What Do You Suck At? - Episode 262

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast – Episode 262: "What Do You Suck At?"

Release Date: June 10, 2026 | Hosts: Patrick Johnson & Michael Esiobu | Featuring: Carrie and Guests

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Episode Overview

In their signature irreverent, playful style, Pat and Mike—joined by Carrie and a rotating cast of callers—explore “What Do You Suck At?” The episode swerves from hilarious takes on everyday life and pop culture, to more vulnerable confessions and interactive discussions with listeners. A mix of current event riffs, relationship dilemmas, and deep-dive audience confessions demonstrate why Crash Dummies is equal parts comedy show and group therapy session for the chronically online.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Riffing on Life & Pop Culture

• Turbulence & Plane Anxiety

  • The hosts share their experiences with flying and the bizarre thoughts that hit during turbulence.
  • Quote: “You ever got on a plane and start to look at the faces on the plane?...this is the perfect type of people to die on the plane.” – Mike ([01:15])
  • Carrie mentions how TV shows like "Manifest" spooked her about remembering people’s faces on planes ([01:45]).

• Flight Attendants' Power

  • Discussion of how passengers gauge turbulence severity by watching flight attendant reactions.

• On-Brand Ad Reads & Social Commentary

  • Commentary on Chick-fil-A’s anti-LGBTQ reputation and how “mac and cheese” makes Mike forget about corporate bigotry ([03:34]).
  • Quote: “All it take is mac and cheese for me to forget it. I'd be like, what do you do again?” – Mike ([03:48])

2. Community & Tour Life

• Tour Reflections

  • Recap of live shows, wild crowd moments (e.g., a woman calling out her cheating boyfriend) ([06:22]).
  • Plugging upcoming tour dates and encouraging fans to submit their cities for future stops ([05:57]).

• Merch and Patreon

  • Merch is live again; monthly Patreon giveaways encouraged ([04:08]-[05:25]).

3. Food Shenanigans

• Glizzy Discourse

  • Hilarity around eating hot dogs (“glizzies”) unabashedly, with social stigma dissected ([07:24]).

• Double-Fisting Food

  • Debate on the sanity of eating two handheld foods at once—turkey leg & corn on the cob called out as “crazy” ([09:20]).

• Seafood Boil is Overrated?

  • Mike’s first-time crawfish verdict: overrated, everything just tastes like dipping sauce ([21:12]).

4. Social Media & AI Trends

• AI Flyers & Quality

  • Carrie bemoans the explosion of low-quality AI-generated event flyers, wishing people would hire real designers ([18:21]).
  • Hilarity about AI's mishaps (e.g., humans with three nostrils, bad text) ([19:08]).

• AI for Baby Photos

  • Rolling eyes at people using AI to imagine future children ([20:20]).

5. Relationship & Sex Confessions (Listener Calls)

a. Sexual Performance Anxiety

• Multiple female callers confess anxiety about giving oral sex, with partners offering (sometimes vague) feedback ([34:22], [40:13]).
  • Quote: “I would love to satisfy my man through and through, but…I get insecure when it comes to doing it.” – Guest ([34:41])
• Carrie and Pat push guests to communicate openly and “watch the game tape” to improve ([37:29]).

b. Bi-curiosity & LGBTQ Topics

• Caller confesses to crushing on a lesbian coworker despite being straight, then reveals said coworker just got pregnant; comedic group process of sexuality, cultural values, and “pillow princess” designation ([47:03]–[53:00]).
  • Quote: “I just want her to do things to me.” – Caller ([49:15])
  • Quick tip: Be emotionally ready before making a move!

c. Watching Your Partner's Old Sex Tapes?

• Caller (guest) admits he doesn't mind if casual partners show him old sex tapes (“it’s like a job application video”), but never with a serious girlfriend ([53:32]–[57:00]).
  • Crack-up as the guys try to figure out where the boundaries are, and if this is “super-cuck territory.”

d. Ass-Eating Admissions

• Surprisingly candid admissions about "eating butt," regionally compared (Toronto is “less common,” but the caller flies the Ethiopian-Canadian flag for adventurous love) ([58:25]–[62:16]).

e. Hot Take: “Just Because You Want Her Doesn’t Mean She’s for You”

• Cohesive listener call—man narrates wanting a woman, convincing her to leave an abusive boyfriend, only to realize she’s incompatible (lied about job, lousy in bed, relationship goals didn’t match) ([62:54]–[72:00]).
  • Turns into a wild detailing of attempts to rescue an unworkable relationship—with tell-all about missionary monotony, and buying both “financial advisor for dummies” books and sex position cards.
  • Quote: “Man, I thought I was getting a porn star the way she was dressing…” – Guest ([69:34])

f. Pregnancy & Friendship Drama

• Caller reveals unexpected pregnancy, navigating friend groups, and breaking up with the baby’s father ([74:54]–[78:10]).
  • Quote: “My home girl, she want me to kill it, because she want to be out this summer.” – Caller ([76:24])
• Hosts pledge to be her surrogate support group (and raise hell if the baby’s father skips doctor appointments).

6. Cultural Trends & Social Commentary

• "Hobo-sexual" Term Defined

  • The new slang: people staying in a relationship just for housing (“homeless + sexual”), with lively debate over freeloading in relationships ([81:45]).
  • Quote: “You gotta put on a hell of performance, man, every time y’ all have sex, it gotta count like this, like, man, that was at least five days right there.” – Mike ([82:30])

• Men Wearing Bedazzled Clothes

  • Hosts clown the “bedazzled trend” in men’s fashion (sparkly pants, bedazzled boxer rims), comparing it to sparkly lotion and plotting a mutual ceasefire ([83:06]).

• Phone Calls & Private Talks

  • Modern relationship boundary: men avoid phone calls with friends around their girlfriends—defensive not because of cheating, but to avoid unnecessary suspicion or drama ([87:29]).
  • “You are the average of your top five friends” debate and commentary on sharing too much about friends/relationship issues with partners ([88:37]).

• Club & Social Circle Antics

  • Stories about club culture, the confidence of someone who knows every lyric, and why hosts now prefer lounges over nightclubs ([95:29]).

• Fatherhood & Attention Shift

  • Mike describes becoming a dad, how attention immediately shifts from him to the new baby, and the barrage of repetitive check-in calls ([94:42]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Eating in Public:
  “I hate that y’ all just can’t eat y’ all food in peace.” – Carrie ([08:04])

• On AI Flyers:
  “If you don’t have good quality, just throw the whole flyer away, because I’m not coming…” – Carrie ([18:44])

• On Being a “Hobo-sexual”:
  “No one falls in love faster than a man that needs a place to live.” – Pat ([81:00])

• On Sexual Insecurities:
  “That was crazy. Don’t get that in my head.” – Guest after Mike jokes that her boyfriend is getting head elsewhere ([37:17])

• On Relationship Advice:
  “First sign, she let me get into her head…if she was really down for him, she wouldn’t…she told me, get the fuck on.” – Guest ([65:42])

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

• 01:15 – 03:00: Plane anxiety, Manifest, and nervous turbulence survey
• 06:22 – 07:10: Wild tour show relationship confessions
• 09:20 – 10:15: Handheld food double-fisting debate
• 18:21 – 20:00: Rise of AI-generated flyers and design quality complaints
• 34:22 – 38:25: Call-in segment: Performance anxiety, giving/receiving feedback
• 47:03 – 53:00: Bi-curiosity, pride, and LGBTQ+ workplace crush
• 53:32 – 57:00: Caller defends watching casual partners' old sex tapes
• 58:25 – 62:16: Regional analysis of ass-eating
• 62:54 – 72:27: Full relationship story—red flags, “not for you” lessons
• 74:54 – 79:15: Unexpected pregnancy, friend drama, surrogate support
• 81:45 – 83:43: “Hobo-sexuals” and freeloading in relationships
• 87:29 – 91:19: Friends, phone calls, and protecting privacy in relationships
• 95:29 – 97:39: Club culture, lyric confidence, club vs. lounge debate
• 94:00 – 94:42: New dad struggles with being overlooked for baby updates

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Tone & Style

Crash Dummies always walks the fine line between raw honesty, chaotic humor, and unfiltered community. Pat and Mike’s banter is relentless and warm, drawing out the realness in both their guests and each other. Carrie’s perspective provides additional depth and comic relief, especially on topics of social life, generational divides, and sexuality.

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In Summary

This episode of Crash Dummies Podcast is a rollicking tour through embarrassing food habits, social media fails, dating disasters, and surprisingly candid sexual insecurities. Through interactive audience calls, the pod creates a space for deadpan advice, genuine empathy, and plenty of roast-worthy moments. If you’re looking for a blend of real talk, unvarnished confession, and smart cultural critique—262 delivers.

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For more: Merch, future tour dates, and community chat via CrashDummiesLive.com.

Transcript

[Mike]

What did you steal?

[Pat]

Secrets.

[Mike]

Disclosure Day is Steven Spielberg's best film in 20 years.

[Carrie]

Are they people?

[Mike]

No.

[Carrie]

Are they human?

[Mike]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

Spielberg does this better than anybody in history.

[Guest]

I can see it. They're going

[Pat]

disclosure day.

[Mike]

Reading PG13. Some material may be inappropriate for children under 13.

[Pat]

In theaters Friday. Get tickets.

[Mike]

Now introducing Taco Bell's new jalapeno citrus salsa with bright citrus, real red jalapenos, guajillo chiles. Usually you add sauce to the food, but when the sauce is this good, the food is just there to get the sauce to your mouth. That rolled quesadilla. Not a rolled quesadilla anymore. Now it's a sauce shovel. Taco Bell's jalapeno citrus salsa. Get it with any item on the Cantina chicken menu while it's here at participating US Taco Bell locations for a limited time only while supplies last contact store for availability. You ever got on a plane and start to look at the faces on the plane? Like, you look at different scenarios. You see like a mom and her little daughter. Then you see an African guy over here who, you know, look like, this is first time in the States.

[Pat]

That's racist. But go ahead.

[Guest]

How?

[Mike]

I'm just saying. Just giving you different scenarios.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Keep taping the type of people, please.

[Mike]

Okay. Then you see a pregnant woman and her unattentive husband, you know, he on her phone, she rubbing on her belly and shit like that herself. And then you look at all these faces and you think, damn, this is the perfect type of people to die on the plane. Like, you know what I mean? Like, if you think about the people that die on the plane, they'd just be all like random people like that, bro.

[Carrie]

Nah, Manifest definitely had me spooked. Yeah, it definitely did. Especially. This might get a little dark, but when people said that they remember seeing the faces of some people on the plane before it, like, went down, I forgot what exactly incident I'm referring to, but that stuck in my mind. So I get what you're saying from a little dark perspective.

[Mike]

People's reactions do make a plane scarier because, like, when you're going through turbulence, it's fine. Like if, like, sometimes, like, the turbulence is so bad, I'm like, damn, that was bad. And I look at the people next to me and they not reacting. So I'm like, okay, maybe I'm tripping, but if everybody reacted to turbulence, I'd

[Pat]

be like, I hate flying. Right? But. And the. There was a turbulence that we had from going from Sweden to Finland. It's probably the worst turbulence I've ever. I've ever experienced. And it's like we took off and the plane shifted, right? Everybody shifts, right? And you hear. Everybody's like, gas. Like, in unison. I was like, okay. And I looked at the. The flight attendant. They were like, oh. You start seeing the eyes

[Carrie]

panicking. It's over.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

They don't know. I don't. I think they probably know how much power they have. Like, how much power their facial expressions have. Because when some. Because when some shit's going wrong and you see somebody's facial expression, I'm like, oh, this is not normal, man.

[Carrie]

They should have a flight attendant that just plays games with people and have

[Pat]

big faces just to piss them off. That'll be Pat.

[Mike]

Now.

[Pat]

They can Pat be like, whoa, whoa, nothing's happening.

[Mike]

No, if I was a flight attendant and it got too much turbulence, I'd start pulling pranks on people. They'd be like, damn, why that nigga got a backpack on? Oh, my God. Just lean on the emergency exit door. Okay. Tweet of the week to start it off. Art's been doing well on socials too. Happy Pride Month.

[Pat]

Happy Pride Month. Mental health awareness month.

[Mike]

Yes. This tweet says, do not say Happy Pride Month. At Chick Fil A. They just rocked my. I always forget that Chick Fil A's owner is homophobic.

[Pat]

Yes.

[Mike]

Like, it. All it take is Mac and cheese for me to forget it. I'd be like, what do you do again? I play it. I play a him. No, they are not in the spirit this month.

[Pat]

That's not what we're doing.

[Mike]

Hello.

[Pat]

The radio is for people who are driving. Welcome to Crash podcast. Anyway, welcome to crash dummies episode 262. 262. Oh, merch is live again. So we got merch on the. On the merch store. That's Crash dummies merch.com and it's. And it's available. So shipping is, like, whenever Gene actually ships them out.

[Mike]

Yeah, I got you.

[Pat]

So, like, I would say, like, next day, two days type of shipping. Patreon. Subscribe to Patreon. We're thinking about doing another giveaway on Patreon. We're going to try to do a giveaway every month, whether it's free merch, maybe a month free, Something like that. Just let us know what you all want to do for the giveaways. Tour is over. Appreciate everybody that came on the tour was, you know, everybody else can. No, no, no.

[Mike]

Listen, this second time around is, no pun, faking. Right? We understand, Like, a lot of y' all missed it because we had to do, like, the Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday dates. You got work and stuff. I never realized how hard it was for people to get off work.

[Pat]

No.

[Mike]

I guess I've always been blessed at a job. Or like, I'm just like that. If I put it in pto, bitch, I'm leaving. Like, I don't know what all this approval shit is, Nick. I said I'm not going to be here. Like, I don't get that. But for those people that couldn't lead a job, because Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, we get it. We going to get some more weekend dates. And obviously, we come to some of the cities that we haven't. If you live in the obvious city, leave us alone. Like, bro, like, if you live in Houston, stop telling me to do a live podcast in Houston. Let's see.

[Pat]

We're gonna be in Cali, Texas, and Florida for sure. Hopefully by the time this pod is out, this is on me if it's not there. But if you click on crashdummieslive.com, there should be a form that you fill out and to be notified when we're coming to your city. Because, again, I feel like this fall tour is going to be more anticipated than the spring summer tour. So y' all just be ready, be attentive, get the tickets.

[Mike]

Y' all seen the clips. We was live. We had half dead niggas at our shit. We had a couple break up, get back together, spill some tea, some drama. We got Carrie in the crowd interviewing couples, breaking them up. She broke up a couple.

[Pat]

You did break.

[Mike]

Why you give that girl the mic?

[Carrie]

Listen, she was very. She wanted it all right? She wanted to tell what's going on in our relationship.

[Mike]

For context. We had a woman stand up at our show, grab the mic, and her boyfriend was sitting by her and pointed at him and said, he is a cheater. He a dog. He a cheater.

[Pat]

But that's my. That's what I deserve.

[Mike]

Yeah, but she said that's what she deserved.

[Carrie]

Karma.

[Pat]

That's her karma.

[Mike]

But we asked her what she did, and she didn't say no.

[Pat]

She just kept saying, he a dog.

[Carrie]

No, I think she was saying that she has some good dude in her life and she was boring.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, that's what she said.

[Carrie]

She was like, he was too boring. I didn't want to be with him no more.

[Mike]

Yeah, and that had a cast on, you know, dirty. You got to be cheating With a broken hand. Nothing going to stop this.

[Pat]

I want to do something where we start reviewing some of the clips, the comments on our clips. So there's this one obviously something you need forgiveness for.

[Guest]

I got a. A glizzy during that Michael Jackson movie.

[Pat]

Dog.

[Mike]

I got a glizzy a hot dog.

[Pat]

So y' all remember that caller that was saying he bought them some glizzies, right?

[Mike]

Yeah, the two hot dogs at the Michael Jackson movie.

[Pat]

Yeah. Somebody said bro traveled two shaboing boing in the dead of night to his crib.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. Oh, that' because he ordered. He actually ordered the Uber east them to his crib.

[Carrie]

Two hot dogs.

[Pat]

Yeah. Just calling that shabboing boing is hilarious to me. Somebody said Sheboyganators at the theaters. What else have you say, Tusha Bang bangs. No, Bev. Is insanity.

[Carrie]

I hate that y' all just can't eat y' all food in peace.

[Pat]

No, it's crazy because I think it's more weird when people, like, are trying to, like, hide that they're eating it. Like, I feel like you ate your. Your hot dog with confidence. Like, don't break off no pieces, bro.

[Carrie]

Like a banana.

[Pat]

Yeah, don't break it off.

[Carrie]

Banana.

[Pat]

Don't break off the pieces of the banana.

[Mike]

Who do that, though?

[Pat]

There's people that do that.

[Mike]

Nah, I still eat my. Like they do in the cartoons.

[Pat]

What, with the.

[Mike]

With the pill.

[Pat]

Like a little ass kid.

[Mike]

I hate. I hate when people get their banana fully naked. Freak out. Let your banana have a little bit of clothes on.

[Pat]

Patient that slow playing it.

[Mike]

Got no foreplay with his banana. Talking about, get his banana.

[Pat]

And then they biting that whole.

[Mike]

Split it in two. It's greedy.

[Pat]

Double fisting the banana. That's why that's crazy work.

[Mike]

Is that crazy?

[Pat]

I feel like double fisting anything like. Like this. I don't think it's a situation where you should have two food items in your hand.

[Carrie]

That's if you had a state fair

[Pat]

two food items, and you eat those two. Name the two food items that you.

[Carrie]

Turkey leg and a corn on a cob.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

That's kind of crazy. A turkey leg and a corn on a cow. Like, double fist and food is just crazy because it's like you got to

[Pat]

finish the one food in one hand before you move to the other hand.

[Carrie]

No, not if they was right next to each other.

[Pat]

You're walking and doing that too.

[Carrie]

Come.

[Mike]

But you should be. Are you saying carrying them or have them in the container? Because, like, you can have One like the corn and the cob in the container and be eating the thing.

[Pat]

Two handhelds is crazy.

[Carrie]

Two hands, but trying to be saying no. People be double fisting drinks at night.

[Pat]

I do. I think that's kind of. That's a little odd too.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That's why I get it too, though. But it's a little more acceptable because I feel like, though, this is why. Because he can go from double fisting to single hand very easily.

[Mike]

Wow. Amazing work, Mike.

[Pat]

Because if, like, you can down a drink at any moment and be done, you're not gonna, like, scarf food down that quickly.

[Mike]

That's true too. You got to take your time.

[Pat]

I just so the moment it starts looking weird, you can, you know, make it not look weird.

[Mike]

The double fist and drink give me Bill Cosby vibes. It do like. You know what I'm saying? Like, when somebody walk around with like two drinks, it's just like, oh, like, you, like, got slight of hand or some like.

[Pat]

I get it sometimes, too, because sometimes those drink lines be long.

[Carrie]

They do. Listen, if the line is super long, you gotta get like two or three at a time.

[Pat]

Three is crazy.

[Mike]

Yeah. No, three is fries on the other side even.

[Carrie]

See, that's a good one.

[Pat]

That's different. That's a combo.

[Carrie]

Stop it.

[Pat]

You got that together?

[Mike]

No, no, no, no. My problem is the. The raw hand to the food at the same time.

[Guest]

You can't.

[Mike]

You can't roll both your hands like one of them. Gotta have a little protection.

[Carrie]

Okay, Like a corn dog on a stick then.

[Pat]

Yeah, Corn dog and a turkey leg.

[Mike]

Corn dog.

[Pat]

You got.

[Mike]

That's not bad because that's how you get aluminum for.

[Guest]

Right?

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Type. Yeah, you got to keep one of them wrapped up. You just be letting flies fly

[Guest]

because

[Pat]

you're going to take a bite of the. The corn dog. That's like flying to an open wound.

[Mike]

Yeah. No, that's crazy.

[Pat]

Oh, okay.

[Mike]

Another tweet of the week.

[Pat]

How do we get there for one tweet, huh? Oh, it's the glizzy thing. Okay.

[Mike]

You got. You gotta stay. Yeah. You gotta stare. The hot dog slurping it says, I really don't think I should have to talk to HR about saying the gun jam. When asked why I got to work

[Pat]

at 11 today, the gun jammed.

[Mike]

Yeah. So they asked why he was late to work.

[Pat]

What's the gun jamming?

[Carrie]

Oh, he was trying to. Oh, no.

[Pat]

Oh, he was trying to, like, leave earth.

[Carrie]

That's terrible.

[Mike]

Like, hey, bro, why you late, man? The gun jam n. I Ain't supposed to be here.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

No, that's too crazy.

[Pat]

Not during Happy Men's Mental Health Awareness Month.

[Mike]

If that's the. That push you over the edge. He said, wait for this one. Oh, yeah. What do I want to talk about? Oh, New York about to be crazy.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So it's like game. Obviously, I think today is game three.

[Pat]

Yeah, Today.

[Mike]

So we don't know what. What will happen. They never can win a series by the time. So, like, game three is tomorrow. I don't know. But a lot of. I just want to talk about New York and how gatekeeping New York is New York. Do not play that. Like, I've been plenty of places and people move there when they seven, eight and they can rep that place proudly. And nobody say New York is one of those places that if you're not born there and you didn't stay there and you're not raised there.

[Pat]

What they say if you didn't go to, like, if you didn't go to middle school or high school, I think it's even.

[Mike]

I think it's middle school. They say even, like, high school transplants don't count. And it's like people getting on, like. And if you don't rep something when you were younger, if you can't find no evidence, they say you not like a Knicks fan.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like, a lot of people being called out for being fake Knicks fans, they're

[Pat]

saying Ty Leel and I think he was born in New York.

[Mike]

He was born in New York and they calling him a fake fan.

[Pat]

Yeah. But I think it's also because he's like a LeBron super fan.

[Mike]

That's true, too. But it's just like, when. When these stars come in this league, can you blame people for, like, if it's the best player? Like, I hated the spurs for a long time now. I like the spurs because of Wimby.

[Pat]

Yeah, I like. And I really like the spurs, but I want the Knicks to win purely to see, like, New York burn down. Yeah.

[Mike]

Well, no, because in a good way.

[Pat]

In a good way. In a good way. Because I think, I think about it as, like, for all my football fans out there, like when Arsenal won the Premier League, right. They haven't won in so long. And the energy in the. In the city was crazy. And in New York, they get hyped for a winning playoff series. Like they. Last year when they wanted. Did they win the. They went to Easter concert finals and people were like, climbing on cars and

[Mike]

like, just, just think about, like, Trey Young.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You know what I mean? Like when Trey Young. Like it was your Trey Young.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

That's how hyped they are. So when you see like these fan bases that have been losing for a long time, but you can look at them and be like, damn, that's a good fan base. Because I can tell you something. The like when the Pistons we was losing, our fan base died down. I thought we had like a crazy ass fan base. But we some we some fair weather sometimes.

[Pat]

That's why New York being they haven't won a championship in what, 20 years.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And they're still one of the most valued NBA teams.

[Carrie]

Shout out Spike Lee, man.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

Riding.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

Well, well, sorry.

[Pat]

No, we weren't even gonna do that to that one.

[Guest]

Okay.

[Mike]

We weren't gonna pause that Spike Lee, right?

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Mike]

He too old to be riding. No. Spike Lee definitely set the tone for like being like a New York fan for sure.

[Pat]

I think. What was I gonna say?

[Mike]

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[Pat]

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[Pat]

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[Mike]

the past I've used the same shampoo for my hair, my beard just for convenience, one bottle to make it simpler for me in the mornings. I remember when I was younger and I used to use one bottle for shampoo and conditioner. I didn't even know there were specific things that you could use for your beard. And so then I discovered a full range of bask and rather beer products that are tailored to your facial hair needs. Now that I'm older, I disc the full range of Baskin Lather beer products that are tailored to my facial hair needs.

[Pat]

Using beard specific products versus all in one products is night and day specific shampoos, conditioners and oil specifically designed for use in your beard and can do everything from removing buildup and strengthening hair texture to minimizing breakage and shedding.

[Mike]

I'm not going to lie, I've really enjoyed the beer. Oil is used to help seal in moisture promote a thicker full of beer. Now that I'm not using the same products that I use all over for my beard, I've noticed a change with healthier facial hair Bask and Lather truly creates products for text hair needs.

[Pat]

You should also check out the Men's Healthy Hair and Beer starter kit. I've been using it. You guys can see my beard is a little shiny, really conditioned, smooth. It includes shampoo, conditioner, balm, oil and stimulator formula. Each product is created with high quality ingredients for the beard care you deserve.

[Mike]

Also, Baskin Lather is black owned and family operated. It is hair care that started with family Love. Explore viral bestsellers and products of healthier hair of all types from Baskin leather. Go to baskinlatherco.com and use code craft for 20% off. That's 20% off. Basking Lather Co.com Cold crash. Now back to the podcast chat GPT Flyers.

[Pat]

Have we been. Has everybody been seeing them?

[Mike]

Like the AI flyers?

[Pat]

Yeah, there's a lot now.

[Mike]

Yeah. I think it's been like a recent uproar because of the streamer universities coming out. So a lot of people are putting like their resumes into chat GPT to like put it together. It's just like people getting cheap flyers.

[Carrie]

Basically people been using them flyers for a few months now and I'm actually very disappointed. Like why not just hire a graphic designer?

[Pat]

I feel it.

[Carrie]

I get.

[Pat]

What about the people that want to save money?

[Carrie]

Yeah, I get you could save money but I'm all big on quality. Like I love me some good quality. If you don't have good quality, just Throw the whole flyer away, because I'm not coming if. Yo, yo, flyer look like you put, like, plenty. What do we used to put on our. The filters we used to put on our pictures back in the day when

[Pat]

it made it, like, real gritty, the hdr.

[Carrie]

Yeah. It's like, come on, you look like a burnt sausage.

[Mike]

Yeah. I don't like it because it's like some people, they're not even checking the air images. Like, you have three nostrils in this picture. I don't know what you're doing.

[Carrie]

Misspell.

[Mike]

Yeah, especially. Especially if people misspelling shit. People creating groups that's never been created before. You just got to be ourselves, bro.

[Pat]

I think the ones that are the worst is, like, when they're making a flyer promoting, like, a seminar or something that they're offering that they're using AI for already. So it's like. Like you're not even using your. Your gifts. Like, it'd be like a. This is a graphic design seminar, and they made theirs. Right. It's like, all right.

[Carrie]

Credibility.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Or anybody that's charging for that seminar. Like, you can't even take the money that you're getting and invest in a. You want to invest in your own company. Why am I coming to your seminar?

[Pat]

The thing I think what people don't realize, too, there's other tools that actually use AI already. Like canva. Right. And you can use a template, and you can make a pretty decent flyer with those things. So I think even start there, even if you use the template and you tell AI, can you make this a little different from what you already did originally? I can let that pass, but everybody's like, too much flames and shit everywhere. It's just like, all right, man.

[Carrie]

I can't stand everybody using AI to, like, see what their baby gonna look like in the future.

[Mike]

That's crazy. Have you seen that?

[Carrie]

Wasting all our good water just so

[Mike]

you can see yourself working on it.

[Pat]

I'm not gonna lie. I'm wasting some water. Some dumb, too.

[Mike]

I ain't gonna lie. Shout out to Sharon Moore, former coach of Michigan. But I use. I use him in chat. Gbt more, I use myself. Tweet of the week. Somebody said, y' all need to stop eating crawfish. How the fuck would you feel if somebody broke your back and sucked the juice out of your ass?

[Guest]

Crazy.

[Mike]

Wait. Somebody responded and said, only one way to find out.

[Pat]

Oh, my.

[Carrie]

I love some crawfish. I ain't gonna lie. I love them little insect seafood bugs.

[Mike]

Oh, yeah. I had Crawfish for the first time ever, just recently. Seafood boil.

[Carrie]

It's a lot of work, though.

[Mike]

The, like. I'm not gonna lie. Like, I might catch a lot of flack for this. Shit's overrated.

[Carrie]

Which. Which part?

[Mike]

I'm just saying, like, the seafood boil is overrated. And I would say the reason why it's overrated because once you dip it into the sauce, everything tastes the same. It's just about texture at that point. You tell me. You tell me, like, if you dip it in that sauce, like, if you got the. The Cajun butter sauce, whatever they got. Like, you tell me, you dip a lobster in a crab in there and you can tell the difference.

[Pat]

I don't eat lobster.

[Carrie]

Oh, you don't at all?

[Pat]

No, I don't like it.

[Carrie]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Pat]

I know. I wish I did.

[Mike]

I've never had a crab boil either.

[Carrie]

It's so good because it's more than just the seafood. You got the potatoes in there?

[Pat]

Yeah, I've done the one. I'll eat the tomatoes, the potatoes, and the sausages.

[Carrie]

Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

The sausage is the best part. That's fire to me.

[Carrie]

It is very good with the sauce. Right. The Cajun sauce. And it tastes all different.

[Mike]

Come on now.

[Pat]

That was kind of od.

[Mike]

No, that was od.

[Pat]

The sauce is with this. With the sauce.

[Mike]

Okay. It was this.

[Pat]

We need to grow up.

[Mike]

No, for real, it was this. I think it was Cam Newton's podcast where Karisha talked about how she DM Drake. It was. Sorry, Young Miami. Talk about how she DM DM Drake.

[Pat]

Same person.

[Mike]

Same person, yeah. Young Miami told Cam Newton that she tried to get Drake on her song. Song Take Me to Chanel. But when she DM'd him about the collab, he simply liked the message and never replied. She explained that she understood his silence since he was going through the battle at the time, and somebody said, imagine turning Meet the Grams off and opening your DMs to a CARESHA. Please feature request. And it's like, no. Like, no shade to her. I'm sure. Like, if we DM Drake at that time, he'd be like, what the fuck? Because it's just like coming on a podcast at that time during a battle. It just like. Like nobody would ever come on to do something. And just funny how, like, especially when

[Pat]

you're in battle mode, and then it's like, I'm gonna hop on this, like, this song where I know it's gonna be like a strip club anthem.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

After somebody Just said, I, I, I, I compare myself to Sexy Red.

[Carrie]

Yes, but come on now. I think it would have made sense though. I mean, he likes to work with Sexy Red anyway. He likes to have that type of music, so why not do it with Young?

[Pat]

Maybe not that moment though, though.

[Mike]

No.

[Carrie]

He might as well have end up putting out that other album with Party Next Door. The Little Love album.

[Mike]

Not too soon after Drake was beefing with Weight. Like Drake was beefing with some of the best rappers of all time. Why would he give them anything? Like going on that podcast, everybody be there with a notebook and like that. Well, see, you tie your shoes and Kendrick come out with a bar about him tying his shoes. He like, see, that's how I don't do. Like, come on, bro.

[Pat]

Yo, Miami, stay with a little anthem though, though. I'm not gonna lie. She shoot a lot of shots, but she gonna get one.

[Carrie]

Y' all like that song?

[Mike]

Hell yeah, I like that. Spend that.

[Pat]

That one. It's like interesting.

[Mike]

I don't. Yeah, I don't know no man that doesn't like when women start liking something and I see a man, he don't like it. Yeah, I gotta question him. Cause the. As far as the music industry, once women like it, it's a hit.

[Carrie]

No, that's facts. We are moving like the culture for sure.

[Mike]

Always did. Like, there's never. I don't think there's been anything outside of dreams and nightmares where the men just like. You know what I'm saying? That's why people get mad when dreams and nightmares come on. Because they ain't got nothing to do with women. Everybody watch out. Do you know dreams and nightmares? Yeah, like, can you rap bar for bar?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

If I had to backtrack, I could probably do like the first.

[Pat]

I know what you mean.

[Mike]

Spin that shit, Gene. No,

[Carrie]

that's gonna be copyright.

[Pat]

That definitely will be. Whole thing copyrighted.

[Mike]

No, he would definitely get the whole pot.

[Pat]

I feel like I was going to talk about this last week, but prom send offs, they're getting really extravagant.

[Mike]

They fire.

[Pat]

That's some of them. Some of them. I'm like, some of them look like. Okay. I don't know, it might be like a. I feel like it used to be a lot simpler when obviously when we were going to prom. Well, I didn't even go to prom, but I did have like a prom in Nigeria, but it wasn't really prom like out here. But I feel like during, like I did a luncheon and I think I wore a very simple suit, like I said a lunch. It was an eighth grade luncheon. I didn't have a problem.

[Mike]

A little luncheon.

[Pat]

Yeah, it was like, call 8th grade luncheon on a boat.

[Mike]

Them had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ties.

[Pat]

That's that picture where you see me with the white suit. Ah, yeah. With the. With the. With the glasses on.

[Mike]

No, I wish, like, but I saw

[Pat]

people coming out of tanks.

[Mike]

Yes. These parents going hard for their kids.

[Carrie]

Where are they getting this money from Time, bro?

[Mike]

I don't know. These new kids be having money.

[Pat]

They do be having money, bro.

[Mike]

They be having designer. Like, my little nephew, he got like a thousand dollars for his graduation outfit.

[Carrie]

So, you know, that's crazy.

[Mike]

I'm like, bro, I wore my dad's T shirt to my graduation. I stole one of his T shirts.

[Pat]

I like the families that are making the most of what they have as well, though.

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because they're like, obviously sometimes it might look a little janky, but at least, you know, you see the effort that's put into it. And it's like, as long as the kid is happy at the end. At the end of the day.

[Carrie]

How do you feel about parents buying their kids a hotel for prom?

[Mike]

I think that's weird.

[Pat]

Is it?

[Mike]

I think that's weird.

[Carrie]

Yeah, I think it's weird too.

[Mike]

I think that's weird. I think you should sneak out like I did.

[Pat]

That is true. That is true.

[Mike]

Like, you shouldn't be helping them. You know what I'm saying? To me, you should make it like, very hard on them. Like, maybe just give them, like, be a little bit more lean. But to give someone a hotel and not be there to supervise it. Like, maybe get your kid a hotel on the fourth floor and you stay on the fifth floor so you at least see, like, what they doing and like, who's in and out. But you just give like a.

[Pat]

It'll be hard because the. The hotel is obviously in the same city that you live in. So it's like, I'm spending money so you. You don't come back home. You might as well just come back

[Carrie]

home and it's prom night.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carrie]

You know what's going on.

[Pat]

We know. We know what's trying to. What's about to happen.

[Mike]

That's that. But that's that dumb that parents be doing. It's just like some parents have that clock in their head that when their kid turns 18, it's time to push them into, like, this adult life. And that's when you need to be the most strict because that's when having a kid can really somebo else. Like, I'd rather somebody have a kid at 16 than have it at 19, 20, you know what I'm saying? Because you can get your life right right there. 1920, you on your own now. You ain't got nobody helping you. And like that. Like that is crazy.

[Pat]

Like, you still might get help.

[Mike]

Hell no, you're not getting help. Not from certain households. Like when you 18, they be done with you, bro. They said go work.

[Carrie]

Some of them throw them away at 16 too, though.

[Mike]

Throw it away.

[Carrie]

Their children get out of the.

[Mike]

Oh my God.

[Carrie]

I always say I'm suspect.

[Mike]

No, no, no.

[Pat]

He thought you were doing like a plant parenthood.

[Mike]

Did she not do this motion? Did she not. Did she not toss the imaginary baby?

[Pat]

But like you said, it is true. I do think I'd rather. I'd rather the kid sneak out or do something. Sneak. It's always weird when you're like. Like you're setting up your kid for something like sexual and you know, I mean, she's like.

[Carrie]

But they claim it's because they have trust.

[Pat]

But what's like, what do you need a hotel room for? For privacy, right?

[Mike]

Well, I'd rather you just. I'd rather go get the hotel, you take the house.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You know what I'm saying? Like, no, like dead ass. Like, I would. I'd rather give my kid my house. Like, why are you all the way on the outskirts of town at a hotel? And you know, there's other people that got hotels, whether it's your daughter, son, there's opposite sex or whoever they're attracted to. You got access to all that. Like, what. What the is he doing?

[Pat]

Because you can't control your kids at a certain. They're gonna do what they're gonna do. Right. With your knowledge or without your knowledge. But I think there does come a point where it's like you don't wanna facilitate them doing anything.

[Carrie]

You know, that's kind of how I feel like even with. I was gonna bring this up on the pod. Kevin Gates and how his young daughter. I think she might be 11, 12, maybe 13 years old, she was cussing on stream. But Kevin Gates didn't have any problem with it. And some parents now don't mind their children cussing with them. And I get there saying like, oh, my kid. And I want them to be comfortable around me and be able to come to me for whatever, but I don't know, I feel like condoning it. Yeah, I get if you're gonna do with your friends?

[Pat]

You know, I try to, I personally try not to swear a lot in my like everyday life as well.

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Pat]

So I don't know. What do you, what do you think?

[Mike]

What about cussing around your.

[Pat]

I feel like obviously every household is different. Everybody can raise their kids how they want to raise their kids.

[Mike]

That's what I'm saying.

[Pat]

It depends like how well your kid code switches. Yeah. Like that's the main thing. Like if your kid is like like bad as at home and like swearing up a storm but when he's outside he's the perfect angel then that might be a different because I felt like we were that like that as kids where we cause havoc at home. But every, every other parent would say we're like the most like well behaved kids and stuff like that. So it depends on like how they act on the outside world.

[Mike]

So I think some parents look at it as wow, I get to see my whole kid in front of me. Cuz I can tell you you that if my dad heard me talk to my friends, he wouldn't know who the was talking. Like when I was 14, 15, I'd be like, I'm leaving my dad house. Like yes sir. Okay. Yes sir. Yep. We'll be be home at 5 at the practice. Yes sir. Yes sir. As soon as I walked outside like what's up you ass? Let's get it. Let's the city up. Yes sir. So it's just like would you rather if you know your kid is talking like that and like any parent out there, if your kid is over the age of eight, they cuss.

[Pat]

Cussing.

[Mike]

Yeah, they over the age of six, they cussing. I heard like two seven year olds having a conversation, they're like man, you shut up. You shut your whole ass up. Like bro, you wear diapers.

[Carrie]

I feel like as long as there's a level of respect.

[Pat]

Yeah. That's the most important thing.

[Carrie]

And you know, people above you, I think then okay, maybe, yeah.

[Pat]

If they swear, if they cussing out their classmates and it's like are they teachers?

[Mike]

I think that's the other aspect of it is like okay, you cussing in front of me. I'm also also teaching my, my kid the maturity about when and where to do that. Because some people use cussing as a relief. Right. And obviously you should try to find a better relief. But if that could be your relief at home, like getting home after being in a corporate world and having to say ah, yeah, sure I'll do that. And then being able to Come home like, man, Jim a dumb ass bitch, bro. Like, honestly. And it's just like that relief stop you from slapping Jim at work, like, you know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

Y' all still feel like y' all coast with switching in life now?

[Carrie]

Yes.

[Pat]

And every day, Yes. I feel like you. You kind of like, obviously you work for the. You do stuff with the Brewers.

[Carrie]

I do not. Like, not like I'm out here just wilding, you know? But there's definitely certain situations where I'm like, okay, I understand my image is important, so I can't say too much crazy stuff in public, but I feel

[Pat]

like code switching sometimes gets, like, a negative connotation in it.

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Because I think it's that people really think about it. Like, if you're, for instance, you're a black person, and when you get around your white friends, you talk different type of situations where I think sometimes code switching is, like, situational as well. Because, like, people on the pod, they said, mike, how come when you talk to girls on the phone, your voice sounds different? And I'm like, I. I feel like, personally, I talk to women with a softer voice than I would a guy. So I don't know. Is that. Is that. Would that be considered code switching?

[Mike]

No, I think it's like. It's a language thing. Obviously, it's not as complicated as switching languages. If I'm. If I know Spanish and I know the other person knows Spanish and I switch to that, then that's, like, helping the conversation flow a lot better. If I'm at work and I know, like, this dude don't understand no slang, then I'm gonna talk a little bit more. If I'm back home talking to one of my cousins. Like, if you heard me talking one of my cousins, you probably wouldn't understand what the fuck I'm saying. That's the fastest way to communicate with that person. And it's just like. Just because I've been all these places, like, shit.

[Pat]

I do that when I'm in Nigeria. Nigeria. I cold switch.

[Mike]

Let's hear your code switch.

[Pat]

Like, more of a Nigerian accent. Yeah, I can't do it just off. Like, on the band.

[Mike]

Sometimes it's about what you hearing, too. Yeah.

[Pat]

Especially, like, because you just want to. Don't want to seem American when you're at the markets and stuff. Like, you kind of have to, like, play the game. So, like, there's a lot of negotiation that goes on. If I'm speaking like this, they're gonna be like, oh, this dude's American. I'm about to shoot the price up, and so you gotta have to try to beat that barrier early by just kind of speaking a little bit more with actual accent.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's why, like, when we go over there, we're gonna be protected, because I'm not doing no negotiating, brother.

[Pat]

No, you gotta negotiate.

[Mike]

No, no, the price is my price. The. The five with AK said this $3, so that's what we doing, man.

[Carrie]

Hello?

[Pat]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Guest]

My phone work. You know, every time I get on the phone with y', all, Patrick is so rude to me. I've never heard you say happy International.

[Pat]

That's because anything. That's because Pat don't really live that in real life. But I would say, you know, I see it. I would say, happy, happy International Woman's Century.

[Guest]

Thank you.

[Pat]

No problem. I got a question for you. What's something you wish you were better at?

[Guest]

Give a hand. That is not for me, y'. All. I'm sorry, what?

[Mike]

Okay, so it's not for you, but. But the prompt is what you want

[Guest]

to get better at. I feel like me personally, it's more so in a sense, I get insecure when it comes to doing it. I want to. I would love to satisfy my man through and through, but it's just like, I. I don't know.

[Pat]

You don't want to hear him say, like,

[Guest]

no, no. The. The sucking your teeth or sighing would kill.

[Pat]

There we go again.

[Mike]

You just see. You just hear. You just hear Instagram reels start playing. He started playing his own saxophones on his phone.

[Pat]

Go ahead, though. Go ahead, go ahead.

[Guest]

He was honest with me because I did ask, and he was like, I could perform better.

[Pat]

I'm like, that's an honest assessment, though. What?

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Like, what is he. Is he giving you details of what you could do better, or is he just saying perform and being very vulnerable?

[Pat]

Vague.

[Guest]

No, she would give me details here and there. Lately, we haven't been sexual, but that's besides the point. Y' all didn't even know about that.

[Mike]

That was crazy.

[Carrie]

I just feel like I also, outside

[Guest]

of being insecure, I overthink it.

[Mike]

Using your head the wrong way, eh?

[Carrie]

No,

[Pat]

no. But have you. This is with some of your wit Curry, correct?

[Carrie]

Yes.

[Pat]

Okay. I feel like if you guys have those conversations where it's like, you can get to a. A happy medium. Like, like, past said there was nothing, like, specific. He said, though, it was just better performance.

[Guest]

That was about it.

[Mike]

What? So, like, what is he doing for you? Is he Satisfying you?

[Guest]

Yeah. I'm not big on receiving head, though, so that's beyond me.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Guest]

But I did have something to say, though. Who out there with y'? All? Is it just y' all that I'm talking to?

[Pat]

No, just us.

[Guest]

Oh, losers. Well, not.

[Carrie]

Not Mike, maybe Pat.

[Mike]

Wait, what did she say?

[Guest]

I said losers, and then I said, not Mike, maybe Pat.

[Mike]

Oh, she called me a loser?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Oh, okay. I'll let you take your anger out on me, because your man definitely getting hit from your man definitely getting hair from somebody else. So it like. I'm just saying, that's why. Well, how you think he got somebody to compare you to? He's like, nah, it's not how Tisha do it. No, no, no.

[Guest]

That's crazy. Don't get that in my head.

[Mike]

Hey, man. Hopefully. Yeah, hopefully.

[Guest]

You're so mean.

[Mike]

How am I mean?

[Guest]

I knew that today.

[Pat]

Now I'm gonna be in my head about it.

[Mike]

No. Okay, okay. Like, do you think you can, like, look up some videos or something?

[Guest]

Like.

[Mike]

Like, watch some game tape? No, like, real.

[Guest]

No, I could. I really could.

[Mike]

Like, I think you could put in a little bit more effort, especially if he's satisfying you. You sound like you happy because you said, my man. My man.

[Pat]

But she don't even know what she needs to do better.

[Guest]

Huh?

[Pat]

She don't even know what she needs to do better.

[Mike]

Right. But she needs to watch game tape. She know what she doing, and she know what it is compared to some stuff, you know what I'm saying? Like, you got to watch some video. Like, your man sound like he asking for it a lot, especially if he comment on your performance. So he must really care, because most men wouldn' Comment on it and just be like, what the fuck ever. So he love you enough to comment on it, so maybe you should be like, okay. Damn, my baby got some confidence in me. He telling me, hey, give me some constructive criticism, like, let me go learn how to do it. No.

[Guest]

Yeah, that's true.

[Mike]

Instead of biting and shit.

[Guest]

I could never bite. I could never bite.

[Pat]

Yeah, okay.

[Guest]

What y' all for? Are y' all for the Knicks or no?

[Mike]

Oh, damn, this went crazy. Which is good for, like, good basketball. I would love to see. I. I'm, like, in between, because I want to see Wimy ascend into superstardom, but I also love the way New York acts when they win.

[Pat]

I want to see what happens to New York if they win.

[Mike]

Like that.

[Pat]

I love one B2. Like, I want one. I would want one B2. I like the spurs in general.

[Mike]

Yeah. But, yeah, New York might explode if they win.

[Carrie]

No, please.

[Mike]

Where are you from?

[Carrie]

I'm from.

[Guest]

Well, I'm from Kenya, but I live in Jersey.

[Mike]

Jersey, okay. Oh, so that's why you don't want New York to win? Who, your basketball team?

[Carrie]

No, no, no.

[Guest]

I a say I didn't want anyone to win.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Guest]

Hello.

[Carrie]

Relax.

[Pat]

Who do people from jerseys even support anymore? Now y' all don't got the Nets?

[Guest]

I don't know, to be honest. All right, I just be living here, y'. All.

[Pat]

All right. All right. You have a good one.

[Mike]

Stop biting that.

[Carrie]

Yo. Hello.

[Mike]

Hello, you.

[Guest]

Hello. Oh, my God. Wait, hold on. What's up?

[Mike]

What up? What up? Welcome to Crash Podcast. What's good?

[Carrie]

What's good, guys?

[Pat]

How's it going? What's up?

[Carrie]

I just saw y' all Sunday.

[Mike]

Yeah, we remember you.

[Carrie]

Just saw you on Sunday. We remember you in Detroit.

[Mike]

We remember you.

[Pat]

You had the international woman's shirt on. The white one.

[Carrie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you.

[Mike]

And you kept telling us that your man, he asked for some odd ass rep reason.

[Carrie]

Okay, listen, I was just having. Okay, that's crazy.

[Pat]

Anyways, all right, I got a question for you. Say anything. What's something you wish you were better at?

[Carrie]

Sucking dick.

[Mike]

All right, second one. This episode.

[Pat]

Okay,

[Carrie]

there's. There was another one. Damn.

[Mike]

Yeah, it's epidemic.

[Guest]

At least I'm not alone.

[Mike]

That's a lot of bad sticks out here.

[Carrie]

Listen, listen.

[Mike]

Out getting teased down, man.

[Carrie]

Listen, listen.

[Guest]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Carrie]

I just don't do it enough. And I don't with it enough to be good at it. You know what I mean?

[Pat]

You're not passionate about it.

[Carrie]

Something about it to my man, literally, the one y' all kept calling out for eating ass. And he was like, yeah, you could be better at it. So. I've never sucked his dick.

[Pat]

Never.

[Carrie]

What's up with.

[Pat]

How would he know? You could be better at it then.

[Carrie]

That's what I'm saying. Like, I'm confused, too.

[Mike]

That's what I'm saying.

[Carrie]

But, like, how long.

[Mike]

How long y' all been together?

[Carrie]

We're. We're not, like, technically together yet, but we've been talking for a minute and you've never.

[Mike]

You never gave him head.

[Carrie]

No, because I'm nervous about it now.

[Mike]

What are you nervous about?

[Carrie]

About, like, I'm nervous that it's like, damn, if it's bad, it's wrapped. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

He rather have bad head than no head. I get.

[Carrie]

I mean, he's with me. You can ask him.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, I guarantee. Put him on the phone.

[Carrie]

Oh, you got it. You got it.

[Mike]

Yeah. What up? What up, ass eater? No. So would you rather her give you hit and then be bad or just like, continue with never getting head?

[Guest]

I mean, I think we all know the answer to that.

[Mike]

Oh, man, why don't you express that to her? Like, you gotta, like, help her out. Like, baby, I don't care how it is. I just want.

[Pat]

I don't care how bad it is.

[Mike]

I don't care. At least show her like, like, hey, bro, no teeth marks, man. We good. No, she. No, she might chomp your. But it's about the effort, bro. Like, she might cheese grate your. But she.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Carrie]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

Remember that episode spongebob was eating that chocolate and he was teething it?

[Guest]

No, no, no, no.

[Carrie]

That's not me, though. That's not me, though.

[Guest]

That's not me, though.

[Carrie]

I, I. Hey, listen, listen, Wait.

[Mike]

So, so, whoa. This is about to be a crazy question. This is for you, girlfriend. So you've never given head before in your life? Life?

[Carrie]

No, no, no, no. I have, but, like, in my head, maybe I'm an overthinker and I think

[Pat]

it's bad, just not him.

[Mike]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't even want to ask that question. But yeah, let's not dive into that. So, like, is it, Is it just because you're nervous that he's not going to like it or you just don't enjoy it that much? What is the bigger problem here?

[Carrie]

I think it's a mix of both, but, like, I'm willing to do do it.

[Guest]

I'm just nervous, you know?

[Mike]

All right, how about y' all hang up?

[Carrie]

That's crazy.

[Mike]

But just be real. Why don't y' all just hang up and just try the.

[Pat]

I feel like having this conversation with, with strangers. One is a little awkward, but two, if you're already. If we pass this level of awkwardness, you might as well just don't do it. No, no, I got.

[Mike]

Yeah, you should definitely try it. And, and if we hear. Hopefully we don't hear that screaming.

[Carrie]

You know what? Yeah, we're going to the new scary movie and then I got y'.

[Guest]

All.

[Pat]

Oh, don't stop saying you got. That sounds some like cuck.

[Mike]

Yeah, it sound like you trying to get everybody.

[Pat]

Wait, wait, you got him?

[Guest]

Not on some.

[Mike]

All right, bro, give bro the phone back.

[Carrie]

Oh, hold. He's. We're getting wrapped real quick.

[Guest]

Hold on.

[Pat]

Okay, go ahead.

[Carrie]

He. You can. He can hear you still.

[Mike]

No, no, no. We need to talk to him personally. He needs to get the phone and take it off speaker.

[Guest]

Oh.

[Carrie]

Oh, that's crazy. Here, I'll. Here you go, man.

[Guest]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

Hello.

[Mike]

Yo, yo, yo, yo. You welcome.

[Pat]

You lucky. Come on, bro. Come on. Got you, bro.

[Mike]

We got you, bro.

[Guest]

A w. Oop.

[Mike]

Hey, man, they. They sell dick band aids, too, so I'll just play. Might have to go get something now.

[Pat]

Get the mints, bro. Get the mints. All right, bro. You have a good one. All right.

[Guest]

Y', all, too.

[Mike]

All right, yo, let's take a quick break to thank today's sponsor of the podcast, Cash App. Listen, my debit card is boring. Most debit cards are boring. If I could customize it, I'd probably want to write my signature and cursive on top, like I'm a pro athlete or something. Or a sl. Slick silver on black matte. Look, if you wanted to do the same thing, you're in luck. You can do that with Cash App's own cart personalization feature.

[Pat]

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[Mike]

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[Pat]

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[Mike]

Inc. See terms and conditions for Sutton Prepaid Card, Sutton Debit Flex Card and Bancorp Debit Flex Card. Cash App Green features savings, direct deposit roundups, overdraft coverage and discounts provided by Cash App a Block Inc. Brand visit CashApp app/legal Podcast for full disclosures. Now back to the podcast as the

[Carrie]

crispy chicken sandwich from 7 11. People always call me loud and I'm

[Mike]

like, yeah, I know I'm crispy. Did you expect me to whisper?

[Carrie]

If you want quiet, go eat some soup and reflect.

[Guest]

Look, I know I'm a handful.

[Carrie]

I'm bold, I'm juicy. Throw some pickles and barbecue sauce on me and baby, I'm a whole meal. And with seven rewards, I'm just $4 quiet, no crispy, saucy and $4 very only at 7 Eleven Valley 362326, participating

[Mike]

stores only while supplies.

[Carrie]

Lastly app for full terms. Yo, what's up?

[Pat]

You can't even fake it.

[Mike]

Nah, it sounds like she. It sound like she been knowing us.

[Carrie]

That's actually a very good like time reference. I have known y' all for a long time and watch y' all forever.

[Pat]

Oh, appreciate it. Yeah, I guess. I got a question for you. What's something you want to confess?

[Carrie]

Okay. I need to confess that I'm in love with my lesbian coworker,

[Mike]

Happy Pride Mom.

[Carrie]

She's so cute, yo, but the problem is that I'm not. I'm not a lesbian. I'm not like, I'm straight, you know?

[Mike]

Have you ever had.

[Carrie]

Super.

[Mike]

Have you ever had sex with a woman?

[Carrie]

Nope.

[Mike]

Have you ever kissed a woman?

[Carrie]

Yes.

[Pat]

Yeah, but you're attracted to women.

[Mike]

So that I would say you're.

[Pat]

Oh, you might be bi.

[Mike]

Bi, curious, bisexual, something like that.

[Carrie]

Nah, but you see, I don't really with that. I don't know, just sounds weird.

[Mike]

Nah, you can't say that.

[Pat]

Not during this month.

[Mike]

No, you can't say that.

[Carrie]

Oh, my bad.

[Pat]

It is.

[Carrie]

I'm sorry. For me personally, I. Oh, no, like, yeah, good for y'. All. But for me, like, I'm African and I feel like the rhetoric has kind of gotten into me. Loki.

[Pat]

So why. Why are you gonna.

[Mike]

Like who's rhetoric?

[Pat]

A whole continent too.

[Carrie]

Yeah, like white. Are you gay? That's.

[Pat]

Oh, I feel it. Okay. So are you. Are you currently in a relationship?

[Carrie]

No.

[Pat]

Have you?

[Carrie]

I can't keep a man.

[Pat]

I mean, it might be time to change.

[Guest]

Nah, I don't know.

[Mike]

Try to keep a woman.

[Carrie]

I feel like nobody would take me seriously though. Like, lesbians would never take me seriously.

[Mike]

Why is that?

[Carrie]

Because, I don't know, I'm like, I've lived in like a male centered world for so long and I was like, okay, I'm gonna look at a girl. It's like, I don't know what to do with her. I just Wanna, like. I just want her to do things to me.

[Mike]

Got it. You want to be a pillow princess?

[Guest]

Yeah, got it.

[Mike]

You just a girl. Yeah, but you're just thinking, like, sexually. We're talking about, like, relationship wise, like, kind of mature.

[Carrie]

That's okay.

[Mike]

We're trying to be mature.

[Carrie]

Yeah, that's the other thing. I don't think I care about that right now.

[Pat]

Got it. So you're like sexually attracted to her?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

Are you afraid she'd be looking at me? You would think she want me.

[Mike]

You. So you've never said this to her? You've never had a conversation with her? Sat her down, got lunch with her? No.

[Carrie]

You know, I was kind of thinking about, you know, shooting my shot a little bit. I've never done that because I'm a girl and like, like, let the guys do it, but I'm a little older than her, so I think I would

[Guest]

have to do it.

[Pat]

All right, well, what you, what do you think your, your approach would be?

[Carrie]

Well, I'd be like. Yo, the way you be looking at me when you

[Pat]

say. I was just trying to. I was trying to role play there. My bad. Go ahead.

[Carrie]

No, but I'm afraid, like, I would sound like a dude. Like, now I understand how hard it is for guys to, to like, I don't know, check on a girl, let

[Mike]

her know you can't come over. Come on here. Disrespecting the community, then sympathizing for dudes in the same call. Come on now. You trying to fuck our whole rep up?

[Carrie]

No, like, I love the community. I'm just like a foreigner.

[Mike]

Okay? I wouldn't say you're a foreigner. I say you're a new visitor, Columbus. Like, no, like, I think before you shoot your shot at her, especially if you know she's a lesbian, I think you need to get yourself in order because what's the point of shooting your shot? What if she actually feeling you and actually looking at you like that and then, you know she's interested and then you hit her with the. Oh, I don't know what I'm doing. I just wanted to try something out. Yeah, you got to know what kind of lesbian you are, you know, first.

[Carrie]

But how would I figure that out?

[Mike]

Do you like Klein Dykes?

[Carrie]

I used to like them a lot.

[Pat]

Subarus.

[Carrie]

I would love to get a Subaru.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

Okay. Basketball jerseys.

[Carrie]

No, I don't have any of those.

[Pat]

Okay. I don't think it's our place to, to say what type of lesbian you are. We will to all Our.

[Carrie]

Yeah, but, you know, I appreciate y'. All.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Har. Edit. Edit this. Edit what I said out.

[Pat]

What?

[Mike]

You can keep what they say. Edit my out. She drug us into these, like, deep ass waters.

[Guest]

You.

[Mike]

You got me feeling like. I don't know why. I feel like this is a homophobic conversation because you, you won't admit that you're. You won't admit that you're bi. So it's like now it's what this. Four of us is. Four straight people talking about the community, and you're supposed to be admitting that you're bi. So we can actually, you know, you can open the door for us so we can comment on stuff, but you, you claim you straight, so we shouldn't be talking about this.

[Carrie]

You may be onto something.

[Pat]

I don't know, just invite her to, you know, ask her out on a date or something like that. Something simple.

[Carrie]

But y'. All.

[Pat]

Coffee.

[Carrie]

She just got pregnant.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

I thought she was a lesbian.

[Pat]

Lesbians can get pregnant.

[Carrie]

That's what I thought. That's what she told me.

[Pat]

Lesbians get pregnant.

[Mike]

No, I know lesbians get pregnant. It.

[Carrie]

But no, but I heard her talking to her baby daddy on the phone.

[Guest]

She pregnant?

[Mike]

No, both. Both of y' all visitors.

[Pat]

Christopher Columbus. Both of y'.

[Guest]

All.

[Mike]

Now that's crazy.

[Pat]

Oh, man. Okay, man.

[Carrie]

Well, yeah, so I have to, like, tell y', all, let it go, cuz I don't want her no more.

[Mike]

That's what you. Oh, you don't want her anymore because she pregnant you. You sound just like a dude. Have a crush on your co worker for years or she get pregnant now

[Pat]

you're done with her. All right, you have a good one.

[Carrie]

All right, thank y'. All.

[Mike]

All right, what's the word?

[Guest]

Oh, what's up?

[Pat]

What do you do? What it do? Welcome to Crashing Podcast, bro.

[Guest]

What's up?

[Mike]

What up, bro?

[Pat]

I got.

[Guest]

All right, what was the question?

[Pat]

Oh, man. All right, what's something you're not afraid to admit?

[Guest]

All right, ain't nothing wrong when a girl shows you a sex tip. All right, but look, hear me out. I'm not a cook. I'm not gonna watch it.

[Mike]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, start that over and then, like, tell us, like, who's sex tape. Start over, though.

[Guest]

All right, look, I, I, I, ain't nothing wrong when a girl, like, feel me, if it's not a girl I'm serious with and you feel me just a little smoochie or something. Like, feel me Ain't around with her showing you what the skills. But you know, hey, when you apply for a job, you send a resume.

[Pat]

So would you want to see your girls sex table?

[Guest]

No, no, no, no. A whole. My whole. Yeah, my girl? No.

[Mike]

What, like, what sex tape are you watching?

[Pat]

A girl that he's talking to and who's.

[Mike]

Who else is on the sex tape is what I'm trying to figure out.

[Guest]

Well, what.

[Mike]

So you.

[Guest]

It's like watching porn. What the.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, brother, that's different. You want to watch a girl that you're currently about to hook up with, no matter what the relationship is after, you want to watch her have sex with another dude so you can get off so you can have sex with

[Guest]

her, it's like, nah, nah, I'm not going to York it to it either. Just to see what the skills about

[Mike]

you want to see.

[Guest]

You send it with. When you apply to a job, you show that you send them. Do you.

[Pat]

Do you request for these things?

[Guest]

No, they offer it sometimes. N. I don't ask for it either. I don't be like, hey, you got any sixes from nc? Nah. What the.

[Mike]

N. How you going? How you gonna watch game tape? And it's two different quarterbacks. It's two different offenses, bro.

[Guest]

Hey, hey, hey. Exactly. Exactly. Look, y' all play football, so when y' all was about to play another team, the coaches want to show y' all the other team, like, how they play. And.

[Mike]

Yeah, but the coaches weren't nobody. Now he talking about some dope to door only fans. Yeah, no, that's. But. But like, you don't find that weird. It's just like. Okay, like, let's say you watching a tape and then you see the tape and they doing back shots, and you see her going crazy and she like, oh, I love back shots. That's what you gonna do to her,

[Guest]

is it not? What? Hey, hey, look, I ain't seen no go. I ain't seen no one go crazy to me. That's all I'm saying.

[Mike]

But I just find that weird, though. You putting her in the same position the other dude put her in. So you. So that mean you got off on what, another dude?

[Guest]

Dude that. Nah, nah, I'm not gonna beat it to it either. It just watching tape see it not. Or like, you feel me?

[Pat]

So what do you. What do you say to her when

[Guest]

she shows you neck on the shoulder?

[Pat]

So what do you. What do you say to her when. What do you say to her when she shows you, the tape, you say like this or you were going crazy.

[Guest]

What, you want me to talk dirty to you or something?

[Pat]

No, talk dirty to me. I'm saying. What are you saying to her, though? That's when you start. That's when you're. You're dirty talking starts when you see other men's.

[Guest]

Me, I don't like dirty talking like that.

[Mike]

You don't like dirty talking, but you like watching girl have sex with another guy right before you have sex. That's foreplay. You're using it as foreplay watching at the same time.

[Pat]

Do you know these guys too, or do you know of them? Because I'm pretty sure I don't know the guys.

[Guest]

N, n, n. If I know like. No, no, no. But it would be weird if I know the guy. The.

[Pat]

You probably do know the guy. You just don't know you know the guy.

[Mike]

Yeah, man. And if you watching it, bro, you know him more than you think.

[Pat]

Very personal.

[Mike]

Like legit, bro. Like, that's weird as. I'm not going to lie to you. I didn't even know this existed. Like, you a different type. Like you a super cuck. This might be worse than being going

[Guest]

to sit at that one particular chair in the hotel. You feel me? I'm not going to watch in person. I'm not a live viewer.

[Mike]

Not a live viewer. But she like.

[Pat]

That's close enough, bro.

[Mike]

No, actually, you know, if that's your king, that's your king. We shouldn't be king shaming. You got it, bro.

[Pat]

No. Some kinks. Just a little bit.

[Mike]

Happy Pride month.

[Guest]

Just like scouting. Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't swing to that side of the premise. No. The only way I go both ways is audio listening and video.

[Pat]

That's a crazy thing to say, bro. All right, man.

[Mike]

The only way I'll go both ways.

[Pat]

Oh, my gosh. Dam. All right, man. You have a good one, bro.

[Guest]

All right, bro. Y' all stay up with it.

[Pat]

He said.

[Mike]

Yeah, stay up.

[Pat]

That's what you told to do in the. On the tape.

[Guest]

Relax. Patrick.

[Pat]

What up?

[Guest]

Just got on here. Please chill out.

[Pat]

What up, bro? What up?

[Guest]

He's already flaming me before I even got on the phone.

[Pat]

Oh, my gosh. What up, bro? How's it going, man? Good, good.

[Guest]

How you guys doing?

[Pat]

I got a question for you. What's something that you're not afraid to admit?

[Guest]

When I'm really in love with someone, I'mma eat that butt.

[Pat]

Okay, by someone, you mean who? Girl.

[Guest]

My girl.

[Mike]

Like, got it.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

No, my Girl, why is that like,

[Pat]

such a bad thing to assume?

[Mike]

Because we don't know you.

[Pat]

Don't know.

[Mike]

We don't know you. We ever been around you. We don't know, like, if you eat a variety of ass. One ass. Like, do it matter what ass it is. Okay, got it. That's what we asked you there.

[Pat]

And is this something that you. This is just a lot of ass eaters in this world. I guess they call our podcast to tell them to tell us that the ass. It's very strange. But is this something that you, you know, does every girl that you run into into that.

[Guest]

Nah, nah. It definitely has to be a girl who likes it. Or sometimes you can, I guess, like, show them how nice it is.

[Mike]

How do you know how nice it is?

[Guest]

I'm saying, like, from girls in the past. Like one of my exes, she kind of turned around and at first she was like, nah.

[Mike]

And then we tried it and she's

[Guest]

like, okay, that feels kind of nice.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

I don't know what we do with this information. I just don't know where we go from here.

[Pat]

All right, this is a message to.

[Mike]

My gosh, you're. You're lying. You're. No, he's lying, bro.

[Pat]

What?

[Mike]

Bro, you dead ass.

[Guest]

Well, just taking a piss.

[Mike]

No, bro, come on. That's disrespectful. That don't feel weird to you? Like, oh, I'm about to go pee while I'm talking to.

[Guest]

I feel like that's not a big deal.

[Pat]

Did you wash your hands?

[Guest]

I literally just walked out of the toilet. Relax now.

[Mike]

Where are you? That's what I'm saying. He's in a stall. Must be from. He. It. He did not piss. Oh, that.

[Guest]

Cuz we can ls.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no. This what I want to tell you. We. We can hear everything. Like, we can hear the doors open, we can hear you unlocking. We didn't hear no piss hit the water, so you had to be sitting down. All right, man, you sat down and pe.

[Guest]

They're doing investigations.

[Mike]

No, you sat down and PE was literally.

[Guest]

It was a quiet one still.

[Mike]

What. What.

[Pat]

Where are you from?

[Guest]

Guess.

[Pat]

Say. Just give me a string of sentences. Just say the Alphabet.

[Mike]

Switzerland, Turkey.

[Guest]

It's. It's one of the cities on your tour.

[Mike]

Toronto.

[Pat]

Oh, Toronto.

[Guest]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

I was going to tell him to say Y, X, Z. Yeah, this is an example. This. I'm just. Is my message to our listeners because this is going to go on the main pod. But the only reason he's Going on the main pod. We are tired of ass eating stories, right? We know people eat ass. That's some people's thing. And it's okay. You guys can do your thing.

[Mike]

And it's not that crazy.

[Pat]

It's not that great. I feel like it's very somewhat normal,

[Mike]

but I give him a little grace because he from Toronto. He not from America. Like, so they crazy. I'm just saying, like, they sexual stories. I feel like Americans got crazier sexual stories. Like, eating ass isn't crazy, bro, but it's not that crazy.

[Guest]

Yeah, I guess it's. It's less common up here. There's less guys who are willing to admit it.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Where are you from? From?

[Guest]

What do you mean?

[Pat]

Where your parents from?

[Guest]

Oh, like Ethiopia.

[Mike]

Okay, got it. Little East African ass eater.

[Pat]

All right, man. You have a good one.

[Guest]

Yeah, you guys have a good one. Yo, what up?

[Mike]

You read about Trump in his sweet. He said in the suite.

[Guest]

Yo, yo, yo, what up?

[Mike]

What up?

[Guest]

What up, boys?

[Mike]

Doing welcome to Crashing podcast. We doing good, bro. How you doing?

[Guest]

I'm doing all right. You know, just usual trying to get this money. Trying to get ready for this job.

[Mike]

Oh, we don't know you. How's this the usual?

[Guest]

Y' all talk to me twice still. We linked in now. I'm on patreon and everything.

[Mike]

Okay, My bad, bro.

[Guest]

Nah, you good, homie. You good.

[Pat]

I got a question for you, bro. What's your hot take of the week?

[Guest]

Hot take? Just because you want something doesn't mean it's for you. You may want that chick, but she may not be for you. Let me explain.

[Pat]

Go ahead.

[Guest]

So take back a couple years ago. I say a couple. About 10 years ago, there was a girl that I like, but somebody else had her. Dude, that had her. I knew one is how bad I thought I wanted this chick. So I told her everything about him was abusive, big women and just looking out for her. So was this stuff she dropped him? Yes.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Guest]

Yeah, this was true. We know, dude. He's still a this day.

[Pat]

Okay, him that

[Guest]

so. So as usual, she drops on me, but then she gets with your boy over here, and you talking about problems. Girl wasn't on her like she said she was. The girl didn't do nothing that she proclaimed she did. Girl claims she had a good job. Said she worked at the bank. She didn't work at the bank. She worked at a loan company. Small loan company. Not knocking it, though. Figured she'd get there, but she didn't have to lie about it. Then she wasn't out going. Didn't want to go nowhere. Didn't want to do nothing. Try to alienate me from all my friends. Friends. Girl just wasn't good for me, man. But not to mention, whenever we was out and about, the same, dude kept rolling around. Oh, it kept following us. Seem like he couldn't let her go.

[Mike]

Did he have her location or something?

[Guest]

No, it just seemed like. I live in a small town, so it seems like every time you go somewhere, you're gonna get seen by a million mothers. So it only take a couple hours before somebody know, oh, she over there. She with that. Next thing you know, he popping in the same damn restaurant. He looking at me like Dylan Brooks is looking at LeBron James at the game seven.

[Mike]

So, like, is anything happening when he pops up at these places? Or y' all just continuing your day and leaving to the next place or going home?

[Guest]

Now we continue daily. Next. Like I said, this is a man. He'll hit women, but he won't fight no man.

[Mike]

Ass.

[Pat]

So.

[Guest]

Ass.

[Pat]

What your. With your statement at the beginning, then how would somebody know that thing is not for them?

[Guest]

I knew she wasn't for me because me and her nose didn't line up.

[Pat]

But I'm just saying, like, before you even get to that point, because you said, just because you want something doesn't mean it's for you.

[Mike]

Yeah, it sounds like you have to go through a lot to learn a lesson. We trying to get people to, like, see it before it start. You know what I'm saying? Like, what's some signs that you.

[Pat]

You saw.

[Guest]

First sign, she let me get into her head. She let me talk her into leaving that dude. If she was really down for him, she wouldn't. She told me, get the on.

[Pat]

Okay, so if you can manipulate her, then she's not the one.

[Guest]

Right. Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

Okay.

[Guest]

Next. Look at my point of view. What, you want your girl to be manipulated by another and you doing everything you trying to do.

[Pat]

I wouldn't want anybody to.

[Mike]

I also. I also wouldn't want a girl to get abused. So I. I don't think that was bad.

[Pat]

Yeah, you did, like, give some real information. Like, if you said some other that wasn't true, like, oh, he'd be cheating and all this other. And it wasn't true then that's like. I don't. What's that. What's the word I'm looking for? Player hating.

[Guest]

Yeah. I mean, at first I thought it was a player hater, because, you know.

[Pat]

No, if it's abuse, you know, the player.

[Guest]

If it's another dude, if it's. If you try and talk to another dude, girl, that's play it too. It's a no. No. You know what I mean? You don't do that. Yeah, I thought I was playing hating at first and had to second guess myself.

[Pat]

No, that's not. I wouldn't consider that dirty Mac.

[Mike]

No. No. What's number two, bro?

[Guest]

So number two, you know, if she tells you, oh, I got this going on. I'm doing this, you know, I'm working at a bank. And then you go to that bank and they like, they never hung over. That's lie number one.

[Mike]

You went to the bank?

[Guest]

Yeah, I went to see her one day. I brought her lunch one day. Hell, them looking at me like I'm stupid.

[Mike]

I'm sitting up there.

[Guest]

I'm sitting up there with a bag from Applebee's talking about, hey, man, such and such here. Oh, we don't even know who the you talking about. They say it like that, but it. That's probably the vibe I got the.

[Mike]

The two for 20. Getting cold now.

[Guest]

Yeah, I'm eating that by myself. I can't eat both meals by myself, man. Sitting in the car. I'm sitting in the car. Just rethinking life and wasting your time

[Mike]

to spin this artichoke dip. Hard as hell now, okay?

[Guest]

Especially then. Hell, I wasn't on it like I am now. Back then. I was only making $9 an hour.

[Mike]

An hour? What you do, lick stamps? What the. Okay, three.

[Guest]

No, I worked on the assembly line at. I worked on assembly line at a clipper company. You ever heard of Oster? All right, well, they make cheap ass clippers. That's why I used to work.

[Mike]

God damn. Got some cheap ass employees too. What's number three?

[Guest]

Number three. So when I say the goals ain't lining up, she says she want to get up here, but she ain't doing nothing to get up here. She doing the same. You know, when you locking in on a goal, you gotta lock in what was her goal? So what I mean by that. So the goal was she wanted to be a financial advisor.

[Pat]

Okay?

[Guest]

So my dumb ass, you know, I'm out here, you know, I'm at the bookstore. I'm getting for Dummies books and books to try to, you know, put the goal together there, you know, because you know, you know the story. If you want something, you gotta study how to get to it. So I'm doing all this because she's saying this is What I want to do, What I want to do. Book still in the goddamn bag. Hell, we got about it. And she was like, you think I'm stupid? I was like, I don't know, I ain't seen.

[Pat]

She kidding. She could have. LeBron changed it.

[Mike]

Oh, no, no, Ghost.

[Pat]

I'll just say the first. The first page. Come on, man.

[Guest]

Yeah. Oh man. Last time a learned something from the first page. It's like a drug deal. It's like you.

[Mike]

What was your goal?

[Guest]

I know how to sell though.

[Mike]

No, no, no, no. What was your goal? Yeah, that you reached while you was with her. Did you reach a goal while you was with her?

[Guest]

Actually, yeah. I was in maintenance school at the time. I was trying to get be a maintenance technician. So I got that goal. And now I'm trying to flip cars. So now I'm trying to upgrade from like Honda's Civics to Corvettes to Mercedes and whatnot.

[Mike]

Okay, so you accomplished a goal and she didn't during the. During the time. And that's how you knew. Hey, we can't do this because you're not doing your thing.

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah, that and not to mention, this was lousy in bed. Man, I thought I was getting a porn star the way she was dressing

[Mike]

this one. This is what it really is. All the other.

[Guest]

Oh, this was the boiling point. N

[Pat]

cuz the sex was really good. You still would have been in this relationship.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, the sex.

[Guest]

Oh, trust me, if the sex is good, pull up with some for a couple more years at least till he got smarter. You know how this go? Well, I like I was 20.

[Mike]

What made her. What made her lousy in bed? And how do you know it wasn't you?

[Guest]

I know it mean one, this didn't want to move. That's my bad. Dang. Gotta be all that. She cool person, just not for me. She. She didn't know how to move. She didn't know how to do nothing. He barely gave heads. Did she talk about, oh man, I don't know how to swallow? Use your throat. What are you talking about?

[Pat]

Say that.

[Mike]

I don't know if you can say that.

[Guest]

All right, bleep that out then. Bleep that out.

[Mike]

We just like play.

[Pat]

What I mean sounded way too aggressive.

[Guest]

She want to do the same. She want to do the same positions. It's always missionary every night. Missionary, missionary, missionary.

[Carrie]

See?

[Mike]

Fitting that ass.

[Guest]

Come on, now you got it. Bend it over. Let me see that arch. Come on.

[Mike]

Oh, man.

[Pat]

Missionary, missionary, missionary.

[Guest]

I want to do the same thing every night.

[Mike]

That was tired of going to church.

[Guest]

Don't dis the church. But, man, let's. Let's jazz it up a little bit. Y' all been in the stuff. Y' all been in the porn store buying them damn karma sutra cards. Like, look, you pick a card, we'll do this. Maybe something simple. Oh, I don't know about this. I can't bend like that. Oh, come on now.

[Pat]

Oh, you talking about those, like, cars with, like, the different sex position positions on it?

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Ah, that's a good idea. I never. I never even thought of that.

[Guest]

That's fire, man. Tried.

[Mike]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on. So you bought her a book for dummies, and then you also bought her sex position for dummies. Usually trying to teach her everything. You gave her all the knowledge. She ain't take nothing.

[Guest]

Exactly, man. Man, this stuff ain't free. This cost me money. This was an investment.

[Mike]

But maybe you're not a good teacher.

[Pat]

You don't get back to the missionary page. How do we do this?

[Guest]

I mean, it's working for me now, so. I mean, I'm engaged now, so everything's going good on the up and up.

[Mike]

Oh, so fiance know everything and she used the car as well?

[Guest]

Yeah, sometimes we don't pull them cars out. She like, oh, don't worry. I got this. You flip around.

[Mike]

Come on.

[Pat]

Got too freaky.

[Guest]

No, not like that. Hold on. You flip.

[Pat]

You flip around. It's crazy.

[Mike]

We got him, Chad. We got him.

[Carrie]

He.

[Pat]

He was

[Guest]

nothing going in this back door. Hold on now. That's not what I mean.

[Mike]

You flip around. That's crazy. You should have bought in a book, cuz. Peck him for dummies, cuz.

[Pat]

There's no way of winning, though. You flip around thing, because obviously if you started on your. Your stomach, that means you. You're already on your stomach. Yeah, if you start on your back, that means you flip to your stomach.

[Mike]

So what were you flipping?

[Guest]

I'm talking about. No, I'm talking about the sleep she up. She talking about, hey, babe, flip around. I want it.

[Pat]

No,

[Guest]

me like that, man.

[Mike]

Flip around.

[Guest]

Don't be doing. Don't be doing me like that. Hell, my first story, I had y' all tripping, so don't even start, man.

[Mike]

What was your first story? I don't remember it.

[Guest]

I was the. That had the girl that. When the dude was calling, I sent the nuthing video to the other dude.

[Pat]

Yeah, so you overly freaked out, freaky. Okay. All right, man. You have a Good one, though.

[Guest]

All right. Y' all, too. Hey, hold on, man.

[Carrie]

Before.

[Guest]

Before anything. Hey, to everybody out there, if y' all not on Crash Dummy's Patreon, y' all up.

[Mike]

Talk to them somewhere.

[Guest]

Yeah, this going somewhere?

[Pat]

No, I appreciate you, bro.

[Mike]

Listen to this freaky ass, dog.

[Pat]

All right, bro. You have a good one, man. Appreciate you.

[Guest]

All right. Y' all, too, man.

[Pat]

All right, peace.

[Guest]

Be. Be easy.

[Carrie]

Hello.

[Pat]

Hello.

[Mike]

Yo.

[Carrie]

Hello, Kings. How are y' all today?

[Mike]

God damn.

[Pat]

How's it going? Happy? No, no, you're good. You're good.

[Carrie]

My fault.

[Pat]

You're good. Happy International Women's Day.

[Guest]

Thank you.

[Carrie]

Thank you so much.

[Pat]

No problem. Pat didn't want to say that.

[Mike]

No, I was calling.

[Pat]

He said you came on here loud, Pat.

[Carrie]

Just for that Mike, my favorite.

[Pat]

Oh, he. He said you were louder. And we were trying to call you earlier, but Pat was like, let's not call her. So I was like, what, do you

[Carrie]

got nothing to say?

[Pat]

All right, I pushed for this. I pushed for this.

[Mike]

I had a question for you. What's something you still can't believe happened?

[Carrie]

That I'm pregnant and everybody's slamming me out.

[Guest]

Out, bro.

[Mike]

Damn. Pregnant?

[Guest]

When.

[Mike]

When you get pregnant?

[Carrie]

In April, right before the summer.

[Guest]

Oh, my God.

[Mike]

You the summer up.

[Pat]

First of all, congrats.

[Mike]

No, not congrats. You the summer up.

[Carrie]

I did. I did.

[Pat]

What were your plans for the summer, though?

[Carrie]

I was gonna be outside with my homegirl, but now that's canceled.

[Mike]

No Don Julio active foolio for you at all?

[Pat]

Are you. You in the relationship? You and the. The father, Are you guys together?

[Carrie]

Nah, I just broke up with him because he be pissing me off.

[Mike]

But is this like. Like a. Like one of them temporary breakups, like, you know what I'm saying? Y' all just going through it, or do you think it's permanent? He not going. Y' all gonna be separate when the baby get here?

[Carrie]

He want to get back together now, but I think the pregnancy hormones made me hate everybody, so I just need a moment.

[Mike]

It's temporary. Okay, that's good. That's all we wonder. You know what I'm saying? People break up all the time during pregnancy. They just don't say it on a podcast.

[Carrie]

Okay,

[Mike]

wait. Okay. So are you. I don't even know what to say to you, girl. Congratulations.

[Carrie]

Thank you. It's just bad because I feel like everybody's slimming me out. I'm already going through a lot.

[Pat]

What do you mean by that?

[Mike]

Yeah, there we go.

[Carrie]

The. My home girl, she want me to kill it, because she want to be out this summer. But yesterday she asked me to go out, but I was throwing up. I told her I was sick. I didn't feel like going nowhere. And she ain't talked to me since then. She said she mad. She give a damn if I'm sad. That sick crying. She was gonna make me go outside. I told her I'm not going the where.

[Pat]

You need to evaluate your friends.

[Carrie]

That's. That's what I'm saying. She my only friend, but now I'm gonna have no friends.

[Mike]

Yeah, I think it's good to go. No friends. We'll be your temporary friend until you find a new friend. We got you.

[Carrie]

Okay. Okay. Thank you so much.

[Mike]

Just said we about to start a group chat. We got you. You need to get rid of her. And then we gonna be at a bridge till you find your new friend. You got three more months, so.

[Guest]

Three months.

[Carrie]

Okay.

[Pat]

What's your baby.

[Carrie]

Dude, I gotta find.

[Pat]

What's your baby due.

[Carrie]

My baby. January 14th. A week before my birthday.

[Mike]

Damn, that's close to my son birthday.

[Pat]

Come on, now.

[Carrie]

That's your son birthday. Come on.

[Mike]

Come on, now. Come on, now.

[Carrie]

Yeah, that's a Capricorn.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pat]

Just add us to the group. Yeah, we got you. We'll be your friends until you get back with your. Your baby. The baby's father.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Carrie]

Okay. I'm going to my doctor on the 16th. I'm gonna send y' all the ultrasound pics.

[Mike]

Yeah, please. Please make. Please make sure he there because we don't want to have to be his ass. Now that we involved, we will smack a.

[Carrie]

Okay. He said he gonna try to be there, but he worked for the city, so I need to see if he can get off work, because if he don't, I'm gonna tell him y' all just gonna beat his ass.

[Mike]

If he go to his boss and tell him that you're about to have an ultrasound, he should be able to get off. Or his boss think he a hoe. That's what you tell him. Your boss must think you a hoe or something.

[Carrie]

Okay, that's what I got to tell him because he has to be there now.

[Mike]

Matter of fact, add him to the group chat. He pissed me off already. Talk about I'mma try to be there.

[Pat]

I work for the city.

[Mike]

Get your ass there.

[Carrie]

I got him blocked. I got him blocked because I told him I didn't know I was pregnant. And I told him to go to Crumble Cookie and get me a. A Oreo cookie. And he got me an Oreo cheesecake cookie. But I don't eat cheesecake.

[Pat]

That's the honest mistake.

[Carrie]

No, because he sat there and ate it in my face. I don't like that.

[Pat]

Hey, your emotions are your emotions.

[Mike]

No, no, we her friend. We got to support him. I don't know why his ass did that.

[Carrie]

Period. That's right, ho ass.

[Mike]

Oh, he knew what he was doing. Then he gonna get the cheesecake on purpose, knowing she can't eat the shit, then eat it right in of front in front of her face instead of taking his ass back to crumble. That's the whole ass I'm talking.

[Pat]

I'll also be the sense. I'll be the sensible friend, too, though. But that does sound like an honest mistake.

[Mike]

No, I want to call him out

[Pat]

his name, but this just seemed like an honest mistake on that part.

[Carrie]

He got two. That's where I'm at. He got two and he ate both.

[Mike]

Man, that makes me want to crumble that dog.

[Pat]

That's a lot of calories.

[Mike]

How you gonna eat 1200 calories in front of you?

[Pat]

That might be more, too.

[Carrie]

Exactly. When I'm the pregnant one.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Well, I hope you have a safe pregnancy.

[Mike]

Yeah. I mean, why you saying that? Like, we getting rid of her? We going to be around. Yeah.

[Pat]

I'm just saying I still hope you have a safe pregnancy. Why did hang up?

[Mike]

Oh, she hung up.

[Pat]

Oh, no, no, we're good.

[Guest]

Hold on.

[Mike]

Oh, no, no, no. Okay. Suggestion, though, for my service was spotty. For new friends, though, I. I suggest, like, maybe going to, like, some, like, pregnancy classes. Maybe take your man with. With you. You know, a lot of. A lot of women that's pregnant, they, like, link up so, you know, they can talk about the, you know, struggles or different things. You're going to.

[Guest]

Hold on.

[Carrie]

I have some beef with y' all because I ordered my ticket to the Birmingham show, and I was so excited to go. I got my homegirl to get a ticket, too. I was so excited. And y' all canceled it, and I could not make it to the one in Atlanta.

[Pat]

Well, we're gonna come back to Atlanta for sure, so try to make a to that one.

[Mike]

We got you. We. We're gonna do Atlanta on the weekend.

[Carrie]

Atlanta. I'mma come.

[Pat]

All right, bet.

[Mike]

All right, bet.

[Pat]

And we got you with a ticket.

[Carrie]

Oh, thank you. I love y' all so big.

[Pat]

Just remember we said it, though. You got to remind us that.

[Mike]

You gotta remind us. And if you ain't got no babysitter,

[Carrie]

we add y' all in the group chat.

[Mike]

Okay? Bet. And if you ain't got no babysitter, we got you too.

[Carrie]

Okay. I'm gonna make the daddy watch it.

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah. Make him watch it. Oh, man, I can't wait to crumble that y.

[Pat]

You have a good one.

[Carrie]

Y' all have a good day.

[Pat]

I saw a tweet that says, no one falls in love faster than a man that needs a place to live. And that is true, though that's what.

[Mike]

I could never do that. I would literally rather sleep in my car.

[Carrie]

You don't have a car.

[Mike]

Huh?

[Carrie]

What if you don't have a car?

[Mike]

Sleep on the ground, whatever. Like, I cannot have my relationship based. Based off, like, where I sleep at, too. You know what I mean? Just, like, if we get in a bad enough argument, I don't have a place to sleep.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

If you. If you go through my phone and you don't like something, you see through my phone, I don't have a place to sleep. Like, there's so many different things where I don't have the freedom and I gotta tiptoe around this. Like, hell no.

[Pat]

I've seen. I've seen a lot of dudes in relationships where they're freeloading, they're only in the relationship, and they're like, the girl is not their type. And they're there. They're there for the benefits of the relationship and still cheating and still doing their thing.

[Mike]

Vice versa. Vice versa, too. I think it's called hobo sexual.

[Pat]

Hobo sexual.

[Mike]

Yeah, I think it is, too. Is it? Yes. No, I literally just heard this term. Yes.

[Carrie]

I'm looking at.

[Mike]

No, I swear. No Gene cooking. It's called homosexual where people are attracted to. Like, you said they didn't have a place to stay, right? Yeah. Like, yeah, it's everything.

[Pat]

Who's.

[Mike]

Who's.

[Carrie]

Wow.

[Pat]

Who would be the homosexual?

[Mike]

The person that wants. The person that has a house.

[Pat]

The definition.

[Carrie]

So a hobo. Sexual is a slang term describing someone who enters a romantic relationship primarily to secure free housing or avoid homelessness, rather than out of genuine romantic interest. The term combines hobo and sexual.

[Pat]

Got it. Interesting.

[Mike]

Yeah, I've heard of hobo.

[Pat]

I didn't know it's a real

[Mike]

n. Man, you got to put on a hell of performance, man, every time y' all had sex at count like this. Like, man, that was at least five days right there.

[Pat]

Like, I've seen the. The grabbing the waist behind the. The dude grabbing the girl waist at the register thing.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Like, I've Seen that in live action.

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Always like, you always know it's a hobo sexual when you see like the. The peep over the shoulder. And

[Carrie]

man, these dudes is different out here. And why y' all be wearing bedazzled clothes?

[Pat]

Oh, man, I was going to wear my bedazzle. I'm wearing one on the pot.

[Mike]

I think I just wore one last pot.

[Pat]

Yeah, you did. You did.

[Mike]

I had on some. Wait till next week, man.

[Carrie]

What's going on with that?

[Mike]

Why it is jing y clothes?

[Pat]

I think there's some people that just overdoing it.

[Mike]

Yes. The.

[Pat]

The.

[Mike]

The jean, I think. I think the problem is there's. It's a copy. It's a copy league. You know what I mean? With the clothing brands, like, it was pretty popular. I remember at some point in time, I was going into hype boy shout out to hype boys. And I was looking for bedazzled stuff because it was brand new and nobody was wearing it. Now is ridiculous because people are wearing bedazzle on bedazzle on bedazzle.

[Pat]

And it's just like, I've seen somebody that had like, the rim of their boxers bedazzled.

[Mike]

No, that's crazy.

[Pat]

Like the Spanish part.

[Carrie]

You got to say something.

[Mike]

That's what I'm saying. Wearing chastity belts. And

[Pat]

you know, like, you ever see those, like, pants where like they. The boxers are showing on purpose? Yeah, like, it's like it was like one of those.

[Mike]

Oh, got it.

[Pat]

Where like the. Yeah, the drop.

[Mike]

Yeah. I don't know why that scream. Come and get it. I don't know, like a. Like making that shot. Yeah.

[Carrie]

I saw some girls say, like, ah, I just got cut up cuddling. I was twerking on something.

[Mike]

Now. That's crazy. I got a pair of those bedazzled pants I wore to the Chicago.

[Pat]

No, those are crazy.

[Mike]

I believe in trails and shit around the house.

[Pat]

I get it, though, because just those glitter.

[Carrie]

Why not?

[Pat]

I think it is this. It's just the over. The overdoing of it. Because it's just like when. When cropped shirts kind of became popular again. Like, everything was cropped. Like niggas was cropping everything. It was like too many crop. And then the crops started getting higher and higher. And then I think once the crops started going past the belt belly button, then I start to think we leveled out again. So I think with this bedazzle thing, I think a lot of the women are going to bully a lot of the guys out the bedazzling and then I think it's gonna drop back to the tall tees. Yeah, they need to drop down. I kind of like a slight crop.

[Mike]

Okay, But. But let's do it. Let's do a trade, though, okay? Like, we'll. We'll start bullying our. Our people to stop wearing so much bedazzle. If y' all stop wearing lotion with sparkles and glitter in it. Because, like. Like I'm at a party, right? And I see somebody that I knew from college, and I get him a little side hug, right? And now I gotta go back to my girlfriend, and it's glitter on my damn face. And I gotta explain to her, it's

[Carrie]

like, it was a bedazzled pants.

[Mike]

No, that's Paul.

[Pat]

They got Rakishi at the party.

[Mike]

What the.

[Carrie]

He was around the homie.

[Mike]

That be crazy.

[Pat]

Jeans, jeans. Bedazzled from his pants. Got all over my chest.

[Mike]

No, that's. I never think about that. That dangerous as. Imagine two bedazzled getting into a fight. Start sparking up and going at it.

[Pat]

You see a random ass glare at the.

[Mike]

You see a super bedazzled come who own it.

[Pat]

That could be popping up like Mario coins.

[Mike]

But he beat the bedazzles off that dog.

[Pat]

Like one of those, like, you know those signs. You'd be seeing the neon sign, and like, one letter is like, it's out. Yeah. Not.

[Mike]

Better not ever get into it with a. With bedazzle. I was like, bro, do you want it to rain bedazzles in this?

[Carrie]

That's insane.

[Mike]

Oh, my God. Imagine walking in and you know your boy had a big ass bedazzled shirt on. They like, yeah, your boy got the fight. You see bedazzles on the ground.

[Pat]

Like, you should see the other guy. You already know who. Boy, you already know who won the fight. You sure you won, bro? Yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, bro. There's only one letter on your shirt left. Only got said stussy now.

[Mike]

Only got blue bedazzled left let say

[Pat]

now. No, that's crazy.

[Mike]

Somebody said, why don't like to talk on the phone anymore? Somebody replied and said, be hard when you live with your girl. Not gonna lie.

[Pat]

Now that's facts.

[Mike]

Wait, what it do?

[Pat]

This is why there's just certain conversations that I have with Pat where it's just like, I don't want my girl to hear simply just to not ask more questions about situations that don't matter. Yeah. It's not nothing to do with, like, other women or anything like that. It Just. It could be something very mean that we're saying.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

About this, you know, And I don't want her to hear me talk like that.

[Carrie]

Yeah. So it's like eavesdropping a little bit.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Too much.

[Guest]

Why?

[Pat]

We be talking about, like, our. We'll be talking about one of our friends. Like, we went. We. We talk about one of our friends. Friends. And then one of our friends, he'd be doing some up. Right. But also, I can't talk about that on the phone when my girl's there because I don't want her to look at my friend that way or look

[Carrie]

at you that way. Like.

[Pat]

Oh, yeah, this way. Exactly. So you kind of have to protect. Exactly. But I also think. I hate that. That. That term because that. Who you are, who your friends. You are, who you. Because there's a.

[Mike]

So you know what, Carrie? Because there's that quote.

[Pat]

You know that there's that quote that says, like, you are who you hang around.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And I think that's not true all the time.

[Carrie]

It is true.

[Pat]

No, no, no, because we have some. I have some friends that. There are some shitty people, but because they're not. Because they're not shitty to me, I can, like, deal with it. You know what I mean?

[Mike]

I think they say, like, top five usually, like, when they reference, like.

[Pat]

Okay, top five. Okay. Yeah. Okay, then it's not. I think you guys are pretty.

[Mike]

You are in the top five people that you're around. They said.

[Carrie]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Oh, top five.

[Carrie]

Top five. Top five.

[Mike]

No, I don't. I don't believe that.

[Carrie]

I do.

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

Also it's true. Okay, that might be true, because there are those friends that they're a little more bad influences. I don't hang out with them all.

[Carrie]

That's what I'm saying. They're not going to be your best

[Pat]

friend, but they're still my friend, though.

[Carrie]

They're your friend, but they're not somebody you going to kick it with every single day. Because they, you know, not to say they could rub off on you just because you're your own man. You could do what you want. But. But most of the time, they might be single. They might be on the H. They might be.

[Mike]

You know, Also, I want you to know that you should not agree with that tweet because that's not the context of the.

[Pat]

Oh, what was the context?

[Mike]

Just let you know. Is. Okay. I'm going read it again.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Mike]

He said. You heard him. I was like, you like. But I just let you go. I ain't Want to stop?

[Pat]

What was it about?

[Mike]

Okay, I'm going read it again. Hey, just know you was wrong, and then you're going to get it right away.

[Pat]

Okay? Okay.

[Mike]

It says, the tweet says, why don't like to talk on the phone anymore? The tweet was made by a woman.

[Pat]

Got it.

[Mike]

And the response is, be hard when you live with your girl. Not gonna lie.

[Pat]

I don't know what's. What's the context? What context am I missing?

[Mike]

So basically saying women, like, men aren't romantic anymore. They don't want to talk on the phone. And then the dude said, hey, we can't because. Because we live with our girl.

[Pat]

Got it, got it, got it, got it.

[Mike]

So it's a cheating tweet. And you went, facts.

[Pat]

That might still be facts, though. For some people, that may be facts.

[Mike]

No, I think getting crazy.

[Guest]

No, no, no.

[Mike]

But. But the other part. Go back to your point. You did make a good point. That's why I didn't want to stop you. But the other one is, like, when you're dating a woman, whatever evidence you present to her or statements or facts about your friends, that's forever. That's in stone. Whatever you say. And I know, like, when me and him. Him talk, we'll say some. That we don't mean. Like, it's like some people, like, it might be a dude that pissed me off or something. And Mike know my heart, you know, like, dude's still good in my eyes, but I gotta call him a ass right now. You know what I mean? But if I say that in front of my girl, I'm a. I'll be like, oh, what's up, bro? Later that month, she'd be like, didn't you just call him a ass last week? It's like, nah, nah, he is, but he not, you know, I mean, because

[Pat]

I think some dudes don't give their friends. Friends enough redemption time before they present what type of dude he is to their girl.

[Carrie]

Yeah, any relationship. Honestly, like, people go to their family or their friends complaining about their relationship, and I feel like you probably shouldn't.

[Pat]

That's true. Yes.

[Carrie]

You know, until, you know, unless you know, you for sure done.

[Pat]

Especially going to, like. Especially for relationship problems you have in your relationship. There are some people I've seen, like, they'll kind of talk to a girl about their relationship problems, and that kind of happens. It's like, now this girl sees your relationship as, like, on the rocks.

[Mike]

I had a girl block me before because she came to me after her man cheated on her and told me everything. Like, oh, he cheated on me. What should I do? I'm like, he. He threatening me. I'm like, shit, get the kids. Get up out of there. Protect yourself. And then the next day, she, like, sent me a long message like, I shouldn't have told you anything. And she blocked me. I'm like, the nigga's still dangerous, no matter if you block me or not. Not like, you got to get out of there if you seeing this right now.

[Pat]

I know we say this all the time on the pod, but, like, you never can trust a person that tells their friend's business to you.

[Mike]

No, no. Especially their close friends.

[Pat]

Their close friend.

[Mike]

And.

[Pat]

And I'm a sibling or especially if you're closer to that friend than me. It's like, and I shouldn't know this information. I hate knowing information that I shouldn't know, because now it makes me look at that I want to. Especially that I don't care. And I'm so far removed from the situation. Situation. I like being around people and just, like, thinking the best maybe of them.

[Carrie]

I think that's a guy thing. Girls want all the juice. Let me know.

[Pat]

No, my girl's mad at me when. Oh, we. You kind of want to announce to your kid on that you had a baby on the box.

[Mike]

Daddy Jean, man.

[Pat]

But my girl was mad. No.

[Mike]

Might be doing that to me, too. Might be like. Might be. Mike be like, yo, Pat, you probably want to announce that you're going on tour.

[Pat]

Go ahead. We already said he was having a kid on the last five. That's why he was gone.

[Mike]

I was under construction. That's what the reference was. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but working on.

[Pat]

My girl was asking when your kid was born. She said, oh, how much did he weigh? And I was like, I don't know. It's like, I just know the kid is healthy and. And doing well.

[Mike]

Eight pounds. Yeah, I remember, man. I'd be knowing everybody. Baby weight. We talked on the phone, though. That's what it was. We, like, check. Chopped it up a little bit. And. And then, like, after the car, she was like, you didn't have no details.

[Carrie]

Y'. All don't.

[Pat]

We don't, because we don't care. We don't care. We just want to know the bare minimum. Like, if you good, you good. Like, nothing else.

[Mike]

Like, yo, it's three questions, bro. Is. Is your girl good? Are you and the baby good? How long the doctor stare at her cooch, Bro, how the Long. You need to stare.

[Pat]

Look at, look at me.

[Mike]

You looking at.

[Pat]

I'm the captain now.

[Carrie]

Start fighting. The doctor in the middle of labor.

[Mike]

It was five women though. Shout out brought him to earth. Oh, that's dope, man. Shout out the ladies. Well, I was going to say I had a. Oh, the other thing is like people keep asking me about the baby and stuff. You know what I'm saying? I appreciate everybody asking and stuff, but what about me? No, I don't care. It's just be the same question.

[Carrie]

I feel that's the first thing I asked.

[Mike]

How are you doing, father? Because a lot of is this. It's like people ask every day type.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You know, like the same people. And I'm like, all right.

[Pat]

Like you probably got good family even, you know.

[Mike]

And I'm like, okay. Like, he's chilling. He shits. Wake up, whatever. 8. You know, that's the worst feeling in the world when you get that. When you have a kid and you get that first call from your. Your mom and it just bypasses over you. Like now she's worried about the kid more than she worried about you calling you. How's the baby doing? You got one eye opening. The baby. The baby good.

[Pat]

Same as 3 hours ago. Baby boy.

[Mike]

You check it. OB ask me, I had a stroke. Come on, mama. My mama don't give a fuck about me no more. She called. Let me see my grandbaby. You'll see the hospital in the background.

[Pat]

Oh. Oh. I was. I was at the club this past weekend. I don't go.

[Mike]

I. I didn't even have to turn up, man.

[Pat]

I left a little bit. I left early. But I noticed something though and I. I kind of made a note for it. It was. There's no one more confident than a dude at a club that knows all the lyrics to a song and the

[Carrie]

an can secretly dance.

[Pat]

Yeah, I. I've seen. I saw like people like, it's like eye contact gets made, especially when they lock in with somebody else that knows the word.

[Mike]

Oh my God. Yeah.

[Pat]

They start rapping to each other. It's like a mating dance in the sense. I was like, oh, they really locked in to work for work. Word. Oh, man.

[Carrie]

Now they're best friends.

[Pat]

Especially if it's of a. Not a very popular song. It's their time to shine.

[Mike]

That's lit. That's lit. That's lit, bro. Like when jumbotron popping. Come on. You ain't even not going to take sand. Did you hear somebody else right around

[Pat]

with that start doing Start moving closer. I see. I see from so far apart in the club, right on opposite ends of making make contact. And they start doing the dance and rapping till they meet in the middle. And I see the circle open up for them, too.

[Mike]

It's like, oh, them the club moments. I wait on bro. Like, all that standing around. Do you know this Justin Bieber song or not? I'm gonna show you club culture.

[Carrie]

So different now.

[Pat]

Nah, man, it's. I don't know if it's for me like that, but, like, in doses. Like, I can do it like every maybe once every every two months, I can pop out. Yeah, I'm a lounge guy.

[Carrie]

Me too.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

I just need to be around people that's trying to have fun and don't care about how they look. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, let's get a section. Let's pretend nobody else here and just, like, have fun. It's like, I can't be around people that's trying to or farm in a club. Like, everybody in this broke, bro. Like, let's just party. I mean, y' all bro.

[Pat]

At all. N. Hell no.

[Mike]

Let's all. We. We should just all go out. Company outing to the club. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pat]

Hell no.

[Mike]

Tonight I'm going to show you.

[Carrie]

I haven't been out in a very long. I don't really do clubs like that.

[Mike]

Oh, we know. The last time you went to a club, you got dehydrated, got carried out.

[Carrie]

No, that was a while ago.

[Mike]

You ruined everybody night. You wanted us to sympathize with you. How's she going to ask us a scenario where she.

[Pat]

The evil person?

[Mike]

She said that off the bar.

[Pat]

You just.

[Mike]

Oh, but you was the evil.

[Carrie]

I'm the evil person?

[Mike]

Yeah, you.

[Carrie]

I was dehydrated and fell out.

[Mike]

Yes, that's evil. If you go out. So if. I'm telling you, if me, Mike and Jean go out, right?

[Carrie]

I'm never going out with you.

[Mike]

And we post a pregame. No, you gonna be hydrated. You go out with me.

[Pat]

No, don't. Don't even do that. Because they've been. They've been nice. Anytime us three go out, there's every time you're the most drunk.

[Mike]

But. But listen, I'm not stopping tonight, though.

[Pat]

He's not stopping tonight, but he starts making the night a little more difficult because as the sober ones, you start looking at him like, is my gonna be okay? And Pat, Hannah has this, like, thing where you kind of go in and out, but then out of out of nowhere, he'll have a burst of energy and he's back to normal. It's like, wait.

[Carrie]

I mean, he just went to the bathroom to throw up and now I

[Pat]

never seen he never been that bad.

[Mike]

I. I'll never throw up. I don't get dizzy, nothing. Like maybe a little speed on the way home.

[Pat]

He don't drive. Don't. Don't drink and drive.

[Mike]

I tell the Uber driver to speak.

[Pat]

Don't drink and drive.

[Carrie]

He said. I want to feel the vibe.

[Mike]

No, for real. Speed up. What's that drisky mean?

[Pat]

I'm telling you, Uber driver to drive fast.

[Mike]

Yo, yo, yo, pick it up. My.

[Pat]

Anyway, that has been the pod. I appreciate y' all make sure you guys follow everybody. Har. Pop everybody's handles and the information up here. Appreciate y' all rocking with the pod. Oh yeah. If you. If, if you're in Sweden. I'm gonna be in Sweden by the time. Maybe not by the time y' all listen to this next week, but I'm gonna be in Sweden. So I need two things. I need a barber and I need a photographer.

[Mike]

They gonna you up. I said a barber. That boy about to get that image.

[Guest]

Them haircut.

[Carrie]

You don't need a barber.

[Mike]

About to come back like Wayne Brady. They have.

[Pat]

It's very diverse in Stockholm. The city though.

[Mike]

No, I'm saying they still going to you up, man.

[Pat]

That mean they know how to cut hair.

[Mike]

Just cuz they got.

[Guest]

Anybody.

[Pat]

Any. Any travel plans this summer for anybody?

[Mike]

I got. I got travel plans. I plan on actually like maybe doing some standup this. This summer, like with my own shows. It'll be like small venues, like 50 to 70 people. Let me know if you're interested. Probably just Milwaukee, Chicago for now though, but let me know.

[Carrie]

Gene, Carrie, I'm in the city. Pop out, see me. Follow me on Instagram at carry Noni underscore and listen to the pot every single day. Brain Squeeze podcast. You know where to find me.

[Mike]

Brain Squeeze.

[Pat]

Gino, don't, bro.

[Mike]

Yeah, I'm telling, man. Dad, life tired.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Michael ass nigga.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That Jean ain't doing n. He's not doing that. Need to be where he at. Y' all don't need to follow him nothing.

[Mike]

Check out my Instagram though. I'm making him outfits like everywhere.

[Pat]

Oh, that was fire.

[Mike]

That was fire. Yeah. Jean just started a lifetime collab.

[Pat]

All right, y'.

[Mike]

All.

[Pat]

Peace.

[Mike]

Wait, wait, hold on. I gotta ask a question. Are you gonna make your son an Instagram? He got one. You Got one already collab on the post. If you had a kid would you make your.

[Pat]

I'm gonna make a private page for family.

[Mike]

I was thinking about making it private

[Pat]

cuz just is like cuz our me and my girl our families are all over the world so like Sweden, Nigeria, just everywhere. So it's like it be easier because I don't know if I. I don't know yet if they. Their face is going to be on Instagram on the. On the Internet as much so do

[Carrie]

they got a iPhones or androids? You know mostly my family.

[Pat]

Yeah a little bit mixture of both.

[Carrie]

Okay. I was gonna say my cousin has a. A photo album that he shares with like everybody.

[Pat]

Yeah that would be. That would be cool too but y be a private page or something.

[Mike]

I'd be scared about the photo album cuz like you know what I'm saying you accidentally upload a new. Grandma. Hey baby.

[Pat]

I've definitely sent something to a shared folder on accident because I had like a. A string of pictures and I just like you know does quick swiping to select everything and then there was something there that should have been in the share but it wasn't anything like too explicit but it was just like damn,

[Mike]

what if it was N1 5 pigs

[Pat]

remember fellas, you gotta hold it with your chin. Have a good one.

[Mike]

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[Pat]

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[Carrie]

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[Carrie]

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