What’s Ruining Our Society? - Episode 218

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

Episode Title: What’s Ruining Our Society? - Episode 218
Release Date: August 6, 2025

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Overview

In Episode 218 of the Crash Dummies Podcast, hosts Pat and Mike delve into a variety of topics ranging from personal anecdotes and listener stories to broader societal issues. The episode is structured around engaging segments, games, and candid conversations that provide both humor and insightful commentary on what the hosts perceive as detrimental to society.

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1. The CDP Shirt Incident

Timestamp: [01:00]

The episode begins with a personal story about the misunderstanding of the Crash Dummies Podcast (CDP) merchandise. Pat shares an encounter where a fan attempts to redefine the meaning of CDP into something inappropriate, leading to an awkward and humorous exchange.

Ryan Reynolds: "She tried to. That was a little too crazy. I hated to start that way, but that was crazy, though. Chew this."

This segment highlights the challenges of managing community interactions and maintaining the intended message behind their merchandise.

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2. Game Segment: Most Terrible Things to Say During Labor

Timestamp: [06:30]

Pat introduces a game where they blind rank the "most terrible things to say to your girl while she's in labor." The game aims to explore inappropriate or insensitive comments that could negatively impact a partner during a highly emotional and significant moment.

Pat: "Babe, you're being kind of dramatic. It can't hurt that bad."

Ryan Reynolds: "That's like, top three. Telling a woman about her body is crazy."

Through this segment, Pat and Ryan discuss various scenarios, emphasizing the importance of empathy and support during challenging times.

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3. Supporting the Podcast: Merch and Patreon

Timestamp: [15:00]

Following the game, Pat and Ryan take a moment to encourage listeners to support the podcast by purchasing merchandise and subscribing to their Patreon. They share personal anecdotes about fan interactions and the limited availability of certain merchandise sizes.

Ryan Reynolds: "Go get your merch. Make sure you guys cop that. Subscribe to the Patreon."

This call-to-action underscores the importance of community support in sustaining the podcast.

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4. Discussion: Shannon Sharpe's Firing from ESPN

Timestamp: [22:45]

The hosts transition to discussing the recent firing of ESPN's Shannon Sharpe. They analyze the potential impact on his career and the broader implications for personal conduct within professional sports environments.

Pat: "It's interesting with this because this is truly showing that being lustful can cost you your job sometimes."

Ryan Reynolds: "But we never know what like people's kinks are."

Their conversation delves into themes of discipline, public persona, and the consequences of off-field behavior.

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5. Listener Stories: Unprofessional Things at Work

Timestamp: [31:05]

Pat and Mike share and react to listeners’ stories about unprofessional behavior in the workplace. These anecdotes range from humorous to serious, illustrating the varied ways individuals can navigate professional environments.

Mike: "It was a Target distribution center in New Jersey."

Ryan Reynolds: "He grabbed the PS5. So, so you just watched it?"

These stories provide relatable content for listeners and foster a sense of community through shared experiences.

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6. Game Segment: What's Ruining Our Society?

Timestamp: [40:30]

In another interactive segment, Pat and Mike discuss factors they believe are ruining society. Topics include the impact of platforms like OnlyFans on the pornography industry, the dangers posed by electric scooters, and societal distrust associated with white vans.

Mike: "OnlyFans is ruining society, and it's messing up the competitiveness of regular porn."

Mike: "They just... I hit the corner, bam. Scooter, bro. Get out the room."

This discussion highlights their perspectives on modern societal trends and technologies.

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7. Reading YouTube Comments

Timestamp: [74:25]

Pat and Mike engage with their audience by reading and responding to YouTube comments from the previous episode. The interaction is filled with humor and candid reactions, reflecting the hosts' dynamic rapport.

Pat: "Strawberry milk is the best flavor milk, though, hands down."

Ryan Reynolds: "Who let him out of the six person classroom hearing Mike pronounced the B and debt depth."

This segment fosters listener engagement and showcases the hosts' ability to handle a variety of feedback.

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8. Final Thoughts and Community Engagement

Timestamp: [89:21]

As the episode concludes, Pat and Mike reiterate their gratitude towards their listeners, urging them to continue supporting the podcast through merchandise purchases and Patreon subscriptions. They also hint at future content, including potential Twitch streams and IRL (in-real-life) streaming sessions.

Ryan Reynolds: "Also, shoot us ideas, questions, whatever y'all want to see. We want to keep the community involved."

Mike: "Appreciate y'all for listening. Peace."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Ryan Reynolds on Shirt Incident

   • [02:34]

   "You watch your mouth. You hear me?"

2. Pat on Supporting the Podcast

   • [03:05]

   "Make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon."

3. Mike on OnlyFans Impact

   • [40:47]

   "OnlyFans is ruining society, and it's messing up the competitiveness of regular porn."

4. Pat on Societal Issues

   • [55:06]

   "Take that shit off your head right now before I take off my belt."

5. Ryan Reynolds on Community Support

   • [87:48]

   "All right. So we're gonna do another segment. This is just gonna be us reading the YouTube comments from the last episode."

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Conclusion

Episode 218 of the Crash Dummies Podcast offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and critical discussions on societal issues. Pat and Mike maintain a conversational tone that engages listeners, encouraging interaction and community support. Through their candid dialogue and interactive segments, they provide both entertainment and thoughtful commentary on what they perceive as threats to modern society.

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Note: This summary intentionally excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to focus solely on the main discussions and interactions of the episode.

Transcript

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.

[Mike]

With the price of just about everything going up, we thought we'd bring our prices down. So to help us, we brought in a reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a.

[Pat]

Thing Mint Mobile Unlimited premium wireless. Better get 30, 30.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Better get 30.

[Mike]

Better get 20, 20, 20. Better get 20, 20. Everybody get 15, 15, 15, 15.

[Pat]

Just 15 bucks a month. Sold.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Give it a [e-mail] switch.

[Mike]

Upfront payment of $45 or 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required new customer offer for first 3 months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of network's busy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Taxes and fees extra.

[Mike]

See mintmobile.com on WhatsApp. No one can see or hear your personal messages. Whether it's a voice call message or sending a password to WhatsApp, it's all just this.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So whether you're sharing the streaming password.

[Mike]

In the family chat or trading those late night voice messages, that could basically become a podcast, your personal messages stay between you, your friends and your family. No one else, not even us. WhatsApp message privately with everyone.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hate to start the pod off this way.

[Pat]

No, you don't.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't. Okay, obviously. Go get your merch.

[Pat]

Merch out. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes.

[Pat]

You know, description link in the description.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Go get your merch. About this shirt that I have on. I got a very unique story about this shirt. No, I post it on the Crash on me story and my personal story me and Crash on Me shirt. And I posted the three pictures of the shirts that we have. So I had a, a woman DME and says, I really like the CDP shirt. What does that stand for? And in my head I'm just like, usually I don't answer questions like this, but she seemed nice. Like, she, she's an older, she was an older black lady, so she seemed very, very nice. I was like, oh, let me tell her it stands Crash Dummies podcast just in case, you know, you didn't know stuff like that. She was like, oh, do you mind if I change the meaning of CDP when I buy this shirt? I say, you can do whatever you want with the shirt, especially if you buy it and you support the podcast. She's like, okay, how about chew this pussy? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know, I was like, okay, that's my first time ever reporting a message on Instagram. I didn't know what to do is I couldn't like combat it, like ever talk to me like that again or some like that.

[Pat]

You watch her mouth.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You watch your mouth. You hear me? Oh, man. She lured me into it, and she had, like, the. Like the. The peach and the penis eggplant emoji.

[Pat]

All that peach and the penis, bro.

[Ryan Reynolds]

She tried to. That was. That was a little bit too crazy. That was a little too crazy. I hated to start that way, but that was crazy, though. Chew this. Like, the D or D E, W. Come on.

[Pat]

Like, what are we doing?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like, come on.

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash Dummies podcast, episode 218. Am I correct?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't think so.

[Pat]

218.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I think he's right.

[Pat]

I think I'm right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, I don't think so. Go ahead.

[Pat]

Oh, I thought you were, like, fact checking.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm not fact checking.

[Pat]

No, because you're about to fact check, and then you knew I was right there. You're not, brother. Make sure you guys subscribe to the Patreon. We just dropped an episode on there with the We Don't Miss podcast.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, shout out Jay, Lionel. Plug for coming through to Philly Lionel. Y' all need to lay off them. Lay off the alcohol, though. All of them was drunk as. And them kept hugging for some reason. Me and Mike don't do that, bro.

[Pat]

Well, anyway, subscribe to the Patreon to see that also. Again, merch is out. Make sure you guys. This is the last week we're gonna have them. We're like, there's, like, five more sizes of each kind of one left and stuff like that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, you. No, there's no 5XL. Like, we do apologize to the 3XL people.

[Pat]

Yeah, my bad.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's my fault.

[Pat]

That.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's. That's an apology, and that's something that we gonn. Hopefully, people, that's, like, right on the edge of, like, 3xl and 2xl is streetwear, so you should be good. But the 5xl people is. Come on now, bro. Like, come on now. We not. We don't. We not supporting that shit. We're never making a shirt that big.

[Pat]

The other reason, too, is that the shirt will be big and the say, like, the audio fiend graphic, it's gonna look like how that BMW graphic. BMW graphic. The CDP graphic gonna look like a dot.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, it's literally gonna go right over one of your N. No 5 XL. Like somebody. Some. Some woman that follows us. Actually, DM me mad as hell that I was making fun of the 5xL people. The 5xL person, he kind of looked older. The one that reached out to me. This is me trying to. I don't know how to save his life. I bet you people have been Nice to him too much. I'm. I want him to survive. I want him to make it to episode 500. So it's just like, I'm gonna say something about somebody that reach out to me. That's a 5XL. Listen, bro, I'm not making that. I see you at 3XL. Keep watching the pod.

[Pat]

Not 4XL.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We can make four. We. I can. I can.

[Mike]

Four.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I can with.

[Pat]

Yeah, it always depends where you're starting.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, but five is crazy.

[Pat]

Five is crazy. But I think five is crazy to ask for.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes.

[Pat]

Especially the type of podcast, though. Especially you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. They know.

[Pat]

They know what type of answer they're gonna get. You could have asked me. I probably would have gave you a nicer result.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And no, Mike not giving you. Yeah, it might give you a nice respond in your face, but he definitely DM'd me. Like, look what this fat ass nigga. Listen, this. I do know he was wrong, though. This is the whole thing about the 5 XL thing. That's why I started making fun of him a little bit. The fact that he even asked a question to begin with, it sound like he asked that question a lot like, you know what I mean? Like, this nigga just be dming people. You got that in 5x nigga be DMing McDonald's about their burgers. You got this in 5 patties. Oh, my God. Patties. This is a chicken sandwich.

[Pat]

All right, we're gonna play a little game. We're blind rank some things right?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay?

[Pat]

So for this game, I need y' all to kind of pull out your phones and, like, the notes apps, just to remember what number. What numbers you've kind of used already.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Because there's. There's 10 of them, so it's going to be easy to remember. What?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. Let's talkie talkie.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

We're gonna blind rank the most terrible things to say to your girl while she's in labor.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay?

[Pat]

All right, you guys ready?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes.

[Pat]

And I'm just gonna go around the room. Just tell me the number.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. Number real quick.

[Pat]

All right. You sure it's mine? What you going with, Pat?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm going with really, really low. I'm gonna go with a. I'm gonna go to five. Actually. I'm gonna say that's the lightest one on this list.

[Pat]

It's 10.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, it's 10.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. That's why I told y' all to pull out y' all phones.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ain't nobody trying to do that.

[Pat]

Come on.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Made it too far to Be going through this. Mine. I'm putting number 10. Yeah, Gene, I'm gonna say 10 is like the worst. Yeah, it's like the.

[Pat]

No, 10 is the. The least.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The least. The least worst.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'll put it at seven.

[Pat]

Seven.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

A mic. Oh, no.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, one second.

[Pat]

Go ahead.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yo.

[Pat]

What are you going to do?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, I'm doing six.

[Pat]

Six.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay.

[Pat]

Damn, this is taking a while. Can I go grab something to eat real quick?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm gonna go with nine. That's not crazy. Like, that be taking all day while she's in labor.

[Pat]

This is while she's in labor?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes, bro. You can be in labor for. Okay, okay. For 24 hours, nigga. Jimmy's.

[Pat]

I'm saying.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But this is right down the street.

[Pat]

This is verbatim.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I get what you're saying.

[Pat]

Okay, go ahead.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I feel like. Yeah, I put that at six. Cause I feel like you play it off like you want something, you know, like. Okay, exactly. I mean, we'll go like seven.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Who take this? It's gonna get bad, though.

[Pat]

Babe, you're being kind. Babe, you're being kind of dramatic. It can't hurt. That bad.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I' ma say. That's like, top three. Telling a woman about her body is crazy. Z. Yeah, they got. I'm. Put that at four. Especially something you can't experience. Like, you can't. Like, that's crazy. She gonna remember that.

[Pat]

Let's get three. Three. Okay. Fuck. Can you keep it down? I'm trying to update my fantasy football lineup.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's not. That's not like, fantasy. Like, if you. You ever drafted. You ever drafted in fantasy football, you, like, legit. Like, you got to pick between, like, Christian McCaffrey and, like, a receiver that, you know going to make it through the whole year. You know, Christian Craft going to get injured. It then you hear somebody going, ah. In the background, it's like, bro, concentrate. That's definitely. Again, telling a woman about her body. It got to be number four for me. That's. You can't do that. Okay, Gene, I'mma put that at three. My four spot, that's kind of up. So I gotta go four on that one. Two yet.

[Pat]

All right. This is honestly harder for me than I thought.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's number. Like, if the nigga's serious, that's. That's two. Like, if the nigga. Because that's you ranking you ranking yourself above two things that supposed to be ranked above you. The baby's health and the mother's health. Yeah. So you worried about yourself. That's gotta be top two if they. If the person dead ass. Serious. No, I feel it, but I ain't gonna lie, bro. It's. I get that you're. It's all about perspective.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Honestly. Yeah. Not for sure, because I. Because, like, to be honest, out of everybody that's in a room, I might rank number three, but I can't complain to the other person. Like, because I'm sleep deprived. I'm scared as I don't know what's going on. The doctor's coming in every 30 minutes, yelling and waking everybody up, and I'm scared, but I got to look strong for the other two people. So it ain't crazy, but it's crazy. I'm going. Go to. I'm actually telling the truth, but that's too crazy.

[Pat]

What you going to.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'll put that at nine. Nine. You know, I don't think. I don't. I think that's valid to, like. I think my girl would understand type.

[Pat]

Okay, okay, okay, okay. You look different. You.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You look different.

[Mike]

Come up with. I'm.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. That's. That's a low. It's depending on. You can spin that. Told me if you told me I had to make all these statements first, and then I can recover after. That's easy to recover. Like, you look different.

[Pat]

That's fair. That's fair.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Look like you ate a balloon. You could play that off, but, like, I don't know. I'm gonna put that at. Come and see. I got what's. I'll put that at five. I'll put that at five. Okay. Y' all be having, like, perspectives of the. Of a woman that y' all thinking of. I'm thinking of the masses.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Yeah, definitely.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know what I mean? I get what y' all doing, though. No, I know. Yeah, I know. You can spin it off, because I was like, you look different. Like, you're glowing, you know? Different.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's all in the tone. Like, you look different.

[Pat]

That knows. All right, like, three more. Four more. Hey, my ex didn't scream like that when she gave birth.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's number one. That's like, some. My ex. I don't think so. I don't think you mentioned your ex during the whole pregnancy, let alone, like, in labor is crazy. Like, she might legit get up and shoot the kid at you. Oh, and y' all ain't even. You ain't even have a baby with your ex. Just talking about her labor every night. That'd Be crazy. From what I heard, y' all got the same doctor I asked. That's number two. I feel like it might get worse. I got. I'll put it at three. I don't want to give my number one spot.

[Pat]

I feel it. I feel it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We'll go two.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Nigga, just saying anything. Hey, I was about to say y' all give me the last twice. Y' all give me the last two. So I don't even know what we.

[Mike]

I'm just saying.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I knew you say anything.

[Pat]

All right. Why didn't you get an epidural like we talked about?

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's.

[Pat]

Wait, wait. You're kind of ruining the plan.

[Ryan Reynolds]

N. That's not like if it was part of the plan. You going against the game plan. Back in my day, they call that conversation. No, that I. I get if that was part of the plan.

[Pat]

What number. We don't even got to give me explanation.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Lowest. That's. I my. I think my lowest one is like seven. I give up. That ain't crazy, cuz. I know there's something crazy on there. I'll put that on my number 10. That's the reason why. It's not like. That's not a. You said you want. You said you was going to take you over here. Screaming, fighting here for 12 hours. We prep for these. They don't got prison break here. So, like, you just want me to stay here?

[Pat]

Like, what you going with?

[Ryan Reynolds]

It don't even matter no more.

[Pat]

All right, so this number nine. Wait, so we're really doing this, huh?

[Ryan Reynolds]

It depends on the tone with that. Like, you could be like. You can play that off as sarcastic. I'm. Put that low. Like, a little nervousness. Wait, we're really doing this, huh? That's like. Yeah, I like the softest one. That might be the 10. Unless you got like a. Like a foster mom outside the door. I got somebody to take her now.

[Pat]

All right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Quick little handle. Are you sure?

[Pat]

Before I read this one. Ladies and woman out there, this is not me that made up these answers. I just at all right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Filtered that. This is not me. Get a backbone.

[Pat]

This is just. This is a blind range.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I take credit for.

[Pat]

For this one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

All right?

[Pat]

Okay. Do you think the baby will mess up your body for good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Again? Talking about a woman's body. That's number one.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You don't talk about their body at all. I don't play that.

[Pat]

What are you going one?

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's the worst you could do? Yeah.

[Pat]

Okay. You agree, too? I guess.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What was the other One that was really bad. It's like, you look different now. Something like that. No, it was like, that doesn't even hurt that. It. Only I don't know if that.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. That would have to be the worst one to me.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That was all 10 first.

[Pat]

Yeah, that was all 10 for me. The worst one to me is. Can you keep it down? I'm trying to update my football fantasy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That'S not crazy in labor.

[Pat]

Because obviously, if she's making noise, I mean, she's already, like, she's pushing.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay.

[Pat]

Right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And then while she's pushing, you're there during the fantasy league trying to arrange your. And you tell her to keep it down.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I know, but if you. Look, she knows how devoted to fantasy football you are. Have you been on Twitter lately?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So my confusion with this whole situation with the fantasy football situation. I've been seeing CD Lamb get a lot more targets from that. He getting a lot of targets for a receiver, too. And like, you don't know. Oh, shall I put a running back here? Or should I put CD Lamb in his spot as a receiver, too? You know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

So I'm not saying that the. The fantasy football thing is not the worst thing. Right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay.

[Pat]

It's the action of saying, hey, can you keep it down?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

Forget the fantasy football part.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But that's what I'm saying is the.

[Pat]

What is her.

[Ryan Reynolds]

How far. How far is she dialing? Like, is she screaming, like, down?

[Pat]

Or like, we got turn into a red pill box.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Obviously, all this is whack. Ladies. We. I understand that y' all know that most of the ladies be laughing at that. That's why the list is terrible things to say. Yeah. Yeah, we know birth is the hardest thing to do. That's why men can't do it.

[Pat]

Yep.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And Mike and Pat are doing contraction simulators next week. So we're doing what? The contraction simulators.

[Pat]

Actually got pretty high on one of those before the contraction simulators.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I would never do. No shot.

[Pat]

Hey, get. I've gone pretty high, though.

[Mike]

Yes.

[Pat]

But I also need. I need the women to try it, too, to tell me what level really feels like it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

A woman who's already had.

[Pat]

Had a baby. Because I need the. Because sometimes it's like, if they put it on the highest level it can get, and as a woman says, oh, this is not. It's not. It's bad, but it's not like this. Like, this bad.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Also, the thing is, it's almost like a. Like a tattoo, right?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Not. Not comparing the two. But I'm just.

[Mike]

Fine.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, no, but, like, okay, let's say somebody said you have to endure the pain of a tattoo, but you don't get the tattoo. You know what I'm saying? So, like, you making me go through a woman's contractions, and I'll get no baby. It's kind of crazy, right?

[Pat]

I guess you're trying to say, like, the you. You also need that motivation. It's like I'm trying to bring life into this world.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

As safe as possible.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, no, I get that. I don't like those type of tests because there was another similar test to that, which was like, you put on the goggles to see what it's like to drive drunk. Did you ever do that? They came into our college.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah, they did the walking one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, they did the walking one. And there's, like, a driving simulator. It was a driving simulator. And, like, I think I got. So. It was like, they're telling me exactly how much I had, like, how much alcohol, I think it equals six beers at the time. And they put the goggles on me. I got on the simulator and I crashed 10 seconds later. And I took the goggles off and I said, dog, it's some bullshit. And they were just like, yeah, we told you. I'm like, no, this is some bullshit, because I just had seven last night and I got over five accurate. I'm glad that never happened, allegedly. But them. Them little Jesus signs. Be me up, though.

[Pat]

Like, I think the other thing with the simulators, too, I think there were. There were other people saying it was to. For the period cramps. I don't know if it was the pregnancy part either. I think they were trying to simulate period cramps, which I believe, because I don't think. Because the babies come out the vagina, and I think the cramps is more of the simulating thing than.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I mean, whatever they doing, we don't experience.

[Pat]

Yeah, y' all got it.

[Mike]

I don't know.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, there's no. Like, I would never say anything. Nothing's more beautiful than being able to create another human being. Like, I can't even get close to that. You sound jealous. Huh?

[Pat]

I'm not jealous.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm not jealous.

[Pat]

I'm not jealous.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'll be so. Like, there was so. When I was younger, I actually. Actually cried because I thought I could get pregnant. Listen, dead ass was in tears, bro. We. I. I don't know why. I was young, I watched a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And he got pregnant he was like.

[Pat]

The first name like that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I love his name, man. And he got pregnant and I was like, oh, I could have a kid one day. That looked like it hurt. I don't want to have to have a kid.

[Pat]

So why do you think you got pregnant? Like, what happened?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I never thought I got pregnant. I thought it was a possibility I could get pregnant.

[Pat]

But what was the process of like, how do you get pregnant? Or you weren't thinking?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I. I wasn't there yet.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I wasn't. I wasn't even dry humping yet, brother. Still watching Disney movies. So wonder why Nala getting me hard. Yo, let's take a quick break from the podcast to thank a sponsor from today's episode, seatgeek.

[Pat]

So I had the opportunity to use seatgeek this weekend. I went to a boxing fight in Chicago.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay. I saw you. You were pretty close.

[Pat]

Yeah, I had some really good season. I had ring. Ring size tickets you send by some celebrities. Yeah, yeah. Seek. You made it really simple process for me to get the tickets.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The.

[Pat]

The part I really like is the view you get from where your seats are because there are like some good, like front row seats and stuff like that. The places but sometimes you really have to see because even like the. The seats that are kind of further away.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

They're still really good angles. Like they say in the Buck Stadium, there's no really no bad seat. So like, I like that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's not true. But also for you dudes that got side pieces that you can see where you can hide. Don't want to be on a. You don't want another Coldplay yesterday.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

There are more than 70,000 events listed on SE including concerts, sports, festivals and more.

[Ryan Reynolds]

If you want a good deal, you look for the green dots. The green dot means good, red dot means bad. They make it.

[Pat]

Make it very simple for everybody.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, super simple. They're like, what do you think?

[Pat]

I. I'm about to get these red dot tickets.

[Ryan Reynolds]

If you get red dot tickets. Come on now. You need to read that on you.

[Pat]

And you know we came through for you guys. Use code dummies10 at checkout to get 10 off your next set of tickets. That's 10 off any tickets with promo code dummies10. Make sure you click the link in the description, download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thank you, seatgeek. And back to the pod. Taking another quick break to thank our sponsor of today. Hu. We all know mornings can be chaotic. Getting Ready for work, taking out the dog, trying to make breakfast. But he'll Black Edition legit saves my mornings Real reason I really like Hugh is the satiation. There's a lot of these meal the quote unquote meal replacement drinks that it has like 500 calories in it and then your next hour you're super hungry again and he'll kind of carve that for me again.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Our friends at Huel today's sponsor have you covered spell Huel in their black edition is a complete meal so you feel focused and ready for your day. Little prep so you can you know grab and go when you want to. Hughes already sold over 500 million meals around the world and now it's your turn to try new customers. Get 15 off at heal.com when you use our code crash C R A S H. Damn, I hope I spelled.

[Pat]

That right because this is down here. Right here.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Don't trust me?

[Pat]

Start saving time and money without compromising your nutrition today with this exclusive offer for new customers. That's that's 15 off using our exclusive code crash huel.com Please see our description for terms and conditions. Skip the stretch, not the nutrition. Try heal today for complete nutrition. Now back to the pod Shannon shop. Shannon Sharp got fired from espn.

[Ryan Reynolds]

A word.

[Pat]

Yeah. And he was saying that obviously he was saying that he wished they would have waited a little bit longer so it didn't overshine Sterling Sharp, his brother get into the the NFL hall of fame and stuff like that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. First brothers to go in. No shout out to them.

[Pat]

It's interesting with this because this is truly showing that being lustful can, can cost you your job sometimes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What Kendrick say is it's getting shaky right now. It's better to have one woman.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Specifically for this reason.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But we never know what like people's kinks are.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And I feel like I'm, I'm happy that my king isn't a middle ground for something that could be very dangerous also. So with that being said also I'm confused if Shannon Sharp is going to go back to ESPN because it doesn't make any sense to me that he would settle out of court and then he ends up getting fired from ESPN anyways and losing his sponsors anyways. Unless he's going back that route.

[Pat]

Well DraftKings Hakanes seems like they're back because I saw the logo.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay.

[Pat]

It's back up and stuff like that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So maybe he's just keeping his sponsors right now.

[Pat]

Yeah, he's keeping his sponsors. I think he's obviously not gonna get that big yet. The TV deal that he was gonna get, he might go to another network or something like that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But it's a tough one. It's. It's kind of sad in a sense too, because it's just too freaky. It's just like a lot of freaky that's going on. I think in any other situation, say if it was just a woman a little bit older.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

A woman that made me not. It was just too many red flags for him to. Especially the way Shannon Sharp preaches on his. I think that's the thing. Other things like he preaches about having discipline and. And he was like the Zion thing. I think somebody showed a clip about how Zion doesn't have discipline for his weight and his career and stuff like that. He's not taking his career seriously. And I think the same thing could be applied to when you're in a position like that. Obviously some women are out there. They're going to get you to how they get you. Right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right.

[Pat]

But there are ways as men you can protect yourselves, you know? And I just think, again, like what Kendrick said, like the. Yeah, it just.

[Ryan Reynolds]

To me, it's just like for Shannon Sharp, I feel like he lost a whole avenue for money. Like now when I see a motivational video, like if you could be scrolling on TikTok, you see a motivational video where they got all the combinations of, you know, the best quotes. They got Dion talking at the beginning, then they got Tom Brady talking at the beginning, all while these highlights play in the background. Now, Shannon Sharp is not a part of that.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Because I feel like he lost that unk way of just being like, hey, man, focus on. You focus on that. And stuff like that. Because he made. Not only made a mistake, but made it in his, like, the prime of when he's supposed to know all that stuff. It's not like he made it at 30 and he's 50 now. He can go back and talk about it like, oh, when I was that age, this is why you don't do it.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So now that takes away for a little bit from his show now when stuff like that comes up. Because, you know, those are some of the biggest stories in NFL, NBA. Regardless of like, what goes on, the biggest stories is always when a star commits a crime or does something off the field. Like, for instance, like some. Not even a crime. Like Zion dealing with Mariah Mills and stuff like that. Right. Especially for Shannon's podcast. That's a big topic.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Now he just lost like a bunch of steam behind his opinion where it weighed a lot, like, oh, let me go see what Unc Shannon got to say about this Zion situation. Now I feel like people are not. Won't go to him.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know what I mean? Like I'm not going to him because he a freak too.

[Pat]

The money is different. The money is different too. On tv. On TV it's like.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

With podcasting and stuff like that, you always have to rely on, you know, new sponsors. Every other kind of. Every other kind of episode. Maybe the deals might deal with how much people actually buy the thing. With tv it's just like if you get good rate and ESPN is kind of like a. It's a head start.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

There's already a built in audience there, so you can, you can only really add to it and you can, you know, demand a lot more money.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I mean, look at longer contracts. Stephen A. Smith basically runs those shows. Yeah. Right. And I literally just watched a clip of Stephen A. Smith, which I never thought I'd say, especially when I first heard the rumor probably four or five years ago. I really thought I never would sit here and to see somebody talk of Stephen A. Stature about politics and I watch him break down a clip of something about Barack and Michelle.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And he actually said something about Barack Obama.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Back in the day, if Stephen A. Smith says something about Barack Obama, everybody be like, shut the up.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Now only half of us saying shut the up.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know what I'm saying? So it's getting more like. And that comes from espn. And like you said, it's a head start to like, you want a movie career, your own show. Look at Cam. Right?

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I bet you he got more fans when he started appearing on espn. And now fourth and one is dope as hell. You know what I'm saying? So there's different stuff.

[Pat]

So there's a clip from the. The lead attorney on YouTube about talking about a little bit about this too. And I wanted to hear your opinion. This case was about money.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Why did she.

[Pat]

That Shannon had offered this girl. If I'm going to be honest, in a very real way, Shannon settled this case for you, you say for me. Well, what do you mean by that, lead? Listen, the only reason Shannon makes any money at all is because of you and how you feel about him, how.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You judge him, what light you see. The only reason that Shannon makes any.

[Pat]

Money is because you exist and you have money. And so companies want to get in front of you. These companies feel like you hold Shannon Sharpe in a certain esteem.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And you watch Shannon Sharpe.

[Pat]

So they want to use Shannon Sharpe to get in front of you when Shannon. So I play that to say that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What the fuck is that nigga talking to you?

[Pat]

Nah. But that. It makes sense though. He's saying that the only image that Shannon Sharp really has to really save is the one that his audience perceives him. Doesn't matter what Disney kind of thinks now because that's this. The people that watch him like, just like how the people that watch us, we rely on the people that watch us because our sponsors want to put their stuff in front of them. So if, if people still like Shannon and still see him in that regard, they'll still watch his show. So as long as his show doesn't take a big hit. But you. Like you said, he did lose a revenue stream.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But the talk. But I don't think the conversation isn't. Can he maintain what he has on. Yeah, it's. It was.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Is it going to stop his ascension on the same pace that it was on? So it's like that's what's stopping. Like Shannon was getting ready to. If ESPN started to break off in the shows, you could definitely see Shannon having his own show on espn, which is, which is crazy. Right? Only Stephen A. Really has that. Like, that's notable right now. So that stopped that ascension, which obviously we know ESPN can lead to such and such and such and such. But I don't think Shannon's gonna. I, I think his interviews should. They might be better because now he.

[Pat]

Doesn'T have like Disney in the back of his.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I think it helped. It might have helped his podcast a little bit more because now he doesn't have to have a big artist as just like the interview. He doesn't need a Cat Williams. Now he can go with, you know, a lower tier celebrity and also be the vocal point of the podcast or. Or the interview. Like, oh, yeah, I went through a situation like that. Like, people probably would love to hear. Shannon's probably going to break this down one day. What actually happened when the case is all clear and he can. And people are going to be very interested in that. I feel also because weird stuff like this. Only in America that weird stuff like this makes you a bigger celebrity. Like a lot of people didn't watch. They don't watch sports.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And they don't watch Nightcap and they don't. Some people don't even know who Shannon Sharp is, believe it or not.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But a lot of people know major News. And, like, some people found out who that was because of him. And he probably. He probably picked up some fans because of it.

[Pat]

Yeah, I would say he picked up, but it depends. Like I said, like you said, the ascension part is, like, definitely stops. It's the. The problem now.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Any court case that you go through, gonna put a halt to all that. That's, like, my worst feel. I do not want to end up in court. I laugh way too much, I promise you. You good? You good? You good?

[Mike]

Yeah, yeah, I'm good, bro. I got work later on. I was taking a little nap before.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wait, okay, I. I can hear your voice now. At the beginning, his voice wasn't. It was, like, kind of slouchy or something.

[Pat]

It's not like you under the COVID.

[Mike]

Or some n. The face is in the pillow, though, for sure.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, brother. My f. That boy called us. Face down, ass up.

[Mike]

My bad freak ass.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I got a question for you. All right. Don't say, what's up? Like that. All right. What's the most unprofessional thing you've ever done at work?

[Mike]

I was sitting on my porch during break, and it's, like, a whole bunch of us, but we all be out there smoking. And it's a real lockdown kind of place. Like, we not allowed to go to our cars or lead the building at all during our breaks. So it's like a whole bunch of gates and stuff. But one of my old co workers, he quit, and he ended up. My fault. He ended up getting fired because I guess some lady was trying to steal a dildo, and he came out the cut, like, trying to vouch for it, like, no, no. I was telling her, hold that for me. And so they ended up firing both of them anyway. I'm so confused.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Where the do you work at?

[Mike]

It was a Target distribution center in New Jersey.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wait, Target? Wait, why does Target have dildos?

[Pat]

They'd have, like, vibrators, and they got everything.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Continue the story.

[Mike]

And that's when, about two months later, he comes back. And we had orange vests. So he had an orange vest on. We see him walk up to the gate. The gate.

[Pat]

Tall as.

[Mike]

So you really have to climb it. So he climbs the gate, jumps over it, looks at everybody, gives him a nod, just walks in the building. I think he stole probably, like, a whole bunch of, like, Apple products and, like, probably a couple cameras and stuff. And I think he grabbed a PS5. They said.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He grabbed the PS5. So. So. So you just watched it? You Just watch him do this. And didn't report him or nothing. Just stood there.

[Mike]

No, I said. I said, what's up, bro? He said, what's up? Say, how you doing? Said, good. Say, all the kids said, good. And then he went back and what he was doing. I minded my business.

[Ryan Reynolds]

See, No, I feel it.

[Pat]

I can't be mad at that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, no, no, no. This dude, he freaky as hell, though. Get out. Get out the bed, though, when you call us next time.

[Mike]

Got here. Patrick.

[Pat]

All day is crazy.

[Mike]

All right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Literally taking this with his ass in there. Oh, my God.

[Mike]

Y be easy, man. I let it pop.

[Pat]

Appreciate it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So easy, huh? Yo, yo, what's the deal?

[Mike]

What's going on with y'? All?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Chilling, potting, and I feel that.

[Mike]

I feel that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Sorry. Yes, sir. I got a question for you.

[Mike]

What's good?

[Ryan Reynolds]

All right. What's the most unprofessional thing you've done at work?

[Mike]

All right, so I work with, like, two separate agencies. One was on the left hand side. That was on the right, and my area was, like, in the middle. So my superintendent put me in the shorty I was dealing with at the time on the same side. So this particular day at work, we worked a night shift. So it was me and her, and I was a little backed up. So I was like, I'm trying to get some head. She was like, right now? And I was like, why not? She was like, we got agencies over there. And over there, I was like, they not paying attention to what we doing. Like, I'm just going to stand up. You know, you do what you got to do. Somebody come, I'm let you know. But she started doing her job or her other job. And then we got a phone call, hit the console. So I picked it up, and it was a death notification that had to go out to somebody, family. So while she was busy doing what she was doing, I'm supposed to be taking notes about this death so I could let the family know when I call them. I wasn't taking zero notes. So I went through the whole notification. Had to keep asking questions over and over again because I couldn't really focus full time. And then when I finally got all the information down, I got my happy ending. But the family got the information, like, two hours later because I was preoccupied.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's literally gonna sound like sizzling fajitas. Where you going, brother?

[Mike]

I mean, at the end of the day, the family still got notified.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hey, man, tell Hogan I said, what's up?

[Pat]

That's craz me.

[Mike]

That's so wild, bro. Y' all ain't done no wild stuff like that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Never, bro. We would never disrespect the dead either. Over. Especially sex. It's like. I understand where he was at, bro. You think race is going to heaven? That's all new subject we talk about. But, yeah, you going there, brother.

[Mike]

Actually, that might be the case.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Actually, that's not my judgment. We'll see at the gates. But just. Just know they calling the manager from the back for you. Hold on. Just step to the side real quick.

[Mike]

Fine. I got my dis when I got out, so I'm straight. You know they family members still did.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, my God.

[Pat]

That's crazy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You're crazy, bro.

[Pat]

All right. Hopefully nothing happens to you in this same situation. Doesn't happen to you. You know that's true.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Karma.

[Mike]

If y' all know folk who need help getting their disability, tell them hit me up. Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Sound like a scam.

[Mike]

Balance.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Come down here, brother. All right.

[Pat]

All right, man. You have a good one.

[Mike]

All right. Y' all too.

[Pat]

Peace.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Nah, he's not a good person, bro.

[Pat]

Yo.

[Mike]

Oh, what's the deal?

[Pat]

What up? What up?

[Mike]

Call it, man. Call it. I'm a hot pot real quick. Excuse me.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Let's talking about that. Appreciate you stepping outside, brother.

[Mike]

Anytime I be listening to y', all some of the audios in the back be. It'd be terrible. I can't.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Do that. All right.

[Pat]

I gotta answer a question, Pat. It's mine. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

All right. What's the most unprofessional thing you've done at work?

[Mike]

D. So probably taking a joint. It's like, I guess, compensation in a sense, or like a tilt. At least work at fast food. So basically, by the clothes, I think we go to midnight. I work that winter schn. I don't know if. No it is or not.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Explain Wieners.

[Pat]

I've never heard of it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I've never heard of that.

[Mike]

It's some. It's. It's like la and stuff. Yeah, Hot dogs, corn dogs, jalapeno poppers. They be texing like a dollar for, you know. I mean, $9 for two hot dogs.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We so immature. No, no, no. We believe you. Go ahead with the story, though.

[Mike]

Okay. But. Yeah, my bad, my bad. So, yeah, we about to close, and dude came at like 11:55. I was in a good mood, you know, I was like, you know what? He ordered, like, two things of largely cheese fries, and I'm like, damn, it's gonna take a little minute. But we had scheduled. We got A slow at night. So we pull up. I let him know, like, you know, usually I would be a. I would have told you no, but I'm in a good mood. I got a joint for you. You know, if I hit this. No. He's like, I got a spare one. So he gave me the spare. It was like a little golden little joint. I ain't gonna lie. I thought I got leased at first like this. Just gave me a joint. I thought I was. Thought I about to die. But it wasn't that bad, you know, they had a good night. I didn't know what was in it, but I'm still here.

[Pat]

It. Right.

[Mike]

Real talk that made you lose.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's. Bro, I don't even know what this is. That's crazy.

[Pat]

Okay, bro. I'm glad you're okay, I guess.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Mike]

No, I appreciate it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. Appreciate you calling in Sausage Sergeant.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hey, let him not as a man. Like, I feel like he was never the same after that joint, no matter what he said.

[Mike]

The crash, dummy. What's good?

[Ryan Reynolds]

What's good? What's good, brother? How you doing?

[Mike]

I'm good. I'm good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. We only ask people how they know when they come on with good energy, sometimes y' all be dry as hell. We get straight to the question.

[Mike]

No, no, I'm with the energy, buddy. I'm with the energy. I love y' all dummies. I love the crash dummies. Yes, sir.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And not. Not too much now.

[Pat]

Oh, my God. I got a question for you. What's something that's ruining society?

[Mike]

I. I said love is. You know, love isn't real loving. True. All these people doing behind lovers is ruining everything in the world.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I thought he was rapping.

[Pat]

What's. What's your, like, your hate against love? I guess you got your heart broken.

[Mike]

It's not. Hey, it's just real. Love isn't real, buddy. You know, just think about it. If somebody do something that. That you say you love you, if they do something bad to you, you're gonna be like nine. I ain't messing with them no more. You don't really love him then, at that point, right?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, I know.

[Pat]

So people can't change their minds.

[Mike]

I don't believe you change your mind. You love something. If you love something, you love something. God didn't change his mind when he made you, right? He said, black boy, I made you. I love you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, I know. Like when you was in school and they asked you to show an example that used to kick your ass.

[Mike]

Man, I'm just. I'm just telling you how I feel about love. I'm just asking me the question.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, okay, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. What's your message to everybody that Just teach them about love real quick and no more fortune cookie talking.

[Mike]

Okay, here we go. So when love comes to you, never look at it. It walk away because it isn't real. It's fake. It's a figment. Your imagination is there for a second and it's gone. Tomorrow. You gentlemen have a wonderful day. That's right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Still there.

[Pat]

Got left on Red in 2016. Became a philosopher.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He sound like he got followers, though. Just a bunch of just love. That's up because it's somebody more like if Michael B. Jordan said that, that should have hit.

[Mike]

Yo, yo, hold on real quick.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Let me take this. Let me take this.

[Pat]

Energy drink is your question too, bro.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Not for real, bro. You think we just. You think we just go from caller to call with no refreshments.

[Mike]

When motivation for money.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes, you right. Called us out. We not grinding hard enough. I got you. All right. That wasn't even that funny. All right. What? I forgot the question. This. I said I hate when we have goofy ass.

[Mike]

Does he not have, like, the question on his phone? Up and read.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hold on, hold on. You just throwing me off, Brian. Forgot the question all day. It's this voice, bro.

[Mike]

Oh, Lord.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What's the most unprofessional thing you've ever done at work?

[Mike]

Okay, so I work in pharmacy in the hospital, and the biggest mistake I did is I leave AirPod in and listen to the podcast, usually because I'm bored, but to make time go by. So this one day, they were like, I need you to run upstairs to the emergency room and give this guy this bag because he's dying. So I'm like, okay, cool. I run up there fast as possible and listen to the podcast. Mind you, whole podcast going in my ear. Soon as I walk in the emergency room, I see butt, ass naked, man on the table, just dick jumping around. What's called pat in my ear. Just laughing. So I'm trying to keep that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You stopped that, bro.

[Mike]

Bro, it was completely your fault.

[Pat]

That just puts you in a whole orgy. Sit with the dick out.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Bro.

[Mike]

They're just trying to protect. They're literally just trying to resuscitate them. So I'm like 12 people in the room. I'm sitting here like, okay, who am I giving this bag to? This man is dying. All I hear is PAC scream in my ear. The fuck. I bust out laughing in the middle of emergency room.

[Ryan Reynolds]

They all look at me saying, scream and bust in my name. Never say that shit again.

[Mike]

Yeah. So literally the whole mercy room looking at me now. I finally got their attention. I'm holding the bag like, all right, who do I give this to? Podcast still going in the ear. I'm just laughing, smirking, and they're looking at me like, what the is funny? I I'm just like, I'm sorry. I just have a nervous laugh. And they're like, okay, get in the bag. Get the out. I I I just had to walk out in sadness because I was just like, bro, I'm sorry I got here in time. I was trying to save the life. I'm sorry I'm laughing so much. And then I never got to run any more meds upstairs.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, bro.

[Pat]

Did he live?

[Mike]

I think so. The sit he A lawnmower blew up on him. He was trying to cut his grass and it just blew up under his ass. I I think he lives out.

[Pat]

The reason I was laughing is just that I would hate for something so random to happen. A lawnmower. I'm relaxed, mowing the lawn. This blows up on me, and I take and damage takes my life.

[Mike]

Life.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I just, I just don't. Hey, be quiet. It's my turn.

[Mike]

Oh. Oh. Oh, my God.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I just don't the he D bro. What the was that? N D weird, man.

[Pat]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Now his vibes is definitely off from.

[Pat]

The get go, bro.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Way too horny.

[Pat]

Quick break from today's podcast to thank our sponsor of today's episode.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Earning in life. You're going to run into money problems. You're going to be stuck on the side of the road. You're gonna be out to eat with the best day to your life. Somebody that you think could be your wife or you just simply don't have any emergency money. Earning is a good place to help you with that. Earning is an app that gives you access to your pay as you work up to 150 per day with a max of $750 between paydays. Just download the earning app and verify your paycheck check. Any money you access plus tips are automatically repaid from your next paycheck download.

[Pat]

Earning today spelled E, A, R, N, I N in the Google Play or Apple Store. When you download the earning app, type in Crash Dummies under Podcast when you sign up. It really helps the show. That's Crash Dummies under Podcasts also use Earn in Responsibly Earning is a financial.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Technology company, not a bank. Cash outs are based on your available earnings. Earnings Standard cash outs take one to two business days with no mandatory fees. Tips are voluntary and don't affect service. Also see the Cash out user agreement for details. Services not available in all states. Now back to the podcast. This message is sponsored by Greenlight. With school out, summer is the perfect time to teach our kids real world money skills they'll use forever. Greenlight is a debit card in the number one family finance and safety app used by millions of families, helping kids learn how to save, invest and spend wisely. Parents can send their kids money and track their spending and saving while kids build money, confidence and skills in fun ways. Start your risk free Greenlight trial [e-mail] Spotify that's greenlight.com Spotify what's up, fellas?

[Pat]

What up? What up?

[Ryan Reynolds]

What's up, fellas?

[Pat]

Where are you from?

[Mike]

South Carolina.

[Ryan Reynolds]

South Carolina.

[Pat]

I got a car.

[Mike]

They pay. Hey, before I get started, I just wanted to. What's up, Mike? Man, I missed you, Mike. Pat. Happy. Happy. No, I'm just playing. I ain't gonna do it. I ain't gonna do it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, don't do it, bro.

[Pat]

All right, I got a question for you. What's something that's ruined? What's something that's ruining society?

[Mike]

Man, these Y ins, man. These wines don't got no regards, man. They just do whatever they want to do. Talk to people however they want to talk, dog. I'm calling for the Uncs. I'm myself. So first off, I just want to.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Give a shout out to South Carolina. She sound black.

[Mike]

Yeah, I'm black.

[Pat]

Okay, You're.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm not gonna lie.

[Pat]

You had Tom from Facebook on your profile picture, so I was already kind of confused, bro.

[Ryan Reynolds]

His. His Instagram name is literally Jim Crow, bro. What the.

[Pat]

So what he said, yn, it threw me all the way off. Okay, continue.

[Mike]

No, I know, but. No, no. Nobody gets it. Nobody gets the profile picture. Yeah, yeah, but the Ws don't care about nothing, man. They mad disrespectful. Their pants always too tight and. And. And they always got a poo shy on. It's nine o'clock in the morning. Why y' all walk around, push I on like some. Y' all need to help me. Fill it out. Y' all need to help me.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Do they scare you? Huh?

[Mike]

Man, it'd be. I went to Shoney's yesterday. I went to Shoney's yesterday. He walked in, went up, and, like, I had to step back cause I ain't know what was going on. So, yeah, y' all need to talk to him.

[Pat]

Hey, this is your platform to talk to.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Go ahead. What's your message to them?

[Pat]

What's your message to all the YNs?

[Mike]

Take that shit off your head right now before I take off my belt. I'm tired of it. I'm taking off my belt next time I see one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, you get the belt, they gonna get the switch. Let's see who.

[Pat]

You just said you're a scared of one. Why are you raising your voice now?

[Mike]

Because ain't none around me now. I'm in the house. It's Sunday, okay?

[Pat]

Now act like there's one in the room. Obviously, I'm not. I'm just saying you don't have to be, like, aggressive with your psa.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Give a more like or non aggressive. Just like. Just act like there's like eight of them in a room looking at you with the pooh. Shone.

[Mike]

No, no, no. Eight too many.

[Pat]

You.

[Mike]

You give me two of them. You keep me. You give me two of them. Him, I'm gonna step into him like, hey, hey, young fella. First off, pull up your pants. Pull up your pants. First off, pull up your pants. You got. You got ladies around here, your ladies around here. And then don't be like, hey, man, just have a little bit more, like, conscious of your awareness about where y' all at, man. Because, like, everybody's not hip to the movement and stuff like that. And plus, y' all giving all the rest.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He started talking like Shannon Sharp and get to the movement. Now, hold on.

[Mike]

One more thing, one more thing.

[Pat]

Go ahead, go ahead.

[Mike]

All right. I want to give a shout out to the audio listeners. Man, I listen to y' all at work all day, but, hey, Pat, I don't like you no more, man. I just playing, all right?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Nah, you can't even say it, man.

[Pat]

Yeah, I feel like Pat hasn't said anything bad about all your listeners in, like, a hundred episodes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'll fix that. This. I'm blessed. Shout out to the audio listeners, though. I ain't saying nothing about the audio in a minute, you know what I mean? Shout out to y' all. Hard work beings.

[Mike]

Yeah, appreciate you. Appreciate y', all, boys, man, I've been following y' all since, like, since Mike lost his phone. I. Since Mike lost his phone. I've been up on y' all since.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, he didn't lose his phone. A stole it and knew who it was. Like, 13, huh?

[Pat]

This one's like 12 or some.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, no, no. He talking about when dude took your phone. Oh, and you ain't do.

[Pat]

They didn't do. I didn't know who it was. I swear to God. I know who it was.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't know. We know who it is.

[Pat]

No, they. The building knew who it was. The building knew who it was, but they didn't show me the footage.

[Ryan Reynolds]

All right, bro.

[Pat]

You have a good one.

[Mike]

All right, Appreciate. Y.

[Pat]

I forgot all about that. Me too.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I did too.

[Mike]

Y. Hello?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, hello.

[Pat]

Can you hear us?

[Mike]

How's it going?

[Pat]

Pretty good, pretty good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I just don't. Okay. My only bone to pick with that is like the octave of his yo, hello. Was almost like he didn't hear nothing on the phone. It wasn't like, oh, yo, hello.

[Pat]

Like, he might not, though.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, he definitely heard some. He just gave us the same yo, hello.

[Mike]

I answered the phone like that last time too. You said it was, like, cool. You said it was unique.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Why are you changing up on him, man?

[Pat]

Why are you changing up now?

[Ryan Reynolds]

You said I was cool. I think it just be the difference.

[Mike]

Yeah, for real, bro.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It'd be the different strains of weed. Okay, that's just definitely not cool. I must have some indica or some.

[Pat]

I got a question for you. What's something that's ruining society?

[Mike]

Only fans. Only fans is ruining society, and it's messing up the competitiveness of regular porn.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You almost had it.

[Pat]

Almost. What? Explain.

[Mike]

All right, so regular porn, like online porn, pornhub, like all these other sites like Twitter and stuff. There's not as much competitiveness in there to, like, get your craft out there. Because, I mean, everyone's charging a price for this now. It's not that you can go and, like, certain and find some good because all the good they charging for. You feel what I'm saying? So, like, these only fan models have kind of like. How do I put it? Like, in basketball terms? Like, let's say like a street player is really nice at playing, like, playing on the street. So people go to watch this guy or, like, try to see him hoop and stuff. But now he. You. You gotta charge it. Like, he. He in the league now, so you got to pay to watch him play. So, like, all the good players are, like, moving up to only fans, and it's messing up everything else.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Again, almost. It's like you do a. You. You a big idea guy. You just can't put it all together, man.

[Mike]

Exactly. Key there.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No not today, man.

[Pat]

Nah, he definitely has his audience.

[Mike]

I knew. I thought Key was gonna with that one. I'm not gonna lie. Lie. Oh, my God.

[Pat]

All right, Y' all a good one, man.

[Mike]

All right. Y' all too. All right. Yo, yo.

[Pat]

Holy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Said somebody turn down my headphones. Yo, yo.

[Mike]

It's a echo.

[Pat]

No, no, no.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You just. You probably the loudest person we had on today.

[Pat]

He's loud, and I think he answered, like, five questions anyway.

[Mike]

Tweaked out. It's. I'm mad about, bro.

[Pat]

All right. What's something that's ruining society?

[Mike]

Which one I should choose, though? I play mad. Mad at them.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Just go off, brother. Just keep it short.

[Mike]

I bet. Boom. I just see a These with these scooters, bro.

[Pat]

Okay, like the lime scooters.

[Mike]

Like, they just. Nah, the electric drones. Like, you ever just driving.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Same same.

[Mike]

You hit the corner, bam. Scooter, bro. Get out the room.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, okay. Next. Next one.

[Mike]

The next one, I'm gonna have to say, damn, I forgot which ones I put for sure. But I'm smoking right now. My fault. Y' all got me.

[Ryan Reynolds]

This problem right here. Y' all got the.

[Mike]

P. Try to.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Put the weed down. You can't even remember what you typed 20 minutes ago.

[Mike]

That's not the point.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Look, it's literally on your phone.

[Mike]

No, it's not Just go to the messages. I'm in the messages. Ain't nothing. It's just. It's just say, call. And y' all responded to one thing.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You can't look at his answers. I don't know.

[Pat]

Okay, let's see if you can. Let's see.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We.

[Pat]

We'll have somebody give you your answers.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We got you.

[Pat]

They're just gonna hit call to all your answers.

[Mike]

Ah, see? See? See now?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Mike]

Bro. All right, cool. See, I'm going crazy. Look, all right.

[Pat]

Go ahead, go off.

[Mike]

Go off, go off. Look, GameStop. GameStop. That's number one, bro. That's. I should have put that as number one. GameStop, bro. You get these mad games, bro. Hey, what $10? What we doing? What you give him, though, bro? You get him a whole P4, and you probably get. You get a whole P4, and it got mad games on it. You tell them like, yo, bro, you could have this account. It got mad games on it, bro. They don't care about none of that. $10. Thank you. Bye. Get on my phone face. Boom. Black people. No, I said black people. No, no, no. Yeah. Is up the society, bro. Yeah, because you know. And y' all know what I'm talking about not black people, bro.

[Pat]

All right, what else?

[Mike]

And every. Everybody that be like, like, you tell them a little piece of information, bro, and they hit you with the. Yeah, but I already know. No, you don't. All right, cool. Another one. White vans. I'm talking about these little. I'm talking about work white vans, bro. Like it just up the society, bro. Still to this day. Hey, you see a white van right now, bro, you're gonna be like, all right, bro. What that white van on, bro? I bet he. He gone cool and that buy police cars. I hate all y'. All.

[Pat]

Do you feel better? I feel like you got a lot, a lot off your chest.

[Mike]

Nah, I don't really. And, oh, and one more y ends them part of too. But them. Them the real ones that really up. Cause they really just slow, bro.

[Pat]

What's your message to all y ends right now?

[Mike]

Chill out, bro. Y' all didn't sit the down somewhere, bro. Y' all gotta chill. We wasn't even that wild switches. But we didn't have no switches.

[Pat]

In the room.

[Mike]

Yeah, the Mike, come on.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I mean, that was just. Continue your list. Mike laughed at your last one. And you thought multiple people's in a room that just. Mike, where my else go?

[Pat]

All right, bro. You have a good one, bro.

[Mike]

All right, bro. All right. Pillow. Yo, yo, what's good?

[Pat]

Welcome to Crash Enemies podcast.

[Mike]

Hey, man, appreciate that.

[Pat]

All right, I got a question for you. What's up? What's something that's ruining our society?

[Mike]

Ah, Jerry Jones, man. Jerry Jones, he's ruining our society. Single handedly. He's doing it.

[Pat]

Care to explain?

[Mike]

Real passionate about this. Yeah, man. So I'm. I'm a Cowboys fan, man. And I unfortunately, I'm a Cowboys fan for a living, you know what I'm saying? Like, that's what I do. That's my job. And you know, his livelihood is in my hand a lot, you know, and this Michael Parsons trade really got me up his trade request because it's like, what do you got against, bro? Like, Tony Romo ain't never had to deal with this. Jason Whitney never had to deal with this. He's really setting us back, you know what I'm saying? Like, we've been. We've been trying to progress for so many years, years. And this send us back by not trying to pay like you already own slaves, bro. You pretty much a slave master, bro. You already own. Just pay the what they. What they. What they worth, bro. And we got to go through like, bro, like Come on. Michael Parsons writing books. Writing books on Twitter and talking about how you feel so disrespected by the Cowboys. Like, he's one of the greatest players in the NFL, if not history, bro. Pay that man. What are we going through all these charades for, bro? Bro, I don't broke three TVs tweaking about this. You know, this is setting me back financially, bro. I can't do it no more.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So what's your final message to Jerry Jones?

[Mike]

I. I really can't say that. You know what I'm saying? My final message, him, I really can't say, because I ain't trying to get y' all canceled on myself.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Bro. Nobody. You got a very generic voice, bro.

[Pat]

Go off, bro.

[Mike]

Oh, no, no, no. My voice is actually very, very popular.

[Pat]

My voice definitely recognized.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Mike]

You know, I'm cooked if I say what I say.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Mike]

So I'm. I'mma. I'mma just say I need him to go away. Just go away. Any means necessary, you know, I won't ask no questions, you know what I'm saying? Any reason necessary. I just need him to go away.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, go away is crazy, bro.

[Mike]

I. I ain't. I ain't saying. I just need you to go away, man. That's it. No. No questions.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You want him to wear the white.

[Mike]

Jerseys, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Fly hot.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

About the way. Jersey.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, I got you. You want the white jerseys? I got you, bro.

[Mike]

You know what I'm saying?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Or to go home. Jersey. Send them home.

[Mike]

But, you know, bro, on everything, but.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, Jerry ain't going. Never mind, man.

[Mike]

That finna live to 150, bro. I'm pissed.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The thing is, Jerry Jones like it. I. He's just an old Southern dude, but, like, sometimes when he talks, it does give, like. Like, plantation vibes. The one time I really. He gave plantation vibes, he landed his helicopter while they were practicing. Like, this is. That was so crazy.

[Mike]

Yeah, that's kind of crazy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The other one.

[Mike]

Why are you flexing on so hard?

[Pat]

The other one was when he was in that picture of the segregation thing.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, he said it before.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He was, like, one of the few people that say, like, people weren't gonna play if they took a nap knee. And he made, like, his team take a knee before the national anthem, like, during that time. Yeah. Jerry don't play that, man. Jerry ain't hiding, bro. Jerry definitely said it a couple times that in this.

[Mike]

A secret wing at Illuminati that we don't know nothing about, bro. That. He got some. He got some connections, bro. Something.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Some white trucks gonna pull up.

[Mike]

Hey, hey. No cap. Hey. They already sent the black vans, man, from. People gonna recognize my voice. I had did a. I had made a diss track to Jerry, like, last year, and I had called him a couple things, man. They had. They had. Took my page for, like, three months.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, damn.

[Mike]

Yeah, it took my page down for, like, three months, man.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Is it on itunes?

[Mike]

Nah, I didn't even know itunes, man. It's on. It was on Tik Tok and YouTube, but like I said, they. They took that. That gone. I think it might be on Instagram still if they haven't got that yet. But he already sent the black van, so I'll be very careful about what I say. Now. Now.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, we have. Send us a link.

[Mike]

Yeah, I got you. I'm g. Send that to you now.

[Pat]

All right, bro. You have a good one.

[Mike]

All right. All right, y' all take it easy, bro.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You too, Roy. I. I don't want to do the train because I feel like we kind of missed it. The top unmanliest things to do. I'm not going to say what the trend was, really.

[Pat]

What was like, the top. What was it? Top gayest.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Top gayest things.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But there was. There was one I saw all. Getting rescued by a lifeguard is crazy.

[Pat]

If you need help, bro.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, it's crazy, bro. Drown, bro. Okay. What do you want to do? Twitty A week?

[Pat]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay. Just a. This is a good one to start off with. Just a reminder that everything you're going through right now is your own fault. Just let y' all know. Okay. Question.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Why don't killers hide the bodies in cemeteries?

[Pat]

I don't know, right?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Had they ever found somebody on top of somebody else? Hey, hey.

[Pat]

It's two in here.

[Ryan Reynolds]

All right. Quit. Quit it. Quit. Quit. I quit. I quit. Okay. Somebody said STD so high right now. Can't even have phone sex. Bib might give me the hearing aids. So stupid.

[Pat]

He said big.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Say. All right. Same one. Big. Ain't got be. Ain't got no headboard and gonna get mad. Cause I asked which way out? La.

[Pat]

That is a question, though.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Pillows all over the bed.

[Pat]

But that just. That just makes the scene look really crazy because that means the one. The bed might be in the middle of the room.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, some people got their, like.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah. But that also means bed not Made either. That means pillows. Pillows all over the way.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's what it is, the bed.

[Pat]

But it can be confusing sometimes. Times. Because there are times where you ever just lay, like, in the middle of the day. You ever lay on your bed just randomly, like, on the wrong way? You might be opposite diagonally, type of.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

On your phone, scrolling through ig.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, No, I get that. Feet up. Kicking. That's how you wait till the person lay down that dude. Childish. Why are you in her bed before? All right, somebody said, I hate when chicks call their daughter Mini Me. Ain't no way that baby a hoe. Okay, next one. Okay.

[Pat]

I feel like if you're not doing good in life. Not the whole part of part. If you're not doing good in life, you shouldn't call your kid your Mini Me.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes, correct.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Not your Mini Me. Like, he looks like you, but he's also. I guess y' all both unemployed, so maybe he is a minute. This one dude is going viral. Viral for. He beat 15 murders. That's just it. But the thing is, like, with me, like, I'm all about free. Everybody. Unless they did, like, some.

[Pat]

Like, not for everybody.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But listen, can I say. But damn. Unless they did, like, some sexual crazy or. Anywho. You right, but anywho. But if nigga get accused of 15 murders, if I'm the judge, I'm sitting them down for at least a little bit, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, you beat all 15 of these murders, but you going to sit down for two years because what are you involved in that?

[Pat]

You exactly the main suspect.

[Ryan Reynolds]

For 15.

[Pat]

For 15.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Nah, we not doing that, man.

[Pat]

Either that or somebody really hates him.

[Ryan Reynolds]

In South Africa, they're starting to inject rhino horns with radioactive material to curb poaching, bruh. Like, I. We watch a lot of movies.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like, how many times is it gonna take for, like, them to be doing all this and then accidentally give, like, a gorilla, like, human instincts, you know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

They have to do that because the people that poach, the. The rhinos. Yeah, they. They cut their horns, right? And they say, like, obviously they drink stuff out of it that it makes. Like. Like, it doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't do any of this. But it gives them, like, a. A crazy libido and stuff like that. Or makes them, like, stronger and stuff like that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

This will stop it.

[Pat]

This is doing it. So it's like I'm poisoning your. So if you do this, you're gonna Be still soft and dead.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So that might kill the rhino. That's what I'm saying. It's like radioactive. Let's just stop poaching, though. I don't get why they alone allow people to poach in the first place.

[Pat]

They don't allow people. It's the illegal poaching.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's what I'm saying. They allow it, bro. Some.

[Pat]

Some places there is rumors. But I'm just saying, though, I'm saying.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I think those people not going in the wild and doing it like that is set up to where they can get away with that, so they need to crack down on that. Tired of these. This girl tweeted my mad as on 2k. Okay.

[Pat]

Sorry, my bad.

[Ryan Reynolds]

My mad as on 2k looked me dead in my eyes and said, where's the file, baby? I don't even know what the going on. And I want to. I. I. You know, I got that tweet to say this, that there's been a time that I've been playing a game in front of a girl, and, like, my teammates literally sold me. And I was talking to my teammates, like, man, y' all got to get in the right spots. I got to make sure y' all get y', all, man. And like that.

[Pat]

That.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And I lost my man on a buzzer beater. He had a buzzer beater.

[Pat]

And.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And she was in front of me, and I had to. Usually I'd be like, man, what the. What the? But she was like. She's like, what happened, man? I was, like, just lost.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I had to play it off, and I sent the controller down. Like, I don't even. Come on. I'm about to go read a book.

[Pat]

I. I stopped playing a video game when I feel like it's taking control of me. Like, emotional, unfortunately.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

That's when I was like, okay, it's time to put the game down. It's like, if I get really mad, this really up, like, my day. Because that. Especially when. If you're in a relationship and like, that, you can't let something else annoy you and then say your girlfriend might do something, like, a little bit annoying.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And now you were like, shut the up.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. I would never say.

[Pat]

I would never say. I would never say that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm a different type of. I don't know about you.

[Pat]

I would never say that, either.

[Ryan Reynolds]

All right. A girl tweeted, this also falls under the top 40.

[Pat]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Unmanliest things a man can do. A girl tweeted 30 inches with, like, the blowing smoke Face like, you know what I'm talking about. The blowing smoke emoji. Like, it looked like, you know what I'm talking about. Oh, yeah, yeah. She just said 30 inches. Like, is she impressed by it or whatever?

[Pat]

Whatever.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I do respond and say that got a monster.

[Pat]

What the.

[Ryan Reynolds]

She tweeted back, brother, I'm talking about my wig. Okay, last one, last one, last one, last one.

[Pat]

That's so crazy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

A dude said, when you nut so fast, you have to watch her page for sneak dissing. And a dude quoted that tweet and said on me, I gave this girl some whack, dude, first go round. And she tweeted after she left. I think this just gave me some good Say he had a big click.

[Pat]

All right. I couldn't imagine being subtweeted like that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, that'd be crazy. Oh, okay. Okay, My bad. Last one. I keep saying that. Some dude said, last time I popped the perk, I was in front of 10 hoes digging in my eyes never. What the.

[Pat]

But there was that one clip dude, too of. There was that clip of that player or the coach, Deontay Jones.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, no. He's a player and a coach, though. Yeah, Deontay Jones. I saw it on 520 podcast ass. He was like, legit. He. Some people are like that, though. He dug in his ass. All the way in his ass. You can literally see him. And then he brought it right up to his nose. But some people, like, really check to see if they dirty like that. But ass, like up his ass. And then sniffed it, like, no, but then after that, the wiped his hand. Like, all that was trifling, bro, all over the wall.

[Pat]

That's trifling.

[Ryan Reynolds]

If you go to the airplane, that.

[Pat]

Because he smelled it and then that means something was on his hand for him to wipe it on.

[Ryan Reynolds]

If you go to the airport, bro, you'll change the way you wash your hands and you move, bro. Just pay attention. In the airport, like, bro, the line is full, but the line to the sinks is never full.

[Pat]

Never.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The line to the urine, bro. I'm telling you, people literally pissing all over their hands. Grab their luggage, grab their kids. Go get a water from the stand. Go sit on the same seashell, plug they charger in. And then I literally knew the same dude we saw that didn't wash his hands. He sat by me on the plane playing, and he started talking to me. I just didn't talk to him. I don't talk to that. Don't wash their hands.

[Pat]

I. I've been A big fist bumper now.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's true.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah. A lot of fist bumps. You can't. You can't. Gene, why are you dressed like a M?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, I went golf.

[Pat]

Where are you coming from? This is your golf.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Me and Cuz went golfing today. Me and I heard my hand and I think I got arthritis. This Jean. Yeah, J.N. jean. That's a. You know, Jean that look like he make pizzas at a bisexual restaurant. We got the two way pizzas coming up, man. How do you want it? How do you want it? Beat or no meat. We only do half meat pizzas here, man. Go to the straight pizza shop then.

[Pat]

So we're gonna do another segment. This is just gonna be us reading the YouTube comments from the last episode. So doing this to encourage some of y' all to leave comments and you know, we'll read it on the pod. So the first one is strawberry milk. This is from G. Hondo. Strawberry milk. Milk. Milk. Is it milk?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Go ahead, Go ahead.

[Mike]

All right.

[Pat]

Strawberry milk is the best flavor milk, though, hands down. I ain't never ran into a nick. So I'm ready, Pat. Oh, I ain't never ran from a. So I'm ready, Pat. But I haven't had it in like 10 years. Dirty gang. I'm just saying though, drinking in front of you and Mike. Pill emoji, laughing emoji.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Who let him out of the six person classroom hearing Mike pronounced the B and debt depth.

[Pat]

Yeah, I said to be you still. I do. That's fine.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But she there.

[Pat]

I don't care.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'd rather.

[Pat]

I'd rather do that than add a letter that's not there, you know?

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, that is funny as I'm gonna start saying pomonia. That's there.

[Pat]

Nah, bro. Y' all a little biased towards women. Y' all will call a dude a ham or call him out if he's cheating or calling females. But a female will get on and tell y' all the most vile. And y' all just. And for y' all to just be on her side, y' all will be on the girly sometimes. Y' all be a little girly sometimes. God damn.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes.

[Pat]

That's code 52401.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. Also like the reason I want to let y' all know reason we do this, because part of it that's actually. That's our real beliefs. I don't know if y' all know it. Y' all think we faking or some. That's actually our release. But also we know who the mask masses are. We're like, I think we're like 75, 25 male to woman ratio.

[Pat]

But I think in that sense it's okay to say it though.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But no, but obviously we talk to the masses and some of y' all need to be over corrected. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like some of y' all are way too red pillage to be listening to us. So I feel like our job and we have like a lot of dark humor on here and it's a double.

[Pat]

It's a double standard. Standard. If in real life, if a girl got on my nerves, right? A system that I didn't like, me, Mike Seobu would just ignore her and just kind of move on.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes, I'll call my sister.

[Pat]

Yeah, if it's a dude, you can get a little more aggressive with a dude.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, I don't care about her.

[Pat]

And I think the people that complain about like that are just like tell the dudes ought to be on the call to stand up for themselves more then. Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Somebody said, yo, as a 56 white guy, am I allowed to rock the merch? Of course. Just stop saying the N word. That's all he asked. What?

[Pat]

Wait, is he not. He's not black?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't know bro, but I. I'm looking at his comments. He might have said some. He keeps saying. He said Y N in the comments before. It's common history. Don't say that no more, brother. I don't know if you know what the. The Nigerian giggler. The Nigerian giggler got 51 likes.

[Pat]

Really? Okay, there's one more I want to read. I can't even find. It was the dude. Okay, here we go. This is from life pv4ex whatever ek bruh. Don't talk about world economics as you know anything about it. You have internal slash national debt. And you yourself say that we know the IQ of America, which ironically includes you as well. Though the US national debt is the total amount of the US government owes, what the US government owes mostly from borrowing to cover budget def. Deficits. It's mostly owned by the domestic entities like individual banks and federal programs, not the other countries. Though some may own and may own. You got me spelling right. Own it via bonds. So it's not some international debt. Right? This is the funny. This is the funny part is the people's comments under his comments it. So he said it's okay, bro, relax. Another person said easy there tiger.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, for real. No. I got a question for him though.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Since we want to get all into all this. Let's see how smart you are. When is the last time you touched a woman? Oh my God. How about that?

[Pat]

The thing that's. It's funny about those comments. Sometimes again, we are talking in real time. Sometimes I don't really have time to sit down and research every topic. I feel like. Or like I'm okay. I'm okay being wrong as well. Like, even when that says international, I didn't know at that time.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. And again, like, if. If that's what you take from this podcast, then you have a comprehension problem. If you watch this podcast and then you end up on Google. Because I know you got that from Google. Talking about national debt and like when and where it comes from. That means you're not comprehending what this podcast is truly about.

[Pat]

He's just a contributor to the national debt.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Exact. The national dumbasses. But. But like also like saying that it's just like, bro, we. The whole point of the us talking about that was as like who we owe and it was like a joke. Like we already pay taxes and stuff like that is about Americans giving money to the government. Period.

[Pat]

Yeah, that was the point.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That was the whole.

[Pat]

Buy a Venmo on paper.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, you missed that one. Big smarty. Dumb pants. Idiot.

[Mike]

Bro.

[Pat]

Bro. All right, there's another thing I thought about this weekend. Do you remember the era when dudes used to be humping the floors?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. Hitting the baby cry.

[Pat]

Yeah. Make the baby cry.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The b. The cry baby. Oh, yeah. What the.

[Pat]

No, that's.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's terrible.

[Pat]

Making the baby cry.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Baby m. The baby.

[Pat]

No, I feel like dudes back then, like the way the court women were so different. It's like. It's almost like being a peacock, I guess. You know, like the. For the longest, I thought the. The good looking peacocks were the woman peacocks. Yeah, yeah. They're the man.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right?

[Pat]

So they, you know, they do the things with the feathers and dudes used to be gyrating hips and like legit chest landing first on the floor.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It was about who can dance.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like, I mean like, I don't know know what area y' all came from, but like the. That could skate the best.

[Pat]

Yep.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Dance the best. Could jump the highest. Like that's what it go off of.

[Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Not who pants. The tightest things. We have no tight pants and them big ass balenciagas. This look like that. Stop wearing big shirts with tight pants and big shoes.

[Pat]

There is a lot like, there's a lot of unproportionate dressing.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes, yes. Proportions like. I feel like we in the easiest area to dress right now. Your proportions just have to be good. You literally can put on what you want. We're in the air. Like, nothing has to match. Nothing has to be the same color. Just, like, proportions, like, don't. That's all you got to worry about.

[Pat]

Like a jean. Like a horse jockey.

[Ryan Reynolds]

G. Look like an artist that only paint vaginas. Many different clitorises all over the world, and I've actually combined every clitoris to I call this one the clitic, the final clit.

[Pat]

Something else I realized this weekend was.

[Mike]

That.

[Pat]

Nah, the artist is crazy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The artist. Yes, I understand you, like, have you ever been drawn before?

[Pat]

My love n using that to get girls to it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That is real predator vibes. Yes. I call this one roast beef.

[Pat]

They can use actual roast beef.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, that be crazy.

[Pat]

That's culture now.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That be fire. Man, I used to get in trouble. I used to, like, carve vaginas into, like, my ice cream. Ask and lick it. I guess it's. What else you going to do with it?

[Pat]

Hey, I don't know. There's some. There's some weird dudes out here that do more than lick it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What the ice cream?

[Pat]

Yeah, if you carve. If you carve a vagina.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, yeah. Ain't that cold, though. Defeat the purpose into. That's a bigger question. He wants cold vagina, lock him up.

[Mike]

No.

[Pat]

No, for real. Put the pocket in the fridge.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, you see pocket in the freezer. That's already crazy. Nice. Cold. Nah, baby.

[Pat]

I don't know. Sex toys for guys. I think it just, like. It's just. I can't judge because I can't kink shame somebody.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

But it just seems. I just can't relate to being that far gone. I don't mean to say sex toys in general. Right. Pocket and like sex dolls. Yeah. I feel like you're. You're too far gone at that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. You're with the soul now.

[Pat]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You're giving your soul to something that isn't alive. You're basically giving life to something that's lifeless. And you're doing whatever you want with that. So I feel like it opens up different.

[Pat]

It's like a gate with them.

[Ryan Reynolds]

For real. You would definitely a robot if you got that. Yeah. And if you a robot, then that means, like, you'll take something anytime you want. And like, when you get. Get used to that, I feel like this, like.

[Pat]

No, I know what you mean.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You need to be stopped.

[Pat]

It's like it's just too much on the freak meter to do like the. The super realistic set doll sex dolls.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

And like again the robots is again you. You want that control so bad in during sex. It's like I want this person to do whatever I want. I just think again, it's a gateway to just doing more weird.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I just want this. What? This is how we get rid of all the freaks. Like the real freaks. There's people out here that's like they on the borderline of being.

[Pat]

Yeah, you just do some freaky, but it's harmless freaky.

[Ryan Reynolds]

They gotta. They got the ex girl bought them a pocket so they use it. But they would have never bought it. I want the government to make every pocket and robot vagina cut a dick off as soon as they put it in there. And then make that public knowledge and then still do it.

[Pat]

There's a chance. Are you playing roulette with it?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

Like out of these 500 sex robots, 10 of them will cut your dick off.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yes. And just watch the news every night John Patterson for 50 seconds. But that's a victim of the dick cutter off.

[Pat]

But if the people still buy it but if the people still buy it with knowing that they need to be put on a list. Because that's also.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's what I'm saying.

[Pat]

That's also super, super freaky.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's what we need to. We need to get it. Get them before they get started. Like we need to just start randomly chopping off dicks and it's going to be a few. There's going to be a few innocent dicks in there that get chopped off. Like I said. But it's worth it. It's going to be a. That's trying it for the first time. Let me see what this like and he get his dick chopped off.

[Mike]

He got.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He got to call his family like I do. But I'm so sorry. You're the only boy in the family.

[Pat]

What you doing? You have to go to the hospital for that too.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, that'd be crazy.

[Pat]

And then some people probably see because I would imagine if you got. If your dick got chopped off, you'd probably be on crutches or something or a wheel chair. Something will impede the way you walk. Right. And then people are gonna, you know, notice what's going on. Like hey, you injure your leg or something like that. And it's like, what can you really say when both of your legs look normal and you're in a wheelchair?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Pat]

You definitely have to put like A cast on or something?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah. You gotta put a cast that come out like they gonna be doing it. Like, bro, doc, you did not have to pull out the microscope for my surgery. I ain't never did one. Tweezers.

[Pat]

I even like, like, doc, since you're gonna reattach it, can you add a couple now?

[Ryan Reynolds]

That'd be crazy.

[Pat]

See somebody, you might as well at.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That point, somebody over there like this, you ain't gonna feel nothing. But it's big, bro.

[Pat]

I heard that is the thing, though.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's crazy.

[Pat]

Like, the people that get the. The penis enlargement is like. It stops you from kind of having the real like. Like erect erection sensation. And even, like, sometimes it can take away from the sex sensation.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What's the point?

[Pat]

Yeah, or sometimes you can't really get on hard.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's what I'm saying. I wouldn't. I wouldn't care.

[Pat]

No, not that much. Or maybe if I had like a micro.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wait, what they adding? Like, pause. Like, what they added to it, though, Like. Because I ain't trying to lose feeling, but, like, what's. What's the number? We talking probably like, some, like, thigh meters.

[Pat]

My Internet.

[Ryan Reynolds]

How many inches are they adding to?

[Pat]

My Internet searching is about to be disgusting. I don't know what ads I'm about.

[Ryan Reynolds]

To get right now.

[Pat]

How many. How should I ask this?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like, how do you get. How do you get a dick Enlargement? What's the average enlargement?

[Pat]

Are they adding.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Asking average enlarging sizes. You know what I'm saying?

[Pat]

Like, enlargement.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The asking the average enlargement size is correct. I ain't typing in. I know it's a crazy question.

[Pat]

Like, yeah, I feel like that's the least. So they do silicone implants. A new generation of. Yes. They say fat grafting. Kind of like the same thing they kind of do with anything else.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, right. Any other p. I know somebody. Last time we did this, somebody got mad like, yo, spent 20 minutes talking about dicks. And I'm like, look who's counting. How you know. We was talking about it for 20 minutes.

[Pat]

Sense also, it says also, like, to have realistic expectations. So anybody that thinking about doing doesn't really increase how you look erect, it just increases how you look flaccid.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Got it. So you become. You become a shower. Yeah, yeah.

[Pat]

You become a shore.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's for the growers. Yeah, yeah, got it.

[Pat]

Because it only. It basically will get you your. Your flaccid dick to your erect.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So you just have the same Dick all day.

[Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Consistent.

[Ryan Reynolds]

There ain't no shock factor. Listen, baby, it ain't big, but it ain't going nowhere.

[Pat]

This is the floor.

[Ryan Reynolds]

4, 4, 4. Your brother, they going 2, 8, you know what I'm saying? 4, 4, jab, jab. Can win a match.

[Pat]

It's never going to get any better, but never get it worse, you know what I'm saying? Some people want that, though.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Some people. Some people do. That's a good thing, you know what I'm saying? Some people can't stay at their max potential for that long.

[Pat]

Uhhuh.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But we know what that means, and that takes us to our ad for the day.

[Pat]

I think this is the end of the podcast anyway. Appreciate y' all for listening. Make sure you guys cop the merch again. We are running low in sizes, so make sure you guys cop that. Subscribe to the Patreon Shout out to Gene. Yeah, you guys. Both you guys, anything to shout out.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Shout out. Shout out. Everybody that's listening on the audio side. And y' all got some. Hey, earlier. I ain't know about that.

[Pat]

He said I ain't part of that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He said y' all too. Yeah. Go tap into Carefree Entertainment, man. The roaches drop the music. Yup. 13 gene out of here. I with it. I ain't got nothing really to say. Me and Mike both gonna start streaming. Mike is already streaming. Go check out Follow us on Twitch. We'll have more Twitch news coming soon. We getting our PCs revved up. Maybe do some IRL streaming soon, so be on the lookout for that. Go again. Go get your merch, bro. Bro. Send them. I ain't see. Obviously, when we send them out, they'll be out in a couple weeks. Send us a pic so we can repost them. If you ugly, keep your face out of it. Hey, I keep my face out of you know what I'm saying? I don't even think I'm ugly, but I keep my face out of it just to show y'. All.

[Pat]

You might feel like you look ugly in that situation.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, I feel like I look pretty good.

[Pat]

You never look at a picture and be like, I don't really like the way I look in this, but that's.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The only comments I get from the. From the page is that either I'm ugly or not. That's what y' all realize, man. But I with y'.

[Pat]

All.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Not all of y', all, but 92% of y', all, I think I with.

[Pat]

That's. That's. That's that's good to say.

[Ryan Reynolds]

There'll be, like, 8% of people that, like, literally with us, but, like, I just can't vibe with them, you know?

[Pat]

Yeah. And I don't have to, like, I think just because somebody supports the podcast and if you're. If they're a terrible person, I still don't with them.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like, Ball Johnson, man, you. That's my dog. But shout out to him. Shout out to everybody on the Patreon. Y' all keep running up. Also, shoot us ideas, questions, whatever y' all want to see. We want to keep the community involved. Peace.

[Mike]

Peace.