Crash Dummies Podcast: "The Automatic Paper Towel Machine Theory" - Episode 227

October 8, 2025
Hosts: Patrick Johnson & Michael Esiobu, w/ guest co-host Gene
Podcast Description: Pat and Mike dive into offbeat current events, cultural commentary, and what-ifs, featuring open-call audience participation and their signature blend of irreverent humor and real talk.

Overview

In Episode 227, the Crash Dummies crew take listeners on a wild ride through modern culture, technology’s creep into daily life, and the absurdities everyone encounters—from robophobic fears and AI to streaming services and the pitfalls of relationships. They also riff with a rotating cast of callers on pet peeves, relationship gripes, and social hot takes, all topped with the high-energy, hilarious banter listeners have come to expect.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Becoming "Robophobic": AI, Technology, and the Future

• Mike kicks off with a lighthearted ad-libs on being "robophobic" and the alienation that might come with future AI relationships.
  • “I feel like we’re gonna be the grandparents… we try to get our grandparents to see love is love. And now my grandson saying he fell in love with an AI chat… Nah, not in my household." — Mike (00:57)
• Debate on AI’s impact in pop culture, music, sports. Tupac and Biggie ‘appearing’ in AI-generated clips, concerns about deepfakes.
  • “Sports is about the mistakes that are made… AI sports? That’s just robotics competitions.” — Pat (03:19)
• **A playful, but serious, fear that we'll struggle with tech acceptance in the same way that older generations do today.
• Concerns about how AI will impact authenticity in entertainment—music, holograms, sports statistics, and “simulated” legendary matchups.

2. Celebrity Beefs: Nicki Minaj vs. Cardi B

• Pat and Mike discuss modern celebrity beef, focusing on Nicki vs. Cardi, and the effect these feuds have on their entourages and fans—not on the celebs themselves.
  • "When two mega famous people beef…the people in between gotta figure it out. These two are never gonna get touched.” — Mike (07:01)
• The conversation moves to the absorption of celebrity drama by fans and associates, and the futile nature of taking sides.
  • “It’s always the people that’s in between two megastars like this that are never going to touch each other, never be in the same room.” — Pat (07:35)
• Reflection on how involving kids or personal matters changes the rules of engagement in public feuds.
  • “Everybody draws different lines on what is disrespectful.” — Mike (09:20)
• Insight: The surge in popularity and perceived lucrativeness of musical “beefing”—much of it may be performative for engagement and profit.

3. First World Problems: Streaming Services Overload

• Lighthearted grievances about the proliferation and cost of streaming services, pride in being the ‘friend with every subscription,’ and how price hikes and multiple platforms mimic old-school cable.
  • “It used to be, ‘why pay for cable?’ Now…I’m paying like this is cable.” — Mike (11:51)
• Psychology of "getting your money's worth" after paying utility or subscription bills.
• Discussion on sharing passwords, account "leadership," and the social flex of having niche streaming access.

4. Social Pet Peeves: "Buying Bad Food," Stroller Catfishing, and Everyday Annoyances

• Mike introduces his mantra to rationalize wasted money on bad meals: “I already knew it was ass; I had to prove it.” (13:32)
• Funny anecdotes about assumptions made when seeing strollers (expecting a baby, not a cat), and societal expectations of parents.
  • “The only reason people are letting you pass is they think you got a newborn…” — Mike (15:15)
• Love Is Blind Reality Show Reactions — Mike and Pat riff on the awkwardness of watching exes (or yourself via an ex) on reality TV and the inevitable lying or exaggeration.

5. Call-In Chaos: Audience Participation

a. Drunk Dialer (Caller Drunk Guy; 23:38–27:00, recurring)

• Caller confesses to drunk dialing "all his hoes," denies being in a relationship, theorizes that “money = hoes,” and badgers Mike & Pat about their own love lives.
  • Comedic tension about privacy, relationships, and exposing “fed” behavior on the podcast.

b. The “Automatic Paper Towel Machine Theory” (Construction Worker; 29:56–33:36)

• Epic rant about racist/ineffective automatic sensors in public restrooms.
  • "Bro, them [paper towel machines] is racist, bro... I’m waving my hand and that ain't coming out. Then Cody steps up and them just come spitting out." — Construction Worker (30:07)
• **Riffing on sensors, tech frustrations, and everyday microaggressions.
• Shares a heartfelt message about not being dragged into family/friend beef, refusing to get involved with “tweaker” relatives and their street drama.

c. Relationship Gripes (Multiple Callers, 35:30–44:53)

• Series of callers expose issues they can't share with their significant others:
  • "I can’t make you happy. You can’t even make yourself happy. What do you expect?" — Caller Mechanic (35:30)
  • “His holes in his boxers.” — Eliza (38:42)
• Eliza’s call is a highlight—funny, awkward, and revealing. She debates breaking up, buying her boyfriend new underwear, and the paradox of “fixer” relationships.
  • “If you haven’t bought a new pair of draws, how are you going to move to New York?” — Eliza (47:11)
• Hosts sharply, but empathetically, tell her it’s time to move on.
  • “If you’ve gotten this far telling two complete strangers, it’s over already.” — Pat (45:43)

d. Debating "Dumps" and Masculinity (50:20–53:45)

• Discussion on whether men should post "photo dumps" on Instagram, and what’s considered “manly” online.
  • “You as a grown man standing in front of a mirror taking pictures for the whole… get a manly job.” — Caller Mechanic (50:23)
• Hosts and callers troll each other about selfies, masculinity, and relationships with clients (inappropriately, for comedic effect).

e. Backseat Drivers, Seatbelts, and Hygiene

• "People who don’t wear seat belts deserve more hate." — Caller Mechanic calls out risky behavior (54:08)
• Debate about passengers refusing to buckle up, frustrations with “backseat co-pilots,” and freaky backseat behavior.

6. Super Bowl Performers: Bad Bunny, Chris Brown, and Regional Flavor

• Speculation about Bad Bunny headlining the Super Bowl, “un-American” pushback, and the need for the halftime show to reflect regional culture.
  • “Bad Bunny is obviously a U.S. citizen…a lot of people forget that.” — Pat (58:36)
• Discussion on past and hypothetical future performers (Michael Jackson, Drake, YoungBoy) and the challenges of choosing non-controversial superstars.
  • “NFL got a thousand [players] with way more charges than Chris Brown!” — Mike (59:45)
• Gene proposes more collaborative, genre-mixing halftime shows.

7. Natural Disasters & Housing Risks

• News about Outer Banks houses collapsing spurs reflection on buying risky real estate (hurricane zones, volcanoes, flood plains).
  • “Imagine having the time of your life, and then you just hear rumbling…” — Mike (64:44)
• Milwaukee’s recent, rare floods and the unexpected need for flood insurance in the Midwest.

8. Man Skills: Barbers, Car Maintenance, & Basic Adulting

• Debate about the necessity for men to know how to cut their own hair, change tires, and basic car maintenance (“red pill” takes galore).
  • “If you got a beard and you can’t…give yourself a little maintenance lineup, you a little dirty. That’s like deodorant to me.” — Mike (67:42)
• Funny personal stories about faking mechanical know-how, “popping the hood,” and the embarrassment of being out-manned by a helpful stranger.
• Discussion on the line between being resourceful and just hiring out basic tasks; cultural expectations of masculinity.

9. Social Media & News Cycles: Celebrity Drama

• Kendrick Perkins & Russell Westbrook "friendship betrayal" sparks intense debate about the ethics of reporting on friends, loyalty vs. professional obligation.
  • “You can’t break the news as my friend.” — Pat (81:29)
  • “His inside info is why he has the job.” — Mike (82:31)
• Broader insight: the fleeting, transactional nature of relationships in sports and media worlds; real friends vs. acquaintances.
  • "A lot of dudes think they friends until they into the same woman." — Mike (85:41)

10. Generational Desensitization

• Pat and Mike reflect on growing up in the “first desensitized generation” (exposure to violence on the internet, 9/11 era, wild viral videos).
  • “We really used to watch that in grade school…what the fuck?!” — Pat (75:38)
  • “Now those shits come to you when you don’t even want it…just scrolling Twitter.” — Mike (76:15)
• Concern about how easily disturbing content finds young people now, compared to the "deep web" era of the 2000s.

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I just feel like we’re gonna be the grandparents… now my grandson saying he fell in love with an AI chat…” — Mike (00:57)
• “Can they have a baby nigga marrying a toaster bro? Like, that’s crazy.” — Mike (01:26)
• "It’s always the people that’s in between two mega stars like this that are never going to touch each other…" — Pat (07:35)
• “You paying for Hulu, I’m going up in your Netflix. I stay inside after I pay my rent; I’m running the washer and dryer at the same time.” — Mike (11:08)
• “That’s disrespectful. He had me emotionally like, oh, let him cross with his kid. It was a cat; so I sped up.” — Pat (14:49)
• “His holes in his boxers.” — Eliza (38:42)
• “If you’ve gotten this far to telling two complete strangers…it’s already over.” — Pat (45:43)
• “Bro, them [paper towel machines] is racist… Cody steps up and them just come spitting out.” — Construction Worker (30:07)
• “You as a grown man standing in front of a mirror taking pictures…get a manly job.” — Caller Mechanic (50:23)
• "If you got a beard and you can’t…do maintenance yourself, you a little dirty. That’s like deodorant to me.” — Mike (67:42)
• "A lot of dudes think they friends until they into the same woman." — Mike (85:41)
• “Welcome to crash dummies, bro…” — Mike (multiple times; running joke as calls stream in)

Notable Segments by Timestamp

• [00:57–04:41] Robophobic, AI in the culture, dangers/funniness of deepfakes
• [06:35–10:42] Nicki vs Cardi, celebrity beefs and their social fallout
• [11:46–13:45] Streaming service fatigue and “getting your money’s worth”
• [14:15–16:52] Pet peeves: stroller catfishing, Love Is Blind exes
• [23:38–27:00, 30:04–33:36, 35:30–44:53] Caller segments: Drunk dialing, paper towels, relationship woes
• [58:25–63:17] Super Bowl performer debate: Bad Bunny, Chris Brown, region-based halftime shows
• [66:13–73:30] Adulting: Haircuts, auto maintenance, “red pill” man skills
• [79:34–84:44] Sports reporting & loyalty: Perkins vs Westbrook friendship
• [75:26–77:17] The “desensitized generation” and viral shock content
• [86:51–87:14] Friendship levels and messy love triangles

Tone & Atmosphere

• Language: Unfiltered, blunt, casual, and quick to roast both guests and topics.
• Humor: Heavy sarcasm, relentless trolling, recurring in-jokes (“Welcome to Crash Dummies Podcast,” “red pill”), but with a grounding of real-life experience and empathy for everyday frustrations.
• Energy: Always high; hosts riff off each other and callers in rapid-fire.

Conclusion

Episode 227 is a perfect sampling of Crash Dummies’ unique cocktail: brash takes on technology and culture, group-therapy-level honesty on relationships, and audience-driven chaos. The episode is insightful yet hilarious, relatable and honest about the oddities of modern life—whether it's automated towel dispensers, streaming fatigue, or the everyday awkwardness of love and friendship in the internet era.

Listeners will leave laughing but also contemplating the blurred boundaries between technology, masculinity, adulthood, celebrity, and what it means to be (sort of) a grown-up today.

Links / Further Listening

• Subscribe to their Patreon for bonus episodes and real-time chaotic content.
• Check out previous Crash Dummies episodes for more cultural commentary and interactive call-ins.