Our Listeners Are Delusional - Episode 219

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 219

Title: "Our Listeners Are Delusional"
Date: August 13, 2025
Hosts: Pat (Patrick Johnson), Mike (Michael Esiobu), Gene
Main Theme:
Pat and Mike, joined by recurring guest Gene, dive into current events, social commentary, relationship scenarios, hilarious listener calls, and a signature blend of banter and irreverent humor. In this episode, they also open the lines for callers to admit their own "delusional" thoughts or share what they hate about themselves/their significant others.

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Episode Overview

The episode kicks off with an absurd brainstorm of slurs for robots, transitions into listener-favorite segments like "Blind Rank" and "Tweet of the Week," and delivers candid takes on sports controversies, music industry trends, and everyday annoyances. True to form, they engage with their audience—often roasting them—through a string of memorable, chaotic, and sometimes heartfelt calls.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Robot Slurs – Pat's New List

[00:00 – 02:30]

• Pat complains about Alexa acting up, then dives into brainstorming fake "slurs" for robots: Clanker, Wireback, Rust Bucket, Oil Slurper, Battery Eater, and more.
  • Notable Moment:
    • Mike: “Wireback sounds racist.” [00:37]
    • Pat: “All Borg. No gannic.” [00:58]
    • Gene: “Copper veined. That sounds like something to be prideful about.” [01:34]
  • The trio riff on which sound offensive, which sound like nicknames, and the absurdity of the bit.

2. Merch Updates and Listener Feedback

[02:30 – 03:52]

• Quick update: new merch sold out instantly, restocks and new designs (including more "feminine" options) are in the works.
  • Quote:
    • Mike: “We’re shipping out by the end of this week. Make sure you guys subscribe to Patreon.” [02:53]
    • Pat recalls a woman getting defensive over being suggested the "Audio Fiend" shirt. [03:40]

3. Blind Ranking: “Things Your Girlfriend Could Say to Upset You”

[04:04 – 08:53]

• The hosts blind rank possible upsetting things a partner could say, using a 1-5 scale.
  • Noteworthy rankings:
    • “He’s like a brother to me” – mid-level offense
    • “I’m just wearing his hoodie” – high-level offense (very personal)
    • “I only lied because I didn’t want to make you jealous” – top offense
  • Memorable Exchange:
    • Pat: “Yeah, I kill a brother.” [04:33]
    • Gene: “Gene a little jealous on hood.” [04:46]
    • Pat: “Buddy is crazy.” [05:52]
    • Pat: “You knew this would make me mad and you still did it.” [06:22]

4. Keeping Gifts from Exes – Gender Double Standards & Logic

[08:53 – 10:11]

• Pat & crew reflect on how they’d react if their partners kept gifts or clothing from exes, balancing practicality (keep the Birkin) vs pride (ditch the hoodie).
  • Quote:
    • Pat: “If you got like a Birkin bag, I’m not gonna tell you to throw away the Birkin bag. If I’m not gonna replace the Birkin bag…” [09:15]

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5. Sports Talk: The Shadur Sanders Situation & Athlete Double Standards

[10:20 – 15:17]

• The fellas unpack the polarizing NFL draft fall of QB Shadur Sanders, race-tinged criticisms, and sports confidence double standards.
  • Notable Quotes:
    • Pat: “It's some people in these comments only hating. That's why I get mad at black people when they, like, hate on Shadur, Angel...” [13:31]
    • Mike: “For some reason, it feels like people get so uncomfortable when people are confident in themselves.” [12:07]
    • “If he did bad: ‘Oh, I told you so.’ If he did good: ‘It’s just preseason’...” [13:00]
  • Discuss “project quarterbacks” and media narratives.

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6. Viral Headlines & Dark Humor

[15:15 – 16:18]

• Pat reads out wild newspaper headlines found online:
  • “Ugly man with huge penis, unsure how to get the word out.” [15:17]
  • “God answers prayers of paralyzed little boy…’No,’ says God.” [16:13]
  • The gang groans at how dark/absurd the headlines get.

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7. Music Industry: First Week Sales Don’t Matter

[16:22 – 19:12]

• Pat and Mike agree first-week album sales are a useless metric in 2025.
  • Quote:
    • Pat: “First week projections only project what they did in marketing.” [17:29]
    • Mike: “If an artist does 20k and they didn’t do off just off their name alone... people don't take into account how much money they actually spent.” [17:37]

8. Lyrics Dissection—Gunna’s “Lyrical” Genius

[19:13 – 20:09]

• Pat is tricked into thinking Gunna is a top-tier lyricist by a listener, but when he reads the lyrics, he cracks up at their simplicity.
  • Quote:
    • Pat: “The lyrics are—‘We getting tonight? Who getting tonight? You getting tonight? She getting tonight.’” [19:53]

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9. Driving Clarity & Milwaukee Drivers

[20:32 – 24:23]

• Pat describes his newfound “driving clarity” (being less aggressive behind the wheel), then the crew rants about Milwaukee’s infamously bad local drivers.
  • Quote:
    • Pat: “I started really driving like an old head... And we ended up at the same light.” [21:05]
    • Mike: “Per capita, I think we have the worst drivers here.” [22:04]

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10. The Joy of Canceled Plans

[24:42 – 25:14]

• The guys relish the relief that comes when undesirable plans get canceled.
  • Quote:
    • Pat: “The best feeling in the world is somebody you don't want to hang with actually ghosting you.” [24:23]

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11. Tweet of the Week

[25:14 – 26:21]

• Pat shares his favorite tweet:
  • “My goal is to take a shorty who been through it all and show her it genuinely gets worse. Like, because it does.” [25:20]
• Breakdown of Mr. Beast’s “would you be handcuffed to your ex?” challenge [25:52]

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12. YouTube Comments, Listener Roasts & Critique

[27:35 – 31:34]

• Pat reads listener comments, shows appreciation, and comically responds to haters and supporters alike.
  • Quote:
    • Mike: “No disrespect, but hearing Mike try to read comments, it's like, listening to the kid that sucks at reading during popcorn reading in high school.” [28:40]

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13. Listener Call-ins: Delusional Thoughts & Relationship Rants

A. The Guy Who Calls "Dibs" on Girls His Friends Can't Date

[32:00 – 39:46]

• Caller admits he wants his friends not to pursue women he finds attractive, even when he’s already in a relationship—so he can “reserve them” just in case.
  • Pat: “You built a fantasy team that your friends can't touch.” [37:00]
  • Mike: “You’re calling dibs on things you’re not gonna pursue, and you can’t put together a full sentence.” [36:23]

B. Insecurities & Penile Banter

[40:00 – 47:35]

• A caller reveals insecurity about penis size—confiding his ex made fun of it.
  • “I thought it was average, but after that comment… am I not average?” [41:34]
  • Pat and Mike joke but also show support: “You’re a good friend… I thought y’all just chest bump one day and be like, bro, I ain’t feeling nothing either.” [45:05]

C. Partner "Annoyances"

[47:43 – 51:51]

• A woman calls in, bemoaning her “perfect” partner’s refusal to curse—even in bed.
  • Humor abounds as Pat imagines the awkward gap between her energy and her partner’s “gosh darn it” attitude.
  • “I gotta like, not say anything that I really want to say.” [50:02]

D. The “Everybody is in Love With Me” Call

[52:06 – 56:08]

• Caller admits to having the delusion that everyone is in love with her, especially when tipsy.
  • “Do you think any one of us is in love with you?” [52:29]
  • “I just think everybody’s in love with me… y’all don’t feel that way?” [53:58]

E. More Listener Calls

• Highlights include a caller “suffering from success” over his “meat size,” confessions about family genetics, complaints about personal stutters, and humorous banter about self-image.
  • “My meat size. I'm suffering from success.” [58:00]
  • Yet another: “The thing I hate about myself is my stutter… I be lagging worse than…” [65:09]
  • The hosts flip between good-natured ribbing and moments of genuine encouragement.

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14. Try Not To Laugh – New Segment

[70:11 – 75:38]

• Pat and Mike show each other funny internet clips, trying to avoid laughing on mic.
  • Pat loses it at a stuttering video; Mike cracks up at outrageous interview footage.
  • Quote:
    • Pat: “We stutter.org is crazy. They should have put stutter twice.” [71:41]

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15. Hot Takes on Instagram Updates & User Features

[76:40 – 79:53]

• The group discusses unnecessary Instagram updates (like location-sharing), and propose features they wish existed (like knowing who doesn’t follow you back).
  • Mike: “I would like to know who doesn’t follow me or who I follow that doesn’t follow me back.” [77:51]
  • Pat: “You should be able to put somebody back into the request box.” [79:16]

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16. Coverage of the Sha’Carri Richardson Story & Double Standards

[80:06 – 82:24]

• Reflecting on listeners’ demands, the hosts break down why they often avoid certain "messy" celebrity stories, and how double standards play out in media coverage.
  • “If I see y’all argue in public, there’s no way I think y’all making it to marriage. Just break up now.” [81:30]

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17. Showing Off Work Highlights – Is It Just for Trades?

[82:48 – 84:40]

• Discussion about who gets to flex their skills on social media (e.g., detailers, carpenters) versus office workers.
  • Pat: “If you work in an office job and you're sitting at a desk, what is really your before and after?” [83:11]

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18. Unsolicited Advice & Ignoring Critics

[84:40 – 87:57]

• The crew riffs on the value (and hazards) of unsolicited advice, especially from people “who have no business giving it.”
  • Quote:
    • Pat: “Having another person comment on some… even if it’s dumb, it can make you think smarter.” [85:19]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I only lied because I didn’t want to make you jealous.” — Pat, ranking most upsetting girlfriend comments [05:54]
• “You’re calling dibs on things you’re not gonna pursue…” — Mike, to a delusional caller [36:23]
• “The best feeling in the world is somebody you don’t want to hang with actually ghosting you.” — Pat [24:23]
• “Ugly man with huge penis, unsure how to get the word out.” — (Viral headline) [15:17]
• “Your meat size. I'm suffering from success.” — Listener caller, tongue firmly in cheek [58:00]
• “We stutter.org is crazy. They should have put stutter twice.” — Pat [71:41]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00: Opening robot slurs banter
• 03:52: Merch drop update
• 04:13: Blind rank game
• 10:20: Shadur Sanders & double standards in sports
• 16:22: Music sales discussion
• 25:14: Tweet of the Week
• 32:00: Listener call-ins: delusional thoughts
• 70:11: Try Not To Laugh segment
• 76:40: Instagram features wish-list
• 80:06: Sha’Carri Richardson commentary
• 82:48: “Social resumes” for different job types
• 84:40: Riff on unsolicited advice
• 87:57: Closing gratitude and reminders

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Tone, Energy, & Style

• Irreverent: Constant quick jokes and playful roasting, especially of callers (and occasionally of each other).
• Interactive: High listener engagement; most conversations feature direct audience participation.
• Authentic/Messy: Hosts do not shy from “toxic” topics, controversial opinions, or self-deprecation.
• Supportive when warranted: Jokes aside, they display moments of genuine empathy and encourage self-awareness.
• Casually Profane: Frequent cursing and raw language remain core to the vibe.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a representative blend of topical humor, community chaos, and unfiltered conversation—where nothing is too sacred to laugh at or dissect. If you love roast-style comedy, dope takes on sports and culture, and the unpredictability of live call-ins, this is a Crash Dummies Podcast you won’t want to miss.

Transcript

[Pat]

So recently, I feel like my Alexa and Echo are doing things that I'm not asking them to do. One time I was cooking and it started playing a video of some baseball highlights. Didn't ask that because I don't give a. And then the other time, it just asked me, do I want to answer my notifications? But basically it was trying to tell me, like, a package was here. And it almost initiated the conversation. So I don't like that. So I looked up slurs for robots. So here's what I came up with. Clanker. Wireback.

[Mike]

Wireback sounds racist.

[Pat]

Yes. This is one of my favorites. Rust bucket.

[Gene]

That's classic.

[Pat]

Oil slurper. Oil slur for the lady robots. Bolt picker. Battery eater. All Borg. No gannic.

[Mike]

Gannic.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

All right. I like. I like the. What was my favorite one? You like wire back, wireback sounds.

[Pat]

We know why you like them. All right. Bolt crunchers. They sound like. Almost like a. Like a nickname or something.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Tin skin.

[Gene]

Tin skin.

[Pat]

That's fire.

[Mike]

That's tough.

[Pat]

10 skin.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, that sounds racist.

[Pat]

Imagine a robot coming up to you, like, watch out, tan skin.

[Mike]

Yeah, that sounds like.

[Pat]

Yeah, he gonna do make a bazooka come from his dick. Copper veined.

[Mike]

Copper vein.

[Gene]

That sounds like something to be prideful about. Yeah, if I was robot, like, I got copper in my veins.

[Pat]

Yeah, I just click your off button, like. Yeah, enough of that.

[Gene]

Sparky.

[Pat]

That sounds like. Yeah, somebody boy.

[Mike]

Yeah, exactly. That sounds condescending.

[Pat]

Come here, Sparky. What you doing around here, Sparky? Okay, two more.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

Gear grinder. That sound a little homophobic.

[Mike]

It sound like buddy.

[Pat]

Sound like a little roboforming.

[Mike]

It sounds like somebody saying, hey, buddy.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah, Gear grinder.

[Mike]

Yeah, Gear grinder. Sounds like buddy, too.

[Pat]

Chromy.

[Mike]

Chromy.

[Gene]

Hey, that sounds. Fire sound.

[Pat]

It could go both ways. It's like, that's my chromy. Yeah, it depends on who call you that. You know, robot. What's up, Chromy?

[Mike]

Bro, you can't say that.

[Pat]

You can't say that, bro.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Anyways, welcome to crash dummies, episode 219. Appreciate everybody that bought merch as soon as we announced it, that's when it sold out.

[Gene]

So, yeah, sorry about that.

[Mike]

We will be shipping those out when we will be shipping those out.

[Gene]

Jean, I'll let y' all know.

[Mike]

No, no, you gotta give them a day now.

[Gene]

We're shipping out by the end of this week. Okay. Yeah, that's fire.

[Mike]

Shipping out by the end of this week. Make sure you guys subscribe to Patreon. They got a little discount when we drop merch. And we're gonna do a restock soon, and we might come out with another design because a lot of the women were DMing us about more.

[Pat]

I ain't getting no Dms.

[Mike]

A lot more. More feminine designs.

[Pat]

So are they just DMing you?

[Caller 2]

Hey,

[Mike]

I can't help who they DM not.

[Pat]

So I saw some of the DMS shout out to the ladies, I don't know what y' all want. Which. I want a unicorn on that.

[Mike]

No, no, we got y'.

[Caller 2]

All.

[Mike]

Because I do get it, though, because the. The audio fiend design is a bit harsh.

[Gene]

That's like a scary.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, it's scary some.

[Pat]

A woman snapped on me because

[Mike]

she

[Pat]

was like, oh, dope shirts. Already know which one I'm picking. And I guess I'm like, oh, what you doing? The audio fiend one. She was like, do I look like that type? Like, she's got the wig.

[Caller 3]

What the.

[Pat]

And I clicked on her page, and she wore. She had on dickies. And I said, yes, you like the audio. Audio fiend shirt. Fix those dickies. Be a great outfit.

[Mike]

All right, we're gonna start it off with a. Another blind rank that we did last week. Let's blind rank how upset we would be if our girlfriend said these things.

[Gene]

We're gonna call this a level one to ten.

[Mike]

We're. No, we're not gonna do ten this time.

[Caller 1]

We're gonna do.

[Mike]

We're gonna do five.

[Pat]

Thank God. Ten.

[Mike]

I'm pretty sure.

[Pat]

Three. Number seven.

[Gene]

I don't understand the.

[Mike]

But still. Pull out your notes. He's like a brother to me.

[Pat]

I'mma put that. I'mma put that as a four.

[Mike]

Four.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caller 3]

Okay.

[Pat]

Yeah. I kill a brother.

[Gene]

Don't want to piss me off.

[Mike]

What are you going, Jean?

[Gene]

I'm worried about the rest of them.

[Pat]

I ain't going to lie.

[Gene]

But I put. I put that at three. I put that.

[Pat]

Gene a little jealous on hood.

[Gene]

I do get jealous.

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

It's not what it looks like. I'm just wearing his hoodie.

[Pat]

See, that's number two. Like, to exchange clothes means you have to be in a personal spot. You know what I mean? Like, I don't carry a. Just a hoodie in my car that I just randomly gave to a girl. So I'm thinking about myself, how you get the hoodie?

[Mike]

It could be hoodies. That's true.

[Pat]

But I got, like, over a hundred hoodies.

[Gene]

Yeah, I make hoodies

[Pat]

weak ass Nike tick. It kind of depend on what the hoodie is. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

I think if it's a fly hoodie, then you might be a little more mad.

[Pat]

Is it a smaller hoodie that he kind of let you have? Like, that's cool. Like, okay, vintage type sh.

[Gene]

Another small brand hoodie.

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

What is this? No, that's crazy.

[Mike]

What number?

[Pat]

That's. That's. That's two for me. That's too personal. So I got two.

[Gene]

That's closer to worse, right? Like, one is the worst.

[Mike]

Two.

[Gene]

Okay.

[Pat]

Buddy is crazy.

[Mike]

I only lied because I didn't want to make you jealous.

[Pat]

That's number one. That's number one. You basically like saying that you did an action of what you assumed that I was gonna be. So in that sense that you can all. You can always assume my feelings. That means you can always lie.

[Mike]

I feel like when people say that too. And it's like, I didn't lie to make you jealous. Meaning that if you. If I found out, I'll be more mad that you didn't tell me at the end of this. So it's always a double negative.

[Pat]

Yeah. You knew this would make me mad and you still did it. And then you tried to, like, omit it. So it's like, yeah, that's number one.

[Gene]

Yeah, lying is the worst.

[Pat]

And then trying to make an excuse for lying instead of just confessing. So now I know when you lie, you're gonna try to make excuse about it. All right. Back in my day.

[Mike]

All right, don't be mad, but my phone's been dead since yesterday. I fell asleep early.

[Pat]

Damn. I already searched my number one spot. That could be number. That could be number three. I love a ditzy girl. I know that's. I'm attracted to ditzy girls. I even got your phone.

[Gene]

My shirty work overnight. So her phone could die at work.

[Pat]

Also, like, if your phone died for 24 hours. My phone about to die for 24 hours.

[Mike]

Mine died for 72.

[Pat]

At one point.

[Gene]

I couldn't find my charger.

[Pat]

I threw my in the lake.

[Mike]

So what number are you going?

[Caller 4]

Huh?

[Pat]

What number be number five for me? I don't care. You lose your phone, I lose my phone. I'm all about the tip.

[Mike]

All right, what number does Pat have left then?

[Pat]

I got. I should have three left.

[Mike]

Yeah, you only got three. Okay, so the middle ground. I didn't care. You. I didn't think you care. I'd be at his house.

[Pat]

That's three. How many times like when are we having that conversation? Like, that's our first time having that conversation. And also, I'm tit for tat. I'm about to go over my homegirl house butt ass.

[Mike]

Whatever happened, happened.

[Pat]

I. I didn't know you didn't want me to take a shower at our house.

[Gene]

No, I'm over here trying to figure

[Pat]

out who this is with the hoodie, who she had. Geez, still on the hoodie. How the.

[Mike]

Okay, this hot as a. Cuz. The hoodie. The hoodie thing does kind of hoodies matter, man? The hoodie takes time too. Because there's the first time you see the hoodie, right, Cuz, you be like, hm, that. That hoodie looks new. So you might think in this, you know all your girls, don't you?

[Gene]

New and it look old like any

[Mike]

girl you guys have been with, right? Do you think you know her whole wardrobe, like, is there. Has everything been the time she wore that? Like, oh, I didn't know you had that.

[Pat]

Nah, not really. Or it matches her aesthetic. Like, oh, that kind of looks like it's yours. But if there's something that stands out, like, you fellas pay attention to them nighttime shirts. Yeah, the nighttime shirts. Those are the ones that could have been carried on from a different relationship, but it's just so comfortable to that woman. And women love. They sleep. So they might try to, like, keep it comfortable, like, all right, bro, you ain't about to keep wearing this bucks practice jersey around me. Who the is it?

[Gene]

Yeah, I ain't gonna lie, though. The women gotta watch out for the nighttime shirts that men offer too, though, because sometimes niggas be recycling them because they know.

[Pat]

Because they know it's comfortable. I had a girl get 12 hours of sleep right here.

[Mike]

All right, what are your thoughts then on the girls you guys are with keeping gifts from previous relationships as long

[Pat]

as they're expensively good. If I can't replace them, then I shouldn't be talking. That's my room. Yeah, if you got like, a Birkin bag, I'm not gonna tell you to throw away the Birkin bag. If I'm not gonna replace the Birkin bag with more Birkin bag. You know what I'm saying? But if it's a hoodie, like, if it's like some type of essentials hoodie, girl, if you don't get rid of that.

[Mike]

I think. I think hoodies, I think clothing, it depends.

[Pat]

The.

[Mike]

Again, the. The price range.

[Pat]

Gifted is different, though. Like, okay, if any clothing that's bought, like, I'm not throwing away, like, if a girl got me a plant, I'm not throwing away the plant. You know what I mean? But if it's like, okay, you're wearing that hoodie, but that hoodie used to be his.

[Mike]

Got it? Yes. That I get you.

[Pat]

You know, it gotta go. You know what I mean?

[Gene]

For me, it's like how I find out, like, who it's from.

[Pat]

That's very.

[Gene]

That she uses all the time. You know what I'm saying? And he's like, oh, like, just assume her mom got it and then you ask her, like, mention it. Like, oh, where'd your mom get that for you? You know, you want to get her another one or something.

[Pat]

Correct.

[Mike]

Like, she's still wearing his, like, high school varsity jacket.

[Gene]

No, that's.

[Mike]

But babe, he was all American.

[Pat]

You over in the corner. Like, how the did he play four sports one year just not adding up. You telling me he played track and baseball? How this same season he was so good they let him play both? No, no, no, that's not what I want to hear. What's this big C on a jersey? I thought he went to Davidson. Oh, that just means captain. He was captain. Captain or something. Boy, that hurt. Let's go to news. Shadur Sanders. Yeah, the Shadur. Shadur. I'm reading. I'm. I'm rooting for Shadur. I'm not. It's funny because I don't know, like with football is different, you know, you don't know if Shadur has been hated on. Because we've seen the NFL and NBA, We've seen all these leagues kick people out of league or make it harder for people in the league because of how they act off the field. Like we've seen that before. So we know that's the thing. We've also seen people not be as good as their portrait from like college to professional league. So we know that's true. So I've been kind of confused going back and forth. There's no way to know it unless you're there at Browns camp every day. But it looking kind of shaky though.

[Mike]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Pat]

This is looking kind of shaky to go from like a first round pick, Shadow Sanders to a fifth round pick and then to be performing well. Every time people see him on camera or every time people. People see stats of him, everything looks good. But then we're getting different reports about another quarterback being better, so that's just not making sense. So I was happy. I was hype as hell. Yeah, I feel like that was the first time I seen a lot of black people watch Browns football, so.

[Mike]

Yeah, I think too, because there's this, like, stigma sometimes of, like, confident, like black men sometimes.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And I think especially at quarterback, and I think, like, obviously is. Everything's not about race, but for some reason it feels like people get so uncomfortable when people are confident in themselves. And there's. There's certain times where I see, like, okay, this dude's being too comp. Because, like, in fighters for Fighters, for example, right. When two boxers are about to kind of go at each other, right. And one is talking shit, it's okay to talk shit about yourself. But you obviously, you say, I'm about to beat this dude ass. You suck. You're trash. This and that. Then if you lose, then you kind of look goofy. Right, Right. But in football, I don't think it's different because people are more confident in their own skills and not really what the other person is doing. So it's always strange to see that. And with Shadur, I think it's like it was a lose, lose situation in the sense of if he did bad. Oh, I told you so. If he did and he did good during preseason. It's just preseason.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And I hate. I hate when people do that because, like, if you're gonna talk about somebody, stay on that side when you're talking. Don't. It doesn't matter the circumstances, the person. Everybody's preseason, he's playing. He's playing with the. Is he even. Was he even playing with the starters like that?

[Pat]

Yeah, a little bit. Well, not. Well, not his starters. Right. Correct. But he was planning to get some starters from the camera. But the thing is, the. I feel like the bigger picture is what I'm saying and get off a real quick. Is that some people hide behind racism. And then, like, that's why I go hard for, like a shadow.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Angel Reese's not because I particularly love them. They're my favorite players. But I know, like, oh, damn. It's some people in these comments only hating. That's why I get mad at black people when they, like, hate on Shadur. Angel, I just, like, just let you know, you open up a little gate for somebody to walk right behind you and. And just be like, yeah, Angel Reese.

[Mike]

And I'm not saying anybody should think they have to be like, oh, Angel Reese or Shador Sanders is like, oh, they're good, they're good. You can still think they suck, right?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

But I just feel like the reasons why you're bringing up why they suck aren't like making sense sometimes.

[Pat]

Exactly. Like it don't make any. Oh, this just precinct like outside of like Shur Sanders losing like a couple games in college football, there's really nothing you could say to be like, oh, he's a bad quarterback. So when you say he's a bad quarterback, it's just like, oh, you don't like his dad or you don't like

[Mike]

the way that's the thing.

[Pat]

And they are very, very confident. Obviously you've seen how Deion came up and how he still is. So I think that throws people for a loop that they don't see that. But we see that with other players of different colors all the time. Do certain stuff.

[Mike]

A lot of things. It just like I think Tom Brady is pretty. Pretty arrogant when he played.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And obviously I'm not comparing Tom Brady to Shador, but I'm just saying though, it's like it's looked at different because I guess opinion you have something to prove. But before, like the cameras were on Tom Brady like that, I'm pretty sure he still had that same mentality like, yeah, I'm better than this dude and I'm about. And I think I'm the so. And he proved it. It still left for Shador to still prove himself on the field. I'm not saying he's got to be the next greatest thing. I'm not. I didn't think it was a crazy thing that he dropped out the first round either. I thought he should have been like. I would have thought he would have let least went in like the first two to three rounds.

[Pat]

We see it all the time. We see somebody that's rejected first going to two or three, but you don't see it go all the way to five. Yeah.

[Caller 3]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And they're just saying it's based on sk. Yeah.

[Pat]

Especially with a quarterback. You know how many project quarterbacks people had, like, get the out of here. There was this trend. I only want to do two of them. There was this trend of people digging up crazy newspaper article titles. Okay. Only wanted to do two because the other ones was just weird to me. First one was ugly man with huge penis, unsure how to get the word out. It's funny because it's like he's so ugly that he can't get a woman. So no woman will like, spread the word, I guess.

[Mike]

I guess that was him getting the word out.

[Pat]

All right, this is kind of up. This is. I. I wanted to use this for our later segment which will introduce to y' all later. But this one says, God answers prayers of paralyzed little boy. And it's a picture of a little boy in a wheelchair. And then in the under title says no. Says God.

[Mike]

No, no, no. Holy.

[Pat]

Yeah, all right. That was too dark.

[Gene]

All right.

[Pat]

Anywho, anywho, Moving on. We were talking about on the phone how music is moving a different direction, how first week sales don't actually mean as much as they used to. Yeah, because you got some people, like a lot of people caught Lil Wayne's album Terrible and he did over 100k. Then you got some people saying, man, they love a certain album. Like, like YB came back and did. I don't know what he did, but it wasn't 100k.

[Mike]

He was like 35 or 50.

[Pat]

35. 50. 35 to 50 range. So it's just like what people say is amazing and what people say is bad. Just like on the Internet. And first week sales. That is not real no more. I'm not following none of that shit because a lot of people, yb, obviously people knew he was gonna drop music when he got out. But there wasn't like a crazy amount of marketing. Yeah, clips did a crazy amount of marketing. Really good marketing.

[Mike]

Really good.

[Pat]

That made me listen to the album. I feel like. Who just dropped that?

[Mike]

You just listen to Jid.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So he just dropped, right? And I didn't listen to his stuff yet, but by Mike telling me I'm about to go listen to it. But I don't think he did crazy marketing though.

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

You know what I mean? Yeah, it's always just like, I think first week projection only projects what they did in marketing.

[Mike]

I think also people don't really think about the ROI of a project because like if honestly say if Drake drops an album, right. We know Drake is a big artist. So If Drake does 30k first week, then something is wrong because he's like, yeah, we know the type of money that goes behind Drake. Right? But some of these other artists, there's like, I'm just dropping like a pass. Like for instance, Metro, he dropped the album. I forgot what the album was called, but it was more Atlanta based type of stuff. It wasn't like for me, right. But. And I did like, I think it did 18k, but I don't know how much money he put into the album. I didn't even hear about it until like I saw people bashing it on, on the Internet, you know. So it's one of those things where it's like, I don't Think people really think about the numbers that go as like, if an artist does 20k and they didn't do off just off their name alone, I don't think people really put take into account like, how much money they actually spent on the album and how much money they're getting, especially if there's no splits and all these type of stuff that kind of goes with their deals.

[Pat]

Yeah, it's called. His album was called A Futuristic Summer.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But he also like, dude, I feel like first of all, he's a dj.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So I don't know. Yeah, Producer, dj type of like, so. And it's. It's kind of in the same realm as like Khaled.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, when he drops projects like that with a bunch of. Basically the artists are making it and he's putting it together. So I don't. So it's. So it's based off the artist. Because if he would have had Drake all over there and Future all over his album, then the sales would change. So it's. It's just hard for me to like, even like, respect that anymore. So I'm not going off first week projections anymore at all.

[Mike]

Fuck y'. All.

[Pat]

Oh, speaking of songs, not to get tweeted too early, but somebody, they tricked me. They were just like, man, Gunna is so lyrical. And I was just like, I haven't listened to Gunna in a while. And I was like, oh, let me look at these lyrics. And lyrics is just funny. Like, yeah. When you take lyrics out and like, actually look at them. But I bet you I don't know what song is from, but I bet you it's fire. The lyrics are we getting tonight? Who getting tonight? You getting tonight? She getting tonight.

[Mike]

I gotta hear what's up.

[Pat]

I don't know. I'm definitely listen to that song on the way home.

[Mike]

I just.

[Pat]

I gotta figure out what the happened. I bet y' all like the song.

[Mike]

You got another one.

[Pat]

No, I got another point, though.

[Mike]

Oh, go ahead.

[Pat]

It's up to you.

[Mike]

No, no, go ahead.

[Pat]

Hey, go back and forth.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Caller 4]

I have.

[Mike]

I was about to switch gears.

[Pat]

Okay. Okay.

[Mike]

What? Lavar said I could switch your gears. I just. That made me think about it.

[Pat]

Who said that?

[Mike]

Lavar Ball said that to that one lady on first team. And they made it seem like he was like. They made it seem like he was making a sexual advance at her. He really wasn't.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah. Oh, that lady, when he. I'm not talking to you.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

He wouldn't turn his back. Okay. On the way here I was. I got driving clarity, and I realized. I don't know if a lot of people experiences, but I experience a lot of driving clarity in my life lately, which is sometimes I'm in a rush to get a place, and I'm driving. I'm swerving lanes. I'm going around people when I could have waited. I just want to be first in line everywhere, and one person makes a mistake. It could be a different set of cars. Like, damn, he cut him off. Crazy. They almost crashed. Or is me like, damn, I didn't even see this person in my blind spot.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And I almost went over, and I just start relaxing. Like, where the am I going? And I started driving like an old head. Only sometimes I feel like when I got a longer distance, I might push a little bit. But, like, these short distances, like, from my place to the studio, I started, like, really driving like an old head. And you know how many times somebody is, like, speeding around me, and I'm driving like an old head, and we ended up at the same light, and I'm like, yeah, like on some old head. Like, yeah, all that Russian ain't gonna do it. Y' all get these lights the same no matter what, where we go.

[Mike]

I think that's a good trait to have, though. I think there's too many people that are in a rush to get places sometimes, and it. That's what really leads to a lot of accidents. And just from what I experienced, I think Milwaukee. I love Milwaukee.

[Pat]

But you can say, you ain't got to say you love Milwaukee.

[Mike]

I do. I do love it. Because, you know, you always have to leave with love before you get with Haiti.

[Pat]

Yeah, we know. We love Milwaukee.

[Mike]

So go ahead. I think, per capita, I think we have the worst drivers here.

[Pat]

By far.

[Mike]

In Milwaukee.

[Pat]

Yes, by far. Everywhere I've ever traveled.

[Mike]

Everywhere.

[Gene]

Like in the street, though, right?

[Pat]

What do you mean, like.

[Gene]

Like residential areas?

[Mike]

Like local roads? Yes.

[Pat]

Highway?

[Gene]

No. I hate the way people drive in Chicago.

[Mike]

No, but Chicago.

[Gene]

Rushing through Chicago.

[Mike]

Yes, but at least everybody has somewhere to go, because there's traffic everywhere. There's no traffic here like that. There's no traffic. Where are we in a rush to get to? Why are you driving through the bike lane to overtake me? Just to. Just to obstruct traffic in the front and not everybody's breaking, I feel like.

[Pat]

So I feel like Chicago gets a little bit of a bad beat because, like, a lot of people don't drive a lot, but when they go through Chicago, they experience like aggressive drivers.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But for it to be that much traffic and that much people, that's like really good driving for like as least accidents as Milwaukee, bro. It like you literally like, I stop at two way stops and I'm not. I don't even have the stop sign. I'm stopping, bro. Yeah, because there's people going through the green lights.

[Mike]

You like, you gotta like keep looking both ways.

[Pat]

But the bike lanes are crazy here. Just like bro, it you, you driving past a car and it's a tenant up Nissan, bro, with no license plate and they drive past the cops and then the cops don't even move. You like, God damn. I guess.

[Mike]

And I think in other cities too, like people are aggressive drivers, but I don't think they're trying to hit you. They're afraid or they're afraid to hit you. They'll get to a point. It's like you're almost like a game of chicken, right? Milwaukee drivers, they taking it there. It's like, we, we gonna. I'm gonna hit. We're gonna hit your.

[Pat]

No, for real.

[Mike]

It's crazy.

[Pat]

You gotta be careful out here.

[Mike]

I was gonna say that I feel like there's no better feeling than plans getting canceled that you didn't want to participate in.

[Pat]

Love it.

[Mike]

Because I think it also opens up the. Opens up the lane for you to deny the next one. For. For instance, if like we're supposed to go to a brunch or something like that, Right. I didn't really want to go. It gets canceled. Right. The next time you invite me to a brunch, I'm like, bro, I would have went to the first one. I had to clear my whole calendar. I had to clear my whole calendar just to make that one. I don't think I got no more off days or more or busy time or free time for this one right now. I love it.

[Pat]

The best feeling in the world is somebody you don't want to hang with actually ghosting you.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And you like, oh, now I got a reason to never go out with your ass.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because I barely wanted to do this one and you telling me you sick last minute and I showed up. Oh, man. They'd be like, man, I feel so bad. I'd be like, man, you should. And I'll be like, I don't give a. Thank God.

[Mike]

Or if they text you back, you'd send a text and they text you back like a month later or something. Well, I like that. I'm like, oh, my bad, bro. I'm not texting back like, that's it. Our conversation is ended. It's all because I already didn't want to talk to you, and now you. You ghosted me for a month. That's fine. I love it.

[Pat]

No personality. And you're a bad friend. Wait to get rid of you. Okay, all right. Should we go? I only got a couple Tweet of the weeks.

[Gene]

All right.

[Mike]

Tweet of the week. Tweet.

[Pat]

All right, all right, all right. This is my sentimental tweet of the week.

[Caller 1]

Okay, all right, all right. Okay.

[Pat]

My goal is to take a shorty who been through it all and show her it genuinely gets worse. Like, because it does.

[Mike]

Is it because it works because the person you're getting into a relationship with.

[Pat]

Huh? No, I'm just saying, like, it Gene, like, you think, like, he broke your heart. Oh, like. Like we don't work out, yo gonna be broken.

[Mike]

I always think that.

[Pat]

Yeah, you're gonna be broken.

[Mike]

Like, I think the next level your life. Yeah. And hope we get married.

[Pat]

He ain't gonna make it back from this one. A lot of lost hair. All right. Mr. Beast said basically, you know, Mr. Beast asks questions to kind of prompt competitions. So he said, would you spend 30 days handcuffed to your ex for 250, 000? Somebody quoted the tweet and said, yeah, just give me some time to come up with the cash. He said he want to be with his ex. I get it.

[Mike]

I get it.

[Pat]

Okay. Okay. Just reminded. So there's a video. So there's this video out there of a police officer arresting a dude. But the police officer only has. Only has a motorcycle, right? So he. So he handcuffed the dude, right? Straddle him to the front of the motorcycle, his head hanging off, like, horizontally. So it's like the dude's legs had to straddle him, and he drove like that.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

Oh, if I ever knew that I was gonna. I'm not even a violent dude, especially when it comes to cops. Like, but if I ever knew I was going to be arrested like that and taken downtown like that. You gotta call another cop. I'm about to beat y'. All.

[Caller 1]

No way.

[Pat]

But, yeah, being handcuffed by another man is crazy.

[Caller 1]

All right,

[Mike]

all right.

[Pat]

Some this. And this is not a good one. Somebody said, these young girls, but basically saying, these young hoes need to be. He said, these young hoes too sassy for me. Uncle Pop, you in that lip, baby.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. It sounds so predatory.

[Pat]

It sounds so crazy. Back in his Day. Oh, no way. Somebody left a comment on the YouTube. Actually, let's. Let me just go to YouTube and read the comments, actually. Okay. We'll try to remember to do this every episode. This is last episode's comments that were left under the video. All right. A lot of people pointed out that that was the depressed Cowboys fan on a listener caller last week. Yes. Yes, it was. Somebody said, whenever a junk don't hit is always is key there. Yeah, y' all gotta. Y' all really gotta stop this.

[Gene]

That's a classic. Hilarious.

[Pat]

Somebody said, they said, we don't support 5 xls.

[Mike]

We do not.

[Pat]

Yeah, it is that. You don't worry about pre orders. Worry about pre diabetes.

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

Okay, all right, all right. I quit.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

They said, not Pat. Really? Being Captain Save a Hoe is crazy. Yeah. Like y' all call respect for women. Captain Save a Hoe it. Where my cape at?

[Mike]

So he said, no disrespect, but hearing Mike try to read comments, it's like, listen to the kid that sucks at reading read during popcorn reading in high school. The thing about, too, is that a lot of people write stuff weird. Y' all be using commas in places that don't need to comma to be used.

[Gene]

Also, like.

[Mike]

Like, this person used a comma. The comma didn't need to be right there.

[Pat]

People don't understand. Like, we got. We got people from Memphis. We got people from Texas. We got people from the UK that comment. So, like, I go into every sentence with caution. So if y' all ever hear is like, reading something. Yeah, we reading something from people from so many different places.

[Mike]

The people that say that, too, I actually want you guys to call them. I. I told one person, I said, can you please call the podcast so I can send you something to read so you can read out loud. And also, it's interesting, though, I don't think I've read out loud. This is the most I've read out loud on the podcast. You know, in our everyday life, how many times as adults, how many times have we really, really reading out loud?

[Pat]

That's true, because you should be reading in your head. Also, I hate people that talk out loud. You ever been around somebody that I think out loud? And, oh, yeah, it's like, gotta get that. You'd be like, huh? But just thinking to myself, yeah, do it to yourself. Why is gene dressed like Andre 3000

[Gene]

goat?

[Pat]

No, that's a pat. Be having substitute teacher ass jokes. I was a substitute teacher. Substitute teacher jokes are very top tier. Yeah, like that's coming into an environment that you don't know know who the people is. You basically shelling out jokes. Some hit, some miss. Some hit. Just like I did your mama. No, I'm playing.

[Mike]

Oh, this one's for you. First of all, everybody keeps blame spelling. Gene's name wrong is J E N

[Pat]

E. J E N E. I feel like that's a running joke.

[Mike]

Yeah. Also it might be.

[Pat]

I feel like we said we tried to correct them before. I think this person on purpose, and now they're gonna try even harder.

[Mike]

This person said gene quotations baby cry. Also, I thought his outfit was cute. Definitely gives. Definitely giving Frenchmen man vibes.

[Pat]

No, this is the best one. Gene looked like. He looked like he still baguettes. That's fire. That was fire.

[Mike]

All right, we're going to get into.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, wait. Let's address the elephant in the room. So this is funny. When I read this, somebody said y' all got a nice lineup. Starting five, Pat, Mike, Key, Gene Page. And now six Man. Didn't catch bro's name. But yeah, six man is crucial. But they also be lost too. Hits being skipped on Bly ranking. I ain't gonna lie. He was so pissed we skipped, he gave up. Like, man, y'.

[Gene]

All.

[Pat]

I was like, what would you rank that? He's like, I already got skip.

[Mike]

So what's the point? 13. That's Gene's cousin, man.

[Pat]

No, he was hot. That said, I already did my three.

[Gene]

I never coming back.

[Mike]

He forgot he was in a pie.

[Pat]

He just playing the game. He like, man, they skipped me, dog.

[Caller 1]

What's good was good.

[Gene]

What's the deal?

[Mike]

I got a question for you.

[Caller 1]

What?

[Mike]

What's the.

[Pat]

What.

[Mike]

What's the most delusional thing? What's your. What's your most delusional thought?

[Caller 1]

Damn, are you still stuttering? But I. My fault, my fault. I just took that. I just took the opportunity. My fault.

[Mike]

No, it's fine. It's fine. He gonna say something weird. I already know. There's no. I don't got no normal listeners that call in like that. So I already know you're weird as hell.

[Caller 1]

Go ahead. No, you said, what's my most delusional opinion?

[Mike]

Yeah,

[Caller 1]

so. So I'm in a relationship. I felt like my homies, if I. If I see a girl and she look good, I feel like my homie shouldn't. You know, it shouldn't pursue her. Like, not like just if she look good, but, like, if I like her.

[Mike]

I told you, you stupid ass.

[Caller 1]

Even though I mean Like, And I just, you know, I'm saying, she.

[Pat]

So you said, wait, wait, let me get this right. So you're in a relationship, and, like, you saying, like, if your boy's out, it's like four y' all out. And you see a girl first, and just like, man, she look good. Then you saying your other guys, y' all shouldn't talk to her because I said she looked good, even though I got a girlfriend at home.

[Caller 1]

No, like, more of like a. Yeah, actually. Yes, yes,

[Pat]

I told you.

[Gene]

Hey, also.

[Caller 1]

Also, like, because. Because, like I said, me and my friends.

[Mike]

Come on now.

[Pat]

Waiting like a lion in the thing.

[Mike]

No, I told you, I know these, bro.

[Pat]

No, that's crazy for stuttering, then stutter right away.

[Mike]

Non confident ass. Come on, bro.

[Caller 1]

I was walking up some stairs, giving a break. Nah, he sounds at a bad time.

[Pat]

No, you. He don't even got the same voice. You let Mike take your voice away.

[Mike]

No, don't say that.

[Pat]

That's actually. He took your throat, boy.

[Mike]

All right, so explain. Explain the way you're gonna explain, though.

[Caller 1]

Like. All right, so if so, me and my homies, we got. We hang out with some, you know, we hang out with girls, whatever. And. And we hang out with girls, whatever.

[Mike]

And girls that are not your girlfriend.

[Caller 2]

No.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

Okay.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

And some of the girls be looking, you know, some girls, I ain't never. Oh, some of the girls I ain't ever seen before. Like, you know, and I'd be like, man, you know, she looked. She looked pretty good. And then, like, some of them be, like, pursuing them, but I'd be like, you know, shouldn't be. I shouldn't be pursuing them because I already said they look good. Like, I called this, like, if one day, just in case me and, you know, my lady was to just not work out.

[Pat]

Where is your girlfriend?

[Mike]

Yeah, it sounds like she was in a room for a second.

[Caller 1]

No, that was my little sister. My girlfriend in the car.

[Pat]

Wait, where are you? What the.

[Caller 1]

I'm in my sister house.

[Pat]

Yeah, but. What, Your girlfriend's in the car in the driveway or something?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, I had to make sure I wasn't around there for this. Cause. Yeah.

[Mike]

Such an idiot.

[Pat]

I hope you lose her, bro. I ain't going to lie.

[Mike]

So you. You just.

[Caller 1]

No, stop.

[Mike]

Go ahead, Go ahead.

[Caller 1]

Wait, so I know, like, what did I do? I called the wrong. Oh, y' all call me. Damn. No, this is.

[Pat]

Oh, man. I know. Reading out loud. Kick your ass, boy.

[Caller 1]

Ah, man, y'. All. I just ruined my life.

[Gene]

Selfish, man. He on that if I can't have her, nobody can.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's some selfish ass.

[Pat]

Selfish, bro.

[Caller 1]

So delusional.

[Mike]

You're calling dibs on things you're not

[Pat]

gonna pursue, and you can't put together a full sentence. So, like, everything is not even gonna

[Mike]

get the girl put together.

[Pat]

Do a full sentence, bro.

[Caller 1]

You cooking right now. I ain't gonna hold you.

[Pat]

There you go. Stack some synthesis together.

[Mike]

But seriously, though, is. Is this something that you always do? Like,

[Caller 1]

yeah, like, you know, I got, like, a little roster that I can't. It's not. I guess, in my head, it's not my roster because none of the women actually know they on the roster. Yeah, yeah, yes.

[Pat]

I get what you're saying. You built a fantasy team that your friends can't touch. It's like, we will call them the untouchables. That's what we call the women.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, yeah, got it, got it. Yeah. They can't. They untouch. They untouchable.

[Pat]

So you're thinking about. But you know what's wrong with your girlfriend?

[Gene]

She's about to ask.

[Caller 1]

Nothing. You know, that's my. Actually, it's my fiance. Like, you know what I'm saying? Nothing wrong with her.

[Pat]

So many people, bro, don't nobody want to ever fall in love on this show. No, he ruined it. We worse than Love Island.

[Mike]

He's still on the phone.

[Caller 1]

But your girl's been on the phone with. So. Absolutely not.

[Pat]

We gonna find your girl, bro. We gonna find your girl.

[Caller 1]

I'm gonna block her angle. I'm gonna block y' all actually, right after this call.

[Mike]

Hey, that's a smart thing to do.

[Pat]

Just screenshots.

[Mike]

Sunday. You got till Wednesday. I'm gonna give you to. Thursday. Make a race. Make the range that you got to. You got to.

[Gene]

In your house, say a message for your girlfriend.

[Pat]

You know, fiance.

[Caller 1]

Together.

[Pat]

Y' all live together.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, I got. Come on, don't. Don't ruin a happy home. Come on, now.

[Pat]

Wait. Who paid for the rent?

[Caller 4]

Me.

[Pat]

It sound like she got the car, though. She in the driveway.

[Caller 1]

No, it's my truck.

[Pat]

That's your truck. Okay. You got everything. You got everything but your girl.

[Mike]

Good luck, Little.

[Caller 1]

It sound. It sound like you trying to take up a family, and it sound like

[Pat]

you trying to start a remix.

[Caller 1]

It's all good, though. I ain't going to lie.

[Caller 4]

It's all.

[Caller 1]

No, it's all good, cuz. I. I think you got a kid, too.

[Caller 3]

I think you.

[Caller 1]

I think. I think you got a K it, too.

[Pat]

Don't you yeah, you got a kid with her.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay, we not gonna do that. You're right.

[Caller 1]

Actually, you know. You know what?

[Pat]

Actually,

[Mike]

I forgot.

[Caller 1]

I forgot, cuz. You already said that.

[Caller 4]

I got.

[Caller 1]

I got two boys and 99%. 99% of black are more successful when they.

[Caller 2]

When they.

[Caller 1]

99 of black men are successful without their dads, so.

[Caller 3]

Yo, can you hear me?

[Pat]

Yeah, I can hear you, dude.

[Caller 3]

Yo, what's good? Oh, it's starting off like this already.

[Mike]

What happened? It's your question too.

[Caller 3]

No, I heard Pat clowning me in the back.

[Pat]

What did I say? I didn't say.

[Mike]

I didn't say.

[Pat]

That's.

[Caller 3]

Never mind. I'm just hearing. My bad. Yeah.

[Gene]

Securities.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's insecurity. Maybe. Maybe it's something you don't like the way you sound or something. You thought I was mocking you? I was just talking, bro.

[Caller 3]

No, I might be.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah. Nerd.

[Gene]

All right.

[Pat]

I got a question. I got a question for you.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, what's going on?

[Pat]

Okay. Name something you hate about yourself.

[Caller 3]

All right, so I'm gonna. I know this ain't a safe space, so I'm gonna. I'm gonna just go ahead and say it. I got a small pb.

[Caller 2]

How small?

[Pat]

We talking?

[Mike]

That's a crazy question.

[Caller 3]

I didn't have a problem with it until after a few. A few weeks ago. So I visited my ex. I don't know why. This was a terrible idea. So we're coming home from lunch, and she's just asking me how I've been doing and asking, like, who I've been talking to. And I was just telling. I've been talking to my homeboy a lot and just, like, telling him about, like, opening up and stuff. And I was like, oh, we relate a lot because we both have small pee pees. And I was. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's just like, a bit we do. We just talk about how we have small dicks. And she said, how can it be a bit if it's true?

[Caller 1]

All right?

[Mike]

We're trying to change the narrative that this. Of this being a safe place. So go ahead, bro.

[Pat]

Yeah, we got you. We can support you. Which is so, like. Again. Again.

[Caller 2]

Again.

[Pat]

Did you knew. Did you know you had a small penis going into this conversation? Or you're basing your small penis off of this conversation itself?

[Caller 3]

So it's a little bit of both. So I thought I was fine before. I thought I was average, but going into this, I'm like, damn, am I not average?

[Pat]

I've never heard Maybe I never did do put himself in the average category, like, initially with nobody else saying, like,

[Mike]

what are you going based.

[Caller 3]

What are you going to base it off? My ethnicity. My ethnicity. So I'm Asian. So I think for an Asian, maybe I'm even above average. That makes sense.

[Pat]

Yeah, but, like, are you. Did you Google this?

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Caller 3]

I feel like a typical dude. Google's like, you don't. You never pull out the ruler and be like, oh, yeah, no, no.

[Pat]

I want to let you know, I would never fucking Google average African American cock size and then put myself on the scale.

[Mike]

I wouldn't do that.

[Pat]

That's not my. My thing.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, they have, like, different averages by area or, like, they even have it by state.

[Mike]

Well, what was your. What was the average then?

[Caller 3]

What was my average per state? Oh, in California. I'm in California right now, so my average is a little bit low. So I did this research after I saw her, so this brought my ego down even more.

[Mike]

So what is the. What is the research, though?

[Caller 3]

Like, I think it was like, this is going to give my inches away, but I think the average inch in, like, California was like, six. Six?

[Mike]

You said what? Sorry.

[Caller 3]

The average inches in California was like, six.

[Pat]

So what is it for California Asians, then?

[Caller 3]

Oh, I didn't. I didn't go that far into my. I didn't go that deep.

[Pat]

Did you say. You said.

[Mike]

You said Asians?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Caller 3]

Oh, I just assume. Well, I just assume that it's like, three, four inches. Like, I already boxed myself into the category.

[Mike]

Asia is such a big continent.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying also, like, that's crazy. So. Okay, let's go back to the bit between you and your best friend. It's just like, what type of banter is that? Like, oh, like, we both got small dicks.

[Gene]

Hardy hard.

[Mike]

Like, like, how does it start?

[Caller 3]

Like, normally it would be like. Like, if someone makes fun of us, be like, oh, you got a small dick. And then it's like, we. We play off of each other. So it's not. It doesn't hurt as much, you know, because it's like, if someone else has a small dick in the group, then it's like, not as bad.

[Mike]

How'd y' all get to the point of y' all both knowing y' all had small dicks?

[Caller 3]

I don't want to air his shot. No, he'll be fine if I tell you. All right, this is a funny story. So his dad. His dad killed himself, like, when we were. When we were. I've known I've known him since we were in middle school. His dad killed himself, like, before I met him.

[Mike]

Never do that.

[Pat]

That's so up. Because you're doing that. No, he's. No, you're a bro.

[Caller 1]

I'm a.

[Caller 3]

Why am I.

[Pat]

You made me laugh and say, yo, this is a funny story. And then you start. You can't start off with a sentence like that. But go ahead. I'm ready now. All right, all right.

[Caller 2]

So.

[Caller 3]

So his dad killed himself before I met him. And like, like years later, he told me. He was like, you want to know the last thing my dad told me? Last thing my dad asked me, he said, son, do you have a small dick? And he answers. He says, yeah. He said, my fault, son. So that's how I found out he had a small dick. And I said, it's all right, bro. Me too.

[Pat]

Are you good? You're a good friend. That's a better story. I thought y' all just chest bump one day and be like, bro, I ain't feeling nothing either.

[Mike]

Hip thrust with each other.

[Pat]

Oh, man, that's crazy.

[Mike]

So is this. Has this affected your dating life?

[Caller 3]

Yeah, well, this was only two weeks ago, but there was more to the story. So after she said, it's not a bit if it's true, she was like, we all have to live with these things. She was like, you could have been bald. Like, you could be bald. You could have a small dick. Like, you just got to learn to live with it. And she had a straight face on her, too. I was like, wait, I thought. I thought you were joking. And then she went in and she was like, would you rather have a bald head with the same size dick or a full head of hair with a smaller dick? And then after that, I just went quiet.

[Mike]

Damn, did y' all just break up?

[Caller 3]

No, this was like, we broke up a year ago, but I haven't seen her in like a few months.

[Mike]

You haven't dated or done anything with any other girls since then?

[Caller 3]

Oh, man, I could already hear, damn, this dude gets no, bro, we are not the business.

[Pat]

It's literally okay if you don't talk to a woman. For, like, you maybe you're working on yourself.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, it was a long term relationship,

[Pat]

like, yeah, so you haven't had any since her. And that was like a year ago.

[Caller 3]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. He get no.

[Mike]

Every time, man.

[Caller 3]

This ain't a safe. This is never going to be a safe space. We're joking, all the Paul listeners. This is not a safe space.

[Pat]

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Gene]

Whoa.

[Pat]

Make sure you use your inside voice, little dick ass.

[Caller 3]

See, it's like I don't even have a comeback anymore because it's like everyone knows I got a small dick. Like, what was I supposed to say to her? Like, I got a small dick? Like, there's nothing else I could say. Like, I could have been like, oh, you're box whack. But then that would have just been a lie, I think.

[Pat]

I think.

[Mike]

I think in those situations, lie. All right, man.

[Caller 3]

I could have lied right now.

[Mike]

Yeah, you could have.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Appreciate it, though.

[Mike]

All right, man.

[Pat]

Bro, you have a good one.

[Caller 3]

All right. Appreciate y'. All.

[Pat]

Appreciate you too. Pip, squeak. Ew.

[Caller 4]

Hi.

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash on these podcast. What's good?

[Caller 4]

How you doing?

[Pat]

You do not have to change your voice for this podcast.

[Caller 4]

Just to let you know I'm not.

[Pat]

All right.

[Caller 4]

Yes.

[Pat]

Okay. Name something you hate about your significant other.

[Caller 4]

Okay. So I really love everything about him. I just. I hate the fact that he doesn't curse at all, like, ever.

[Pat]

Like, he doesn't. He doesn't say any cuss words.

[Caller 2]

Never.

[Caller 4]

And I've always said I wanted somebody that didn't curse. But, like, a little bit is okay.

[Pat]

Yeah, I don't give what the fuck he doing.

[Mike]

No, that shit was.

[Caller 4]

I mean, I felt like I don't even curse a lot, but I mean, every now and then, you know, I drop a little bomb or a little fuck. Huh.

[Caller 1]

I mean,

[Pat]

you know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

What are some substitutes? And, I mean, what are the substitute words he uses?

[Caller 4]

Okay, so he is a very Southern country good man. So he'll. No, he will say, like, gosh darn it.

[Mike]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Pat]

I just realized something. I know what this really is about. What? This is about your sex life. He not cussing in the bedroom either.

[Caller 4]

Yeah. I mean, there's no bad words ever. Never. And I do not have a mouth.

[Mike]

Oh, you do nothing.

[Pat]

I'm sorry.

[Caller 4]

I have a mouth. I mean, that's, you know, that's my

[Pat]

business, but that's your business.

[Caller 4]

So, you know. But I don't want to, you know, be the one that's always, like, doing the most, saying the most, and then just like, sorry, my bad.

[Pat]

You like. You like that shit, Daddy, he probably, like, gee, Willie,

[Mike]

what?

[Caller 4]

I gotta, like, not say anything that I really want to say.

[Gene]

Oh.

[Pat]

Cause you know he not gonna cuss back. That's crazy. Have you talked to him about this?

[Caller 4]

No.

[Mike]

I feel like even if he did, it would come and he starts cursing. It'll just be, like, not authentic.

[Pat]

He can practice, though, with.

[Mike]

In the mirror.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Caller 4]

Oh, no, I honestly, I don't feel like he ever will just because of his background and. And how he was raised in that, like, it just sounds like a standard. I'm the one that has to, like, get it together.

[Pat]

Sound like a dude that could not be me in an argument, I'll tell you that.

[Caller 4]

Oh, yeah, we don't argue. It's no argument. I will say that he does treat me good, and that's usually my way.

[Pat]

That's all you need. Yeah. That's the worst thing you can complain about your partner. Y' all doing pretty good.

[Caller 4]

Exactly. Exactly. And you know, I'm respectful of him, and he's the boss, so there you go.

[Pat]

There you go.

[Gene]

Okay, she just missing that 2% toxicity.

[Caller 4]

Yeah, I'll get it out of him. We'll see.

[Pat]

Okay. Yeah, she gonna turn him evil. Just keep doing what you're doing. You're doing it. You're doing the right thing. Maybe you gotta do something different to spice it up to get him to cuss.

[Caller 4]

Okay, say less.

[Mike]

Terrific.

[Pat]

Oh, just look at that, bro. Coach, she about to go crazy. There you go.

[Caller 4]

All right, all right.

[Mike]

You have a good one.

[Caller 4]

Sometimes we need a little permission. All right, guys.

[Pat]

What?

[Mike]

She said sometimes you need a little permission.

[Pat]

She just got permission from Pat.

[Mike]

What the.

[Pat]

That's definitely upside down pineapple couple right there.

[Caller 4]

Hello.

[Pat]

What's the.

[Caller 4]

Hi.

[Mike]

Hey. How's it going?

[Pat]

Can we say hi first? God damn. No, I'm just fine.

[Caller 2]

How you doing?

[Caller 4]

I'm doing good. How are y'? All?

[Mike]

Good.

[Pat]

Good, good, good, good.

[Mike]

All right. Start your sentence off with. Am I delusional?

[Caller 4]

Am I delusional if I think everybody's in love with me?

[Pat]

Do you think that? Do you actually think that?

[Caller 4]

Low key?

[Caller 1]

Yes, Every single.

[Pat]

Like, everybody. So you think that.

[Caller 4]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

Okay.

[Caller 4]

Yeah, I think.

[Pat]

What, you think that any, like, one of us are in love with you? Because I can let you know right now.

[Caller 4]

No, I don't think everybody's in love with me. But, like, say if I go to the bar and I'm just, like, already a little tipsy, and I'm walking to the restaurant, I'm like, everybody's in love with me. I just know it.

[Pat]

That liquor do it. Yeah.

[Caller 4]

Or, wait, no, this is another thing. One time, I met this basketball player. He doesn't play anymore, but I had met him twice at the bar. Not like we met there. I went up to him, I shot my shot, and I was just like, he's so in love with me. The second time I saw him, which he didn't give anything of that, but in my head, I was like, he's in love with me.

[Pat]

Has this ever worked for you? Have you ever said, man, that dude's in love with me, and then went up to someone and then they actually liked you?

[Caller 4]

No, it. I didn't go up to them, but there's this one man that I met, and I was like, he in love with me. And he low key is in love with me.

[Mike]

What?

[Pat]

How do you know that?

[Caller 4]

I just can feel it.

[Pat]

Have you ever had a conversation with him?

[Caller 4]

Yes. Yes.

[Pat]

So what. What did he do to say like that made you think he was in love with you?

[Caller 4]

Well, I just know he is, but it happens a lot in my head. I just think everybody's in love with me. Y' all don't feel that way.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Mike]

What was your last rel. What was your last relation?

[Pat]

How you get a phone in a psych ward? That's what we need to be asking.

[Mike]

When was your last relationship?

[Caller 4]

How you. What? A little bit over a year ago.

[Mike]

Who ended it?

[Caller 4]

I think I did.

[Pat]

Yeah, he ran.

[Mike]

If you can't remember who ended the

[Pat]

relationship, I believe he ran full speed out of the apartment with no luggage in hand. Sprint nigga ran past his car.

[Mike]

He's like, how do you.

[Pat]

I want nothing to do with this luggage.

[Caller 4]

No, no, I'm. No, no, no. I'm cool as it sound like she

[Pat]

is solitary confinement with a phone. Maddie Wall.

[Caller 4]

Wait, you know, I thought that y' all felt that way because you are Sagittarius too.

[Pat]

What you're suggesting. When your birthday.

[Caller 4]

The 18th of December.

[Pat]

All right, now, we different type of Sagittarius over here. I don't know what the December Sagittarius beyond.

[Caller 4]

You see, you know, I lowkey felt like Pat was gonna agree. Like, he feels like. I feel like he a little bit.

[Pat]

I don't know why everybody thinks like me. No, no, no. I don't think. No, I actually think that, like, the opposite. You know what I mean?

[Caller 4]

Myself.

[Gene]

I feel it, though. I think it's like a. Are you Latina?

[Caller 4]

Yes.

[Gene]

It's the arrogance that comes with that.

[Pat]

Why you say Latino like that?

[Caller 4]

Why does everybody. No, yeah, I am. Yeah.

[Pat]

Is that.

[Gene]

Is that what that Latin women move different? For sure.

[Pat]

Oh, got it, got it. So you really think that Maybe that's what it is.

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Maybe everybody is.

[Caller 2]

I do.

[Pat]

You never know.

[Caller 4]

Maybe they are. Who am I to find out?

[Pat]

Who am I to tell you

[Caller 3]

facts, facts.

[Caller 4]

But Loki, I gotta agree with me because y' all gotta agree with me because it is International Women's Year.

[Pat]

Noah, first of all, first of all, first of all, you're right. Happy, happy International Woman's Year.

[Caller 1]

This for you.

[Caller 4]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Mike]

All right, Latina, you did have so much toying on it. This want to flex it. He's Hispanic so bad.

[Pat]

But a pulled out like a. Like a rolly.

[Caller 4]

Did he do a money spread? Did he do a money spread?

[Mike]

All right, here we go. Oh, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

[Caller 4]

Wait, wait. I gotta tell y'. All. I gotta tell y', all, like, I really hope they never take yalls microphone away because y' all are funny as hell.

[Pat]

Appreciate you.

[Caller 4]

And on Wednesdays, I'll be running meetings, but in between meetings, I'll be listening, like, what's good?

[Pat]

We appreciate you. Get your merch?

[Caller 4]

Of course. Bye.

[Mike]

Bye.

[Pat]

Yeah, make sure she never comes to no shows. Yo, welcome to Crash Podcast.

[Caller 1]

What's good, yo, what's up?

[Caller 3]

What's up?

[Caller 1]

What's good?

[Pat]

I already said that.

[Caller 1]

All right, I got a question for you already on. Some type of timing, huh?

[Pat]

Yeah, because I already know who I'm talking to. All right, I got a question for

[Caller 1]

you, but where Mike at?

[Caller 4]

Where Mike.

[Caller 1]

I always talk to Mike. Hey, what up, Mike?

[Caller 4]

Key there.

[Mike]

Ke.

[Caller 2]

Where Key at?

[Caller 1]

Key never there.

[Mike]

Key not here. Jean crickets.

[Gene]

What up, boy?

[Caller 1]

Oh, what's up, G? What it do now, bro? They look like a mime, though.

[Caller 3]

Last episode.

[Pat]

All right, let me know when you're done. Dick rides.

[Caller 1]

All right, bro?

[Gene]

All right.

[Pat]

Because it ain't you.

[Gene]

All right.

[Caller 1]

Oh, my.

[Pat]

So crazy, bro. He said, I won't Pat let me ride jeans.

[Mike]

Dick.

[Caller 1]

That's crazy.

[Pat]

All right, name something you hate about yourself.

[Caller 1]

My meat size. I'm suffering from success.

[Mike]

What?

[Caller 1]

I know. Pat, you can relate to me on this, though. Like, for real.

[Pat]

You got it, bro.

[Mike]

You care to elaborate?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, you know, like, I wake up maybe hitting my thigh, and I'm gonna say my knee. You know, I'm not that tall. You know, I'm like five, six. You know, I'm. My height went somewhere else, but, you know, you know, just suffering, yo. Like, girls just want me for that reason,

[Pat]

So. Okay, question.

[Caller 2]

Who?

[Pat]

Yeah, who have you seen on this show? Like, name all the hosts of this show.

[Caller 1]

Everybody. You know, I. I know Key, you got Gene guy, you got Mike. You know, you got.

[Pat]

You called in four guys and told four guys that your meat is big.

[Caller 3]

Hey, but.

[Caller 1]

But who Said call, though. Who sent me call whoever does the. Y' all the one that wanted to know this information.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

That's just the person we surprised by every caller. It's the whole point of the show.

[Caller 1]

Nah, but you knew, though. Yeah.

[Pat]

So first thing you did is start giving out compliments who you love, and then you said your meat size.

[Caller 1]

No, Like, I don't think it's crazy if you. Look, hear me out, though. Hear me out. I feel like, as men, we just need to, you know, more communication between everybody, and it's like, you know, we need to be more like girls, you know?

[Pat]

How does that help me, though? How does that help me? How does that help us knowing your meat size?

[Caller 1]

I don't know. Like, how does it not help you? If you really think about it, you know, it just. You see the struggle. Men struggle every day.

[Mike]

You're going based on support one another. You're going based on your definition. Have you, as a girl, told you this?

[Pat]

No, listen, I forgot about that, man.

[Caller 1]

How you know online, though?

[Pat]

You okay. No, no, no, no. We straight that both ways. Yo, you done, bro?

[Mike]

It. I don't know what else to say.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

Nah, bro. But, like, you know. Oh, oh, wait, Mike, Mike, Can I

[Caller 3]

ask you a question?

[Mike]

What up? What up, bro?

[Caller 1]

Bro, it's not gonna be nothing weird. I was on your live the other day on Patreon.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

You say y' all sort of do a podcast with us and be Lou.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, y' all got that in the work.

[Caller 1]

Is that, like, Loki? I'm looking forward to that. I'm not even gonna lie to you, bro. I'm a big fan.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah.

[Gene]

That was the question.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike]

You asked me a question. Awesome. That I already told y' all that we're gonna do.

[Pat]

No, I feel like this wasn't even a question. I feel like this is more personal between y' all two or something like that.

[Caller 2]

It is. You know, me.

[Caller 1]

Me and Mike go way back then.

[Pat]

I told you.

[Mike]

All right, man.

[Caller 1]

Hey, hey, hey, Pat, bro, you go.

[Mike]

Can you do me a favor? Can you do me a favor? Can you look at the. The most recent reel on our Instagram?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, right now.

[Mike]

Let me know when you see it.

[Caller 1]

Give me one second. Blind right? Most terrible things to say when you're pregnant.

[Mike]

No, no. Yeah, yeah, whatever clip. That is the last clip you will ever see of Crash podcast, because I am blocking you.

[Pat]

You have a good day.

[Caller 1]

Nah, bro.

[Gene]

Exiled.

[Pat]

No, he's out of there, man.

[Caller 1]

What's up with y' all boys for real. What's up? I forgot the question already.

[Pat]

It's cool. I'mma remind you of that. I got you.

[Gene]

All right.

[Pat]

Yeah, for sure. All right. Name something you hate about your significant other.

[Caller 1]

Oh, man. Yeah, I remember that. All right, so, boom. Listen. It's a head shape, bro. Like, we got a kid or whatever. So now I'm, like, looking at it, and it's like, damn, boy. I really up my baby. You know what I mean? Like, sure, they got the damn credit card swiping the back of her. And I'm just looking at. I was looking at her the other day, and I was like, boy, my baby gonna have that. I'm looking at him looking at her. Yeah, he got it, boy. And it's up. That's up.

[Pat]

Okay, explain the credit card. Explain the credit card swipe for people that might not, man, y'.

[Gene]

All.

[Caller 1]

But y' all know what the credit card. They know what it is. You got two little fat things in

[Pat]

the back of your head.

[Caller 1]

Oh, I got a credit card through that?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's.

[Pat]

How do you even see that? That is. Don't she got hair right there?

[Caller 1]

No. Yeah, she got braids now. She just got some braids. And so, you know, her parted up. And I was just looking, like, damn, her up. And she knew it. She was like, my. I got Rose.

[Gene]

I like.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, you do.

[Caller 3]

You do.

[Mike]

And your kids. Your kid has them already, too, man.

[Caller 1]

His is a whole different level. Cause like, that. He, like, the perfect mix of us. Like, he looked like me, but he got her feet. Pieces that make sense. So this got my health, but her head, I ain't got no hell. My. I'm 30, boy. My falling back. You know what I mean? I'll be looking at him like, y' all can't laugh. Both of y' all be wearing hats all the time.

[Pat]

So I take my off right now.

[Mike]

I have pictures.

[Gene]

I have.

[Mike]

I legit have pictures with my hat off on. My profile.

[Caller 1]

I ain't never seen them. Every time I see y', all, y' all got hats on.

[Pat]

I just took my hat off of you. You bought me.

[Mike]

Hey, that's cool.

[Caller 1]

That is cool.

[Caller 2]

Guess what?

[Caller 1]

I'm like, y'.

[Caller 4]

All.

[Caller 1]

You ain't never gonna see me without a hat.

[Pat]

Nah, that's some.

[Caller 1]

Don't know about it.

[Pat]

No. You need to love your family, bro. Rose or not.

[Caller 1]

Oh, it is what it is at this point.

[Caller 2]

You feel me?

[Caller 1]

We locked in.

[Pat]

Yeah, for sure.

[Caller 1]

I just was noticing. Do I. I just noticed. I was like, man, this up the

[Gene]

little man got the. He got the four pack of hot dogs on the back of his neck.

[Caller 1]

He ain't got folk white. He probably got like two.

[Gene]

But it's coming.

[Caller 1]

You feel me? It's coming.

[Mike]

I can't even laugh too hard. I got. I got the neck rolls, bro.

[Pat]

Just put him in football, bro, and it didn't make sense. He a football player, bro.

[Caller 1]

I played football. That ain't gonna do. That ain't gonna do. She make your fall out faster, if anything. All right, Brody make it. Yeah.

[Caller 3]

Appreciate y', all, bro.

[Pat]

I appreciate you.

[Caller 2]

What's going on? What's going on?

[Mike]

It's kind of hard to remember what it was. Yeah.

[Pat]

Yo, what's good? Yo, the last dude was stuttering so much stuttering, bro. That's what I get for making fun

[Mike]

of him, but go ahead. Oh, yeah, the question.

[Pat]

What's. Name something you hate about yourself,

[Caller 2]

bro. The thing I hate about myself, bro, is my stutter, bro. And that should be killing me, dude. I'd be lagging worse than. Huh? You said what?

[Mike]

No, go ahead, go ahead.

[Caller 2]

I'm trying not to stutter right now, man. I'm talking as slow as possible so I don't embarrass myself, dog. But nah, dude, my. I'll be having it. Damn. All right, hold on. I'll be having the trash stuff. Like, I'll be on the gaming. I'll be on the gaming, right? I'll give you an example. I'll be on the gaming. We'd be playing 2K, right? So, you know, I, I. I don't got, like a, you know, a small guard, my homie do. So I'll be doing back door cuts, and. And we always miss the back door cuss. Because I'll be stuttering. I'll be like,

[Pat]

bro, man.

[Gene]

What?

[Pat]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Mike]

You got like, a diagnosis. Stutter. Like.

[Caller 2]

No, I mean, it. It's been like that my whole. It. I've had stages, right? So when I was a kid and I was, like, young, I probably say four or five, I used to have the pause. Y' all know what the pause is, right?

[Mike]

Yeah, no, I don't know what the pause is. Go ahead.

[Caller 2]

So here. Go to pause, right? So the pause used to be bad for me. I couldn't even say words. So I used to try to call my brother's name, and I'd be like, hey, yo, Chris. Chris.

[Pat]

So you don't even finish the word. You actually go back to the beginning of the word after. Like, after you. Yeah, this can. Yes, I've been stuttering since. It's been a back to back stuttering ass caller. But you more like, bro, you more aware of your stuff, though. The last dude, I don't think he's diagnosed at all.

[Caller 2]

Oh, yeah, no, I'm aware because it's been my whole life and like I said, it's been stages. I'm in. I'm in the part now where it's like a. It's like a remix. I sound like a dj and I'll be like. I'll be like. Yeah, it'd be.

[Caller 1]

It'd be bad.

[Caller 2]

I'll be.

[Pat]

I ain't heard it once, bro.

[Mike]

I'm doing a good job.

[Gene]

You know what I noticed though?

[Caller 2]

I'm better with it.

[Mike]

Sometimes I don't feel like I have a stuff.

[Gene]

He sounds like he's in a stage where like he don't officially complete his sentences.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, him.

[Gene]

Yeah, just like, like he'll try to articulate himself and then he'll just like switch the sentence over.

[Pat]

Okay. Yeah, I really heard that.

[Gene]

I gotta.

[Pat]

I think we gotta talk a little bit more. Ask him enough. Another question. Something. Just anything.

[Mike]

How was your day,

[Caller 2]

man? My day was good.

[Caller 1]

I.

[Caller 2]

We just. I just got done hoping. Getting some runs in and

[Mike]

something.

[Caller 2]

Yeah. What's up?

[Mike]

Are you good, bro?

[Caller 2]

Hold on, baby.

[Pat]

Okay. Damn. Do your girl notice your stutter problem? You ever been in an argument with your girl and you stutter and then she called you?

[Caller 2]

We just got done. Yeah. And. And damn. I was stuttering just then. I know you heard that last one.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That's the worst part. When you're in an argument and you start stuttering.

[Pat]

So what was the argument about?

[Caller 2]

No, I mean, it's just some team, you know what I'm saying? I'm. I'm. I'm at that point right now where it's like. It's hard for me to like ask for help a lot. So it's like she just wants me to be more stuff. She wants me to. She just wants me to be a little more vocal with me asking for help. You know what I'm saying? Inside the situation I'm in right now. I'm not really gonna get it too

[Mike]

deep into it, bro. Yeah, yeah.

[Caller 2]

But. Yeah, no, it's. Yeah. So I was trying to get a point across and every time, Every time where I'm at the point where I know I'm gonna say something, that's like a good point. That's when it started coming. When I'm saying that come out fluently. Bro. I'll say some. And that junk just come out like, I don't got no stutter at all. Sound like Einstein. And the moment I got something worse, like, oh, nah, you didn't notice this about me or notice this about this certain type of situation. I get to sound it, bro. I get to freaking spectrum. Wi Fi, bro, that zone is bad. I'll be like, comcast Wi Fi.

[Mike]

Oh, my God, I feel it.

[Caller 2]

It'd be the timer popping up above my head. Wait, like, oh, you got 14 seconds till you lag out every time, bro. I'm having to slow down. Stop, stop. And my brother be teasing me. Anytime I talk to my brother, I stutter all the time. So he be.

[Pat]

He be like, yo, yo, yo, wait, bro. All right, last. Last question. Last question. Do you stutter in bed with your girl?

[Caller 2]

No, I gotta make sure I do that. I gotta make sure I'll be talking a lot. You know what I'm saying? Like, three words here and there, you know?

[Caller 1]

You like that?

[Mike]

You like that?

[Pat]

That's probably you stuttering, too. You just say, keep it. Keep the cadence.

[Gene]

All right, bro.

[Mike]

You have a good one.

[Caller 2]

Trying to say and.

[Pat]

All right, bro. Wait, wait. This end of the call. That's all.

[Gene]

Right, bro.

[Mike]

All right, bro.

[Caller 2]

That'll be easy, man.

[Mike]

You too.

[Caller 2]

You, too.

[Mike]

So we're going to introduce a new segment called Try not to Laugh. I picked three clips that I think that's going to make Pat laugh and Pat that. Pick three. So we're just gonna score it. If you laugh, you lose. Grab Gene, pull it up for listener. For audio listeners, visual listeners. I finally put the. I finally put on the screen for y', all, man.

[Caller 1]

My name is Audrey, and I stutter.

[Caller 4]

I'm. I'm.

[Caller 1]

I'm. I'm Travis, and I. I. I said stutter. My name is Joel and I stutter. My name is Dylan.

[Pat]

And I thought the video not buffer.

[Mike]

They said Dylan. Not really. They said Dylan don't really got a stutter faking the one on bottom left.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He definitely seemed like he just vibing. No, you not supposed to laugh.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, Well, I can laugh.

[Pat]

No, you laugh on my own, but you can't commentate and make your funnier. Yeah, Is that a thing? Is that a rule? Okay, Bet you can.

[Mike]

You can add to it. Come on, man. That's one.

[Pat]

That was sneaky, bro. I bet we stutter.org is crazy. We stutter.org is crazy. They should have put stutter twice.

[Mike]

All right, let's See what Pat got.

[Pat]

Or we twice.

[Mike]

We.

[Pat]

We.

[Gene]

Why is it

[Pat]

Please now. Please now. All right, now you pause it to not get the part after. This is.

[Mike]

For the audio. Listening. It says, tyrese audition tape for Django Unchained Part two.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Is this real? Yeah, I think so.

[Gene]

That's real. Yeah, it's real.

[Mike]

This is his real audition.

[Gene]

Hip hop.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. Somebody, whoever released this tape trying to get an Oscar. Laugh.

[Pat]

Yes, you did.

[Mike]

No, I didn't.

[Pat]

He laughed at my commentary.

[Mike]

That wasn't.

[Pat]

That was the end of it. I'm glad people see you lie in real life. It's crazy.

[Mike]

In real time, you gotta give me the cutoff point.

[Gene]

I like look.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's what you did to me.

[Gene]

So this is what we're gonna do. Y' all can make jokes during the video. Maybe the second playback, I would say, okay, and then we're gonna pause it.

[Pat]

It gotta be like 10. Say I need silence. I can't have a video in the background playing. It's gonna make me stutter.

[Gene]

All right, so you can't laugh at all.

[Pat]

We know what the podcast is called.

[Gene]

It's you. You can't laugh for this one. It's Mike. Second.

[Mike]

Okay. We bring in the studio this morning one of the gay rights activists. Mister. Should I call you mister? Good morning.

[Caller 2]

Morning.

[Pat]

This is cheating.

[Mike]

Who says I'm gay? You are gay. You are a transgender. You are a transgender and you're gay rights activist and un.

[Pat]

Outspoken.

[Mike]

Lesbian, homosexual, sexual. How can I describe you? Now we're looking at the raging debate. You're a gay rights activist. Why should someone be gay? You having a girlfriend?

[Caller 4]

Yes.

[Mike]

Do you perform the natural obligations? I'm not sexually active right now. So what are you doing with this lady?

[Caller 4]

By choice.

[Pat]

By choice.

[Caller 1]

Object.

[Mike]

Just not have chosen not to engage. Doesn't that make you gay? What do you mean, doesn't that make me gay?

[Caller 3]

I am.

[Mike]

I am male and attracted to a female. So who is gay?

[Caller 2]

I'm gay.

[Pat]

That is cheating. Though I think I more laughed about the idea. I knew it was. Was going on. That was like very.

[Gene]

Come on, man.

[Mike]

We take our money.

[Pat]

That's like, very low blowish. Oh, man, that was terrible. Oh, man, that shouldn't even account, bro. That's a classic video.

[Gene]

I've been losing every round.

[Pat]

Right? He didn't have to say nothing. Her suit was atrocious. His suit.

[Mike]

I saw this before.

[Pat]

You still have.

[Caller 3]

All right.

[Mike]

For.

[Pat]

For. For audio listeners. It was a dude basically saying, behind every fashion, there's always an Awkward ex. Experimental phase. And he had on a shirt that said vibes with the er. Yeah, Bad choice. Two. Two. I'm not laughing no more.

[Mike]

All right, come on. Oh, that might have been my.

[Gene]

Is it last round?

[Pat]

You already had your bangers.

[Mike]

I think I had my banger.

[Pat]

Yeah. I already know you did. It had to be the. You knew I was gonna laugh at

[Mike]

that one because I added this late.

[Caller 1]

Nah.

[Mike]

Oh, that was a Hail Mary. Okay, okay, okay.

[Pat]

I think I'm good. I think I won.

[Mike]

But it's gonna make me try hard not to laugh.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. Holiday.

[Pat]

And right now you can save 50 pounds per person.

[Mike]

That's 200 pounds off for a family of four.

[Pat]

Nothing beats a jet to Holiday.

[Mike]

And right now, look at his face

[Pat]

when she do it. Yeah, I gotta. No, you definitely laugh, bro. They heard it.

[Mike]

That's not. They didn't hear anything. Literally, they heard it.

[Pat]

I just won.

[Mike]

Switching gears then. Did you see the whole debacle about like the IG Instagram location stuff?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

About like. I think sometimes people like Fear Monger a little bit be like, oh, make sure y' all turn y' all IG location off. But also Instagram be coming up with different updates that no one asked for. Why does anybody want to know anybody's location like that on the Internet when you already have, like the Apple location stuff like that?

[Pat]

To me, as smart as companies as Zoar, I think part of marketing for a social media brand, especially one that's popular already, like, like, what else can we do is to put stuff on and then take it away to make the app seem better.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Are we going to create a problem and then when everybody complained about it, take it away. Because honestly, if they didn't make any changes to Instagram in the last two years, I think everybody be pretty satisfied. But sometimes it's about like adding. Are we gonna add notes? And everybody like notes? I ain't never using those. All right, we're gonna take it away. All right, we'll put it back. Everybody.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

We're gonna appreciate notes this time, man, but I don't think there's one of them.

[Mike]

I feel like it's like they never actually give the people what they are asking.

[Pat]

What are you asking for? For social?

[Mike]

I would. I personally would like to know who doesn't follow me or unfollow anybody that I'm following that doesn't follow me back.

[Pat]

God, there's apps that you know that.

[Mike]

Yeah, but that's like third party apps and they started filtered. Yeah. Follow, but they unfollow. Because there's some people that just be hating maybe. Right. And I don't want to follow somebody that doesn't with me. And I'm following them. And you know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

I don't even notice. And I don't even notice, like a random. Two months later, you're like, wait a minute. You click on a page and it say follow.

[Gene]

You want the unfollow notification?

[Mike]

Not the notification, but just anybody that I'm following that does not follow me back. Yeah, I just want to know because I think it's or.

[Pat]

Or. Or mutuals that follow you that you don't follow back. Yeah, sometimes like, damn, I. I ain't follow this person back.

[Mike]

Exactly. Because also I think people have terrible unfollow etiquette. If you're going to unfollow me, remove me as a follower as well.

[Pat]

Like, just.

[Mike]

Just do me the service.

[Pat]

I do that all the time. Yeah, I remove the person if they. Not if I be like, damn, I don't know why I follow the person.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I give them a chance. Like, hey, I'm not gonna treat you as no fan.

[Gene]

Yes.

[Pat]

I don't want to see your. I don't want you to see my. And that might be able to say you a.

[Mike]

No. But I'm definitely. I'm definitely removing them as a follower.

[Pat]

No, I get it.

[Mike]

Because I'm like, why? Why I'm gonna make them follow me. But then that's happened before. And then the person followed me again. Damn. And then now it's like, up. Because now it's just.

[Pat]

I get it, though.

[Mike]

I can't follow back.

[Pat]

My. My thing would be with Instagram, you should be able to put somebody back into the request box, especially after, like, podcasts and stuff. Because there's some people that for some reason, they're in my general inbox. I'm too lazy to change it. And they'll DM me and it'll seem like an important dm and they're just like, shut the up, Pat. And I'm like, why is somebody saying shut the up in my general dm? And it's because I answered a question for them, I was nice to them, and then I answered a question for him, and now they're in my general dm. I wish I can put them back into no man's land, but I can't. But instead I just DM and call him a.

[Mike]

That's like your. Your answer for everything, I guess. Yeah.

[Pat]

I mean, yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, People were. Somebody was. Was DMing us about. I bet y' all not gonna cover the Shakari Richardson story or something like that, bro.

[Pat]

What is up with it? I don't know if it's the same dude or if it's different dudes or whatever. I get like, y' all have. Sometimes we're two guys, three guys. Some when Keys here. Four guys. Those are all different perspectives on different things. Just. Because if all three of us say something and you feel like it's pandering to women, then that's okay. That's your opinion. But you're a woman hater, bro.

[Gene]

That was nice.

[Mike]

That was nice of you for this. For this.

[Gene]

Like, four and a half for ki.

[Pat]

That's not towards you.

[Mike]

No, no, that's true. You gotta tell Key that. Flip it. But for that. For that situation, she was definitely wrong. And people like to say the. If roles were reversed. Yes. If roles were reversed, he would have definitely got canceled. Yeah. Especially for it being her, like. Like, beloved Nike athlete and stuff like that. Yeah, he definitely would have got in trouble. I think she's stupid. I don't think anybody should put their hands on anybody. Like, I don't. And especially at an airport. I don't even think, like. Because people, like, uses abuse. Yeah, but. But I hate that. I think I'm like, oh, if it was a girl, y' all want to be laughing like this. But I don't think people should even have, like. I find it tacky when people have arguments in general, in public, like. Like, legit, like, yelling and stuff like that, because it just showed me y' all don't have any kind of control. Yeah. As a couple, y' all just both wild.

[Pat]

If I see y' all argue in public, there's no way I think y' all making it to marriage. Just break up now. Like, y' all couldn't even hold y' all argument in where y' all bumping and pushing each other and like that.

[Mike]

Because I've seen couples where, like, you know, like, oh, yeah, he in trouble, but it's like more of like a coded thing, like, yeah, she just brushing them off or something like that. That's. That stuff happens. You can't tell anybody how. But, like. Like to be shoving somebody at an airport and, you know, he kept it. He did what he had to do. Even, like, when it push came to shove and he was doing the interview, he defended her in a sense. Like. And sometimes I don't think some guys might not get afforded that situation, but they are double Standards. And there's some double standards in terms of, like, that is because guys are usually the more stronger. You know, there's more ways to defend yourself in. In a sense, but. But yeah, she shouldn't have pushed them.

[Pat]

I. Again, like, y' all typing all that. That don't mean nothing to me. You wasting your. You wasting your finger strength.

[Mike]

That was definitely wrong.

[Caller 1]

And.

[Mike]

But it's also their situation. And even if it was rose reversed, we probably wouldn't cover it, to be honest.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's true, too.

[Mike]

It's just harder for me to talk about stuff like that.

[Pat]

It. Whatever you say is, yeah, yeah, there is. Like, yes, we do do that. Yes. So what. What. What now? What you gonna do? Stop watching? We do it, bro. It's cool.

[Mike]

I just realized it's so tough that carpenters get to show their highlights on Instagram. I don't think no other, like, regular job can. You really can do that like, that. Like. Or people in the. In the. I would say in the service, like, industry, in a sense.

[Pat]

Car detailers.

[Mike]

Detailers. I'm saying, like, stuff like that. But, like, if you work an office job, you don't get to show your work highlights like that.

[Pat]

Oh, you saying, like, corporate.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's printer.

[Gene]

Printer paper coming out.

[Mike]

Yeah, you can't really. There's no highlights because I'd be seeing, like, the, like, the detailer. They'll show the before and after, the people that watch the. The driveways. Before and after. If you work in an office job and you're sitting at a desk, what is really your before and after? All the good work you do, the company the corporate gets the credit for. That's true.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Some of them dudes, they be doing some. Seen one dude, he did, like, he do a lawnmower thing. The yard looked better before the touched it. You should have left that alone. It was all uneven. And, like, I legit DM him. And I said, bro, this don't look good. And he was like, you a hating ass. I'm like, bro, I'm just trying to help you out, bro. I don't even know who you are. He got like 15 followers. I. I'm just trying to.

[Mike]

Have you guys ever gave advice like that to somebody that.

[Caller 2]

That.

[Mike]

I guess it's is constructive criticism to anybody that didn't ask, though.

[Pat]

Yeah. If I. If they. If they DM me before. Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah. Okay.

[Pat]

Yeah. That guy in particular DM'd me, and I legit. He did me some hating. So I follow him back and he show love like, oh, bro, thanks for following. Love the pot. But he don't realize I see all his DMS up.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But I was literally. I just wanted to follow him to make hate because I saw him posting some stories. I'm like, let me keep up with a story, because I'm gonna find a story to hate on.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And I saw he was mowing the lawn, and it was actually ass, so I felt good about myself.

[Mike]

Are there some people in your life where you feel like, I will never take advice from this person?

[Gene]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Mike]

But you still, like, listen to their advice. I'm saying, like, just listen, like, when they're actually giving it to you. Oh, come on. Come on now. We gotta grow. We gotta grow up one day.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

We gotta grow up one day.

[Pat]

One go.

[Mike]

You can't let that one go. I can't let you see, you have to say this. You question yourself.

[Pat]

Know what I was about to say? What was the question you asked?

[Mike]

Advice from people that you don't.

[Pat]

I listen Not.

[Gene]

Yeah, no, there's something to be heard in there. Yeah, Yeah.

[Pat]

I feel like all advice is good advice because sometimes the dumbest idea you ever heard could make you think a little bit smarter.

[Mike]

Yes, I get you.

[Pat]

I give it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. You're just like, damn. You think, like, nah. You ever. Because the. The good thing about, like, humans were really good at giving advice on situations that aren't ours. You know what I mean? You see somebody in a relationship, be like, bro, you shouldn't let her talk to you like that. You should stand. You know what I mean? Give me somebody relationship advice. But you at home getting slapped around and.

[Gene]

Yeah, I actually know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, you sit down with somebody and

[Gene]

then you just, you know, get advice. You're listening to them and you're like, this don't sound right.

[Pat]

He listening. Walk away like, yeah, that's.

[Mike]

But I'm in a better situation.

[Pat]

But the thing is. But the reason I said that is, like, so if. If you get that for yourself, technically, that's what that is. If someone comments on your life and just like, if I came up to you just like, yo, Mike, in. In your boxing videos when you edit them, you should put more jabs in there.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And just like, nah, I shouldn't put more jabs in there. That's stupid. I should put more uppercuts. And then you go look at your video and be like, oh, I ain't got no uppercuts. And I just gave myself the greatest Advice.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So let me go do it. I feel like having. Having another person comment on some.

[Mike]

There's some people. Like I said, there's some people that give you the right. Like, a route that makes sense, but the end goal is ass.

[Caller 1]

Yes.

[Mike]

You know what I mean? So if the end goes as. But it's like, okay, I can take that similar route, but I know when it's time to take that detour.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like, you going, like, you running into a brick wall, and I'm just making this right turn and getting right to my path.

[Pat]

No, the worst. The worst advice you can get is generic advice about some that you kind of, like, have been, like, in.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? Like, you've been into cameras. You've been into, like, fashion for a long time, and, like, let somebody. Somebody gave you some generic ass advice that you looked up day one. Like, when you got into that thing, like, oh, this is one of the first things I learned. And then a. Like, did you know, bro, that you posted, like, bro, you way off. You got a long way to go. Are you trying to give this advice? I hate when people try to dish out advice earlier, become an expert too early. Like, a lot of people reach out to me about, like, I'm sure you get the same about podcast advice. And there's, like, certain things are just, like, okay, I can say, like, some simple shit, like, oh, just get started. Get this. Camera, mics, blah, blah. But when some people ask me about, like, how to push their content, like, I'm a producer of all content, it just, like, I'm not in that position to give that advice. And I feel like you can go Google stuff better than that.

[Mike]

All right, y', all, that is the end of the podcast.

[Pat]

Howdy.

[Mike]

Appreciate y' all for being listeners. As usual, if you're new here, make sure you subscribe to the YouTube. I don't think I said that at the top of the show. Subscribe to the Patreon. We've been going live on there, like, at least once a week, just, like, interactive with the people in the Patreon. So that's like, your chance to kind of, like, interact with us on a different level. What else? What else? Merch will be restocked. Merch will be delivered by the end of the week. Latest Monday next week.

[Gene]

You get notifications?

[Mike]

Yeah, you'll get. You'll get a notification with the tracking. So appreciate y'.

[Caller 1]

All.

[Mike]

And when it restocks, we'll let y' all know. Anything else, fellas?

[Pat]

That's pretty much it. Just be on the lookout for stuff as usual. Keep sending stuff per usual. Even though we don't see all the messages, we do see all the funny. Anyone? So if that makes sense.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah. And keep commenting on the YouTube videos. Even though the ones even the ones that be hating sometimes. I like there's some people that actually have really good criticism.

[Pat]

Yeah, those are the ones we don't respond.

[Mike]

That's what you if you wrote something

[Pat]

very like a long ass sentence, we want to respond to it. You was more than likely right.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And a at the same time.

[Mike]

No, you're right. You're right.

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

Anyway, it's been episode 219 of Crass Dummy's podcast. Peace.