The Automatic Paper Towel Machine Theory - Episode 227

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast: "The Automatic Paper Towel Machine Theory" - Episode 227

October 8, 2025
Hosts: Patrick Johnson & Michael Esiobu, w/ guest co-host Gene
Podcast Description: Pat and Mike dive into offbeat current events, cultural commentary, and what-ifs, featuring open-call audience participation and their signature blend of irreverent humor and real talk.

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Overview

In Episode 227, the Crash Dummies crew take listeners on a wild ride through modern culture, technology’s creep into daily life, and the absurdities everyone encounters—from robophobic fears and AI to streaming services and the pitfalls of relationships. They also riff with a rotating cast of callers on pet peeves, relationship gripes, and social hot takes, all topped with the high-energy, hilarious banter listeners have come to expect.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Becoming "Robophobic": AI, Technology, and the Future

• Mike kicks off with a lighthearted ad-libs on being "robophobic" and the alienation that might come with future AI relationships.
  • “I feel like we’re gonna be the grandparents… we try to get our grandparents to see love is love. And now my grandson saying he fell in love with an AI chat… Nah, not in my household." — Mike (00:57)
• Debate on AI’s impact in pop culture, music, sports. Tupac and Biggie ‘appearing’ in AI-generated clips, concerns about deepfakes.
  • “Sports is about the mistakes that are made… AI sports? That’s just robotics competitions.” — Pat (03:19)
• **A playful, but serious, fear that we'll struggle with tech acceptance in the same way that older generations do today.
• Concerns about how AI will impact authenticity in entertainment—music, holograms, sports statistics, and “simulated” legendary matchups.

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2. Celebrity Beefs: Nicki Minaj vs. Cardi B

• Pat and Mike discuss modern celebrity beef, focusing on Nicki vs. Cardi, and the effect these feuds have on their entourages and fans—not on the celebs themselves.
  • "When two mega famous people beef…the people in between gotta figure it out. These two are never gonna get touched.” — Mike (07:01)
• The conversation moves to the absorption of celebrity drama by fans and associates, and the futile nature of taking sides.
  • “It’s always the people that’s in between two megastars like this that are never going to touch each other, never be in the same room.” — Pat (07:35)
• Reflection on how involving kids or personal matters changes the rules of engagement in public feuds.
  • “Everybody draws different lines on what is disrespectful.” — Mike (09:20)
• Insight: The surge in popularity and perceived lucrativeness of musical “beefing”—much of it may be performative for engagement and profit.

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3. First World Problems: Streaming Services Overload

• Lighthearted grievances about the proliferation and cost of streaming services, pride in being the ‘friend with every subscription,’ and how price hikes and multiple platforms mimic old-school cable.
  • “It used to be, ‘why pay for cable?’ Now…I’m paying like this is cable.” — Mike (11:51)
• Psychology of "getting your money's worth" after paying utility or subscription bills.
• Discussion on sharing passwords, account "leadership," and the social flex of having niche streaming access.

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4. Social Pet Peeves: "Buying Bad Food," Stroller Catfishing, and Everyday Annoyances

• Mike introduces his mantra to rationalize wasted money on bad meals: “I already knew it was ass; I had to prove it.” (13:32)
• Funny anecdotes about assumptions made when seeing strollers (expecting a baby, not a cat), and societal expectations of parents.
  • “The only reason people are letting you pass is they think you got a newborn…” — Mike (15:15)
• Love Is Blind Reality Show Reactions — Mike and Pat riff on the awkwardness of watching exes (or yourself via an ex) on reality TV and the inevitable lying or exaggeration.

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5. Call-In Chaos: Audience Participation

a. Drunk Dialer (Caller Drunk Guy; 23:38–27:00, recurring)

• Caller confesses to drunk dialing "all his hoes," denies being in a relationship, theorizes that “money = hoes,” and badgers Mike & Pat about their own love lives.
  • Comedic tension about privacy, relationships, and exposing “fed” behavior on the podcast.

b. The “Automatic Paper Towel Machine Theory” (Construction Worker; 29:56–33:36)

• Epic rant about racist/ineffective automatic sensors in public restrooms.
  • "Bro, them [paper towel machines] is racist, bro... I’m waving my hand and that ain't coming out. Then Cody steps up and them just come spitting out." — Construction Worker (30:07)
• **Riffing on sensors, tech frustrations, and everyday microaggressions.
• Shares a heartfelt message about not being dragged into family/friend beef, refusing to get involved with “tweaker” relatives and their street drama.

c. Relationship Gripes (Multiple Callers, 35:30–44:53)

• Series of callers expose issues they can't share with their significant others:
  • "I can’t make you happy. You can’t even make yourself happy. What do you expect?" — Caller Mechanic (35:30)
  • “His holes in his boxers.” — Eliza (38:42)
• Eliza’s call is a highlight—funny, awkward, and revealing. She debates breaking up, buying her boyfriend new underwear, and the paradox of “fixer” relationships.
  • “If you haven’t bought a new pair of draws, how are you going to move to New York?” — Eliza (47:11)
• Hosts sharply, but empathetically, tell her it’s time to move on.
  • “If you’ve gotten this far telling two complete strangers, it’s over already.” — Pat (45:43)

d. Debating "Dumps" and Masculinity (50:20–53:45)

• Discussion on whether men should post "photo dumps" on Instagram, and what’s considered “manly” online.
  • “You as a grown man standing in front of a mirror taking pictures for the whole… get a manly job.” — Caller Mechanic (50:23)
• Hosts and callers troll each other about selfies, masculinity, and relationships with clients (inappropriately, for comedic effect).

e. Backseat Drivers, Seatbelts, and Hygiene

• "People who don’t wear seat belts deserve more hate." — Caller Mechanic calls out risky behavior (54:08)
• Debate about passengers refusing to buckle up, frustrations with “backseat co-pilots,” and freaky backseat behavior.

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6. Super Bowl Performers: Bad Bunny, Chris Brown, and Regional Flavor

• Speculation about Bad Bunny headlining the Super Bowl, “un-American” pushback, and the need for the halftime show to reflect regional culture.
  • “Bad Bunny is obviously a U.S. citizen…a lot of people forget that.” — Pat (58:36)
• Discussion on past and hypothetical future performers (Michael Jackson, Drake, YoungBoy) and the challenges of choosing non-controversial superstars.
  • “NFL got a thousand [players] with way more charges than Chris Brown!” — Mike (59:45)
• Gene proposes more collaborative, genre-mixing halftime shows.

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7. Natural Disasters & Housing Risks

• News about Outer Banks houses collapsing spurs reflection on buying risky real estate (hurricane zones, volcanoes, flood plains).
  • “Imagine having the time of your life, and then you just hear rumbling…” — Mike (64:44)
• Milwaukee’s recent, rare floods and the unexpected need for flood insurance in the Midwest.

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8. Man Skills: Barbers, Car Maintenance, & Basic Adulting

• Debate about the necessity for men to know how to cut their own hair, change tires, and basic car maintenance (“red pill” takes galore).
  • “If you got a beard and you can’t…give yourself a little maintenance lineup, you a little dirty. That’s like deodorant to me.” — Mike (67:42)
• Funny personal stories about faking mechanical know-how, “popping the hood,” and the embarrassment of being out-manned by a helpful stranger.
• Discussion on the line between being resourceful and just hiring out basic tasks; cultural expectations of masculinity.

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9. Social Media & News Cycles: Celebrity Drama

• Kendrick Perkins & Russell Westbrook "friendship betrayal" sparks intense debate about the ethics of reporting on friends, loyalty vs. professional obligation.
  • “You can’t break the news as my friend.” — Pat (81:29)
  • “His inside info is why he has the job.” — Mike (82:31)
• Broader insight: the fleeting, transactional nature of relationships in sports and media worlds; real friends vs. acquaintances.
  • "A lot of dudes think they friends until they into the same woman." — Mike (85:41)

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10. Generational Desensitization

• Pat and Mike reflect on growing up in the “first desensitized generation” (exposure to violence on the internet, 9/11 era, wild viral videos).
  • “We really used to watch that in grade school…what the fuck?!” — Pat (75:38)
  • “Now those shits come to you when you don’t even want it…just scrolling Twitter.” — Mike (76:15)
• Concern about how easily disturbing content finds young people now, compared to the "deep web" era of the 2000s.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “I just feel like we’re gonna be the grandparents… now my grandson saying he fell in love with an AI chat…” — Mike (00:57)
• “Can they have a baby nigga marrying a toaster bro? Like, that’s crazy.” — Mike (01:26)
• "It’s always the people that’s in between two mega stars like this that are never going to touch each other…" — Pat (07:35)
• “You paying for Hulu, I’m going up in your Netflix. I stay inside after I pay my rent; I’m running the washer and dryer at the same time.” — Mike (11:08)
• “That’s disrespectful. He had me emotionally like, oh, let him cross with his kid. It was a cat; so I sped up.” — Pat (14:49)
• “His holes in his boxers.” — Eliza (38:42)
• “If you’ve gotten this far to telling two complete strangers…it’s already over.” — Pat (45:43)
• “Bro, them [paper towel machines] is racist… Cody steps up and them just come spitting out.” — Construction Worker (30:07)
• “You as a grown man standing in front of a mirror taking pictures…get a manly job.” — Caller Mechanic (50:23)
• "If you got a beard and you can’t…do maintenance yourself, you a little dirty. That’s like deodorant to me.” — Mike (67:42)
• "A lot of dudes think they friends until they into the same woman." — Mike (85:41)
• “Welcome to crash dummies, bro…” — Mike (multiple times; running joke as calls stream in)

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Notable Segments by Timestamp

• [00:57–04:41] Robophobic, AI in the culture, dangers/funniness of deepfakes
• [06:35–10:42] Nicki vs Cardi, celebrity beefs and their social fallout
• [11:46–13:45] Streaming service fatigue and “getting your money’s worth”
• [14:15–16:52] Pet peeves: stroller catfishing, Love Is Blind exes
• [23:38–27:00, 30:04–33:36, 35:30–44:53] Caller segments: Drunk dialing, paper towels, relationship woes
• [58:25–63:17] Super Bowl performer debate: Bad Bunny, Chris Brown, region-based halftime shows
• [66:13–73:30] Adulting: Haircuts, auto maintenance, “red pill” man skills
• [79:34–84:44] Sports reporting & loyalty: Perkins vs Westbrook friendship
• [75:26–77:17] The “desensitized generation” and viral shock content
• [86:51–87:14] Friendship levels and messy love triangles

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Tone & Atmosphere

• Language: Unfiltered, blunt, casual, and quick to roast both guests and topics.
• Humor: Heavy sarcasm, relentless trolling, recurring in-jokes (“Welcome to Crash Dummies Podcast,” “red pill”), but with a grounding of real-life experience and empathy for everyday frustrations.
• Energy: Always high; hosts riff off each other and callers in rapid-fire.

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Conclusion

Episode 227 is a perfect sampling of Crash Dummies’ unique cocktail: brash takes on technology and culture, group-therapy-level honesty on relationships, and audience-driven chaos. The episode is insightful yet hilarious, relatable and honest about the oddities of modern life—whether it's automated towel dispensers, streaming fatigue, or the everyday awkwardness of love and friendship in the internet era.

Listeners will leave laughing but also contemplating the blurred boundaries between technology, masculinity, adulthood, celebrity, and what it means to be (sort of) a grown-up today.

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Links / Further Listening

• Subscribe to their Patreon for bonus episodes and real-time chaotic content.
• Check out previous Crash Dummies episodes for more cultural commentary and interactive call-ins.

Transcript

[Mike]

When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans. Send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom 60th and never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end to end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone. Learn [e-mail] I feel like I'm a very open minded yet grounded person and saying that, I mean, like, I'm firm in my beliefs, but I still respect everybody else's beliefs and you know, give them grace and whatever, you know, to each his own basically. In saying that, I think I'm gonna be Roboholman.

[Pat]

Robophobic.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Is that a real thing?

[Mike]

I just feel like we're gonna be like the grandparents that's like people like, you know, like we try to get our grandparents to see, you know, love is love. Anybody could be anything they want type thing. And then now I gotta deal with my grandson saying he fell in love with an AI chat and he about to get married. Nah, not in my household. You gotta get out.

[Pat]

I don't give a fuck what they say.

[Mike]

They're not one of us.

[Pat]

Yeah, they're not human.

[Mike]

Can they have a baby nigga marrying a toaster bro? Like, that's crazy.

[Pat]

I feel like that's going to be easier though.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's what they said back in the day. That should have never catch on.

[Pat]

This AI stuff is getting kind of scary. I'm seeing Tupac in. In Cuba and walking with Michael Jackson. Yeah.

[Mike]

I mean, that' probably real footage. I saw two like Tupac. It's funny because you got to be careful with the AI stuff because as ankh.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I scroll past stuff on mute and it's like sometimes I still take in the information. So I literally saw Tupac on what looks like wwe like, right? I was like, damn, I never knew Pac.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I never knew Pac did some wrestling and stuff. And then I finally saw the video almost 48 hours later and I saw like Biggie coming out too. And I'm like, wait a minute. And then I like, obviously you click on it, it's like real. If you actually don't watch a video and you just scroll past it, you think that shit is real.

[Pat]

Because now you can obviously you can still one tell by the way it looks. Yeah. And then by the situation. Like, like you said park and stuff like that. Yeah. But the scary part is what's in the Future and what's coming towards the future. Like how real can they start making things look? Because now people are complaining about like the AI music, artists and stuff like that. That's happening.

[Mike]

Yeah, I mean like we're getting closer obviously to the holograms and like that's, that's when it's gonna get up. When like you got to compete for tour money with like something that's not.

[Pat]

Real with zero overhead.

[Mike]

Yeah. And it's like, and it's like a team of people that's just creating the artists and like that like they will think go ahead.

[Gene]

Do you think an AI sports league would thrive? Because that's like, like fantasy.

[Mike]

Right.

[Pat]

There's still like the human era aspect that makes sports interesting. That's why I don't like, like the AI. I don't want no AI refs and, and stuff like that. Sports is about the mistakes that are made.

[Mike]

It's. But it's getting to the point where like we're almost to a point in some sports like you. Baseball is like the longest 10 year sport.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

In America. And you rarely see someone in baseball doing something for the first time. It's always the first time since 56 or the first time since 87. It's never is like this is the first person to ever do it. And if it is, it's like an amazing accomplishment and eventually all like all these sports are just going to pick up decades and decades of memory and it's just like how many times you watch something amazing happen and then you can recall it happening like before in sports, you know, like. So I feel like AI could definitely catch on and just be like, hey, we got all the scenarios.

[Pat]

It would be AI versus AI.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But then isn't that just like the robotics like competition they have now.

[Mike]

Hey man, evolution, man. Evolution.

[Pat]

Chinese American kid.

[Mike]

Some more. Amazing, bro. I'm watching a game with five Lamar Jacksons right now. This is amazing.

[Pat]

I think it'd be like somebody's scenario versus your scenario. Just like the, you know, like they say, what would Michael Jordan versus LeBron James look like with this AI? Like computing.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

I've seen those YouTube videos.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. Once, once they start, once they start doing that and getting like, like once they'd be like, oh, who the one between Muhammad Ali and Floyd Mayweather if they were the same. And it's confirmed because there's going to be like AI to be like in the future where they're like, this is exactly what would happen.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

By science definition, this is what will happen. And then people are going to be able to enter scenarios like, hey man, can I beat my best friend ass? Like, no, he would be, he would actually. That's the results of this.

[Pat]

AI.

[Mike]

He just started getting scared. I'm like, hey, you really my dog. I know, I know.

[Pat]

Oh, man. Anyway, welcome to crash dummies episode 227. I'm Mike, we got Pat here, we got Gene here. Make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon. We just dropped an episode there last week. We've been dropping two episodes a month and there's a lot of people in the Patreon. I appreciate y'. All this. It feel like there's a couple hundred every month that keep joining and a lot of people are saying they still like the, the content. So definitely gonna go to LA soon. So we're gonna have some more, more, more content for y'.

[Mike]

All. We got some crazy lined up. I can't even tell you all the type of we got lined up because I don't even want to jinx it, but it's crazy.

[Pat]

But also the audio issues we've been having. It should be a little bit better this episode. I appreciate y' all voicing y' all concerns and stuff like that. We're, we're a three man operation right now, so trying to get it, we're trying to get it right. Sometimes when it happens, we know we, we hear it happening. We just can't do nothing. Cause we can't. We're not gonna stop.

[Mike]

And sometimes we shoot on a Monday, Tuesday, you want us to be late, you know what I mean? So yeah, it's, it's definitely tough. We appreciate the people, you know, that stay and like power through it, like obviously apologize if you know, some people got real mental stuff going on with them where they can't handle, you know, a little adversity. Soft ass niggas.

[Pat]

We'll start with some beef. It's not crazy.

[Mike]

We.

[Pat]

Because we were talking about this before, but we also like are gonna talk about it a very. I feel like non conf. Not picking sideway, but the Nikki vs Cardi B stuff that's kind of been going on.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Online and you made a good point that we're talking about. So I'll just let you say it was really weird point about they're not going to be the ones to actually.

[Mike]

Oh yeah, yeah. And that's why I don't like when two mega famous people beef because as you see, when they actually saw each other, I think, you know, it was Like a small altercation. I don't know if hands were landed on the two, but it end up being them separated at an award show and basically people in the middle having to figure it out. And like when you get two mega people that beef, like these two people are never going to get touched.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

But now I'm Cardi B's cousin and Nicki Minaj's entourage just walked into a bar, you know what I mean? And just like, oh, you know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like obviously, you know, I hope that's like not the situation. But it's always the people that's in between two mega stars like this that are never going to touch each other, never be in the same room. They got too much money to even be in the same room.

[Pat]

And they're both like connected. Like they got some like realness.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Construction Worker]

You know, I mean.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pat]

It's so it's like, it's, it really depends how their circle even takes it as well. I hate when two megastars are beef and then like the, the entourage starts adding gas to it where it's just like, you should be there if you like obviously defend your person and if that's the case, but you shouldn't be igniting new fires. You should be like, I'm either gonna defend or put out fires.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You don't try to ignite new shit because that just creates more problems for, for you. And it's just like a, you hate inheriting beef that just keep passing down, oh, I'm Nikki's cousin now I got beef now my. Since I got beef now you got beef with my brothers and my cousins and all this stuff. It's just like, oh my God, you.

[Mike]

Got more people taking sides now than the presidential debate and shit like that. I', Cardi, I'm. I seen two girls arguing that's like actually mutuals about like the beef and like who weird and who not. I'm like, pick up a book. No, some real though. That's like some like some low hanging fruit. If I see someone that's like really, really involved in a beef like this, like actually making comments about some like that I don't trust you, bro. I can't hang out with you.

[Pat]

Yeah. And it's tough to, it's even tough to like, obviously I feel like I never take sides and beefs and like that. But it's very tough when like people are mentioning kids and like that.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

It's like, I mean, I can't tell anybody how to, how to, like, how to beef. Right? Like, anyone. Everybody has their own line. They can draw stuff like that. But that's.

[Gene]

Right.

[Mike]

That's what I think it is, though. A lot of people draw different lines on what is disrespectful.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You know, like, a lot of people, there's a certain word like, hey, if I call someone a bitch, right? If I call you a bitch, you might just be like, hey, me and my boys call each other bitches all the time. Nigga, fuck you too, bitch. You know? I mean, but if you call me a bitch, we don't play that shit. You know what I mean? Like, those are, like, fighting words. So it's just like. It depends on, like, what people's trigger words are. Like, Nikki or Cardi, whoever started it, I don't give a fuck. One of them could have said something pertaining to a kid. It's like the Drake and Kendrick Lamar situation. Like, Kendrick made, like, something about him being a dad, so Drake took that as like, okay, you brought in family. And from Kendrick's perspective, it was like, oh, I never brought in family. So it's just like, man, I don't like how we talk about Nikki dropping soon, though, right?

[Pat]

Yeah. Nick is dropping soon, and then JT dropped the diss, too. It was just like. It just. I feel like since the Kendrick and Drake theme, it just, like, very lucrative to beef now.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And it's very, like, popular. Yeah, it's obvious a little bit. So it's like everybody just laying it out there and who didn't really, like, I already knew, like, a lot of these people don't really like each other, but there's like. I don't know. I just don't have that much animosity for somebody because it's like, when you start thinking about it, what are they actually beefing about? It's like, really? Nothing.

[Mike]

Okay, I got. I got something for you. Tell me if that's true for y'.

[Pat]

All.

[Mike]

Paying for something and you see the transaction come to your phone, it makes you use it more. Like, I saw Hulu was going up in their price. Yeah, I've been watching Hulu like a. Yeah, y' all got me up on my Netflix account. Like, when I pay rent.

[Gene]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

I stay inside a couple days. The first week, you'd be at the crib. Like, I'd be keeping the water on, and after I pay the water bill, like, no, we gonna run this. Since y' all would have. I want to charge a. Yeah, run this washer and dryer. At the same time.

[Pat]

That is true though. But I also saw that they're doing like the bundle deals and like that. And I think this whole time I've been paying for everything separately. I've been paying for my ESPN plus separately, my Hulu separately and my Disney plus separately. Yeah, and Disney plus is probably the one I use the least I would say. But there's always like that one show that pulls you in.

[Gene]

Yeah, it'd be a random.

[Pat]

It's just a random show, bro.

[Gene]

It's on Amazon Prime. Then you gotta get the prime membership.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's always some. Why the am I on Paramount is going on right now get them streaming service. They did a good job. Because it used to be oh, why would you pay for cable when you can pay for, you know, two or three streaming services for way cheaper now? I didn't got so many streaming services. I'm pretty sure I'm paying like this is cable. Like it's like three or four hundred dollars for all this. Like. And you got especially me, I don't know if y' all are. I'm like an account leader for like five different shoes. It's always somebody like don't you got such and such? And it's like, yeah, I add another lie like little, little extra $6 it ain't man, that mine is a little.

[Pat]

Pride thing sometimes too. You always like to have the streaming service that somebody be like, hey, do you have this streaming service? I'm like, yeah, I got that.

[Mike]

That.

[Pat]

Cuz I do kind of have every stream. The only one I think I don't have. Let me not say the one I don't have because they might be a sponsor one of these days.

[Mike]

That's smart.

[Pat]

And I be like, yeah, I used to watch this every day.

[Mike]

Lying mother, lying ass. Okay, so you know what breaks my heart? Well, it used to break my heart. I'm finding a way to get around it now, okay. Because it's been happening to me a lot lately is spending money on bad food. So I keep. Sometimes I go to a restaurant. Either I pick the wrong thing or the restaurant quality wasn't what I thought it was. And I've like, I'm trying to find new ways not to get mad over things that possibly could happen easily could happen. So my new thing to help me out with that is already knew it was ass. I had to prove it. That's my new thing that helped me mentally.

[Pat]

Especially if somebody tells you. If somebody tells you that the food is already bad, you don't Want to take their word for it? Because it's like, nah, I don't trust your taste that much. I have to actually go to this place and. And try it for myself and like that.

[Mike]

Yeah. You know, but you know who to trust with that stuff. Like, yeah, if you see there's certain people that just like, oh, this is good. You know what I'm saying? It's just some canes. And he's like, come on now, bro.

[Pat]

I hate that.

[Mike]

I wouldn't say. Don't say. I'm not gonna say canes is nasty. But you can to me and tell me canes is good without me asking you. Because if you tell me something is good without me asking you, that means it's amazing. I mean, you had to get it off your chest. Canes ain't. No, you got to get off your chest. Oh.

[Pat]

So I was driving, right? And I. So somebody about to cross, right? So I saw him ahead, and this dude had a stroller, right? And I was like, oh, let me just let him cross. It wasn't like a spot. I should have let him cross by. So let me. He got a stroller, and I was like, let me let him cross. And when I passed, when I was about to pass him, I saw in the stroller was a cat, and I just kept driving. I didn't let him cross again because the only reason I stopped, the only reason I was slowing down to kind of let him cross, was because I thought it was a baby inside the stroller.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah.

[Pat]

And it was a cat. So I sped up.

[Gene]

That means you have to rev your engine.

[Pat]

I had to, bro. I was like, that's disrespectful. Like, he had me emotionally like, oh, let me let him, like, cross. Cross with the. His kid. Because you're not, you know. You know, especially it's a busy street, so you have to show you really slowing down so they feel comfortable enough to cross. And it was. I saw as a cat said, fuck, no.

[Mike]

I'm not gonna lie. That's very true. Like, about somebody carrying a kid. It was. I took my son to a pumpkin patch, little thing. And there was this lady. She was getting through the crowd. I was like, damn, how does lady part in the crowd so easily? And she had a stroller. It's like, oh, damn. And it was like a smaller stroller. So you think, assume it's a newborn in there and, like, you let him pass. It was no baby in the stroller.

[Gene]

Was it a scarecrow?

[Mike]

No, but it was. No, it wasn't. Nothing, though. And it's just like, the only reason people letting you pass is they think you got a newborn. And you look like, I need to get through, but you really just pushing this motherfucker through a crowd and shit. I wanted to stop that. I wanted to punch the. The thing where the baby would be at the back of it. Oh, my God, the baby in here. Oh.

[Pat]

I was also watching Love is Blind this season. This season. No spoiler alerts. But this season is crazy. But it got to a point where I was trying to imagine because there was a scene where the girl was talking about her ex and what he did and stuff like that, or another guy was saying about, like, him being too nice of a guy and stuff like that. And I just imagine, like, what it feels like to watch your ex on TV possibly lying their ass off and saying, like, every. Say everything that happened. It's just like, I would just, like, feel like. It's like I'll be yelling at the tv. It kind of make me kind of like.

[Gene]

Like, demon. They're demonizing you and they did everything wrong.

[Mike]

There's no way. You don't watch that if your ex is on there. Like, I don't care. There's exes I don't even care about. Yeah, like, dead ass. But if they went on a dating show, I'm watching a whole season. I need to know if they mention.

[Pat]

Me because then I'm telling my current girl. I'm saying, like, nah, they not even like that. Like last night that she. This is not gonna last. Yeah, I already see how this is gonna end.

[Mike]

She talk about she on a dating show. Like, oh, that's the biggest I ever had. You like, she lying. She is lying. There's no way he started tweeting from a burner account.

[Pat]

Nah, that's what you definitely. That's where you definitely gotta get on.

[Mike]

October 17th, I'm an angel.

[Pat]

See the wings.

[Mike]

Don't miss the new comedy Good Fortune, starring Seth Rogen, Aziz Ansari and Keanu Reeves. Critics rave. It's Evan sent.

[Eliza]

Let me have a budget.

[Mike]

Guardian angel, kinda. You were very unhelpful. Good Fortune, directed by Aziz Ansari.

[Pat]

The burner account.

[Mike]

No, you definitely gotta get a burner account. Like, y' all really believe that she has all that money? I think she's been broke since college. I'm just.

[Pat]

That's just her ex put her through college.

[Mike]

Actually, her ex, a real. Be careful.

[Gene]

I think I found his ad.

[Mike]

They get successful. I saw China open the world's tallest bridge. So I just want to say because I've been seeing different people across the world build different structures. And my thing is, if I could still get to work the same way I have been without the new structure, I'm taking that same way for at least six months. And I'm watching the news every day. There's no way I'm taking a brand new way to work or something y' all just built that's going over fucking water or mountains or shit like that. Because I think about like, how incompetent like people are in different jobs in different settings. But some people's jobs affect people way more. Like if you. If the person at McDonald's give you an extra McDouble. Yeah, he just lost the company. A McDouble, right? Who cares?

[Pat]

He had a bad day.

[Mike]

He accidentally gave me a double. If the doctor gives you like an extra organ on accident because he having a bad day, just lost the company a mc Life. The like. Like I'm not driving over no big ass structure when I don't know what these dudes was doing. Like, you know, how many days you.

[Pat]

Got to wait till? I feel like the first day. The. A couple hundred. A couple hundred cars would have already went over it though.

[Mike]

That's what I'm saying. Not me. No, I'm not part of a couple hundred.

[Pat]

But so is it like you're waiting a day till you know, or is it like a couple days?

[Mike]

It gotta be like a field thing. I gotta be like late for work and it's like way faster type. And I just like, I go over it once and it happened, but I'm gonna try to avoid it for as long as possible. I know, I know. Brand new.

[Pat]

I feel like cities especially, like, obviously we're seeing this a lot in Milwaukee, but I feel like cities always decide to do construction all at the same time. Yeah, it's like, it's like, hey, we're gonna. It's. I don't know, Especially Milwaukee. It just seemed like they got some funding for construction. There's yellow, there's orange cones everywhere, man. You don't even know like, which. You have to use GPS to go everywhere because the exit could be closed. It's open sometimes and it's just like they're not even communicating with Google Maps. I feel like if you don't report the construction to Google Maps, we should be able to ride through it. Because if a Google Maps say, take this exit, I should be able to take this exit.

[Mike]

No, for real. I think construction workers tell me if I'm wrong. I think they purposely hire niggas not to do anything but to stare at the cars that's going by. Like, bro, I be driving by construction and you know, you don't see shit fit. It just cones. And then you see some big ass nigga with a beard just looking at you like, what you looking at?

[Pat]

They have like the slow sign and shit. They tell you the like, what is just conducting traffic with nothing going on.

[Mike]

I always hate the conducting traffic.

[Caller Mechanic]

Construction worker.

[Mike]

No more least important in the world. They don't even want you near the site. They watch out.

[Gene]

Put them on the power trip list.

[Mike]

No, for real. They definitely be power tripping. And they definitely kind of. They kind of have the upper hand a little bit. Because if there's any police present insight, and you ignore construction workers thing, I'm pretty sure that could, like, lead to a ticket, you know, I mean, and.

[Pat]

It says, like, fines are doubled.

[Mike]

Yeah, but I'm sure before those signs, it was getting banged on like before those sizes getting ran the over.

[Pat]

Ain't no fire.

[Mike]

Like, I rode your dumbass.

[Pat]

I had a construction dude like, you know when they had the sign again, the slow sign, and I guess I was going too fast. And he was like pointing at the sign like. He was like pointing at the sign like, slow down. Like, bro, like this knife. I'm going 20 miles per hour. Can I go?

[Mike]

I got into it for construction, where it was about to jump. Me too. I literally like went through and it was just like, dude, can you wait? I said, man, shut the up. Like, I was so pissed because I hate when people get mad at me first. Because obviously it was a misunderstanding. He put the slow side, and I think he meant like, don't come through here. But he did this, like, way. He put both hands up, but the thing in his hand says slow. So I drove slow and I kept going.

[Pat]

And.

[Mike]

And when I got closer, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Can you wait? I said, man, shut the fuck up. And then I was like. And I was trying to explain to him that he had the slow sign, but some dude behind him just like, bro, you're gonna have to back that up. And I was like, bro. And I went right through that and I made sure I had my window down. I was like, I ain't backing up. My car went through a big ass, dude. I had to act like I ain't carrying. I like that my car, it might be up.

[Pat]

I also hate the construction dudes that don't use their sign as well. They try to hand signal you. So like especially, especially with. When it's like diagonal type of traffic, kind of there's traffic is like you have to be really direct, right? So if they're doing their hand signal like to come come, like you guys could go. You have to really point where you're. Who you're telling to come to. You have to point to who you're directing. Sometimes they'd be like, it's almost like they're cross eyed and they're like right down the middle and they're saying like this with two hands and shit. Yeah, like, but who are you talking to?

[Mike]

Yeah, they're like this.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And it's like two way traffic. Is it him or me? Then they get mad like, come on. That's what you should have did the first time. The is you talking about.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Oh my God, y' all called crazy fat.

[Mike]

Oh, crazy fat. Where are you from, New York or something?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

No, I'm from. Man, I. That's fit. That's fit. I'm from America.

[Mike]

As a non criminal, bro, you should not be worried about that, bro.

[Pat]

All right, bro.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Huh?

[Pat]

What's your biggest flaw?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Man? I get drunk, I call my bro. I get drunk and then I just start calling my hoes bro. Then I just start talking a hole in their head bro. This is ridiculous. Like I do this, like I get drunk a lot, but man, I be losing because like I just get drunk and just start talking, bro. It's like dog, I don't know, bro.

[Gene]

Are you drunk right now?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Are you drunk right now? I'm just saying, you could do better.

[Mike]

He definitely off that. What's your, what's your go to drink, bro?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Man, I'm not drunk right now. Not drunk right now. I'm gonna get drunk in a few probably, but man, Tequila Red Bull Reposado. Heavy on tequila, Light on a Red Bull.

[Mike]

Oh, you. You a bartender's dream. They be taking your whole work check.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Whoa, chill, chill, chill. What you know about.

[Pat]

Do you drink like every day?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

I don't know, bro. Probably can't answer no question.

[Mike]

You good, bro?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

I can't. Bro, you asking fake questions like you are.

[Pat]

You haven't said your name, you.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Bro, they gonna hear my voice, bro.

[Mike]

He got a unique goofy ass voice too.

[Pat]

I ain't gonna lie.

[Mike]

They heard this before, but. Oh, I guess that's why you ain't say where you from?

[Pat]

So, yo, you're not in a relationship though, right?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Huh?

[Mike]

Type you can't answer, can you, bro?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

You accent because like it's Complicated, bro.

[Pat]

Like, I mean, you already said the hoes part already at the beginning of this. So what's the point?

[Mike]

If you're in a relationship, you already incriminated yourself. So by you stuttering on this question, people assume that you're in a relationship and you got other girls. You already admitted that, man.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

I'm not all. So I'm not in a relationship. I got some hoes. But, you know, it's this one. Like, you know it's this one girl. I do. You know, we all got a favor. Let's be honest here. We all got a favor. We all got a favor.

[Mike]

Don't bring us into it.

[Pat]

I'm in a relationship, bro.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Oh, bro, you and you. Every time you on a podcast, you be acting like you don't got hoes, you got money, you got hoes. You're always bringing up you in a relationship. I know you got hoes, bro.

[Mike]

Why you assume that everybody have hoes? You think that's just, like, the way of living?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

If you got money, you got hoes, bro. Be real, bro. Like. Like, bro, when I was broke, I. I. And that's not always true because not broke. I got way more than I got real, bro. They, like, been. The guy said, like, what you know about. For a place to stay tonight? Like, I gotta put this on to sleep. Like, oh, Cap. Like, sometimes just got to, bro. But, like, I'm telling you. But you got money, though, bro. Like, you got a podcast. You have emotion. I know, bro. You guys, you don't got a lot.

[Pat]

Okay, That's.

[Mike]

This.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Bro, I'm telling you.

[Mike]

Talk about the fed. You are.

[Pat]

You're fat. Like, what the.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

I'm Fed.

[Mike]

No, this is some fan. He's projecting.

[Gene]

That's.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Y' all started the fan. Y' all started it. Y' all started to ask me where I'm from. Boot, man.

[Mike]

That's what I'm just saying. Just admit that you're doing fair shit. Don't say, like. Don't act like you're not just.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

I'm not Vlad, y'. All. Vlad? I'm not Vlad.

[Mike]

You literally just said, hey, hey, Mike, you in a relationship, right? Hey, Mike, you in a relationship. I know you got hoes, but you got money in the podcast.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Come on, bro. That. Bro. All right, bro. So bet. All right, I got a question. Do y' all think Steph Curry cheating on his wife, Steph Curry neither.

[Construction Worker]

None of us know Steph Curry, bro.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

But come on, man.

[Pat]

I can't. I can't say that I do. I Can't.

[Mike]

What you think Steph getting, bro?

[Eliza]

What the wrong with you, man?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

You should better chill, bro. Man, I'm telling you, bro, that's be doing, bro.

[Eliza]

That's not.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Bro, I don't. I don't let that light skin fool me, bro.

[Mike]

Tell me, bro, what you. What you think Steph be doing, bro?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

I think, bro, 41 away games. 41 away games. You think he faithful? All 41. Come on, man.

[Mike]

Maybe I, I think he is.

[Pat]

He has to give me a reason not to believe.

[Eliza]

You think he faithful?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

I ain't lying, bro. All 41, man. This $300 million type, bro. You think he faithful?

[Mike]

I think so. Pretty religious, dude. Yeah, I believe.

[Pat]

What?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Pretty religious. Got an under armor deal, bro. He gotta. Bro, he gotta keep it in front of camera, bro.

[Pat]

Getting money is relative, though. Like, to some people, it's like getting money is relative. Like, to some people, it might not be. I might not make a lot of money to them. So even to you, like the girl that you say you're getting because you got money now, it's still relative.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

No, I, I, I, I. I ain't got money like you don't.

[Pat]

You don't know how much I'm doing.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Better than what I was doing last year.

[Pat]

But you got holes, though, right?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Yeah. All right. I got a.

[Mike]

No, you're. You're a fan, bro. Y' all just going both, bro. We all going fed for fan it. We all fan for fan.

[Pat]

Where you work at, bro?

[Eliza]

It.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Where I work at.

[Pat]

All right, bro. All right. You about to drink tonight.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

What you think?

[Eliza]

The Saints?

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Just one.

[Mike]

Oh, there you go. Exposing himself. He from New Orleans.

[Pat]

What it do? What up? What up? I got a question for you. What deserves more? Hate.

[Construction Worker]

Them goddamn automatic paper towel machines in the bathrooms. And, bro.

[Mike]

Explain.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Construction Worker]

I mean, y' all ever been. First of all, let's just say, bro, I'm an impatient bro. So when I use the restroom, bro, I'm trying to snatch my down, draw my hands and get out. I ain't trying to be waving my hand in front of this. And then if we being real, like, sometimes, bro, them like, okay, I don't. Them is racist, bro. Let's just say it. Like, ain't no way I'm waving my hand in front of this, and that ain't coming out. And then Cody step up beside me and them just come spitting out like, what's going on.

[Pat]

That should be true, though. I don't know what it is, though.

[Mike]

Come on, now. You know what it is, bro.

[Construction Worker]

Bro, The Indian. The water, bro. I'm trying to wash my hands, and it's like it ain't catching my skin until I turn it on the palm of my hand. What's going on?

[Mike]

Come on, man.

[Construction Worker]

I just don't get it, bro.

[Mike]

They might have took the signs off of it, but they ain't making. Stop working, man.

[Construction Worker]

I feel that Abrah, if y' all don't mind, bro, I gotta get this out my chest, bro.

[Pat]

Other question.

[Construction Worker]

I need to answer this, bro.

[Pat]

Go ahead, bro.

[Construction Worker]

So what's the other question, bro?

[Mike]

What's a tough conversation you had to have with somebody?

[Construction Worker]

All right, kick it. Check it like this. So, my brother, bro, I ain't gonna lie, bro. I ain't no street, bro, but I ain't no. You get what I'm saying?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Construction Worker]

I'm a bro. Like, I'm just like a regular bro. Like, I, you know, I stand on business, but I ain't no. I ain't walking around tough. And my brother, he think he's a tough bro. And this got into a little situation or whatnot, and he, oh, that's my brother. That's my brother this and that. I'm like, damn. You know, like, let me see who the is. I pull up the profile pictures and, bro, ain't no way, bro. I'm arguing, going back and forth on social media with. And they got Dracos and in the picture. But I can't do it, bro. I can't do it. I'm telling my brother, like, bro, you know how to deal with that on your own. Don't put me out there for to be coming after me, bro. I ain't with that, bro.

[Mike]

I ain't gonna lie, bro. I could be on the Internet and I could be arguing with anybody if I click on your profile picture. You have a gun in your profile picture, bro. You're on a different.

[Construction Worker]

My city's small as hell, so, like, already know. Like, I. I knew. I knew who the was when I heard the name, bro.

[Mike]

Wait, why. Why is your brother getting into it with them?

[Construction Worker]

But he kind of off a little bit, bro. He'll tweaker, bro. Well, he think he'll tweak until he get his ass tapped.

[Pat]

Fake demon.

[Mike]

He a fake demon?

[Construction Worker]

Yeah, a fake fucking demon, bro.

[Mike]

So what's your message to your brother if he can hear this right now?

[Construction Worker]

Hey, message to my brother. Look, Day. Day, bro. Hey, man, keep me the out your beef, boy. Because if it come down to it, and the boys come spinning, get what I'M locking the door. Your ass get out the door. I can't do nothing.

[Pat]

Giving your brother up is crazy.

[Construction Worker]

You put yourself in that position, little bro. I can't do nothing.

[Pat]

You wouldn't. But you wouldn't, like, protect him in a way of just, like, maybe hiding where he's at or just not giving up his low.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Bro?

[Construction Worker]

He's a tweaker, bro. He one of them. Like, he put the out there ain't no saving him, and then he one of the, bro. Like, you can't tell him nothing or he turn on you. All right, Go die to him. Hey, is he there, bro?

[Mike]

No, no, no. What's your message to the people that your brother beefing with?

[Construction Worker]

Hey, man, I ain't got to say to them boys, hey, hey, shout out to that gene where I had went on IG and cause always have on mysterious fits and.

[Gene]

Appreciate it, bro.

[Construction Worker]

Now that should be tough, bro. I with the brand, though.

[Pat]

All right.

[Mike]

Hey, be, be safe out there. Be on your P's and Q's.

[Construction Worker]

I try to be, bro. Y' all will stay up.

[Mike]

You try to, too.

[Pat]

Yo.

[Caller Mechanic]

Yo, yo, what up, yo? Yo, is this Mike?

[Pat]

Yes, this is. This is Mike and Pat, yo.

[Caller Mechanic]

Oh, yeah, I know, I know Pat ass there, man.

[Construction Worker]

I, I with.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

I with Mike, though, man.

[Caller Mechanic]

You be boxing and I with that Pat. Yeah, you cool. You should be doing dad.

[Pat]

Looks like you're flirting.

[Caller Mechanic]

Hey, matter of fact, no, hold on, man. No, I'm not, I'm not. I ain't flirting. Yo. Hey, I, I messaged you like you had a hat with a pee on, and I was like, this got a hat with a pee on for his name, Patrick. That's what he thought when he got the hat. Trying to represent, like, Superman or something.

[Mike]

All right, I had a question for you, bro.

[Eliza]

Yeah, what's up, man?

[Mike]

Well, he's such a lame ass. Oh, my bad. That's the next question. What's something you want to tell your significant other but can't, bro?

[Caller Mechanic]

I think I sent y' all a lot. I think the major one is I can't. I can't make you happy. You can't even make yourself happy. What the, man, it's not my problem. I'm doing my best here, man. Working Walmart. God damn. What do you expect? But, you know, how old are you can't make her happy. 24.

[Mike]

Is she. So is she not happy right now?

[Caller Mechanic]

Ah, I don't know, man. I think she is. I just paid for her nails to get done, but I guarantee it's gonna be an argument later on about something.

[Pat]

So what was your last argument?

[Caller Mechanic]

Oh, my God. I don't even know.

[Mike]

This is a problem right there, I think.

[Caller Mechanic]

I don't know. I don't even know. I'd just be like, yeah, cool, cool, cool. I'm sorry, My bad. I'm sorry. I do better. And then she just, like, get something out of it about something.

[Pat]

You don't know what you did wrong. You. You.

[Caller Mechanic]

Exactly.

[Pat]

Are you seeing why she might not be happy here?

[Caller Mechanic]

Nah, nah, nah, nah. Because this. This has been going on for a while. I just, you know, I just work out and watch anime, so I'm like, pretty laid back. I don't do anything.

[Mike]

Exactly.

[Caller Mechanic]

I mean, yeah, I am a lame ass. Come on, man.

[Pat]

We peeped that already.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah. You gotta get some.

[Caller Mechanic]

God damn it.

[Mike]

You gotta take her on some dates, man.

[Caller Mechanic]

No, yeah, that's what we do. We go on dates. And then she's like, I'm not happy. I'm like, okay, what can I do? I don't know what you can do. I'm just not happy.

[Mike]

Damn. What about, like, after sex, you say, I'm not happy too.

[Caller Mechanic]

No, no, no. Usually. Usually that goes well.

[Pat]

Usually.

[Caller Mechanic]

I mean, we've had like, a couple times. I'd be like, oh, you should, you know, sorry that, you know, I finished fast. And she'd be like, oh, no, it's okay. And I'm like, she's gonna. She's gonna spark an argument within the next two hours.

[Mike]

Yeah, see you rather that. I mean, it sounds like she on the brink of somebody else, so you better hold on tight.

[Caller Mechanic]

Nah, dude. Like, that's the. That's the crazy part. I'm like. I'm actually like, dude, please leave me. You know, I. I feel like I'd be a lot more happy if I wasn't with her.

[Pat]

What's the message to your girl then?

[Caller Mechanic]

If she's listening to this, she's definitely not listening to this. But if she was, bro, I was just joking. I didn't. Please don't leave me.

[Pat]

All right, man. You have a good one, bro.

[Caller Mechanic]

All right, man.

[Eliza]

Hello.

[Mike]

Hello.

[Eliza]

Hi, how are you?

[Mike]

Good, how are you?

[Pat]

There's like, no.

[Eliza]

Why am I being laughed at?

[Pat]

No, he just said, hi, how are you? Very. It was like, no space bars in between.

[Mike]

Welcome to Crash Enemies podcast. Hi.

[Eliza]

I'm surprised you guys actually called, first of all.

[Mike]

Oh, well, we did. How you doing?

[Eliza]

I'm good. How are you?

[Pat]

Good, good, good.

[Mike]

Okay, we got a question for you.

[Eliza]

Okay. What's going on?

[Mike]

What's something you want to tell your significant other but can't?

[Eliza]

A lot of things, but the most prevalent thing, his holes in his boxers.

[Pat]

Like boxer briefs or like, the loose boxers that had the little button in front?

[Eliza]

Well, they were like, the briefs, like the ones that are, like, I don't know, men's underwear, but, like, the skin tight ones.

[Mike]

Okay. Okay.

[Eliza]

Yeah. They've become loose to the part where they're like, the. Not skin tight ones, if you know what I mean.

[Mike]

Oh, damn.

[Pat]

Oh, where's the.

[Mike]

Where's the hole at?

[Pat]

Oh, so these are. Man.

[Mike]

Where'S the hole?

[Eliza]

It's like, you know when you, like, have, like, thread running and stuff like that? It's like, at the bottom of the legs, and then, you know, the waistband is no longer holding the waist. It's kind of just loose.

[Mike]

Okay. How many pair he got like this?

[Eliza]

I don't know. I haven't gone through his drawer. I. Like, he was getting dressed, right? And he pulls it out of his drawer and he proceeds to put it on. I'm looking at it. Once upon a time, they were blue. Like, dark blue. Now they're light blue.

[Mike]

How long y' all been together?

[Pat]

Yeah, that's a good question.

[Eliza]

Not terribly long. I'd say, like, terribly. Nine months, almost.

[Mike]

How much? How many lala.

[Eliza]

Like, like nine months.

[Mike]

Almost nine months. Y' all live together?

[Eliza]

No.

[Mike]

Hey, why don't you buy him some new underwear?

[Pat]

That's exactly what I was gonna say.

[Eliza]

Respectfully, he's not very open to me making critiques like this. Literally the same day we're laying on his bed, and I'm like, oh, you probably, like, need a new comforter, because this comforter had been, like, washed. And, you know, when it goes to the dryer, a bunch of times it starts getting them lint balls. And then not just that. It lost the comfort part. It was, like, flat, so now it's just a blanket. And I'm like, okay, maybe you should buy a new comforter. He's like, I feel like this one's still okay. I said, hey, let me not fight him on it. And I left it.

[Mike]

Yeah, but you. You could have bought it, though. You know what I mean? Like, that's. That's like a. That's like a grown woman.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Thing to do. Like, I'm gonna buy my man a comforter. I see he can't move on. I'm gonna buy.

[Pat]

Oh, I wouldn't say a comforter. Comforter is expensive, but she could buy.

[Mike]

A cover do he buy you stuff new?

[Eliza]

He's a student. So, like, this is like, I'm like, 22 right now. Right. We're the same age. I have a full time job, like, office job. He is a student, so he's still in school.

[Pat]

Got it.

[Mike]

Oh, buy him some underwear. How old is you?

[Pat]

He probably.

[Eliza]

I'm 22.

[Mike]

And how old is he?

[Eliza]

22.

[Mike]

22. Okay. I mean, but you got a real job, though. You damn near a cougar to him.

[Eliza]

Don't be funny. Don't be funny. I'm not no cougar.

[Pat]

He probably knows he needs a new comforter. He's just like. He doesn't have the funds, though, to do the thing.

[Eliza]

Here's the thing. Like a week or not even a week. A month before I had bought or I had mentioned the comforter, I had to buy him, like, a whole set of skin care because he. He just washes his face with, like, what his mom washes, which is like that St. Ives mess, and it's not working.

[Mike]

The amount of brands that catch strays on this podcast is so crazy. But. Okay, what's wrong? Like, underwear are, like, literally $10.

[Eliza]

Yes. And I'm saying I would. I wouldn't have an issue buying it for him, but it seems like when I buy stuff for him, he's kind of like. I'm not gonna say displeased, but obviously he feels some type of way because it's like, it's me buying it for him. If it was his, of course it'd be like, okay, yeah, parents are supposed to provide, but it's like a girl he's dating that he's supposed to provide for God everywhere.

[Mike]

Eliza. Okay, now we pilling.

[Pat]

Does he live in the dorms?

[Eliza]

Yeah, he lives in the dorms.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. Of course. You don't want to change his company.

[Mike]

Yeah, he's trying to he in grind mode. Like, you trying to take him out of grind mode. You're trying to make him get new underwear. And is you with the old underwear or not?

[Pat]

Huh?

[Eliza]

Not to be honest. Like, I respect it. Like, I'm like, okay, he's a student. Stuff like that. I don't want to, like. What's the word I'm looking for? I don't want to be the man in the relationship, you know, who kind of has to take charge on this stuff. But it's like, skin care.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Eliza]

I have to get you a new comforter. I have to get you new underwear. What next? I'm paying tuition.

[Mike]

The stuff you Name it is kind of like wife. Like, you know what I mean? Like, okay, everything you named is like, you probably buy all of that that you just said under $30.

[Pat]

Those are all things I would be happy my girl got me.

[Mike]

Yes. Like, very happy.

[Pat]

Like, yeah, she got me some skincare products.

[Mike]

And you never attempted to buy them underwear, so you never know how that goes. Buy him some underwear, and then if he refuses, I feel like you can have that conversation. Like, all right, I bought you some underwear. You still wearing the one with the holes in it. I can see a left ball sack. So it's just like.

[Eliza]

Okay, first of all, that's disgusting. But no, I just. I know better than to mention these things because I guess I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to speak on his family, but, like, they usually hold on to things for a very, very long time.

[Mike]

Yeah, like somebody, like, emotionally or like.

[Eliza]

No, like, material things. Like, they got, like, no shit to his mom, but she's been like, we grew up in the same, like, community, so I've known them since I was, like, way, way Young. So 2006. The mom's had the same wig since I met her. I was like 15 plus years ago.

[Mike]

Okay, but you wanna. You about to marry into this family, so you about to be part of the dust, boss.

[Eliza]

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Mike]

Well, also, you don't plan on marrying him?

[Eliza]

Honestly, right now, I don't see myself marrying, like, between me and you guys, like, the relationship kind of.

[Pat]

Don't say that. Don't say that. Don't say between me. Me and you. You on. You're on a. A podcast. Just know that.

[Eliza]

Okay. Is it not anonymous?

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You know.

[Pat]

You got it.

[Mike]

Go ahead. The floor is yours.

[Eliza]

Just wondering. Just wondering. But it's like, I don't know. I feel like it's not just this circumstances. We live in different states, so I live, like, in New York. He lives in the dmv. It's always me coming down there, whether it's by train, by bus, or driving down. He's only come up to see me once.

[Mike]

Oh, so you. You just getting fed up, right?

[Eliza]

I feel like his mom.

[Mike]

It's time to drop him there.

[Pat]

As simple as that.

[Mike]

Come on.

[Eliza]

Yeah, that's why I'm not, like. I mean, I don't know, but I don't. I don't know if I should, you know, break up with him and include the part about the boxers.

[Pat]

But if you got this far to telling two complete strangers about this Then it's over already. Just wrap it up. Don't even, don't even fight that urge. Just wrap it up.

[Mike]

Literally. Send him a package of underwear with a breakup letter on top of it.

[Eliza]

I can't do that. This man will hate me for life. I'm his first girlfriend and everything like that.

[Mike]

We could tell a little dusty ass. Little dusty ass family dirty ass mama.

[Eliza]

I don't want to be. You know how dudes get, though. One girl breaks their heart, you know, for 25 years, everybody else has to suffer.

[Pat]

Oh, so you're trying to save. You're trying to save all generations.

[Mike]

Yeah. He might get his life.

[Eliza]

I'm trying to let this. Will he?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Some dude a breakups be fixing dudes sometimes. Obviously a lot of people see what breakups do on the other side of it, like, oh, he wasn't after that. But you know, a lot of dudes upgrade. He might, you know.

[Eliza]

I don't know.

[Mike]

Nah, it's something. You don't want to let him go. I think you holding him back.

[Pat]

Yeah, I.

[Eliza]

Listen, I, I really, I'm trying to find a way out of like, not a way out of it, but like a way over this circumstance. But like if he's not working and I'm working and we're doing long distance and anytime I try and mention some type of change, it's met with resistance. And then on top of that, he's like, no, I'll move up to New York for you. But you haven't bought a new pair of draws. How are you going to move to New York if you don't even have the effort to buy draws?

[Pat]

I like how you dissing my. My guy.

[Mike]

That's how you. I think you holding him back. No, because you won't let him go.

[Eliza]

Really?

[Mike]

You, you, you have all these conversations, you have all these answers, and you know what the answer is going to be and you don't believe in them. And then when we mention Mary, you say, hell no. So you're wasting his time. Yeah, you wasting both your time.

[Eliza]

No. Maybe they would have added a little bit more advice.

[Mike]

It's over.

[Pat]

Just let it go. Keep going back and forth with us.

[Mike]

This old shit. Hey, name three good things about child relationship.

[Pat]

There you go.

[Eliza]

Oh, okay. He listens to me talk. I have. Don't laugh. First of all, he listens to me talk.

[Mike]

That is the first thing is such a red flag. Go ahead. What's number two?

[Eliza]

Number two, he's definitely like, he's calmer than I am. So I Enjoy. You know, when I'm freaking out, he definitely does, like, calm me down.

[Mike]

Okay, third one.

[Eliza]

Third one. Is this like a PG13 type of thing?

[Mike]

No, you can do. You can say whatever you want.

[Eliza]

Okay, well, it's like, we're on the same level as inexperienced.

[Mike]

There it is, fellas.

[Pat]

His dick beam.

[Mike]

Okay, yeah, we got it. We got to the bottom of it. This nigga dirty Dusty broke, but you.

[Pat]

Got a big dick.

[Mike]

Fellas, lesson of the day.

[Eliza]

Listen, I mean, there's other points, but, like, you asked for the major one, so I had.

[Mike]

Yeah, it was. I, I, I. Big dick. He does this for me. This for me, this for me. No, we got it.

[Pat]

Heels.

[Mike]

He'll sex slave. We get it.

[Eliza]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pat]

She would have must.

[Eliza]

Oh, can I say something?

[Sports Commentator]

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

[Eliza]

Okay. Nothing. I just really like the podcast. I've been listening for a while. You guys are really cool.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Thank you.

[Mike]

Appreciate it.

[Eliza]

Yeah, Pat, it took me a second to get used to you, but I, you know, I mess with you. You cool.

[Mike]

Oh, that's. That's nice.

[Pat]

Go ahead.

[Eliza]

No, no, I was just gonna say, how far, my Nigerian brother?

[Mike]

Are you Nigerian?

[Pat]

Oh, how far? Okay, how far? You said proper.

[Mike]

Oh, she was speaking.

[Pat]

I'm not Nigerian, but, yeah, she was like, how far?

[Mike]

Oh, she said, how far? How far am I?

[Eliza]

Like, what's up?

[Pat]

Yeah, I know how. What it means. Just. You said it very. I mean, what.

[Mike]

What.

[Pat]

What was your problem with Pat?

[Eliza]

You know, I think he just came off a little aggressive to me because I'm. I'm usually a very passive person. He'd be like, oh, any nigga that don't mess with me, shoot you. And I'm like, okay. I feel like there's, like, steps to that, you know, before shooting people, but.

[Mike]

Welcome to crash on his podcast, bro. What's good?

[Caller Mechanic]

What's going on?

[Mike]

What's going on?

[Caller Mechanic]

What deserves more Hate Grown men posting Instagram dumps like you as a grown man posting a September dump if you don't get your grown ass on somewhere and get a job.

[Mike]

But what if they have a job?

[Caller Mechanic]

Hey, they obviously ain't no man.

[Mike]

Okay, like, okay, like, manly job.

[Caller Mechanic]

I'm saying. I'm saying. No, no, they need to get a manly job. Like a. Like an oil rig.

[Mike]

Okay, okay, okay. But I'm saying, like, okay, all three of us have posted dumps up here.

[Pat]

It's.

[Mike]

It's me, Mike and Jean.

[Caller Mechanic]

You ain't no man, Dan. Pat.

[Mike]

Okay, so we not man. So you don't post dumps let's find out.

[Caller Mechanic]

Hell no.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

What you do for a living?

[Caller Mechanic]

I'm mechanic.

[Mike]

You're a mechanic. Okay. Okay.

[Caller Mechanic]

Yeah.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Okay.

[Mike]

Musty ass.

[Pat]

But what I was going to say, what is your thing against dumps? What makes it unmanly, bro?

[Caller Mechanic]

You as a grown man standing in front of a mirror taking pictures for the whole. To post at the end of the month.

[Pat]

You said dumps. I'm just saying, like, what's the thing that annoys you?

[Caller Mechanic]

Ain't that.

[Pat]

Ain't.

[Caller Mechanic]

Ain't that part of a dump?

[Pat]

No, it's not always a mirror selfie.

[Caller Mechanic]

Most of the time it is, though.

[Mike]

So you say. Okay, so we moving on to selfie. So you saying it's unmanly for men to take pictures of themselves and post it on the Internet at the end of the month?

[Caller Mechanic]

Yeah, bro.

[Pat]

There's a. You have a picture of yourself, a selfie in your car as your profile picture.

[Caller Mechanic]

Okay, I needed a profile picture.

[Mike]

You're not a man, bro. Okay, this is the softest.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

I'm.

[Construction Worker]

I'm not.

[Caller Mechanic]

I'm not standing in front of a mirror taking a picture.

[Pat]

So when you post, you just post one single because your page is private. So obviously I can't look at your page.

[Caller Mechanic]

No, I don't have any posts, though. You can see on my page it says zero posts.

[Gene]

Creeping ass.

[Mike]

Can I see? No. Let me see what he looked like because, you know, like, a lot of ugly people say some shit like that. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, he don't want to post pictures.

[Caller Mechanic]

Oh, so you. I look like exactly how you see on the. On the profile picture?

[Pat]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike]

Do ugly. Yeah, that makes sense, bro. Yeah.

[Caller Mechanic]

I get more bitches than you, though, huh?

[Mike]

I'm sure you do, bro.

[Caller Mechanic]

I get more than you, though.

[Mike]

I'm sure. I'm sure you do. I'm sure if that's what your quality of life is.

[Pat]

This.

[Mike]

You got it, bro. I want you to keep going, bro.

[Construction Worker]

Are you.

[Pat]

Are you in a relationship?

[Caller Mechanic]

Somewhat. It's.

[Mike]

It jumps from person to person, from person to person.

[Pat]

Okay. I'm just trying to see backyard boxing now.

[Mike]

He like a UK drill rapper, bro.

[Caller Mechanic]

Hey, check this out, though. As a mechanic, you're gonna have females that can't pay for their car, huh? And they'll try. They'll try to find other ways to pay. You get where I'm going with this?

[Pat]

You are a. A weird.

[Caller Mechanic]

Game is game, though.

[Pat]

That's cohort.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's like. That's like damn near assault.

[Pat]

Brother.

[Mike]

You just like a mitten of primes and like that. Hey, baby, I see you ain't got no carburetor now. You're a freak, bro.

[Caller Mechanic]

No, and it usually be the ones driving ultimas too.

[Pat]

Oh, my gosh. All right, man, you have a good one.

[Mike]

Talking about he get more.

[Caller Mechanic]

All right.

[Mike]

This dusty ass.

[Caller Mechanic]

You gotta lay off the dumps.

[Mike]

No, you gotta. You gotta lay off being a weirdo.

[Pat]

Welcome to craft on these podcast.

[Mike]

There we go.

[Caller Mechanic]

Oh, thank you, thank you. All right, My bad for jumping the gun.

[Pat]

Oh, no, you're good, you're good.

[Mike]

And next time we gonna use it on you.

[Pat]

All right, bro, I got a question for you. What's something that deserves more hate? All right.

[Caller Mechanic]

People who don't wear a seat belt. And I don't know if it's. I don't know how widespread that is, but maybe it's a little friend who, like, likes to taunt me. I got this one friend who, like, he'll get in my car and he'll sit in the back seat, and he likes to sit in the. In the middle seat, but he doesn't wear a seat belt. And like, bro, I'm like, if we crash, like, you're gonna go flying out the front. And then I'll tell him to put it on.

[Mike]

He won't.

[Caller Mechanic]

And then, like, he makes me feel like a dad because then I gotta say some shit like, you know, like, I'm not gonna drive until you put on the seatbelt or some like that. I hate that, bro. I hate that.

[Pat]

I feel like if you're. Especially even somebody else's car, you definitely should wear a seat belt. Yeah, it's just especially. That's what I'm saying. The thing is the most annoying people is the people that they hear the little seatbelt alarm or signal going and they still don't put this.

[Mike]

Yeah, they still on their phone or some.

[Pat]

Bro.

[Caller Mechanic]

Oh, my God, I'm not gonna.

[Mike]

When he sits in the middle, does he like also stick his head up into the front seat?

[Pat]

Is he one of the type of.

[Mike]

Yes, that's the only reason. That's the only reason he grabbing both seats, bro. Play that new party next door, dude.

[Caller Mechanic]

It's like his head pops out every time he says something, bro.

[Mike]

No, I would have to. I would have to teach him a lesson, you know, rip my car. But, hey, he gotta learn his lesson.

[Caller Mechanic]

Yeah, totally. A little bit maybe. But the word bro, it pisses me.

[Pat]

Off the worst is when the person sit in the back seat tries to show you something on their phone. Yeah. Hey, bro, check this out. So there's nobody sitting in the front seat. He just makes you feel like an Uber driver.

[Eliza]

Yes.

[Caller Mechanic]

No, no, no. It'll be like if I have a passenger in the car.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Caller Mechanic]

But like, he, like, prefers the back seat.

[Mike]

I don't know. Oh, yeah, he jacking off.

[Eliza]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right.

[Caller Mechanic]

Sometimes you can hear it a little too.

[Pat]

Making those jugs.

[Mike]

Hey, hey, don't wish your wipers on the inside of the car.

[Pat]

Tell them. Be careful, though.

[Mike]

My God.

[Caller Mechanic]

Yeah, I got a white interior, so.

[Mike]

You know you got freaky ass.

[Gene]

Fre.

[Caller Mechanic]

Freaky ass. N I, I, I, Yeah, no, I actually, I answered another question you guys posted earlier with some freaky.

[Mike]

But no, we good, bro.

[Caller Mechanic]

You guys deleted the story. Yeah, no, no, no, I'm not, I'm not. Only if you want to know.

[Mike]

No, no, we good.

[Pat]

We're good, bro. Freaking quota has been here.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah, I think we did it for the podcast, bro. Good job.

[Pat]

Appreciate you.

[Caller Mechanic]

Hey, wait, wait, wait. I just want to say I'm a. I'm a. I'm a new Patreon listener.

[Pat]

Oh.

[Mike]

Oh, fire, fire, fire.

[Caller Mechanic]

And hey, I gotta. Wait, I gotta let you guys know because I used a few months ago I sub to the Patreon because it was like, whatever, like five dollar deal.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caller Mechanic]

And then I unsub because I was like, but I'm not paying $10 a month.

[Mike]

Right, right.

[Caller Mechanic]

And then now I am because I'm a bitch. But they gave me that five dollar deal again, so.

[Pat]

So you're just gonna sub after the 5?

[Caller Mechanic]

I might just do that. I might just do that over and over again. I don't know.

[Mike]

At least he said it to our face.

[Pat]

Hey, that's fine, bro.

[Mike]

Respect you a. But respect?

[Caller Mechanic]

Yeah. No, no, well, no, I always pissed. I always faced because I. When I originally subbed to the Patreon, it was like when you guys had just made it $10 instead of seven. So I was like, I didn't, I didn't know because I was listening to the, like the pod and was like, oh, it's only $7. I get on the website, I see 10. I'm like, man.

[Pat]

Three bucks. Hey, we're providing content, man. Damn, they got a NASCAR race.

[Caller Mechanic]

Yeah, I just, I just stepped outside. I was working. I just stepped outside. I was like, next to the highway. I was doing a BMW, drove by.

[Mike]

Okay, Fire. All right, go back inside.

[Pat]

I hope they're.

[Caller Mechanic]

I hope they're wearing their seat belts in There. Wait, is he there? I'm not the drag. Oh, hey, Gene. Hey, Gene.

[Gene]

What's up, dude?

[Caller Mechanic]

All right. I love you guys.

[Pat]

Oh, bad Bunny.

[Mike]

Oh.

[Pat]

Congrats.

[Mike]

Hey, man.

[Gene]

Shout out to the Puerto Ricans, man. He said congrats.

[Pat]

Yeah, I'm just saying. You're Puerto Rican.

[Gene]

Yeah, no, it is a. It's huge. It's big.

[Pat]

But it's interesting that who.

[Gene]

Opportunity.

[Mike]

Oh, I thought you talk about bad buddy platform. How that know.

[Pat]

But it's interesting how there's a certain group of people that are. Are. Are mad and saying how like, un American this is. And it's just. It's just funny because bad bunny is obviously a u. S. Citizen, and I think a lot of people forget that just because the Puerto Rican thing and it being a different. Technically a different country. But I'm glad that he's performing, and he's one of the biggest artists in the world, so it makes sense that why the NFL would want to have him. I can't really think of any other people that when you think about super bowl performers, like, who are some people you would want to see perform at the Super. I just really can't really.

[Mike]

Michael Jackson.

[Gene]

Yeah, obviously Michael Jackson. And I feel like now that now that Chris Brown is doing this, like. Yeah, super bowl tour vibe. You know what I'm saying? Like, it doesn't make sense for him to do it.

[Pat]

Like, it would.

[Gene]

It could be like the last one.

[Pat]

I think Chris Brown is a little bit difficult just because, like, the controversy surrounding.

[Gene]

Yeah, that's the other thing. Yeah.

[Pat]

Because that would definitely reputation that would. Could definitely get brought back up.

[Mike]

Even though the NFL got like a thousand with way more charges than Chris Brown. We can't have a. Perform at halftime.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

The first and second half. Yeah.

[Pat]

But.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And also, I think the biggest deal with your Chris Brown situation was who it was. Who was the other.

[Mike]

It's a high profile. Yeah, yeah.

[Gene]

Somebody who already performed at the Super.

[Mike]

Yeah, like that.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

It's not many people. Obviously, Drake in the super bowl kind of had their beef. I think that's probably never gonna happen.

[Pat]

I don't think Drake performs at the football.

[Mike]

No, I don't think that's ever gonna happen. I can't really. Somebody said there was an argument going on online saying, like, what young boy? Be a great performance for the Super Bowl.

[Gene]

I like the mashups.

[Pat]

Yeah, I do like the mashup.

[Gene]

Dr. Dre brought up, like, you know, Eminem and 50 Cent and like that. You know, everybody. He's worked with.

[Mike]

That's what I think would be. Would be nice like finding five or six artists that. That maybe couldn't do a Super bowl half time performance by themselves. Like okay, if I did get Young Boy, who would I have to group with him and do like four or five separate performances. That's why I think the super bowl should move to like let's do more medium artists. But you're trying to get everybody in here. Like we got five or six genres in here.

[Pat]

Because it would be dope to like. I think in the sense like I'm just thinking like big picture with like a Super bowl performance. It'll be dope if Youngboy was performing. But it was like like over like a. A beat that's like well known or over like a classic beat or a classic song. Just like his own version, almost like a melody.

[Gene]

Like a young boy and Gucci mane.

[Pat]

Yeah, like something like that. But even more iconic. Like if Young Boy was rapping over a Tupac beat or a popular Jay Z song, that type of young boy.

[Gene]

And Lil Wayne, it has to be. I feel like it had to be from like eras or like.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

I also think they should lean more into to it because they had the Super bowl in LA and they did a more LA based Super bowl with the one with 50 Cent, Dr. Dre and all that stuff like that. So it's just like even the New Orleans one, if they did Lil Wayne, I feel like it would have been better there for like obviously Kendrick Lamar was the hottest person to take at that time and there's a great performance by him. But having Lil Wayne in New Orleans, I feel like they should just start doing that and going different places and embodying the place.

[Pat]

I feel like, I feel like too that Lil Wayne would have been a good addition. But I think obviously with everything kind of going on. Yeah, I feel like barring everything, I think Lil Wayne would have been like somebody that kind of like invited to perform as well on that day.

[Mike]

That'll be a nice surprise. Something like that gives recognition to the hometown that it's in. Not to say. Yeah, really like you in New Orleans. I want to feel like I'm in New Orleans. Give me the most New Orleans possible.

[Pat]

But yeah, I think Bad Benny's gonna be. Obviously he's done that residency in Puerto Rico, 31 show. So I think he's going to be good a performance. He's. He puts, he puts on a good show. I don't, I obviously don't understand anything.

[Gene]

He's saying, but, yeah, that's going to be interesting.

[Pat]

But I also treat it. There's like, Afrobeats, like, for a lot of Americans, too. Like, even some of the Afrobeats that play. I don't understand everything because some of that. It's not even my language. I. I understand the concepts, but. But Bad Bunny, too, it's like, I don't understand. But his music. I can't even name Bad Bunny songs, but I know it's like, oh, that's. That's a good song. Type of. Right. Like, yeah, it's going to be hit. Yeah.

[Mike]

I'm pretty sure Bad Bunny is going to play a lot of music. And the people that didn't want to see him perform.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

They're like, oh, I already know that song.

[Gene]

He has some good collabs.

[Pat]

Yeah. You think he brings Pitbull out?

[Gene]

I think. I think he might.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Gene]

I mean, last time that he. He actually performed at the 2020 Super bowl with, like, Jennifer Lopez and.

[Mike]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

[Gene]

So I don't know if that's a trend, you know. Performed with Dr. Dre.

[Mike]

Yeah, he could bring both out if he want to. I mean, for they performance.

[Pat]

Come on, Bad money.

[Mike]

You know what to do.

[Sports Commentator]

Bring them out.

[Gene]

You can pay it forward.

[Mike]

That's what I'm saying. Pay homage. It's only. It's only right. Where is Shakira at? I want to know.

[Pat]

Oh, man.

[Mike]

Okay, so in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I don't know if you can imagine this, but they have. Yeah. So what. What is the Outer Banks known for?

[Pat]

Like, the swampy areas, like, beach. But a lot of rich people are there.

[Mike]

Yeah, but the houses, though. The houses are, like, put above the water.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So a lot of those, I think, like, nine in the last, like, 96 hours have like, collapsed. Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

But I'm pretty sure the people in those places knew that because, like, a lot of them are vacant already. And there's one that had, like a for rent sign, like, right before it went down, and somebody said they should call the number on the foreign sign and make dolphin noises. Now I'll be pissed, bro. I try to sell a house. Imagine trying to sell a house and, you know, like, the reason why you left it. Yeah, I would never. Obviously, you can't tell people when they should buy houses. Everything was popular at some point, but, you know, there's people that own homes in a direct line of, like, where a volcano could pop off at any time. It's just like, imagine having the time of your Life. And you're just like, man, I got this house, my grandkids. And then you just like hear rumbling and like that.

[Pat]

You're like, oh, that's just like people in Florida that they get hurricanes every year. That's tougher though. That's tough.

[Mike]

That's so tough.

[Gene]

We expected type.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Hurricane like my house could be up.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

This year. Next year. You never know what's going to be a bad year for hurricanes.

[Mike]

Yeah. In the Midwest. All you got to worry about is dying from cheese curds.

[Pat]

Like the polar vortex and shit.

[Mike]

Yeah. We. Oh, yeah. In the cold.

[Pat]

But we just recently had a flood flooding in Milwaukee.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's true.

[Pat]

And in the greater Milwaukee area.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Gene]

That was kind of random.

[Pat]

That was. And that's like the first time that they. I feel like there's been like a. I would call like a natural disaster because I think FEMA was involved with funding and stuff.

[Caller Drunk Guy]

Yeah.

[Gene]

Up a lot of people.

[Pat]

Yeah, like a lot of people's was up and it's like a lot of people. I feel like it up a lot of people's because this like, this don't happen here. So it's just prepared. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike]

It's like, you ain't got no flood insurance.

[Pat]

Got basements.

[Mike]

Imagine a person with flood insurance going around like, y' a got no flood insurance. I would beat the out that like, let's test this healthcare insurance you got there since you want to pop off.

[Pat]

I saw a tweet that says bro to bro, never get a haircut on the day of a special event talk. And that's the realest I probably ever heard.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because you do need that day, that buffer day in case that's. Obviously everybody has their barbers they trust the day of. But you just need a buffer for. It could be a bad day for him. It could be an off day. And sometimes your haircut looks a little bit better the day after because you don't want it too crispy.

[Mike]

No, too crispy is too much. Yeah.

[Gene]

You don't want the talk lines.

[Mike]

It's too crispy is too much. Like doing too much is too much.

[Pat]

You feel me?

[Mike]

Like, like, what's all this black over your forehead right now? Yeah. And that's the other thing. It's just like, bro, you. You can't clean all that out, bro. You got to take some time them two showers to get rid of the haircut hair. Come on, man. You got a shower and kind of redo it yourself because you actually do your hair the best. You just don't know how. But you know what look, you want, you know how to like, crispy yourself up the best. I guess I always the one people I don't trust. If you a man, you're a grown man and you ain't gotta like, you rely on your barber for every piece of hair that's on your face. You don't own a pair of clippers. Like, that shit is unmanly. You know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

Red pill, red pill.

[Mike]

No, we live. No, we live in a generation where like, we live in a generation where it's okay if a don't know how to change his oil. Like, right? Who cares?

[Pat]

Right? Yeah, I don't think I could change.

[Mike]

We move. We move into a point where like, some of these things don't know how to change a tire. Like, it's, it's cool.

[Pat]

I don't either.

[Mike]

But if you got a, if you got a beer and you can't, like.

[Pat]

Give yourself a little maintenance lineup.

[Mike]

A little maintenance. Like, bro, you little dirty. Like, that's like deodorant to me. Like, house, you can't, like, you know, I'm saying you don't own. Like, you ever been over somebody. I was like, yo, bro, let me use your clippers real quick. He's like, I ain't got nothing. Like the. What else you ain't got? So.

[Pat]

I feel like with the tire thing and the oil changing thing, I've always have the financial means to, to change my own oil or.

[Mike]

You've never been in an emergency?

[Pat]

Emergency?

[Mike]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Pat]

I think if I like, especially tire changing, if I had to really change, like, like I'm in the middle of nowhere. Nothing. If I had to change a tire, I could figure out how to change a tire.

[Mike]

You could change the tire.

[Pat]

I'm very, I'm very quick learner. And I, I feel like I'm a jack of all trades in a sense. Yeah. But I'm. I'm not ashamed to be like, I'd rather just pay to change my tire.

[Mike]

I got a lot of sisters.

[Pat]

So.

[Mike]

You know how many times I've seen a dude in a situation, Whether it's like one of my cousins. I got a lot of woman, the cousins, like, and a lot of sisters. And it's like times that's been in a situation where they've been in a situation where they were the one driving and they caught something happened to their tire and the dude that they were with could not do anything about it. And that's the only reason, obviously, I Found out because I'm on the phone figuring everything out and I just. One time, I pulled up one time, my sister's tire was flat and a dude was sitting in there with her. I said, what the.

[Gene]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

Like, no attempts, no nothing. Just like.

[Gene]

Like, you gotta at least pretend.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You gotta at least pop the hood up and like, put your hands on your waist, like. And then start scratching your head.

[Mike]

Stain your shirt a little bit. You know, pour some water on the engines shouldn't be that hot. Your sizzling a little bit. You put gas in it.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

No, you put. Okay, 87. That makes sense.

[Gene]

No, he's sitting there with his feet up. It's crazy.

[Mike]

No, I just. It's just like little like that. Like, you have to be prepared. Not for yourself, because for yourself. Okay, call somebody, do something. But there's things that you should have in your brain that you can help out in that situation, because nobody ever wants to be in that situation. And your girl never gonna trust you again. She's never gonna with you again if you don't at least have the knowledge. You know what I'm saying? You witch your girl and you let the people at the oil change place give her new windshield wiper.

[Construction Worker]

You a.

[Mike]

Step out the car and go sit in the back seat. Use a kid, bro. Like, you don't do like that also. Fellas, fellas, fellas. Red pill, red pill.

[Pat]

Michael Tate.

[Mike]

Michael Tate is crazy.

[Gene]

That's my cousin's name.

[Pat]

The thing. There's one thing that this is from experience. Know where the little latch button thing is to open your. To open your hood.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

You got. Just memorize where it is. Your car and your girl's car. She has one too, right? Yeah, because there's nothing more embarrassing. Because there's been times where I've been in a car and I'm like. They're like, oh, especially a new car. Like, oh, yeah, pop your trunk real quick. You're at the oil change place. And now you're like, you're like clamoring looking for it and like that. Like, where is it? And then he's like, you need help finding? Like, nah, I got it, bro.

[Gene]

You let another man reach down by.

[Pat]

Your leg and they do it more. They do it way more smoother too.

[Mike]

No, bro, I. I really got into car. Car. Let me tell you why. I got in the car at the most embarrassing moment of my life. I was a freshman and the car I was driving had some smoke coming from the hood. And I saw. I At that point, I just had. Remember, like, I've never popped the hood before. Like, I've always been around my dad when something is wrong with a car, he's always popped the hood. I've never popped the hood. So I was like, looking for the latch and I couldn't find it. And I see this girl just riding her bike by. She's like, everything all right? I'm like, everything all good? And she stopped and stared at me. So I'm like trying to pretend I know what I'm doing, but I really need to get this hood open. And she came right open and did it in like three seconds. And while she was doing it, like, I just wanted to punch her in the back of the head. I was like, why?

[Pat]

Why are you here?

[Mike]

And for like that point on, I was just like, I gotta learn more shit about cars. I can't be in that position to where I need someone's help to do something. Yeah, shout out to that girl on the bike, though, you nosy ass girl.

[Pat]

I think it definitely is like one of those things you should try to learn or at least just have basic knowledge of especially. But I don't know, I feel like for me, it was like. I feel like I just never been put in position to. To have to change a tire.

[Mike]

I feel it.

[Pat]

I've never had, like, the times I had a flat tire. I've had some savings or something, enough to like call aaa. That told my, like, it just never. I never had the. The.

[Mike]

I have too, but desperate, but that desperate. I'm always that desperate. So you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't care how much money I got. If I. I can't watch someone do some shit that I do that I can do. And it's gonna cost me two or 300.

[Pat]

I'm that way too.

[Mike]

Yeah, you're not about to tow my car two miles when I got a donut in the backseat, you know what I'm saying? The only thing I would do is like, okay, I ain't renew my license and I don't want this cop to pull up on me, you know what I mean? So I might leave the scene, call A to be sitting with the cop. I wonder who car that is, man.

[Pat]

Tow truck drivers, they be taxing, man.

[Mike]

They be taxing. I actually ran into a tow truck driver. It was his first time doing a tow. And I know it's his first time doing a tow because I actually. He only could take car. And he actually put my car, the car that I like, I got told it wasn't mine. He put it in a spot lot and then he let me go get my wallet. I was just like, man, this is brand new. That's my first time ever. Wanted to teach a. A lesson. I should just never came back. Watch that from the window. Stand in the park like, he's so stupid. You ain't getting this cheese, bucko.

[Pat]

You see Trump say the N word.

[Mike]

Because we can't let people throw around that word. I call it the N word. There are two N words and you can't use either of them. Can't use either of them. And frankly, if it does get to use, we have more than anybody else. We have better, we have newer. But it's just like, I feel like.

[Pat]

We'Re living in a freaking like, like some. A true. Like AI.

[Mike]

That's karma. He talked all that about Biden. Now you sound just like that. I. I was waiting like some ad libs or something. You need to put a. You need to put an instrumental behind that. That should sound dead.

[Pat]

Nothing.

[Mike]

No, nothing. That's in the riddle. A nuclear. You can't say. That's two N words. You can't say like. Yes, yes, Donald, we know. Yeah. Like, we all like back in the day. We in segregation times or some.

[Pat]

They say there's two N words you can't say. And you said one of them.

[Mike]

Yeah, he already said nuclear. Come on, man, you're already halfway there.

[Pat]

He's probably. He's definitely said the N word somewhere.

[Mike]

Oh, come on.

[Gene]

Two days ago. Yeah, probably today.

[Mike]

Yeah, while he was on vacation.

[Pat]

That'd be crazy. In islands we're definitely living in. We're definitely living a simulation said the island. Oh, I was thinking about something. It was. I saw a meme and it was saying like, how kids in, like me in grade school showing my friend the execution video I saw on the. On the Internet.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And it was crazy because I feel like we talked about this on the pod, but I don't give a anymore. But it's crazy that we. I feel like we're the first desensitized generation.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Pat]

Because, like, we. There was a time especially like during, like the 9 11, like post 9 11, it was a thing of like execution videos on the Internet. And we really used to watch that in grade school. Like, what the. Because that was like the first time seeing like real wild on the Internet. If, like during that. The two girls one cup era. Yep. It was some crazy. And the up part, it was so crazy because you had to dig deeper into the Internet to find that.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

It wasn't just like going on Twitter randomly. You seen some, you had to really type in some. That would give your computer viruses.

[Mike]

Yeah. I mean, you couldn't find that easy. It wasn't. It wasn't accessible. So to watch those videos, you had to be searching for. It had to be privileged. Now those shits come to you when you don't even want it. Yeah, you might be scrolling Twitter, might see a get his head blown off.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like, oh, this is ex boyfriend in the dispute. Got his fucking head blowing off because his girlfriend set him up. And it's like, why am I seeing.

[Pat]

It's like you almost just. Rather just not. You don't have a choice anymore. Like, at least back then, like, you had at least. Obviously, if your friends show you some wild shit, at least you kind of like, oh, let me show you this. But, like, I think.

[Mike]

I think almost every person that's been known that has died publicly, we. We've seen the video. And there's like, other celebrities, like, obviously, like somebody like Tupac or like, like.

[Pat]

The shooting that happened. I never seen any.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's like, you really never see any video of. Or Biggie, Right. You don't see no. Any gory video now everybody that's like, getting killed nowadays, there's a video, there's footage. There's just cameras everywhere, bro.

[Gene]

It's for everybody to see.

[Mike]

Yeah. That's why I said I was. I was looking at. I was watching this show in. Dude did a crime and then he made it, you know, out of the state. And the show didn't really detail how he made it out of a state. And I literally immediately stopped watching it because I was like, that's lazy directing.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You know what I'm saying? Because I don't think people realize how hard it is to escape something. Like you. To plan something, you have to have, like, a change of clothes. You have to have, like, a getaway car, double getaway car. There's people, like, taking pictures. There's random cameras. There's credit cards that can be tracked. There's everything. When you drive on a highway, there are certain checkpoints that just randomly have cameras so they could, like, tell, like, hey, did this camera. Did this car drive through this part of Milwaukee at this certain time? So cell phones could be bumped off towers, bro. For people to get away with nowadays, bro, like, the damn near has to be planned or just pure luck.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I don't even know how you getting away with like that I had to stop watching that whole ass that was lazy as hell. They committed a crime and made it to Arizona. Like how there's a he like £300.

[Sports Commentator]

That we're in, Russell Westbrook.

[Pat]

So there's a clip of Kendrick Perkins talking about how Russell Westbrook cut him off.

[Mike]

So Kendrick.

[Sports Commentator]

This very situation, this moment right here that we're in, Russell Westbrook not being on the roster is what hurt me and Russell Westbrook personal relationship. Because on sometime three, four years ago, when he was on the Lakers roster, okay. And reports came back to me from general managers around the league, and I said it on television that, hey, man, Russell, Russ, gotta be careful. Now the room is around the league. Is word around the league is that if you don't be careful, temper it down, he might find himself out the league. Okay? This is what I said. After that, I get a long paragraph from his wife, Nina. She reads me her rights or thought she did. I thought you would never turn your back. After that, our relationship was over with. Right. Because then my wife get involved. They go back and forth.

[Pat]

Okay? So my question with that is that, do you think as like, if we have a relationship, a friendship, right. And you then become a sports commentator, do you owe me away? Do you owe me the way you talk to me? Like, is there a certain way you should talk about, like, your friends? If you're a sports commentator and your friends are in that sport?

[Mike]

That's a. Dan Patrick just went. I forgot whose podcast he was on. He might have been on a 520 podcast. I'm not sure. Dan Patrick was just talking about, like, how he went through the same thing and how he had to report on things that he don't know. Like he was in a room just luckily because of the connections he had.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And he was like, it's my duty. It's my job. And like, that's how Pete. It's like battle rap, right? Once something is a fact, and even if we're friends, I can say it about you, I should be able to say it about you. So if Kendrick Perkins got that from GMs in the league, and he's telling you, I got it from GMs in the league, you should be happy that. Not just say happy, but you should be happy that your friend is reporting on it because somebody eventually would have reported on it.

[Pat]

Was that really a friend, though? Like, for instance, is I went on another podcast. There was a rumor about you, right?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And whether the rumor was true or not, but I would still Talk about it in a way where it's like. I don't know. Like, I. I don't. Especially if I don't have to bring it up.

[Gene]

Like, allegedly.

[Pat]

Allegedly type of thing. Or it's like, oh, Pat knocked this dude out or something like that and this and that.

[Mike]

But he said he got the information from a few GMs.

[Pat]

Yeah. But I honestly don't. I don't remember the original quote that he actually. Like how he actually said it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because that's another context as well. Like, if you're adding, like, sauce to what it is, or if you're saying information that's not privileged to everyone. Like you said, like, if it's not well known. Already known already. Yeah. And you're talking about it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

About me.

[Mike]

It's just like, that's my thing. You can't break the news.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

As my friend.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

But if you're in a conversation about it, I'm. You got to do your job also. I just feel like I get. I get. If they beat off that, like, okay, if that wasn't the thing around the league and Kendrick Perkins broke the news and you didn't say shit to me.

[Pat]

That's the main part.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's like. The main part is like, okay, I'm fine. This all breaking news to me. Like, damn, I didn't know GM spelt like this. And then it's my friend doing it on national tv, and then now you get into it with my wife and stuff like that. Like, yeah, it's up forever.

[Pat]

I feel like it is the thing. Like, again, if it was something about. We're going on in the podcast, we mentioned Gene or about to talk about something or something like that.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

I would like aging. They're talking about you. This is public knowledge. We about to talk about this today, and some GM says some. But I'm gonna talk about it. But, you know. You know, I still rock with you, but it's just a job type of. But if you're really friends, man, I don't think.

[Gene]

I don't think you should, like, I don't think you should speak on it. Like, so is it cool if you just don't.

[Pat]

If you tell me not to speak on it, I prefer you not to speak on it as a friend.

[Mike]

But that. But that's.

[Pat]

That's a different conversation.

[Mike]

But the other part, you got to realize that's why he got the job in the first place. Like, people always think about, like, how does like, a random player like Kendrick Perkins, he's Not a Hall of Famer, good basketball player, but not a Hall of Famer. How does he get a job like that is because he has so much NBA knowledge by who he was teammates with, and one of them being Russell Westbrook. So at the time, Russell Westbrook, when he went to the Lakers, was probably the most talked about player in the league outside of the. The normals. Right. Obviously, like a great player. So his information, inside information that he has on Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, who else he played with kg, Ray Allen. When he talks, it's almost facts, right. To anybody else on the panel. If I'm on a panel with Kendrick Perkins and he tell a story about Russell Westbrook, I can't have any rebuttal because he was there or he knows that person. So him breaking that news is the only reason that he's in the position that he's in now, having stories like that. Because if he didn't say that stuff and ESPN knew he knew that stuff and you weren't giving it up. We're talking about Russell Westbrook right now. Right? And the rumors of he is this, like he's disgruntled and then his teammates come out and say he's good. And then we get somebody that's his friend and he already works for us. If you don't say nothing, why the we got you on air?

[Pat]

Yeah, I think, I think also, I don't know what the time frame is. They said it, but it could have been during that. Like everybody, you know, Dresser Best book, everybody, like dog pals on him in a sense. Like, everybody's always like, oh, hey, it's easy to hate on. On Russ and talk about him. So it's just like, if everybody's already talking bad about me and now you add to that and we're supposed to be cool. It's like, bro, you're not saying anything different that nobody's been saying. They've been saying I should have been out the lead. They've been saying I'm a cancer to this team. I've been saying, like, I'm. I'm hard to play with. And now you're just adding to it that GMs are saying that. We know that GMs already saying this.

[Mike]

But Kendrick Perkins knew that though. He knew how much his opinion would weigh. Yeah, because you, your Persona before that was that those are my guys. Like, Russell Westbrook is a go. Because at that time, I think Kendrick Perkins only really express express beef with Kevin Durant at that time. And at that time, it Was KD versus Russ, you know, kind of thing going on. So for him to say that, it gave it a lot of it made it valid.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So everybody that kind of had that thought that already wants a dog. Paul, Russ. But okay, we got one of his friends to say it. That was for sure true. You can't make a statement like that. That's just like you having a rumor out there and it's just up in the air. If I say anything that relates to it, it kind of like, okay, co signs it automatically. Yeah, it's a cosign and over the Internet, like, you didn't even do that in a discussion. You broke the news. I should have been over also, I would have broken his house and set autumn big ass suits on fire.

[Pat]

It also depends on like, how much like everybody be saying they're close and friends and like that obviously he's talking about it. So I guess they had some type of relationship. But sometimes it's like you might feel there's some people that they were like, oh, yeah, I'm friends with Mike. Right. But we're not really. Technically, we're not friends. Yeah, we're like, you just know me. Or we're just like. We've been in the same. The same circle for a really long time. Yeah, but I've never, like, called you to like, ever do anything or talk about anything. We never had any deep conversations and stuff like that.

[Mike]

Yeah, a lot of dudes think they friends until they into the same woman. You know what I'm saying? Like, are y' all friends enough for you to turn down what you think is the love of your life? You know what I'm saying? Like, it's a dude that you probably, like, you know, one of y' all like, barely connected to, but that's your friend and stuff like that. But like, now is your friendship gonna last when you know somebody that he used to date, come up to you and want to go on a date and just like, ah, damn, is he really my friend?

[Pat]

There's those type of friends.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah, it's like those type of friends and then it's just like the very like, loyal type of friends. Like, I can't even. I can't even do it. I actually gotta beat your ass.

[Pat]

Yeah, it'll be. It's. It's very. It's very hard to even think that way.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Dating your. A girl that your friend, somebody you.

[Mike]

Call your friend and like. And like publicly date, and then it's still expecting a friendship to just. Just go on Regularly.

[Pat]

It's just awkward, Right? It's just like. But also, like, again, it's like levels of friendship, like, we can be cool acquaintances. Like, it's like, I don't see you every day, so. Yeah, obviously, if you date this girl, it's just like, we just would see each other probably less than we saw each other before.

[Mike]

I forgot there was a situation. It was, like, super popular where, like, the two dudes knew each other before, like, beforehand. They were kind of like, friends before. And the dude had kids with a woman already.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

And then other dudes are dating her, and it's just like. Okay.

[Pat]

I literally just heard about it, too.

[Construction Worker]

I know.

[Mike]

Damn. I can't even. That just happened.

[Pat]

They'll be yelling in the comments.

[Mike]

It's such a suck.

[Pat]

Oh, man. Anyway, this has been crash dummies episode 227, right?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Pat]

I just malfunctioned. Subscribe to the Patreon.

[Mike]

Yeah, do that.

[Pat]

We still got some merch. I feel like we delivered. Yeah, we still got some merch.

[Gene]

So everything's been shipping.

[Pat]

Everything been shipping same week.

[Mike]

So, L.A. soon. LA soon will be there. 21st through 24th of this month, which is October. Let us know. Anybody I think we should collab with again, we. Art schedules. It's packed, but not all the way packed. Yeah.

[Pat]

So also, we're trying to do a different event, too. So, like, in the sense of, like, we did the yoga video. I mean, the Pilates video. So if you own a business or something like that.

[Mike]

Own?

[Pat]

Yeah, own. We don't know somebody that owns a business that wants to do, like, content with them, like, fencing, running a taco truck, anything random.

[Caller Mechanic]

Own.

[Mike]

You hear me? I don't want to walk into the establishment and then you go up there and they'd be like, who the are you? You know what I mean? And they saying that this supposed to be the person that's getting the sand, you know what I'm saying? So make sure they own. And it's like, obviously, we'll give the business a shout out. I wouldn't say free promo be, but hopefully there's some type of exchange, you know what I'm saying? So appreciate y'.

[Pat]

All. All right.