Teabagged Matcha w/ Noel Miller

Summary

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Crash Dummies Podcast: "Teabagged Matcha" w/ Noel Miller (Ep. 233)

Date: November 19, 2025
Hosts: Patrick Johnson ("Pat"), Michael Esiobu ("Mike")
Guest: Noel Miller
Episode Theme:
This episode, shot in Los Angeles, features comedian and podcaster Noel Miller. Pat, Mike, and Noel tackle viral internet culture, questionable scenarios, and their signature blend of absurd humor. They riff on current events, AI oddities, relationship debates, sports drama, and open up the phone lines for wild listener confessions—all with irreverence and candor.

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Main Segments & Discussion Highlights

1. Catching Up & Callbacks (03:04–05:14)

• Pat and Mike respond to YouTube comments:
  • 225 lbs as a bench press milestone: Pat notes it's not as exclusive as people think; many non-athletes hit it now.
  • Roasting each other's looks; jokes about "AI music" and fashion questions.
  • [Memorable Quote] Pat: "225 is more universal than it's ever been. I'm seeing people who look like they can't lift 125 putting up 225 five or six times." (03:21)

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2. Family Politics & Sucker Presidents? (05:16–09:40)

• Pat tries to get his uncle into politics, leading to an outlandish story about what motivates him to vote: “He won't have his president sucking dick.” (06:02)
• Banter about political scandals, simulated conspiracies, and over-the-top internet theories (‘triangle of who blew who’ between Trump, Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Hillary).
  • [Memorable Comedic Highlight] Mike: "There’s literally a triangle on the Internet of, like, who he blew and who he didn’t blow." (07:12)
  • Noel: “It’s a suckling.” (07:02)

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3. Relationship Boundaries: Gifts for Friends & Class Divides (10:07–13:48)

• The ethics and optics of giving expensive gifts to friends of the opposite sex, especially if they have a partner.
  • The Ben The Don and Ari Fletcher “$3,000 purse” discussion—cool or crossing the line?
  • Pat: "If your girl has a guy friend and she only sees him when she visits her hometown... and he buys her a Birkin bag, that's kinda different." (10:48)
  • [Key Insight] To each their own, but don’t “show up” the boyfriend or partner, and context/tax bracket matters.

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4. Current Events Absurdities (14:03–17:21)

• First human case of bird flu H5N5 in Washington: Pat and Mike joke (darkly) about extreme measures (“...if I was the first person to contract the virus...I’d be okay if the government blew my head off.” 14:34)
• Riffing on Black Friday: TVs are no longer a flex—“Black Friday, we all have big TVs now, put them groceries on sale.” (16:07)
  • Mike: “Those off-brand TVs...you can fold it in eight pieces, bro.”

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5. Twitter/Tweet of the Week & Social Media Shenanigans (17:21–18:00)

• “I hate washing dishes & get hard randomly for no reason”—quote tweeted as "this nigga pansexual."
• Group roasts former tweets, Twitter’s wild past, and scandals (Rory from Rory & Mal podcast).
  • [Reflective] Pat: “Twitter was a wild place back then. But it still doesn’t excuse some things people said...” (19:22)

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6. Judging by Profile Picture (19:46–24:21)

• Satirical breakdown of what profile pics “mean”:
  • Car selfie? “99 out of 100, she's a single mom.”
  • Hotel room mirror? “50% OnlyFans.”
  • Club photo? "For the streets."
  • Pat: “If you got a professional picture at the gym, that’s the same as the (picture) at the club—you don’t work here!” (23:23)
• Hilarious, tongue-in-cheek debate about photo choices, double standards, and transparent self-deprecation.

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7. AI in Everyday Life & Annoyances (24:48–26:48)

• Is it wrong to use AI (ChatGPT) to reply to friends' emotional texts?
• Pat despises AI’s boundaries: “The one time I use you for a thing, and you can’t even do it.” (26:16)

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8. Special Guest: Noel Miller Joins (29:42–59:33)

• Recap of past pod episode tech mishaps (“If I’m out of focus again, it’ll be unforgivable.” —Noel, 29:42).

• Banter about hygiene, group adventures, and a haunted escape room experience (Noel’s YouTube collab).

  • Pat: “I am a person that remembers every time someone smelled out of the ordinary.” (31:01)
  • [Escape Room Highlight] Pat: “But as soon as I download all of it, I’m just looking at it all in a folder and like, you know what? Some days a good day to resign.” (33:50)

• Zombie apocalypse bits:

  • “You just see a dude whipping, you’re like, yo, what you got away? Like, no, they got me.” (35:00)
  • “Just dip your dick in matcha, bro.” (36:22)

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9. NBA Scandals & Are You Trash? (36:56–41:52)

• Scandal: Chauncey Billups, Terry Rozier, & sports betting conspiracies.
  • “As long as he doesn’t have any money funneled directly back...he might have a case because he might just be ass.” (38:23)
  • Noel: “We looked at the numbers, you’re actually ass.” (39:07)
• Noel’s Rec League Basketball Confession: Scored two points across 12 games. Crowd reaction made him wonder if he had a terminal illness (“Make-a-wish to brother— I thought I had four types of cancer!” 43:17)

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10. Listener Call-Ins & Wild Confessions (73:49–103:40)

• Selected Highlights:
  • Height & “Meat” Myth: (74:00–77:40)
    Caller wonders if all NBA players over 6’4 have “big meat”, sparking immense laughter and incredulity.
    • Noel: “It’s so crazy you watch someone have a great highlight reel and you as a guy, you’re like, if his meat is small, these buckets mean less.” (75:35)
  • Selling Coke to the In-Laws: (79:24–82:46)
    Caller admits to bonding with and then supplying his partner’s family (with their knowledge) but not hers.
    • Pat: “You usually hope to bond with your father-in-law...y’all both throw a baseball. You like, man, let me get close...Let me hit the bag, bro.” (83:28)
  • Dirty Beats:
    Aspiring producer roasts his own friend for dropping “ass” bars, sharing music (“He chasing the beat like Usain Bolt!” 100:31)
  • Am I the Ahole? Cheating Preemptively:**
    Caller admits he’d “cheat before you cheat” if he senses his partner might—hosts quickly armchair-diagnose him (“Anytime you run into a problem, you go do something to destroy it.” —Pat 90:44)

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11. Ridiculous Hypotheticals (63:15–67:10)

• Teleportation, but you arrive naked: Would you use the power?
  • Group settles: Useful (especially for prompt exits), but eventually ruins your reputation.
  • “You’re going to have that try-hard detective that’s going to be in your closet...” (65:42)

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12. Miscellaneous Observations & Cultural Talk

• Parents’ questionable discussions about sex, kids “learning things too soon”, and generational differences in trauma.
  • Noel (on parenting): “I get afraid that me and Alina are gonna love our son too much, and he’s just not gonna get a realistic worldview.” (54:41)
• The "manifestation" hustle: Pat/Mike mock people with inspirational posts but no tangible plan (“...posting a mansion, a couple cars and a stack of money, but this dude got a forklift job and is 28 years old.” —Guest Caller, 92:05)
• Apple Watches with Suits = Spy Kids (104:06)
• Family name oddities in Pat’s clan (“My family has two people with the same exact name, and the dads are brothers...” —Pat, 71:59)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Politics & Conspiracy:
  “That’s why he’s so mad—no, seriously, he like a bitter ex. Because they used to be really close.” (08:03)

• AI Realness:
  “Don’t tell me...Is using AI in a text message...that’s still effort though.” —Pat (25:12)

• Escape Room:
  “That episode showed me our audience really cares...they were like, I gotta punish you for the mistakes—get a better camera.” —Pat (29:54)

• Call-in Insanity:
  “I want to get my ass ate. I work with majority women. They keep talking about it like it’s the bee’s knees and I’m getting FOMO...” —Guest Caller (85:21)

• Relationship Philosophy:
  "Anytime you run into a problem, you go do something to destroy it. So if you feel like, oh, she's not having the same feelings as me, I'm gonna go make sure my heart is safe and kind of ruin it before she knows it's ruined. So that's on you." —Pat (90:44)

• Solidarity:
  "If you got a professional picture at the gym, that’s the same as the one at the club—because you don’t work here." —Pat (23:23)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• YouTube Comments/Bench Press Talk: 03:04–05:14
• Family Politics/Scandal Satire: 05:16–09:40
• Opposite Sex Gift Debate: 10:07–13:48
• Bird Flu & Black Friday: 14:03–17:21
• Tweet Shoutouts & Old Twitter: 17:21–18:00
• Profile Picture Satire: 19:46–24:21
• AI Annoyances: 24:48–26:48
• Noel Miller Joins/Escape Room: 29:42–59:33
• NBA Scandals, "Being Ass": 36:56–41:52
• Listener Hotline – Rapid Fire: 73:49–103:40
• Teleportation Hypothetical: 63:15–67:10

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Episode Tone & Vibe

Raucous, offbeat, sometimes raunchy, but delivered with sharp timing and improvisational flow. Pat and Mike riff fearlessly while Noel Miller adds his quick wit and dry asides. Unfiltered honesty meets creative hypotheticals and relentless ribbing—perfect for listeners who crave laughs, hot takes, and a live-wire group dynamic.

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End Message:
Pat, Mike, and Noel close by plugging forthcoming content (Noel’s Escape Room video), upcoming live shows, and reaffirming their signature: if you’re not ready for radical honesty, mockery, and a little chaos, you’re in the wrong place.

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Transcript

[Pat]

Yo. Welcome to episode 233. Before we start the pot, let's thank today's sponsor of the episode, gld.

[Sponsor Announcer]

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[Pat]

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[Pat]

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[Sponsor Announcer]

And a free chain with cold [e-mail] after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you.

[Mike]

Now back to the Podemases Calefacionado.

[Pat]

Volkswagen Taeguan confuciones premium como los acientos.

[Mike]

De lanteros con masaje disponivles solo parese extravagante. Welcome to Crash Dummies episode 232. Make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon. We'll be dropping extra content there. What else we got? Live show Chicago Pull up tickets still on sale in the description live through on crashdummies.com or crashdummies podcast.com what else we got? What else? Announcements.

[Pat]

That's pretty much it. We'll be in LA again December 2nd through 6th. You know anybody with that streams guests that you personally know, let us know. Don't don't be telling us to get James Harden. You don't know James Harden. You don't know him, bro.

[Mike]

Also, we have Noel Miller on this episode and we shot this one in la. Yeah. So we're going to talk about it might be a little dated. So that's why this front part is going to be here. So I don't. I don't even know if it's that dated. I really don't remember at this point. It's not even edited yet.

[Pat]

The only thing that's dated. I'll give y' all a heads up. Only thing that's dated is we're a little bit behind on the Chauncey Billups, Terry Rozier betting thing. Everything else you should have some fun with and even that we. We poked fun at, so it's not too crazy. So just be quiet and then joke.

[Mike]

What's the first thing.

[Pat]

The first thing that we need to do that I. I sometimes forget to do is like, we gotta talk about comments from YouTube.

[Mike]

YouTube comments?

[Pat]

Yeah. Okay. The first comment I want to respond to is rock legend 08. Somebody said, just benching a low light. 225. Come on, Pat. That is not like when I tell you when I go to the gym now, 225 is more universal than it's ever been.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, I'm seeing people that look like they can't even lift 125 pounds and they're throwing up 225. Five or six times.

[Mike]

Also, I also realize we. We've been athletes like our whole lives damn near. And we hang out around athletes. So 225 is usually the standard. Cause I watched the. I think Joe Budden and them, they did like a. I saw it on Twitter. They were doing like a weightlifting thing and like none of them could. I think only one person could hit like 225. So it is for some people, like the non athletes to 25 is pretty heavy. Yes.

[Pat]

Somebody comment said Gene looks like Lloyd. If you any. Any Lloyd jokes, bro.

[Mike]

They.

[Pat]

It's over with, bro. It's already. It's already passed through. What do you got? What's your response to. Because, you know, we screenshot some comments and you see some comments. What's. What's like something you want to say to them? Reporting live from Atlanta, Georgia. You make them mad right now, them be steaming over Jeep. I've gotten that before, though. I've gotten Carlton Banks, you know, I'm saying when I was younger, a little more chunky and stuff like that, you know, just me just seeing. Yeah, you pissing them off even more, bro.

[Mike]

Je.

[Pat]

They said, bro, bro. He got sweatpants with the knees out with leggings up. Pause everything. Be mad as hell at G for no reason. I noticed the details, though. That's what.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

Every time. Okay. Long johns and like, oh, somebody said, Mike looks like he likes AI music.

[Mike]

I saw that one. That was funny.

[Pat]

No, that's funny.

[Mike]

That's funny.

[Pat]

All the women asking me for the link to my pink sweater. It was from H M. Those only women that asked me. I don't know if I should be concerned a little bit. Like, that would look good on me. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. That's pretty much it.

[Mike]

Anyway, what's the first topic?

[Pat]

You know, recently, I've been trying to get my uncle into more politics because he hasn't voted before, and I think that he should get really involved in local voting and national voting, you know, and no, I try to bring up topics to him. I'm like, look what Trump doing. Trump bombing Venezuela. Look at Trump.

[Mike]

Hey, man.

[Pat]

I'm just trying to. I'm just trying to heighten, you know, his awareness. Like, look. You know, look what he might do. You know, he beefing with China. You know what I'm saying? And today, my uncle called me with the most passionate speech ever, and he said that he's making sure he's getting out and voting because he won't have his president sucking dick.

[Mike]

That's what he said.

[Pat]

That got my uncle on 10. You got a. He voting this year.

[Mike]

He said he not having that boy voting in every election now.

[Pat]

Yeah, he does it.

[Mike]

The local ones.

[Pat]

I get it, though.

[Mike]

It's like.

[Pat]

It's hard. Like, obviously, I never trusted Trump, but, like, at this point, you can't trust. Trust him now because it's like, you know, you go in for a meeting with, you know, another political leader, and y' all in a room by yourselves. We don't know what you doing in there. He's supposed to be, you know, say, supposed to be in there. Sign the contracts this year. Ain't no telling what you in there doing. Malcolm, we can't even talk to this.

[Mike]

These people trying to, like, take away gay rights in there. Here he is.

[Pat]

That's what I'm saying. He's trying to get that video band, though. That is crazy, though. Like, it's.

[Mike]

We're living in a simulation.

[Pat]

Not. Not just sucking dick, though. Sucking Bill Clinton.

[Noel Miller]

It's a suckling.

[Pat]

That's what some of those.

[Mike]

They say. They called him all Donica Lewinsky, Donna Cut Lewis.

[Pat]

That is so crazy.

[Mike]

There's literally a triangle on the Internet of, like, who he blew and who he didn't blow. Damn.

[Pat]

No, that's so crazy. The other thing is, like, this.

[Mike]

I'LL try to remember to put it up on the screen.

[Pat]

Okay. Oh, damn. That's crazy. So he got blew by, all three of them. Did not blow. Did not blow.

[Mike]

Did blow.

[Noel Miller]

Damn.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

Yeah. So Bill Clinton, Dakin Clee. Yes. Got a blowjob by. There's a triangle with Donald Trump, Monica Lewinsky, Bill Clinton in the middle, and Hillary Clinton at the top of the triangle.

[Pat]

That's crazy. So they was. When they was doing a presidential debate, they was debating, you know, who the best eater.

[Guest Caller]

You know what I'm saying?

[Mike]

That's. But that's a crazy secret to keep. And Trump has said some bad about. Like, I'm about to say, I knew somebody sucked my dick and they started talking shit about me.

[Pat]

That's why he's so mad. No, seriously, he, like a bitter ex. Because they used to be really close.

[Mike]

I mean, by that picture of him grabbing his crotch.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, he was tapping on his crotch.

[Guest Caller]

Hey.

[Pat]

Like, hey, daddy's home.

[Mike]

The AI stuff is crazy. No, because they made that picture into, like, a moving picture of him, like, actually, like, tapping Bill, kids, I can't.

[Pat]

Look at him in the same. Somebody said that's how you know the Trump assassination is fake, because they said he would have caught the bullet with his mouth. Hey, our president's an eater. This is our first eater President.

[Mike]

Isn't that just crazy blackmail to have on somebody? I'm talking about, like, in general, like, just the president, you know, and information about the president doing anything sexual. I think that's, like, good, like, legit blackmail. Especially, like, something, like, out the norm of what he, like, preaches.

[Pat]

I think the person that's been releasing information on Trump and, like, I feel like there's always, like, a secret person, right? The person that has power but is not known in the world that's pushing this information against. Against Trump and pushing it out. And he accused Trump of being a PE file, and nobody reacted. So he like, all right, he sucked somebody dick. Now he got all these podcasts talking about it. Like, y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Pat]

Hey, y' all didn't give attention when I told you he was doing this? Stealing money here, doing this, going to islands. Okay, he sucked Bill Clinton's dick, everybody. Like, nah, this is last straw. Like, if he get impeached off, this is crazy. The felonies.

[Mike]

Oh, man. I got a question for y'. All. Is it appropriate? Is it appropriate? Appropriate? Appropriate? Appropriate. Am I saying goodbye? Is it appropriate to give gifts to. All right. Is it appropriate to give gifts to a Friend of the opposite sex. Even she has a boyfriend or husband.

[Pat]

Depends what the gift is.

[Mike]

That's okay. So I. This question stems from Ben the don. He gave Ari Fletcher a purse. It was like a three thousand dollar purse. I forgot the brand, but it was like in the ysl Gucci. And people are kind of on him on the Internet and he was saying like, that's just a gift. That's my homie this and that. So what's.

[Pat]

I think his girls is his homie.

[Mike]

Yeah, so they say. I don't know how close.

[Pat]

He doesn't know her boyfriend.

[Mike]

She. He does a money back yoza.

[Pat]

Oh, his money back.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Is he cool with money back? Yo. Yeah, but yeah, that's so, so that's, that's the key question. Because if some girls have friends that they only hang out with that friend by themselves.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So like if your girl has a guy friend and she only sees him when she visits her hometown and you're really never around and then he buys her a Birkin bag, that's kind of.

[Mike]

Different, but I think it's Birkin. Birkin would be different.

[Pat]

But if it was like. But if we hang out with each other and we all know other, like, I feel like he's not overstepping any boundaries that he wouldn't. I mean like that's like, that's little bro type. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

I forgot what type of bag it was, but it was, it was in the, the YSL type of price tier. So like a 3,000, $4,000 bag. Yeah. And if you're in a different tax bracket, which I would assume he is. Right. That might not seem like much, but I don't know. The purse is just interest. It's an interesting gift to get somebody. I would, I personally wouldn't get any of my female friends.

[Pat]

But you're not, you're not in his realm though.

[Mike]

I'm not either.

[Pat]

But he's also, he's also recording that and putting it on stream. So like he's not going to be wholesome and be like, oh, here's a, you know, $500 gift card. Starbucks, you know, is that the, what's the equivalent to like a purse? But he can't give it. He's not going to give her money. It could have been the money that he spent to get the purse or what's appropriate, like what's inappropriate?

[Mike]

I know this.

[Pat]

There it is. That's a question to.

[Mike]

To each their own with the relationship. I think it's just like, don't get anything that I don't. It's like I. Personal. Especially if you're. If the boyfriend's at a different tax bracket, as you don't get anything that he wouldn't. He couldn't afford.

[Noel Miller]

Right.

[Pat]

And we know he can afford.

[Mike]

Her boyfriend can afford that or he can't afford.

[Pat]

But. But I feel like he's given that as a gift to. Because I feel like what she does. She's an influencer to other women. So that bag gave her a whole different outfit that she could run, I don't think. I feel like he's giving her content.

[Mike]

I don't think anything is wrong with it. I think in a difference in the different sense. So say if my female friend. Right. Her boyfriend. I make less. I make less. What?

[Pat]

Go ahead.

[Mike]

Is I say female.

[Pat]

No, I don't know what you're saying.

[Mike]

What am I supposed to say? Woman friend.

[Pat]

Come on, man. You see? You see what's happened to these podcasts? You best be careful. Don't be like, Rory.

[Mike]

But if I got her a gift and I make, like, five times more than her boyfriend, and I get her, like, an expensive gift that. It's not expensive to me, but I know it'd be expensive to her. I think that's wrong.

[Pat]

No, that'd be crazy.

[Mike]

Like, if I can't get her like, a thousand. A thousand roses and shit. Or like a. Like a YSL bag. No, that's.

[Pat]

No, that'd be fucked up. Like, if you threw your girl a party and shit like that, and you got, like, you know, got her a couple purses, some gifts, and then her boy best friend like, yo, I got your gift. And then, like, he press a button in the garage, go up, and it's a Mercedes Benz that pulled through. It's like G Wagon, and she can't. Now I got to beat the out you. I might run the over with a new car, then wrap the ball around the nigga. Nick, presentation is key, too. No, no, no, for real. Can't make it seem all that, too. Yeah, you can't show me up by getting it.

[Mike]

Yeah, you can't make yourself the center of a.

[Pat]

With the. Like.

[Mike]

That's the real thing. She's opening gifts at a party.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I guess that's the other reason why the bend. The dawn thing wasn't even weird, too. Like, people were overreacting because it was legit. She legit was opening gifts at the party.

[Pat]

Yeah. I mean, and he's a streamer, and she's a person that makes money off Showing off new outfits. They're just like the perfect. Anywho, more important news, A person in Washington state has tested positive for H5N5. Bird flu. The first time H5N5 has ever been found in a human. If it's one person that has a disease, that person should just have to.

[Mike]

Go, what do you mean?

[Pat]

No, like, if I was the first person to contract the virus, and this virus could end up harming thousands and thousands of other people, maybe even millions, I would be okay if the government blew my head off.

[Mike]

Don't say that. Yes. Don't say that.

[Pat]

Yes, that's something. You got H5N5. You're the first one. We just left all the COVID shit, all that shit in the past and you're trying to bring up a new disease. You need to go. No, he does need to go. He is time for him to go. How the fuck do you get that though, exactly?

[Guest Caller]

Around and.

[Pat]

Nigga up there. Hawks and are you hawks? Nigga is weird, man. How the you get H5N5? You know, you know when your man just do anything.

[Noel Miller]

Hey, bro, I ain't gonna be able.

[Pat]

To make it to your fight, Mike. I ain't got H5F5. What you doing? Parenthood, bro. Man, this eagle is looking sexy as. Here you go, Nigga.

[Mike]

Dabble in beastiality.

[Pat]

Oh, man, watch that at the zoo. That is here to. Okay, one more, one more, one more. Okay. Dear Black Friday, we all have big TVs now. Put them groceries on sale.

[Mike]

That is true. Black Friday is so much different than now than it was like 10 years ago.

[Pat]

Yeah, I'm tired of you, nigga. I ain't gonna lie. I'm shaming some shit. I'm tired of you niggas getting these 85 inch TVs. With TVs you can't even pronounce the name of.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's hey. That's hey.

[Pat]

No, the minute, bro. No, when a nigga press menu, the shit being chines, they gotta guess. I think the third one down is just like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Apricot tv.

[Pat]

TV only this bit, hey, this 95 inches. But it only played 12 hours a day, bro. Gotta charge that.

[Mike]

Those TVs, those off brand TVs, they be making them do some wild that they. That people think there's a brag or think it's a flexible like. Bro, you can fold this TV in eight pieces, bro. Watch this. Just a random. Be having some random ass features, bro, that disappear, bro.

[Pat]

Yeah, transparent TV turn into a portrait. It Only got three slides, bro. But, hey, dogs playing poker. Tough, right? It's good look, right? Oh, you ain't with it.

[Noel Miller]

All right, all right, all right, all right.

[Pat]

Somebody on Twitter said this tweet of the week. Twitter. We tweeted. Somebody on Twitter said, I hate washing dishes and what I hate when I wash dishes and get hard randomly for no reason. That somebody quoted that tweet and said, this nigga pansexual.

[Mike]

At the end of. There are two creative.

[Pat]

No, way too creative.

[Mike]

Way too, like, annoyingly funny. Like, bro, why is that funny, bro?

[Pat]

I wanted to. I wanted to read an old tweet that I had.

[Mike]

I know because of the. I had to actually go and check my tweets to see.

[Pat]

Oh, tell people. I don't know if y' all know this, but Rory from Rory Amal, they found out he was a clan member.

[Mike]

Tweets, especially, because the. The way that people used to retweet back then, he's like. It's like, you legit type in rt. Like, to their tweet. There wasn't, like, no retweet buttons. So there was a lot of things that he didn't say that was just, like, retweet that he was just retweeting, essentially. But then they also found, you know, everybody. People used to talk wild on Twitter.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So he was saying stuff about black woman, and it's just stuff that he should have just. He apologized. I think the mistake that he made was trying to argue with the Internet. There was.

[Pat]

Yeah, they told him not. He went into spaces.

[Mike]

Yeah, he went to spaces.

[Pat]

He went into spaces. And we're just letting black people yell at him. Listen, I may take the weapon. Maybe it's the melanin in me talking. If I was white, I'm not apologizing for shit. Once I get caught, it's up. But no, they was just yelling at his ass. I. I got in line, too. I'm like, let me get in this space and see if they let me talk. I'm so disappointed in you, Rory. I looked up to you.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Me and my son would no longer watch a Rory and my podcast.

[Mike]

But Twitter. Twitter was a wild place back then. But it still doesn't excuse some things people said because I lit. I don't think I've really said anything too wild on Twitter. I've never been, like, a public. I think I've always been aware of whatever I put in out there, people can see. So I would never say anything, like, super offensive.

[Pat]

It's just weird. Like in a he. He wouldn't be as reprimanded if he wasn't in the black culture.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Like when you let white people into hip hop culture, it's a trustworthy thing. Like most people that white people, I would say like 100% of white people that's in hip hop culture, people love like people adore and they feel like they always been down for black people, no questions asked. And for someone that was in that position and was probably known as one of those white people to have tweets like that is crazy. Anyways, there was this Facebook thing where people were judging women off the way they took their profile pictures. And they were basically saying the way you take a profile picture says a lot about you. And these what the different ones mean. If it's a car selfie, 99 out of 100, she's a single mom. The more serious the pick, the crazier she is.

[Mike]

Okay, that's.

[Pat]

That one is true for me.

[Mike]

The car selfie.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

That's how you're seeking. If you're like, that's Bob and you have a you've taken the car selfie comment in the comments.

[Pat]

Maybe that's the only time they got time, you know, send that car. Oh, before the kids get here.

[Mike]

The serious one. I. I can agree.

[Pat]

My mom, My mom used to always. My mom used to always do everything in her car. Like she'd be having like conversation. Like when I get on in the car, she like in a full fledged conversation, like, that's her.

[Mike]

I remember this. The freaking selfie era, bro. Okay, so too many selfies out there.

[Pat]

That hotel room mirror selfie. Possibly only fans 50 chance. If that's her profile picture, that's her profile picture.

[Mike]

I'm not trying to profile pictures.

[Pat]

Cowboy. Cowboy boots and hats. Most likely has never ridden a horse. Not even in the bedroom club photo for the streets. Like, oh.

[Mike]

I was like, they're the best outfits off at the club though.

[Pat]

I will say, I will say yes on that one.

[Mike]

Really?

[Pat]

Yeah, I know they take really nice photos. But your profile. Wait, does that count? Does that count?

[Mike]

But that's your best outfit.

[Pat]

Nah, I need something. I need something wholesome like in the bathroom. Because you could tell like when they're in like a club bathroom. Club bathroom was fired. That was an air.

[Mike]

So, you know, how is the club bathroom fire?

[Pat]

Because that's more wholesome day around other women. Like, that's wholesome. But to like the girls, girl. Yeah, girl, you know girls girl. You know, I With girls. Girls like yeah yeah but you, you in the club with the bottle perfectly like this like nah nah you you.

[Mike]

Bro head tilted to the side.

[Pat]

Yeah I'm not even in the section. Yeah they're not even in the section. Like why are they taking pictures? How do they know you?

[Mike]

I've seen dudes do the head tilt to the side to show the double.

[Pat]

R. No I've never seen.

[Mike]

I've definitely seen that.

[Pat]

Yeah I never seen that. I remember the dudes kind of can.

[Mike]

Do it a little more especially with videos. It's like they'll start bobbing their head to this music and make sure doing the Ace Bailey Asia something they hear and they tell they dropped it like.

[Guest Caller]

Oh.

[Pat]

No that's crazy. Now I seen are showing their booty hole with that vlog. I think said belong that balone baloney Gym selfie equals wifey material. That could be either way because the gym and the club so like if you got a. If you got a professional pitcher at.

[Mike]

The toxic people in gyms.

[Pat]

No if you. If you got a professional pitcher at the gym that's the same as the.

[Noel Miller]

One at the club because you don't fucking work here.

[Mike]

That's hate.

[Pat]

You know everybody. It's like why everybody? How come everybody know your max.

[Guest Caller]

Oh my God.

[Pat]

You PR she just lifted it. How you know she didn't even post that. Okay, where we at? Oh beach pick with the quote caption she's healing but on vacation number five this year. What do you think that rank they.

[Mike]

Said I thought they would talk about profile picture.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's how. That's what. That's what it is the beach pig.

[Mike]

What about the beach on the beach. I don't know. I don't. I'm not. I don't want a profile picture Shane because that there might be one day I'm going to use some some. I've been thinking let me see what yours is.

[Pat]

I'm about to see what what you look like. See the world go heal baby. No, I'm about to see what you look like.

[Mike]

Come on now.

[Pat]

Yeah, I'm about to see my profile.

[Mike]

Picture is not bad.

[Pat]

I'm not saying it's bad.

[Mike]

It's just a side profile.

[Pat]

Oh yeah yeah yeah this selfish just a selfish profile picture should be all biggest profile pictures. It's like yours is like so yours is an off guard in a society oh head. So basically you saying you only respect me to get a look of his eyes. You know what I'm saying bro?

[Mike]

Yours is in front of yours is in London in front of Big Ben.

[Pat]

Bro, I'm a bird. I'm a bird. I know that.

[Mike]

And I took the picture.

[Pat]

I'm a bird too. Look how imposing. It's a film photo.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's a film photo. Okay, okay.

[Pat]

You know, I'm, you know, I'm so hood. I thought I was the first to take a picture. Y know, Y know, never took a picture in front of the big B.

[Mike]

What is your opinion on people using AI to have conversations with their friends? Because I've been, I've seen someone texted me and was like saying sorry for not getting back to you about something and this and that.

[Pat]

Don't tell me.

[Mike]

And it had like the long dashes. The long dashes and like that. Like, damn. Is using AI in a text message? That's text message.

[Pat]

That's still effort though.

[Mike]

You think so?

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Maybe they put in like chat gbt like, hey, how can I send this nice message? But he's a ass. Yeah, I got you, I got you, I got you. Are you cool enough with the person to demand the prompt?

[Mike]

I want to know. I. I just feel like some people just not want. Don't want to have conversations anymore. Like use their head to have a conversation. Like I need. It's okay to do a typo here and there. That's what makes conversations funny sometimes.

[Pat]

Now you should have copy pasted it and then ask Chad GBT to respond in the worst way possible. I want you to offend them and then at the end tell them that we both got our replies from chat.

[Mike]

I think there's like a report you can put into, like you can put the AI the text into thing. It'll let you know if it was made.

[Pat]

I don't like AI anymore. It's a liar though, because I one time I took a picture of somebody I knew was famous from Instagram, but I couldn't like wrap my mind around it because it was this woman who was dating a football player. But I couldn't figure out who the football player was. I screenshot at the dude and put it in chat gbt. Like, who is this? And it said, oh, I can't do that. I can't tell you who that is. I was like, oh, what a I like you useless piece of. The one time I use you for a thing and you can't even do.

[Mike]

This Now Chibi T would tell me like, I can't do something and it or a thing that it did last week and I'd be like, yes, you can. You just did it last week. Then you're like, oh, you're right, here it is. I'm like, bro. What?

[Pat]

You can manipulate that? Yeah. Now you can.

[Guest Caller]

For real.

[Pat]

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[Noel Miller]

Yo, am I on autofocus? If I'm out of focus again, it'll be unforgivable.

[Mike]

That'll be.

[Noel Miller]

I wore the same jeans. I wore the same jeans.

[Mike]

We had so many good clips from that, too.

[Noel Miller]

We really did.

[Pat]

That episode showed me that our audience really cares. You know how many people were, like, reaching out, like, I'm not watching that. I thought, you know, it's on Spotify, right? You can give it. Just be an audio listen for a week. It's like, I don't give a. They were like, I gotta punish you for the mistakes. Get a better camera.

[Mike]

You.

[Noel Miller]

Wow, dude.

[Mike]

Anyway, welcome to Crash Dummies podcast again, Noel.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, bro, thanks for having me, man. What a week, dude.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's been a lot of talking this week.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah. I've doubled up on outfits a lot this week, too.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, I have to.

[Pat]

Underwear?

[Mike]

No, no. I've been double up on underwear every day. Different underwear, different socks.

[Pat]

You sure about that?

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

Are you looking at my underwear?

[Pat]

No, I'm just saying. I'm just asking. Are you sure? Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

Pat's a sniffer, man. He'd be inspected.

[Pat]

Hey, bro.

[Mike]

Those same underwears in front of the girls, too.

[Noel Miller]

Just so everybody knows, anytime I see Pat, he. He get. And I'm a short guy, so he gets real low. He gives me that. He's like, they're new. Oh, yeah, yeah, they're clean.

[Pat]

I am a. I am a person. That's. I remember every time someone smelled out of the ordinary. Like, there's like, I think like a year and a half ago, you had just boxed.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

I think you smart. Like, two days in a row. And for some reason, I was around you. But I'll never forget that. And that's the only time I caught you stinking in probably like a decade.

[Noel Miller]

And I believe this because at the end of the escape room, we went to Poso for the picture and you went like this and Pat was like, ew, you stink.

[Pat]

Oh my God.

[Mike]

My collar was so loose though, after.

[Pat]

That it looked like you were doing something else. Talk to that dude. So which one? The guy that was scaring us.

[Noel Miller]

The scary guy?

[Pat]

Yeah. Cuz I interviewed everybody else because everybody got blood smeared on him. Well, the people that did.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Get blood smeared on him. And everybody was like, yeah, they were really rough with it. They put it all over their face. Well, I was handcuffed and he didn't put the blood on rough. He like kind of like rubbed it in. And it was just me and him. I'm like, hey, hey.

[Noel Miller]

He's like, I got you right where I want you.

[Pat]

He's like, swallow it.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, yeah. And just for context, everybody we went to, I get, you know, people like post people have gone there and it's like called like the scariest escape room in America. I don't think in America.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. I want to say in America now.

[Noel Miller]

Maybe in la.

[Pat]

Yeah. I feel like I could put on. Not say I would be better at storytelling and scaring than them.

[Noel Miller]

Sure.

[Pat]

But it'd be a better haunted house than anybody. Like, oh, come around this corner, we're about to jump you.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Noel Miller]

Past Haunted house is just a long, just city alleyway. There's various characters on each side.

[Mike]

You just see Tim's coming out of nowhere.

[Pat]

That would be so crazy. Like, you just go through each like mafia, like. No, you're next to the Italian mob. They like to punch in the ribs.

[Noel Miller]

Put a spike in his ass. Yeah, we. We did. So we did this escape room. You go watch the full video on my channel. Depending when this drops, this might drop.

[Mike]

In like two weeks.

[Noel Miller]

Okay. Okay, so then it's definitely out.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, yeah, it's definitely out.

[Mike]

Are they gonna look through all that image that quick?

[Noel Miller]

Oh, yeah. Alex is a shout out to Alexi, man. He's a. He's a master dude.

[Pat]

He has to be. There were so many cameras, so many angles.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, but.

[Noel Miller]

But he, he. At the end in the parking lot, we were talking about it. He was like, I'm gonna need some time. Yeah, he's sweating it. He's like, I'm gonna try to turn this bitch around.

[Pat]

Wow, that's. That's amazing. That's where I would quit. Like, as soon as I download all of it, I'm just looking at it all in a folder and like, you know what?

[Noel Miller]

Somebody else got it.

[Pat]

Some days. A good day to resign.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, go watch that. But Pat. Pat did have one on one time and he was like. That was crazy because I don't know if you noticed this, but, like, because they come out and scare you and it's mostly dark. But I saw him in the corner. When he saw you, he went like this.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, he rubbed his two fingers down his lips.

[Pat]

I'm not gonna lie, there's some moments I'm not proud of. Like, Mike. Mike said that he grabbed the bunny on the bed. Oh, yeah. I grabbed that bunny too.

[Mike]

I didn't realize it, though. It was just kind of like, you know, when the zombie apocalypse has happened or something like that. Like. Green dildos everywhere.

[Pat]

Yeah, man. These zombies, they only want to.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's. That's the new walking dead, man. The zombie apocalypse, dude.

[Pat]

No, that would be. That would actually be scarier. I rather get bit.

[Mike]

Now.

[Pat]

You just see a dude whipping, you're like, yo, what you got away? Like, no, they got me.

[Noel Miller]

All those scenes.

[Pat]

Oh, man.

[Noel Miller]

Survival guy comes back to the group. Hey, man, where were you? Why you keep rubbing your jaw like that? It's nothing, man. I'm fine. Oh, boy.

[Pat]

The Acocalypse zombie. I think. I think there are a lot more people not trying to get caught like D. Yeah, yeah.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So who's man? I'll starve. It's cool. Yeah, bro.

[Pat]

Yo, yo. You're not even a zombie, boy. He acted like a zombie.

[Noel Miller]

Just trying to get some.

[Mike]

You start saying the wrong references and like, take me to your leader. Like, that's aliens.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, my God. Pack green in the bathroom.

[Mike]

But never gonna find out.

[Pat]

Just dip your dick in matcha, bro.

[Mike]

Tea. Macking matcha is the craziest thing.

[Pat]

Hey, you gotta hit up your ex, yo. I think I got zombie dick.

[Guest Caller]

You should.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, man.

[Mike]

But basically to say that I just wanted to have something in my hand to defend myself. To defend myself.

[Pat]

Okay. The apocalypse.

[Mike]

A lot of NBA scandal news with.

[Pat]

Oh, bro. Bro. That's my favorite basketball player. That's so weird.

[Guest Caller]

Bro, Bro.

[Pat]

Both gamblers just like me. Twin, twin. I free you.

[Noel Miller]

He did nothing wrong.

[Pat]

I gotta say. Free Chauncey. That sounds so weird.

[Mike]

When they started showing, like, the glasses and stuff like that with the marked cards. That's high. But I appreciate that, though. Yeah, that's like, it takes some thought to do that.

[Pat]

It takes a lot of thought.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah. I was reading a tweet this morning that was like, where this whole poker thing is like, definitely a cover up for like something bigger. Like they're just trying to distract us.

[Mike]

It feels like it.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah. Yeah. But I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on Free Chauncey.

[Pat]

Yeah, Free Chauncey. I saw.

[Mike]

It's very free, though.

[Pat]

He literally looks like a leprechaun. I thought it was like the Irish mafia, but it ended up being the Italian mafia.

[Mike]

Yeah, one of the mafias.

[Noel Miller]

I just feel like Free Chauncey is something. Something that like, like UK drill rappers have to say.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Noel Miller]

It's not a very American.

[Pat]

I don't want to get too, too, too wonky. Who the is Chauncey?

[Mike]

I feel like Chauncey Billups. You. You always have to say his name, like, fully. Yeah, Chauncey doesn't like, you know.

[Pat]

You know Chauncey, one of the best point guards.

[Mike]

Who?

[Noel Miller]

Chauncey Billups, bro.

[Pat]

Detroit basketball.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

No, that's crazy. But we watch a highlight of Terry Rozier, and as long as he doesn't have any money funneling directly back from somebody that won a bet, he might have a case because he might just be ass. We were watching his highlights and like, some of them, like, were very hard to prove. Like, sure. It was like, I've made that mistake on a basketball court before. Every mistake that he made. Yeah, yeah, but just not consecutively like that. Those are real.

[Noel Miller]

That would actually be so funny if he's trying to double down on the gambling and then. And then you get like the real sports, like autists going really deep and they're like, no, man, actually we looked at the numbers. You're actually ass.

[Pat]

I can't wait.

[Noel Miller]

You've been asked the whole time. No, no, no. It was gambling. No, no, no, bro, you suck. Shit.

[Pat]

I can't wait until that court date. His lawyer literally had to convince America that he's ass. Yeah, listen, your honor, my client is one of the worst basketball players I've ever seen. Look at this guy.

[Noel Miller]

We, we have witness testimony from years of games. Just angry ass, man.

[Pat]

Johnson, Terry Rosier.

[Mike]

You guys start showing like, his actual, like, pickup game as well too, like, behind the scenes, like, just to prove that so bad. This is him shooting in the driveway with his kid. Like, this is real life.

[Noel Miller]

Just like, no, no good.

[Pat]

It just witnesses coming forward. Like, yeah, man, I've been Terry Rosier's neighbor for the last Three years. I beat him in one on one all the time. Not even playing high school.

[Noel Miller]

Yo, equipment managers. And I'm not gonna lie. I pieced up Terry one time. He was low key, mad after practice because he was bombing all practice. I said, hey, man, let's work it out. I'm not gonna lie. I fucking pieced this guy up. And I'm 5:10. I pieced this dude up. And that's 5:10 in the shoes, bro. Oh, no. Think about arrows here. Just like, some, like, random Filipino kids pulling up.

[Pat]

That's my favorite player. The. What's his name? It's not Steph Curry. Oh, what's those Filipino players name? There's, like, three Filipino players that, like, cosplay NBA players. One Steph Curry. One's Luca Donche.

[Noel Miller]

LeBron James. That's hilarious, dude. Yeah, it's like, Filipinos love basketball, bro.

[Pat]

They do. And they're terrible at basketball.

[Mike]

Wait, a whole. The. All of them? Them?

[Pat]

No, not all of them. Not all of them. But I'm saying the ones. The games that I see, there's a lot of. I will say the. The. The quality of shots that are made, it's pretty impressive. The highlights I see. But I'm just saying it's fundamental wise. Like, look wise. Yeah, it doesn't look good, bro.

[Noel Miller]

Have we. I'm sitting here acting like I know ball. I don't really watch basketball like that. But we never talked about the one rec season I played. I played ball.

[Pat]

How old were you, dude?

[Noel Miller]

Like, 13.

[Pat]

13. Still quality. Still quality time.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, no, bro, because, you know, I. You know, I'm. I'm average now. I was very short then, bro. I think I was 4, 11, maybe 5ft at 13, bruh. I hit a great. I hit a crazy spurt, dude. But, yeah, I was.

[Pat]

Oh, you thought you were.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

13, 14, 5.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah. Oh, like. And I don't know what. I always think back to that moment. I'm like, why weren't my parents giving me steroids? They should have been. Every Chinese, any Asian doctor, like, what can we put in this kid to explode him? I don't know why they didn't go, hold on. I mean, not like that. That's Vietnamese. No.

[Mike]

That didn't happen.

[Noel Miller]

That's a myth. They didn't actually do that. Shout out to the Vietnamese. Love you guys. No, bro, I played one season of rack basketball. Mind you, I don't come from an athletic family. I think we had one guy in our family that like, like, swam recreationally.

[Pat]

The Goats, bro.

[Noel Miller]

No, he lived in, like, a rural area, and he was like, it, I'm gonna hit this lake. But I think that's, like, just him I had, Bro. What do you. How. How many points do you think I scored for this rec season?

[Pat]

How many games?

[Noel Miller]

It was like, a summer league, so call it 12 or 14.

[Pat]

How many minutes you getting? You not coming out the game?

[Noel Miller]

I mean, that's a great question as well. How many minutes do you think I averaged?

[Pat]

You knew the people on the team?

[Noel Miller]

No.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

The minutes go down drastically if you don't know them. I'm saying you're getting about. They're probably throwing you in top of the second quarter, late in the third, taking you out right before the fourth. That's about 12 minutes. And I say the whole season, you score 24 points.

[Noel Miller]

I think I did 12 minutes total the entire season.

[Guest Caller]

Sheesh.

[Noel Miller]

And I had one layup.

[Mike]

How many attempts?

[Noel Miller]

About three. They didn't let me out there.

[Pat]

I think that's actually worse.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, to only take three shots, and then you kind of, like, got the gist of how much time you're getting out there, bro.

[Noel Miller]

When I scored the one bucket, it was a breakaway, granted. I mean, like, for having no fundamentals, no nothing, I think that was probably a moment where the coach was like, okay, maybe there's something workable here, because I just jumped on it. I saw a ball loose, took it. But when they cheered for me the way they cheered for me, now, listen. They make a wish to brother. I thought I had four types of cancer. When they were cheering for me, dude, they were coming off the bench. People were standing up. I'm like, all right, all right. I'm telling in my mind. I'm like, calm down. Calm down. Yeah, it was bad.

[Pat]

Imagine you're so ass that you find out, like, after you score, and you're, like, looking at everybody celebrating like, wait, hold on. Why the principal going crazy like that? He can't do it.

[Mike]

Why?

[Pat]

They said that.

[Noel Miller]

I knew I was ass, but I was standing there like, well, you didn't have to do that.

[Guest Caller]

That.

[Noel Miller]

You know, no one had to do all that, man. The other team was looking at us crazy like, what the. Is this a layer? Like, what are we doing?

[Mike]

Okay, that's when it would have been bad if the other team was celebrating too.

[Noel Miller]

They're like, oh, man.

[Mike]

But you see the one guy move out the way and to let you get the layup.

[Pat]

No, that'd be so up. If you found out you were asked because you got in the game, and you shot a layup. The other team got the rebound and threw it back to you. You're like, wait, wait, man.

[Noel Miller]

Go again.

[Pat]

What the Is going on? Yo, why the. You just tossed me the ball, bro.

[Noel Miller]

Have another one, man. Yeah. Damn it, dude.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

Yeah. I don't care how down bad I am, you're not throwing me the rebound back like you. I will walk off the court.

[Mike]

Wait, yo, bro, at least it was a breakaway layup, though. Because for me, breakaway layups were always the hardest for me to make.

[Noel Miller]

Oh.

[Mike]

Like, I legit. There was a point where I was, like, I was in my head about missing layups. So I would. Would get a steal, stop a little bit, and slow down for somebody to catch up so I can pass the ball. Because I've missed open layups a lot before.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, I think it's like. It is. I'll say, because I didn't play a lot of sports, but, like, that feeling of being in, like, open court and you have nine people behind you, like, oh, yeah. I remember just, like, looking back, being like, I gotta sink this or like, that's so weird. They're gonna kill my dad. After the.

[Pat]

That's when I felt the best breakaway. Yeah. I felt. I felt amazing. I'm like, finally.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

If I gotta. I feel like if I gotta step on. Yeah, me too.

[Noel Miller]

Me too. Me too.

[Pat]

I was. The worst thing they can do is block it off the backboard, and nobody really gives a. You get your blocked off the backboard. They're more impressed by the other person. So that's why I was like, I just got to get it to this damn square.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But me, oh, my God, when they used to make me bring the ball up the court, and it's that little small ass white dude pressing you 94ft, like, because that's the most embarrassing thing that can happen. I'd rather miss a wide open layup, and people go, oh, come on. But, like, being isolated in the back court by a defender and him picking your pocket and land the ball up. You're the first person that touches the ball out of the net. So you gotta call somebody down to take out the ball. They take it all day. Like, get your ass down. Yeah, they looking at me.

[Noel Miller]

You're just reminding me now. Like, I remember we were doing, like, jump ball drills, which I don't even know why. Like, maybe that says how ass we.

[Pat]

Were as a team. Y' all's ass. We had, like, we gonna win something, bro.

[Noel Miller]

I was in eighth grade. I Think we had, like, one tenth grader in that. And like, that. That was like, our guy. But I remember, like, looking at this drill and I was laughing, like, thinking later, like. Like at practice, I'd be like, are they gonna make me? And then after one practice, I'm like, they're never gonna let me jump for that ball. What am I even, like, tricking myself?

[Pat]

Like, that was kind of racist by them, though.

[Noel Miller]

No, no, no, you know, that was real. They had to do what they had to do, man. Look, I respect it.

[Pat]

All right? So speaking of basketball, some dude got suspended from his adult basketball league. The email says adult basketball league suspension notice. Dear Mr. Blank Blank, due to your inappropriate actions in the adult basketball league on October 21, you have been suspended for one get game. This suspension will take place for your team's next game on Thursday, October 30th. Please reread our adult basketball league code of conduct on our website. Note that any hip thrusting motions are prohibited at all times during our game. Thank you for helping keep our league family friendly.

[Noel Miller]

I'll come back that second game and be like, crazy.

[Pat]

That's so crazy.

[Mike]

The. The hip. I feel like in adult leagues, that's when you're supposed to be able to do. Do anything you want.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like any celebration goes those 37U football game. You should do any celebration you want because that's the time you get to be a kid again.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

It's not serious.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

No, I don't like for hip thrusting. No, hip thrusting is crazy. It depends on, like, where he was doing it. Yeah. If he just like somebody just took a charge and then he starts hip thrusting over their body.

[Noel Miller]

Nah, man.

[Pat]

Nah.

[Noel Miller]

I'm supporting it. A classic late 90s. Just one of these.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, just a n. Dude, I'm supporting.

[Mike]

It, but I feel like that was a thing back in the day. The hit thrust. Like when they were excited to like, that was a.

[Pat]

Or the wrestling one. What's the wrestling Xbox. Yeah, that was like that. That was like up there with the middle finger. If you did that in school, they treated.

[Mike]

That was my. In school.

[Noel Miller]

You hit the suck it in school. Suspended five days.

[Pat]

You legit like you better off fighting.

[Mike]

The scariest thing is having a Nigerian dad and have to show him what you did. He's like, micah, come here. So your teachers are saying that you. You are doing something X Pac, Tupac xpac, something like that. Let me see what you did.

[Noel Miller]

I would have lied, bro.

[Guest Caller]

No way.

[Noel Miller]

You did it? Did you do it?

[Mike]

I Had to.

[Noel Miller]

Oh.

[Mike]

Because the worst thing, because if he found out, because my little brother knows what it is, because he be like. Like, davis, come here. What is. What? You know? So I had to do it.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

He's like, why. Why are you inviting people to your penis?

[Pat]

Inviting people to your penis is crazy.

[Mike]

That's it.

[Pat]

That's the thing. Like, it's kind of cold.

[Mike]

Sorry.

[Pat]

Talking to. Talking to parents about sexual things could get so weird. I remember one time my uncle asked me if my cousin, his son was gay. And we're, like, 15. He was just like, y' all got something to ask you. You know, I. I see. I'm not gonna say his name. Such and such do some things sometimes. Is he gay because you guys hang out all day every day. And I was just like, no, he's not gay. And I was like, I've never seen him do anything that would say that. But, like, the next two weeks, like, everything he did, I was, like, mind blowing. But, hey.

[Noel Miller]

That'S so crazy.

[Mike]

But it's a crazy question.

[Pat]

But he wasn't gay. But it was just funny that. That he asked that and, like, was really dependent on me for that.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah. Your own son. Yeah. Just trying to, like, so is he.

[Pat]

I was like.

[Mike]

I was like.

[Pat]

I was like, damn, is he gonna die or something? Like, why are you saying it like that?

[Mike]

Especially back then, when you really understand what, like, the questioning was about.

[Pat]

Yeah, that's what I was saying. I think that was, like, my whole point. And just funny how, like, adults back then, they tried to have grown men conversation with us, like, when we were way too young to be having that.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Why are you talking to me about a condom? I'm nine. Yeah, you gotta strap up. Look at her eye.

[Noel Miller]

I'm laughing because now you're reminding me of a time, like, I just completely pressed my dad, like, way too early. He's taking me home from somewhere. I'm in the backseat. I think I'm about 11. I'm like, dad, why do they call it a boner? Like, I just didn't know. Pretext. Like, no. You know, am I. My dad go. Like. Like, he just wasn't trying to have that conversation at that point. I felt him driving home faster. Like, I felt the car picked up his feet. He's like, man, she's like, you know, it's like, slang. It's like a slang term. Blew a stop sign. He was not trying to talk about that.

[Mike]

No, I feel like, sex. Anything with your parents. Yeah, it's always no matter what age you get to. To. It's just like when you're younger, too, when you. It would be on that TV channel and you just change it and no words are said. Yeah, go ahead.

[Pat]

I literally used to act like, I'll go clean the kitchen or something.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You just gotta walk out, like, as soon as they had, like, start having sex. I remember one time I tried to stay, and my mom cussed me out. She's like, I know you're not watching. I thought I was watching the same damn movie. If goddamn Tyler Perry gets you in.

[Mike]

Trouble, I think it's just the way they're not even slick about it. They just don't care. And you're a kid, so you're not really gonna challenge. Like, why'd you change your channel? You gotta have to kind of understand.

[Pat]

Yeah. It's funny how your parents don't know. What, know already? Yeah, like, they're hiding stuff from you. They're like, I'm not gonna tell them they're divorced. Like, oh, I know.

[Mike]

The.

[Pat]

You cheated. I know. Old story behind you hide your divorce. I literally know Dad's mistress. She's a nice lady.

[Noel Miller]

She lets me watch the sex on the tv.

[Mike]

Yeah. Start sewing your shoes. You see these? I got these.

[Pat]

Your parents come in. We got something to tell you. We're getting a divorce. Yeah.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

I already met the new one. She's great.

[Pat]

She's amazing. Let's see what you come up with. You better be good.

[Guest Caller]

See?

[Noel Miller]

See, man. I think. By the way, what do you always say about people who grow up with two parents?

[Pat]

You're always like, yeah, they're all. I feel like they're too emotional. Like, they feel life, like, too intensely. And I feel like, like, trauma's gonna beat the out of them. Like. Yeah, Like, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not dating anybody with two healthy ass.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

Yes. Because, like, when one of them gets sick, oh, my life's over. I'm sick. I can't take it. So funny. Dude, she's 95. I know. I can't. My baba.

[Mike]

That's.

[Noel Miller]

What are you afraid? Like, I. I get afraid of this. Mike, you're gonna join this conversation with.

[Pat]

One day dad talk. I. I always give guys that take care of their kids.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That'd be crazy. Let's talk. Let's talk. Noah, you'd be friends with me if I was a deadbeat. I'm.

[Pat]

We are friends.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, yeah. Y' all don't know about Mike? Oh, man, they're out there, man. They're out there.

[Pat]

Nigeria's finest, though. Oh, my God.

[Mike]

Y' all see? All right, man. Go ahead, bro.

[Pat]

Y' all see two kids with a nice Nigerian podcast ten years later when your dad a famous podcaster? Yeah, he was.

[Noel Miller]

Mine, too. Hey. What? Lean in. Let me see your nose. They're just gonna press each other's noses.

[Mike]

Say apocalypse.

[Noel Miller]

Say Apocalypse. A yo. No, no, I'm just saying, I get afraid. Honestly, I get afraid that me and Alina are gonna love our son too much, and he's just not gonna get a realistic worldview. So all I'm wondering is, like, constantly, I'm like, well, if we love him, he needs to understand. Cause it's one thing to when your parents, like, explain the real world to you, but you always have to, like, go experience that shit. I feel like he has to to. He has to be traumatized in some way. I just. I'm trying to figure out where it's going to come from.

[Pat]

Oh, I know. I got you. Plan a separation. Like, you guys. You guys really aren't separated?

[Noel Miller]

Oh, we just. We just. Like a Navy SEALS drill.

[Pat]

Yeah. You act it out, though.

[Noel Miller]

I walk out, she's crying.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

Two minutes, dude. It's like that show, like, with a. That native guy walks in and he's like. You saw them arguing and you wanted to step in. What made you want to do that? We just started fucking fighting and come back, and I'm like, now, son, you thought we were gonna break up? How'd that make you feel? And me and your mom just want to show you that that could happen at an instant.

[Mike]

Don't get too comfortable.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, don't get too comfortable, buddy.

[Pat]

Dad, I was just saying, you know, I really thought it was over when we went to the strip club. Wait, wait, wait. Don't say it. I'm so sorry. He's lying.

[Noel Miller]

This is also part of the exercise. I wanted to run you through it.

[Pat]

Now. I feel like we all should get it.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, we should all should get it. Yo, speaking of acting, Mike gave me the most generous bailout for the escape room yesterday. He was like, you weren't acting at the end, and I was just like, like, no, Like, I was fully, like a in that moment, and I. I feel like that was 1% of you just trying to give me the, like.

[Mike]

The out to be. I was trying to give you the out. Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Pat]

I, I, I bitched up.

[Noel Miller]

I have no shame in it.

[Pat]

The reason I almost volunteered, but I was looking at the Time.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know, and once they said the hard out thing because two people had to go, I was like, this has to be the finale.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So whoever goes to that tunnel is getting everything.

[Noel Miller]

Everything.

[Pat]

Plus you can taste everything you can.

[Mike]

Yeah. Get me started, bro.

[Pat]

Twist his dick. Twist it.

[Noel Miller]

Let me. And let me say, when Mike went in that tunnel, the relief. I was like, dude, thank God. It was like, absolutely not, dude, I'm not going.

[Pat]

When you came back streaming, I thought they was going to us up cuz I hear all like, oh my God. About to tase all of us.

[Noel Miller]

I was so reassured by that too. Cuz all I was thinking was like, well, Mike, you know, Mike's about like 6162, you know, 210, 220. If it was me in there, they'd be having their way with me. Like I'd probably be in the room before the tunnel. They'd be chaining, dude. They'd be putting me in the handcuffs, dude.

[Pat]

No, the handcuffs was so like.

[Mike]

No, you would have been scared. You'd have been scared.

[Noel Miller]

Absolutely.

[Mike]

If you were really scared of the tunnel thing, you would have been definitely scared.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Nobody ever talked about. We didn't with upstairs neighbors. The pile we shot. We didn't talk about it either. The scariest moment was the moment that we didn't do was look through that door.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, bro. Bro, that was genius. That moment was genius. All five of us were like, no, that.

[Pat]

Dude, they literally, they literally had to speed that process up because we were taking all day to do it. Because who the would reach their head through a door in a tunnel to read something that you made unreadable? We know you did. It was like the last one. No, you need that last word. The fuck I do.

[Noel Miller]

Alina and I were crying because I was like, dude, you've gone through birth and that shit. You know what I'm saying? We were just laughing like birth is almost easier than Zoe reborn.

[Pat]

No, she set the tone. Yeah, she was super brave.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, bro, that shit was. I still can't believe we did that.

[Guest Caller]

That.

[Pat]

No, that's actually crazy.

[Mike]

I'm.

[Pat]

I'm glad. I'm glad there was a bigger group cuz if it was just us three. No, Mike, you would have been doing everything.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, you would have done everything.

[Mike]

You think so?

[Noel Miller]

Yeah. Dude, you. Out of everyone, you were the most like h. It's whatever.

[Mike]

Yeah, I think it was more because I was tired and I was ready to go at a certain point and I was really hungry, so I was like all Right.

[Noel Miller]

Let's just get it done.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Let's just.

[Mike]

Let's just do it. You get kind of how to tap into the. You know, like at the beginning the guy was saying some people trying to act too cool and stuff like that. So I tried my best not to be that. So I was like, ah, you know, running around. But at that end of part I.

[Pat]

I was like, you're having a bad week. He got cut off by a waymo.

[Mike]

Oh, I did get cut off by Waymo. Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, we should cut that out. You should let anyone know that that happened to you.

[Mike]

Break, break. Check me too.

[Pat]

Yeah. About to get out the car, beat his ass.

[Noel Miller]

That was just some guy in India on a computer.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You see a hologram come out, the car starts flicking you off and call me a slur and like, what the.

[Pat]

They do a Mario Kart oil spill behind you. Like, what the is that?

[Noel Miller]

That wayo just throw a banana.

[Pat]

That a turtle.

[Noel Miller]

But it's just a act Actual small turtle just comes in that's dying on your wishes.

[Guest Caller]

What the.

[Pat]

Is that a live turtle?

[Mike]

It'll be crazy. People actually have that in real life.

[Pat]

Oh, like stuff to throw off. Yeah, I know. My uncle has a car with the spikes on the side of the wheels.

[Mike]

He was.

[Pat]

He got caught off one day and then his car actually went off. The two wheels actually left the car. If you can imagine that. Because he got cut off one day and somebody and it got caught in someone else's wheels and they kept driving the opposite way his car is. He tore the whole part of his car. Holy karma. That's what the you kid.

[Noel Miller]

I'm like dumbfounded.

[Pat]

Yeah, big ass spikes like literally come out to you year.

[Noel Miller]

That is crazy.

[Pat]

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[Pat]

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[Pat]

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[Noel Miller]

This episode is brought to you by Netflix from the creator of Homeland. Claire Danes and Matthew Reese star in the new Netflix series the Beast in Me as ruthless rivals whose shared darkness will set them on a collision course with fatal consequences. The Beast in Me is a riveting psychological cat and mouse story about guilt, justice, and doubt. You will not want to miss this. The Beast in Me is now playing. Playing only on Netflix.

[Mike]

I got a question for y'. All. Yeah. If you could teleport. But the only time you let me ask this again.

[Pat]

I like how you did teleport like that. Okay.

[Mike]

If you could teleport anywhere but had to show up naked, would you still use it?

[Noel Miller]

Oh, tough. I mean, yeah.

[Pat]

I feel like you're, like, one bad teleportation away from going to jail.

[Noel Miller]

That's true.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Let me hurry up and pick my kids up.

[Noel Miller]

Do you get to have anything in your hands? Can you teleport like this?

[Mike]

I still think you'll get in trouble. Yeah. Yeah. No matter what.

[Noel Miller]

I think people like, you have a good year before people knew you as, like, the teleport guy.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

Because I feel like for six months people just would not believe it. Like, that guy teleported here. It was crazy. It's like no shot.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Would you. Would you want to be known as that?

[Guest Caller]

That.

[Mike]

Would you want to be famous and people know you have your power.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, hell no.

[Mike]

Exactly.

[Pat]

That's a dumb. That's a dumb rule. Then it goes down to, like, only time you can use it. If someone starts a shower for you. Yeah, you'll start that shower. I got it.

[Noel Miller]

Just Teleporting into other people's showers.

[Mike]

Yeah. Just go to gym. You just appear in the gym shower and.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, and then.

[Pat]

And.

[Noel Miller]

But the gym shower, no one's gonna.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

That's fire. As soon as you break it out. Practice team on three. One, two, three teams. You always beat everybody to the line as soon as they get in the locker room. You getting dressed like y' all boys. Hurry up. It's the only thing it's good for, bro.

[Noel Miller]

I gotta wash off this green dick. Absolutely. I'm teleporting naked, cuz. Cuz you could leave any party, any. Anything. So instant you get too fucked up or something.

[Mike]

Yeah. And you back in bed.

[Noel Miller]

Boom. And naked.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Now it'd be perfect. Imagine you about to get a dui like. Nope, Sir. This is the fifth time we saw your car bed this week. It has to be you in here. I know. I'm taking my car, officer.

[Noel Miller]

What's that over there? Don't you do it. Do what?

[Pat]

Hurry. I'm gonna take the Snapchat at home. Oh man. It's 2:32 and I'm in bed.

[Noel Miller]

Crazy how I've been naked in bed this whole time.

[Mike]

You're going to have that try hard detective that's going to be in your closet and be like, I need you to be there.

[Noel Miller]

Doaks for Dexter.

[Pat]

Then you turn into a zombie.

[Noel Miller]

The apocalypse made me do it.

[Pat]

He got hella excuses in court.

[Noel Miller]

Bro. They couldn't arrest you, bro, even if you went to jail.

[Mike]

Jail.

[Pat]

True.

[Noel Miller]

Hey, you're the naked guy. Says who? You're out, Dude.

[Mike]

They have some type of device that only makes you appear in jail showers and.

[Noel Miller]

Oh no.

[Mike]

Oh no.

[Pat]

That's so crazy. Or they use it to get into somebody else cell. Yay. They could have just got free, right?

[Mike]

You.

[Noel Miller]

So you can teleport anywhere? Anywhere. This is CIA. We know. We've been lauding.

[Pat]

We just need you to get there and scream.

[Noel Miller]

We'll do the rest.

[Pat]

Over here, over here, over here.

[Noel Miller]

On me, on me, on me, on me.

[Pat]

That has to be the worst part of like being in the. Like. Like a secret person in the army or military.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Is when they send you in, like they're giving you. Hey. If you get caught, like if you're undercover and you get caught.

[Mike]

What?

[Noel Miller]

We don't know.

[Pat]

You just know we bombing the whole place. Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, y.

[Pat]

Not gonna come save me? Nah, man.

[Noel Miller]

No. We taking this whole out.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That's up. That's why I would never want to go Undercover, because you never know.

[Noel Miller]

That is really crazy to go undercover. And then it's like, help. Help who.

[Pat]

Bro?

[Noel Miller]

You know, we don't know you, man.

[Pat]

Yo bro, come save me. We don't talk to terrorists. Yo, are you.

[Mike]

You're the undercover cop. You're the undercover cop. And there like drill bus or cop, your real cop friends have to really fight you and like that.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, Pat would love that.

[Mike]

Oh my gosh. The drop kick I would give you. I start putting you choco full nelson and just dragging him like this.

[Pat]

I literally shoot you like three times upon entry. I know exactly where his station is. You should got him on back door, boom.

[Mike]

Start shooting through the walls.

[Pat]

I know where everybody at.

[Noel Miller]

You know, bro, you don't bring a real gun. You bring like a special like, like a BB gun just for him. So you just light his ass up.

[Pat]

Yeah, he played his part pretty well. I'll be scared to be undercover like somewhere cuz I'll. I'll always fall in love and like really like I have a girl, a family going on and like Pat, you getting to the bottom of it?

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, man, yeah. No, I'm working on it. I'm working, working on it, Working on it, man. We're just simulating this divorce real quick. But yeah, yeah, yeah, we working on it.

[Pat]

Got to leave my wife first, man. It's a hard thing y' all put me through, man. Four years.

[Mike]

Got something going here.

[Noel Miller]

Hey man, you said spy. I'm spying, I'm spying.

[Pat]

Want me to play my part, right? She a part of the plan.

[Mike]

Pat. In a full blown relationship with Pablo Escobar's daughter.

[Pat]

That's my biggest fear.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Is like actually falling in love with somebody. Somebody's dad. Like my powerful father. The powerful father. Oh my God. Yeah, you like, you can't even have an argument with her. Like.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, that's like Bill Gates, daughter, boyfriend. You seen that shit? No, there's just like images of him just being real cool. Just like.

[Mike]

But you have to be.

[Noel Miller]

Oh no, I'm saying like that like he's the inverse of like fearing that power. Yeah, yeah, I, I feel like he's just like, you know, if I just play school, that might die.

[Pat]

Yeah, no, that's. I would be actually afraid. I'm not. I guess that's probably. I'm. I was about to say something sexist, so I'm going to stop towards men.

[Noel Miller]

Right? It was going to.

[Pat]

No, it was going to sound good. Yeah, at first, cuz I was about to say no, I'm not getting with a woman that makes more money than me. But it was for, like, the billionaire thing, because I don't want.

[Mike]

Nobody had no power on me now.

[Noel Miller]

Leave that in. Leave that in, Leave that in.

[Pat]

But having a billion, like, if. Okay, let's say I'm only six figures a year for the rest of my life. I work in finance.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I cannot date anybody that makes a billion dollars because anyone that makes a billion.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah. Anyone that comes from a billion dollars would be like, eat this shit off the ground. It's gonna be 5% of you. That's like.

[Pat]

There's like, gonna be a moment where you driving, and then, like, she gets out the car. Car. And she says, stay here.

[Mike]

We're.

[Pat]

I'm not talking to you. He's like, no, I'm talk to you. And then security stops it. None of this was never mine, was.

[Mike]

It.

[Pat]

Just a pause.

[Noel Miller]

You've been followed the whole time by just a white altima. You're like, what?

[Pat]

Oh, that's. That would be crazy, too. It's like, yeah, that's her security detail, and they're following you. Like, yeah, she got that.

[Mike]

Said the PA following you. The private investigator.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Who's a personal assistant. Yeah. Oh, man.

[Pat]

Okay. Tweet of the week. All right. It says I be at the function accidentally agreeing with. Because I can't hear.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's true.

[Pat]

Which is fact. Somebody said I be laughing and nodding when the question was, how long you been here? I be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, man, you too.

[Mike]

Yeah. We go chop it up later, though. You good. You always have to leave with the. You good. Yeah, cuz you got to make sure they're good. And.

[Pat]

Yeah. I hate people that, like, congratulate me on a kid that's four years. Yo, your son. Congrats. Like, hey, he's four. What are you talking about?

[Mike]

The weirdest part is that when. When people call you PJ in public.

[Pat]

Yeah. I don't like that.

[Mike]

It's. It's odd because I'm like, where does it say pj?

[Pat]

That's the epitome of, like. That person does not know me because my name is Patrick Jermaine Johnson Jr. And I have a cousin.

[Noel Miller]

You're PJJ?

[Pat]

Yeah. PJJ. Yeah. And I have a cousin that's named Philip Lewis. Philip Lamar Lewis Jr.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

And he's younger than me, and they call him pj.

[Noel Miller]

Wow.

[Pat]

My family's crazy. My family has two people with the same exact name, and the dads are brothers, so they thought he wasn't gonna. My other uncle had five daughters, and everybody thought, oh, he's not gonna have a son. And then he named his son Kendrick Carnell Burks. His last name is Burks.

[Noel Miller]

Right.

[Pat]

And then. And my uncle had a son, only they're only one year apart.

[Noel Miller]

Damn.

[Pat]

And he named him Kendrick Carnell Johnson. So we have a Kendrick Carnell Burks and a Kendrick Carnell Johnson. Same name, same thing. All grew up.

[Noel Miller]

That's just God fucking with people.

[Pat]

Yeah. Or my family's IQ not that big. It wasn't a hard rise to the top, I'll tell you that. Oh, my God.

[Noel Miller]

And listen, if anyone past families see me laugh, I'm laughing because I'm uncomfortable. I'm not laughing at any of.

[Pat]

As soon as I got that 25 on the act, that's how I was like, King. You can rest now, Granddad. Oh, my God, dude, your time's up.

[Noel Miller]

Don't you get like 20 points you just putting your name?

[Pat]

Yeah, it's up there. Or just filling out the whole scan. Tron.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Know a lot of people were missing out points doing that. That's how they used to with people's brain and.

[Mike]

Yeah, what was the thing they said, like, pick C if you're not sure.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Was that. Was there any stats to back that or. There's something like a school rumor, some weird ass dude.

[Pat]

You know, like, back then, like, everybody that had camera and access to YouTube, they were the smartest people because there was nobody to like, now you can't even jump on camera without somebody looking up if you're telling the truth or not.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, you could just be saying you.

[Mike]

Just took it for what it was.

[Pat]

Hey, hey, Grand Rock. Does Apocalypse actually exist?

[Mike]

Loser. Bro. Yo, yo, it's your question pack.

[Guest Caller]

Hold on one second, let me turn you up.

[Pat]

I'm already turned up, little dog.

[Guest Caller]

I still can't hear you. Hear me?

[Pat]

Yeah, I'm turned up, little dog.

[Guest Caller]

All right, that's.

[Mike]

That's what's up.

[Pat]

I'm too turned.

[Guest Caller]

Turned up at 2:30. 2:30 on a Friday.

[Pat]

It's. It's 11:30 here. I'm in Cali, bro.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, DM.

[Pat]

Oh, this. This guy. Okay, we know the IQ. What? Which one did you answer? One or two?

[Guest Caller]

I think it was one.

[Pat]

All right, all right. What's something that you're thinking but afraid to say out loud?

[Guest Caller]

I mean, I'm about to say it out loud anyway, but yeah. Yeah.

[Pat]

Type I. I be.

[Guest Caller]

I'd be wondering, do all, like, NBA players or like, pretty Much. Anybody over like, six, six, four have, like, big meat? Because, like, this, you would think.

[Noel Miller]

So go ahead and have a nice day, man. It was nice talking to you, bro. I'm playing, I'm playing. Continue, continue, continue, continue.

[Guest Caller]

I mean, like, the only nobody's meat's been leaked yet.

[Mike]

What?

[Guest Caller]

I'm not gay, bro.

[Mike]

That has nothing to do with it.

[Guest Caller]

But, like, why is it has nothing to do with.

[Pat]

Oh, we don't know that.

[Mike]

I'm just saying. He say, I'm not gay. Like, that's, like, the thing that has anything to do with anything. Because if it was said the same thing about women, I'd be like, okay.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

I'm just saying a different way.

[Guest Caller]

Because I was watching, like, Victor Wimbiana highlights yesterday. I'm like, damn. I'm like, wouldn't it suck if he had small meat?

[Noel Miller]

That's so crazy that you watch someone have a great highlight reel, and you as a guy, you're like, if his meat is small, these buckets mean less. Well, it's really crazy that you're sitting there being like, if he is anything less than 7 inches, I don't respect this. This game.

[Pat]

That's the question. So, like, whatever your belief is, is if it was the opposite, would you have less respect or more respect?

[Guest Caller]

No, I just feel better about myself, you know?

[Mike]

Oh, my. Do you have friends over, like, six, three, six, four?

[Guest Caller]

I do, but, like, I. Because I'm an athlete, but I'm only 6:1, so, like, I played on teams, but, like, I'm not actively looking at.

[Noel Miller]

Me, but, like, sounds like you are.

[Pat]

He was deactivated. That's it. He took some time off. Be like, hey.

[Guest Caller]

Truly activated me is.

[Pat]

Like, you get tired so bad. I get tired. I took a break on this team.

[Mike]

But what were you saying?

[Guest Caller]

Now, y' all remember when, like, LeBron got, like, slightly leaked when he was, like, unfucking his jersey?

[Pat]

I promise you, I don't remember no, like, that. What the. What?

[Noel Miller]

When did Brown. Hey, listen, man, you on the spectrum a little bit. Just tell the truth. I. I am. This is the same face.

[Guest Caller]

I know y' all seen LeBron's me. At least some of it, bro.

[Pat]

What the is wrong with this? I prom. I've never seen LeBron's Me, Bro.

[Noel Miller]

You sound hopeful, man. You sound like you're searching.

[Guest Caller]

I'm not hopeful.

[Noel Miller]

I.

[Guest Caller]

It's just like in the video, it was. It was. It was kind of a blurry video, but it was kind of small. But I was like, nah. Like, maybe He's a grower like me. Because I doubt the king. Don't got me.

[Mike]

Okay, back to you having friends over 6, 5. Have you ever asked them that?

[Guest Caller]

Nah, that's the whole point of the question.

[Mike]

But you said even it doesn't have to be NBA players. Said anybody over that. That height?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, I mean, like you said something I'm not saying out loud. Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. Okay, that makes sense. Okay, so are you black?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, I'm black.

[Pat]

All right, so there's a community meeting meeting, and we're gonna start doing community meetings. Don't. Don't invite Al Sharpton, though.

[Mike]

But.

[Pat]

But we got some community meetings that you need to start showing up too, man. We're gonna get you better.

[Guest Caller]

What does this have to do with my whole being? I feel like this is a normal question.

[Pat]

No, no, not at all, man.

[Mike]

Not really, bro.

[Noel Miller]

Listen, man, are you a happy?

[Guest Caller]

I'm happy. Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

No, no, I said, I said, I said, are you a haffy H A L lf.

[Guest Caller]

No, I'm full.

[Mike]

All right, man. You have a good one.

[Pat]

I don't know how that's racist, but that's racist. I don't care if you're black or not. To say you're full is so crazy.

[Mike]

Yo, yo.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, that's crazy. I didn't think I was acting no call, man type.

[Mike]

Yeah, hold on.

[Guest Caller]

Give me a second.

[Mike]

I know. Real quick.

[Pat]

Take over.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Pat]

That boy had a brother.

[Guest Caller]

Yo, yo, why you always freaky, dog?

[Pat]

Warm, bro.

[Noel Miller]

Hey, man, can you watch my hole for a second?

[Guest Caller]

I got.

[Noel Miller]

I got to go take this call. All right, So I was saying.

[Mike]

No.

[Guest Caller]

W N. That's nasty.

[Pat]

Oh, that's crazy. We just.

[Noel Miller]

No, I just had to offend you before the question started. So we know it's real. That's all.

[Pat]

I got a question for you.

[Mike]

You know what?

[Guest Caller]

Y. All right, go ahead.

[Pat]

Thank God. All right. What's something you got away with.

[Guest Caller]

Selling coke to my. My spouse. Family.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, dude.

[Mike]

Oh.

[Noel Miller]

Serving the in laws, bro. That is crazy.

[Mike]

Dude.

[Guest Caller]

Is that a while? Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

What's up, man?

[Guest Caller]

Oh, I didn't think you was gonna be on the call, too. That's crazy. I'm even happier.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, man. Not.

[Pat]

I'm even happy. I'm even happy.

[Guest Caller]

No, no, no. No glaze, no glaze, no glaze.

[Pat]

It's too late, bro. You slide. Hey, Noel is knee deep in you right now.

[Noel Miller]

I knew I recognize you at that brothel.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Noel Miller]

Let me get install number five. I like him.

[Pat]

Oh, change your picture. I see.

[Noel Miller]

Change a picture. I see employee of the pictures in there.

[Mike]

Oh.

[Pat]

No, Mike be going to the ones with no pictures.

[Noel Miller]

I like to know who's working me.

[Pat]

It is what it is.

[Mike]

Dude.

[Noel Miller]

Serving. Serving to the in laws, man.

[Guest Caller]

What.

[Noel Miller]

What was the. That scenario?

[Guest Caller]

So, all right, so a little backstory. My. Me and my. My spouse, we've been together for about like six years now. In the beginning, they didn't like me because her family are just like traditional Hispanic folks and I'm Arab.

[Noel Miller]

Oh.

[Guest Caller]

So they was not with me. Like, it was really hard to get a conversation out of them and interesting. So hold on.

[Noel Miller]

What type of Arab though? What type of Arab?

[Guest Caller]

North. North African.

[Noel Miller]

Okay. Okay, go ahead.

[Guest Caller]

So Algerian. Yeah. So about a year ago, it was like a little family get together and I was like, you know what? It, they don't like me anyways. Let me go get up at this party. So I got really drunk and I see my father in law, he's in. He's in his car and I see him with a little bag and a kid key. Oh. So I was like, you know what, let me get some of that. I hit it. Me and him start talking. We cool as. Now fast forward six months later, I get my brother in laws to start doing that with me and I start buying packs and I just start selling it to them.

[Pat]

But you say like you're a drug dealer. You. You also use it though too.

[Guest Caller]

I. I use it, but I buy a lot just to sell it to them. You know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

I gotta buy the. Yeah, but you like, you kind of came up here like you are a drug dealer.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah. Yeah. You're just going to the grocery store. You just go to the grocery store.

[Mike]

You just.

[Pat]

Yeah, it's like going to that, that's.

[Noel Miller]

That, that's that immigrant mentality. You were like, you know. Yeah, yeah. That's crazy, man. That's that immigrant mentality. You're like, let me get something for the family.

[Guest Caller]

Hey, that's what I had to do to win the love. Now they love me though.

[Mike]

But does your spouse know you're doing this?

[Guest Caller]

No, she'd probably leave me.

[Pat]

Is she the only. So she's like the only one in that family that doesn't do coat?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, actually.

[Pat]

That's so crazy. And then you're helping her family do coach. She would definitely leave you.

[Noel Miller]

Hey, hey, hold on, hold up. They all go to church, right?

[Guest Caller]

No, none of them do.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, none of them do.

[Mike]

Oh.

[Noel Miller]

Because when you say traditional.

[Guest Caller]

So confused.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Why?

[Guest Caller]

I don't know. That's Why? I was so confused why they didn't like me because I thought they didn't care about religion.

[Pat]

No, they probably knew you had coke and, like, it's selfish ass.

[Mike]

Wait, does she have any, like, prior knowledge of them being, like, cokeheads?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Guest Caller]

So her dad used to be in, like, he used to work for a cartel dude.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, so they. Oh, so he didn't like you because he thought you were square. He thought you were a. And he was like, my lovely daughter brings home this ass energy. And then you pull up, like, let me hit the bag, bro. And he's like, well, hold on.

[Pat]

Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Like, usually you hope to buy in with your father in law. Like, y' all both throw a baseball.

[Noel Miller]

In the backyard, maybe play some golf.

[Pat]

You like, man, let me get close to you, bro.

[Mike]

That's like a.

[Guest Caller]

That's dad activities, I think father lot more like on the grill, you know, like.

[Noel Miller]

True, true, true. Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah, man, That's a. A lovely family.

[Noel Miller]

All right, man. Well, tell us how the front door smells. You know how that lock stinks.

[Guest Caller]

Yo, what's going on, man? How's it going?

[Mike]

What it do? What?

[Pat]

Go ahead.

[Guest Caller]

Good, good. You know, let me start by. Y' all want to hear a fun fact about African American history?

[Pat]

Shut up. All right, the question is, what's something that you're. What's something that you're thinking out loud but afraid to I it up because you start. What's the fact?

[Guest Caller]

All right, the fact is, on this day in 1964, the nation of Zambia gained independence from the United Kingdom. Kingdom.

[Pat]

Nice. What a dude. All right, question. What's something that you're thinking but afraid to say out loud?

[Mike]

Still is Independent day in another country.

[Noel Miller]

I'm not gonna lie. When you said the way you said that, bro.

[Guest Caller]

Any independence but this country.

[Noel Miller]

But, bro, bro, bro. The way he teed that up, I thought. I thought I was going to get a X tweet in real time. You want to know a fun fact about African history?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I got some for. For you.

[Mike]

Wait, wait.

[Guest Caller]

Is that. Is that Noel?

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah. Well, actually, I'm glad. I'm glad you're wasting our time because I just thought it.

[Mike]

My bad.

[Guest Caller]

Fun fact.

[Pat]

No, no, no. We're gonna ask you again. No, fun fact. What?

[Noel Miller]

What's something that you're thinking but afraid to say out loud?

[Guest Caller]

Okay, thanks for sounding it outside. My English is no, no good. Something, I think.

[Noel Miller]

No, that's just for the recording. I don't think you're dumb, man. I don't think you're dumb. That's just, you know.

[Guest Caller]

Know. Yeah, we're recording something I think about all the time but never say out loud is, I want to get my ass ate. Now, hear me out. I work with majority women, and they keep. They keep talking about it like it's the bee's knees and I'm getting fomo. You know, fear of missing out.

[Mike]

You remember.

[Guest Caller]

You remember back in middle school when.

[Noel Miller]

They would eat your ass after gym class? Yeah, I remember in middle school, I get my ass assay. Yeah, I remember that. Man, I. I ran that mile real fast.

[Mike]

That was the worst way to start that next crazy.

[Noel Miller]

Well, go ahead.

[Mike]

You remember.

[Guest Caller]

You remember back. You remember back when you're younger and, you know, people start trying drugs and you kind of like, I want to try that. That sounds fun.

[Mike]

It depended on what the drug was.

[Pat]

This is a terrible comparison. Just stick to your main story. Like, you're getting FOMO from women talking about sex.

[Guest Caller]

Okay. The other day, this girl, you know, we're doing the thing. She almost ate my ass. And a part of me wanted to ask, but I kind of wanted to let her do her own thing.

[Pat]

What the Is almost ate my ass?

[Noel Miller]

I mean, you're sweating just thinking about it.

[Guest Caller]

Getting flashbacks now. You know, she's. You know, she's down there. She's going lower and lower, lower.

[Noel Miller]

And you stuck your heels up in the air, hoping.

[Guest Caller]

Look, if. If I have my legs up in the air, that's none of y' all business, all right?

[Mike]

I feel like that's, like, that's already signaling. That's already signaling.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Yeah, right?

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, true.

[Guest Caller]

All I'm gonna say is I found out I'm a screamer that night.

[Pat]

All right, he good.

[Mike]

The Is a screamer.

[Noel Miller]

I can't believe he disgraced an Independence Day. That information.

[Mike]

Independence Day to ass eat.

[Pat]

That's what I thought he was gonna be a little bit more nerdy, and I thought he, like, that's why.

[Noel Miller]

I mean, that's just always a cautionary tale. Anyone that is, like, super knowledgeable, you have to wonder, what kind of freakness are they hiding? People that could give, like, crazy dissertations about the world and history. They might be a total freak underneath.

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Noel Miller]

That guy is starting dates talking about, like, liberation and socialism. And then they get to the bedroom, and he was like.

[Mike]

Like.

[Pat]

No, that's. No, that's. That's crazy. They. They wonder why women have all these crazy dating stories.

[Noel Miller]

Being a woman must be insane.

[Pat]

Girl, I swear he was talking about National Geographic, and next thing you know.

[Noel Miller]

We'Re talking about stingrays. He's telling me the texture of stingray skin and how they can breathe underwater. Next thing I know, he's like, please eat it.

[Pat]

Please eat it. Please eat it.

[Guest Caller]

Yo, what's good? What's good?

[Mike]

What up? What up? What's all that noise in the background?

[Guest Caller]

Hold on, man. I'm watching Game of Thrones. My bad.

[Pat]

Oh, I thought I heard some, like, violence or, like, some sternness, and I.

[Noel Miller]

Thought that was your father.

[Guest Caller]

Incest. Incest. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

[Pat]

That's such a crazy take from that show. I get it. There is, but that's not the reason, okay?

[Noel Miller]

You said it five times.

[Guest Caller]

I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry about that.

[Mike]

All right, start the sentence off with, am I the.

[Guest Caller]

All right. So am I the. If I cheat before you cheat, like, let me just beat you to the punch. We're both feeling it. I could take a hint. Something's in the air. I'm not gonna. You know.

[Pat]

You know what I'm saying?

[Guest Caller]

I'm not gonna be looked down upon and look like an idiot. I'm gonna get a dog first. You know what I'm saying? Like, you gotta.

[Mike]

Are you in a relationship first in life?

[Guest Caller]

I'm trying.

[Pat]

What are you trying?

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, clearly. Yeah. This guy got a problem, dude.

[Mike]

What's hard about it? And stop.

[Guest Caller]

Honestly.

[Pat]

No, that sounds. Stop, stop.

[Guest Caller]

Everything's a little hard. You know what I'm saying?

[Noel Miller]

Have a good day, man.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

Hey.

[Guest Caller]

No. Hey.

[Mike]

It's over.

[Pat]

Dude. Pulled his pants up.

[Noel Miller]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Pat]

No, stop doing that, though. If you're gonna tell the story, tell a story.

[Guest Caller]

You.

[Pat]

You stop doing that, though.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, no, let me tell you. Okay. Yeah. Let me tell you what happened. So, like, I'm talking to this girl. It's pretty nice. Super nice. She's chill. I'm like, listen, I kind of want to wife you up. She's like, you know, I'm not really, like, trying to rush into anything. I'm gonna cheat right off the bat because why would I stick around, around and kind of commit to, like, a relationship? If you're not trying to commit, you don't want to be wiped up.

[Noel Miller]

Are your parents together?

[Guest Caller]

No. No, no, no. Definitely not.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest Caller]

I got. I got a lot of sisters out there that I'm not sure.

[Pat]

I knew it was some type of insecurity within itself.

[Guest Caller]

It's generational.

[Pat]

No, no, no. It's. You Anytime you run into a problem, problem, you go do something to destroy it. So if you feel like, oh, she's not having the same feelings as me, I'm gonna go make sure my heart is safe and kind of ruin it before she knows it's ruined it. So this on you. Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You should probably go see a therapist.

[Noel Miller]

Amen. Amen.

[Pat]

Hey, let me tell you.

[Noel Miller]

Let me tell you this. Bro, bro, bro. Let me tell you this.

[Pat]

Before.

[Noel Miller]

Before you watch that next incest scene, let me tell you. Let me tell you this. You are definitely your father's son.

[Mike]

All right?

[Noel Miller]

I'm gonna let you know that right now. I'm gonna let you know that right now, man.

[Guest Caller]

Jesus Christ.

[Noel Miller]

Hey, listen, man, listen, look, look. No one's. No one is willing to tell you this, all right? It's not generational. It's genetic. All right? It's in you and him.

[Mike]

No, no.

[Pat]

His therapist gonna be like, they told you what?

[Mike]

Honestly.

[Guest Caller]

Honestly, I'm not. Don't ever call me again.

[Pat]

No, for real, bro. Mike, you gotta give him some advice before he leaves.

[Mike]

No, no, no. He's cooked. Oh, damn, you're cooked.

[Noel Miller]

And now he has to go watch Game of Thrones.

[Pat]

No, that's crazy. He's so cooked.

[Noel Miller]

That is insane thinking. Man, let me beat you to the punch.

[Pat]

He was trying to say a smooth, too.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Guest Caller]

What up?

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash Enemies podcast, brother. How are you, man?

[Guest Caller]

I'm pretty good, my brother.

[Pat]

There you go. There you go. Good energy. All right. Name something that's funny, but it's not supposed to be funny.

[Guest Caller]

Man. Shit, when I get on Instagram and see them niggas trying to manifest their.

[Pat]

Future, what they be saying, twin?

[Guest Caller]

What they be saying? Shoot, they be like, shit. It'd be like. They, like. They be, like, posting, like, them pictures of, like, a mansion, like, a couple cars and a stack of money. But this nigga got, like, a basic ass, like a little forklift job. And he, like, 28 years years old. It's like, you better get off and go to school or something and get to work. You ain't gonna manifest nothing.

[Mike]

That's an honest job.

[Guest Caller]

A forklift job.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I'm just saying, like, an honest way to make a living. I thought you were gonna go, it's honest.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, it's honest. But that post ain't honest, though, because you ain't doing about that.

[Pat]

But how do you. How you gonna manifest it if you don't put it out there?

[Guest Caller]

Stay right here. But, hell, I. You can put as much as you Want out there don't mean it's gonna come back.

[Mike]

What you do for a living, though?

[Guest Caller]

I ain't talked to you. I'm a truck driver, man.

[Pat]

So, like, what do you want to do eventually? Like, what's your, what's your goal?

[Guest Caller]

This is it right here, man.

[Pat]

No way. You're lying. No, I know you're lying.

[Mike]

You want to retire a truck. Truck driver. Like, you want to drive trucks your whole life?

[Guest Caller]

Hell, yeah.

[Pat]

So you. This reaches the goal. I never, I've literally never talked to anybody that reached a goal before. How do you feel, man?

[Mike]

How's life?

[Guest Caller]

Man, life is great. I make, like, damn near quarter million dollars a year.

[Pat]

Quarter million dollars a year all over the country. You never, you never thought about, like, making that same quarter million and not being on the road as much.

[Mike]

Much.

[Guest Caller]

Now we gonna be truthful. This wasn't plan A. This is definitely like Plan bc, but, like, it, it worked out in the end.

[Pat]

No, that's what we saying. So what was playing a plan a.

[Guest Caller]

I'm playing D1 coming out of high school.

[Pat]

Yeah, we not trying to hear that.

[Mike]

Did you manifest going to the NBA?

[Guest Caller]

No, I was playing football, but, no, I ain't manifest. I started playing ball when I was 4 years old and 4. Only thing I ain't gonna lie.

[Pat]

What did you.

[Guest Caller]

Huh?

[Pat]

When did you ever manifest it, if you stopped playing at 4 years old?

[Mike]

No. You say started playing?

[Pat]

No, I started. When did you stop?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, I stopped my sophomore year in college.

[Pat]

Okay. Was it just not going well?

[Guest Caller]

No, I had my. I had a kid out of high school.

[Pat]

A kid out of high school? Yeah. Should have manifested a condom.

[Mike]

Now she here now, so it's a.

[Pat]

Or so she.

[Mike]

I just, I, I. He has, like, girl dad energy.

[Pat]

He do got girl dad energy.

[Mike]

Yo.

[Guest Caller]

Yo, yo, yo.

[Mike]

You kind of cooked out. You have a son or a daughter?

[Guest Caller]

I got two kids. I had my daughter out of high school school, and I just had my son, like, two years ago.

[Pat]

It might be. No, Mike, Nobody knew what you had. He called you a girl dad.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, man, I needed that, man. I was wilding, bro. God, you know, God don't give. They don't give men that, that misbehave with women. They don't give us sons at first. They give us some daughters to learn how to treat them right. I wasn't doing right.

[Mike]

So you don't want to be home more to, like, see your kids and stuff like that?

[Guest Caller]

I'm home every other day.

[Pat]

Every other day.

[Mike]

Hey, I can't. Hey, if you have me, that's good for you, bro.

[Guest Caller]

You downing it. God damn it. Sound like y' all down there.

[Mike]

That's a lot of money. No, it's a.

[Pat]

No, no, no. We good. We just don't like your attitude towards people that's trying to strive more.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You know what I mean?

[Guest Caller]

Now, that was just an example, though. But come on, now. Hey, if you. If you're a young or you, like, if that's all you doing with that, if that's all you doing, doing. Come on now. Y' all know exactly what I'm talking about. It's a. In a warehouse, all you do is go to work, smoke his little weed or. No, no shade against weed. But you. I live in Texas. You ain't getting no good job out here feeling no drug test. But come on, man. You ain't manifesting nothing, bro.

[Pat]

Texas.

[Mike]

All right, bro. You have a good one.

[Guest Caller]

Yo, yo, what's good with y' all boys?

[Mike]

What it do? What it do?

[Pat]

Welcome to Craftsman's podcast, one off, by the way.

[Guest Caller]

Thank you for having me.

[Mike]

All right, you got this. Your question.

[Pat]

Yo, what's the deal? My bad.

[Guest Caller]

What's good, Pat?

[Pat]

Hold on. All right. Name something that's funny. That's not supposed to be funny.

[Mike]

When.

[Guest Caller]

When I'm in the studio, right? My man's drop an asw.

[Mike]

Why is that funny?

[Guest Caller]

Should be having me crying. Because it's like, that's my man's right. So I can't really say nothing to him, like, any. Like, he'd be looking for approval, so I just be nodding and. But then, like, he keep going. And in the verse, just, like, I'd be mixing it, and I'd be like, damn. Like, why am I wasting my time doing it this ass? But, like, the whole time, he in the room, so, like, I can't be laughing, but I'm trying so hard not to.

[Mike]

What was his worst bar that you ever heard from him?

[Guest Caller]

I wouldn't say it's bad bars. It's just the basic ones. You feel me? Feel me Like, I got sauce no ragu. Like, we done heard that since 2009. Like, come up with something different. You feel me? Like, be recycling bars. Like, he always talk about how he got a Louis bag. Your girl bought that for you. That's. You ain't buy that. Like, you just never bought yourself design. So, like, it'd be like this. I'm not hating. It's just, like, live your reality. Like, I'm a rap about some. I did. He. He be Rapping. Like, he. He like. Like Wayne. And you ain't did that, so it's just funny because you also asked. Maybe I'm just a hater, though, because, like, he coming over to rap tonight, and I just let out a sigh on the phone. He was like, what? I was like, my fault. Like, you good? Can't you, like, bro, he pull up. He pull up to the studio. I'll be like, yo, let's play 2K or something. Like, I don't even want to rap.

[Pat]

Hey, do. Do you have any his music on hand?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, we got songs together, bro, I can't send you one.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, send us one.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, no, because I'll send it to you. But, bro, he played it for, like, a review session, and they were like, I. Like, his. Like, my verse was all right, but they were like, yo, this. Chasing the beat, like, talking about him. And I was sitting there like, we watching the live together. I'm trying so hard not to laugh, bro.

[Pat]

He said he was chasing the beat.

[Guest Caller]

I never heard that.

[Pat]

Never mind. Y' all probably be using unoriginal beats and. Never mind, bro can't even play it.

[Guest Caller]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Noel Miller]

We.

[Guest Caller]

No, no, no. We got. We got producers. You want me to drop it in the chat?

[Mike]

Yeah, just drop in the chat. If anything, I'll take. I'll just. It'll just be if listeners. If you don't hear anything after this part, that means they. They did a copyright claim.

[Pat]

They stole a beat.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, we all steal a beat. I condone that. 20, 25. Get your right up. Not going to play that card with me.

[Pat]

Yeah, no, play that play. We know where you lay. Hey, he hunt.

[Guest Caller]

Let me know, let me know.

[Noel Miller]

Let me.

[Pat]

He hunting that. He hunting that beat. Down with a AK47. He Chasing.

[Guest Caller]

Chasing a.

[Pat]

Be like, you.

[Guest Caller]

Same ball.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. He running after that, bro.

[Guest Caller]

Like, you should have seen the chat, like, during my part. Like, it was a little slow when that came on. The chat just started going like, Kai said that. I was like, oh, nah, buddy.

[Pat]

Nah. He was trying to, like, put too much syllables in there.

[Guest Caller]

That's the other thing, bro. Like, when he be recording, he be moaning at, like, the end of, like, you know how, like, Uzi and then be trying to, like, have that little, like. I don't know what it is, but, like, he be rapping. He'll be like, yeah, I really did that. Like, he'd be like, moaning at the end, and I'd be like, bro, chill out. Like, you don't gotta do all.

[Pat]

Yeah, he could get better, though.

[Guest Caller]

No, for real. That's why I'm trying to help him, bro. Like, he'd be like, no, I can come in and be a freestyle. I'd be like, nah, let's write some. But like, he be like, but you're like, bring your beat. Okay, okay.

[Mike]

But you're comfortable telling us this, right? And you obviously know we have listeners and like that, so why don't you just tell him this?

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, bro, like, I'd be wanting to talk to now.

[Mike]

No, no, like tonight, when you just talk to him. What Hears this.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah, what you say? You said, what year is this?

[Mike]

I said, what if he hears this?

[Guest Caller]

He won't. Then they don't listen to podcast.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

All right, man. You have a good one.

[Guest Caller]

Y' all too. Peace.

[Pat]

What's something you would change about your state or country?

[Mike]

Country.

[Guest Caller]

That ain't the one I answered.

[Mike]

Oh, my fault, bro.

[Guest Caller]

If you had make my straight.

[Pat]

All right, now you got that one. If you had 30 seconds to talk to the government, what would you say to them?

[Guest Caller]

I would tell them to bring back EBT before Thanksgiving before get wicked. Because if, you know, if. If be broke, man. I'm not on EPT personally, but I know some. Some. Some people that's on EBT that they got cut off and they'll put something in the dirt for some baked Mac and cheese, I promise you.

[Mike]

I think they're coming back, though.

[Pat]

Yeah, I think. I think they good, bro. Get the government back.

[Guest Caller]

Oh, they coming back.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, yes, sir. Put the guns up.

[Guest Caller]

No, that better be back before Thanksgiving or we don't have a problem. I bet you don't trust me.

[Pat]

You do not watch the news. He just asked somebody every day. Got your bro. Take it by hand, bro. We gotta put some in the dirt. Imagine killing some and it's already back. Stupid ass.

[Mike]

It going, man.

[Guest Caller]

All right, y see. How y' all doing today?

[Mike]

Pretty good, man. Tired, Chilling.

[Guest Caller]

Heard you hurt.

[Mike]

A long day.

[Guest Caller]

It's a Sunday, though, so you able to get some rest and.

[Mike]

Nah, bro, I'm working.

[Pat]

Who are you to tell me what to do, bro?

[Mike]

I got a question for you.

[Guest Caller]

Why always this? All right. What's up? Yeah, what's good?

[Mike]

Go ahead, finish.

[Guest Caller]

What you have to say, man, that just a bitch.

[Mike]

Sorry.

[Pat]

You just let another man tell you when to finish.

[Mike]

I got questions. What's an opinion that you have that would make people look at you differently?

[Guest Caller]

When wear Apple watchers with suits, it's like they trying to be on, like, the Next episode, the next movie of Spy Kids.

[Noel Miller]

And.

[Pat]

Like, so I went to this.

[Guest Caller]

One Nigerian wedding expecting to be showing out, and they said these had. These watches were bigger than their phones. And I'm pretty sure they were fake Apple watches at that too because you know how them Chinese Apple watches. Yeah, they look real, but like a tablet on their wrist.

[Mike]

That one.

[Pat]

You know what's fake? When he playing games on his apple watch.

[Guest Caller]

Level 407, bro.

[Pat]

Like, what the hell is he playing Tetris on that? I don't get it.

[Guest Caller]

All right, bro, I heard.

[Pat]

All right, all right, all right. Bor sounding.

[Mike]

Oh, we got Lloyd on. We got Lloyd on the pod. So what who Lloyd like the singer. Lloyd.

[Pat]

Report live from Atlanta, Georgia.

[Mike]

Stop.

[Guest Caller]

That's the who could. Nah, I don't know that voice. That's not Lloyd. That's the who could. Who could dress. It might be dick riding all the time.

[Mike]

You're cooking.

[Pat]

No, that watched the pie for real.

[Mike]

Shout out.

[Pat]

Shout out.

[Guest Caller]

No, real sick.

[Pat]

Yeah, I ain't never seen a balance on two dicks like this. Amazing work, you know, 20, 25. They got a foot on each dick.

[Mike]

All right, man, you have a good one. All right.

[Guest Caller]

Show y' all too.

[Mike]

Anyway, damn, that was. That's. That's been a good podcast.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, yeah, no, this was. Sorry, that last call just let me sent me into.

[Pat]

No, that was crazy out of context.

[Mike]

They won't even what it is.

[Noel Miller]

No, I know, I know, I know, I know.

[Pat]

Anyway, man, what's your message? He know he called and he know what he did. So what's your message to him?

[Noel Miller]

Hey, that boy.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

I don't know why the you doing that. And that's just on God and Jesus Christ, on Allah, Krishna, all of the above.

[Pat]

We got black trucks, so we going to pull up, bro Y letting you know we ain't got enough money for the people in a black truck. So it'll probably be us.

[Mike]

Still gotta.

[Pat]

Do hand to hand work to see Obi hopping out. Do you guys send these NDAs before you die?

[Noel Miller]

That would be crazy. We send all the lady producers of TMG studios. They just hop out. Is this how you. Oh, it's going.

[Pat]

Watch your mouth. Watch your mouth. That not real.

[Noel Miller]

Oh, man.

[Mike]

Well, we appreciate you being on the bro.

[Noel Miller]

Anytime, man. Thanks for having me, man. I'm glad it's in focus. Yeah. I love it, man. I love doing.

[Pat]

Oh, tell them about what's. What's coming. That. That you can tell them which.

[Noel Miller]

Which one.

[Mike]

We got some stuff dropping on your.

[Noel Miller]

Channel oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

And the haunted house stuff. Well. Oh, they'll probably see that.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, damn, I keep forgetting.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's out. I said it.

[Pat]

Oh, it's going to be out.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah, yeah. No go us do the scariest escape room in Los Angeles. I mean, and we did it. We didn't even do it. Pitch black, man. You just have to go watch it, you know, and before any of you. And when you're watching it, if you're like, man, Noel, you bitched. Yes, I did. I don't care. Okay. I bitched up. I don't. We know my fight or flight response works. Okay, now you definitely bitched up. Yeah. And that's okay. And if there's any, you know, if there's any bitch ass list listeners that like to kind of like hide behind other, I'm just here to let you know it's all right. But the rest of you, feel free to judge me. But you got scared too, so I'm not alone in that.

[Pat]

I don't know.

[Mike]

It's hard to say yes.

[Pat]

At the beginning. I will say I was a little afraid because there was. There was multiple entrances.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And I didn't understand the storyline yet. So I'm like, oh, these, they can come in anytime they want.

[Sponsor Announcer]

Want.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And y' all all solving puzzles. And I feel like I was the only one watching the door because I said the puzzles. I'm on door duty and I'm just looking at the doors. I think the door moves and I just go. Because I. Because I knew there was only so many spots you can go.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And also I heard like the don't be last thing I'm really good at picking up on.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Riddles like that. Don't be last. So I knew like through the tunnel, through the doors, just go, don't be last. And there was one time I was about to be last and I feel so, so bad because I grabbed someone way smaller than me and set them behind me. And then I got to the room and I said, where is she? How the hell.

[Noel Miller]

That was sad. That was.

[Pat]

It was sad. I was like, who would I do that to? It was sad. So I was supposed to be. But it was better that I wasn't in that body bag.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah. If he was in the body bag, it definitely been.

[Mike]

I think they pick the smallest person.

[Noel Miller]

Yeah.

[Guest Caller]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Cuz if it was me, it would have been definitely hard to lift.

[Noel Miller]

We would. Had to pause the escape room.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Noel Miller]

So Mike got to come out the bag.

[Mike]

It definitely would have dropped me.

[Pat]

You would have definitely got teabagged on accident.

[Guest Caller]

Oh.

[Pat]

Good.

[Noel Miller]

Pat just dragging his nuts across the back.

[Pat]

Yo, this not even Mike.

[Noel Miller]

It's the scary guy. Oh, my God. I thought you would never. Yo, go watch the Escape Room, man. On my channel. It should be a collab post, so it should pop up, but. Yeah, man, thanks for having me, boys.

[Guest Caller]

I love you.

[Mike]

Also, live show links. Yeah. Tickets and stuff should be in the bio by now. Yeah.

[Pat]

Didn't get January 6th like some of y' all wanted. We got January 4th, so. January 4th is the show. Tried to get the 6, but, you know, people putting on the grill that day.

[Mike]

All right, y'. All, Peace.