Our Listeners Are Delusional - Episode 219

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike
Episode: Our Listeners Are Delusional - Episode 219
Release Date: August 13, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 219 of the Crash Dummies Podcast, hosts Patrick Johnson (Pat) and Michael Esiobu (Mike) engage in their trademark blend of humor and candid discussions on a variety of topics. The episode delves into everything from technology mishaps and social media trends to personal insecurities and listener interactions. Below is a comprehensive summary capturing the key points, notable quotes, and the overall flow of the conversation.

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Technology Troubles and Robot Nicknames [00:01 – 03:00]

Pat begins the episode by venting about his frustrations with Amazon's Alexa and Echo devices, citing instances where they acted autonomously, such as playing unexpected baseball highlights while he was cooking.

Pat [00:30]: "One time I was cooking and it started playing a video of some baseball highlights. Didn't ask that because I don't give a."

This leads to a humorous discussion about derogatory nicknames for robots, with Pat brainstorming names like "Clanker" and "Wireback," while Mike points out potential racial connotations.

Mike [01:07]: "Wireback sounds racist."

Despite the controversial suggestions, the hosts find amusement in their creative process.

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Merchandise Update [03:00 – 04:00]

Pat and Mike briefly address the overwhelming demand for their merchandise, acknowledging that their items sold out quickly after the announcement. They reassure listeners that shipments will commence shortly and hint at upcoming designs, specifically catering to female fans.

Pat [03:00]: "I ain't getting no DMs from the women."

Mike [03:23]: "We're shipping out by the end of this week. Make sure you guys subscribe to Patreon."

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Blind Rank: Relationship Scenarios [04:00 – 10:04]

The core segment involves a "blind rank" game where Pat, Mike, and Gene evaluate how upset they'd be if their girlfriends said certain things. Rated on a scale of 1 to 5, scenarios range from lying to make someone jealous to losing a phone.

Pat [05:06]: "That's number one. You basically like saying that you did an action of what you assumed that I was going to be."

Through this segment, the hosts explore relationship boundaries and communication challenges with humor and relatability.

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Driving Habits and City Comparisons [10:04 – 25:00]

Pat shares his recent realization about his aggressive driving tendencies, attributing them to his "driving clarity." This sparks a broader conversation comparing driving behaviors in Milwaukee and Chicago, highlighting the frustration with reckless drivers and the unique challenges each city presents.

Mike [23:45]: "I think there's no better feeling than plans getting canceled that you didn't want to participate in."

The discussion emphasizes patience, safety, and the prevalent aggressive driving culture in Milwaukee.

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Music Industry Insights [25:00 – 21:00]

Mike and Pat analyze the shifting landscape of music sales, noting that first-week sales aren't as indicative of an album's success as they once were. They reference artists like Lil Wayne and YB to illustrate how marketing strategies and fan bases influence sales figures.

Pat [19:30]: "They just saying is based on skill."

This segment critiques the current state of music promotions and the unrealistic expectations set by traditional sales metrics.

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Listener Callers: Personal Insecurities [21:00 – 60:00]

Caller 1: The Small Penis Insecurity [21:00 – 60:00]

A listener shares a poignant story about feeling insecure due to having a small penis, exacerbated by a conversation with an ex-girlfriend who questioned his self-worth.

Caller 1 [42:10]: "I thought I was average, but going into this, I'm like, damn, am I not average?"

Pat and Mike offer supportive albeit humorous responses, discussing the impact of physical insecurities on personal relationships and self-esteem.

Caller 2: I Hate It When My Partner Doesn't Curse [60:00 – 72:00]

Another caller expresses frustration over their significant other’s lack of profanity, seeking advice on how to address this aspect of their relationship.

Caller 2 [50:00]: "I hate the fact that he doesn't curse at all, like, ever."

The hosts engage in a lighthearted debate about communication styles in relationships, blending humor with genuine advice.

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New Segment: Try Not to Laugh [72:00 – 85:00]

Introducing a fresh interactive element, Pat and Mike launch the "Try Not to Laugh" challenge. They play clips intended to elicit laughter while attempting to suppress their own reactions. The segment features humorous audition tapes and amusing interactions, showcasing the hosts' comedic chemistry.

Gene [74:27]: "You're a transgender, and you're gay."

Pat [76:38]: "That's a classic video."

Despite attempts to maintain composure, both hosts find themselves laughing, adding to the episode's entertaining atmosphere.

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Social Media and Advice Culture [85:00 – 89:48]

The conversation shifts to social media's evolving features, specifically Instagram's location services. Pat criticizes the platform's continual updates without user demand, while Mike laments the lack of transparency regarding follower dynamics.

Mike [78:39]: "Why does anybody want to know anybody's location like that on the Internet when we already have like the Apple location stuff like that?"

They further discuss the pitfalls of unsolicited advice, emphasizing the importance of receiving guidance tailored to one's unique circumstances.

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Final Thoughts and Wrap-Up [89:48 – 91:01]

As the episode concludes, Pat and Mike reflect on the day's discussions, encourage listeners to engage via YouTube and Patreon, and promote upcoming merchandise restocks. They express gratitude towards their audience, highlighting the value of listener feedback and interaction.

Pat [90:37]: "Keep commenting on the YouTube videos. Even though the ones that be hating sometimes."

Mike [91:01]: "Peace."

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Notable Quotes

• Pat [00:30]: "One time I was cooking and it started playing a video of some baseball highlights. Didn't ask that because I don't give a."
• Mike [01:07]: "Wireback sounds racist."
• Pat [05:06]: "That's number one. You basically like saying that you did an action of what you assumed that I was going to be."
• Caller 1 [42:10]: "I thought I was average, but going into this, I'm like, damn, am I not average?"
• Pat [07:00]: "You knew this would make me mad, and you still did it."
• Gene [74:27]: "You're a transgender, and you're gay."

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Conclusion

Episode 219 of the Crash Dummies Podcast offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful discussions that resonate with listeners navigating modern-day scenarios and personal challenges. Pat and Mike's chemistry and candid approach make complex topics accessible and entertaining, ensuring that both longtime fans and newcomers find value and laughter in their dialogue.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content segments to focus solely on the episode's substantive discussions.

Transcript

[Pat]

This episode is brought to you by LifeLock. Between two factor authentication, strong passwords, and a VPN, you try to be in control of how your info is protected. But many other places also have it, and they might not be as careful. That's why LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats. If your identity is stolen, they'll fix it, guaranteed, or your money back. Save up to 40% your first year make. Visit lifelock.com podcast for 40% off terms apply. So recently, I feel like my Alexa and Echo are doing things that I'm not asking them to do. One time I was cooking and it started playing a video of some baseball highlights. Didn't ask that because I don't give a. And then the other time, it just asked me, do I want to answer my notifications? But basically it was trying to tell me like a package was here, and it almost initiated the conversation. So I don't like that. So I looked up slurs for robots. So here's what I came up with. Clanker, Wireback.

[Mike]

Wireback sounds racist.

[Pat]

Yes. This is one of my favorites. Rust bucket.

[Key]

That's classic.

[Pat]

Oil slurper. Oil slur for the lady robots. Bolt picker. Battery eater. All borg. No gannic.

[Mike]

Organic. Yeah, all right. I like. I like the. What was my favorite one?

[Pat]

You like wire back.

[Mike]

Wireback sounds.

[Pat]

We know why you like them. All right. Bolt crunchers. That sound like almost like a. Like a nickname or something. Yeah, Tin skin.

[Key]

Tin skin.

[Pat]

That's fire.

[Mike]

That's tough.

[Pat]

10 skin.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, that sounds racist.

[Pat]

Imagine a robot coming up to you like, watch out, tan skin.

[Mike]

Yeah, that sounds like.

[Pat]

Yeah, he gonna do make a bazooka come from his dick. That's crazy. Copper veined.

[Mike]

Copper vein.

[Key]

That sounds like something to be prideful about. Yeah, if I was robot, like, I got copper in my veins.

[Pat]

I just click your off button like. Yeah, enough of that. Sparky. That sounds like. Yeah, somebody boy.

[Mike]

Yeah, exactly. That sounds condescending.

[Pat]

Come here, Sparky. What you doing around here, Sparky? Okay, two more.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

Gear grinder. That sound a little homophobic.

[Mike]

It sound like buddy.

[Pat]

Sounds like a little robophone.

[Mike]

It sounds like somebody's saying, hey, buddy.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. Gear grinder.

[Mike]

Yeah, Gear grinder. Sound like buddy, too.

[Pat]

Chromy.

[Mike]

Chromy.

[Key]

Hey, that sounds. Fire sound.

[Pat]

It could go both ways. It's like, that's my chromy. Yeah, it depends on who call you then. You know, robot. What's up, Chromie bro?

[Mike]

You can't say that.

[Pat]

No, you can't. Say that, bro.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Anyways, welcome to crash dummies, episode 219. Appreciate everybody that bought merch. Yes. As soon as we announced it, that's when it's sold out.

[Key]

So, yeah, sorry about that.

[Mike]

We will be shipping those out when we will be shipping those out, Gene.

[Key]

I'll let y' all know.

[Pat]

No, no, no.

[Mike]

You gotta give them a day now.

[Key]

We're shipping out by the end of this week.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Key]

Yeah, that's fire.

[Mike]

Shipping out by the end of this week. Make sure you guys subscribe to Patreon. They got a little discount when we drop merch. And we're gonna do a restock soon. And we might come out with another design because a lot of the women were DMing us about more.

[Pat]

I ain't getting no DMS from the women.

[Mike]

A lot more. More feminine designs.

[Pat]

So are they just DMing you?

[Mike]

Hey, I can't help who they DM.

[Pat]

No, I saw. I saw some of the DMS shout out to the ladies. I don't know what y' all want. Y' all want a unicorn on that?

[Mike]

No, no, we got.

[Pat]

Y' all good.

[Mike]

I do get it, though, because the. The audio fiend design is a bit harsh.

[Key]

That's like a scary.

[Mike]

It's scary.

[Pat]

Some. A woman snapped on me because she was like, oh, dope shirts. Already know which one I'm picking. And I guess I like, oh, what you doing? The audio fiend one. She was like, do I look like that type? Like, she's got the wig in on me. I'm like, what the. And I clicked on her page, and she wore. She had on dickies. And I said, yes, you like the audio. Audio fiend shirt. Fits those stickies. Be a great outfit.

[Mike]

All right, we're going to start it off with a. Another blind rank that we did last week. Let's blind rank how upset we would be if our girlfriend said these things.

[Key]

We're going to call this a level one to 10.

[Mike]

We're. No, we're not going to do 10 this time. We're going to do. We're going to do five.

[Pat]

Thank God. Three. Number seven.

[Key]

Understand the.

[Mike]

But still. Pull out your notes. He's like a brother to me.

[Pat]

I'm gonna put that. I'm gonna put that as a four.

[Mike]

Four.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

Yeah. I kill a brother.

[Key]

I want to piss me off.

[Mike]

What are you going g.

[Key]

I'm worried about the rest of them. I ain't gonna lie. But I put. I put that at three. I put that.

[Pat]

Gene a little jealous. On the hood.

[Key]

I do get jealous.

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

It's not what it looks like. I'm just wearing his hoodie.

[Pat]

See, that's number two. Like, to exchange clothes means you have to be in a personal spot. You know what I mean? Like, I don't carry a. Just a hoodie in my car that I just randomly gave to a girl. So I'm thinking about myself. How you get the hoodie.

[Mike]

It could be I got the hoodies.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's true. But I got like over a hundred hoodies.

[Key]

Yeah, I make hoodies.

[Pat]

Weak ass Nike tick kind of depend on what the hoodie is. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

I think if it's a fly hoodie, then you might be a little more mad.

[Pat]

Is it a smaller hoodie that he kind of let you have? Like, that's cool. Like, okay, vintage type.

[Key]

Another small brand hoodie.

[Pat]

What is this? No, that's crazy.

[Mike]

What number.

[Pat]

That's. That's. That's two for me. That's too personal. So I got two.

[Key]

That's closer to worse, right? Like, one is the worst.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's two.

[Pat]

Okay, that is crazy.

[Mike]

I only lied because I didn't want to make you jealous.

[Pat]

That's number one. That's number one. You basically like saying that you did an action of what you assumed that I was going to be. So in that sense that you can all. You can always assume my feelings. That means you can always lie.

[Mike]

I feel like when people say that too. And it's like, I didn't lie to make you jealous. Meaning that if you. If I found out, I'll be more mad that you didn't tell me at the end of this. So it's always a double negative.

[Pat]

Yeah. You knew this would make me mad, and you still did it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Then you tried to, like, omit it, so it's like, yeah, that's number one.

[Key]

Yeah, lying is the worst.

[Pat]

And then trying to make an excuse for lying instead of just confessing. So now I know when you lie, you're gonna try to make excuse about it. All right. Back in my day.

[Mike]

All right, don't be mad, but my phone's been dead since yesterday. I fell asleep early.

[Pat]

Damn. I already subged my number one spot. That could be number. That could be number three. I love a ditzy girl. I know. I'm attracted to ditzy girls. I even got your phone.

[Key]

My shirt work overnight. So her phone could die at work.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? Also, like, if your phone died for 24 hours, my phone about to die for 24 hours.

[Key]

Mine died for 72.

[Pat]

At one point.

[Key]

I couldn't find my charger.

[Pat]

I threw my shit in the.

[Mike]

So what number are you going, huh? What number?

[Pat]

Five for me. I don't care. You lose your phone, I lose my phone.

[Mike]

Okay, okay.

[Pat]

All about the tip.

[Mike]

All right. What number does Pat have left then?

[Pat]

I got. I should have three left.

[Mike]

Yeah, you only got three. Okay, so the middle ground. I didn't care. You. I didn't think you care I'd be at his house.

[Pat]

That's three. How many times? Like, when are we having that conversation? Like, that's our first time having that conversation. And also, I'm tiffer tat. I'm about to go over my homegirl house butt ass.

[Mike]

Whatever happened, happened.

[Pat]

I. I didn't know you didn't want me to take a shower at our house.

[Key]

No, I'm over here trying to figure out who this is.

[Pat]

Who house is she at? Geez. Still on the hoodie. How the.

[Mike]

Okay, because the hoodie. The hoodie thing does kind of hoodies matter, man. The hoodie takes time, too, because there's the first time you see the hoodie, right? Because you'd be like that. That hoodie looks new. So you might think in this, you know, all your girls don't do any look old like any girl you guys have been with, right? Do you think you know her whole wardrobe? Like, is there everything been the time she wore that, like, oh, I didn't know you had that.

[Pat]

No, not really. Or it matches her esthetic. Like, oh, that kind of looks like yours. But if there's something that stands out, like, you fellas pay attention to the nighttime shirts. Yeah, the nighttime shirts. Those are the ones that could have been carri from a different relationship, but it's just so comfortable to that woman. And women love they sleep. So they might try to, like, keep it comfortable, like. All right, bro, you ain't about to keep wearing this bucks practice jersey around me. Who the is it?

[Key]

Yeah, I ain't going to lie, though. Women got to watch out for the nighttime shirts that men offer too, though. Cuz sometimes be recycling them cuz they.

[Pat]

Know cuz they know it's comfortable. I had a girl get 12 hours of sleep right here.

[Mike]

All right, what are y' all thoughts then on the girls you guys are with keeping gifts from previous relationships?

[Pat]

As long as they're expensively good. If I can't replace them, then I shouldn't be talking. That's my room. Yeah, if you got Like a Birkin bag. I'm not gonna tell you to throw away the Birkin bag if I'm not gonna replace the Birkin bag with more Birkin bag. You know what I'm saying? But if it's a hoodie, like, if it's like some type of essentials, hoodie girl, if you don't get rid of that.

[Mike]

I think. I think hoodies. I think clothing. It depends.

[Pat]

The.

[Mike]

Again, the.

[Pat]

The price range of gifted is different, though. Like, okay, any clothing that's bought, like, throwing away shit. Like, if a girl got me a plant, I'm not throwing the plant. You know what I mean? But if it's like, okay, you're wearing that hoodie, but that hoodie used to be his.

[Mike]

Got it. Yes, I get you.

[Pat]

You know, you got to go.

[Key]

You know, for me, it's like, how I find out, like, who it's from.

[Pat]

That's very.

[Key]

That she used all the time. You know, I'm saying, like, oh, like, just assume her mom got it and then you ask or, like, mention it. Like, oh, where'd your mom get that for you? You know, you want to get another one or something.

[Pat]

Correct.

[Mike]

Like, she's still wearing his, like, high school varsity jacket.

[Key]

No, that's.

[Mike]

Well, babe, he was all American.

[Pat]

You over in the corner, like, how the fuck did he play four sports? You tell me. He played track and baseball. How in the same season he was so good they let him play both. No, no, no, that's not what I want to hear. What's this big C on a jersey? I thought he went to Davidson. Oh, that just means captain. He was captain. Captain or something. Boy, that hurt. Yo. Let's take a quick break from today's podcast. Who thank the sponsor of the episode, Every Plate. Think you have to spend big bucks or tons of time in the kitchen to make delicious food at home? Think again. When you use every plate, you get restaurant level deliciousness week after week with recipes like Crispy Buffalo Chicken Ranch and Cheesy Mexican Street Corn Hash.

[Mike]

Thanks to every place constantly rotating weekly recipes delivered right to your door. You always have the best answer to what's for dinner.

[Pat]

Of course. Of course, of course. I'm. I'm tired of coming home to nothing. And then I get on the Uber Eats app and I gotta click it and, you know, get the same restaurant I'm getting now. It's Dave's Hot Chicken in here. I want something healthy, but I also want something good. I feel like this is a great option to have ready for you. Where you can whip it up in.

[Mike]

30 minutes or less and you're getting out of. Increase your cooking skills.

[Pat]

Yeah. You practicing a little bit. You ever went a while without cooking eggs and trying to get back in the game? You're like, God damn, what is this? Why is it so dark? New customers can enjoy this special offer for only 199ameal. Go to every plate.com/podcast and use code CRASH199 to get started. Applied as a discount on First Box. Limited time only. So get on that.

[Mike]

Yeah, some. Y' all be trying to use it for too many.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. Let's get back to the pot. Let's go to news shoulder Sanders. Yeah, the shoulder shoulder. I'm reading. I'm rooting for sure. I'm not. It's funny because I don't know, like, with football is different, you know, you don't know if Shadur's been hated on because we've seen the NFL and NBA, we've seen all these leagues kick people out of league or make it harder for people in the league because of how they act off the field. Like we've seen that before. So we know that's the thing. We've also seen people not be as good as they're portrayed from like college to professional league. So we know that's true. So I've been kind of confused going back and forth. There's no way to know it unless you're there at Browns camp every day. But this looking kind of shaky though.

[Mike]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Pat]

This looking kind of shaky to go from like a first round pick, Shadur Sanders, to a fifth round pick and then to be performing well, every time people see him on camera or every time people. People see stats of him, everything looks good. But then we're getting different reports about another quarterback being better. So that's just not making sense. So I was happy. I was hype as hell.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I feel like that was the first time I seen a lot of black people watch Browns football.

[Mike]

So. Yeah, I think too because there's this like, stigma sometimes of like confident, like black men sometimes.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And I think especially at quarterback. And I think like, obviously everything's not about race, but for some reason it feels like people get so uncomfortable when people are confident in themselves. And there's. There's certain times where I see like, okay, this dude's being too confident because like in fighters for fighters and for example, right. When two boxers are about to kind of go at each other. Right. And one is talking, it's okay. To talk about yourself. But if you obviously you say, I'm about to beat this dude ass. You suck. You're trash. This and that. Then if you lose, then you kind of look goofy. Right?

[Pat]

Right.

[Mike]

But in football, I don't think it's different because people are more confident in their own skills and not really what the other person is doing. So it's always strange to see that. And with Shadur, I think it's like it was a lose, lose situation in a sense of if he did bad. Oh, I told you so. If he did and he did good during preseason. It's just preseason.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And I hate, I hate when people do that because, like, if you're going to talk about somebody, stay on that side when you're talking. Don't. It doesn't matter the circumstances. The person. Everybody's preseason, he's playing, he's playing with the. Is he even. Was he even playing with the starters like that?

[Pat]

Yeah, a little bit. Well, not. Well, not his starters. Right. Correct. But he was planning to get some starters from the camera. But the thing is, the. I feel like the bigger picture is what I'm saying and get off of real quick is that some people hide behind racism. And then like, that's why I go hard for like a shadow.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Angel Reese's not because I particularly love them. They're my favorite players. But I know, like, oh, damn. It's some people in these comments only hating. That's why I get mad at black people when they like, hate on Shadur. Angel, I just like, just letting you know, you open up a little gate.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

For somebody to walk right behind you and. And just be like, yeah, Angel Reese.

[Mike]

And I'm not saying anybody should think they have to be like, oh, Angel Reese or Shador Sanders is like, oh, they're good. They're good. You can still think they suck, right?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah. But I just feel like the reasons why you're bringing up why they suck aren't like making sense sometimes.

[Pat]

Exactly. Like it don't make any. Oh, this just precinct like outside of like Shur Sanders losing like a couple games in college football, there's really nothing you could say to be like, oh, he's a bad quarterback. So when you say he's a bad quarterback, it's just like, oh, you don't like his dad or you don't like the way.

[Mike]

That's the thing.

[Pat]

And they are very, very confident. Obviously, you've seen how Deion came up and how he still is. So I think that throws people For a loop that they don't see that. But we see that with other players of different colors all the time. Do certain stuff.

[Mike]

A lot of things. It's just like, I think Tom Brady's pretty. Pretty arrogant when he played.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And obviously I'm not comparing Tom Brady to Shador, but I'm just saying, though, it's like, it's looked at different because I guess you have something to prove. But before, like, the camera were on Tom Brady like that, I'm pretty sure he still had that same mentality, like, I'm better than this dude, and I'm about. And I think I'm the so. And he proved it. It still left for Shador to still prove himself on the field. I'm not saying he's got to be the next greatest thing. I'm not. I didn't think it was a crazy thing that he dropped out the first round either. I thought he should have been like. I would have thought he would have let least went in, like, the first two to three rounds.

[Pat]

We see it all the time. We see somebody that's rejected first going to two or three, but you don't see it go all the way to five. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike]

And they're just saying it's based on skill.

[Pat]

Yeah. Especially with a quarterback. You know how many project quarterback blacks people had, like, get the out of here. There was this trend. I only want to do two of them. There was this trend of people digging up crazy newspaper article titles. Okay. Only wanted to do two because the other ones was just weird to me. First one was ugly man with huge penis. Unsure how to get the word out. It's funny because it's like he's so ugly that he can't get a woman. So no woman will, like, spread the word, I guess.

[Mike]

I guess that was him getting the word out.

[Pat]

All right, this is kind of up. This is. I. I wanted to use this for our later segment, which we'll introduce to y' all later. But this one says, God answers prayers of paralyzed little boy. And it's a picture of a little boy in a wheelchair. And then in the under title says no, says God.

[Mike]

No, no, no. Holy.

[Pat]

Yeah. All right. That was too dark. All right. Anywho. Anywho. Moving on. We were talking about on the phone how music is moving a different direction, how first week sales don't actually mean as much as they used to.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because you got some people, like, a lot of people caught Lil Wayne's album Terrible, and he did over 100k. Then you got Some people saying, man, they love a certain album. Like, like YB came back and did. I don't know what he did, but it wasn't 100k.

[Mike]

It was like 35 or 50.

[Pat]

35. 50. 35 to 50 range. So it's just like what people say is amazing and what people say is bad. Just like on the Internet and first week sales. That shit is not real no more. I'm not following none of that shit because a lot of people, yb obviously people knew he was gonna drop music when he got out. But there wasn't like a crazy amount of marketing. Yeah, clips did a crazy amount of marketing. Really good marketing.

[Mike]

Really good.

[Pat]

That made me listen to the album. I feel like. Who just dropped that?

[Mike]

You just listened to Jid?

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah. So he just dropped. Right. And I didn't listen to his stuff yet, but by Mike telling me I'm about to go listen to it. But I don't think he did crazy marketing though.

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

You know what I mean? Yeah, it's always just like, I think first week projection only projects what they did in marketing.

[Mike]

I think also people don't really think about the ROI of a project because like if honestly say if Drake drops an album, right. We know Drake is a big artist. So If Drake does 30k first week, then something is wrong because he's like, yeah, we know the type of money that goes behind Drake. Right. But some of these other artists is like, I'm just dropping like a pass. Like for instance, Metro, he dropped the album. I forgot what the album was called, but it was more Atlanta based type of stuff. It wasn't like for me. Right, but. And it did like, I think it did 18k. But I don't know how much money he put into the album. I didn't even hear about it until like I saw people bashing it on, on the Internet, you know. So it's one of those things where it's like I don't think people really think about the numbers that go as like if an artist does 20k and they didn't do off just off their name alone. I don't think people really put take into account like how much money they actually spent on the album and how much money they're getting. Especially if there's no splits and all these type of stuff that kind of goes with their deals.

[Pat]

Yeah, it's called. His album was called A Futuristic Summer.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But he also like, dude, I feel like first of all he's a dj.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So I don't know. Yeah, Producer DJ type of like, so. And it's. It's kind of in the same realm as like Khaled.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, when he drops projects like that with a bunch of. Basically the artists are making it and he's putting it together. So I don't. So it's. So it's based off the artist. Because if you would have had Drake all over there and Future all over his album, then the sales would change. So it's. It's just hard for me to like, even like, respect that anymore. So I'm not going off first week projections anymore at all.

[Mike]

Fuck y'.

[Gene]

All.

[Pat]

Oh, speaking of songs. Not to get tweeted a week too early, but somebody, they tricked me. They were just like, man, Gunna is so lyrical. And I was just like, I haven't listened to Gunna in a while. And I was like, oh, let me look at these lyrics. And lyrics is just funny. Like, yeah. When you take lyrics out and like, actually look at them. But I bet you I don't know what song is from. But I bet you it's fire. The lyrics are we getting tonight? Who getting tonight? You getting tonight? She getting tonight. I gotta hear what's. I don't know. I'm definitely listening to that song on the way home. I just. I gotta figure out what the happened. I bet you I like the song.

[Mike]

You got another one?

[Pat]

No, I got another point, though.

[Mike]

Oh, go ahead.

[Pat]

It's up to you.

[Mike]

No, no, go ahead.

[Pat]

Hey, go back and forth.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no, no. I have. I was about to switch gears.

[Pat]

Okay. Okay.

[Mike]

What? Lavar said I could switch your gears. I just. That made me think about it.

[Pat]

Who said that?

[Mike]

Lavar Ball said that to that one lady on first team. And they made it seem like he was like, they made it seem like he was making a sexual advance at her. He really wasn't.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah. Oh, that lady. When he. I'm not talking to you.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

He wouldn't turn his back. Okay. On the way here I was, I got driving clarity and I realized. I don't know if a lot of people experiences I. But I experience a lot of driving clarity in my life lately, which is sometimes I'm in a rush to get a place and I'm driving, I'm swerving lanes, I'm going around people when I could have waited. I just want to be first in line everywhere and one person makes a mistake. It could be a different set of cars. Like, damn, he cut him off. Crazy. They almost crashed. Or is me like, damn, I didn't even see this person in my blind spot.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And I almost went over and I just start relaxing. Like, where the fuck am I going? And I started driving like a. Oh. Only sometimes I feel like when I got a longer distance, I might push it a little bit. But like these short distances, like from my place to the studio, I started like really driving like a. Oh. And you know how many times somebody is like speeding around me and I'm driving like a. Oh. And we ended up at the same light and I'm like, yeah, bitch, like on some old head shit. Like, yeah, all that Russian ain't gonna do it. Y' all get these lights the same no matter what where we go.

[Mike]

I think that's a good trait to have though. I think there's too many people that are in a rush to get places sometimes. And it. That's what really leads to a lot of accidents. And just from what I experienced, I think Milwaukee. I love Milwaukee.

[Pat]

But you can say, you ain't got to say you love Milwaukee.

[Mike]

I do. I do love. Because you know, you always have to leave with love before you get with hate.

[Pat]

Yeah, we know we love Milwaukee. So go ahead.

[Mike]

I think per capita, I think we have the worst drivers here by far.

[Pat]

In Milwaukee? Yes, by far. Everywhere I've ever traveled.

[Mike]

Everywhere.

[Key]

Like in the street though, right?

[Pat]

What you mean like, like residential areas, like local roads? Local roads, yes. Highway too though.

[Key]

No, I hate the way people drive in Chicago.

[Mike]

No, but rushing through Chicago. Yes, but at least everybody has somewhere to go cuz there's traffic everywhere. There's no traffic here like that. There's no traffic. Where are we in a rush to get to? Why are you driving through the bike lane? To overtake me. Just to. Just to obstruct traffic in the front and not everybody's breaking, I feel like.

[Pat]

So I feel like Chicago gets a little bit of a bad beat because like a lot of people don't drive a lot. But when they go through Chicago they experience like aggressive drivers. Yeah, but for it to be that much traffic and that much people, that's like really good driving for like as least accidents as they're Milwaukee, bro. It like you literally like I stop at two way stops and I'm not. I don't even have the stop sign. I'm stopping, bro. Yeah, cuz there's people going through the green lights.

[Mike]

You like, you got to like keep looking both ways.

[Pat]

But the bike lanes are crazy here. Just like bro it you. You driving past a car and it's a 10 up Nissan, bro. With no license plate. And they drive past the cops, and then the cops don't even move. You're like, God damn. I guess.

[Mike]

And I think in other cities, too, like, people are aggressive drivers, but I don't think they're trying to hit you. They're afraid or they're afraid to hit you. They'll get to a point. It's like you're almost like a game of chicken, right? Milwaukee drivers, they taking it there. It's like, we. We gonna. I'm gonna hit. We're gonna hit your.

[Pat]

No, for real.

[Mike]

It's crazy.

[Pat]

Now. You gotta be careful out here.

[Mike]

I was gonna say that I feel like there's no better feeling than plans getting canceled that you didn't want to participate in.

[Pat]

Love it.

[Mike]

Because I think it also opens up the. Opens up the lane for you to deny the next one. For instance, if, like, we're supposed to go to a brunch or something like that, right? I didn't really want to go. It gets canceled, right? The next time you invite me to a brunch, I'm like, bro, I would have went to the first one. I had to clear my whole calendar. I had to clear my whole calendar just to make that one. I don't think I got no more off days or more or busy time or free time for this one right now. I love it.

[Pat]

The best feeling in the world is somebody you don't want to hang with actually ghosting you and you like, oh, now I got a reason to never go out with your ass. Yeah, because I barely wanted to do this one, and you telling me you sick last minute, and I showed up. Oh, man. They'd be like, man, I feel so bad. I'd be like, man, you should. And I'll be like, I don't give a. Thank God.

[Mike]

Or if they text you back, you'd send a text, and they text you back like, a month later or something. Well, I like that. Like, oh, my bad, bro. I'm not texting back, like, that's it. Our conversation is ended.

[Key]

That's a burnt braid.

[Mike]

It's all because I already didn't want to talk to you, and now you. You ghosted me for a month. That's fine. I love it.

[Pat]

No personality and you're a bad friend. Wait to get rid of you. Okay. All right. Should we go? I only got a couple. Tweet of the weeks.

[Mike]

All right. Tweet of the week. Tweet.

[Pat]

All right, all right, all right. This is my sentimental tweet of the Week.

[Gene]

Okay.

[Pat]

All right. Okay. My goal is to take a shorty who've been through it all and show her it genuinely gets worse. Like, because it does.

[Mike]

Oh, is it because it works because the person you're getting into a relationship with.

[Pat]

Huh? No, I'm just saying, like it Gene, like you think like he broke your heart. Oh, like, like we don't work out. Your gonna be broken.

[Mike]

I always think that.

[Pat]

Yeah, your gonna be broken.

[Mike]

Like, I think the next level your life. Yeah. And hope we get married.

[Pat]

You ain't gonna make it back from this one. A lot of lost hair. All right. Mr. Beast said basically, you know, Mr. Beast asks questions to kind of prompt competitions. So he said, would you spend 30 days handcuffed to your ex for $250,000? Somebody quoted the tweet and said, yeah, just give me some time to come up with the cash. He said he want to be with his ex. I get it. I get it. Okay. Okay. Just reminded. So there's a video. So there's this video out there of a police officer arresting a dude. But the police officer only has. Only has a motorcycle, right? So he. So he handcuffed the dude, right? Straddle him to the front of the motorcycle, his head hanging off like horizontally. So it's like the dude's legs had to straddle him and he drove like that.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

Oh, if I ever knew that I was gonna. I'm not even a violent dude, especially when it comes to cops. Like, but if I ever knew I was going to be arrested like that and taken downtown like that. You gotta call another cop. I'm about to beat y'. All. No way. But yeah, being handcuffed by another man is crazy. All right.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

Some. This, this is not a good one. Somebody said these young girls. But basically saying these young hoes need to be. He said, these young hoes too sassy for me. Uncle Pop. You in that lip, baby.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. It sounds so predatory.

[Pat]

It sounds so crazy now that I say it. Bucket. It's uncanny. Back in his day. Oh, no way. Somebody left a comment on the YouTube. Actually. Let's. Let me just go to YouTube and read the comments, actually. Okay. We'll try to remember to do this every episode. This is last episodes. Comments that were left under the video. All right. A lot of people pointed out that that was the depressed Cowboys fan on a listener caller last week. Yes. Yes, it was. Somebody said, whenever a junk don't hit is always is key there. Yeah, you got to. Y' all really Got to stop this.

[Key]

That's a classic. Hilarious.

[Pat]

Somebody said. They said, we don't support 5 xls. We do not. Yeah, it does that. You don't worry about pre orders. Worry about pre diabetes.

[Mike]

No. My God. Okay.

[Pat]

All right, all right. I quit. I quit. They said not. Pat. Really being Captain Sa Ho is crazy. Y' all, like, y' all call respect for women. Captain Sa Ho it. Where my cape at?

[Mike]

So he said, no disrespect, but hearing Mike try to read comments, it's like, listen to the kid that sucks at reading. Read during popcorn reading in high school. The thing about two is that a lot of people write stuff weird. Y' all be using commas in places that don't need to comma to be used. Also, like, this person used a comma. The comma didn't need to be right there.

[Pat]

People don't understand. Like, we got. We got people from Memphis. We got people from Texas. We got people from the UK that comment. So, like, I go into every sentence with caution. So if y' all ever hear. It's like reading something. Yeah, we reading something from people from so many different places.

[Mike]

The people that say that too. I actually want you guys to call. I told one person, I said, can you please call the podcast so I can send you something to read so you can read out loud. And also, it's interesting, though, I don't think I've read out loud. This is the most I've read out loud on the podcast. You know, in our everyday life, how many times as adults, how many times have we really, really reading out loud?

[Pat]

That's true, because you should be reading in your head. Also, I hate people that talk out loud. You ever been around somebody that I think out loud? And, oh, yeah, it's like, gotta get that. You'd be like, huh? By just thinking to myself, yeah, do it to yourself. Why is gene dressed like Andre 3000 goat? No, that's a pat. Be having substitute teacher ass jokes. I was a substitute teacher. Substitute teacher jokes are very top tier.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, that's coming into an environment that you don't know. Know who the people is. You basically shelling out jokes. Some hit, some miss, some hit. Just like I did your mama not playing.

[Mike]

Oh, this one's for you. First of all, everybody keeps blame spelling. Gene's name wrong is J E N.

[Pat]

E. J E, N E. I feel like that's a running joke.

[Mike]

Yeah. Also it might be.

[Pat]

Absolutely. We said we tried to correct them before. I think this person on purpose, and now they're going to try even harder.

[Mike]

This person said Gene quotations, baby cry. Also, I thought his outfit was cute. Definitely gives. Definitely giving Frenchmen man vibes.

[Pat]

No, this is the best one. Gene looked like. He looked like he steal baguettes. That's fire. That was fire.

[Mike]

All right, we're going to get into.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, wait. Let's address the elephant in the room. So this is funny. When I read this, somebody said, y' all got a nice lineup. Starting five, Pat, Mike, Key, Gene, Page, and now six Man. Didn't catch bro's name. But yeah, six man is crucial. But they also be lost, too. Hits being skipped on Bly ranking. I ain't gonna lie. He was so pissed we skipped, he gave up. Like, man, y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Pat]

I was like, what would you rank that? He's like, I already got skip, so what's the point?

[Mike]

13. That's Gene's cousin, man.

[Pat]

No, he was hot. I already did my three. I never come and pass.

[Mike]

He forgot he was in a pie.

[Pat]

He just playing the game. He like, man, they skipped me, dog.

[Gene]

What's good was good deal.

[Pat]

What's the deal?

[Mike]

I got a question for you.

[Pat]

What?

[Mike]

What's the.

[Pat]

They said what?

[Mike]

What's the most delusional thing? What's your. What's your most delusional thought?

[Gene]

And are you still stuttering? Well, I'm a fault. My fault.

[Mike]

I just took that.

[Gene]

I just took the opportunity. My fault.

[Mike]

No, you're good. No, it's fine. It's fine. He gonna say something weird. There's no. We don't got no normal listeners that call in like that, so I already know you're weird as hell.

[Pat]

Go ahead.

[Gene]

No, you said, what's my most delusional opinion?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

So. So I'm in a relationship. I feel like my homies, if I. If I see a girl and she look good, I feel like my homie shouldn't, you know, it shouldn't pursue her. Like, not like, just if she looked good, but, like, if I like her.

[Mike]

I told you, you stupid ass.

[Gene]

Even though.

[Pat]

I mean, like.

[Gene]

And I just, you know, I'm saying she.

[Pat]

So you said, wait, wait, let me get this right. So you're in a relationship, and, like, you saying, like, if your boy's out, it's like four y' all out. And you see a girl first and just be like, man, she look good. Then you saying, your other guys, y' all shouldn't talk to her because I said she look good, even though I got a girlfriend at home.

[Gene]

No, like, more of like, A. Yeah, actually. Yes, yes, yes.

[Pat]

I told you.

[Mike]

Hey, also.

[Gene]

Also, like, because. Because, like I said, me and my friends.

[Pat]

Can'T even finish a thought. Come on now. Mike was waiting like a lion in the thing.

[Mike]

No, I told you, I know these, bro.

[Pat]

No, that's crazy. You called himself for stuttering, then stutter right away.

[Mike]

Non confident ass.

[Gene]

Come on, bro. I was walking up some stairs giving a break.

[Pat]

No, he sounds. Got a bad time. No, you. He don't even got the same voice. You let Mike take your voice away.

[Mike]

No, don't say that.

[Pat]

That's actually.

[Gene]

That's actually.

[Pat]

He took your throat, boy.

[Mike]

All right, so explain. Explain the way you're gonna explain, though, like.

[Gene]

All right, so if so, me and my homies, we got. We hang out with some. You know, we hang out with girls, whatever. And. And we hang out with girls, whatever.

[Mike]

And girls that are not your girlfriend.

[Gene]

No. Yeah, okay. My girlfriend.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Gene]

And some of the girls be looking, you know, some girls I ain't never. Oh, some of the girls I ain't ever seen before. Like, you know, and I'd be like, man, you know, she looked. She looked pretty good. And then, like, some of them be, like, pursuing them, but I'd be like, you know, shouldn't be. I shouldn't be pursuing them because I already said they look good. Like, I called this, like, if one day, just in case me and, you know, my lady was to just not work out.

[Pat]

Where is your girlfriend?

[Mike]

Yeah, it sounded like she was in the room for a second.

[Gene]

No, that was my little sister. My girlfriend in the car.

[Pat]

Wait, where are you? What the.

[Gene]

I'm in my sister house.

[Pat]

Yeah, but what, Your girlfriend's in the car in the driveway or something?

[Gene]

Yeah, I had. I had to make sure I wasn't around her for this call.

[Pat]

If you lose her, bro, I ain't gonna lie.

[Mike]

So you. You just know.

[Gene]

Stop.

[Mike]

Go ahead, go ahead.

[Gene]

Wait, so I know, like, what did I do? I caught the wrong. Oh, y' all call me down.

[Pat]

I know. Reading out loud. Kick your ass, boy.

[Gene]

Ah, man, y', all, that is wrong. My life.

[Pat]

Is selfish, man. He on that.

[Key]

If I can't have her, nobody can.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's some selfish ass.

[Pat]

Selfish, bro.

[Gene]

So delusion.

[Mike]

You're calling dibs on things you're not.

[Pat]

Gonna pursue, and you can't put together a full sentence. So, like, everything is.

[Key]

You're not even gonna get the girl put together.

[Pat]

Do a full sentence.

[Gene]

Bro, you cooking right now. I ain't gonna hold you there.

[Pat]

You go stack some synthesis together. Then, yeah.

[Mike]

But seriously, though, is. Is this something that you always do? Like.

[Gene]

Yeah, like, you know, I got, like, a little roster that I can't. It's not. I guess in my head, it's not my roster because none of the women actually know they on the roster. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

I get what you're saying.

[Gene]

You got.

[Pat]

You built a fantasy team.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

An arsenal of women that your friends can't touch. It's like, we will call them the untouchables. That's what we call the one.

[Gene]

Yeah, yeah, got it, got it.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

They can't. They untouch. They untouchable.

[Pat]

So you thinking about. But you know what's wrong with your girlfriend?

[Key]

She's about to ask.

[Gene]

Nothing. You know, that's why actually, it's my fiance. Like, you know what I'm saying? Nothing wrong with her, bro.

[Pat]

You ruined it for so many people, bro. Don't nobody want to ever fall in love on this show. Now he ruined it. We worse than Love Island.

[Gene]

But your girl's been on the phone with, so. Absolutely not.

[Pat]

We gonna find your girl. We gonna find your girl.

[Gene]

I'm a blocker angle. I'm gonna block y' all actually, right after this call.

[Mike]

Hey, that's a smart thing to do. Just screenshot Sunday. You got till Wednesday. I'm gonna give you till Thursday. Make a race. Make the range that you got to. You got to in your house.

[Key]

Or you could say a message for your girlfriend.

[Pat]

You know, fiance.

[Gene]

I think y' all is.

[Pat]

Together.

[Gene]

Yeah, I got. Come on. Don't ruin a happy home. Come on, now.

[Pat]

Wait. Who paid for the rent?

[Gene]

Me.

[Pat]

It sound like she got the car, though. She in the driveway.

[Gene]

No, it's my truck.

[Pat]

That's your truck. Okay. You got everything. You got everything but your girl.

[Mike]

Good luck, Little.

[Gene]

It sound. It sound like you trying to take up a family.

[Pat]

And it sounds like you tried to start a remix.

[Gene]

It's all good, though.

[Pat]

I ain't gonna lie.

[Mike]

It's all.

[Gene]

No, it's all good because I. I.

[Pat]

Think you had a kid, too. After you.

[Mike]

I think.

[Gene]

I think you got a kid, too, don't you?

[Pat]

Yeah. You got a kid with her? Yeah. Oh, okay. We're not gonna do that. You're right.

[Gene]

Actually, you know. You know what?

[Pat]

Actually, I forgot.

[Gene]

I forgot because I got.

[Pat]

I got two boys.

[Gene]

99. 99 of black women are more successful when they want it. 99 of black men are successful without their dads, so.

[Caller 1]

Yo, Kimmy.

[Pat]

Yeah, I can hear you, dude.

[Caller 1]

Yo, what's good? Oh, I starting off like this already.

[Mike]

What happened? It's your question, too.

[Caller 1]

No, I heard Pat clowning me in the back.

[Pat]

What did I say? I didn't say.

[Caller 1]

Oh, never mind. I'm just hearing. My bad.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Key]

Insecurities.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's insecurity. Maybe. Maybe it's something you don't like the way you sound or something. You thought I was mocking you? I was just talking, bro.

[Caller 1]

No, I might be.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah. Nerd. All right, I got a question. I got a question for you.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, what's going on?

[Pat]

Okay. Name something you hate about yourself.

[Caller 1]

All right, so I'm gonna. I know this ain't a safe space, so I'm gonna. I'm gonna just go ahead and say it. I got a small pb.

[Pat]

How small we talking?

[Gene]

It's a crazy question.

[Caller 1]

I didn't have a problem with it until after a few. A few weeks ago. So I visited my ex. I don't know why. This was a terrible idea. So we're coming home from lunch, and she's just asking me how I've been doing and asking, like, who I've been talking to. And I was just telling. I've been talking to my homeboy a lot and just, like, telling him about, like, opening up and stuff. And I was like, oh, we relate a lot because we both have small peepees. And I was. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's just, like, a bit we do. We just talk about how we have small dicks. And she said, how can it be a bit if it's true? All right?

[Mike]

And we're trying to change the narrative that this. Of this being a safe place. So go ahead, bro.

[Pat]

Yeah, we got you. We can support you. Which. So, like, again. Again, again. Did you knew. Did you know you had a small penis going into this conversation? Or you're basing your small penis off of this conversation itself?

[Caller 1]

So it's a little bit of both. So I thought I was fine before. I thought I was average, but going into this, I'm like, damn, am I not average?

[Pat]

I've never heard.

[Caller 1]

Maybe I'm.

[Pat]

I never did see the dude put himself in the average category, like, initially with nobody else saying, like, what are you going based.

[Caller 1]

What are you going to base it off? My ethnicity. My ethnicity. So I'm Asian. So I think for an Asian, I'm. Maybe I'm even above average. That makes sense.

[Pat]

Yeah. But, like, are you. Did you Google this?

[Gene]

Yeah, dude.

[Caller 1]

I feel like a typical dude. Google's like, you don't. You never pull out the ruler and.

[Pat]

Be like, oh, yeah, no, I want to let you know, I would never Google average African American size and then put myself on the scale. I wouldn't do that. That's not my thing.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, they have, like, different averages by area or, like, they even have it by state.

[Mike]

Well, wait, what was your. What was the average then?

[Caller 1]

What was my average per state? Oh, in California. I'm in California right now, so my average is a little bit low. So I did this research after I saw her, so this brought my ego down even more.

[Mike]

So what is the. What is the research, though?

[Caller 1]

Like, I think it was like, this is gonna give my inches away, but I think the average inch in, like, California was, like, six. Six?

[Mike]

You said what? Sorry.

[Caller 1]

The average inches in California was, like, six.

[Pat]

So what is it for California Asians, then?

[Caller 1]

Oh, I didn't. I didn't go that far into my. I didn't go that deep into my research.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

Oh, I just assume. Well, I just assume that it's, like, three, four inches. Like, I already boxed myself into the category.

[Mike]

Asia is such a big continent.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying. Also, like, no, that's crazy. So, okay, let's go back to the bit between you and your best friend. It's just like, what type of banter is that? Like, oh, like, we both got small dicks. Hardy hard.

[Mike]

Like, like, how does it start?

[Caller 1]

Like, normally it would be like. Like, if someone makes fun of us, be like, oh, you got a small dick. And then it's like, we. We play off of each other. So it's not. It doesn't hurt as much, you know, because it's like, if someone else has a small dick in the group, then it's like, not as bad.

[Mike]

How'd y' all get to the point of y' all both knowing y' all had small dicks?

[Caller 1]

I don't want to air his shot. No, he'll be fine if I tell you. All right, this is a funny story. So his dad. His dad killed himself, like, when we were. When we were. I've known. I've known him since we were in middle school. His dad killed himself, like, before I met.

[Pat]

Never do that. That's so up. Because. No, he's. No, you're a bro. I'm a. Why am I a bitch? You made me laugh and say, yo, this is a funny story. And then you start. You can't start off with a sentence like that, but go ahead. I'm ready now. All right.

[Gene]

All right. So.

[Caller 1]

So his dad killed himself before I met Him. And like, years later, he told me, he was like, you want to know the last thing my dad told me? Last thing my dad asked me, he said, son, do you have a small dick? And he answers, he says, yeah. He said, my fault, son. So that's how I found out he had a small dick. And I said, it's all right, bro.

[Pat]

Me too. Are you. You're a good friend. That's a better story. I thought y' all just chest bump one day and be like, bro, I ain't feeling nothing either.

[Mike]

Hip thrust with each other.

[Pat]

Take his hug. Oh, man, that's crazy.

[Mike]

So is this is. Has this affected your dating life?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, well, this was only two weeks ago, but there was more to the story. So after she said it's. It's not a bit if it's true. She was like, we all have to live with these things. She was like, you could have been bald. Like, you could be bald. You could have a small dick. Like, you just got to learn to live with it. And she had a straight face on her, too. I was like, wait, I thought. I thought you were joking. And then she went in and she was like, would you rather have a bald head with the same size dick or a full head of hair with a smaller dick? And then after that, I just went quiet.

[Mike]

Damn, Did y' all just break up?

[Caller 1]

No, this was like, we broke up a year ago, but I haven't seen her in, like a few months.

[Mike]

You haven't dated or done anything with any other girls since then?

[Caller 1]

Oh, man, I could already hear, damn, this dude gets.

[Mike]

No, bro, we are not the business.

[Pat]

It's literally okay if you don't talk to a woman. For, like, you. Maybe you're working on yourself.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, it was a long term relationship. Like.

[Pat]

Yeah, so you haven't had any since her, and that was like a year ago. Yeah. Oh, my God, he getting no bitches.

[Mike]

Every time, man.

[Pat]

This ain't a safe.

[Caller 1]

This is never going to be a safe space.

[Mike]

We're joking, though.

[Caller 1]

All the politicians. This is not a safe space.

[Pat]

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Make sure you use your answer voice, little dick ass.

[Caller 1]

See, it's like I don't even have a comeback anymore because it's like everyone knows I got a small dick. Like, what was I supposed to say to her? Like, I got a small dick? Like, there's nothing else I could say. Like, I. I could have been like, oh, you're box whack. But then that would have just been a lie.

[Mike]

I think, I think, I think in Those situations lie.

[Pat]

Yes, thousand percent.

[Caller 1]

All right, now.

[Mike]

Yeah, you could have.

[Pat]

Yeah. Appreciate it, though.

[Mike]

All right, man.

[Pat]

Appreciate you, bro. You have a good one.

[Caller 1]

I appreciate y'.

[Pat]

All. Appreciate you, too. Pip Squeak, yo. Hi. Welcome to Crash Jimmy's podcast. What's good?

[Caller 2]

How you doing?

[Pat]

You do not have to change your voice for this podcast.

[Caller 2]

Just to let you know, I'm not.

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

Question for you.

[Caller 2]

Yes.

[Pat]

Okay. Name something you hate about your significant other, sir.

[Caller 2]

Okay, so I really love everything about him. I just. I hate the fact that he doesn't curse at all, like, ever.

[Pat]

Like, he doesn't. He doesn't say any cuss words.

[Caller 2]

Never. And I've always said I wanted somebody that didn't curse. But, like, a little bit is okay.

[Pat]

Yeah, I don't. I don't give what the he doing. No, that shit was.

[Caller 2]

I mean, I felt like I don't even curse a lot, but I mean, every now and then, you know, I drop a little bomb or what are the little fuck.

[Pat]

Huh? I mean, you know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

What are some substitutes? And, I mean, what are the substitute words he uses?

[Caller 2]

Okay, so he is a very Southern country good man. So he'll. No, he will say, like, gosh darn it.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I just realized something. I know what this really is about.

[Caller 2]

What?

[Pat]

This is about your sex life. He not cussing in the bedroom either, yo. Oh, that God darn the vagina feel so good. Storm. That's right. Oh, that mother. Oh, that mother flipped. God believe.

[Caller 2]

I mean, there's no bad words ever. Never. And I mean, I have a mouth. Oh, you do nothing. I'm sorry, I have a mouth. I mean, that's, you know, that's my.

[Pat]

Business, but that's your business.

[Caller 2]

So, you know, but I don't want to, you know, be the one that's always, like, doing the most, saying the most, and then just like, sorry, my bad.

[Pat]

You like. You like. You like that daddy, he probably like, gee, Willie.

[Caller 2]

What? I gotta, like, not say anything that I really want to say.

[Pat]

Oh. Cause, you know he's not gonna cuss back. That's crazy. Have you talked to him about this?

[Caller 2]

No.

[Mike]

I feel like even if he did, it would come and he starts cursing, it'll just be, like, not authentic.

[Pat]

He can practice, though.

[Mike]

What, in the mirror?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

No, I honestly, I don't feel like he ever will just because of his background and how he was raised in that, like, it just sounds like a standard. I'm the one that has to, like, get it together.

[Pat]

Sound like a dude that could not be in an argument. I tell you that.

[Caller 2]

Oh, yeah, we don't argue. It's no argument.

[Gene]

I'm.

[Caller 2]

I will say that he does treat me good, and that's usually my way.

[Pat]

That's all you need. Yeah. This is the worst thing you can complain about your partner. Y' all doing pretty good.

[Caller 2]

Exactly. Exactly. And you know, I'm respectful of him, and he's the boss, so there you go.

[Pat]

There you go.

[Key]

Okay, she just missing that 2% toxicity.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, I'll get it out of him. We'll see.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Key]

Yeah, she gonna turn him evil.

[Pat]

Just keep doing what you're doing. You're doing it. You're doing the right thing. Maybe you got to do something different to spice it up to get him to cuss.

[Caller 2]

Okay, say less.

[Pat]

Oh, just look at that, bro. Coach, you about to go crazy. There you go.

[Caller 2]

All right.

[Mike]

All right. You have a good one.

[Caller 2]

Sometimes we need a little permission. All right, guys?

[Pat]

What she said.

[Key]

Sometimes you need a little permission.

[Pat]

She just got. That's got permission from Pat. What the. That's definitely upside down pineapple couple right there.

[Caller 2]

Hello.

[Pat]

What's the deal?

[Caller 2]

Hi.

[Mike]

Hey. How's it going?

[Pat]

Can we say hi first? God damn. No, I'm just playing. How you doing?

[Caller 2]

I'm doing good. How are y'? All?

[Pat]

Good. Good, good, good. Pretty good. All right.

[Mike]

Start your sentence off with. Am I delusional?

[Caller 2]

Am I delusional if I think everybody's in love with me?

[Pat]

Do you think that? Do you actually think that?

[Caller 2]

Low key.

[Pat]

Yes, every single, like, everybody. So you think that.

[Caller 2]

Okay, okay, Yeah, I think.

[Pat]

What, you think that any, like, one of us are in love with you? Because I can let you know right now.

[Caller 2]

No, I don't think everybody's in love with me. But, like, say if I go to the bar and I'm just, like, already a little tipsy and I'm walking to the restaurant, like, everybody's in love with me. I just know it.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

Or wait, no, this is another thing. One time, I met this basketball player. He doesn't play anymore, but I had met him twice at the bar. Not like we met there. I went up to him, I shot my shot, and I was just like, he's so in love with me. The second time I saw him, which he didn't give anything of that, but in my head, I was like, he's in love, love with me.

[Pat]

Has this ever worked for you? Have you ever said, man, that dude's in love with Me and then went up to someone and then they actually liked you?

[Caller 2]

No, it. I didn't go up to them, but there's this one man that I met and I was like, he in love with me. And he low key is in love with me.

[Pat]

How do you know that?

[Caller 2]

I just can feel it.

[Pat]

Have you ever had a conversation with him?

[Caller 2]

Yes. What the. Yes.

[Pat]

So what. What did he do to say like that made you think he was in love with you?

[Caller 2]

Well, I just know he is, but it happens a lot in my head. I just think everybody's in love with me. Y' all don't feel that way.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

What was your last rel. What was your last relationship?

[Pat]

How you get a phone in a psych ward? That's what we need to be asking.

[Mike]

When was your last relationship?

[Caller 2]

How you. What? A little bit over a year ago.

[Mike]

Who ended it?

[Caller 2]

I think I did.

[Pat]

Yeah. He ran.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

If you can't remember who ended relationship, I bet.

[Pat]

I believe he ran full speed out of the apartment with no luggage. Ran past his car. I want nothing to do with this.

[Caller 2]

No, no, I'm. No, no, I'm cool as it sound like she is.

[Pat]

Solitary confinement with a phone.

[Key]

Had it wal.

[Caller 2]

Wait, you know, I thought that y' all felt that way because y' all are Sagittarius too.

[Pat]

Wait, you're a Sagittarius? When your birthday?

[Caller 2]

The 18th of December.

[Pat]

All right, now, we different type of Sagittarius over here. I don't know what the December Sagittarius be on. You see.

[Caller 2]

You know, I lowkey felt like Pat was gonna agree. Like he feels like. I feel like he. A little bit.

[Pat]

I don't know why everybody thinks like me. No, no, no, I don't think. No, I actually think that the opposite. You know what I mean?

[Key]

I feel it, though. I think it's like a. Are you Latina?

[Caller 2]

Yes.

[Key]

See, it's the arrogance that comes with that.

[Pat]

Why you say Latino like that?

[Caller 2]

Why does everybody ask about Latina?

[Gene]

No.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, I am. Yeah.

[Pat]

Is that. Is that what that.

[Key]

Latin women move different for sure.

[Pat]

Oh, got it, got it. So you really think that maybe that's what it is? Yeah, maybe everybody is.

[Caller 2]

I do.

[Pat]

You never know.

[Caller 2]

Maybe they are. Who am I to find out?

[Pat]

Who am I to tell you?

[Caller 2]

Facts. Facts, Loki. I gotta agree with me because Y' all gotta agree with me because it is International Women's Year.

[Pat]

Noah. First of all, first of all, first of all, you're right. Happy, happy International Woman's Year. This for you.

[Caller 2]

Thank you.

[Gene]

Thank you all right, Latina.

[Mike]

You did have so much toying on it. This water flex, and he's Hispanic, so bad.

[Pat]

But a pulled out like a.

[Caller 2]

Did he do a munch spread? Did he do a money spread?

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

Oh, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

[Caller 2]

Wait, wait. I gotta tell you. I gotta tell y', all, like, I really hope they never take yalls microphone away because y' all are funny as hell.

[Pat]

Appreciate you.

[Caller 2]

And on Wednesdays, I'll be running meetings, but in between meetings, I'll be listening, like, what's good?

[Pat]

We appreciate you. Get your merch.

[Caller 2]

Of course. Bye.

[Pat]

Yeah, make sure she never comes to no shows.

[Gene]

You're.

[Pat]

Yo, welcome to Crash on me's podcast. What's good, yo? What's up? What's up?

[Gene]

What's good?

[Pat]

I already said that. All right, I got a question for you.

[Gene]

Already on some type of time, huh?

[Pat]

Yeah, Because I already know who I'm talking to. All right, I got a question for.

[Gene]

You, but where Mike at?

[Caller 2]

Where Mike.

[Gene]

I always talk to Mike.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

What up?

[Gene]

Hey, what up, Mike?

[Pat]

Key there, ke.

[Gene]

Where Key at? Key never there.

[Mike]

Key not here. Jean crickets.

[Key]

What up, boy?

[Gene]

Oh, what's up, G? What it do now, bro? They look like a M, though. Last episode.

[Pat]

All right, let me know when you done Dick Rides.

[Gene]

All right, bro. All right, cuz. It ain't you.

[Pat]

All right. Oh, my. So crazy, bro. You got take that back and have it back. Proudly, he said. I won't Pat. Let me ride Jeans. Dick.

[Gene]

That's crazy.

[Pat]

All right. Name something you hate about yourself.

[Gene]

My meat size. I'm suffering from success.

[Pat]

What?

[Gene]

I know, Pat, you can relate to me on this, though. Like, for real.

[Pat]

You got it, bro.

[Mike]

Do you care to elaborate?

[Gene]

Yeah, you know, like, I wake up maybe hitting my thigh and almost hitting my knee. You know, I'm not that tall. You know, I'm like five, six. You know, all my height went somewhere else, but, you know, you know, just suffering. Yo, like, girls just want me for that reason.

[Pat]

So. Okay, question. Who. Yeah, who have you seen on this show? Like, name all the hosts of this show.

[Gene]

Everybody. You know, I got. I know. Key, you got Gene, you got Mike, you know, you got.

[Pat]

You guys called in four guys and told four guys that your meat is big.

[Gene]

Hey, but. But who said call, though? Who sent me Call whoever does the. Y' all the one that wanted to know this information.

[Pat]

All right. That's just the person. We surprised by every caller. It's the whole point of the show.

[Gene]

Nah, but you knew, though. Yeah, so first thing you did is.

[Pat]

Start giving out compliments who you love, and then you said your meat size.

[Gene]

No, like, I don't think it's crazy. If you, like, hear me out, though. Hear me out. I feel like, as men, we just need to, you know, more communication between everybody, and it's like, you know, you need to be more like girls, you know?

[Pat]

How does that help me, though? How does that help me? How does that help us knowing your meat size?

[Gene]

I don't know. Like, how does it not help you if you really think about it, you know, it just. You see, with struggle, men struggle every day. It's like women's struggle.

[Mike]

You're going based on support one another. You're going based on your definition. Have you, as a girl, told you this?

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

No, let's. Damn right. I forgot about that, man.

[Gene]

How you know online, though?

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. We straight that both ways. Yo, you done, bro? It.

[Mike]

I don't know what else to say.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Nah, bro. But, like, you know. Oh, oh, wait, Mike, Mike.

[Caller 1]

Can I ask you a question?

[Mike]

What up? What up, bro?

[Gene]

Bro, it's not gonna be nothing weird. I was on your Live the other day on Patreon.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Gene]

You say y' all want to do a podcast with us and be Lou?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Oh, y' all got that in the work. Is that, like, Loki? I'm looking forward to that. I'm not even gonna lie to you, bro. I'm a big fan.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, that was the question.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You asked me a question on some. That I already told y' all that we're gonna do.

[Pat]

No, I feel like this wasn't even a question. I feel like this is more personal between y' all two or something. That's how. Yeah, it is.

[Gene]

You know, me. Me and Mike go way back then.

[Pat]

I told you. All right, man.

[Gene]

Hey, hey, hey, Pat, bro. Y.

[Mike]

Can you do me a favor? Can you do me a favor? Can you look at the. The most recent reel on our Instagram?

[Gene]

Yeah, right now.

[Mike]

Let me know when you see it.

[Gene]

Give me one second.

[Pat]

Blind right?

[Gene]

Most terrible things to say when you're pregnant.

[Mike]

No, no. Yeah, whatever clip. That is the last clip you will ever see of Crash podcast because I am blocking you.

[Gene]

You.

[Pat]

You have a good day.

[Gene]

Nah, bro.

[Key]

Exiled.

[Pat]

No, he's out of there, man.

[Gene]

What's up with y', all, boy?

[Pat]

For real.

[Gene]

What'S up? I forgot the question already.

[Pat]

It's cool. I'mma remind you of that. I got you. All right. Yeah, for sure. All right. Name something you Hate about your significant other.

[Gene]

Oh, man. Yeah, I remember now. All right, so, boom. Listen. It's a head shape, bro. Like, we got a kid or whatever. So now I'm, like, looking at it, and it's like, damn, boy. I really up my baby. You know what I mean? Like, Shaw, they got the damn credit card swipe in the back of her. And I'm just looking at. I was looking at her the other day, and I was like, boy, my baby gonna have this. I'm looking at him looking at her. Yeah, he got it, boy. And it's up. That's up.

[Pat]

Okay, explain the credit card. Explain the credit card swipe for people that might not, man, y'.

[Gene]

All. But y' all know what the credit card. They know what it is. You got two little fat things in.

[Pat]

The back of your head.

[Gene]

Oh, I got a credit card through that?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's.

[Pat]

How do you even see that? That is. Don't she got hair right there?

[Gene]

No. Yeah, she got braids now. She just got some braids. And so, you know, her parted up. And I was just looking, like, damn, her up. And she knew it. She was like, my. I got Rose.

[Pat]

I like.

[Gene]

Yeah, you do.

[Mike]

You do. And your kids. Your kid has them already, too, man.

[Gene]

His is a whole different level. Cause like, that. He, like, the perfect mix of us. Like, he looked like me, but he got her feet pieces that make sense. So this got my hair, but her head, I ain't got no hell, my. I'm 30, boy. My falling back. You know what I mean? I'll be looking at him like, y' all can't laugh. Both of y' all be wearing hats all the time.

[Pat]

I take my off right now.

[Mike]

I have pictures. Yeah, So I can see.

[Pat]

I have.

[Mike]

I legit have pictures with my hat off on. My profile.

[Gene]

I ain't never seen them. Every time I see y', all, y' all got hats on.

[Pat]

I just took my hat off of you. You bought me.

[Mike]

Hey, that's cool.

[Gene]

That is cool.

[Pat]

Guess what?

[Gene]

I'm like, y'. All. You ain't never gonna see me without a hat.

[Pat]

Nah, that's some.

[Gene]

Don't know about it.

[Pat]

No, you need to love your family, bro. Rose or not.

[Gene]

Oh, it is what it is at this point. You feel me? We locked in.

[Pat]

Yeah, for sure already what it is.

[Gene]

I just was noticing. Do I. I just noticed. I was like, man, this up.

[Key]

The little man got the. He got the four pack of hot dogs on the back of his neck.

[Gene]

He ain't got four quite. He probably got like two.

[Pat]

But it's coming.

[Gene]

You feel me?

[Pat]

It's coming.

[Mike]

I can't even laugh too hard.

[Pat]

I got.

[Mike]

I got the neck rolls, bro.

[Pat]

Just put him in football, bro. And it didn't make sense. He a football player, bro.

[Gene]

I played football. That ain't gonna do. That ain't gonna do. She make your fall out faster, if anything. All right, Brody, make it. Appreciate you.

[Pat]

Appreciate you.

[Gene]

What's going on? What's going on?

[Mike]

It's kind of hard to remember what it was. Yeah.

[Pat]

Yo, what's good? Yo, the last dude was stuttering so much. Stuttering, bro. That's what I get for making fun.

[Mike]

Of him, but go ahead. Oh, yeah, the question.

[Pat]

What's. Name something you hate about yourself.

[Gene]

Bro. The thing I hate about myself, bro, is my stutter, bro. And that should be killing me, dude. I'll be lagging worse than. Huh? You said what?

[Mike]

No, go ahead, go ahead.

[Gene]

What? I'm trying not to stutter right now, man. I'm talking as slow as possible so I don't embarrass myself, dog. But nah, dude, my. I'll be having it. Damn. All right, hold on. I'll be having the trash stuff. Like, I'll be on the gaming, right? I'll give you an example. I'll be on the gaming. We be playing 2K, right? So, you know, I. I don't got like a, you know, a small guard, my homie do. So I'll be doing back door cuts and. And we always miss the back door cuss. Cause I'll be stuttering. I'll be like, bro, man.

[Pat]

What? Oh, my God.

[Mike]

Yeah, you got like a diagnosis. Stutter. Like.

[Gene]

No, I mean, it. It's been like that my whole.

[Pat]

It.

[Gene]

I've had stages, right? So when I was a kid and I was like, young, I probably say four off. I used to have the pause. Y' all know what the pause is, right?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

No, I don't know what the pause is. Like, go ahead.

[Gene]

So here. Go to pause, right? So the pause used to be bad for me. I couldn't even say words. So I used to try to call my brother's name, and I'd be like, hey, yo, Chris. Chris.

[Pat]

So you don't even feel. Finish the word. You actually go back to the beginning of the word after. Like, after you. Yeah, this can change. I've been stuttering since. It's been a back to back stuttering ass caller. But you more like. You more aware of your stuff, though. The last dude, I don't think he's diagnosed at all.

[Gene]

Oh, yeah, no, I'm aware because it's been my whole life, and like I said, it's been stages. I'm in. I'm in the part now where it's like. It's like a remix. I sound like a dj, and I'll be like. I'll be like, yeah, it be. It'd be bad. I'll be.

[Pat]

I ain't heard it once, bro.

[Mike]

Doing a good job.

[Gene]

Noticed, though, I'm better with.

[Mike]

But I don't feel like I have a st.

[Pat]

He.

[Key]

He sounds like he's in a stage where, like, he don't officially complete his sentences.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, him.

[Key]

Yeah, just like. Like, he'll try to articulate himself and then he'll just, like, switch the sentence over.

[Pat]

Okay. Yeah, I really heard that. I gotta. I think we gotta talk a little bit more. Ask him another question. Something. Just anything.

[Mike]

How was your day.

[Gene]

Man? My day was good. I. I just got done hoping. Getting some runs in and. Yeah, what's up?

[Mike]

Are you good, bro?

[Gene]

Hold on, baby.

[Pat]

Okay. Dang. Do your girl notice your stutter problem? You ever been in an argument with your girl and you stutter and then she called you off?

[Gene]

What we just got done. Yeah. And. And damn, I was stuttering just then. I know you heard that last one. Yeah.

[Mike]

That's the worst part, when you're in an argument and you start stuttering.

[Pat]

So what was the argument about?

[Gene]

No, I mean, it's just some team, you know what I'm saying? I'm. I'm. I'm at that point right now where it's like. It's hard for me to, like, ask for help a lot. So it's like she just wants me to be more. She wants me to. She just wants me to be a little more vocal with me asking for help. You know what I'm saying? Inside the situation I'm in right now, I'm not really gonna get it too deep into it.

[Key]

I'm solid, bro.

[Gene]

Yeah, but, yeah, no, it's. Yeah, so I was trying to get a point across, and every time. Every time where I'm at the point where I know I'm gonna say something, that's like, a good point. That's when the stutter come in. That come out fluently, bro. I'll say some. And that junk just come out like, I don't got no stutter at all. Sound like Einstein. And the moment I got something worse like, oh, nah, you didn't notice this about me or notice this about this certain Type of situation. I get to sound it, bro. I get to freaking spectrum. WI Fi, bro, that zone is bad. I'll be like, comcast Wi Fi.

[Mike]

Oh, my God, I feel it.

[Gene]

It'd be the timer popping up above my head. Wait, like, oh, you got 14 seconds till you lag out every time, bro. I'm having to slow down. Stop. And my brother be teasing me. Anytime I talk to my brother, I start all the time. So he be. He be like, yo, yo, yo, wait, bro.

[Pat]

All right, last. Last question. Last question.

[Mike]

Do.

[Pat]

Do you stutter in bed with your girl?

[Gene]

No, I gotta make sure I don't do that. I gotta make sure I. I don't be talking a lot. You know what I'm saying? I be saying, like, three words here and there, you know? You like that? You like that?

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? That's probably. You stutter it, too. You just say. Keep it. Keep the cadence to say. You like that?

[Gene]

You like that?

[Pat]

You like that? You like that? All right, bro.

[Mike]

You have a good, good one.

[Gene]

Trying to say and sit.

[Pat]

All right, bro. Wait, wait.

[Mike]

Just.

[Pat]

End of the call. Vi via. Vi via. That's all. All right, bro.

[Gene]

All right, bro.

[Mike]

All right, bro.

[Pat]

You have a good one.

[Gene]

Be easy, man.

[Mike]

You too.

[Gene]

You too.

[Mike]

So we're going to introduce a new segment called Try not to Laugh. I picked three clips that I think that's going to make Pat laugh, and Pat pick three. So we're just going to score it. If you laugh, you lose. I'm gonna have Gene pull up for listener. For audio listeners, visual listeners. I finally put the. I finally put on the screen for y', all, man.

[Gene]

My name is Audrey, and I stutter.

[Pat]

I'm. I'm.

[Gene]

I'm. I'm Travis, and I. I. I stutter. My name is Joel, and I stutter. My name is Dylan, and I thought the.

[Pat]

The video not buffered. Hi, my name is.

[Mike]

They said Dylan. They said Dylan. Not really Dylan. Don't really got a stake.

[Pat]

You the one on bottom left? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He definitely seemed like he just vibing. No, you not supposed to laugh.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, well, I can laugh.

[Pat]

No, you laugh on my own, but you can't commentate and make your funnier. Yeah, you just made a. Is that a thing? Is that a rule? Okay, bet you can.

[Mike]

You can add to it. That's one.

[Pat]

That was sneaky, bro. I bet we stutter.org is crazy. We stutter.org is crazy. They should have put stutter twice.

[Mike]

Let's see what Pat got Or we twice. We.

[Pat]

We.

[Key]

Why is it.

[Pat]

Please now. Please now. All right, now you pause it to not get the part after this.

[Mike]

For the audio. Listen. It says, tyrese audition tape for the Django Unchained part two.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Is this real?

[Pat]

Yeah, I think so.

[Key]

That's real. Yeah, it's real.

[Mike]

This is his real audition.

[Pat]

World Star Hip hop.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. Somebody, whoever released this tape, trying to get an Oscar.

[Pat]

Laugh. Yes, you did.

[Mike]

No, I didn't.

[Pat]

He laughed at my commentary.

[Mike]

That wasn't.

[Pat]

That was the end of it. I'm glad people see you lying. Real. It's crazy.

[Mike]

You gotta give me the cutoff point.

[Key]

All right, look.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's what you did to me.

[Key]

So this is what we're gonna do. Y' all can make jokes during the video. Maybe the second playback, I would say, okay, and then we're gonna pause it.

[Pat]

It gotta be like 10. Say I need silence. I can't have a video in the background playing. It's gonna make me stutter.

[Key]

All right, so you can't laugh at all then. Nobody.

[Pat]

Well, we know what the podcast is called.

[Key]

It's you. You can't laugh for this one. It's Mike. Second.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Gene]

We bring in the studio this morning one of the gay rights activists.

[Pat]

Mister. Should I call you mister? Good morning. This is cheating.

[Gene]

Who says I'm gay?

[Pat]

You are gay.

[Gene]

You are a transgender.

[Pat]

You are a transgender, and you're gay.

[Gene]

Rights activist and an outspoken.

[Mike]

Lesbian homosexual. How can I describe you?

[Gene]

Now we're looking at the raging debate. You're a gay rights activist. Why should someone be gay? You're having a girlfriend. Yes.

[Mike]

Do you perform the natural obligations?

[Gene]

I'm not sexually active right now.

[Pat]

So what are you doing with this lady?

[Gene]

By choice?

[Pat]

By choice.

[Gene]

I've just not. I've chosen not to engage. Doesn't that make you gay? What do you mean, doesn't that make me gay?

[Pat]

I am.

[Gene]

I am male and attracted to a female.

[Mike]

So who is gay?

[Gene]

I'm gay.

[Pat]

That shit is cheating, though. I think I more laughed about the idea. Knew it was going on. That was like, very.

[Mike]

Come on, man. We take our money.

[Pat]

That's like, very low blowish. Oh, man, that was terrible. Oh, man, that shouldn't even account, bro. That's a classic video.

[Key]

I've been losing every round.

[Pat]

He didn't have to say nothing. Her suit was atrocious. His suit.

[Mike]

I saw this before. All right, For.

[Pat]

For. For. For audio listeners. It was a dude basically saying, behind every fashion, there's always an awkward ex. Experimental face. And he had on a shirt that said Vibes with the ER when he was a kid. Yeah, bad choice. Two. Two. I'm not laughing no more.

[Mike]

All right, come on. Oh, that might have been my.

[Pat]

This is it.

[Key]

Last round.

[Pat]

You already had your bangers.

[Mike]

I think I had my banger.

[Pat]

Yeah, I already know you did. It had to be the. You knew I was gonna laugh at.

[Mike]

That one because I added this late. Nah. Oh, that was a Hail Mary.

[Pat]

Okay, okay, okay. I think I'm good. I think I won.

[Mike]

But it's gonna make me try hard not to laugh.

[Pat]

Holiday. And right now you can save 50 pounds per person. That's 200 pounds off for a family of four. Nothing beats a jet to Holiday.

[Gene]

And right now, look at his face.

[Pat]

Yeah, I gotta. No, you definitely laugh. No, bro, they heard it.

[Mike]

That's not. They didn't hear anything. Literally, they heard it.

[Pat]

I just won.

[Mike]

Switching gears then. Did you see the whole debacle about like the IG Instagram location stuff?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

About like. I think sometimes people like Fear Monger a little bit, be like, oh, make sure y' all turn y' all IG location off. But also Instagram be coming up with different updates that no one asked for. Why does anybody want to know anybody's location like that on the Internet when we already have like the Apple location stuff like that?

[Pat]

To me, as smart as companies as Zoar, I think part of marketing for a social media brand, especially one that's popular already, like, like, what else can we do is to put stuff on and then take it away to make the app seem better.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Are we going to create a problem and then when everybody complained about it, take it away. Because honestly, if they didn't make any changes to Instagram in the last two years, I think everybody be pretty satisfied. But sometimes it's about like adding. Are we gonna add notes? Everybody like notes? I ain't never using those. All right, we're gonna take it away. All right, we'll put it back. Everybody. Okay, we're gonna appreciate notes this time, man. But I don't think there's one of them.

[Mike]

I feel like it's like they never actually give the people what they are asking.

[Pat]

What are you asking for? For social?

[Mike]

I would. I personally would like to know who doesn't follow me or unfollow anybody that I'm following that doesn't follow me back.

[Pat]

God, there's apps that you know that.

[Mike]

Yeah, but that's like third party apps.

[Pat]

Filtered.

[Mike]

Yeah. Follow, but they unfollow because there's some people that just be hating maybe. Right. And I don't want to follow somebody that doesn't with me and I'm following them and you know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

I don't even notice. And I don't even notice like a random two months later. You like wait a minute. You click on a page and it say follow.

[Key]

You want the unfollow notification?

[Mike]

Not the notification, but just anybody that I'm following that does not follow me back. Yeah, I just want to know. Cuz I think it's or.

[Pat]

Or. Or mutuals that follow you that you don't follow back. Yeah, sometimes like damn, I, I ain't follow this person back.

[Mike]

Exactly. Cuz also I think people have terrible unfollow etiquette. If you're going to unfollow me, remove me as a follower as well. Like just, just do me the service.

[Pat]

I do that all the time. Yeah, I remove the person if they. Not if I be like, damn, I don't know why I follow the person.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I give them a chance. Like, hey, I'm not gonna treat you as no fan. Yeah, I don't want to see your. I don't want you to see my. And that might DM them say you.

[Mike]

A no, but I'm definitely, I'm definitely removing them as a follower.

[Pat]

No, I get it.

[Mike]

Because I'm like, why? Why I'm gonna make them follow me. But then that's happened before. And then the person followed me again. Damn. And then now it's like up because now it's just.

[Pat]

I get it though.

[Mike]

I can't follow back.

[Pat]

My. My thing would be with Instagram, you should be able to put somebody back into the request box, especially after like podcasts and stuff. Because there's some people that for some reason they're in my general inbox. I'm too lazy to change it and they'll DM me and it'll seem like an important DM and they're just like shut the up, Pat. And I'm like, why is somebody saying shut the up in my general? And it's because I answered a question for them, I was nice to them and then I answered a question for him and now they're my general dm. I wish I can put them back into no man's land, but I can't. But instead I just DM and call him A.

[Mike]

That's like your. Your answer for everything, I guess. Yeah. I mean, yeah, people were. Somebody was. Was DMing us about. I Bet y' all not gonna cover the Shakari Richardson story or something like that, bro.

[Pat]

What is up with it? I don't know if it's the same dude or if it's different dudes or whatever. I get like, y' all have. Sometimes we're two guys, three guys. Some when Keys here, four guys. Those are all different perspectives on different things. Just because if all three of us say something and you feel like it's pandering to women, then that's okay. That's your opinion. But you're a woman hater, bro.

[Key]

That was nice. That was nice of you.

[Pat]

You.

[Mike]

For this.

[Key]

For this, say, like, four and a half for Key.

[Pat]

That's not towards you.

[Mike]

No, no, that's true. You got to tell Key that no call. Flip it.

[Pat]

It's my boy.

[Mike]

But for that. For that situation, she was definitely wrong. And people like to say the. If roles were reversed. Yes. If roles were reversed, he would have definitely got canceled.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Especially for it being her, like, beloved Nike athlete and stuff like that. Yeah, he definitely would have got in trouble. I think she's stupid. I don't think anybody should hands on anybody. Like, I don't. And especially at an airport, I don't even think, like. Because abuse is abuse. Abuse. Yeah, but. But I hate that. I don't like, oh, if it was a girl, y' all wouldn't be laughing like this. But I don't think people should even have, like. I find it tacky when people have arguments in general in public, like, legit, like, yelling and stuff like that, because it just show me y' all don't have any kind of.

[Pat]

Kind of control. Yeah.

[Mike]

As a couple, y' all just both wild.

[Pat]

If I see y' all arguing public, there's no way I think y' all making it to marriage. Just break up now. Like, y' all couldn't even hold y' all argument in where y' all bumping and pushing each other and like that.

[Mike]

Because I've seen couples where, like, you know, like, oh, yeah, he in trouble, but it's like more of like a coded thing, like, yeah, she just brushing them off or something like that. That stuff happens. You can't tell anybody how. But, like, to be shoving somebody at an airport. And, you know, he kept it did. He did what he had to do. Even, like, when it pushed came to shove and he was doing the interview, he defended her in a sense, like. And sometimes I don't think some guys might not get afforded that situation, but they are double standards. And there's some Double standards in terms of, like, that is because guys are usually the more stronger. You know, there's more ways to defend yourself in. In a sense. But, yeah, she shouldn't have pushed them.

[Pat]

I. Again, like, y' all typing all that. That don't mean nothing to me. You wasting your. You wasting your finger strength.

[Mike]

That was definitely wrong.

[Pat]

And.

[Mike]

But it's also their situation. And even if it was rose reversed, we probably wouldn't cover it, to be honest.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's true, too.

[Mike]

It's just harder for me to talk about stuff like that.

[Pat]

It. Whatever you say is true there. Like, yes, we do do that. Yes. So what. What. What now? What you gonna do? Stop watching we do it, bro. It's cool.

[Mike]

I just realized it's so tough that carpenters get to show their highlights on Instagram. I don't think no other, like, regular job can. You really can do that. Like, that, like. Or people in the. In the. I would say in the service, like, industry, in a sense.

[Pat]

Car detailers.

[Mike]

Detailers. I'm saying, like, stuff like that. But, like, if you work an office job, you don't get to show your work highlights like that.

[Pat]

Are you saying, like, corporate for it? Yeah.

[Key]

Printer paper coming out.

[Mike]

Yeah. You can't really. There's no highlights because I'd be seeing, like, the, like, the detailer. They'll show the before and after, the people that wash the. The driveways. Before and after. If you work in an office job and you're sitting at a desk, what is really your before and after? All the good work you do, the company the corporate gets the credit for.

[Pat]

That's true.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Some of them dudes, they be doing some. I seen one dude, dude, he did, like. He was a lawnmower thing. The yard looked better before the touched it. You should have left that alone. It was all uneven. And, yeah, like, I legit DM'd him. And I said, bro, this don't look good. And he was like, you a hating ass. I'm like, bro, I'm just trying to help you out, bro. I don't even know who you are. He got like 15 followers. I'm just trying to.

[Mike]

Have you guys ever gave advice like that to somebody that. I guess it's constructive criticism to anybody that didn't ask, though.

[Pat]

Yeah, if I. If they. If they DM me before. Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah, okay.

[Pat]

Yeah. That guy in particular DM'd me, and I legit. He did me some hating. So I follow him back. He show love, like, oh, bro, thanks for following. Love the pot. But he don't realize I see all his DMS up.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I was literally. I just wanted to follow him to make because I saw him posting some stories. I'm like, let me keep up with a story, because I'm gonna find a story to hate on.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And I saw you mowing the lawn, and it was actually ass. So I felt good about myself.

[Mike]

Are there some people in your life where you feel like, I will never take advice from this person?

[Key]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Mike]

But you still, like, listen to their advice. I'm saying, like, just listen, like, when they're actually giving it to you. Oh, come on. Come on now. We gotta grow. We gotta grow up one day.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

We gotta grow up one day.

[Pat]

One go.

[Mike]

You can't let that one go. I can't let you See, you have to say this. You question yourself.

[Pat]

Know what I was about to say? What was the question? You actually.

[Mike]

Advice from people that you don't.

[Pat]

I listen. Not.

[Key]

Yeah, no, there's something to be heard in there.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like all advice is good advice because sometimes the dumbest idea you ever heard could make you think a little bit smarter.

[Mike]

Yes, I get you.

[Pat]

I give it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. You're just like, damn. You think like, no. You ever. Because the. The good thing about, like, humans were really good at giving advice on situations that aren't ours. You know what I mean? You see somebody in a relationship, be like, bro, you shouldn't let her talk to you like that. You should stand. You know what I mean? Give everybody relationship advice but you at home getting slapped around.

[Key]

And, yeah, I actually know exactly what you're talking about.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Key]

Like, you sit down with somebody and then you just, you know, get advice. You're listening to them and you're like, this don't sound right.

[Pat]

He listen.

[Mike]

He walk away.

[Pat]

Like, yeah, that's. I'm in a better situation. But the thing is. But the reason I said that is, like, so if. If you get that for yourself, technically, that's what that is. If someone comments on your life and just like, if I came up to you just like, yo, Mike, in. In your boxing videos when you edit them, you should put more jabs in there.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And just like, nah, I shouldn't put more jabs in there. That's stupid. I should put more uppercuts. And then you go look at your video and be like, oh, I ain't got no uppercuts. And I just gave myself the greatest advantage advice.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So let me go do it. I feel like having another Person comment on some.

[Mike]

There's some people. Like I said, there's some people that give you the right. Like, a route that makes sense, but the end goal is ass.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

You know what I mean? So if the end goes ass. But it's like, okay, I can take that similar route, but I know when it's time to take that detour.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like, you going, like, you running into a brick wall, and I'm just making this right turn and getting right to my path.

[Pat]

No, the worst. The worst advice you can get is generic advice about some shit that you kind of, like, have been, like, in.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? Like, you've been into cameras. You've been into, like, fashion for a long time, and, like, let somebody. Somebody gave you some generic ass advice that you looked up day one, like, when you got into that thing, like, oh, this is one of the first things I learned. And then a. Like, did you know, bro, that you supposed to be like, bro, you way off. You got a long way to go, and you to trying. Trying to give this advice. I hate when people try to dish out advice early or become an expert too early. Like, a lot of people reach out to me about, like, I'm sure you get the same about podcast advice. And there's, like, certain things are just like, okay, I can say, like, some simple shit, like, oh, just get started. Get this. Camera, mics, blah, blah. But when some people ask me about, like, how to push their content, like, I'm a producer of all content, it just, like, I'm not in that position to give that advice. And I feel like you can go. Go Google stuff better than that.

[Mike]

All right, y', all, that is the end of the podcast.

[Pat]

Howdy.

[Mike]

Appreciate y' all for being listeners, as usual. If you're new here, make sure you subscribe to the YouTube. I don't think I said that at the top of the show. Subscribe to the Patreon. We've been going live on there, like, at least once a week, just, like, interactive with the people in the Patreon. So that's like, your chance to kind of, like, interact with us on a different level.

[Gene]

Cool.

[Mike]

What else? What else? Merch will be restocked. Merch will be delivered by the end of the week. Latest Monday next week.

[Key]

You get notifications?

[Mike]

Yeah, you'll get. You'll get a notification with your tracking. So appreciate y'.

[Pat]

All.

[Mike]

And when it restocks, we'll let y' all know. Anything else, fellas?

[Pat]

That's pretty much it. Just be on the lookout for stuff, as usual. Keep sending stuff per usual. Even though we don't see all the messages, we do see all the fun. 21 so if that makes sense. Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah. And keep commenting on the YouTube videos. Even though the ones, even the ones that be hating sometimes. I like there's some people that actually have really good criticism.

[Pat]

Yeah, those are the ones we don't respond.

[Mike]

That's what. Exactly.

[Pat]

If you, if you wrote something very like a long ass sentence, we want to respond to it. You was more than likely right.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And a yeah, you're right.

[Mike]

You're right.

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

Anyway, it's been episode 219 of Crash on his podcast Peace.