Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 251: "Wearing the Same Size As Your Girl"

Hosts: Patrick Johnson (Pat) & Michael Esiobu (Mike)
Guest: Carrie
Date: March 25, 2026

Episode Overview

In episode 251 of Crash Dummies Podcast, Pat and Mike, joined by recurring guest Carrie, take listeners on a hilarious and candid ride through current events, outrageous scenarios, and personal confessions. This episode is heavy with fan interactions, stories of questionable purchases, relationship shenanigans, and their signature blend of roast humor and insight. The hosts riff on everything from club dance moves to bachelor party etiquette, with plenty of “did-they-really-just-say-that?” moments.

Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. The Modern Approach Game

• Mike shares his thoughts on approaching women today:
  Mike: “Shout out to International Women's Century... But what's being lost is, like, men knowing how to approach a woman.” [00:35]
  Details a cringeworthy pickup attempt involving comparing women, leading to a drink thrown in someone’s face.
  • Pat: “That's not a bad shot.” [01:36]
  • Mike disagrees firmly, calling out men for putting down other women to impress.

2. Tour Talk, Live Shows, and Partying in New Cities

• Pat and Mike promote upcoming live shows and muse on anonymity while traveling:
  Pat: “It is really fun to party in other cities because no one knows who you are.” [03:52]
  The crew jokes about letting loose with dance moves and acting out in cities where they’re strangers.
• Dancing Discussion:
  • Mike on club dancers: “Them dudes that be in the middle of the club dancing and they can hit every move, they can twerk.” [04:39]
  • Pat: “Everybody has their own thing that they do that’s fun for them in clubs.” [05:49]

3. “Friendship Cuck” and Listener Dynamics

• Listener calls themselves a “friendship cuck,” sparking a breakdown of the term
  Mike: “A cuck is someone who gets off on their partner having sex with other people while they watch in the same room...” [08:45]
  The group dissects “friendship cucks” (fans living vicariously through the hosts’ dynamic).
  • Carrie: “That sounds so sad. They sound lonely.” [10:35]
  • Mike: “We get lonely, too, bro… I know it looks like we got a lot of money—and we do.” [11:08]

4. Money, Value, and Group Spending Habits

• Money not feeling real overseas:
  Pat: “Is it me or does money not seem real when you’re in other countries?” [12:01]
• Splurging on group outings versus personal spending:
  • Mike: “If it’s 5,000 in a business account and we're at a bar, we like, get shots on us. Like, it's not the same money.” [14:21]
  • Stories of giving back to fans at live shows.

5. Celebrity Relationships and Media Drama

• Shade Room’s messiness with celeb family coverage:
  Mike: “If someone is famous, to make an article about any family member that's also not trying to pursue being famous is crazy.” [16:28]
• Celebrity Couple Dynamics—Will & Jada
  Play a clip where Jada discusses living separately from Will [19:20].
  • Mike: “The GOAT celebrity relationship to me is Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith. They give us something every single year.” [19:13]
  • Pat: “If you can afford to live apart and that works for you, I don’t see a problem.” [20:15]
• Reflections on open relationships:
  • Mike: “I just would never do an open relationship because like I already don’t with a lot of dudes…” [22:56]

Fan Collab Segment: "Wildest Thing You Ever Spent Money On"

(Listeners call in and share their wildest purchases)

a) Spending on a High School Sweetheart

• Caller bought her boyfriend a $1500 necklace in high school.
  Listener: “He probably pawned it because life was rough, so he probably bonded. But after that...he broke up with me.” [30:21]

b) Etsy Witchcraft

• A listener paid an Etsy witch to ruin her ex’s life.
  • Listener: “He ruined mine, it was his turn...I think it did [work], actually.” [34:01]
  • Mike: “When you open yourself up to witchcraft, you opening it up to be done back to you.” [36:18]

c) Designer Condom Flexes

• Truck driver spent $70 on a fake Louis Vuitton condom just for the look (it was just a regular wrapper).
  • Mike: “You bought the condom as an accessory...and then have sex raw.” [40:23]

d) Fake Record Deal Scam

• Caller paid $1200 for a fake record deal.
  • Guest Rapper: “I was like, oh, this is my big break, yo.” [41:30]

e) Harry Potter Butt Plug

• Caller’s girlfriend bought him a Harry Potter-themed butt plug as a joke (she routinely gifts ‘freaky’ things as pranks).
  • Pat: “She’s cooking up something…” [51:52]

f) Posting Ex on Social Media

• Caller’s unapologetic “I don’t give a f*” moment was publicly posting her ex on the “T app” to crowd-source info about his other women.**
  • Listener: “I was trying to be a girls girl...she’s like, no, you’re just a bird, you just want him back.” [55:02]

g) Apologizing for Overly Honest Critique

• Past guest returns to apologize to his friend for calling his music “ass” on-air.
  • Guest Rapper: “I'm just copping a plea right now. Like, hey, big bro, I ain't even mean all that. I was just trying to be funny for the pod.” [60:20]

"Tweeter the Weeks" (Funny Deleted Tweets)

[A round-robin of viral, dumb, or darkly comic tweets]

• Mike: “Somebody tweeted, ‘Yo, scrape that nigga off the field. We got a game to play.’ Crazy.” [62:24]
• Obituary humor, LeBron James checking shirt tucks, and more riffing on social media absurdity.

“Wearing the Same Size As Your Girl” — The Shoe Dilemma

Central theme explored near show’s end

• Mike’s confession:
  Mike: “I’m shopping…tried to get a shoe in my size 11…turned around and this woman had them on her foot… Until now, I never thought a big foot would bother me, but a 5'9" woman wearing an 11? Nah.” [70:44]
  • Debate over sharing clothes/shoes in couples.
  • Pat: “Same size shoe is a little critical…” [72:23]
  • Mike: “I wouldn’t want that…that’s where it stops for me.” [72:50]
  • Carrie: “If it’s not her size, you know it’s from another man.” [73:50]

Bachelor and Bachelorette Party Behavior

• Carrie asks:
  Carrie: “How do men be acting on bachelor’s trips? My fiancé is the best man in Cancun.” [86:54]
• Hosts’ breakdown:
  • If the leader is relationship-minded, the trip is typically mild.
  • Pat: “I’d want it more activity-based. Paintball, soccer, something competitive.” [89:28]
  • Clubs are expected, but heavy debauchery is downplayed.
  • Mike: “I’m not into like hired women. That always throws me off.” [90:45]
  • Discuss men/women energy at parties and how dynamics change based on the group.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On relationships:
  • Mike: “Somebody gotta die. Can only be one. Maybe one of us.” [22:56]
• On viral fan dynamics:
  • Mike: “You are cucks.” [08:34]
• On promotional offers:
  • Mike: “You big. Y’ all still got a chance. Some big ass shirts.” [02:10]
• On splitting up live show profits:
  • Pat: “We spent it on shots for the people that came. Who the fuck are we?” [15:04]
• On imported fast food:
  • Pat: “You think I was about to diss [In and Out]? Felt like, you know, he was right.” [85:10]

Listener Engagement & International Shoutouts

• Dublin, Ireland listener requests boyfriend “Des” get a birthday shoutout.
  • Pat: “No, we’re not doing it, bro.” [76:45]
  • Playful banter but ultimately, they shout him out anyway.
• Several call-ins invite listeners to shows, foster ongoing interaction (“Come to the live show, bring your boyfriend, we'll get you back together!”).

Finale: Legacy, Friendship, and Aging Out of Podcasting

• Nostalgic reflections on how long the pod might run, with mentions of retiring at 50, moving into other entertainment formats (Family Feud, Wheel of Fortune).
• Pat: “I think after we're like, 50, we probably won't be friends anymore.” [66:59]
• Mike: “If y’ all think I'm gonna be in my upper 40s doing a podcast, y’ all crazy.” [67:29]

Closing Notes: Plugs & Merch

• Carrie plugs her podcast and Brewers game hosting.
• Pat and Mike push Crash Dummies merch, tour dates, and social handles.
• Mike: “DM me some ideas for merch, y’all not getting no credit, maybe a free shirt...asking for 10 is getting you blocked.” [93:50]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:35] – Modern Approach to Women & Pickup Lines
• [04:10] – Partying in Unfamiliar Cities
• [08:45] – “Cuck” and Listener Dynamics
• [12:01] – Money Feels Different Abroad
• [16:28] – Shade Room & Celebrity Family Media Exploitation
• [19:13] – Will & Jada Living Apart Discussion
• [22:56] – Open Relationships Debate
• [26:50+] – Callers Share Their Dumbest Purchases (jewelry, witchcraft, butt plugs, record deal, etc.)
• [55:02] – “I don’t give a f***” Moments: Exes & Social Media
• [62:14] – "Tweeter the Weeks" (viral/deleted tweets)
• [70:44] – “Wearing the Same Size As Your Girl” Discussion
• [86:54] – Bachelor/Bachelorette Party Dynamics
• [93:46] – Listener/Host Plugs & Closing

Tone & Style

The entire episode is marked by fast-paced banter, a mix of raunchy humor and self-deprecation, audience engagement, and the hosts’ genuine “locker room but big-hearted” style. The boundaries between host, guest, and listener are especially blurred in this episode, highlighting Crash Dummies’ interactive, anything-goes atmosphere.

Recommended Listening for:

• Fans of wild storytimes and authentic friendship dynamics
• Listeners who love live audience involvement, relationship debates, and banter infused with laugh-out-loud moments
• Anyone seeking insight into the millennial male mind, flavored with honesty and irreverent humor

“Wearing the Same Size As Your Girl” – More Than Just Shoes, It’s About Where You Draw Your Lines.”