Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

Episode 244: Kool Kidz Kennels
Date: February 4, 2026

Overview

In this lively episode, Pat and Mike riff on random and relatable topics—ranging from selective hearing and male friendships, to movie debates, to wild caller confessions. The hosts blend banter, cultural commentary, and listener stories with their trademark humor, covering scenarios that almost certainly won’t happen. A recurring theme is the complexity of relationships—romantic, platonic, and even to money itself—and how self-awareness (or the lack thereof) leads to hilarity and hard truths.

Episode Highlights & Key Topics

1. Selective Hearing & Social Interactions (00:00-04:11)

• Pat admits his selective hearing is "kind of sexist":
  He pays more attention to women but regularly forgets men's names right after introductions.

  • "When I walk away from them, I'm like, what was a name?" – Pat (00:23)
  • The awkwardness of having to ask a man his name again, which leads to humorous imagined altercations.

• Saving Numbers and Social Favors:
  Mike calls out Pat for not saving contacts, especially problematic when group chats or favors arise.

  • "You'd be like, hey bro, who are you talking [about]?" – Mike (02:15)

2. Show Announcements & Tour Banter (03:23-05:11)

• Announcing live tour dates across Indiana (Indianapolis), St. Louis, Seattle, and Portland, with Pat reminding fans to show receipts of ticket purchases when reaching out.
• Reminder of previous Chicago show selling out quickly.

3. Movie Debate: Nick Cannon vs. Bow Wow (05:11-09:45)

• Debate over whose movie catalog reigns supreme:
  • Bow Wow: Like Mike, Roll Bounce, Lottery Ticket
  • Nick Cannon: Love Don’t Cost a Thing, Drumline
• Pat argues for Drumline as more iconic, Mike pushes for Like Mike's childhood impact.
  • "Drumline is a masterpiece…" – Pat (07:23)
  • "Like Mike is better than– than Drumline." – Mike (07:15)
• Discussion about the impact of these films, the believability factor of NBA stars in Like Mike, and nostalgia for bad choreography in sports movies.

4. Dating Shows & The Absurdity of Reality TV (10:00-11:13)

• Reminiscing about MTV’s Date My Mom, its weird premise, and how the gender roles would never fly reversed.
  • "Imagine the girl having to go on a date with the dad..." – Pat (10:55)

5. Money, Power & Vindictiveness (11:13-13:59)

• Question: "Do you think money will change you or reveal you?"
  Pat and Mike dissect how sudden wealth shifts perspectives—not just purchases, but relationships and sense of safety.
  • "My contact list going down to five" – Pat (12:05)
  • The potential for pettiness with money: buying every ticket at a movie just to spite someone.
• Pondering if being broke "saves" people from acting erratically, referencing the billionaire submarine disaster as an example.

6. Emotional Maturity vs. Laziness & Relationship Games (14:00-17:57)

• Is being "nonchalant" a sign of emotional maturity, or laziness?
  • Mike: Sometimes it's laziness to avoid a problem.
  • Pat: Even therapeutic advice can be weaponized for pettiness, such as taking "space."
• The art of fighting in relationships—using calmness or nonchalance to antagonize, flipping the narrative.
  • "I'm going to piss you off in a way that if you call me out, I could flip it on you..." – Pat (15:37)

7. Cultural & Racial Double Standards in Arguments (16:14-18:00)

• Discussion about how black men vs. white men are perceived when they express anger in arguments.
  • "White dudes get away with a lot with what they say..." – Pat (16:14)

8. Handshake Anxiety & Reading Social Cues (18:30-19:35)

• The confusion of choosing the right handshake, especially across cultures or with "cultured" white friends.
  • "Some dudes be trying to turn my [handshake] into the seven mile handshake..." – Pat (19:05)

9. Call-In Segment: Unpopular Opinions & Relationship Confessions

A. "Karma Cheater" Caller (22:08-26:45)

• Unpopular Opinion: If someone admits to cheating in the past, the caller feels justified to cheat on them in the future, becoming "karma" himself.
  • "These women be believing in crystals and the moon. They got to start believing in karma. That's me, dog." – Caller (22:29)
• Ends with emotional backstory about high school sweetheart infidelity.

B. "Loser Ideology" Caller (27:00-30:51)

• Complains about men with double standards; admits listening to the pod at work and discusses balance in how Pat gives advice.
  • Callers and hosts agree that social media and public commentary can fuel extremes.

C. "Better to Be Fat" Caller (34:09-38:51)

• Claims life is better "fat than fit" due to enjoying food and relaxation, but admits health risks.
  • "I'm a cute fat, though." – Caller (38:41)

D. "Sneaky Link" Caller (40:25-45:18)

• Frustrated about a sneaky link who’s a bad liar and not communicative enough.
  • Reveals complex emotions and wants real connection, but can't leave due to the fun and chemistry.

E. "All Men Are Gay Except Me" Segment (47:03-49:25)

• Lighthearted, conspiratorial claim that "all men are gay besides me," which evolves into a deeper chat about sexual openness and relationship dynamics.
  • Girlfriend describes ex-boyfriend suggesting a threesome with another man, leading to side-eye but "no judgment."
• Funny banter about partners "wearing the pants."

F. "Condoms Are Pointless" Caller (53:48-55:26)

• Claims condoms are useless since he got an STD even with protection, sparking jokes from the hosts about safe sex.

G. "Worst Thing You’ve Done" Callers (55:35-69:44)

• Tales of revenge cheating, dangerous linkups, and dodging gunfire after being caught with another's partner.
  • "The next question I say, do he got guns? [She] said yes." – Caller (68:02)
  • Callers repeatedly emphasize "growth" or claim they've changed their ways.

H. Miscellaneous Callers (73:36-79:17):

• Debating what makes a good boyfriend (cooking, date ideas).
• Rant about unreliable weed plugs.
  • "If you’re trying to sell weed, you need to be available all the time, at least for a text back..." – Caller (77:42)

10. Larger Life Questions & Observations

Letting Positive Lies Persist (79:18-81:01)

• Are you morally obligated to correct a lie about yourself that benefits you, or let it slide?
  • Both agree some lies inflate ego too much and can backfire.

LeBron James Retirement Speculation (81:30-84:50)

• Pat predicts LeBron, due to his celebratory behavior and social media vigilance, may retire soon, possibly without a full farewell tour, instead opting for a brief announcement.
• Speculate about the depth of a final season documentary.

Food Tastes Better by Surprise or When Shared (84:51-88:41)

• A theory: airplane waffles, snacks, or friends’ chips always seem to taste better in context or when shared.
• Anticipation can ruin the experience; surprise enhances it.

Love vs. Respect (88:45-91:03)

• Would you rather be loved or respected by your closest people?
  • Mike opts for respect; Pat for love.
  • Discussion on how each impacts relationships and self-worth.

Family, Culture & Childhood Lessons (91:03-101:29)

• Pat and Mike recount how family trauma and moving shaped their personalities—Pat's learned to cut people off swiftly; Mike became an observant, resourceful problem-solver.
• Reminiscences about seeking parental permission, sneaking around, and the trauma of canceled childhood plans.
• Cultural differences in family gatherings (e.g., cookouts) and Nigerian vs. American upbringing.

Financial Reality Check & Growing Up (101:41-106:05)

• The rude awakening of adulthood: unexpected expenses, budgeting, and the reality that "money doesn't appear out of nowhere" anymore.
  • "When I was in college, for some reason there was always money that appeared out of nowhere..." – Pat (101:41)
• The vulnerability of being "one emergency away" from disaster, especially when responsible for extended family.

Notable Quotes

• "These women be believing in crystals and the moon. They got to start believing in karma. That's me, dog." (22:29 – Karma Cheater Caller)
• "Drum line is a masterpiece...It was the first time where somebody literally got something off not being able to read..." (07:23 – Pat)
• "You can literally be in shape and still have all those crash out days. You just gotta work hard on the days that you're not eating all that." (37:08 – Pat)
• "My contact list going down to five." (12:05 – Pat, on suddenly becoming a billionaire)
• "Sometimes when you have a lot of money, it makes you do like a lot of more random shit—like go on submarines that blow up in the middle of the ocean." (12:45 – Mike)
• "I'm a cute fat, though...according to your girlfriend, though. That's it." (38:41 – Fat Is Better Caller, with Hosts)
• "Being broke saves people's lives." (13:05 – Mike)
• "All men are gay besides me." (47:03 – Caller)
• "If you're trying to sell weed, you need to be available all the time, at least for a text back." (77:42 – Weed Plug Caller)
• "I'd rather be like those homeless dudes that everybody take care of. I just want the love, baby. Like, they still invite me to the cookouts..." (90:06 – Pat, on love over respect)

Format & Tone

• The episode is loose, conversational, and punctuated by frequent friendly roasts between Pat and Mike.
• Listener “hotline” segments bring in additional wild, honest, confessional, or hilarious perspectives from fans—sometimes leading to guided “therapy,” sometimes to absolute chaos.
• The style is both comical and candid, oscillating between jokes, real-life advice, and relatable takes.

Time-stamped Key Moments

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |------------|------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00 | Selective hearing and remembering names | | 05:11 | Bow Wow vs. Nick Cannon movie debate | | 09:45 | MTV dating show nostalgia | | 11:13 | Would money change or reveal you? | | 14:00 | Nonchalant: maturity or laziness? | | 22:08 | Cheater-on-cheater “Karma” philosophy caller | | 38:41 | Fat vs. fit lifestyle debate with caller | | 47:03 | “All men are gay except me” joke/caller | | 53:48 | Caller: condoms are “pointless” | | 55:35 | “Worst thing you’ve done?” caller confession block | | 79:18 | Benefiting lies—correct or let ‘em ride? | | 81:30 | LeBron James: will he retire soon? | | 84:51 | Airplane food & the element of surprise | | 88:45 | Love vs. respect: which is more important? | | 91:03 | How trauma/family shaped their personalities | | 101:41 | The adulthood reality: unexpected expenses |

Note: Advertisement, intro/outro, and promo segments have been omitted for clarity per instruction.

Final Thoughts

Crash Dummies 244 is quintessential Pat & Mike: a blend of irreverence, honesty, and insightful anecdotes, supercharged by eclectic listener calls. Whether debating iconic ‘00s movies, reflecting on childhood scars, or mediating between “karma cheaters” and stoned philosophers, it’s a punchy, unpredictable episode that will make you laugh and—just maybe—make you rethink how you handle money, love, and the group chat.