Why Did You Cut Them Off? - Episode 258

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast with Pat and Mike

Episode 258: "Why Did You Cut Them Off?" (May 13, 2026)

Main Theme & Purpose

In this lively episode, Patrick Johnson and Michael Esiobu (Pat & Mike), with recurring guest Mero, dive into irreverent discussions on scenarios about relationships, boundaries, internet culture, questionable advice, and cutting people off. As always, the duo invites unfiltered listener participation, dissecting wild personal stories with signature wit, relatability, and a lot of laughter. The episode’s title question ("Why did you cut them off?") threads through candid call-ins about ending relationships—romantic, platonic, and everything between—while the hosts riff on current culture, offer “toxic translations,” and roast each other and listeners alike.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Managing Your Audience & Viral Clips

• Social media fakes:
  • Pat and Mel discuss dealing with fake social pages posting their clips, sometimes blending real content with unrelated AI-generated videos.
  • “There is a page on Facebook … posting like clips, but then just random AI things ... wild headlines and shit.” (Mel, 02:06)
  • Mero hilariously laments family members following fake pages (“My Uncle Joe following y’all. Good job, you ass.” – Patrick, 02:48).

2. What Makes a "Household Name"?

• NBA and online personalities:
  • Discussion of how dating someone famous can rocket you to wider fame (e.g., Klay Thompson and Meg), and contrasting public awareness with social media numbers.
  • “Just because you have a million followers … there’s still that many more people that don’t know about you.” (Patrick, 03:58)
  • Not every internet personality transcends “household name” level—acknowledging their own cult status rather than mainstream fame:
    • “We’re not household names. I don’t think we’re even house phone names.” (Patrick, 05:43)

3. Mentorship & Lost Causes: Helping Younger Guys

• Pat's story of advising a 21-year-old with 6 kids and 3 baby mamas:
  • Tough love: “My nigga, you out of moves.” (Patrick, 06:31)
  • Mero dubs it “chapter 11 right here,” debating how someone with so much baggage can ever start over, even joking about geographical distance and sports metaphors (State championship-level reunions).

4. "Pause Culture" and Regional Slang

• Mero confirms "pause" as a Harlem-originated phrase, which then became ubiquitous (14:07).
• Jokes about overusing “pause,” glizzy (hot dog) jokes, and NYC’s slang culture: “I’m an unabashed glizzy enjoyer.”
• Commentary on how “pause” as a social intervention prevents wilder remarks from spiraling (“Pause actually came as a savior at first, now … overused.” — Patrick, 15:08).

5. Toxic Translator Game

• Hosts and Mero break down common phrases and what they "really" mean
  • “I just need space” → “Trying to soft launch a breakup” (Mel, 19:19)
  • “He/she is just a friend” → "Those cheeks are getting clapped." (Mero, 24:13)
  • “I feel like you’re not happy” → “That’s the breakup soft launch” (Mero, 26:27)
  • Notable exchange: “If a woman came up to me and said, ‘I just need space,’ ... take it then. But I guarantee you I won’t be here after.” (Patrick, 20:15)
  • Boundaries & trust: Best not to obsessively monitor partners: “How are you getting money then if you doing that and you don’t sell cocaine?” (Patrick, 25:56)

6. On Offering Food to Others

• If you’re eating in front of friends, especially during school days, what is the etiquette for sharing snacks?
  • “Supposed to give me my piece in front of everybody … let know what their ranking system is, they need to get their loyalty up.” (Patrick, 28:45)
  • Honey bun pick-and-roll: “They too locked in. What’s going on? It’s a date now!” (Mero, 29:51)

7. Giving the Worst Possible Advice Game

• Scenarios include:
  • What to say if your wife asks if she's gotten bigger (“Yeah… No, that’s crazy.” – Mero, 30:34)
  • Encouraging a friend who lost his job to hustle on the streets.
  • If someone’s girlfriend cheated, suggest the ultimate betrayal: “I’ma try to get at that too ... make sure you never go back.”

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Listener Call-Ins: Real-Life Scenarios & "Why Did You Cut Them Off?"

1. Cutting Off Friends for Toxic Behavior

• “My Caucasian friend… thought he was group leader … acting like a female … got white privilege.” (Guest, 38:10–39:31)

2. Exes Who Sabotage Dating Life

• Man recounts his ex repeatedly DM'ing new prospects, sabotaging potential relationships, and sharing compromising photos (“…she sent her pictures of us together in bed… we got matching tattoos.” – Guest, 41:03)
• Solution: “Stop her dog and she will stop claiming you.” (Mero, 40:55)

3. Women Who Keep All the Receipts

• Caller cannot win an argument because his ex has “date, text, picture, everything.” (Guest, 42:53)
• His friend gives the (toxic) advice: “You gotta manipulate her, twin. Because, like, at the end of the day, a man gonna be a man.”

4. Temptation to "Backdoor" a Friend

• One listener admits feeling an urge to hook up with a friend’s ex, even though he recognizes it’s slimy:
  • “If it’s in your heart already, you might as well just do it because that’s basically just as bad” (Guest, 52:53)
• The hosts both roast and warn him: “The thought of it… you wouldn’t tell him you thinking this because he wouldn’t f*** with you after.” (Patrick, 54:29)
• “If you don’t block shorty right now … you’re gonna have two shots of Don Julio and half a spliff and be like, ‘yo, you wanna go in the bathroom?’” (Mero, 57:24)

5. Mutual Childbearing Spiral

• Call-in: cutting off a “potential soulmate” because they kept having babies on each other. (“She had one, I had one. Cool. Well, then I had another one.” – Guest, 59:40)
• Hosts tease the drama and call out the absurdity.

6. Obsessive Non-Relationship Limbo

• A woman calls in about a non-white guy she’s been dating for six months who won’t make her his girlfriend—even though they see each other every day and say “I love you.”
  • “We say I love you … if we’re at that point, why don’t you just make me [his girlfriend]?” (Gracie, 67:41)
  • Confessions: showing up unannounced at his house, ending things repeatedly due to lack of trust, craving the “official” title.
  • Hosts tease but also empathize: “You’re like, almost in a begging stage.” (Patrick, 64:45) — they also, tongue firmly in cheek, tell the boyfriend to “run.”

7. Outrageous Two Truths and a Lie

• Wildest lie: “I fucked my ex’s best friend. I fucked a guy while his girl watched. And I nutted in my mom.” (Guest, 47:41)
  • The hosts are left speechless and roast the caller for going to the extreme.

8. Unusual Bedroom Confessions

• Caller shares about not enjoying getting his ass eaten (in detail), having a fiancée who wasn’t the one who did it, and sneaking around to watch porn on phone, not PC (“holding the back of your knees up”—Mero, 73:04)
• Suspicions arise about specific tastes when he admits to watching Twitter porn and bookmarking videos.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We’re not household names. I don’t think we’re even house phone names. And that’s okay. We still do very well and we still have a great community and we still have fun.”
  — Patrick, 05:43

• “If a woman came up to me and said, ‘I just need space …’ Take it, then. But I guarantee you I won’t be here after.”
  — Patrick, 20:15

• “‘He/she is just a friend?’ Oh no, they smashing, bro. Those cheeks are getting clapped.”
  — Mero, 24:13

• On considering back-dooring a friend:
  “The thought of it… you wouldn’t tell him you thinking this because he wouldn’t f* with you after.”**
  — Patrick, 54:29

• On wild call-in stories:
  “Bro, are you a mushroom, nigga? You just giving off spores. Like, how do you …”
  — Mero, riffing on a caller’s baby-mama math, 59:40

• On sneaking to watch porn at night:
  “I gotta take my headphones. Gotta keep one ear open, make sure nobody waking up.”
  — Guest, 77:11

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Social media fakes & fake pages: 01:43–02:42
• Household name chat (NBA, celebrity): 03:13–05:09
• Mentorship with the “lost cause”: 06:31–08:00
• NYC slang & “pause” origins: 13:36–15:53
• Toxic Translator Game: 18:58–27:01
• Food etiquette & friend ranking: 28:38–30:17
• Worst possible advice scenarios: 30:17–37:03
• Listener call-ins (“Why did you cut them off?”):
  • Group leader white friend: 38:01–39:31
  • Ex sabotaging new relationships: 39:57–41:43
  • Gaslighting in arguments: 42:34–43:38
  • Urge to backdoor friend: 52:51–57:19
  • Mutual baby drama: 58:40–61:19
  • Non-official relationship struggle: 62:01–71:19
  • Extreme two truths/one lie: 47:41–50:55
  • Bedroom confession caller: 71:32–78:27

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Tone & Style

The episode is classic Crash Dummies: informal, hilarious, self-aware, sometimes outrageous, with a heavy emphasis on realness, bro-code analysis, and crowd engagement. The playful roasting remains affectionate, and the hosts tackle messy situations with a mix of biting jokes, skeptical wisdom, and a refusal to take themselves—or the world—too seriously.

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If You Missed the Episode…

Expect signature Crash Dummies chaos: honest (sometimes too honest) listener call-ins, games that decode relationship euphemisms, and banter about modern dating, masculinity, and friendship. From mishaps involving sneaky exes to confessions about relationship temptations and over-invested “backdoor” crushes, the hosts keep it real and raw.
Don’t miss the next show—or, as Mero says, “There’s only two good podcasts out there. This is one of them.” (78:46)

Transcript

[Gracie]

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[Mero]

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[Gracie]

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[Patrick]

Are you a festival fanatic, a deep end dj, a road dog, or a trail mixer?

[Mero]

Just add a song to your chosen

[Patrick]

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[Gracie]

See you this summer.

[Mero]

Focus features in Blumhouse present Obsession.

[Gracie]

When I have a crush on a

[Guest]

guy no one knows, Be careful.

[Mel]

I wish Nikki love me more than

[Patrick]

anyone in the entire world.

[Mero]

Who you wish for? Obsession is 96% fresh on rotten Tomatoes. I love you so, so, so, so much. It's blood soaked nightmare fuel.

[Patrick]

What kind of spills you put on her?

[Mero]

You have been warned. Obsession. Rated R under 17. Animated without parent. Only in theaters May 15 with special engagements in Dolby.

[Mel]

Yo to episode 258 of Crash Dummies podcast. This is obviously the podcast with Mel that you guys will see in a little bit. Quick announcements though. Get the Patreon live shows. Toronto, we just added a second show. We told y' all that was going to sell out. So the second show. Don't sleep on the second show.

[Patrick]

Somebody emailed us about Toronto also. No, no, you can't, bro. You got to go to the other show. Sorry.

[Mel]

What happened?

[Patrick]

He was trying like, oh, bro, I took off work for this day and I don't. I can't get off work for the next day. Can y' all please let me.

[Mel]

I mean, just put it on Instagram or something and then see if somebody wants to like, trade tickets or.

[Patrick]

It's raps, brother.

[Mel]

No, this is Detroit. Get your tickets. We'll be there. I'm gonna start promo that a little bit harder too. So appreciate y'. All. Detroit, keep buying tickets. What else? Merch is shipped out. Y' all should. Someone. Most of y' all should have already maybe like five of y'.

[Guest]

All.

[Mel]

We're still waiting on something like share,

[Patrick]

subscribe, send us people that you want to see us collab with. Midwest, west coast, whatever. Also keep sharing our. I've been. I've been actually looking up our fake pages.

[Mel]

Yeah, they've been. Some of them is snapping.

[Patrick]

No, some of them, they have like clips. I'd be like, damn, we could have used this clip. It went viral on our page. But some of them, it's just like, what the fuck are y' all clipping up?

[Mel]

There's a. There is a page on Facebook that we're gonna Try to get taken down. That is just posting like clips, but then just random AI things of this other girl. She actually DM'd us about it. And then just random AI stuff with like wild headlines and shit. So it's like, we gotta get them. So. But people, that page has like 30 some thousand followers. It's like, bruh, there are people actually following those pages and see like an awkward post about like just. It could be anything. 30, 000 McDonald's go out of business or. Or catch fire. Like, bro, like, why are you still following that page?

[Patrick]

The that messed me up is that I got five elderly family members that follow those pages. That's how I know they doing a good job. My Uncle Joe following y'.

[Guest]

All.

[Patrick]

Good job, you ass.

[Mel]

See, I'll post important on the page. And she's like, come on, bro, I'm

[Patrick]

talking about, hey, man, you tripping enough. I think you should stick to the po.

[Mero]

That ain't me.

[Mel]

Different categories.

[Mero]

That ain't me.

[Mel]

He said, I like to see you posting all those, like, high production type of stuff. We need more homemade.

[Patrick]

Who do you think is. Who do you think is becoming a household name, like, as far as in the NBA?

[Mel]

In the NBA?

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mel]

Like, obviously I would say Klay Thompson. Right now.

[Patrick]

I think Klay Thompson is becoming a household name because there was crazy.

[Mel]

There was this. The UK podcaster, there was like saying how she didn't know who Klay Thompson is and like, he's nobody. Like, Meg made him, which I think is false. But I think Klay Thompson is a super popular player, but he is also not a player that before, probably the Meg situation was like, in the. More like just a different type of audience. It's just a more. I think when you gain and you're dating somebody, like two popular people, you're still going to get exposure no matter if both of you guys are super popular in both of your fields.

[Patrick]

Yeah. I mean, it's like the Anthony Joshua thing.

[Mel]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

I was actually surprised Anthony Joshua got more popular after the Netflix. Yeah. It was like, people, just because you have a million followers, you have 10 million followers, there's still that many more people that don't know about you.

[Mel]

Yeah. But like, the way she phrased it, she was phrasing it like he was a nobody. When I was like, that's okay. That's a little. You're going too far. Like, he's still a superstar NBA player.

[Patrick]

Yeah. And it just depends on, like, what are you talking about? Could Clay sell out in arena just by Herself by hooping on stage. No, but he also, like, is a very popular player and can get people to pull up to watch him play basketball at a random.

[Mel]

Yeah. If you want to, like, Rutgers or some shit.

[Mero]

Like.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mel]

Or any Pro am, that gym would be full.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mel]

But I do get. I do get that he's probably more of a household name. And I think when people, like, I would describe household is like, if my mom is talking about it and you're like, if you had sisters, your sister is talking about somebody that wouldn't be watched the sport any. Any other way. Just how, like, my mom was mentioning something about Kai so net being in Nigeria. Right. Kai is a household name that my mom knew he was in Nigeria. She doesn't know anything else about him. And he's super popular, but he knew when she was in Nigeria. So, yeah, I do think he's more of a household name because of all the stuff that's happening.

[Patrick]

I hate that.

[Mel]

That's.

[Patrick]

That's my biggest pet peeve is when someone, like, knows me out in public and we chopping it up and you like, man, I listen to your podcast all the time. Like, yeah, bro, that's dope as hell. Chopping up. And then he turned to his friends like, y' all don't know who he is. And I gotta watch five people shake their head. No. Like, they don't know who I am and they don't, and that's fine. But, like, why are five people nodding their fucking heads at me like, I'm ready to beat the shit out of

[Mero]

one of these niggas?

[Mel]

No, there's like, yeah, I hate when people do that. It's like, it's okay that nobody. We're not popular enough to be. We're not household names, bro.

[Patrick]

We're not household names. I don't think we're even house phone names. And that's okay. We still do very well and we still have a great community and we still have fun. Like, we don't have to be known by everybody. Trust me, I do not need anybody coming to this podcast taking what I say out of context. You know what I'm saying?

[Mero]

You.

[Mel]

Anyway, we'll get into the Mero episode. Appreciate y'.

[Gracie]

All.

[Mero]

Peace.

[Mel]

That's not what we're doing.

[Patrick]

Hello.

[Mel]

Hey, the radio is for people who are driving. Welcome to crash. Ls podcast.

[Patrick]

Ain't gonna lie. Like, lately I've been on my unc, right? I've been trying to save the youth. And not just like 14 year olds, 15 year olds. I'm talking about them 20, 21, 22 year old dudes. I'm trying to let them know what I know. And like, part of that process is finding out what situation they in and trying to relate it to something that you know. And I recently talked to someone who was 21, he had six kids with three baby mamas. And he was like, yo, big bro Pat, what's my next move? And I'm like, my nigga, you out of moves.

[Mero]

That's it. That's it, bro. It's locked. Like checkmate, bro. Like, it's over. Like six kids or 21.

[Patrick]

I feel like that's three baby moms. I feel like that's the most important part of being part of being a

[Mel]

mentor is to like, better call it like that too.

[Patrick]

Yeah. Not like not using your resources on lost calls. You got to get to the next person after that, right?

[Mero]

Yeah. Listen, dog, yo, listen, I got love for you. I appreciate you, you know, I appreciate that. You look to me for advice. Here's the advice. You're cooked. Okay? I gotta go over here and help him out. There's some, there's, there's, there's ROI over here.

[Guest]

You know what I'm saying?

[Mero]

Over here we ain't doing nothing. We just. This is chapter 11 right here.

[Mel]

You got to leave that in God's

[Mero]

hands at that point.

[Patrick]

No, he got to file bankruptcy. He got to be a deadbeat. Now if you lead a family, we can restart.

[Mero]

That is true.

[Mel]

You can't start a new life.

[Patrick]

You can't.

[Mel]

But I feel like how far do you think you have to move away from your family to start a new life?

[Mero]

County, County, N. County, dog. Like, listen, if you put it in Google Maps and it say 25 minutes, that's far enough that you know what I'm saying?

[Mel]

I feel like to start a real new life, you gotta leave the country.

[Patrick]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Mero]

Real, real quarter. Take a gas away.

[Patrick]

Real new, like, new life. You just gotta get far away so that your new son would only meet your other son in like the state championship. You know what I'm saying? They can't be meeting in no regional finals.

[Mero]

They gotta meet in states. You can wear the half jersey

[Mel]

like the Kelsey's

[Patrick]

O Science experiment. That's somebody with no dad. That's somebody with a dad. Same genes. Let's see.

[Guest]

Come on.

[Mel]

Because you can blame the moms in that situation. Whoever is the least athletic.

[Patrick]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Mero]

100.

[Mel]

Because I, I'm responsible for both of these people.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mel]

One of y' all up sometimes.

[Patrick]

It's about the. It's about the trauma, though.

[Mero]

What do you mean?

[Patrick]

You know what I'm saying? The one with no dad, he might have been hungry, be on the streets in New York, yo. He been hooping with 20 year olds since he was 8 years old. And the other one, you know what I'm saying?

[Mel]

Upper.

[Patrick]

Upper New York. You know what I'm saying? Aau. Aau.

[Mel]

Okay.

[Patrick]

You know what I'm saying?

[Mero]

He got a trainer. Okay.

[Patrick]

Another one been shot at before?

[Mel]

Yep.

[Patrick]

At. Yeah.

[Mero]

Not a basketball.

[Patrick]

Yeah,

[Mero]

the stick.

[Patrick]

You know, the other one. The other one from the hood. Have a hard time expressing itself. The other one. That's rich. Having espresso martinis. It's different, you know what I'm saying?

[Mel]

Welcome to Crash. That means episode. We don't even know what episode.

[Mero]

Drink in the world, by the way. Do not give that to a white woman. It's like pouring water on a gremlin.

[Mel]

We don't know what episode this is, but we got Meryl in the building with us. Your ig name is the Kid Meryl?

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Mel]

Do you still go by the Kid?

[Mero]

So you know what? It was, like, a long time ago, I explained this to.

[Mel]

To.

[Mero]

I think it was Ari Melberg, which is, you know, same. Same vibe. You know what I'm saying? Matt Informational. It was the. Like, I grew up on a. On a G Unit mixtape, okay? So, like, 50 Cent is a future. Power of the dollar, all that type of. And Lloyd Banks, to me was like, out of the three. I was like, yo, Banks.

[Mel]

Banks was my favorite as well.

[Mero]

Yeah. I'm like, yo, this got bought. I ain't a wrestler, but I put your in the Boston Crab. You know what I'm saying? I was like, whoa. I was like, yo, that's a bar. I was like, I know what the Boston crap is. I did it in Warzone and play the PlayStation 1. So that. Because every time he would come on and who kid would hype up crazy. Like, he'd be like, the Kid Lloyd Banks. And I'm like, oh, that's fire. But at the time, I was already writing Meryl. Like, Meryl's not like a stage name or.

[Guest]

Not like that.

[Mero]

It's graffiti. Like, yeah, and graffiti since, like, 97, 98.

[Mel]

Okay.

[Mero]

And, like, since I was like, 12. You know what I mean? Like, I started, like, 11. I was writing J Dog. And then, like, all the. Like, the older graffiti was like, man, that is corny as hell.

[Mel]

How'd you spell do dawd.

[Mero]

Yeah, that's tough. I was like, yeah, this ain't it, man. I'm like, I feel like a random character, like a random villain in gta. And then I was just like, oh. I was like, mero. Because my pops wanted to name me Romero. And my mom's like, no.

[Mel]

You know what I'm saying?

[Mero]

Do you have the uterus? Did you carry this? No, you did not. And I got a PC out of me, so I'm naming this. She named me Joel.

[Mel]

Okay.

[Mero]

And. But all my, you know, my pops is, you know, Dominican. You know, I mean, like, Afro Latino. You know what I'm saying? He was just like, nah, that, like,

[Mel]

sorry about y' all lost, by the way, in baseball.

[Mero]

Listen, we, we, we. We. We actually won. You know what I'm saying? But that's not.

[Mel]

Hey, that is true. You know, a little controversy.

[Mero]

Very. You know what I'm saying? Somebody went viral for having a tattoo of that pitch. And, like, in Spanish, that wasn't a strike on the arm. I was like, God damn, bro. That's dedication. I just watch the. On YouTube. See, I told y', all, man. Koolaid. Do the abs. Do this challenge.

[Patrick]

That's the toughest, though. I know people I went to recently went to Fenway park to watch Red Sox versus Tigers. Tigers beat that ass. No, Red Sox, one.

[Mero]

I'm sorry.

[Patrick]

Shout out to Detroit, though. But I was watching and, like, they did the replay and, like, the strike was 2 inches off or 2 centimeters off, and they actually put it on the screen how close it was. And then people see the evidence and be like, these cheating.

[Mero]

That's a 75 year old, man. It's 98 degrees out here. Yeah, you know, I mean, this motherfucker ain't drank water since the first inning. And you wanted to be like, strike perfect. Like, you know, it's like, accent, yo, my grandpa is dead. But, like, when he was alive, like, that couldn't stand in anywhere for more than 30 minutes straight. I'm like, these stand out there for six hours. Like, I don't.

[Patrick]

Yeah, that's what I would be saying. I'd be calling strikes. Especially when I'm trying to get home, man.

[Mero]

I'm like, yeah, get out of here.

[Patrick]

Arguing with your baby mama and.

[Mero]

Mama dude's gonna be here in six minutes with Uber. All right, Yo, I'm out of here.

[Patrick]

What?

[Guest]

Right?

[Mel]

Our list. So we. So we kind of got in a little. Well, I guess it was me. They're getting on my ass for saying that. I. I Don't know if Paul started in New York.

[Mero]

Pause.

[Mel]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Oh, it was definitely like a. Like a. Like a Harlem thing.

[Mel]

Okay.

[Mero]

Like, they were like that because. I know. Because I was like, I'm from the Bronx. And I was just like. What do you mean, pause?

[Mel]

What is that?

[Mero]

It was all the Harlem guys doing it, and then it just, like, took over the whole city. Like, it was like, yo. And then. And then obviously the a yo followed and.

[Mel]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Whoa. Like, that type of like.

[Mel]

Sure.

[Mero]

That's crazy.

[Patrick]

Like, I feel, like. So, like, pause is obviously overused now, right? Oh, yeah. People find in different ways, you know? I'm one of them.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Mel]

I'm about to say your main culprit.

[Mero]

Yeah. You can be like, yo, this sandwich is mad big. I'll be yo.

[Guest]

Pause.

[Patrick]

Pause.

[Mero]

Double meat, yo. Whoa.

[Mel]

Pause.

[Mero]

Eat the whole thing, too.

[Patrick]

By yourself.

[Mero]

That's crazy.

[Mel]

With so many hot dogs. Everybody's, like, afraid to eat hot dogs here.

[Mero]

That is crazy, because I'm a. I'm an unabashed glizzy enjoyer. You know what I'm saying? Like, But I be in my crib, bro.

[Mel]

That's true. I don't see people eating glizzies in public anymore. Like, they used to.

[Mero]

New York City now.

[Mel]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Just hang around a hot dog cart. You're gonna see, like, a white guy. Like, this random tourist guy. Like, I see this a real New York hot dog. Let me get some sauerkraut onions on that.

[Mel]

Let's go. I've seen nudes put that in their pocket after they get it and to

[Mero]

go now that's crazy. Then start jogging and. Hey, I see coming out your ass.

[Patrick]

No, I definitely think pause started here because I also think, like, that slick talk talk. It started here also. So it had. Pause actually came as a savior at first. Now pause is overused because before pause had to stop the dudes and be like, man, shut the fuck up before I fuck both y' all in the ass. And they're just like, bro, somebody gotta stop this shit. Like, what is the double entend?

[Mero]

He's just dead ass. He just came home from 315.

[Patrick]

Yeah, you got the crop top on. It's like, something has to happen here.

[Mero]

We gotta start at least.

[Patrick]

You know what I'm saying? I'm saying pause. You can unpause it. But that just lets me know, okay?

[Mel]

This dude is serious.

[Patrick]

You know what I mean?

[Mero]

And that's the thing. Like, if this. If there's no visible joke, I'm like,

[Mel]

like, where are we Going with this?

[Mero]

Yeah, it sounds like a random. Like a DMX single.

[Patrick]

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[Mel]

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[Patrick]

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[Mel]

Yo.

[Patrick]

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[Mero]

Oh, let's go.

[Patrick]

So we're going to take simple things and translate them into like what they really mean.

[Mero]

Oh yeah, bro, listen, I'm ready for this. I've been married for 137 years, bro.

[Patrick]

Okay. When a woman or man says I just need space.

[Mel]

Yo, I was. I would say they trying to soft launch a breakup.

[Patrick]

I just need space.

[Mel]

Oh, yes, yes.

[Mero]

Okay.

[Guest]

Is.

[Mero]

Is that if you're dating, if you're married, it's. You'll get the fuck away from me. Yo, get the fuck away from me. You're Matt, you're beat. You are wild annoying right now. You annoying the shit out of me. Get the fuck out of here before something bad happens. I'm not saying I'm a whoop your ass because I don't do that. I was raised right, shout out to my pops. But I might fuck around and just start smoking weed and place it out

[Patrick]

a part of the house that I'm

[Mero]

not supposed to be smoking weed. Just see me in the fucking laundry room with a blunt like something's wrong.

[Patrick]

Smoking into the dryer.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Putting it on delicate.

[Mero]

No. All your panties smell like weed.

[Mel]

Don't put my delicate.

[Patrick]

I would say I just need spaces. Like, I just need to turn off my location so I can go on something.

[Mero]

That's what it means to me.

[Mel]

This is crazy.

[Patrick]

If a woman came up to me and said, I just need space, I'm just like, bro, then take it then. But I guarantee you I won't be here after.

[Mero]

You can go get your space. And I will also go get my space.

[Patrick]

Go get my space. A new space.

[Mel]

Start that new family.

[Patrick]

Yes. Just see a girl. Be like, I need space. And just see somebody open a portal. Okay, I'm out of here.

[Mero]

What, you trying to go Mars, Venus. Yeah, there you go.

[Mel]

Now cheat in the future, then. Like, futuristic, let's say, like 2,000 years later. It's gonna be kind of crazy because if there's portals and shit, it's like, you really can start a new family. Yeah, and it'd be so easy. I can get to Spain in two seconds. Second family, bro.

[Mero]

You fuck around and fuck Queen Isabella, like, 1805.

[Patrick]

No, we were just talking about, like, how New York is crazy. I, like, honestly believe, like, if a woman or man wanted to have five legit boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever they have, they could walk and not even look over their damn shoulder. They could just be walking out here every day on different boroughs, different sides of New York. Yeah, that's crazy to me. Like, I. I haven't seen one face twice since I've been here.

[Mero]

Nobody cares, bro. Nobody cares. That's the thing. Even if you. Even if people know who you are, like, if you're like a celebrity or whatever, like, people, they don't give a. Like, y' all are popping. Like, y' all will walk down the street. I guarantee you, at least 20. Notice y'.

[Guest]

All.

[Mero]

Yeah, but they didn't say, because they from New York, and they too cool, you know? I mean, they might have been like Summer Day, but they won't be like, yo, yo, I'll with y' all because. Yeah, from Detroit.

[Mel]

Yeah, well, he's from Michigan.

[Patrick]

He's from Chicago.

[Mel]

I'm from Nigeria.

[Patrick]

Yeah, I got it. You got it.

[Mero]

Yeah, yeah. No, that's what I'm saying. Like, if you're not from New York, if you're not, like, a New York celebrity or whatever, like Fat Joe, people might be like, yo, Fat Joe, what up? Let me get a picture. Or like, a random, like. Like, me. You know what I'm saying? Like, a random, like, you know, lower tier. You know what I'm saying, dude? Like, yo, hey, hey, I can say what's up to this dude. You know what I'm saying?

[Mel]

Like, so they said this. We had this conversation at our show. One of the people in the audience said, if you didn't go to elementary school here, you can't claim, yeah, you from New York.

[Mero]

I say that all the time. It's K through 12. You know what I'm saying?

[Mel]

But what if I'm here from 15 to 40?

[Mero]

Then you got a case.

[Patrick]

What about the people that, like, okay, 21 and now they 51.

[Mel]

That's.

[Mero]

You know what it is? To me, your formative years is like, you know, elementary school through, like, freshman year, college.

[Patrick]

You know what I mean? Like, you're right.

[Mero]

So if those are the years that you in New York City, public school, bro, you're a New Yorker for real. Cause you eating them like that milk that's about to expire in 20 minutes, you know what I mean? You cutting ass in the parking lot all day. Like, it's just gladiator school, bro. But, like, for comedy, for everything, you know what I'm saying? For not getting roasted, like, your fit gotta be right, all that shit. You know what I mean? So to me, it's like K through 12. You solidify New Yorker. You could do K through 12 and then leave right after that, bro, and go move to Hawaii and then come back and, bro, your tims will be waiting for you when you get, like,

[Patrick]

fresh off the plane. Okay, Second one is, I'm gonna say, you from Detroit.

[Mero]

That's why I'm so bad. That's what New York is a piece of. Because it's like, Detroit, Chicago. That's it.

[Mel]

And, like, pretty close, though.

[Patrick]

Midwest.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Mero]

That's like the whole Midwest.

[Mel]

Pontiac. And I was. I grew up in Chicago.

[Mero]

So to me, the whole Midwest is like, Chicago, Detroit, Milwaukee.

[Patrick]

We.

[Mel]

That's where we live. Milwaukee.

[Patrick]

Oh, it's WAL1 area. No.

[Mel]

What's another one?

[Patrick]

The one is he or she's just a friend.

[Mero]

Oh, no, they smashing, bro. Yeah, that's that. Those cheeks are getting clapped.

[Patrick]

You know, like, a lot of people. I feel like a lot of people get gaslit into, like, the whole friendship thing.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

It just be like, a lot of people got to be real. Like, you can't go based off, like, the woman's beauty or the attraction with the rules that. Or boundaries you have for yourself. It's like, bruh, I don't think you should be on a solo date with this person. It's just like, it is what it is. Like, if that's your friendship, man, I hope it lasts forever, because I'm out.

[Mero]

I'm out of here. Yeah. Nah, it's. I mean out, like, you know, I've been out of the game for a long time, and. But, like, I think depending on what kind of relationship you got with your shorty, like, you know, that that's like the variable, you know what I'm saying? Because to me, I'm like, my girl could go out with whoever, and I'm just like, man, go ahead. You know what I'm saying? Like, I like, I know what you about, you know what I Mean, like, you're not about to do no crazy anyway. So go ahead, bro. Like, go get Dr. Go do whatever. Go hang out, man, with your. With your homeboy and his cousin and whatever might be getting traced. Who knows? But, like, in my mind, I'm like, yo, I'm not. You feel me? Because the way I move. You know what I'm saying?

[Guest]

I'm not.

[Mero]

I'm not moving like that. So, you know, I just assume.

[Mel]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Plus.

[Patrick]

Plus, it's good not to live life like that.

[Mel]

I'd rather be proven wrong.

[Patrick]

That's why I said. Yeah. I like to set boundaries. And then I like to, like, like, forget about it. I'm just like, I gotta go live life. Because I feel like them dudes, I'd be like, every day, you. You wait till your girl go to sleep. You going through her phone, you going through her eyes.

[Mel]

That's crazy.

[Patrick]

You doing that every day. You wondering what she's doing at work. It's like, Howard, like, how you getting money then

[Mero]

if you doing that and you don't sell cocaine?

[Patrick]

Like, what are you doing?

[Mero]

That, like, mentality is for. Trust me. You know what I'm saying?

[Mel]

Like, that paranoia.

[Mero]

That's for. That. Got Grams on deck at all times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you at? 72nd Amsterdam. I bet.

[Patrick]

Yo.

[Mero]

72nd Amsterdam.

[Mel]

Yo, go ahead.

[Mero]

Here's a cigarette.

[Patrick]

All right, last one. The last one is when someone says, I feel like you're not happy.

[Mero]

Ooh, that to me, that's the. So that's the breakup soft launch. I've been married for so long.

[Mel]

Yeah.

[Mero]

That I've. I've almost broken up with my shorty. Like.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Various times. You know what I'm saying? And that's. That's the one. That's the one where they, like, yo, I feel like you're not happy. They try to put it on you.

[Mel]

Yeah.

[Mero]

To be like, yo.

[Mel]

And that's like, the start, too, because that's like, I'm gonna put this in the atmosphere right now. Because later on, this isn't done yet. Like, we're gonna get back to this. Two months now. I still don't feel like you're happy. This is prologue. This. I still don't feel like you're happy. It's like a six month process, too. Like, I'm surely trying to break up with you in six months, but I don't want it to be abrupt.

[Mero]

Yep.

[Patrick]

No, the worst is somebody saying that. And you was like, nigga, it's you. You know what I'm Saying, you. Yeah, you. You feel like I'm not happy cause of you.

[Mero]

You bitch. Yo, what the fuck, bitch? Listen, I was here. I was watching the Knicks playoff game, and you came in the door with your homegirl talking about, I need the TV to fucking watch Grey's Anatomy. Fuck you, bitch.

[Mel]

That's.

[Mero]

I'm not happy. I'm watching the game on an illegal stream in my office, on my computer now smoking weed by myself in the laundry room.

[Patrick]

Yo, turn that on. Delicates, bro.

[Mero]

I'm, like, putting her panties in a little bag. Like, what are we doing?

[Patrick]

Like, no, for real. Just like, bro, you're the reason that I'm not happy. And then you said, I'm not happy.

[Mero]

No, he's just trying to sunset you, bro. At that point, like, you getting gas like a. Like, oh, I think you're not happy. You're not happy. You're making me unhappy because misery loves company. No, you're trying to get me out of here. Like, whoever you got on deck, just say that.

[Patrick]

No, for real.

[Mel]

Oh, I got a question, though. Is it rude not to offer food when you're in front of. When you're eating in front of somebody?

[Mero]

I think if you got a lot of food, you know what I'm saying? But if you got, like, one Dorito Loco taco, and you just sitting there like, yo, you want to play, pet?

[Patrick]

Like, it depends on where we at now. In middle school, like, if we best friends.

[Mero]

Oh, that's different.

[Patrick]

And you got a taco.

[Mero]

Were you kids? Come on, 100.

[Mel]

Yeah, your appetite should be a little smaller, too.

[Patrick]

Pause. But you're supposed to give me my piece in front of everybody. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you're supposed to like, hey, hey, this my guy.

[Mero]

Yo, everybody eats.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mero]

You know what I'm saying? Everybody eats.

[Patrick]

You ain't never did that to you.

[Mel]

Like, I split him in chicken.

[Patrick]

Yeah, no, I came. I used to come with the fries. And this how I used to let know what they ranking system is, and they need to get their loyalty up.

[Mero]

I used to go around getting this out.

[Patrick]

Like, you get a fries here today, you get a fry. You get a longer fry. You've been stepping up.

[Mel]

And.

[Patrick]

And then you go to your right

[Mel]

hand man's, tell him to put his hands out like that.

[Patrick]

Put your hands out.

[Mero]

Oh, matter of fact, hold on, hold on. You going to catch a squeeze. Squeeze that off. Squeeze that.

[Patrick]

Go grab your cup.

[Mero]

You hit the ice. Little thing, yo. Supposed to have this mouth. Do too much ice.

[Mel]

My bad, bro. Give me some more ice. That was too much ice.

[Patrick]

Didn't the home. Didn't the homeboy show they got chemistry? And he pull out a honey bun like, you ain't even know I got dessert for us.

[Mero]

Honey bun in front of you, like,

[Mel]

with the true move.

[Patrick]

I'm in the background hating, like, no, these it or something.

[Mero]

They too locked in. What's going on? It's a date now. These on a date. Oh, man. Over there running a honey bun Pick and roll. What's going on? What the are these niggas doing behind the back pass?

[Patrick]

Johnson? I said, no, you don't, Clyde.

[Mero]

No, you don't.

[Patrick]

I said, get him, Clyde.

[Mero]

He came down. No, that's crazy.

[Patrick]

All right, we're gonna play one more game. We're gonna take turns trying to give the worst possible advice to this situation. Okay. Okay. In your case, your wife just asked if she's getting a little bigger.

[Mero]

The worst advice I could ever give in that situation. Yeah, yo, seeing that being like, yeah, yo. Yeah. No, that's crazy.

[Patrick]

That might be worse than yours.

[Mel]

The pause, too.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Mel]

Not. Because when you pause like that, you put a lot of thoughts on her.

[Mero]

It's like, oh, and she's like, he's thinking about what he's about to say. Yeah. So if it's nasty, that means he thought about it. It didn't just come out. It wasn't just a reaction. Calculated that.

[Patrick]

Yo, you.

[Mel]

You have a.

[Mero]

You heard of these GLP1 like those epic. Is that something you would like with that's bad one?

[Patrick]

No, I. I think the worst one is because that's still, like, it's motivational.

[Mel]

Like, I'm about to go.

[Patrick]

I'm about to. It could be epic. No, but. But it could be I'm about to go lose weight.

[Mero]

Motivational is like, yo, let's go for a jog together.

[Patrick]

But. But it's still, like, even if she leave you, it's motivational. Like, let's say she's like, I'm out. He talking to me. Rude. I'm about to go lose a bunch of weight post transformation, which most people do after divorce, and that's the reason they got a divorce. Anywho. But the other thing is just, like, telling them, like, it's okay, and just like, yo, it's. It's okay. Like, but that's your new body. That's your new body.

[Mero]

That's your new body. It's crazy.

[Mel]

That's you.

[Mero]

That's you.

[Patrick]

It's you. I still love you. You, you. You Definitely look way different from when we met. And I kind of look the same,

[Mero]

But I still love.

[Patrick]

I still love your. I still love your body.

[Mel]

Or like, I already knew.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Like, yeah.

[Mel]

Am I supposed to be surprised?

[Patrick]

Honey, I like all my girls. Bbw.

[Mero]

We all getting older, you know what I'm saying? Like, I can't hoop the way I used to. Happens, everybody.

[Guest]

You know what I'm saying?

[Mero]

Just make sure you.

[Mel]

But not me.

[Mero]

Yeah, I sent you with that bumpy baseline. Like, play with me.

[Patrick]

No, that's terrible. Shout out to all my ladies. We mean it. We mean that.

[Mero]

Love, y'.

[Guest]

All.

[Patrick]

Happy International Women's Month. Sometimes. Sometimes Women's Century. I'm sorry. Yeah, sometimes, you know, Millennium. Y' all gotta be part of the joke. Sorry, worst possible advice. Your homie just lost his job.

[Mero]

Yo, bro, you just lost your job. Guess what? Bodega up the street, they got the baggies and the cut. I'm saying let's get to work. You know what I mean?

[Patrick]

No, real. To put your boy on the streets is crazy.

[Mero]

Put him out there, not even go with him. Just be like, yo, here's the pack. Get that off.

[Patrick]

So my friend Antonio, he a dangerous. Good luck.

[Mero]

I don't even know what he's saying half the time. And that's what he said.

[Patrick]

Antonio, I'm not gonna lie, bro. He pistol with me when I took the.

[Mel]

The most dangerous missions.

[Patrick]

That's the spare day for.

[Mero]

Not for play.

[Mel]

Play.

[Mero]

I think that he said his name was Antonio, but everybody that spoke to him was calling him La Culebra. What is that? What does that mean?

[Mel]

I don't know what that means, but that sound dangerous.

[Mero]

I have no.

[Mel]

Anything start with

[Mero]

la or L in front of your name. I'm like, yo, yo, hold on.

[Mel]

What does that mean in Spanish? Like, duh.

[Mero]

Duh.

[Mel]

Exactly. It's like anybody. Even his English. Duh. Something. Yeah, what was that? The Mercenary. Who was the. That we traded Britney Griner for? Oh, the.

[Mero]

The. The. The Merchant of Death.

[Mel]

The Merchant of Death.

[Patrick]

Shout out to Brittany Griner. She just. She just commented on our show the Mercenary or what?

[Mel]

What? I just forgot the word Merchant of Death. Merchant.

[Patrick]

I was thinking of the funniest scenario. Just be like, imagine being with your best friend, and he loses his backpack, and he just panicking. He like, bro, it's just a backpack. He's like, no, that was the cartel's backpack.

[Mero]

You know how many 90s movies started like that?

[Patrick]

Like, the Cartel.

[Mero]

Yeah. Michael. What? The guys that do this, they actually

[Patrick]

been Trailing us for the last mile.

[Mero]

And I told him, you're with me.

[Mel]

You're going to his house and to my crib there.

[Mero]

Why? Hold on. Why, why? Why? Could we go to a Holiday Express, bro?

[Mel]

My house.

[Mero]

I live here where my family is.

[Mel]

My wife and kids are here.

[Mero]

Do you remember sleep? Right.

[Patrick]

You remember Juan that played three on three basketball with us? That was our handler to my w.

[Mero]

I wouldn't pass him on. And I was yelling at the. He was playing in the boots with the curly toes. That's crazy. Talking about the.

[Patrick]

I was flaming. I kept saying, hey, don't pass him the ball.

[Mero]

That's the. That about to be heavy. Why I can't wait.

[Mel]

Like this.

[Mero]

Said I can't shoot. Watch this.

[Patrick]

Oh, man. Okay, last one. Your best friend's girlfriend just cheated on him.

[Mel]

Your best friend's girlfriend just cheated on. Girlfriend just cheated on.

[Mero]

Bro, I'm yo, yo, yo, Everybody, yo, whole crew, yo. Come in. Yeah, yo, give $100, bro. I'm give $100. You give him $100. Yo, you buying today. You buying some today.

[Patrick]

You keep putting people back on the street.

[Mero]

That's your thing. Like on the streets. Go back. You know what I'm saying? Obviously, they need you.

[Mel]

I feel like sometime when the worst happens to you kind of have to keep going that way.

[Patrick]

You know what I mean?

[Mel]

It can't get worse.

[Mero]

Yeah. You got to hit the bottom for your.

[Patrick]

The worst advice is be like, yo, bro, I don't want you to be in a situation where you go back to her. So we need to make sure you never go back to her. I' ma try to get at that, too. She your best friend, bro. It's really over.

[Mel]

Exactly.

[Mero]

It's really over.

[Mel]

Yeah. That bridge is broken.

[Patrick]

You know what I'm saying? Now, what's your favorite color?

[Mel]

You said, I don't. You know, I don't want to, like, recommend any friends, but as your closest friend, it really hurt her if it really, really hurts you. If I did it.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Come on now.

[Mel]

And Greg. You don't even fuck with Greg like that.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

And I gotta let you know because who else is gonna tell you, is she giving her best in bed or not? I need to tell you.

[Mero]

I'm saying.

[Patrick]

Because if she really throwing it back.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Like you used to say that she throw it back. Like, I need to know how much effort she give. Yeah. I mean.

[Mero]

And yo, there's a lot of things that you gotta know. Like, yo, when she start giving you top. Does she start from the Balls. You know what I mean? That's what real ones do. That's a D1.

[Mel]

You don't want to go back to that, bro. Yeah, I want to go too experienced, bro.

[Patrick]

Especially after when I'm done with her, bro. You're not even gonna want her back. Yeah.

[Mero]

That's gonna be a two car garage. A fisker ocean in that.

[Mel]

Oh man. All right, let's get to.

[Patrick]

Yeah. Let's get to some listening. Yeah.

[Mero]

Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney Plus. Let's go get ready for a new case.

[Gracie]

We're gonna crack this case and prove we're victorious. Partners up, new friends.

[Guest]

You are Gary the Snake.

[Patrick]

And your last name.

[Guest]

Desnake.

[Mero]

Dream team Hidden habitats.

[Patrick]

Zootopia has a secret reptile population.

[Mero]

You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home.

[Patrick]

You're clearly working it.

[Mero]

Zootopia 2 now available on Disney Plus. Rated PG.

[Guest]

Hello. Hello.

[Patrick]

Welcome Podcast. What's the word?

[Guest]

Hurt. I just chilling, you know, Feel it. Okay. I'm actually working, but don't care.

[Mero]

All right. I got.

[Mel]

I got a question for you. Who's someone you have to cut off and why?

[Guest]

My Caucasian friend. Like, like he was cool, you know, at first. You know, they all are, you know, they're pretty cool at first.

[Mero]

He hit you with the hard R. Didn't like.

[Guest]

No, no, he didn't, he didn't.

[Mero]

Because you said Caucasian friend. You didn't say my boyfriend.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Mel]

Okay. Why'd you cut him off?

[Guest]

He, he, he thought he was a group leader. I was just like, bro, like you, not him. Like we used to go to festivals and stuff like that. He was like, he used to act like a female. I was like, bro, like, chill, it's not that serious. Like, I'm hungry. Like once he was hungry, he had moose wings. I'm like, I'm like, bro, like, I'm not trying to leave the festivals. They're hella ready. Like, I don't care if you hungry. Like you could go, hey, bro, that

[Mero]

might have been diabetic.

[Guest]

Wait, what happened?

[Mero]

He might have been diabetic, bro.

[Guest]

Nah, he was. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Patrick]

That's crazy. It sound like. Wait, wait. So how long was he group leader before you finally strapped on your nuts and said something?

[Guest]

Don't forget your phone. Like eight months. I'm not gonna lie.

[Patrick]

But. Oh, so you, you let it ride for eight months? He got fed up. Enough is enough.

[Mero]

You don't want what?

[Patrick]

We don't need to.

[Guest]

Look. White privilege, you know, you already got white privilege.

[Patrick]

Now you let him own you for a month. Now you want to rebuild? Shouldn't let it happen, bro. Who you vote for and then.

[Mero]

All right, bro. All right, man.

[Mel]

You have a good one.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Mel]

What it do?

[Patrick]

What's good? What's the word?

[Guest]

What's up with you?

[Mel]

Chilling. Chilling. I got a question for you. Who's someone. Who's someone you have to cut off and why?

[Patrick]

But I had.

[Guest]

I had a cut on my ex. The last ex I was with, she kept up my emotion because every time I go talk to a new girl, she find her way in the DMS and telling her be like, oh, that's still my man. It's everything up.

[Patrick]

Wait, Wash. Was she ever your woman at the time she did these acts, or she was always your ex?

[Guest]

Nah, nah, she was my ex. So she broke up. It don't matter who broke.

[Mel]

No, she broke it with you.

[Guest]

Now we. We was done. We was done. We wasn't together no more. And so every time I try to go talk to a new girl, she was trying to ruin it.

[Mero]

So you wasn't together no more.

[Mel]

But.

[Mero]

But were you still clapping? See?

[Guest]

A little bit.

[Mero]

Yeah. There you go. There you go, champ.

[Patrick]

That's a pretty easy fix. Yeah, you like.

[Mero]

Like, stop her, dog, and she will stop claiming you.

[Guest]

Yeah. Now that's what had to happen because I found this, found a badge on, and I try to link with her, and like, the same day I started talking to her, my ex found her and ruined everything. I'm out. Oh, she sent her pictures of us together in bed. She like, oh, we got matching tattoos. We got this.

[Mel]

Do y' all have matching tattoos?

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Patrick]

Oh, that. Y' all just got foreplay going on, man. Y' all just with other people. Just go back to your girl, stop up the date.

[Guest]

No, no, she. She hot now. She blocked now.

[Patrick]

Oh, she blocked now. But she blocked on the Internet. But is she blocked in real life?

[Guest]

Yeah, we don't even live in the same state no more.

[Patrick]

Okay, you trying to get away from her? Did she move or you move?

[Guest]

Nah, I moved to school.

[Patrick]

Okay.

[Mero]

All right, all right.

[Patrick]

This young ass off the phone.

[Mero]

Yo, man, if you see the bucky's, you end up her in the bathroom. Come on.

[Mel]

Yo, what'd it do?

[Patrick]

Yeah, what's the word?

[Guest]

I said y' all never gonna call me again?

[Patrick]

No, we gonna call you.

[Mel]

Where you from?

[Guest]

I'm from New York, Virginia, South Carolina. I moved around a couple bit.

[Patrick]

That boy combined all the accents, too. I don't know what the.

[Mero]

We got Going, who the is damn poo.

[Guest]

I used to get she with the lingo. I said, which one you did?

[Mero]

Oh, you.

[Patrick]

You got multiple. They go dual lingo.

[Mel]

Do it looking for accents. All right, who's some of you have to cut off and why?

[Guest]

Understand, I had a. I had to cut off my X time. I ain't gonna lie. She had all the, like, all the details about me, and she knew way too much about me. And then. And then, like, I'll never win an argument, son. I never want to argue against us. I swear to God, I'm not even arguing time.

[Mel]

A what argument?

[Guest]

Like, yeah, like. Because I'll be like, I ain't good at remembering. Like, she would be like, name a time when. And I never have it. But if I ask her the same, she'll have the date, text message, picture, everything.

[Mel]

Oh, so you like the details and arguments?

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah, I like the details. I like the details and reason.

[Mero]

Hey, bro, listen, man, I'm in the same boat with you, champ. Like, I get gaslit by my wife all the time. You know what I'm saying? She's like, yo, you said this. I'm like, I ain't say that. Stop lying. She's like, nah, you definitely did. And I'm like, there's no way I would say that.

[Patrick]

What?

[Guest]

Like I'm saying. I'm saying. But. But like, I was talking to my homeboy the other day. He was like, you can't be letting her gaslight you like that.

[Patrick]

You.

[Guest]

You gotta manipulate her. I'm like,

[Patrick]

We just talked about the worst advice. That nigga won right there.

[Mero]

He said, manipulator.

[Patrick]

Can you tell us what your friend, like, what's. What's the exact advice that your friend gave you?

[Guest]

I was talking about. I was talking about how, like, I was trying to get with my little jump, but she ain't gonna let me get with her because I want to talk to, like, three other girls at the same time. Like, I'm. I'm done. You feel me? But, like, he talking about not. That's when you gotta manipulate her twin. Because, like, at the end of the day, a man gonna be a man.

[Gracie]

Like, I don't want to sit down with one woman.

[Patrick]

I know y' all conversation. I know y' all conversations be lasting 3 minutes and 30 seconds. A man gonna be a man manipulated.

[Mel]

No why or how.

[Patrick]

These ain't never asked why.

[Mel]

They gonna send each other Justin. Couple swipes, you gonna get it.

[Patrick]

Okay, so I got a question for you, though. How would you feel if Somebody has sex with this ex that you, you know, trying to get rid of.

[Guest]

Oh, I really wouldn't even go for. I go have sex with a different.

[Patrick]

That mean you give a any bit.

[Guest]

Any listening to the pod want to have sex? I understand what the crazy advance did you say.

[Patrick]

Any woman listening to the pot want to have sex.

[Guest]

It's a fun experience. What's wrong with it?

[Mel]

How old are you?

[Guest]

21.

[Mel]

Oh, yeah.

[Patrick]

Like, when you, like, you're gonna have erectile dysfunction, like, in like, six years.

[Guest]

We gonna rock out with our cock on until that fall off.

[Mero]

Respect, bro. And it's gonna fall off very soon

[Mel]

because rhino pills are in, brother.

[Mero]

That.

[Patrick]

That gonna be on page 367 still on song. It just not hurt.

[Guest]

Come on, bro.

[Mel]

The category is gonna get more wild.

[Patrick]

Yeah, bro, I'm telling you this. You gotta watch dudes like this. They start to get bored and.

[Mero]

Uhhuh. It's gonna be you and Cash Patel on X videos. Favorite in everything. Putting hella bookmarks in that. Like, yo, BBC, Ebony.

[Patrick]

You and Cash Patel.

[Mero]

This is craz.

[Patrick]

Do you know who Cash Patel is?

[Guest]

No, I don't know who Cash for sale is. Who?

[Mel]

Mandani. You from New York?

[Guest]

Yeah, I'm from New York, but who the fuck.

[Patrick]

Okay, okay. If you can say a message to Cash Patel. We're going to do these separately. You don't know them, but just get them a message on what you think they do and just say something to them. So what's your message to Cash Patel?

[Guest]

All right, Cash Patel. I got, like, a TV and a P5. Can I get, like, a band back?

[Mel]

Okay. What's your. What's your message to Mandani?

[Guest]

Mandani Mahalam Malikum. May God be with you, My brother. What's up?

[Mel]

What they do? What it do? Welcome to Craft on Me podcast.

[Guest]

Appreciate y' all having me on.

[Mel]

All right, we got a question for you.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Mel]

All right. Two truths and a lie.

[Guest]

Yeah, two truths and a lie. All right, so here. I'm gonna line this up in the best way I can.

[Patrick]

Just hurry up.

[Mero]

First one.

[Patrick]

Hold on.

[Guest]

So I'm at work right now, so I gotta, like.

[Patrick]

Don't care. Come on, come on, come on.

[Mero]

Let's go, let's go.

[Guest]

Come on. We gotta do it.

[Mero]

You gotta. You gotta run host the first place.

[Guest]

First one is I. My best friend's exes or my ex's best friend. Okay, sorry about that. And then the other one is I this dude while his girl was watching Chin.

[Mero]

Wait, what? Wait, wait, Wait, wait, wait.

[Patrick]

Did you say that right?

[Guest]

Sir, you know what? Let me restart. You can edit this. You can edit it out. Let me restart real quick. So. So I. My ex's best friends. I. The guy. Wise girl. Watch. Oh, and I nutted him. And I nutted him. My mom.

[Mero]

Hold on. Two truths and one lie. Wait, wait, Wa. Wait, wait, wait.

[Patrick]

The lie has to be your mom.

[Mel]

It has to be. Please, Lord.

[Patrick]

It's your mom, right?

[Guest]

Yeah, bro.

[Mel]

Okay, okay, now let's get it.

[Mero]

Okay, so wait, wait. Oh, hold on. Yeah, let's unpack the other part.

[Mel]

So you a dude in front of his girl.

[Guest]

So I'm gonna keep it a buck with y'. All. I misread your prompt. I thought it was one truth, two lies.

[Mero]

Come on, son.

[Patrick]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Guest]

You good?

[Patrick]

No, we're done. We just want to know, like, why. Why the was that your l. So many? Like, have you ever heard of, like. Have you ever heard of, like, I'm a billionaire or some.

[Mero]

I own a Ferrari. That's extreme.

[Guest]

I wanted to go the most extreme I could think of. Hey, Pat. Pat.

[Patrick]

Please don't say my name after. After saying some like that.

[Guest]

Don't say Patrick. John.

[Mero]

Listen, that trip. Yeah.

[Guest]

What? All right, I'll do you a solid. If you can guess which one of those two is the. Is the truth, I'll make you a bet. Actually, let's make it spicy. If you. If you can guess which one is right, I'll wall twerk at the next show that y' all going to. But if you get it wrong, you got a wall twerk at the show.

[Mel]

You already said you read it wrong, though. So you're saying you didn't have sex with a guy?

[Guest]

One of those is. One of those is a truth. One of those is not. If y' all know what that would. Y' all know which one it is.

[Patrick]

We said that we were. We act. We.

[Mel]

We.

[Guest]

We're answering is obviously not true.

[Patrick]

Yes.

[Mero]

Yes.

[Patrick]

And we're saying the guy thing is not true. And because you already said that, in a way.

[Guest]

Yes, I did. Damn. Okay, I got me.

[Patrick]

And then, like, your bet was to wall twerk.

[Mero]

Like, what the is. Hey, man, the more. The more you talk, gang, the more I think that the other thing that you said is a lie is actually true.

[Mel]

He definitely read the question, right.

[Mero]

He backtracking like a bump.

[Patrick]

It's literally two truths in the lie.

[Mero]

He's like, hold on. He's like, oh, they reacted crazy to that.

[Mel]

They've read it. I read I said it to him and then Meryl said it again to him to reiterate it and he still went with it.

[Guest]

Hey, hey. Yo, is he there?

[Mero]

Oh, my God.

[Mel]

All right, bro. You have a good one.

[Mero]

No, he up. Peace. God.

[Guest]

Crash Boys.

[Mel]

Crash Boys. Never heard that one, man.

[Patrick]

Crash Boys. Is he. What is he?

[Mel]

He appears to be a light skinned dude.

[Patrick]

Light skinned black dude.

[Guest]

Not light skinned. Not light skinned. Black. Black one gotta see. Light skinned.

[Mel]

This not light skinned.

[Mero]

Yeah, you light skinned chicken, bro.

[Guest]

I get the light skin pass, brother. I don't get the light skin pass.

[Patrick]

I feel it though.

[Guest]

Very.

[Mel]

You're a tweener. Okay, I got a question for you.

[Patrick]

Like an uncooked hot dog.

[Guest]

Hot dog is crazy. Crazy. You got hot dogs in your mind though.

[Patrick]

You got Vienna sausage skin tone.

[Mero]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest]

You got glicks in your hair right now. Nobody was talking about glicks. And you talk about glicks right now. What's up?

[Patrick]

Where are you from?

[Guest]

You see, in my bio, we don't.

[Patrick]

That's why I'm asking you. I ain't got the phone. Okay, there you go.

[Mel]

Hey, what question did you answer?

[Guest]

You're the smart one. Hey, you just. You're the smart one.

[Mel]

No need to dick ride. That's on me.

[Guest]

That's on me.

[Patrick]

Talking about was Glee, but got kicked off the dick.

[Mero]

Hit him with the card. B la too. My.

[Guest]

On your.

[Mel]

What question did you answer? It's our boy Mero, bro.

[Mero]

Yo, what's up, my guy?

[Mel]

Chilling.

[Mero]

Everything good?

[Guest]

The question.

[Mel]

Just read your statement.

[Guest]

The one that was. It's crazy because I remember the answer, but I don't remember the question.

[Patrick]

Oh my God, he's choking.

[Guest]

It's the. Am I wilding or am I wrong? If.

[Mel]

Oh, okay.

[Guest]

That was that joint.

[Mel]

That's not the one you answered, but go ahead.

[Guest]

Basically, I hate to say it, but I lowkey want to backdoor my man. I don't want to, but I have the urge to. But I don't like the fact that that's already in my heart. Because I feel like if it's in your heart already, you might as well just do it because like, that's basically just as bad if you want to do it and don't do it. If that makes sense.

[Patrick]

All right. There's multiple kinds of back door, so you don't have to explain it. Yes, sir.

[Guest]

Right, right, right. So basically, my man, you know, I'm saying he's been. He's been with his girl since college. It's been for like three Years. And he just had a breakup, you know what I'm saying? So it's kind of fresh. It's like a couple months ago, and they kind of had a long distance going, so it was kind of tough for him. But she's actually in my suit city and now, like, you know what I'm saying? I'm saying she acting different on social media. All these thirst traps and stuff. And I'm a little thirsty. But, like, that's my man. So I don't wanna. I don't want to have that thought. I don't want to have that in my heart because that's my man's. But, like, I wouldn't do it. But I just think I'm a bad. I'm a bad person for thinking like that, if that makes sense.

[Patrick]

That. Just tell me. Like, I feel like dudes that think like that, like, you don't get women naturally, so you. You go to, like, women that are in proximity to you because, like, why are you hating?

[Guest]

Why are you hating, though? Why's your first response to hate after that?

[Patrick]

Why is your first response to back door, you slimy ass?

[Guest]

That's like, I'm not doing that, though. I'm not doing that.

[Patrick]

But you got the thought and then you ran and told other about it.

[Mero]

You got the urge, champ. That's the problem. You said it yourself.

[Guest]

It's the urge. But, like, I'm strong enough to fight the urge. You know what I'm saying?

[Patrick]

No, you're not, bro. You literally putting it off on.

[Mel]

I am, though.

[Guest]

I haven't. I haven't backdoored him because that's my man.

[Patrick]

You already. You already backdoored him because I'm telling you, like, if the thought of it, bro, the thought of it. Because you wouldn't tell him you thinking this because he wouldn't with you after. It's just a thought of it.

[Guest]

Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm saying we all have thoughts like that.

[Patrick]

No, no.

[Mel]

How long y' all been friends for?

[Guest]

We've been boys since college, so.

[Mel]

And when you say you're a man's, like, like, what's like the level, like, you all go over each other's house, Y' all know each other's parents. Like, how close are y'? All?

[Guest]

Yeah, we was roommates for three years in college. Like, we. We pretty locked up. So. Yeah, like, that's really my man's world now.

[Patrick]

That's crazy. You, like, you don't feel like a slimy dude? If I have even having that thought, maybe you need Some therapy or something.

[Guest]

I'm not a slimy dude because I want to do my man's like that. But I just had the thought of it. Come on, bro. We're not. We're not doing that.

[Patrick]

You don't. You don't.

[Guest]

Bro, we're not doing that.

[Patrick]

You don't.

[Guest]

That's the problem, bro, because I. I know what I'm on. You thinking about it, bro.

[Patrick]

You ain't got it.

[Mel]

You got some old school advice?

[Mero]

Yeah, yo, you thinking about it, gang? That's. That's. That's step number one. That's the gateway drug, you know what I'm saying? And if she's bad, eventually you're gonna hit like a heart on one of them stories, and she might hit you with a heart back. And now you're having a conversation, and it ends with you saying something stupid, like what Adam Levine said in the DM to Shorty. You know what I'm saying? He was just like, oh, I want to see her.

[Guest]

I'm not. I'm not trying to let it get

[Patrick]

to that level, though.

[Guest]

I'm not trying to let it get there, though.

[Patrick]

You see?

[Mero]

What if she comes?

[Mel]

What are the stuff you're taking to. To not us.

[Mero]

Let it get to that level. Like, what did you move?

[Guest]

I'm just not. I'm not reacting. I'm not reacting to it. The thirst traps are out there. I'm seeing the post, but, you know, I don't. I like it. I don't gotta. You know what I'm saying?

[Patrick]

It's like you.

[Guest]

It's like you trying to hop in the dm.

[Patrick]

It's like, you know, get on.

[Guest]

Get on with my day.

[Mel]

So what if she DMS you? What's your next move?

[Guest]

She DMS me. Can't even. I. Look. He just got blocked after that. That's my man. Isn't just to take the temptation away at the source, you know what I'm saying?

[Patrick]

Why don't you block it right now?

[Guest]

Lock it right now. Why would I. I mean, I'm.

[Mero]

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

[Guest]

You.

[Mero]

Yo, come on, son. You can't. You.

[Mel]

Yo, I'm just gonna keep the crack in my kitchen counter right there.

[Mero]

Yeah, I'm not gonna smoke it.

[Mel]

You don't put it outside the control.

[Guest]

You're not gonna smoke the crack. You ain't gonna.

[Patrick]

No. The thing about you. What I've been. I've been listening to. To you, and I zoned out a little bit. And I just, like, been listening to conversation. It's like your first statement is pretty confident. You'd be like, I'm not gonna do that. And then it turns it. I can't do that. And just be like, I wouldn't do that. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I gotta stay away from that. And then, like, it gets closer and closer until we check you. Then you get back confident. Like, I'm not gonna do that. So you can't tell me that you're not gonna fold. It sound like you already damn near folded. That's why you reaching out to us, bro.

[Guest]

Hey, it's getting to you. I'm doing whatever I can not touch fold. That's what I'm doing.

[Mero]

Let me tell you something right now. If you don't block shorty right now, y' all gonna end up at a function. You're gonna have two shots of Don Julio and half a spliff and be like, yo, you won't go in the bathroom.

[Patrick]

I can't do that.

[Mel]

You sound like you scared out one

[Guest]

of my best men.

[Mel]

Yeah, he gonna beat your ass.

[Patrick]

I think he'll beat your ass. That's how you did.

[Guest]

Crazy.

[Mel]

Yeah.

[Guest]

You don't even know me.

[Mel]

You know, it's cool.

[Guest]

It's cool. Yeah, I'm pulling up to the live show, so you're gonna be on that when I pull up.

[Patrick]

Yeah, we don't care about that pull up, bro.

[Guest]

Yeah, you ain't. You ain't gonna be on this talking heavy when I'm in person.

[Mel]

No, no, your friend. Your friend is gonna beat your ass.

[Guest]

I know, but you talking about being my ass like that. Like, that's just not happening. Regardless, I'm gonna see you in person talking about my man. What are you gonna do?

[Patrick]

Yeah, you pull up with your man.

[Guest]

We'll see. What up, what up?

[Mel]

What up? This. You just sound unmotivated for some reason. What up, man?

[Mero]

High, boy.

[Guest]

No, y', all. I'm high. Yeah, I already know.

[Patrick]

What up.

[Mel]

I already know.

[Mero]

Your seat. Recline, my boy.

[Mel]

Who's. Who's someone you have to cut off? And why?

[Guest]

Man, I had to cut out my potential soulmate because we kept having babies on each other.

[Patrick]

On each other. I mean, how many? How many each?

[Guest]

Yeah, it was two. Two and two. She had one when we met. Is this.

[Mero]

Are we playing spades? He said, how many kids you got in there? I think I got three. Two, two and.

[Patrick]

Impossible.

[Guest]

Yes.

[Patrick]

Two, two. Y' all going to game five and.

[Guest]

No, no, no, no, no, no. So look, so look, we met when I was in a relationship, but we were supposed to just be. You feel me sneaking? And I called about the past relationship. I was the one who called and said, I want to get my baby mama jump my crackhead. But that's besides the point. So we met or whatever. We were sneaking in. Well, then I was supposed to leave and go with her, but then my mama got pregnant. So I was like, damn, I can't just leave. So she went out and was with somebody. So then we had linked back up, and we was gonna fuck with each other, and she had another baby. I was like, damn. All right, you had one. I had one. Cool. Well, then I had another one.

[Mero]

Bro, are you a mushroom nigga? You just giving off spores. Like, how do you.

[Mel]

So are you not with this girl anymore?

[Guest]

Who the is that?

[Mel]

Or was our cousin Mero, bro?

[Mero]

Yeah, maybe.

[Guest]

That ain't that Ner. Noel, is it? That? That ain't.

[Mel]

That's the Newell NBA player, bro. Don't worry about who this is, bro.

[Guest]

Don't worry about it. I see it on YouTube. I ain't no big deal. Where we going? Where we going?

[Mel]

So are you. Who's the soulmate?

[Patrick]

Like, are you with her?

[Mel]

Are you still in contact with her?

[Mero]

With her?

[Guest]

No, I cut her off, I want to say, probably about two, three months ago.

[Mel]

Oh, this is. This is.

[Guest]

But I'm gonna move back up there near her on Monday, which is cold. Which is some cold. So we'll see how I go from there.

[Patrick]

No, he got a lot of.

[Mel]

How's the dating? How's the dating scene been for you then?

[Guest]

Oh, I ain't been trying to really date too much because that should do too much. Because when I quit with my baby mama, the next I started with was engaged. And I was like, yeah, it's ugly out here if this the next person I'm talking to. So, you know, I'm just staying out the game.

[Patrick]

How tall are you?

[Guest]

I'm six foot.

[Patrick]

Six foot. What would you do for a living?

[Guest]

I bury people. I bury veterans.

[Patrick]

Bury veterans. Okay. Good job. Good job.

[Mel]

Disable you. You got the jokes.

[Patrick]

You got a car?

[Guest]

Yeah, I got a car.

[Patrick]

Got a car. You got your own place?

[Guest]

Yeah, that's why I'm moving Monday.

[Patrick]

Okay. Like, what's wrong with you, bro? Like, how you keep.

[Mero]

Like, it gotta be something, bro, you missing an eyeball?

[Guest]

No, I ain't missing no eyeball.

[Patrick]

Oh, how many kids? How many kids you got? Everybody say you got pretty eyes. Crazy.

[Guest]

I got two.

[Patrick]

You got Two kids. How many baby mamas?

[Guest]

I got one.

[Patrick]

How old are you, Pat?

[Guest]

We've been through this. We went through this, Pat.

[Mero]

You told.

[Guest]

You tried to tell me, get back with my baby mama on the little. When I said I wanted to get her jump my crackheads, you was like, get back with her, bro. I told you. Hell no.

[Patrick]

But I'm just saying, look what happened since then. You should have listened to me.

[Mero]

You're engaged.

[Guest]

No, I mean. I mean, I've been hitting her, but, I mean, you feel me? I ain't gonna get back with her.

[Patrick]

You need to get back with her, bro. But some dude take her off the market.

[Mero]

Come on.

[Guest]

I ain't gonna have you. She. She's stupid. Now he can have. All right.

[Mel]

All right, bro. Have a good one, bro.

[Mero]

You said a lot. You just said a lot with that.

[Guest]

Hello.

[Mel]

What it do? What it do? Welcome to Craft on Me's podcast.

[Gracie]

Thank you. This is exciting.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Mel]

What's your situation?

[Gracie]

Okay, so I'm, like, in love with this guy. And, like, we've been talking for a while, and he's my first ever non white guy I've ever dated.

[Guest]

Okay.

[Mel]

What is he.

[Gracie]

And he's Mexican.

[Mel]

Okay.

[Gracie]

And I'm, like, embarrassed because it's like he listens to this, which is the funniest part. Part to this podcast together, also him. And yeah, he just, like, won't make me his girlfriend. And I'm trying. I need. I need advice, like, on how to get him.

[Mel]

He won't make you. Like, how long y' all been talking?

[Gracie]

Six months.

[Patrick]

Okay, like, what's. What's transpired in those six months? Has it been, like, day one since y' all met? Day one. Y' all hung with each other every day since then, or was it kind of dicey at the beginning?

[Gracie]

I'm. I. It's on and off. Like, I'm kind of finding out that I'm a little crazy when it comes to dating this guy because I'm, like, obsessed with him.

[Mel]

Okay, what count as obsessed? Like, what are some things you've done that would give.

[Gracie]

That. It makes me like, I literally just like, I've shown up at his house one time that was. I've never done that unannounced. And yeah, for. Because I'm like. I just was like, I feel like he's with someone. He wasn't. He was asleep. And so then.

[Patrick]

But also, did you know this by, like, looking over him, or did you just know he was asleep? Like, how did you know you asleep?

[Gracie]

He answered the Door. He answered the door. He's like, wait. Knocked on the door, thought you broke

[Patrick]

into his house and said, did you

[Mel]

go home after that?

[Guest]

That.

[Gracie]

No, I stayed.

[Patrick]

Oh, okay.

[Gracie]

But he was like. He was like, okay. But he also, like, I won't even lie. Like, I'm pretty. I'm learning because I'm, like, from this relationship. I am very toxic. And, like, I end things every other week. But the reason I end things is because I don't trust him because I'm not his girlfriend, and all I want to do is just be his girlfriend, and then it would be fixed. I wouldn't be crazy.

[Mel]

Have you brought this up?

[Gracie]

Oh, so many times.

[Mel]

And what was his response to that?

[Gracie]

He's like, don't force it. I'm like, I'm fortunate. Like, I'm about to give you flowers now because I feel like I have to take over.

[Patrick]

Stand up. Stand. I'm gonna need you to stand up right now.

[Mel]

Showing up to a crib like, you're like. With no call, no text, you don't.

[Patrick]

You don't.

[Mel]

It's kind of crazy.

[Patrick]

You're like. You're, like, almost in, like, a begging stage. If you gotta, like, beg.

[Gracie]

Okay, okay.

[Patrick]

But I'm just saying.

[Gracie]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Mero]

If you.

[Patrick]

If somebody says, if you. If you bring up a relationship, even if I didn't want to ask the girl I was with to be my girlfriend yet, but I planned on it, I wouldn't shut her down completely like he shut you down. I would leave it open.

[Gracie]

He didn't shut me down.

[Patrick]

You're forcing it.

[Mel]

He said, don't want to force it or don't force it.

[Gracie]

No, he didn't shut me down. Like, I wasn't forcing it. He was like, just like, wait. Just wait until it's right.

[Patrick]

No. That was his exact words. Wait until it's right.

[Gracie]

He said no.

[Patrick]

What were his exact words?

[Gracie]

Maybe more like, you're doing too much.

[Mero]

There's hope.

[Patrick]

No, I think y' all gonna get together. Definitely. You got this.

[Gracie]

No, no, no. He walks on his tippy toes. And it, like. I love that he does. Like, he's one of those people.

[Patrick]

Got it. So you just love everything about him and you notice all the little things,

[Gracie]

but he should be, like, appreciative of that because I'm like, damn. Like, he's so cute. He walks on his tippy toes.

[Patrick]

Okay, bigger question, because you sound like, I think your problem, the only thing that turns you off about. About him is that you can't trust him. And you're not his girlfriend. So my question to you is. My question to you is, like, where is he spending every night? Like, it's. Are you seeing him? Are you talking to him every day? Are you seeing him every day? Like, how often is it.

[Gracie]

Yeah, like, he just moved out of his house and he moved back in with his mom because his lease just said it. But before that, we were with each other every single day.

[Patrick]

I think we just talked to.

[Guest]

No, no, no.

[Patrick]

He's a high school basketball coach, but never mind.

[Gracie]

No, I don't know. And then I'm like, obsessed with his culture, which is so white of me to say, but, like, he, like. Like, he's like. I think that's also a big thing, is that when he speaks Spanish, that's so attractive.

[Patrick]

But you. You say something in Spanish.

[Gracie]

Hola. Comoste?

[Patrick]

Yeah, see you.

[Gracie]

Me ambre es Gracie.

[Patrick]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mel]

You know, you're those tamales type of people.

[Patrick]

No, I went to it.

[Gracie]

He brought me to a Mexican. He brought me to a Mexican, like, breakfast place. And I have never felt. So everyone was looking at us because I'm the only white person in there.

[Patrick]

You probably asked. He's probably asking for the green sauce.

[Gracie]

Is that the non spicy one? I didn't learn how to do the cha cha. No, I dance with him.

[Patrick]

Oh, man. Yeah, you're cooked. But. But you might not be, cuz it got to be something there if he's still around. So I can't judge from this far away.

[Gracie]

Well, we love each. We do, like, love each other. Like, we say I love you and stuff like that. That's why I'm like, if we're at that point, why don't you just make me.

[Mel]

Oh, both of y' all say y' all love each other, right?

[Gracie]

Yeah, we do. Yeah, we hang. I literally was with him this morning.

[Patrick]

Got it.

[Mel]

Okay.

[Patrick]

He's not. You don't go days without seeing him.

[Gracie]

No, no, I don't think I came.

[Patrick]

Okay.

[Gracie]

But also, he can't either most of the time. Sometimes he's like.

[Patrick]

So where's that? So, okay, last question. Where's the trust part coming in. Has there been other women in the six months?

[Gracie]

Yeah, there has.

[Patrick]

There we go.

[Gracie]

So he has. That literally, is it. And it's like the main reason I end things is because she. She's literally a brought up because of, like, he's still. She still reaches out to him.

[Mel]

Him as his ex.

[Gracie]

Yeah.

[Mel]

How long. How long was he dating that ex?

[Gracie]

Three years. Okay.

[Patrick]

Why did they break up? Why did they break up? That's very important.

[Gracie]

I just. Because he was going out, I'm pretty sure. And she just didn't like it. And then the feelings kind of, like, went away. But, like, they ended on good terms. Terms.

[Patrick]

That's not good. I was hoping somebody cheated on somebody, would have had some cooking, but they ended on good terms and they still keep in contact with each other.

[Gracie]

Okay, so, like, I don't. That's why I. Like, I. Yeah, maybe, but I tell him not to. That's why I end things. And he's like, it's not like that. It's not like that.

[Mel]

What tone of voices he's saying? It's not like that.

[Gracie]

It's. It's the exact kind of tone of voice you think. It's like the. It's not like that.

[Guest]

Like, I don't even know.

[Gracie]

Like, he's basically like, I don't care.

[Mel]

Like, that's your lot.

[Patrick]

I'm not gonna lie. This hurt.

[Guest]

This. It hurt.

[Patrick]

It hurt to see you going through this in that. There's nothing we can do. You got to go through whatever you got to go through by yourself. Because it's like.

[Gracie]

No, he is. He's obsessed with you guys. You guys need to just tell him. Choose her. She learned how to do the salsa. I even went to a Mexican band, and I made it on their Instagram.

[Patrick]

Oh, my God. It went viral. You are just. I would. I would advise you just, like. Just keep. Just keep it short and just keep it about him not learning his hold.

[Mel]

I just.

[Gracie]

No, just say.

[Guest]

Just real quick.

[Gracie]

You should date her. He. He knows this is me, probably.

[Mero]

Run.

[Mel]

No.

[Patrick]

Run.

[Mero]

Run.

[Patrick]

I just muted her run, bro, before she put a sombrero on your newborn.

[Mel]

No, I think y' all work out, though.

[Patrick]

Yeah, y' all gotta.

[Gracie]

Thanks.

[Guest]

All right.

[Patrick]

You don't believe us?

[Mel]

Hey, bro, we're about to say that you should, like, get back with her, but we're lying, okay? We're lying. We're just saying this so she can get off the phone. No, we got. We actually got a message for him, actually.

[Gracie]

What?

[Mel]

Hey, bro, we're saying a message for him right now, okay? Hey, bro, get back with her and stuff. You know, Know, type.

[Patrick]

Run, Run.

[Mero]

Play.

[Patrick]

I'm playing. I'm playing.

[Gracie]

But you're. That's crazy.

[Patrick]

Yeah.

[Mel]

He's not playing.

[Patrick]

No, I'm not playing. Listen, bro, she is. Come on, now. You know damn well you shouldn't be bringing her home to.

[Mero]

Come on now, Abuela.

[Guest]

Come on.

[Mero]

Ab.

[Patrick]

Don't want to See this, You all keep cutting off.

[Mel]

This is signaling. Anyway. But anyway, appreciate you being on the. On the.

[Patrick]

Marry her, bro.

[Gracie]

Thank you. Marry me

[Patrick]

run.

[Gracie]

Thank you.

[Patrick]

All right.

[Mel]

Thank.

[Patrick]

Thank you.

[Guest]

Bye, bye, bye, Yellow Y.

[Mel]

All right, we're doing true. Two truths and a lie. Everybody heard me when I said that this time, right?

[Patrick]

Truth.

[Mel]

Two truths and a lie.

[Guest]

Go ahead. So the two truths and one lie was I like to lick my girl's nostrils. I found out that I don't like getting my ass ate and I'm a mailman.

[Patrick]

I'm gonna say the lie is that you're a mailman.

[Guest]

No, that's the truth.

[Mel]

Okay, okay. You like licking your girl's nostrils is the L.

[Guest]

Yep.

[Patrick]

Oh, wait, what was the other one?

[Mero]

He like getting his ass.

[Mel]

He found out he don't like getting his ass ate.

[Mero]

Oh. Oh, he don't like it.

[Patrick]

You. You got. You got a girl? You got a girlfriend?

[Guest]

No, I got a fiance, but this wasn't my fiance that did it.

[Mero]

Oh, it never is, bro. It never is. By the way, it's never the show that you married. It's always your. Your elite eater, you know what I'm saying? 6. 6 Man of the year.

[Mel]

Oh. How'd you find out? You obviously, obviously you guys did it. But, like, how was the conversation brought up? Did you know that was going to happen that day or that night?

[Mero]

Or did she just put your legs up like she was changing your diaper?

[Guest]

Well, she. She did that too, but she had sat me down on the bed, was like, so what are the things you haven't done, Want to do? Want to try? And I was like, well, I done did everything. I just. I lowkey tried, wanted to get my ass ate. And she was like, sure. And I said, why were you so quick with that?

[Mero]

Because she's eating with that.

[Guest]

And. And then she said, take them off. And then I lift my legs up. And at that moment I was like, I don't like this. I feel like a. Yeah, you was

[Mero]

holding the back of your knees up.

[Patrick]

I was.

[Guest]

And then at one point I decided to cross my legs and she was like. I was like, all right, cool.

[Mero]

Yeah, that's wild, bro. Your. Your feet was pointed at the ceiling fan.

[Guest]

Nah, I was. They were on her back digging.

[Patrick]

She said, digging? You are. I. I like, don't believe this is a one time thing, bro.

[Guest]

No, it was a straight one time thing. I actually blocked her after that.

[Patrick]

Said he blocked her after that.

[Guest]

Okay. Nah, it was the part after was pulling up into the water burger like line and then my was just farting. I was like, yeah, I can't do that.

[Patrick]

No, she. Your farting. She doing more than that.

[Mero]

Yo, facts.

[Guest]

She tried, but I was like, hey, man, I said, just wait.

[Patrick]

She tried.

[Guest]

So I mean, yeah.

[Mel]

Oh my God.

[Mero]

She put a turkey baster up there.

[Mel]

So the thing is that you say you didn't like it. Was it the only thing you didn't like was the position you're in?

[Guest]

No, I didn't like the whole her tongue in the ass.

[Mel]

So you let her do.

[Guest]

I like the tension.

[Mel]

Did you bring that up to her during the moment or did you let

[Guest]

the whole thing kind of go, Nah, nah, got see, my boy.

[Patrick]

I was farting like you couldn't control your farts.

[Guest]

Like, nah, nah. I was actually weirded out. I was like, that's how girls feel.

[Mel]

No, something.

[Patrick]

Something had to go up. This like, there's no way you just fart.

[Mero]

You can't get your asshole open. Did she eat your ass right after the colonoscopy?

[Guest]

Like, what?

[Mero]

Like, how is that happening?

[Patrick]

The story not adding up, bro. I'm not going to lie.

[Mero]

I'm holding a fart right now just out of respect for the part.

[Guest]

God, I don't know. Maybe because I was nervous and then

[Mero]

I let loose after your asshole started twitching. He leveled out, was farting after.

[Mel]

That is funny. You asked another question. You can ask to the prompt. Am I wrong if.

[Guest]

Am I wrong if I wait until my girl goes to sleep to beat my meat?

[Patrick]

Why do you wait until she goes to sleep? Is she not giving you sex?

[Guest]

No, she. She gave it to me. It's just on the night, she don't feel like it. I'm just like, I'm away and she's like, you can go do it. I'm just like, nah, it's just weird that you know. So I'm just gonna wait.

[Mero]

She still know?

[Patrick]

What, does she think you're doing it too? Because most. Most women are either like, they made you a tape or they gave you some pictures because they don't want you looking at other women like, what are you doing?

[Guest]

No, I. She's fine with me watching porn. It's just. She thinks that I like big booty white girls and I hate big booty white girls.

[Patrick]

I don't know if you hate big booty white.

[Mero]

You just said that. Otherwise, big booty white girls.

[Patrick]

And I hate big booty white so much. You got Sarah J all over this.

[Guest]

Hey, that was my starter. That was my starter kit.

[Mel]

You got Alexis Texas Tattoo this thing

[Mero]

is still got onion booty bookmarks in 2026, man.

[Mel]

So, like, does she care about what you look at, though? Like, the category?

[Guest]

Not really. I know she would have a problem if I had only fans, which I don't. So, I mean, other than that, not really.

[Patrick]

So she don't check your phone for, like, anything?

[Mero]

Anything?

[Guest]

Nah, not really. She trusts me.

[Mel]

Okay.

[Mero]

Are you watching Pinot on your phone?

[Guest]

Wait, what?

[Mero]

You watching this on your phone?

[Guest]

Who don't?

[Patrick]

I mean. I mean, yeah, we all do, but,

[Mero]

like, if you at the crib, bro, like, you said you going to the bathroom, like, you might as well just go take your laptop with you, bro, and watch the. In 4K. Like, you know, big. That's.

[Guest]

That's too much. N. That's too much.

[Mel]

Too many pixels in one screen.

[Mero]

Yeah, that game.

[Guest]

I gotta take my headphones. Gotta keep one ear open, make sure nobody waking up.

[Patrick]

He a little shy. Everything is too much. He'd be like, no, that's too much.

[Mero]

Stop. I ain't let her do that.

[Patrick]

That was too much.

[Mero]

I hear her. I hear her.

[Guest]

Wake up, and I. Stop being my meat, and I'll go lay back down, and she'll be like, what were you doing? I was taking a. Oh, my bad.

[Mero]

Respect.

[Patrick]

It's something else you watching that you're not supposed to be watching. That's why I think you wait. Because if she lets you. Oh, hell, if she lets you do all that stuff. This is, like, something not adding up. Like, you left out the part about your gaping and you just farted. Now it's like, my wife is okay with me watching porn, but I wait until she sleep. That tells me that you're watching something that she wouldn't approve of. There's two things missing from both stories.

[Guest]

They're just, like, definitely not. I mean, maybe. Maybe she might think it's weird because I watch Twitter porn. Than regular pornhub.

[Patrick]

Oh, you one of those. We're getting places.

[Mel]

See, now the algorithm to just choose what you see.

[Mero]

Okay.

[Patrick]

Bookmark.

[Guest]

And she was like, why you got this bookmarked? And I'm like, hey, I was just trying to watch it.

[Mel]

What was the bookmark, though?

[Mero]

Massage for this, we're getting deeper into.

[Guest]

All right.

[Patrick]

All right, man.

[Mel]

All right. You have a good one.

[Guest]

Oh, man.

[Mel]

Merrill, appreciate you coming on the pod, bro. Appreciate that, bro. We trying to set this up for a minute.

[Patrick]

Go.

[Mero]

Appreciate y', all, man, for real. Hey, listen, if you don't understand one thing, understand this. This is the illness pod out right now.

[Mel]

I appreciate it, bro.

[Mero]

Crash dummies. Okay, Human dur flap. I'm here. You know what I mean? And that's it. And that's all. If you don't subscribe to this, if you're not on the Patreon, the live shows, the merch, all that. Bro, stop playing. Stop playing. There's only, like, two good podcasts out there. This is one of them.

[Guest]

I ain't.

[Mero]

So put some money in, my man. This nigga's got kid.

[Mel]

All right, y'.

[Patrick]

All.

[Mel]

That's been the episode.

[Patrick]

PE Appreciate it.