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Gracie
Ready to soundtrack your summer with Red
Mero
Bull Summer All Day Play.
Gracie
You choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best.
Patrick
Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end dj, a road dog, or a trail mixer?
Mero
Just add a song to your chosen
Patrick
playlist and put your summer on track. Red Bull Summer All Day Play. Red Bull gives you wings. Visit red bull.com brightsummerahead to learn more.
Gracie
See you this summer.
Mero
Focus features in Blumhouse present Obsession.
Gracie
When I have a crush on a
Guest
guy no one knows, Be careful.
Mel
I wish Nikki love me more than
Patrick
anyone in the entire world.
Mero
Who you wish for? Obsession is 96% fresh on rotten Tomatoes. I love you so, so, so, so much. It's blood soaked nightmare fuel.
Patrick
What kind of spills you put on her?
Mero
You have been warned. Obsession. Rated R under 17. Animated without parent. Only in theaters May 15 with special engagements in Dolby.
Mel
Yo to episode 258 of Crash Dummies podcast. This is obviously the podcast with Mel that you guys will see in a little bit. Quick announcements though. Get the Patreon live shows. Toronto, we just added a second show. We told y' all that was going to sell out. So the second show. Don't sleep on the second show.
Patrick
Somebody emailed us about Toronto also. No, no, you can't, bro. You got to go to the other show. Sorry.
Mel
What happened?
Patrick
He was trying like, oh, bro, I took off work for this day and I don't. I can't get off work for the next day. Can y' all please let me.
Mel
I mean, just put it on Instagram or something and then see if somebody wants to like, trade tickets or.
Patrick
It's raps, brother.
Mel
No, this is Detroit. Get your tickets. We'll be there. I'm gonna start promo that a little bit harder too. So appreciate y'. All. Detroit, keep buying tickets. What else? Merch is shipped out. Y' all should. Someone. Most of y' all should have already maybe like five of y'.
Guest
All.
Mel
We're still waiting on something like share,
Patrick
subscribe, send us people that you want to see us collab with. Midwest, west coast, whatever. Also keep sharing our. I've been. I've been actually looking up our fake pages.
Mel
Yeah, they've been. Some of them is snapping.
Patrick
No, some of them, they have like clips. I'd be like, damn, we could have used this clip. It went viral on our page. But some of them, it's just like, what the fuck are y' all clipping up?
Mel
There's a. There is a page on Facebook that we're gonna Try to get taken down. That is just posting like clips, but then just random AI things of this other girl. She actually DM'd us about it. And then just random AI stuff with like wild headlines and shit. So it's like, we gotta get them. So. But people, that page has like 30 some thousand followers. It's like, bruh, there are people actually following those pages and see like an awkward post about like just. It could be anything. 30, 000 McDonald's go out of business or. Or catch fire. Like, bro, like, why are you still following that page?
Patrick
The that messed me up is that I got five elderly family members that follow those pages. That's how I know they doing a good job. My Uncle Joe following y'.
Guest
All.
Patrick
Good job, you ass.
Mel
See, I'll post important on the page. And she's like, come on, bro, I'm
Patrick
talking about, hey, man, you tripping enough. I think you should stick to the po.
Mero
That ain't me.
Mel
Different categories.
Mero
That ain't me.
Mel
He said, I like to see you posting all those, like, high production type of stuff. We need more homemade.
Patrick
Who do you think is. Who do you think is becoming a household name, like, as far as in the NBA?
Mel
In the NBA?
Patrick
Yeah.
Mel
Like, obviously I would say Klay Thompson. Right now.
Patrick
I think Klay Thompson is becoming a household name because there was crazy.
Mel
There was this. The UK podcaster, there was like saying how she didn't know who Klay Thompson is and like, he's nobody. Like, Meg made him, which I think is false. But I think Klay Thompson is a super popular player, but he is also not a player that before, probably the Meg situation was like, in the. More like just a different type of audience. It's just a more. I think when you gain and you're dating somebody, like two popular people, you're still going to get exposure no matter if both of you guys are super popular in both of your fields.
Patrick
Yeah. I mean, it's like the Anthony Joshua thing.
Mel
Yeah.
Patrick
I was actually surprised Anthony Joshua got more popular after the Netflix. Yeah. It was like, people, just because you have a million followers, you have 10 million followers, there's still that many more people that don't know about you.
Mel
Yeah. But like, the way she phrased it, she was phrasing it like he was a nobody. When I was like, that's okay. That's a little. You're going too far. Like, he's still a superstar NBA player.
Patrick
Yeah. And it just depends on, like, what are you talking about? Could Clay sell out in arena just by Herself by hooping on stage. No, but he also, like, is a very popular player and can get people to pull up to watch him play basketball at a random.
Mel
Yeah. If you want to, like, Rutgers or some shit.
Mero
Like.
Patrick
Yeah.
Mel
Or any Pro am, that gym would be full.
Patrick
Yeah.
Mel
But I do get. I do get that he's probably more of a household name. And I think when people, like, I would describe household is like, if my mom is talking about it and you're like, if you had sisters, your sister is talking about somebody that wouldn't be watched the sport any. Any other way. Just how, like, my mom was mentioning something about Kai so net being in Nigeria. Right. Kai is a household name that my mom knew he was in Nigeria. She doesn't know anything else about him. And he's super popular, but he knew when she was in Nigeria. So, yeah, I do think he's more of a household name because of all the stuff that's happening.
Patrick
I hate that.
Mel
That's.
Patrick
That's my biggest pet peeve is when someone, like, knows me out in public and we chopping it up and you like, man, I listen to your podcast all the time. Like, yeah, bro, that's dope as hell. Chopping up. And then he turned to his friends like, y' all don't know who he is. And I gotta watch five people shake their head. No. Like, they don't know who I am and they don't, and that's fine. But, like, why are five people nodding their fucking heads at me like, I'm ready to beat the shit out of
Mero
one of these niggas?
Mel
No, there's like, yeah, I hate when people do that. It's like, it's okay that nobody. We're not popular enough to be. We're not household names, bro.
Patrick
We're not household names. I don't think we're even house phone names. And that's okay. We still do very well and we still have a great community and we still have fun. Like, we don't have to be known by everybody. Trust me, I do not need anybody coming to this podcast taking what I say out of context. You know what I'm saying?
Mero
You.
Mel
Anyway, we'll get into the Mero episode. Appreciate y'.
Gracie
All.
Mero
Peace.
Mel
That's not what we're doing.
Patrick
Hello.
Mel
Hey, the radio is for people who are driving. Welcome to crash. Ls podcast.
Patrick
Ain't gonna lie. Like, lately I've been on my unc, right? I've been trying to save the youth. And not just like 14 year olds, 15 year olds. I'm talking about them 20, 21, 22 year old dudes. I'm trying to let them know what I know. And like, part of that process is finding out what situation they in and trying to relate it to something that you know. And I recently talked to someone who was 21, he had six kids with three baby mamas. And he was like, yo, big bro Pat, what's my next move? And I'm like, my nigga, you out of moves.
Mero
That's it. That's it, bro. It's locked. Like checkmate, bro. Like, it's over. Like six kids or 21.
Patrick
I feel like that's three baby moms. I feel like that's the most important part of being part of being a
Mel
mentor is to like, better call it like that too.
Patrick
Yeah. Not like not using your resources on lost calls. You got to get to the next person after that, right?
Mero
Yeah. Listen, dog, yo, listen, I got love for you. I appreciate you, you know, I appreciate that. You look to me for advice. Here's the advice. You're cooked. Okay? I gotta go over here and help him out. There's some, there's, there's, there's ROI over here.
Guest
You know what I'm saying?
Mero
Over here we ain't doing nothing. We just. This is chapter 11 right here.
Mel
You got to leave that in God's
Mero
hands at that point.
Patrick
No, he got to file bankruptcy. He got to be a deadbeat. Now if you lead a family, we can restart.
Mero
That is true.
Mel
You can't start a new life.
Patrick
You can't.
Mel
But I feel like how far do you think you have to move away from your family to start a new life?
Mero
County, County, N. County, dog. Like, listen, if you put it in Google Maps and it say 25 minutes, that's far enough that you know what I'm saying?
Mel
I feel like to start a real new life, you gotta leave the country.
Patrick
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Mero
Real, real quarter. Take a gas away.
Patrick
Real new, like, new life. You just gotta get far away so that your new son would only meet your other son in like the state championship. You know what I'm saying? They can't be meeting in no regional finals.
Mero
They gotta meet in states. You can wear the half jersey
Mel
like the Kelsey's
Patrick
O Science experiment. That's somebody with no dad. That's somebody with a dad. Same genes. Let's see.
Guest
Come on.
Mel
Because you can blame the moms in that situation. Whoever is the least athletic.
Patrick
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Mero
100.
Mel
Because I, I'm responsible for both of these people.
Patrick
Yeah.
Mel
One of y' all up sometimes.
Patrick
It's about the. It's about the trauma, though.
Mero
What do you mean?
Patrick
You know what I'm saying? The one with no dad, he might have been hungry, be on the streets in New York, yo. He been hooping with 20 year olds since he was 8 years old. And the other one, you know what I'm saying?
Mel
Upper.
Patrick
Upper New York. You know what I'm saying? Aau. Aau.
Mel
Okay.
Patrick
You know what I'm saying?
Mero
He got a trainer. Okay.
Patrick
Another one been shot at before?
Mel
Yep.
Patrick
At. Yeah.
Mero
Not a basketball.
Patrick
Yeah,
Mero
the stick.
Patrick
You know, the other one. The other one from the hood. Have a hard time expressing itself. The other one. That's rich. Having espresso martinis. It's different, you know what I'm saying?
Mel
Welcome to Crash. That means episode. We don't even know what episode.
Mero
Drink in the world, by the way. Do not give that to a white woman. It's like pouring water on a gremlin.
Mel
We don't know what episode this is, but we got Meryl in the building with us. Your ig name is the Kid Meryl?
Mero
Yeah.
Mel
Do you still go by the Kid?
Mero
So you know what? It was, like, a long time ago, I explained this to.
Mel
To.
Mero
I think it was Ari Melberg, which is, you know, same. Same vibe. You know what I'm saying? Matt Informational. It was the. Like, I grew up on a. On a G Unit mixtape, okay? So, like, 50 Cent is a future. Power of the dollar, all that type of. And Lloyd Banks, to me was like, out of the three. I was like, yo, Banks.
Mel
Banks was my favorite as well.
Mero
Yeah. I'm like, yo, this got bought. I ain't a wrestler, but I put your in the Boston Crab. You know what I'm saying? I was like, whoa. I was like, yo, that's a bar. I was like, I know what the Boston crap is. I did it in Warzone and play the PlayStation 1. So that. Because every time he would come on and who kid would hype up crazy. Like, he'd be like, the Kid Lloyd Banks. And I'm like, oh, that's fire. But at the time, I was already writing Meryl. Like, Meryl's not like a stage name or.
Guest
Not like that.
Mero
It's graffiti. Like, yeah, and graffiti since, like, 97, 98.
Mel
Okay.
Mero
And, like, since I was like, 12. You know what I mean? Like, I started, like, 11. I was writing J Dog. And then, like, all the. Like, the older graffiti was like, man, that is corny as hell.
Mel
How'd you spell do dawd.
Mero
Yeah, that's tough. I was like, yeah, this ain't it, man. I'm like, I feel like a random character, like a random villain in gta. And then I was just like, oh. I was like, mero. Because my pops wanted to name me Romero. And my mom's like, no.
Mel
You know what I'm saying?
Mero
Do you have the uterus? Did you carry this? No, you did not. And I got a PC out of me, so I'm naming this. She named me Joel.
Mel
Okay.
Mero
And. But all my, you know, my pops is, you know, Dominican. You know, I mean, like, Afro Latino. You know what I'm saying? He was just like, nah, that, like,
Mel
sorry about y' all lost, by the way, in baseball.
Mero
Listen, we, we, we. We. We actually won. You know what I'm saying? But that's not.
Mel
Hey, that is true. You know, a little controversy.
Mero
Very. You know what I'm saying? Somebody went viral for having a tattoo of that pitch. And, like, in Spanish, that wasn't a strike on the arm. I was like, God damn, bro. That's dedication. I just watch the. On YouTube. See, I told y', all, man. Koolaid. Do the abs. Do this challenge.
Patrick
That's the toughest, though. I know people I went to recently went to Fenway park to watch Red Sox versus Tigers. Tigers beat that ass. No, Red Sox, one.
Mero
I'm sorry.
Patrick
Shout out to Detroit, though. But I was watching and, like, they did the replay and, like, the strike was 2 inches off or 2 centimeters off, and they actually put it on the screen how close it was. And then people see the evidence and be like, these cheating.
Mero
That's a 75 year old, man. It's 98 degrees out here. Yeah, you know, I mean, this motherfucker ain't drank water since the first inning. And you wanted to be like, strike perfect. Like, you know, it's like, accent, yo, my grandpa is dead. But, like, when he was alive, like, that couldn't stand in anywhere for more than 30 minutes straight. I'm like, these stand out there for six hours. Like, I don't.
Patrick
Yeah, that's what I would be saying. I'd be calling strikes. Especially when I'm trying to get home, man.
Mero
I'm like, yeah, get out of here.
Patrick
Arguing with your baby mama and.
Mero
Mama dude's gonna be here in six minutes with Uber. All right, Yo, I'm out of here.
Patrick
What?
Guest
Right?
Mel
Our list. So we. So we kind of got in a little. Well, I guess it was me. They're getting on my ass for saying that. I. I Don't know if Paul started in New York.
Mero
Pause.
Mel
Yeah.
Mero
Oh, it was definitely like a. Like a. Like a Harlem thing.
Mel
Okay.
Mero
Like, they were like that because. I know. Because I was like, I'm from the Bronx. And I was just like. What do you mean, pause?
Mel
What is that?
Mero
It was all the Harlem guys doing it, and then it just, like, took over the whole city. Like, it was like, yo. And then. And then obviously the a yo followed and.
Mel
Yeah.
Mero
Whoa. Like, that type of like.
Mel
Sure.
Mero
That's crazy.
Patrick
Like, I feel, like. So, like, pause is obviously overused now, right? Oh, yeah. People find in different ways, you know? I'm one of them.
Mero
Yeah.
Mel
I'm about to say your main culprit.
Mero
Yeah. You can be like, yo, this sandwich is mad big. I'll be yo.
Guest
Pause.
Patrick
Pause.
Mero
Double meat, yo. Whoa.
Mel
Pause.
Mero
Eat the whole thing, too.
Patrick
By yourself.
Mero
That's crazy.
Mel
With so many hot dogs. Everybody's, like, afraid to eat hot dogs here.
Mero
That is crazy, because I'm a. I'm an unabashed glizzy enjoyer. You know what I'm saying? Like, But I be in my crib, bro.
Mel
That's true. I don't see people eating glizzies in public anymore. Like, they used to.
Mero
New York City now.
Mel
Yeah.
Mero
Just hang around a hot dog cart. You're gonna see, like, a white guy. Like, this random tourist guy. Like, I see this a real New York hot dog. Let me get some sauerkraut onions on that.
Mel
Let's go. I've seen nudes put that in their pocket after they get it and to
Mero
go now that's crazy. Then start jogging and. Hey, I see coming out your ass.
Patrick
No, I definitely think pause started here because I also think, like, that slick talk talk. It started here also. So it had. Pause actually came as a savior at first. Now pause is overused because before pause had to stop the dudes and be like, man, shut the fuck up before I fuck both y' all in the ass. And they're just like, bro, somebody gotta stop this shit. Like, what is the double entend?
Mero
He's just dead ass. He just came home from 315.
Patrick
Yeah, you got the crop top on. It's like, something has to happen here.
Mero
We gotta start at least.
Patrick
You know what I'm saying? I'm saying pause. You can unpause it. But that just lets me know, okay?
Mel
This dude is serious.
Patrick
You know what I mean?
Mero
And that's the thing. Like, if this. If there's no visible joke, I'm like,
Mel
like, where are we Going with this?
Mero
Yeah, it sounds like a random. Like a DMX single.
Patrick
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Mel
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Patrick
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Mel
Yo.
Patrick
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Mel
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Patrick
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Mel
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Patrick
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Mero
Oh, let's go.
Patrick
So we're going to take simple things and translate them into like what they really mean.
Mero
Oh yeah, bro, listen, I'm ready for this. I've been married for 137 years, bro.
Patrick
Okay. When a woman or man says I just need space.
Mel
Yo, I was. I would say they trying to soft launch a breakup.
Patrick
I just need space.
Mel
Oh, yes, yes.
Mero
Okay.
Guest
Is.
Mero
Is that if you're dating, if you're married, it's. You'll get the fuck away from me. Yo, get the fuck away from me. You're Matt, you're beat. You are wild annoying right now. You annoying the shit out of me. Get the fuck out of here before something bad happens. I'm not saying I'm a whoop your ass because I don't do that. I was raised right, shout out to my pops. But I might fuck around and just start smoking weed and place it out
Patrick
a part of the house that I'm
Mero
not supposed to be smoking weed. Just see me in the fucking laundry room with a blunt like something's wrong.
Patrick
Smoking into the dryer.
Mero
Yeah.
Patrick
Putting it on delicate.
Mero
No. All your panties smell like weed.
Mel
Don't put my delicate.
Patrick
I would say I just need spaces. Like, I just need to turn off my location so I can go on something.
Mero
That's what it means to me.
Mel
This is crazy.
Patrick
If a woman came up to me and said, I just need space, I'm just like, bro, then take it then. But I guarantee you I won't be here after.
Mero
You can go get your space. And I will also go get my space.
Patrick
Go get my space. A new space.
Mel
Start that new family.
Patrick
Yes. Just see a girl. Be like, I need space. And just see somebody open a portal. Okay, I'm out of here.
Mero
What, you trying to go Mars, Venus. Yeah, there you go.
Mel
Now cheat in the future, then. Like, futuristic, let's say, like 2,000 years later. It's gonna be kind of crazy because if there's portals and shit, it's like, you really can start a new family. Yeah, and it'd be so easy. I can get to Spain in two seconds. Second family, bro.
Mero
You fuck around and fuck Queen Isabella, like, 1805.
Patrick
No, we were just talking about, like, how New York is crazy. I, like, honestly believe, like, if a woman or man wanted to have five legit boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever they have, they could walk and not even look over their damn shoulder. They could just be walking out here every day on different boroughs, different sides of New York. Yeah, that's crazy to me. Like, I. I haven't seen one face twice since I've been here.
Mero
Nobody cares, bro. Nobody cares. That's the thing. Even if you. Even if people know who you are, like, if you're like a celebrity or whatever, like, people, they don't give a. Like, y' all are popping. Like, y' all will walk down the street. I guarantee you, at least 20. Notice y'.
Guest
All.
Mero
Yeah, but they didn't say, because they from New York, and they too cool, you know? I mean, they might have been like Summer Day, but they won't be like, yo, yo, I'll with y' all because. Yeah, from Detroit.
Mel
Yeah, well, he's from Michigan.
Patrick
He's from Chicago.
Mel
I'm from Nigeria.
Patrick
Yeah, I got it. You got it.
Mero
Yeah, yeah. No, that's what I'm saying. Like, if you're not from New York, if you're not, like, a New York celebrity or whatever, like Fat Joe, people might be like, yo, Fat Joe, what up? Let me get a picture. Or like, a random, like. Like, me. You know what I'm saying? Like, a random, like, you know, lower tier. You know what I'm saying, dude? Like, yo, hey, hey, I can say what's up to this dude. You know what I'm saying?
Mel
Like, so they said this. We had this conversation at our show. One of the people in the audience said, if you didn't go to elementary school here, you can't claim, yeah, you from New York.
Mero
I say that all the time. It's K through 12. You know what I'm saying?
Mel
But what if I'm here from 15 to 40?
Mero
Then you got a case.
Patrick
What about the people that, like, okay, 21 and now they 51.
Mel
That's.
Mero
You know what it is? To me, your formative years is like, you know, elementary school through, like, freshman year, college.
Patrick
You know what I mean? Like, you're right.
Mero
So if those are the years that you in New York City, public school, bro, you're a New Yorker for real. Cause you eating them like that milk that's about to expire in 20 minutes, you know what I mean? You cutting ass in the parking lot all day. Like, it's just gladiator school, bro. But, like, for comedy, for everything, you know what I'm saying? For not getting roasted, like, your fit gotta be right, all that shit. You know what I mean? So to me, it's like K through 12. You solidify New Yorker. You could do K through 12 and then leave right after that, bro, and go move to Hawaii and then come back and, bro, your tims will be waiting for you when you get, like,
Patrick
fresh off the plane. Okay, Second one is, I'm gonna say, you from Detroit.
Mero
That's why I'm so bad. That's what New York is a piece of. Because it's like, Detroit, Chicago. That's it.
Mel
And, like, pretty close, though.
Patrick
Midwest.
Guest
Yeah.
Mero
That's like the whole Midwest.
Mel
Pontiac. And I was. I grew up in Chicago.
Mero
So to me, the whole Midwest is like, Chicago, Detroit, Milwaukee.
Patrick
We.
Mel
That's where we live. Milwaukee.
Patrick
Oh, it's WAL1 area. No.
Mel
What's another one?
Patrick
The one is he or she's just a friend.
Mero
Oh, no, they smashing, bro. Yeah, that's that. Those cheeks are getting clapped.
Patrick
You know, like, a lot of people. I feel like a lot of people get gaslit into, like, the whole friendship thing.
Mero
Yeah.
Patrick
It just be like, a lot of people got to be real. Like, you can't go based off, like, the woman's beauty or the attraction with the rules that. Or boundaries you have for yourself. It's like, bruh, I don't think you should be on a solo date with this person. It's just like, it is what it is. Like, if that's your friendship, man, I hope it lasts forever, because I'm out.
Mero
I'm out of here. Yeah. Nah, it's. I mean out, like, you know, I've been out of the game for a long time, and. But, like, I think depending on what kind of relationship you got with your shorty, like, you know, that that's like the variable, you know what I'm saying? Because to me, I'm like, my girl could go out with whoever, and I'm just like, man, go ahead. You know what I'm saying? Like, I like, I know what you about, you know what I Mean, like, you're not about to do no crazy anyway. So go ahead, bro. Like, go get Dr. Go do whatever. Go hang out, man, with your. With your homeboy and his cousin and whatever might be getting traced. Who knows? But, like, in my mind, I'm like, yo, I'm not. You feel me? Because the way I move. You know what I'm saying?
Guest
I'm not.
Mero
I'm not moving like that. So, you know, I just assume.
Mel
Yeah.
Guest
Plus.
Patrick
Plus, it's good not to live life like that.
Mel
I'd rather be proven wrong.
Patrick
That's why I said. Yeah. I like to set boundaries. And then I like to, like, like, forget about it. I'm just like, I gotta go live life. Because I feel like them dudes, I'd be like, every day, you. You wait till your girl go to sleep. You going through her phone, you going through her eyes.
Mel
That's crazy.
Patrick
You doing that every day. You wondering what she's doing at work. It's like, Howard, like, how you getting money then
Mero
if you doing that and you don't sell cocaine?
Patrick
Like, what are you doing?
Mero
That, like, mentality is for. Trust me. You know what I'm saying?
Mel
Like, that paranoia.
Mero
That's for. That. Got Grams on deck at all times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you at? 72nd Amsterdam. I bet.
Patrick
Yo.
Mero
72nd Amsterdam.
Mel
Yo, go ahead.
Mero
Here's a cigarette.
Patrick
All right, last one. The last one is when someone says, I feel like you're not happy.
Mero
Ooh, that to me, that's the. So that's the breakup soft launch. I've been married for so long.
Mel
Yeah.
Mero
That I've. I've almost broken up with my shorty. Like.
Patrick
Yeah.
Mero
Various times. You know what I'm saying? And that's. That's the one. That's the one where they, like, yo, I feel like you're not happy. They try to put it on you.
Mel
Yeah.
Mero
To be like, yo.
Mel
And that's like, the start, too, because that's like, I'm gonna put this in the atmosphere right now. Because later on, this isn't done yet. Like, we're gonna get back to this. Two months now. I still don't feel like you're happy. This is prologue. This. I still don't feel like you're happy. It's like a six month process, too. Like, I'm surely trying to break up with you in six months, but I don't want it to be abrupt.
Mero
Yep.
Patrick
No, the worst is somebody saying that. And you was like, nigga, it's you. You know what I'm Saying, you. Yeah, you. You feel like I'm not happy cause of you.
Mero
You bitch. Yo, what the fuck, bitch? Listen, I was here. I was watching the Knicks playoff game, and you came in the door with your homegirl talking about, I need the TV to fucking watch Grey's Anatomy. Fuck you, bitch.
Mel
That's.
Mero
I'm not happy. I'm watching the game on an illegal stream in my office, on my computer now smoking weed by myself in the laundry room.
Patrick
Yo, turn that on. Delicates, bro.
Mero
I'm, like, putting her panties in a little bag. Like, what are we doing?
Patrick
Like, no, for real. Just like, bro, you're the reason that I'm not happy. And then you said, I'm not happy.
Mero
No, he's just trying to sunset you, bro. At that point, like, you getting gas like a. Like, oh, I think you're not happy. You're not happy. You're making me unhappy because misery loves company. No, you're trying to get me out of here. Like, whoever you got on deck, just say that.
Patrick
No, for real.
Mel
Oh, I got a question, though. Is it rude not to offer food when you're in front of. When you're eating in front of somebody?
Mero
I think if you got a lot of food, you know what I'm saying? But if you got, like, one Dorito Loco taco, and you just sitting there like, yo, you want to play, pet?
Patrick
Like, it depends on where we at now. In middle school, like, if we best friends.
Mero
Oh, that's different.
Patrick
And you got a taco.
Mero
Were you kids? Come on, 100.
Mel
Yeah, your appetite should be a little smaller, too.
Patrick
Pause. But you're supposed to give me my piece in front of everybody. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you're supposed to like, hey, hey, this my guy.
Mero
Yo, everybody eats.
Patrick
Yeah.
Mero
You know what I'm saying? Everybody eats.
Patrick
You ain't never did that to you.
Mel
Like, I split him in chicken.
Patrick
Yeah, no, I came. I used to come with the fries. And this how I used to let know what they ranking system is, and they need to get their loyalty up.
Mero
I used to go around getting this out.
Patrick
Like, you get a fries here today, you get a fry. You get a longer fry. You've been stepping up.
Mel
And.
Patrick
And then you go to your right
Mel
hand man's, tell him to put his hands out like that.
Patrick
Put your hands out.
Mero
Oh, matter of fact, hold on, hold on. You going to catch a squeeze. Squeeze that off. Squeeze that.
Patrick
Go grab your cup.
Mero
You hit the ice. Little thing, yo. Supposed to have this mouth. Do too much ice.
Mel
My bad, bro. Give me some more ice. That was too much ice.
Patrick
Didn't the home. Didn't the homeboy show they got chemistry? And he pull out a honey bun like, you ain't even know I got dessert for us.
Mero
Honey bun in front of you, like,
Mel
with the true move.
Patrick
I'm in the background hating, like, no, these it or something.
Mero
They too locked in. What's going on? It's a date now. These on a date. Oh, man. Over there running a honey bun Pick and roll. What's going on? What the are these niggas doing behind the back pass?
Patrick
Johnson? I said, no, you don't, Clyde.
Mero
No, you don't.
Patrick
I said, get him, Clyde.
Mero
He came down. No, that's crazy.
Patrick
All right, we're gonna play one more game. We're gonna take turns trying to give the worst possible advice to this situation. Okay. Okay. In your case, your wife just asked if she's getting a little bigger.
Mero
The worst advice I could ever give in that situation. Yeah, yo, seeing that being like, yeah, yo. Yeah. No, that's crazy.
Patrick
That might be worse than yours.
Mel
The pause, too.
Guest
Yeah.
Mel
Not. Because when you pause like that, you put a lot of thoughts on her.
Mero
It's like, oh, and she's like, he's thinking about what he's about to say. Yeah. So if it's nasty, that means he thought about it. It didn't just come out. It wasn't just a reaction. Calculated that.
Patrick
Yo, you.
Mel
You have a.
Mero
You heard of these GLP1 like those epic. Is that something you would like with that's bad one?
Patrick
No, I. I think the worst one is because that's still, like, it's motivational.
Mel
Like, I'm about to go.
Patrick
I'm about to. It could be epic. No, but. But it could be I'm about to go lose weight.
Mero
Motivational is like, yo, let's go for a jog together.
Patrick
But. But it's still, like, even if she leave you, it's motivational. Like, let's say she's like, I'm out. He talking to me. Rude. I'm about to go lose a bunch of weight post transformation, which most people do after divorce, and that's the reason they got a divorce. Anywho. But the other thing is just, like, telling them, like, it's okay, and just like, yo, it's. It's okay. Like, but that's your new body. That's your new body.
Mero
That's your new body. It's crazy.
Mel
That's you.
Mero
That's you.
Patrick
It's you. I still love you. You, you. You Definitely look way different from when we met. And I kind of look the same,
Mero
But I still love.
Patrick
I still love your. I still love your body.
Mel
Or like, I already knew.
Patrick
Yeah.
Mero
Yeah.
Patrick
Like, yeah.
Mel
Am I supposed to be surprised?
Patrick
Honey, I like all my girls. Bbw.
Mero
We all getting older, you know what I'm saying? Like, I can't hoop the way I used to. Happens, everybody.
Guest
You know what I'm saying?
Mero
Just make sure you.
Mel
But not me.
Mero
Yeah, I sent you with that bumpy baseline. Like, play with me.
Patrick
No, that's terrible. Shout out to all my ladies. We mean it. We mean that.
Mero
Love, y'.
Guest
All.
Patrick
Happy International Women's Month. Sometimes. Sometimes Women's Century. I'm sorry. Yeah, sometimes, you know, Millennium. Y' all gotta be part of the joke. Sorry, worst possible advice. Your homie just lost his job.
Mero
Yo, bro, you just lost your job. Guess what? Bodega up the street, they got the baggies and the cut. I'm saying let's get to work. You know what I mean?
Patrick
No, real. To put your boy on the streets is crazy.
Mero
Put him out there, not even go with him. Just be like, yo, here's the pack. Get that off.
Patrick
So my friend Antonio, he a dangerous. Good luck.
Mero
I don't even know what he's saying half the time. And that's what he said.
Patrick
Antonio, I'm not gonna lie, bro. He pistol with me when I took the.
Mel
The most dangerous missions.
Patrick
That's the spare day for.
Mero
Not for play.
Mel
Play.
Mero
I think that he said his name was Antonio, but everybody that spoke to him was calling him La Culebra. What is that? What does that mean?
Mel
I don't know what that means, but that sound dangerous.
Mero
I have no.
Mel
Anything start with
Mero
la or L in front of your name. I'm like, yo, yo, hold on.
Mel
What does that mean in Spanish? Like, duh.
Mero
Duh.
Mel
Exactly. It's like anybody. Even his English. Duh. Something. Yeah, what was that? The Mercenary. Who was the. That we traded Britney Griner for? Oh, the.
Mero
The. The. The Merchant of Death.
Mel
The Merchant of Death.
Patrick
Shout out to Brittany Griner. She just. She just commented on our show the Mercenary or what?
Mel
What? I just forgot the word Merchant of Death. Merchant.
Patrick
I was thinking of the funniest scenario. Just be like, imagine being with your best friend, and he loses his backpack, and he just panicking. He like, bro, it's just a backpack. He's like, no, that was the cartel's backpack.
Mero
You know how many 90s movies started like that?
Patrick
Like, the Cartel.
Mero
Yeah. Michael. What? The guys that do this, they actually
Patrick
been Trailing us for the last mile.
Mero
And I told him, you're with me.
Mel
You're going to his house and to my crib there.
Mero
Why? Hold on. Why, why? Why? Could we go to a Holiday Express, bro?
Mel
My house.
Mero
I live here where my family is.
Mel
My wife and kids are here.
Mero
Do you remember sleep? Right.
Patrick
You remember Juan that played three on three basketball with us? That was our handler to my w.
Mero
I wouldn't pass him on. And I was yelling at the. He was playing in the boots with the curly toes. That's crazy. Talking about the.
Patrick
I was flaming. I kept saying, hey, don't pass him the ball.
Mero
That's the. That about to be heavy. Why I can't wait.
Mel
Like this.
Mero
Said I can't shoot. Watch this.
Patrick
Oh, man. Okay, last one. Your best friend's girlfriend just cheated on him.
Mel
Your best friend's girlfriend just cheated on. Girlfriend just cheated on.
Mero
Bro, I'm yo, yo, yo, Everybody, yo, whole crew, yo. Come in. Yeah, yo, give $100, bro. I'm give $100. You give him $100. Yo, you buying today. You buying some today.
Patrick
You keep putting people back on the street.
Mero
That's your thing. Like on the streets. Go back. You know what I'm saying? Obviously, they need you.
Mel
I feel like sometime when the worst happens to you kind of have to keep going that way.
Patrick
You know what I mean?
Mel
It can't get worse.
Mero
Yeah. You got to hit the bottom for your.
Patrick
The worst advice is be like, yo, bro, I don't want you to be in a situation where you go back to her. So we need to make sure you never go back to her. I' ma try to get at that, too. She your best friend, bro. It's really over.
Mel
Exactly.
Mero
It's really over.
Mel
Yeah. That bridge is broken.
Patrick
You know what I'm saying? Now, what's your favorite color?
Mel
You said, I don't. You know, I don't want to, like, recommend any friends, but as your closest friend, it really hurt her if it really, really hurts you. If I did it.
Mero
Yeah.
Patrick
Come on now.
Mel
And Greg. You don't even fuck with Greg like that.
Guest
Yeah.
Patrick
And I gotta let you know because who else is gonna tell you, is she giving her best in bed or not? I need to tell you.
Mero
I'm saying.
Patrick
Because if she really throwing it back.
Guest
Yeah.
Patrick
Like you used to say that she throw it back. Like, I need to know how much effort she give. Yeah. I mean.
Mero
And yo, there's a lot of things that you gotta know. Like, yo, when she start giving you top. Does she start from the Balls. You know what I mean? That's what real ones do. That's a D1.
Mel
You don't want to go back to that, bro. Yeah, I want to go too experienced, bro.
Patrick
Especially after when I'm done with her, bro. You're not even gonna want her back. Yeah.
Mero
That's gonna be a two car garage. A fisker ocean in that.
Mel
Oh man. All right, let's get to.
Patrick
Yeah. Let's get to some listening. Yeah.
Mero
Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney Plus. Let's go get ready for a new case.
Gracie
We're gonna crack this case and prove we're victorious. Partners up, new friends.
Guest
You are Gary the Snake.
Patrick
And your last name.
Guest
Desnake.
Mero
Dream team Hidden habitats.
Patrick
Zootopia has a secret reptile population.
Mero
You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home.
Patrick
You're clearly working it.
Mero
Zootopia 2 now available on Disney Plus. Rated PG.
Guest
Hello. Hello.
Patrick
Welcome Podcast. What's the word?
Guest
Hurt. I just chilling, you know, Feel it. Okay. I'm actually working, but don't care.
Mero
All right. I got.
Mel
I got a question for you. Who's someone you have to cut off and why?
Guest
My Caucasian friend. Like, like he was cool, you know, at first. You know, they all are, you know, they're pretty cool at first.
Mero
He hit you with the hard R. Didn't like.
Guest
No, no, he didn't, he didn't.
Mero
Because you said Caucasian friend. You didn't say my boyfriend.
Patrick
Yeah.
Guest
Yeah.
Mel
Okay. Why'd you cut him off?
Guest
He, he, he thought he was a group leader. I was just like, bro, like you, not him. Like we used to go to festivals and stuff like that. He was like, he used to act like a female. I was like, bro, like, chill, it's not that serious. Like, I'm hungry. Like once he was hungry, he had moose wings. I'm like, I'm like, bro, like, I'm not trying to leave the festivals. They're hella ready. Like, I don't care if you hungry. Like you could go, hey, bro, that
Mero
might have been diabetic.
Guest
Wait, what happened?
Mero
He might have been diabetic, bro.
Guest
Nah, he was. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Patrick
That's crazy. It sound like. Wait, wait. So how long was he group leader before you finally strapped on your nuts and said something?
Guest
Don't forget your phone. Like eight months. I'm not gonna lie.
Patrick
But. Oh, so you, you let it ride for eight months? He got fed up. Enough is enough.
Mero
You don't want what?
Patrick
We don't need to.
Guest
Look. White privilege, you know, you already got white privilege.
Patrick
Now you let him own you for a month. Now you want to rebuild? Shouldn't let it happen, bro. Who you vote for and then.
Mero
All right, bro. All right, man.
Mel
You have a good one.
Mero
Yeah.
Mel
What it do?
Patrick
What's good? What's the word?
Guest
What's up with you?
Mel
Chilling. Chilling. I got a question for you. Who's someone. Who's someone you have to cut off and why?
Patrick
But I had.
Guest
I had a cut on my ex. The last ex I was with, she kept up my emotion because every time I go talk to a new girl, she find her way in the DMS and telling her be like, oh, that's still my man. It's everything up.
Patrick
Wait, Wash. Was she ever your woman at the time she did these acts, or she was always your ex?
Guest
Nah, nah, she was my ex. So she broke up. It don't matter who broke.
Mel
No, she broke it with you.
Guest
Now we. We was done. We was done. We wasn't together no more. And so every time I try to go talk to a new girl, she was trying to ruin it.
Mero
So you wasn't together no more.
Mel
But.
Mero
But were you still clapping? See?
Guest
A little bit.
Mero
Yeah. There you go. There you go, champ.
Patrick
That's a pretty easy fix. Yeah, you like.
Mero
Like, stop her, dog, and she will stop claiming you.
Guest
Yeah. Now that's what had to happen because I found this, found a badge on, and I try to link with her, and like, the same day I started talking to her, my ex found her and ruined everything. I'm out. Oh, she sent her pictures of us together in bed. She like, oh, we got matching tattoos. We got this.
Mel
Do y' all have matching tattoos?
Guest
Yeah.
Patrick
Oh, that. Y' all just got foreplay going on, man. Y' all just with other people. Just go back to your girl, stop up the date.
Guest
No, no, she. She hot now. She blocked now.
Patrick
Oh, she blocked now. But she blocked on the Internet. But is she blocked in real life?
Guest
Yeah, we don't even live in the same state no more.
Patrick
Okay, you trying to get away from her? Did she move or you move?
Guest
Nah, I moved to school.
Patrick
Okay.
Mero
All right, all right.
Patrick
This young ass off the phone.
Mero
Yo, man, if you see the bucky's, you end up her in the bathroom. Come on.
Mel
Yo, what'd it do?
Patrick
Yeah, what's the word?
Guest
I said y' all never gonna call me again?
Patrick
No, we gonna call you.
Mel
Where you from?
Guest
I'm from New York, Virginia, South Carolina. I moved around a couple bit.
Patrick
That boy combined all the accents, too. I don't know what the.
Mero
We got Going, who the is damn poo.
Guest
I used to get she with the lingo. I said, which one you did?
Mero
Oh, you.
Patrick
You got multiple. They go dual lingo.
Mel
Do it looking for accents. All right, who's some of you have to cut off and why?
Guest
Understand, I had a. I had to cut off my X time. I ain't gonna lie. She had all the, like, all the details about me, and she knew way too much about me. And then. And then, like, I'll never win an argument, son. I never want to argue against us. I swear to God, I'm not even arguing time.
Mel
A what argument?
Guest
Like, yeah, like. Because I'll be like, I ain't good at remembering. Like, she would be like, name a time when. And I never have it. But if I ask her the same, she'll have the date, text message, picture, everything.
Mel
Oh, so you like the details and arguments?
Guest
Yeah, yeah, I like the details. I like the details and reason.
Mero
Hey, bro, listen, man, I'm in the same boat with you, champ. Like, I get gaslit by my wife all the time. You know what I'm saying? She's like, yo, you said this. I'm like, I ain't say that. Stop lying. She's like, nah, you definitely did. And I'm like, there's no way I would say that.
Patrick
What?
Guest
Like I'm saying. I'm saying. But. But like, I was talking to my homeboy the other day. He was like, you can't be letting her gaslight you like that.
Patrick
You.
Guest
You gotta manipulate her. I'm like,
Patrick
We just talked about the worst advice. That nigga won right there.
Mero
He said, manipulator.
Patrick
Can you tell us what your friend, like, what's. What's the exact advice that your friend gave you?
Guest
I was talking about. I was talking about how, like, I was trying to get with my little jump, but she ain't gonna let me get with her because I want to talk to, like, three other girls at the same time. Like, I'm. I'm done. You feel me? But, like, he talking about not. That's when you gotta manipulate her twin. Because, like, at the end of the day, a man gonna be a man.
Gracie
Like, I don't want to sit down with one woman.
Patrick
I know y' all conversation. I know y' all conversations be lasting 3 minutes and 30 seconds. A man gonna be a man manipulated.
Mel
No why or how.
Patrick
These ain't never asked why.
Mel
They gonna send each other Justin. Couple swipes, you gonna get it.
Patrick
Okay, so I got a question for you, though. How would you feel if Somebody has sex with this ex that you, you know, trying to get rid of.
Guest
Oh, I really wouldn't even go for. I go have sex with a different.
Patrick
That mean you give a any bit.
Guest
Any listening to the pod want to have sex? I understand what the crazy advance did you say.
Patrick
Any woman listening to the pot want to have sex.
Guest
It's a fun experience. What's wrong with it?
Mel
How old are you?
Guest
21.
Mel
Oh, yeah.
Patrick
Like, when you, like, you're gonna have erectile dysfunction, like, in like, six years.
Guest
We gonna rock out with our cock on until that fall off.
Mero
Respect, bro. And it's gonna fall off very soon
Mel
because rhino pills are in, brother.
Mero
That.
Patrick
That gonna be on page 367 still on song. It just not hurt.
Guest
Come on, bro.
Mel
The category is gonna get more wild.
Patrick
Yeah, bro, I'm telling you this. You gotta watch dudes like this. They start to get bored and.
Mero
Uhhuh. It's gonna be you and Cash Patel on X videos. Favorite in everything. Putting hella bookmarks in that. Like, yo, BBC, Ebony.
Patrick
You and Cash Patel.
Mero
This is craz.
Patrick
Do you know who Cash Patel is?
Guest
No, I don't know who Cash for sale is. Who?
Mel
Mandani. You from New York?
Guest
Yeah, I'm from New York, but who the fuck.
Patrick
Okay, okay. If you can say a message to Cash Patel. We're going to do these separately. You don't know them, but just get them a message on what you think they do and just say something to them. So what's your message to Cash Patel?
Guest
All right, Cash Patel. I got, like, a TV and a P5. Can I get, like, a band back?
Mel
Okay. What's your. What's your message to Mandani?
Guest
Mandani Mahalam Malikum. May God be with you, My brother. What's up?
Mel
What they do? What it do? Welcome to Craft on Me podcast.
Guest
Appreciate y' all having me on.
Mel
All right, we got a question for you.
Mero
Yeah.
Mel
All right. Two truths and a lie.
Guest
Yeah, two truths and a lie. All right, so here. I'm gonna line this up in the best way I can.
Patrick
Just hurry up.
Mero
First one.
Patrick
Hold on.
Guest
So I'm at work right now, so I gotta, like.
Patrick
Don't care. Come on, come on, come on.
Mero
Let's go, let's go.
Guest
Come on. We gotta do it.
Mero
You gotta. You gotta run host the first place.
Guest
First one is I. My best friend's exes or my ex's best friend. Okay, sorry about that. And then the other one is I this dude while his girl was watching Chin.
Mero
Wait, what? Wait, wait, Wait, wait, wait.
Patrick
Did you say that right?
Guest
Sir, you know what? Let me restart. You can edit this. You can edit it out. Let me restart real quick. So. So I. My ex's best friends. I. The guy. Wise girl. Watch. Oh, and I nutted him. And I nutted him. My mom.
Mero
Hold on. Two truths and one lie. Wait, wait, Wa. Wait, wait, wait.
Patrick
The lie has to be your mom.
Mel
It has to be. Please, Lord.
Patrick
It's your mom, right?
Guest
Yeah, bro.
Mel
Okay, okay, now let's get it.
Mero
Okay, so wait, wait. Oh, hold on. Yeah, let's unpack the other part.
Mel
So you a dude in front of his girl.
Guest
So I'm gonna keep it a buck with y'. All. I misread your prompt. I thought it was one truth, two lies.
Mero
Come on, son.
Patrick
No, no, no, no, no.
Guest
You good?
Patrick
No, we're done. We just want to know, like, why. Why the was that your l. So many? Like, have you ever heard of, like. Have you ever heard of, like, I'm a billionaire or some.
Mero
I own a Ferrari. That's extreme.
Guest
I wanted to go the most extreme I could think of. Hey, Pat. Pat.
Patrick
Please don't say my name after. After saying some like that.
Guest
Don't say Patrick. John.
Mero
Listen, that trip. Yeah.
Guest
What? All right, I'll do you a solid. If you can guess which one of those two is the. Is the truth, I'll make you a bet. Actually, let's make it spicy. If you. If you can guess which one is right, I'll wall twerk at the next show that y' all going to. But if you get it wrong, you got a wall twerk at the show.
Mel
You already said you read it wrong, though. So you're saying you didn't have sex with a guy?
Guest
One of those is. One of those is a truth. One of those is not. If y' all know what that would. Y' all know which one it is.
Patrick
We said that we were. We act. We.
Mel
We.
Guest
We're answering is obviously not true.
Patrick
Yes.
Mero
Yes.
Patrick
And we're saying the guy thing is not true. And because you already said that, in a way.
Guest
Yes, I did. Damn. Okay, I got me.
Patrick
And then, like, your bet was to wall twerk.
Mero
Like, what the is. Hey, man, the more. The more you talk, gang, the more I think that the other thing that you said is a lie is actually true.
Mel
He definitely read the question, right.
Mero
He backtracking like a bump.
Patrick
It's literally two truths in the lie.
Mero
He's like, hold on. He's like, oh, they reacted crazy to that.
Mel
They've read it. I read I said it to him and then Meryl said it again to him to reiterate it and he still went with it.
Guest
Hey, hey. Yo, is he there?
Mero
Oh, my God.
Mel
All right, bro. You have a good one.
Mero
No, he up. Peace. God.
Guest
Crash Boys.
Mel
Crash Boys. Never heard that one, man.
Patrick
Crash Boys. Is he. What is he?
Mel
He appears to be a light skinned dude.
Patrick
Light skinned black dude.
Guest
Not light skinned. Not light skinned. Black. Black one gotta see. Light skinned.
Mel
This not light skinned.
Mero
Yeah, you light skinned chicken, bro.
Guest
I get the light skin pass, brother. I don't get the light skin pass.
Patrick
I feel it though.
Guest
Very.
Mel
You're a tweener. Okay, I got a question for you.
Patrick
Like an uncooked hot dog.
Guest
Hot dog is crazy. Crazy. You got hot dogs in your mind though.
Patrick
You got Vienna sausage skin tone.
Mero
Yeah, yeah.
Guest
You got glicks in your hair right now. Nobody was talking about glicks. And you talk about glicks right now. What's up?
Patrick
Where are you from?
Guest
You see, in my bio, we don't.
Patrick
That's why I'm asking you. I ain't got the phone. Okay, there you go.
Mel
Hey, what question did you answer?
Guest
You're the smart one. Hey, you just. You're the smart one.
Mel
No need to dick ride. That's on me.
Guest
That's on me.
Patrick
Talking about was Glee, but got kicked off the dick.
Mero
Hit him with the card. B la too. My.
Guest
On your.
Mel
What question did you answer? It's our boy Mero, bro.
Mero
Yo, what's up, my guy?
Mel
Chilling.
Mero
Everything good?
Guest
The question.
Mel
Just read your statement.
Guest
The one that was. It's crazy because I remember the answer, but I don't remember the question.
Patrick
Oh my God, he's choking.
Guest
It's the. Am I wilding or am I wrong? If.
Mel
Oh, okay.
Guest
That was that joint.
Mel
That's not the one you answered, but go ahead.
Guest
Basically, I hate to say it, but I lowkey want to backdoor my man. I don't want to, but I have the urge to. But I don't like the fact that that's already in my heart. Because I feel like if it's in your heart already, you might as well just do it because like, that's basically just as bad if you want to do it and don't do it. If that makes sense.
Patrick
All right. There's multiple kinds of back door, so you don't have to explain it. Yes, sir.
Guest
Right, right, right. So basically, my man, you know, I'm saying he's been. He's been with his girl since college. It's been for like three Years. And he just had a breakup, you know what I'm saying? So it's kind of fresh. It's like a couple months ago, and they kind of had a long distance going, so it was kind of tough for him. But she's actually in my suit city and now, like, you know what I'm saying? I'm saying she acting different on social media. All these thirst traps and stuff. And I'm a little thirsty. But, like, that's my man. So I don't wanna. I don't want to have that thought. I don't want to have that in my heart because that's my man's. But, like, I wouldn't do it. But I just think I'm a bad. I'm a bad person for thinking like that, if that makes sense.
Patrick
That. Just tell me. Like, I feel like dudes that think like that, like, you don't get women naturally, so you. You go to, like, women that are in proximity to you because, like, why are you hating?
Guest
Why are you hating, though? Why's your first response to hate after that?
Patrick
Why is your first response to back door, you slimy ass?
Guest
That's like, I'm not doing that, though. I'm not doing that.
Patrick
But you got the thought and then you ran and told other about it.
Mero
You got the urge, champ. That's the problem. You said it yourself.
Guest
It's the urge. But, like, I'm strong enough to fight the urge. You know what I'm saying?
Patrick
No, you're not, bro. You literally putting it off on.
Mel
I am, though.
Guest
I haven't. I haven't backdoored him because that's my man.
Patrick
You already. You already backdoored him because I'm telling you, like, if the thought of it, bro, the thought of it. Because you wouldn't tell him you thinking this because he wouldn't with you after. It's just a thought of it.
Guest
Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm saying we all have thoughts like that.
Patrick
No, no.
Mel
How long y' all been friends for?
Guest
We've been boys since college, so.
Mel
And when you say you're a man's, like, like, what's like the level, like, you all go over each other's house, Y' all know each other's parents. Like, how close are y'? All?
Guest
Yeah, we was roommates for three years in college. Like, we. We pretty locked up. So. Yeah, like, that's really my man's world now.
Patrick
That's crazy. You, like, you don't feel like a slimy dude? If I have even having that thought, maybe you need Some therapy or something.
Guest
I'm not a slimy dude because I want to do my man's like that. But I just had the thought of it. Come on, bro. We're not. We're not doing that.
Patrick
You don't. You don't.
Guest
Bro, we're not doing that.
Patrick
You don't.
Guest
That's the problem, bro, because I. I know what I'm on. You thinking about it, bro.
Patrick
You ain't got it.
Mel
You got some old school advice?
Mero
Yeah, yo, you thinking about it, gang? That's. That's. That's step number one. That's the gateway drug, you know what I'm saying? And if she's bad, eventually you're gonna hit like a heart on one of them stories, and she might hit you with a heart back. And now you're having a conversation, and it ends with you saying something stupid, like what Adam Levine said in the DM to Shorty. You know what I'm saying? He was just like, oh, I want to see her.
Guest
I'm not. I'm not trying to let it get
Patrick
to that level, though.
Guest
I'm not trying to let it get there, though.
Patrick
You see?
Mero
What if she comes?
Mel
What are the stuff you're taking to. To not us.
Mero
Let it get to that level. Like, what did you move?
Guest
I'm just not. I'm not reacting. I'm not reacting to it. The thirst traps are out there. I'm seeing the post, but, you know, I don't. I like it. I don't gotta. You know what I'm saying?
Patrick
It's like you.
Guest
It's like you trying to hop in the dm.
Patrick
It's like, you know, get on.
Guest
Get on with my day.
Mel
So what if she DMS you? What's your next move?
Guest
She DMS me. Can't even. I. Look. He just got blocked after that. That's my man. Isn't just to take the temptation away at the source, you know what I'm saying?
Patrick
Why don't you block it right now?
Guest
Lock it right now. Why would I. I mean, I'm.
Mero
That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.
Guest
You.
Mero
Yo, come on, son. You can't. You.
Mel
Yo, I'm just gonna keep the crack in my kitchen counter right there.
Mero
Yeah, I'm not gonna smoke it.
Mel
You don't put it outside the control.
Guest
You're not gonna smoke the crack. You ain't gonna.
Patrick
No. The thing about you. What I've been. I've been listening to. To you, and I zoned out a little bit. And I just, like, been listening to conversation. It's like your first statement is pretty confident. You'd be like, I'm not gonna do that. And then it turns it. I can't do that. And just be like, I wouldn't do that. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I gotta stay away from that. And then, like, it gets closer and closer until we check you. Then you get back confident. Like, I'm not gonna do that. So you can't tell me that you're not gonna fold. It sound like you already damn near folded. That's why you reaching out to us, bro.
Guest
Hey, it's getting to you. I'm doing whatever I can not touch fold. That's what I'm doing.
Mero
Let me tell you something right now. If you don't block shorty right now, y' all gonna end up at a function. You're gonna have two shots of Don Julio and half a spliff and be like, yo, you won't go in the bathroom.
Patrick
I can't do that.
Mel
You sound like you scared out one
Guest
of my best men.
Mel
Yeah, he gonna beat your ass.
Patrick
I think he'll beat your ass. That's how you did.
Guest
Crazy.
Mel
Yeah.
Guest
You don't even know me.
Mel
You know, it's cool.
Guest
It's cool. Yeah, I'm pulling up to the live show, so you're gonna be on that when I pull up.
Patrick
Yeah, we don't care about that pull up, bro.
Guest
Yeah, you ain't. You ain't gonna be on this talking heavy when I'm in person.
Mel
No, no, your friend. Your friend is gonna beat your ass.
Guest
I know, but you talking about being my ass like that. Like, that's just not happening. Regardless, I'm gonna see you in person talking about my man. What are you gonna do?
Patrick
Yeah, you pull up with your man.
Guest
We'll see. What up, what up?
Mel
What up? This. You just sound unmotivated for some reason. What up, man?
Mero
High, boy.
Guest
No, y', all. I'm high. Yeah, I already know.
Patrick
What up.
Mel
I already know.
Mero
Your seat. Recline, my boy.
Mel
Who's. Who's someone you have to cut off? And why?
Guest
Man, I had to cut out my potential soulmate because we kept having babies on each other.
Patrick
On each other. I mean, how many? How many each?
Guest
Yeah, it was two. Two and two. She had one when we met. Is this.
Mero
Are we playing spades? He said, how many kids you got in there? I think I got three. Two, two and.
Patrick
Impossible.
Guest
Yes.
Patrick
Two, two. Y' all going to game five and.
Guest
No, no, no, no, no, no. So look, so look, we met when I was in a relationship, but we were supposed to just be. You feel me sneaking? And I called about the past relationship. I was the one who called and said, I want to get my baby mama jump my crackhead. But that's besides the point. So we met or whatever. We were sneaking in. Well, then I was supposed to leave and go with her, but then my mama got pregnant. So I was like, damn, I can't just leave. So she went out and was with somebody. So then we had linked back up, and we was gonna fuck with each other, and she had another baby. I was like, damn. All right, you had one. I had one. Cool. Well, then I had another one.
Mero
Bro, are you a mushroom nigga? You just giving off spores. Like, how do you.
Mel
So are you not with this girl anymore?
Guest
Who the is that?
Mel
Or was our cousin Mero, bro?
Mero
Yeah, maybe.
Guest
That ain't that Ner. Noel, is it? That? That ain't.
Mel
That's the Newell NBA player, bro. Don't worry about who this is, bro.
Guest
Don't worry about it. I see it on YouTube. I ain't no big deal. Where we going? Where we going?
Mel
So are you. Who's the soulmate?
Patrick
Like, are you with her?
Mel
Are you still in contact with her?
Mero
With her?
Guest
No, I cut her off, I want to say, probably about two, three months ago.
Mel
Oh, this is. This is.
Guest
But I'm gonna move back up there near her on Monday, which is cold. Which is some cold. So we'll see how I go from there.
Patrick
No, he got a lot of.
Mel
How's the dating? How's the dating scene been for you then?
Guest
Oh, I ain't been trying to really date too much because that should do too much. Because when I quit with my baby mama, the next I started with was engaged. And I was like, yeah, it's ugly out here if this the next person I'm talking to. So, you know, I'm just staying out the game.
Patrick
How tall are you?
Guest
I'm six foot.
Patrick
Six foot. What would you do for a living?
Guest
I bury people. I bury veterans.
Patrick
Bury veterans. Okay. Good job. Good job.
Mel
Disable you. You got the jokes.
Patrick
You got a car?
Guest
Yeah, I got a car.
Patrick
Got a car. You got your own place?
Guest
Yeah, that's why I'm moving Monday.
Patrick
Okay. Like, what's wrong with you, bro? Like, how you keep.
Mero
Like, it gotta be something, bro, you missing an eyeball?
Guest
No, I ain't missing no eyeball.
Patrick
Oh, how many kids? How many kids you got? Everybody say you got pretty eyes. Crazy.
Guest
I got two.
Patrick
You got Two kids. How many baby mamas?
Guest
I got one.
Patrick
How old are you, Pat?
Guest
We've been through this. We went through this, Pat.
Mero
You told.
Guest
You tried to tell me, get back with my baby mama on the little. When I said I wanted to get her jump my crackheads, you was like, get back with her, bro. I told you. Hell no.
Patrick
But I'm just saying, look what happened since then. You should have listened to me.
Mero
You're engaged.
Guest
No, I mean. I mean, I've been hitting her, but, I mean, you feel me? I ain't gonna get back with her.
Patrick
You need to get back with her, bro. But some dude take her off the market.
Mero
Come on.
Guest
I ain't gonna have you. She. She's stupid. Now he can have. All right.
Mel
All right, bro. Have a good one, bro.
Mero
You said a lot. You just said a lot with that.
Guest
Hello.
Mel
What it do? What it do? Welcome to Craft on Me's podcast.
Gracie
Thank you. This is exciting.
Mero
Yeah.
Mel
What's your situation?
Gracie
Okay, so I'm, like, in love with this guy. And, like, we've been talking for a while, and he's my first ever non white guy I've ever dated.
Guest
Okay.
Mel
What is he.
Gracie
And he's Mexican.
Mel
Okay.
Gracie
And I'm, like, embarrassed because it's like he listens to this, which is the funniest part. Part to this podcast together, also him. And yeah, he just, like, won't make me his girlfriend. And I'm trying. I need. I need advice, like, on how to get him.
Mel
He won't make you. Like, how long y' all been talking?
Gracie
Six months.
Patrick
Okay, like, what's. What's transpired in those six months? Has it been, like, day one since y' all met? Day one. Y' all hung with each other every day since then, or was it kind of dicey at the beginning?
Gracie
I'm. I. It's on and off. Like, I'm kind of finding out that I'm a little crazy when it comes to dating this guy because I'm, like, obsessed with him.
Mel
Okay, what count as obsessed? Like, what are some things you've done that would give.
Gracie
That. It makes me like, I literally just like, I've shown up at his house one time that was. I've never done that unannounced. And yeah, for. Because I'm like. I just was like, I feel like he's with someone. He wasn't. He was asleep. And so then.
Patrick
But also, did you know this by, like, looking over him, or did you just know he was asleep? Like, how did you know you asleep?
Gracie
He answered the Door. He answered the door. He's like, wait. Knocked on the door, thought you broke
Patrick
into his house and said, did you
Mel
go home after that?
Guest
That.
Gracie
No, I stayed.
Patrick
Oh, okay.
Gracie
But he was like. He was like, okay. But he also, like, I won't even lie. Like, I'm pretty. I'm learning because I'm, like, from this relationship. I am very toxic. And, like, I end things every other week. But the reason I end things is because I don't trust him because I'm not his girlfriend, and all I want to do is just be his girlfriend, and then it would be fixed. I wouldn't be crazy.
Mel
Have you brought this up?
Gracie
Oh, so many times.
Mel
And what was his response to that?
Gracie
He's like, don't force it. I'm like, I'm fortunate. Like, I'm about to give you flowers now because I feel like I have to take over.
Patrick
Stand up. Stand. I'm gonna need you to stand up right now.
Mel
Showing up to a crib like, you're like. With no call, no text, you don't.
Patrick
You don't.
Mel
It's kind of crazy.
Patrick
You're like. You're, like, almost in, like, a begging stage. If you gotta, like, beg.
Gracie
Okay, okay.
Patrick
But I'm just saying.
Gracie
No, no, no, no, no.
Mero
If you.
Patrick
If somebody says, if you. If you bring up a relationship, even if I didn't want to ask the girl I was with to be my girlfriend yet, but I planned on it, I wouldn't shut her down completely like he shut you down. I would leave it open.
Gracie
He didn't shut me down.
Patrick
You're forcing it.
Mel
He said, don't want to force it or don't force it.
Gracie
No, he didn't shut me down. Like, I wasn't forcing it. He was like, just like, wait. Just wait until it's right.
Patrick
No. That was his exact words. Wait until it's right.
Gracie
He said no.
Patrick
What were his exact words?
Gracie
Maybe more like, you're doing too much.
Mero
There's hope.
Patrick
No, I think y' all gonna get together. Definitely. You got this.
Gracie
No, no, no. He walks on his tippy toes. And it, like. I love that he does. Like, he's one of those people.
Patrick
Got it. So you just love everything about him and you notice all the little things,
Gracie
but he should be, like, appreciative of that because I'm like, damn. Like, he's so cute. He walks on his tippy toes.
Patrick
Okay, bigger question, because you sound like, I think your problem, the only thing that turns you off about. About him is that you can't trust him. And you're not his girlfriend. So my question to you is. My question to you is, like, where is he spending every night? Like, it's. Are you seeing him? Are you talking to him every day? Are you seeing him every day? Like, how often is it.
Gracie
Yeah, like, he just moved out of his house and he moved back in with his mom because his lease just said it. But before that, we were with each other every single day.
Patrick
I think we just talked to.
Guest
No, no, no.
Patrick
He's a high school basketball coach, but never mind.
Gracie
No, I don't know. And then I'm like, obsessed with his culture, which is so white of me to say, but, like, he, like. Like, he's like. I think that's also a big thing, is that when he speaks Spanish, that's so attractive.
Patrick
But you. You say something in Spanish.
Gracie
Hola. Comoste?
Patrick
Yeah, see you.
Gracie
Me ambre es Gracie.
Patrick
Yeah, yeah.
Mel
You know, you're those tamales type of people.
Patrick
No, I went to it.
Gracie
He brought me to a Mexican. He brought me to a Mexican, like, breakfast place. And I have never felt. So everyone was looking at us because I'm the only white person in there.
Patrick
You probably asked. He's probably asking for the green sauce.
Gracie
Is that the non spicy one? I didn't learn how to do the cha cha. No, I dance with him.
Patrick
Oh, man. Yeah, you're cooked. But. But you might not be, cuz it got to be something there if he's still around. So I can't judge from this far away.
Gracie
Well, we love each. We do, like, love each other. Like, we say I love you and stuff like that. That's why I'm like, if we're at that point, why don't you just make me.
Mel
Oh, both of y' all say y' all love each other, right?
Gracie
Yeah, we do. Yeah, we hang. I literally was with him this morning.
Patrick
Got it.
Mel
Okay.
Patrick
He's not. You don't go days without seeing him.
Gracie
No, no, I don't think I came.
Patrick
Okay.
Gracie
But also, he can't either most of the time. Sometimes he's like.
Patrick
So where's that? So, okay, last question. Where's the trust part coming in. Has there been other women in the six months?
Gracie
Yeah, there has.
Patrick
There we go.
Gracie
So he has. That literally, is it. And it's like the main reason I end things is because she. She's literally a brought up because of, like, he's still. She still reaches out to him.
Mel
Him as his ex.
Gracie
Yeah.
Mel
How long. How long was he dating that ex?
Gracie
Three years. Okay.
Patrick
Why did they break up? Why did they break up? That's very important.
Gracie
I just. Because he was going out, I'm pretty sure. And she just didn't like it. And then the feelings kind of, like, went away. But, like, they ended on good terms. Terms.
Patrick
That's not good. I was hoping somebody cheated on somebody, would have had some cooking, but they ended on good terms and they still keep in contact with each other.
Gracie
Okay, so, like, I don't. That's why I. Like, I. Yeah, maybe, but I tell him not to. That's why I end things. And he's like, it's not like that. It's not like that.
Mel
What tone of voices he's saying? It's not like that.
Gracie
It's. It's the exact kind of tone of voice you think. It's like the. It's not like that.
Guest
Like, I don't even know.
Gracie
Like, he's basically like, I don't care.
Mel
Like, that's your lot.
Patrick
I'm not gonna lie. This hurt.
Guest
This. It hurt.
Patrick
It hurt to see you going through this in that. There's nothing we can do. You got to go through whatever you got to go through by yourself. Because it's like.
Gracie
No, he is. He's obsessed with you guys. You guys need to just tell him. Choose her. She learned how to do the salsa. I even went to a Mexican band, and I made it on their Instagram.
Patrick
Oh, my God. It went viral. You are just. I would. I would advise you just, like. Just keep. Just keep it short and just keep it about him not learning his hold.
Mel
I just.
Gracie
No, just say.
Guest
Just real quick.
Gracie
You should date her. He. He knows this is me, probably.
Mero
Run.
Mel
No.
Patrick
Run.
Mero
Run.
Patrick
I just muted her run, bro, before she put a sombrero on your newborn.
Mel
No, I think y' all work out, though.
Patrick
Yeah, y' all gotta.
Gracie
Thanks.
Guest
All right.
Patrick
You don't believe us?
Mel
Hey, bro, we're about to say that you should, like, get back with her, but we're lying, okay? We're lying. We're just saying this so she can get off the phone. No, we got. We actually got a message for him, actually.
Gracie
What?
Mel
Hey, bro, we're saying a message for him right now, okay? Hey, bro, get back with her and stuff. You know, Know, type.
Patrick
Run, Run.
Mero
Play.
Patrick
I'm playing. I'm playing.
Gracie
But you're. That's crazy.
Patrick
Yeah.
Mel
He's not playing.
Patrick
No, I'm not playing. Listen, bro, she is. Come on, now. You know damn well you shouldn't be bringing her home to.
Mero
Come on now, Abuela.
Guest
Come on.
Mero
Ab.
Patrick
Don't want to See this, You all keep cutting off.
Mel
This is signaling. Anyway. But anyway, appreciate you being on the. On the.
Patrick
Marry her, bro.
Gracie
Thank you. Marry me
Patrick
run.
Gracie
Thank you.
Patrick
All right.
Mel
Thank.
Patrick
Thank you.
Guest
Bye, bye, bye, Yellow Y.
Mel
All right, we're doing true. Two truths and a lie. Everybody heard me when I said that this time, right?
Patrick
Truth.
Mel
Two truths and a lie.
Guest
Go ahead. So the two truths and one lie was I like to lick my girl's nostrils. I found out that I don't like getting my ass ate and I'm a mailman.
Patrick
I'm gonna say the lie is that you're a mailman.
Guest
No, that's the truth.
Mel
Okay, okay. You like licking your girl's nostrils is the L.
Guest
Yep.
Patrick
Oh, wait, what was the other one?
Mero
He like getting his ass.
Mel
He found out he don't like getting his ass ate.
Mero
Oh. Oh, he don't like it.
Patrick
You. You got. You got a girl? You got a girlfriend?
Guest
No, I got a fiance, but this wasn't my fiance that did it.
Mero
Oh, it never is, bro. It never is. By the way, it's never the show that you married. It's always your. Your elite eater, you know what I'm saying? 6. 6 Man of the year.
Mel
Oh. How'd you find out? You obviously, obviously you guys did it. But, like, how was the conversation brought up? Did you know that was going to happen that day or that night?
Mero
Or did she just put your legs up like she was changing your diaper?
Guest
Well, she. She did that too, but she had sat me down on the bed, was like, so what are the things you haven't done, Want to do? Want to try? And I was like, well, I done did everything. I just. I lowkey tried, wanted to get my ass ate. And she was like, sure. And I said, why were you so quick with that?
Mero
Because she's eating with that.
Guest
And. And then she said, take them off. And then I lift my legs up. And at that moment I was like, I don't like this. I feel like a. Yeah, you was
Mero
holding the back of your knees up.
Patrick
I was.
Guest
And then at one point I decided to cross my legs and she was like. I was like, all right, cool.
Mero
Yeah, that's wild, bro. Your. Your feet was pointed at the ceiling fan.
Guest
Nah, I was. They were on her back digging.
Patrick
She said, digging? You are. I. I like, don't believe this is a one time thing, bro.
Guest
No, it was a straight one time thing. I actually blocked her after that.
Patrick
Said he blocked her after that.
Guest
Okay. Nah, it was the part after was pulling up into the water burger like line and then my was just farting. I was like, yeah, I can't do that.
Patrick
No, she. Your farting. She doing more than that.
Mero
Yo, facts.
Guest
She tried, but I was like, hey, man, I said, just wait.
Patrick
She tried.
Guest
So I mean, yeah.
Mel
Oh my God.
Mero
She put a turkey baster up there.
Mel
So the thing is that you say you didn't like it. Was it the only thing you didn't like was the position you're in?
Guest
No, I didn't like the whole her tongue in the ass.
Mel
So you let her do.
Guest
I like the tension.
Mel
Did you bring that up to her during the moment or did you let
Guest
the whole thing kind of go, Nah, nah, got see, my boy.
Patrick
I was farting like you couldn't control your farts.
Guest
Like, nah, nah. I was actually weirded out. I was like, that's how girls feel.
Mel
No, something.
Patrick
Something had to go up. This like, there's no way you just fart.
Mero
You can't get your asshole open. Did she eat your ass right after the colonoscopy?
Guest
Like, what?
Mero
Like, how is that happening?
Patrick
The story not adding up, bro. I'm not going to lie.
Mero
I'm holding a fart right now just out of respect for the part.
Guest
God, I don't know. Maybe because I was nervous and then
Mero
I let loose after your asshole started twitching. He leveled out, was farting after.
Mel
That is funny. You asked another question. You can ask to the prompt. Am I wrong if.
Guest
Am I wrong if I wait until my girl goes to sleep to beat my meat?
Patrick
Why do you wait until she goes to sleep? Is she not giving you sex?
Guest
No, she. She gave it to me. It's just on the night, she don't feel like it. I'm just like, I'm away and she's like, you can go do it. I'm just like, nah, it's just weird that you know. So I'm just gonna wait.
Mero
She still know?
Patrick
What, does she think you're doing it too? Because most. Most women are either like, they made you a tape or they gave you some pictures because they don't want you looking at other women like, what are you doing?
Guest
No, I. She's fine with me watching porn. It's just. She thinks that I like big booty white girls and I hate big booty white girls.
Patrick
I don't know if you hate big booty white.
Mero
You just said that. Otherwise, big booty white girls.
Patrick
And I hate big booty white so much. You got Sarah J all over this.
Guest
Hey, that was my starter. That was my starter kit.
Mel
You got Alexis Texas Tattoo this thing
Mero
is still got onion booty bookmarks in 2026, man.
Mel
So, like, does she care about what you look at, though? Like, the category?
Guest
Not really. I know she would have a problem if I had only fans, which I don't. So, I mean, other than that, not really.
Patrick
So she don't check your phone for, like, anything?
Mero
Anything?
Guest
Nah, not really. She trusts me.
Mel
Okay.
Mero
Are you watching Pinot on your phone?
Guest
Wait, what?
Mero
You watching this on your phone?
Guest
Who don't?
Patrick
I mean. I mean, yeah, we all do, but,
Mero
like, if you at the crib, bro, like, you said you going to the bathroom, like, you might as well just go take your laptop with you, bro, and watch the. In 4K. Like, you know, big. That's.
Guest
That's too much. N. That's too much.
Mel
Too many pixels in one screen.
Mero
Yeah, that game.
Guest
I gotta take my headphones. Gotta keep one ear open, make sure nobody waking up.
Patrick
He a little shy. Everything is too much. He'd be like, no, that's too much.
Mero
Stop. I ain't let her do that.
Patrick
That was too much.
Mero
I hear her. I hear her.
Guest
Wake up, and I. Stop being my meat, and I'll go lay back down, and she'll be like, what were you doing? I was taking a. Oh, my bad.
Mero
Respect.
Patrick
It's something else you watching that you're not supposed to be watching. That's why I think you wait. Because if she lets you. Oh, hell, if she lets you do all that stuff. This is, like, something not adding up. Like, you left out the part about your gaping and you just farted. Now it's like, my wife is okay with me watching porn, but I wait until she sleep. That tells me that you're watching something that she wouldn't approve of. There's two things missing from both stories.
Guest
They're just, like, definitely not. I mean, maybe. Maybe she might think it's weird because I watch Twitter porn. Than regular pornhub.
Patrick
Oh, you one of those. We're getting places.
Mel
See, now the algorithm to just choose what you see.
Mero
Okay.
Patrick
Bookmark.
Guest
And she was like, why you got this bookmarked? And I'm like, hey, I was just trying to watch it.
Mel
What was the bookmark, though?
Mero
Massage for this, we're getting deeper into.
Guest
All right.
Patrick
All right, man.
Mel
All right. You have a good one.
Guest
Oh, man.
Mel
Merrill, appreciate you coming on the pod, bro. Appreciate that, bro. We trying to set this up for a minute.
Patrick
Go.
Mero
Appreciate y', all, man, for real. Hey, listen, if you don't understand one thing, understand this. This is the illness pod out right now.
Mel
I appreciate it, bro.
Mero
Crash dummies. Okay, Human dur flap. I'm here. You know what I mean? And that's it. And that's all. If you don't subscribe to this, if you're not on the Patreon, the live shows, the merch, all that. Bro, stop playing. Stop playing. There's only, like, two good podcasts out there. This is one of them.
Guest
I ain't.
Mero
So put some money in, my man. This nigga's got kid.
Mel
All right, y'.
Patrick
All.
Mel
That's been the episode.
Patrick
PE Appreciate it.
In this lively episode, Patrick Johnson and Michael Esiobu (Pat & Mike), with recurring guest Mero, dive into irreverent discussions on scenarios about relationships, boundaries, internet culture, questionable advice, and cutting people off. As always, the duo invites unfiltered listener participation, dissecting wild personal stories with signature wit, relatability, and a lot of laughter. The episode’s title question ("Why did you cut them off?") threads through candid call-ins about ending relationships—romantic, platonic, and everything between—while the hosts riff on current culture, offer “toxic translations,” and roast each other and listeners alike.
“We’re not household names. I don’t think we’re even house phone names. And that’s okay. We still do very well and we still have a great community and we still have fun.”
— Patrick, 05:43
“If a woman came up to me and said, ‘I just need space …’ Take it, then. But I guarantee you I won’t be here after.”
— Patrick, 20:15
“‘He/she is just a friend?’ Oh no, they smashing, bro. Those cheeks are getting clapped.”
— Mero, 24:13
On considering back-dooring a friend:
“The thought of it… you wouldn’t tell him you thinking this because he wouldn’t f* with you after.”**
— Patrick, 54:29
On wild call-in stories:
“Bro, are you a mushroom, nigga? You just giving off spores. Like, how do you …”
— Mero, riffing on a caller’s baby-mama math, 59:40
On sneaking to watch porn at night:
“I gotta take my headphones. Gotta keep one ear open, make sure nobody waking up.”
— Guest, 77:11
The episode is classic Crash Dummies: informal, hilarious, self-aware, sometimes outrageous, with a heavy emphasis on realness, bro-code analysis, and crowd engagement. The playful roasting remains affectionate, and the hosts tackle messy situations with a mix of biting jokes, skeptical wisdom, and a refusal to take themselves—or the world—too seriously.
Expect signature Crash Dummies chaos: honest (sometimes too honest) listener call-ins, games that decode relationship euphemisms, and banter about modern dating, masculinity, and friendship. From mishaps involving sneaky exes to confessions about relationship temptations and over-invested “backdoor” crushes, the hosts keep it real and raw.
Don’t miss the next show—or, as Mero says, “There’s only two good podcasts out there. This is one of them.” (78:46)