Our Listeners Hate Their Jobs - Episode 254

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 254: "Our Listeners Hate Their Jobs"

Release Date: April 15, 2026
Hosts: Patrick Johnson (“Pat”) & Michael Esiobu (“Mike”)
Special Guest: Carrie

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Pat and Mike, joined by guest Carrie, explore a hilarious and unfiltered collection of current events, listener experiences, and absurd job tales—all through their typical banter-driven, no-holds-barred lens. The main theme: why their listeners (and people in general) hate their jobs, interspersed with relationship hot takes, culture commentary, and audience call-ins that embody the wild world of Crash Dummies.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Conversations

1. Bartering, "Exposure," and the Value of Work

(Timestamp: 01:06–06:46)

• The crew riffs on a viral story of a man bartering pit bull puppies for a Nissan Altima, illuminating a return to bartering culture.
• Mike and Pat swap stories about trading skills for services and how “exposure” as a form of payment is often a scam for creators.
• Mike (03:41): “If I think that doing this would get me exposure, then I would do it… there’s certain things you have to do for free to kind of get in the door. But some people’d be saying exposure and they don’t really have good exposure.”
• Heated takes on people charging to guest on podcasts and guest pricing, riffing on the absurdity of “clout-based” booking fees.

2. Live Show Recaps: Audio vs. Visual Listeners

(Timestamp: 07:11–10:42)

• Recapping shows in Atlanta, Nashville, and Chicago, the hosts discuss the difference between their “visual” YouTube audience and “audio” listeners from Spotify/Apple.
• Pat (08:16): “There is a difference… audio listeners and visual listeners… [at Nashville] 80% of the crowd exploded when asked who listens to the audio… and when we asked them, like, interacting, they just looked at us like, ‘what the fuck are you talking to me for?’”
• Notable moment about a memorable “Jamaican albino” audience member (09:31).

3. Relationship Dilemmas & Modern Love

(Timestamp: 11:06–15:04)

• Discussion about Nikki Glaser’s viral comment on letting her husband have “physical” but not “emotional” affairs.
• Carrie (11:56): “Emotional cheating definitely hurts a lot more because you actually care about this person... I want neither one of them. We’re not doing physical cheating.”
• The group debates trust, pass-giving among celebrity couples, and hall passes in the NBA/NFL relationship world.

4. Family, Aging, and Unconditional Love

(Timestamp: 17:54–22:18)

• A heartfelt segment on aging parents, inspired by a tweet: “After a certain age, your parents slowly become your children… Don’t correct them harshly, don’t rush them. Care for them the way they once protected you.”
• Pat (18:24): “That’s probably the only thing that I like truly agree with... ‘Honor thy mother and thy father.’”
• The group dissects boundaries, when cutting off family is valid, and the importance of generational empathy.

5. Colorful Listener Call-ins: Why Do You Hate Your Job?

• TSA Agent Story (31:24–36:10)
  • TSA caller dishes on the “meat manager” grind of constant pat downs:
    • TSA: “One thing I hate about my job is touching meat all day, bro.”
    • Explains scanner procedures and how odd, sweaty, or thick clothes set off the infamous “groin alarm.”
  • Offers insight on working without pay during government shutdowns and the realities of federal work.
• Starbucks Barista (the 6’6” Barista returns) (36:27–40:58)
  • Hilarious barista gripes about wild custom drinks (frappuchinos with six shots, AI-generated orders, the Hannah Montana trending drink), and “Karens” causing drama.
    • Barista: “It’s like the Karens… ‘You made this wrong, blah blah blah. I want my drink for free.’”
  • The show encourages him to follow his basketball dream.
• Corporate Worker (59:12–64:10)
  • Caller vents about climbing the corporate ladder and “sucking political wee-wees,” blurring the line between actual and metaphorical “kissing up.”
    • Reveals story of being “young and dumb” with a married district manager (with extra pay perks), then volunteers for a future on-stage dating segment.

6. Single or Nah? Cheating, Roster Life, and Baggage

• Roundtable of listeners describing wild reasons for being single:
  • “I just couldn’t catch feelings after my last breakup.” (51:01)
  • “I keep cheating, bro. I got a passion for cheating…” (52:20)
  • One guy’s self-aware: “I like hoes, bro. I love the hoes. But I want a wholesome hoe as a wife.” (57:27)
• Real talk about heartbreak hypocrisy:
  • Pat (56:16): “You deserve everything you got.”
  • Mike and Pat roast the cheater for thinking he can dish it but not take it.

7. Social Media, Expectations, and the “Bare Minimum” in Pop Culture

(Timestamp: 24:09–26:54)

• Justin Bieber’s Coachella performance: using YouTube on stage, sparking controversy on “bare minimum” performances versus earned nostalgia.
• Pat (26:18): “Men and women don’t matter in this equation, it’s Justin Bieber… It’s about having the catalog enough to go back to when he was a teenager and show you.”
• They laugh about how online discourse exaggerates criticisms—“Twitter’s not a real place.”

8. Gross-out Poll: If You Had to Stink, Which Would You Pick?

(Timestamp: 64:11–68:02)

• Classic Crash Dummies: Would you rather be pissy, shitty, mildew, or musty?
  • Consensus: Mildew is the “easiest to blame on your environment;” musty is the most offensive.
  • Ridiculous but relatable breakdowns of how people judge acquaintances for bad smells.
  • Pat (66:49): “If I found you musty on day 19, now you gotta go 50 more days with not smelling musty.”

9. Social Media vs. Real Relationships

(Timestamp: 69:41–72:03)

• They break down a tweet: “Y’all relationships don’t work ‘cause y’all listen to social media instead of your nigga.”
  • Pat on expectation mismatches: “Some people want a traditional relationship, but want to be independent at the same time.”
  • Carrie notes that modern relationships are a messy hybrid of old and new values.

10. Military Draft & Gen Z: Can Young People Defend Us?

(Timestamp: 72:09–74:51)

• Debate erupts over the U.S. military draft being auto-enrollment for 18–25-year-olds.
• Pat and Mike argue Gen Z is “fearless and smart,” with a different take on authority and consequences.

11. Petty Questions & The Joy of Feigning Ignorance

(Timestamp: 76:09–78:48)

• Pat jokes about dodging conversations and avoiding giving out podcast industry advice.
• They vent about folks fishing for “how-to” info with ulterior motives.

12. Endgame: R&B, Weddings, and Who Would You Spend on Guilt-Free?

(Timestamp: 86:56–92:14)

• Carrie floats the question: Name something you never feel guilty spending money on? Consensus: “Peace and convenience” (hotels, parking, tow trucks, etc.).
• Usher/Chris Brown concert, the infamous “cherry in the mouth” moment, and whether they’d let girlfriends attend.
  • Pat (88:34): “If Usher was putting a cherry next to my girl, I’d leap up and bite it myself.”

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Notable Quotes

• Mike (03:41): “If I think that doing this would get me exposure, then I would do it…”
• Pat (06:04): “If you ask more than three questions about myself, nigga, I’m getting up and leaving.”
• Carrie (11:56): “Emotional cheating definitely hurts a lot more… I want neither one of them. We’re not doing physical cheating.”
• TSA Caller (32:25): “It’s getting hot outside… I’m just backhanding meat all day.”
• Starbucks Barista (38:00): “I got this regular… frappuccino with six shots in it… like 2,000 milligrams of caffeine.”
• Pat (66:49): “If I found you musty on day 19, now you gotta go 50 more days with not smelling musty.”
• Male Caller (52:20): “I just keep cheating, bro. I got a passion for cheating.”
• Pat (56:16): “You deserve everything you got.”
• Pat (88:34): “If Usher was putting a cherry next to my girl, I’d leap up and bite it myself.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:06–06:46 — Bartering, exposure, booking fees in podcasting
• 07:11–10:42 — Live show recaps, audience differences
• 11:06–15:04 — Open relationships & cheating debates
• 17:54–22:18 — Honoring aging parents and family dynamics
• 31:24–36:10 — TSA agent’s grim tales of pat-downs and unpaid labor
• 36:27–40:58 — Starbucks barista on bizarre orders and customer drama
• 52:20–58:01 — Callers confess job hatred, messy love lives, “passion for cheating”
• 64:11–68:02 — Poll: which stink would you rather have
• 69:41–72:03 — Social media and relationship expectations
• 76:09–78:48 — Feigning ignorance and defensive fame
• 86:56–92:14 — R&B concert hypotheticals, money and guilt, closing banter

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Final Thoughts

With typical Crash Dummies flair, this episode is an energetic, immersive blend of real-life stories, irreverent takes, audience interaction, and side-splitting laughter. The hosts’ chemistry, willingness to probe awkward truths, and the unfiltered voices of their callers make for a must-listen snapshot of everyday frustrations (and a few wild confessions) in modern America.

Useful for all: Whether you’re tired of your own job, stuck in relationship drama, or just want to laugh at the messiness of life, this episode’s got you covered.

Transcript

[Mike]

Focus features in Blumhouse Obsession.

[Carrie]

When I have a crush on a

[Pat]

guy no one knows, Be careful. I wish Nikki loved me more than anyone in the entire world.

[TSA Caller]

Who you wish for?

[Mike]

Obsession is 96% fresh on rotten tomatoes. I love you so, so, so, so much.

[Pat]

It's blood soaked nightmare fuel. Brooke's blood you put on her.

[TSA Caller]

You have been warned.

[Mike]

Obsession. Rated R under 17.

[TSA Caller]

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[Pat]

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[Female Caller]

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[Pat]

Edu Sci she in racial chat room, showing feet.

[Mike]

Where'd you get that from?

[Pat]

Nori tweeted that.

[Mike]

Is that about doja, Cat?

[Pat]

I think it's about doja. I don't know why that's on my brain. Like, why was she in racial chat room showing feet? It's like insane. And she got away with that shit. Boy, I told you there's no such thing as cancellation.

[Mike]

Oh, man, I feel like there's. There's such thing as cancellation, but only for a crowd that you probably weren't gonna. That wasn't your crowd anyway.

[Pat]

Yeah, people. So. People so dank, bro. All she got to do, she just start throwing ass and people right back for real, like, oh, my God, Dojo, I forgive you. Somebody said bring back bartering. And it comes from a story of a man in Oklahoma traded four pit bull puppies for a Nissan Altima as his down payment.

[Mike]

Okay?

[Pat]

And I think that is so dope because there's so many people out here that don't got liquid money.

[Mike]

Liquid money.

[Pat]

But I'm just saying, though, you know, I'm saying, like, I don't have, like, I don't even have this shit in credit right now, but I do have a service, you know, I'm saying, like, bro, I can give you a shout out. Amen. Shout out to Jim down there at Maybach selling Maybachs, man. That's my down payment. Come on, man, let's ride.

[Mike]

I like, I like bartering. Like, I think that's something I did coming up, and I implore everybody to. To try that as well. Especially when you floor implore.

[Pat]

No, I don't know. That's A good word. I'll just.

[Mike]

I was giving you props. Okay. Because when I started photography many years

[Carrie]

ago, I didn't know you were a photographer.

[Mike]

Yeah, I do a little bit of.

[Pat]

Yeah, he used to take pictures of just booty holes,

[Mike]

but there's. There's things you can do to. To get other services. I still do this to this day sometimes. Some boxing lessons. I might. I do videography too, so I might shoot a video in exchange for boxing lessons or something.

[Pat]

He downplaying, so he cold. He actually, like, really good. But it just, like, I feel like the cost of doing it and, like, what we earn now in podcasting is very hard to book you.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's very hard to, like, I would say it's like, the money wouldn't be worth doing it. I'd rather just barter at this time. I'd rather just get a service from you or. Even though it might not be equal to me, but it's just like, one of those things where it's like, I like that.

[Carrie]

How do you feel about. If you're about to work with somebody and they're like, oh, well, it'll just give you exposure. How do you feel about that?

[Mike]

I don't like that, but is. There's also. I hate when people leave with the exposure part.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Because if I think that doing this would get me exposure, then I would do it. You know? Like, there's certain things I tell people, sometimes you have to do things for free to. To kind of get in the door. Right.

[Pat]

But there's some bullshit.

[Mike]

Yeah, it is. But there's a. There's a point of, like, taking advantage and, like, actually giving exposure. Because some people, they'd be saying exposure. They don't really have good exposure.

[Carrie]

They got fake bots.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike]

There's no. No one that has really, like, a whole bunch of, like, following and, like, a real loyal fan base. They now be like, oh, I'll just give you a shout out and stuff like that. Like, that doesn't work.

[Pat]

Like, bro, am I talented or not? My, like, what is all this exposure shit? You want me to come on your podcast and, like, make it funny?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And he's like, oh, bro, we got these followers for you now. There is, like, if you can visually see the shit, like, okay, every time somebody go on that show, there's a whole new audience that picks it up. So, like, obviously, we can never charge to be on, like, a podcast that's bigger than us or. Or even the same as us for, like, cross promotion because they Have a different audience. That's something we can't get. But if there was a podcast that was doing listener callers and they wanted us to come on their podcast, and we have way more followers than them, then, yes, I need a thousand and another thousand to actually say something on the mic. I'm playing.

[Mike]

I'm playing. No, it's always. It's. It's hard to. Like, we. We talked about this. I don't know if we said this on the pod, but we had, like, people come on the. Want to come on the pod and be like, love to collab with y'. All. And we'd be like, all right, pull up. And they'd be like, oh, that'd be like $5,000 or something like that.

[Carrie]

People are the podcast games getting messed up with people trying to. And that is not how it goes.

[Pat]

We.

[Mike]

We will never pay for a guest. And the reason. The other thing. Sorry, the other thing is that if there's a guest that was worth having on or worth paying, we wouldn't be able to afford it.

[Pat]

Yes. That's the only thing. It would have to be Will Smith. And then he like, man, just throw me 2500. Now, we can throw you $2,000, and we won't ask about you slapping that.

[Mike]

But. But you see the price. You said 2500, right? Yeah, we can afford to pay somebody 2500, but Will Smith. Why would Will Smith be asking us for $2,500?

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You know what I mean?

[Carrie]

That's petty.

[Pat]

Yeah, but I. But I get it for those other type of podcasts. Like some podcasts where it' base their guest base. Like, yeah, you're interviewing Charleston White, and you're basically about to ask him five questions and let him rant like, yes, he.

[Mike]

I get it for those.

[Pat]

Yeah, he deserves to be paid. That's the other thing about us. That's why we would never charge any. That's why we don't do any podcast that we don't want to do, because we would never charge for it, because, please, God, I'm letting y' all know this now. If you have a podcast and for some reason you ever get us on your podcast, if you ask me more than three questions about myself, nigga, I'm getting up and leaving. I've done nothing in this industry to be interviewed.

[Mike]

Like, personal stories, though. Huh? It could be, like, more personal stories.

[Pat]

Your personal stories is cool. But, like, if I get on the podcast, don't ask me, like, how I started my podcast. Like, come on, ask me what you rather. So I can get busy in this.

[Mike]

That's not what we're doing.

[Pat]

Hello.

[Mike]

Hey. The radio is for people who are driving.

[Pat]

I'll drive.

[Mike]

Welcome to Crash Dummies podcast. Anyway. Welcome to crash dummies, episode 254. I'm Mike. I said I'm Pat. That's Pat. We got Carrie in the building today.

[Carrie]

Hey, y', all, what's up? And you know what, y', all, I actually want to start with this because I've been really mad at them for the past week because they ignored my text message when I was just trying to wish them well on their shows. What's up with that?

[Mike]

Do you text us on a Monday?

[Pat]

What time you text. It was early 6:45am My girl, don't let me text nobody back after 6:30.

[Mike]

But we had a. We. We were stressing the day. That day. We were leaving, though, that morning. Yes. We couldn't find a car. We didn't know where. How we're going to get to the next show.

[Pat]

Our flight was.

[Mike]

Our flight was delayed.

[Carrie]

I didn't know. That means you couldn't say, oh, thank you.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

This is what happened. We. You know when a lot of shit's happening and you're trying to contact multiple people to find a solution to something?

[Carrie]

No, I get it.

[Mike]

So your text message starts to move lower and lower and lower and lower and lower and lower to the point is like, I don't see it anymore. So that's our excuse, though.

[Carrie]

But I get it. No, I do get it. I'm sure your focus was on so many other things, but how was it?

[Mike]

It was good. Shout out to Atlanta and Nashville.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah. That was a really good crowd. Two different crowds. I did not know. So what I'm learning now is there is a difference. Like, this is no shade, but there is a difference between audio listeners and visual listeners because there's people that watch us visually and they know how we act, they know our mannerisms. They. They're more interactive because they already kind of know what's going on. And I would say that's more of the Chicago show, the one that's watched the clips, watch the YouTube. So they were kind of used to us. I was doing certain things in Chicago. They was like, there you go. He doing it again. Like, they watch. Then we went to Nashville, which was. I say Atlanta was more like Chicago, but Nashville was like, Gene, before the show, he was like, where the audio listeners. And it was like the whole crowd exploded, like 80%. So these all People that watch on, Spotify, Apple, whatever they watch on. And they were just watching us the whole time. They're watching us with smiles on their faces the whole time. And when we asked them, like, interacting, like, things and questions, they looked at us like, what the fuck are you talking to me for, nigga? Let's see some podcast. Like, we literally had to grab an albino nigga of the crowd. I can't wait till y' all see that clip.

[Mike]

Jamaican. Was he Jamaican?

[Pat]

Jamaican albino with a. With a sub. Baby mama.

[Mike]

Yeah. St. Baby mama.

[Pat]

St. Baby mama. We won't discuss his other stuff going on. He said give him a shout out. I forgot his name.

[Mike]

I forgot his name.

[Pat]

Look like a sperm cell, though.

[Carrie]

He'll know who he is.

[Pat]

No, he know. I mean, he the only of his kind.

[Mike]

But it was dope. It was both shows. Both shows were dope. The different crowds, but definitely still, like, everybody enjoyed themselves, I would say. And it was. It's still weird meeting people in person and, like, us being like. Like, their day, you know, it's like, oh, it's almost like a celebrity thing. I'm like. I feel very regular. So I think a lot of them were like, oh, you guys are really down there. A lot of them were saying, we're taller than what they see.

[Pat]

Like, no, they weren't saying taller. Let's get this pause moment out the way.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

Do not come up to us and say, man, y' all way bigger in person. Just say taller. Just say taller.

[Male Caller]

Big.

[Pat]

Brody. This is after, like, a handshake. Like, they shake our hand and be like. And look at us like, man, y' way bigger in person. Like, okay, let me hide my meat for the rest of the time. Gotta hide my meat for the whole episode.

[Carrie]

I was worried for y' all when you posted about how you had to get to Nashville.

[Mike]

Yeah, we found a random Uber driver, Atlanta. There was no rentals shout out to him.

[Pat]

Do you remember his name? Pete.

[Mike]

Okay, I got Pete, man. I will never forget him.

[Pat]

No, I'll never forget him. I. I knew he was a good dude because when he put his arms above his head, the bottom of his belly show. So I was like, that's.

[Male Caller]

That's a good.

[Pat]

Right there. Jolly ass, though. But I appreciate you, Pete.

[Mike]

Okay. There's a. A podcast that Nikki Laser did with Call her Daddy Alex Cooper. And basically she was talking about how she lets her husband cheat, I believe. So I guess it's not cheating to her, though.

[Sponsor Voice]

I sometimes don't like to tell guys about this. Thing that I have where I'm like, you know, this is separate than the soulmate thing. Like, I don't care if a guy has a sexual connection with a girl and, like, he was to use protection and just have sex with her for a night. Like, I don't. I literally wouldn't care if my husband did that. I don't. I don't know why. I don't know why. If he were to, like, watch the Wire with her or, like, do crossword puzzles or, like, text, like, send memes and stuff, I would be like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, that's our thing. Like, emotional cheating would hurt me, but, like, physical, I'm just like. I kind of. I just feel like I understand how sex is for men most of the time outside of a relationship, it's just kind of transactional, and it's just like, they just want to nut. And it's not about, like, I want to spend my life with this woman.

[Mike]

So. So I'm glad we have a woman on. On the pod today to talk about, to. To discuss this a little bit. What do you think about that?

[Carrie]

You know, I get her point, because emotional cheating, definitely, it hurts a lot more because you actually care about this person. Kind of like when a woman cheats, she's going to cheat because she allowed for that man to get in her ear, right? So he. She allowed for him to tell her sweet things and make her feel like she's wanted and all that other stuff. And for men, I get y' all are lustful and y' all just want to bang, bang, booty, whatever, but I want neither one of them. We're not doing physical cheating.

[Mike]

We're not doing.

[Carrie]

What are you talking about?

[Mike]

Because I get her point as well. But I also think about that, yes, guys are. I would say it's just like, just sex, right? It's, like, very transactional, means nothing to you. But for the other girl that you're. That you're doing that with, that can then become emotional, because that's why I think a lot of women are more emotional in those sense when it comes to relationships.

[Pat]

I just. I just don't. I don't. I don't get that. I don't get why you want to be, like, as a guy, I don't want to be with a woman that would even allow me to do that. Because now I'm confused. What's going on on your end? You telling me I can do all this and all that, you know, I'm saying then it's just like, are you doing that? And then if you not and just like, like, what's wrong with you? Like, why. Why do you feel like you're not enough? You know, I'm saying it's like you feel like you're. You're not enough that you want to bring another woman on.

[Mike]

So her point, she later on said in that interview that she feels that when she's with somebody for a long time and that their stories can get boring after a while and she wants them to go out there and make new memories and new stories.

[Pat]

So she's a cuck.

[Mike]

But that's. But she said she don't want to be in the room or she don't really want to hear a distant cuck.

[Pat]

It's still the same.

[Carrie]

Giving him like a hall pass.

[Mike]

Yeah. A one way open relationship.

[Pat]

She wanted them. She's one of those women that get off because their man. Because the dude is getting a lot. You know what I mean? Getting a lot in the streets. She's just weird, though.

[Mike]

But she's Nikki. Nikki Laser is also a comedian, so it's like she might want. That was like, I want to hear what's going on in the relationship world.

[Pat]

Yeah. So she might want to be single. Only want to fudge one dude, but also see that dude fudge other women.

[Mike]

But she don't want to see it, though.

[Pat]

I just think. But I just think there's a missing connection here. To me, there's. There's always a gateway for something like the. That just doesn't make sense to me. You want it just me either. Just purely for the stories, like, do the nigga get to take a shower when he come home? Or are you like, you have to use a condom? Have to set what. So it's gonna smell like a NASCAR race.

[Carrie]

You would be surprised, like, how many dudes even in like the league, NFL, NBA, and how many of their wives give them these passes. They just don't want you to make them look stupid. So don't bring no babies home. And they just want to, you know, they'll stay for the money.

[Mike]

Sometimes I think I never have a problem what works for other people' relationship.

[Pat]

Yeah, me either.

[Carrie]

That's how I look at Will and Jada.

[Mike]

Yeah. If it works for them, it works.

[Pat]

I got a problem with them, but everybody else, I got nothing on. They just keep making it on my timeline. So. This should just be killing me, though. Not for real. No way. What she in racial chat. Showing food.

[Mike]

No, I it up. Showing food.

[Pat]

Showing food.

[Mike]

She in that racist room I started to have. I had a thought. Height surgery is gonna get.

[Pat]

Edit that out, Harar. I missed, bro.

[Mike]

Nah, keep it in. You know what you did to me. You know what you did to me, bro.

[Pat]

Keep it in.

[Mike]

Keep it in her and zoom in.

[Pat]

Keep it in.

[Mike]

And you know what you did to me. Please don't do it to me.

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

Height surgery is going to be way better in the future. Do you think there should be a limit to what height you can make yourself?

[Pat]

No.

[Mike]

So you think you can make yourself any height?

[Pat]

No, I want to see. I want to see everything. Like, I want to see somebody who's 49 be able to go up to Wimby's height and see.

[Mike]

But I guess it's the proportion part, though, so I guess you don't really have a choice.

[Pat]

That's exactly what I want. I want the same mistake that, you know, sometimes people who get the man, who get the BBL ABs and then the shit don't match the top part of their body and they look weird. The women who get they ass too big and they thighs look skinny as hell and they should look like a lollipop. Yeah, that's like. I want to see people make those mistakes so I can laugh. Look at you, you idiot. You got T. Rex arms and you're six five. We know you were five two before. Can't even make his bed. This.

[Mike]

Looks this hands at his waist.

[Pat]

Can't even dig in his pockets over him. He gotta lean to the side.

[Mike]

Well, that's. It's kind of scary because it is gonna get, like. It's gonna get better. There's gonna be different things they can do.

[Carrie]

Be who you want to be. I'm tired. How about we just go back to being who we were born as? How about that?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

Why everybody wanna get baby?

[Pat]

You gotta fix that.

[Mike]

You have to say. You said born as.

[Carrie]

What do you mean? Like, if you're born four foot, stay four foot. Okay.

[Pat]

Okay. There we go. I was like, wait, what type of podcast you think this is?

[Mike]

If you're born a boy, say your boy.

[Carrie]

Listen, if you were born 4 foot 5.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, let's go. Say carry to the minor leagues, Straight to the admirals.

[Male Caller]

We.

[Mike]

We know what. We know what you meant, but no,

[Pat]

we had to save you. That was no. That was no. That was crazy. You. You standing on business. I was scared in the. Yeah, you got to be careful out here.

[Carrie]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pat]

This tweet says, hit me with the harshest reality truth. It says, after a certain age, your parents slowly become your children. They ask simple questions, repeat stories, and depend on your patients the way you once depended on theirs. Very few understand this role reversal. What looks like innocence or inconvenience is really time coming full circle. Don't correct them harshly, don't rush them. Care for them the way they once protected you. This is not a burden, it is a repayment.

[Carrie]

I would agree with that.

[Pat]

That's the, that's probably like the only thing that I like truly agree with. Like when it comes to like that's. I guess I shouldn't say the only thing. That's the first thing that I truly agree with when it comes to religion. Like honor thy mother, thy father. Like when, when I hear stories of people like if their mom or dad didn't do anything crazy, abusive, or really tear up their life and they beefing with their mom or dad, I stay away from that person. Yeah, like there's no way you don't like your dad. You know what I mean? There's no way you don't like your mom. And it gets with like a certain age of just like if it wasn't anything crazy, like you wouldn't hitting your mom or your mom wasn't doing something to you, stealing money and shit like that. If it's just a regular situation and you're not cool with your parents, then no way we can be cool.

[Mike]

Like, well there's, I guess. Where does that line draw though?

[Carrie]

Yeah, there has to be a line.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. It just.

[Mike]

Because like, like say like your parents was stealing money from you or something.

[Pat]

When, how much? You know what I mean? Like some of you ever heard somebody say that a lot, like my credit up because my mom was using my car. That little 500 ain't your credit up. What about that Eviction notice?

[Mike]

But I guess there is always a line though. Like everybody has their, their breaking point. I would say.

[Pat]

No, I get that. I don't want to talk about.

[Mike]

You're talking about like for a reason that you would deem petty though.

[Pat]

Yes, yes, yes. I don't, I don't like, I don't like the pettiness. I don't like the like, you know, some leave their parents behind because we in this new world, it's easy for us to, to lean into like the equality. Be love who you want to love. Be who you want to be. That's popular now. It's easy for us to be that way. So like we get on our parents for their beliefs and it was easy for them to be that way back then, and I just feel like that's something to teach them on because I see somebody beef with somebody, be like, oh, my dad's so conservative. I'm a liberal. I can't fuck with him.

[TSA Caller]

Him.

[Pat]

Like, no, it's your job to slowly teach him and not just get rid of your dad because y' all got different political views.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

What if you don't want to learn, though?

[Pat]

It. It's your job.

[Mike]

That's.

[Pat]

That's what he gave you. How you think you got to. To me, you got to give the person credit. If you liberal, it's a reason why you liberal. He probably put you in the liberal college for you to even learn that. He could have just took you to the meetings with him. What if he took you to the kkk means with you? Exactly. You wouldn't be where you at. So I feel like that's the grace. You got to show it. Just like, okay, but I'm mad you're still this way, but you did get me to where I'm at, so I'm going to show you a little grace.

[Mike]

I think I get what you're saying. I think for me, the effort would just become less and less over the years. Pass. I get, like, if my. If my dad was, like, a super racist or something. Right. If my dad was just a super racist. Right. It would. It would get to a point where it's like. Like, you try to slowly teach. You try to slowly teach. You try to slowly teach. But I'm teaching for 20 years.

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Then it's like, okay, my teaching gets a little bit. I'm not. I'll always love them. Right?

[Pat]

That's. That's the key right there.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

That's all I'm talking about.

[Mike]

Yeah. Okay. I get you.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

It's just like, okay.

[Carrie]

Unconditional love.

[Pat]

Unconditional love. Because we. We get to the point is like, my thing is Mike's in this position, too. No offense to your brothers. No offense to my sisters. It's like we are the. Like, I wouldn't say chosen ones, but we are the most responsible ones. Like, we are the ones that are. Are blessed enough to be in this position. For some reason, people that I grew up with had to go through, like, different trauma, and for some reason, my ascension was a little bit smoother than theirs. And I got to where. So that means I'm lucky enough. So that means, like, when I have, like, these situations, like, oh, I don't like, that. My sister do this. I don't like. Mama, you blessed enough to understand, like, what they're doing, and you're blessed enough to work your way around it. That's your job. My, like, your job is to take care of your family, not run away and be like, oh, since they don't believe in this, I'm done.

[Carrie]

Right? I could see that. You know, you gotta love them regardless. And if y' all just don't agree on certain things, then, okay, y' all end up just not agreeing on it. But certain family members, you gotta cut them off. I'm sorry.

[Mike]

Yeah. I feel like if you're not immediate family, then. Yeah.

[Carrie]

You not just gonna keep talking to me. Like, you know how some people say at the family reunion or, let's say, Thanksgiving or something, you got the auntie always talking about, we ain't gonna get your husband, we ain't gonna have some kids. No. Cutting you off. Why are you talking to me like that? I'm not a kid.

[Mike]

How long have you been single?

[Female Caller]

Who.

[Mike]

At that point, if that question is

[Pat]

asked, so you don't see that big ass rock on her motherfucking finger.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Pat]

Don't. Don't break our cameras.

[Mike]

No, I'm just talking about that point.

[Carrie]

Like, let's say it's five, seven years. And your auntie, every single year is like, when you gonna get a man? When you gonna. You know, it's like, come on now.

[Pat]

Then you got a teacher. Just be like, auntie, your man not shit. So I need to slow down and think. One of us need to think. I need to slow down. Because you're like. You just rushed into the shirt.

[Mike]

Exact.

[TSA Caller]

Over here.

[Pat]

He drunk as.

[Mike]

Exactly.

[Pat]

This is the type of.

[Mike]

You want.

[Carrie]

I'm all down for cutting somebody off, but I.

[Pat]

The thing about it, I feel like I don't want to say I'm lucky as a black man in America compared to someone white, but I will say they have, like, a liberal white person that comes from a conservative family. It's just like a bigger difference. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

I go with you.

[Pat]

I just got to get my cousin to stop being homophobic. You know what I'm saying? It's an easier transition. Like, hey, bro, chill. We don't say those type of words no more. Chill. Right?

[Carrie]

Teach them about voting.

[Pat]

This. This girl that's in college want to date a Mexican guy, and she got to go back home every holiday and hear her dad rip off five Mexican jokes. Like, she gotta bend that Bridge eventually. You know what I'm saying? So it's just like, it's a little bit more up for them, I feel like. Because, like, old school white people, man, ain't nothing worse, right?

[Mike]

Have you seen Justin Bieber's Coachella performance?

[Carrie]

I saw clips and I was almost brought to tears. I'm not gonna lie to you. I was a believer growing up.

[Mike]

There was a lot of hate about it. So there was people on the Internet saying, like, this is how men can just do the bare minimum and still get praise for it. Like, a woman can do what he did. And the reason they're saying that in Justin Bieber's performance, there was a point where he got on his laptop.

[Carrie]

It was the whole performance.

[Mike]

No, no, it was like, in the middle.

[Carrie]

Okay.

[Mike]

So he had got on. His laptop was on YouTube and it was projected on the screen and he was playing his old hits on YouTube. So, like, you see him searching it up. Like, people were cheering when they saw the song being typed before he even played it. So he's doing all these, like, baby, all those, like.

[Pat]

Was he singing it too?

[Mike]

He was singing it too.

[Carrie]

He was harmonizing his younger self.

[Pat]

That's hard.

[Mike]

It was so tough to me because, like, again, you grew up. Like, Justin Bieber is one of those, like, legends in the sense that he grew up and we're all around the same age. So it's like you actually were the same age when this was popular.

[Carrie]

Yes.

[Mike]

And you actually grew up with him, and he's still just as popular. And I feel like he's the only one that could do that.

[Carrie]

And Soulja Boy. But no, Justin's performance with the laptop, I didn't see anything wrong with that at all. Especially, like you said, he got his start on YouTube like that, and he's been through a lot, you know, so for him to even be out in public and singing and comfortable, that's a big step.

[Mike]

And I think it's a privilege to do the bare minimum. I think when you put in the work,

[Pat]

you have to put in the work.

[Mike]

Like, if. If Michael Jackson was still alive today and he got on stage and sat down the whole time, he wouldn't. He wouldn't. But, like, say, if you decide to and sit down on stage the whole time, it wasn't dancing nothing. Just harmonized song. And it was like, say he didn't even have no music, no bad nothing.

[Pat]

Mike. Mike had women passing out, bro.

[Carrie]

Get on the stage and do nothing. And everybody was still screaming.

[Mike]

Exactly. But like you said first before Somebody says, I'm not comparing Michael Jackson.

[Pat]

I am. I got beaver in five. No, Michael Jackson all the time.

[Mike]

Let me chill. Why you guys comparing Michael Jackson?

[Pat]

But you're right though. I think that's the whole point of it. It's not the bare minimum. I hate when people like insert something that men and women don't matter in this equation. It's Justin Bieber.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Bruno Mars could probably do the same thing. There's other people that have. It's like about having the catalog enough to go back to when he was a teenager and show you like, man, I gotta search this up. He probably ain't seen a video in a long time.

[Mike]

And I think the thing is that it was very relatable. And I don't think that's why I don't think it was a bare minimum. I think it was actually thought out because the way people discovered Justin Bieber back then was through YouTube. You were typing it in. So to see Justin Bieber typing it in and YouTube, you see him clicking on his old videos like, oh, it's probably nostalgia, nostalgic. As for the people in the audience as well. So yeah, I feel like people just complain about anything.

[Pat]

No, no, no. What I learned about, especially Twitter because that's what we mostly see.

[Mike]

Twitter's not a real place.

[Pat]

Yeah, it's not a real place, bro. And there's so many pockets of people in the world now that like tweets can go. There can be somebody on Facebook and they get a tweet or somebody post a tweet on Facebook. You can search that person's name and go back to Twitter and go like the shit.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So we like got all these social media apps that are working in unison. I literally just seen like the anemic thing. There's like a, there's like a black, there's like a black woman that might have got murdered by her like white boyfriend and they found her. It's just like some weird ass evidence going on. Blah, blah, I won't speak on that. But there's a pocket of people that are just like, that's what she get for dating a white man. And the shit got like. And I, and I showed Mike and the got 6,000 likes. So. 6,000. And that would seem like back in the day if a tweet got 6,000 likes, there's some truth to it, there's some credibility. But you just got 6,000 likes and 3,000 are probably people that agree. And the other 3,000 are just be like, oh, I can't believe you just said that shit. And that's where I think majority of the likes are coming from. Nowadays. People don't agree with opinions. It just be like, bro, I can't believe this nigga got that crazy of an opinion. I'm gonna hit like, because they like chaos.

[Carrie]

Yeah, no, that is definitely a fact. I. I hate because people feel a little bit more confident behind the screen regardless, you know, so they'll even say stuff that they don't really mean. That's why you got so many trolls out here now.

[Mike]

Like, that's legit. Just trolls like this. The. It's just the ease of doing it with like, no consequences. Like you said. They're not gonna. They're gonna say things that they don't even believe. But it's like, I'm gonna say the most outrageous things to get these likes and to get these shares and stuff like that.

[Pat]

Sometimes people just want responses and like that. Like, we'll see like, you know, 500 comments of like people just focusing on a video and then somebody will say something about one of us and just like, you wanted our attention. And then when we give you our attention, then you run like a little nas. Oh, no, I. With the pie. No, no, no, no, no, no. Stop watching the pod, you ass. You're banned. Yo, let's take a quick break from today's pod to thank the sponsor. Earn it.

[Mike]

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[Pat]

I can't tell you how many times I've been moving and I needed a new couch or a bed and. And the check just didn't hit yet. And now I'm dealing with this couch that only can fit two people. So earning can definitely help you with stuff like that.

[Mike]

Download earning on the App Store or Google Play spelled earning money without the G type in crash dummies under podcast when you sign up, it really helped the show. Earnings. A financial technology company, not a bank. Access limits are based on your earnings and risk factors. Standard cash outs take one to two business days with no mandatory fees. Expedited transfers available for a fee. Tips are voluntary and do not affect the service available in select states. Terms and restrictions apply. Visit Earnin.com for full details. Now back to the pod. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this,

[Pat]

but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities.

[TSA Caller]

So do like I did and have

[Pat]

one of your assistant's assistants switch you

[Mike]

to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[Sponsor Voice]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only. Then full price plan options available. Taxes and FE [e-mail] Man, what's up

[TSA Caller]

with y' all boys?

[Mike]

Welcome to Crash Enemies podcast, brother.

[TSA Caller]

Yes, sir.

[Mike]

I got.

[TSA Caller]

I was just at y' all live show in Nashville too.

[Mike]

Oh, fire. What you think about it, bro?

[TSA Caller]

I was in the front row.

[Female Caller]

It was.

[TSA Caller]

It was fire. It was fire, y'.

[Mike]

All honest opinion like you like anything. You think we should, like, add to it to make it better?

[TSA Caller]

Don't worry, I ain't gonna lie. I don't got no complaints.

[Pat]

No. What was your. What was your favorite part? What was your favorite part, bruh?

[TSA Caller]

When this pass start crying when. When that albino came up real, that had me weak, bro. I was in the front row. I had to, bruh. This. That kept telling me to uncross my arms.

[Pat]

Oh, that was you? No way. That's dope as. That's fire. No, that's dope as hell, though.

[Mike]

Appreciate you coming out, bro.

[Female Caller]

So.

[TSA Caller]

Yeah, for sure.

[Mike]

I got a question for you. What's something you hate about your job?

[TSA Caller]

All right, bro. One thing I hate about my job is touching me all day, bro.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Pause,

[TSA Caller]

Listen, bro. Listen. Pause. I'm at work right now, bruh.

[Mike]

All right? Are you currently touching me?

[TSA Caller]

I'm not touching me right now. I'm done touching me for the day. I'm about to clock out in two minutes.

[Mike]

Reveal what you do for a living, please.

[TSA Caller]

All right, I'm a TSO. I work for TSA, bruh.

[Mike]

Okay.

[TSA Caller]

the airport, bruh.

[Mike]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Pat]

What?

[TSA Caller]

Listen, bruh. So on our systems, right, bruh, like when you come to the body center, y' all probably got preaching. If you got pretend you cool, you just go through the mirror, take it, right? If you don't got pre check, you got to go through the body scanner. So if you go through the body scanner, if you got Anything in your pockets, like in your back pocket. Sometimes you got a belt on. If your ball is sweaty, you going alarm in the groin. If you alarm in the groin, we got to pat down that whole area. Groin, buttocks, inner thighs. So you just backhanded me all day?

[Pat]

No. That's crazy.

[TSA Caller]

Getting hot outside, bro. Like, sweating. I'm just backhanding me all day.

[Pat]

That's crazy. And the way y' all dressed up, you the meat manager.

[TSA Caller]

People be saying TSA stand for the sexual assault.

[Mike]

I never heard that.

[TSA Caller]

If you're on her.

[Pat]

No, that's crazy. So you be doing it, like, backhand, front hand?

[TSA Caller]

Nah, not front hand, too. Not front hand, but back.

[Mike]

No, that definitely happened to me. When I've gone through the scanner machine before. Nah, every time for me, before I got TSA, PreCheck was the. If I were big joggers, then it would always.

[TSA Caller]

Anything can do it, bro. If you got your jeans too thick, your joggers too thick, who made that?

[Pat]

But who make the call, though? Is it you or.

[TSA Caller]

No, I'm saying not a machine.

[Pat]

So you gotta listen to the machine.

[TSA Caller]

I'm not making the call, bro. Yeah, it's the machine. That'll show you. It'll be like, boom. It's a red box over there. Whatever. So you get that red box. You gotta search that herbs.

[Mike]

Y' all ask those, like, do y' all want me to shirt you here or do you want to go to a back?

[TSA Caller]

Yeah, yeah. You can get a private screen.

[Mike]

So what do people use it?

[Pat]

A private show? How much they gotta pay for that, right?

[TSA Caller]

Chill, bruh. It's a witness in there. Everything.

[Pat]

Oh, it's a threesome.

[TSA Caller]

I'm done. Yeah, you got it, man. I'm done, man. You got it.

[Mike]

Nigga was cross. No wonder he was crossing his arm at the show. This shit was tired. I gotta rest.

[Pat]

My wrist was hiding the back of that head. The back of that head got so much wear and tear on it, I can touch many meats with the back. The avatar last big bender,

[TSA Caller]

Transportation.

[Mike]

No, we appreciate. We appreciate all the TSA workers because y' all keep us safe, y'. All. So you weren't getting paid for a little bit then, huh?

[TSA Caller]

We still not getting paid, bro. They still own money right now.

[Pat]

But you get checks that come through, though, right now, right?

[TSA Caller]

No, it's propaganda, bro. So we got paid. Some of it. Some of our back pay. We did get paid, but they still owe a lot of us money. And a lot of people still didn't get, like, what we owe.

[Mike]

So, like, when you guys saying they

[TSA Caller]

don't know when we gonna get our next one?

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

So when you get these, obviously, the TSA jobs, you kind of know, like, there's a risk of this happening with, like, the government shutdowns and stuff, right?

[TSA Caller]

Yeah, that's true.

[Mike]

I know. I'm just wondering.

[TSA Caller]

I'm not really tripping them.

[Pat]

Like, it's espn, but, no, like, real life.

[Mike]

How do y' all prepare for that? Like, is it just, like, saving money?

[TSA Caller]

Really? Yeah, you really gotta, like, luckily, I'm in a situation, so we're like, I got some money, so I'm not. I'm not tripping right now, but, like, people. And I don't got no kids. I don't got no girl, so it's like, I don't got nobody depending on me to spend money on nothing.

[Pat]

No, that's real. No, that's real.

[TSA Caller]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The people who really. It's tough because I'm.

[Mike]

We're doing. I'm doing well for myself, but I'm not gonna lie, if I miss two paychecks, like, if I didn't get paid two straight months, like, I don't care what type of. I'm gonna be. Like, now I'm like, penny pinching for everything. But I don't know if some people do. Some people are good at saving for rainy days, some people aren't. So you look like you're. You're in, but then you get.

[Pat]

Yeah, so what's your.

[TSA Caller]

But then people got, like, kids and stuff. It'd be different.

[Pat]

What's your message? What's your message to the government, man?

[TSA Caller]

Just give us our money, man. I can't say too much.

[Mike]

No, I feel it.

[TSA Caller]

You know, they got. They listening to me. Sbc.

[Pat]

I'm still in the airport, but I think you. I think you valuable to the company. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

They might. They might give you a bonus you start doing the front hands.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[TSA Caller]

You said what, Bro, I didn't even hear you. Yeah, I got it, bro.

[Mike]

All right, bro. You have a good one.

[TSA Caller]

Hey, y' all come back to Nashville, bro. I'm in there. Or Atlanta. I'll be in Atlanta one, too.

[Pat]

We definitely gonna run it back in Atlanta. In Atlanta, maybe at the tabernacle.

[TSA Caller]

Bet. Bet.

[Mike]

All right, brother.

[TSA Caller]

I'm appreciate. Y' all boys. Y' all boys, hold it down. Yep.

[Male Caller]

Peace, Pop.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Yo, Crash Dummies.

[TSA Caller]

What's going on?

[Mike]

What it do?

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

How you guys been?

[Mike]

Pretty good. Yourself.

[Pat]

Good, Brody.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Not too bad. Not too bad.

[Mike]

Philly, I got a question for you. What's something you hate about your job?

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

All right, well, you all caught me before. It's a six six Starbucks barista.

[Mike]

Oh, damn.

[Pat]

Shout out to you. How you feel about that clip? Before you get into it.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Hey, Loki, I loved it, bro.

[Pat]

I appreciate it.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

I was happy to be a clip.

[Pat]

Yeah, we, you know, sometimes, like, a lot of people ask us to take a clip down after it already got, like, 2 million views. We don't know what we could do with that. And, like, we, you know, we just appreciate you being in good sport.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Nah, I mean, I show my parents, I show my. My brother and, bro, everybody loved it.

[TSA Caller]

I was so hyped.

[Pat]

But you still ain't. We told you to go back. You still got college eligibility, dude.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

I promise. I promise. I've been back in the gym. I've been working my ass off.

[Pat]

Let's go.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

I've been reaching out to colleges. I got to try out with a tube.

[Pat]

Let me and Mike give you, like, some training sessions so we see, like. Obviously, we not, like, the greatest basketball minds.

[Mike]

I get more workouts.

[Pat]

Yeah, we can. We could just see, like, the holes in your game, and then maybe we could just, like, get you a trainer. We know a trainer, Nate, you know, I'm saying we get you with him and then get you, right, bro, for this next run, bro. We're gonna invest a lot in you, bro.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

All right. All right, I'll get you guys a huddle.

[Male Caller]

Link

[Pat]

now.

[Mike]

You funny, bro. All right, I got a question for you. What's something you hate about your job?

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

These drinks, man, they're getting out of hand, bro. Especially with this warmer weather, bro. People be wanting, like, extra ice in their drinks and olive oil blended. And I got this. I got this regular. It comes through. They get a frappuccino with six shots in it.

[Pat]

Damn.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Yeah, that's like. It's like 2,000 milligrams of caffeine.

[Pat]

What do they look like? Just describe them.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

It's literally. I mean, it's literally just like this. This brown milky, like, cold concoction that I just gotta pour into this.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. What does the person ordering it look like?

[Mike]

I was concerned when he started with Browns

[Pat]

Milky Way.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

N. A lot of times, dude, a lot of times, it's the white

[Mike]

God. Maybe we should have stuck with brown milky.

[Pat]

Okay, okay, all right. The white. The white women. The white women.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Oh, yeah. My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad.

[Pat]

You. You Literally a six.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

International women's century.

[Pat]

Yeah, You, I'm sure you deal with. I feel like there's more women that go to Starbucks than men, so I feel like you shouldn't. That shouldn't even be in your. You know what I mean? And, you know, your co workers and

[Mike]

the thing, too, I think with the way you said it, too, it didn't sound like you naturally said it.

[Pat]

Yeah, it was. It sounds very forced white, but go ahead.

[Mike]

No, we're not gonna police.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

I mean, it's like. It's like. It's like the Karens, though. Okay, so, like, do they. Do they classify or how's that?

[Mike]

No, you can talk about Karen.

[Pat]

Go ahead. All right.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Yeah, so that's what it is. It's the Karens. They're like, you made this wrong.

[Male Caller]

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

I need this remade. I want my drink for free. Blah, blah, blah. And it's just like. Like, I want to throw it at him.

[Mike]

So you work at Starbucks, right?

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Correct.

[Mike]

So what's, like, the worst drink, like, besides that one that somebody's, like, asked for, like, the most, like, complicated one? Because I feel like with Starbucks orders, people kind of like, start to modify theirs in different ways.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Yeah, I had somebody today get a hot matcha with three espresso shots in it. Dude, it was like this. This green, dark green, gray looking thing.

[Mike]

Have you ever said that you don't know how to make something?

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Oh, yeah, all the time. I'll tell them. No, all the time. I've had people show me AI generated drinks off Facebook.

[Pat]

Do you. So do you hate when trends start, or do you like when trends start?

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Because, oh, my God, they're so annoying. We just had. We just had this one trend. It was like this Hannah Montana drink or something like that anniversary. And they just did not tell anybody that was working at Starbucks that they were doing this collab or whatever. So we just had people coming through asking for the Hannah Montana drink, and we're like, what the are you talking about?

[Mike]

No, that's crazy.

[Pat]

No, that's actually crazy. So do you have up on Tik Tok or some.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Yeah, like, I gotta Google these recipes and stuff. We don't have cake batter.

[Pat]

And do you know what's in the Hannah Montana drink for our listeners?

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

It is a strawberry acai refresher with pumps of raspberry syrup and raspberry cold foam.

[Pat]

What's with the rat? Is that her favorite thing?

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

No, she actually says in the show how much she hates raspberry.

[Pat]

Man.

[Mike]

Oh, man. All right.

[Pat]

Bro.

[Mike]

You have a good one, bro.

[Pat]

Shout out to Miley.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Hey, you guys, too. I appreciate it.

[Mike]

No, I appreciate you.

[Female Caller]

What's going on, guys?

[Pat]

Welcome to the Dummies podcast.

[Female Caller]

Thank you. Thank you. I'm glad to be here.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

Okay. I got a question for you. Why are you single?

[Pat]

Why.

[Mike]

Why are you?

[Female Caller]

I feel like K. Michelle. Like, I love them all. Like, I just have a big heart, you know?

[Pat]

I like that.

[Female Caller]

Don't laugh. I'm being for real.

[Mike]

Some people will call that something else, but.

[Pat]

So you got a roster?

[Female Caller]

Oh, no, but I'm not loving on them all.

[Pat]

I'm not cool. We're not accusing you. We're not accusing you of nothing.

[Female Caller]

Okay.

[Pat]

Okay. Do you got a roster, though?

[Female Caller]

Okay. So I used to. I used to. Because I was in a relationship for a long time. And, like, I was the breadwinner. Like, I was the one. It was long distance. I was traveling down there.

[Pat]

A long distance breadwinner does not exist. Go ahead.

[Female Caller]

You're looking at her. You're talking to her.

[Pat]

Yeah, okay.

[Female Caller]

We were in a relationship for a while. Four years.

[Pat]

I'm not letting you get away with that. Like, what does a breadwinner from long distance look like?

[Mike]

Meaning that I think she makes more

[Pat]

money out of the relationship. But that don't mean breadwinner, though. Breadwinner.

[Mike]

She might. Like, for instance, I'm. This. She might be making more trips. Were you making more trips?

[Female Caller]

I was making more trips. I was making more money. I was making more everything.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's still not a breadwinner. They don't live together anyway.

[Female Caller]

Okay, then maybe listen. Okay, maybe that was the wrong word since you want to be technical. Dang. All I was trying to say that I made more money.

[Mike]

There you go.

[Pat]

Say that. Then say you just wanted to brag about.

[Mike]

Don't let Pat. Don't let Pat get you out of saying your words.

[Female Caller]

Yeah, like what?

[Mike]

Go ahead. Ahead. Go ahead.

[Female Caller]

But no, I just gave a lot in our relationship. And so fast forward, he ended up breaking up with me. But I guess that was just like me getting out. Now I'm free.

[Pat]

And so I'm realizing, let's not. Let's not glance over that either. Like, why do you think. Why do you think he broke up with you, y'?

[Male Caller]

All?

[Female Caller]

Like, I can't even get to the plot because you over here asking all

[Pat]

these, yeah, cuz we want to know

[Female Caller]

who we talking to towards the end of the relationship. Like, again, like, I will say, like, I checked out a little bit because me traveling Me, like, doing all this and him, like, I don't know. He's like, oh, you don't. Okay, I'm getting too into it now. But, like, no, it's just, I. It took a lot out of me. And so I ended up going through. His son told me, go through that phone. I went through that phone on Mother's Day. Boom. He had some messages. Silence. He was talking to two other girls. And, yeah, like, it was his co worker, and it was like, she was like, well, let me know when you make it safe. Make it like, hello. So, yeah, that was that. So he was mad that I kind of dragged it out. I was like, okay, get up. I need to go shopping for my mom. Like, you gotta get up, get out. And so he's like, what's the matter? What's the mom like? Nothing, nothing, nothing. But, yeah, that ended up coming out. I was like, I went through your phone. I saw the messages. Like, it's never been that good. So, yeah, he got mad because he felt like I was secretive. Mind you, you don't want with the secret. Like, what you talking about?

[Pat]

Like, damn.

[Mike]

Now she went from slice of the lo.

[Female Caller]

Oh, not too much on me.

[TSA Caller]

But that was the problem.

[Female Caller]

He ain't know how to handle it.

[Mike]

Yeah, okay, okay.

[Female Caller]

Y' all getting beside yourself.

[Pat]

No, you're right.

[Mike]

We're like. We're totally getting you.

[Pat]

We just had two bad phone calls, and this one's actually good. So we. We a little bit too.

[Female Caller]

Yeah. Okay, okay, I'll let it slide. I'll let it slide.

[Pat]

Appreciate it. Appreciate it. You let that slide.

[Mike]

So, okay, let's get back to the, like, original point. What do you mean by you loving them all now?

[Female Caller]

Okay, so, like, getting out of that relationship, like, again, I had gave so much. And so, you know, I'm not a man hater. Like, you know, I'm a Pisces. I'm a lover girl. And so I might see a little bit in you. And I'm like, oh, I like that. Oh, I love that. And so nobody really came across. I was a total package. But I got this piece from over here. This piece from over here. And so I was just living life. I'm young, I got no kids, I make money. Like, what, body tea? Like, come on now. Like, why wouldn't I be living like this? And I wasn't, like, really leading anybody on because I'm sure they had other stuff going on too. But, yeah, it's like. It's different flavors. Different flavors of the spittles. You Know, you know, like, how long.

[Mike]

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

[Female Caller]

I'm 26.

[Pat]

26.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

Like, what you do for a living. Like, where all this money coming from?

[Female Caller]

Okay.

[Corporate Caller]

Okay.

[Female Caller]

I don't want to be, like, I'm, like, rich or anything you said, but,

[Pat]

I mean, you say you made money three times, and we never asked you, so you got to be rich.

[Female Caller]

Well. Well, I had to. I had to play. Play. You don't understand about the past relationship. I got trauma. Okay, okay. Like, I'll never do that again. But, no, I'm like. I do operations and contract management. I'm like, boom. Yeah, that's enough detail.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. No, you good? Yeah. Don't dox yourself. We believe you make a lot of money. You say. You keep saying this shit, so it gotta be true.

[Female Caller]

Anyways, anyways, stop trolling down.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Female Caller]

I made more money than him, and I still do, but I think he doing better now. But no, though.

[Mike]

But so. So where do you, like. Do you ever see yourself being in, like, a position where you want to be in a relationship?

[Female Caller]

And I'm laughing already. Like, when I answered, I already knew it was gonna come to this because y' all hate when people do this, but I've actually settled down, you know?

[Pat]

You're so annoying. So you let us talk all that and go through this, and you have a boyfriend?

[Female Caller]

Okay, Okay, I have a boob, so. Yeah.

[Mike]

What is the difference between a boo and a boyfriend?

[Female Caller]

Oh, my goodness. I. We haven't. He hasn't made it official.

[Pat]

He made it official because she made too much money. That's why.

[Female Caller]

No, shut up. No, because he makes good money, too. He makes good money.

[Pat]

Too much money for that. I'm finding, like.

[Female Caller]

I finally feel like I'm finding somebody. Like we're on the same level. He looks good, treats me good. Like we're going places, doing stuff. Like we're living life how we're supposed to be living it.

[Mike]

Is he the only one that you're loving on right now?

[Female Caller]

Yes. And I put that on me. Like, this is my bootstrap.

[Pat]

Everybody behind me, nobody else getting hurt. Okay.

[Male Caller]

Okay.

[Pat]

How long y' all been talking?

[Female Caller]

We've been talking since January.

[Pat]

January. What month is it? January, February, March, April. So four months, you say? Yeah, four months. Like, do y' all see each other every day?

[Female Caller]

Like, damn near, like, five times out the week.

[Pat]

Five times out the week. Wait, he not seeing you on the weekend or something?

[Female Caller]

Yes, absolutely. He tried it. No, we do, Like, Monday, Wednesday. Well, it can be like we don't see each other every single day, but just random days.

[Pat]

Yeah. Do y' all sleep together those nights? All.

[Female Caller]

All, yes. What you mean, like, in the same bed?

[Pat]

Like, yeah. How often do y' all wake up with each other out the week?

[Female Caller]

Like, four or five. Whenever I go over, he comes over. Yeah, we're typically staying.

[Pat]

Okay. This sound. This sound legit. Four months seem a long time. Like, I feel.

[Mike]

I feel like he should be that long.

[Pat]

No, I feel like this is right when he should be asking her. So, like, right about it should be coming up, right? Do you feel like it's coming up?

[Female Caller]

I think. I think so. Because, like, we kind of glazed over it, and I feel like he was like, oh, you know, like, you mine. I'm like, okay. But like, until, you know, it's like, hey, you want to be my girlfriend? Like, let's go to dinner. We do that all the time. But I'm just saying, like, the official night and time, right?

[Corporate Caller]

We.

[Female Caller]

We together. But again, until he.

[Mike]

Why don't you take the initiative and ask him? Yeah.

[Pat]

Breadwinner.

[Female Caller]

Oh, hell no. Come on, now. Come on.

[Mike]

Red 1A.

[Female Caller]

That.

[Mike]

You wear the pants, right?

[Female Caller]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't have to do that no more.

[Mike]

All right, well, I'm glad things are going well for you, though.

[TSA Caller]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I hope it's still.

[Female Caller]

Yes, they're going amazing.

[Mike]

I hope that he finds the, you know, the courage to ask you out and. Or make it official.

[Female Caller]

I think it's there. I'm gonna let y' all know.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Female Caller]

Y' all gotta let me back home.

[Pat]

No, we got you bring. Make sure you bring them to the Cali show.

[Corporate Caller]

Wait, no.

[Female Caller]

When y' all have it one.

[Mike]

For real.

[Pat]

She said wait.

[Mike]

No, in the fall. In the fall? We'll be there in the fall.

[Female Caller]

Okay. Bet we gonna be there. I was already telling him about y'.

[Male Caller]

All.

[Female Caller]

I put him on y'. All.

[Pat]

Oh, you told him? You told him about us?

[Corporate Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

What he say?

[Female Caller]

He was like, oh, I ain't never heard of them.

[Carrie]

I'm like, what?

[Male Caller]

No.

[Pat]

That hating bro that's

[Mike]

never heard of them before, okay?

[Female Caller]

He probably seen a clip and didn't even know it was y'. All.

[TSA Caller]

For real.

[Carrie]

Everybody know?

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. That hating bro. He know her algorithm. He seen you watching us before.

[Female Caller]

He going to buy the tickets, and we going to be there, so don't worry about it.

[Pat]

Don't worry about it. I ain't never heard of them before.

[Female Caller]

Oh, my you're dragging it. Have a good day, y'. All.

[Pat]

You, too.

[Female Caller]

Bye.

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[Pat]

Yo, what's the word, bro?

[TSA Caller]

What's good?

[Pat]

I'm pissed.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Damn.

[Pat]

Yeah, I'm pissed. Because we need. We need two more callers to, like, make the episode just to be transparent and, like, like the way you sound, it feel like we not about to

[Mike]

get a good call. Oh, my God. All right, I got a question for you, bro. Why are you single?

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

All right, so listen, I'm not single

[TSA Caller]

anymore, but when I was single, I couldn't catch feelings, bro.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

My lost relationship hurt me so bad that I couldn't catch feelings anymore. Like, I could find people attractive, but

[Mike]

I couldn't care less.

[Pat]

What did you.

[Mike]

Called you out, bro.

[Pat]

Yeah, I told you. Come on now. What did your last relationship do to you? What did you she do to you?

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

It's not what she did. It's just how it ended.

[TSA Caller]

Yeah, it's.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

It's more like the. The breakup was messy.

[Pat]

Well, just tell it. Explain it. Explain it, bro.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

I'm telling you. I'm telling you, it's not what she did. We kept going back and forth, and there was a lot of arg.

[Mike]

This is another example of, like, our listeners, you know? Here. This one's making it just to prove a point again. I'm just. I feel like I have to prove a point, like, every six months for y', all, that the callers aren't fake, that we do get bad ones. We just do a lot of callers, and sometimes we get good ones, sometimes we get bad one. That was an example of a bad one, so. And I'm leaving in the pot, so.

[Pat]

I told y', all, bro. I know in a bad car. Yo, what's the word?

[Male Caller]

What's up?

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

I got a question for you. Why are you single?

[Male Caller]

I just keep cheating, bro. I got a passion for cheating.

[Pat]

Passion? Please don't say passion, brother.

[Mike]

Why? What would constitute as a passion?

[Male Caller]

Like, it's like, I just love the Thrill of it. Like when one girl just do me right. I feel like another girl could do better than another girl could do me better than another girl could do better. Damn. Just thinking about it, just making me feel good right now.

[Mike]

Are you in a relationship right now?

[Pat]

Hello?

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Yo.

[Mike]

Are you in relationship right now?

[Male Caller]

You said what?

[Mike]

Are you in a relationship right now?

[Male Caller]

Relationship over relationship. Some. Some like that, but not really.

[Pat]

What's like.

[Mike]

Oh my God. Terrible.

[Pat]

Okay, okay. Do. Do you love her at least?

[Male Caller]

Yeah, I love. I love all of them. All of them make me complete.

[Mike]

When you say it's call them puzzles.

[Pat]

Will you say all of them? Like how many we talking?

[Male Caller]

I mean, it differs because sometimes I don't feel like talking to them. Sometimes they block me. So you know how that be going? I don't, but it'd be like differs. It differs. It differs right now.

[Mike]

Like give us a range right now.

[Male Caller]

I'm. I'm like mixed in with like four or five right now. I mean four or five females right now.

[Mike]

I feel like when you're cheating, you could use. I'm. You could just say whatever you want, bro.

[Pat]

Yeah, they already know you'll scumbag, bro. Just stick with it.

[Mike]

So who's the like main. Because in order to be cheating.

[Male Caller]

In order to be cheating and I've just been dogging.

[Pat]

So you got your heart broke before? That's how you got here?

[Mike]

Wait, how'd you get your heart broken though? Did you cheat and then she left you?

[Male Caller]

I mean, it's all like, was that. You know how like when you just cheat and cheat and cheat and cheat and cheat on female and then when that one time she just cheat on you and it be like, damn, you really did that.

[Mike]

So she cheated on you?

[TSA Caller]

I just couldn't.

[Male Caller]

Yeah, I just couldn't look at her like, damn you, you disgusting.

[Mike]

Oh my God.

[Pat]

Hold on. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Mike]

Just.

[Pat]

Just slow down. Go back to the female word. We lie. We lied. Even though that's bad too. But what we want to ask you is how does she cheat on you?

[Male Caller]

Crazy.

[Mike]

Let it up, bro.

[Male Caller]

He basically like was just talking to a at work and. And just lied and I kept asking about it. Cuz I swear my superstitions never lie.

[Mike]

Your what?

[Male Caller]

They kept like, they kept my superstition. They never lie, bro.

[Pat]

Superstitious. Okay, go ahead.

[Male Caller]

They. They said. They kept saying, bro, this being sneaky at work. So I asked about it. She like, nah, so cool. I pull up to work and I just feel something different, bro. Like Something different. Like, the best. She just stopped. She just stopped doing weird. So cool. I found out she talking to a. At her. Her job. She fly out to her birthday. She. She acting like she. She out there with her sister. No, she out there with the too.

[Pat]

Oh, man.

[Male Caller]

Wait, why are you calling my mother?

[Pat]

Why you didn't go with her for her birthday?

[Male Caller]

Called my mother's, like, yeah, the files with my other.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh. Is terrible, bro. I'm not gonna lie, bro. You deserve everything you got.

[Pat]

Yeah, for sure that happened to you. You.

[Male Caller]

Bro, bro, but it's like, we was locked in for, like, six years, bro. You don't do that, bro.

[Mike]

She was locked in. You weren't locked in.

[Pat]

You were literally with another girl. You were literally with another girl on her birthday.

[Male Caller]

But look, though, I gave her money to. To go spend on her birthday, so that's at least. Like, I at least thought about you. I did something for you. Ain't like I don't love you. I love you.

[Pat]

Nah, man, you. You up the dating world with this one.

[Mike]

The dating pool is crazy.

[Pat]

No, that.

[Male Caller]

I'm trying to find a good, wholesome wife, bro. I promise you, when I do that, I'm out the game. The game, the game, the game. People throwing salt in the game. And females want to be, bro. And it's just weird today.

[Mike]

So none of the. None of the girls that you talking to right now, like, they're not wholesome women.

[Male Caller]

I mean, they wholesome, but they ain't like. Like, I bring around the family for family trips and bring around ma Dukes. Nah, I'm just cracking them, and they. They gone.

[Mike]

So why don't you, like. I mean, it seems like you have the ability to get girls, right? You got, like, four or five right now. So why don't you go for the. The wholesome ones?

[Male Caller]

I like hoes, bro. Like, I don't know. It's just. I love the hoes.

[Mike]

But you just said you wanted a wholesome woman to settle down.

[Male Caller]

Yeah, a wholesome hoe for myself, though.

[Mike]

I don't think those exist.

[Male Caller]

You gotta make them.

[Mike]

Okay. Yeah, bro, I have nothing for you. I'm not gonna lie.

[Pat]

It was like, yeah, you two.

[Mike]

It sounds like too far gone.

[Pat]

Yeah, you gotta go on this path on your own, man.

[Mike]

How old are you?

[Pat]

It's your own journey.

[Male Caller]

I'm 26, bro. Might be 26 in two months.

[Mike]

Okay. Okay.

[Pat]

All right, man. Just hope you turn in the corner. Hope you try to get, you know, a nice woman. You know what I'm Saying hopefully, bro.

[Male Caller]

Hopefully.

[Pat]

That's all we got for you, brother.

[Male Caller]

I with y' all podcast, bro. I've been with y' all since. Since, like, 22 2, 200 something, bro. I don't even know, bro. I've been with y', all, bro.

[Mike]

No, I appreciate it, bro. Appreciate the support, man, but just, you know, try to clean up the act a little bit. But, hey, it's your life. You do you. I'm not here to judge, but.

[Male Caller]

Nah, I appreciate that, bro.

[Mike]

All right, man.

[Female Caller]

Hello?

[Pat]

Hello. What's the deal?

[Corporate Caller]

How are you?

[Pat]

Good. How are you?

[Corporate Caller]

I need to take this off for speakerphone or.

[Female Caller]

No,

[Pat]

no, no.

[Corporate Caller]

You said turn it off.

[Pat]

Yeah, because we can hear ourselves. Unless you got your phone.

[Corporate Caller]

That's how we be feeling on this side.

[Mike]

I think when you guys are on speaker, it makes it echo for us or for the listeners. But when you're not on speaker, it might echo for you, but it won't sound that way, and we don't care. For real, I got a question for you. What's something you hate about your job?

[Corporate Caller]

I hate how, like, just because, like, you want to make it far in the company, they want you to suck their political wee wees. Like, I'm not doing all of that. And then half of y' all don't even be handsome or single enough for me to be doing. Like, if you were single, maybe if you were handsome, you got an even more likely chance for it to happen, especially if you're gonna plug me in with more money.

[Pat]

We're not talking about, like, a hypothetical blow job. We're talking about a real one. When you said that, I was thinking of, like. Like, some metaphor that you're talking about to, like, climb.

[Corporate Caller]

I mean, yeah, no, it's a metaphor, but it's honestly, like, it could be the truth, too, because, like, say, you know, it just ends up being your husband now. It's a win, win situation because he helped you get to the top of the company. Now, both y' all at the top of the company, all because you sucked his wee wee. But also, like, for the ones that. No, no, no, no. Some of them just be like, oh, yeah, kiss up to me. Suck my wee wee. Yeah, they're saying this at work, more or less. Like, you can tell. You can. If you're in the corporate workplace, you can really tell, like, like, which ones would, like, rather you throw yourself or, like, kiss up to them rather than the ones who, like, see your determination.

[Mike]

No, I get the kissing up and the determination. Right. I get the the kissing up in the. The determination part, but the sucking wee wee part is what.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's the same thing.

[Female Caller]

It's just a different. It's a different way to put it.

[Mike]

I get it. Like, people be like, oh, I do dick sucking. You know, you gotta laugh. Exactly.

[Pat]

Laughing at your boss's jokes, looks at. In the break room is different than sucking his dick. So that's what we're trying to like,

[Corporate Caller]

that's exactly what you doing, though. No, it's the same thing.

[Pat]

No, it's not the same thing.

[Corporate Caller]

Unless you're actually. Unless you're actually.

[Pat]

That's what we're saying. No, that's what the same thing are you. We're trying to make sure that you're not talking about that. Like, you're not actually talking about the physical thing of sucking your boss's dick.

[Corporate Caller]

I mean, see. Okay, I'm gonna give you, like, a little now. I'm about to be one of those. One of those listeners. But real, I'm about to tell my business real quick. Back when I, like, was in one of my first jobs or whatever, my district manager was Italian, and he had a thing for younger girls. I was like, clarify that. Clarify that I didn't suck his wee wee.

[Mike]

Okay, clarify. You mean, like, of age, woman, Right.

[Corporate Caller]

Yeah, no, I was of age.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Female Caller]

I was 18.

[Corporate Caller]

So it was just. He's a creep because why are you. Anyways. But yeah, he was my district manager, and we just decided to do some crazy things one day, and then I found out he was married and had a baby on the way, so I was like, oh, no. So then I was, like, working, like, maybe 20 to 35 hour work weeks, but he was paying me for 80 hour work weeks, so I was like, all right, gay, I appreciate you. Don't do me like that.

[Pat]

Don't get quiet.

[Mike]

What do you want us to say after that?

[Pat]

Yeah, that's like, you're a victim. That's not good. He didn't do nothing.

[Mike]

But still, like, you guys didn't do anything physical, right?

[Corporate Caller]

Does it work if I have the silence on the same end? Nah. I mean, yeah, young and dumb, but my checks are nice. I didn't know what was going on at that point, but I'm old enough to know now. Okay, no, no, wait, wait, wait. I got something. For the Raleigh callers to any Raleigh listeners that are males and single, I want to see y' all at the Raleigh. At the Raleigh show, like, come looking nice because we can probably go on a date after, like, what's good. How y' all doing?

[Mike]

I mean, we can. We can bring you on stage and find you.

[Corporate Caller]

No, don't do that. Don't do that.

[Pat]

You don't want to do the Daily Show?

[Corporate Caller]

Okay, no, I'll do. I'll do that. Yeah, no, I'll do that.

[Female Caller]

Dang.

[Corporate Caller]

I actually gotta come looking cute now.

[Mike]

Dang. You wanna come your best self.

[Corporate Caller]

Why would I. It's a chill event. I feel like y'.

[Female Caller]

All.

[Corporate Caller]

Y' all shows be, like, lit, but I can be chill. We might actually gotta be cute.

[Pat]

We might switch you to the Charlotte show and give you free tickets to the Charlotte show.

[Corporate Caller]

I already paid for my Charlotte show. Why would you do that?

[Mike]

Oh, you.

[Pat]

Okay, so we might.

[Mike]

We might do reimburse you.

[Pat]

We. Yeah, we'll reimburse you. We'll. We'll do it there if you wanna come.

[Corporate Caller]

Homegirl wants to come with me to the Raleigh show.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's fine. That's done. We'll. We'll figure that out too. We got you on that too, but. All right, if you want to do the dating show, we'll reimburse you and we'll do like a small little 10 minute dating show, and we'll find you somebody in the crowd, maybe find you, like two or three dudes come up and tell you.

[Mike]

Maybe a listener.

[Pat]

Yeah. Or maybe some listeners. We'll do some listeners.

[Corporate Caller]

Yeah, okay. That'd be dope.

[Mike]

All right.

[Corporate Caller]

All right, I can do that.

[Pat]

Let's lock in.

[Corporate Caller]

Bye, you guys.

[Mike]

All right, bye.

[Pat]

Oh, man. Oh, this is the important question I had. This is very deep. I need y' all to put y' all thinking caps on.

[Male Caller]

Okay?

[Pat]

I hate to get serious on this podcast, but I have to. Okay, the question is, if you had to be stank, which would you rather be? Pissy, shitty mildew, or musty who?

[Mike]

Mildew.

[Pat]

Pissy shitty mildew or musty mildew?

[Mike]

Mildew. I think. I think mildew is like one of those smells that you can. You can blame it on the environment that you're in.

[Carrie]

I don't even remember what mildew smells like.

[Pat]

It's like when you leave clothes in the washer too long.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Kind of like, oh, damn, I left these in the. I can't even throw these in a dryer. They kind of got that little.

[Mike]

Like when you leave it in the Washington. Yeah.

[Carrie]

I have to say either between pissy or musty.

[Pat]

Pissy.

[Carrie]

Yeah. Because if you pissy, you could just act like, oh, I just got some diapers. Like some old baby diapers. On my bag.

[Mike]

A piss is a strong style.

[Carrie]

But if you're musty, musty, you can say you was working out.

[Pat]

You just came from the gym. Let me tell you something about musty. You only get, like, okay, like, I worked out, which you before, right? I've smelled you musty before, but I've also known you 13 years, and I've smelled you musty maybe twice in 13 years, right?

[Mike]

Musty? What the fuck? Do you smell me musty? But there's time. But I do sweat a lot, especially when boxing.

[Pat]

So my point was. My point was, is that you musty, mangy. My calling, mangy. But my point is that you've had so many times when you weren't musty, you give that person grace. Like, I've been around. Been around you 13 years, and then some of those years, we've seen each other every day. So it just, like. It depends on, like, how many times I've seen you. Like, you still, like, you're not out of the must see range for me. Like, we. We've only. I, like, I've probably seen you, like, less than 20 times, you say, in our lives, right? You gotta reach, like, 50 before you can have a bad day around me. Or I assume that musty is a part of your attire.

[Carrie]

I get that.

[Pat]

You get what I'm saying? If I was musty today, you don't know me. Yes, if I was musty today, you'd be like. Like, oh, I only seen this 17, 18 times, and on the 19th time, he musty. So now I got to watch this every three weeks.

[Carrie]

Like, hey, yeah, I was going to say, like, if I found you musty on a 19 day, now you got to go 50 more days with not smelling musty.

[Pat]

Exactly. I feel you.

[Mike]

I think mildew is the way to go. What would you pick?

[Pat]

I think. I think mildew is the best answer.

[Carrie]

Okay. Y' all really got me out here

[Pat]

saying pissy and musty is crazy. I ain't going to lie to you, mouth.

[Mike]

50 is like. It's like a strong aroma.

[Carrie]

It's strong. Maybe I haven't smelled pissy.

[Mike]

I guess it depends if you're dehydrated or not.

[Pat]

But that's. That's a diluted.

[Mike]

Diluted piss might not be that bad, I guess, to be honest, but.

[Pat]

But that's. That's stupid.

[Carrie]

He's got a point.

[Mike]

Some of my multivitamins, I forgot what I take. But that. That will make my, like, neon green sometimes.

[Pat]

No. Oh, man, I ain't seen that. You need to get check.

[Mike]

No, no, that's a different one. It's on the. It's on the pack of.

[Pat]

You see, it got villain piss.

[Mike]

I was scared the first day.

[Pat]

Oh, no. But no, I think mil do is the way to go because mil do. Mildew kind of is linked to clothes.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Clothes are like something on you stinks. Piss is, like, from you. There have been times shitty is from you, and, like, musty is from you. Like, mildew is more.

[Mike]

There have been times where like. Like, I would say my shirt smelled a little like, mildewish. Like the ones I actually like boxing day after day after day after day. And I have to, like, put in, like, white vinegar. You know, as you sweat a lot, you have to put it, like, soak. Do like, a little vinegar soak. So, like, the. The little musk kind of disappears.

[Pat]

It is. It is. That's the worst feeling in the world when you have a workout shirt and it expire on you.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, within that time because. And you don't know because it's like when you take it out the dryer, it's clean and it only get activated by sweat. And then once that sweat activated, you'd be like. But I don't get that, though. Like, when I. If I smell, there's been times where I'll be like, damn, my shirt kind of stinks. Yeah, my workout is over. Don't try to power through your workout. And you must see as. Because I'm looking. I'm looking for the Euros. I'm, like, wondering who making euros around this.

[Mike]

It does happen, though. Like, the. The especially cuz it started happening more. I would say when you start. I started boxing. Like, we both box, so it's like a different. Like, your shirt is soaked every session.

[Carrie]

Okay, maybe that's a different type of musk.

[Mike]

So it's like a. It's not a sweaty hold on type of.

[Pat]

Hold on now. Mangy.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

My name.

[Mike]

It's just funny how words mean things like.

[Pat]

No, Musty is like musty. If you call somebody musty, musty, you better not be wrong. I know that because if you call me musty and I like, I. I'm not musty. My. I assume that you want to fight.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying?

[Carrie]

Dang. Is that bad?

[Pat]

No, that's crazy. Okay. Damn. She and Rachel chat room showing.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh. I have a. A tweet too. It says, y' all relationships don't work. Cause y' all listen to social media instead of your nigga.

[Pat]

Say, say it one more time said,

[Mike]

y relationships don't work cuz y' all listen to social media instead of y' all or your instead of your man.

[Pat]

Yeah, I would say, like, I would say social media does get people in trouble with expectations.

[Mike]

Yeah, expectation is, is, is a good one with everything.

[Pat]

Honestly, some people will try to take men and women do this. They'll want a traditional relationship, but they'll also want to be independent at the same time. You know what I'm saying? It'd just be like, okay, my cousin was calling me. She dating this guy who paid for everything and that's what type of lifestyle she want to lead, live. She want to have like a small little part time job, little gig and she want to stay at home with the kids. That's the type of life she lived. He went to the club and she was already in a DJ booth and, and the DJ booth is all packed and stuff. And when he touched the club, he texts her like, when I get into the club, you should come down from a DJ booth. Especially if, you know, I can't go up there. And she was arguing like, I ain't got to do nothing, blah, blah. I was like, that argument don't fucking make sense. And she like, I paid $50 to get in this club. And just like, that's his money. You know what I mean? Like, that's your money. That's the teamwork that y' all paid. That's his money too. Like bring your ass out the DJ booth. You are a take it woman. Come out of there. It's just like the. I feel like some people want to live traditional lives. Like, like guys do too. It's just like, oh, I want a traditional stay at home girlfriend and stuff like that. And now you mad because she telling you to get home because dinner ready at 7:30. It's like, go home. That's the life you chose to live. If you want to live 5050 and get drinks with the guys, let us know.

[Carrie]

It's definitely, I feel like a hybrid now. Like traditional and modern has clashed together and I think people are just making rules on their own for whatever works for them. But quick question. You said the dude couldn't go back behind the DJ booth. What's up with that? Why he couldn't do that?

[Pat]

Because he had no titties.

[Carrie]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

That's the thing.

[Carrie]

I haven't been to the club in a really long time, so I don't even know how like the rules and stuff are. So the dude's not really that Was it.

[Pat]

That was in Detroit. I'm not sure how it works. Milwaukee is like based off more of connections, I would say.

[Carrie]

Okay.

[Pat]

Detroit, like the higher end clubs.

[Mike]

Oh, women, women, women. Hey, it's a good day to be an unk.

[Pat]

Good day to be an uncle.

[Mike]

Eligible, eligible males age 18 to 25 will be automatically registered for the U.S. military Draft starting December 2026. Get ready, young. Get ready.

[Pat]

All that, all that, all that. Learn. Hey, learn amputee. Learn that language. Get ready to use your nuts. I can't wait to be at Starbucks with one of you starfishes. Like, yeah. Oh my God, what's up with that oak now?

[Carrie]

Do you trust?

[Pat]

Do a cartwheel little.

[Carrie]

Do you trust for us to be defended by yn?

[Pat]

Yes.

[Carrie]

Really, bro.

[Pat]

These are.

[Carrie]

They'll care for real.

[Pat]

That younger generation, the motherfuckers is so smart. Like if we. If you. I'm telling you.

[Mike]

And they're more, I would say fearless.

[Pat]

Yes, they are smart.

[Mike]

As consequences don't like, like register. Register. Just when I was 25, I feel like my consequences of doing things feel like it was like way less. Especially when you're younger, like in high school, like you'll do bad shit outside of school and like you're not really afraid of the police really arresting you and like all this type of stuff.

[Carrie]

So yeah, they don't see consequences like anything that comes after with them. I just thought that they wouldn't really care like that.

[Mike]

What, What. What do you think not caring in like the battlefield would do?

[Carrie]

So like, you know how nowadays they say a lot of the younger kids don't have discipline? So when you have a sergeant yelling at you during the training, getting you up at 5am screaming at you, I wonder how they'll react to that. Will they be like, who you yelling at? Like, don't be yelling at me.

[Pat]

That should never. That shit never happens in our ME because it's like the discipline is like easier, right? These kids, we seen kids like around Bayshore going back and we got a 14 year old going back and forth with a cop telling them to shut the fuck up. And it's just like. But the discipline, that cop, like the worst thing that cop can do is put them in handcuffs and then their parents come get them in the army.

[Mike]

Oh my God. I'll say that. Don't say that.

[Pat]

All right?

[Mike]

Believe that. Just believe that.

[Pat]

But they might. They might literally wait till you sleep and put coins in the. The socks and beat the out you.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You ever seen those movies on some frats they put the soap in the socks and they beat the up the. In the swing.

[Mike]

I think also you. They just start to conform. Like for me, and this is my Nigerian mention for today, I was in Nigerian boarding school, right. And I was. I was kind of a hothead. I was trying to fight with everybody. The first two weeks I was there, I was fighting everybody.

[Carrie]

Were you okay?

[Mike]

Yeah, I was. My parents kind of tricked me into going, so.

[Carrie]

Oh, so you were mad?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. And you get like. You would get like whoopings in school and shit like that. So it's different.

[Pat]

Different.

[Mike]

So I wasn't with that. So I was like fighting like the. You know, they'll say like people in grades above you, you have to show respect to. So they were doing this random. So I legit was getting to a fight every week and then by the time it's like you're there for like a month, it's like, bro, I can't. I can't fight every day.

[Carrie]

Like, you've been boxing.

[Starbucks Barista Caller]

Yeah,

[Pat]

Been going at it. The fight that some dude was in the comments saying he dropped you on your head. You said that was a lot. Why?

[Mike]

No, he didn't drop me on my head.

[Pat]

Why do.

[Mike]

Because this is what. He was two grades ahead of me, right.

[Pat]

We didn't know he was older than me.

[Mike]

Yeah, he was two grades ahead of me. So there, there was some fights that we did get into that he won. You win some, you lose some. But my wins count more because he was two grades above me.

[Pat]

Two grades like eighth grade and a sixth grader. That's a pretty big.

[Mike]

That's a big gap. But that's like, that's like the maturity. And I was a small kid. I was like in eight, in sixth grade, I was probably like 70 pounds. In eighth grade, I was probably like 100, like 90, 98 pounds. So I was not a very big.

[Pat]

Tell that. Tell that match up.

[Mike]

That's my guy, though.

[Pat]

No, no, no.

[Mike]

That's my boy.

[Pat]

I hate that bring up like, oh. You know what I'm saying? It's definitely somebody like in Pontiac that like maybe like seventh, eighth grade that I fought and maybe they can claim they won that fight.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Don't be telling no stories like that about us fighting unless you're trying to line it up again, like, I don't want to hear none of that. Oh, man. You know the best feeling in the world what is saying I don't know to something you actually know a lot about?

[Mike]

Is it to avoid conversation, man?

[Pat]

To avoid Convo, man. I don't run my social media, brother. I don't know what you're talking about. What sponsor? We got sponsors. I don't know how to get sponsored. How the we do that?

[Mike]

She said you just doing that to her.

[Pat]

No, but we. We told. We told you. But I'm just saying, like, my. My favorite thing, especially, like, not in this podcast world. I feel like people try to pick your brain and they don't have anything going on for that information. So you're like, where the is my information going?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying?

[Carrie]

Like, this asking just for the hell

[Mike]

for the vibes, for the aesthetics of receiving information.

[Pat]

This.

[Female Caller]

This.

[Pat]

This.

[Mike]

The.

[Pat]

This the Chef at Texas Roll House. Like, give me my mistake.

[Mike]

You might want to learn something different,

[Pat]

but I'm asking, like, you starting a pot? Nah, bro. I'm just really interested how the game go. Like, nah, bro. Information done, bro.

[Carrie]

They trying to see how easy it is to make money or not. That's really what I think.

[Mike]

I think it is that.

[Pat]

But that's also disrespectful to me, you know what I'm saying?

[Carrie]

Because it's hard work, bruh.

[Pat]

People be like, man, people be throwing a little slight shade me like, man, y' all gotta. Y' all gotta down pack. All I gotta do is sit back and laugh at the callers. Like, bruh, if you heard some of these colors, y' all wouldn't know what colors to put out there. Y' all wouldn't know what is funny. Not all y', all, but I'm just saying, like. And we worked for the callers. We made the callers. How you think we.

[Mike]

Who call?

[Pat]

Who y' all think? You just think, ah, man, Mike, somebody calling us in the middle of the pod. What the Crazy as.

[Mike]

No, some people. Some people's like, their personality trait is asking questions like. Like, but no, but, like, guilty. But

[Carrie]

I'm such an inquisitive little thing.

[Mike]

I would say. I would say I'm the same way. I asked a lot of questions, but I feel like we ask questions to get to a certain point. We're just inquisitive people. But some people, like Pat was saying, it's like, it's legit. Then you ask like, oh, what? What? Why'd you ask? Like, it's like, what? Especially when you gave a whole long explanation like, oh, so you want to get into this? Like, nah, my. My brother, son, mother, somebody they're not even related to.

[Pat]

My mom watched Kev on stage. I really want to ask y'. All. How would y'. All. Why you not Pat on stage?

[Mike]

That's the question.

[Pat]

Like, what? I had a nigga sit in between me and Mike before and look at both of us and be like, so who would you say funnier out of y', all, too? Like, I. Like, that's the first time I'm gonna slap the. For. Like, I almost slapped the. For a question. It's like, bro, like, if. If when y' all meet me, like, bro, I want to talk about regular.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, we already know, like, a lot about the podcast. Like, I want to know about you, where you from? And she's like, I actually want to know that so I can come on the podcast and talk about it. I feel like our meet and greets been great. Like, that. People haven't been like, oh, what about this moment? A couple people have, but I get it.

[Mike]

And it's okay to ask, like, those type of questions. I would say just DM me those type of questions.

[Pat]

Yeah, but, like, bro, we. When. When we see each other, like, when we see y', all, like, we want to get to know you. You know what they, like, how long you been watching the pod? Like, where you live at? You from here. Like, you got a job. You really that short.

[Carrie]

But they probably want to really just get to know you. Like, you're. They're meeting you for the very first time, and you're probably the biggest star that they have ever encountered ever. So they want to know, like, man, y' all are awesome.

[Pat]

And we want to teach. That's. And.

[Mike]

But that's.

[Pat]

That's a lesson we want to teach them, though. And just, like.

[Carrie]

Like, be regular.

[Pat]

You shouldn't be approaching anybody like this. Everybody is human. All these people are human. You shouldn't be like, oh, my God, I couldn't believe. No, hey, I respect what you're doing. I absorb your content. I with you. Hey, I with you, too. Like, do you got some content? You know what I'm saying? Like, it's. It's cool like that. Like, I don't think anybody. You know what I'm saying? Unless it's Cardi B.

[Mike]

Now we talking, that

[Carrie]

you don't want nobody fainting on you like they did Mike.

[Pat]

No, I would. I would literally pass out if Cardi B came in this room. I'm not gonna lie. When Cardi B is on the podcast, boy, y' all gonna have to turn down my mic. I'm gonna be laughing at every word you say.

[Mike]

You gotta sound like me during the pod.

[Pat]

Say it again, Cardi. What you say? What you say, cuz?

[Mike]

You just got here yesterday.

[Carrie]

She like, what is wrong with you?

[Pat]

Oh, man, I would do. I'mma cry like. I'mma cry like that dude did when Krishan Rock showed him her song. It's like, shorty, I sent you a link, btw.

[Mike]

Nah, nigga speaking in Africa.

[Pat]

I can't. I can't see. Oh, I got a question before that. Okay. Name something you never feel guilty spending money on and I. And don't act like y' all ain't got the answers. I asked y' all this an hour ago.

[Carrie]

Yeah, I got an answer.

[Pat]

I'm exposing for me.

[Carrie]

Peace, Inconvenience.

[Mike]

That was my answer. That was my answer.

[Pat]

I hate these type of. In the class. I was about to say 257.

[Mike]

No way.

[Pat]

He got a calculator or something. What you mean by that, though?

[Carrie]

Like, anything that cost me a piece. Okay, I'll give you an example. So. So I went to the Chris Brown concert back in August, right? It was at Wrigley. We ended up buying a hotel right across from Wrigley because we didn't want to have to deal with Ubers and just all that stuff, right? Obviously, the hotel is going to cost a whole lot of money, but I'm willing to pay for that for the convenience and for the piece of not having to worry about traffic and Ubers and drive. Like, it's just too much for me.

[Mike]

It's like.

[Pat]

But what. Okay, can I ask one more question?

[Mike]

Go ahead, go ahead.

[Pat]

What specifically? Like, rank them. Like, what. What's your number one that you like. I'm paying for this.

[Carrie]

Oh, like, out of everything that's kind of vague. Like, see, now I gotta think.

[Mike]

Okay, no, I was gonna say, like, if money makes anything, like, faster, easier, or closer.

[Pat]

That's still vague.

[Mike]

What do you mean, rank it?

[Pat]

So you want me to rank mine? Let me tell you my number one. My number one is parking, okay? I don't give a if it's 68 to park.

[Mike]

I care. I care about parking.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying. I don't care about parking lot. Like, I'm not the person. Like, I'm not about to drive around and follow the same Subaru, and then we both looking for two parking spots. And I know that I got to wait on him to find a parking spot because he in front of me in the lot. No, I'm about to go park right next to the venue valet. My shit, I would say $70 is

[Mike]

whatever I would say easier. So, like, if I get a flat tire on the side of the road, right, I'm calling Triple A or I'm calling whatever toll place can get. What? I'll call five places, and whichever one said they can get there first, first. I'm going with that.

[Pat]

We losing recipes. Why?

[Mike]

Why? Why, though?

[Pat]

No, you.

[Mike]

I just moved, right? I moved and I had somebody come and mount my TVs.

[Pat]

That's not bad. Mountain TV. Because you can up your walls and. But. But the change in the tire. Let me say. Let me say this to you. You don't ever have to change a tire.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I just need you to be pretending like you was about to change yourself right before you see Triple A pulling down that road. Go ahead and put that motherfucker in stock. I'm glad y' all here, man. I was about to turn this.

[Mike]

I'm gonna sit in the car, turn on YouTube and wait till whoever gets there first to tow my car.

[Pat]

No, that's crazy. Do you get to smack you in your ass when he does?

[Mike]

No, no, it's not.

[Pat]

That said, I can't change, but I'm capping, though. I'm not changing. Not right now.

[Mike]

No, it's way quicker.

[Pat]

I'm not gonna lie. And I got, like, a foreign car. I don't want to. Nothing up. We got tireless.

[Carrie]

How.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carrie]

Okay.

[Pat]

I can.

[Carrie]

Some guys don't know how.

[Pat]

I used to have a Pontiac Grand Am. And you would. Thought I was a mechanic or something.

[Carrie]

Okay.

[Pat]

I'm talking about. I used to fix that.

[Mike]

Not off the top of my head. I will figure it out, though.

[Carrie]

Yeah, like you.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, I can figure it. I don't know how to change my own oil, but I can use. I bet you if I youtubed it, I could change my oil.

[Pat]

I hope you're not speaking in cold. You gotta be careful.

[Mike]

This not Blue Mountain State. That's. That's a. A crazy pool.

[Pat]

I feel like I said this tweet before, so I'm gonna.

[Mike]

I'm play your video, though.

[Pat]

Stop selling them phones that's wired to the federal government. That's number 10.

[TSA Caller]

Okay.

[Mike]

Have a good day.

[Pat]

Ah, a good day. Hey, yo, my outlaw.

[Mike]

Switch these.

[Pat]

That was like a homeless man that walked into a phone store and said that. And it's just like, it's. I always say this about, like, conspiracy theories is, like, they're up because the first people that get a hold of conspiracy, the conspiracy theory. We're looking for that conspiracy theory. And that means they're crazy as. Yeah. So sometimes, like, somebody will be correct about a conspiracy theory, but they're just, like, way too early and way too crazy. And that actually pushes, like, the conspiracies conspiracy down a little bit. And it just like, like, damn. It's really hard to believe because a person is coming from. You know what I mean? If a president said those same words, a former president, former CIA agent, it will be taken a lot more serious.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because I actually believe.

[Mike]

Dude, definitely the messenger is like the. It's always the. The difference.

[Pat]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

[Carrie]

You'll lose credibility fast.

[Pat]

Yeah. But I think that's a good way for the government to always be, like, relevant in, like, hiding, you know what I'm saying? Because if. If a person is saying it and they'd be like, damn, this person owned to something, saying, let's slip some crack into his lasagna and make this a crackhead. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

I just. The conspiracy theories about, like, the government listening to us and our phone listen to us, it's like, yes, it's happening. There's nothing you can do about it.

[Carrie]

Here we go.

[Mike]

There's not. I'm just. There's nothing we can. I feel like some people try to do things to, like, make sure the government isn't listening to them. Like, they're listening there everywhere.

[Carrie]

It's like maybe they're forcing.

[Mike]

You just got to be. So, like, the only thing I do is, like, I put, like, a little. Little webcam cover. That's like the. The best I can do.

[Carrie]

Okay, well, you got one on your phone.

[Pat]

No. Plug your ears so I can tell you what I do. Okay, give me. Mute her. You can't hear me?

[Carrie]

No, I can't hear you.

[Pat]

Put the webcam. Sometimes I smack my meat on. It's not like you want to. What?

[Carrie]

One day you going to pop up on the Internet.

[Mike]

Oh, now we gotta end there. Oh, my God.

[Pat]

You want to spy on.

[Mike]

We keep ending with. On, like, the craziest.

[Carrie]

I have a question to end it. Did y' all see that Chris Brown and Usher are going on Twitter?

[Mike]

Legendary.

[Pat]

Raven and Brown, R and B. That shit's so tough.

[Mike]

Legendary. Legendary.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Carrie]

Are you letting your girls go?

[Pat]

No, not near them.

[Mike]

Like, girl can go to that.

[Pat]

She gonna be getting grinded on, and she might get a cherry in her mouth.

[Mike]

We might. We might sit far away.

[Carrie]

Yeah, I went to the Usher show in Chicago was, like, two years ago now. And he came walking. It's such a. I Got it on my Instagram. Check it out at Koni Underscore. But he was giving the cherries to the couple right next to us cuz they were married and it was a. A fun time.

[Pat]

He gave to the guy. He gave it to the guy and the woman.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

No, he gave it to the guy to give to the woman cuz he said, listen, y' all are married. I don't want to mess up anything.

[Pat]

I feel like.

[Mike]

I feel like Usher is pretty respectful with it.

[Pat]

He wasn't at first.

[Mike]

He wasn't first?

[Pat]

No, he wasn't at first.

[Mike]

Maybe that's the clips I wasn't seeing.

[Pat]

But then he got. He started like, I think once he saw, like, some of, like, breaking up some homes.

[Mike]

Yeah. There is a respect, and it comes with the cherry in the mouth thing. Because as a guy, you can't. No matter how you react in that situation, if your girl's getting a cherry put in their mouth by Usher, it's like, there's no winning that situation.

[Carrie]

Do you still go home with her?

[Mike]

You act out, but I'm just. No, but if you act out, I don't. If you act out in that moment, like, it's like, why are you trying to, like, fight Usher?

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

You know, and then you let it happen. It's like, damn, you let that happen.

[Pat]

But I feel like it's also a power thing and it's just like, no offense to Usher, but that's him taking advantage, right?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So you put my wife on a jumbotron and then you're playing one of the best songs ever made in R B history in the background, and then you hold a cherry over the top. You know what I mean? And you, like, you make her make like a.

[Female Caller]

A.

[Pat]

A crazy decision in front of everybody. You know what I would do if, like, Usher was putting the cherry next to my girl? I would leap up and bite it myself.

[Mike]

That is crazy. Triple H, it

[Pat]

just take this whole box of Chase.

[Mike]

I'm definitely slapping the cherry out.

[Carrie]

Like, live like this.

[Mike]

Like, come on now.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, that'd be tough.

[Mike]

Yeah. I have to do it before my girl has a chance to react to it.

[Pat]

That's true.

[Mike]

Because if she reacts to it, to do it, then it's like, oh, she was already gonna do it.

[Pat]

Right? You're right, you're right, you're right.

[Mike]

So you gotta be quick with it. Once you see him in the vicinity, like, you have to, like, be ready to do something.

[Carrie]

Y' all better talk about that before you get up in There.

[Pat]

No, no, I ain't talking about it.

[Mike]

Because I, like, respect. Like, my girl wouldn't do that.

[Pat]

Like, my girl wouldn't either, but I, I, I would like to see if she does. I'm not into the. I hate people that stop they partner from doing something that could affect the relationship. I'm, like, very into. Let me see what you naturally do, because I don't want to marry nobody that would just take a cherry. Like, I got to tell you to not eat this cherry. What else I got to tell you to do? Not to. When does it stop? Wait, wait, wait. You chilling? Please don't him. Okay, baby, I won't. I was just about to. Thank you for saying it.

[Carrie]

I was tripping.

[Mike]

But that's gonna be Usher. Usher Chris Brown. Trivet is so crash.

[Pat]

Hot crash. What you mean you was tripping?

[Mike]

Usher Chris Brown. Invite us to the. The shows. Any. Chicago, Milwaukee, wherever, y'. All.

[Pat]

No, for real, y' all legends, bro.

[Mike]

Wherever. Whatever show y' all invite us to, we gonna be there, man.

[Pat]

Whatever. We'll sit all the way in the back. J. Lee.

[Mike]

Anyway, that's been crazy. Well, Carrie, shout out. What? You got to shout out.

[Carrie]

Yes. What's up, y'?

[Corporate Caller]

All?

[Carrie]

Okay, follow me on Instagram @kon underscore. Make sure you tap into Brain Squeeze podcast everywhere. You get podcast. It's daily, so, yes, y' all gotta tap in.

[Mike]

We g. We gonna be. She's gonna invite us. She. The other thing. This is why Carrie's fake. She hasn't invited us on her podcast yet. We do podcasting and she hasn't invited us on podcast.

[Carrie]

Well, I'm not now, cuz he's over here saying he don't want more than three questions about himself.

[Mike]

No, no, you can invite me.

[Pat]

Don't, don't, don't. Don't interview me. Let's. Let's. Let's joke around.

[Mike]

Please interview me.

[Carrie]

I'll interview you. He ain't gonna come.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Pause.

[Carrie]

But all too much.

[Pat]

Are we? Are we? So, like, how many episodes you gotta lock in to get invited to the wedding?

[Carrie]

If there's a wedding?

[Mike]

Huh?

[Pat]

Oh, you might do it. Like, Like.

[Carrie]

Yeah, like, maybe I'll talk about that on the next one and y' all can tell me if you think I should have a wedding or not or if we should just go to the courthouse.

[Pat]

Got it, got it, got it.

[Carrie]

I'm not gonna listen to what you said.

[Pat]

No. Also, what you start doing so we can get. So we make sure people tuning in start dropping Easter eggs on your pot. And then if they find an Easter egg, then we might send out a free shirt.

[Carrie]

I like that. Let's cook it up.

[Mike]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Pat]

Let's do it.

[Mike]

Appreciate y'.

[TSA Caller]

All.

[Mike]

Live shows. Crash, Dummies, merch, all that jazz.

[Pat]

No live shows. Live shows pop out.

[Mike]

Philly, Baltimore, by the time they listen to us, are they. Baltimore would be. It's today. Baltimore is today.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah. You can still get your ticket.

[Mike]

Yeah, everybody can get the tickets.

[Pat]

Everybody still get your ticket. Philly, Baltimore and Boston will be there. Tickets are very, very low. Like we're. I think it's like no cap. Huh?

[Mike]

I think it's a hunt across like all.

[Pat]

You mean no cap.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay. I heard no cap in a minute.

[Mike]

That's true. And I said it like a Republican.

[Pat]

Like a no cap, actually.

[Mike]

But across all, we're going to get

[Pat]

more kids in school. No cat.

[Mike]

I think across all, like three shows that week, there's only like less than like 60 tickets left.

[Pat]

Yes. So in New York, the first show already showed, sold out. And then we got the second show is already halfway through. Halfway through. So quick, good luck. And we inviting like extra people. So like all these venues, we have friends and family package. So once they get to only 20 tickets left, we're probably going to say it's sold out because we got to get our musty ass family. And Plug is going to be at the Philly show. So make sure somebody bring that nigga some axe.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.