Crash Dummies Podcast (Pat & Mike)

Episode 246: "No Seasoning"
Release Date: February 18, 2026

Main Theme

In this lively, humor-filled episode, hosts Patrick Johnson and Michael Esiobu riff on everything from the aftermath of Valentine’s Day and NBA All-Star events to relationship norms, social media dynamics, and listener calls about pet peeves and personal confessions. The show is marked by their spontaneous banter and playful “call-in” segments where listeners join the pod to air their grievances and hot takes. The tone is casual, candid, and peppered with inside jokes, cultural commentary, and some unfiltered moments.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter: Tour Announcements & Parasociality

• [01:09] Pat and Mike launch into a discussion about the increased parasocial engagement with listeners, mentioning they appreciate pod-based discussions but push back against fans DMing about private matters not discussed on the show.
  • Notable quote:
    • "If I didn't talk about it on the pod... don't DM me." — Mike ([01:09])
• Recap of last episode’s Valentine’s Day arguments; listeners slid into both hosts’ DMs with their own hot takes and misinterpretations about gifts and relationship expectations.
• Reflection on romantic gestures, with both in agreement: do what works in your relationship, not what’s dictated by others.

2. Valentine's Day & Relationship Philosophies

• [02:24]–[04:39] Storytelling around Valentine’s: extravagant gifts, unique situations (e.g., friend whose girl's birthday is on Valentine’s), and the pitfalls of mixing significant events (proposing at someone’s wedding or on their birthday).
• "You give her her day. You don't propose on her birthday or graduation." — Pat ([04:09])
• Discussion on why people want attention: outside of weddings and funerals, for most people, “the room full of everyone who cheers you on” doesn’t happen—so people chase those moments elsewhere.

3. High School Fights & Social Rituals

• [06:00]–[07:44] Hilarious nostalgia about orchestrated high school fights, group excitement, judging the contenders’ chances, and the anticlimax when fights don’t happen. Observation on how girl fights were more intense and persistent, noting that girls "stay fighting even with police around."
  • "Once they on go, they on go." — Mike ([07:02])

4. NBA All-Star Weekend & Culture

• [09:19]–[14:21]
  • Riff on the pointlessness of the NBA All-Star Game and dunk contest in the modern era. Players lack serious competitive incentive due to high salaries; the event feels unoriginal with repeated dunk ideas, lacking star power and creativity.
  • Discussion of how “mystique” makes athletes seem better—people imagine higher athletic feats when unknown, supporting John Morant and Lamar Jackson as examples.
  • [12:14] "2016 was the best year: for music, and for that dunk contest with Aaron Gordon and Zach LaVine." — Pat

5. The Super Bowl & Halftime Show Reactions

• [15:05]–[17:10]
  • Roundtable on the lackluster Super Bowl ("not even a game") and the impact of repeated jerseys and missing star power.
  • Discussion of Bad Bunny’s halftime show and "coded racism" embedded in language around not understanding the performance.
    • "That's coded, like, racism... as soon as it messed with your Super Bowl." — Pat ([17:24])
  • Pop culture tangent: “Baddies” TV show and the spectacle of violence as entertainment.

6. Burner Accounts & Online Identity

• [21:38]–[22:56]
  • Pat and Mike revisit the alleged leak of Kevin Durant’s burner, launch into a wider discussion: Should social media require real identities or allow anonymity?
    • Pat: “People should at least have a profile photo and age so we know what we’re dealing with.”
  • Debate on how anonymity breeds both humor and toxicity online.

7. Relationship Dynamics: Money, Sleep, & Power

• [23:32]–[32:50]
  • Segment on what beliefs about relationships changed over time; Pat used to think couples “should never go to bed angry,” but now appreciates the value of sleeping it off. Humor around angry cuddles and morning forgiveness.
    • "Sleep is the thing that saves relationships." — Pat ([23:41])
  • Dive into insecurities that can arise when a partner earns significantly more. Mike paints a scenario: being out of place among "Ferraris" or fancy purchases. Both hosts agree actual respect and healthy boundaries matter more than income disparity.
    • "Never stop doing your thing... don't just give up your path; that's toxic." — Mike ([28:07])
  • Conversation with a guest (F) about single dads, “favorite” ex-stepmoms, and the unique way family dynamics shape attitudes.

8. Listener Call-Ins: ‘Love to Hate’ Confessions

Each call-in starts with the question: "What's something you love to hate?"—leading to a parade of funny, candid, and occasionally wild responses.

• Examples:
  • [45:19]—Listener H (white, self-described “flavorful white guy”): “Basic ass white people. Ain’t got no seasoning, no flavor.” Describes picking up “flavor” from his (now ex-) baby mama and fails a “relatability test” with humorous results.
  • [57:34]—Listener D: "Hobo Johnson. I’m a certified hater... I used to offer customers discounts if they blocked him on Spotify." His irrational but passionate hate is played for laughs.
  • [62:22]—Listener E: After sharing a story about a friend sleeping with his ex (twice), he deadpans “You should be able to take your homeboy out if he gets with your girl.”
  • [68:06]—Listener I confesses to clogging a toilet on a first date and leaving without telling the woman. “There’s no way she could blame anyone else but me—and I’m not going back.”

9. Hot-take Roundtable: Business Ideas, Friend Honesty, Rebounds

• [71:03] Pat and Mike debate whether they’d rather be a rebound or a sneaky link (leaning toward “rebound” for safety and less drama).
• [72:44] Would you tell a friend if their business idea is trash? Both land on: yes, for close friends—but more nuanced for others, and always avoid crushing a dream outright.

10. Tweets of the Week & Therapy Chat

• [76:42]–[80:14] Rapid-fire tweets and reactions, covering therapy awkwardness, work questions, and the strange way people judge others by their job or wealth.
  • "Told my therapist a joke. She sighed and started taking notes. I think she's trying to steal my joke." — [76:42]
  • "I'm both dumber and smarter than you think. Don't estimate me." — [78:28]
• Relatable banter about therapists and how to “find your fit,” especially around culture and trust.

11. Pronouns & Social Sensitivity

• [83:47]–[87:55] Pat and Mike reflect on respecting people’s pronouns and names, fumbling through their own stories of getting it wrong and the importance of “just being nice about it.”

Memorable Quotes

"If I didn't talk about it on the pod... don't DM me."
— Mike ([01:09])

"Sleep is the thing that saves relationships."
— Pat ([23:41])

"Never stop doing your thing... don't just give up your path; that's toxic."
— Mike ([28:07])

"Basic ass white people. Ain’t got no seasoning, no flavor."
— H (caller) ([45:19])

"I used to offer customers discounts if they blocked Hobo Johnson on Spotify."
— G (caller) ([58:49])

"You should be able to take your homeboy out if he gets with your girl."
— E (caller) ([63:22])

"There’s no way she could blame anyone else but me—and I’m not going back."
— I (caller, after the clogged toilet incident) ([68:48])

Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:09] – Social media boundaries & parasocial etiquette
• [02:24] – Valentine's Day expectations discussion
• [04:39] – Proposals at weddings/birthdays
• [07:02] – Girl fights in high school: never backing down
• [09:19] – NBA All-Star & dunk contest gripes
• [15:05] – Super Bowl & Bad Bunny halftime reactions
• [21:38] – Burner accounts & social media identity
• [23:41] – Pat: “Sleep is the thing that saves relationships.”
• [32:50] – On partners making more money and respect
• [45:19] – Listener H: “Basic white people, no seasoning”
• [57:34] – Listener D’s “Hobo Johnson” vendetta
• [68:06] – Confession: First date, toilet disaster
• [76:42] – Tweet of the week: Therapy notes
• [83:47] – Pronouns and navigating sensitivity

Tone & Style

• Fast-paced and unscripted, rooted in genuine chemistry and playful ribbing between Pat, Mike, their recurring guest Gene, and a variety of call-in listeners.
• Humor is direct, sometimes raunchy, with a feel of honest barbershop conversation.
• The hosts are self-aware, calling out their own biases, occasional ignorance, and striving to both entertain and lightly challenge their audience.

For New Listeners

If you’re new to Crash Dummies, this episode showcases the spontaneous, community-driven nature of the show. Pat and Mike blend quick-witted responses to trending events, relatable relationship debates, and real, often hilarious, audience stories. The conversation can get NSFW and raw but is always packed with heart and authenticity. The segment where listeners “call in” to “love to hate” on everything from celebrities to bad friends is a recurring highlight of the pod.

Skip to:

• [09:19–14:21] for NBA All-Star talk
• [15:05–17:10] for Super Bowl & halftime show opinions
• [45:19, 57:34, 63:22, 68:06] for the funniest listener call-ins
• [76:42–80:14] for Tweet of the Week reflections

Closing Note:
Pat & Mike wrap up reminding fans to get their live show tickets, support the merch, and bring snacks to the road shows—but nothing unwrapped, please!

Episode Title Reference:
The phrase "No Seasoning" nods to the running joke about blandness in both food culture and personality—riffed on during a white caller’s segment, emblematic of Crash Dummies’ love for inside gags and irreverent humor.