male models to the room, right? And this girl basically got super drunk and started kissing on this dude, right? And her. Her thing was she got essayed, right? And they still recorded her having sex in the shower and stuff like that. Like, they kept the cameras rolling and they recorded her when she went to the hospital to get checked in. And they recorded her. She wanted to leave the show. And then the thing is, like, if you say you want to leave the show, they have to stop recording you, right? So now they convinced her to stay on the show and stuff like that. They recorded her talking to. Calling her boyfriend because she was in a relationship at the time.

[Kibi]

This is the show you talking about?

[Mike]

Yes, they recorded her talking on the. Having that conversation.

[Pat]

And it's supposed to be about modeling.

[Mike]

Yeah. And then there was another scene that saved. Another scene that happened was that they were all having dinner and stuff like that. And Tyra was talking about, like, mistakes that she's had in the past and stuff like that, and cheating and stuff like that. And then she brought it up so she can get to that point of that girl. And then making her relive that stuff during the reunion, they made her watch the. The scene again and stuff like that.

[Gene]

It's just like, bro, I would challenge everybody to go to Netflix, Hulu, whoever still has it going on, and watch an old reality TV show and. And your mind's going to be blown by some of the. Like, go watch the Flavor of love. Go watch, like, Rage Crazy for the love of Ray J. Just go watch one of those shows. Like that your mind will be blown about how, like, how insensitive the world was and, like, what they were doing. Like, you liable to catch a sex scene on one of them shows.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Where they barely show people kissing now. Like, we're getting, like, two more sensitive times. I don't know where we going to go at. Like, if we can we get more sensitive. We're to the point, like, people have to apologize for body demeanor and body language now. Like, there's this one dude who, like, there's this K pop star who went viral because he hugged, like, I don't know if it was another Asian or white woman, like, hard. And then the next video showed him hugging a black woman and he didn't wrap his hands all the way around her and he like catching a bunch of flacks for that. So it's just like we move into a part where like everything is being judged.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Because back then, like man, they got away with so much.

[Mike]

Yeah, I do. It's. It's kind of like that hard line. I feel like if it. It's all about the intention of where things come from.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like there are some people that are intentionally try to like rage bait people in the sense of or be offensive on purpose. Like I know I'm being offensive. I don't give a. Like rah, rah, rah. There are people that generally make mistakes that are offensive and stuff like that. Just don't know. I would say like Drew Ski just got some flack for saying yeah, yeah, and he said he apologized. Stuff like that. And it's thing with comedy where it's like you kind of have to. You tear that line to a point where it. And until it's not funny.

[Kibi]

It would have been funny if he would have did it right away instead of saying the name right once or twice and then inserting it in cuz it then it just felt forced.

[Mike]

Yeah. And I think that's the risk. That's the risk of crazy. But I think that's the risk of comedy too, in a sense too. It's like you have to take that.

[Gene]

Yeah, you got to take risk.

[Mike]

You have to take risk to be funny. It's going to hit sometimes, sometimes it won't.

[Gene]

I think Drew, Drew also understands like. Like I've been in this position before because he caught some flack for the guys getting girls drunk on purpose.

[Mike]

That one he actually deleted in politics.

[Kibi]

Yeah. I didn't even see that.

[Gene]

Like it just happens. But what Drew Ski is teaching people, like it's better to get out ahead of it and just get out here and be like, oh, I apologize for it. He reached out to jsn. JSN didn't respond rightfully so, but he reached out, apologized for it, acknowledged his mistake, and now he's moving on to the next skit and people gonna love him for it.

[Kibi]

But why would you get mad if you jsn, why would you be mad in that scenario?

[Gene]

Because you gotta, you gotta f. Like that name is unique for a reason. It's a reason why it's like hard.

[Mike]

I think he's from like, is he Kenyan or something like that?

[Gene]

It's like something like it's something Africa.

[Mike]

And I would say like a lot of people's last name, especially like when In Africa is like, you kind of hold it holds pride. It's like your family name. So when you see somebody, like, purposely, like, butchering it, it kind of can be offensive in a sense. It depends, like, the value.

[Gene]

Like, my last name. Like, when I get Madison, like, I have a slave owner's last name, I don't give a fuck. But it's like, somebody with him, he probably got hundreds of cousins and. And like, he take pride in this name, and some dude just pronounced it wrong. I'm probably the biggest moment of his life.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

You know what I mean?

[Kibi]

But his friends probably be doing like that to him.

[Gene]

No, he'd probably be checking the out of them. Shout out to Canada, y' all suck.

[Mike]

But we'll be there. We'll be there for tours at some point.

[Gene]

But, yeah, shout out. I mean, beginning. They ass whipped in the World Series. Now the Olympics, USA Smacking that ass. It's the only time I cheer for USA is during the Olympics.

[Mike]

Isn't that. Isn't that interesting? Like, the world, like, Americans come together when it's like, us against another country, in a sense, every time.

[Guest F]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Because sports. Yeah.

[Gene]

Because when we get bashed for. Usually when we get bashed is for something that I agree with. Like, if someone foreign is just like, man, American. If they say something about American cops are so dirty, I'm like, hell, yeah, man, fuck America. You know, they don't know how to treat the black man right. The black woman right. Like, they just walk all over us. But when the Olympics come on, and it just like, yeah, America, y' all suck. And it's like, hold on now, boy. Back to Sweden with that shit. Nobody fucking playing with y'. All.

[Mike]

What's. What's something you miss about your childhood?

[Gene]

Something I miss about my childhood? Is anybody. How much money meant to me back then? And how much money can change the direction of my week back then? Like, right now, somebody could drop, you know, 1,000 extra dollars on me, but that thousand dollars in my head is already going somewhere else.

[Mike]

Yeah, there's.

[Gene]

There's some outstanding bill or there's someone that already asked me for help. Like, all that money's already gone there. But, like, when I was younger, 14, somebody dropped $100. Oh, my God. That changed my whole week. The trajectory of everything.

[Kibi]

Mine to be. How delirious I was. I was so dumbfounded to everything, that life just felt way better. Now you're so aware. You see certain and you get. No, I don't get depressed about it.

[Mike]

I would say you're jaded to it, in a sense. Yeah. Like, it's nothing new. I think mine's just like, liking people for no reason. Because you'd be like, why do you like this person? And like, I don't know, he had fruit snacks. You know, it's like the littlest. Like the little thing can make you like, a person. Like, it's legit. Like when you're a kid, if you hoop. You had a hoop session with somebody one day and y' all bonded over hooping and like, it still happens with grown men and like that, but it as a kid, it just felt different. It's like that was like, that's your homie, that's your best friend. You had a new best friend every week.

[Gene]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know the last new grown man friend that I've had. Like, it's very hard for me, like, to break that barrier because people be having so many skeletons.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Like, you would think a dude is cool and he ain't got no car and it's like, I gotta pick you up every time. Let's go hoop, bro. I ain't going today. You're like, no, bro. Let's go hoop, bro. Pick me up, bro.

[Mike]

What would you say yours is?

[Pat]

I think mine is like the aura of summer. Like summer vacation, you know, like when you know you off of school and shit. It's just like the air smell different.

[Mike]

That is true.

[Pat]

I only get that feeling like on a Sunday or if you're like off of work early or some shit.

[Gene]

You start roaming around. You ain't got nothing to do with shit, man. You got. You got one condom in your wallet.

[Caller G]

Okay.

[Mike]

The same one in high school. I probably had the same condom in my wallet for months, bro.

[Gene]

That was definitely expired. Yeah, expired Magnum in my. You and the girl talking, like, just in case I'm prepared.

[Mike]

Yeah. You drop your wallet and like, oh,

[Gene]

my bad, my bad. Is that a rhyming packet? Nah, that's love making this summertime. So which hole it go in?

[Mike]

I feel like our body. I feel like our bodies like auto healed as well. Like you can fall off a bike when you're a kid and that hurt for like four minutes. Next four minutes, you on to the next thing. I feel like just like again, like the self awareness to like, things like pain and like that, bro. It's like you're like Wolverine as a kid recovering from broken bones in eight weeks.

[Gene]

And oh, for sure also like me now as a grown man. Like, I get. Get bored easily. Like there's something. There's some things that become like, super intriguing. Like a video game is only intriguing to me for the first time I play it. And then after that it's like very annoying. And then you realize like, oh, damn, this sucking my time up. Like, okay, I've been playing this game for two hours and still arguing about the same. The people that I play 2k with be mad as hell because I just ghost him. Because I'll be playing video game for two hours and then I see two. Once I see two niggas have the same argument within two hours, stop coming to the basket when I'm driving. I'm like, you just told this that 30 minutes ago. This ain't got no comprehension skills. I'm wasting my time. I'm out, bro. We never going to win. I'm out of here. Yo, let's take a quick break from today's episode to thank the sponsor of today's podcast, seatgeek. I've been looking to find better deals on Bucks games, which is why I want to give the sponsor of today's episode, Seatgeek, a shout out. With over 35 million downloads, Seatgeek is a number one rated ticketing app.

[Mike]

There are more than 70, 000 events listed on Seatgeeks, including concerts, sports, festivals and more. Now All Star Weekend is over and the trades are settled. I'm really excited to go to some Bucs games, so I'm definitely going to be using SeatGeek for that.

[Gene]

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[Mike]

That's 10% off any ticket with promo code DUMMIES10. Make sure you click the link in the description, download the app, and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thank you SeatGeek, for supporting the show.

[Gene]

Yo, let's take a quick break to thank the sponsor. Today's episode. Huel there's been plenty of times where I wake up and I'm taking care of stuff through the day and I realize I have not eaten and sometimes it's hard to find a restaurant or find a home cooked meal to get to and he'll comes in handy at

[Mike]

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[Gene]

Then on days when I want something more customizable, I use a black edition powder. I'll blend it with ice, put a little milk in it, fruit to have the smoothie going on. Or when I'm lazy, I'll just put in some water and shake it with a bigger boost of 40 grams of protein. Same complete nutrition. The ready to drink and powder duo has basically become my insurance policy on a chaotic day.

[Mike]

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[Caller G]

Hold on.

[Caller Sarah]

I can't hear y'. All.

[Mike]

Can you hear us now?

[Caller G]

Oh, yeah, I can. Hi.

[Gene]

Hi.

[Mike]

Hello. Oh, Echo.

[Caller G]

Oh, hold on, you guys. I don't know why it's echoing. Oh, wait, I got to get on speaker.

[Mike]

No, no, no. Do you. What do you have us on right now? Oh, it sounds good.

[Caller G]

Well, now you're off speaker. Why the is y' all mocking my voice like that?

[Gene]

That was literally the echo. What are you talking. That was your own voice.

[Caller G]

No, that was not. No. Damn.

[Mike]

Echo.

[Gene]

Okay, hold on. Turn her down a little bit. O.

[Mike]

Happy happy International Woman's Year, by the way.

[Gene]

Actually, Decade.

[Caller G]

Thank you.

[Mike]

For you, maybe. Century.

[Caller G]

You.

[Mike]

I'm giving you century.

[Caller G]

I appreciate it.

[Gene]

Infinity.

[Mike]

All right, I got a question for you. What's your most unpopular opinion?

[Caller G]

Okay. And this is gonna sound terrible, but I feel like you can be in love with two people at once. Like, it's very possible.

[Gene]

Okay.

[Caller G]

And I feel this way because not anymore, but I was, like, heavily in love with both of them. I thought they were both great people,

[Gene]

but I think you're talking like she on the Bachelorette.

[Mike]

No, I think. I think in the courting stage. In the courting stage, you probably can be. Were are these, like, two people you're in a relationship with? Is. That's what I'm trying to get.

[Caller G]

Okay, so. Well, my situation was, honestly, I feel like it could be being in a relationship with both of them personally, but my situation was so I was never. I think it get a little tricky when you like, having sex with both of them, and I wasn't doing that.

[Gene]

Okay. Would you have sex with any Any of them.

[Caller G]

I was having sex with one.

[Gene]

Yeah. Okay, okay. That's important.

[Caller G]

So I lived in Italy at the time, and then I was in a relationship with somebody out there, but I was also in love with somebody in America. And I just. They treated it like it was so bad, and it really was not, especially because I was not having sex with both.

[Gene]

Okay, so my guess is that you. You were having sex with a guy in Italy.

[Caller G]

Yeah, of course.

[Gene]

Right, right. But.

[Mike]

But.

[Gene]

And you knew that you were going back to America eventually, right?

[Caller G]

Yeah, but the way I'm in the military, so, like, there lies the problem right there, though.

[Gene]

You knew what you was doing, okay? You was having sex with the person. That's who you was in love with physically, because they. Right there.

[Mike]

And conveniently, inconveniently.

[Gene]

And then you wait. And then you kept the other one on the line because, you know, like, oh, I gotta go back to America soon. I need my boo over there.

[Caller G]

I did not keep him on the line for that. No, no, no, no, no. I talked to him all day. All day, every day, even. No, because if I was in them, you said you could hear me echoing again.

[Gene]

No, no, you're good.

[Caller G]

Oh, but like. And that's where it gets tricky, because you don't want to be a up and be two. But honestly, if I would have lived, like, if we all lived in the

[Mike]

same place, you would have been too nice.

[Caller G]

Yeah, I would have.

[Mike]

So you're only not. You only were not having sex with them by proxy?

[Caller G]

Yeah, with the one for sure.

[Mike]

With the one. Yeah, but.

[Caller Sarah]

But it was like.

[Gene]

Okay, but the thing is, like, when you went back to America, what. What did you do? Because I'm guessing you back now.

[Caller G]

So I. I lucked out, actually. So when I came back to America, the other person came back to America too, of course, but we went to different places. So it was like, all right, now I'm with both y'.

[Caller H]

All.

[Caller G]

We all live in different areas, so everybody's like, happy.

[Gene]

Wait, what?

[Caller G]

And I just made sure I never. I just never did it in like a. In a two month span of each other. So, like, if I went in. If I went to one place, I had to wait two months till I went to the other place. I felt like I was keeping it fair and I was getting tested in between. Like, I felt like I was doing a good thing. And I really did love both of them.

[Gene]

Did any of them think it was exclusive?

[Caller G]

Well, they both thought that.

[Gene]

So you don't think you was doing something wrong? Cause that's like a lie right there. Right?

[Caller G]

Okay, but that's the thing about it. Men are delusional. And we don't talk about this enough because.

[Gene]

Talk about it now.

[Caller G]

Granted, I never. I never, like, said, like, oh, I'm. But no, really, I did, like, with both of them. I. They both know who. Like, we all knew who each other was. If you feel like, oh, you're just so much better than this, so she's gonna fuck with me more, that's on you.

[Gene]

All right? Y' all playing the game. Got it.

[Caller G]

Is that. I mean, but.

[Gene]

But you get. But you get what you saying, right? You saying, like, hey, if y' all want to play this game, y' all can. But you are the game. Yeah, probably that they playing and you letting two dudes know, like, oh, I'm not the only one. So my guess is you're okay with both of them having somebody else, too.

[Caller G]

Fuck no. But I'm a terrible.

[Mike]

But I have accountability,

[Caller G]

but I have to work on myself. That is a flaw within me. Okay, no, just.

[Gene]

You have to work on yourself and continue to do what you do is crazy.

[Caller G]

Wait, I'm done doing it now. I don't do it no more. Yeah, I cut both of them off.

[Gene]

You cover. What was the reason.

[Caller G]

How long ago they've got to being weird. This is like.

[Mike]

Okay, well, how do I put this harshly? I think. I think you. I think you're the weird one.

[Caller G]

How am I weird, though, when I never lied. If you felt like you was a. You was a better pick, so I was gonna fuck with you more, and you just didn't care about the other one, and that's on you. I never lied.

[Gene]

I know. You just sound like. You just sound very controlling, though. You making me very uneasy right now.

[Caller G]

I sound controlling? I'm really not.

[Mike]

Like, have you been in a relationship after that, though?

[Caller G]

Yeah, I have.

[Mike]

Are you still in that relationship?

[Caller G]

Yes.

[Gene]

You got a man and you. I'm fucking done with her. I can't, bro.

[Caller G]

But okay, but, like, this was back in the day. This was like, 20, 23, 20, 24,

[Mike]

you know, ago.

[Gene]

Oh, my God.

[Caller G]

I was like. I was younger.

[Gene]

So how old are you?

[Mike]

Most people were.

[Caller G]

I'm. I'm 25.

[Gene]

25. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. So the next question I'm gonna ask you is about your current relationship. How's that going? And where do you see it? Where do you see that going?

[Caller G]

It's going really good. And I think, well, you know, it'll go far. We'll get Married and stuff like that.

[Gene]

Are y' all official?

[Caller Sarah]

Yeah, we are.

[Mike]

Like, both of y' all know that?

[Caller G]

Yes. And I don't. I don't not live with nobody else.

[Caller Sarah]

Just him.

[Gene]

Okay, okay, okay, okay. She got it all figured out, man. We wishing you love and happiness. We glad you got you. You basically had your fun. That's probably how you got your man. Cause you went through that, and I don't think you was in love.

[Caller G]

And now I was ready to sit down. Yeah, I don't think you love one person.

[Gene]

Yeah, I don't think you know what in love mean, Especially if you saying you was in love with two dudes at a time. I think you just, you know, like Mike said, like, whoever was closer, that's what he was hunching on. Wait, wait. How you meet the new dude?

[Caller G]

I went to high school with him, but I met him. Well, not met him, but I started, you know, talking to him later.

[Gene]

Was y' all in it? Y' all end up being in the same state? Because I'm guessing you moving around.

[Caller G]

Well, we started in different states, but now we're in the same state. But still a couple hours.

[Gene]

How y' all get to the same state, though? By luck.

[Caller G]

Yeah, by luck.

[Gene]

Well, I mean, hey, so we don't

[Mike]

know if you don't want.

[Gene]

If you move again, fellas be look out she come to your state. You all right. You have a great one in North Dakota. Like, send her sender you.

[Caller G]

But thank you.

[Gene]

I love you, girl.

[Caller G]

Of course.

[Gene]

Just don't. Just don't come to Wisconsin. My don't want.

[Caller H]

All right, Goodbye.

[Mike]

All right. You have a good one. Yo, yo, what up?

[Gene]

What's the deal?

[Caller I]

What up, gang?

[Guest F]

Y'?

[Mike]

All.

[Caller I]

We having, like, technical difficulties over here or what?

[Gene]

I mean, people didn't have to know that before you said something, though. We have technical difficulties. Can't keep their mouth shut. All right, we got a question.

[Caller I]

Yeah, my bad.

[Kibi]

All right.

[Caller I]

What's your question?

[Gene]

Pat, up the move. I got you, bro.

[Caller I]

All right, bro.

[Gene]

What's the unpopular. What's the unpopular. Man,

[Guest F]

what is it?

[Mike]

Wow. Sorry.

[Gene]

You just.

[Caller I]

Sorry, Pat.

[Caller G]

I'm sorry.

[Gene]

Okay. What's the unpopular opinion? That you have

[Caller I]

an unpopular opinion.

[Gene]

So

[Caller I]

a couple. I'm not gonna lie. I don't know if y' all remember me. You guys told me to come to Milwaukee one day. It was like episode 100. I had the. As Pat likes to say, the sticky ass. After I was eating pancakes at

[Mike]

ihop

[Caller I]

at, like, 4am So I went, right? I listen to Y', all, I. I decided, like, you know what? I was in the area. Why not pass by Milwaukee, get to see Milwaukee for the first time? I took your advice literally. I went. I went to Enterprise, bro. I got me myself a nice little gray Kia Soul, cheapest there, just to have it. Rolled my windows down. It was brows cruising. I was cruising, and then I stopped. You know, you ever seen those things on. On YouTube, like the hood eats? And I was like, yeah, it. I'm looking for, like, a little spot to eat. I'll leave the car parked.

[Guest F]

I'll be good.

[Caller I]

Not even 10 minutes. I was in that store for 10 minutes. I didn't like the menu. I came back out. That was gone.

[Gene]

That boy fed the streets.

[Caller I]

That was gone. My car.

[Mike]

You left. You left your. You left your windows down. Yeah, we did.

[Caller I]

Yes, Mike.

[Mike]

No, you got to run the tape back for that one.

[Gene]

This natural selection right here.

[Caller I]

Everybody that's watching the pod can look back.

[Mike]

What episode?

[Caller I]

I think it was. I think it was a hunt or something.

[Mike]

Find the episode and send it. But I don't believe you, bro.

[Caller I]

Bro, y' all were like, it was you, Pat and Gene. Yeah, Gene was telling me where to go.

[Pat]

I remember it.

[Gene]

You gotta come up. You gotta come back. That's what I was. Okay, next time you come here, rent a BMW, go to JJ's Fish and Chicken. Eat your fish and chicken in the car while bumping some chicken pee, bro.

[Pat]

There you go.

[Gene]

There you go.

[Mike]

You'd be good.

[Gene]

That's more. That's more of a vibe out right there.

[Caller I]

Nah, I don't trust y' all anymore, bro.

[Gene]

What?

[Caller I]

The Enterprise was so pissed, bro. I can't even rent a car from them no more.

[Gene]

Also, KIA Soul Ill, bro, you told

[Caller I]

me to get a.

[Mike]

Okay,

[Gene]

that's the. That the hamsters be driving.

[Kibi]

And

[Gene]

no, I ain't gonna lie to you, though, that.

[Caller I]

That had some space in there.

[Mike]

So when you saw the car was stolen, what was your next move?

[Caller I]

I ain't gonna lie to you. I sat there. I mean, what else can someone do? Bro, I just sat there. I looked at the empty ass space in the. On the side of the road.

[Gene]

I was like, oh, no, I. Dude, you in the army, too, ain't you? Military.

[Guest F]

Military.

[Caller I]

I'm in the Air Force, bro.

[Gene]

The Air Force. Oh, yeah. I hope them bags pack.

[Mike]

That boy had no social awareness.

[Caller I]

Oh, my. I don't know what they served. It was like. It's like a. Like a small, like, little bodega looking thing, and I was in there And I, I. I'm gonna be 100 with you. I was completely distracted, bro. I was with my. I was with my friends, too. They called me a dumbass after, Afterwards, when I walked out, too.

[Mike]

Did you leave the. Did you leave the car running or you just didn't. It was off.

[Caller I]

I thought. Honestly, I left the. The windows down a little bit. I. I thought I locked the car, though.

[Gene]

Okay. Yeah, we got

[Caller I]

locked.

[Gene]

Decision making is not good.

[Mike]

Yeah, man. I'm. I. I have a little worry for you that you're in the army right now, like. But did you learn a valuable lesson, though?

[Caller I]

Yeah. Not to trust you, bro. Nor Gene, bro.

[Mike]

So we're. But Gene is Gene. That's crazy.

[Gene]

That's crazy.

[Caller I]

Nah, Gene is Gene, bro.

[Gene]

Gene.

[Caller I]

I. I give Gene, like, a pass, bro.

[Gene]

Gene is cool, bro.

[Caller I]

He's like a mime, bro. He dresses like a mime sometime.

[Gene]

Just be on the lookout for drones.

[Caller I]

I'm not going, bro.

[Gene]

You want AWOL on our podcast, bro? I don't wanna.

[Caller Sarah]

Bro.

[Caller I]

What if I'm, like, I'm. I'm drinking my Starbucks that they give us, and I'm just hear, like, a buzzing sound to hell?

[Gene]

Hey, man, what side of history you want to be on? You want this to be on the good part of Netflix or the bad part of Netflix?

[Caller I]

The good one.

[Gene]

There you go, brother. Don't be a hero, bro.

[Mike]

How do you want to be remembered? All right, man.

[Guest F]

Have a good one.

[Caller I]

I won't be remembered listening to Crash Dummies podcast sitting in my ass in the chair, bro.

[Gene]

Hey, there we go.

[Mike]

I hope they steal your car.

[Gene]

We don't want war, bro.

[Caller I]

What's going on? Yo, this is crazy.

[Gene]

What's crazy, bro?

[Caller I]

I've been watching y' all since, like, episode 160 and finally got on the part.

[Mike]

Congrats, man.

[Gene]

We don't know if you're on it yet, but we'll see.

[Caller I]

Oh, yeah, true, true.

[Gene]

My fault, G. You right, right? Just call you Gene.

[Mike]

Yes. Or do you say Gene or G?

[Caller J]

G. Oh, okay.

[Gene]

As in gangster. I got a question for you, bro.

[Caller I]

What's happening?

[Gene]

What's your most unpopular opinion?

[Caller I]

So I feel like you shouldn't associate sports all the time with tall people.

[Mike]

Okay. How tall are you?

[Caller I]

I'm six' six.

[Gene]

What sport are you playing? Yeah, did you play sports in high school? School? College.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Caller I]

So, yeah, I did play sports in high school and stuff like that, and I played a little bit of college ball, but I had dropped out. You know what I'm saying?

[Gene]

College.

[Caller I]

I Played right guard and like, sometimes center.

[Gene]

Okay. Oh, okay. You're a bigger guy. How much you weigh?

[Caller I]

300.

[Gene]

300. So you 6. 6, 300. Okay. Where you work at now?

[Caller I]

I work security for right now, but

[Gene]

right where you're supposed to be.

[Mike]

You.

[Gene]

Right where you supposed to be?

[Mike]

No, you probably intimidated looking at security, too, because I don't.

[Gene]

I don't need.

[Caller I]

I mean, yeah, if I work for

[Gene]

a marketing company, I don't need to be staring across from a. That's built like that. You know what I'm saying?

[Caller I]

No. Cause, like, you're not wrong. Because, like, usually, like. Because I do security, like, downtown, stuff like that. I'll just look at somebody and be like, hey, bro, like, cut it out and don't even. Or sometimes I don't have to say nothing. But, no, you got it.

[Gene]

Because where do you work? What type of security you do? Like, clubs and shit or, like, more

[Caller I]

like stores I'll do. I do security like, in the. Like. Like a parking garage and stuff like that. Sometimes I do, like. I don't know if y' all know what sheets is, but she's just like, a wawa. But, like. Because late night, that's when like, would come in from, like, the club and. And get acting crazy. You see what I'm saying?

[Gene]

Has there ever been a time where you were scared and your size saved you, but they didn't know that you were scared?

[Caller I]

I wasn't. I wouldn't say there was a time I was scared or something. Like, it was more so. Like, there was, like, this one time, these. That was, like, arguing, and I was at, like, the sheets, and dude was about talking about shooting the place up, but he ended up leaving. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

But so do you get. So people ask you all the time about your height, then?

[Caller J]

Yeah.

[Caller I]

So, like, basically, like, you know, every time I, like, especially I want my department garage. Like, early mornings, I do, like, I work, like, seven to three. People will be like, oh, you should, because I live in Pittsburgh. So, like, you're like, oh, you need to walk on for the Steelers or you need to. The Steelers need you, man.

[Gene]

Real. You ever thought about, like, it's not that many people that. 6, 6, 300. Like, you have to be so ass at football. Like, so ass.

[Caller I]

I'm not. I'm really not.

[Gene]

There's no such thing. You had to be ass or. You really didn't love that shit. Like, you really hated it.

[Caller I]

I. I just didn't love it because here's what it was for me. So like you know, growing up, obviously my dad, he's tall, he was like 6:3 and stuff like that. But me and him right now especially isn't on the best of terms because he felt, he felt because he messed up his life so badly to the point where he looked at me as his.

[Mike]

Like he was trying to live through you.

[Caller I]

I guess you could say. Yeah, he's trying to live through me and basically try, you know what I'm saying? So he only talked to me about like sports and stuff like that. And he'll get little training sessions for me but then don't pay for the next session and stuff like that. So I felt like for a long time, especially as a kid, I was playing sports for him and I was good at it and stuff like that. Especially because I didn't really start till for, for it's like my senior year because like my freshman year and sophomore year it was at a weak ass school that had favoritism and but literally as soon as I transferred to another big high school out here where I live at, I was basically playing varsity immediately.

[Gene]

Yo, quick break. Let's thank today's sponsor of the podcast, Warby Parker.

[Mike]

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[Gene]

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[Mike]

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[Gene]

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[Mike]

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[Caller I]

And then, then my senior year when I first started, I made second team all conference. We made it to the championship. And then I had gotten my D2 offer. So I feel like if I would have had that opportunity since I was a freshman.

[Gene]

You're just missing one thing. You just need to. You just needed to be adopted by a white family. You would have made it.

[Pat]

Tell us about your relationship with your mother.

[Caller I]

See, it's crazy because that's not the first time somebody made that blind side comparison. And then especially, especially because I, I went to this high school called Pit Hills. It's the same high school Aaron Donald went to. So, like, my father was always comparing to him or be like, oh, you trying to play 80? And the craziness is. Actually ran into him one time when I was at the, while I was playing ball at the Y. He was like a little charity event or something like that there. He ran to me.

[Kibi]

He's like, you play football? Damn you big as.

[Gene]

I'm not gonna lie. Like, obviously I do. I do think, you know, you were right to not pursue something you didn't love, especially if it was pushed on you by your parent. But I'm thinking about being in your dad's position. And if I'm 63 and my son just happened to be 6, 6, 300 pounds, and he don't love football, I would say goodbye to you too.

[Mike]

I think, I think a lot of it, A lot of the questions and a lot of like, the disdain comes from, like, the, the jealousy of, like, I would do what I would do it with that height.

[Gene]

Yes, exactly.

[Guest F]

Yeah.

[Mike]

If I was 6, 6, I wouldn't be podcasting.

[Gene]

I literally wouldn't. I would literally be playing for the Detroit Lions right now. Strapping.

[Mike]

But I think it's also like the, the male ego of like, us knowing the type of athletes we were as well too.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And how much we really like how close we were to those, like, different levels of football.

[Gene]

Also, like, you probably were always looked at as like some type of cash cow, you know what I'm saying? Like, people only talking to you about sports, so that probably made you not love it as much. So I, I get.

[Caller H]

See it.

[Caller I]

It's partially that, but that too Like, I wasn't always just the tall guy. I was a smart, too, because I graduated with a 4.0.

[Gene]

I'm not trying to hear that. I need a pulling guard,

[Mike]

get up

[Gene]

to the second level, block this linebacker.

[Pat]

All that

[Mike]

grades you talking about grades

[Gene]

I'm talking about can we count on you?

[Caller I]

That's what I'm talking about right there. Just because I'm big doesn't mean that I'm not good for anything else. You know what I'm saying? I feel like I just added on to the stereotype. Like, oh, these big wasting their weight.

[Gene]

I'm not even lying. I couldn't even be friends with somebody like you. Like, if we was best friends, we'd be watching a game together. I just look at you and discuss just, like.

[Caller I]

Right now, what you want to do.

[Gene]

You said what you want to do.

[Kibi]

Okies right now.

[Caller G]

We can get.

[Caller I]

We can hit up right now.

[Gene]

Okies. Is that. What.

[Mike]

Is that Oklahoma?

[Gene]

That's what you call it. Want to do Oklahoma's with me, but don't want to do it against other like.

[Mike]

Yeah, you want to do that through that D tackle. Not my me.

[Gene]

You let Aaron. You let Aaron Donald call you a fat. Ain't say to him that's crazy. What would you do, though? Aaron Donald to you up real.

[Caller I]

I ain't gonna lie. He would me up that as hell. He's strong as hell. I ain't lie. I ain't there yet.

[Gene]

I ain't there yet.

[Mike]

Feel it, bro?

[Gene]

No, I feel it.

[Mike]

No good. We definitely just joking with you. We definitely understand where you're coming from, though. Yeah, we still. We still going to ask you if you 6, 6, 300 pounds. I'm definitely asking what sports you played. I'm not gonna lie.

[Gene]

Like, you.

[Caller I]

Not for sure.

[Gene]

Like Mike said, you literally, like, if we was friends, you can't talk about no NFL player because I'm gonna just look at you and just be like, bro, if you wanted to be an NFL, you would be there. Do you literally.

[Caller G]

How old are you?

[Caller I]

I'm 21.

[Gene]

You still got college eligibility left, right?

[Caller I]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Get this off my line. Go to the league.

[Mike]

All right, bro.

[Gene]

I'll see you in two years. You owe me a million, too.

[Mike]

All right, bro.

[Gene]

Oh, man.

[Mike]

Yo, yo, yo.

[Caller J]

What up?

[Gene]

What up?

[Caller J]

What it do, man? What's cracking?

[Gene]

What's cracking, dude?

[Caller J]

Hey, chill out on that.

[Mike]

Where you.

[Caller J]

Where are you from, Casey?

[Mike]

Mo.

[Gene]

Oh. Oh, that's two hours. That's two hours from St. Louis, right?

[Caller J]

Yeah, like two to three.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

So you coming to the live show?

[Caller J]

No, I don't think I'm pulling up to St. Louis now.

[Gene]

Oh, you got some. Oh, you must got some beef. They must have rang you out of town or something.

[Caller J]

Hell, no.

[Gene]

That literally can't even come to our live show.

[Mike]

They come to the show, like, what I tell you?

[Caller G]

No,

[Gene]

y' all got. Hey, come to.

[Caller I]

Hey, come to Kansas City. I'mma pull up.

[Caller J]

Come to Kansas City. I'll pull up.

[Gene]

All right, bet. But why you can't go to St. Louis though, man?

[Caller J]

I don't want to drive three hours. I ain't going to lie.

[Gene]

Okay, we feel it. All right, we got a question for you.

[Caller J]

Yes, sir.

[Mike]

What's an unpopular opinion that you have?

[Caller J]

Man, you should be wearing socks to bed. You should be wearing socks when you get out the shower. You should be wearing socks and slides. You should not be going sockless.

[Mike]

Like, why don't you. Like, so you sleep with socks on?

[Caller J]

Oh, bro, I don't remember the last time I slept without socks on.

[Mike]

I think it probably happened.

[Caller J]

I'll be camping and I got socks on.

[Mike]

Feet dysmorphia. You shower with your socks on?

[Caller J]

Hey, no, I don't shower my socks on. Hell no.

[Gene]

I guess it's like everything, like, with socks is, like, opinionated it. But this is where I draw the line. Do you wear socks at the beach?

[Caller J]

Man, if it's if, bro. That saying be hot sometimes.

[Gene]

I ain't going to lie.

[Mike]

N socks at the beach, but I'll

[Caller J]

take them off if I get in the water.

[Gene]

Nigga, you live in Kansas City. What you mean, the sand too hot?

[Caller I]

I've been.

[Caller J]

I've been. I've been to, man, Mexico before.

[Gene]

Okay, it. It is sometimes hot, but still, socks on the beaches.

[Mike]

I'd rather just be with no socks with flip flops on or something. Or sandals on on the beach if it's that hot.

[Gene]

But he said he don't wear socks without.

[Caller J]

I don't like sand in my toes. I don't like stuff in my toes and.

[Gene]

Oh, I know. I know it is. You got that black toenail.

[Caller J]

No, I know my. My feet look cool, bro. I ain't got no up feet. I ain't got that.

[Caller G]

That.

[Caller J]

I don't got no bunions or nothing like that. I'm cool.

[Mike]

Does this affect you in relationships? Like, the person you with, do they have to also wear socks to bed?

[Caller J]

Nah, bro, but she be like, scratching my leg with her nailing on her toes, and I'm like, what the. Put some Socks on, bro.

[Gene]

I don't want to feel that. No, that's crazy. But you just don't like feet, bro.

[Caller I]

I. I don't know.

[Caller J]

Cause women feed is different. You know what I'm saying? They can be out, but I don't want to see no dudes gnarly feet when I'm walking through Walmart.

[Mike]

Like.

[Gene]

Like, bro, no, it sounds like.

[Caller J]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, Wally World. Yeah, bro, you be seeing some crazy there. Oh, you worked and then people be gotten them crazy heels. No, I don't work there, but I just went there today and I just seen some. Bro, I seen somebody with toes that. Hey, was that look like dog nails?

[Mike]

All right, man. You have a good one, bro.

[Caller J]

Man, you too, dog.

[Mike]

All right.

[Caller Sarah]

Oh, my gosh. Is this real?

[Gene]

It's actually AI, but you'll. You'll get to the real podcasters soon.

[Caller Sarah]

Oh, that sucks.

[Gene]

Oh, we're just doing. This is just a briefing before you talk to Mike or Pat. How tall are you?

[Caller Sarah]

How tall am I? Five, seven.

[Gene]

Five seven. Is she good? Okay, send her through.

[Caller G]

Send her.

[Mike]

All right. Welcome to Crash Court. How are you?

[Caller Sarah]

Oh, my gosh. Is this real? Are you guys, like, real?

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller Sarah]

Is Key there?

[Mike]

Nah, he's not here today. It's just a crash course.

[Caller Sarah]

Where is Big Self at Elon still.

[Mike]

That's crazy. Where are you from?

[Caller Sarah]

I'm originally from New Orleans.

[Mike]

Oh, okay. Where you live then?

[Caller Sarah]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mike]

You come to the live show.

[Caller Sarah]

I hear me on the phone. Have y' all seen the messages I've sent y'? All?

[Caller G]

No.

[Gene]

Let's check them.

[Caller I]

Hold on.

[Caller Sarah]

Don't let me put y' all on speaker. I sent y' all buku messages and y' all ain't replied yet. I gotta talk about my sad, miserable life to get a reply.

[Gene]

You've been blowing our up.

[Mike]

Oh, damn. All right, take. First of all, take off us off speaker. It's kind of echoing our. Our end, so.

[Caller Sarah]

Oh, okay, sorry.

[Mike]

We might still echo on your end, but, you know, it's about us.

[Caller Sarah]

No, you're fine.

[Mike]

Anyway, welcome to Crash.

[Caller Sarah]

This is so cool. I'm, like, at the post office right now. I had to leave up out of there.

[Gene]

How old are you?

[Caller Sarah]

You don't have to wait.

[Guest F]

I.

[Gene]

You sound you at the post office midday. You sound a little. You know what you sound. You sound perfect. Happy International Woman's mom.

[Caller Sarah]

Thank you. Oh, my God, I'm gonna cry right now. Y' all, like, y' all don't know. I have been listening to y' all podcast for a long time. Y' all came into my life when I really needed it. Like, I don't know how to explain it.

[Mike]

I'm sorry you might disappoint you during

[Caller Sarah]

this call Came into my life. It's okay. I'm used to disappointment from men.

[Mike]

Okay, what's your situation?

[Caller Sarah]

What happened to that guy Cayenne that y' all was talking to in the beginning of your podcast? Like, where he get go? Did y' all check up on him?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller Sarah]

Who?

[Mike]

Kyan, the one kid I used to call all the time.

[Gene]

I really don't know.

[Mike]

There's one kid that was in high school.

[Gene]

I don't know.

[Caller Sarah]

Come on now. It's your podcast. Do better.

[Mike]

Okay. What the.

[Caller Sarah]

I mean, not Mike. What's that? I'm sorry.

[Gene]

Not Mike.

[Caller Sarah]

I'm sorry. Is Gene there?

[Gene]

Yeah, right here. What's up?

[Caller Sarah]

Hi, Gene.

[Gene]

What's good?

[Caller Sarah]

What do you look like, Gene? I tried to look on your Instagram and I didn't see nothing. I didn't see a picture of you.

[Gene]

Oh, shit. I'm like. I'm like five, 10, about two too sexy.

[Caller Sarah]

That's Pat.

[Mike]

Anyway, what's your situation?

[Caller Sarah]

I'm in love with a married man. I know. Yuck.

[Mike]

Have you.

[Caller Sarah]

Are you involved people who know that I love him?

[Mike]

You said what? Go ahead.

[Caller Sarah]

Y' all only know I've never told anyone that I'm in love with him.

[Gene]

Have you told him?

[Caller Sarah]

Heck, no. I'm not stupid. Well, I'm kind of stupid, but not that stupid.

[Gene]

Okay, tell us the story of how you met him and how you ended up being with a married man.

[Caller Sarah]

So I gotta be a little secret to you because I don't know who listened to y'.

[Caller H]

All.

[Caller Sarah]

No, I'm just kidding. Nobody listened to y' all that I know. I met him at work.

[Gene]

Thanks for that.

[Mike]

Y' all ain't.

[Caller Sarah]

Are y' all laughing with me or

[Gene]

at me a little bit?

[Pat]

Both.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Caller Sarah]

Dang, that sucks. Oh, I'm 27. Wait, am I 27? I just had a birthday.

[Mike]

Let's stay on track here, all right? Come on. Order in the court.

[Caller Sarah]

Sorry, I think I have 80.

[Mike]

I don't think we do, too, though. It's all right. Come on. So. So how'd you guys meet?

[Caller Sarah]

This is so cool. We met at work.

[Mike]

So, like, did you guys have any, like. Like, involvement with each other? Like, were you guys, like, seeing each other kind of on the side?

[Caller Sarah]

Oh, yeah, he cracked me just the other day.

[Gene]

Whoa. I guess, like, you just zoomed so far in the story,

[Mike]

no.

[Gene]

She got ID back.

[Caller Sarah]

So we met at work, and I seen him at work, and I didn't know how to approach him, so I just, like, kind of, like, admired him from afar. And then I transferred into his department, and then I asked somebody about him. I was like, hey, is he single? She was like, oh, I don't know. But he got a kid. I was like, oh, the good ones always got a kid. Ain't that right, Pat? But yeah, I was just like, dang, that's crazy. Like, what the heck? So then, I don't know, I just started speaking to him more and more and, like, flirting with him. And then one day, me and one co worker, who's actually a friend of mine, and him and another male co worker went out somewhere, and, you know, the drink started hitting, and I got a little bolder. And then we left our cars at work. We went somewhere that was close to work. And after that, we was in the car, and I was like, hey, Mr. Man, you single? He was like. And I was like, dang, that's a shame. Cause you fine as hell.

[Gene]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Y' all in the car by yourselves? Like, y' all offset?

[Caller Sarah]

Yeah.

[Gene]

So, yeah, okay.

[Caller Sarah]

We got off of work early one day, and it was me. It was me, him, a guy, and a girl. All of us went for drinks after work. And then we left our. We drove in one car. We drove two cars? Yeah, two cars. No, we drove in one car. So we drove in one car over there, and he met us there. But on the way back, my friend was like, hey, why don't you just, you know, give me a me? Can y' all not leave my. Can y' all leave my name out of it?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. Don't just use fake names. Just use fake names.

[Caller Sarah]

No, I'm gonna use my real name. But, like, still. Leave it out, please.

[Mike]

That's more editing.

[Caller Sarah]

Okay, I'm. Okay. I'm gonna just. My friend was like, why don't you. Why don't you drive. Why don't you let. Why don't you drive Sarah back to work? And I was like, my ninja girl, you. You came. You right. You right. So we was talking, and then I was flirting with him, and I was like, oh, you fine. You got some pretty eyes, like, you single. He was like, nah, I'm not. I was like, dang, that's crazy, because you fine as hell. And then he was like. And I was like, I'm serious. So then I got in his face, and I Gave. We parked at the job. We made this a job. But I ain't get out the car yet. So I was still, you know, shooting my shots. I was like, oh, you so cute. You so fine. Like, is it like, what's. What's going on? Like, hey, how are you? Can I get your number? I think. I don't know how I got his number, but I got it. And he actually. I think I got his number because they have, like, work phones. And I don't remember how he got my number exactly, but he texted me on his work phone before, and I was like, well, I want your personal number. He was like. So I was like. I grabbed his phone and I put my personal number in there. And then I called myself. So I made sure he got. So I got his number, but I don't know what happened. I guess because I was in a garage, I didn't have a signal or whatever. Guys, what happened to, oh, we. We don't. This ain't a safe space no more?

[Mike]

What happened?

[Gene]

Nobody said nothing.

[Caller Sarah]

I think y' all said thirsty. I'm not deaf.

[Gene]

Did somebody say thirsty?

[Mike]

Mike's.

[Gene]

Oh, Mike.

[Mike]

No, I didn't say thirsty.

[Caller Sarah]

Stop gaslighting me.

[Gene]

No, that might. I swear, I didn't know who said it, but if I knew who it was, I'd knock they ass off.

[Caller Sarah]

It was you.

[Gene]

It wasn't me.

[Mike]

I got kdhd. Come on. We just. We just threw off our stripes.

[Gene]

Come on, Zach.

[Caller Sarah]

So anyways, then. So then I gave him my number, but I guess. Cause we was in the garage. The call from him to me didn't go through because he got a Android. So I didn't get him his phone. I didn't see the, like, the miss call on my phone. So I texted him on the work phone. I was like, hey, I made it home. He was like, you have a good weekend. I was like, see you Monday. So then he texted me. It was like, towards the end of the year at this time. And he texted me off his personal number, like, happy New Year. I was like, happy New Year to you and yours too. And then I think nothing else, like, well, I'll shoot my shot. He. He ain't with it. So then I seen him at work Monday, and then I was just. He was like, hey, Sarah. And I was like, hey. And then out, because I was feeling, you know, rejected, awkward. But then I went to his office one day, and I was like, you know what? If your thing don't work out with you and your Mrs. Then, you know, go Ahead, you and me. And then I was like, you know, I don't break up a happy home, but if that don't work out, then you can get with me. So then we started to like, I don't break up a happy home, guys. I know. Okay. I know.

[Gene]

Okay.

[Caller Sarah]

So then we started to, like, text back and forth, but nothing came of it. And then one day, he asked me to. What was it he. Because he get off earlier than me. So he asked to eat one day. Like a little date, I guess you could say. Someplace close by the job. So I was like, okay, cool. Like, of course. So then we was eating, and I was like, just getting to talk to him, getting to know him, blah, blah, blah. So then we done eating, and he walked me to my car. But then I wanted to see his car, but I really just wanted to be in his car with him. So he was showing me around his car, and I was like, oh, nice. Yeah, cool. Let's get a back seat. And he was like, I was just flirting with him. And then I got in the backseat. I don't know how we got to the best y' all this. We've been messing with each other a little minute now. I forgot. Honestly, my memory is trash. So then I. What did I do? So we were just kissing and stuff in the back and, you know, feeling and touching. And then eventually, you know, we came. It became more, you know, sexual, obviously. And then he was like, you know, you deserve somebody. You don't deserve to be nobody's side piece. You deserve somebody who could get you whatever you want.

[Gene]

He gave you some good pointers after he hit, huh?

[Caller Sarah]

No, that was before he hit.

[Mike]

Oh, okay.

[Caller Sarah]

He was like. He was like, you know, I'm a dog. Like, you deserve somebody to treat you right. I can't give you gifts and take you out and blah, blah, blah. I was like, oh, you can't do that. I was like, look, I like you, you like me. I just want some dick. What's up? Up? So then we just been, you know, doing the do ever since then.

[Mike]

How long has this been going on?

[Caller Sarah]

I think it's been a year or two.

[Mike]

My God.

[Caller Sarah]

No, it's been 2020. It started in 2024. No, I started.

[Gene]

Okay, okay, we got that part. Let's talk about you. Let's talk about you. And, like, do you want to.

[Caller Sarah]

I'm very self aware, guys.

[Gene]

No, no, no, no, no. We know that, okay?

[Mike]

We know that self aware with zero action doesn't mean anything. I hate when people say that

[Caller Sarah]

using that Nigerian education.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Gene]

No, let's talk about you, though. Like, do you ever want to find love?

[Caller Sarah]

Yeah, I do.

[Gene]

So, like, why. Why are you wasting. You wasting your twenties on a married man?

[Caller Sarah]

Yeah, I know. Are you, like, except the love we think we deserve, and I think I deserve that.

[Gene]

Are you.

[Mike]

Are you weighing out? Like, do you still have hope that his marriage won't work out?

[Caller Sarah]

Like, a little, little, little bit. But listen, hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out, hear me out. So they separated. So, like, he moved out of the house. So, like, technically they're not together anymore.

[Gene]

Do you know why they separated, though?

[Caller Sarah]

No, I forgot. No, I asked him. He said it's just been, like. It's been in the works for a long time, and this is, like, a way to solve the problems they've been having.

[Gene]

Yeah, you.

[Caller Sarah]

That's been happening way that. That was happening way before I came.

[Mike]

That's what they always.

[Caller Sarah]

But the thing is.

[Gene]

But, like. Okay, so, like, I think you're. I think that one of the reasons why you keep this going on because you feel like you have some type of attachment to him and that you might get him after he separates from his wife. But I'm trying to tell you, and I'm, like, a thousand percent positive I put all my money on this. You not the only side, girl.

[Caller Sarah]

Oh, no, I'm sure I'm not. But, like, right now, I am. He not mess with nobody else. I mess with other people while talking to him. But, like, I. Whenever, like, all the mother situations don't work, I go back to him and, like, I genuinely like him as a person, and he likes me as a person. Like, we could actually, you know, I think his wife.

[Gene]

I think his wife like him as a person, too, huh?

[Caller Sarah]

No, she don't. They always arguing.

[Gene]

Yeah, that's gonna be you.

[Mike]

I wonder why those arguments keep starting.

[Caller Sarah]

Because she don't understand him like I do.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Gene]

What's something you understand about him? Actually, No, I don't care. No, let's go to census. You're right. No, no, no. We love you.

[Caller H]

You.

[Gene]

But, you know, you up.

[Mike]

No, you up.

[Gene]

No, you. It's gonna sound like sizzling fajitas. Where you going? So what we gonna do is you're

[Caller Sarah]

gonna meet me there.

[Gene]

No.

[Caller Sarah]

Save me a table.

[Gene]

No, I promise you. I don't know why y' all think I'm going there with y', all, but let me tell you something. You say you 27, right?

[Caller Sarah]

Yeah.

[Gene]

And you waste 27.

[Caller Sarah]

80.

[Gene]

You wasted, like, half your 20s on this dude already. Damn near, right?

[Caller Sarah]

I wouldn't say half. I mean, I was 26. Now I'm 27. But I want love, but love doesn't want me. Like, the last guy was what? He literally did me. So dirty and wrong. It's like, I try to put out so much love out there, so much karma, and I give people the benefit of the doubt. And, like, no one wants to be with a good girl, so it's just like, I might as well be what they want with me.

[Gene]

Let's do this. Pick a number. One through five. Let's end this here.

[Caller Sarah]

Four.

[Gene]

Four perfect 400 years. No, no.

[Mike]

Since it's almost Women's International Month, we'll give you one year less. So 399.

[Gene]

You said advice.

[Mike]

Advice. Oh, to stop.

[Gene]

Let's start there. We don't want to give you too many subs since you got.

[Mike]

Yeah, let's start with stop sleeping with the married man.

[Gene]

Stop fucking a married nigga. How about that?

[Caller Sarah]

I like him. Well, you know, and he likes me, I think. I mean, he put up a whole freaking. He helped me with my apartment.

[Gene]

Yeah, we gotta go.

[Caller Sarah]

The other day.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Gene]

How much he put down.

[Caller Sarah]

Wait, guys, I just want to say thank y' all for having me. I hope I made the pie. I really love y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Caller Sarah]

Like, I appreciate you. That's so cool. Y' all honestly don't know what y' all do for me. Like, honestly, I put y' all on when I'm just feeling. I just need a good laugh, and y' all brighten my mood every freaking time.

[Gene]

Like I said, you just using n to have good times lately, huh?

[Caller Sarah]

No,

[Gene]

no.

[Mike]

Get it a. Nah. She got, like, five other podcasts she said this about already.

[Gene]

We got trusted.

[Mike]

No, I didn't.

[Caller Sarah]

Y' all the only podcast I listen to. I try to get into other podcasts, but they don't do it for me.

[Gene]

Oh, no,

[Mike]

we appreciate that.

[Gene]

Hello. Yo, let me put on my glasses. What up? What's the deal, bro?

[Guest F]

Nothing much, man. Nothing much.

[Gene]

Welcome to Crash Court.

[Guest F]

I appreciate y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Guest F]

Appreciate you.

[Gene]

All right, state your case.

[Guest F]

My case is I'm trying to be a good guy, my girl. So when I want to cheat, I just. That just be my me.

[Gene]

Huh?

[Guest F]

When I want to, like, cheat, like, you know, just, like, go ahead. There's another girl. I just. I just be my me instead.

[Gene]

Like, how close do you get to texting? The other girl is like, oh, damn. I clicked on her picture and I made her dms. Let me stop. Let me go beat my meat.

[Guest F]

It's probably like. Like, I'm. I'm like two seconds from. Click on the button. Like, you know the same button or probably sometimes.

[Mike]

That's definitely an attempted cheating.

[Gene]

You're technically still cheating because she knew that she wouldn't with it because she, like, damn, why are you so close?

[Guest F]

Yeah, but it's like, you know, I'm new to it, so I'm new to like.

[Mike]

So you've been convicted of cheating before, huh?

[Guest F]

My palace says yeah, but this one, this looks good, girl. So I gotta lock in with this one.

[Gene]

Oh, man. Make sure next time you show up to our courtroom, make sure your lawyer present us with that information before we start the case. We didn't know we had a repeat offender.

[Guest F]

I'm trying to clean slate.

[Mike]

Like, how many times did this happen per week?

[Guest F]

I would say, like, no, like, good, two times. Good. Two times.

[Gene]

Two times a week. Two attempted cheats a week.

[Caller Sarah]

Yeah, man.

[Guest F]

I'm just

[Gene]

like, what's like. Like, what drives you to get to the DMs? Is it horniness? I'm guessing. I guess that makes sense. That's why you being your meat. Okay, Is your girl not giving you enough in. In the bedroom now?

[Guest F]

She is, but we trying to, like, you know, know, like, be celibate and be purity. Something like, like, stuff like that.

[Gene]

Why? Why are y' all trying to be celibate?

[Guest F]

We're just trying to take our life a little, man. You know that, that's. That, that's really it.

[Caller Sarah]

Really?

[Mike]

No, I feel it.

[Gene]

I get it. But you. If you really trying to do that, then you need to admit that you're a sex addict, man.

[Guest F]

She knows, but she don't know everything. Like, she knows about my past, but she don't know about, like, you know.

[Caller J]

You know, I.

[Guest F]

You know, just about a bit. You still used to. You used to. Used to.

[Gene]

So I'm like, like, with this case, like, I honestly believe that you cheated before because I've never heard nobody just be like, oh, I deleted the dm. I think you're not getting the responses you want from certain women.

[Guest F]

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. It's like, it's like, damn, When I sent it, it's like, nah, let me unseen. Let me unsend news. And I shouldn't be doing that unsend.

[Gene]

Now you admit that you send it every time you say something and it's brand new evidence.

[Guest F]

No, I'm like. I'm like, just adding detail, more detail.

[Mike]

To it. It's both.

[Guest F]

It's both of.

[Mike]

Are there conversations happening before? Like, because obviously you're just not going to shoot your shot. A cold shot. There has to be kind of some type of warm up conversation, right? So are there the warm up conversations and you're like one. One next text away from it being something else or is it just you shooting code?

[Guest F]

The only on. The only conversation is like in person.

[Mike]

Like.

[Guest F]

Like in person.

[Mike]

Got it.

[Guest F]

Because like now I get to like. I don't do the phone stuff no more like because you know, feels a screenshot your message and she's like that. So it's more like in person. Like if I wanted I could have it type of bro.

[Gene]

It don't make no sense.

[Mike]

They just say he unsend it.

[Gene]

He unsend it. Now it's only in person. You can't unsend a statement that you said to somebody.

[Caller I]

Everything.

[Guest F]

Absolutely everything.

[Gene]

So that's what I'm saying. I know you cheating brother, man.

[Mike]

Give him. Give him. Give him attempted. We'll give him attempt at cheating this time. Have we seen him again in this courtroom though?

[Gene]

That's three strikes. If you come back because you already been caught cheating. We. We not going. We going to wrap all your other cases up as one. We gonna call this an attempt at cheating. If you get more. One more attempted cheating or cheating, then we're gonna have to just do a life sentence because it's just like at this point.

[Guest F]

Yeah.

[Gene]

You know, he don't know his limits.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. Dangerous to society.

[Gene]

He's just dangerous.

[Guest F]

No, come on, man.

[Gene]

All right, let's state your case. We're either gonna do life sentence or. Or we gonna. No, we're gonna let you off with a warning, but you should need to state your case to let us know that. But it's okay to let you off with a warning. So tell us you're not going to cheat again and why.

[Guest F]

I won't. I won't cheat again ever.

[Gene]

Yeah, we can't do it. Big dog got of at least five years.

[Guest F]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

You fly for attempted.

[Gene]

Five for attempted. Bro, you gotta. We gotta go.

[Mike]

He not gonna stop. Oh, man. Hello.

[Caller Sarah]

Hey.

[Mike]

Hey.

[Caller H]

I didn't think you guys were actually gonna call. Sorry.

[Mike]

No, you're good. You're good. Welcome to Crash Court.

[Caller H]

Hi. Glad to be here.

[Gene]

I guess you wear glasses

[Caller H]

Sometimes.

[Mike]

State your case.

[Caller H]

Okay.

[Caller Sarah]

My.

[Caller H]

My case.

[Caller Sarah]

Okay.

[Caller H]

I. So I've been kind of seeing somebody since like I would say September, maybe October time. And like for reference, I guess I'M kind of younger. I was in a really long term relationship at a very, very young age from, like high school into college. So then whenever we, like, started talking, I kind of led with the idea that I was like, not looking for a relationship. He's also significantly older than me. Not like crazy, but a little bit it. So when we started see each other, I led with that. Then he kind of, like, was pushing a lot and he would make things, like, very, very official, like, super physical in public. Buying me, like, expensive gifts and then giving them to me in public. And we had a lot of, like, mutuals. So it just kind of became very, very public really, really fast. And I tried to pull the plug and he responded by sending me concert tickets and.

[Gene]

Concert tickets to who, though? Concert tickets to who?

[Caller H]

To God. I feel like I'm already giving too many details. K Tronada was the first one, and then second, we went to Art Basel in Miami.

[Mike]

You got an art team Katrinata too?

[Caller H]

I do music that was like, so he know you?

[Gene]

He know you there?

[Caller H]

He's reading me like a book like that. But, like, I'm not a gift person, period.

[Mike]

Why don't you want to be in a relationship? Like, what's, like, what's holding you back? Because it sounds like he's like, love bombing you.

[Caller H]

That's what my friends say. Yeah, I. I'm just. I'm not trying to jump into anything. I'm 26 and I was like, almost married at like 21 or 22, so. And the thing is, is that it's like I'm a person who kind of needs to feel a distance to, like, want somebody.

[Gene]

He all over you.

[Caller H]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I get it. He just not your style of person. You can't see yourself living life with him. Yeah, but are you still. Are you? When's the last time you took a gift to

[Caller H]

Valentine's Day?

[Gene]

God damn.

[Caller Sarah]

But listen,

[Caller H]

I told him on like, Sunday or Monday. I was like, I don't think we should do this anymore. Like, I'm feeling bad at this point. That's literally what I said.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Caller H]

And then he responded by being like, well, I already got this stuff and, like, I can't return it.

[Gene]

Okay, let's go through a list of the most expensive items he got you, so we know.

[Caller H]

Oh, God. Well, I mean, for Chris, for Valentine's Day, he kind of went crazy and went like roses. I like stuffed animals. Bought me like two n. Two new stuffed animals. And then like this whole big thing of chocolates. And then offered me tickets to Rolling Loud, which I had to, like, turn down because I was like, we're already here. Like, I broke up. I broke up with you on Monday. But aside from that, the KADA tickets, the hotel room for that, then we went to Miami. And also, every single time I go out, he will pay for me, even if we're not together.

[Mike]

Are you seeing other people, too?

[Caller H]

Yes, for a little bit. I backed off out of respect.

[Mike]

So why don't you just tell them that you. Have you told him any of this that you don't want to? Like, again, like, reiterated it.

[Caller H]

Yes. Like, the Monday before Valentine's Day. Like, I was like, I don't think we should see each other at all. I think we need, like, distance. And, like, we kind of work near each other sometimes. Like, we don't work together, but it's like, we already see each other a lot, so I know that distance is needed. And he responded by saying, like, I've been repressing deep. Oh, my God.

[Mike]

I think, honestly, you just got. You just got to kind of stand on business a little bit more. I'm like, you know when you kind of say you're gonna. You want to keep distance, I think you just gotta, like, don't let. Don't get blinded by the gifts.

[Gene]

I disagree. I don't think she's trying hard enough, and I think she knows she's not trying hard.

[Mike]

I know what I'm saying. Like, she really wants to leave it.

[Gene]

She doesn't want to, though. She's just waiting. She just. She can't get rid of them because it might be that gift, and she don't know it's coming. And you know what I mean? She don't want to miss out on that gift.

[Mike]

Keep playing that gift. She gonna get an engagement ring.

[Caller H]

I.

[Caller I]

No, no, no.

[Caller H]

I mean, I'm not waiting on a specific gift. I think it's just, like, I'm hopeful, I guess, you know? And, like, it does show. Like, as people have told me in the past, because I've dated a lot of, like, dare I say, bombass niggas. So my friends are like, you should expect some.

[Gene]

Hold on, hold on.

[Mike]

What's there to take on that one, huh?

[Gene]

Oh, she. She black.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Caller Sarah]

Yeah.

[Caller H]

I'm mixed.

[Mike]

Okay. Yeah.

[Caller H]

I promise I'm not going crazy like that, but, yeah. So for me, it's like, when I met him, I'm like, okay, well, he's showing intention in a way that I don't normally see, but at the same time, it Also could just be love bombing. But who decides that?

[Mike]

You.

[Gene]

You.

[Mike]

Because every. Everybody's definition is different. I think there's. Everybody has their threshold.

[Caller H]

Yeah, Yeah, I hear that.

[Gene]

I say, like, like you seem like you want to get out, but you've also been taking gifts. And did y' all spend Valentine's Day together before we sentenced you?

[Caller H]

No, I worked.

[Gene]

You worked, but you still took the gifts?

[Caller Sarah]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Okay.

[Mike]

Did you guys do anything like the day before, day after type of thing? You know, some people you don't. Some people work on Valentine's Day.

[Caller H]

I ran into him the day after, cuz, like, he wanted to try to talk things through.

[Gene]

That's all we need to hear. That's all we need to hear. We gonna give you a year.

[Kibi]

A year?

[Caller H]

Okay, I'll take it.

[Gene]

We're being part time gold digger, Part time lover girl. It's a year.

[Mike]

You have a good one, Crazy.

[Guest F]

You too.

[Mike]

All right.

[Gene]

Did you hear the story? There was a 11 year old charged as an adult with criminal homicide after shooting his sleeping father. His father was 42, and he shot him on his birthday.

[Mike]

Damn.

[Gene]

He told authorities he found the keys to the gun safe while searching for his Nintendo Switch that had been confiscated. So the dad took away the sun Nintendo Switch and the son went and got a real Switch.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. That's crazy.

[Gene]

Switched him down. Man. Shouldn't be confused. Shouldn't be taking nigga shit. Moving on. I'm just playing RP to the Nintendo Switch because ain't nobody gonna use it.

[Mike]

No.

[Gene]

Okay. It's tax season. Just tweeted a week. Somebody said them taxes bring up. Them taxes bring the city out. I'm seeing people I thought passed away, But that's real shit though. But I also think tax season is around springtime, which is closer to summertime. There's some people that just don't pop out in the winter. And I say Milwaukee is like one of them spots where if you are actively going out during the winter time, you see the same, exact same people. But when summertime come around here, when

[Mike]

it hits 45 degrees here and all

[Gene]

these festivals, you start seeing people like, what the, bro? It'd just be like some random. I saw a dude that was 6, 5, 3, 30, and he lived a regular life, bro. What an idiot. Just a regular.

[Mike]

There's only like six, eight dude too.

[Gene]

Don't that be tripping you out?

[Mike]

Like it trips me out a little.

[Guest F]

No.

[Gene]

Overseas ball. I get like, sports isn't everything. Like, bro, I need to know what you do, bro. The. You mean you work at cold.

[Mike]

It just. It just would be a. It just would be annoying to be 6, 8 and not have like a sports background. Because everybody's going to always ask like what you play basketball. It's like the same thing. Now you're explaining yourself and now you have people saying, if I was your height, I'll be doing excess. I'm like, bro, you know how many people I would have felt like slapping?

[Kibi]

Yeah, but being six, eight and not doing nothing with it is kind of selfish.

[Gene]

I mean, you still got. You still got it within you. Like your sperm worth a lot. You know what I'm saying?

[Kibi]

A lot of them.

[Mike]

Like, yeah, you can procreate, you can pro. You know, you can still create.

[Gene]

So you still got like some type of an advantage. But I also feel like you got a disadvantage because you can't work like a regular job. I don't want to like the. At Subway making my sandwich. Can't be 6, 8 or. I'm not going there. Like, it's something wrong with him. Like, why is he here? But it's up because people like that used to be looked at as freaks before sports got super popular like back then in the day. Like you six, nine people probably. You probably annoy the out of people. The contractor come by like, bro, I'm not building in this.

[Mike]

No. As you 69, you automatically have to be a knight and gotcha. Like, there's no way they would like back then the. In the. What's. What's those. What's that era called?

[Kibi]

Medieval.

[Mike]

The Medieval times.

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

They. It's like you're not going to. You're not. They're not like, let you be 68 and you not do nothing. You're not going to be 220 pounds, 6 foot 63 and not do nothing.

[Gene]

They say they going to pull up as soon as you have your girl spur. You ever heard of jousting? Let's get you ready for that.

[Mike]

What's that say? As early as 20, 26, Oliver, whatever his last name is recognized as the tallest living teenager. Seven, nine. Oh, damn.

[Gene]

He plays for Florida, right?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Gene]

Is it Florida State or Florida?

[Mike]

Florida. Florida games. Yeah.

[Gene]

He don't get in a game like that though.

[Kibi]

That's because he's slow as he don't

[Gene]

know how to use his body.

[Mike]

That's the thing. I think coordination really comes. Like, that's why Wemby is so different. Wimby is different because he's like tall and coordinated.

[Kibi]

As I was trying to Tell you about women, Yama. Two years ago, I could bring up.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Kibi]

Been telling you all about women, Yama,

[Mike]

since the most popular player.

[Kibi]

How was he the most popular? He wasn't even that popular when he first popular.

[Mike]

He wasn't, like.

[Kibi]

Was overrating him and doubting him. I told y'. All.

[Gene]

I told y' all he was gonna

[Kibi]

be cold, and y' all said, bro, he could block shots, bro. He's seven foot.

[Mike]

The sun will come up tomorrow, too. Keith comparing him.

[Kibi]

Y' all was comparing him the taco for no, you. I remember it, man.

[Mike]

Pull the clip up, bro. Find the clip.

[Gene]

You and your friends be talking so much, bro.

[Kibi]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Mike]

We said Wemba wasn't going to be great.

[Gene]

Please somebody find you.

[Kibi]

Wasn't going to be this. I'm telling you.

[Gene]

Okay, okay. Somebody said this. Somebody say y' all be single and pre hating your partner already planning what you not about to do for them. Yeah, I hate, bro. I'm not going to lie. I hate tweets like that. I hate people that say, like, they not going to double te. Hate people saying they not gonna do. I'm not gonna let my woman do such and such. I'm not gonna let my man have a girl best friend. Like, bro, you don't. This is life. My.

[Kibi]

But, you know, it's. It's about your own boundaries and what you.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Your preferences.

[Kibi]

So you probably did that, and now you single and you don't want to do it no more.

[Gene]

I understand that. That's part of, like, life. Like, but when people just be like, oh, I'm not double texting. I'm not doing this. I'm not doing that. Like, bro, you do what you gotta do, bro.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's why, like, life is life. Like, people putting these rules on life. Like, you always see people with, like, hard rules. Like, I never do this. Like, bro, ain't nobody about to walk back around this pole. Cause you don't want me to split a pole. I believe in God, bro.

[Mike]

I hate.

[Kibi]

No, we gotta.

[Mike]

I gotta walk. No, we gotta end that pole splitting.

[Kibi]

You said. What syndrome is that?

[Pat]

Main character syndrome.

[Mike]

You gotta split the poll.

[Gene]

Yeah, we gotta end that main character syndrome.

[Mike]

Let's end that shit.

[Kibi]

You can't. No, splitting the pole is bad.

[Gene]

Bad.

[Kibi]

You all ever spin a pole and then have a bad night?

[Pat]

Beliefs on people.

[Mike]

I split a poll my whole life, and this podcast has exploded.

[Gene]

Who exploded?

[Mike]

The podcast.

[Gene]

I like, what's the. Like, I broke a mirror before.

[Kibi]

Oh, okay.

[Gene]

I walk with postal. I forgot the black cat thing. Like I walked, I walk under the

[Kibi]

ladder before you, so you. So nothing negative has happened.

[Mike]

That's life though, though.

[Kibi]

No, but you can't. Like there's rules and regulations to it.

[Gene]

It's already.

[Kibi]

But it's about, it's about what you believe though. Cuz you can rewrite your story. So whatever you believe is what's going to happen. So if I believe, if I believe in splitting the pole is bad luck, then I'm going to get bad luck. But if you don't believe it, you ain't going to get it. But you, you gonna get it though.

[Mike]

What?

[Gene]

What the.

[Kibi]

You gonna get it.

[Gene]

That's gonna split that pole.

[Mike]

You gonna get it.

[Gene]

Now pause. Don't make sure you don't split a wrong key. He gonna.

[Mike]

I get what you're saying too.

[Gene]

You gonna get it.

[Mike]

I get what you're saying too, because it's the same thing with like black magic. Like my parents always be like in Nigeria. If you like believe in it and you want to find that. Yeah, you, you, you'll find. You. Right, but if you don't look for it. But the thing with spinning polls, I think you just like, like if you start making bad decisions because you split that pole, then it's like, that's you. But then what if it's already in your pole?

[Kibi]

What if I split the pole and then future, you know, tomorrow I fall and, and bust open my knee.

[Gene]

Earthquake. No, but I'm just saying that's part of manifesting though. Like if you believe like you did something that's going to give you bad luck, then you putting that, you putting that wave.

[Kibi]

So y' all don't believe in no luck, no bad luck, no nothing?

[Mike]

No, I bring like karma and shit like that.

[Pat]

But how about the law of attraction?

[Gene]

Yes, thank you, thank you.

[Mike]

But that's.

[Kibi]

Look, that's, that's, that's not magic. You can say it's look, you can say.

[Gene]

I mean, you can name it what you want.

[Kibi]

That's what I'm saying.

[Gene]

You can name what you want, but you can't go through life thinking like just happened.

[Mike]

But then. No, no, no, no. You can think about the splitting the pole thing. It's like it takes two people. It takes two people to split the pole, right?

[Kibi]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So it's like you're already involving me. You can have your own beliefs and the things that you won't do, like you don't want to step on the crowd crack. You don't want to break? No, that's your control.

[Kibi]

What if I just go around the pole though and don't say nothing?

[Mike]

Oh, that's you there.

[Kibi]

Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do.

[Pat]

I feel like I've seen Mike intentionally.

[Gene]

Intentionally?

[Mike]

Yeah, to prove a point.

[Kibi]

Evil bro.

[Pat]

But you know, you were with people who didn't.

[Gene]

Really?

[Mike]

Yeah, it's like, come on.

[Gene]

That step on the crack, breaking my own back don't work. It was literally one time. I was mad as hell. In my mind.

[Mike]

I was mad.

[Gene]

I stepped on like 15,000 crack and I went over to her bedroom. I'm like, you don't feel nothing?

[Kibi]

Still got a whooping ass, bro.

[Pat]

I got in trouble for stomping on the crack one time.

[Gene]

Oh, for real? She saw you do that?

[Pat]

Yeah, I was. I was upset.

[Gene]

What's like the easiest like thing? Not easiest thing, but like, what's the lightest. What's the lightest thing you ever got in trouble for? Like, like where you were just like. Like now looking back at it, it's like, why did I get in trouble for that?

[Kibi]

Not being able to solve a problem. Math problem.

[Gene]

That's crazy. If Johnny had five apples. Yeah, exactly.

[Kibi]

That's probably like the most wild cuz it's like, why like you not good at math neither. So why you? Why I gotta get my ass beat for?

[Gene]

That's crazy. He ever taught me this.

[Caller Sarah]

Like.

[Gene]

Now listen kid, we gonna do fractions, but it's with lasagna. I get it now.

[Mike]

All right, all right.

[Gene]

Come on now.

[Kibi]

All right.

[Gene]

I feel like it's a. Dude.

[Kibi]

That was a.

[Mike]

For me, I would say it was very non traditional thing. Like it was. My dad used to have these tennis balls, right? Like because he plays tennis a lot. So I would open. If you don't ever seen a new pack of tennis balls, it's like it opens like a can of like pop. So you kind of like click it open right there. I opened it for no, I don't know what reason. I filled it with water and I put soap in it and I closed it and I put it in the fridge and let it freeze. And I got in trouble for that. But it was just like. The theory was I don't know what I was doing that for. So it was like a stupid reason, but I think it was just because I opened the. The little tennis balls and like that. That's like the dumbest reason.

[Pat]

I was playing with a ruler just in class and. But I had smacked it off the table and it Flew and almost hit somebody in the eyes.

[Mike]

Like when.

[Kibi]

I don't know if that's little, that's fine.

[Pat]

To me it felt like real little. You know, that was the first time I got suspended and I was like, like, what the.

[Kibi]

Oh, suspense.

[Pat]

It wasn't on purpose.

[Gene]

And I got in trouble for pillow talking on my mama. I was like bragging cuz I just got a whooping and I was like in my sister's room just talking about like how my mama lost it. I'm like, she ain't even got it no more. Didn't even hurt. I was sitting there fake crying and I just saw like they eyes getting big while explaining. I'm like, y' all don't believe me? She ain't got it no more. And I realized like they eyes got big cuz my mom was standing behind me. Man, she went crazy.

[Mike]

She.

[Gene]

She was so tired. After that, I like, bro, you had to.

[Mike]

When I got whooping, you had to like exaggerate the pain that you're in. Yeah, cuz, he's like, you start the time. Yeah, there was a time. Two more, cuz there's a time you

[Gene]

asking for two more.

[Kibi]

Just two more.

[Mike]

Would you. Were you the kid that like to know how many strokes you're about to get at?

[Gene]

Oh my God. That's.

[Mike]

How. How would you explain. How would you explain the act of getting whooped?

[Gene]

Then I get. I mean, I just wouldn't say strokes.

[Mike]

What would you say though?

[Kibi]

Like how many whoopings I would give.

[Mike]

A whooping is a whole thing get hit. Okay, how many times stroke. Would you rather know the amount of times your parents are going to hit you? You before or you just let it happen?

[Gene]

That would be very key knowledge. Honestly, I need to know. But my parents would never give that up.

[Mike]

My parents always told me.

[Gene]

Really, how many you're getting? Yeah, my aunt did that with like the spoon to the hand. Like how many you going to get?

[Mike]

Cuz then if you like moved out the way for one. Cuz usually mine was like in the hand. So as you like kind of moved out the way for it, it doesn't count.

[Pat]

You know, for me it was always like. I would have to kind of guess and it was always based on what I did, you know, so it's always like a.

[Gene]

Why you.

[Mike]

Yeah, let it be like five things you did that day, you know?

[Gene]

You know, we grew up and our parents didn't really like get their education like that. So you getting beat to a run on sentence. This supposed to have A period. No commas, no nothing.

[Mike]

Let it. And then let it be a thing. She mentions that you didn't do, and you be like, wait, I didn't even do that. Now you talking back.

[Gene]

Especially, I didn't do it.

[Guest F]

Especially.

[Gene]

Anybody that have siblings, there's been a time, like, you're getting a whooping for something you actually did, and they add on, like, something your siblings did. Hold on.

[Mike]

Now and then talking back is like, you can't. I. I got in trouble for, like, balling my fist up while getting the whoopings. Like, you got to, like, legit exaggerate that. That hurt hurts.

[Gene]

No, my thing was, is, like, because it was very rare because I. I moved in a group. Like, I had, like, my. My cousin who's my age. I had another cousin who's a little bit older than me and my sisters. So we would always get in trouble as a group. It was very rare someone got in trouble, like, singled out. But when it did happen, I was the biggest troll and stuff. Like, when somebody just got done getting a whooping, and they, like, you know, the person go sit on the bed. They think about it. They in there crying. I used to always just come in there and lean against the door. I would be like. So I used to be like. My favorite line to raise raped them. I'd be like, so, what did we learn? Put your bitch ass up. I remember I used to raise. Rape my cousin into getting more whoopers. I'm like, whoa, whoa. Look like we ain't done being punished here.

[Kibi]

Y' all ever caught the belt or whatever you was getting hit with?

[Mike]

Yes, yes.

[Gene]

That was my final time, I think. I was, like, 14, 15, and my mom pushed me, me, and I didn't move. And I was like, oh, I'm stronger than you. His ass whooping. But I did grab the belt. And then she, like, call her. Her boyfriend in at the time, but, like, he was, like, a lightweight, too. And I'm just like, ain't nothing y' all can do with me, man. They're just like. At that point, man, it was a stalemate, man. Yeah, Time for me to get up out of here.

[Mike]

I used to get in trouble for not saying good morning to my dad.

[Gene]

To your dad?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Yeah, I see that. That's kind of like a respectful thing.

[Mike]

Yeah, it is.

[Gene]

Like, especially, like, with y'. All y' all growing up, he probably seeing, like, y' all frames coming up. He like, I gotta keep the respect. These dudes damn near. I'm looking at your brothers. They all like, six foot. And Bill, he probably looking around like, hold on. We gotta make sure we get this

[Mike]

in order real quick and steal the fear now.

[Gene]

I think it's gotta say good morning. Yeah. But I feel like that's the best type of parenting. I'm learning that as a parent. Like, even when your kid is, like, having a good time. Time, and they've been, like, a good kid and they listening all day, it's good to throw in some things just to make sure you still have control.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Because, like, if your kids enjoying themselves and they're doing something they want, of course they're being a good kid. But it's really about, like, adapting to change. Like, a lot of kids don't know how to adapt to change. A lot of adults don't know how to adapt to change. How many times, like, I don't know if you've ever dated someone or been friends with somebody where it's like. Like, just perfect example, you'll go to a bar, and we all plan to go to that bar, and we walk up to the door, and they temporarily close. And then you see the.

[Mike]

The.

[Gene]

The regular people hop on their phone, find the next bar. Everybody else is like, oh, this ruined. Like, damn. Calm down, bro. We go to the next bar, bro. The. Like, the people don't like impromptu nights. I learned that, like, that was always my biggest dating pet peeve. I can never date anybody who harp too much on change. Like, oh, I can't believe.

[Mike]

Yeah, they weren't adaptable.

[Gene]

Yeah, this got canceled. Like, so what. I mean, it's over now.

[Mike]

Yeah, I think I said this on the pot, too. I think the biggest thing my parents really instilled in me is just respect for people. And I think once you start there, it's like, it'll take you far. And I. I sometimes see these kids. That's what me making me feel unc. Sometimes I'd be like, damn, these. These don't got respect. You know, it's just like, Curtis, common courtesy and, like, just. Just general respect will get you so far in life. To all the young listening to this, just be respectful, man.

[Gene]

I saw a grown man. I'm not gonna say his name. He, like, a security guard in Milwaukee. Like, literally popular security guard in Milwaukee. He was ordering food, and I guess they took his food to the back to, like, warm it up, put it back in the oven, and he didn't know where his food was. So, like, a regular person would just be like, oh, I'm just. Sorry. Did y'.

[Caller Sarah]

All.

[Gene]

Did Y' all get my order? I'm just trying to make sure y' all got my order. I didn't, I didn't. I don't see it out here. Yeah, right, right. He was like, where my food at? And it was just like, just a simple thing of just talking to another human. Just like, where my food at? And I realized that some people get lucky in life because every time they're rude, it just happens to be a people pleaser on the other side of that rudeness. And it's like, you go through life, you go through life. Like, you get away with these things, but if you grow up around people that don't play that, like, I did. Like, I could never say nothing like that to anybody above me. And that, like, taught me respect. It's like, like, I can never make a statement to my dad and be like, man, where my food at? Like, he'd punch me right in my damn face. You talking to nigga.

[Mike]

Because especially when your parents. With your parents just like, there's a reason this thing is not there. So it's like, I'm just going to wait till it's actually there.

[Gene]

Yeah. That's where you learn the first. Like, don't ask no questions. Just be ready.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Because I can't tell you how many times, like, I don't know if you've been in this position where you get in a car. You've definitely been in this position with your dad. Like, you've been in a car and you don't know where you're driving.

[Mike]

Yeah, but you know, you know, you

[Gene]

can't ask the person, like, where y' all going? So you're just trying to, like, put two and two together. You start looking at signs like, did that say St. Louis?

[Mike]

No. Exactly. Because I wake up super early and I still do. I did back then, too. It'd be like five o'. Clock. My Micah get up. Okay. I was like, where we. He's like, we're about to go. I was like, okay. Like, in my clothes. I'm like, okay, where are we going? We are in Detroit. And that's like a eight. That's like a five hour, six hour drive. Like, bro, a six hour drive on a Saturday morning. I missed all the cartoons in the morning.

[Gene]

My dad, My dad would take off to some. My dad would take off and to a basketball tournament. And I don't even know I'm going to hoop.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

I mean, I've been sleepy. Like, I don't know where we going. And next thing I know, this tossed some shoes on my lap.

[Mike]

Packed the wrong shoes.

[Gene]

This team needed you, man. Like, why the am I on the top of a 2, 3 of a team I never met? I never miss these niggas. I got no chemistry with these. They talking about close out on a shooter. I don't know your name.

[Mike]

What are you talking super sidebar in a 2, 3 defense. What was your spot that you like to play?

[Gene]

I was always up top. I gotta play up top or I got.

[Mike]

I love playing on top.

[Gene]

My ADHD couldn't. I couldn't be like, on the corner.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Gene]

Because I get back cut off too much. Yeah, God damn.

[Mike]

I. I always played up top two because defense is my thing. But as I play like the left on the left side, right. I would be like too, you know, Like, I sometimes, like, I always want to overanalyze things. So I'm like, help defensing way too much. Like, I'm not trust. I don't trust my teammates to actually defend on that side.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So I'm like, playing it a little too forward. And like you, the back cut kind of happens. Yeah.

[Gene]

I used to pride myself on, like, zone defense, like, actually knowing where to go like that. That's how I knew I was going to be a coach, because I used to like, like, like that. But I tell you something, that man defense and checking the main shooter, that is ass. Like, when people is like, okay, this is your man. But they don't realize, like, this Nigga running off five screens and he got 25 points, and everybody be like, who guarding that nigga? It's supposed to be all of us, dog. I swear. Oh, man. Oh. This is a quote from Al Harrington about Michael Jordan. I just thought was super funny. To me, Al Harrington said Jordan called us hoes. He used to say, come here, ho. Shut up, ho. Hoe, Let me talk to you, hoe. I said to him, I ain't no hoe. And he's like, you a hoe. And I. I've been watching like, there was a clip of like, Frank Nitty, who's like a. I guess you can call him a street baller type of person. He plays in that summer league a lot. And he was busting Denzel Valentine ass in the. In the game. And I was watching him talk, and I was like, like, sports is the only thing that changes the dynamic of talking shit. Right? So, like, if Key was a better talker than me on this right now, and we was talking shit, he got the advantage because he talks shit better.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

But like, if we're doing something that I have the advantage in, like, whatever he says is like nullified. Like, the other person just automatically becomes funnier. Everything because they do that thing that you're doing at that time. Well, like, somebody could literally at the highest level. Yeah, like think like NBA, right? Like, like, let's say KD is like 6 for 17, right? I just looked at KD's career earnings. He earned like $438 million in his career, right? And he's going up against like a two way player from the Grizzlies. I forgot the dude's name. Marcus Spencer. No, it's like Spencer, the white guy Spencer. They used to play like lacrosse or some. Or his brother did. And like that dude was like clapping in his face and like at that time, because they're hooping and that dude has the advantage. Everything he says is good. But soon as the whistleblower KD leaving that in a helicopter and this just got the new Honda Civic, you know what I mean? Like, it's just like, it's just funny. Like at that time, like, who gets to talk the most? And we've all been in that position where like somebody busting our ass or somebody got the advantage at whatever we're doing and just like, damn, whatever I say. Don't even feel confident. Like, I'm stuttering right now.

[Mike]

Like, I remember my last college football game. It was that snow game.

[Gene]

Oh, Wheaton.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, Wheaton. And ass whooping. Ass whooping. It was like legit. Like 2 degrees outside and it's a blizzard. Like there's snow plows behind us as we're like in the play. And they're like a top ranked team and we're like a passing team. And I've never in my life, like, not been able to talk back. Like, they threw me the ball. The ball smacked me in my chest because I couldn't see. And then all I hear is in the stands, number six, you suck. By some shirtless white boys. Like in the snow. They're shirtless and they're going crazy. Coked out. Is that everybody talking?

[Gene]

That's definitely a low blow. They said it was cooked. Yeah, yeah, that's funny.

[Mike]

As they probably like finance bros now too. So they probably are doing.

[Gene]

There's literally no thing, no thing worse in sports than talking to somebody. Like having a back and forth and them making a play. The next play.

[Mike]

There's the crowd too.

[Gene]

It's like, bro, especially.

[Mike]

Yeah, that definitely messes with you your ego a little bit, man.

[Gene]

Definitely. It's, like, very hard. I commend people. There's very few people that can, like, fight through that.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Get cooked all day. You. I see it all the time. Like, you see people. That's like, batshit crazy. I see people that they hoop and they, like, getting buckets dropped on them, like, yeah, okay, we gonna see. I'm like, damn. That's like. That's like real confidence, like, we already seeing.

[Mike]

I think it also takes that type of confidence to be success. Successful, in a sense, because there's some people that won't even, like, post and stuff like that because, like, they care about the people. They actually know in real life what they think and stuff like that. So it's like, sometimes you got to go through that cringe, go through everything like that.

[Gene]

And, you know, that's the worst part about content creating.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

It's like, especially if you. Someone that didn't start off, because when we started off with, like, our podcast, I'm not going Live, we used to get 80 likes. I'm thinking about TikTok. It'd be like, 80 likes. 5 comments. But the got 60 shares, so I'm like, this can't be good. You know what I'm saying? Like, people talking shit about us. And it's just like, when you create content, you're on the way up. It's like, people gonna talk about your content because it's not where it's supposed to be, obviously. You literally practicing in front of everybody else, and everybody think they can do

[Kibi]

what you do, and they're not even doing it. They somewhere worse than you.

[Gene]

No, they definitely worse. They. They doing that on a close friends. Everybody want to be a content creator on their close friends. I don't want to hear that. Want to hear. No. If you own your close friends and I hear you talking like a content creator, I'm automatically clicking that. I don't want to hear it. Say it to the masses. Don't say that.

[Mike]

There are people that I see too that on their close friends. Sometimes they'll talk about the general public. Like, it'd be like, y' all out here, blank, blank, blank, blank. It's just like, come on now. If you don't. If you don't feel that strongly about it, if you won't really, like, post

[Gene]

that, then they try to hide behind and be like, oh, reason I'm putting this on my close friends. I don't want my. My co workers. My job is. Yo. You want them to see how dumb you is. That's what it is you're not saying.

[Mike]

I think I've only used close friends one time and that was to send a big invite to our birthday thing.

[Gene]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[Mike]

Because he's like, I don't want to DM people. A whole bunch of people to. And I don't know who to dm. So it's like one of those things where it's like an open invite to some things. I must say, I'm not shaming anybody that uses close friends.

[Kibi]

Got to stay for what it was originally for.

[Mike]

What was it for?

[Kibi]

Oh, ass and titties.

[Gene]

It used to be for that. Because that's how not. I'm not saying just for ass and titties, but people to post dumb. Like, I think people just stopped posting dumb on their close friends. That's how John Moran got caught. Right. He posted something on his close friends and it's like, that's a big ass trust.

[Mike]

Yeah. That's the thing. It's like, who are you adding to your close friends where you know that they won't take this out of the close friends.

[Gene]

Yeah. Because it's only like, okay, let's say my cap is at 12 people I trust. Why wouldn't I just send that to their phone home?

[Mike]

Like. Like I'm sure. Like, say. Say I put 10 people in. This is going to be extreme. But say I took like a dick pic. Right. And I put in there. Don't matter. Don't worry about it. Right.

[Kibi]

10 people.

[Mike]

Okay. Just say 10 girls that I'm close with. Right.

[Gene]

Crazy.

[Guest F]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I'm just saying. Do. Do I think. Do I rationally think that that conversation is not going to happen outside?

[Gene]

Right.

[Mike]

No, it's going to happen that somebody. Somebody's going to say something.

[Gene]

Somebody's going to screen record. Yeah. Figure it out.

[Mike]

Or it's going to be a conversation. Like, I heard you showing dick on close friends.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That's a crazy thing to post, though.

[Gene]

That is crazy.

[Mike]

Would you judge me for that? If I was single and I did. And. And I was. I was.

[Gene]

I mean, I. I hope I wouldn't hear about it.

[Mike]

I'm pretty sure somebody would tell you. There'll be a girl. There'll be a girl. Your friend out here.

[Gene]

Y. Pat. My girl was on your boy. He said, y here. Your boy out here. Meat maxing, bro. What the Is that?

[Mike]

No, meat maxing is crazy. No, we're gonna need the pod. Meat maxing.

[Gene]

But I hate that, though. Do be me maxing. And I don't like that.

[Kibi]

What do you mean to me?

[Gene]

Meat maxing. Is that you taking a picture of your genitals in a state that you put it in on purpose for that

[Mike]

picture, but it's for the person that is for the audience that knows it.

[Gene]

That's me maxing in.

[Mike]

Maxing.

[Gene]

Maxing.

[Mike]

You know, like they say, look. Maxing.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Okay, Okay.

[Gene]

I think that's weird. Like you jacked off and you hurry up and took a picture before your penis went back down. That's weird.

[Mike]

N. You know, game a little too much done that a little more

[Gene]

you alive. You say you never sent the dick pic. The is exhausting. Like cuz you getting the wrong angle and then you. You only got.

[Kibi]

You got to take both five of them before you send it.

[Gene]

Yeah. If you really not freaked out like that right then, I said, how you know that that.

[Mike]

What the.

[Kibi]

Why you don't just hold it right here?

[Mike]

Why like dudes hold it higher though?

[Gene]

He got his in times too.

[Mike]

I feel like be holding this higher. Bro times two.

[Kibi]

It wouldn't fit in the camera.

[Mike]

This holding like this.

[Kibi]

Look.

[Gene]

Look at your stupid ass. Ass.

[Kibi]

Stupid ass.

[Gene]

Trying to tell us how big his meat is.

[Mike]

You. That's crazy.

[Kibi]

No, you did it. You talking about times too.

[Gene]

I didn't say like that, brother.

[Kibi]

Yes, you did. Mike the said I take meat pics in times too.

[Mike]

I think like zoomed in and I

[Kibi]

told him that it wouldn't fit in the picture if it was times two that got caught on his own. That's what happened.

[Gene]

That three inches and just wide as hell.

[Kibi]

That's so crazy.

[Mike]

Now we got end the pot with that, bro. That's crazy.

[Gene]

Anyway, how you know.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Kibi]

You know what it look like?

[Gene]

Got a bulldog. Oh, my God.

[Mike]

Anyway, this has been crash dummies podcast episode 248. 7 stop. Stop. Meat maxing episode 277 merchant merch is out crashdummieslive.com for tickets. We're gonna be in your city. Can you got anything shout out? No streaming, no music to stream, man.

[Gene]

Go check out his page.

[Kibi]

Just look at my page.

[Gene]

Check out his content.

[Kibi]

I got some chicken dropping on Tuesday. I got some chicken drops.

[Mike]

It'll be out by the time y'

[Gene]

all know Kibi mysterious about his content like he Jay Z or some. But go check out his.

[Kibi]

I don't want to be Jay Z.

[Gene]

Go check out his vlogs. And you, I want y' all to know what the lesson that we learning, especially through like ticket sales and touring is like Bro, there's only a few people that are allowed to do these, like, surprise drops. And people just buy their product. Like, you still gotta sell. So if you. If you don't have as many followers as us, or you got the same amount of followers as us, you still got to get out in these streets and appreciate the people that's buying the. And do shit hand to hand. Still, like, don't ever think you could just sit back and people just gonna be like, man, it'd be out here that don't even promo. They like, man, what's this saying? They could be like, man, I just dropped some music.

[Mike]

They gotta be mysterious.

[Gene]

And like, Bro told me he. He make music the other day, and I went to his page, and it was nothing but pictures of him and his girlfriend. It's like, where the Is the music?

[Kibi]

Gotta have that confidence.

[Gene]

It's the second link, bro.

[Mike]

You all right? Y'? All people, Monster Energy.

[Gene]

Everybody knows White Monster, Zero Ultra, that's the og it kicked off this whole

[Mike]

Zero Sugar energy drink thing.

[Gene]

But Ultra is a whole lineup now. You've got Strawberry Dreams, Blue Hawaiian Sunrise, and Vice Guava.

[Mike]

And they all bring the Monster Energy punch. So if you've been living in the White can branch out.

[Gene]

Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe,

[Mike]

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