Listeners Beg For Forgiveness - Episode 249

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

Episode 249: Listeners Beg For Forgiveness

Release Date: March 11, 2026
Guests: Listener Callers, Noni Juice

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Episode Overview

In this episode—fittingly titled "Listeners Beg For Forgiveness"—Patrick Johnson and Michael Esiobu ("Pat and Mike") dive into a fun, unfiltered conversation about wild current events, weird personal stories, and listener confessions. With topical asides touching on everything from celebrity scandals and social media hate to the etiquette of using someone else's bathroom, the episode’s highlight is definitely the candid, sometimes outlandish listener calls. The second half features special guest Noni Juice, adding extra energy to the banter on gender politics, relationships, and social pettiness. As always, the Crash Dummies mix real talk with wild tangents, honest insights, and a healthy dose of jokes.

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Key Discussion Points & Notable Moments

1. International Women's Day & Merch Hype

• The show opens acknowledging International Women's Day, using their signature playful tone to hype up their "Women’s Century" T-shirts and remind listeners of upcoming tour dates (01:00–02:19).
• Quote:
  • “Happy International Women's Day to some of you too. But no, they were like this...” – Pat (01:16)
  • “We have to snap for the ladies. I feel like that's cat-calling Happy International.” – Mike (01:12)

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2. Dwight Howard Scandal & Drug Quantities

• The hosts riff on Dwight Howard’s recent drama involving CPS and a live-streamed drug incident, comparing normal personal use versus suspiciously large amounts (03:02–04:43).
• Pat's take:
  • "Dwight Howard and his girl, they pulled out damn near what it looked like a half a brick... It was for personal use. Like, what the fuck is going on?" (03:33)

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3. Acknowledge or Ignore the Haters? Social Media Mentality

• Discussing how public figures respond to online hate, using Kai Cenat as an example for whether to “make a wall of hate” or just ignore it. Both hosts weigh in on the best approach to trolls, criticism, and negativity in social media.
• Mike (mature take):
  • "If it helps him cope with dealing with the comments, then I think it's right for him to do that." (05:19)
• Pat (petty take):
  • "The thing about me is, like, I don’t have a middle gauge. ... I’m going to find your girlfriend. I’m going to DM her." (07:16)

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4. Bathroom Etiquette: When Can a Guest Poop at Your Place?

• Hot debate erupts around when, if ever, it’s okay for a guest to use your bathroom for "serious business."
• Pat:
  • "If you’re at my place for more than 24 hours, you can take a shit." (08:38)
  • "If you do take a shit... that’s the last time you'll see my place." (10:14)
• Mike:
  • "If you’re at my place more than four hours, that's shit worthy." (09:13)

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5. Reacting to Viral Videos: Plane Rants, PDA, and Fake Relationships

• The Southwest flight "Death to America" rant sparks a bit about social unity in crisis ("It’s always fuck Trump, until we’re on the airplane together," Pat, 11:14).
• Pat and Mike debate if Lori Harvey and Damson Idris’s relationship is a "PR relationship" after their performative balcony makeout (12:25–13:23).

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6. Fast Food CEOs Eating On Camera & Customer Service Rants

• The hosts talk about the trend of fast food CEOs eating their own food for damage control and joke about what CEOs (DoorDash, Indeed) should have to endure.
• Pat:
  • "I want to see the DoorDash CEO wait on food... Your app say 18 minutes, I've been waiting 18 hours." (17:36)

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7. Pickles vs. Tomatoes: The Real Food Debate

• A passionate food argument: pickles on burgers are a must, tomatoes only if the bun is structurally sound (19:49–20:49).

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8. Police, Political Flags, & Social Identity Stickers

• Banter on cop friends and the meaning behind car stickers (student driver, baby on board, political flags), segueing into partisan polarization and why Pat draws the line at Trump (22:14–25:05).
• Pat:
  • “If you vote for Trump at this point... there's nothing else that we can talk about. ... You can't tell me you can literally be a Republican and bow out for the next three years and just be like, I don't know what the fuck going on. I'm a Republican." (25:05)

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9. Call-In Segment: Forgiveness Confessions

The bulk of the episode's meat—hilarious, raw, sometimes tragic listener admissions (30:00 onwards).

Highlights:

• Caller 1: Confesses using one woman as an “access point” to get her friend.
  • "I'm trying to get to the friend. Is that crazy?" (32:43)
• Caller 2 (38-year-old): Regrets treating women badly in the past after divorce and having a daughter.
  • “I want to be forgiven for how I treated them because now I got a daughter.” (35:03)
• Caller 3: Regrets past cheating after recent breakup, admits he's working on himself and “getting right with God.” (41:02)
• Caller 4 (6'6" barista): Wants to be forgiven for not making more of his height and not going pro ("I want to be forgiven for not using my height to his full potential, bro. ... People up my ass for being 6'6" and not being in the league." (43:32))
• Caller 5: Jokes about using his grandpa’s heart attacks as work excuses ("Every job I go to, whenever I need a break, I just... tell them my grandpa had a heart attack." 48:56)
• Caller 6 (cheater, voice distorted): Admits serial cheating, can’t leave his main girl, and asks for preemptive forgiveness ("I've been cheating on my girl, but I ain't been caught yet.” 52:05)
• Caller 7: Reveals he used to regularly steal from the cash register as a teen. (59:53)
• Caller 8 (female): Tells cops weed is “CBD,” gets off without charges, then finds out her plug actually sold her CBD (63:50–67:18).
• More callers continue the trend of wild, often morally gray admissions.

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10. Special Guest: Noni Juice Joins The Pod (70:25 onwards)

• Gender, social dynamics, and “take-backs” in relationships and friendships — what are the ethics of giving, borrowing, and getting petty?
• Emoji etiquette: Is the thumbs-up passive-aggressive? What does “K” mean in a text?
  • “Not responding at all... they're like, oh, they hate me.” – Noni Juice (76:37)
• Long apology texts—do guys ever really send them, or just give a Biggie-style “non-verbal apology” (100:00–101:18).

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11. Casinos, Tipping, and Desperation

• Pat is shocked at the idea of tipping $10,000 on a win; Mike sheepishly admits he once tipped $20 after a $1,000 blackjack win.
  • Pat: "If I was a blackjack dealer, I'm liable to slap the shit out of you." (94:03)
• Casino stories about relentless gamblers and bathroom habits (“They wear diapers.” 96:16).

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12. Random Rapid-Fire Bits

• Childhood and cringey email addresses ("fatma29" loyalty, “[e-mail]”)
• The art of online apologies and Facebook oversharing in relationships (“Why do I know that Johnny is uncircumcised on a Tuesday night?” 103:23)
• Bizarre party tricks, 80s/EDM/cocaine jokes, TikTok dances, and how romance and masculinity have evolved for Gen Z.

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “If it helps him cope with dealing with the comments, then I think it's right for him to do that.” — Mike on handling online hate (05:19)
• “I don't have a middle gauge. ... I’m going to find your girlfriend. I’m going to DM her.” — Pat (07:16)
• "If you do take a shit... that’s the last time you'll see my place." — Pat, on houseguest bathroom limits (10:14)
• “It’s always fuck Trump until we’re on the airplane together.” — Pat (11:14)
• "I'm trying to get to the friend. Is that crazy?" — Caller (32:43)
• “I want to be forgiven for how I treated them because now I got a daughter.” — 38-year-old caller (35:03)
• "I'm a serial cheater. ... For two years I've been being strong." — Distorted-voice caller (54:25)
• “I want to be forgiven for not using my height to its full potential, bro.” — 6’6” caller (43:32)
• “I used to steal out the cash register every day, you know?” — Cash register confessor (61:10)
• “Why do I know that Johnny is uncircumcised on a Tuesday night?” — Pat on Facebook drama (103:23)

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Listener Takeaways

• Honesty, shame, and forgiveness: The confessions ranged from hilarious to heavy—revealing much about modern relationships—and the hosts’ candid reactions keep things real.
• Petty social etiquette: Whether it’s emojis, bathroom rules, or T-shirt drops, pettiness and boundary-setting are always in style.
• The world’s a wild place: From Beyoncé-level PR stunts to CEOs eating burgers on TikTok, Crash Dummies never let you forget how strange and meme-able the news cycle has become.

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For more episodes and exclusive content:

• Crash Dummies Live Tickets and Merch
• Subscribe on Patreon for bonus and unfiltered content.

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Note: Ad reads and intros/outros are omitted for brevity and focus. For full banter and all the wild in-between moments, check out the full episode.

Transcript

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[A]

First of all, first of all, Happy International Woman's Day.

[D]

It's finally the day. Come on now. Clap it up.

[A]

Clap it up, ladies.

[D]

We have to snap of the ladies. I feel like that's like cat calling Happy International.

[A]

Happy International Women's Day to some of you too. But no, they were like this.

[D]

I. There was somebody in the comments again saying the same thing. I'm like, bro, give it up.

[A]

Come on now. You know he ain't touched a woman in two years. And shout out to all the ladies, I see some of y', all, y' all been in a relationship for two years. The relationship dry as hell. And you post those selfies, we see you. That's all we got to say. You know what I'm saying?

[D]

Oh, we got the Happy Women's International or the Women's Century T shirt. Those sold out like crazy.

[A]

So sold out.

[D]

Those are ship. We might do a restock, we might not. But that's just let you guys know. You got to kind of be on top of these. Also Seattle and Portland, the days got moved. We got little bro out of Portland day. So the day, the date is May 5th and 6th for Seattle and Portland. Yeah, Chicago, we're coming back March 26th. March 26th. Link in the description already. Just go to crash dummieslive.com. we still got merch for sale as well@crash dummiesmerch.com. what else we got?

[A]

Chicago we're back.

[D]

Chicago. Y' all know how fast the last show sold out, so please, please, please don't wait to get your tickets. We're using this to replace the show and it's close show for us to do and we love the vibes there. So please come out.

[A]

No, no, don't come out. No dms, though. No, no DMS after the show sold out or beforehand asking, like, when and where to get the tickets. The links will be up just like any other dates. Y' all got to stop asking questions in the DM before y' all click on. Like, at least click three or four times before y' all ask us a question.

[D]

March 26th at the factory. So bigger venue, so we won't be. I think the last venue was like 150 to 200.

[A]

So it's like 310.

[D]

Yeah. So.

[A]

Yeah, we good, we good. We good. Real quick. I saw Dwight Howard recently in the news, and I'm not gonna speak on what's going on because it's kind of like some baby mama drama.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Like there's kids involved and shit like that. I think like a kid got taken away by cps. All I want to say is when I used to. Well, I still do. When I used to smoke weed, right. I. I had as much weed on me as I was gonna smoke probably the next couple days.

[D]

Yeah, Right.

[A]

Dwight Howard and his girl, they pulled out damn near what it looked like a half a brick.

[D]

And this girl.

[A]

Yeah, it was like half a brick of coke. And it was for personal use. Like, what the is going on?

[D]

I heard she put it on live. I never saw it, though.

[A]

Yeah, she was like claiming it was something else and she got her kid took. But they've been getting investigated. I don't even want to talk about that. But, like, having that much cocaine for personal use, like, the shit had duct tape and shit. Like, nah, you got this from Pablo himself. What the fuck going on?

[D]

I bought. I bought like a. Like an ounce of weed one time, and it felt like a lot of weed. I'm not going to lie.

[A]

I'm not going to lie. My first zip had me moving like El Chapo and shit. I got take the back street. So

[D]

that's like a little too much to have on you.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

There's like always a too much amount of drugs to have on you. And it's like, all right. I don't even like having a lot of candy on me.

[A]

What?

[D]

I'm just saying. I don't. I never go to the Store and be like, I'll buy, like, three bags of candy. I just feel like. Just feel weird. You got you too much of anything's bad, bro.

[A]

It might. Talking about going to think I'm too sweet now. That's crazy. So I saw recently in the news Kyson that was doing, like, a video, and in the background of that video were a bunch of cutouts and printouts of all the times that people have hated on him. Like, it was just memes making fun of him or random Facebook statuses. And the question I was going to ask y' all is, is it better to acknowledge the hate as. As in a. This don't affect me and I'm acknowledging it, or is it better to ignore it?

[D]

I'll give you the mature answer. If it helps him cope with dealing with the comments, then I think it's right for him to do that.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Me, personally, I might not do that because. And show that I do that because there's a different. There's a different. Different things to it. It's like, you do that, and you just don't show anybody that you're doing it. Right. Right. Kind of like your thing to do, but then you do that and then comments. I feel like it invites more negative comments because, like, I'm trying to make Kaisernad's wall now of hate comments.

[A]

Yeah. I think there's a time and place to, like, acknowledge hate, you know?

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You gotta ignore it until you, like, got, you know, to be pissed off or something. You don't want to let your energy out or, you know, get into somebody else. There are people up there celebrating that they made the board.

[D]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[A]

Just like, it was somebody like, no way. My tweets up there.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Like a Mount Rushmore. I just don't think it was the right route to go. I think he's been doing a good job ignoring and kind of staying out the way because it's just like, it's a lot of. It's a lot of hate out there

[D]

because there is a time to respond, because there's times that I respond to hate comments as well. Yeah.

[A]

And you be.

[D]

I respond to it because I have, like, the time to. And it's like, I'm not ever angry when I'm, like, typing. I'm never like, oh, this person pissed me off and this. This and that. I just wanted, like, somebody to elaborate on their points sometimes. And sometimes when they do elaborate on their points is like, oh, okay, they kind of got a point. And if they don't, it's just like, oh, this person is really just dumb as fuck.

[A]

They've justified their hating.

[D]

Yeah, no, but there's some people I've seen comment, and you click on their profile and you see, like, no, this person has only been hating this whole time, never said anything.

[A]

Oh, yeah, on YouTube, you can kind of track people leave. Yeah, nigga been hating for two years straight.

[D]

Yeah, and I'm not. I'm not above any, like, criticism. Right. It's like, I always, like, because when you do a podcast, you do things like this, you, like, you put yourself out there, too, for people to analyze you and stuff like that. And I just feel like I'm never gonna be offended, but sometimes I just be having time, and it's fun.

[A]

The thing about me is, like, I don't have, like, a middle gauge. Like, I can't just, like, answer, like, reply to one piece of hate. Yeah, right. I'm going to try to destroy your fucking life. I'm going to find your girlfriend. I'm going to DM her.

[D]

That's crazy.

[A]

Even though I'm in a relationship, my girlfriend right behind me, she watching me. I'm going to DM your girlfriend, and I'm going to invite her to everything that I have access to until she shows up. I'm going to make you break up with her. I'm trying to find your mom.

[D]

Nah, nah, that's crazy.

[A]

No, fuck all that shit. You know what I'm saying?

[D]

It depends what they say for that.

[A]

No, they talking about, oh, Pat, you stuttering. Okay, let's look up your gr.

[D]

I hate the stuttering thing, too. I was like. Or. Or there was an episod that I was, like, saying stuff like that and stuff like that. I was spamming the. Out of that. That's just like, my filler word, right? But I feel like if anybody talk for a prolonged period of time, you're gonna, like, have those little stammers and stuff like that.

[A]

But I don't get why y' all come on now. Y' all be in the comments, talking perfectly and like that. I know you put that through chat, bro. I know you said, hey, make this comment harsher.

[D]

I got a question for you. When is it appropriate for a guest to take a. At your house? How long do they have to stay there for them to take the.

[A]

Interesting. Interesting. If you're at my place for more than 24 hours, you can take a damn. What is.

[D]

I'm at your place for six hours.

[A]

Six hours. You can't take a shit.

[D]

What?

[A]

Yeah, my place.

[D]

That's enough for like a, that's enough for bowel movement.

[A]

If you're, if you're going to stay for 24 hours, then yes. But if you're like, if you're, if you're saying like, hey, I'm leaving in six hours and I took the shit in the fourth hour, like, what if the homie, if you invited the homie over to help move a couch, is he entitled to take a shit? No, nigga, you move.

[D]

No, if you. Therefore, I feel like if you're at my place more than four hours, that's like, that's shit worthy.

[A]

No, no, no, no, fuck that. What, nigga? If I invite you over and it's going to take four hours to move, I don't know why it's taking four hours.

[D]

Not even like this. Say you hosting a party, say you hosting a late night party. Say you say you're hosting like the super bowl party or some, right?

[A]

Let me know that you have to before you come over so I can call a less shitty. Let me call my less shitty friends. All that stay home.

[D]

No way.

[A]

Come over my house.

[D]

You got a. Within you.

[A]

You have to do that before you can't over. Nah, that no ticket. Your shitty ass on. That shit, bro.

[D]

What do you do if they do take the shit, though?

[A]

If they do take a shit, Bro, I'm not going to lie, bro. It's like kind of.

[D]

But you have two bathrooms at your place.

[A]

But that's fine though. If you take a shit in my

[D]

bathroom, but you have two bathrooms, I

[A]

hope you enjoyed yourself. That's the last time you'll see my shit.

[D]

So you like, I understand if you have one bathroom, but you have two bathrooms.

[A]

Yeah, that's my son bathroom still.

[D]

He can take a bro who. No, he.

[A]

I be looking at him crazy when he take a. Do that at your mama crib.

[D]

Coming over here, taking those shits.

[A]

Just up the vibes. No, I saw, I saw a video of a dude on a plane. He got, he got tackled on a plane. He was screaming, death to America. Death to Trump. I'm going to bomb the plane.

[D]

Oh, was that the Southwest flight that got.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I think so. So I'm not gonna lie. It's always Fuck Trump for me. Like, I'm not gonna speak for y', all, but it's fuck Trump. I. I don't like Trump. But if a nigga stand up on the plane and he say funk, fuck Trump, I'm liable to knock that Nigga.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, it's like, certain times, like, it's always Fuck Trump until we on the airplane together.

[D]

Like, why are you sitting us? Say, oh, my God. Turn to a true American.

[A]

I'm about to go to this airport bathroom, put on my American boxers and beat the out. Put on these evil draws real quick so I can beat this ass.

[D]

N. I feel like airports are just a place not to even, like, play around like that. Especially the way the world is right now is, like, everybody's, like, on high alert right now. Yeah. So it's like, anybody doing any funny, bro? It's like, come on now.

[A]

Yeah. But one thing I'm not gonna do, shout out to those people in the other country. I'm not filming a missile. These are filming missiles. Like, they crazy as hell duck. That's crazy. I'm praying for everybody that's in those situations. You know who I got a problem with?

[B]

Who?

[A]

I got a problem with Lori Harvey and. And Damson.

[D]

They were ora farming.

[A]

Am I tripping or what?

[D]

No, no, no. You're. Or they were over you, I feel like.

[A]

Explain a video.

[D]

So I think it was in Paris during Fashion Week, maybe.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay, whatever. They're in Paris, they're on a balcony, and you can see them talking to each other, and they start to, like, make out and stuff like that. And there's somebody recording it from below, and they're basically just making that, like, real makeout session from. For a long time, too. And I just know that they know that they're famous enough not to be on a balcony that's facing the street and doing that. They didn't really care. So I think it's definitely. Or from.

[A]

Did you see the kiss? Like, she did the thing behind his neck where she wrapped her hand.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. It's like a movie.

[A]

Yeah, it was like a movie. And then they got out the car later that day, and it was like, paparazzi. And Damson was telling the paparazzi, like, get the fuck out of here.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

The paparazzi responded, and he was like, the fuck? Like, who you talking to? He was not Denzel. No, I'm playing. But they got to prove they got to have a regular moment for me. Until then. They a PR relationship.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Or until I meet them. And I would. The thing is, I would ask them. I'm like, bro, your relationship seem fake to me, bro. It's just too good to be true.

[D]

Yeah, I feel it.

[A]

Because if I'm on a balcony with my girl, that Mean we arguing? Yeah, you know what I mean?

[E]

Like

[A]

we got to be honest.

[D]

That's true though.

[A]

I'm outside. Look at all this. You got a headache. Look at all we embarrassed.

[D]

I don't think I've ever had an argument on a balcony though.

[A]

You didn't?

[D]

No, no. You got the worst. The worst thing though is especially my past relationships is arguing on vacation is the worst thing, especially somewhere hot and you're enjoying yourself. It's like, bro, we are in another especially like if it's the same the first day you get there in an argument. So it also is a good thing because it kind of forces you to move past that and just save it for when you get back home. Because it's like you hold that grudge of that relationship. The argument is going to ruin the whole thing. So somebody has to kind of like give in at that point.

[A]

No, for real. Shout out to Drake. Shout out to Bahama Promises man that he made that song specifically for this.

[D]

How'd that one go?

[A]

I just taking it places I want to go.

[D]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And it's just like that shit makes sense. Like when you argue with your significant other on a trip and it's a nice sunset in the background. That shit make you want to buy her a flight home. A first class flight.

[D]

Come on now.

[A]

I get out of here comfortably, trust me.

[D]

Especially if you're going through like I've been to on vacation, going to a. Through a breakup, like, but the vacation was already planned with somebody else, right? And going through a breakup and then you like, you walk into the room. I'm talking about the nicest resort. I was on the nicest resort ever, right? It was pay. Everything was paid for because I was just doing content for somebody, right? And nice. You walk into it's nice thing and you start thinking like, damn, this would be a nice trip for two.

[A]

What you say is a two for one special. Yeah, come on now.

[D]

No, especially when you're at the resort and you see everybody's coupled up and. And I'm like, I go down to the little pool and sit down and I don't tan. So just like now I'm just sitting soaking in the sun and. And then the dude come over like, oh, want another margarita? And like that. So I'm vibing and I'm like,

[E]

that's

[A]

when you started texting. Like, yeah.

[D]

You get in your phone like, I'm in Mexico.

[A]

Yeah, I'm in Mexico right now. I'm not even afraid of a cartel, but I'm afraid of losing. You signed El Chapo. All right. You've been seeing all those, like, CEOs of burger restaurants.

[D]

Yeah, I had that on my list.

[A]

Like, eating in their cars and like, doing different things basically to show people, yeah, hey, I'm eating my own burger and stuff like that. And I think it's because the. The fast food industry must be taking a hit right now. And the CEOs is back.

[D]

It started with the. So it started with the McDonald's CEO, right? When he took a bite of the burger and he didn't look like he was enjoying it.

[A]

Right.

[D]

So Wendy CEO and like, Burger King CEO, they found that, you know, Wendy's is like, king of content. So this is a video in here

[A]

at Wendy's to try Baconator today, of

[B]

course, we're starting with our Wendy's square patty fresh, never frozen beef.

[A]

Absolutely nothing better. Of course, you gotta have a Frosty with a burger.

[D]

Is this set up today?

[A]

Oh, wait.

[B]

Our machines are always.

[D]

So he's doing.

[A]

So I've been getting the Burger King

[D]

one does it too.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I remember, like, Whoppers.

[D]

So, like, I feel like a lot of those social media teams, they're. They're smart enough to be like, oh, social media is reacting negatively to. And making fun of this dude not liking, looking like he's liking his burger. So let's use this as a PR thing to kind of, like, you know, make it seem like we like our burgers. I don't believe either one of them, though.

[A]

It's funny that those accounts actually need each other to live. Like you say, like, Wendy's is, like, one of the top accounts for restaurants on social media, which they are. But they need the other restaurants to, like, kind of flourish. They need a restaurant to make a mistake so they can make fun of it and be like, this is why Wendy's better. But I like that the CEOs are doing that because I wish more CEOs would do it because, you know, another two other people that I want to

[D]

see try that Arby's.

[A]

No, I want to see one. I want to see the DoorDash CEO wait on food. Like, I. Yeah, your app say 18 minutes. I've been waiting 18 hours. I want to see. I want to see you wait on the food. I'll be right next to that. I said, look, It's a delivery. 12:53. Yeah, it's 106.

[D]

Nah, that ain't crazy to you.

[A]

And then the other one, I want to see the CEO of Indeed. Try to get a job on. Let's see if you can get a job. Let's see if you can get an interview off this.

[D]

That's true though. Like the Uber eats is kind of the same thing. It's like I'll order something on there and then I'll be like, you know, It'll be like 45 minutes. I'll, you know, talk to customer service. They're like, oh, this person has to like say I order it said like estimate delivery at like 117. They say, oh, this person has till 2:15 to bring your food. I'm like, what? Yeah, be like, latest, latest arrival.

[A]

Yeah, so they can save their ass. I want to let y' all know with them apps, they pass the law. Go complain if you don't get. I'm talking about if you order 10 fries and it's nine and a half in that, the whole meal free. These boys need to start getting held accountable. It's tired of that.

[D]

I don't know if I said this on the pod, but I was always like, especially like in the McDonald's drive thru. I was always like to take a big bite of the thing first and then say, those are my wrong order.

[A]

You did say that. I don't know if you said it on a potty. It might have been a regular conversation. No, but no, I like that though. I did do the dumbest with a burger the other day and it kind of made me freeze. And just like you ever do something very, very simple and then it kind of like brings you back like, what the is life? Like, where am I? How do I exist? I had a burger and I told them no tomatoes. So I took the tomato off and then I took some ketchup and put it on the burger. I just took a step back like, damn. Like, like, what the is life right now? Like, like what the did I just do? It's not like I opened up a portal or some like a about to come back from the past. Like you shouldn't have did that dog about to get wicked for you next. You know, I'm be filming a missile.

[D]

Yeah. I feel like, like with toppings, tomatoes and pickles. I like kind of go back and forth, especially with pickles. Like is I get a chicken sandwich. I go back and forth depending how I'm feeling. If I wanna, if I want a pickle on pickles.

[A]

Always a go, bro.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, bro.

[D]

I don't know.

[A]

That's why that's my favorite.

[D]

You never have that thing like pickles, would you Say pickles are a little sour, right?

[A]

Like salty?

[D]

Yeah, salty.

[A]

Sour.

[D]

Yeah. I would say this. Some days you just aren't there. Some days you just don't feel like having something sour.

[A]

Pickles make everything. Make the burger pop, though. Like, it's not a burger to me.

[D]

Pickles over tomatoes.

[A]

Tomatoes, like, hit her.

[D]

I don't like tomatoes like that.

[A]

Tomatoes, they have to have a very well structured bun. And then. But because of, like, the tomatoes could up a bun. Sloppy. Yeah, it's all sloppy.

[D]

You gotta be like, a very crisp tomato.

[A]

Like, when I go to cops, sometimes I'm like, I can't put no tomato on their burgers because they bread already. You know what I mean? Like, come on now. Don't need no extra sogginess. But no, I, I. With some, it's sometimes I'll even keep on doing.

[D]

We should do a skit with cops.

[A]

With cops?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You think so?

[D]

Yeah, that'd be fun.

[A]

I don't like it. Good for like, the.

[D]

Because they dressed up.

[A]

I'm not dressing like.

[D]

No, we have to.

[A]

No. Them like they on a slave.

[D]

No, Come on now.

[A]

He trying to save.

[D]

Let's go, pop. Let's go. Cops.

[A]

Let's do it. Yeah. Want to be a cop so bad.

[D]

All right.

[A]

Do you want to save place? I meant with cops, but don't want to.

[D]

No. I have a lot of friends that are cops, man.

[A]

You don't have a lot of friends with cops. You just got a couple, though. I got a lot. You don't have a lot, though.

[D]

I legit made friends with all the cops that were in the house. Versus firefighters. I'm friend with a lot of firefighters.

[A]

It is a lot of cops.

[D]

That's a lot of cops.

[A]

I with them too, though. I'm not gonna lie. I didn't even know they was cops.

[D]

Yeah, some of them are FBI agents.

[A]

One of them was an FBI agent, bro. One of them was an FBI agent, bro. I saw him answer his phone with his wife, and he said three words. He said, yep.

[D]

Huh.

[A]

On the way. Yeah. That boy. They kicked that boy out quick. Ain't got it now.

[D]

FBI agents probably got the easiest way to cheat on their wives, though.

[A]

Not yes, submission, baby. I had to her. I was undercover. I was undercover. Undercover.

[D]

Undercover.

[A]

Okay. Still pack my bags. Okay.

[D]

I was just doing what I had to do.

[A]

Do what I had to do. You right. I didn't have to start a family, but I feel like. So I saw a dude take off his trump decal off his truck, and he was fed up because he was at a gas station and he was looking at the price of diesel gas and it's obviously skyrocketed within the last month. And he was like, I'm done with Trump. And I wanted to tell that, dude, I need you to stay right where the fuck you are. Like, you stay with Trump because anybody that's that fucking stupid that would drop a political candidate because gas went up, I need you to stay on Trump's side so he goes down a little bit faster. He needs soldiers like, you nigga, you stay there. Because people basing their political views off groceries and like, what the is.

[D]

Some people have different priorities though. Yeah.

[A]

Like, man, who got the lower gas? Biden. All right, I'm a roll invited.

[D]

I. I don't like decal stickers. Like, if you do that in your car, like, that's y', all. That's y'. All. You know what's that one girl said that Morgan, that we did the pilates video. If that's your, your testimony.

[A]

Yeah, that's your test.

[D]

If that's your testimony. So with it. Yeah, but like the honor roll student, the baby on board.

[A]

The baby on board makes sense. Oh, you know, you don't know that. You don't know the true definition of it because you wouldn't say that.

[D]

Is it just to let you know, drive safe around me. That no baby.

[A]

That's not why. It's for first responders to know. Like, if I get in a car accident to look for a baby. No, it's not a right handed guy.

[D]

That's really.

[A]

Yeah, I believe that.

[D]

But if you get into accident and your car is like smashed up, like, how would you know? I feel like they will see the baby. No, it's not the car seat.

[A]

The baby can get ejected.

[D]

Yeah, but it's still a car seat.

[A]

But it's just like baby on board. Like, look for my baby first. Go get the baby first. Don't worry about actually grab my leg too. We'll get my baby.

[D]

Student driver.

[A]

Student driver. That makes sense because that stopped me from beating y'. All.

[D]

Yeah, it's a guilt trip one bro.

[A]

I was behind a student driver at like a four way stop and this little fold, it just froze. I said go where?

[D]

You got to teach him a little accountability.

[A]

And I should have got out and beat the out.

[D]

I be honking at them still.

[A]

It's a pop quiz little.

[D]

I be honking up at them. So you got to give them like real world experiences. Like, this is how it's really going to be out here.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

What else do. Like, I don't. Obviously I don't like the political stuff. Like, I don't care which side of the fence you kind of like on. I do. I just don't.

[A]

I care about what side of the

[D]

fence you on side.

[A]

If you vote, if you vote for Trump at this point, it's like getting to like, certain parts of presidency and like what that represents. If you are a Trump supporter, this is like, it didn't matter who's a. The Republican candidate before. I'm trying to think of one.

[D]

Like, maybe if you like Ronnie.

[A]

Yeah. Or if you like George W. Bush back then, like, Trump is where I draw the line. If you tell me a Trump support, there's nothing else that we can talk about. Like, I don't give what your sports takes are.

[D]

But even like the signs in front of your house, it's like.

[A]

But I feel like the signs only come out to oppose the other side.

[D]

Yeah. Just like, to me, I, I guess it just means like confrontation. I don't really like confrontation like that. I don't want nobody to be like, I'm on this side. I'm on this side. Mean, I could never like, you know, meet in the middle and stuff like that.

[A]

Everybody wants to wave a flag, though.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. I feel it.

[A]

You know, I don't.

[D]

I'm not hating on anybody that does it. It's just like something.

[A]

If you waving a Trump flag, I'm hating on you. I'm not going to lie, bro. I don't.

[E]

With them.

[A]

I don't with nothing represent, bro. You can't tell me you can literally be a Republican and bow out for the next three years and just be like, I don't know what the doing on. I'm a Republican. It's a lot of. I'm not even a. I wouldn't even consider myself a Democrat. I just don't with that. You know what I'm saying?

[D]

Hotel lotion. I don't know why I have that on my nose.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I really. You know when you make a note and you don't know why do you use hotel lotion?

[A]

I don't use no hotel products.

[D]

I feel like hotel lotion isn't made for black people.

[A]

Unless I'm at the Andes. Then I use hotel products because they got that.

[D]

They got the really good. So I'm just saying lotion in general because I feel like that hotel lotion is like, you rub it on your hand and like your hands are just ashy. Yeah. Immediately. Yeah.

[A]

The One thing, I have to use

[D]

body butter every time.

[A]

Yeah. That I use at the hotels would be like the hand soap. You know what I'm saying? Because I never. I never remind myself to bring hand soap.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I just bar hand soap too.

[A]

I'm like, my hands get ashy and then it's like, damn, I got it. No, they make that lotion like that on purpose. They don't want you beating your meat in that room. We gonna make this. Tear his dick off. Put a little glue in this. Yo. Let's take a quick break from today's episode to thank the sponsor of the podcast. Hu. Life is super chaotic and we don't have time to do everything we want. What do I want? Easy nutrition that is ready for me whenever I want and actually tastes good.

[D]

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[A]

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[B]

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online at athleticbrewing.com near Beer Fit for all times. Oh, okay. Have you seen that video? That dude, he's like off drugs and he has a. He's at a 66 year old nephew's birthday party.

[D]

Those are one of those things where I see the. The title of the tweet.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And I see like two seconds of it. But I don't really. Because I don't know if it's a meme or not.

[A]

I'm like, I thought he was break dancing. I thought he was doing like a set, you know, or. Yeah, you know, just breaking it down. The reason I bring up that video because I realize how rare this situation is. How often do you get to beat the. Out of a. With no repercussions because like, okay, let's say he was a random dude off the street pissing you off. It's still that like outlying factor. Like he might be strapped. I don't know this dude. Yeah, he might be a part of a gang. Like after I beat his ass, then I'm gonna find out.

[D]

He had to. He had to know the family. Right?

[A]

Exactly. He was part. I think he was part of the family. That's what make it better.

[D]

Yeah, he probably.

[A]

That's probably. Yo, imagine if that's your cousin, you've been waiting to beat his ass for last 10 years. And he. And he did a backflip on the table in front of your nephew to the point your nephew had to scurry away. Oh my God. Man, I'm going into the bathroom putting Vaseline on my hand. Time to get busy.

[D]

Anyway, let's get to some listener callers.

[A]

No, hold that down, dog.

[B]

How y' all doing, bro?

[A]

You seem like a good dude, bro.

[B]

Yeah, I'm from. I'm from Detroit.

[A]

Detroit. Okay. Type, type.

[E]

All right.

[A]

I got a question for you.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

What's something you want to be forgiven for, man?

[B]

What I'm about to do to this girl who think I want to talk to her, but I'm really trying to get to her friend and. And it's gonna happen.

[A]

We starting off hot for Women's International Woman crazy.

[D]

They won't know why we're saying this too because we had another call that's not on the pod.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

That didn't make it.

[A]

Okay, that's up.

[D]

What's the situation?

[B]

It's a girl.

[A]

Go ahead, blue face.

[B]

This is going to go to. It's a great to go to school with.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And I'm a nice person. So whenever. So whatever people birthday. Whatever people Birthday. Come around, you know, I said, I. I slide up on a story, tell them happy birthday. And she used that as like, you know. You know, some. Some way to start a conversation. So I'm like, bet. So I'm talking to her.

[D]

She.

[B]

She blowing up my phone and everything. I'm like, you still cool? You know, what's his face? She like, yeah, that's my best friend. Like, bet, Game time.

[E]

So.

[B]

So I'm about to. I'm trying to link up with all of them. Like, we have a little group thing going on. I'm about to push her to the side. Like, she going to the side. I'm going to the friend. No, not yet. I said. I said for what I'm about to do to this girl. That's what I said.

[A]

Like, pre forgiveness.

[B]

Yeah, Pre forgiveness. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You're a bad person, bro.

[D]

So.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no.

[D]

I'm not, though.

[E]

I'm not.

[D]

I just told you, I'm a nice person. Where are you guys about to meet up at? Like, what's the group setting? You don't have to say the exact location, but, like, it could be like,

[B]

we're gonna go out drinking. You know, it's a. Probably go bowl and do something.

[D]

Look calm.

[B]

You know, the community setting.

[D]

Why do you think. Why do you think she'll go for that, though, if that's really her friend?

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. She will, though, because we was already. I know them from school. That's the thing. I know from school. Like, we. We all knew each other a couple of years ago. I'm just saying I'm gonna get back in there.

[D]

If they're friends, though, they're really friends. Do you think if she thinks that you guys are talking on a different level, you think she would talk to let her let you talk to her friend?

[B]

She gonna have to, because I'm gonna be a prior pressure.

[D]

Oh, my gosh.

[E]

I'm not.

[B]

The thing is. Hold on. I'm not, like, I'm not showing her.

[A]

I'm just tired.

[B]

Look, look, look. She think, like, I'm. I'm not, like, I'm not reciprocating the energy she's giving to me. Basically. She's trying to, you know, I'm saying, talk to me. I'm like, no, I'm kind of like, you know, saying, pushing it up.

[A]

Spell or reciprocate.

[D]

It's kind of a hard word.

[B]

I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this today. You can't even spell it. Off the top anyway,

[A]

you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Okay, okay, okay. Is that like crazy though? Like I'm trying to get to the friend. Is that crazy?

[A]

I know, I know what you. Through the birthday post, though. Through the birthday post.

[D]

Yeah, it's like I get what you're saying.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

I slid up and told her happy birthday.

[D]

But why don't you rely. Why don't you rely on your own skills to just go directly to the

[A]

source, Just be a real man.

[D]

Like, are you afraid being a real. Are you afraid of rejection?

[B]

No, I'm not afraid.

[D]

Then why don't you just like DM her like right away? Like, right.

[B]

I know. I talk, I talk. I said I talk to them.

[D]

Pressure to the girl that you actually want.

[B]

No, but you don't want it for. It's like we don't, you know.

[A]

I told you

[D]

I'm a good person.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I am though. Like, I. I told her happy birthday,

[D]

you know, saying I told her happy birthday, you know what I'm saying?

[B]

She said thank you.

[E]

You know what I'm saying? Butter.

[B]

Butter her up real quick. Fin to go in for the kill, you know what I'm saying?

[A]

Go in for the kill. You have a good brother's heart.

[E]

Hello.

[B]

Yo, yo, yo.

[D]

What it do?

[A]

Like a 40 year old. But he said, yo, yo.

[D]

I think he might be 40, but.

[B]

But I'm about close. I'm about close to it.

[A]

Yeah, I knew it. How old is you?

[D]

I'm 38.

[A]

38. 38 special.

[D]

You from the South?

[B]

Yeah, I'm from Atlanta.

[D]

Oh, you come to Atlanta show?

[B]

No.

[A]

How about say, come on now. We gonna have to. We got an old people section.

[B]

I might check it.

[A]

Wheelchair accessible.

[D]

30 is not that far.

[A]

Obama age. All right. Question for you, bro.

[D]

What's up?

[A]

I'mma say it slow, man. What's up?

[D]

You right behind you not.

[B]

You're not that far.

[A]

You're not that far behind me. Let me have respect for my elders. You're right.

[B]

I got a question for you.

[A]

What's something you want to be forgiven for?

[B]

Yeah. Just the women that I treated bad that wanted me.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

And I didn't want no back.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

It's crazy.

[D]

Now you want them?

[B]

Oh, no, not at all. I just, you know, I want to be forgiven for how I treat them because now I got a daughter, so

[D]

it's like

[A]

I don't want no little out here have daughters looking at.

[B]

I got a daughter now, so I don't want no parts of this.

[D]

What do you think the worst?

[B]

Oh, it's just most. Most times just being mean to her. Being like, Mrs. Be genuinely nice or women will be genuinely nice.

[D]

I've never seen so much toxic. That's three in a row.

[A]

Couldn't even keep it together for 10 seconds. I want to show respect for women now these, bro. Are you in a relationship, though?

[D]

No, not at all.

[A]

38 years.

[B]

I just went through a divorce. I just went through a divorce.

[D]

I married for 10 years.

[A]

Oh, this damaged good.

[D]

You were married for 10. Damn.

[B]

Yeah, I was married for 10 years.

[D]

Damn.

[A]

I know it's your fault too. I could just tell by the way you talk. It's not who fault.

[D]

Nobody ever think is their fault, though. I got.

[B]

I got left. If I get left, that's my fault.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Hey, why she leave you? What was her reasons?

[B]

I never found out how much money she was just.

[D]

Who, me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

80.

[A]

80K. How tall are you?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Five nine.

[A]

Five nine. How much you weigh?

[B]

200.

[D]

Why is that funny?

[A]

That's kind of. I don't know.

[B]

Nah, it's a lean. It's a lean. It's a lean 200.

[A]

Hey, man, check my podcast out, man. You'll see it.

[B]

It's a lean 200.

[A]

Do she got a new man?

[B]

She did, but that left. So I guess lesson learned. Lesson learned. That gone. He dipped. He's out of here.

[A]

You want her back, though?

[B]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

You rarely meet. Don't want closure.

[D]

Yeah. Because if she left you, that means you didn't leave. So you still there?

[B]

I mean, I. I feel like I did everything that I could do and, yeah, there's nothing. There was nothing left for me.

[A]

Why don't you know the reason she left you?

[D]

Like, there was no arguments, nothing. She just left out of nowhere.

[B]

Yeah, it was just. She started dealing with other dudes and I'm just like, bro, you can't do that. Like, what's up? I'm here paying all the bills. Yeah, she was cheating.

[D]

Oh, okay.

[A]

You should have told us that before. Oh, man.

[D]

Hey, wait.

[A]

So how did you find out she was cheating? I'm sorry, bro. I would approach this totally different. Yeah, I knew. You just got.

[B]

Oh, man, I wasn't getting that. So, you know, I wasn't getting that. So I'm like, well, let me check her phone. Check the phone. Dicks in there. It's dicks in the phone.

[D]

Dogs.

[B]

I don't know. Was it different dicks?

[A]

Could you tell or was it the same dick?

[B]

No, it was the same dick over and over.

[D]

That, you zoomed into a couple of them too. Oh, n. He say got birthmark too.

[A]

He gonna be at his local gym staring at a.

[D]

Like, I know that's.

[A]

Bro, you can't lie to me, bro. You dick like the back of my head. My wife.

[D]

That's up. We shouldn't be laughing at your. Your pain, bro.

[A]

That's up.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no, man. I'm good. Get the out of here.

[D]

That dick. What the. That. They're good at wine tastings.

[A]

Yeah, it's kind of sore.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Now what they called, though? I don't know. There's like a dude that connoisseurs. No, no, no, no, no. Go ahead, keep talking.

[A]

He did it. They got you clip that har.

[D]

Somalier. Somalier.

[A]

So he's a dick. Somalia.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

That killed it. That killed it.

[A]

It. Okay. No, we. We. We apologize, bro. We did not know you was going through that.

[D]

Yeah, we're not.

[A]

Fine.

[B]

Oh, now this is done.

[A]

We can throw you. You know what I'm saying? You sound like you make 80k. You five, nine. You a little chubby. 200. But you. You know what I'm saying? Like, that You're a valuable man, man. Like, put yourself out there. There's some ladies that listen to this podcast.

[D]

You say you got a podcast too?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Shout out your podcast.

[B]

I got a podcast too. 404 pound. 404 proof. That's P, R, O, O, F if you can't spell. Okay, yeah, four, four proof on podcast. Pat, I told you to check it out a long time ago,

[A]

right?

[D]

What'd he say? Bet I got you, bro.

[B]

He's like, bet I can't do it right now.

[A]

I checked that out. I was saying I can't do the podcast right now.

[B]

Oh, okay, okay. 404 proof podcast.

[A]

Shout out to 404 proof podcast. Also shout out to this old man. How was segregation?

[D]

Oh, my God. All right, bro. You have a good one, bro.

[B]

Right behind me. All right, man.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yo, yo, what's the deal?

[A]

What's the deal? The Barbie you good?

[B]

I had to go downstairs. My kids upstairs.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

No, no, that's good, though. You taking care of the kids and make sure somebody watching them. You ain't leave them up there by themselves though, right?

[B]

Yeah, maybe.

[E]

All right.

[B]

It's two nine year olds upstairs.

[D]

I got a question for you. What do you want to be forgiven for,

[B]

Man, I want to be forgiven for all the cheating I did in my adult life. I'm getting right with God, man. That's real, bro. You find God, bro, you start feeling

[E]

a little bit better.

[D]

Not all the way healed.

[B]

Nah, man. You know, we working on it.

[D]

Are you in relationship now, bro?

[E]

Me and my baby mama just broke

[B]

up again last night.

[D]

Oh, y' all broke up last night?

[A]

What'd you do again? What'd you do again?

[B]

Oh, I didn't do nothing. She was tweaking. I was like, yeah, bro, you gotta go.

[A]

Those are the kids. Those are the mother. The two kids that's upstairs?

[B]

No, that kid ain't here.

[A]

How many kids you got?

[B]

4.

[A]

How many baby mamas you got?

[B]

Don't worry about that.

[E]

3.

[A]

3. God damn.

[D]

How old are you? Oh, we talked to you before, huh?

[A]

Is he 21? Is this the one that's 21?

[B]

No, no, no, I'm 29.

[A]

29. No, it was. It was a dude younger than you. His life was.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Yeah, like your life up. But his life was super up.

[D]

Your up, but his was up.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? Like, I would.

[B]

Not exactly.

[A]

You ain't got no shot.

[D]

But he ain't got no shot.

[E]

I'm making no money, so it don't

[A]

make your ass but his ass.

[E]

You know,

[A]

I would want to switch spots with you, but I definitely don't.

[D]

Oh, man.

[A]

Like, his situation up.

[D]

No, you got a lot to go. You got a lot going on, bro. We talk to you, though. Yeah, you got.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Yo.

[D]

Yo.

[B]

How's it going?

[D]

Pretty good, man. How's it going?

[B]

Not too bad. Not too bad.

[D]

Where are you from?

[B]

I'm from. I'm from Dayton, Ohio.

[D]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

Might have to come out there for a show, bro.

[D]

Not date.

[B]

Hey, y' all have to, bro.

[A]

No, we come in specifically.

[D]

No, we're not coming today.

[B]

Y' all come to Cincy? Nah, you'll come to Cincy.

[D]

You were saying Cleveland.

[B]

Cleveland. Cleveland's a little farther from Dayton, though, not gonna lie.

[A]

Are you saying this for your preference? But, like, where's.

[B]

Yeah, for my preference. For me?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Where should we really go?

[D]

You.

[A]

Where should we really go?

[B]

All right. For real. I mean, Cleveland's a good spot to go. Columbus isn't bad either, but it kind of stinks up there, I'm not gonna lie.

[D]

I got a question for you. What do you want to be forgiven for?

[B]

I want to be forgiven for not using my height to his full potential, bro. I'd be having people up my ass for being 6. 6 and not being in the league.

[A]

Up what?

[B]

People up my ass.

[D]

You're six six?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Did you play basketball in like high school? College?

[B]

Oh, yeah. I mean, I had offers in college, but it was like a community college and they told me I wasn't gonna start, so I said, hell no.

[A]

Being six six and told you're not gonna start at a community college tells me a lot about your physical abilities.

[D]

How was your high school career?

[B]

No, I was, I was. I was good, I'm not gonna lie.

[A]

Okay. Anyways, what'd you ask for, Mike?

[D]

I was. Wait, wait, how was your high school career? Like all American. I mean, all conference.

[B]

Yeah, I was all conference. I led the league in blocks.

[A]

How many points did you score again? Just to be real, because neither one

[B]

of us average 15.

[A]

You. You probably hooped at a higher level than I'll ever hoop at or. You know what I'm saying? Like you all conference high school basketball player. Like I wasn't that. You averaged 15 points a game. Let's not shame you. What, three blocks a game?

[B]

I'm guessing three and a half.

[A]

Three. So you play center? Probably. It sounds like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's the problem. You a 6. 6 center.

[B]

So like my development was stunted.

[A]

That makes sense.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So nobody taught you how to be a guard? You don't know how to handle the rock?

[B]

I mean, anything I learned was like self taught. It was just like me at the Y. Oh, damn.

[D]

That's.

[A]

Yo, your pops didn't teach you how to hoop?

[D]

Damn.

[B]

My dad is not in the picture.

[A]

Famous, but that's usually the formula to make it though, so he still ain't got no excuse. What about your mom?

[D]

No, uncles.

[B]

I mean, my mom has no athletic ability. What's up, dad?

[D]

Stepdad, uncles?

[A]

Stepdad?

[B]

My stepdad, he wasn't really. Wasn't really around a lot. He did construction, so he'd be like. He'd be in like Kansas building some speedway or some.

[A]

I feel like this all like the backstory of an NBA player. This is still.

[D]

But, but wait, where'd you.

[A]

You never missed the game though?

[D]

No, they might not, but.

[A]

Never missed the game. My dad worked hard, 40 hours.

[D]

They might not be like financial struggle in this household either. That, that could be the.

[B]

I mean, not really. We were middle class.

[A]

Yeah, see, middle class, 66, mediocre. What kind of school you go to?

[B]

I mean, it wasn't anything crazy.

[D]

Just say how many people the population

[B]

I graduated with like 1500.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[A]

To a big school. It's just not adding up, bro. We don't get it. What'd you do for.

[B]

I mean, we didn't get a lot of looks, honestly, but he never wanted

[D]

to get his parents. He never. You know, everybody wants to get their mom out the hood and like that. Like, that's like that story.

[A]

Had that drive.

[D]

He didn't. That might have been the last.

[A]

He's still in the same city. He's still in the same city.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

What.

[D]

What.

[A]

What you do for a living?

[B]

I'm a Starbucks barista, Bro. I watched the pod. Y' all not about to do this to me.

[D]

Shout out to all my Starbucks barista because it's not a problem that you're up, Starbucks.

[A]

Hey, bro.

[B]

Tyler, the creator, was a Starbucks barist.

[D]

Yes. It's just that you're six six.

[A]

I'm not gonna lie. Nope. No person at six six is making my coffee. It's just not happening, bro. I need my baristas with lip rings, nose rings, dark hair. I need them looking very, like. I don't even know what

[D]

you say.

[A]

Your name Charlie.

[B]

I mean, just. Just for you, Pat. Just for you, Pat. I'm gonna go back to college. I still got eligibility. I'm gonna go back. I'm gonna make it to the league, get drafted.

[D]

Let's just play your Netflix documentary right here. Oh, God.

[B]

I'm putting in there, like, whoa, chill.

[A]

Some weird.

[B]

I put it in my Netflix doc.

[A]

Hold up.

[D]

Don't worry. Pat is immature, bro. Don't mind.

[A]

He caught in saying, like, people was up his ass. He, like, he was awesome off the rip.

[B]

Nah, like, nah, like. No, you get it.

[D]

You get it, bro. Don't worry.

[A]

I don't get it. But, hey, let me know about your journey, bro. I. You know, I still got connections to some college coaches. I can get you in, like a D2. We can have you coming off the bench, you know what I'm saying? Get a couple blocks a game, get your school paid for because you ain't finished college, right?

[B]

No, I never went low key.

[A]

How old are you?

[B]

22.

[A]

Oh, yeah. We got time to change his life around.

[D]

He's still young, bro.

[A]

Man, Starbucks, man. About to get you a free education, bro.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[D]

All right, bro. You have a good one. Appreciate it. That's how you make it. That's exactly.

[A]

That's it.

[D]

That's, like, normal for him. He's like, oh, just like how my life have been going it to me.

[A]

I knew this was going to happen. Just have to wait on my opportunity.

[B]

Yes, sir. What's going on? How y' all doing?

[D]

Podcasting and, bro.

[B]

Oh, you know the vibes. Where are you From Phoenix, Arizona. I was going to ask when you guys are going to come to Phoenix.

[D]

Don't worry, bro. Soon. Soon, Soon. All right, we got you.

[A]

Probably not this summer, but maybe after the summer. Maybe some fall. Y' all know how y' all summers get.

[B]

I get you. Yeah, it's getting hot right now, bro.

[D]

All right, I got a question for you. What do you want to be forgiven for?

[B]

So whenever I start a new job, bro, and I always want to go home, I'd be using my grandpa's excuse. So I'd be like, yo, he just had a heart. I just used that the other day, actually. I wanted to go home, so I just said, yo, he had a heart attack. I gotta go. And, yeah, they just let me go. But every job I go to, bro, whenever I need a break, I just. He was the next excuse. He just died not that long ago either. So I think I jinxed him from a heart attack, but, no, he died on the ports, but I don't know what he died from.

[D]

Come on, bro. Come on, bro. Yo, bro. What up, man?

[B]

Hello. Yeah, I wasn't that interesting. I'm sorry, guys.

[D]

No, no, no, it wasn't. It wasn't.

[A]

That's. That's up, though. I don't like when people call into our podcast and say like that. And, you know, it's a comedy podcast, so, you know, I just got done laughing at some. And then you say something about your granddad.

[B]

Oh, I didn't know him. He was a deadbeat, but, you know,

[D]

it was a dick.

[B]

I don't know what to tell you guys.

[D]

Was he a deadbeat dad or a deadbeat grandparent?

[B]

Both.

[D]

Both.

[B]

He was a deadbeat.

[A]

No, he doubled down on that.

[B]

He doubled down on us. Yeah, the dude was just a dick, apparently. Literally. Yeah, the dude was a dick. So I don't.

[E]

I don't.

[B]

I don't feel bad about it.

[A]

It's crazy. He wanted the bloodline to be done. I want this to be over with, dog.

[B]

Oh, for sure. Then he, like, he left and got with a lady who already had kids. I'm like, you, bro.

[D]

Oh, he just bright McKnighted y'.

[E]

All.

[B]

When I took a few jobs.

[A]

Heard you give somebody a random ass straight. Like, that was crazy.

[D]

Oh, you didn't hear The Bro, Brian McKnight, like, disowning his kids and stuff like that. I'm out of it.

[A]

Brian McKnight, one of my favorite singers.

[D]

No, he's a legend.

[A]

So if you ask me to pick between Brian McKnight and his kids. I'm a lane more tourist.

[D]

All right, bro. You have a good one, man.

[B]

Hey, can I say something before I go ahead, before you guys hang up? Hey, I just want to, you know, say I appreciate you guys. Keep it up. Come to Phoenix eventually. I know it's hot over here to try to catch us in December and appreciate y'.

[C]

All.

[D]

I appreciate it.

[A]

That was very heartfelt, very dick riotous, y'.

[D]

All.

[B]

Whatever. Bye.

[D]

All right, have a good one, bro. Appreciate you.

[B]

All right, later.

[D]

Yo, yo.

[E]

Hey, listen, I need y' all to distort my voice before we even start, all right?

[D]

Harar, please distort this guy's voice. God damn.

[A]

Please make it. Make it zesty.

[D]

Go ahead, bro. Oh, I guess I'll ask you a question. What do you want to be forgiven for?

[E]

So I've been cheating, but I haven't been caught yet.

[A]

Perfect podcast. Perfect.

[D]

This is the perfect podcast to call for this, bro.

[A]

Huh?

[E]

But y' all gotta listen. Y' all gotta distort my voice because she does listen.

[D]

All right? We try. We have to do a little distorting voice thing. So, yeah,

[A]

make sure you speak clearly or the distortion gonn gonna take away from your voice. So make sure you say everything perfectly.

[E]

All right? Cool. Now listen, I've been cheating on my girl, but I ain't been caught yet.

[A]

Okay?

[E]

Right. Now, the reason this on my mind because I really been kind of comfortable with cheating. Two days ago, dry snitched on me.

[D]

Why would they do such a thing?

[E]

So we work at the same place. We both mechanics, right? Diesel mechanics and like.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Are you a real.

[A]

But are you a real mechanic? Are you one of them, like, Valvoline Oil Exchange?

[E]

No, I'm a real diesel mechanic. Like. Like a real diesel mechanic.

[A]

Diesel mechanic?

[E]

Yeah, I work on the big truck. Yeah, I work on big truck.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[D]

You coming to the live show? So we need truckers at the show.

[E]

Yes, actually, I'm coming to the show in Charlotte, Carolina.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

So basically dressing this on me, I left work, turned my location off before I left work. Basically, she called up here, tried to figure out, like, down where this at. They told her what time I left. I left at 11:15. Right. I told her that I got done with the truck at 12, but I was at my side.

[A]

That's tough.

[D]

Same city, too.

[E]

I live probably, like an hour from my job. My side probably stay like 20 minutes from the job. So, no, not originally.

[D]

Okay, Okay.

[A]

A little different. Okay, let's explain. Let's talk about your Relationship. Like, how long you been dating your woman? I guess you can call her for now.

[E]

Two years.

[A]

Two years. Two years.

[D]

Why don't you just break up with her?

[E]

I can't. I just can't.

[A]

Why not?

[E]

She too good. She's too good. And I just started cheating.

[A]

Oh, you just. Okay, nice. Anywho. Oh, so you just.

[E]

It took me a little minute because I'm a serial cheater. I'm not even going to keep it so honest. I'm a serial cheater. And for two years I've been. I've been. I've been being strong.

[A]

You don't think it's weird that you being honest with her? Honest with us and not honest with her?

[D]

Her?

[E]

I can't.

[A]

You can't lose her.

[E]

Because when I came. No, bro, listen. When I came close to getting caught, I seen the way she looked in my eyes. She was like, let me ask you a question. I said, it's over.

[A]

Yeah, it's probably. It probably went over then.

[E]

It ain't gonna be over in the future. Listen. No.

[A]

Yeah, let's see about that.

[E]

I don't think I could tell it. I don't think I could tell her, but good thing is I did tell my side piece. We gonna have to. You know, I might have to cut y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

I might have to cut you off.

[E]

Yeah, bro, I can't. I don't think I could fully do it.

[D]

You already did, though.

[E]

But I don't think I could fully, fully cut her off. Like. Oh, I still retest her on Instagram and. Okay, you know, what is the side

[D]

girl providing that you feel like your. Your girl doesn't provide.

[E]

How can I put this? She's my. They two different women. Women. She's my type before I started liking women. That's like my girl, if that makes sense.

[A]

What is your. What is your girl like? So what do you like now?

[E]

I can't even say her because she don't know. She's foreign.

[A]

She foreign.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah, she's foreign. Am I type before? Huh?

[A]

I hate when people.

[D]

Go ahead, go ahead, though.

[A]

What country is she? Go ahead, go ahead. What is foreign? Canadian. And like.

[E]

Okay, okay, like, she's. She's Dominican and Hawaiian.

[D]

Good looking.

[A]

So she Dominican, Hawaiian and then what's your side chick?

[E]

She's just black in Jamaica.

[A]

Just black.

[E]

The type of. The type of. The type of black I like. She's caramel skin, curly hair, tatted Pearson.

[A]

Oh, this racist too.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[A]

But okay, so why don't you. Okay, explain You. You. You caught.

[E]

No, I don't die. No, I am dying.

[A]

Okay, let's say you're like.

[D]

You're sloppy, bro.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You're already talking to us, and you're explaining. Even if your voice is distorted. It doesn't matter. You don't care. You want this to be over. You're looking at us as a vessel to get out this relationship. And don't worry, you might have to go.

[E]

You might have to go on the Patreon, Dad. Yeah, no, it can be on the Patreon.

[A]

It could be wherever you want. Just know we.

[D]

We are doing your service and probably her service as well, brother. But no, no, come to the live show, though.

[E]

Oh, no, I know he's not with you.

[D]

Yeah, you can bring yourself.

[A]

Which one are you bringing?

[E]

Neither, actually.

[A]

You gonna bring another person or just come by yourself?

[E]

No, no, it's me and my homeboy coming. We getting vrp.

[A]

Your homeboy. Okay. Okay, we'll check y' all out.

[D]

I know you're not.

[E]

Yeah, we've been watching since he put me on to the show. I've been watching since probably, like, episode 78. He been on it since, like, 40 something.

[A]

Okay, okay. Let's see.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

All right, brother.

[D]

You work. How long you been working on trucks, though?

[E]

Two years now.

[D]

Two years. Two years. Okay.

[A]

All right, brother.

[D]

What were you doing before that?

[E]

What was I doing before? I was looking at Target, bro. Warehouse. I got fired because of Studs.

[D]

That's a different story in North Carolina still.

[E]

No, I'm in South Carolina. I'm just coming to the show in Charlotte.

[D]

Got it.

[A]

That's probably what we needed. We could close the sale up now. Appreciate you.

[D]

All right, bro. You have a good one, man.

[A]

Wait, wait.

[D]

You about to say something?

[E]

Word.

[A]

No.

[B]

No.

[A]

So what's. So after you get caught, what's your message to.

[D]

You know, you can apologize at the same time.

[A]

Yeah, you should probably get an apology out there, too, because just in case,

[E]

if she do somehow, some way hear this. I love you very much. I apologize for all the lies. That's finally gonna catch up with me.

[D]

Deservedly so.

[E]

That's it.

[D]

All right. Yeah, let's do this.

[E]

I got her name tatted on my face. She can't leave me.

[A]

No, that's crazy. Oh, my God.

[D]

Name tat on your face. Okay, bro, what's up?

[A]

What's, like. Is she got a long name?

[E]

Nah, it's, like, right by my ear.

[A]

It's like she got a short name, like, bro.

[E]

I'm not. I'm not saying name. All right, man, Because I'm done. About to say the name.

[B]

Hell, though, say the name, bro.

[E]

Nah, it's cool.

[D]

All right, bro.

[B]

Yo, yo.

[A]

What's the word, bird?

[B]

I hope you heard what's going on.

[A]

What the is going on?

[B]

I don't know. Tell me what the it is, man.

[A]

What the it is, dummy.

[B]

All right, man.

[A]

No, that's. That's. That's a. That's good lingo. Where you from?

[B]

Detroit.

[A]

Detroit? Oh, what up, though?

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

Nah, you're not from Detroit. Where you from, bro?

[B]

I'm from Detroit.

[A]

From Romulus.

[D]

All right.

[A]

I had a question for you, bro.

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

Name something you got away with.

[B]

I used to steal out the cash drawer, Hedges. Oh, I used to. Still out the cash register.

[E]

Heavy.

[A]

Hold on, we'll be right, right back.

[E]

Back.

[B]

No, you ain't going nowhere.

[E]

Follow what?

[D]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[A]

No, no, no, no. Literally, we about to. We'll be right back.

[D]

We about to call you right back. Yo, yo, yo.

[A]

What's the deal?

[B]

What's going on?

[C]

My bad.

[D]

We have having technical difficulties. So you said you used to. What?

[B]

I used to steal out the cash register.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[D]

How long ago was this?

[B]

All right, I'm 21 now. This one, I was like, 16, 17.

[E]

16.

[A]

Close to being an adult, though.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You said what about 16, 17?

[A]

Okay. Close to being an adult. Like, that's real close to 18. We can work with that.

[D]

Well, how much you. How much you think you stole, like,

[B]

over time or like in a day?

[A]

Oh, multiple times, huh?

[E]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Damn up. So let's start with how much do you think you. You. What's the most you've stolen in one day?

[B]

In a day? Probably like $50. $50? Yeah.

[D]

Okay, what about over time?

[B]

All right, so I used to do this a lot. Like, probably, probably damn near every day. I used to work three days, I was in high school, out the cash register every day, you know?

[A]

Oh, there's got to be. You gotta be. There's gotta be like a target or some shit.

[B]

No, no, no, not even. It was a drive through. I was a coffee dealer.

[D]

A coffee dealer?

[A]

Like a Starbucks coffee dealer?

[B]

Something like that? Something like that.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

No, was it like a Starbucks like a big chain or like a local

[A]

we trying to get?

[B]

It was a big chain. It was a big chain. I ain't gonna say which one it was.

[A]

Oh, but you from Michigan, though?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it was Tim Hortons.

[D]

Yeah, Tim Hortons.

[B]

No,

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

I don't even know Tim Hortons.

[D]

You don't know anybody named? Too hard.

[B]

Nobody named him.

[A]

But this is a dude from Southfield, Michigan, on the phone, ain't it?

[D]

Yeah, I think he is, bro.

[B]

I'm from Detroit. We already talked about this.

[A]

Oh, Detroit, Detroit.

[D]

Like you live in Detroit? Because you know, people be saying, no,

[B]

I'm in the heart of Detroit as we speak.

[A]

But you wasn't stealing in Detroit, though. You're not cut like that.

[B]

I mean, the coffee dealership in question, it wasn't in Detroit. It was in Dearborn. You feel me? Not far from Detroit, Patch. You probably know.

[A]

Yeah, I know. How much time you get?

[B]

That was a long time ago, before I even knew it was wrong.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. We still got time to correct that.

[D]

All right. All right, bro. All right, bro.

[B]

All right, bro. I with y', all, Pop, man.

[D]

N. I appreciate you.

[A]

Hey, man, make sure you share it with the people in jail, too.

[E]

No, no.

[B]

Dick sucking. I I with y', all, man.

[D]

No, appreciate it.

[A]

Appreciate you, bro. Free you.

[B]

No, I ain't going nowhere.

[C]

Hello?

[D]

Hello?

[A]

Oh, no. Yeah, we can hear you.

[E]

You.

[C]

You trolling already.

[A]

First of all, first of all, first of all, happy International Woman's Century to you.

[D]

T shirts on the website.

[C]

Oh, thanks.

[A]

You go get your T shirt at the International Woman.

[C]

I ordered a T shirt.

[D]

Oh, you did?

[A]

Oh, no. No way.

[C]

Yeah, I ordered a crop top.

[A]

No matter what, this call making it to the podcast represent all the.

[C]

Okay, don't, of course, gotta shout for the ladies. Yeah, I'll try.

[D]

Name something that you got away with.

[C]

Okay, so, like, quick. It's not a backstory, but you gotta know this part. So I'm going to work one night per usual, and I see this cop kid behind me. I'm like, whatever.

[B]

Cool.

[C]

I'm driving. There go his lights. I'm like, why is he pulling me over? So I pull over, and he's got his flashlight all up in my car. Mind you, this is right after it snow. So I'm like, okay, skeptical. It's cold out here. I'm tired. I'm on the way to work, and you holding me up. But anyways, so he's, like, shining his light all in my car, and I'm like, what are you trying to find? So then I realized my jar with all my weed in it is sitting right in the front seat. So I'm like. So he goes back to the car to run my information. I'm trying to, like, pour my weed into a chase, mix Bag that I had in my car. But he. Yeah, he came back too soon. He was like, man, we need to put your hands on the wheel. And I'm like, I should have skirted off because I ain't done nothing. You didn't even tell me why you pulled me over, but whatever. So gets his hawking. He has me outside the car. I'm not in handcuffs, so, you know, good job, but. Oh, shoot, y' all gotta bleep that out. But he freaking has me outside the car. They're checking the car or whatever.

[A]

It's gonna get bleeped out.

[C]

Okay? He has me outside of the car and they're checking it. And then he was like, did you know weed is illegal in this state? And I was like, you know what, my guy? You sure, right? I bought that at the tobacco store right here. So he was like, do you have your receipt? I was like. In my head, I was like, I know I got a receipt from this store. I'll be in here spending money, so I know I got a receipt. So I. I'm looking for the receipt or whatever. He's still checking the car. And then, like, his supervisor gets there, and I'm like, why don't you just check it? Y' all should be able to check to see if it's weed or not. At this point, I'm trolling, but I'm like, come on, God. Like, work in my favor. So freaking. The supervisor tested with his little CBD test kit, and it came back at cbd. So I was like, oh, bet I did my little happy trip out there.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Who you get the weed from?

[C]

That's. I'm getting there. I'm getting there. Oh, that part pissed me off. So I do our little trip out. Yes, whatever. And the cop, like, I found out why he had put me over in the first place. He was stalking me. He was like, I recognized your car because your car has this distinctive little thing on the side. And I was like, first of all, why are you watching me? But he didn't answer that question. So I was like, okay, it's whatever. But the kaweed came back at cbd. So I was like, bet I'm driving to work at this point now I'm an hour late because it took them an hour to do everything. Whatever. I got away. No charge, no citation, no nothing. I was like, okay, good. But freaking. I caught my plug, and I'm like, nigga, you selling me CBD now. Like, what you mean, like? He was like, it's not cbd. I was like, nah, for show, gang. And you better be glad, but you owe me some money.

[A]

No, that's crazy. Your weed.

[C]

That's what I said.

[A]

Yo weed. Yo weed. So weak that I didn't even go to jail on this shit. Imagine. Nah, for real.

[D]

That's how I was like. Bro was so weak.

[A]

They sent me home with no tick. He must.

[D]

He got. He gave you a deal, didn't he?

[C]

No, I mean, I thought that was just the prices up here. Like, I know I'm not buying no, like, rapper weed or nothing like that, but I'm also not. I'm not uncle auntie status where the mid and the Reggie still, you know, hit. So, you know, I like a little. A little something. But I was like, nah, bro, we not even cool.

[A]

That nigga gave you some shit that niggas take when they niggas next.

[D]

Or

[C]

that's what I said. I was like, at this point, I might as well just keep buying it from the tobacco store. If you go sell it to me. At least now I got a receipt.

[D]

You got that at a gas station.

[A]

You could have put that on some

[C]

little parley. I was just like, yo. But honestly, I feel like the way the. Because the little tester kit or whatever, I feel like the way he scratched it on there, if it really would have worked, it would have came back as thc. But from the little corner that he did, it was cbd. Sir, I'm not gonna say anything. Go ahead. It's black history. At the time, it was Black History Month. So I was like, you pulling over a black woman and saying that I'm doing all this when I'm not in. Julie. Cause you stalking me.

[D]

Did you finish it?

[C]

No, I didn't quit smoking. Yeah, No, I kept all. He let me keep all my stuff because it was like.

[A]

What was the officer name?

[C]

Yeah, I smoked it. I smoked it on the way to work. I don't remember. I didn't even get his name. Like I said, homie didn't introduce himself. He didn't tell me why he pulled me over. He. All he told me was like, once I got out the car.

[D]

Yeah, we're gonna check.

[C]

No, I'll tell you. The county is. Is Alamance County. Alaman and Elon. Yeah, the Elon cops. Everybody who's in North Carolina knows Elon has the worst cops.

[A]

Elon.

[C]

Shoot, that wouldn't happen.

[A]

I'm not gonna lie to you.

[C]

You no facts. I appreciate you guys.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Not facts. You. Well, now you probably won't be driving through that part unless y' all driving, but. Nah. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Hold on. Wait. I don't.

[A]

You from. Where are you from again? You from Charlotte, right?

[C]

Yeah, I'm close by, but I do have tickets to the Charlotte show, so. Yeah, you'll see me.

[A]

We might. We might do one in Raleigh, too, but keep your Charlotte ticket.

[C]

So I'm in between Charlotte and Raleigh, so. Yeah, if you do one in Raleigh, too, let me know. I'll go to both of them. It don't matter.

[A]

Two of them.

[C]

I'mma make each one a different date, so it's okay. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you gonna bring two different dudes? I'mma call your ass out at the second show. I'm not gonna lie.

[C]

Don't do that. No, I don't even have a date to the first one right now. We still working on that.

[D]

All right, you. I'm a girl one.

[C]

All right, you too.

[A]

We cooked. Let us know if we cooked or not. Put. Hey, if you. If we cooked on a. Listen, callers, put Freaky Jean in the chat. My man.

[D]

Oh, we got a guest for the second half. You can just introduce yourself. Yes.

[F]

What up, y'? All? What's popping? It's your girl, Noni Juice. Okay, okay.

[D]

I like to. Happy International Woman's Day.

[F]

Oh, thank you. Y' all appreciate women. I love that.

[A]

Happy International Woman Woman's Century. To you, actually. Yes.

[F]

You got the one up.

[A]

I love it.

[F]

You want to try?

[A]

Happy International Woman's Eternity. For the rest of my life, I'mma dedicate myself to international women's life.

[D]

For myself, I'm actually going to dedicate my entire lineage as they live to international woman.

[A]

Matter of fact, I'mma kill myself. That works. So there's less men on earth, so there's more room for women.

[D]

Nah, that'd be sus pandering.

[A]

I'm up there waiting in heaven, waiting on Mike to one up me. He could kill himself anytime, though. Wait, what you mean you're not doing it? Absolutely.

[D]

I'm like, hey, bro, they don't love you like that, bro. It did not do what you.

[A]

Wait a minute. It's not heaven.

[D]

Were you ever. Were you ever a take me a take back person? I was a take backs or whatever. What's the word for it? Take backs.

[A]

Explain it right.

[D]

When I give somebody a.

[A]

You're taking people back?

[D]

Oh, my God. As a kid, if I let somebody borrow something and in the midst of them having the thing that I let them borrow, they make me angry. I'M taking what I let them borrow back. And that was the type of kid I was like, if you can't, I can't do you a favor or give you something and you make me angry and you start like, you know, arguing with me. Because I feel like you shouldn't argue with me. If I did you a favor as a kid, I, I, I'm different now.

[F]

I was about to say, you don't feel that way now.

[D]

No, no, no. I still look at you kind of weird. If I, if I did something, if they do some like, Saichy.

[A]

Yeah, no, I'm, I'm not gonna lie.

[D]

I won't bring it up, but this is the last time that is ever gonna happen.

[A]

I'm, I wouldn't say take back, but I'm very like, tit for tat. Like, you're not about to disrespect me and I'm not about to disrespect. You know what I mean? I gotta get my get back. So if I let you borrow my car and then a month later I asked to borrow your car and you say no, then you got sugar in your tank now.

[F]

But, but what if they really have a reason why? Why, like, do you rationalize with that? Nah, no, it's just like, listen, if you don't got me, I don't got you no more.

[A]

Nah, I can't, I can't rationalize with terrorists. You gotta be, you gotta give me my back now.

[D]

Having to borrow a car back is kind of crazy. I feel like that's such a different example.

[A]

That's how, you know, you, like, evolve from your, like, your friend group when your friends are asking you. That's just like not, not grown.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I had a friend ask me after I had already had a kid if he could borrow my car for the night. And I just looked at the like,

[F]

like, what are you doing with your life? Or you don't have your own car right now, why you need mine?

[D]

Especially when it's Uber now. Like, I don't think I'm borrowing anybody my car unless they need it. Need it, you know? Like, I would rather get you an Uber. Like, bro, I got you on the Uber, bro.

[A]

It got to be like some favor involved. You dropped me off at the airport, you got my car. Car for the week. Go ahead, bro.

[D]

For the week. But it's like, why do you need my car for?

[A]

We, I borrowed your car before I took your car, bro. I took this dude car to the Upper Peninsula.

[D]

Oh, you did take my car. There, that's college. That's that college, though.

[A]

He hit me up. Mind you, the up is like 6 hours from my destination, where I like where I actually wanted to go. And he got illegal tense. And then I call him and let him know because he was in Cali. I think he was at 49ers camp. And I call him. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna pick up you from the airport when you get back. He was like, all right, be careful because. Because the plates are illegal.

[D]

Yeah, I think. I think my. I think my Placer expired.

[A]

I said, well, I'm in the up with dark ass tenant windows, bro.

[D]

That expired license plate expired by like a year too.

[A]

Yeah, I did 90 all the way about that.

[D]

I was irresponsible sometimes.

[A]

That was crazy.

[F]

That's on you then. If you get in trouble with that, that is you.

[D]

You got to drive safe regardless.

[F]

Like, he told you ahead of time.

[A]

Yeah, it's on my, like.

[D]

No, I told him. I told him after he took the car. Well, he asked to borrow the car.

[A]

I would have literally pretended I was Michael SEO to the end. I'm Mike Eobu and I'm a terrorist. He's going tell you. Somebody getting locked for this, bro.

[D]

They still gonna take you to jail, huh? They're gonna find out who you are,

[A]

but you're going down.

[D]

What's her name, boy?

[A]

No going to the jail in the Up As a black man. Gotta suck. Want us to put some bet on for you? Oh, my God.

[D]

Oh, I got a question. What emoji do you use to make sure the person knows you aren't being passive aggressive? Like, for me, I'll put the. If I say thank you, I have to add the. The flexing emoji. The reason, especially if, like, it's a thing that, that they did kind of late or I know that, you know, it's like, as a service, I wanted to happen quicker, and they finally did, and I say thank you, but just to not let them know I'm not being that. That angry. I put the flex emojis. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, that's crazy.

[D]

You guys don't.

[A]

Like, I'm.

[F]

I'm not a big emo. I'm not a big. Like, I'm a lol girl.

[D]

Got it.

[F]

So if I want to kind of lighten the mood a little bit, I'll just be like, lol. It might not even. I'm not laughing, but lol.

[D]

What about in a situation where if you were passive aggressive, it was like, acceptable Right. Like, say that they did something late or. And then you're saying thank you. How would you say that? Thank you? Are you saying thank you for me with no emoji?

[A]

Yeah. N. Sometimes there's no emoji, but for me, it's always the forehead sweat with a little smile, you know? That's a good one. A little nervous smile.

[D]

That's a good one.

[A]

I like, I just don't text back

[D]

after, like, if they meet that deadline or something like that.

[A]

Yeah, I just, like, I'm, like, in the business now. Like, I'm not texting back because that way, you don't take anything out of context. I saw your.

[F]

But that they'll still take it out of context.

[A]

Re receipt. The thumbs up.

[F]

Not responding at all. They're like, oh, they hate me.

[A]

Yes. That's what I want. But let's keep it up in there.

[D]

When did thumbs up become such a bad thing?

[F]

Because it's. That is passive aggressive. If you're just like.

[D]

Well, I'm saying you need energy for

[A]

that, though, because the heart is the first one.

[D]

You heart a message.

[A]

Yeah, that's quick. That's like, okay, they seen it.

[D]

Got it. Okay. So they say you want to tap over. Got it. Okay.

[F]

Upping a message. It's like, I. You don't even deserve an actual response. I'm just gonna thumbs up it.

[D]

Do people even thumbs up anymore in real life?

[A]

It's just like, we go, when's the

[D]

last time you've seen a thumb? Somebody thumbs up you like this a thumbs up.

[A]

I thumbs up old white ladies that drive slow. Good job. Going 25. And then 25, you congrat your. You stay right on that number. Good job.

[D]

But I think it's passive aggressive, too, in real life, I guess.

[A]

No, it is. But I just.

[F]

Did you put a smirk with it?

[D]

Like, Yeah, I guess. Yeah, that's true.

[A]

But it's also. I feel like it's just gonna fade just like everything else, because K is back in. Like, when someone types me K like, after, I don't take it offensive.

[D]

Really. Like, just the K. But back then,

[A]

he had a K. It better be two more to follow. You better be about that business. No white person texting me K. Go ahead, send the other two.

[F]

I don't like the K. That. That, to me is like, you got a problem with.

[D]

With me.

[A]

You think so?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Give that from, like, a. Like, a woman's perspective of, like, how text messages should end. Do y' all have, like, a cold or, like, oh, she being kind of snappy with me.

[F]

Is she being kind of snappy? Well, definitely. If using a K, it's like you're not worth my time. Okay. K. Yeah, for sure. But one thing I think that we just hate is when we send a long paragraph message and y' all respond to like one thing out of that message.

[D]

Message.

[F]

What's up with that?

[D]

Yeah, that means we understood.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Because we don't have. I think, guys, we don't need to ask the follow up questions because when there's a thing that happens, you're already saying what should happen. And I'm saying bet or. Okay, yes. Got you.

[A]

And like during your paragraph, you said that I, I went on a date with her on Monday. It was a Tuesday. I need to correct that first. It was actually a Tuesday. But go off.

[D]

Especially, Especially if you didn't ask a question and if it's like a statement you're making, then it's like, okay, it's like I, I don't want. I feel like if I respond with something different, it feels like I'm being. What's the word I'm looking for? Like trying to. Problematic.

[A]

Get it? I'll get it.

[F]

No, if we're asking you about four or five questions in one long paragraph, you need to answer all those.

[D]

But then it's like, why you ask me four or five questions?

[F]

Because clearly you done did something that we have to ask you four or five questions.

[D]

Let's think about it in a non, like they say non relationship cheat or non cheating way. Just like normal text messages. Like maybe you tell me to like go pick this up and this up and this up from the store or something like that on your way home. And I just reply, okay. Or you tell me about some drama or something that happened at work. My response still might be okay through text because I know we're still going to talk about this in person.

[F]

Yes, I would want the acknowledgment. Like if I'm, if I'm venting to you about something that made me so mad my co worker done ate my lunch or something like that. If you only hit me with a okay, I'm gonna be like, no, I would.

[D]

I definitely would have.

[F]

You don't care either.

[D]

I would have gave you. That's crazy.

[F]

Yes, that's crazy.

[D]

Because it is crazy. And I'll give my opinion when we see each other in person.

[A]

I don't want no paragraph of why your coworker ate your lunch. I want, I want a video of your you beating they ass. What the is we talking about. Do I need to come up there? We jumping this. This knew that burrito was yours. Ate half a burrito like this need his ass beat. No, the thing is, like, okay, with my significant other, I'm like, yeah, I got to respond to all these questions, and if it's a story about what happened to her during the day, that's fine. But when it's my mom and sisters, I go straight to that Apple pay and I say if I see a long story. I Just saying. 150. You're like, I don't know what you're going through. That helps with the paragraph.

[F]

That's actually really interesting. Why wouldn't you send the. Your girl that one? The one.

[A]

I mean, she get. She getting both, you know?

[F]

Okay, okay. She getting both.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Okay.

[A]

Because, you know, me and my sister is not doing the same thing. Me and my girlfriend.

[F]

I would hope not.

[A]

Some listeners, you know, some of our other listeners, they actually do, you know, some of our audio listeners. Some people that listen to our podcast, they call audio listeners. They'd be hitting their sisters and stuff. Yeah, you gotta watch them be careful. But.

[D]

But yeah, I'm still trying to wonder why I have hotel. Oh, we talked about that.

[A]

Yeah, we talked about. I don't think that's a subject. Oh, oh, I'm about to send you a video. This is this funny video. There's these new, like, body cam videos of, like, people getting caught stealing. And, like, the audio on these are hilarious. He said that to Freaky Mike.

[B]

Hello, mom, my car is in the back.

[D]

Okay, but.

[C]

So.

[A]

So what?

[B]

What happened?

[F]

The lady say, I cashed out myself,

[A]

but me, my boss and. And we. We had a store full of customers. We were standing.

[C]

She was standing right there the entire time.

[A]

So. Okay, but if ain't no proof you. You cashed out yourself.

[C]

Her money.

[E]

That's.

[D]

That's what she said when all I

[F]

was doing was setting up her devices.

[B]

Okay, but wait a minute. So if.

[E]

Do you.

[A]

Did it show that you cashed out yourself?

[B]

Yeah, it was on my cash app.

[A]

Okay, well, then you did then. No, I did not. So that was a phone call. They had her in cuffs, and she asked to call her mom. And that was a conversation between her and her mom on speakerphone in front of the cops. And even the cops, like, looking at her as her mom say that. And they shaking their head like, bro, we got Autumn. Like, you cash tap yourself off of. It's just funny how like. Like looking around America, how many dumb crimes there are like, this nigga hopped off the couch and thought of this crime in 30 minutes.

[D]

That's crazy. That's a bold move, too, to cash. Like, if you're like. Because I'm guessing she's. She works for a cell phone company and she was setting somebody's phone up, and then she decided to cash app herself. Yeah. Which is such a crazy thing to do.

[A]

So crazy.

[D]

No matter what, even if she saw it there or didn't see it there, she still would have saw it at some point.

[F]

But then try to lie.

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

Like, you wanted people to be confused

[D]

with you and not lie good.

[A]

She said, right, mama. Mama's like, hell, you're not looping me in. You could tell she stole before her mama. Like, again, you know, she stole from her mama purse before her mama get her mama fed up. But that's crazy, though. I don't get people that commit crimes like that. It's like, bro, get a little bit more creative.

[F]

As a parent, do you, like, protect your kid in that sense or what do you do? Like, do you.

[A]

I've seen. I've seen different videos. Like, I just recently saw a video on TikTok of this mom. She answered the door for the cops, and the cops came there looking for her daughter because her daughter's boyfriend went missing. And they found, like, traces, like, big ass traces of blood. So they know it was like he was murdered, and they basically, like, arrested her for murder. And the mom turned and was like, what did you do? What did you do? And I'm just like, as a parent, that can't be me. I'm just like, no. I think when Rider died with my son, to the end, I think it's different. Yeah. If he hit seven bodies, and I'm like, all right, you're a little serial killer, dog.

[D]

Yeah. I think it depends on the crime. I feel like, like, murder.

[A]

It's like, it depends on, like, what happened.

[D]

I would like to if. If I know they did it too. It's like, it gets tough if it's like, oh, he robbed us a store or some. It's just like, all right, I'm gonna try to, like, protect them to a certain point.

[A]

Why not murder them, though?

[D]

Because it's like, you're a danger to me, cuz. You're a danger to society.

[A]

Like, if you find out the reason, like, oh, son. Oh, he. He kept pausing the game and he was already up 20. I see why you popped that.

[D]

We going to get you out for you, man. I feel like obviously I would never, like, Try to offer any information, but if. If it protects somebody, more people from not getting murdered, then it's just like

[A]

you feel like you taking somebody off the street.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

What's that dude that. He. He testified against his son. You know what I'm talking about? It was like a New York rapper or something like that.

[D]

It might have been Jacksonville. I think it was like the queso.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He like, would you testify against your kid?

[D]

It depends on the crime. But his was. His is different, though. I think he was like, his dad was involved in the crime too.

[A]

Nah, man, he gotta do that time for his son, man.

[F]

For the son. If I was there, lived his life.

[D]

If I was there and I was committing the crime with my kid, then yes. Right.

[A]

You gotta take that charge.

[D]

Yeah. That was there committing the crime. Yes. Then I'll take. I'll take the time.

[A]

But if you know your son.

[D]

But if it was murder and I didn't pull the trigger.

[A]

It says that he snitched on his son because of his health issues, because he had diabetes.

[D]

That's what he spoke.

[A]

So he wanted to stop the violence. Desire to stop the violence. Imagine, said your dad, for your desire to stop. Stop the violence. Oh, my God, bro. I'd be so sick in that courtroom. I would have farted so loud on that goddamn stairs. Why was I born from him again? Shout out to Dwight Howard for that big ass bag of cocaine his girl had on that live. It's just like insane to me. It's just still in my brain. Like, how do you have a personal brick? Like, what the. Are you going.

[D]

Cocaine's a tough drug too. Is it?

[A]

You think it's because he's seven foot tall, he has that much cocaine? Like, is it.

[D]

Was Dwight doing coke too?

[A]

I. Dwight has like a lot of allegations out. So I won't just sit on here and just slander his name. But it's a lot of people out here that. Because it was another girl that said, like, he ruined her career and stuff like that.

[D]

So I know last time we talked about passwords of like changing your password and stuff like that.

[A]

Password on what? Oh, just period.

[D]

Yeah, period.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I said, when do you stop using your childhood email?

[F]

Hell, when it say like, fat ma 29.

[A]

You trying to get a job? I'm hiring fat my 29. She sound loyal as hell. You a real one.

[D]

When do you have to graduate from that?

[A]

I say, like, depends on what you did. Like, I wish. Like, obviously I went corporate at some point. I was a college Football coach too. So I had to change mine. But I used to have like. Like, get out the way Johnson. Yeah, get out the. Get out the way Johnson. [e-mail] Hit me up.

[D]

I used to. Mys was like sacrilege.

[A]

Sacrilege.

[D]

I remember that. That was my. That was my email for no. No reason at all.

[F]

What does that mean?

[A]

No, you religious to a sack.

[D]

Sack was me like sacrifice. Like something that's like a sacred. I don't think that's what it is.

[A]

No, no, no.

[D]

You could like the meat.

[A]

No, like the, the beat. Huh?

[D]

It was like the meat. Like the misuse of something like sacrilege. Like if you like.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

Go into something like religious. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Sacrilege.

[D]

Yeah, sacrilege. That was tough. That was. That was so different. I used to love telling girls that was my email too.

[A]

Hey, it.

[D]

It.

[A]

It hit. Did you.

[D]

Did you. Having sex based on your email is crazy.

[A]

Come on.

[D]

That's all it took. Back in like high school, my Facebook names or MySpace names was different usernames. Mine is two fly mic.

[A]

I got a. I got a girlfriend off a game winning touchdown. I like you. Let's do it.

[D]

Thumbs up.

[A]

Let's do it.

[D]

No. Life was simple then. You had a good leatherman jacket. That was the end.

[A]

Letterman jacket. Three sport athlete, easy. You actually get in the game and stuff. Now you not.

[D]

You have to know how to do a tik tock dance.

[A]

I gotta know how to dry.

[D]

I gotta know how to gyrate my hips. I'm a bit cooked.

[A]

G. Do that again.

[D]

Niggas gotta spread in their legs open.

[F]

Why? It's tough out here now. I was just talking to some college girls the other day. They're like, these dudes out here are not. They're not it, bro.

[D]

What's this move called? Lil. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

What's that?

[D]

What is the move? The drum.

[A]

You see a doing this, you know, it ain't no.

[D]

I'm not going to lie. I'm starting to understand why people do cocaine in certain parts. It's like I was listening to this like EDM song, right? No, this song by Gordo, but this song called Gordo by called Loco, right? And it's just. It's just like one of those hit those, the drums drop. Yeah. I was like, if I did coke, this would be the setting. I would do coke in like. I get it.

[A]

You just can't convince me though.

[D]

No, you can't convince me though. But I'm just saying that was My thing, though.

[A]

Yeah, I. I'll just settle for a green tea shot if we doing coke.

[F]

What about the 80s, though?

[D]

The 80s, they definitely would have got me with a quaalude.

[A]

Listen, I'm all about. I'm all about. And break. Because I feel like we're moving in, like, the. The direction of, like, you know, minorities being more empowered, women being more empowered, and, like, I'm all about the trend. Like, I like to get ahead of the trend. Like, what we doing. I want to help take it further. So if I was in the 80s, I would have took that even further. I would have been on crack. I would have had three families. I wouldn't have given a. About nothing. And I would have been a failed musician like this. Still playing guitar in Birmingham, Alabama.

[D]

Get your tickets

[A]

for y' all don't see no, no. Again, also, to repeat again, if you around me, you can say Trump. If we on an airplane. If you say Trump, I'm swinging on you. None of that.

[F]

Oh, yeah, no, not on the air. I was about to say that airplane stuff is crazy.

[A]

This getting crammed out will beat the. Out of somebody on the Internet airplane.

[F]

But when you do that, then do you get put on a no fly list? If you're trying to protect, you know.

[A]

No.

[F]

Yourself.

[D]

In that case, you might not. You might be good. If somebody was causing. If somebody's causing a disturbance on the plane, I think they look to people to help subdue the guy.

[A]

Imagine trying to be a hero. Imagine somebody sneezing the hour. You snuff they ass. Like, got up. Y' all want to try something?

[D]

Baby crying. You come and slap the. Out the very sleep. It's a bomb. Now, slapping somebody's crying baby is crazy. No, I took care of the noise, y'.

[A]

All. You should never slap a crying baby.

[D]

No, no, I'm joking.

[A]

But the thought does go to slap their parent when the baby is crying. But obviously, if you had a baby before, you know, it's just like some uncontrollable ass crying that you just can't stop.

[F]

But I'm not there yet.

[A]

But when it's a toddler. Yeah, crying. And I see the toddler, like, three or four years old, that get me hot. I'm like, bro, get this iPad or something, bro, just get this little. A cigarette, something. Like, try anything.

[D]

No, I think when you can. When you can communicate with your kid, that's the point where it's like, all right, you got. There has to be some type of, like, shut the up involved.

[A]

That's how you want to ask a wife, Are they afraid of black people? I'll come rough. That little. Make sure he. I saw a video of a guy, he won a hundred thousand dollars off a slot machine. And they came out. I guess it's like the casino doing, like, their. Their marketing, whatever. They came out and counted his cash and put it in his hand, and he ended up tipping the person, like, $10,000. And I like, I never knew that was a thing to tip the person that's counting your money. Like, it's like a good luck thing.

[D]

I've tipped the people at, like, the. The blackjack table especially, obviously, if you're winning.

[A]

Win off of what? Winning.

[D]

And, like, I've won, like, a thousand dollars before, and I threw him like, 20.

[A]

No, because that's a percent. What percent is that?

[D]

Like, what's that? Like, 2%?

[A]

That's kind of crazy.

[D]

That's bad. I thought you had 20.

[A]

When he.

[D]

When he put it. He wouldn't give me a ticket. He won.

[A]

I wasn't expecting you to say 20, not $20. You got the 100, I think.

[D]

No. A hundred? No. Hell no.

[A]

I'm not gonna lie. How much money you spend at the table?

[D]

I came in there with 40s, bro.

[A]

And you want to band? Yes, Mike. I'm like, legit. If I was a blackjack dealer, I'm liable to slap the out. That's just so disrespectful, bro.

[D]

No.

[A]

You watch a win a rap. He talking about something.

[D]

No. If I came in there with most. If I came in there with more money. But I feel like this is a true comeback story. Like, you didn't want me to win.

[A]

No, no, they do want you to win. They get paid more when you win.

[D]

No, they don't.

[A]

Yes, they do. No, they don't.

[D]

If they. If they legit change the dealers. If you're going off. Off too much.

[A]

Yes. That's the casino. Yeah, the dealers want you to win.

[D]

The dealers don't give a.

[F]

Because you keep playing.

[A]

Yes, the. The dealers want you.

[D]

No, the dealers don't, because they're still losing game. The casino. The dealers want you to lose. They want you to have a good time. No, bro, but they want you to lose.

[A]

That's like saying the McDonald's workers don't want you to have extra if they want to, but the company don't want. And they might lose their job.

[D]

In their mind, they like they want to, but if. For their job sick. If somebody. If you're there and like, oh, 90 of the people are winning off of you. No, come on now. You're not. You don't got a job no more. No, you're doing something that means you

[A]

must be doing something wrong. But I'm just saying they. They want you to win. They like when it's like big hits anybody.

[D]

That's a dealer comment. If you want us to. If you actually want the. The customer to win.

[A]

Oh them sleep right now.

[F]

I really don't think they care. The dealers.

[D]

Yeah, I don't think they used to

[F]

work at Poto and I was security, but. But you know.

[A]

Security.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You should have hit me up when you was there. I robbed that block. It was a rough time.

[F]

Third shift too. It was crazy. I don't think the dealers care that much. I. We used to kick it with the dealers. They don't care.

[A]

I don't give a man the dealers. But no. What I will say about the casino, that is sad as like if you actually like, pay attention kitchen, you'll see a sitting up against the wall just texting like you know. You know he just put his rent on that blackjack table. Like it's some people in there that stuck like they can't go home. I seen somebody wife blowing them up and they just kept.

[F]

It's a lot of stories that could be told at. About a casino from even the fact that they use the bathroom on themselves.

[A]

Oh, I want to stay at the table sometimes.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

People at the casino, they don't move from.

[D]

They wear diapers.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

Oh, they will wear a diaper.

[D]

Crazy.

[A]

Now I seen a dude, he was gambling and he had like the. The breathing machine. Oh, white dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then he took that off and started smoking.

[D]

I definitely see to live or die.

[A]

Gamble with his money and his life and everybody else's. And this is combustible. Got the lighter right by the tank and the smoke. Shout out to Gail King. I see you, girl.

[D]

My God.

[A]

I just said I see her. Shout out to Gail King. You want to see? We got the video.

[D]

Why you say like a toddler?

[A]

The video.

[D]

Whoa.

[F]

What's going on there? She look thick.

[A]

I ain't gonna lie.

[D]

When I.

[A]

When cuz, you know, I've been like. I've like, I've given up. I've given up porn. You know what I mean? So like when I seen that video, it took me back.

[D]

I said relapsing on Gail is.

[A]

Wait, I'm telling you, when you at the end, that's how you know you need to get out of porn. Is like when you start looking up and it's not for your pleasure, you're just like, why is this on the Internet? I think it's time for me to exit this part of my life right now and turn my life over to God.

[D]

You got tweeted weeks?

[A]

Actually, no, I. I said them all. The casino one was tweeted a week, Kat was tweeted a week, and death to America was tweet a week. Ah, okay, okay, okay. But again, shout out to Dwight Howard. That's a big ass bag of coke, bro. I don't get it.

[D]

Did daylight saving anybody up?

[A]

Oh, man, come on now.

[D]

I know I paused in between my curse words, but I'm just trying to talk slower.

[A]

Who did daylight save as? Not me.

[D]

Did that mess with anybody today?

[A]

Nah, man, I ain't got no job up.

[D]

That's true. That's true though.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like entrepreneurs, they don't with us like that. Them nine to five, them should be breaking their back.

[F]

Lost a hour.

[D]

Does it throw your kid schedule off? Nah, hell no, cuz, you know, kids don't really know what time it is. They just go based off feeling.

[A]

That's the thing that my son know about me. There's no like get up time. If he got up early, I wouldn't know. I'm still asleep. What's wrong with this little man?

[F]

He might be real independent. Then you just be staying asleep.

[A]

No, he'd be mad as hell. He'd be like, it's morning, Dada. No, it ain't.

[D]

Do people even have clocks in their houses anymore? Like wall clocks?

[A]

I got one. The one I look at the most is on the stove. Yeah.

[D]

So what, do you have like a physical clock though, in your house?

[F]

I do, but it's not telling the right time.

[D]

It's more of a decoration now.

[F]

Three years ago, I just never was like, I don't use it anyway.

[A]

That tick. Stop

[D]

leaving on your favorite number. And on 67.

[A]

Yo, I'm about to text somebody. Yo, I just talked to somebody. I ain't used a clock in three years. And that's what it felt like when I left you. Time stop. That's crazy.

[D]

The guys. You think guys actually do like the.

[B]

The.

[D]

The long apology text? Yes, in a sense. In the sense of like after a while, we broke up for a while and it's like a check in, like, hey, big guy type of thing. And they use it and they actually use a real situation to happen to say, this reminded me of you.

[A]

Nah, I. I apologize. Like Biggie. Did you ever seen what Biggie did to Faith Evans? He's like, come on, Faith. I think I know what you're talking about. I got. Is we got to look up that video that about to have you crying. That's exactly how I apologize.

[F]

Say what? What did he say? He beatbox back into her heart.

[A]

Just put pull up Biggie. I sent it to you too.

[F]

That's crazy.

[D]

Oh, in the movie.

[A]

Yeah. It's basically so. Basically what Biggie is doing. He basically trying to like refer to like some deep memory that they have. And I feel like that's the funniest way to do it. Like, like you arguing with your girl and then you bring up something from a year and a half ago. Like, remember that beat? Like making a Winnie the Poo voice.

[D]

The non verbal apology.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Is. I wonder what that would be though. Would that be like the playing the music outside their house type of thing?

[A]

Yeah, like the boom box.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I feel like. I feel like non verbal apologies are like, way better. Like I've like, like gotten to the point of just like opening up for a hug.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, let's just hug it out because like half the time y' all don't need. It's a stupid argument when you hug. It's really gonna make it stupid.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

But sometimes, like, you realize, like after you hug, you're like, nah, I'm right.

[E]

Actually,

[D]

you gotta add your last point. Yeah, I don't. I feel like that's creepy though now. Right? Somebody's outside your window. That's stalkerish. Right. But they made it seem like it was a room.

[F]

If you know them and you like them. If you're just a strange person. Just. Who found my address and now you outside my window after the breakup equivalent.

[A]

Because, like, that was like a. They're putting themselves out there to get like embarrassed in front of their neighbors, you know, Like, I don't care who knows. Like, I love you, you know?

[F]

Now they do it on Facebook.

[D]

Oh, I love seeing people in relationship turmoil on the Facebook.

[A]

Like, explain. Explain the Facebook thing.

[D]

I'm confused because you'll. Especially when you have both people as friends on Facebook. It's. Oh my gosh. It's amazing.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

You just. Because you'll see. You'll see the tweet and stuff like that. It's like back outside and by the girl. Or the Facebook post. Back outside by the girl and stuff like that. And then you see the dude in the comments stop playing. You know, I love. I'M just like, oh, he's like, putting it out there.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

It's just interesting, though.

[F]

Or the ones I hate. I'm. When the guy is apologizing publicly on Facebook, like, man, I know I done did. Did some real bad stuff to you. I apologize.

[D]

Why do you hate it, though? He's apologizing.

[A]

I know what you're talking about. Jonathan is feeling sorry because you letting

[F]

everybody know you done cheated on me.

[A]

You know me. Me having a threesome in Mexico got nothing to do with the way I feel about you. Even though they was the fakiest girl I ever seen in my life. You thick too. I did not need all that business just throwing it back in my face. And for me to go in for a round two, just. I'm so mad at myself.

[D]

It just lets you know how sick I am. I'm seeking help right now too.

[A]

My favorite thing is when I find out an unnecessary secret because a couple is beefing on Facebook. Like, why do I know that Johnny is uncircumcised on a Tuesday night? Who do this if they get how to be no dick the whole time?

[D]

Or the one I see a lot is exposing the guy for being like, DL. That's the ones I see a lot

[F]

seeing the boo boo in the drawers.

[A]

The boo. A lot of people be saying that.

[D]

I think girls take that picture as collateral too. They'll take it during the relationship when everything is, like, going well. They'll take that picture and save it

[F]

for about her, though.

[D]

That is true.

[F]

Or even him if he taking pictures of people panties. Like, what are we doing?

[A]

That's how I knew, like, I was in relationships that I didn't want to be in because the girl would have a picture of me. And I'm just like, I want you to delete that. And I had to think to myself,

[D]

like, why do I want her to

[A]

delete that so bad? Oh, yeah, because we not gonna be together. And I don't want you to have not my wife. Please delete this picture of me sleeping, because I don't. I don't want to see it when I'm famous. Like, I should have told her to delete that.

[F]

They'll definitely post it when you weren't even there recently.

[B]

No, I know.

[D]

They'd be like, look, that's the way worst part.

[A]

Your favorite podcast laid up five years ago. Look what I did to him. Like, girl, that's five shots of tequila. Ms. Ms. Plank, you pillow princess, you did not put me to sleep.

[D]

That was. That was blue Chew Tequila and weed

[A]

and ecstasy tacos and Howard's cocaine. Yeah. I was on season five of All American. No wonder I fell asleep. It wasn't you they killed Tay Diggs.

[D]

I still didn't see the episode, but they killed.

[A]

I don't give up if you ain't see it yet. You. They killed Baker. Whatever. The head coach.

[D]

What series you been watching now? I've been watching Paradise. You started.

[A]

Oh, wait, it's back.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Is it good?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, I can't wait.

[D]

It's gonna be annoying, though.

[A]

You might.

[D]

You might cry.

[A]

Welcome. Hey, that was episode 249. I'm about to go watch Paradise. I might cry.

[D]

Yeah, you might cry a little bit.

[A]

Don't really make me cry, bro.

[D]

I didn't. It didn't make me cry, but it depends what you saying.

[A]

No, you would definitely cry before me.

[D]

No, I wouldn't.

[A]

Yeah, you would.

[D]

I wouldn't cry, bro. Come on now. I've seen you cry in different situations.

[A]

When you see me cry.

[D]

I saw you cry at a wedding. No. Yes, I did see you cry at a wedding.

[A]

Why did not cry at.

[D]

You cried at Casey's wedding.

[E]

Oh.

[D]

Why you're giving the speech.

[A]

It was that one that. It was a different type of crime, But, nah, that was more like seeing somebody. You grew like. Okay. You got that?

[D]

Yeah. Which is not a bad thing.

[A]

You cried at the same. The last time I cried. You cried, too.

[D]

I didn't.

[A]

Yes, you did. I saw you.

[D]

No, I didn't. Okay.

[A]

You going to hell.

[D]

I did. Anyway, you have anything to shout out?

[A]

Out.

[D]

Thank you for coming through.

[F]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I'm just. Honestly, I'm not gonna lie to y'.

[E]

All.

[F]

It's so interesting seeing y' all do this in person.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Like, I feel like I got a front row seat to just, like.

[D]

I think.

[A]

I think a lot of people, like, assume that we just take, like, oh, cut here, then start here. But we always, like, sit down all the way through it. And like, sometimes, like, when we have guests on, they, like, they're like, oh, that was it. They like, we out of here. It's like, yeah, that's it.

[F]

Yeah. No, that was really fun. I appreciate y' all for having me.

[D]

No, we definitely have you back, so.

[F]

Oh, yes. Let's do it. And then y' all have to come on my podcast. Make sure you guys follow it and take a listen every single day. It is your go to drop a juice for what's happening right now. It is called Brain Squeeze Podcast. You can find it anywhere that you get your podcast and you can follow me your girl Noni juice on Instagram at Carrie Noni underscore C a r R I e N o n I

[D]

underscore hey already here first remember live show subscribe to the Patreon

[A]

merch merch merch. We will let y' all know about the the women's international century T shirts if we gonna restock them. Ladies again, Happy international woman's eternity. Remember spam freaky gene in the chat. Let's get that going.

[D]

So I'm just gonna bleep everything. I'm gonna tell her. I believe everything he said and I'm

[A]

gonna tell Harare not to.

[D]

It's gonna back and forth, just bleeping us the whole time.

[A]

Harar gonna bleep himself.

[D]

I was like, holy editing.

[A]

Live shout out to our Shout out to our new editor, Harar. Oh, damn. We ain't gonna let him know his name. Harar.

[D]

All right, y'. All. Peace.

[A]

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[A]

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