Transcript

Myron Jewell (0:00)

Coca Cola for the big, for the small, the short and the tall.

Pat (0:06)

Peacemakers, risk takers for the optimists, pessimists.

Myron Jewell (0:12)

For long distance love for introverts and extroverts, the thinkers and the doers for.

Pat (0:21)

Old friends and new.

Myron Jewell (0:24)

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Pat (0:48)

Helping you quickly write, analyze, create and.

Myron Jewell (0:51)

Summarize so you can cut through clutter and clear a path to your best work. Learn more@Microsoft.com M365 copilot I recently went.

Pat (1:01)

To somebody's house for Thanksgiving and the food was good, the house was clean. But the person I was cooking and person whose house it was, they were musty.

Mike (1:17)

Okay?

Pat (1:18)

And like, I give people the benefit of the doubt. Like, we hooping and I smell you. Maybe, you know, you ain't catch a shower, you at the grocery store. I smell you. Maybe you came here after the gym, but stinking in your own fucking house.

Mike (1:32)

I feel like it's the place that stink, though.

Pat (1:34)

No, it's not, bro. It's like you got everything there. You got access to everything. Like you got deodorant, soap in this motherfucker. Like, this is your place. Like, you should never stink in your house with company over.

Mike (1:49)

Like, would you leave?

Pat (1:51)

Huh?

Mike (1:51)

Would you leave?

Pat (1:52)

No, I got that motherfucker to go.

Myron Jewell (1:54)

I feel like.

Mike (1:55)

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

Episode: The Prices Are Up w/ Myron Jewell

Date: December 3, 2025
Guest: Myron Jewell (Comedian)

Episode Overview

In this lively and uncensored episode, Pat and Mike welcome comedian Myron Jewell for a hilarious deep dive into everything from hygiene horror stories to evolving social norms, Thanksgiving leftovers, high school misadventures, and the economics of modern dating. The trio is later joined by listeners who contribute stories and hot takes, creating frenetic, real-talk chaos. The tone is unapologetically candid, raunchy, self-deprecating, and always quick with a punchline.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Thanksgiving Hygiene & Etiquette

(01:01 – 03:40)

Pat relates an awkward Thanksgiving experience where the host was unusually musty, sparking debate about personal hygiene at gatherings.
Myron takes it further with a vivid story about his grandma’s cooking quirks and the psychological effects on his appetite.
Quote:
- Myron: “If I eat a peanut dog in some lasagna, I’mma be mad as hell.” (03:09)
- Pat: “You hyping up the pasta because it got almonds in it. She like, ‘I ain’t put no almonds in there, baby!’” (03:17)

2. Body Types, Attraction, and Relationship Transparency

(05:24 – 10:08)

Myron confesses his well-known obsession with breasts, detailing his unfiltered reactions and childhood memories.
The hosts discuss dynamics of complimenting women within relationships and how to safely navigate those situations with partners.
Quote:
- Myron: “I like all titties… but when they big, I’m looking at them—since I was a kid!” (07:11)
- Mike: “Controlling your horniness on the Internet is a very mature thing.” (09:54)

3. Relationships, Co-Parenting, and Reconciliation

(11:00 – 13:39)

Myron shares his unique story of reconciling with his son’s mother after 15 years apart and how effective co-parenting shaped their family dynamic.
Pat and Mike reflect on parental relationships and the challenges of blended or separated family dynamics.
Quote:
- Myron: “We was broken up 15 years. We just got back together… but we was great co-parents.” (11:14–11:33)
- Pat: “That’s good co-parenting. That’s healthy as fuck.” (12:34)

4. Thanksgiving Leftovers: Expiration Debate

(15:07 – 16:59)

The crew debates how long is too long to keep and share Thanksgiving leftovers.
Joke about toxic leftovers:
- Pat: “As long as my Mac and cheese don’t do pushups, it’s getting ate!” (15:28)

5. High School Stories: Backpacks, Suspension & Hiding from Parents

(20:10 – 25:11)

Reminiscing about “that guy” who never brought school supplies, asking for pencils and books.
Myron admits he “skipped” suspension by hiding out in the building instead of actually going home.
Pat and Mike recall parental strictness and the trauma of in-school suspension.
Quote:
- Myron: “Now that I’m older, I’m like, dude, I really went to school and skipped in the building… for eight hours.” (22:27)

6. Parental Secrets & Pregnancy Scares

(25:32 – 27:20)

Segment where guests confess secrets their parents never found out about.
Pat recalls the anxiety of a teenage pregnancy scare.
Myron’s cautionary tale about being surprised by a paternity test years after a group encounter.
Quote:
- Myron: “That was the biggest relief. But my homie walked out, told the mom, ‘Good luck finding the daddy!’” (30:39)

7. Paying for Sex and Modern Dating Economy

(37:31 – 43:14)

Myron shares candid stories about paying for sex ("the prices have gone up"), past life as a scammer, and turning away from that lifestyle as he moves into ministry.
The hosts rib him about the “high” $400 sum and his journey to redemption.
Quote:
- Pat: “We’re saying at no point in our lives will we ever spend 400. So you doing something that’s crazy.” (41:58)
- Myron: “Man, I ain’t gonna lie. Just get life to God, man. Open that Bible and read that scripture.” (43:05)

8. Listener Hot Takes and Call-Ins

Various segments where listeners chime in, offering up:

Confessions of wild family bathroom mishaps (lactose-induced accidents) (46:01 – 48:52)
Frustration with parents only calling for money (57:27–61:52)
Ghosting and relationship retaliation ("If you ghost me, I'm cheating!") (76:47–82:49)
"Normalized" prostitution and how social/digital trends affect dating culture (37:31 – 43:14)
Outlandish supernatural encounters with "witches" and "succubi" in college (52:45–56:17)
Hot takes: NHL playoffs better than NBA (73:51–76:29), men who are homophobic are often suppressing something (63:11–65:23)

9. Food Presentation Pet Peeves & Chipotle Mishaps

(83:05 – 85:25)

Riffing on people posting ugly Thanksgiving plates; the importance of food “plating.”
Petty gripes about Chipotle employees inadequately scooping or wrapping burritos.

10. Humor, Language, and "Pause" Culture

(86:01 – 89:19)

The evolution of "pause" humor (“no homo,” “pause,” etc.) and how generational slang interacts with today’s sensibilities.
Example: analyzing Fat Joe’s “pause-worthy” podcast moment.

11. Coping with Awkward or Serious Moments through Laughter

(90:04–92:03)

How grief or tense news sometimes causes inappropriate laughter.
Pat and Myron share stories of laughing at funerals and other serious situations due to friends’ reactions.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On leftover food:
“As long as my Mac and cheese don’t do pushups, it’s getting ate.” – Pat (15:28)
On musty Thanksgiving hosts:
“This is your place. You should never stink in your house with company over.” – Pat (01:34) “The Mac and cheese tastes like it got vinegar in.” – Pat (02:33) “Add a little flavor to it.” – Mike (02:34)
On modern dating:
“Prostitution has become normalized, bro. That’s crazy.” – Myron (37:37) “We’re saying at no point in our lives will we ever spend 400. So you doing something that’s crazy.” – Pat (41:58)
On childhood obsessions
“I knew I was obsessed with titties… going through the lunch line looking at big old titties on lunch ladies.” – Myron (07:11)
On co-parenting and reconciliation:
“So he seen like all great co-parenting… I always said for years, I already knew. I kept telling her, I said, I’m getting you back.” – Myron (11:33, 12:39)
On being controlled by parents even as adults:
“Stop calling me when it’s only about money. These niggas do not respond to not a text, not a call about nothing else.” – Anonymous listener (57:32)

Timestamps: Important Segments

Musty Thanksgiving & Food Safety: 01:01 – 03:43
Body Type Preferences & Childhood Stories: 05:24 – 10:08
Relationship Transparency & How to Compliment Safely: 09:05 – 10:24
Co-parenting & Getting Back Together: 11:00 – 13:39
Thanksgiving Leftover Rules: 15:07 – 16:59
High School Suspension Confessions: 20:10 – 25:11
Parental Secrets: 25:32 – 27:20
Paternity Panic Story: 27:20 – 31:07
Spending Money for Sex & Redemption: 37:31 – 43:14
Listener: Lactose Mishap: 46:01 – 48:52
Ghosting and “Cheating Back” Hot Take: 76:47 – 82:49
Food Presentation Pet Peeves: 83:05 – 85:25
Generational Slang & Pause Moments: 86:01 – 89:19
Coping with Serious Moments via Laughter: 90:04 – 92:03

Episode Tone & Style

The conversation is high-energy, improvisational, raw and unapologetically honest, with a comedic tilt. The hosts and guest often veer into adult themes, using urban vernacular and inside jokes that lend the show a barbershop, friend-circle feel. Personal stories are shared with little filter, offering both laughs and some relatable moments.

Closing & Plugs

Myron shouts out his comedy career, movies, and his “Best Dad in the World Comedy Tour” (94:25).
Hosts remind listeners to check Patreon and buy live show tickets.

For fans of irreverent, unfiltered comedy podcasts, this episode delivers a rapid-fire blend of real-life confessions, relationship debate, and streetwise social commentary—all while never missing a chance for a laugh.

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The Prices Are Up W/ Myron Jewels