Should This Be Normalized? - Episode 231

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast: "Should This Be Normalized?" - Episode 231 (Nov 5, 2025)

Episode Overview

Pat Johnson and Mike Esiobu, hosts of Crash Dummies Podcast, dive into questionable current events and social behaviors, debating whether they should be normalized or left in the realm of the absurd. Episode 231 blends wild headlines, personal anecdotes, and audience calls on topics ranging from public intimacy to gambling ethics, cheating, unconventional relationships, hygiene, and much more—all delivered in the duo’s trademark unfiltered, humorous, and honest tone.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Technology and "Freaky Activities" (00:00–01:46)

• Devices for certain activities: Mike and Pat debate what devices are appropriate for porn consumption, poking fun at how using anything bigger than a phone is “too freaky.”
  • “There should be no porn on your laptop. That's too freaky.” – Pat (00:13)
  • “To Chromecast something…you got to stay horny through technical difficulties.” – Pat (00:42)
• Video quality in porn: Humor over “4K” videos making the experience “too cinematic.”

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2. Wild Headlines: Monkeys with STDs on the Loose (03:26–05:29)

• Bizarre but believable news: Pat highlights a headline about a California truck crash involving 17 monkeys, all with STDs.
  • “Why are there monkeys with STDs being driven in a box truck around California?” – Pat (04:27)
• Jokes about “gonorrhea gorillas” and “chlamydia climbers.” (05:12)

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3. Athletes & Gambling Ethics (05:29–09:08)

• Should athletes profit from betting?
  • Pat: Only if their achievements (like MVP or finals win) are the basis of the bets, not for player performance props. (05:44)
  • Mike: Raises concerns about fairness and how sports leagues might respond to match-fixing scandals.
• Fixing fights and games: Discussion of high-profile cases (UFC, NBA’s Terry Rozier), poor acting during alleged fixes, and the evolution of detection technology.

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4. Social Nightlife & Friendship Dynamics (11:02–16:56)

• Motivations for going out: Mike and Pat advocate for prioritizing fun over using outings just to meet women.
  • “Go out, your first intention is to have fun...if no women talk to me tonight, will I still have fun?” – Pat (11:18)
• Wingman woes: The pitfalls of being dragged along for a friend’s “play,” and funny stories of awkward setups.
• Boundaries with friends’ significant others: Detailing the unwritten rules for interacting with friends’ girlfriends/spouses and calling out overfamiliarity.
  • “If that's my friend's girlfriend...we don't even really fully hug.” – Pat (14:55)

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5. Relationship Quirks and Longevity (16:22–18:46)

• Odd couple dynamics: The hosts reflect on how some of the “strangest” couples—those with their own unique quirks—seem to have the longest relationships.
  • “Couples that do weird stuff like that are the couples that last the longest.” – Pat (16:56)

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6. Calls from Listeners: What Should Be Normalized? (20:10–45:51)

Listener interactions bring a diverse (and wild) set of normalization proposals:

a. Side Pieces (20:10–25:43)

• Guest proposes normalizing “side pieces” (official mistresses or side partners):
  • “By now everyone should normalize that. I make the person happy and I send them back home on time.” – Caller 5 (20:10)
  • Gives insight into a self-aware, ongoing side-piece arrangement, discussing preferences, roles, and boundaries.

b. Dating Inmates (35:26–43:16)

• Caller shares her experience with long-term relationships with incarcerated men, including swapping between brothers in prison:
  • “We should normalize dating inmates. People who are incarcerated.” – Caller 3 (35:26)
  • Pat and Mike question her motivations, but she asserts it works for her and calls for less judgment from others.

c. Hygiene & Sitting to Pee (31:03–34:09)

• Truck driver suggests normalizing men sitting to pee, especially in public restrooms due to cleanliness.
  • “They need to start doing like jail rules...sit down and pee because you don't want to get that out on the floor.” – Caller 4 (31:29)
• Admits he doesn't do it himself, but suggests it would help.

d. Eating Ass & Intimacy Preferences (43:37–45:51)

• Normalization of “eating ass” to strengthen relationships, argued enthusiastically by a male caller:
  • “If you love your lady enough, you'll get down there and eat that...” – Caller 1 (43:37)
• Mike and Pat push back, noting consent is key and not “everyone” is into everything.

e. Men Wearing Dresses (50:42–52:06)

• A female caller pitches normalizing men in dresses for “objectification” and aesthetic pleasure.
  • “I just imagine men in, you know, tight little dresses and stuff.” – Caller 5 (50:56)
• When challenged, she clarifies she prefers men who don’t already do so to try it. This suggestion is universally panned as “stupid” by Pat (52:06).

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7. Funny, Notable Quotes & Moments

• “To Chromecast something [for porn]…that means you gotta stay horny through technical difficulties.” – Pat (00:42)
• “The chlamydia climbers. What is going on?” – Pat (05:12)
• “Go out, your first intention is to have fun...if no women talk to me tonight, will I still have fun?” – Pat (11:18)
• “I'm really old school, right? So…if that's my friend's girlfriend…we don't even hug.” – Pat (14:55)
• “Couples that do weird stuff like that are the couples that last the longest.” – Pat (16:56)
• “By now everyone should normalize [side pieces].” – Caller 5 (20:10)
• “We should normalize dating inmates. People who are incarcerated.” – Caller 3 (35:26)
• “They need to start doing like jail rules…sit down and pee because…you don’t want to get that out on the floor.” – Caller 4 (31:29)
• “If you love your lady enough, you'll get down there and eat that...” – Caller 1 (43:37)
• “I just imagine men in tight little dresses.” – Caller 5 (50:56)
• “That is the stupidest thing I’ve heard today.” – Pat (52:12)

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8. Additional Notable Listener Stories

• Wild Halloween costumes: Blind referee, a guy dressed as a sperm, etc.
• Money and adult friendships: Loaning friends money becomes less common as responsibilities and pride grow.
• Bathroom etiquette: Hilarious debates about men’s restroom habits (“no dropping to your knees, bro!”).
• Driving and clubbing: Group leader disputes, flexing at the club, and funny stories about hosting sections.

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9. Random Headlines & Current Events (62:12–66:10)

• Ridiculousness canceled after 14 years/46 seasons: Hosts discuss the show's longevity, Rob Dyrdek’s massive $35M annual payday, the internet’s role in killing reaction shows, and the evolution from VHS submissions to reaction memes.

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10. Social Media & Relationship Apps (68:12–69:56)

• Dating app rejections: Pat tells the story of a guy getting matched, only for the girl's first message to be “man, it,” underlining dating app fatigue.

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Memorable Moments with Timestamps

• Porn on Chromecast = ultra freaky: Pat (00:42)
• "Chlamydia climbers"/Monkeys with STDs: Pat (05:12)
• Caller details being a proud, longstanding side piece: Caller 5 (21:07–25:40)
• Caller normalizes dating inmates, reveals complex prison love triangle: Caller 3 (35:26–40:47)
• Truck driver proposes men sit to pee; drops personal “knee technique” confession: Caller 4 (31:10–34:09)
• Caller campaigns for men eating ass as a show of love: Caller 1 (43:37–45:51)
• Female listener pushes men in dresses for objectification: Caller 5 (50:42–52:06)
• Pat’s old-school friendship boundaries (“we don’t even hug friend’s girlfriends”): Pat (14:55)
• Pat’s family dementia story and the “musty cousin” (59:30–60:58)
• Ridiculousness canceled/Rob Dyrdek payout: Mike (61:20)
• Debate over loaning friends money in adulthood: Pat & Mike (62:56–66:10)

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Tone & Style

The conversation is candid, hilarious, sometimes brash, and always rooted in playful but honest debate. Regularly bouncing between serious questions and irreverent asides, Pat and Mike strike a balance between offering genuine insight and sparring with absurdity—absolutely unfiltered and highly relatable for their audience.

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For Listeners: Why Tune In?

Crash Dummies 231 is packed with laughs, wild stories, and surprisingly candid advice about friendship, relationships, loyalty, and living authentically. The mix of audience calls brings even more chaos and unexpected wisdom to the show, making it both a social commentary and a cathartic roast session.

This episode is a goldmine of soundbites and could easily be used to spark group debates or just get a solid laugh at the end of a wild day. No topic is too taboo, and nothing is taken too seriously. If you want a podcast that feels like bantering with your unfiltered friends at the bar, this is it.

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Notable Quotes Recap

• On “freaky” device usage: “There should be no porn on your laptop. That's too freaky.” – Pat (00:13)
• On helping friends: “I've been playing cupid the whole time. Like, be my boy. No, no, no.” – Pat (14:32)
• On “strange” couples: “Couples that do weird stuff like that are the couples that last the longest.” – Pat (16:56)
• On loaning money: “All my friends give money…them be the scariest people to be around, bro. Because $40 mean a lot to them and it's going to keep meaning a lot to them…” – Pat (65:08)
• On normalizing quirks: “If you love your lady enough, you'll get down there and eat that...” – Caller 1 (43:37)

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Quick Reference: Important Segments

• Laptop vs. Phone Debate: 00:00–01:46
• STD Monkeys Story: 03:26–05:29
• Gambling Ethics in Sports: 05:29–09:08
• Nightlife & Relationship Norms: 11:02–16:56
• Wild Listener Calls: 20:10–45:51
• Odd Couples, Club Etiquette: 16:22–18:46, 72:47–75:25
• Adult Friendships/Money: 62:56–66:10
• Ridiculousness Cancelled: 61:02–62:12

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Missed the episode? This summary gives you all the laughs, wild ideas, and insights you need—straight from the source and full of the same unfiltered Crash Dummies energy.

Transcript

[Mike]

Do you feel like there's activities that are meant for just the phone and your laptop?

[Pat]

Like, are you saying like sometimes just your phone?

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

And then sometimes just your laptop?

[Mike]

Yes. Yes.

[Pat]

There should be no porn on your laptop. That's too freaky.

[Mike]

You think so?

[Pat]

Yeah. On the laptop. It's crazy.

[Mike]

Yeah, I think because you might. It depends on like, how you're doing it. If you're in bed, you might have that laptop on your. Your stomach.

[Pat]

But when do you need to get that freaky where you need that big of a screen? Porn is like a very small screen activity. Anything over the biggest iPhone size or Android size.

[Mike]

So do you think the dudes that like Chromecast that they're a TV or freaky.

[Pat]

That's freaky as fuck. That's so fucking freaky. To Chromecast something. You know how consecutively horny you have to be to do that? You know how much time it takes to do that? Like the Chromecast something. That means you got to stay horny through technical difficulties. Like, hold on, let me do this. And then you get done doing that and you still ready to go at it. It's crazy. And what video do you guys. It's 4K,

[Mike]

but definitely there's. I feel like definitely people do that when like the sex tapes drops.

[Pat]

You think that, you think that matters though, with. With porn? What the definition of the video? Because I see some porn videos will have like or like 4k on it.

[Mike]

Like high definition. I feel like if it's too good, like, if it's too cinematic, it's like, nice. Yeah. You want a little grainier.

[Pat]

I really. With this character, bro. Why is she getting.

[Mike]

Anyway, welcome to crash dummies episode 231. I'm Mike. We got Pat here, we got Gene.

[Gene]

We all.

[Mike]

Live show. Chicago live show is live. And the link in the description, you can either go to crash dummies podcast.com and it should be like the first thing in the. In the. The links we have in our stuff. And then. Yeah, it's gonna be. Things gonna be a good show.

[Pat]

No, no, pop out. From now on, when you come on this podcast, you're not allowed to talk shit unless you got a live show ticket until the live show.

[Mike]

What about the people that are not in Chicago?

[Caller 1]

Huh?

[Mike]

What about the people that are not in Chicago?

[Pat]

At least send me a DM. Like, bro.

[Gene]

least an excuse.

[Pat]

Yeah, I was. I live in Florida, bro.

[Mike]

No, we see the. The demographics in our. On the back ends and the analytics so we know there's a Lot of people in Chicago, so we expect the show to sell out. We're going to do live listener callers there. We're going to have, like, exclusive merch

[Gene]

as well, so they can still be involved.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, oh, yeah. People can still be around.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Technically. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caller 3]

I know.

[Pat]

We, we got, we got a lot of surprises for y'. All. We got things that you're. We're going to do that you're not going to expect us to do. We're going to have dj.

[Mike]

I might.

[Pat]

Dj Mike might. DJ might. Obviously. I'm gonna do some stand up. We're gonna do some crowd work. So I feel like there's gonna be a lot of crowd involvement. So go out there and get those tickets. You'll be a part of history. You might make a viral clip.

[Caller 1]

All right.

[Mike]

Subscribe to Patreon. Yeah, just dropped a bonus episode and a Patreon episode last week. So, you know, we're dropping extra content there. So make sure you subscribe.

[Pat]

Worth your money, man. Keep spending.

[Mike]

All right, we're done. We're done selling to them.

[Pat]

All right, back to the. This is. I just want to say this is the fucked up thing about America that is so annoying is some of the headlines we have are actually crazy, but it's believable. So it's swept under the rug. And there was one headline that I couldn't get out my head all weekend. There was a truck that crashed over the weekend somewhere in California. In that truck, there were 17 illegal monkeys. I mean, the animal, everybody. I don't know what type of ladies y', all, but like actual monkeys. And all 17 other monkeys or whatever had STDs.

[Mike]

What, like, oh, was that with the story with the lady killed one of the monkeys?

[Pat]

I'm not sure if those are connected, but that would be crazy. That'd be believable, I think.

[Mike]

So Go ahead. Sorry I interrupted the flow.

[Pat]

No, no, you didn't interrupt the flow, but I'm just saying, like, why are there monkeys with STDs being driven in the box truck, like, around California? Let's say they already exist. There's nothing you can do about the STD monkeys. You, the gonorrhea, gorillas, Ms. mom says

[Mike]

she shot and killed at large monkey to protect her children. This was the monkeys that escaped after a truck overturned last week.

[Pat]

Yes. It's just like, what the fuck is going on?

[Mike]

I think those might have been like, you think those, like, test ones they're

[Gene]

trying to cure, like, STDs or whatever with that.

[Pat]

Like monkeys.

[Gene]

But they escaped.

[Mike]

So what are the chances of those things happening? Like you said, truck overturning with monkeys that have std'.

[Pat]

Oh, it's the chlamydia climbers. What the is going on?

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh.

[Caller 1]

No.

[Pat]

That's so crazy. No, the aids, but that's what I'm saying. I know you're not gonna get on. I put my ten for your hat on.

[Mike]

Oh, I got a question for you, Pat. With all the. The gambling bet and stuff that's going on in sports, do you think athletes should get a percentage of the money that's Juan. Off them?

[Pat]

Only if they win an award because of that. So, like if you bet on Shea, Gil, Just Alexander to win mvp.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And he wins mvp and people get money off him getting mvp, then I feel like he should get a cut of that money that the people won. Like a percentage. Oh, the percentage goes to the player that achieved MVP or the team that won the finals that you bet on. But like, as far as like me betting you over, then you. You ain't getting a percentage of ball out. Loner, good looking.

[Mike]

I'll just say. Would you think that would change anything in sports? Like, change the way players play or like, say they can only. I don't know if I'm using the right terminology where you can only get money if you. You from the overs. The people that bet.

[Gene]

You're over talking about commission.

[Pat]

I feel like that that's excellent. That's. I feel like that's up betting. Because the whole point of me betting someone's under is that he's playing in an 82 game season. And I'm hoping he doesn't take this game as serious. Yeah, but now you're giving him a bonus if he goes over. So I feel like that's unfair to me because I'm bending his under. Yeah, you're giving him extra motivation.

[Mike]

But then we're not with that. Do you think it's fair that athletes. People can bet on athletes and athletes can make people money, but they can't make money from their performances, like through betting.

[Pat]

No, the people are putting up their money.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That's their money.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying? It's just like anything. It's just like wall. It's like the simplest form of Wall street betting is it's like you put in 300 to what you think is a good investment and then you hope it hits. It has nothing to do with that person. And it's in the entertainment industry.

[Mike]

Yeah. Do you think the sports leagues are gonna be, like, on high alert right now? There was just a UFC fighter, too, that they canceled all bets for and returned money to because. Because of, like, possible fixing of fights. Like, there was shit he was doing the fight where. I think his name is Isaac something, but there was shit he was doing during the fight like an amateur wouldn't do. Like, there's just certain things he looked like he was throwing the fight, and then I think there was, like, an influx of bets that came in his name. Like. Like, it went from, like, zero to, like, a hundred. Like, just the line graph is like, this. The volume of bets on this name.

[Caller 4]

What?

[Pat]

Okay, so the things I've seen. So a couple. I'm not accusing Terry Rosier of nothing, whatever, but, like, every time I see a player that's been accused of that, the acting job that goes into it is fucking terrible.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, there was a time Terry Rozier, there was a game that they. They're investigating him for where he left early for with an ankle injury. And if you know basketball, it's so easy to twist your ankle on so many things. You jump, you. You run out of bounds too fast, right? This dude, Terry Rozier caught the ball, dribbled, pulled up for a mini. If anybody knows basketball, Terry Rozier jumps high as fuck for his jump shot. Came down, ran back on defense, waited until he was on defense, grabbed his ankle, and started limping. So you just told me you just did all that shit. It's like the acting that goes into this. Like, with. With if someone told me, hey, Pat, I need you to take the fall but not look like it. I would just go out there punching with no defense. Eventually I gotta get caught across the T shirt, like, why the fuck? Like, and then you'll watch tape of somebody who threw a fight, and they'll do something so aggressive, they'll go down

[Mike]

to, like, a random ass body shot.

[Pat]

Yeah. They'll be like, ooh, that hurt. And, like, go down. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, bro, if you gonna get in this game, take some acting skills or go down on something like, they can't prove. Like, you can't prove that I didn't twist my ankle, especially on replay, I would think I know how twist my ankle on purpose. If somebody paid me $50,000 to go out there and make it look like I twist my ankle, I'm pretty sure I can literally get myself in a situation.

[Mike]

It's kind of crazy then to think about how many People were throwing games and fights back then, before in the 40s, the 50s and stuff like that. Yeah, man, before technology was more advanced to kind of detect it right away, it was legit. Getting freaking your knees hit with a baseball back in back alleys for niggas to take the fall.

[Pat]

That gotta be a crazy feeling, though, playing with your friend in, like, foreign country soccer league in the 70s and having that mob come at you and you know your friend real good, and you passing the ball, he dropping it, and you start looking at him like, bro, and he's like, no, that'd be so crazy if nobody knew. Like, let's say me and Gene were playing, like, three on three basketball, and we supposed to be the best players.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And Gene found out that I was betting, and he stopped passing me the ball, and they actually blamed G, like, nah, bro, I couldn't pass a rock.

[Mike]

I wonder how much money it would take for me to throw a fight. I honestly, at this level, no, by anything. That's crazy. Hey, bro, I think I said a million dollars to go lose.

[Pat]

Like, you see a eating a bag of Skittles. I had to do what I had to do, bro.

[Caller 4]

That's it.

[Pat]

That's all it took, man. Taste the rainbow. All right, okay. So I was watching this Instagram reel, and I made a good point. It said pov.

[Mike]

Let me read it real quick.

[Pat]

It says pov, bro. After he misses his first shot. Listen to this.

[Mike]

What'd he say?

[Pat]

He said, yo, bro, we out of here. This is ass. Like, first thing they say, bro. I. I try to tell this to dudes because I feel like we have. The biggest problem doing this is go out. Your first intention is to have fun. So let's just say you got to imagine, hey, if no women talk to me tonight, will I still have fun? And if you say no, then you need to change your plans to where that is true facts. Because you can't go out like that. I hate going out with people who don't know how to take a night off. Like, okay, I've been with you three nights in the last, you know, three weeks, Right? Let's say we went out every Saturday, all three of those Saturdays. You had a play going. And our whole night was based off.

[Mike]

Off the play.

[Pat]

Off the play. We got these girls dragging us to hookah lounges and shit. You got me on wingman time, you know the bitch. I got asthma.

[Mike]

Why am I at the club with a. A bull ride machine? This year

[Pat]

is crazy. Like, you always got me on these plays and I'm just trying to have fun. I can't stand people whose whole time going out is based on, like, finding a significant other or hooking up with somebody.

[Mike]

We've definitely been in those situations, too. Especially in our younger years is when dudes have their own play. We legit end up in, like, a country. A country bar. It's like, bro, why are we here right now? Just like, yo, bro, trying to talk to old girl and shit.

[Pat]

Like, you ever been, like, such a good friend that it's like, three or four y'.

[Caller 3]

All.

[Pat]

That ain't got nothing to do with one situation, but your man's want to meet this girl here. You start looking at the girl like, hey, man, the fucked up part.

[Mike]

I hate the fucked up part. Is that once you sacrifice, like, your time and effort, like, all right, we're going with this is all for one type of effort, right? And then you get to the bar that you guys are going to, and then he's afraid to actually go talk to her. Like, what the fuck?

[Pat]

I seen that, man. I seen a dude talked to a girl for, like, two weeks, and they got together, and he was talking to her as a friend. Like, man, yeah. He was, like, mentioning dates out loud. He was like, man, me? You gotta do that?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And she would just turn away and start talking. I'm like, nah, bro, that ain't it. Or the dudes out there. I just want to give y', all, like, small advice. You not missing no signs, brother. She's not giving them. Stop all that deep thinking and shit. Like, man, maybe she really is taking a nap.

[Mike]

You're have a. You ever have a friend that. That he talked about a girl and then said they're, like, talking exclusively and stuff like that, right? And then when you actually first get around them, the way they're talking back and forth, it don't sound like they're. It sound like they're just friends.

[Pat]

Yeah, bro, there's been so many times. And the worst is coming around that friend, and you see that girl start to take a liking to you. No, no, no.

[Mike]

I hate that.

[Pat]

I hate that. And it's worse when the dude can't tell either, because if he could tell the girl at you now, he could kind of diss her. Like, nah, I see you trying to get at my homie. It's up when he keep making y' all talk. So, Hey, y' all should tell each other more.

[Caller 4]

Now.

[Pat]

Listen, bro, I don't think you want her to know more about me because

[Gene]

you think he wingman.

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I've definitely been playing cupid the whole time. Like, be my boy. No, no, no.

[Mike]

I've definitely been in those situations, too. Like, especially like that. He introduced you to the girl for the first time. They're like, kind of the talking stages, and then she gets, like, very, like, touchy feely, like, in conversation. And it says, like, tapping on your chest while you're having a conversation and shit like that. Yeah, like, that's where it gets. I'm like, bro, what is going on here?

[Pat]

I'm like. I'm like, really? I'm really old school, right? So I, like. I believe in if that's my friend's girlfriend. It's like, we don't even really fully hug. You know what I mean? It's just, like, there's some space in between. There's some respect. There's like. I'm not about to, like, pick something off the back of your girlfriend's neck. Like, yo, bro.

[Mike]

Or you see a fly near her

[Pat]

eyes, like, yo, what the are you talking about? I ain't get it blew away. Miss that if it come back. Or.

[Mike]

Or the hug. Or the hug. Any dude that hugs or girl and her feet leave the ground.

[Pat]

No, that's a. No, no, no.

[Mike]

Like, feet can't leave the ground.

[Caller 4]

No.

[Pat]

I seen a dude do that to a dude girl, and then he turned around and did it to the dude, too. I said, oh, he's both of them. They is, but not. But not. It's definitely. It's definitely certain stuff that I'm, like, very weary of around my friend's girl or someone that, like, I grew up with or went to college with. I feel like. I feel weird if their girlfriends or wives get too touchy. It's just like, I don't want to be touched by you like that. Like, I don't want to get drunk. There's one time, one of my college teammates, we got drunk after homecoming, and his, like, wife was, like, grabbing people's cheeks. Like, man, his teammates are so cute.

[Mike]

I said, whoa, whoa.

[Pat]

What the fuck is going on with your wife? Them boys.

[Caller 1]

Nah.

[Mike]

That's always the odd situation when you see the dude with, like, the overly flirtatious wife.

[Pat]

And it's funny because they have the longest marriages.

[Mike]

Yes. They work.

[Pat]

Yeah, it, like, always works.

[Mike]

It seems very, like, dry in a sense, like a dry personality. So it's like they clash really weird. So sometimes you don't know if she's, like, being overly, like, friendly or is it because his lack of, like, Charisma is making it seem like she's more charismatic than him.

[Pat]

To me, like, the. The people that like, like Marty. So, like, we was at the Halloween party, and, like, Marty and his. Marty and his wife, they stand by each other. And I swear I've never seen them talk before, but they got so much chemistry. Like, when you around them, they'd be like, oh, you want this? You want that? You never see them, like, really bicker. But, like, when they. In public, bro, they literally face the same way and they, like, talk to you as a unit. It'd be like, couples that do, like, weird stuff like that are the couples that, like, last the longest. But if you see those couples that got a lot of chemistry in person, like, what'd you say, babe? I said this, babe. I said this, babe.

[Caller 1]

I like it.

[Pat]

Y' all both cheating on each other. Nobody got this. This Disney ass energy y' all got going on. Love you, babe. I'm gonna go start the car. Yeah, you about to fuck somebody else in the car.

[Mike]

I've seen this couple that. That they. I was gonna say they might not listen to this, but it really matter. But they call each other husband and wife. So be like, husband, husband,

[Pat]

hey, whatever works, works. Yeah.

[Mike]

And he competes in the sport, right? So it's always like. Like, I've been in the sports stuff, and it's like, let's go, husband.

[Pat]

Come on, husband. Hush, husband.

[Caller 2]

I like that.

[Pat]

Little corny. I like the little ends. I feel like that can fuel a relationship. Like when people break that wall down and it makes it feel like it's just you and your girl versus the world. Like, she calling you husband, so it takes out any embarrassment. Like, my girl can't embarrass me. This who I'm trying to impress.

[Mike]

And I think when you have a couple that does, like, strange things to you, that's hopeful, that do stuff that may seem strange to you, not like it better. But those are the ones that have that connection. That's like their connection to have. And if it's not weird to them, then it really shouldn't matter.

[Pat]

It really shouldn't matter.

[Mike]

Right?

[Pat]

That's anything. Just like the dude that was talking about, he wipes himself standing up. Yeah. It shouldn't matter to anybody else what you do if the goal is to, like, not have a shitty ass

[Mike]

and. Or it's not harming anybody.

[Gene]

It only matters to you.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That's why I leave couples alone. You know what I'm saying? If that dude getting paid, he getting pegged, man. That you can do it. But if he don't get back on Divas fast enough because he getting pegged, then it's you affecting his league play. That's all I got to say. I don't like getting a couple's information, but he not moving the same. I got to at least like $48 before the game. Come on, man. Let's get it.

[Mike]

Yo, welcome to Crash Dummies podcast.

[Caller 5]

I'm. Yeah, I'm so sorry about that. That was so terrible what happened.

[Mike]

What was terrible?

[Caller 5]

No, like, I was in between a phone call and I'm like, trying to talk to you. It's okay.

[Pat]

Who are you trying to talk to?

[Caller 1]

Over with.

[Mike]

It's kind of like, who are you talking about?

[Caller 5]

It's just a little thing.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, we knew.

[Caller 5]

It's not that label, boo. It's only nine. It's only nine. It's only nine.

[Caller 1]

Okay.

[Pat]

Freaks come out at night.

[Caller 5]

All right, not that freak.

[Mike]

I got a question for you. What's something. What's something that we should normalize?

[Caller 5]

Let me see. I did say it's side pieces, so I feel like by now everyone should normalize that. Like, I make the person happy and I send them back home one time and they still going to do everything for you. I'll just see them once or twice a week. You don't got to leave them. Just know that it's a partnership kind of thing going on. They should just normalize it and stop getting mad about it.

[Pat]

I mean, you can normalize it for you. I think that'll work.

[Caller 5]

But people still gonna do it. That's the thing. It's like.

[Mike]

So you've been a side piece before, I'm guessing, right?

[Caller 5]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like how often right now or you still are a side piece. Like, how many times have you been a side piece this year?

[Caller 5]

Oh, man, this year? Well, once, but like, it's a long thing that. Been going on for, like, years now.

[Mike]

So you're like in a committed side piece relationship?

[Caller 5]

Yeah, for sure. Like, he's my boo. Like, he take care of me. He makes sure I'm good. And I always send him back home. Like one time.

[Pat]

Sometimes it's just a preference. Some people like silver better than gold, you know,

[Mike]

so.

[Pat]

But.

[Caller 5]

But it's like he. It's like we two. We look two different women. Like, I. I say, like, we're like Oreo. Like, I'm the, you know, the white, the clear, and she like the brown sugar. She's very beautiful, by the way. And shout out to her I'm very easygoing.

[Caller 1]

Does she.

[Caller 5]

I'm like a yes, yes girl, and she's like a no, no.

[Pat]

Does she know about you?

[Caller 5]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Does she know this much information about you?

[Caller 5]

No, because she, like, she gets upset when she's like, finds out, like, you still messing with her and whatever. And it's like, he don't say nothing. But when she called me, I'd be like, I don't understand why you're still getting mad. Like, by now you should be able to understand, like, I'm here and I will help you take care of your kids. Like, you know, babysit. You know, you could go on vacation because he's great at, like, sending her away. Like, oh, go on vacation. You need to go do your nails. Go do your nails. Like, I always see how you try to make her happy as much as possible.

[Mike]

Oh, you got some. You got some girls blood boiling right now.

[Caller 5]

Yeah, they could boil.

[Mike]

They not.

[Pat]

They're not gonna rock. They're not gonna rock with you. I'm gonna tell you.

[Mike]

So does she know that you're currently still the side chick then?

[Caller 5]

I don't know if she's still currently, but, like, her Instagram page change up now. It's no more black love. It's all about, like, her and everything is her, her, her. And I'm like, I guess she's facing the fact now. But, you know, I be saying to him, like, you don't have to continue doing this, but, like, low key, Do I still need that money next week to pay that bill?

[Mike]

So why don't. So why don't you want to be in, like, a committed relationship with him?

[Caller 5]

So, no, no. If you could do this, I'll trust you. I trust you, the world.

[Pat]

What's so, like, like, how are you progressing in your life? Like, what are you. Like, what do you want? Like, don't you want to be married or something?

[Caller 5]

Me?

[Pat]

Yeah. Don't you want to find someone that wants you? You know, you. It's funny because I don't think. But listen, most side chicks want at least want the guy that they're a side chick to. You don't even really want him because you don't. You wouldn't trust him in a relationship. So now you're side chick to someone that you don't even want. So you like, double behind.

[Caller 5]

Yeah, but see, the thing is, like, I don't. I used to want him once upon a time. Like, damn, I would treat him so much better than her like this. But it changed over time because it's like, bro, you really don't want to work things out with her. Like, leave me alone. Like, just let it go and just. You know.

[Pat]

But that's the type of thing. I'm not gonna lie. If we was in person, I will walk away. No, I hate giving people advice. And they, and then they work around the advice. Like, man, you.

[Caller 5]

I'm not working away.

[Pat]

No, I'm not.

[Caller 5]

You know what it is? It's what, it's like, I already tried that. Like, I already tried to like get in the whole relationship thing. Like, and it was cool. And, you know, I realized the person don't understand my freaky ways. And it's just like, I can't even stay here because I'mma cheat on you if I stay here with you. So I rather let you go and go about my way. And if this dude, this, this, this person that's a father slash husband and he treats me good and he understand my freaky ways and whatever like that,

[Pat]

like, can you explain that?

[Caller 5]

I don't know. I don't know what to say.

[Pat]

What is freaky ways? Like, what. How does he understand your freaky ways?

[Caller 5]

Like, he, like, I really love my feet to be like, kissed and sucked and all that stuff. He gets it. He get. Most dudes are not doing that. They get very, like, when they see toes. Like, my toes are pretty. And like, he. I understand his kinky ways too. Like, he likes his ass to be played with. I'm cool with that. It's just like, we get it, but anything else? No, like, I guess we get it in one way. And he understand, like, I want money on this day. And he gets that. Like, most of us women just want money on time, bills to be paid and our back being broken. I'm just saying.

[Pat]

And you getting all. You getting all that without the. A committed relationship. So you feel like you winning.

[Caller 5]

Yeah, so I literally feel like I'm winning.

[Pat]

I feel like, okay, we got another lost soul, everybody.

[Mike]

What's the song you are singing?

[Pat]

What?

[Mike]

I forgot you sang it in the last five.

[Pat]

No, she's cooked.

[Caller 5]

I'm sorry. It is what it is.

[Pat]

We can't save everybody.

[Mike]

That's good.

[Caller 5]

You can, baby. I take. I'll. I'll throw the raft right back.

[Caller 1]

Like,

[Caller 5]

sing.

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

You have a good night.

[Pat]

That was funny as fuck.

[Mike]

Yeah, that was funny.

[Pat]

And legit.

[Mike]

We're like giving her advice and she legit had the opposite aspect. It got to the point. It's like, why you tried me so hard?

[Pat]

Why are we talking to you.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

Like, nigga, what? She's like, See, I tried that. No, the. You didn't.

[Caller 2]

Yo, what's going on?

[Mike]

What it do? What it do?

[Caller 2]

How y' all doing, man?

[Pat]

Good, bro. How you been?

[Mike]

Chilling.

[Caller 1]

Chilling, man. Chilling.

[Caller 2]

Just eating dinner. What's good?

[Pat]

What you eating for dinner, bro?

[Caller 2]

Some tacos and this military shutdown. It's rough right now. You feel me?

[Pat]

Oh, you're the military.

[Caller 2]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[Pat]

Yes. S. Hey, get ready, my man. I got a buckle up, Buckle up.

[Mike]

I got a question for you. What was the worst costume you saw this year?

[Caller 2]

Oh, man, I saw some dude. He had a Mahomes jersey on, and his boy was a blind ref. He was actually blind, though. Like, stick and couldn't see.

[Mike]

That's actually a fire costume. He was actually blind and he was a blind ref.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller 2]

So, like, I'm at the bar and, like, somebody like Loki bumped into my. And I turned around. I was like, like, what's good with you? And turn around. He said, oh, my bad. And I saw, like, he had a hit him home jersey on. I was like, oh, no, it's all good. And he said, we're trying to get to a table. So I let him go by, and I saw his boy, like, holding his hand. I'm like, I'm not gonna judge, but like, all right, cool. Y' all go do your thing. I said, what's his costume? He said, he's a ref. And bro Turner looked at me. I saw both his eyes looking together. I said, oh, he. Oh, he a blonde ref that I don't know.

[Caller 3]

That felt foul.

[Caller 2]

That felt. That felt foul to me.

[Caller 4]

That felt foul.

[Caller 2]

Like, you could make him anything in the world and he wouldn't know the difference.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, wait. I got a question for you. You saw his. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You saw his eyes do what?

[Caller 2]

So I. When he looked at me, because he turned to, like, look at me because I said where his costume was, and both his eyes were, like, looking at each other. Like, they were like. He was cross eyed, and he was like, he's a ref and he had a stick and all that. I was like, oh, he. He a blind ref.

[Caller 3]

Oh.

[Mike]

Did you ever confirm he was actually blind, though? Or you just go.

[Caller 2]

I mean, I reached. I reached out. I reached out to shake his hand. He didn't, like, reciprocate. So then I just, like, pat him on the chest. I. I'm gonna assume. Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. He says, I'm looking at you know what I mean?

[Caller 2]

Like, you could have put him in any costume and you put him in the ref outfit. He didn't even have the penny jersey on, though. What's up is he only had the hat, so I don't know if they told him he had the whole on, but he only had the hat.

[Mike]

He didn't have stripes on. It's crazy.

[Caller 2]

Nah, he had no stripes. It was a black tee. It was a black tee and jeans and he had an NFL hat on. His boy had get up cleats and everything. Like, they lied to this man.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

Oh, he said he lied to him about his fit because he couldn't see it.

[Caller 2]

He must have because his boy had a. He had a jersey on. He had. He had like leg pants on. Was holding a helmet.

[Pat]

Now that's some lazy. Yeah, bro. You're a rap, bro. Come on, you know what I'm saying.

[Caller 2]

I didn't even say nothing. I'm not gonna say nothing about it. I'm, you know. That's your boy. You got him. Have a great night. I swear to you, this shit was foul.

[Mike]

All right, man. You have a good night, man.

[Caller 1]

All right, man.

[Caller 2]

Appreciate it y' all too.

[Mike]

All right.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. What up?

[Mike]

What it do?

[Pat]

What's the deal, man?

[Caller 4]

Road on that road again?

[Pat]

Oh, you're a truck driver?

[Caller 4]

Hell yeah.

[Pat]

You got a girl?

[Caller 4]

Hell yeah.

[Pat]

You married?

[Caller 4]

Am I married now?

[Pat]

What's like the longest you be gone,

[Caller 4]

man? Bro, you know, as long as I've been gone, like a month.

[Pat]

Oh, man, they get up, they can literally get together and break up while you go.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Caller 4]

Hey, hey. I already know, man.

[Pat]

She'd be happy as hell to see you because her last relationship ended.

[Caller 4]

I'm so happy.

[Caller 2]

You owe.

[Pat]

Dude across the street.

[Caller 4]

Hey, man, if he is, man, I only worry about it when I'm in it. Like, I can't worry about it.

[Caller 1]

Exactly, bro.

[Pat]

Just keep trucking alone.

[Mike]

Yeah, bro. She makes that money, man.

[Caller 4]

Hey, man, I couldn't imagine thinking about her doing whatever she doing when I'm gone, man. I'll be on the road, sad as hell.

[Pat]

Exactly, bro.

[Mike]

It's better not to think about it.

[Caller 4]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

We got questions for you. What's something that you should normalize,

[Caller 1]

man?

[Caller 4]

Need to start sitting down when they pee. I'm just saying, man. Well, at least. At least in a public restroom. Whatever you do at home, do that. But, man, these can't aim, man. It'd be pissed everywhere but in the toilet.

[Caller 2]

Okay.

[Caller 4]

They need to start doing like. Like jail rules, like you said. I mean, when you're in the cell, you sit down and pee because you don't want to get that out on the floor. You get your head beat.

[Mike]

I didn't know that was a rule, but I kind of feel you on the. The people getting pee everywhere.

[Caller 4]

Nah, but sure, bro. I mean, it happens. I mean, you really. It's really like a. What do you call it? Like a insufficient form of, like, using a restroom. You causing more damage because, I mean, you standing up from a higher angle. You splatter it. There's no chance of it not splashing. Like, what's going on?

[Mike]

So do you currently sit down and pee?

[Caller 4]

Hell, no. I'm part of the problem.

[Mike]

But we. We should normalize it.

[Caller 4]

I mean, you should normalize it. But I mean, hey, start the trend in. I do, like, I give it a half effort at home, man. Good. Like, when my girl be coming over. I got. I got kids, man, so. I got a daughter. I got my girl. So I'm courteous to them, bro. Like, I already know that I'm gonna cause damage if I stand up and be. So I just take, like. I take like a little knee, get a little closer to the toilet, you know?

[Pat]

No drop into.

[Caller 4]

You never heard of that?

[Pat]

No drop into your knees.

[Caller 4]

One knee, not two knees.

[Caller 2]

Are you crazy, boy?

[Pat]

Proposing to the toilet?

[Caller 4]

Yeah, damn near. Hey, you cutting down the distance you gotta travel.

[Mike]

You got pee all in his knee and.

[Pat]

Nah, dropping to your knees and doing that is crazy, brother. I'm not.

[Mike]

You know. Is it that hard to aim?

[Caller 4]

Nah, hell no. Well, look, it's. It's circumstantial. You know what I'm saying? Cause, like, bro, when you wake up in the morning or, you know what I'm saying, you just get done doing what you're doing with your girl. Like, that's. That's a hard string to control, you

[Pat]

know, I'm the only one.

[Caller 4]

I'm the only one that experienced this.

[Pat]

Hey, I'm not dropping to no knees.

[Caller 4]

One knee, man.

[Pat]

At the toilet.

[Caller 4]

It's my toilet. It's at my house. I'm not gonna do it in public, though. In public, you should probably sit down and pee. That's what I'm saying. But I'm not gonna do that. Part of the problem in public.

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

Your girl at home right now telling that other dude be on his knees.

[Caller 4]

You won't believe this.

[Caller 3]

I call.

[Caller 4]

I be shamed. I be shamed as hell. Hey, any other time I be using a restroom with the door over, if I take a Whatever when I'm about to. In the morning when I wake up and I'm about to do it that way, I lock the door.

[Pat]

Lock the door, trying to walk in.

[Caller 4]

It don't make sense.

[Pat]

No, she definitely seen that before. Through the, like, crack. Through the crack of the bathroom door. She peeped that. And she never looked at you the same, man.

[Caller 4]

Hey, man, that's why she cheating with the next door, huh?

[Pat]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mike]

All right, man. You have a good night, man.

[Pat]

Keep trucking, brother. All right, what it do? What's the deal? Welcome to Crash on Podcast.

[Caller 3]

Thank you. Thank. How y'?

[Caller 4]

All?

[Pat]

Good. Good, good, good, good. You got us on speaker. Ph.

[Caller 3]

I was on my airpod. Y' all can hear me now?

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That's way better.

[Gene]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So do away.

[Caller 3]

I know.

[Mike]

I heard y'.

[Caller 4]

All.

[Caller 3]

It's funny because I heard y' all be telling people that, and I still answered. I'm like, oh, I hope it worked.

[Mike]

Yeah, you sound great now.

[Pat]

Whoa, that was corny.

[Mike]

Is that crazy?

[Pat]

That was horny.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. Boy, you sound great.

[Mike]

You sound great.

[Caller 3]

Sound great, huh? I know that's right.

[Gene]

Hey, hey.

[Pat]

Not you. Just only we could joke about that. All right, I got a question for you.

[Caller 5]

Oh, okay.

[Pat]

What's something we should normalize?

[Caller 3]

Okay, so I answer. I think that we should normalize dating inmates.

[Pat]

Dating who?

[Caller 3]

Dating inmates. People who are incarcerated.

[Pat]

Okay. I feel like that is normalized because.

[Caller 3]

No, because my friends are always talking about me being in love with my man because he in jail.

[Pat]

How many years he got what he got?

[Caller 3]

Like, it's. It's questionable, but anywhere from, like two to three more years.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

Oh, okay.

[Pat]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The question that I always have with this is, did you meet him before he went to jail and y' all fell in love and then y' all kept dating?

[Caller 3]

Okay, that's the thing. No, I had met him. There's somebody. But he's good people. I knew y' all gonna start laughing.

[Pat]

Oh, no. This is like. Okay, I just. What does your friend think of you that she's putting you on or whoever's putting you on? Somebody that's in prison.

[Caller 3]

Okay, well, she. It's really messy, actually, because she raised me well. Okay, look, she was with someone in prison, but not no more because she was with him. This sounds so bad. She was with him.

[Mike]

Just calling you

[Caller 3]

my son. Sorry, hold on one second, one second.

[Pat]

As are him.

[Caller 3]

So she was with him, but she

[Caller 5]

was also doing her stuff on the street.

[Pat]

Did you just throw him down the stairs? Nah,

[Caller 3]

no.

[Pat]

Where he go? So he got quiet.

[Caller 3]

He wants some Robux. I'm over here getting harassed because he wants some Robux. You got a kid, you know.

[Pat]

Okay, yeah, yeah.

[Caller 3]

He may. I don't know how old your son is, but my kids be harassing me for some Robux type.

[Pat]

Type I get, I get it.

[Mike]

But go ahead. Sorry.

[Caller 3]

Okay, so yeah, again, it's messy. She was dealing with him and I was dealing with the person that she put me on with. But he was like one of them inmates.

[Mike]

Just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Seen this for the second time ever.

[Caller 2]

Ain't. That's crazy?

[Mike]

This.

[Pat]

It was a two man.

[Caller 3]

Yes, yes, but they were brothers.

[Pat]

The goat. Oh, my God. The boys are the goats from behind the wall. Bang

[Mike]

n some. The LeBron the Dwayne way. LeBron me right now.

[Pat]

This is crazy. So. So you still haven't seen him outside of a prison yet?

[Gene]

That.

[Mike]

Hello.

[Caller 3]

So, no, she. She did. She grew up with him.

[Pat]

Wait, what?

[Mike]

She grew up.

[Caller 3]

Did go out my connection.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Caller 3]

Did she grew up with.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Caller 3]

With him.

[Pat]

Okay, okay, we get it.

[Caller 3]

But then I never met him personally, but they never did nothing together.

[Caller 2]

Elite.

[Pat]

Them boys is elite.

[Mike]

Elite.

[Pat]

Elite from behind the wall.

[Mike]

I talk about generational talent, but so

[Caller 3]

then, so look, so she doing her own thing on the streets. Like she just messing up. She's not answering phone calls. So she like talked to him and like basically distract him. You can't be doing that with people because it's like inevitably we going to start a bond time. So she just kept having us talk to each other and then like we. So we basically. I'm not with the brother no more. I got with him, so now that's who I'm with.

[Pat]

Wait, what? Who, who she with? You was with both of the older brother. You. You was with the younger brother first?

[Caller 3]

Yeah, but like, I never did nothing and he was in jail.

[Pat]

So where's the older brother at?

[Caller 3]

In jail too. They're both in jail.

[Mike]

What's wrong?

[Pat]

Are you following what. What app you got downloaded?

[Mike]

What's wrong with the free guys?

[Caller 3]

I've. I've done the free guys. I've had bad, bad experiences with free guys too.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That means you put. No, no, no, no, no, no. That means you put those dudes into a category and find a category. You like, like of free. That's my hood dudes. Yes.

[Caller 3]

My type is hood dudes.

[Pat]

There's dudes in the hood.

[Caller 3]

They there, but I've dealt with them and I don't and it do not be working out well.

[Caller 4]

But.

[Pat]

Okay, so the reason why it's working out is because he's in there and you know exactly where he's at.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, I think it. It's. Yeah, it has that cushion for sure.

[Pat]

Yeah, that cushion. Oh, my God. The cushion is a prison. Is. Is insane. So. So when he get out, I knew

[Caller 3]

I was going to get rid for

[Mike]

filth on this call. It's like jumping out of play with no parachute.

[Caller 2]

No.

[Pat]

This is crazy. So, like, so he got two, three years left all. Are you visiting him there?

[Caller 3]

Yes, I visit him.

[Pat]

And you just going to hold it down two, three years until you get out?

[Caller 3]

Yeah, I mean, he be doing for me too, so it's not like he's just a bum.

[Pat]

Oh, he. Oh, he putting shit together for you.

[Caller 3]

He got motion. Yeah, like, exactly.

[Pat]

You should have just said that at the beginning. Paying them bills. It all makes sense now. Yeah, he ain't got. If you paying them bills, he ain't got shit to explain to me. That ain't none of my business. Cause I ain't paying them bills. I ain't trying to give you no

[Caller 3]

advice, but wait to answer the question. The whole point of the phone call, before I got into how messy it was, how we got together is a lot of girls on the street will, like, judge us for, like, being with, like, an inmate or something.

[Mike]

When you say.

[Caller 3]

But then their man.

[Mike]

When you say girls in the street, what you mean?

[Caller 3]

Okay, like, I guess girls who have boyfriends are free.

[Mike]

Okay, okay.

[Pat]

That are free.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

So the masses.

[Mike]

Because she was saying her friend was putting in work before, and then the street thing, kind of like my.

[Caller 3]

My brain.

[Mike]

Go ahead, go ahead.

[Caller 3]

But I'm just saying, like, they will judge us. She's not the only one. But it's like y' all be judging us, but y' all be getting cheated on too. And y' all man's gonna be coming home

[Mike]

either.

[Caller 3]

He's not coming home. But like, I'm not judging y' all for being with y' all man and dealing.

[Pat]

Whatever y' all deal with, they need to mind their business at the end of the day.

[Caller 3]

Exactly. Mind the business that pays you.

[Caller 4]

That's it.

[Pat]

My bills are paid. I know you. You good. You ain't gotta worry about them.

[Mike]

They not even getting Free him.

[Pat]

Free him. Actually, let's free him. Can we say free him Freehand no weird on there, right?

[Caller 3]

Nah, he not. Hell no. I don't with no weirdos.

[Caller 1]

Okay.

[Pat]

Free.

[Caller 3]

He good people.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Caller 3]

Free him and he rap.

[Pat]

Oh, tell him. Send us a man for sure.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, y'. All. Y' all run his up.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Hold on.

[Gene]

All right.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Caller 5]

All right.

[Caller 3]

Bye.

[Caller 4]

Bye. Yo, what's good, y'?

[Pat]

All? Boy, what's the deal? What's the deal?

[Mike]

Listening to us talk and.

[Caller 1]

Chill, bro? I'm just elevating my mind and just

[Pat]

elevating my heart, bro.

[Mike]

I got a question for you. What's something that we should normalize?

[Caller 1]

We should normalize eating ass, bruh. And I say that because I just don't think be loving their ladies too much, bro. Like, you feel me? Like, I feel like if you love your lady enough, you'll get down there and eat that, bro. You feel me?

[Pat]

I mean, that's all personal preference, like, that's between you and your lady. Why you trying to, like, influence other people to do it?

[Mike]

But

[Caller 1]

because, bruh, I feel like just don't be loving their ladies too much, you feel?

[Pat]

But what does that have to. What does that have to do with you? Like, how does that, like, affect you?

[Caller 1]

Because as a man, you know, the manhood, we got to be strong, and I feel like just don't be strong enough in their relationship. If you strong enough in your relationship. Hey, it's not Mike. I know you be doing it.

[Mike]

Oh, my gosh. Okay. So do you realize that the woman. Do you realize that the woman has to first be into that, right?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So what if she's not? Do you think that many girls are into getting the ass 8, right?

[Caller 4]

Yes.

[Caller 1]

Every girl. Yeah, every girl's into it, bro. It just don't be the right.

[Pat]

Not every. Don't say every. That's your problem.

[Caller 1]

Okay, I won't say everybody. Every.

[Pat]

Most girls, I wouldn't say. It's just, like, more than you think. Just say that.

[Caller 1]

Why? But why you can't just agree with me and just say most girls.

[Pat]

No, that's basically what you're saying.

[Caller 1]

You're just saying positive way.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's why I just changed it. And I'm trying to get him to change it is why you changing it?

[Caller 1]

Why you changing it? Be strong.

[Pat]

No, it's not me being strong. It's me rethinking what I'm saying. Instead of sounding like a dumbass like

[Caller 1]

you, I sound like a dumbass.

[Caller 4]

Like I said, man, my mind.

[Caller 1]

My mind is elevated. What you mean, my mind, bro? My lady like my mind, B. No. Okay, well, damn. She. She don't love me. Never mind. I think about what I said, bro. We should not normalize. He ain't booty no more. We should normalize. I don't know.

[Mike]

Something el that threatening not to eat no more ass.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, bro, that's it. I, I, I dropping out the game.

[Pat]

That boy put my jersey in the Raptor. Mouth going on strike.

[Mike]

Yeah, bro.

[Caller 1]

Put my in the Raptors, bro.

[Mike]

It was a good run. She must be used to you doing some goofy ass.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. Do mouth go strike.

[Caller 1]

I wouldn't say goofy, but she not with me right now.

[Mike]

No, she heard the conversations you were having with complete strangers. I get it, bro.

[Caller 1]

It's crazy because when we be doing this, she be loving it. So I don't understand why she over here, you know, acting different.

[Pat]

Because you said you telling everybody your business. That's what we try to tell you at the beginning, everybody.

[Caller 5]

I'm just telling y'.

[Caller 1]

All.

[Pat]

Okay, okay.

[Mike]

You have a good one, bro.

[Pat]

What's the deal? Welcome to Crash on me's podcast.

[Caller 1]

Hey, what are you smiling at me like that for? How y' all boys doing now?

[Pat]

You weird

[Caller 1]

now, my girlfriend over here giggling, looking at me when I answer the phone.

[Pat]

Oh, she does she watch too?

[Caller 1]

Yeah, I'd be putting. I'll be putting the show on when we're in the car.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

Okay.

[Pat]

So you answered the question, right?

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay, so I'm about to ask it for you.

[Caller 2]

You.

[Pat]

You ready?

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So you've already admitted you cheated. How many times?

[Caller 4]

Be cool. I just put on speaker.

[Pat]

Okay. No, it's not okay. You answered it, though. So how many times have you cheated this,

[Caller 1]

Man? That's a question, man.

[Pat]

Hey, bro, switch phones with your girl, bro.

[Caller 1]

She got my password.

[Pat]

Nah, bro, she ain't got that calculator app.

[Caller 1]

Y' all messy, man. That's a question.

[Mike]

Hey, you can put in a fake code, too, I think. Don't believe the first code he give you.

[Pat]

Oh, man, These are all jokes. Whatever her name is.

[Caller 1]

Sorry.

[Pat]

Pure jokes.

[Caller 2]

Yo, bro, what is you.

[Caller 1]

It's all jokes.

[Pat]

Just give me a thumbs up.

[Caller 4]

I'm about to get punched.

[Caller 1]

Answer the question, man.

[Mike]

Now this is the second question you answered. What's something we should normalize?

[Caller 1]

We should normalize. Not laughing at our co workers. Stupid jokes at work.

[Caller 4]

I'm tired of people.

[Caller 1]

I'm tired of people just making, like, small talk and just little jokes that, like, at this office job, and people just, like, fake laughing at it. I just. Just look at them and just let them know. That sucks, bro.

[Mike]

I'm not gonna lie. I'm so glad you got that first Part because that's making the pod. Because you were not gonna got that far with this story.

[Caller 1]

I take my victories where I can, man.

[Pat]

No, I ain't gonna lie.

[Mike]

That was your girl. If your girl wasn't there, man, thank her. No, I would stop cheating on her if I was you.

[Caller 2]

She.

[Pat]

I'll be through, bro. Just one more and be done, bro. Nah, that's funny. I couldn't even finish that. I said so. Yes, you already admitted you cheated. How many times did you cheat? He said, babe, they're trolling. He said, babe. He said, you guys are going to give me punch, dude.

[Caller 3]

Hello.

[Pat]

Yo.

[Caller 5]

Hey. How you doing?

[Mike]

Pretty good. Pretty good. Yourself?

[Caller 5]

I'm good. I'm so excited.

[Mike]

I just wanted to make it awkward for a little bit. I got. I got a question for you.

[Pat]

It got real weird.

[Mike]

What's something we should normalize?

[Caller 5]

I said men are wearing dresses because men. Okay, well, some way they have like a great physique, like a nice ass and stuff. It's chill.

[Caller 3]

No, because.

[Caller 5]

No, for real, because like in public I've been walking around, I see much ass. I'm like, damn, that look good. So I'm just like. I just imagine men in, you know, tight little dresses and stuff.

[Mike]

So. So you want men. You want more men to wear dresses. So you can objectify though.

[Caller 5]

I mean, yeah, sure. Because some men do to women. I'm sorry.

[Pat]

You know, both took this down the path that we should not even any who. Wait, so why. Why don't you just find a man that likes to wear dresses?

[Caller 1]

No,

[Caller 5]

no, that's just. That's just weird.

[Pat]

I'm sorry. Wait, so you don't want a man that already wears a dress? You want a man that's never worn a dress to wear a dress?

[Caller 5]

Exactly. See you getting it.

[Pat]

No, I don't get it.

[Gene]

That's why.

[Pat]

That is stupid.

[Caller 2]

Oh my gosh.

[Caller 5]

That. That's still mean. Oh, wow.

[Pat]

This is dumbest I heard today. I'm not going to lie.

[Caller 5]

You know what, I'm okay anyway. But yeah, I'm from Jamaica originally now from Florida.

[Mike]

Is it true Jamaican men don't eat girls out?

[Pat]

Why you always ask that?

[Mike]

I just want to know from a girl's perspective.

[Caller 5]

I mean, some do, you know, just. They just be hiding it, you know.

[Mike]

Okay, so they really do that beyond the.

[Pat]

That's what I'm getting.

[Mike]

That's why I'm getting start.

[Pat]

That's the consensus right now. Papa. Yo, what's happening?

[Caller 2]

What's happening?

[Mike]

What up?

[Caller 4]

Is this Mike?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Caller 4]

Yo, get the out of here.

[Pat]

Is Mike.

[Caller 4]

What's going on, man?

[Mike]

What's up, man?

[Pat]

It's Michael.

[Caller 4]

All right, Mike.

[Pat]

Yo, yo, yo.

[Mike]

Shut the.

[Caller 4]

I'm at the rink right now. I'm at the rink, right. I'm at the rink right now, so it's kind of loud. Don't mind the music in the background.

[Mike]

Okay, I got a question for you. What was the worst Halloween costume you saw?

[Pat]

All right, so I saw.

[Caller 4]

I saw a dressed up as cum, bro. Bro, a dressed up has come, like with the squiggly part at the end, too, bro. It was weird, but of course a white did it. So I was just like, you know what it.

[Mike]

Like, it is what it is.

[Caller 4]

But that's kind of crazy still, I'm not going to lie.

[Pat]

So, I mean, but he was just

[Caller 2]

as sperm as a singular sperm cell rule.

[Caller 4]

Yeah,

[Pat]

but that's not come.

[Caller 4]

What do you mean?

[Pat]

Like, you don't. You don't say, like, that's come.

[Caller 4]

Like it just isn't that nut. Like come, come. Is this like plural? Like this.

[Pat]

But no, it's not plural. It was a sperm cell. It was a sperm cell.

[Mike]

It's just funny when you say come, you make it sound way like. Like he was like, it's not formed. Like it's splattered somewhere.

[Pat]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You make it sound okay.

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Pat]

With liquid or some shit.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

Not the pool of it.

[Caller 4]

Just a singular joint. Yeah. Yeah, just a singular joint.

[Mike]

Yeah. You got some weird friends, bro.

[Caller 4]

No, no, he's not even my friend, bro. I was just outside, I seen the. I said, you weird, bro.

[Pat]

You weird. And you went to go right up

[Mike]

to him, right to the night.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. Live sperm.

[Mike]

Oh, my. My dad is. This is what my dad is like. He doesn't try to be funny, but he's the funniest person in the world. So my brother called me and he was like, dad, you know, my dad is traveling soon, going back to Nigeria. And then he was like, like, dad called me. He was like, my days are numbered. And then I was like, kind of weirded out. Then he was like, yeah, I'm traveling in X amount of months. He's like, that. That's not how you use the word. My days are number. And you know, Nigerian dad would say with like an accent, so it sounds like way more dramatic. Like, son, my. My days are. My days are numbered.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

It's just funny how, like, parents. Parents, like, don't sometimes don't have any idea context of what they're saying or the meaning of what they're saying. It's kind of like how we're can be out the loop sometimes in verbiage in a sense.

[Pat]

Now, my dad said, paul, so the first time this weekend. And he used it right?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. Parents are catching up.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. I think I said I had pulled up to his house. I went to go visit him.

[Mike]

Yes, sir.

[Pat]

This weekend I went to back to Michigan. And he was like, oh, you want me to help with your bags? And I was like, nah, just come inside. He said, pause.

[Caller 2]

He paused.

[Caller 4]

You.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, he paused. I'm like, hey, you actually use the right. My man.

[Mike]

Oh, you saw that video.

[Pat]

But reverse pause. Since I'm inside out, though. No, I really need help. My bags, though.

[Mike]

You see that video of we. We quote, tweeted it on Twitter. So check out crash dummies podcast on Twitter of those two dudes doing the Chris Brown take you dance stacked on top of each other.

[Pat]

Oh, the take you down dance.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Mike]

To take you down dance stacked on top of each other. Yeah, Like a chair. Like chair.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

And.

[Mike]

And Pat had a funny quote to me. It was like, how does that conversation even start? And it's a good. It's a good question because anytime you see a group doing weird activities together, it's like, this started as a conversation.

[Pat]

Yes. I think actually the conversation. I wish I could redo that tweet because conversation is not what matters. What matters is the execution was done so well that I know this has been practiced more than once. Yes. Definitely mistakes. Like, y' all definitely. Y' all definitely thrust at each other on accident. Yeah.

[Gene]

Cuz it took him a second to even get, like, the right placement.

[Pat]

Yeah. And you know, one day he fell and they both just started. One day he fell and they both just started laughing. And he caught him.

[Mike]

And he definitely caught him between his knees and.

[Pat]

And you know, they always didn't, like, get off each other. You know, they just hurry up and tried to redo it. So he had to thrust him up there a little bit, give him a little boost.

[Mike]

Lay off.

[Pat]

Like. Yeah, there's no way those dudes are.

[Mike]

No, it's just a strange thing to do in. In anything. Just like, it's such a, like, sensual dance even. It was just. Just a random couple that was doing it. It still would have been, like, weird to me.

[Pat]

To me, it would be more impressive if they did the take you down Chris Brown dance. Separate.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Away from each other. Like, not on top of each other. And they, like, hit the Same moves at the same time. It's like, okay, this is like choreography. Maybe y' all dancers or stuff like that. But like when y' all get on top of each other and y' all look like a bunk bit, I think y' all fucking.

[Mike]

Do you think. Do you think this would have went off in like 0506 when we were kids?

[Pat]

Yes, yes, yes. This is. I think this would have went craz. I think that's what they were aiming for. I gotta find the age of these

[Mike]

dudes, cuz it was like we talked about this before, but there was that era of like the, the popular dude was the dude that was humping air. Humping the floor.

[Pat]

Yes. Or, or grabbing his T shirt and like doing. I'm. Thank God I never got no videos doing that.

[Mike]

Them boys really used to be at the club with their, with their wife beaters in like in their bottom lip and, and getting juked up, going crazy,

[Pat]

belly dancing, taking everybody girls knowing they didn't want them too. They did not want them girls. All right, okay. So, you know, like, I have grandparents that dealt with dementia or is dealing with dementia right now. And we recently went to go visit my grandma and we brought along a cousin that she didn't really with.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And like sometimes with dementia that in different cases they'll recognize you, but they only recognize you from a moment. So it might be like, okay, my grandma will see my face, but she's talking to me like 17 year old me. Like, I know what you'd be doing at the school with those girls. Like, she's talking to me like I'm 17 years old. Because that's what she remembers right now. And when someone has dementia, you want to always be a good memory for them. Like, you don't want to be a bad memory. And my cousin, he don't have that many good memories with my grandma. So my grandma saw him and she said, what the fuck is you doing here? But they got cool. Like they cool later on in life, you know what I mean? But when she looked at him, she was like, what the fuck is you doing here? You stealing, motherfucker? And she's like accusing him of stealing. So everybody in there was looking at us crazy and it was like, she probably thinking of like 16 year old him, you know what I mean? She don't know. He. He dirty now and you got no money, granny. He don't even steal no more, man. And he was musty as my Lord. It just like. It's like some just got it. I thought I had to check myself. I said, do this run in the family. I've never smelled a like that before. Ridiculousness has been canceled by MTV after 14 years and 46 seasons.

[Mike]

Crazy.

[Pat]

And you know, a lot of people thought they were just playing reruns the whole time.

[Mike]

Oh, I knew there was. There was. Yeah. There was more. Something.

[Pat]

But I'm just saying there was new. There was new season.

[Caller 3]

Yeah.

[Pat]

There was new stuff that's coming out. I think a lot of people thought, oh, it cut off at some point. They're not making anything. So that's crazy. 46 seasons.

[Mike]

You know how much they said he was getting paid a year for that show?

[Gene]

Show.

[Mike]

35 million.

[Pat]

35 million a year.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Caller 1]

It's.

[Pat]

It's kind of crazy like when you think about it, that a lot of people were still watching that and I. And if you watch those things, they aren't getting the newest videos.

[Gene]

I mean, like, even when I was young, I remember seeing Americans, America's funniest Home videos.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

And it's like old videos. You know, they like home videos for on like vhs.

[Mike]

I think the reason those shows start to like fizzle out a little bit it is because of the Internet. People are reacting. Doing reaction videos.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And doing green screening their reactions to reactions to reactions now.

[Pat]

And if you're coming out with a show that's coming out once a week or whatever.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You're not going to beat the person that's on the Internet all day. There's too many micro influencers. Kick this show ass.

[Mike]

46 season. That's goaded and shout out to rob. That's a lot of money to make sure to go.

[Gene]

Go on to the next.

[Pat]

So I saw, saw a picture of a toilet that was about 10ft off the ground, but it had three stairs leading up to it. And somebody put in a quote tweet. There's levels to this bars.

[Mike]

Right.

[Gene]

Let's go.

[Pat]

Appreciate it.

[Gene]

That might be a fire tattoo.

[Pat]

What, to the toilet?

[Gene]

Yeah, like three, you know, steps on your like a leg tattoo.

[Pat]

Like that was the G all about like not explaining on. I can't wait till you. I can't wait till you 85 with a toilet on your cat. Back to yourself, old man.

[Mike]

What I do enjoy about getting older is there's less, there's less friends asking you to borrow money. I feel like for some reason in college that was like the let me borrow $10 to your like a friend that you met there a year ago type of conversations. Let me hold five, let me hold this. But as we both get adults, there's more, there's more shame to ask it.

[Pat]

I'm not gonna lie. I change a lot. But freshman and sophomore year, Pat, he was a bitch ass next year. So the thing I would do when people would ask for an amount of money, even if I had it on me right then and there, I would not give it to him. I'd be like, I got you, you. And I would literally wait until he buy a bunch of girls and pull up, let go. They go, hey, there you go, bro.

[Gene]

Say you need a five, right?

[Mike]

Don't even worry about paying me back.

[Pat]

Don't even worry about it. It was more where that came from.

[Caller 1]

Lady,

[Pat]

Ladies, lady, lady, lay l man pizza on me. Matter of fact, go ahead, keep the union. Got to put in with that 20 pizza on you. Go ahead and put that towards. You said your phone bill. Is that on? Go ahead, bro.

[Mike]

Yeah, there's more, there' more ashamed to, to asking now because in a sense that if I know a friend is asking me for an amount of money, I know they really need it.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And it's. And that there's a story attached to it. But in college I feel like it was one of those things where it's like, bro, I need, I need it for drugs or whatever random thing, going to movies.

[Pat]

I need $40, bro. Bro, I just bagged Ashley. I need $40. Like I guess you didn't bag her. Yeah, it's not getting it. Yeah, you take $40, go spend it another one.

[Mike]

And I think two is the, the. I think the amount of money too is, is attainable. Like if you did, if you actually just put in like some effort, like actual time, like $20, $40, it's like you could have worked, you have a job, you could have worked an extra, extra shift to get that money. Obviously when you're an adult, if it's like a real thing that you need money for, it's one of those things like I wasn't expecting this, this happened and stuff like that. So I, I don't haven't had too many of that to happen to me in my adult life.

[Pat]

Yeah, I feel like just picking my friends. All my friends give money. You know what I'm saying? So like, or they in the capacity where they can get that money back. So it's easy for me to give them the money because I see obviously you just gotta be down right now. Something happened. I see you working. I ain't got no friends that's like jobless or broke. You know what I mean? Them be the scariest people to be around, bro. Because $40 mean a lot to them and it's going to keep meaning a lot to them and it's never going to mean that much to you until you calculate you get that little cash app at the end of the year.

[Gene]

40.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. 40 for 40. 40 for 40. You know, it took me a long time to realize that because sometimes when I thought I was saving money, I would, but I was spending money every day, but not that much money, which is sometimes worse than making a big purchase. Like a lot of people don't even know that. Like $50 a day. Some people just spend $50 a day and not even notice.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like that's a lot of money.

[Mike]

It is. I don't even think about it.

[Pat]

350 a week on what? That's $1400 a month.

[Mike]

I was, I, when I actually started, when I actually started keeping track of like my money and stuff like that, like with the apps and stuff like that to tell you where you're spending your money. Stuff, stuff like, I think everybody should do that because there's certain times, there's like a point where I was eating out a lot. I was spending like, and this might not be a lot to some people, but I was spending like fifteen hundred dollars a month on like outside food. Not, not groceries, not just like purely like restaurants and foods I can make at home. Just eating out a lot. And that's a lot of money. Like I should be nowhere close to that. Especially now. I'm nowhere close to that now. Now I think I probably spend like less than, oh, it depends now. But I don't think I spend that much money.

[Pat]

The thing is, is like that's how I know my spending habits were up.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because I'm probably spending somewhat similar to what I was back then and now I'm like just saving money.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So I know at some point I was like out of my body.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I mean? It's like you just buying and kind of just worry about the money later. I was also more of like I would get my hands dirty more back then than I will now.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I'm not gonna lie, bro. Like if I went broke right now, it'd be tough for me to get back in the field, man. I, I, I have to live like a broke ass for at least a month before I get the motivation again. Like, nah, man. Something that next pod gonna pop, man. Be in the studio. Like, man, we gotta do more. Would you rather Spend gotta get back to it.

[Mike]

It's been like 10 years since the pod has been on. You can pull up to my front door. I haven't seen Pat in 10 years of movies. Like, I'm getting the band back together. We're driving just like that scene in Sinners. We just rattling everybody up.

[Pat]

We back, baby. We all here. All right. Would you rather get back watching this? Okay. You know, so. So they say the worst thing a girl could say when you ask her out is what?

[Gene]

No.

[Pat]

It's no. Right. So it's supposed to give you the confidence. Some dude was on Hinge, right? And I'm pretty sure there's a rule on Hinge. I'm not sure if, like, they. The woman has to message you first.

[Mike]

That's bumble.

[Pat]

Is that bumble?

[Mike]

Yeah, it.

[Pat]

Hinge has, like, some type of rule that gives women the power, too. I'm not sure what it is, but.

[Caller 1]

But

[Pat]

anywho, in. In any dating app, you can't connect with anybody unless they connect with you. So both people have to. Yeah, it has to be a match. So this dude got a notification that it was a match between him and this girl named Shayla. And her first message to him was, man, it's Somebody say, man, it like,

[Mike]

I'm gonna be like, you mean me?

[Pat]

Like, man, it like, did you mean it like, you, you know how many things, like, how many times she swiped and she like, ah. Ah. Damn. That dude might have been most decent one. Yeah, it. Let's go with this one. Like a man. It is way worse than somebody's.

[Mike]

Like, hail Mary is crazy. Crazy. How do you even respond to that, though?

[Pat]

You got a troll back.

[Mike]

You have to. I think I would.

[Pat]

Yeah, but I'm not. The thing about me is I never want to be that spiteful. I feel like that brings bad juju just because somebody hurt your feelings and you try to hurt their feelings back. But I'm definitely paying it, like, the sympathy card. Like, good job. Like, take a picture, and it's like the view is, like, off the edge of a building.

[Mike]

Her.

[Pat]

This is all you.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. Oh, man. Hey, G. I, I. I've had a observation again.

[Pat]

Pass.

[Mike]

The worst person to follow while driving. This man turns into Jimmy Johnson Lewis Hamilton all in one. Just like, he's like, most impossible. That's why I'm like, I hate when you be like. Like, I be like, where's the address? He's like, no, just follow me, bro. This man takes off and does dangerous that you shouldn't be Doing going fast as hell.

[Gene]

He trying to show off, man.

[Mike]

Trying to show off. He be or farming. He's been r f these days, man.

[Pat]

Man, I Man, I'll be drifting on that mike and everything. And then sometimes I go back around the block to get him, like right here. Be out of like, him feel like where the he go? I'd be making a turn like, follow me, bro. Did a whole lot, bro. That's the thing. But I realized, you know, when I first got my new car, I was like, I'm him.

[Mike]

I'm new.

[Pat]

Like, you can't stop me. I got max acceleration. Nobody should be able to cut me off. And once again, I got humbled again, man, I just like, these some real demons out here, bro.

[Gene]

What kind of car?

[Pat]

It don't. Nissan Ultimate.

[Gene]

Yeah, of course.

[Pat]

I'm talking about these willing to ride the bike lane until they die.

[Mike]

Die.

[Pat]

Are you really to. Are you ready to die over this? Once I realized, like, damn, I really love my life. I'm like, bro, they really got it, bro. They're like, hey, bro, you gonna have to kill me, bro. They're right alongside you. Like, bro, you want to kill. Staring you in the eyes like, yeah, go ahead, kill me. Don't let me over, cuz. That's why I feel like it's gonna happen, bro. Like, these dudes, y' all got it me, y' all got me back to driving. Like, unk. Now I'm back to cruising again. I was on their ass for like a week, boy. I had about, like, I was about 12 and O in street races, you know. Only eight of them was paying attention. I was killing they ass. And then I ran into a real street demon.

[Mike]

The ran you off the road.

[Pat]

He spread it through. Then he waited until I got to the next stoplight and was just like, let's race to this next little one way. And so I was racing him, bro. Man, he. He was a demon, bro. Never again. Y' all got uncle off the street. I'm back.

[Caller 4]

Take.

[Pat]

I'm back to taking them side streets and stopping that four way stops and looking three times.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

I'll be back, man.

[Gene]

Now that. That reminds me though, of like, like concerts when the crowd is crazy. You try to get through the crowd, homie. Hit you with the follow me.

[Mike]

That's when try to be group leader out of nowhere, bro.

[Pat]

Now that. That's the worst though, when somebody only wants to be group leader because they're tired of not being the leader. Yeah, they're just like, oh, now you about to be group leader versus some you not even confident in. Like, who told you to take over the plans for a trip? Don't even plan for yourself. They gotta stand in a two and a half star hotel.

[Mike]

The thing I see group leaders stuff happen the most is when guys attempt to get you in a club especially. And it's annoying to me because it's already places I was already good to get into. But he made it seem like it was his connection that got me. It's like I was already on the list. I just. So it's like, oh, bro, don't worry, you good. You can be you on my list. And shit like that. Like, bro, I was already on the list. You don't have to use a spot for me.

[Pat]

Like, no, you with me? No, I'm not my. I was already coming here, bro. Stop. Hey, hey, hey. No. The worst is when someone invites you to their section and you look at them and it's only y' all two in a section. And they bring him the bottle menu and he open it up like sativ. Effort.

[Caller 1]

He like.

[Mike]

Like, why you. Why we.

[Pat]

Why are we sharing what we thinking, bro? Cuz I don't drink tequila like that. Like, what the you mean? I am not help selecting this is your bottle in section. So I can leave anytime I want. I hate when people try to invite me somewhere for vibes. Yeah, I like a vibe curator to you my.

[Mike]

Or you liable to set a piece

[Pat]

of tissue on fire in the back of it. I got ADHD

[Mike]

because I don't mind playing. I don't mind paying for the bottles and stuff like that. Especially if I invite. But if I invite you and then you bring like a plus five, it's like, all right, now you actually have to put in for this. Your +5 at least something like that.

[Pat]

I've never had a. Every time we have a section, I can only think of like eight people that I'm inviting everybody else. If I invite it, they can't make it because they don't club or something like that. So I. I've never had a problem where it's like, okay, there's too many people in the section. Yeah, we gotta kick. But I. I will say it is an experience. Like, I've only experienced like the last couple years. Years where I buy a bottle and you're watching somebody you've never seen in your life take liquor out of that bottle. Yeah. And like they not it. And they like. It's. Sometimes it's about the confidence. Like, yeah, somebody. If Somebody just like holding a cup, looking confused. I almost feel like, oh, I'm the host. Let me go over there. Like, I don't even know you. Hey, I'm Pat. I don't know where you from, but hey, here's some liquor and stuff like that. But somebody hop in the section, grab your. Like it's just a difference.

[Mike]

Grab your, pour it, pull out their phone and. Like this. Like this. Y' all not doing us.

[Pat]

Us the. You mean you're not doing like us this, man.

[Mike]

Come on, man.

[Pat]

Weak ass wife beater you got on. Yeah, I saw a dude wear a wife beater to the club. This is stupid, you know that?

[Mike]

Oh, man. Anyway, that has been crash dummies episode 231. Make sure you guys buy tickets to the live show in Chicago. We're thinking about doing an after event, so we'll announce that soon as well to do like a meet and greet and stuff like that. I know it's a Sunday, but. But make sure you guys. You guys have hella time to get off on that Monday. So make sure you guys go to the description and get the tickets to the show.

[Pat]

It's beginning to be. No excuses. I'm letting you know now pre sale is already like, we already more than a third full, so.

[Mike]

Yeah. So shout out to people that bought tickets.

[Pat]

And you got to realize this is our first time talking about it. So if you listening to this at 2pm on a Thursday day, good luck. For real, good luck. You might not make the show this year. You. You got to get on it. As soon as you hear this, bro, I know you sitting on the toilet, bro. Go ask your wife for the credit card info right now, bro.

[Mike]

It's not like the. The college commercial.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, for y'.

[Caller 3]

All.

[Pat]

Oh, for the people that sleep.

[Caller 4]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Demon. Demon.

[Caller 4]

Demon.

[Caller 5]

Demon.

[Mike]

Demon.

[Pat]

Demon. Demon.

[Mike]

All right, y'.

[Caller 3]

All.

[Mike]

Peace.