Instant Type 2 w/ Hassan Phills - Episode 261

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 261: "Instant Type 2" w/ Hassan Phills

Release Date: June 3, 2026
Hosts: Patrick Johnson & Michael Esiobu
Special Guest: Comedian Hassan Phills
Description: Pat and Mike trade wild takes and discuss current events with comedian Hassan Phills, fielding unfiltered listener calls, navigating absurd hypotheticals, and riffing on the realities of culture, relationships, and "instant type 2" sugar overloads.

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Episode Overview

This episode balances the signature Crash Dummies blend of outlandish humor and genuine insight, with guest Hassan Phills lending his comedic energy to a brisk, joke-heavy session covering everything from awkward airplane moments to sugar-soaked food trends and the nuances of modern dating. The latter half of the episode is a call-in free-for-all: listeners share dilemmas and hot takes, prompting the hosts and Hassan to serve up advice—laced with jokes, skepticism, and real-life stories.

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Major Topics & Key Moments

1. Sexual Awkwardness & Ego Bruises

• The hosts riff on scenarios where partners express dissatisfaction during intimate moments.
  • Notable Quote:
    • Patrick: "I'm giving you my all...I'm doing something where I'm not getting any pleasure right now. This is for you and you sucked your teeth..." (02:29)
  • Discussion of signs, misunderstandings, and egos at play in sex.

2. Travel Embarrassments & Etiquette

• Tales of awkward airplane experiences: struggling with under-seat chargers, missing snack rounds, and passengers sleeping on strangers.
• Etiquette on waking sleeping passengers for refreshments.
  • Memorable Story:
    • Mike: "It was a red eye flight, and...she just kept leaning over to my side and leaning on my shoulder." (07:42)
    • Hassan: "...an old Indian guy...fell asleep and just dozed off into my shoulder and I was just like, yo, you can stay here, man. Stay here, man." (08:14)

3. Public Transport & Flatulence Confessions

• Shamelessly letting it go in noisy environments (trains, gym), and the social strategy behind it.
  • Patrick: "If it's a toddler on the train, I'm farting. Cuz it got to be him. He the only one on here with a diaper." (12:00)
  • Mike admits to planting and fleeing at the gym. (12:10)

4. Assumptions & Instant Karma

• Patrick shares two moments of instant karma: judging an Uber driver with a disability, and misjudging a limping dog that's actually missing a leg.
  • Quote:
    • Patrick: "Within five minutes apart. Two amputees in five minutes, back to back." (14:40)

5. Viral Encounters: Police Pullovers Gone Wrong

• Discussion of a viral clip where a cop claims to see a phone in a woman’s right hand—she has no right arm.
  • Quote:
    • Patrick: "He wrote her a ticket? ...She got a ticket. They dropped the case eventually..." (16:46)

6. Relationship Games & DM Danger

• The perils of giving/liking compliments in DMs, performative social media interactions, and “in real life” (IRL) approaches making a comeback.
  • Quotes:
    • Patrick: "I've never given a woman a compliment in the DMs if I didn't know them." (20:11)
    • Hassan: "It's on its way back. You got to approach things live." (22:16)

7. Fan Dynamics on Tour

• Stories from the road—recognizable faces, gifts from fans (rugs and dried mango), and fans trying to “riz” the hosts.
  • Hassan: "I was in Victoria, BC, and a girl...gave me dry mangoes because she knew that I love them." (25:51)

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Listener Call-In Highlights

1. "Hoes Make the Best Wives" Debate (28:30)

• Caller claims reformed "hoes" are the best wives due to their honesty and life experience.
  • The hosts and Hassan pick apart contradictions:
    • Hassan: "Yeah, they both sound like hoes." (30:01)
    • Patrick: "You're contradicting yourself, bro." (30:35)
• Turns into a debate on relationships, honesty, and the "good girl" versus "experienced" woman trope.

2. Workplace Romance Gone South (35:36)

• Caller regrets dating coworkers; jealousies and drama arise.
  • Patrick: "So basically, you had sex with two girls at the job, and now you mad at them for being on your ass." (36:54)
  • Consensus: Avoid workplace flings, consequences are inevitable.

3. Men and Vulnerability in Society (38:43)

• Therapist and listener "Rich" laments that society encourages male vulnerability—but punishes honesty.
  • Rich: "Vulnerability is strength. But a lot of us have learned that vulnerability is a risk." (39:09)
  • Patrick: "Be vulnerable with us; what's something you're going through?" (41:17)
• Rich reveals a false allegation led to job loss and being placed on the child abuse registry—case is resolved, but stigma lingers. The exchange treads dark, awkward, and then is defused by humor.

4. "Tricking" on Homegirls and Expectations (48:15)

• Caller describes frustration with women assuming he’ll pay for everything, especially when the dynamic isn’t romantic anymore.
  • Mike: "There's the thing you joke about, and you kind of see, like, if you're being for real, where this could go." (51:31)
  • Advice: Don’t keep “tricking”; expectations will grow out of control.

5. Couple's Financial Disagreement on Moving Abroad (53:20)

• A woman wants to move abroad with her boyfriend, but he wants financial security first.
  • Hassan: "As a man, you probably hope to have that just for years...you might be moving too fast for him." (54:33)
  • Advice: Listen to his concerns; substantial moves require planning.

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Speed Round: Hilarious Tweets & Food Trends

1. Food Fads & Instant Diabetes

• Wild viral foods: Kool Aid-soaked pickles and pineapples, candy-coated wings, extreme sugar overloads.
  • Notable Line:
    • Patrick: “Y’all think a girl out of your league...the whole time her selling kool aid pickles.” (63:43)
    • Mike: "All your toes fell off after that bite." (64:25)
    • Hassan: "Yeah, that's like instant type 2." (64:34)
• Group agrees the amount of sugar in these snacks could only be explained by a government plot.

2. Tweet of the Week

• Funny tweets and memes get read and dissected.
  • Patrick: "If we're ever in a situation where we're both doing math in our heads, I'm just pretending, then it's all on you." (56:41)
  • Hassan: "Vapes are training you to suck robot dick. Stay woke." (60:27)
  • Robots and AI partners as a (not-so-distant) future.

3. Escalating Absurdity—Special Olympics Entry Boom

• The sugar-diet fad leads to riffing on the Special Olympics having “a thousand new entries,” then flips to a debate:
  • Is it better to have kids with one partner or multiple co-parents?
    • Mike & Hassan: Prefer same partner.
    • Patrick: “Three kids, three baby daddies” means less drama with only one in the picture. (69:20)

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Notable Quotes

• “Sometimes when I'm at the gym, I don't play music...I just got it so people don't come up to me." – Patrick (12:46)
• “Treat everyone like they're wearing a wire.” – Patrick reads tweet (19:58)
• "Never talk freaky in the DMs." – Mike (20:08)
• "I'm double gold, bro." – Special Ed caller on his ADHD and autism (33:16)
• "Vapes are training you to suck robot dick. Stay woke!" – Patrick reads tweet (60:27)
• “That’s like instant type 2.” – Hassan on Kool Aid-soaked foods (64:34)
• "I'm not sucking nobody's dick. And then they got to blow it out too." – Patrick, vape analogy (61:06)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Awkward intimacy discussion: 01:03 – 03:36
• Airplane/charging plug riff: 06:07 – 07:17
• Fan interaction w/ speech impediment: 04:16 – 05:40
• Planes, falling asleep, seat swap: 08:07 – 10:56
• Farting in public/gym: 11:04 – 12:31
• Life lesson, judging too quickly: 13:16 – 14:46
• Police traffic stop viral story: 16:10 – 18:28
• DMs & “real world” interaction: 20:04 – 22:20
• Fan gifting on tour: 25:24 – 25:51
• Listener: “hoes make the best wives”: 28:30 – 33:04
• Listener: Workplace romance drama: 35:36 – 38:28
• Listener: Male vulnerability call: 38:43 – 45:07
• Fast food/sugar trend analysis: 63:43 – 68:00
• Three baby daddies vs. one: 68:31 – 69:51
• Tour plug/outro banter: 69:53 – 71:20

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Summary & Tone

This was a classic, anything-goes Crash Dummies episode with irreverent, rapid-fire banter, comedic self-awareness, and the kind of wild candor that fans expect. Hassan Phills’ addition escalated the fun while the listener calls anchored the conversation in everyday relationship and social dilemmas. Whether kvetching about over-sugared foods, negotiating DM etiquette, or demystifying societal expectations for men, Pat, Mike, and Hassan kept it authentic, vulnerable, and hilarious.

Best for: Listeners who love honest, unfiltered humor about life’s uncomfortable moments, with a dash of real advice and playful cultural commentary.

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Note: Timestamps are approximate and may vary based on ad skipping. All ads, intros, and outros are omitted from this summary.

Transcript

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[Patrick]

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[Caller/Listener]

Mmm,

[Mike]

that is harsh.

[Patrick]

That would be crazy. Like, imagine.

[Mike]

What's worse, though, is a sigh worse?

[Patrick]

Like, no, because a sigh can be mistaken. Like, oh, she moaning.

[Mike]

Oh, okay.

[Patrick]

But like, if I'm doing my thing and I hear, oh, man, I might bite it.

[Hassan]

Me personally, I can never picture myself

[Mike]

down there, but where Jamaican.

[Hassan]

Oh, biting it. That's crazy.

[Patrick]

No, that's crazy. So you don't eat?

[Hassan]

No, no, no, I do. When you said biting it, you would bite it. Oh, you're talking about eating a girl.

[Patrick]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, Oh.

[Hassan]

I thought it was like you were getting ahead from a girl.

[Mike]

That's what I thought at first. When he said that, it kind of threw me off, but I was just letting him cook.

[Patrick]

Oh, got it, got it, got it, got it.

[Mike]

Cuz I was, I was saying from my perspective when I was like, if I, if I was sighing like, y'

[Patrick]

all put myself like, oh, I'm giving a girl head and then, and then she suck her teeth like, and then I just grab her like,

[Hassan]

oh my God. Oh, my God.

[Mike]

That's aggressive as hell.

[Patrick]

Is that aggressive?

[Mike]

Hella aggressive.

[Hassan]

I don't think my ego is. I think my ego be so, so bruised. I, I, my grandma, I think isn't

[Patrick]

leave because it's already a thing. Like, I'm not saying, like, everybody doesn't enjoy it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

But it's kind of like I'm giving you my all. Like, I'm doing something where I'm not getting any pleasure right now. This is for you and you sucked

[Mike]

your teeth and you know that the. The girl that you're doing it to probably doesn't like you, because I feel like there's. If a girl really, really likes a guy, then she's probably just going to fake it at that point.

[Hassan]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Or like, grab him.

[Mike]

Come up here.

[Patrick]

Them boys be getting grabbed up. I was eating her so good. She stopped me.

[Mike]

No, she said she couldn't take it. Oh, biggest myths in the.

[Patrick]

No, she can't. She can't take it. It's such a big myth, bro. That's. Man, I've heard that. I've heard that time, like, bro, we was going last night, we got into it, and she was like, hurry up, because she can't take it no more. I was like, yeah, bro, I think she was fed up.

[Mike]

I had her in her stomach. No, you didn't, bro.

[Patrick]

No, you didn't, bro.

[Mike]

She lied.

[Patrick]

She said her stomach hurts.

[Mike]

That's not what we doing.

[Patrick]

Hello.

[Mike]

The radio is for people who are driving. Welcome to crash dummies podcast. Oh, man. Anyway, welcome to Crash Dummies Podcast. We got our boy Hassan with us. We're in the Six.

[Hassan]

Yes, we are genuinely in the legendary Six. And borderline summertime it is borderline.

[Mike]

It's popping out here.

[Hassan]

Yes.

[Patrick]

I love it. I'm not gonna lie, man. I. I love it out here. This is a place I move. I feel like everybody already know everybody. I feel like people already know us. People walking up to us, saying, like, our names. I had a dude stop me, tapped me on my shoulder. He, okay, am I bogus for this? It was a dude who stopped me, and he had a speech impediment, but it was like, he had a really hard time, like, getting the words out. So I thought I would help him out by, like, not giving him the alley oops to big responses. So. So I was just like, oh, what's your name? And he, like, took, like, a long time to say his name, but I kept missing it. So I asked him his name three different times, and it was just like. But I don't know. So I still don't know his names. I kind of just fist bumped him in the middle of one of his stutters. I'm like, all right, bro, that's sign language.

[Hassan]

He said, yo, all right, man.

[Guest Caller]

Good.

[Patrick]

Oh, it's Knuckles. Now I'm with the city, though.

[Hassan]

Hell yeah, man. That's beautiful, man. Good time to be here. But wait, what was his impediment like? Like, was it like.

[Patrick]

It was like. It was like this. I kind of don't want to repeat it because I feel bad, but it was like. I was like, what's your name? He's like,

[Guest Caller]

Oh.

[Patrick]

And it was like that. And I was like. And I was trying to catch it, and then I started to try to get the rhythm. So I was like, to know when to turn to my big listening ears. Because you kind of. Because the end kind of throw you off. And I. And I'm sure whatever he is is the beginning of the word.

[Hassan]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

And I didn't catch that.

[Hassan]

So, you know, what's the cool thing people, though, that they probably, like, I know a guy who has a speech impediment, but he could sing, like, no problem.

[Mike]

I do know people like that.

[Patrick]

I know people that can rap. Like, easy to block. Capping kind of got a speech impediment. But when he rap, it's clear as hell. Flow crazy. Okay, so, like, turn it off. I'll be turning off my autism all the time. I'd be locking the in as soon as I get pulled over, I'd be like, huh,

[Mike]

bro, do you know what makes me feel like less of a man is when I'm trying to charge my phone on an airplane. And, you know, some airplanes have the. The plugs.

[Hassan]

The plug is underneath the seat, right?

[Mike]

So now you feeling around like you trying to find. Trying to find the teeth, but I'm

[Patrick]

like, I can't even get it in.

[Mike]

I'm, like, fingering the outlet and shit.

[Patrick]

Another thing you're doing, you arching that back because you got to.

[Mike]

Yeah, you kind of have to.

[Patrick]

You kind of tune it up.

[Mike]

Why are you put it in the most inconvenient spot and it's not even lit up and shit?

[Hassan]

It's not. It's not. And also, like, you ever get, like, a lo. Loose ass plug?

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh. Ass plugs. The.

[Patrick]

That make me feel like a little kid on the plane is when I fall asleep and I wake up and the two people next to me got refreshments and snacks. I be like, ah, yeah, y' all could wake a up. I don't even be with them after that. Like, y' all supposed. Bro, y' all just mad I got the window seat. That's it.

[Mike]

When is it even appropriate to wake somebody up on the plane then? Like, if they're getting refreshments and they're, like, sitting like, maybe the window seat and you got the aisle and, like,

[Patrick]

do you like, n. I'll never wake nobody up. Because, like, imagine waking them up and be like, bro, I don't Want that

[Hassan]

touch me for that would be my.

[Patrick]

Hey, man, why this ass?

[Hassan]

You're in the middle seat. You gotta be like,

[Patrick]

no, for real, dad.

[Hassan]

A girl lean.

[Mike]

I think I told this on the pod before, but there was a girl like leaning on my shoulder and she was, she was middle seat and her boyfriend, whoever she was with was on the aisle seat and I'm the window seat, but it was a red eye flight and for some reason she just kept leaning over to my side and leaning on my shoulder. So I started doing the little kind

[Patrick]

of like head, body, wake up. Huh?

[Mike]

The slight one.

[Hassan]

You do it to us. Yeah. I've had like an Indian dude though. But it was an Indian dude, like an old like guy I was on, I was on a flight and I could tell like he was like going to see family.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Hassan]

On the other side. And they were just like. And he was like excited. He's like, I'm watching, I'm looking. He had a big phone. He had a big phone and the font was like. He was on jumbotron, man. The font was on Jumbotron. And I'm like reading his, his messages, not even word for word, letter for letter. And I'm like, oh, this guy's excited to see his family and stuff like that. I felt so. And then he fell asleep. It was like, it was like a 10 hour flight. And then he just dozed off into my shoulder and I was just like, yo, you can stay here, man. Stay here, man.

[Patrick]

And then.

[Mike]

Comfortable.

[Hassan]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

The first time it was this one, I was single.

[Hassan]

There was a.

[Patrick]

There was a really good looking flight attendant that I felt like, kept staring at me and I was like, oh, she stared at me when I got on plane. Because at this age, I think I took a long time off from like taking planes. So I didn't understand the etiquette of a flight attendant. Like, obviously they gonna greet you when you walk into a plane. So me being naive, like 19 year old, I'm like, damn, she talking to me when I get on a plane, telling me I have a safe light. They're like this. I'm thinking, oh, she feeling me the whole time. So I take a nap on the plane and I wake up to her like, hey, hey. So like, oh, let me wipe my eyes. You try to talk to me. She said, lift your seat up, we about to land. I'm like, ah, damn.

[Hassan]

I be getting vexed for. I get mad for other people on planes when if I see like a scenario, I get very nosy on a plane. I'M on a. I had an aisle seat and there was. On the other side of the. On the other aisle, there was a dude who had an aisle seat. But then I guess like this girl and her boyfriend, they bought two different plane tickets. So her boyfriend had a seat way in the back, and she had a seat in the front, and it was a middle seat. And she asked this guy, Filipino dude asked him, hey, is it okay if you trade seats with my boyfriend? And I was like, I'm in that scenario. I was like, yo, I wish you asked me that. Could tell your ass. No. Hell no. You should have bought a damn ticket.

[Patrick]

Yeah, you get what you pay for all that lovey dovey shit. That's what I'm saying. Especially if, you know the boyfriend's supposed to pay for that. I've paid to sit next to my girl before on a plane.

[Hassan]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

It costs to be the boss, brother.

[Hassan]

The guy did it, though. That's what I'm like, oh, the guy went. And he sat in the back and all the way in the back though, he had like. It was like, yo. He was like in the roll eight.

[Mike]

Oh no, no.

[Hassan]

And he went to 24.

[Patrick]

I would have farted in the seat and got up like, yeah, go ahead,

[Hassan]

let's put water on the seat.

[Mike]

Your attack mechanism being farting all the time is getting a little suspect now.

[Patrick]

It's like this. It's like the most disrespectful thing you can do. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, without. Without them being able to say, yo, he assaulted me. I had to fart. It just so happened. You pissed me off at. It's like a skunk.

[Hassan]

I get it though. I get it. Sometimes when I'm on like public transit because I figured, like, the train is so loud and stuff like that, I shamelessly let it go.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Hassan]

Because it's just so loud, there's nobody.

[Mike]

No one can detect it on the. On the train.

[Hassan]

On the train.

[Mike]

Broom. That's the train.

[Hassan]

And now you. If I go brum, you try to

[Mike]

beat match, They can turn to a DJ. It's like 95 bpm.

[Hassan]

Okay, go turn that down a lot.

[Patrick]

Okay. Especially if somebody look like they stink already. That's perfect timing.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Patrick]

As soon if it's a toddler on the train, I'm farting. Cuz it got to be him. He the only one on here with a diaper.

[Hassan]

I do it at the gym too.

[Patrick]

No, gym is crazy. No, that's.

[Mike]

No, gym happens. Gym happens.

[Hassan]

Gym happens for sure.

[Mike]

But you can walk around at the gym. I've, like, farted at the gym and left the whole area of the gym that, like, if it's the chest area.

[Patrick]

I think I smelled you before.

[Mike]

But, like, if you're on a train, like, those people can't go anywhere.

[Hassan]

Yeah, they're stuck. But I mean, it depends on what city, too. Like, they're immersed in, like, so many different smells.

[Mike]

That's true, too, but I think you. Depending on what train you get on.

[Hassan]

Exactly.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Hassan]

I be thinking about, like. Because I was at the gym the other day and everybody had headphones on except for me and my boy. And I was like, yo, we could say anything we want right now. Nobody's listening.

[Patrick]

Sometimes I don't listen to music in my headphones. I just got it so people don't come up to me. So I really be, like, listening to what people doing, knowing people. Okay, he lifting too much. He grunting every time he go up. That's first rep. And I feel like

[Mike]

when people see you with headphones, just like you said, they think they can say anything. So now I'm listening to random tea of why this girl is cheating on her boyfriend at the gym when I'm getting my bench press in. Cause she think I'm zoned in. I don't mountain a random song that's

[Hassan]

not even playing my ears.

[Patrick]

What else? Damn, man, I don't need. That's not the song. No, I. I've got to repent my sins. I'm sorry. This is what I've been catching attitudes way too early. And I feel like God been giving me a lesson right away. Like, you know, hold your attitude. Make sure you assess the situation. We took an Uber yesterday when we were taking pictures with rain and we were driving around. But when we. When we first hopped into Uber, I felt like the Uber driver, he was doing stuff, weird parking, like, to come get us. Even to come get us. He took like, a weird ass, like, U turn, and it's just like, bro, just cut the car over here. So when we hopped into Uber, it filled up, so I had to sit in the front seat. So now I'm watching him turn his car, and I'm like, bro, this is why you can't drive. He had his left hand all the way over here on the steering wheel. And I'm like, bro, just use both fucking hands. So I immediately look at his hand, and, bro, the other hand, just a bicep with a glove on it. And it was like, a little mitten too, but no. And Then I was like, damn, I feel so fucking bad. And you would think, oh, I learned my lesson. We went to go take pictures, and it was a dude walking his dog. And I'm like, bro, this dog is being bad as hell, because it looked like the dog kept trying to sit every time it walked. I'm like, oh, he got to drag his dog through the street. I'm like, why people bringing their dogs out if it's not trained and can't walk? And then I get another angle and

[Mike]

a dog missing a leg, bro, within five minutes apart. Two amputees in five minutes, back to back.

[Patrick]

Missing limbs, bro, You.

[Hassan]

You just attract the handicaps.

[Patrick]

That's what I'm saying. That's how I know, like, Mike gonna end up missing a finger.

[Guest Caller]

So why is it me?

[Patrick]

This is just, like, getting closer in proximity. It's not gonna hit me yet. It gotta. Y' all gotta teach me one more lesson. I got your best friend.

[Mike]

Don't use me as a lesson.

[Patrick]

Not Mike,

[Hassan]

not his toe, not before

[Patrick]

it get to me. I learned. I learned.

[Mike]

I think. I think God knows you're well equipped to lose a limb.

[Patrick]

That's so crazy to say.

[Mike]

No, I'm just saying. No, no. Knock on wood. But you're. You're very witty, and you got the fast jokes, like, so you can, like, defend yourself from the joke.

[Patrick]

I would boom myself. I would boom myself.

[Hassan]

You boom yourself. You want to join, like, the Olympics or something?

[Patrick]

No, no, I would boom myself.

[Mike]

Oh, my.

[Patrick]

Depending on what? Like, what. What am I missing?

[Hassan]

Okay, what about.

[Patrick]

Let me see if I can finesse it a little bit. A toe.

[Hassan]

One toe.

[Patrick]

One toe. I'm staying alive.

[Mike]

Oh, a foot.

[Patrick]

A foot.

[Mike]

Yeah, right foot, too.

[Patrick]

Oh, right foot. I'm standing a lot. I can do a foot. Ear.

[Hassan]

Gone ear.

[Patrick]

No, I can't do an ear.

[Hassan]

Yeah. Your equilibrium be off.

[Patrick]

I think the worst moment I would have. I think I would forget. And then I'd just be out one day. It'd be super sunny. I'd throw on some sunglasses, and then it dropped. Cricket.

[Mike]

And that'd be.

[Patrick]

That'll be my reason. I can't do it no more.

[Hassan]

Oh, wait. Did you guys see the video of the girl? There was, like, a viral video of this woman getting pulled over by a police officer in the same situation.

[Patrick]

Oh, yeah, Go ahead, explain it.

[Hassan]

The guy. Basically, the police officer pulled him over. The way he has, like, his body cam footage and everything. And the lady is missing her right arm. And the guy. The police officer pulls up, he says, yeah, I'm pulling you over because I saw your phone in your right hand. And she goes, yeah, this hand?

[Mike]

She said, is that. Is that what you said? Is that what you saw? That's what I said. She just kept going back and forth

[Patrick]

with him, but, like, what was his argument?

[Mike]

Nothing. He said, I'm gonna write you a ticket.

[Patrick]

He wrote her a ticket?

[Mike]

Yeah, she got a ticket. They dropped the case eventually, but they wrote her a ticket. And then she kept reiterating, saying, so you saw me. You saw me with the phone in my right hand? He said. He said, no, but he said, that's what you said. And she's like. He's like, yeah, but that's what I thought I saw. It was just like.

[Hassan]

It was just. Yeah, he just didn't want anything. I could tell, like, when he wants to go, when you want to cover the body, his hand is, like, right there. Like an uncle taking a picture in his phone is in his fingers in

[Mike]

the lens like that.

[Patrick]

He tried to strong arm.

[Mike]

Like, what are the chance. Because obviously he probably. He didn't see her. It in the right hand. But he was trying to be so descriptive of what he saw, and then he got cooked. Like, what are the chances that she has one hand?

[Hassan]

I think she's suing the shoeing the.

[Mike]

I would too. Oh, one hand. That's like the ultimate, like, comeback.

[Hassan]

That's the.

[Mike]

Like, you saw it in my right hand. Is that what you. Because before she even showed in their hand, she kept reiterating, so you saw it in my right hand? He said, yes, I saw it in your right hand. And then she showed the nub.

[Patrick]

That's the thing about, like, the nub, because you can hide it so easily. You know how, like, mind blowing. You as a. I get where he coming from.

[Mike]

I was definitely some. Some shock.

[Patrick]

I give it.

[Hassan]

No, he.

[Patrick]

He wrong. He wrong. If he lied. But I get, like, if he had already lied, why he stood on business. You got to stand on that. Because she. At that point, the way she baited him, he like, oh, you suing regardless. So on camera, I might as well stand on business. Yes, I saw it in your right hand.

[Hassan]

She also said, oh, so you're not just gonna give me a warning? And he goes, nah, give you the ticket.

[Patrick]

Yeah, that's crazy, bro.

[Hassan]

Yeah, give you the ticket. She goes, you sure you want to do this? He goes, yeah, I'm grinding you the ticket.

[Mike]

He was too far. He was doing too deep. He was too.

[Patrick]

Yeah, maybe he did see it, because maybe she just had it crossed over like this?

[Guest Caller]

No, No.

[Hassan]

I really want to know. Yeah. She could have been doing one of these.

[Patrick]

That's how I do it. If I was his lawyer, I'd put her on a stand and I'd just be like, hey, how you doing? And then I hurry up and toss a phone to her to see if she catch it with the nub. Got you. I knew it.

[Mike]

I was. My girl got on me the other day because I was brushing my teeth and I had my eyes closed. And I sometimes do that, I guess,

[Hassan]

but like the dog beam, like.

[Mike]

Yeah, but. But I didn't know that other people didn't do it because I think of, like, brushing your teeth like you're kissing. So you don't kiss with your eyes open.

[Patrick]

I do.

[Mike]

You kiss with your eyes open?

[Patrick]

Sometimes.

[Hassan]

That's spectrum behavior, though.

[Mike]

Yeah, that is spectrum behavior.

[Hassan]

I like to look at her scared of the dark.

[Patrick]

I like to look at her nose. Fuck you got going on. Why?

[Mike]

Didn't know people didn't do that? I think also because in the morning I'd be kind of like, you know, like, sleeping.

[Patrick]

So you're like, yeah, I don't be paying attention to other people like that.

[Mike]

I wouldn't even know your girl.

[Patrick]

I wouldn't know if she closed her eyes or not.

[Mike]

Do you know what?

[Hassan]

When I brush my teeth, I'm thinking about it now I'm pretty sure I have it open.

[Mike]

Gotta leave it to the listeners then to see why are they open.

[Patrick]

This tweet of the week says, treat everyone like they're wearing a wire. And that. And that's facts.

[Hassan]

That's how I feel like when I'm in the dms. Because anything could be screenshot.

[Mike]

Yes. Yes. Never talk freaky in the DMs.

[Patrick]

No. Even, like, when I was single, I never even. I've never given a woman a compliment in the DMS if I didn't know them. Because I, like, know how, like, stuff can be turned and, like, you can't even. You can't even like photos these days anymore. Like, you can't like anything.

[Mike]

Everything has hidden meaning.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

In a story. Yeah. You see that one meme? It said when I liked her, I didn't like. I liked a different story. Not the one that she thought I was going to like. Like, maybe it was a picture of her in a bikini or some shit at one story. But then you like the story of, like, her at an art exhibit or some shit, so now she think you different.

[Patrick]

That's that childish ass game you Go back to our highlights from 2018. And like, her. The pictures of her cat's funeral and shit. Wish I was there for you, bab. Girl, if I was there, Mr. Twinkles would have never died like that.

[Hassan]

Performative, man. That's performative.

[Patrick]

No, but for real, like, that is. It sucks that that stuff still works, though. That's the problem.

[Mike]

No, it does work.

[Patrick]

It does work because I feel like we're just now getting to a point where people are starting to trade secrets. Like, women are coming out and just be like, yo, if we do this, it means this. And then men are starting to come out. And as we trade secrets more and we can get back to true love. Because it's. It's so many, like, different stuff that just throw people off in this different game, man. I still see dudes do the, like, with the photographers. They be booking, you know, shoots and stuff. And they just be like, there's one dude, he booked a shoot with the woman. Cause I literally saw the video. He booked a shoot with a woman and, like, wanted her to take a picture of him on a date by himself. So when the photographer came out, there was another chair. He was like, actually, can you just sit down? And then he tried to get a date with her, but she called the cops, though. She called the cops on that. He looks stupid as hell. You got arrested in the tux at a. At a photography studio.

[Mike]

Do you think that's like, the only way then a mean woman these days just dms?

[Hassan]

No, no, no.

[Mike]

I feel like. I feel like it's like in the. In real life, stuff is kind of more important.

[Hassan]

It's coming back.

[Patrick]

Yeah, it's on its way back.

[Hassan]

It's on its way back. You got to approach things live.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Hassan]

Because they know it's.

[Rich]

It's too.

[Hassan]

It's almost taboo now. Like, if they. If it happens to them in real life, they'll be like, oh, my God, can you guys believe what happened to me to today? Somebody approached me and said, yo, this to me, live or works.

[Patrick]

I've literally heard of women saying, like, they wanted a guy, but the guy wouldn't approach them, like, outside of the DMs, so they didn't give that guy a chance. Like, they wanted it to happen, but they can't go back and tell their girls they mom of how they met this guy. Oh, I let this dude slide in my DMs when he see me every day.

[Mike]

There's those situations that do happen because there's situations where I've seen where A girl would follow me. And then I'll see and like all my stuff. Right. I'll see the girl out in public and then they'll pretend they don't know.

[Patrick]

They don't know you because it's like, it's your time to shine. It's like it's women out here, which I think this is the correct thing. Way to go. I love women that show, like, hey, I'm showing you interest. But I still want to be approached in a traditional way. It's like you is there. You know what I'm saying? She put the ball right by the rim. All you gotta do is.

[Mike]

So you think I would.

[Patrick]

You.

[Mike]

The guy should approach the girl?

[Patrick]

Yes. Huh.

[Mike]

Well, I'm just saying the girls acting like they don't know who you are at all.

[Patrick]

You should make her. I'm just saying if you're very. If you're actually interested in the girl, if you're not interested in the girl, then yes, that's weird as hell. But. But then she finds out it's weird. And then she can move on.

[Mike]

I think people are just afraid of rejection.

[Hassan]

Yeah, but you also don't have to move to it, like, as if you. Okay, this is going to be something special offer. If you could really just be like, hey, how you doing? My name's so and so. What's yours? Or if you read me my style, I like. I go, I tackle your insecurities off Rip. I said, holy, you got a big ass forehead, man. I love it though. What's poppin?

[Patrick]

Yeah. Oh, that's fire. Yeah, yeah, that'll work perfect.

[Hassan]

It's a landing strip for all these compliments I'm about to give your ass. Let's go.

[Patrick]

Damn, girl. That second toe bigger than the big toe. But it's great. Like, you breed athletes. I love it. Let's have a family.

[Mike]

As someone ever pretended they didn't know who you were?

[Hassan]

Yes.

[Mike]

That you're talk. Trying to talk or you guys were like, courting each other in a sense?

[Hassan]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. And it's. It's weird. It's like.

[Mike]

It gets. It gets more weird once you find out they knew exactly who you were.

[Patrick]

Oh my God.

[Mike]

Like, why. Why all this formalities?

[Hassan]

I was on. I went on a date one time and this girl told me. She go. She goes, I think I know you. And I was like, I told you who I am earlier. She goes, no, like, I know you know you. I said, what do you mean? I'm telling you who I am right now. This Is like.

[Mike]

She goes, no, I've seen you on,

[Hassan]

like, a podcast or something like that. I said, I thought I told you what I do already.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Patrick]

I'll be understanding that this when we be on tour summit. Like, not all of them. It'd just be like. I would say, like, one per city, and it'd be like trying to riz me up. I'd be like, how the. You know my favorite number is seven. They'd be like, I love number seven. They'd be like, I know. I'm like, how the you. I'd be like, oh, yeah. But thank you.

[Hassan]

There are actually a lot. There's so many cool ones, though, man. Cool one.

[Patrick]

Oh, so cool.

[Hassan]

So cool. Just normal. They gifts. You guys ever. Have you guys gotten gifts on the road?

[Patrick]

Yeah, we got. We got two rugs so far.

[Mike]

I got some Starburst candy.

[Patrick]

We got some dope Starburst.

[Hassan]

Like, signature Starburst or just.

[Mike]

No, just. I just asked somebody to bring it to the show, and they brought it.

[Hassan]

Oh, is that a thing in America you guys have in America?

[Mike]

Oh, no, just Starburst, like. Oh, there's regular candy. Yeah, it's just gummies. Anything. Any candy.

[Hassan]

Okay, man. My thing is dried mangoes.

[Patrick]

Oh, you like dry mangoes?

[Hassan]

Yeah, I love dry from Trader Joe's.

[Patrick]

Okay.

[Hassan]

One time I was in. I was in Victoria, bc, and a girl took a ferry from Seattle and took the ferry to Victoria, bc, Came to the show. After the show, she gave me dry mangoes because she knew that I love them.

[Mike]

Oh, that's fire.

[Hassan]

You know what I mean?

[Patrick]

Would you give her.

[Hassan]

Sure.

[Mike]

A double entendre.

[Patrick]

Welcome to Crash on me's podcast, bro.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, what's up? What's up? What's up?

[Patrick]

We here with our guy Hassan in the building.

[Guest Caller]

What's up, mister?

[Hassan]

I'm good, man. How you doing?

[Patrick]

Calling somebody mister right away.

[Hassan]

Get off.

[Patrick]

Get off your knees.

[Guest Caller]

Hey, man, I'm Southern, brother.

[Patrick]

My bad, my bad. You right. People gonna be mad at me now.

[Mike]

What's. What's an opinion that you have that most people would disagree with?

[Patrick]

Let's take a quick break from today's POD to thank the sponsor.

[Mike]

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[Patrick]

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[Mike]

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[Patrick]

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[Mike]

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[Guest Caller]

hoes. Hoes make. Make the best wives, man. After they done. After they done being hoes, once they retire.

[Mike]

Are you in a relationship?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, I'm in a relationship. She ain't no ho. I never do that, but that's my opinion.

[Patrick]

How you like, so, like, how long you been with your girl?

[Guest Caller]

I've been with my girl almost a year.

[Patrick]

A year.

[Guest Caller]

But I ain't been in a relationship in like seven.

[Patrick]

Did you know her before that?

[Guest Caller]

Did I know her before what, like your relationship? Did I know before my relationship?

[Patrick]

Yeah, before. Did you know her before you got in a relationship with her? Like, did you know her like for a long time or you just meet

[Guest Caller]

her for a long time? I just met her metal talked to her for like a month, felt out and then I started dating.

[Patrick]

Okay, all right, cool, cool, cool.

[Mike]

So why do you have this opinion then?

[Guest Caller]

Oh, I've been. I was a professional side for like seven years after I got out my sixth year relationship. So I didn't been with hoes. I'd have been with good women. And I didn't been with the. The women that just cheat on their man and stuff like that.

[Patrick]

Oh, so you didn't send it all.

[Guest Caller]

That be cheating? Yeah, the ones that be cheating the most, that's usually the good girl and stuff like that. They had to reserve life. Ain't really get to party in college, then got married early and then they started cheating once they got married. And then, you know, they. You know how I go when you get married. And they ain't the one, but they ain't never get to explore.

[Patrick]

Okay, so with the hoes, you confusing me.

[Hassan]

Yeah, yeah, they both sound like hoes.

[Patrick]

Because you. Because you either. No, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen. No, but you saying they either pre hoe or post hole. And like we trying to talk. Okay, let's focus on your relationship then. Because you like your girl wasn't. So was your girl a good girl before she met you?

[Guest Caller]

Oh, I don't know how she was. I don't ask.

[Patrick]

But how do you know?

[Guest Caller]

But you just said you gotta peep. How they move, what they do, how they talk. A woman gonna tell you everything. You ain't even gotta. You ain't even got to do nothing. You ain't got to go through no phone, you ain't got to see nothing.

[Patrick]

You contradict. You're contradicting yourself.

[Hassan]

Yeah, this guy. Yeah, man, you're all over the place.

[Patrick]

You're contradicting yourself, bro. We talking about like. So go ahead.

[Mike]

At the beginning, you did say that. She ain't no hoe, though. So is she not a good. Is she not a good woman? Then.

[Hassan]

Then what did you. Why wouldn't you wife it?

[Guest Caller]

You're right.

[Patrick]

You're right.

[Guest Caller]

She's a good woman. She's a good woman. She come over, she'll. She'll clean my. Clean my crib, do my laundry.

[Mike]

So do you think your relationship would be better if you're wife in a former Holden?

[Guest Caller]

I ain't gonna lie to you.

[Hassan]

Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

[Guest Caller]

I ain't even gonna lie. That's why I had to get up out the crib. But I love it though, man. I love her, man.

[Patrick]

You. You like this guy? Load the benefits. Like, where are you from? What state you from?

[Guest Caller]

I'm from Louisiana. I'm from the dirty south, man. So you already know. It's Ratchet City. All the. All the chicks. I ain't gonna say all of them.

[Patrick]

I just. Before. Before we get you on the call, I just want you to know that you contradicting. Yourself, because basically you either saying the girl that you were with was either a hoe before or she's just a good woman and she gonna be a hoe later after. Like, once she. Because she got married too early or she got together with you too early.

[Caller/Listener]

Oh, she ain't get married too early

[Guest Caller]

saying it with me too early. I'm trying. I'm trying to figure out. I see. Like I said, a woman gonna say everything, and she didn't. She didn't already. She didn't already live, so I ain't gotta

[Hassan]

say everything, but this guy said a whole lot of nothing.

[Patrick]

You literally said that she was a good girl before, and then now you're telling us she lived before she got to you, so she's not gonna cheat on you. So then you just said that he

[Mike]

wants something better too.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, I want something better. I ain't say. I ain't say I want something better. I said it'll be easier to be with a hoe.

[Caller/Listener]

That.

[Guest Caller]

That's. And that's no lie because. Because a woman that had a past, she gonna be honest. She gonna be up front. They ain't never lie. Like, it's. It's all. It's just like that. You know what I'm saying? And that's how. That's how it be.

[Mike]

But what would a good girl. What was a good girl have to lie about?

[Guest Caller]

All good girls ain't gonna lie all. I ain't say all good girls. Hoes. I said that's. That's the path some of them go down.

[Hassan]

I get what he said there, just a little bit.

[Patrick]

Yeah, he got just like a bunch of random thoughts. He just throwing them.

[Guest Caller]

I got. I got adhd and I'm. I'm high functioning autistic, so I'm gonna be everywhere.

[Hassan]

He's weaponizing his incompetence right now.

[Patrick]

He just put out his medals.

[Hassan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a. There's an Olympics for you, man.

[Guest Caller]

Come on, man.

[Patrick]

I'm double gold, bro.

[Hassan]

All right, bro.

[Guest Caller]

You have a good one, y' all too, man. Hey, and it's the reason why I was in the military, too, man.

[Hassan]

So for the guys, huh?

[Mike]

Yes, sir.

[Guest Caller]

Straight. Straight Special Ed.

[Mike]

Oh, except for the guys, you said. Yeah, yeah.

[Patrick]

Oh, you said.

[Guest Caller]

Oh. Oh, no, no,

[Hassan]

no, no.

[Patrick]

They recruited you?

[Hassan]

Oh, here you go.

[Guest Caller]

What you mean, yeah, they recruited me? Yeah, they recruited me. I'm. I t. No, I'm. I'm your.

[Patrick]

You a special Ed? For real? Like, are you just joking?

[Guest Caller]

No, no, I wasn't. Especially A. No, I'm saying because of the autism and the adhd. I'm here.

[Mike]

Well, so is this self diagnosed autism or like autism? Autism?

[Guest Caller]

No, no, no, no. Like autism autism. My mama used to get a check from me.

[Patrick]

So you weren't in special ed, but you had. But you were getting.

[Guest Caller]

I wasn't in special legs.

[Patrick]

Did you have an iep?

[Guest Caller]

I'm high functioning autistic.

[Patrick]

Did you have an IEP in high school?

[Caller/Listener]

What is that?

[Guest Caller]

No, I went to a college prep high school.

[Patrick]

I know you had an iep, brother. They just did it behind your back.

[Mike]

All right, bro, you have a good one.

[Hassan]

Hold it down, brother.

[Patrick]

Oh, man, it was going to the meetings behind his back. What we gonna do with him? Yeah, let's just make him feel like he in regular classes.

[Hassan]

Yeah, he probably wasn't even in the military.

[Mike]

For real?

[Patrick]

No real.

[Hassan]

They gonna rap round when I rap round when I rap rounds.

[Mike]

Just y', all, man.

[Patrick]

Johnny, she didn't have no problem.

[Hassan]

Yeah, that wasn't your problem? No, that was like literally my man works too hard.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Hassan]

Hello. How you doing?

[Mike]

Hello.

[Patrick]

Hello.

[Guest Caller]

Yo, what's the deal?

[Patrick]

What up? Welcome to Crash on Me's podcast, bro. We're here with Hassan, Mike and Patrick Johnson.

[Mike]

You said my last name. Leave that out, Har.

[Patrick]

That's so dumb.

[Guest Caller]

Last week, bro, you have said this for 150 episodes.

[Patrick]

We know your last. Oh, that was you that said it.

[Mike]

That's my last name. Then don't. How you say my last name?

[Guest Caller]

Isobu.

[Mike]

Is that the dumbass? That's not how you say my last name. All right, go ahead, ask me a question.

[Hassan]

Oh, was it? Okay.

[Mike]

Boom.

[Hassan]

So what is your dilemma?

[Guest Caller]

Oh, I want to stop with this girl, but I work with her. That's really problematic.

[Hassan]

Quit your job. Oh, no, Actually, no better idea. Get her fired.

[Mike]

What the other dude did to the chase lady. Is she. Is she like a higher up?

[Guest Caller]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Hassan]

She so no bag.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah. She ain't no. Yeah. I mean, no seniority over money. No, not at all. I've been there 10 years. But she ain't got no kids, so she just always want to kick it with you.

[Patrick]

You've been at that job 10 years. What job you been at for 10 years?

[Guest Caller]

I work for the government.

[Patrick]

Okay.

[Mike]

Okay. So why don't you want her?

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Guest Caller]

You said what?

[Mike]

So why don't you want her?

[Guest Caller]

I don't know, bro.

[Rich]

She just be doing too much like

[Guest Caller]

I used to with another girl at the job, and she always be tripping about Me talking, the other girl giving me food and.

[Mike]

Bro, what are you doing right now?

[Rich]

I'm outside.

[Patrick]

Why? Why go inside, bro? Pause.

[Guest Caller]

That was wild.

[Patrick]

Was wild as your connection.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, okay. All right, I'm back.

[Patrick]

But yeah, okay, so. So basically, you got. You had sex with two girls at the job, and now you mad at them for being on your ass.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, I'm not mad at anybody. I'm annoyed.

[Patrick]

Same.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

That's why you can't.

[Hassan]

In the workplace.

[Guest Caller]

A work event like two months ago, and people started drinking and started getting feely, and these almost fought, and I

[Patrick]

was like, oh, see, that's your problem, bro. That'd be the dude's problem, bro. You think you can have sex with two women. You think you have sex with two women at a job and then they don't feel no way about it. And then every. Because every girl want to. The ten year. Been here ten years. Like the senior talking to frustrated walking myth around that this is a legend. You're a legend. Oracle, man. They use him for every example. And tell y', all, we don't play around here. Ain't that right?

[Mike]

Oh, that was his real name.

[Hassan]

No way.

[Patrick]

Oh, it's just one first name. It's a normal ass name. He gotta bleep his name. Standard ass name.

[Guest Caller]

Every time I be on y'.

All.

Every time I make the pod. Like, we heard you again, bro.

[Mike]

Just stop, bro.

[Hassan]

This guy's. This guy's a serial caller.

[Mike]

I guess he's a regular.

[Patrick]

We won't be knowing.

[Hassan]

This guy has bare dilemmas.

[Mike]

All right, bro. You have a good one, bro.

[Patrick]

Now you got hella dilemmas.

[Rich]

Yo, yo, yo, yo. What's good?

[Guest Caller]

Can y' all hear me?

[Patrick]

Yeah, we can hear you, bro. What's the word?

[Rich]

What's the worry, y'? All? So what, you just me rant about this?

[Guest Caller]

Simple it is.

[Rich]

So put it like this. For the last 10 years, basically, we've told men, you know, open up, talk more, be vulnerable, go to therapy, express yourself. Cool. But what actually happens when a man does it? Because a lot of men will tell you exactly what will happen. The room got quiet. People will look at them different. The respect changes, the attraction changes. And worse, the very thing did that we trust society with becomes ammunition later.

[Patrick]

Okay?

[Rich]

You know, I think the men are getting mixed signals. We're told that vulnerability is strength. But a lot of us have learned that vulnerability is a risk. And those are two very different lessons. You get what I'm saying?

[Patrick]

Is this something you experience or.

[Rich]

Well, yeah. So I actually work in the mental health field. I'm a therapist. I work with kids. I work in the community a lot. If you look at my page, I

[Patrick]

don't know what you.

[Rich]

Oh, you talking about me specifically?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Rich]

Oh, bro, this is my entire life. Like, I grew up in a foster care system, so my entire life has been be vulnerable to the people and, you know, love and show support. But then when the time comes around, people throw that at me. You know, I'm telling them where I was weak, where I made these mistakes earlier on in life, and then they criticize me for it. You know, people tell me, you know, they told me earlier on that I needed to communicate. You know, tell people what I was scared of, tell people what I was depressed about, tell people when I didn't feel enough, when I was struggling financially, those type of things, right? But when I did that, it was thrown in my face. People laughed at me. Oh, you broke ass nigga. This. Oh, this sad ass nigga. Oh, you're depressed. Like you. Y' all know how it be. Y' all laughing, but it's not true.

[Patrick]

No, we're not laughing.

[Mike]

I get what you're saying. I've been on this podcast and been vulnerable with my life, in a sense, where I've gone through therapy. I still go to therapy at least once a month. I don't go as much as anymore, but the people I tell that to, that's never really gotten, like, thrown in my face or like somebody taking advantage of. And I. I think that might be a testament to the circle you keep around you because, like, the things you're saying, I feel like it's. You're being open to people that you might not need to be open to. And you, obviously, you're a therapist, so you'll know a lot more than. Than me. But how would you respond to in that sense?

[Patrick]

You green. You green as fuck, as far as you know what I mean? Like, is this. It's still not happening to you though, right?

[Hassan]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Rich]

This is so. At the time point in life, as I've grown up, yeah, a lot of these things have happened, but today in life, I'm doing a lot better. I'm understanding, you know, it is about who you keep around you. It is who you present yourself to, but also understanding that not everybody is going to be acceptable to vulnerability. And that's just. It's just kind of life.

[Patrick]

All right, Be vulnerable with us. What's something you going through, bro?

[Rich]

We got you currently right now.

[Patrick]

I.

[Rich]

I Just got done wrapping up a case. It took me a minute to deal with. I was under a lot of scrutiny. My reputation was. My reputation was. Was trying to be. They were trying to tear it apart, for better or less words. But through that time point, I lost my job, lost my house, lost my car.

[Patrick]

Through a case.

[Guest Caller]

I was.

[Rich]

I was fighting the case.

[Patrick]

What kind of case?

[Rich]

I worked with kids.

[Patrick]

That you lost everything.

[Rich]

I worked with kids. I work with kids. So during that time point of me fighting this case with these kids, when my name goes on these. One of these registries, I can't do anything. Can't work, can't do anything because they label me a public menace. Right. So I had to go fight this case to prove to people that I wasn't a monster, which I shouldn't have had to prove to people that I wasn't. You get what I'm saying, right?

[Patrick]

That case is over with.

[Rich]

Yeah, that case. I actually closed it yesterday. I got the notification this morning that I was all good to go off the registry, so that's the blessing.

[Guest Caller]

Hello, the army.

[Mike]

Yeah. You got kind of dark.

[Rich]

No, listen, but it don't have to be that dark. Like, you could.

[Guest Caller]

I'm.

[Rich]

My name is Rich R I C H E really inspiring, change and healing everywhere. Like, I use my story as a motivation always. That's kind of why when I saw what y' all posted, I said what I said, because it's not really. That's not really just for me. It's for everybody.

[Mike]

He's proving the point of him being vulnerable. Now you're laughing.

[Patrick]

I'm not laughing.

[Rich]

Damn, these is laughing.

[Patrick]

No, no, no, no, no. Congratulations.

[Mike]

You want to be honest, to be, like, for real. For real. Anything that involves, like. Like being on the registry, it's a little, like, a touchy subject.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So we're trying to, like, figure out, like, obviously, you.

[Guest Caller]

You're.

[Mike]

You're innocent, right?

[Hassan]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

You're off the list and.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And that's, you know, to do your due process. And it's just like, the. The way to get on the list was kind of like.

[Rich]

Like, well, no, I don't want to get. I don't want to get working with you.

[Mike]

I don't want to get in your business. No, it's just, like, how do you.

[Rich]

Listen, I. I don't mind, because the situation was I didn't do anything. Right. So the situation was. No, no, no. It's something I can share. It's appropriate.

[Patrick]

It's appropriate.

[Rich]

Okay. The child said that I smashed his hand in the door. The camera footage did not show. The camera footage could not say that I didn't do it. So the state had to rule in favor of the child. That was it.

[Patrick]

Oh, then what registry did you go on?

[Rich]

The. The Child Abuse and Neglect registry. Because they registered me as a child.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Okay, okay, now I see.

[Rich]

I see.

[Hassan]

I see now.

[Patrick]

No, no, no, no.

[Hassan]

Oh, man.

[Rich]

I'm glad we can laugh about this.

[Patrick]

Oh, man. Holy. Hey, I'm like, I ain't never seen that get took off the list.

[Rich]

The Child Abuse and Neglect Registry.

[Mike]

No, child abuse and neglect is. Is terrible thing.

[Patrick]

Yes.

[Mike]

But what we thought.

[Rich]

Yes, it is.

[Mike]

What we thought was you on the sex registry.

[Patrick]

Yeah. So when you were saying, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm glad we cleared that up before we got off, because that's. That's why I kind of got silent. That's why we got silent because we didn't know what to say, Cuz that's a very touchy subject where we thought that was going. So that makes sense why you were just. So. Because you were talking about it powerfully. And I. And I've never heard anybody. Exactly.

[Mike]

I've never liked. That's why I want to hear him through. Because it's like, it has to be something that we're missing.

[Patrick]

Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Because that other list, Niggas don't get took off that bitch.

[Rich]

Oh, yeah. Niggas don't never come off.

[Mike]

At least I've heard of some cases where people even get on the other list and they're innocent, but it's still like, put in a situation where that was even, like, like, presented. So it's like, it's still like, iffy.

[Patrick]

Yes. Like, it's people on that list that, like, peed in a public park at 2am when nobody was around, and they on that list.

[Hassan]

Yeah. As the.

[Patrick]

You know, with the same. As like that. The real offenders. And so it's just like.

[Rich]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

So when you first said that, that's why I, like, kind of bottled out the conversation and I was dying laughing because I never heard a getting off the list. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Rich]

That would be crazy. That would be nuts.

[Patrick]

Congratulations.

[Mike]

Your mental health. You got anything to promote

[Rich]

truthfully at this moment? No, because I just put out an album. That's all I got for you. Forgot an album that just came out. It's called Just Hear Me Out. Me Telling My Story.

[Patrick]

Take a vulnerable all the way around.

[Mike]

Make sure you start the. The song and make sure you in the song. You say, what's register?

[Patrick]

Yeah, yeah. I want you to start like, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Rain coming down like mist. Let me make sure. Let me make sure. You know I'm not on that list.

[Rich]

Y' all get a chance, though. Check it out. Check it out.

[Mike]

The kept making it worse when he kept saying, like, no, no, no, no. The reason is I work with kids, though. That's why I was like, whoa.

[Patrick]

When you asked him to tell the story, when you asked him to tell the story, I was like. All I heard was like, this little kid. I was like, nah. All right. I know.

[Rich]

That's why he said, stop. He said, stop, stop, stop. He said, you don't have to say. I said, no.

[Patrick]

It's appropriate.

[Hassan]

It's appropriate.

[Guest Caller]

I got you.

[Rich]

It's good.

[Patrick]

Okay, man.

[Guest Caller]

All right.

[Mike]

Glad we let you tell your story, brother.

[Guest Caller]

Well, I.

[Hassan]

No, no, no.

[Rich]

I don't have to tell another story.

[Hassan]

I'm good.

[Mike]

No, no. So we're glad you got to tell your story.

[Rich]

Oh, okay. Well, I appreciate y' all hearing me out.

[Mike]

All right, brother. You have a good one.

[Rich]

You too. Y' all be easy.

[Mike]

All right. Peace.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Patrick]

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[Guest Caller]

What's up, man?

[Mike]

What is good?

[Patrick]

What it do?

[Mike]

Pretty good. What's something you want to rant about?

[Guest Caller]

I'm the type to, like, I guess, trick on women, but my homegirls expect me, expect them to be the woman that I trick on. So I'm. I'm young. I'm 23 years old. You know when I say about tricking, like, I'm not buying girls, like, diamond necklaces and stuff like that, but I'll be getting flowers every once in a while, and I'd be paying for food and stuff. The other day, I Went to. I went out to eat one of my homegirls, Mind you. I paid every time we went. And that's one time I was joking around like, oh, so you're gonna pay for my food? And she made it a whole. A whole little scene in the restaurant. Did y' all watch a movie Obsession?

[Mike]

No, not yet.

[Guest Caller]

Okay, what is the scene? It's been a meme where she, like, gets up and she's like, no, no, no. I thought we were having nice. It was. It wasn't that exact same kind of thing, but it damn near would have been if I didn't de. Escalate the situation. Just pull my card out. So it's just like, you know, Homegirl. Yeah. My home girl. Well, at the time, I did want her to be a little bit more, but we're not there anymore, so.

[Patrick]

So why. Why didn't y' all become more. It's because she wasn't interested.

[Guest Caller]

Yes. And then as stuff went on, like, I realized it wouldn't have even worked in first place, just to the way. Honestly, that conversation really, like, blew me over the top with the fact that she wasn't trying to pay for the meal. The one time it's not. We want no fancy. We went to this one. This one Chinese restaurant. So it was nothing wild. It was maybe like 70 tabs, something like that.

[Patrick]

What, did you take her out often before this? Was this a thing where you pay for her dinner.

[Guest Caller]

At a point? It was pretty often. And then I started to die off because.

[Patrick]

But, yeah, it was because she didn't show interest in you. And then you started. You stopped taking her out as much.

[Guest Caller]

I started a new job, so I just really ain't had the time to take her out in the first place. But, you know, we could. We could chalk it up to what she said for sure.

[Mike]

Okay. And how's your relationship status now?

[Patrick]

Or.

[Mike]

What is your relationship?

[Guest Caller]

I'm. I'm still saying I'm not. I'm, you know, trying to work on myself better myself. 20, 26, you know, a little bit. You know, a little bit.

But not.

Not as much. Not as much as I was before.

[Patrick]

So since y'. All. Since y' all don't go out on dinners anymore, does she still hit you up? Are y' all still friends?

[Guest Caller]

Oh, yeah.

Like, she was the one who hit me up. That's the thing. She was the one who hit me up the. When we went to go get Chinese food. Like, I ain't even text her first, and I'm like, that. She was like, oh, we should go out, yada yada. And then we get there and I'm expected to pay. I'm just like, you know, oh, you

[Patrick]

want her to pay the whole thing?

[Guest Caller]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Honestly, like. Like I said, I was joking while I said it, because I knew I was going to pay nonetheless. But then, like, she made it a problem. So it was just like how we. How we get here. And I don't be counting favors. I'm not excited to count favors. But when I say it one time, joking manner, and it's like a problem. I'm just like, all right, how.

[Mike]

No, I know what you mean. No, there's like, the thing you joke about, and you kind of see, like, if you're being for real, that where this could go back.

[Guest Caller]

Exactly.

[Mike]

I mean, you're going. Just go on cheaper dates. Economy is tough right now. Cheaper dates, less dates. Maybe focus on yourself. Get a job. Really? Advice.

[Patrick]

I don't know why.

[Mike]

I mean, I don't get my all figured out, but.

[Patrick]

But I know. But they. They know we not know ham. So that's.

[Hassan]

That's.

[Patrick]

That's bare minimum. We might not have the best advice. We might not have the greatest analogies. But one thing, you're gonna leave. You not gonna get. Shut your ass. That's why she played you. That's why she got you. That's why she ripped you off of bills.

[Mike]

Nah, you good, bro.

[Guest Caller]

I appreciate y', all, man. Keep doing your thing. Oh, y'.

[Caller/Listener]

All.

[Guest Caller]

Y' all popping real soon, so. I mean, you're already popping soon. Do y' all think.

[Patrick]

Damn. Double dick ride.

[Mike]

No, I appreciate you, bro.

[Patrick]

Appreciate you, bro.

[Caller/Listener]

Yo, good morning, Patrick and my.

[Patrick]

Good morning. Good morning. Is it morning time where you at?

[Mike]

What?

[Caller/Listener]

I got your ass. Yeah, I'm in New Jersey.

[Patrick]

Oh, it's not morning time now?

[Caller/Listener]

Never, duh. I just woke up.

[Patrick]

Oh, kind of.

[Hassan]

Wait, 4:20.

[Mike]

Did you.

[Patrick]

Did you work today or something? Just a nap, man.

[Caller/Listener]

It was something.

[Mike]

All right. I feel like I'm missing, like, some. Some cues here.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

All right. We got a question for you. We got a friend. We got a friend Hassan with us today. So if you're another voice.

[Guest Caller]

Hello.

[Hassan]

How you doing?

[Caller/Listener]

How are you? What's your name?

[Hassan]

Hassan.

[Caller/Listener]

Good to meet you.

[Hassan]

Pleasure to meet you. We got a question for you.

[Caller/Listener]

Okay.

[Mike]

What's your dilemma?

[Caller/Listener]

My dilemma is the fact that I'm trying to move out with my man and the fact that, you know, trying to be financially okay, not like, you know, stable is on his mind. Right now. And, like, I understand that, but I

[Rich]

want to move out, though.

[Caller/Listener]

And I really know for a fact that we could do it. But it's just the fact that he's more focused on that than I am, which is crazy, though.

[Hassan]

Well, he's focused on getting what? Bread. More bread?

[Caller/Listener]

Yes.

[Hassan]

What's wrong with that?

[Mike]

I'm trying to figure it out.

[Caller/Listener]

There's nothing really wrong with it. It's the fact that we are adamant about moving out and stuff, and we keep talking about it, and it was a time period where, like, I myself probably had it more than he did. And I'm like, I don't mind, you know, starting this up, but it seems like he'd rather both of us be it than one or the other. I'm sure. Like, whatever. I'm trying to go.

[Hassan]

I see that, but I feel like most men, they wanted they. To make it. Like, moving in with somebody is a big leap of faith, you know? And as a man, you probably hope to have that just for years.

[Guest Caller]

Probably for you.

[Hassan]

Probably for you.

[Mike]

Better for you.

[Patrick]

What are you actually complaining about? I'm confused.

[Caller/Listener]

No, it's more so in the sense of, like, something that I've been wanting to do for the past, like, two years, in a sense.

[Patrick]

Where do you want to move out from? Like, where? Like, explain the situation.

[Hassan]

Are you at home?

[Caller/Listener]

America. America.

[Patrick]

Oh, you want to move out of America? You want to move out of America?

[Rich]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm not gonna state the exact place that he's been wanting to, like, move to.

[Patrick]

So basically, y' all want to move out. Y' all want to move out of the country together, and then he's starting to bust his ass. So he can work hard to grind toward. Go towards that. And then what's the problem?

[Caller/Listener]

The problem that is he's not on the same page as I am. Like, we could just up and do it. Other people have done it. I get, like. Some people get lucky and stuff. Whatever. I feel like you need to.

[Patrick]

I think you just need to sit down and listen a little quick. I think he got this because there's no way. Because he's trying to get more money, so he must know something else. Maybe you should sit down and listen to what he got to say about it.

[Hassan]

What do you do for work?

[Caller/Listener]

Amazon.

[Hassan]

And what does he do for it currently?

[Caller/Listener]

Amazon. But he's trying to switch jobs as well.

[Hassan]

Okay.

[Patrick]

I mean, we don't.

[Mike]

You might be moving too fast for him.

[Hassan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And plus, like, I feel like if you move someplace else, you're gonna be like, holy shit. What the hells? What am I gonna do for work when I get there? You know ain't no Amazon.

[Patrick]

Where y' all going?

[Caller/Listener]

Hey, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. Crying hold up. Cause I missed y' all last show for Philly. Are y' all trying to, like, flop around, come back again?

[Patrick]

Yeah, we might be.

[Mike]

You might not be there, though. You might be out the country.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, you don't know. Anything is possible with me, y'. All.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Patrick]

Okay. No, they probably still gonna be here,

[Mike]

by the way she talk.

[Caller/Listener]

Go. No, because I gotta see y'.

[Patrick]

All.

[Caller/Listener]

I gotta see y' all live at least once.

[Mike]

Okay. We'll be back to Philly for sure, though.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, baby, I'll be watching.

[Mike]

All right, you have a good one.

[Patrick]

Oh, Mike sent me this. You ready? Okay. Mike sent me this Tweet of the week. If we're ever in a situation where we're both doing math in our heads, I'm just pretending it's all on you.

[Mike]

Nah, for sure, that's me.

[Hassan]

Wait, one more time. Read that one more time.

[Patrick]

If we're ever in a situation and we're both doing math in our heads, I'm just pretending, then it's all on you.

[Mike]

That happened to us because I forgot what we were trying to add. It was one of our friends that was making us do some math, and I just bowed out.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So I'm not gonna, like, struggle to do the math and get it wrong. It's like, it's okay.

[Hassan]

Oh, it is actual math. Yeah.

[Patrick]

I'm the math dude. Like, I. I love, like, numbers. Yeah. 960 plus 5. So, like, I love doing that in my head, and I like to see how quick I can do it. But in other situations, I've done that to him. Whereas, like, he's, like, the technical person. Like, if our rodecaster of our camera up, I'd be standing right behind this. Like, I'll be waiting. He'd be like. With the wires. And I'm like, yeah, what? So, like, Mike, throw that red wire right there. He'd be like, I already tried that. I'd be like, all right. So that's my little thought for the day. Go ahead and fix that. Then I hop on tick tock live time and say, yeah. Yeah. Hey, man, we working today.

[Mike]

Even yesterday, when the we did the first Toronto show, your foot accidentally hit the the speaker, so our sound went over.

[Patrick]

Not my problem, bro.

[Hassan]

You just kept talking.

[Patrick]

My job is to entertain the technical difficulties. He got it. Hey. Hey. He turned up you look up. I got my shirt on. Turn this up. Get up here, bro.

[Hassan]

Wait, so have you guys ever done, like, an escape room together?

[Patrick]

We actually did.

[Mike]

I think we never done it with just us two. It's like, like, five, six other people.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So, honestly, I took the back seat to a lot of the solving.

[Patrick]

No, no, no, no. We. We did one where we were both leaders. You're forgetting. I think it was my birthday or something.

[Mike]

Oh, yes, yes, yes. But I feel like I. I don't know. I tap out after a while with escape rooms.

[Patrick]

Yeah, Escape room's kind of after a while.

[Mike]

It's like, all right, bro, why am I trying to find out what year this person died in this little scripture right here? I don't know. You like escape rooms?

[Hassan]

No, no, no, no, no. I don't like it. Why am I paying to get trapped

[Mike]

my first time in the escape room? Right? I thought it was like, you in here. You're in here. Like, you can't escape type of shit, right? And then we got there, and obviously, I feel like when you see things with the lights on, it doesn't look as scary. And then it's like, oh, if you ever want to just tap out, you can just, like. Like, you know, say something, and then we'll just let you out right here. I'm like, oh, that's it.

[Patrick]

No, that's not even the first one. The first one we ever went to. They told us we could use the bathroom, and I was like, yeah,

[Hassan]

if

[Patrick]

I got a. I got a. Yeah, I'm gonna do it in the suitcase that we found.

[Mike]

Yeah, we did do one.

[Hassan]

They're looking through the CC camera footage. They're like, oh, no, this guy going too far.

[Mike]

We did do escape room. It's already on YouTube. But we did Escape Room, where it's like a haunted housescape room so they could tase you, you drag you out, feed you like bugs, and.

[Hassan]

Yeah, that is not an escape room.

[Mike]

Very immersive. No.

[Patrick]

Immersive. They took Mike and I. I don't know what the. They were.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Hassan]

They literally cloned him.

[Mike]

There's a video of the little gremlin doing, like, this to Pat's lip.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like, touched his whole lip. But that's in a sensual way.

[Patrick]

Yes, it does.

[Guest Caller]

He.

[Patrick]

He tried to me, but I know he.

[Mike]

You.

[Patrick]

Did you do this to my boy Mike? He said, worse.

[Hassan]

That's crazy.

[Patrick]

Now get by the same dude. Definitely in the pie, bro.

[Hassan]

All right.

[Patrick]

Oh, this is. This is my favorite one. I got Sent this tweet of the week by somebody and I told them I'm never giving them credit for sending me tweeted weeks.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Patrick]

Okay. Shout out to you though, bro. It said vapes are training you to suck robot dick. Stay woke.

[Hassan]

Yeah, I gotta send that to my uncle, man. I gotta tell that. I want to hear. I'm trying to get him to start vaping. And he's Jamaican as, so he's probably like, oh, okay, maybe I'll put this one down still.

[Patrick]

He definitely put it down.

[Mike]

Bot.

[Hassan]

It's a bot.

[Patrick]

A B is crazy. No, I think that would stop a lot of people from smoking the vapes.

[Mike]

The homophobic people.

[Patrick]

Yeah, the. Yeah, definitely the homophobic people to stop smoking vapes. I'm not sucking nobody's dick. And then they got to blow it out too. It's like, oh, man.

[Mike]

There's going to be a time where there is relationship with robots, though.

[Patrick]

They're already. It's already AI relationships. There's already robots. It's already people out here a vacuums. And you hear your neighbor getting at his vacuum again.

[Hassan]

The.

[Mike]

What is he? They got a clog vacuum again.

[Hassan]

He's just like, why do you have like a premium subscription with Dyson?

[Patrick]

I need a new team.

[Hassan]

You got a lifetime warranty? Yeah, it's a lifetime warranty, right?

[Mike]

See him in line at Best Buy for the Dyson. Like this Dyson dropping. He's the only one in line

[Patrick]

not

[Mike]

being the only one in line to the store opens with a chair out there.

[Patrick]

Now he'd be naked, laying on the ground and wait till, you know, the floor cleaner ones.

[Mike]

And he let her run over. I gotta be like. To be like robot Dominic Tren.

[Hassan]

Wait, did you guys used to sit in like stand in line for like shoe drops back?

[Mike]

Never really. I've never been like a. A super sneaker head like that.

[Patrick]

I think I did one for like a video game drop or something one time, but that was pretty much it. Or iPhone or something.

[Mike]

I think I did.

[Hassan]

I've never done it either, but I've seen the lines. Yeah. And those people need to be studied. I want to know what they do after they get into the line, you know, like, like or after they're done and they get what they want. Like, where does life go after that?

[Mike]

There's systems right now. Like, you could. You can pay. There's like companies that have people that will stay in line for you now. So you pay them to stay in line. It's like a whole business.

[Patrick]

Or buy the Shoe for you.

[Mike]

Yeah. This is a whole business thing now. But I don't know. Cause obviously they don't have a day job. They can't.

[Guest Caller]

They can't.

[Mike]

So it's like, are they making that much money off reselling shoes anymore? I don't know. I don't. I've never wanted anything that bad.

[Hassan]

There was a. There was a. There was a. Because I think, like, there's a Travis Scott drop that happened recently, and it was in Toronto, and I just saw, like, a group of just men just fighting over a shoe. And the caption was hilarious because it said, middle aged. Y ends middle aged fighting over trash. Oh, my God.

[Patrick]

All right, last speed run through tweeter weeks. Then we gotta get to some listener callers to make sure you get some to get something, man. All right, Y' all think a girl out of y' all Lee the whole time her selling kool Aid pickles.

[Mike]

Have you seen those things?

[Patrick]

No, that's crazy. You want to know what? You want to know a fact? And I guarantee you can't find it. You can't find one person eating the second pickle nobody makes or the pineapple or whatever the it is. They never make it to the second one because that heart start tingling. They all go. Look at their faces. They all take two bites and they put it back in and they shake their head because that left arm started going numb.

[Mike]

They started limping because they lost the whole foot.

[Hassan]

No, bro.

[Patrick]

Hey, why does it sound like loose change in your shoes right now? Because all your toes fell off after that bite.

[Hassan]

Oh, my God. Yeah, that's like instant type two.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Hassan]

Type two is like, okay, after, if you have the second one, you. You're done.

[Patrick]

No, you're cooked, bro.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh. It's just funny how they. Some people act like it's so exotic, too. I saw people, like, mixing the flavors, and we got that. That blueberry lime, like, different ass flavors for the same thing, bro. That's just so much sugar.

[Hassan]

I'm not going to lie to you, though. When I was in Florida.

[Patrick]

I'm not going to lie.

[Hassan]

When I was in Florida, I was. I was on the hunt for it. I was like, yo, we do this. But then my. My bro was like, ah, you know what? This is. This is. So. This is. This is some science experiment.

[Patrick]

No, that's. No, it's definitely. It's definitely CIA.

[Mike]

No, definitely. Icis.

[Hassan]

It's giving the same energy as, like, the chair. Remember the.

[Mike]

The crate challenge?

[Hassan]

Oh, yeah. Same energy as the crate challenge.

[Patrick]

I ain't seen no white people do that. I didn't.

[Mike]

I'm not gonna lie though. If I. I were to accidentally bump into the Kool Aid pineapples, I might be enticed, but I would do it just purely for content reasons.

[Patrick]

Right. I would literally take a bite, but I would kill everybody at the scene because like, oh my gosh, nobody like, no. And I would boo myself too because it's like, nobody needs to be doing this. We all need to leave. We bringing out a black community. You gotta understand why I'm doing this, man.

[Hassan]

Which flavor though?

[Patrick]

Would you go that blueberry look good.

[Mike]

Oh, the blueberries.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I feel like fruit punch would already be kind of tart.

[Patrick]

Yes. I don't want fruit punch and pineapples.

[Hassan]

But isn't it crazy how like cuz the, the contrast. Cuz they do the fruit punch one and you take the, you take the. They take the pineapple out and it's red.

[Patrick]

Like, it's like there's a red pineapple.

[Mike]

They've died this completely hella red 40

[Patrick]

into a fruit. Come on, bro.

[Mike]

Holy. This infused soup juice.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Hassan]

These guys are.

[Mike]

Oh my gosh. Especially because fruit is especially like a pineapple. It's already very like juicy ass fruit. Yeah. It's like, man.

[Hassan]

And I didn't know that they were mixing the Kool Aid with the pineapple juice. I thought it was just like water and they took like, like they. I thought they just took the Kool Aid juice. They made the Kool Aid and then they put it in. But they took the pineapple juice and then from the pineapples and made the Kool Aid in there.

[Patrick]

Oh, I didn't know that either.

[Hassan]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Oh, damn.

[Hassan]

It's marinated in there.

[Patrick]

Oh, no.

[Mike]

They tried pineapple flavored, whatever.

[Hassan]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Oh, so it's pineapple. Oh, man.

[Hassan]

So it's pineapple juice mixed with Kool Aid and the pineapple itself.

[Mike]

How many grams of sugar do we think is in those days?

[Hassan]

Oh, it's got to be like 3, 000, man.

[Patrick]

I think it's legit. Like 120.

[Mike]

120.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That's low, bro. A Gatorade. A Gatorade, like a, a normal gator, I think got like 60 grams of sugar in it.

[Patrick]

Okay. I think.

[Hassan]

And they're putting packets too.

[Mike]

And this is like.

[Patrick]

Okay, I think 800. There's gonna be no, it's gonna be crazy.

[Hassan]

Do the, do the research in the, in the comment section. Let us know how it goes.

[Patrick]

Last point on that. The up part about it, that's the whole reason I brought it up, is it's the refreshment of the meal. Like the Kool Aid pineapple shit is the refreshment, the actual meal. If you look at it, it's like fruity pebble wings.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Patrick]

It's like fruity pebble wings and like, some other shit. Like, it's like candy. Candy wings.

[Mike]

There's people, like, making plates too. Like. Like cereal. Like Captain Crunch. Captain Crunch. Like cake. But they're not bakers either.

[Patrick]

Yeah, they're not bakers.

[Mike]

Just like a moose.

[Patrick]

Yeah. So it's like. That's the refreshment of it. So. Yeah.

[Hassan]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

The Special Olympics about to get, like, a big pool of entries.

[Mike]

That's crazy.

[Hassan]

Oh, my God. Just a surplus of a.

[Patrick]

Like, yo, man, dad, we got a thousand new entries in 100 meter dash.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Patrick]

All these niggas missing their elbow. Last one. This tweet says three baby daddies is cool, but three babies by the same

[Mike]

girl by three baby daddies is cool, but. Yeah, I feel like if you got three kids by the same dude, that's like you. That's more. That's wholesome, though.

[Hassan]

That's wholesome.

[Patrick]

No, no, no, no.

[Hassan]

She's saying the opposite.

[Patrick]

Go. I can't do that. Like, you got three kids by the same dude, so that means.

[Hassan]

Oh, me as a guy entertaining a girl.

[Patrick]

Yes. This is you dating. You're dating the girl. So which. Which girl would you rather date is? She got three kids. Ladies, too. It could be flipped because I don't want y' all coming at my head. You get that person can have three kids about three different people. Or have three kids by the same person.

[Mike]

I still do with the three kids.

[Hassan]

Yeah, three kids, same person.

[Patrick]

Yeah, three kids. No, I do three kids, three different people. Because more than likely you moved on for a reason. So, like, one of them gotta be dead, the other one gotta be in jail. Just.

[Guest Caller]

Good.

[Patrick]

I only gotta deal with one dude, one kid. But if it's one dude, three kids, they can call at any time. There's so many reasons.

[Mike]

But you're saying that at. Guys, your scenario is, like, the one dead one in jail. That's like a very rare no.

[Patrick]

That's what it better be. Or I can make it happen. Don't worry, girl. You got one baby daddy. I'll fix it.

[Mike]

Anyway, appreciate you coming on.

[Hassan]

Thank you guys for having me.

[Patrick]

Yeah, yeah.

[Hassan]

You got live show activated. Toronto, we're here.

[Patrick]

No, your. Your show is coming up.

[Mike]

Let them know are the dates.

[Hassan]

Not even. They're not going live. But let's no, we're basically, yo, I'm doing the most legendary comedy tour ever. We're touching Baltimore, Philly and a bunch of other cities. Toronto, we're doing the work in progress here. Six shows at the moment. We're gonna sell them all out. We're gonna add more. But get your tickets early. Hassanfieldlive.com and then anywhere else in America. Medea.

[Patrick]

Yeah, live.

[Mike]

I was like, medea Harar.

[Patrick]

Put his right here.

[Mike]

All right, y'.

[Patrick]

All.

[Mike]

Peace.

[Hassan]

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[Patrick]

Ryan Reynolds here from IT Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying doing. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you

[Mike]

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