Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

Episode: The Pans Turned Him On (Ep. 234)
Date: November 26, 2025

Episode Overview

In this raucous and lively episode, hosts Patrick Johnson (Pat) and Michael Esiobu (Mike), joined by regulars like Key and Dirty Dan, dive into a blend of absurd hypothetical scenarios, reflections on everyday mishaps, hilarious listener calls, and debates on culture and relationships. The tone is wild, unfiltered, and loaded with fast, self-aware banter as the hosts riff on everything from disrespect during arguments to getting caught watching adult content. This week’s recurring theme: the fine line between messy real-life mistakes and embracing the humor (and sometimes unexpected benefits) found in “bad” situations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Being Disrespectful at the Wrong Times

• Reflections on moments of unintentional disrespect—like tuning out serious conversations for sports highlights.
• Key shares a story about watching a Steph Curry buzzer beater while his ex spoke about her recently passed grandma, feigning interest while sneakily watching the clip.
  • Quote: “The most disrespectful thing I ever did: I started playing the video and acted like I was scratching my nose and looking at it. I said, 'oh, word.'” — Key (01:55)
• Resonance with the crew: arguments interrupted by TV events, muting game mics mid-dispute, the nerve of women to "trip" regardless of audience.
• The crew agrees: if someone disses your grandma during an argument, it's a break-up offense.

2. Awkward Handshake Etiquette

• The group analyzes the awkwardness of multiple handshakes within a group, how social rules seem to demand you greet everyone, even escalating into repetitive, unnecessary gestures.
• Mike: “Once you shake up with somebody in the group, now you gotta shake up with everybody at the table.” (06:13)
• Handshakes as vectors for germs are debated, with joking accusations about each other's questionable hygiene—like eating Cheetos off the floor.
• Pat: “So that same dude could have just went to the bathroom, did some coke the second time, and did something else the third time, and now you got all this nasty shit on your hands.” (07:26)
• Gentle roast session about each other's quirks—cleanliness hypocrisy, toe-sucking allegations, and accusations about eating habits.

3. Social Media & Driving Dangers

• Reflecting on near-disasters due to phone distractions while driving.
• Mike: “I was making a left turn one time, and legit almost hit an old lady. And I’m locked in; I probably didn’t even touch my phone for a month after.” (11:09)

4. Tweet of the Week & Absurd Inventions

• The team riffs on “tweet of the week,” poking fun at people who listen to music while riding bikes and send texts mid-drive.
• Fascination with a new "telescopic contact lens" that can zoom your vision—Key jokes this means “you will now be able to see your penis.” (12:30)

5. Viral News: Sympathy Windfalls and Morality

• The story of a Chicago mom & kid attacked by local youth. Hosts discuss the public GoFundMe—$200k, a new apartment, and if enduring that sort of trauma would be “worth it” for a windfall.
• The morality of suffering for a financial "reward" is debated, leading to laughs about hypotheticals like: would you take a bullet for $500k? But what about long-term effects?
  • Pat: “What about the long-term effects though? Your shoulder might never move again.” (19:28)

6. Changing Your Mind and Owning Up

• Discussion on how people get clowned for changing their minds—when is it legitimate, when are you just being stubborn?
  • Key: “People get chastised for changing their mind. But if you’re so far on saying you’re correct, it matters when you change your mind.” (20:31)

7. Listener Calls: The Worst Texts and Happy-Ends from Bad Situations

• Dirty Dan: Shares about a woman texting him a year after their entanglement, claiming he may have a kid—but he blocks her after being told “it’s not yours.”
  • Quote: “She said she thinks it’s not mine. That’s all I needed. I blocked her on everything.” (26:21)
• Another listener: On being held hostage by an ex’s baby daddy.
  • Dirty Dan: “If it would have never happened, I’d have still been in that situation, and I would have never elevated my life for myself and my kids.” (29:51)
• Other callers discuss being caught in embarrassing or revealing scenarios, like watching inappropriate content through accidentally connected Bluetooth while doing dishes.
  • Key: "That boy pansexual." (33:55)
• One shares about his girlfriend cheating—he helped her move for school, only to get sent a “backshot” video from her new hookup.
  • Dirty Dan: “I got her name tattooed on me two weeks before that, too.” (38:30)
  • Mike: “She ain’t lie. She was busy.” (38:26)

8. Relationship “Red Flags” and Preferences

• A woman discusses “holding down” former boyfriends while they served time, and her intent to change her “type”.
  • Key: “So you literally dating a dude you don’t want. Why are you wasting that nigga’s time?” (46:54)
  • Medication between “bad boys” and the newfound “blue collar” type, plus the struggle of never wanting to pay for dates.

9. On Show Ads, Monetization & Going “Hollywood”

• The crew clowns about how more ads and Patreon content spark some listener backlash.
• Dirty Dan: “Y’all got all these ads popping up. Go back to the old days!” (49:05)
• Hosts clarify the need to pay bills, with Mike pleading for understanding: “We got bills to pay, bro.” (49:13)

10. Social Perceptions & Outfits

• Observation that sometimes people assume you have money if you dress well, even when “in the same situation as the homeless man."
  • Key: “There’s been times, like, I got off on a bus and legit only got four good outfits to my name… and somebody asks me for money, and I just be like, 'What? I am struggling.'” (55:35)

11. Sleeping Positions and Hilarious Anatomy Debates

• The controversial, comic highlight: how the guys sleep, the presence/absence of pillows, and whether sleeping stomach-down means your “ass is in the air.”
  • Pat: “Honestly, if it was up to me, I’d rather sleep on the floor than sleep on a bed.” (83:01)
  • Group debates whose “cheeks” are up or down in various sleeping postures—leads to a full-on roast.
  • Key: “If you sleep on your stomach, does your head touch the ground?” (84:09)
  • Mike: “Your ass still the highest thing.” (84:45)
  • Pat: “Ya’ll making it seem like I got a BBL.” (88:18)

12. Encounters with Homeless Scammers

• Detailing run-ins with a persistent Milwaukee “hotel scammer.”
  • Key: “So I drove down there and looked at every car, not a person in the car. This lil' scamming, I should have beat his ass.” (71:50)

13. Culture & Pop References

• Spirited discussion about men’s hairlines—Jaylen Brown’s notorious Beijing applications—and being bullied by “people with bad hairlines.”
  • Key: “Jalen Brown letting people with bad hairlines tell him he got a bad hairline. It’s like, bro, you don’t even need no Beijing, bro.” (68:26)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The most disrespectful thing I ever did is I started playing the video, acted like I was scratching my nose, looking at it. I said, 'oh, word.'” — Key (01:59)
• “Women actually trip. Like they got a second tier of tripping.” — Key (03:36)
• “Once you shake up with somebody in the group, now you gotta shake up with everybody at the table.” — Mike (06:13)
• “You was just talking about a predicament where you shook the same hand three times…[so] now you got all this nasty shit on your hands.” — Pat (07:26)
• “You’re putting people’s feet in your mouth. People step on the floor.” — Mike (08:44)
• “The amount of Beijing he’s putting on – I don’t know if he sweats more than the average person, but…there’s a better way to do it than he’s doing it.” — Key (67:31)
• “If you sleep on your stomach, does your head actually touch the ground?” — Mike (84:09)
• “Y’all making it seem like I got a BBL!” — Pat (88:18)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:55 — Key’s story: Disrespect and buzzer beaters
• 06:13 — Awkward handshake rituals
• 11:09 — Driving distractions & close calls
• 12:30 — Telescopic contacts, imposter syndrome
• 15:36 — Would you trade trauma for a windfall?
• 19:28 — “Would you take a bullet for $500k?” debate
• 26:21 — Worst text: “I have a kid now…”
• 29:51 — Hostage story with an inspiring twist
• 33:55 — Listener gets caught by Bluetooth while “busy” at the sink
• 38:30 — Listener: Cheated on by nurse girlfriend, gets tattoo
• 46:54 — Changing romantic “types”
• 49:05 — The “going Hollywood”/ads grief segment
• 55:35 — Broke but still “looking rich”; perceptions vs reality
• 68:26 — Jalen Brown, hairlines, and social media
• 71:50 — Milwaukee scammer, street smarts
• 83:01–88:18 — Legendary: The “cheeks in the air” sleeping position debate
• 89:20 — Show wrap-up, live event promos, closing jokes

Summary Tone & Style

The episode’s energy is raw and affectionately chaotic, loaded with roast culture, spontaneous jokes, and plenty of self-deprecation. The hosts bounce seamlessly between serious reflections (on trauma, relationships, forgiveness) and wild, boundary-pushing humor. Listener calls provide frank, surprising stories that inspire both laughs and genuine compassion. If you’ve ever laughed your way through life’s weirdest problems—or just want to eavesdrop on a room of friends who turn everything into a punchline—you’ll feel right at home.

Perfect for listeners who enjoy:

• Unscripted, unpredictable banter
• Stories of real-life mishaps with a humorous bent
• Raw, friendly “barbershop” vibes
• Relationship “real talk” with spicy tangents

Don’t miss the epic, minutes-long roast session on sleeping positions and “cheeks physics” (83:01-88:18) for a quintessential Crash Dummies signature segment.