Over 30 Under 40 - Episode 238

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

Episode 238: "Over 30 Under 40" – December 22, 2025

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Overview

In this humor-heavy, freewheeling episode, hosts Patrick Johnson and Michael Esiobu dive into personal stories, wild hypotheticals, and real listener calls. They riff on everything from awkward holiday gifts and relationships to celebrity encounters and the latest cultural controversies, all while keeping their signature absurd, quick-witted banter. The show also features a rotating cast of live callers who share confessions, problems, and offbeat stories—adding to the podcast's unpredictable energy.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Segments

1. Holiday Gifts, Sweaty Parties, and the Adult Christmas Experience

• Christmas Gift Talk:
  • The hosts comically lament the transition from childhood Christmas excitement to adult practicality.
    • Pat: “You blink your eyes and their princess dress is two sizes too small.” (00:11)
    • Mike: “Smile because you can profit off of it for real.” (00:18)
• Heated Blanket Bit:
  • Pat tells how a heated blanket changed his winter life, but leads to jokes about uncomfortably hot parties and embarrassing sweat stains.
  • Pat: “I would never come over your house, bro. I got a heated blanket on top of the 74 [degrees].” (01:40)
  • Crash: “That’s the worst house to have a party at.” (02:37)
  • Sweaty suit situations at weddings and dances trigger more laughter about hiding underarm stains as grown men.
  • Crash: “Nobody want to see you taking off your jacket.” (03:58)

2. The Absurdity of Adult Gift Exchanges

• Gift Exchanges as Money Exchange:
  • The hosts agree that as adults, exchanging gifts just feels like swapping cash, removing the magic (04:17–04:47).
  • Pat: “I saw two couples, and they bought each other a... they both were shot. Both BMWs... Y’all could’ve went to the same dealership!” (04:47)

3. Clubbing Personalities & Wild Nights Out

• The Spectrum of Going Out:
  • Discussion on taking friends out who never go, leading either to amazement or chaos.
  • Pat: “You either have the best time... or... every time they get out... they just gotta get up and do some crazy shit like the night just don't end.” (07:17)
  • The dangers of "demon" partiers, marathon after-parties, and the infamous “bathroom rally” (throwing up to keep partying) (08:06–09:17).
  • Pat (sarcastically): “What are you, a toddler?” (09:17)

4. Embarrassing Exits & Security Stories

• Getting Kicked Out:
  • The indignity of being ejected from clubs, whether in a “computer chair” or by overzealous security.
  • Pat: “There's no cool way of getting kicked out... I look goofy as hell being in the air with two dudes lifting me out of a club.” (10:27)

5. Family Trolling, Allergies & Childhood Stories

• Pat’s Grandpa Trolling Him:
  • Surreal story about being “framed” for a bad smell on a plane as a prank, revealing family dynamics.
  • Pat: “Parents are wicked.” (12:59)
• Embarrassing Others and Sincerity on the Show:
  • Pat draws a line between on-air teasing and real life embarrassment (13:09–14:21).
• Skepticism about Allergies:
  • Pat jokes about people faking peanut allergies for attention.
  • Pat: “People with peanut allergies just want attention, bro. Just eat the Snickers.” (15:47)
  • Mike: “Some people are allergic to almost everything... your face gonna swell up, possibly die. Like, what?” (15:54)

6. The Epstein Files & Island Conspiracies

• Reaction to Released Photos:
  • Pat and Mike riff on political elites photographed with Jeffrey Epstein, fixating on Bill Clinton and Trump’s frequent appearances.
  • Pat: “Bill Clinton is a horny ... and he need to go to prison. I've seen enough evidence.” (18:15)
  • Crash: “Trump name in there enough, too, if you want to keep it real... our president is in a scandal.” (18:50)
  • The panel questions the lack of context and timeline for the infamous photos (19:09).
• Island Owner Paranoia:
  • “If anybody invites you to an island, just know... we watch y’all.” (23:03)

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Listener Call-in Confessions & Debates

A. Awkward Celebrity Encounters

• Kevin Gates Story (24:02–27:11)

  • A caller (Mike) shares the heartbreak of flashing a Michael Kors watch at a Gates concert—only for the rapper to visibly scoff.
  • Caller: “I sent him a long ass message, like, until I get an apology... I’ll never download none of your albums.”
  • The hosts riff on “Really Really” lyrics and commiserate about celebrity letdowns.

• Jack Harlow “Big Dick Energy” Mix-up (56:25–59:07)

  • Another caller awkwardly describes meeting the rapper at a baby shower, expecting charisma but getting “chill energy” instead.

B. Relationship Drama & Wild Stories

• Sneaky Link Pregnancy Panic (28:21–33:01)

  • A young man admits he could be the father of his “sneaky link’s” baby (who is five months pregnant, with a different boyfriend).
  • Caller: “I could be a possibility... if that baby look just like me, I’ma move to Africa.”
  • Hosts dissect timelines, drama, and give “first Pampers on us.”

• Body Count Honesty & Reset Theories (34:13–38:27)

  • A female caller discusses lying about her partner count, her “career high,” and the premise that body counts reset yearly (“Every year your body count resets!”).
  • Surprise twist: two of the flings were brothers, another a cousin.
  • Pat: “You do what you want, Queen.” (38:31)
  • Confirms all experiences are in the past and she’s “clean, STD-free.”

• Relationship Transparency Discussion

  • Dialogue with a couple sharing pizza leads to playful prodding about pride, poverty, and grandmas supplying better meals than girlfriends (43:05–47:15).

C. Existential & Philosophical Tangents

• Evolution as Sin? (53:34–56:15)
  • A caller expresses anxiety about human evolution, proclaiming, “We weren’t supposed to evolve. That’s the devil!”
  • The hosts attempt to ground her in history and evolution, shifting from humor to sincere engagement.

D. More Celebrity Letdowns

• NFL Player Disappointment (49:23–52:53)
  • A fan describes meeting his Eagles hero—who ignored him and hit on his date instead.
  • Caller: “He just ignores me, and he starts talking to the girl I’m with... it really hurt my soul.”

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Culture, Sports, and Hot Takes

• Robot Fears & Future-Proofing (59:16–63:59)
  • Kyrie Irving vs. robots, “the government is probably a decade ahead,” and whether humans should side with robots in the coming war.
  • Pat vows he'd upload his consciousness: “Hell, yeah, I definitely do it... Leader of the robot revolution.” (63:21)
• “F*ck the streets” and Slang Trends (64:21–65:55)
  • The group debates who gets to say “the streets,” cultural slang, and how non-street people co-opt phrases for comic effect.
• Sports & Puka Nacua Car Story (66:19–68:47)
  • Pat and Mike break down the odd story of a football rookie’s brother allegedly stealing a car and the pitfalls of TikTok celebrations.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• On Clubbing Personalities:

  • “You either have the best time... or it's that person that every time they get out... gotta do some crazy shit.” — Pat (07:17)

• On Heat & Sweat:

  • “That’s the worst house to have a party at.” — Crash (02:37)

• On Relationship Drama:

  • “So, like, what’s gonna be—what you gonna do after the baby gets here? Like, what if she just tries to start a family with a new dude and you sneak a picture of the new baby and it looked just like you?” — Pat (29:56)

• On Celebrity Encounters:

  • “Bill Clinton is a horny... and he need to go to prison. I've seen enough evidence. I don't give a fuck what he gotta say.” — Pat (18:15)
  • “I thought he was going to be more involved... but he was a little more relaxed and chill with it.” — (Caller, on Jack Harlow; 57:29)

• On Technology & the Future:

  • “If we see technology on the Internet... the government has is probably a decade, maybe even more ahead of us.” — Pat (61:23)
  • “Hell, yeah. I definitely do it. And I would be the leader of the robot revolution.” — Pat (63:21)

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Listener Call Timestamps (Highlights)

• [24:02] — Kevin Gates concert disappointment
• [28:21] — Sneaky link pregnancy dilemma
• [34:18] — “My body count was less than 20” confession
• [49:23] — Eagles player ignores fan, hits on his date
• [53:34] — “We weren’t supposed to evolve” existential theory
• [56:25] — Jack Harlow baby shower encounter

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Podcast Tone and Language

• The tone throughout is deeply conversational, raw, and irreverent, filled with inside jokes, sarcastic asides, and frequent playful crosstalk.
• Speakers rely heavily on personal anecdote, absurdist humor, and real-time roasting—both of themselves and their listeners.
• Calls and interviews often veer into unfiltered territory, revealing unusual honesty and offbeat opinions.

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Conclusion

This Crash Dummies episode is classic for the duo: candid, chaotic, and consistently funny. Pat and Mike manage to keep the energy high while letting listeners drive the conversation to unpredictable places—from family trolling and sweaty parties to sex confessions and pondering the robot apocalypse. Beneath all the jokes and wild digressions, their banter and chemistry hold the show together, making for an episode that’s as engaging for first-timers as it is for longtime fans.

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Transcript

[Mike]

Kids, they grow up so fast. One day they're taking their first steps and the next they don't fit into the tiny sneakers they took them in.

[Pat]

You blink your eyes and their princess dress is two sizes too small.

[Mike]

And their dinosaur backpack isn't cool anymore.

[Pat]

But don't cry because they're growing up. Smile because you can profit off of it for real.

[Mike]

There are a bunch of parents on.

[Pat]

Depop looking for the stuff your kid just grew out of.

[Mike]

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[Crash]

What was the last good Christmas gift y' all got? Everybody got silent.

[Pat]

Hey, this, this be the up part. Like if. If you're involved with the woman, you know, and she didn't get you that gift. You know what Lucky? Change changed my. My life because I. I like my. My house being warm type shit. You know, some people like they like 68. Sometimes I keep. I keep my at like 74. God damn. God damn.

[Crash]

74 degrees.

[Pat]

I used to keep it there. Yeah.

[Crash]

Sheesh.

[Pat]

That boy work living hell. I would never, I would never come over your house, bro. I got a heated blanket on top of the 74. No, no, just like, I mean, sometimes.

[Crash]

Oh my God.

[Pat]

That's not the point though.

[Crash]

The funny thing about Gene Don to the gym all the time and he stayed the same weight for like je.

[Pat]

Me like the same way for gaining. Lose ten pounds.

[Crash]

Losing like ten pounds every night.

[Pat]

I just hate him, bro. He wake up and he do his hair the way he want and then he decide if he gonna be 10 pounds bigger or not.

[Crash]

You know what? It's like you like you cutting weight for a UFC fight.

[Pat]

I'mma turn it to Tupac today. I'mma go ballheaded and lose 10 pounds.

[Crash]

OK? Day 7 with a heated blanket.

[Pat]

Yeah, man. Gotta be warm, man.

[Crash]

N. That's like you. You these type. That's the worst. That's the worst house to have a party at.

[Pat]

Yes, terrible, bro.

[Crash]

You too. It be all the girls there too. Like I don't come through. Everybody's sweating and that's lame ass dudes.

[Pat]

Imagine a dude at your house is Bagging a girl of his dreams and he lift up and say bye to her and it's a big ass sweat stain. You did that. You ruined that marriage. You up that lineage, bro.

[Crash]

No, I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes those sweat stains sneak up on you.

[Pat]

No, no, no. Hell no.

[Crash]

Hell, they do sneak up on you.

[Pat]

The sweat stains?

[Crash]

Yeah. Not the like the sweat pits.

[Pat]

Oh, the pits, not the stains. I mean, as a grown man, they can always sneak up on you. For me, I feel like it's always like a white button up.

[Crash]

You think?

[Pat]

So every time I like kind of dress up in the.

[Crash]

It depends where you at. But I'm always wearing like a tank top under my shirts.

[Pat]

Yeah, but that don't stop your underarm from.

[Crash]

If it kind of do though. You got to get the ones that sometimes like the higher cuff on your armpits.

[Pat]

I will say this like, I know I could sweat out a suit.

[Crash]

Yes.

[Pat]

I, I've just never done it. I do very minimal work. Like if the place isn't. Doesn't have air conditioner, I'm not about to dance my ass off. I don't know where them dumb ass dudes be doing that.

[Crash]

My secret is when I'm at weddings and I'm wearing my suit, I already know I'm probably sweating under here because it's just hot in general. I'm just going to keep my suit on. I'm willing to like be hot the whole time. Yeah. Just not to show that my have back sweat or some.

[Pat]

Yeah, man, you gotta hide that, bro. It's a show, man. Nobody want to see you taking off your jacket.

[Crash]

Nobody even answered the question.

[Pat]

What was the question?

[Crash]

The worst Christmas gift.

[Pat]

Oh yeah. You said the best.

[Crash]

The last Christmas gift that you the good.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's what I said. But it was a heated blanket. Yeah, but I threw them off.

[Crash]

I was just saying too, because I, I don't really get like Christmas gifts like. Like that. I feel like I have it as an adult. I feel like it's different because when you're. You get a Christmas gift for your spouse or whoever you're with. Right. I always feel like that's just exchanging money to me.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Crash]

You know, I mean, it's just like. So when we're kids, when you're younger, obviously you got those Christmas gifts that you put zero effort in. You don't. You weren't really responsible for giving anything back either.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Crash]

So I feel like those, like that would be like my last good Christmas gift where it's like, I like that.

[Pat]

The exchanging, like, just exchanging money. The couples. I saw two couples, and they bought. They bought each other a. Yeah. And they both were shot.

[Crash]

There's no way they were surprised.

[Pat]

Both BMWs, y' all could have went. Y' all could have went to the same dealership. Like, you could have walked in. I hate surprises, bro.

[Crash]

I don't really, like.

[Pat]

I think. I think I'm adapt to that because, like, man, dude, it's so.

[Crash]

Sometimes it's like you kind of do the, oh, we're not getting each other anything thing.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Crash]

Like, I got my girl stumbling already, like. Like three days before, like, maybe, like, actually two weeks ago. And I said, hey, that's your Christmas gift. Yeah. And I kind of left it at that. And I feel like, now what. Should I still get something on Christmas?

[Pat]

Yeah, it's. It's also a test of your love, though, too. Yeah. Some people like to celebrate really hard, so you got to, like.

[Crash]

You know, I think it's different because we're both foreigners, so we don't really have, like, our family's not really here, so we're not really, like. We don't have to put, like, the gifts under the. The tree and stuff like that.

[Pat]

Do you got a Christmas tree?

[Crash]

Yeah, I got Christmas tree up.

[Mike]

There's nothing under it.

[Crash]

There's nothing under it?

[Mike]

No, that's.

[Pat]

I feel like you do it for decorations. Okay.

[Crash]

Yeah, you can do it for decoration.

[Pat]

You don't even got fake gifts on the edges.

[Crash]

No.

[Mike]

You got a tree skirt.

[Crash]

Yeah, I do. We just got one today. That's it. I don't got a tree, and it's a real tree.

[Mike]

You got a real tree?

[Crash]

I got a real tree. I went and picked it up myself.

[Pat]

Bonding, overgrown man. You chopped it down?

[Crash]

No, they asked me that I want to chop it down. I was like, no, I'm good.

[Pat]

Hey, you want to go in the back before you.

[Crash]

Chop it down? Freaky pat in the chat.

[Pat]

Come on, man. Put it in there.

[Crash]

When I say last week, freaky chat. Freaky chat in the pack. No, freaky.

[Pat]

Freaky pat in the chat.

[Crash]

No, I said freaky chat in the pack.

[Pat]

Oh, whoa, whoa.

[Crash]

You didn't see people commenting that.

[Pat]

No, I thought they meant the other way around.

[Crash]

No, I said freaky first. I said freaky pat in the chat, but then I then said freaky chat in the pat.

[Pat]

Oh, no, Ain't nobody in me.

[Crash]

You got the chat. The chat was in you the last.

[Pat]

Well, that's. They're going to prison. The press charges.

[Crash]

They know Freaky Chad in the pack. Y' all about to be in them again.

[Pat]

Okay, Just sprinkle little pills on my bro.

[Crash]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

You know the worst thing? You know, it could be the worst thing and the best thing?

[Crash]

What?

[Pat]

Is going out with somebody who doesn't usually go out. You either have the best time because you, you get to show this person, oh, this club, the casino. This is what I do when I go out. And he just so amazed by everything you do because they don't go out at all. Or it's that person that every time they get out of the house, they just gotta get up and do some crazy shit like the night just don't end. And like, I used to think I was that person until I ran into some real demons. But I was like, man, I like to stay out. And that's me saying, like, you know, I might stay 15 minutes after bar closed. Like, then I'm to the crib. Like, I feel adventurous. And it's dudes to be like, no, bro, we about to hit the A bar. I'm sitting there with squinted eyes. Who a bar, brother.

[Crash]

It's four o' clock in the morning saying, we got to hit the after party.

[Pat]

Yeah, what? What Good woman is up right now. It's nothing but witches and warlocks.

[Crash]

No, sometimes I want to hang around those friends because I really want to see like the plot play out. Because there's been friends that you have, like, they'd be like eight shots in, like, and they still seem perfectly normal. Like they are operating at a high frequency. It's like, I want to see how like this plays out. So you just hang around now. You're just like people watching though.

[Pat]

I mean, I'm not going to lie though. I have been there.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And I've been like to a bars with regular people. And man, it's like, I don't know where they get that second win from, bro.

[Crash]

The second one is crazy.

[Pat]

It's crazy because they'll pretend they're tired with you, bro. They get you sleepy as hell. Everybody like, man, it's just a long night, so you start to wind down too next. You know, I think I'm missing that bathroom trip. I know exactly where that. Where y' all go.

[Crash]

Throwing up in the bathroom and like that. Yeah. Then they come out like, bro, I was. I just need to throw up, bro. Hey, let's keep the party going.

[Pat]

What are you, a toddler?

[Crash]

It was two different things.

[Pat]

He needed to throw up to continue his day. He's little man smart now no, no, that's crazy.

[Crash]

Those moments too, when you like, you be out and then you see some people like, throwing up, maybe a guy or a girl throwing up and shit like that. And you wonder, like, where who are their friends? Yeah, that's like the biggest thing is just like. Especially just like you see like a girl throwing up in a trash can by herself. It's like, bro, who. Who are you here with? Where the fuck are your friends at?

[Pat]

No, my favorite thing to know to go is when there's a dude getting carried out the club by security and he just trying to be loud on his way out. No, fuck them niggas like, bro, the niggas are over there. Yeah, you got two pretty big dudes moving you out of here. I don't. I don't think you're coming back. I seen this girl getting rolled out at a club. Try to be silent.

[Mike]

Is this big girl?

[Pat]

Bigger girl? She was in a computer chair. Why are your hands so wide?

[Crash]

Tell your story.

[Pat]

Because she was trying to. She was trying to discreetly get her way out of a very narrow, like. Yeah, so it was just crazy. She was getting the score.

[Crash]

That's my. That's why I would never want to like, get into a fight inside a club. Because it's like, there's no cool way of getting kicked out of a club. Especially like, the security has to like hem you up because it's gonna be like three security. I don't care how, like, tough you think you are. I'm six, I'm six. One, two two twenty, right? I look goofy as hell being in the air with two dudes lifting me out of a club. Like, no, I look stupid, bro.

[Pat]

I think I gotta give a little pushback. Like, what the crowd gotta see. Hey, I could have did this a little three second. Like, bro, like, literally let them take you out the club. Y' all got it. And then if you see like right when you get next to the sections on your way out the exit, you go push y ass back. And then, cuz, they gonna be so shocked, they like, hey. Then they gonna start hitting you up like, y' all got it, y' all got it. I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out, I'm out.

[Crash]

You just got. You just gotta pin one of the security guards to the wall and you're good. I talk about, like coming up like this. Oh, my gosh. I talk about. I got a pin like this.

[Pat]

No, you see audio.

[Crash]

See Audio, this is. I have my hands up and I'm pitting. I have emotion. Like you're having somebody up to the wall.

[Pat]

Have you ever seen somebody get carried out the club, like, with somebody's holding both the ankles, the other person's holding both?

[Crash]

Yeah, bro, I've seen somebody get, like, wedgied out of a. Out of a club. Yeah, they belt, like, two security guys. Belt, Belt, Belt. A belt.

[Pat]

The thing is, when a security guard decides who you are.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That's who you are. That's the fucked up part about it. So, like, you could be on some calm stuff, like maybe you just had to defend yourself from a dude trying to, like, punch on you. So you hit him once. And if that security guard only saw you punch first, you like, hey, man, I'm good. I just had to defend myself. He like, no, shut the up. Wait, what? Wait, what? Bro, When I was like, nine, I was on a plane with my granddad, and I must have been like 9 or 10. I was on a plane with my granddad and a flight attendant came to our thing and she was like, how's everything going? And my granddad goes, if you're worried about that smell that's coming from us, it's him. I was like, what? And I started crying and stuff like that. And he was like, he always cries when I say that.

[Mike]

Whoa.

[Pat]

You know, that's how. That's how my granddad used to troll me.

[Crash]

Really? Was it him, though? Huh? Was it him, though?

[Pat]

There was no smell. He just, like, made it up. Like, little stink. And I was like, cry. He hurt my feelings, so I started crying. Like, I don't stink. I don't sting. He would just start dying laughing.

[Crash]

I just. Parents. Parents are wicked.

[Pat]

No.

[Crash]

You think are. You think you're going to be that type of dad?

[Pat]

Hell, no. And I hate embarrassing people because I hate being embarrassed.

[Crash]

You hate embarrassing people, huh?

[Pat]

Yes, I hate embarrassing people, bro. When the last person I embarrassed where he was like, oh, man, that was bogus.

[Crash]

You don't feel like any of you never. You don't think. You never embarrass a caller.

[Pat]

Embarrass a caller. That's. That's part of the show, bro. I'm talking about, like, in real life. In real life, these do not matter.

[Crash]

To their face or to their face or.

[Mike]

Or.

[Pat]

What do you mean?

[Crash]

There's been times you feel like you embarrassed people?

[Pat]

Yeah, he keep on asking questions because he's trying to call you. Yeah. Who have I embarrassed?

[Crash]

There was a. There was a guy that. That came to Pat one time. I can't even remember the story, but he came to Pat.

[Pat]

What the is lying?

[Crash]

He came to Pat with a really exciting story. And then Pat started acting overly excited, like, very sarcastically excited about this person's story. Like, just say like, hey, bro, I just got a new dog and it's a pit boy. And he's like, dang, you got a new dog? It's a pit. What kind of dog it is. What.

[Pat]

I give give a about your dog.

[Crash]

He's like, what? He's like being like, overly excited about that. You can tell. And then I think the dude started to pick up on it and I felt like he was embarrassed.

[Pat]

Nah, bro, I'll give a about no dog, though. I ain't gonna lie. I give a about dogs, but not no potential dog. I'm about to get the dog.

[Mike]

Guys.

[Crash]

We can't even like, update each other about like we thinking about doing a potential dog.

[Pat]

Do I look like I'm not gonna.

[Crash]

Say just like, even like me if just as a friend, it's like, hey, bro, I'm thinking about getting this dog.

[Pat]

I know, but you would never show me a dog. Like when you show me your dog before you've got a dog before, you literally got him a week later. I know you're not presenting me with a dog if you' thinking about getting the dog. So I would expect the dog to be in your house in a week. But like talking about a prospective dog and we ain't got no dialogue with each other.

[Crash]

What the is we talking about?

[Pat]

What's your granddaddy neighbor stuff Like, I'd rather know some valuable information. Give a dev about this German shepherd. Not even yours.

[Crash]

A little background story to it.

[Pat]

Oh, like on the website? Yeah.

[Crash]

Or like a sentimentals meaning to why he wants to get the dog. Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

I. I hear people all the time telling me like, you should rescue a dog instead of get a new dog.

[Crash]

I didn't do that.

[Pat]

Huh?

[Crash]

I didn't do that.

[Pat]

I'm just saying they be say that like, puppies aren't alive, you know, like, you know, this puppy don't got a home either.

[Crash]

I didn't do that. I think sometimes I do think people should. A lot of people should adopt, but there's some people, like you have dog allergies, so you might have to get a specific type of dog.

[Pat]

I feel like a lot of people got allergies. They all fake.

[Crash]

Peanut allergies.

[Pat]

No, the people with peanut allergies just. They want attention, bro. Just Eat the Snickers.

[Crash]

I saw somebody take one of those allergy tests, and it was like, you're allergic to almost everything. Fish, apples, this and that, this and that. I'm like, people really have, like, real allergies. Like, I have, like, I don't have. I'm, like, allergic to anything. So it's like, it's very hard to, like, picture, like, hey, you can't eat this. Or you're like, your face is gonna swell up, possibly die. Like, what?

[Pat]

I just had the worst vision ever, bro. I just imagine me getting the allergy test and a doctor coming back and I'm reading. He's like, you're only allergic to one thing. And I look down and it's the word success. And then all the doctors just start laughing at me, and they throw the paper at my head. Stupid ass.

[Mike]

Nigga.

[Pat]

We can't read that. He believed it, too.

[Crash]

That's the whole reason I was successful.

[Pat]

Give me some heroin, man.

[Crash]

You see those Epstein files that came out? The pictures?

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Crash]

It was kind of messed up, too. There was the one with Michael Jackson and Diana Ross or something like that.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Crash]

Or.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Crash]

And it was obviously kids, face blurred. And then come to find out that was just Michael Jackson's, like, actual, like, kids. Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, his family, like, they're redacting people and having them next to women but not knowing the women. Some of these women are still alive. Like, some of these women still here today. I'm just like. I was just next to that person. So all the pictures don't mean.

[Crash]

I will say this. Bill Clinton being in all the. Man, come on now, bro. I said Bill Clinton was there every week, bro. What the.

[Pat]

Bro, I seen him in 27 outfits. I'm calling 27 time. He's changed.

[Crash]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

He's there. And when you see him, it's not like a per. Everybody else's pictures are very. Like, the camera's going, and we're all. It almost looks like they're posing.

[Crash]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Everybody else is.

[Crash]

And what was like, they want to. They. They're the one that asked for a picture with.

[Pat]

Yes, exactly. Clinton got a college highlight reel. Like, here she got all action shots, bro. It's like he just finished some shit. Like, he in a robe or some shit. No, it looked like he had, bro.

[Crash]

Looked like he had his hot tub, bro. That's like a nigga. Like, I've been here before. Like, this is my shit, bro.

[Mike]

That's one.

[Pat]

That's one thing we learned. Everybody, you know, showing Their face, hiding their hand, whatever, blah, blah. But man, Bill Clinton is a horny and he need to go to prison. I've seen enough evidence. I don't give a fuck what he got to say.

[Crash]

Holy.

[Pat]

He needs to be the next person locked up. Like, like, let's figure everybody else out. Like, how we figuring out? Hopefully that speeds up, but let's get him up out of here real quick so. So I can refocus, bro, I can't focus with him.

[Crash]

I think Trump was in a lot too, and he had like the, the. The condoms there that said I'm huge.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying. Trump name in there enough too, if you want to keep it real. And if you say like, if you defending Trump on this, he president, bro. Like, what the. Like, our president is in a scandal and it's like one of the biggest scandals in American history and a person that's leading the country is in it.

[Crash]

The thing about these pictures too is, I guess the. The shitty part is that a lot of them are taken with like, no, like, no context. Like, I'd want. I don't know, maybe I didn't do enough research. I would want to know, like, what date is this picture from? And like, what if there's any, like, metadata in any of those things. But to kind of know, like, because it's better to kind of know a timeline of like, why is this person here? When did they get there? Like, the bill clean would be interesting. I want to see how many different.

[Pat]

Days you know, how many times you gotta have an excuse. Oh, man, you talking about the time I wore the Speedo charity event. All right, man, that's it.

[Crash]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

Lock them up, man. Lock them all up. Yo, let's take a quick break from today's podcast to thank the sponsor in the Cloud. I know a lot of y' all are going home for the holidays. Y' all college kids, the people that been traveling the world. And you gotta be around your family more. In the Cloud can help take down attention with one sip or one gummy at a time.

[Crash]

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[Pat]

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[Crash]

That's in the cloud. Codecraft for 25 off, free shipping and a calmer holiday guaranteed. Enjoy responsibly and thank you to IndyCloud for sponsoring today's show. Now back to the pod.

[Pat]

Yo, let's take a quick break from today's podcast to think the sponsor Hugh. So bro, usually around this time I will say it's very hard for me to keep a balanced diet because there's so much holiday food. I'm going to my auntie house, I'm eating, I'm going to my mom's house, I'm eating. And I was just like, man, I really need to stop eating. But what else is there to eat? Huel is actually helping me solve that problem. Like, nah man, I got my shake. Ain't nothing going on man. I got my shake. Don't move that macaroni away from me, man.

[Crash]

Denied. Macaroni.

[Pat]

I got my Huel.

[Crash]

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[Pat]

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[Crash]

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[Pat]

Huge thanks to Hue for helping us stay sane and healthy this holiday season and for supporting the podcast.

[Crash]

I feel like people having, like, a whole island, too, and flying to somebody's island is kind of, like, strange in a sense, but that's also a different tax bracket of shit that's happening. That's like, I can't relate, but it's just like, hey, Mike, come fly to my island.

[Pat]

I'm not going. I'm not going to nobody island.

[Crash]

Like, I feel like. I think islands are, like, you can't. If anybody invites you to island, just know, like, hey, you people that own islands right now, we watch y'. All.

[Pat]

The up part is, like, you get a, like, nice aerial view of where you're going. Like, it'd be up if dude, like, invited you for a good time. You thinking, like, he got an island full of parties, and you going there. You be like, dam, this island look kind of empty. Yeah, man. Oh, no, no, no. Okay.

[Mike]

Yo, what to do?

[Crash]

Where you at?

[Mike]

I'm at the B ball court.

[Crash]

Sound like you at the Rucker. Yeah, you know, type you.

[Pat]

You hooping?

[Mike]

Duh. I'm playing right now.

[Crash]

I just.

[Mike]

Hold on. I just go down three.

[Pat]

I'm here, bro.

[Crash]

All right, bro, I got a question. I got a question for you. Which celebrity did you meet that disappointed you and why?

[Mike]

Kevin Gates. Biggest hurt of my life, man. I down. I went to a concert. I live out here in Charleston, South Carolina, or to the concert. It's probably like 2020, 2022 or something like that. And, you know, I'm having a good time. All that got some nice on, you know, fresh as a. And now I think the start outperforming. Really? Really. So he started performing really, really. You know, I got this Michael Kors watch on, right? It looked like it started out like it was a bvs, you know, but, man, what it was. So I look up, and I'm close to tell. I'm like 6:3, so that can see me, you know? And I'm down, flashing my, like, you look at me.

[Crash]

Are you, like, shadoring it?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Crash]

Okay.

[Mike]

So I said, he look at me. I look back at him, and he just was like, type like. Like that fake as hell.

[Crash]

On the mic.

[Mike]

Hey. Literally, no, he didn't say nothing, but he looked at me like, I knew he was looking at me. I had an orange jacket on, bro.

[Crash]

I'm six three.

[Mike]

I got a hand.

[Pat]

Oh, man.

[Crash]

Was.

[Pat]

Oh. So while he was performing a song. Really? Really? He looked over at you and saw you flashing your wallet and you saw his facial expression change or saw you flashing your watch and you saw his facial expression change.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Crash]

All my diamonds shine. Cause they really don't. Because you have. Yeah, you had like the cubic zirconium in your Michael Kors watch.

[Mike]

I don't know what it was like. I bought it from Michael Kors. I paid like 400 for that.

[Crash]

No, there's nothing wrong with him.

[Pat]

He should have performed. Not really. Really? Not really. Really?

[Mike]

Hey, nah, listen though. What me also Bad Dog Kevin is one of my favorite rappers. Well, he was. He done cut out that list now. I sent him a long ass message. I was like, hey, bro, you know, like, until I get an apology, bro, I'll never download none of your albums, singles, whatever, ever again.

[Pat]

All because you was should during a Michael Kors watch, bro, it's 2022.

[Mike]

Like, you know, damn. I'm just getting up a little bit.

[Crash]

You feel me? Not Philly. I'm not saying, like, I don't have a bus down watching. Yeah, I also wouldn't like if I had my app. Oh, I don't even have Apple watch. If I had an Apple watch on, I wouldn't be, you know.

[Pat]

So did it have diamonds in it?

[Crash]

Yeah, bro.

[Mike]

It's like a studded out Michael Kors watch.

[Pat]

Okay, let's. Let's look up the lyrics to really really by Kevin Gates. It was a studded out Michael Kors watch. Let's see if. Okay, right. Diamonds, really diamonds? Diamonds, really diamonds And I'm shining bright. Cause I'm really grinding. They ask me if I'm real.

[Mike]

I say I see really real.

[Pat]

My daughter gonna love they've been here. Yeah, yeah. Y' all would have been mad too, bro.

[Mike]

There's another day too. Now this is saying, dude, from the Big Sean, bro, it's the last time.

[Crash]

No, the big shot. Oh, the.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, he folded on the big shine stuff.

[Mike]

Yeah, I remember that origami. That was whack as hell.

[Pat]

Oh, that was tired. That's a good ass joke. That's your nickname. Orig G. They go F all type of way.

[Crash]

How?

[Mike]

Funny as hell, bro.

[Crash]

Oh, man. All right, bro. You have a good one.

[Mike]

Hey, y' all too. Yo, what's going on? What's going on?

[Pat]

Welcome to CDP Podcast. You on the line with Mike and pat here at 95am.

[Mike]

Oh, gosh. Oh, golly. Hey. Hey, guys.

[Pat]

What's up, man? Welcome to the beat.

[Mike]

Oh, man. Hey, thanks. I appreciate it, guys. I appreciate it, man. How you guys doing?

[Pat]

Are you on the line? This is sponsored by. No, I'm just playing y'.

[Crash]

All. Role playing is crazy.

[Pat]

He mad cause he. We're my part of. All right, I got a question for you, bro.

[Mike]

What's going on?

[Pat]

What's something that keeps you up at night.

[Mike]

Bruh? I just found out that my sneaking link is pregnant. And I could be a possibility. Y' all laughing. That not funny, bro.

[Pat]

You could be a possibility.

[Mike]

This really hurt. Yeah, man. A possibility. Sneaky link, meaning she got her own thing going. I got my thing going.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And so, like, made a mistake.

[Crash]

I wouldn't call it that, but. So what's next, then? Are you going. Obviously. Are you gonna do the. The test?

[Mike]

I mean, I've been. She ain't hit me about it. I found out through a verified source, but I know that's. That she is. She don't know I know.

[Pat]

How far along is she? Do you got that information?

[Mike]

Five months.

[Pat]

Five months. And when you say possibilities match up.

[Mike]

The dates match perfectly.

[Pat]

Oh, like, I've been looking at.

[Mike]

I have not counted. I've been. I've been counting on my fingers so many times, like, just random. I'll be like, five, six, counting back. I've been looking at the calendar. The calendar app on my phone is, like, the most recent app.

[Pat]

All right? That's how much you go over it.

[Crash]

But she has a. She has. She has a. A man, though, right?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Crash]

Oh.

[Pat]

Oh, you. I get what you're saying. She trying to keep that dude and, you know, damn.

[Mike]

So.

[Pat]

So, like, what's gonna be. What you gonna do after the baby gets here? Like, what if she just tries to start a family with a new dude and you seek sneak a picture of the new baby and it looked just like you. Are you gonna intervene?

[Mike]

I' ma look at the picture and I'm gonna be like, damn, that's crazy. And I'll probably, like, move to, like, Africa or something like that. Like, where you stay at? Where. Where are you from? Nigeria. They still got. What's the houses like out there?

[Crash]

All right, back to you. Just cheating in general. Are you still with your girl right now?

[Mike]

See. See them type of questions? Like, I thought this was Crash Dummies and not Vlad tv. Wow, that was crazy. That was crazy.

[Pat]

You know how the Internet works. No, no, no. Can I say something, bro? Do not DM us in 24 hours telling us to take this down. The answer is already known.

[Mike]

No, I ain't tripping. So, look, I didn't cheat. What happened was we was on A break. And I don't be cheating, but I be knowing who I' ma mess with. And I'm a habitual block spinner, so I knew who I was gonna mess with, and it just happened to be during that break. But I didn't cheat, though. I'm a faithful.

[Crash]

Did you have any contact with this girl? Like, obviously during.

[Mike]

During the relationship? During the relationship? No, no, no, no, no, no. Just hit her out the blue, bro.

[Crash]

He.

[Pat]

Bro, he got his light on. Pack, I got you back, bro. You're good, bro.

[Mike]

Shooting at. What kind of gun was it.

[Pat]

Mike? Mike? Asking questions the girl didn't ask. God damn.

[Mike]

You trying to set me up, Mike, you know this lady? You know my girl, man? Hey, man. Hey, look, I just. I didn't shoot the club, but that's the only thing that's. That's the only thing that's going in my favor. That's the only thing that's. That's like, helping me out. But I did go outside and let off some shots and then went back and finished my dream, if that makes sense.

[Pat]

Oh, no, then you shot inside the club. You just shot in the parking lot still. Some of the bullets still went in. Yeah.

[Mike]

Hey, I just need everybody. I need y' all to pray for me. I don't want the audio listeners.

[Crash]

I'm not wasting my prayers.

[Pat]

Come on.

[Crash]

Now that the kid is.

[Mike]

I'm trying to get a hellcat. I'm trying. I'm trying to get a hellcat. I got four. I already got four kids and two baby mamas. Why would you wish that on me?

[Pat]

You got four kids and two baby mamas.

[Mike]

Yeah, man. I had a nice life, man. I had a. I had a. I had some experience out there.

[Pat]

What's an. That's not. No experience. It sounds like you got, like, a little less experience because it sound like you tied down two out of.

[Mike]

I got two. Two baby mamas and four kids. Is that a lot?

[Pat]

Hell, yeah.

[Crash]

You're gonna probably have a third baby mom. Yes, that's why. Wow.

[Mike]

That's crazy. Subscribe to the Patreon.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no.

[Mike]

I'm saying.

[Pat]

But he's saying you're with your girl now, right? She's gonna want a kid one day.

[Mike]

Nah, they. Nah, we not doing that.

[Pat]

I bet you. I bet you said that four other times, too, About we not doing that. Got one on the way talking about we not doing that.

[Mike]

Allegedly, bro. Allegedly.

[Crash]

Currently doing it.

[Mike]

Man. Hey, man, all I can do is cross my fingers.

[Crash]

Don't worry about us. We're gonna send you some Pampers, brother.

[Pat]

We got you, bro.

[Crash]

We got you, bro.

[Pat]

First Pampers on us.

[Mike]

I appreciate it. Don't get the newborn size. Get the ones. Start them off.

[Crash]

Boy.

[Pat]

About to get it. Starting five. Come on.

[Crash]

All right, bro.

[Mike]

All right, baby.

[Crash]

What up? What up?

[Mike]

What's up? What's up?

[Crash]

How you doing?

[Mike]

How y' all doing? Pretty good.

[Crash]

Pretty good. Pretty good. Oh, sorry.

[Pat]

That's just a habit.

[Crash]

All right, I got a question for you. What's the worst lie you've ever told me? Old.

[Mike]

My body count was less than 20.

[Pat]

Oh, this is a. That's the worst lie you ever told.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

What's your. What's your body count, if I may ask? I'm sorry.

[Mike]

Honestly. Honestly. Honestly, I think it's like. I think it's, like, more than 30, but less than 40.

[Crash]

Okay.

[Pat]

Oh, you know what that means. What'd J. Cole say? Don't you gotta multiply by three?

[Crash]

Did J. Cole say that?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah, he did. He did.

[Pat]

Since you only been with about four or five, so you gotta.

[Crash]

No.

[Pat]

So, you know, you gotta multiply, like, three. Some like that.

[Mike]

Yeah, 82.

[Crash]

But why. Why'd you lie about it, though?

[Mike]

Well, because I was trying to, like, be modest, you know, And I was, like, trying to, like, get this. I was, like, you know, innocent and stuff like that. So I never really told him my body count as kids, you know, and then I'll just kind of, like, play around, you know, like, oh, and a few. And then he'd be like, you know, how many? And I'm like, I don't know, like, around 20, you know? It was way more than that, but less than 40.

[Crash]

Did it work, though? The least? Did a light work?

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, it worked.

[Crash]

Oh, okay. Hey. Yeah, I can't be mad at it.

[Pat]

She just.

[Crash]

Nope. It.

[Pat]

You know, this is. She keeps saying, like, more than 30, less than 40.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

It's a funny way to describe a number, you know? It's a funny way, you know, when you, like, stop counting.

[Mike]

Yeah. Because, like, you forget. Like, you forget. Honestly.

[Pat]

Yeah, maybe. Number 32 was so good. She was just. In the days she don't know where she at.32. Was that number 32. Was that good?

[Mike]

I don't know, but I think he makes number. Wait, go ahead.

[Crash]

No, no, go ahead. He makes number one.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

I don't know.

[Pat]

She's on fire. She's going for 40.

[Crash]

Now.

[Pat]

Career high. But, no, you do what you want. Just.

[Mike]

But, yeah, you have to. But, yeah, I'm clean, I'm STD free. I've never had any STDs. Thank the Lord. But wild, wild times. So thank God, you know, speaking.

[Pat]

Speaking of the Lord.

[Mike]

Yeah. This all in the past. Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, man, I hate when we clown people and they not even doing it no more.

[Mike]

Yeah, no, I've been. I've been hunching on him all year, so.

[Pat]

She damn near virgin.

[Mike]

Yeah, I am.

[Pat]

It starts over when you. Oh, damn. Yeah, right.

[Mike]

Exactly.

[Pat]

Girl, how you doing that?

[Mike]

No. Yeah. Every year your body count resets, so whatever.

[Pat]

Oh, it.

[Crash]

And it's still 40 every.

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

Well, I mean, like, say, career high.

[Mike]

Yeah, you go back to one. You go back down to one.

[Pat]

What's your career high?

[Mike]

My career high. I'm not gonna lie. I had, like, 10 in a year.

[Pat]

Oh, man, she's a hall of famer.

[Crash]

10 in the years. That's bad.

[Pat]

Oh, that's great.

[Crash]

No, wait, 10 in a year.

[Pat]

Wait, 10 in a year.

[Mike]

My fault.

[Pat]

It's a Hall of Famer.

[Mike]

And one summer. One summer I had no. And that year. The year that I had, like, seven in a summer. So, like. Yeah, it was wild. It was a wild time. It was very dark.

[Crash]

Okay. What? They're all.

[Pat]

How many days in the summer? What the.

[Mike]

But, hey, don't judge me. That.

[Crash]

Were they all in the same state that summer?

[Mike]

You know what? They were all in the same city, and then two of them were brothers. The one with a cousin.

[Crash]

Hey, that's your business. Your body, your body, your body, your. What's the thing they say?

[Pat]

Your body, your choice.

[Mike]

Yeah, my buddy. My body, my choice.

[Crash]

Your body, your choice. No, real.

[Pat]

You could do what you want, Queen.

[Mike]

I got a question, though.

[Crash]

I got a question that's, like, condescending.

[Pat]

No, it's not, bro. I really believe in her. She said she changed. She said she's not even doing this no more. Yeah, she is a queen. Like, why would I joke about that?

[Crash]

What's your question?

[Pat]

I hate people like that, man.

[Mike]

Oh, oh. This. This question is for Mike. You know Anthony Joshua, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You. You have any friends that look like him? Because I seen him yesterday boxing, and I was like, oh, yeah, maybe. Maybe Mike's gonna fight him. Something. I don't know. What do you think?

[Crash]

For the right money, I would. And exactly what happened to Jake Paul might happen to me, so.

[Pat]

No, don't say that.

[Mike]

He's my type, and I need to find a man that looks like him.

[Crash]

I got you. What? What? So you six, Six, four, six, five, Six. Six, right. That's what you're looking for.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Crash]

Nigerian? British?

[Mike]

Well, no, no, that's too taller. At least 6 3. I don't care about British. No, just, like, black and big and, like, strong and muscular. Okay.

[Pat]

Sound like your Google search right there.

[Crash]

What about the guy that you hunching on right now?

[Mike]

Oh, he's 6 3. He's big and muscular, but he's not that big. Well, you want, like, as far as, like, muscle.

[Crash]

You don't want to commit.

[Pat]

She want a new toy.

[Mike]

No, he don't. He don't want to be with me, so.

[Crash]

So y' all just, like, friends with benefits?

[Pat]

What happened?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, he's right here. You want to say hey.

[Pat]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Put him on the phone.

[Mike]

Hold on, hold on. Here. What's going on?

[Pat]

Hey, how come you don't want her, bro?

[Mike]

I'm just not ready myself, you know? So it's like. I don't know.

[Crash]

I'm not.

[Mike]

I'm not ready to settle down yet, man, that boy.

[Crash]

So did you believe her when she said the 20 body count?

[Mike]

No.

[Crash]

What did she do that made you not believe her? I don't know.

[Mike]

I just. I just be catching a little live sometimes, so it's like. I didn't believe it.

[Crash]

Have some good, like, a good relationship going?

[Pat]

I thought you about to say something totally different.

[Crash]

That'd be crazy. I know. What you know? Exactly. That'd be insane.

[Pat]

I thought you went off the rail, like, y' all look like y' all had good sex. Say what?

[Mike]

Wait, what you say? Wait, wait. You said it's something. We have good sex. Oh, what did you say?

[Pat]

Please.

[Crash]

Please.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. We don't give a. That's why we don't give a. Oh, man.

[Crash]

We said y' all got a good thing going, though. Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah, we do. We're pretty.

[Crash]

Y' all both don't want each other, and y' all giving each other what.

[Pat]

Y' all want and y' all together.

[Mike]

Exactly. And that's the way it should be.

[Crash]

Both don't want each other. Do you want him?

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, I love him.

[Crash]

Oh, so you want to be in a relationship?

[Mike]

Yeah, I want him to be my husband. Yeah.

[Pat]

What time he usually leave? About 10. No, do he leave at 10pm to start his life or do it. What time his girl.

[Crash]

No, it's like.

[Mike]

It's more like. It's like 5am oh, his girl work night shifts? I think so, yeah.

[Pat]

Nigga be sprinting back to that bed.

[Crash]

All right. You have A good one.

[Mike]

Okay, y', all.

[Crash]

Bye.

[Pat]

He be sprinting back home. That nigga be in bed by 4.

[Crash]

45. Oh, man, that was crazy.

[Pat]

That's wild. He just over there eating dinner.

[Crash]

That's it.

[Pat]

He go over there for dinner every day.

[Crash]

She said he right here. I thought it was a joke.

[Mike]

What's good? What's good?

[Pat]

What's the deal? Welcome to Crashing Podcast.

[Mike]

Shooting None. Just chilling. Cowboys lost another day.

[Pat]

Oh, damn.

[Crash]

Are you a Cowboys fan?

[Mike]

Yeah, man, sadly. But you know how it be, like.

[Crash]

Like, religiously, like, are you from Dallas? Or you're just like one of those other type of.

[Mike]

Nah, you know, military kid. We moved to Texas, and I was like, nah. So Cowboys.

[Crash]

Okay, okay.

[Pat]

All right. I got a question for you.

[Mike]

What's good?

[Pat]

What's something that keeps you up at night?

[Mike]

Man, the fact that I gotta go to the Navy just so I don't go broke. The Navy, you know? Yeah, yeah. Shoot. These jobs out here, they ain't. They ain't holding it, man. You know, I got a kid and all that, and I can't order pizza. My girl just ordered a pizza. She's like, do you want. Do you want a slice? And I was like, nah, I don't got no bread. Like, I ain't gonna lie, but it's really blown.

[Pat]

Your wife ordered pizza, and she already had the pizza, and you say you don't want a piece of the pizza.

[Mike]

Because, you know, like, when she was. When she was ordering it, she's acting like, did I want to get some? But I couldn't put it like. Like, put in on it because the broke.

[Crash]

But she got.

[Mike]

She got the only way, right? Yeah, but I ain't. I ain't no bum ass, bro.

[Crash]

I can't. Bro.

[Pat]

Did you say. Did he say wife?

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You got, you got, you got, you got a word.

[Pat]

What happened?

[Mike]

No, I was talking to my girl. She was looking at me because I said, my girl, but she was looking. I'm like, man, I got you on speaker.

[Crash]

Y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Pat]

Y' all married?

[Crash]

Nah. Why?

[Pat]

You didn't propose to her yet?

[Mike]

We've been dating for, what, like a week? Like, we've been talking for a minute.

[Pat]

Oh, that's a new relationship.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I mean, on and off, but, you know, this one's gonna be the good one.

[Pat]

So when.

[Mike]

I'm just trying.

[Pat]

I'm confused, though. I don't know if.

[Crash]

Is this.

[Pat]

So from the last time you call? Is this the same girl from the last time?

[Mike]

What do you mean? Last time I called, I Never called y'. All.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no. Oh, my bad. I'm so sorry, bro. Damn. I mean, are you looking at me? Oh, let's hurry up and change the subject. Anywho.

[Crash]

Damn. You said how many on and off. Is this on off, on off, or is it just like on off right now?

[Mike]

No, I mean off on. It was just on. It was like on off. And then, like, she started spitting bars on me, and I was like, to be my girl. But I had to work towards that. It was. It was the whole thing.

[Crash]

So it's a little three.

[Pat]

Okay, so wait, so who not giving you the money for pizza?

[Mike]

What do you mean? Like, no, I don't got the money for the pizza. She got money for pizza, but not me.

[Crash]

This episode is brought to you by Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels and music are made for each other. They share a rhythm in the craft of making something timeless while being a.

[Pat]

Part of legendary nights.

[Crash]

From backyard jams to sold out arenas, there's a song in every toast.

[Mike]

Please drink responsibly.

[Crash]

Responsibility.org, jack Daniels, and Old no. 7 are registered trademarks.

[Mike]

Tennessee whiskey, 40% alcohol by volume.

[Crash]

Jack Daniel Distillery, Lynchburg, Tennessee.

[Pat]

So good, so good, so good.

[Mike]

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[Pat]

Oh, can we talk to her?

[Mike]

Yeah, she right here.

[Crash]

Hello.

[Mike]

Hello. Yes.

[Pat]

How come he can't get no pizza?

[Mike]

I offered him a slice, but he said no, he did not want none, so. But I have my. I have my pizza. I have. I have my own pizza.

[Pat]

How old are y'?

[Mike]

All? I'm 22. 23.

[Crash]

Oh, he's. You guys are still young.

[Pat]

But a slice of pizza? Like, what is she doing with the other slices?

[Mike]

What's up?

[Pat]

What is she doing with the other slices of pizza?

[Mike]

I'm gonna save them and eat them later. So that's her.

[Crash]

You must not been hungry.

[Mike]

Not really. I did eat at my grandma's house, but, like, same time, you know, he's.

[Crash]

Taking a noble stand on, like. Nah, bro, I'm not taking this pizza because I need to work for my pizza. You ate at your grandma's house. You were well fed. Somebody took care of you already?

[Pat]

Yeah, you you eating way better than her. She over there. She over there meal prepping pizza slices. She talking about a slice for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. You ain't want him to eat your Friday, huh?

[Crash]

Oh, my God. Crazy work.

[Pat]

Crazy work.

[Mike]

I ain't gonna lie. I was definitely over here munching all her snacks a few days ago. But real quick, I got. I got one thing I gotta say. There was somebody on your last episode hating on my favorite white boy of the year. I wasn't going for that, bro. Talking about Solomon.

[Crash]

Yeah, Kate for him right now. What's your message to Timothy Charlemagne?

[Mike]

Oh, bro, you're doing the damn thing, bro. You know, you played Paula Tradies. Well, you know, you a great actor. I'm be in the theater seeing Marty support, you know, and real quick, there's. There was somebody Dylan hating ass. Don't ever hit on Crash dummies again, bro. Next time I see him slap the out you, who don't ever hear my crashing on me, bro.

[Pat]

Who Dylan? Who's Dylan?

[Crash]

I don't know who Dylan is.

[Pat]

Who is Dylan?

[Mike]

Y' all don't know. Somebody was hating on y'. All. Y' all like my top three podcasts. I can't let that slide, bro.

[Crash]

What they say about it?

[Mike]

So I had to let him. No, he was saying, like, y' all not funny. Like, y' all just whack. Y' all just a mid black podcast. And I was like, I'm not going for that. White boy Dylan not going for that.

[Pat]

Oh, it was a white dude that said that about us. He called us mid black podcast.

[Mike]

Exactly, bro. Bro. I couldn't let that slide.

[Pat]

He frontline at the auction. He gotta watch that.

[Mike]

Hey, yo. Hey, hey, yo, Dylan. Where. Hey, yo, Dylan, you not there January 4th, where you at? You don't got a show. You don't got a live show in Milwaukee.

[Pat]

That's because he got to celebrate two days later. That's why he got a party January 6th.

[Crash]

All right, bro.

[Mike]

You have a good one. Yes, sir. Y' all be smooth on top.

[Crash]

Oh.

[Pat]

Oh, no.

[Mike]

Yo, yo, how you guys doing?

[Crash]

Good, bro.

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash on these podcast.

[Mike]

Thank you.

[Crash]

I got a question for you. What celebrity did you meet that did that disappointed you?

[Mike]

I'm not trying to say his name, but my favorite.

[Pat]

Say it again.

[Mike]

My favorite NFL player. I'm not trying to expose him, though.

[Pat]

No, you good. Just. You ain't gotta expose him.

[Mike]

Go ahead.

[Pat]

Oh, wait, wait.

[Mike]

Before we.

[Pat]

We get guesses at the end, if we get it right, you got to tell us we right or not, but we won't force you to say his name.

[Mike]

All right. Deal? Deal. Deal. All right. My favorite Eagles player then.

[Crash]

Okay.

[Pat]

Okay. Hello.

[Mike]

Oh, my. Supposed to say watch.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

All right. I mean, I still love him and I would die for him, but he's the goat. But I was out to eat with some girl. I was with her sister and her friends. And so we're sitting down and then we turn around him and two other players are there with two other random guys. I don't know. Yo, there's a fat echo. I don't know if you guys hear that.

[Crash]

Yeah, a little bit, but we'll try to manage to it.

[Mike]

Buffalo bomb. Anyway, so, like, they keep saying his name. I'm looking at him, but I'm not trying to bother him. Yeah. I mean, I'm gonna let him have his piece. And they keep saying his name. So then he comes over. I get hype as I'm trying to, like, talk to him. And they're not. Like, he just ignores me, and he starts talking to the girl I'm with and her sister, and then he just locks eyes with a girl I'm talking to, ask all these questions. Oh, you from the city. Oh, how old are you? And he's just rising her up right in front of me, doing his little light skin smile. And. And yeah, and he was ignoring me. I kept trying to intrude on the conversation, and he just ignored me. I was like a little bitch, I'm not gonna lie. And it really hurt my soul. I tried over and over again to ask for a picture. He was ignoring me. And then once he left, I walked up to him. They're like, yo, can I get a picture? He's like, yeah, sure. Real quick, real quick. All right. But he's had all that time talking to the girl I was with.

[Pat]

Okay, I got a question for you.

[Mike]

And she gave me chlamydia. So her.

[Pat]

Okay, I got. I got a question for you, bro.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

When this person scores a touchdown, do you get mad?

[Mike]

No.

[Crash]

You? Like, it doesn't matter. It doesn't make you mad if he scores a touchdown?

[Mike]

No. I mean, I was low key hyped that he did that because that was kind of like. He kind of validated the girl I was talking to. I'm like, if he wants her, then that's. That's a go. And I went to work and told everyone to sell your coat.

[Pat]

No, no, no. We're saying, like, during the season, like, he still. Does he still play for the Eagles?

[Mike]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Pat]

I'm saying, when he scores a touchdown, do you celebrate now or do you boo?

[Mike]

You know, I celebrate. Yeah. Sober.

[Crash]

Okay.

[Pat]

Okay. Like, he probably. Didn't he score a lot this year? He scored. He scored a decent amount.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Crash]

Damn.

[Mike]

Yeah. You're a fed.

[Pat]

Okay, we got it down the offense, lady. Y' all do.

[Crash]

We'll let them take it from here.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, we got it. Y' all figured out Internet? Yeah.

[Mike]

It's a family.

[Crash]

Put in the comments who you think it is.

[Pat]

Yeah, put in the comments.

[Crash]

Yo.

[Mike]

Hi.

[Crash]

Hi.

[Pat]

How's it going, yo?

[Mike]

It's going pretty good. I'm so excited.

[Pat]

So, except where are you from?

[Mike]

Tennessee.

[Pat]

Tennessee.

[Crash]

It almost had, like, a European twang at that.

[Pat]

Really?

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Is she definitely up in the world?

[Mike]

Does it sound like that?

[Crash]

No. Now, it's definitely. Can tell you from Tennessee, though.

[Mike]

Yeah, I get that all the time.

[Pat]

Sound like sandy cheeks. All right.

[Mike]

Oh, that's crazy.

[Pat]

Got a question for you.

[Crash]

Yes.

[Pat]

What's something that keeps you up at night?

[Mike]

Okay, I sent in that. The fact that we weren't supposed to evolve.

[Crash]

What do you mean?

[Mike]

We were never supposed to be the way we are. Okay, so, like, guys. So you know how, like, cavemen, they were hunting animals and all this good stuff, and as time went on, they evolved. They learned how to make tools, do all the things like fires. We were never supposed to be able to do that. That's the devil. Hear me out.

[Pat]

Evolution.

[Mike]

Yeah, evolution. We wasn't supposed to evolve. That's the devil. We supposed to. You know, like, what. What's the saying? Like, wisdom? Like curiosity kill the cat? No, when wisdom comes grief.

[Pat]

But we'd probably be extinct if we didn't do the fire thing because they kept dying every winter.

[Mike]

But okay, maybe.

[Crash]

Maybe it's a fact.

[Pat]

Why are you here?

[Mike]

No, because we was never supposed to do that. Because Jesus didn't want us to have all that wisdom. He didn't want us to have all that knowledge.

[Pat]

You know, the caveman technically came before Jesus.

[Mike]

You say what?

[Crash]

The caveman, you know, like, it technically, like, came before Jesus.

[Mike]

Technically. No. I could argue this all day. Dinosaurs are around when cavemen were around.

[Crash]

Yeah, but we're talking about Jesus.

[Pat]

He's like, I argue this all day.

[Crash]

You know when they say, like, BC. You know when you see. Like, BC. 80 BC 100 BC before.

[Mike]

See, I should have been prepared. I got. I got scripture that goes with this. I wasn't prepared.

[Crash]

I'm not trying to, like, refute. I'm just, like, giving you Like a little counter argument to kind of know.

[Pat]

Yeah, we ain't trying to rebuke your religion or. No, like, chill. Like, we just letting you know that you just not prepared for. Yeah, we just talk about the fire thing, you know, that's what we started at. And you brought Jesus in it. You did that.

[Mike]

But that's what I'm saying. We wasn't supposed to evolve. Jesus. Jesus didn't want us to have all that knowledge. Now look at us.

[Pat]

Jesus didn't want us to have all that knowledge.

[Mike]

He didn't. We supposed to sit in that garden, eat them fruits, pet them animals, and live happily ever after.

[Pat]

Now we're to Genesis like this. Like. Like this is all over the place. Like, oh, my God.

[Mike]

But if you. If you really sit down and dissect it. It's getting there. It's getting there.

[Pat]

No, if. Yeah, if we sat down and dissected it. You sitting down and disagree. Not getting nowhere.

[Crash]

Anyway.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Crash]

You have a good one.

[Mike]

All right. Y', all, too. Thank you.

[Crash]

Bye.

[Pat]

What's the deal? Welcome to Crashing his podcast.

[Mike]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Crash]

All right, I got a question for you. What was your worst celebrity experience?

[Mike]

Worst? I've had very few, but it wasn't horrible. It was just not really up to my expectations. You feel okay? So about three or four years ago, met Jack Harlan, and I was maybe a sophomore in high school. So I was like. I was a little. And I was like, all right. He just started popping. Just hanging out with Jersey, you know, he's getting big. He's got that big dick energy, right? No, he. I don't know. He was real chill with it, so, like, maybe that's. Should I guess you could say that's like that big dick energy, but.

[Crash]

Okay.

[Mike]

I don't know, man.

[Crash]

I. Strike two, go ahead.

[Mike]

But, you know, growing up now, these days, we're not really worried about how men are down there, you know, you feel.

[Crash]

So why was it a bad experience?

[Mike]

I wouldn't say bad. I just. Not. Not as expected.

[Pat]

What is he talking about?

[Crash]

What did. Like, what was your interaction with Jack Harlow, though?

[Mike]

Oh, I. I met him at my. Was my stepsister's birthday or not. Birthday. Baby shower. That's what it was. He was there. He. He knew some folk around.

[Crash]

So.

[Mike]

I don't know. Never really met a celebrity before. Was real nervous, but it was real young, too. But he was real chill. I thought he was going to be more involved, you feel more. I don't know. He had just started popping, so I thought he was Trying to build his image up. He was a little more. More relaxed and chill with.

[Crash]

Yes. Because he's at a baby shower for someone else.

[Mike]

Nah, was all good, though. I mean, I with some Jack Harlow.

[Crash]

Like. Well, like, why you asking this question?

[Mike]

You know, I with y', all, for real.

[Pat]

Okay, I got you. Let's try to say this. What's your message to Jack Harlo right now?

[Mike]

Jack Jackman, stop doing movies, bro. Get back. Get back in the studio.

[Pat]

What you want him to make in the studio? What kind of songs you want? He listening to this right now, and he probably gonna do whatever you say, bro.

[Mike]

Jack. Hey, Jack. I mean, to talk about you like.

[Pat]

That cop and please, cop and please.

[Mike]

Get in there and show us how big it is. Give us that big dick energy.

[Crash]

Okay.

[Pat]

What does a voice sound like in your head?

[Crash]

Oh, that's a good one. I would say, like, slightly deeper than.

[Pat]

My voice now, so it's more authoritative.

[Crash]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about you?

[Pat]

It's like a bunch of people laughing at me. You trash if you don't do that, bro. Ah, he's so trash. I am schizophrenic, bro. They be cooking me, bro. But one day, man, I killed them all. They came back like you, thought we were gone. They gonna play this in court.

[Crash]

I know they.

[Pat]

This right here. What's his first manic episode? GTA in gta.

[Crash]

What about you?

[Pat]

Yeah, mine's probably this sounds like me, but just very, like, stern and assertive. Like, monotone. It's like, open the door.

[Mike]

It's like straight.

[Pat]

Just wait, tell me what to do. Type, you know, say, open the door. That robot for real. Like, what's that? You know what I'm saying? Detector. Whole ass. Oh, ass. Nah, bro. No handshakes for you.

[Crash]

Did you guys see that thing of that video, Kyrie Irving pushing the out that robot?

[Pat]

Yeah, I did see that.

[Crash]

It was like a walking robot. And he pushed the robot. It was like a realistic, moving robot. Like, it, like, was shocked that it pushed it.

[Pat]

I thought it was going to jump up, though. It looked like. Yeah.

[Crash]

And I think when I see stuff like that, I always just think to, like, the future, like, damn, these are the people. Like, the AI robots are going to pick first. Like, I still tell my, like, my chachi GPT. Please and thank you.

[Mike]

Are you scared?

[Crash]

I think it's just like my way of. Of talking.

[Pat]

Well, we know what side of the world he going on.

[Crash]

The winning side.

[Pat]

The winning side. Yeah. Yeah. I can't wait to unplug you all.

[Crash]

Pass out, coming out with a fight.

[Pat]

Come on, man. I always. Because I got prior hate, though.

[Crash]

Do you think we're gonna get to that point one day? Like, just not. Maybe not in our lifetime, but there's gonna be a time where it's like, humans versus robots.

[Pat]

I mean, you hear the rumors about it all the time, and they try to hide. I believe personally that if we see technology on the Internet, even if we think it's brand new and we're all amazed by the robot, whatever the government has is probably a decade, maybe even more ahead of us. Somebody, so. So, like, somewhere, like some that happened, somewhere where a robot attacked somebody.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Somebody say the war has started. That would. That would be a. It's a perfect beginning to the story, if you think about it. An NBA player, Kyrie, who's kind of known for that holistic stuff, pushed a robot. Like, I can honestly see Kyrie being President of United States now. Like, no, but if we go against robots, Kyrie knew. That's why he pushed him right there. That's enough for my vote right there. Obama as vice president. I'm in. Come on, man, let's make it black. Dave Chappelle, Secretary of State.

[Crash]

That would be crazy.

[Pat]

No, that'd be perfect, bro.

[Crash]

I'm.

[Pat]

I. I would be scared, though. I. I would be tempted to switch.

[Crash]

Sides because there is no switch inside. They don't. I feel like robots are not gonna need us to do anything for them.

[Pat]

No, I'm gonna tell them, turn me half robot. N. No, bro. Let me keep that. No, the G. Terrible, bro. No, bro. I take the mechanic one, bro.

[Crash]

Just kind of nice pick the size.

[Pat]

I put a machine gun on into my bro. Got a Gatling gun on this.

[Crash]

If they could put your. Your consciousness into a robot, would you do it? It, like, say you. You're 90 years old afterlife. Yeah. Like, you're like, just say, hey, Pat, you got. You got two more years after this. You let us put your consciousness into a robot.

[Pat]

Knowing what I know now?

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Hell, yeah. I definitely do it. And I would be the leader of the robot revolution. I just start having clues like finding a way for longevity getting gruesome. Like, we gonna take. Take this over, bro.

[Crash]

But what's there to take over One.

[Pat]

Step at a time, huh?

[Crash]

What's there to take over?

[Pat]

Y' all gonna see when we storm the Capitol. It's gonna be something, I tell you. That's where we gonna be way better dressed than the first ones, too. Like Vince Staples said, I think by.

[Crash]

The time Robots can do, like, things like. And the robot war starts. I think there's gonna be, like, somebody like a Superman type of person. It'll be, like, superhumans by then, you know?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Crash]

Flying babies.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Crash]

Don't.

[Pat]

Don't let me catch a superhuman in a vulnerable position. He slid Superman's throat. Oh, my God.

[Crash]

That sounded crazy.

[Mike]

What?

[Crash]

That sounded so crazy. Don't let me find a superhero in a vulnerable position. Oh, my man.

[Pat]

You gotta make everything sexual. That's why the people did deal with mental health. Rona Holiday, he's doing this. We literally just talked about mental health. All right. Again. And we said it on a Patreon, and I think it's very important that we say it here, because I want the audio listeners, the YouTube listeners to hear this and make sure everybody got the information right. Fuck the streets, right? He said.

[Crash]

Come on.

[Pat]

What are y' all saying?

[Crash]

Come on. Come on.

[Pat]

I think sometimes it's just, like, very funny to, like, someone like, obviously, I didn't live the street life, so I've, like, no, like, wasn't selling drugs. I wouldn't part no gangs. I was in the streets at all. So it's just like, there's people like me that's saying the streets. Like, no, no, slow down, brother. Let them have their lines, man.

[Crash]

They got.

[Pat]

They the ones that gotta say it. Because I feel like they're the one that's, like, pushing the music that's saying that, too. You don't think that's gonna be, like, slang now? The streets?

[Crash]

Yeah, it might be.

[Mike]

Let's.

[Pat]

The streets, man.

[Crash]

What. What. What's his name for you?

[Mike]

Like, it ain't for you no more, you know?

[Pat]

Yeah, I feel like they. I feel like it's like a ploy to stop investigation, which I think is very smart. I feel like a lot of these people are getting investigated, like, how they came up and, like, people going through their old music and trying to link people to different murders and stuff like that. It's just like, bro, look what they trying to do to us because we're was rapping, and they let us rap like this. And then the streets, man, say that, bro.

[Crash]

Nah, bro.

[Pat]

Why you scared to say the streets?

[Crash]

That's on the streets, bro.

[Pat]

That's crazy. That's crazy. It's somebody. Somebody that watches podcast strictly for you, bro. You just turn him up. He said, yeah, m. Yeah, tell him right now. Y can't tell me CDP don't do it, bro.

[Crash]

Puka Nakua.

[Pat]

Nice. You worked on that one. There's no way.

[Crash]

What do you mean? I was in my head this whole time you people were here. Like, I was about to change topics and I almost his name up. So I was just thinking about how to say his name.

[Pat]

That was perfect.

[Crash]

That was. I had a little twang to. I'm not gonna do it again.

[Pat]

Yeah, I wouldn't.

[Crash]

No, no, I'm not.

[Pat]

I. I wouldn't even admit that. That's how good it was. I was shocked, bro. I don't even know if I could repeat that.

[Crash]

But I'm starting to believe that his brother might have did it.

[Pat]

His brother did what?

[Crash]

The car thing.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah. So what did he do again?

[Crash]

He stole a car basically from LA Lakers rookie. And then ballet the car at a hotel. It's just kind of a crazy thing. But the reason I. It's not even because of him that I think that he did it anymore. It's because of Puka. Him scoring the touchdown and the tweeting, the. I mean, him having a really good game and tweeting that stuff.

[Pat]

Because it wouldn't be a story right now. Yeah, right. Would it be a story? No, it wouldn't be as big as a story. I would say that. And so the. The stealing of the car and parking at the hotel thing is crazy, Stu. Like really dumb. Crying, like, take it to a chop shop or something. Like, let's make this work or something. And then obviously what Puka did on Aiden and Neon stream.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Was crazy. Like even if. If Aiden was telling me to do a celebration and I was on Aiden Ross's stream, I just be like, I'm gonna try that later or I'm gonna like make sure I look that up later. I don't trust you. And the way that they was gassing him up, they was setting him up. They did a good job of making him feel comfortable. I don't know if they really was like that and they really was enjoying this company, but when I was watching the questioning, they were like, what Poker new Cole say?

[Crash]

Damn.

[Pat]

See I this up. What did he say? He was like something, something with the rest. They were like, oh, no way.

[Crash]

Oh yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I mean? It's just like some of the stuff wasn't breaking and just like they're like, oh, it's the refs make bad calls for real.

[Crash]

Oh, no way.

[Pat]

And then like jumping like that.

[Crash]

Especially like as we get older and like the farther you get from the generation that's like doing the thing. You always gotta ask, what does this mean?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Crash]

Before I do it or Just don't do it. I'm like, no, I'm good.

[Pat]

Come on. You took. You took a. You took a touchdown celebration from a troll and then repeated him right after and then had to send an apology. Come on now. Really? Had to apologize. And major coach talk about it in his postgame press conference after y' all just happened to lose by a two point conversion, which is crazy.

[Crash]

And he had a really good game.

[Pat]

You know, that's never been done before. Game's never been won on a two point conversion like that.

[Crash]

Oh, no. Really?

[Pat]

But no, not like that.

[Crash]

Sheesh.

[Pat]

That's crazy, bro.

[Crash]

Anyway, that has been Crash Dummies podcast episode 238. Appreciate y' all again with the holidays coming up. We do hope you guys enjoy the holidays. Must need a rest. That's why we released it on Monday.

[Pat]

What else you got for them Patreon members? This is still 50.

[Crash]

Yeah, 50.

[Pat]

Okay, you got 50 off, then we gonna start dropping. I don't know if y' all want our Twitch vods. When. When Mike comes over to my Twitch or I come over to his Twitch, we'll start dropping those in the Patreon. So y' all got extra content during the holiday days, you know, because we know y' all actually. Some of y' all actually in the house, home from school. We got some college kids that. Y'.

[Crash]

All. Y'.

[Pat]

All. You think they look up to us or you think they just like, oh, they're my ass cousins?

[Crash]

I mean, I would think somebody. Some people look up to us.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Crash]

Yeah.

[Pat]

The streets, Monster Energy.

[Mike]

Everybody knows White Monster Zero Ultra.

[Pat]

That's the OG it kicked off this.

[Crash]

Whole Zero Sugar energy drink thing.

[Pat]

But Ultra is a whole lineup now. You've got Strawberry Drinks, Dreams, Blue Hawaiian Sunrise, and Vice Guava.

[Crash]

And they all bring the Monster Energy punch. So if you've been living in the white can branch out.

[Pat]

Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe.

[Crash]

And every single one is Zero Sugar Tap the banner to learn more.