Most High Moment - Episode 203

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike Episode: Most High Moment - Episode 203
Release Date: April 23, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 203 of the Crash Dummies Podcast, hosts Pat and Mike are joined by guests Key and Jean for a lively discussion filled with humor, personal anecdotes, and thought-provoking topics. Skipping over the introductory advertisements, the episode dives straight into conversations that oscillate between light-hearted banter and deeper societal questions.

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Social Dynamics and Personal Interactions

The episode opens with Pat and Mike humorously contemplating the idea of starting their podcast with a physical altercation, showcasing their playful chemistry. This sets the tone for a session filled with candid and often comedic exchanges.

Key Moments:

• Slapping Scenario:
  "Mike: That's you can't stop me from slapping you." ([01:45])
  "Pat: I promise you I would not retaliate in that moment. I am killing you." ([02:00])

The Ethics of Eating Seals

A light-hearted yet insightful debate ensues when Pat poses the question, "Why don't we eat seals?" This prompts discussions on cultural differences, animal ethics, and societal perceptions of certain animals.

Notable Discussion Points:

• Cultural Differences:
  "Pat: I feel like all these people that feel bad for the animals don't really feel as bad for the animals that have been naturally been getting killed." ([05:28])

• Environmental Concerns:
  "Mike: Where do seals even exist? Like, Antarctica." ([06:07])

Cartoon Network Mount Rushmore

Shifting gears, the group delves into nostalgia by creating their own "Cartoon Network Mount Rushmore," debating the merits of various animated shows from their childhood and beyond.

Highlights:

• Pat’s Selection:
  "Pat: Dexter's Lab. Dragon Ball Z. Samurai Jack." ([07:57])

• Debate on Powerpuff Girls:
  "Pat: The Powerpuff Girls was racist." ([09:31])

• Jean’s Picks:
  "Jean: Curse the Cowardly Dog is number two. Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends... Give it up for Chowder." ([10:22])

Social Media and "Dick Riding"

The conversation takes a turn towards social media behaviors, particularly focusing on the concept of "dick riding." The hosts and guests share their perspectives on supporting friends' businesses online and the thin line between genuine support and insincere promotion.

Key Quotes:

• Mike on "Dick Riding":
  "I got a tweet for y'all... 'Just got my ate with ice for the first time.'" ([17:32])

• Pat's Take:
  "You can't stop me from slapping you. I'm just saying." ([17:57])

• Jean’s Commentary:
  "I'm just trying to put people on." ([34:31])

Relationships and Hypothetical Stats

A recurring segment involves the hosts and guests imagining what random stats could appear above people’s heads, revealing their values and insecurities regarding relationships and personal traits.

Examples:

• Jean’s Preference:
  "I would say either body count or how many guys she takes it with." ([30:22])

• Pat’s Reaction:
  "Wow. I would leave her directly." ([38:24])

Personal Anecdotes and High School Stories

Jean shares a compelling story about uncovering a friend's dishonesty during high school, highlighting themes of trust and betrayal. This narrative adds depth to the episode, illustrating the complexities of friendships.

Notable Story:

• Jean on Exposing a Friend:
  "He was texting himself, making it seem like he's talking to a girl." ([49:00])

Technological Impacts on Society

The hosts briefly touch upon the implications of technology on daily life, such as navigation systems like Waze and Google Maps, discussing their reliability and societal impact.

Discussion Point:

• Waze vs. Google Maps:
  "Once people start adding that and making other ways fall off, because Waze will try to put you through some and you just be like, bro, why am I going this way?" ([63:34])

Conclusion and Shoutouts

As the episode winds down, the hosts provide shoutouts to upcoming events and personal projects, maintaining the community spirit that defines the Crash Dummies Podcast. The lively banter continues until the very end, leaving listeners entertained and engaged.

Final Remarks:

• Event Announcements:
  "Unfinished Legacy, Wisconsin pop-up tour. I'm in Sweden May 5th to 15th." ([68:23])

• Closing Banter:
  "You have a good one, bro." ([70:01])

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Notable Quotes

• Pat on Animal Ethics:
  "The Powerpuff Girls was racist because he created three white girls." ([09:31])

• Jean on Supporting Friends Online:
  "I'm just trying to put people on." ([34:31])

• Mike on Hypothetical Stats:
  "If I saw a homeless person got like 10 bucks today, I would feel better not giving that person money that day." ([46:31])

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Key Takeaways

• Cultural Perceptions Matter: Discussions highlighted how cultural backgrounds influence what animals are considered acceptable to eat and how society views different species.

• Nostalgia Drives Engagement: Reflecting on favorite childhood cartoons fostered a sense of camaraderie and nostalgia among the hosts and guests.

• Social Media Behaviors are Nuanced: The episode underscored the complexities of online support for friends’ endeavors, differentiating between genuine promotion and superficial "dick riding."

• Personal Stories Enhance Relatability: Sharing personal anecdotes about friendships and high school experiences made the conversation more relatable and grounded.

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Crash Dummies Podcast continues to blend humor with meaningful conversations, providing listeners with both entertainment and insights into everyday social dynamics. Episode 203, "Most High Moment," exemplifies the show's ability to navigate diverse topics while maintaining an engaging and light-hearted atmosphere.

Transcript

[Mike]

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[Pat]

And action.

[Mike]

You know, it'd be crazy. Start this podcast. Me slapping the out you. That'd be crazy.

[Key]

That'd be nasty.

[Mike]

That'd be. Well who if we, me and Pat started fighting? Who you jumping in?

[Pat]

First of all, are you going. First of all, let's stop. Let's, let's stop you not slapping this out of me.

[Mike]

That's you can't stop me from slapping you.

[Pat]

Listen, I promise.

[Mike]

I'm not saying you wouldn't do anything back for you can't stop me, bro. I'm just saying. He's saying like you not gonna like, what if I wanted to and he wouldn't know.

[Pat]

Listen, listen, listen.

[Key]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

On some real. If someone close to me. This is the weird thing about me. If someone close to me did some shit like that, like somebody I didn't know slapped the shit out of me, I probably fight back right away. If somebody close to me that I was just like, I don't know why you even slapped me. Like we wouldn't even talk about that. And you slapped me that hard. I promise you I Would not retaliate in that moment. I am killing you.

[Mike]

That's such an aggressive way to start the fight.

[Pat]

Right hand. The guy started it, man. At this point, it's like a dude I trusted for this long just slapped the out of me.

[Mike]

Yeah, you just. Why you. What are you doing, bro?

[Pat]

I feel comfortable. I was just trying to kill you.

[Key]

I was testing awareness. That's what I was really doing. Like, I even made it.

[Mike]

What's going on? That's what we're talking about.

[Key]

I even made it go down. I even made it go down once. You said you kill him.

[Mike]

Crazy for audio listeners. He's holding. He's holding a cushion.

[Key]

That's no awareness, bro.

[Pat]

Whoa, whoa. He said he even made it go down, so that means it was up before. So he was erect at some point. Do what it. All right, Patreon. Go ahead, Mike.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Welcome to episode 203 of Crass Dummies podcast. This is Mike, that's Pat. We got Key here. We got Jean here. Make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon. We just dropped the episode last week.

[Pat]

Yeah, and also, it's getting warm outside.

[Mike]

It is getting one more.

[Pat]

Shit. It's getting warm. Oh, yeah, I'm enjoying. But I'm gonna let y' all know, my nostrils working. I'm starting to sense a little must, and I'm not liking it. Yeah, I like when the winter Jack is kind of masked. That's the only thing good about winter. The musty gotta wear more layers.

[Mike]

Do you think people wear less deodorant in the winter than the summer?

[Key]

Hell, yeah.

[Mike]

You think people wear less?

[Key]

No, I ain't gonna. I'm gonna snitch for a second. So when I was in high school, like, freshman year, I used to just be real. I used to be real, like, just lazy about my appearance, so I, like, wouldn't brush my teeth or nothing like that. But my mama always get on me about it, especially in the summer. So in the winter, I purposely wouldn't put on deodorant because I wouldn't be musty. Like, the mustard. Just be sitting there frosty, so it'll give it. Like, my armpits would be fresh.

[Pat]

Listen, listen, listen. This is the same man that would not even admit he had a Snapchat.

[Key]

That's still a legend. Okay, I can't put out the Snapchat.

[Pat]

No, that's crazy. That's actually crazy, though.

[Key]

But see, must and Snapchat is two different things, though. I don't care about people thinking I was musty, but, you know, my Snapchat is exclusive.

[Pat]

All right, go. All right. Okay. Okay. I got a question for you, Mike.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

Why don't we eat seals?

[Mike]

Why don't we eat seals? Like the animal seals?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Is this like a. A joke?

[Pat]

No, no, no.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

Like, I'm trying to figure out, like, what make them so safe.

[Mike]

I just think there's certain animals, especially, like the, the ones you see at the aquariums.

[Pat]

No, but, like, because I feel like all these, like, people that feel bad for the animals, they don't really feel as bad for the animals that have, like, naturally been getting killed. Yeah, A cow or a pig. But if somebody ate a seal, everybody, like, what the.

[Mike]

I think with. With animals, it comes to the point of, like, how you can reproduce them.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Effectively. And I think you have to have talent as an animal.

[Key]

You don't gotta handle talent.

[Mike]

No, you do.

[Key]

Cows is bogus.

[Pat]

Listen, listen.

[Mike]

No, no.

[Key]

Pigs don't got no talent.

[Mike]

Listen, no, animals don't. Some animals don't have, like, animals like dogs, obviously. Some countries don't give a about that.

[Key]

Yeah, I know, I know one.

[Pat]

No, no, don't do that. They don't do that.

[Key]

It's a cultural thing.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Mike]

There's actually a place in Nigeria that some people eat dogs. I think. I think.

[Pat]

Let me. It's like.

[Mike]

I have to sacrifice my own people.

[Pat]

My people do it.

[Mike]

No, go ahead.

[Pat]

No, I forgot I was going to say. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, go ahead. Y' all keep diverting away from the whole thing. Y' all keep breaking other animals.

[Key]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

I'm talking about these seals.

[Mike]

Okay, my bad, my bad, my bad.

[Pat]

Everybody love to see. Oh, look, how cute. And the otters too.

[Mike]

No, they have talent.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying.

[Mike]

But they also might not taste good. Have you ever thought about that?

[Key]

Don't seals blow up after that?

[Mike]

You have to think about how the. Where seals exist. Like, where do seals even exist? Like that.

[Key]

Antarctica.

[Mike]

It's you. You want land animals. Obviously, that's what we don't eat.

[Pat]

I don't think so. They're probably in San Francisco.

[Mike]

I believe this just sounds like the most uneducated ass conversation. They be in San Francisco. They've been up here. Yes. You be chilling too?

[Key]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay. You seal, not too far. I'm starting a revolution.

[Mike]

So there's a lot of Mount Rushmores going around. And I saw a couple on X and I saw this one that said, what is your cartoon Network Mount Rushmore. So I want to know everybody else's answer to that.

[Pat]

Okay, My Mount Rushmore is. Gotta go. Dexter's Lab. Dang. Come on, now.

[Mike]

That's strong.

[Pat]

Strong, strong, strong, strong, strong, strong. Then I'm gonna cheat the system because it's really toonami, I think, or something.

[Mike]

Yeah, I'm go.

[Pat]

Dragon Ball Z. Because it was. It was on another.

[Mike]

It's the same one. If anybody argues that one. That's lame.

[Pat]

You're not. You won't actually be allowed to comment on the podcast.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

If you say something about it. Ed. Ed and Eddie.

[Mike]

Fire.

[Pat]

My last one, which I got into real late because I had a little switch. A Samurai Jack.

[Key]

Samurai Jack was so cold, bro.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

I cooked. I cooked chat.

[Mike]

It's gonna be a tough one. All right, So I also have Ed, Edd and Eddie.

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

I have Dector's laboratory.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

This is where it gets controversial. I have code name Kids Next Door.

[Key]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

I'm gonna change my legs.

[Key]

Crazy gonna say that.

[Pat]

Oh, man. No, co. They. They. They top three. And they not two or three. Number one.

[Mike]

And my last one might be strange.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Powderpuff Girls.

[Pat]

Weird ass.

[Mike]

Is that. Is that weird?

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

I think Powderpuff Girls was, like, the first show where you could watch as a dude, especially back then, and you feel. You still feel manly by watching it. It was a good storyline.

[Pat]

No, it wasn't a good storyline. Girl. The Powerpuff Girls was racist.

[Mike]

You really think so? Yeah.

[Pat]

He created three white girls. Go beat on a man. No, but did you guys hear the plot of the Powerpuff Girls connecting to Samurai Jack? Yeah, something like that. Like, hit. That's Samurai Jack Daughters or something. Oh, that's him. Yeah, yeah, that's him. Like, that's Professor. Yeah, that's a professor.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, they the same.

[Pat]

No, it was just an author illustrator being lazy as hell. You know what? Cut off the ponytail from the last. We know what you doing.

[Mike]

What's your ski?

[Key]

I got cod. Name is number one.

[Pat]

That's fire. I forgot about them.

[Key]

Curse the Cowardly Dog is number two.

[Pat]

Weird ass. Weird.

[Key]

That was.

[Pat]

Bro.

[Key]

That show was so legendary.

[Pat]

What's three? What's three?

[Key]

Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.

[Pat]

That came on late, though. That was like.

[Mike]

Which one is that one? No. Hell no, bro. No. Yeah, that's. That's.

[Key]

And this one right here. Definitely the best show of all time. Give it up for Chowder.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, I know what them brain cells.

[Mike]

No, that was the first. That had to be the first thing Brain R. Like, he'd be like, I'm about to beat your ass.

[Key]

I knew what he was saying.

[Pat]

No key looked like the dude when he was a kid. He was writing his K's backwards, bro.

[Key]

What does that even mean?

[Pat]

What does that mean, Donkey? The other way.

[Key]

No bueno.

[Mike]

That's the dough.

[Pat]

He used to get on top.

[Mike]

Oh, man. All right, Gene, turn those K's around. I, I, I get your list because you are younger than us, so it is like a different generational, you know.

[Key]

Y' all didn't like chowder?

[Mike]

No, chowder was very. It was. Was kind of new for me. It was newer. I was watching it, but it wasn't. It was like, yeah, we already had Ed and. Had Ed and Eddie already at some point.

[Key]

So Ed and.

[Pat]

Like, he said, hey, age group, you know.

[Key]

Oh, yeah, out of the 90s.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

No, you got you good.

[Mike]

No, no, we were talking over you.

[Pat]

No, Mike. Mike said, hey, hey, Heady.

[Mike]

Come on. I had that different type of DVD that the Vocabulary Police. All right. What you got?

[Pat]

Some erotic. I was having trouble, actually, a little bit just listening to y' all just because of the age difference, you know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

So I, like, let's not say, like, g you are.

[Pat]

I understand the classics. That's what I'm saying. But when it comes to, like, watching.

[Mike]

Now, you are a farmer.

[Pat]

Because I. With everybody's list, and, And I wanted to be either personal or, like, general with my list, and. But Dexter. Dexter is up there. Kids next door, y' all forgot this one. And I have to put it, like, Scooby Doo. I ain't gonna lie.

[Key]

That was on Cartoon Network.

[Pat]

Scooby Doo is fire.

[Key]

No, I couldn't do Scooby Doo.

[Pat]

I was. I mean, that's what I used to watch a lot. That was like, a personal one, but, like, his real. Hey, you know. You know who watch. And it's iconic, though.

[Mike]

Like, you know it's iconic.

[Pat]

But watch Scooby Doo when it was younger. Snitches, like, yeah, y' all watching the whole show about telling on people, bro. They know it's weird as hell.

[Mike]

Scooby Doo. I just didn't want to be committing crime.

[Key]

I like the movie. I like the movie was fire.

[Mike]

The movie's fire.

[Pat]

But listen, just think about the villains, though. Yeah, they wasn't committing crimes. It was dressing up and, like, terrorizing.

[Key]

They costumes was dope, though. Like a realistic ghost costume just for it to be a white dude under there.

[Mike]

I got the formula down, though, with Scooby Doo, it was like they were. It was rarely like. I wouldn't say the writing was terrible, but it was just not the greatest writing to me because you could easily guess who. You can eliminate people throughout the show. If they're trying to make you think that's the person that's not the person That's. That's already process of elimination.

[Pat]

Well, we, like, watch a show about a coed bounty hunter group.

[Mike]

All right. What was your last one, G? Sorry?

[Pat]

The last one. I'm gonna say Powerpuff Girls.

[Mike]

Thank you. Let's go to show.

[Pat]

Girls is good, bro.

[Mike]

Oh, so you're just trolling.

[Pat]

I'll just show them they still racist.

[Mike]

So what would you take out of yours for kids next door then? Because you said it's up there. So what would you take out?

[Pat]

Tom and Jerry.

[Mike]

Oh, you did say Tom and Jerry.

[Key]

You would take top.

[Mike]

We're Tom and Jerry was a very passing the time show for me.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike]

It wasn't like. I wasn't really watching it, like, invested, like, what's gonna happen next on, I think Common Jerry.

[Key]

It was fun, though.

[Mike]

It was like the tick tock. It was like tick tock for us.

[Pat]

Yeah. So fast paced.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Your grabs, the concept, like, oh, they not talking.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Key]

Like the seventies.

[Mike]

Yeah. Tom J. Is older than. Definitely older than us.

[Key]

It's older than y' all.

[Mike]

Come on now, bro.

[Pat]

Definitely.

[Key]

I thought it came out around your time.

[Mike]

Oh. Something we didn't talk about. And you actually put me onto this was I. You sent me a video, and you're like, come on now. Let me just say it, bro. You sent me a video of Pat Riley, and it was like a ceremony. A jersey ceremony. Right. And it was for Michael Jordan. So what I didn't know was going on was that I didn't know that was in the. When Michael Jordan was playing.

[Pat]

Can I do it?

[Mike]

Yeah, go ahead, Dick Rod. I didn't know.

[Pat]

I.

[Mike]

When you sent me that, I thought that that was like, retired Michael Jordan. Like, they're just showing love. Like, trying to retire number 23 for every team. Yeah. Because I get most of my sport news from you, so I like, oh, they retired Michael Jordan jersey. Okay, that's a little late, but it's. I get it. You know, the Jesse, Jackie Robinson type of deal. Everybody retires a number in the league. I didn't know he was playing.

[Pat]

You're still playing. He was in the lineup. And they did like a half wizard, half Bulls jersey at that home double blaze. Put an artist through that, man. It's still in rapid. Like, nobody has ever been like. I feel like that's weird. It's like. I feel like that's, like, not heat culture. I don't know why I feel like that was a mistake. But they can't go back.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And it's not something you can take back.

[Key]

I bet you the next night it.

[Pat]

Was like, wait, why the will we do that? I thought he was saying that. Like, bro, that was stupid as hell. I know they'd be looking at it.

[Mike]

Like, maybe was this, like, his farewell tour?

[Pat]

I gotta go look and see what I said. But honestly, I will say that in all seriousness. It's, like, vintage, though.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So it's like them having, like, this historical piece because nobody did it.

[Mike]

I wonder if that was just like.

[Pat]

Like, it's just like, the ultimate farewell tour. Get right on. But.

[Mike]

I got.

[Pat]

Maybe he cultured do that on purpose, because I feel like with the Dwyane Wade statue. So maybe this is just, like, some type of heat culture joke. What, are they trolling us?

[Mike]

Yeah, this could be. So, speaking of dick riding, right? So I have a tweet for Chicho. I got a tweet for y' all. All right, so the title of this tweet is. Is. Is called. What do you call it?

[Key]

Crazy Bro.

[Pat]

Mike. What?

[Mike]

What? What did I say?

[Key]

He said, speaking of dick riders.

[Mike]

Yes. Speaking of dick riding.

[Key]

I got a video for y' all.

[Mike]

I got a tweet for y' all.

[Key]

Oh, I thought you said video even then, though.

[Mike]

What is that? Speaking of dick. We just said dick. You just shouted Dick Rider. Why is me saying speaking of dick Rider? You just shouted Dick. What? What is going on? What? You gas like me.

[Pat]

What you. It's like a space you're taking me. It's Dick Rider. Dick Rider.

[Mike]

I said, speaking of dick riding.

[Key]

See, bro, but that's crazy. Dick riding.

[Mike]

Oh, my God, you guys are right. All right, so this is a tweet. And this girl tweets, just got my ate with ice for the first time. Loud. Right? And then somebody comments under and says, how was the experience? And then she replies and says, wonderful. My can eat. And then he says, I know. He had you screaming.

[Pat]

Insane. That's actually insane.

[Mike]

Not hyping another man's work in the bedroom is.

[Pat]

You don't know about the. The more famous tweet than that.

[Mike]

Which one?

[Pat]

The one where it's like, I forgot if it's a rapper.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Holding his girlfriend, like, in the straddle position. I don't know what the caption said, but somebody quoted and said that hoe for me. 5. What?

[Key]

What the is going on?

[Pat]

Why is so crazy? But that's the tweet a week he had over me. Let me. Let me tell you. So Mike had that. We said that tweet a week, like three or four days ago, whenever it was. And I was like, damn, I gotta try to find one better. I didn't find one better, but I had some challengers, though. Okay. This girl tweeted, I got surgery tomorrow. Pray for me. Somebody responded, prayer hands. Unless you got a. Okay. All right, here we go.

[Mike]

Feel it.

[Pat]

Okay. I seen one where dude tweeted and he said it was a. It was a. It was a gift of a dude doing this.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like. Like he can't hear you know, you can't hear the crowd when you taunt the crowd.

[Mike]

Like, I can't hear you.

[Pat]

I can't hear you. And it was a gift of that. And the captain said when she wants you to repost her missing cousin, but she respond to your text.

[Mike]

The thing people. I feel like girls don't realize sometimes is. Well, they probably realize this dude's got to be the most. Like, dude's feelings get hurt a lot and they take it the hardest.

[Pat]

Yeah, it's some.

[Mike]

Them, like, guys take rejection very hard.

[Key]

Oh, yeah.

[Pat]

But yeah, that's still no excuse. And women know what they want.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Faster than men. So like. Like a lot of dudes don't even know, like, women got a certain type. And that's the type. They don't care what you do. All this. I sent you flowers. All this like. Like that. That for the 70s and 80s when they had social media, like women have social media. They got goals, they got places they want to get. And if you ain't got that aesthetic, then you. You was never. It don't be getting mad like, you go up to short. Hey, what's up? How you doing? Can I get your number? She turn you down. You just like, man her. Why? Why? Yeah, but there's so many other people in the world. Why are you saying her, bro? I think that is so weird when, like, when somebody just be like, man her. And it's like, oh, why? Because it did that relationship didn't work out, so now it's her. Wait, she go up.

[Mike]

Because unless she really did something, then it could really be her.

[Pat]

I don't be doing nothing today.

[Mike]

No, a lot of these do be having some petty ass reason, bro.

[Pat]

Or the girl just be getting her look back.

[Mike]

Yeah, no, I don't. I don't think Lickback shouldn't be a thing. Lickback shouldn't be a thing.

[Pat]

Right, but don't penalize them for being.

[Mike]

But the thing is that if, if you one person did something wrong, right? And we choose to make things work and we're choosing to move forward together and then you get your lick back, quote unquote. I don't think that's right. If you agree and say, hey, I.

[Pat]

Don'T think it's right, but I'm not.

[Key]

Agreeing for if I seen it on you and you know I'm not dealing with you no more, why would I do that? For failure.

[Mike]

I get what you're saying. You're just saying you think it's just over on both ends.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Key]

Hell yeah.

[Mike]

So if you got caught cheating, you would just end the relationship like you're not. There's no. Even if she forgives you?

[Key]

No women. Sneaky, bro.

[Mike]

Craftsman days are here at Lowe's.

[Key]

With big savings on the tools you need. Save 100 on the Craftsman V26 Tool Power Tool Combo Kit now at $199. No matter what the project is, Craftsman's high quality, high performance products empower you to build on. Stop by your nearest Lowe's store and check out the full line of Craftsman tools today. Valid through 618. Wall supplies last selection varies by location.

[Mike]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone. Paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments.

[Pat]

But that's weird. Okay, one judgment.

[Mike]

Anyway, give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront.

[Jean]

Payment of $45 for 3 month plan.

[Mike]

Equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate first 3 months only.

[Jean]

Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra.

[Mike]

See full [e-mail] I got. I got one more too for you.

[Pat]

That's crazy toxic. Okay, go ahead.

[Mike]

This one was actually just an interesting concept too. But the first person to have bad acne probably got stoned. Oh my God.

[Pat]

No, probably the opposite. The first person with clear skin probably got stoned.

[Mike]

Oh, you think they had. You think they had acne bad back then?

[Key]

Used to be everywhere they weren't washing.

[Mike]

Their hands like that.

[Pat]

Everybody had cysts popped in out their eyeballs and they used to should be nasty. You heard Johnny Eye exploded? Yeah, man, he keep putting that everybody. Ey was pink Nobody was. They was wiping with their hands. Everybody with blurry vision and pink eyes. That's why it took us so long to develop. They like, man, we got to stop rubbing this in our eyes, bro.

[Key]

This burning, bro.

[Mike]

What's like a minor thing, Like a minor sickness that you think we should have the cure for by now? Like, I don't. You like colds? Like the common cold?

[Pat]

Cold should. I should be able to delete my code with a certain amount of money.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

If I have a cold, obviously, like, there's remedies and stuff. Like, even when you take care of yourself, going to water fast, take the right medication and stuff like that, it could still take like 24 to 48 hours to get rid of a cold. That's like the fastest time possible. There should be something by now with technology to be like, okay, I just took this, I got rid of my coal. The only side effects should just be like erectile dysfunction for 24 hours.

[Mike]

24 hours.

[Pat]

I feel like that should be the penalty for like everything.

[Key]

So you make a.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, wait. You make a mistake, bro, you run a red light instead of getting a ticket. Erectile dysfunction, 24 days.

[Mike]

Do you think more. Do you think more rules be followed?

[Key]

Well, more rules definitely be followed for sure. My dick not working. I'm not speeding no more.

[Mike]

To go. Like, hey, baby, I'm about to be over there in 30 minutes. It's going to take me. It might take me an hour, cuz I'm trying to go up there with a hard dick.

[Pat]

Listen, bro, you. I don't even try to fight me, bro. You see me with these girls, bro.

[Mike]

Don't do this. That would be a good. A perfect way to be a player hater, bro. You nobody.

[Pat]

There'll be no more fights in a club. I would knock you out, bro. I am not trying to get 15 days, Ed, because you. You.

[Mike]

This episode is presented to you by Underdog. Turn your takes into cash with Underdog by picking higher or lower on your favorite player stats. Make sure to support this show by hitting the link in the description and downloading Underdog. Sign up and deposit now using the promo code dummies to get up to a thousand dollars of bonus cash and a free pick.

[Jean]

Yeah, we're good with it.

[Pat]

What's the highest thing you've ever done?

[Jean]

The highest thing I've ever done?

[Pat]

That's a question.

[Jean]

Ain't gonna lie. It was one time me and the homies was smoking, right? He popped some mushrooms. I couldn't get up. I saw a Cup next to me. I went into the other room, did what I had to do. Ain't l about. Probably about the highest. I ain't done.

[Mike]

So I guess I'm asking the question again. What was your highest moment?

[Jean]

Oh, highest moment. Oh, damn. I'm about to click this. The highest moment. Oh, oh. I forget what I put down this question. I was martial arts teacher.

[Mike]

What do you respond to the same thing, but he just. Yeah, I don't know what I got you started on cook? No, you're good. You hide Right now, question right now, what was your highest moment?

[Jean]

Yeah, my highest moment, it was when I was a martial art teacher. So like between middle school to senior year when I graduated, I was a martial art teacher doing taekwondo. I used to teach a bunch of people. We had a couple lawyers and mainly like, kids and shit, but I was a second degree black belt. That was about the highest it had done, or you know what I mean?

[Pat]

Wait, you think we mean, like highest achievement?

[Jean]

Yeah, right.

[Mike]

No, no, no.

[Pat]

What's funny is I think you now have an answer to this question. Now. This is the highest. This is your highest moment. I know inside his brain is just a monkey clapping.

[Mike]

All right, y' all going, bro, you need to cut.

[Pat]

You need to go cut that bloodline off.

[Mike]

Happy 420. Whatever. He passes. No, that was a real 420 moment, bro.

[Pat]

He don't need to have no. No kids, bro.

[Mike]

You think they should be a living of people that have kids?

[Pat]

Yeah, bro, that stuff like that just be like, man, you don't want to.

[Mike]

Pass those type of genetics.

[Pat]

Give him a vasectomy. Right, Mike, on the spot, too. Cut open. This should not be teaching anybody, bro.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

If people's losing their dicks out here for doing dumb, I can't get caught, bro. They'll take my.

[Jean]

You can hear me.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How's it going, man?

[Jean]

No, no, listen, bro, I am excited. I ain't gonna lie to you, because I had an off week last week in the YouTube comments.

[Mike]

Oh, you did?

[Jean]

I'll be honest with you, because Pat was talking about some. I went to the hat store and bought myself a hat, and I was like, man, his rap name would be Fat Back. Pat didn't do well. I told you.

[Pat]

Try again next week, didn't I? Slimy bas.

[Mike]

I got a question for you. If you could see one random stat above someone's head, what would it be?

[Jean]

See when to see how many times somebody said the hard R? And when's the last time they said It. And I don't like how quiet it is because I know how Mike got that goofy look on his face sometimes. So let me explain this to y' all. My bad, Pat. I forgot it's your pack ass. I can use my hand next time.

[Pat]

Yeah, shut the up, man. That's what you need to do. What are you talking about? Is he white?

[Jean]

Me?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Jean]

No, I'm a mud baby. You know, a mixed. Mixed breed.

[Pat]

What is it? What are you?

[Jean]

I'm black and white.

[Pat]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

So how many times somebody's used a.

[Jean]

Hard R and when's the last time they said it?

[Mike]

All right, so say you see that stat. What would you then do about.

[Jean]

About it?

[Mike]

About it?

[Key]

Yeah.

[Jean]

Depends how deep I am. Four deep. Jumping them. Let's say it was 30 minutes ago. I'm jumping because imagine you go to McDonald's, trying to be fat, get your McDouble, you stutter on accident. You get up to the cash register and you see 30 seconds ago, you the only one there.

[Pat]

Y' all mixed kids saying anything. Mixed kids. Their brains be everywhere.

[Jean]

That's my baby.

[Mike]

We just.

[Jean]

We just try to be accepted.

[Mike]

Mud baby. I've never heard mud baby.

[Jean]

Oh, I'mma put y' all on.

[Mike]

Where does mud baby come from?

[Pat]

Put y' all on. Lay that in.

[Mike]

Where's my baby come from?

[Jean]

So I got this buddy, not to put Mike out there, but he's also from Africa. And he one day, we chilling, and he's like, man, I hate you mud babies. And I'm like, what you talking about, mud babies? He's like, you mixed breeds. I was like, well, damn, I'm sorry. I can't be from the motherland. So that's what it is. Mud babies, anybody?

[Mike]

I thought you're gonna give me a legit reason why it's caused. Somebody called you a mud baby.

[Pat]

Wait, wait.

[Jean]

What type of stuff.

[Pat]

What type of mix kid are you? Are you, like, Corbin Blue or Orlando Brown?

[Jean]

Orlando Brown. Definitely not. That. That is wild. But I'm definitely not fitness. Sit there and do no High School Musical.

[Pat]

Hey, I got some. You ever heard. You ever heard this Kendrick Lamar verse here? You say no more. Stop saying it, brother, please.

[Jean]

No, no, no, no.

[Pat]

Car revoke card.

[Jean]

Revoke.

[Pat]

Give me half the car back, man.

[Jean]

My buddy's already told me I can't give it out now. It's got just.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jean]

Before you hang up on me, audio, listen. That's it.

[Pat]

Loser.

[Mike]

That did not go the way you thought it was gonna go.

[Jean]

Hey, bro, it happened okay.

[Mike]

All right, man.

[Pat]

I know they was beat your ass in high school.

[Jean]

What's up, man?

[Mike]

What up? What up?

[Pat]

Yo, what's the deal? Welcome to crashing these podcast.

[Jean]

Man. I was just responding to that dang post, man. People will be thinking I'm glazing for supporting their business. It's crazy.

[Pat]

Oh, put me on me.

[Mike]

What question we ask him the dick riding one.

[Pat]

The dick riding one. Why he sound like that? Yo, yo, yo, yo. Welcome back. Crash on his podcast.

[Mike]

Yo, where you from?

[Jean]

I'm in Charleston. Oh, South Carolina.

[Mike]

Where are you from from?

[Jean]

I'm from Charleston. Oh, well, New York, but I grew up here, like, all my life, so I really don't say New York sound like a country.

[Mike]

It's, like, weird, though. I get it.

[Pat]

Like, say Charleston. Why do you say that?

[Mike]

No, no, no. There's something else, though.

[Pat]

He's talking like a voice.

[Mike]

Like, what's your nationality? What's your nationality?

[Jean]

I'm Filipino and Puerto Rican.

[Mike]

Okay, there you go. I'm like, I hear something.

[Jean]

Some typ y Probably thought I was Caucasian. That's what it was.

[Mike]

No, I didn't think you. I definitely furthest thing from it, actually, down south.

[Pat]

That's crazy. We ain't never heard this voice before. Need to be in gta. Voice actor. All right, what feels like dick riding, but probably ain't.

[Jean]

Dang on. Supporting your boys.

[Pat]

Huh?

[Jean]

Supporting, like, your friend's business. Like, if they. If they launch in a business and then you start supporting them, people be all like, oh, man. You know, you just share this post. Trying to meet ride, bro. No, I'm not trying to do that. I'm just trying to put people on.

[Pat]

So somebody actually hit you up and said you was dick ride?

[Jean]

Yeah, man, you got a bunch of. But everybody want to be detailers out here, man, like clean cars and whatnot, which I ain't trying to knock nobody on their game, man. Money is money. But I was sharing my. My boys post, and they was all like, what you know about this? Or how. How close are you to the. I was like, what are you talking about, bro? Like, it don't. It don't really matter, man, if you from where I'm from. I'm gonna put anybody on game with what you're doing.

[Pat]

All right? Promote somebody business right now.

[Jean]

A E M Allen Supreme Detailing out there at Charles Austin, South Carolina, man. Hey, man, check in, tap in. He do Reynolds, too.

[Pat]

Shout out to whoever that is.

[Mike]

Yo, good one, bro.

[Jean]

You too, man.

[Pat]

Later. Real. Right there, boy. Stand up business. Stupid talking Ass.

[Jean]

Yeah. What's up, yo?

[Mike]

Damn.

[Jean]

How you doing, man?

[Pat]

You had a party or something?

[Jean]

I'm. I'm at a ball right now.

[Mike]

Oh, wait, where you at?

[Pat]

Why are you not putting Rs on his way?

[Jean]

I'm at the ball.

[Mike]

Where are you from?

[Jean]

Oh, I'm from Germany. My bad, guys.

[Mike]

Oh, no.

[Pat]

Where?

[Mike]

Germany?

[Jean]

Germany.

[Pat]

Why are you saying like that?

[Mike]

Because he's German.

[Jean]

My English so up, man.

[Mike]

Don't worry about it, bro. Don't let these bully you.

[Pat]

No, I'm just saying it's. Oh, he's. He's just German.

[Mike]

German.

[Pat]

Oh, just nothing. Okay, I hear.

[Mike]

I speak German. You can speak all you try to say. Are you from. What's, like, your nationality?

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying.

[Mike]

That's what you're trying to say.

[Jean]

Oh, I'm look like a Arabic guy. I'm not really 100 German.

[Mike]

Got it. Okay. All right. If you could see one random stat above someone's head, what would it be?

[Jean]

I would say either body count or how many guys she takes it with. Because many girls lie about that. They. They moving like playing LeBron James, and they'd be like, ah, you're the only guy I'm texting you.

[Mike]

But all right, say the stat just says the guy, and it doesn't say the reason. What's your. You know, what's your. Your number?

[Jean]

For what?

[Mike]

For amount of texting. Like, how many guys can she talk to while y' all talking?

[Jean]

I would say maybe if. If it's 10, it's too much.

[Pat]

10. Too much?

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Mike]

All right. What's your body count limit, then? Damn stats. You want to see.

[Jean]

If I would see it? I would say if it's over 15 people, then it's too much.

[Pat]

How many. How many. How many people have you had sex with? What? How many people. You know what sex is? How many people you have sex with?

[Jean]

You exactly.

[Pat]

How many people you had sex with?

[Jean]

Oh, over. Over 40.

[Mike]

What the fuck?

[Pat]

It's not much.

[Jean]

It's not much.

[Pat]

So you. But you want your girl. That. What if. What if the girl has the same body count as you?

[Jean]

Wow. I would leave her directly.

[Mike]

That makes no sense.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying.

[Jean]

For guys. Gypsy then forgot.

[Pat]

Go boy is different, man.

[Mike]

All right, man. All right, man. You have a good one, man. Hope you find true love.

[Jean]

Thanks. You too.

[Pat]

I knew you was stupid.

[Mike]

Now you no Pat has a. A real good meter, bro.

[Pat]

Hello.

[Mike]

Yo.

[Pat]

Hey.

[Jean]

What's good?

[Mike]

What up? What up?

[Jean]

Chilling. What's up? What's good.

[Mike]

No podcasting. I got a question for you. If you could see. If you could see one random stat above someone's head, what would it be?

[Jean]

I think I gave two answers. I think that I would want to see where they rank overall out of all 8 billion or whatever the number there is of people. I want to see their actual rankings. And you get no context of how this came to be. This is just God's number he gave it to. This is how he feels.

[Mike]

You versus the other 8 billion.

[Pat]

We're just gonna start a ranking system. We're gonna have the same problem we got today. Just starting another war, brother. I don't know.

[Jean]

I can see it. Everyone can see it. That's a.

[Pat]

There's gonna be people bonding together over what billion? First billion.

[Mike]

Bro, you can only get to this club now. That be. That'll be bro.

[Pat]

No, you got to be top 100,000 to get in this club. That's crazy. There'll be people killing people to move up in the rankings. Like, bro, I can get the top 10 this week. Don't test me.

[Mike]

That's what it'll be interesting to see what you could do to actually move up the rankings.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

But I guess it would be like a social credit score almost.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. But some people born higher than others. I guess it's like somebody writing this down for the money movie. Like a crazy ass episode now I'm telling you, this going to come out and bro, somebody. Somebody about to get famous. You're welcome, bro. We too lazy to make it into the movie. You got it. You won, bro.

[Jean]

Baller Alonzo ball for buzz balls.

[Mike]

Ready to go. Cocktails take 12. Buzz balls just dropped their biggest blue balls. Script says biggies blue balls.

[Jean]

Lonzo, take 13.

[Mike]

Blue balls just dropped their biggest buzz balls.

[Jean]

Let's try a vocal exercise.

[Mike]

Buzz balls. Biggies. Blue balls. Buzz balls. Bigg. Big balls just dropped. Get blue balls. This season with Buzzball, please hear responsibly. Buzzball is available in spirit, wine and malt. 15% Alco, Bavo and Buzzballs LLC. Carrollton, Texas. Does it ever feel like you're a marketing professional just speaking into the boy? Well, with LinkedIn ads, you can know you're reaching the right decision makers. You can even target buyers by job title, industry, company seniority skills. Wait, did I say job title yet? Get started today and see how you can avoid the void and reach the right buyers with LinkedIn ads. We'll even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign. Get started at LinkedIn.com results, terms and conditions apply. Did you know that parents rank financial literacy as the number one most difficult life skill to teach? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app for families. With Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores automate allowance and keep an eye on your kids spending with real time notifications, kids learn to earn, save and spend wisely. And parents can rest easy knowing their kids are learning about money with guardrails in place. Try Greenlight risk free [e-mail] Spotify.

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash Enemies podcast. What's good? Good, good, good. We barely hear you. I just let you know know you know that talk a little bit louder.

[Jean]

On the AirPod. I sorry.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, get off. Yeah, it's your AirPods.

[Pat]

Yeah. Cheap out of here. He got the AirPods. Only can charge up to an hour and take that shit off. Yeah.

[Mike]

Your own background is louder.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Where are you from?

[Pat]

Wherever. You got some AirPods.

[Mike]

Where are you from?

[Jean]

Jamaica. I called before.

[Mike]

Oh, oh, Benjamin.

[Pat]

Truth. Bend the truth.

[Jean]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Say it.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Mike]

All right. That's the question. I'm gonna reference something from the last call because last time we talked to you, you said. You said Jamaicans don't like eating. So why you? What say?

[Pat]

I feel like you got like some C's in your. That should be.

[Mike]

Yeah, I feel like vagina. Okay. Last time we called you, you said Jamaicans don't like eating girls out.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Why. Why do you think that's a thing?

[Jean]

Ron. Ron is just the food. Unlike Dick. It's just beer, skin, liquid everywhere. No, I can't put it more on that. It's good to put it more than that. I don't do that anymore anyway.

[Mike]

You done. You retired.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Mike]

What. What made you retire?

[Jean]

You see, you don't. Things. You start from when you're young. When you get older, it will start to like, stick your stomach and you start feel bad. You have to build a fine unity to it. You can't start when you're old, basically.

[Mike]

Oh, okay. It's one of those. It's too late to start typing.

[Jean]

Yeah. It's too late to start that stuff.

[Pat]

So what? So what? Let's say you're dating the most beautiful woman you ever met.

[Mike]

That.

[Pat]

And she says, I need you to start doing that and going down on her. What you going to tell her then?

[Jean]

I'll get the second most beautiful woman until I get one that doesn't want that.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

Ain't that lying, though?

[Jean]

What Ain't that lying? No, no, I'm not lying.

[Pat]

No, come on.

[Jean]

Suspending the truth.

[Mike]

All right, bro, you have a good one.

[Pat]

Is coming out, man.

[Jean]

That's. That's why. That's why I have to. With my half brother Mike. We just going to go out for the same ship.

[Pat]

Wait, wait. Are you all right? So you for Jamaican or you got Nigerian? Is that what you're saying?

[Jean]

Something like that. Half Jamaican, half Nigerian.

[Pat]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So that's your brother.

[Mike]

That's my What's. What's. What's. What's Tribe.

[Jean]

To be honest, I don't. With that I even know.

[Mike]

Hey, fair enough. All right, man. You have a good one.

[Jean]

What's up, man? How you doing?

[Pat]

Mysterious.

[Mike]

All right, I got a question for you. If you could see one random stat above someone's head, what would it be?

[Jean]

How much money they got, and what.

[Mike]

Would you do with the information?

[Jean]

All right, listen, I just feel like people would lie a lot less if you just knew how much money they had. Like, just the stat above their head. If a crackhead came up to you and they were probably, like, hiding some money or some. You be needing to give them money.

[Mike]

No, if I did see a homeless person got like 10 bucks today, I would feel better not giving that person money that day.

[Pat]

Yeah, that'd be even crazy if it was like a homeless person sitting there. And if it's like 2 million a day, like, bro, I just like dressing like this and chilling, bro.

[Mike]

But I do think. I think it'd be less arguments.

[Pat]

Yeah, man. It's.

[Jean]

It's crazy because people have actually done that before.

[Mike]

Crazy.

[Pat]

If. If you know it's crazy, what would be to get on the elevator and Two people with $0 get on with you. You like, oh, man. And they looking at your. They're like, yeah, we got that little stat, too, bro. We see that little 10k in your. Bro, we gonna need that.

[Mike]

Oh, man. All right, bro. You have a good one.

[Jean]

You too, man. Oh, yeah, by the way, hey, I'm not an audio listener, but you anyways, Pat.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

Nice, man.

[Mike]

Where are you from?

[Jean]

New Zealand.

[Mike]

I feel like there's a whole New Zealand. It seems like everybody's from different country on this call.

[Pat]

Yeah. Oh, you from New Zealand.

[Jean]

Yeah.

[Pat]

How tall are you, man?

[Jean]

All right. Five, ten.

[Pat]

Five ten. Okay. Ain't bad.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

What you do for a living now?

[Jean]

I'm 16. I don't got.

[Pat]

Oh, okay. Okay. No Ambitious ass.

[Mike]

All right, man. You have a good one. All right.

[Jean]

YouTube.

[Mike]

Hello. What it do what it do?

[Jean]

Good.

[Pat]

Welcome to Crashmates podcast. What's up, Good?

[Jean]

You Pat?

[Mike]

Can I ask a real question? Why do people keep saying Pat? Like, what. What's your. What's your.

[Jean]

It's OG Everybody know. Everybody who's been listening for a minute know it's Pat.

[Mike]

All right, so you're just doing it for the. For the.

[Jean]

For the culture, for the nostalgia.

[Pat]

Yeah, I love that, man. I love the game. Like Hobie in his prime, man. I love the hate, man. I love these ass.

[Mike]

All right, if you could. If you could see one random stat above someone's head, what would it be?

[Jean]

Man, they body count. I got a funny story on that. So, look, I went to high school. He ain't my homeboy no more because I found out this about him, but I used to go to high school. We're gonna call. We're gonna call this old buddy Pat, okay?

[Pat]

No, you're not. You're not gonna call it, Pat. I'm a hang up, bro. Bro.

[Jean]

We don't call his ass Pass. So this always come with a new host story where we just graduated high school. I'm talking about. He always outside, right? He come with a new host story. Oh, I just. This all. I just went to the strip club this hoe, and it gets to a point where it's like, all right, Everything you saying questionable. My. Because it's like, you ugly as you fat as hell. Ain't no way you hose. Anyway, where. I went to the club one time, and it was this bottle girl. He was like, oh, I on her before this. That third. I on her before. So I'm like, all right, cool. I go talk to the ball girl. I was like, hey, you my homeboy.

[Mike]

Before.

[Jean]

Every time you get off like, let's all drink. She's like, who's your homeboy? So I pointed at him. I was like, Pat. She was like, I don't know, Pat. I'm like, what you mean, you don't know Pat? And then I was like, he got screenshots and of y' all texting. She's like, he tried to ask for my number one time, but I told him no. So I'm like. So I go. I go grab Pat. She walk away. She go back. We got a whole section. I'm like, hey, Pat, ain't you with her before? He was like, oh, yeah, she mad that. She mad that we broke up, because I ain't want to mess with her no more. This after. Oh, like, you got the messages, though, right? He was like, yeah, I Was all right. I was like, send me the screenshots. Yeah, send them to me. I went back over there and talked to her. She said. She said, tell him to click on the icon and let me see the number. Boy, this was texting himself. I guess he was texting himself and deleting the messages. That would pop up every time he attacks himself. And he made a whole ass fake conversation with himself about. With a girl.

[Pat]

That's actually kind of crazy.

[Mike]

That's crazy. But you know what's crazier? You trying to be a detective about this.

[Pat]

Yeah, I was like, weird as.

[Mike]

That's.

[Pat]

That's Loki.

[Mike]

Yes. Because I feel like you lowkey hating on him.

[Pat]

Yeah. You with me here? He shouldn't be lying.

[Mike]

No, he shouldn't be lying.

[Pat]

He shouldn't be.

[Mike]

He's weird for lying. But just say, like, if you were an investigating, because you already started investigating before you knew the truth, right?

[Jean]

Let me finish the story.

[Pat]

Listen, listen.

[Mike]

You. You were investigating already, right? So what if your investigation was wrong and he was actually telling the truth? You would still be a hater regardless.

[Jean]

Let me finish. This is known for sending meat pics to females, thinking he could pull them. Somebody had told me way back when, like, hey, that weird. Stop talking.

[Mike]

We already established that. He's weird, though.

[Pat]

But right.

[Jean]

On top, like, he's texting himself, making it seem like he's talking to a girl. He's talking to himself, trying to be all.

[Pat]

My question to you is, were you hanging with him to expose him or was that your friend?

[Jean]

Not no more. He was my friend.

[Pat]

But you said he was sending the meat pics before, so when he was sending the meat pics.

[Key]

That's not.

[Jean]

I ain't believe it.

[Mike]

You have to verify it.

[Jean]

No, that's your partner. You ain't gonna believe nothing they say about your partner. But that was like the cherry on. I was trying to get her over because she had. She had friends there. There.

[Pat]

That's a crazy.

[Jean]

She already had friends there in a section. So I was like, all right, let me get her over. She can call her friends over.

[Mike]

That.

[Jean]

That was the whole thing about it. And she was like, I ain't never with him. And I'm thinking she being like, look, she all mad. I'm believing him because why I won't believe my homie. I ain't know. He would text himself.

[Mike]

Is that kind of wild?

[Pat]

I feel like that. Don't be your friend, though, if you don't know something like. Like that. And y' all not really that close. Yeah.

[Mike]

So.

[Jean]

But it's like, how the. That's the last thing, I think. Like, text your homeboy. Have him reply. But texting yourself is wild.

[Pat]

He was hitting on himself.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. What would I like to hear?

[Jean]

You know, the extent you got to go through to text yourself, then delete the messages that just came in and they keep texting yourself, like, what the.

[Pat]

That's a different type of, hey, bro, he might kill you. I ain't going to.

[Mike]

He gonna hear this.

[Jean]

No, he do listen to the podcast, so that's why I said I'm not saying no name.

[Mike]

You know your voice, but. So he knows your voice. So what's your message and everything? No, you don't have to say his name, but what's your message to him? Because he. Obviously, you don't have to say no names. Just what's your message to him? Because he knows your voice.

[Jean]

Hey, you gotta. Man, he's weird, bro. He's sending meaty pics, and he's the next Diddy. He up and coming. Diddy, stay your ass home. Stop lying and stop texting yourself.

[Mike]

Okay. All right. You have a good one, bro.

[Jean]

Hey, one more message, bro. That.

[Pat]

Yeah, man. You hanging around some weird ass. This is your circle, man.

[Key]

I was watching. So I was watching this ad on. I was watching the football game. And you. You know how they advertise those medicines?

[Mike]

Yeah, bro.

[Key]

They have, like, 30 side effects on every single one, bro.

[Mike]

They always do. It's a big list.

[Key]

Your eye going to fall out, your dick going to stop working. You not going to stop. And then after all of that, they say, cop it here today. Like, what the Is going on?

[Mike]

But the one that always catches people's eyes because you could hear. You could hear. We'll give you a headache. You might die in three days. This and that. You're like, all right, bet I'll take the what and erectile defection. Nah, that's where everybody draws the line.

[Pat]

I mean, I feel like a lot of people would die over that. If the doctor came to me and told me, hey, man, you only got 10 years left to live at this moment, we can stop, yo. We can. We can expand your life, but you can never get hard again.

[Mike]

You're not going to have sex in the afterlife.

[Key]

You don't.

[Pat]

I take my 10 years. I'm going after, man. I'mma get it in. Why would I spend the rest of my life not being able to get hard at 70? No, I'm saying at 30.

[Key]

Oh, no, that's depression.

[Pat]

If it was.

[Mike]

Oh, oh, oh, right now. Got you, got you, got you.

[Pat]

I was 30 years old, so. 30 years. I'll walk in and doctor like, you got 10 years left to live.

[Mike]

Gotcha.

[Pat]

But if I take away. If I give you erectile dysfunction, your body can adjust, and you'll be fine for the rest of your life.

[Mike]

Hey, not. Not 10 years.

[Pat]

Keep me hard.

[Mike]

Do.

[Pat]

Ed forever or lose both hands.

[Key]

I'm losing both hands. I can. I can do something with my nubs. I'm turning an iron. Man, y' all talking about, man, Let.

[Pat]

Me take my feet to my. My name already look like a starfish. Just don't take him. Yeah, man, we're gonna have to amputate everything.

[Mike]

Bro. Now you're going be a chicken nugget.

[Key]

As long as my dick work.

[Pat]

I'm straight, man.

[Mike]

Now you be the most interesting person to bring to a two man.

[Pat]

But listen, you ain't got no limbs, bro. So imagine how many times you sprain your dick by just falling over.

[Mike]

Where you are. You got to be careful. You got to get one of those things like the. The tennis. The tennis player judges beyond you.

[Pat]

Your body cut too low, and your dick be rubbing on the ground. Make sure you watch that dick. I ain't got no hands. Oh, you roll around in the tub. This much water.

[Mike]

So the other day, I got in the elevator, and I could hear somebody walking over. They didn't say hold it or anything, but they're too far for me to actually hold the elevator. Right.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So I started closing it, and I can see the speed limb. I was like, it. Whatever. It was a dude and this girl, right? And then the elevator closes, and all I hear is, oh, thank God. That dude seemed weird. I was going up. Yeah. I was like. I was like, damn. It's always interesting to hear insults in passing sometimes. I don't know what, like, do I go back downstairs upstairs and said, what? Who the he talking to? It's only one elevator that have been.

[Key]

Funny if you went back down.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Just both having to fight.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That's probably, like, the worst thing. Like, you already fighting a dude that's trained to fight. You think, like, okay, I got. You got a fighting chance.

[Mike]

Especially with dudes in different disciplines of fighting, too.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. Okay, but, like, imagine you fighting a dude in this girl and his girl just got em a little bit of training. Boy, your ribs about to hurt so bad.

[Key]

What kind of training would you guys. If you had to pick, what would you get, like, the highest level of training in?

[Pat]

Probably jiu jitsu.

[Mike]

You.

[Key]

You getting whooped.

[Mike]

I think jiu jitsu would be, like, the highest level getting whooped. I still would do boxing, but I don't think box. I think there's a lot of boxers today that would lose in the street fight.

[Jean]

Thai.

[Key]

That's what I was gonna say. Muay Thai or whatever.

[Pat]

Man, if I gotta ask that question, I would do. I would Google it first before I answer the genie. I'd be like, hold on real quick. I got Google. Let me Google the top one. I think your shorts look cooler in shirts. All right, all right. Okay. This is really my tweet of the week.

[Mike]

All right, go ahead.

[Pat]

This is a DM to a girl. A dude DM'd her and said, do it. Be squirting. She read the message and didn't respond. He then messenger, messenger. Later that night at 12:26am what are your goals? Game is game.

[Mike]

Game is game.

[Pat]

No, he tried to delete it. No, no, no, no.

[Mike]

Same, same. Under the same message. This might be a legit question.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Key]

Clear the judgment.

[Pat]

Okay. It says, my brother just came home, so I took him to Hibachi. This gonna tell the chef, stop all that playing and cook. What's going on?

[Key]

Why y' all ain't laughing at the joke?

[Pat]

Why your stomach out?

[Key]

Y' all supposed to be worried about the joke.

[Mike]

You make it Dean. Uncomfortable.

[Key]

You making me uncomfortable?

[Mike]

I'm making you uncomfortable? Why is your stomach out?

[Key]

I'm feeling good.

[Pat]

You're feeling amazing today.

[Key]

Ever since. Ever since I started losing weight, too. I can pull out the stomach now. If a six pack in his stomach was. I all just look at him and be like, oh, okay.

[Mike]

I was so thinking. It was weird. No, you being. You being a little heavy set does not change the fact.

[Key]

Yes, it do. Yes, it do.

[Mike]

No, it doesn't.

[Key]

I'm telling you.

[Mike]

No, it doesn't.

[Key]

I'm telling you. If you. If I had a six pack, bro, you started.

[Mike]

No, you started rubbing your stomach. You started doing that when Pat was doing his talking about hibachi.

[Pat]

What is going on?

[Key]

When he had the hibachi. So I never had Aachi before, and.

[Mike]

It got you doing this.

[Pat]

Why are you touching your. No, I'm like, dead ass uncomfortable. Why are you touching your stomach like that, bro?

[Key]

Somebody touching their stomach made you uncomfortable?

[Pat]

Yeah. On camera. Yeah. When you try to put a show out, you never.

[Key]

You never seen Icarly.

[Mike]

What the Is This.

[Pat]

No, no, no. Wait, hold on.

[Mike]

Wait. What? I.

[Pat]

Let.

[Key]

Let them connect it. Y' all never seen I Carly the.

[Mike]

The.

[Pat]

The Chubby G. Exactly.

[Key]

Y' all ain't say nothing when he had his shirt out. I got my shirt out. Y' all want to run y' all mouth, man. Bro, where's the tweet?

[Mike]

Bro, you can do whatever you want. The tweet's over. Hey, be yourself, bro.

[Pat]

All right, last one.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

This dude tweeted. I just took, like, five back to back shots.

[Mike]

Whoa.

[Pat]

What the. Somebody responded. Oh, no. They was drilling. Yo, wait, there's more. He then responded, okay. Oh, man.

[Key]

There's nothing you can say to that drill.

[Pat]

Your is so.

[Mike]

Bro. It's just funny the. The type of insults you get on the Internet from complete strangers. It makes it funnier. Because it's a complete stranger.

[Pat]

Correct. So shout out to Don to who, like, really going through it on the weekend on the. On Twitter this weekend.

[Mike]

What happened?

[Pat]

He, like, so there was a picture of him posted with his girl walking and, like, Twitter just went crazy and, like, quoting and just, like, insulting the. Out of him.

[Mike]

Like, no reason out of him.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, damn.

[Key]

I always been on him, though, right? I seen somebody say. Say he looked like a sad football or something like that.

[Pat]

Yeah. So, like, he just posted. It was just, like, going viral. It said, like, this is a picture right here.

[Mike]

Don Tolliver had huge. Okay, yeah, I've seen that picture.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah. And they're just like, you know, Don Tolliver looked like this.

[Mike]

Like that.

[Pat]

And I was just like. At first when I was reading it, I was like, this funny, but I was like, damn, Imagine this is me cooking you because you famous. This is unfamous. Don't mean I want to get cooked. Yeah, Cooked by people. Then you go click on a page. They got no profile pictures.

[Mike]

It's an egg, bro.

[Key]

You can never def. Defend yourself against that.

[Mike]

But I saw somebody said they used to troll people on ways and I don't know, reminded me of you.

[Pat]

That's so weird, bro. Hey, waves fell apart, bro.

[Mike]

You think? So what happened? What happened with Wa.

[Pat]

I think. I think, like, I've been always been.

[Mike]

A Google Maps person.

[Pat]

I think Google Maps and them started to, like, actually put effort into the navigation system and show people, like, what Waze was doing was not so hard. Like, telling. Telling you a cop is ahead is not so hard, bro. It's just a reporting system. We can add it too. And once people start, like, adding that and, like, making other, like, ways fell off of That I will say, because Waze will try to put you through some and you just be like, bro, why am I going this way?

[Mike]

I will say, though, when ways said there's a cop ahead, it's like, legit. A cop that's, like, parked on the side of the street. When Google Maps says it is an or is a cop that pulls somebody over every time. It's never a cop. It's never a cop like, like trying to get somebody be speed. It's a cop that's already has. Yeah, but they probably was already right.

[Key]

There, though, and they just pulled them over.

[Mike]

No, no, it's always. No, it's all every. I've been noticing this a lot now. Every time I see the cop thing on the way, because I was like, oh, they. They. They got. It's like, from ways and like that, you know, some.

[Pat]

Some people, because it was somebody in our comments that was like, hey, y' all, as a cop watching this, I caught so many strays. And y' all just like, y' all just gotta. Y' all just gotta take it, brother. Take what? Anywho.

[Key]

No, no, no.

[Mike]

Hell no.

[Pat]

No, hell no.

[Mike]

Hell no. If I would have said that. If I would have said that podcast.

[Pat]

Into on Easter Sunday.

[Mike]

No, no, this.

[Key]

You see how much of a hypocrite.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying?

[Mike]

Like, bro, like, I said dick. I said dick riding after this, just scream Dick Rider. Whoa.

[Pat]

Right after I say Easter. Like, like, what are we talking about? After he screamed it, like, the conversation.

[Mike]

And they said, you're going to just have to take it and pause in. In a. A lusty voice.

[Pat]

Okay, let's listen. Like, when you think about black America.

[Key]

Get out of anything, bro.

[Pat]

Like, if you think about us putting each other down on each of, we'll really go through your mind.

[Mike]

Don't point at me like that.

[Pat]

Really go through your mind.

[Mike]

I don't know why that, like, I don't know why that used to make me angry when I was a kid. Like, people pointing. It used to piss me off. Like, bro, don't point at me. And that. That kind of started to bring. I haven't been pointing at like that in a minute.

[Pat]

No, no, no. To me, point like, that's why I don't do all that.

[Mike]

Like, gra. Do that.

[Pat]

Ra Ra. Because, like, I want to respond accordingly. Whatever. Whatever. Saying before I punch, I usually be listening. I'mma tell you. I'mma tell you this. Like. Like, I hate people that claim that they beat everybody ass. And like, what they do or what they don't. I just tell you what I will do. I'm swinging first. I can I guarantee you all that point and that dead.

[Key]

If you point for.

[Pat]

Huh? Be like because they want somebody to bow down. They want somebody to be like.

[Mike]

Like it's like it's a very optical like advantage.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Key]

Look at this.

[Pat]

Like that's just so you're trying to embarrass me.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You're trying to give the optics like you son of me.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So now I gotta punch you while you pointing. And it's just like that's what you did. I don't know why you put him at me. I think that weird. That's why my demeanor always just like yo, yo, chill. Like you do all that point and like once you try to say that, oh, you gonna. I'm about to dog walk you. We both gonna die in this.

[Mike]

Well, we're not wishing that upon you, brother.

[Pat]

No, we're not wishing that upon you either.

[Mike]

Who you. No, no, I'm very non confrontational.

[Pat]

No, that's not true.

[Mike]

I am.

[Pat]

Oh, who you just get into it.

[Mike]

I've never got into it anymore.

[Pat]

You're just mad as hell about somebody who you just. I forgot you was dissing somebody.

[Mike]

I was dissing people.

[Pat]

Oh man, I'm keep it private. But Mike was dissing people hard. This.

[Mike]

Nah, that's a lie. That's a lie. I'll be distant. No, it's just I'm actually the biggest supporter. I think. No, you I over I extend my.

[Pat]

Support you top three supporters. Exactly like in that.

[Mike]

But I look out.

[Pat]

But once when you think somebody a bad person you'd be dissing hard, brother.

[Mike]

I give them less grace. So I say that that's for your.

[Pat]

Yes. I never heard you wish bad upon you. Not like.

[Mike]

No, no, I don't hate anybody that bad that like you want them to hurt, to get hurt or to anything bad. Something that to happen to them. But if something bad happens to them, I don't feel away about it. You know, it's like, oh, I want.

[Pat]

To see some ACL tears. Vulcan legend little like that, man.

[Mike]

What y' all doing for Easter today? Potting.

[Pat]

Potting. Working. Working. Trying to get the people what they want.

[Key]

Shut up. What y' all doing for Easter, man? As a family? What are y' all doing?

[Pat]

This. Literally this.

[Key]

That's it. Yeah.

[Pat]

I'm about to get some JJ's chicken.

[Mike]

Easter was yesterday.

[Key]

I just asked JJ. That was fire. Easter was yesterday.

[Mike]

Wrap up. All right. Celebrations Anyway.

[Key]

Yeah, nobody at work anyway.

[Mike]

This has been Crash Dummies podcast episode 203, right? Yeah, 203. Gene, Pat, y' all. If anybody got anything to shout out.

[Key]

John Gotti music video dropping on my birthday, May 3rd at 5 o' clock central.

[Pat]

Unfinished Legacy, Wisconsin pop up tour.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah. Pop up to a look at the social media.

[Pat]

We got Green Bay, Madison, Oshkosh and West Alice.

[Key]

Yeah, that's good.

[Mike]

I'm in Sweden May 5th to 15th. I don't know what that. What y' all gonna do with that information, but in Stockholm.

[Pat]

Yeah, I got. I think I got an event at the Cactus Club. I gotta get the date on that.

[Mike]

No, it just happened.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Huh?

[Mike]

It just happened.

[Key]

I think it's May 14th.

[Pat]

Y' all gonna let me do my announcements or what?

[Jean]

They're helping you out.

[Mike]

You say you don't know today and I didn't say nothing. You're just looking at me.

[Pat]

Any who. Any event at the Cactus Club. I think the date is May 18th. I'll get back to you on that. It is for sure that. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Mike]

That's all I do.

[Pat]

I didn't say.

[Mike]

You're just looking at me thinking schizophrenic.

[Pat]

And then also what? You just say who also got comedy show at. At such and such. And I'll get you the details. I got another comedy show coming up, so I'll keep you updated. It will be here in Milwaukee, so bigger venue, too. So I'll let y' all know. Yeah, yeah. So appreciate y' all.

[Key]

You don't got nothing, Mike.

[Pat]

He just said.

[Mike]

I just said I don't be doing, bro. Just trying to recover. Just like living. Trying to make another dollar, bro.

[Key]

Can you try some Swedish nachos for me, please?

[Mike]

No, but appreciate.

[Pat]

Appreciate, everybody.

[Mike]

Episode two Piece.