Why Did You Cut Them Off? w/The Kid Mero - Episode 258

Summary

Crash Dummies Podcast: "Why Did You Cut Them Off?" w/The Kid Mero – Episode 258

Release Date: May 13, 2026
Hosts: Patrick Johnson (Pat) & Michael Esiobu (Mike)
Guest: The Kid Mero

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Main Theme

In Episode 258, “Why Did You Cut Them Off?”, Pat and Mike dive into the complexities of friendship, relationships, social boundaries, and the phenomenon of "cutting people off." Joined by their guest The Kid Mero (formerly of Desus & Mero), the show blends trademark irreverent humor, candid self-reflection, and unfiltered listener call-ins about why people end relationships—platonic and romantic alike.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Viral Fame, Social Media – and the Myth of the 'Household Name'

• [02:21] Debate on who in the NBA is a new household name—Klay Thompson, amplified by the Meg Thee Stallion relationship discussion.
• The difficulty of being truly “famous” and how perception and audience crossover impact popularity.
• Quote:

  “There’s still that many more people who don't know about you... Just because you have a million followers, you have 10 million followers, there's still more people that don't know about you.” — Pat, [03:06]

• The guys reflect on their own non-household status:
• Quote:

  “We're not household names. I don't think we're even house phone names. And that's okay.” — Mike, [04:46]

2. Mentorship & “Lost Causes”

• [05:33] Pat on advising young men, including a 21-year-old with six kids by three baby mamas.
• The group jokes about resets and how far one must move to start over:
• Quote:

  “You gotta leave that in God’s hands at that point.” — Pat, [06:57]
  “You just gotta get far away so that your new son would only meet your other son in the state championship.” — Mike, [07:25]

3. NYC Slang (The Origin of "Pause")

• [12:49] The Kid Mero confirms that "pause" originated in Harlem and unpacks its evolution.
• The overuse of “pause” and its originally intended function as a conversational circuit breaker.
• Quote:

  “Pause actually came as a savior at first... before pause you had to stop these dudes.” — Mike, [14:11]

4. Toxic Translator – Interpreting Relationship Code Language

A segment where the hosts and Mero break down what common relationship phrases really mean:

• “I just need space.”
  • All agree: usually a soft launch for a breakup or for someone to cheat.
  • Quote:

    “It's, yo, get the fuck away from me. You're mad, you're beat. You're wild annoying right now. Get the fuck out of here before something bad happens.” — Mero, [15:47]

• “She/He’s just a friend.”
  • Consensus: That’s a lie.
  • Quote:

    “Oh, no, they smashing, bro. Those cheeks are getting clapped.” — Mero, [20:35]

• “I feel like you’re not happy.”
  • Described as a breakup soft launch, putting the blame on the other person.
  • Quote:

    “That’s the one where they’re like, ‘yo, I feel like you’re not happy.’ They try to put it on you…this is prologue.” — Mero, [23:04]

5. Food Etiquette & Loyalty Tests

• Sharing food as a test of friendship loyalty, from school cafeteria days to adulthood.
• Quote:

  “That’s how I used to let people know their ranking system is, and they need to get their loyalty up.” — Mike, [25:14]

6. Worst Advice Segment

Hosts and Mero compete to give “the worst possible advice” to wild hypothetical situations:

• What to say if your wife asks if she’s gained weight;

  “That’s your new body.” — Mero, [28:14]

• If your homie loses his job:

  “Yo, bro, you just lost your job. Guess what? The bodega up the street, they got the baggies and the cut. Let’s get to work.” — Mero, [29:16]

7. Listener Call-ins: 'Why Did You Cut Them Off?' Stories

Some of the wildest, funniest—and sometimes sad—stories from listeners who ended friendships or relationships. Key moments:

• [34:07] “Caucasian friend” who tried to take over as the group leader and was extra needy at festivals.
• [35:49] A persistent ex who kept interfering with the caller’s dating life by DM’ing new interests, and the role of lingering intimacy (“but were you still clapping?” — Mero).
• [38:23] A caller whose ex “knew too much,” always won arguments and kept receipts.
• [49:03] Confession about backdooring a friend for their girl—Pat, Mike, and Mero debate whether just thinking about betrayal makes you guilty.
  • Quote:

    “That’s step number one. That’s the gateway drug, you know what I’m saying?” — Mero, [51:26]

8. Dating Woes & Messy Situationships

• [57:59] Call from a woman desperate for commitment from a guy who won’t make her official:

  “I’m literally just–like, I’ve shown up at his house one time…Because I’m, like, obsessed with him.” — Caller, [59:13]

• The group presses her on her attachment and trust issues, reveals he still talks to his ex, and gives her (ironically?) advice to “run.”
• Mero’s sendoff:

  “I'm playing.”

• Mike:

  “No, I'm not playing. Listen, bro, she is. Damn.” [66:45]

9. Wildest Two Truths and a Lie Round

• [67:23] A mailman reveals his truth/lie: “I found out I don’t like getting my ass ate,” kicking off a hilarious, NSFW riff on sexual experimentation and awkward bathroom moments.
• The segment dissolves into confusion and laughter as callers try to top themselves with outlandish or oversharing content.

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “He said, 'I like to see you posting all those high-production type of stuff. We need more homemade shit.’” — Mike, [02:08]
• “He might have been diabetic, bro.” — Mero, on a friend's hanger, [34:53]
• “If you bring up a relationship…if someone is shutting you down completely? That’s usually your answer.” — Mike, [60:43]
• “I used to come with the fries, and that’s how I used to let people know what their ranking system is…and go to your right-hand man’s, tell him to put his hands out.” — Mike, [25:14]
• “I don’t think we’re even house phone names.” — Mike, [04:46]
• “Everybody eats.” — Mero, [25:10]
• “Just say, ‘I don’t want you to be in a situation where you go back to her, so we’re going to make sure you never go back to her: I’ma try to get at that too.’ That’s the worst advice.” — Mike, [32:38]
• “She had all the details about me…would never lose an argument.” — Caller, [38:26]
• “She would be like, ‘Name a time when—’ And I never have it. If I ask her the same, she’ll have the date, text, everything.” — Caller, [38:45]

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Memorable Moments & Closing Thoughts

• Mero’s origin story for his handle, his graffiti days, and why “Mero” is not just a stage name. [09:10]
• Explaining the “household name” concept with hilarious self-deprecation (“Not even house phone names”). [04:46]
• Toxic Translator and Worst Advice segments turn into comedic grouptherapy for modern relationships—paranoia, boundaries, jealousy, and − of course − overthinking casual situations.
• Genuine camaraderie and playful roasting during call-ins create a communal, barbershop vibe.
• Mero closes with praise for the Crash Dummies community:

  “If you don’t understand when to thing, understand this: this is the illest pod out right now.” — Mero, [74:28]

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Conclusion

Episode 258 delivers the classic Crash Dummies blend: roasted egos, side-splitting hypotheticals, impromptu life advice, real stories of heartbreak and betrayal, and the irrepressible energy of three friends calling bullshit on social norms. Mero’s presence elevates both the banter and the cultural observations, while the call-in section creates a real-time mirror for the kind of messy, honest, and hilarious conversations people are having everywhere.

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Listen if you like:

• Wild stories about cutting off friends, exes, and old drama
• Candid, no-filter comedic takes on modern relationships
• Large doses of real talk, absurd hypotheticals, and infectious laughter

Transcript

[A]

Yo, welcome to episode 258 of Crash Dummies podcast. This is obviously the podcast with Merrill that you guys will see in a little bit. Quick announcements, though. Get the Patreon Live shows. Toronto, we just added a second show. We told you all that was going to sell out. So the second show. Don't sleep on the second show.

[B]

Somebody emailed us about Toronto also. No, no, you can't, bro. You got to go to the other show.

[A]

Sorry. What happened?

[B]

He was like, oh, bro, I took off work for this day, and I don't. I can't get off work for the next day. Can you please let me.

[A]

I mean, just put it on Instagram or something and then see if somebody wants to, like, trade t or something.

[B]

It's rs, brother.

[A]

No, just see something. Detroit, get your tickets, we'll be there. I'm going to start promoing that a little bit harder, too, so appreciate y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

Detroit keep buying tickets. What else? Merch is shipped out. Y' all should. Someone. Most of y' all should have already. Maybe like five of y'.

[D]

All.

[A]

We're still waiting on something like, share,

[B]

subscribe, send us people that you want to see us collab with. Midwest, west coast, whatever. Also keep sharing our. I. I've been actually looking up our fake pages.

[A]

Yeah, they. Some of them is snapping.

[B]

No, some of them, they have, like, clips. I'd be like, damn, we could have used this clip. It went viral on our page. But some of them, it's just like, what the fuck are y' all clipping up?

[A]

There's a. There is a page on Facebook that we're gonna try to get taken down that is just posting, like, clips, but then just random AI things with this other girl. She actually DM'd us about it. And then just random AI stuff with, like, wild headlines and shit. So it's like, we gotta get them. So. But people, that page has, like 30 some thousand followers. It's like, bruh, there are people actually following those pages and see, like, an awkward post about, like, just. It could be anything. 30, 000 McDonald's go out of business or. Or catch fire. Like, bro, like, why are you still following that page?

[B]

The that messed me up is that I got five elderly family members that follow those pages. That's how I know they doing a good job. My Uncle Joe following y'.

[D]

All.

[B]

Good job, you ass.

[A]

Yeah, I'll post important on the page. And like, come on, bro, I'm talking about.

[B]

Hey, man, you tripping enough. I think you should stick to the po. That ain't me.

[A]

Different categories.

[B]

That ain't me.

[A]

He said, I like to see you posting all those like high production type of stuff. We need more homemade shit.

[B]

Who do you think is. Who do you think is becoming a household name, like, as far as in the NBA?

[A]

In the NBA?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, obviously I would say Klay Thompson right now.

[B]

I think Klay Thompson is becoming a household name because there was crazy.

[A]

There was this. The UK podcaster, there was like saying how she didn't know who Klay Thompson is and like, he's nobody. Like, Meg made him, which I think is false. But I think Klay Thompson is a super popular player, but he is also not a player that before probably the Meg situation was like in the. More like just a different type of audience. It's just a. More of. More of. I think when you gain and you're dating somebody, like two popular people, you're still going to get exposure no matter if both of you guys are super popular in both of y' all fields.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, it's like the Anthony Joshua thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was actually surprised Anthony Joshua got more popular after the Netflix.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was like, people, just because you have a million followers, you have 10 million followers, there's still that many more people that don't know about you.

[A]

Yeah. But like the way she phrased it, she was phrasing it like he was a nobody. When I was like, that was okay. That's little. You're going too far. Like, he's still a superstar NBA player.

[B]

Yeah. And it just depends on like, what are you talking about? Could Clay sell out in arena just by herself by hooping on stage? No, but he also like, is a very popular player and can get people to pull up to watch him play basketball at a random.

[A]

Yeah. If you want to like Rutgers or some shit.

[B]

Like. Yeah.

[A]

Or any pro Am, that gym would be full.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I do get. I do get that he's probably more of a household name. And I think when people like I would describe household is like, if my mom is talking about it and you're like, if you had sisters, your sister is talking about somebody that wouldn't be watched the sport any. Any other way. Just how like my mom was mentioning something about Kai so net being in Nigeria. Right. Kai is a household name that my mom knew he was in Nigeria. She doesn't know anything else about him. And he's super popular. But he knew when she was in Nigeria. So yeah, I do think he's more of a household name because of all the stuff that's happening, I hate that. That's.

[B]

That's my biggest pet peeve, is when someone, like, knows me out in public and we chopping it up, and you're like, man, I listen to your podcast all the time. Like, yeah, bro, that's dope as hell. Chopping up. And then he turned to his friends like, y' all don't know who he is. And I gotta watch five people shake their head.

[A]

No.

[B]

Like, they don't know who I am, and they don't, and that's fine. But, like, why are five people nodding their fucking heads at me like, I'm ready to beat the shit out of one of these?

[A]

No, there's like, yeah, I hate when people do that. It's like, it's okay that nobody. We're not popular enough to be. We're not household names, bro.

[B]

We're not household names. I don't think we're even house phone names. And that's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We still do very well, and we still have a great community and we still have fun. Like, we don't have to be known by everybody. Trust me. I do not need anybody coming to this podcast taking what I say out of context. You know what I'm saying?

[D]

You.

[A]

Anyway, we'll get to the Marrow episode. Appreciate y'.

[E]

All.

[A]

Peace. That's not what we're doing.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

Hey, the radio is for people who are driving. Welcome to Crash Dummies podcast.

[B]

Ain't gonna lie. Like, lately I've been on my unc, right? I've been trying to save the youth. And not just like 14 year olds, 15 year olds. I'm talking about them 20, 21, 22 year old dudes. I'm trying to let them know what I know. And, like, part of that process is finding out what situation they in and trying to relate it to something that you know. And I recently talked to someone who was 21. He had six kids with three baby mamas, and he was like, yo, big bro Pat, what's my next move? And I'm like, my nigga, you out of moves. That's it.

[C]

That's it, bro. It's locked. It's like, checkmate, bro. Like, it's over. Like, six kids or 21.

[B]

I feel like that's three baby moms. Like, that's the most important part of being part of being a mentor is

[A]

to, like, better call it like that, too.

[B]

Yeah. Not like not using your resources on lost calls. You got to get to the next person after that, right?

[C]

Yeah, I'm like, yo, listen, dog. Yo, listen. I got love for you. I appreciate you. You know, I appreciate that. You look to me for advice. Here's the advice. You're cooked. Okay? I gotta go over here and help him out. There's some. There's, there's, there's roi over here.

[D]

You know what?

[C]

I'm over here. We ain't doing nothing.

[A]

We just.

[C]

This is chapter 11 right here.

[A]

You gotta leave that in God's hands at that point.

[B]

No, he gotta file bankruptcy. You gotta be a deadbeat. Now, if you lead a family, we can restart.

[A]

That is true. You can't start a new life.

[B]

You can't.

[A]

But I feel like, how far do you think you have to move away from your family to start a new life?

[C]

County.

[B]

County.

[C]

Nah, it's county, dog. Listen, if you put it in Google Maps and it say 25 minutes, that's far enough.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? I feel like to start a real new life, you gotta leave the country.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[C]

Real, real quarter. Take a gas away.

[B]

Real new, like, new life. You just gotta get far away so that your new son would only meet your other son in like, the state championship, you know what I'm saying? They can't be meeting in no regional finals.

[C]

They gotta meet in states. If you there, the half jersey, like

[A]

the Kelsey's

[B]

O Science experiment. That's somebody with no dad. That's somebody with a dad. Same genes. Let's see.

[A]

Because you can blame the moms in that situation. Whoever's the least athletic.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[C]

100.

[A]

Because I. I'm responsible for both of these people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

One of y' all up sometimes.

[B]

It's about the. It's about the trauma, though.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

You know what I'm saying? The one with no dad, he might have been hungry. Be on the streets in New York, yo. He been hooping with 20 year olds since he was 8 years old. And the other one, you know what I'm saying?

[D]

Upper.

[B]

Upper New York. You know what I'm saying? Aau.

[D]

Aau.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[C]

You got a trainer.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Another one been shot at before?

[C]

Yep.

[B]

At? Yeah.

[C]

Not a basketball.

[B]

Yeah, the stick, you know, the other one. The other one from the hood. Have a hard time expressing itself. The other one, that's rich. Having espresso martinis.

[A]

It's the difference.

[B]

It's different.

[C]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Welcome to Crash. That means episode. We don't even know what this is. Chocolate.

[C]

Drink in the World, by the way, do not give that to a white woman. It's like pouring water on a Gremlin.

[A]

We don't know what episode this is, but we got Meryl in the building with us. Your IG name is the Kid Meryl?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you still go by the Kid?

[C]

So you know what? It was, like, a long time ago, I explained this to.

[A]

To.

[C]

I think it was Ari Melberg, which is, you know, same. Same vibe. You know what I'm saying, Matt Informational. It was the. Like, I grew up on a. On a G Unit mixtape, okay? So, like, 50 Cent is a future.

[B]

Power of dollar.

[C]

All that type of. And Lloyd Banks, to me was like, out of the three. I was like, yo, Banks.

[A]

Banks was my favorite as well. Yeah.

[C]

I'm like, yo, this got bought. I ain't a wrestler, but I put your in the Boston Crab. You know what I'm saying? I was like, whoa. I was like, yo, that's a bar. I was like, I know what the Boston crap is. I did it in Warzone and played the PlayStation 1. So that. Because every time he would come on and whole kid would hype up crazy. Like, he'd be like, the Kid Lloyd Banks. And I'm like, oh, that's fire. But at the time, I was already writing Meryl. Like, Meryl's not like a stage name or nothing like that. It's graffiti. Like, yeah, and graffiti since, like, 97, 98, okay. And, like, since I was, like, 12. You know what I mean? Like, I started, like, 11. I was writing J Dog. And then like, all the. Like, the older graffiti was like, man, that is corny.

[E]

As.

[C]

Which helped.

[A]

How'd you spell do Dawd?

[B]

Yeah, that's tough.

[C]

I was like, yeah, now this ain't it, man. I'm like, I feel like a random character. Like a random villain in gta. And then I was just like, oh. I was like, Mero. Because my pops wanted to name me Romero. And my mom's like, no. You know what I'm saying? Do you have the uterus? Did you care this? No, you did not. And I got a PC out of me, so I'm naming this. And she named me Joel.

[A]

Okay?

[E]

And.

[C]

But all my, you know, my pops is, you know, Dominican. You know, I mean, like, Afro Latino. You know what I'm saying? He was just like, nah, that.

[A]

Like, sorry about y' all lost, by the way, in baseball.

[C]

Listen, we, we, we. We. We actually won. You know what I'm saying? But that's not.

[A]

Hey, that is true, you know, A little controversy.

[C]

Very clear, you know what I'm saying? Somebody went viral for having a tattoo of that pitch. And like, in Spanish, that wasn't a strike on the arm. I was like, God damn, bro. That's dedication. I just watch the on YouTube. See, I told y', all, man. Cool. Like, do the abs. Do this challenge.

[B]

That's the toughest, though. I ain't know. People I went to recently went to Fenway park to watch Red Sox versus Tigers. Tigers beat that ass. No, Red Sox, one.

[C]

I'm saying

[B]

shout out to Detroit, though. But I was watching and, like, they did the replay and, like, the strike was 2 inches off or 2 centimeters off, and they actually put it on the screen how close it was. And then people will see the evidence. They'd be like, these cheating.

[C]

That's a 75 year old, man. It's 98 degrees out here.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, I mean, this motherfucker ain't drank water since the first inning. And you wanted to be like, strike. Perfect. Like, you know, it's like I said, yo, my grandpa is dead. But like, when he was alive, like, that couldn't stand in anywhere for more than 30 minutes straight. I'm like, you. These stand out there for six hours.

[B]

Like, yeah, that's what I would be saying. I'd be calling strikes. Especially when I'm trying to get home, man.

[C]

I'm like, yeah, get out of here.

[B]

Arguing with your baby mama and strike.

[C]

Mama. Dude's gonna be here in six minutes with Uber. All right, yo, I'm out of here. Blow

[A]

our list. So we. So we kind of got in a little. Well, I guess it was me. They're getting on my ass for saying that. I. I don't know if Paul started in New York.

[C]

Pause.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, it was definitely like a. Like a. Like a Harlem thing.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Like, they were like that because.

[D]

I know.

[C]

Because I was like, I'm from the Bronx. And I was just like, what do you mean, pause?

[A]

What is that?

[C]

It was all the Harlem guys doing it, and then it just like, took over the whole city. Like, it was like, yo. And then. And then obviously the AO followed and.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

Like, that type of like, that's crazy.

[B]

Like, I feel like. So, like, pause is obviously overused now, right? Oh, yeah. People find in different ways, you know, I'm one of the.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm about to say your main culprit.

[C]

Yeah. You can be like, yo, this sandwich is mad big. I'm like, yo, pause, pause, pause. Double meat, yo.

[D]

Whoa.

[C]

Pause the whole thing too, by Yourself. That's crazy.

[A]

With so many hot dogs, everybody's, like, afraid to eat hot dogs here.

[C]

That is crazy, because I'm a. I'm an unabashed glizzy enjoyer. You know what I'm saying? Like, but I'll be in my crib, bro.

[A]

That's true. I don't see people eating glizzies in public anymore like, they used to.

[C]

New York City now.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Just hang around a hot dog cart. You gonna see, like, a white guy, like, this random tourist guy. Like, I see this a real New York hot. Let me get some sour crown onions on that. Let's go.

[A]

I've seen niggas put that in their pocket after they get it and to

[C]

go now that's crazy. Then start jogging and, hey, I see it's coming out your ass.

[B]

No, I definitely think pause started here because I also think, like that slick talk talk. It started here also. So it had. Pause actually came as a savior at first. Now pause is overused because before pause had to stop the dudes and be like, man, shut the fuck up, before I both y' all in the ass. And they're just like, bro, somebody gotta stop this shit. Like, what is the double entend?

[C]

There is no. He's just dead ass. He just came home from doing 15.

[B]

Yeah, you got the crop top on. It's like, something has to happen here. We gotta start at least. You know what I'm saying? I'm sitting pause. You can unpause it, but that just lets me know.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

This dude is serious.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[C]

And that's the thing. Like, if this. If there's no visible joke, I'm like.

[A]

Like, where are we going with this?

[C]

Yeah, sounds like a random. Like a DMX single.

[B]

Okay, so what we're gonna do, we gonna do a game called Toxic Translator.

[C]

Oh, let's go.

[B]

So we're gonna take simple things and translate them into, like, what they really mean, bro.

[C]

Listen, I'm ready for this. I've been married for 137 years, bro. Oh, okay. Okay.

[B]

When a woman or man says, I just need space.

[D]

Mm.

[A]

Yo, I was. I would say they trying to soft launch a breakup.

[B]

I just need space.

[A]

Oh, yes, yes.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

It's that if you're dating, if you're married, it's, yo, get the fuck away from me. Yo, get the fuck away from me. You're mad, you're beat. You are wild annoying right now. You annoying the shit out of me. Get the fuck out of here before something bad happens. I'M not saying I move up your ass. Cause I don't do that. I was raised right, shout to my pops. But I might around and just start smoking weed and place it out a

[B]

part of the house that I'm not

[C]

supposed to be smoking weed. Just see me in the laundry room with a blunt like something's wrong.

[B]

Smoking into the dryer.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Closing it, putting it on delicate now all your panties smell like weed.

[A]

Don't put my pants so delicate.

[B]

I would say I just need space. It's like I just need to turn off my location so I can go fuck on something.

[C]

That's what it means to me.

[A]

That's just crazy.

[B]

If a woman came up to me and said, I just need space, I'm just like, bruh, then take it then. But I guarantee you I won't be here after.

[C]

You can go get your space. And I will also go get my space.

[B]

Go get my space. A new space.

[A]

Start that new family.

[B]

Yes. Just see a girl be like, I need space. And just see somebody open a portal. Okay, I'm out of here.

[C]

We should go. Mars, Venus. Yeah, there you go.

[A]

Dodge Cheat in the future, then. Like futuristic, let's say, like a 2,000 years later. It's gonna be kind of crazy if there's portals and it's like, you really can start a new family.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And it'd be so easy. I can get to Spain in two seconds. Second family, bro.

[C]

You around? And Queen Isabella, like 1805.

[B]

No, we were just talking about, like, how New York is crazy. I like, honestly believe, like, if a woman or man wanted to five legit boyfriends or girlfriends or whatever they have, they could walk and not even look over their damn shoulder. They could just be walking out here every day on different boroughs, different sides of New York. Yeah, that's crazy to me. Like, I. I haven't seen one face twice since I've been here.

[C]

Nobody cares, bro. Nobody cares. That's the thing. Even if you. Even if people know who you are, like, if you're like a celebrity or whatever, like, people, they don't give a. Like, y' all are popping. Like, y' all will walk down the street. I guarantee you at least 20 notice y'. All. Yeah, but they didn't say because they're from New York and they too cool, you know? I mean, they might have been like. But they won't be like, yo, yo, I'll with y' all because. Yeah, from Detroit.

[A]

Yeah, well, he's from Michigan.

[B]

He from Chicago.

[A]

I'm from Nigeria.

[B]

Are you Good. I got it. You got it?

[C]

Yeah, yeah. No, but that's what I'm saying. Like, if you're not from New York, if you're not, like, a New York celebrity or whatever, like Fat Joe, people might be like, yo, Fat Joe, what up? Let me get a picture. Or like, a random, like. Like me.

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[C]

Like, a random, like, you know, lower tier. You know what I'm saying, dude? Like, yo, hey, I can say what's up to this dude. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Like, so they said this. We had this conversation at our show. One of the people in the audience said, if you didn't go to elementary school here, you can't claim. Yeah, you from New York.

[C]

I say that all the time. It's K through 12.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? But what if I'm here from 15 to 40?

[C]

That's. Then you got a case.

[B]

What about the people that, like, okay, 21 and now they 51.

[C]

That's. You know what it is? To me, the. Your formative years is like, you know, elementary school through, like, freshman year, college.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[C]

So if those are the years that you in New York City, public school, bro, you a New Yorker for real. Because you eating them like that milk that's about to expire in 20 minutes, you know? I mean, you cutting ass in the parking lot all day, like, it's just gladiator school, bro. But, like, for comedy, for everything, you know I'm saying? For not getting roasted, like, your fit gotta be right, all that shit, you know? I mean, so to me, it's like K through 12. You solidified New Yorker. You could do K through 12 and then leave right after that, bro, and go move to Hawaii and then come back and, bro, your tims will be waiting for you when you get, like,

[B]

fresh off the plane. Okay. Second one is, I'm gonna say you from Detroit.

[C]

That's why I'm so bad. That's what New York is a piece of. Because it's like, Detroit, Chicago. That's it.

[A]

And, like, it's pretty close, though.

[B]

Midwest, yeah.

[C]

That's like the whole Midwest.

[A]

Pontiac. And I was. I grew up in Chicago.

[C]

So to me, the whole Midwest is like, Chicago, Detroit, Milwaukee.

[A]

We. That's where we live. Milwaukee.

[C]

It's all.

[B]

It's all one area.

[A]

No, what's another one?

[B]

The one is he or. She's just a friend.

[C]

Oh, no, they smashing, bro. Yeah, that's. That Those cheeks are getting clapped.

[D]

Does it.

[B]

You know, like a Lot of people. I feel like a lot of people get gaslit into, like, the. The whole friendship thing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It just be like, a lot of people got to be real. Like, you can't go based off, like, the woman's beauty or the attraction with the rules that. Or boundaries you have for yourself. It's like, bruh, I don't think you should be on a solo date with this person. It's just like, it is what it is. Like, if that's your friendship, man, I hope it lasts forever, because I'm out.

[C]

I'm out of here. Yeah. I mean, out. Like, you know, I've been out of the game for a long time and. But, like, I think depending on what kind of relationship you got with your shorty, like, you know, that that's, like, the variable. You know what I'm saying? Because for me, I'm like, my girl could go out with whoever, and I'm just like, man, go ahead. You know what I'm saying? Like, I like, I know what you about. You know what I mean? Like, you're not about to do no crazy anyway, so go ahead, bro. Like, go get drink. Go do whatever. Go hang out, man, with your. With your homeboy and his cousin and whatever might be getting traced. Who knows? But, like, in my mind, I'm like, yo, I'm not. You feel me? Because the way I move, you know what I'm saying?

[D]

I'm not.

[C]

I'm not moving like that. So, you know, I just assume.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Plus, plus, it's good not to live life like that.

[A]

Yeah, I'd rather be proven wrong.

[B]

That's why I said. Yeah. I like to set boundaries, and then I like to, like, forget about it. I'm just like, I gotta go live life because I feel like them dudes, I'd be like, every day, you. You wait till your girl go to sleep. You going through her phone. You going through her ice. That's crazy. You doing that every day. You wondering what she's doing at work. It's like, Howard, like, how you getting money then

[C]

if you doing that and you don't sell cocaine?

[B]

Like, what are you doing?

[C]

That, like, mentality is for. Trust me. You know what I'm saying? Like, that paranoia, that's for that. Got Grams on deck at all times. Yeah, yo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you at? 72nd. Amsterdam. I. Yo, 72nd a.m. yo, go ahead. Here's a cigarette.

[B]

All right, last one. The last one is when someone says, I feel like you're not happy.

[C]

Oh, that to me is. That's the. So that's the breakup software. I've been married for so long.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That I've. I've. I've almost broken up with my shorty.

[B]

Like. Yeah.

[C]

Various times. You know what I'm saying? And that's. That's the one. That's the one where they like, yo, I feel like you're not happy. They try to put it on you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

To be like, yo.

[A]

And that's like the start, too, because that's like, I'm gonna put this in the atmosphere right now. Because later on, this isn't done yet. Like, we gonna get back to this. Two months now. I still don't feel like you're happy.

[C]

This is prologue.

[A]

This. I still don't feel like you're happy. It's like a six month process, too. Like, I'm sure they try to break up with you in six months, but I don't want it to be abrupt.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

No, the worst is somebody saying that. And you was like, it's you. You know what I'm saying?

[C]

You.

[B]

Yeah, you. You feel like I'm not happy cause of you.

[C]

You. What the. Listen, I was here. I was watching the Knicks playoff game, and you came in the door with your homegirl talking about, I need the TV to watch Grey's Anatomy. You.

[A]

That's.

[C]

I'm not happy. I'm watching the game on an illegal stream in my office, on my computer now. Smoking weed by myself in the laundroma.

[A]

Thank you, Washington Knicks.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[C]

Like, type of.

[B]

Yo, turn that on. Delicates, bro.

[C]

I'm like, putting her panties in a little bag. Like, what are we doing?

[B]

Like, no, for real. Just like, bro, you're the reason that I'm not happy. And then you said, I'm not happy.

[C]

No, they just trying to sunset you, bro. At that point, like, you're getting gas like a. Like, oh, I think you're not happy. You're not happy. You're making me unhappy because misery loves company. You trying to get me out of here. Like, whoever you got on deck, just say that.

[B]

No, for real.

[A]

Oh, I got a question, though. Is it rude not to offer food when you're in front of. When you're eating in front of somebody?

[C]

I think if you got a lot of food, you know what I'm saying? But if you got like, one Dorito Loco taco and you just sitting there like, yo, yo, you want a playpip?

[B]

Like, it depends on where we at now in middle school, like, if we best friends.

[C]

Oh, that's different.

[B]

And you got a taco.

[C]

When you kids come on 100.

[A]

Yeah, come on. Your appetite should be a little smaller, too.

[D]

Pause.

[B]

But you're supposed to give me my piece in front of everybody. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're supposed to like, hey, hey, this my guy.

[C]

Yo. Everybody eats.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I'm saying?

[C]

Everybody. No, for real.

[B]

You ain't never did that to you.

[A]

Like, I spit him in chicken.

[B]

Yeah. No, I came. I used to come with the fries, and that's how I used to let know what they ranking system is. And they need to get their loyalty up. So I used to go around, you get a fry, you get a fry. You get a longer fry. You've been stepping up and. And go to your right hand man's.

[A]

Tell him to put his hands out like that.

[C]

Tell.

[B]

Put your hands out.

[C]

Oh, matter of fact, hold on, hold on. You're going to catch a. Squeeze that off. Squeeze that.

[B]

Go grab your cup.

[C]

You hit the ice little thing, yo. Supposed to have this mouth. Too much ice.

[A]

My bad, bro. Give me some more ice, man. That was too much ice.

[B]

Didn't the home. Didn't the homeboy show they got chemistry street and he pull out a honey bun like, you ain't even know. I got dessert for us.

[C]

Honey bun in front of you, like,

[A]

with the true move.

[B]

I'm in the background. Hey, like, nah, these

[C]

too locked in. What's going on? It's a date now. These n is on a date.

[A]

Oh, man.

[C]

They over there running the honey bun. Pick a roll. What's going on? What the are these doing behind the backpack, John?

[B]

I said, no, you don't, Clyde.

[C]

No, you don't.

[B]

I said, get him, Clyde.

[C]

He came down.

[B]

No, that's crazy. All right, we're gonna play one more game. We're gonna take turns trying to give the worst possible advice to this situation.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

In your case, your wife just asked if she's getting a little bigger.

[C]

The worst advice I could ever give in that situation.

[A]

Yeah, yo.

[C]

Seeing that being like, yeah, yo. Yeah. No, that's crazy.

[A]

That might be worse than the pause, too.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Not. Because when you pause like that, you put a lot of thoughts. It's like, oh.

[C]

And she's like, he's thinking about what he's about to say. So if it's nasty, that means he thought about it. It didn't just come out. It wasn't just a reaction. Calculated that like, yo, you.

[A]

You have a.

[C]

You heard of these GLP1. Is that something you Would like with that's bad one.

[B]

No, I. I think the worst one is because that's still, like, it's motivational. Like, no, but. But it could be. I'm about to go lose weight.

[C]

Motivational is like, yo, let's go for a jog together.

[B]

But. But it's still like, even if she leave you, it's motivational. Like, let's say she's like, I'm out. He talking to me. Rude. I'm about to go lose a bunch of weight post transformation, which most people do after divorce, and that's the reason they got a divorce. Anywho. But the other thing is just like, telling them, like, it's okay, and just like, yo, it's. It's okay. Like, but that's your new body. That's your new body.

[C]

That's your new body. It's crazy.

[A]

That's you.

[C]

That's you.

[B]

It's you. I still love you. You. You definitely look way different from when we met. And I kind of look the same, But I still love. I still love your. I still love your body.

[A]

Or like, I already knew.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Am I supposed to be surprised?

[B]

Honey, I like all my girls. Bbw.

[C]

We all getting older. You know, I can't hoop the way I used to. Happens to everybody. You know what I'm saying? Just make sure you have stick out the best of.

[A]

But not me.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

I said you with that bump. Baseline. Like, play with me.

[B]

No, that's terrible. Shout out to all my ladies. We mean it. We mean that.

[C]

Love y'.

[D]

All.

[B]

Happy International Women's Month.

[C]

Sometimes.

[B]

Sometimes Women's century. I'm sorry. Yeah, sometimes, you know, Millennium. Y' all gotta be part of the joke. Sorry, worst possible advice, your homie just lost his job.

[C]

Yo, bro, you just lost your job. Guess what? The bodega up the street, they got the baggies and the cut. I'm saying let's get to work.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

No, real. To put your boy on the streets is crazy.

[C]

Put him out there, not even go with him. Just be like, yo, here's the pack. Get that off.

[B]

So my friend Antonio, he a dangerous good luck.

[C]

I don't even know what he's saying at the time. And that's what he said.

[A]

It was Antonio.

[B]

I'm not gonna lie, bro. He pistol with me when I took the.

[A]

The most dangerous missions.

[B]

That's this bad day for not play play.

[C]

I think that he said his name was Antonio, but everybody that spoke to him was calling him La culebra. What Is that. What does that mean?

[A]

I don't know what that means, but that sound dangerous.

[C]

I have no.

[A]

Anything start with la,

[C]

la or L in front of your name. I'm like, yo, yo, hold on.

[A]

What does that mean in Spanish? Like, duh.

[C]

Duh.

[A]

Exactly. It's like anybody. Even his English. Duh. Something. What was that? The Mercenary. Who was the. That we traded Britney Griner for? Oh, the.

[C]

The. The. The Merchant of Death.

[A]

The Merchant of Death.

[B]

Shout out to Britney Griner.

[D]

She just.

[B]

She just commented on our. Come on the show.

[A]

The Mercenary or what? What? I just forgot the word.

[C]

Merchant of Death.

[A]

Merchant of Death.

[B]

I was thinking of the funniest scenario. Just be like, imagine being with your best friend, and he loses his backpack, and he just panicking. He like, bro, it's just a backpack. He's like, no, that was the cartel's backpack.

[C]

You know how many 90s movies started like that?

[B]

Like, the Cartel.

[C]

Yeah, Michael, the guys that do this,

[B]

they actually been trailing us for the last mile.

[C]

And I told him, you're with me.

[A]

You're going to his house. And

[C]

why. Hold on. Why, why? Why could we go to a Holiday Inn Express, bro?

[D]

My house.

[C]

I live here.

[A]

My family, my wife and kids are here.

[C]

Sleep. Right.

[B]

You remember Juan that played three on three basketball with us? That was our handler.

[C]

Tell about wan. I wouldn't pass the ball, and I was yelling at the. He was playing in the boots with the curly toes. That's crazy. Tell about the.

[B]

I was flaming. I kept saying, hey, don't pass him the ball.

[A]

That's the.

[C]

That's about to be heavy. Why I can't wait.

[A]

Like this.

[C]

Said I can't shoot. Watch this.

[B]

Oh, man. Okay, last one. Your best friend's girlfriend just cheated on him.

[A]

Your best friend's girlfriend just cheated on. Girlfriend just cheated on.

[C]

Bro, I'm. Yo, yo, yo, everybody, yo. Whole crew, yo. Come here.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yo, give him $100, bro. I'm. Give him $100. You give him $100. Yo, you buying today? You buying some today.

[B]

You keep putting people back on the street.

[C]

That's your thing. Like on the streets. Go back. Obviously, they need you.

[A]

I feel like sometime when the worst happens to you, you kind of have to keep going that way. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It can't get worse.

[C]

Yeah. You got to hit the bottom for you.

[B]

The worst advice is you be like, yo, bro, I don't want you to be in a situation where you go back to her. So we need to make sure you never go back to Her, I' ma try to get at that too. She your best friend, bro. It's really over.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

It's really over.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That bridge is broken.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? Now, what's your favorite color?

[A]

You said I don't have. You know, I don't want to like recommend any friends, but as your closest friend, it really hurt her if it really, really hurts you if I did it. Yeah.

[B]

Come on now.

[A]

And Greg, you don't even with Greg like that.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

And I gotta let you know because who else is gonna tell you, is she giving her best in bed or not? I need to tell you, I'm saying, because if she really throwing it back.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like you used to say that she throw it back. Like I need to know how much effort she give.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, and yo, there's a lot of things that you gotta know. Like, yo, when she start giving you top, does she start from the balls? You know what I mean? That's what real ones do. That's a D1.

[A]

You don't want to go back to that, bro. I want to go too experienced, bro.

[B]

Especially after when I'm done with her. Bro, you're not even gonna want her back.

[C]

Yeah. That's gonna be a two car garage.

[B]

That's crazy.

[C]

A fisker ocean in that.

[A]

Oh, man. All right, let's get to.

[B]

Yeah, let's get to some listening calls.

[A]

Yeah. All right.

[D]

Hello. Hello.

[B]

Welcome to Crush Dummies Podcast. What's the word?

[D]

Just chilling, you know, fill it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm actually working, but don't care.

[A]

All right, I gotta. I got a question for you. Who's had to cut off and why?

[D]

My Caucasian friend, like, like, he was cool, you know, at first, you know, they all are, you know, they're pretty cool.

[A]

At first.

[C]

He hit with the hard, you know, like.

[D]

No, no, he didn't, he didn't.

[C]

Because you said Caucasian friend. You didn't say my white friend.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Why'd you cut him off?

[C]

He, he.

[D]

He thought he was a group leader. I was just like, bro, like, you, you, not him. Like, we used to go to festivals and stuff like that. That. He was like. He used to act like a female. I was like, bro, like, chill, it's not that serious. He's like, I'm hungry. Like, once he was hungry, he had moose wings. I'm like, I'm like, bro, like, I'm not trying to leave the festivals. They're hella betty. Like, I don't care if you hungry. Like, you could go, hey, Bro, that

[C]

might have been diabetic.

[D]

Not the same. Wait, what happened?

[C]

He might have been diabetic, bro.

[D]

Nah, he was. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

That's crazy. It sounds like. Wait, wait. So how long you finally strapped on your nuts and said something?

[D]

Don't forget your phone. Like, eight months. I'm not gonna lie. But. Oh, so we haven't.

[B]

You let it ride for eight months, you got fed up? Enough is enough. You know what? We don't need to.

[D]

Look, white privilege, you know, you already got white privilege.

[B]

Now you let them own you for a month. Now you want to rebuild? Shouldn't let it happen, bro. What do you vote for?

[A]

All right, man. You're a good one.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What it do?

[B]

What's good? It's a word.

[D]

What's up with you?

[A]

Chilling. Chilling. I got a question for you. Who's someone. Who's someone you have to cut off and why?

[D]

But I had a. I had a cut on my ex. The last ex I was with, she kept up my emotion because every time I'll go talk to a new girl stuff, she found her way in the DMs and telling her to be like, oh, that's still my man. It's everything up.

[B]

Wait, was. Was she ever your woman at the time she did these acts, or she was always your ex?

[D]

Nah, nah, she was my ex. So she broke up. It don't matter who broke it.

[A]

No, she broke it with you. Sorry.

[C]

All right. You got left, bro. It's okay.

[D]

Now.

[C]

We.

[D]

We was done. We was done. We wasn't together no more. And so every time I try to go talk to girl, she was trying to ruin it.

[C]

So you wasn't together no more. But. But were you still clapping? See?

[D]

A little bit.

[C]

Yeah. There you go. There you go.

[B]

That's a pretty easy fix.

[C]

Yeah. You, like, stop her, and she will stop claiming you.

[D]

Yeah, that's what had to happen, because I found this on his badge on. And I try to link with her, and, like, the same day I started talking to her, my ex found her and ruined everything about. Oh, she sent her pictures of us together in bed. She like, oh, we got matching tattoos. We got this.

[A]

Y' all have matching tattoos?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that's your one. Y' all just got foreplay going on, man. Y' all just with other people. Just go back to your girl and stop up the date.

[D]

She blocked now. She blocked now.

[B]

Oh, she blocked now. But she blocked her on the Internet. But if she blocked in real life life.

[D]

Yeah, she. We. We don't even live in the same state no more.

[B]

Okay. You trying to get away from her? Did she move or you move?

[D]

N. I. I move, cuz.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

All right. All right.

[B]

This young ass off the phone.

[C]

Yo, man, if you see the in the bucky, you end up in the bathroom.

[D]

Come on.

[A]

Yo, what it do?

[B]

Yo, what's the word?

[D]

What n what? Never gonna call me again?

[B]

No, we gonna call you Big It.

[A]

Where you from?

[D]

I'm from New York, Virginia, South Carolina. I moved around a couple bit.

[B]

That boy combined all the accents, too. I don't know what the we got going.

[C]

Who the is Damn, Po.

[D]

I said, she with the lingo. I said, which one you did.

[C]

Oh, you.

[B]

You got multiple. They going dual lingo for English,

[A]

Dual lingo for accents.

[D]

All right, I'll be trying. I'll be trying.

[A]

All right, who's some of you cut off and why?

[D]

Understand, I had a. I had to cut off my ex. I ain't gonna lie. Like, she had all the. Like, all the details about me, and she knew way too much about me. And then. Then, like, I'll never win an argument, son. I never win an argument against her. So I swear to God, I'm not even lying. Never.

[A]

A what argument?

[D]

Like, yeah, like. Cause I'll be like, I ain't good at remembering. Like, she would be like, name of time, when. And I never have it. But if I ask her the same, she'll have the date, text message, picture, everything.

[A]

Oh, so you lack the details and arguments.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, I like the details. I like the details and reasons.

[C]

Hey, bro, listen, I'm in the same boat with you, champ. Like, I get gaslit by my wife all the time. You know what I'm saying? She's like, yo, you said this. I'm like, I ain't see that shit. Stop lying. She's like, nah, you definitely did. And I'm like. Like, there's no way I would say that.

[B]

What?

[D]

Like I'm saying. I'm saying. But. But like, I was talking to my homeboy the other day. He was like, you can't be letting her gaslight you like that.

[B]

You.

[D]

You got to manipulate her. I'm like,

[B]

We just talked about the worst advice that won right there.

[C]

He said, manipulator. She's gaslighting you. Manipulate.

[B]

Can you tell us what your friend, like, what's. What's the exact advice that your friend gives gave you?

[D]

I was talking about. I was talking about how, like, I was trying to get with my little jump, but she ain't Gonna let me get with her because I want to talk to, like, three other girls at the same time. Like, I'm. I'm down. You feel me? But, like, he talking about nah twin. That's when you got to manipulate her twin. Because, like, at the end of the day, a man gonna be a man.

[E]

Like, I don't want to sit down with one woman.

[B]

I know y' all conversation. I know y' all conversations be lasting 3 minutes and 30 seconds. Man gonna be a man. Man manipulator.

[D]

A man.

[A]

Know why or how?

[B]

These ain't never asked why they gonna

[A]

send each other Justin boy me like,

[D]

Couple. Couple swipes.

[A]

You gonna get it.

[B]

Okay, so I got a question for you, though. How would you feel if somebody has sex with this ex that you, you know, trying to get rid of?

[D]

Oh, I really wouldn't even go for. I'll go have sex with a different.

[B]

That means you give a bit.

[D]

Any bitch listening to the pod.

[E]

I want to have sex.

[D]

I'm saying.

[C]

What the crazy advance did you say?

[B]

Any woman listening to the pot want to have sex?

[D]

It's a fun experience. What's wrong with it?

[A]

How old are you?

[E]

I don't want.

[B]

Oh, yeah, just horny, bro. Like, when you, like, you're gonna have erectile dysfunction, like, in, like, six years,

[D]

we gonna rock out without until that fall off.

[C]

Respect, bro. And it's gonna fall off very soon

[A]

because rhino pills are in your future, brother.

[C]

Yo, that.

[B]

That gonna be on page 367 still on Sal. It just not.

[A]

The category's gonna get more wild.

[B]

Yeah, bro, I'm telling you.

[A]

Just.

[B]

You gotta watch dudes like this. They start to get bored.

[C]

And it's gonna be you and Cash Patel on X videos, favorite and everything, putting hella bookmarks in that. Like, yo, BBC, Ebony.

[B]

You with Cash Patel.

[C]

Wayne Spider.

[B]

Do you know who Cash Patel is?

[D]

No, I don't know who Cash Purcell is.

[C]

I think it's a Cash Purcell. You know who Melan.

[B]

Who?

[A]

Mandani. You from New York?

[D]

Yeah, I'm from New York, but who the. My Donnie.

[B]

Okay, okay. If you can say a message to Cash Patel. We're gonna do these separately. You don't know them, but just get them a message on what you think they do and just say something to them. So what's your message to Cash Patel? All right.

[D]

Cash Patel. I got, like, a TV and a P5. Can I get, like, a band back?

[A]

Okay, what's your. What's your message to Mandani?

[D]

Mandani Mahalam Malaikum. May God be with you,

[C]

Wallahi, my brother.

[D]

What's up?

[C]

Up?

[A]

What it do? What it do? Welcome to Craftsman's podcast.

[D]

What's going on? Appreciate y' all having me on.

[A]

All right, we got a question for you.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Two truths and a lie.

[D]

Yeah, two truths and a lie. All right, so here, I'm gonna line this up in the best way I can.

[B]

Just hurry up.

[D]

First one.

[B]

Hold on.

[D]

So I'm at work right now, so I gotta, like.

[B]

Don't care. Come on, come on, come on.

[C]

Let's go, papi, you do it.

[B]

You gotta do it.

[C]

Let's go.

[D]

Come on.

[C]

We gotta do it.

[D]

First place, first one. First one is I. My best friend's exes or my ex's best friends. Okay, sorry about that. And then the other one is I. This dude while his girl was watching.

[B]

Wait, what? Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you say that right?

[D]

Sir, you know what? Let me restart. You can edit this. You can edit it out. Let me restart real quick. So. So I. My ex's best friend, friends. I. The guy. Wise girl. Watch. Oh, and I nutted him. And I nutted him. My mom.

[C]

It's. Hold on. Two truths and one lie. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[B]

The lie has to be your mom.

[A]

It has to be. Please, Lord.

[B]

It's your mom, right?

[D]

My, my. Yeah, bro.

[A]

Okay, okay, now let's get it.

[C]

Okay, so.

[B]

Wait, wait.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Hold on.

[C]

Yeah, let's unpack the other part.

[A]

So you a dude in front of

[D]

his girl, so I'm gonna keep it a buck with y'. All. I misread your prompt. I thought it was. Was one truth, two lies.

[C]

Come on, son. Come on, man.

[D]

Make it a little bit better.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. You can.

[D]

A little bit better for.

[B]

No, we're done. We just want to know, like, why. Why the. Was that your lie?

[C]

Yo, dog, this dude.

[A]

So many.

[B]

Like, have you ever heard of, like. Like, have you ever heard of, like, I'm a billionaire or some.

[C]

I own a Ferrari. That's.

[D]

I wanted to go the most extreme I could think of. Hey, Pat. Pat.

[B]

Please don't say my name after. After saying some like that.

[D]

Don't say

[C]

that trick.

[B]

What?

[D]

All right, I'll do you a solid. If you can guess which one of those two is the. Is the trick truth. I'll make you a bet, actually. Let's make it spicy. If you. If you can guess which one is right, I'll wall for it at the next show that y' all going to. But if you get it wrong. You got a wall twerk at the show.

[A]

You already said. You read it wrong, though. So you're saying you didn't have sex with a guy.

[D]

One of those is. One of those is the truth. One of those is not. If y' all know what that would. Y' all know which one it is.

[B]

We said that we were. We. We.

[D]

We're answering the mom is obviously not true. True.

[B]

Yes, yes. And we're saying the guy thing is not true. And because you already said that in a way.

[D]

Yes, I did. Damn. Okay, I got me.

[B]

And then, like, your bet was to waltz work.

[C]

Like, what the. Hey, man, the more. The more you talk, gang, the more I think that the other thing that you said is a lie is actually true.

[A]

He definitely read the question right.

[C]

He backtracking like a bum.

[B]

There's literally two truths in the lie.

[C]

He's like, hold on. He's like, oh, they reacted crazy to that.

[A]

They read it. I read it. I said it to him. And then Meryl said it again to him to reiterate it, and he still went with it.

[D]

Hey. Hey. Yo, is he there?

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

All right, bro. You have a good one.

[C]

No, he up. Peace. God.

[D]

What it do? Crash Boys?

[A]

Crash Boys? Never heard that one, man.

[B]

Crash Boys. Wait, let's see. What is he?

[A]

He appears to be a light skinned dude.

[B]

Light skinned black dude.

[D]

Not light skinned. Not light skinned black. Black. We don't gotta say light skin.

[A]

This not light skinned.

[C]

Yeah, he like skin.

[D]

Ch.

[B]

Bro, it's not so good.

[D]

Pass, brother. I don't get the light skin. Pass.

[B]

I feel it, though.

[D]

Very.

[A]

You're a tweener. Okay, I got a question for you.

[B]

Uncooked hot dog.

[D]

Hot dog is crazy. Crazy. You got hot dogs in your mind, though.

[B]

You got Vienna sausage skin tone.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

You got Glicks in your hair right now. Nobody was talking about Glicks. And you talk about glicks right now. What's up?

[C]

Where are you from?

[D]

You see, in my bio, we don't.

[B]

That's why I'm asking you. I ain't got the phone. Okay, there you go.

[A]

Hey, what question did you answer?

[D]

You're the smart one. You're the smart one.

[A]

No need to dick ride.

[D]

That's on me. That's on me. Talk about believe.

[B]

He got kicked off the dick

[C]

hit him with the cardi B. Lamb too.

[D]

He said

[E]

on your.

[A]

What question did you answer? It's our boy Mero, bro.

[C]

Yo, what's up, my guy?

[A]

Chilling.

[E]

Everything good.

[D]

The question.

[A]

Just read Your statement, the one that was.

[D]

It's crazy because I remember the answer, but I don't remember the question.

[B]

Oh, my God, he's choking.

[D]

It's the. Am I w. Or am I wrong? If.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

That was that joint.

[A]

That's not the one you answered, but go ahead.

[D]

Basically, I hate to say it, but I lowkey want to backdoor my man. I don't want to, but I have the urge to, but I don't like the fact that that's already in my heart, because I feel like if it's in your heart already, you might as well just do it, because, like, that's basically just as bad if you want to do it and don't do it. If that makes sense.

[B]

All right, there's multiple kinds of back door, so you don't have to explain. Yes, sir.

[D]

Right, right, right. So basically, my man, you know, I'm saying he's been. He's been with his girls since college. It's been like three years, and he's had a breakup. You know what I'm saying? So it's kind of fresh. It's like a couple months ago, and they kind of had a long distance going, so it was kind of tough for him. But she's actually in my city, and now, like, you know what I'm saying? I'm saying she's acting different on social media. All these thirst traps and stuff. And I'm a little thirsty, but, like, that's my man. So I don't wanna. I don't want to have that thought. I don't want to have that in my heart because that's my man's. But, like, I wouldn't do it, but I just think I'm a bad. I'm a bad person for thinking like that, if that makes sense.

[B]

That just tell me, like, I feel like dudes that think like that, like, you don't get women naturally, so you. You go to, like, women that are in proximity to you because it's like,

[D]

why are you hating? Why are you hating, though? Why's your first the heat after that?

[B]

Why is your first response to back door, you slimy ass?

[D]

That's like, I'm not doing that, though. I'm not doing that.

[B]

But you got that thought and then you ran and told other about it.

[C]

You got the urge, champ. That's the problem. You said it yourself.

[D]

It's the urge. But, like, I'm strong enough to fight the urge. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

No, you're not. You literally putting it off on I am, though.

[A]

I haven't.

[D]

I haven't backdoored him because that's my man.

[B]

You already backdoored him Because I'm telling

[A]

you, like, even the thought of it, bro.

[B]

The thought of it, because you wouldn't tell him you thinking this because he wouldn't with you.

[A]

You after.

[B]

It's just a thought of.

[D]

Absolutely, absolutely. I'm saying we all have thoughts like that.

[A]

No, no, we always like that.

[D]

No.

[A]

How long y' all been friends for?

[D]

We've been boys since college, so.

[A]

And when you say your man's like. Like, what's, like, the level? Like, you all go over each other's house. Y' all know each other's parents. Like, how close are y'? All?

[D]

Yeah, we was roommates for three years in college. Like, we pretty locked in, so. Yeah, like, that's really my man's for real now.

[B]

That's crazy. You, like, you don't feel like a slimy dude for even having that thought. Maybe you need some therapy or something.

[D]

I'm not a slimy dude because I want to do my mans like that, but I just had the thought of it. Come on, bro.

[B]

We're not.

[D]

We're not doing that.

[B]

You don't. You don't.

[D]

Bro, we're not doing that.

[B]

You don't.

[D]

That's the problem, bro, because I. I know what I'm on.

[B]

You thinking about it, bro, you ain't got it.

[A]

You gotta give him some. You got some old school advice.

[C]

Yeah, yo, you thinking about it, gang. That's.

[A]

That's.

[C]

That's. That's step number one. That's the gateway drug, you know what I'm saying? And if she's bad, eventually you're gonna hit like, a heart on one of them stories, and she might hit you with a heart back. And now you're having a conversation, and it ends with you saying something stupid, like what Adam Levine said in the DM to Shorty. You know what I'm saying? He was just like, oh, I want to see her.

[D]

I'm not. I'm not trying to let it get to that level, though. I'm not trying to let it get there, though.

[C]

What if she.

[D]

Come on now.

[A]

What are the steps you're taking to. To not let it get to the level?

[C]

Like, what did you move?

[D]

I'm just not. I'm not reacting. I'm not reacting to it. The thirst traps are out there. I'm seeing the post. But, you know, I don't gotta like it. I don't gotta. You know what I'm saying, it's like you. It's like you trying to hop in the dm.

[B]

It's like you, you know, get on.

[D]

Get on with my day.

[A]

So what if she dms you? What's your next move?

[D]

She DMS me. I can't even. I. Look, he just got blocked after that. That's my man's. And just to take the temptation away at the source, you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Why don't you block her right now?

[D]

On Lock it right now. Why would I. I mean, I'm.

[C]

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

[A]

You.

[C]

Yo, come on, son. You can't. You.

[A]

Y. I'm just gonna keep the crack on my kitchen counter right there.

[C]

Yeah. I'm not gonna smoke it.

[D]

You're not gonna smoke the crack? You ain't go.

[B]

No, the thing about you. What I've been. I've been listening to you, and I zoned out a little bit, and I just, like, been listening to conversation is like, your first statement is pretty confident. You'd be like, I'm not gonna do that. And then it turns it. I can't do that. And just be like, I wouldn't do that. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I gotta stay away from that. And then, like, it gets closer and closer until we check you. Then you get back constant like, I'm not gonna do that. So you can't tell me that you're not gonna fold. It sound like you already damn near folded. That's why you reaching out to us, bro.

[D]

Hey, it's getting to you. I'm doing whatever I can not to fold. That's what I'm doing.

[C]

Let me tell you something right now. If you don't block shorty right now down, y' all gonna end up at a function. You're gonna have two shots of Don Julio and half a spliff and be like, yo, you won't go in the bathroom.

[A]

And you sound like you're scared of that.

[B]

I can't do that.

[A]

You sound like you're scared of him.

[D]

One of my best men.

[A]

Yeah, he gonna beat your ass.

[B]

I think he'll beat your ass.

[D]

You don't even know me.

[A]

You know, it's cool.

[D]

It's cool. Yeah, I'm pulling up to the live show, so you're gonna be on that when I pull up.

[B]

Yeah, we don't care about that. Hold up, bro.

[D]

Yeah, you ain't. You ain't gonna be on this talking heavy when I'm in person.

[A]

No, no, Your friend. Your friend is gonna beat your ass.

[D]

I know, but you talking about beating my ass. Like. Like, that's just not happening. Regardless, I'mma see you in person talking about my man. What are you gonna do?

[B]

Yeah, you pull up with your man.

[C]

Pull up with a stick.

[D]

What up?

[A]

What up, what up? This. You just sound un summer.

[C]

What up, man? High, boy.

[D]

No, y', all. I'm high.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I ain't.

[B]

I already know what up. I already know.

[C]

Your seat recline. My boy.

[A]

Who's. Who's someone you have to cut off?

[D]

And why, man, I had to cut off my potential soulmate. Cause we kept having babies on each other.

[B]

On each other. How many? How many each?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, we was two. Two and two. She had one when we met.

[C]

Is this. Are we playing spades? He said, how many kids you got in there? He said, I think I got three. Two, two in the possible.

[B]

Yeah, it's two, two. Y' all going to game five. And.

[D]

No, no, no, no, no, no. So look. So look, we met when I was in a relationship, but we was supposed to just be. You feel me? Sneaking. I called about the past relationship. I was the one who called and said, I want to get my baby mama jump my crackhead. But that's besides the point. So we met or whatever, and we were sneaking in. Well, then I was supposed to leave and go with her love. But then my mama got pregnant, so I was like, damn, I can't just leave. So she went out, was with somebody. So then we had linked back up, and we was gonna with each other, and she had another baby. I was like, damn. All right, you had one. I had one. Cool. Well, then I had another one.

[C]

Bro, are you a mushroom? You just giving off spores? Like, how do you.

[A]

So are you not with this girl anymore?

[D]

Who the Is that?

[A]

Or was our cousin Mero, bro.

[C]

Yeah, maybe.

[D]

That. That ain't that nerdless Noel, is it? That. That ain't.

[A]

That's the Newell NBA player, bro. Don't worry about who this is, bro.

[D]

Don't worry about it. I see it on YouTube. I ain't no big deal. Where we going? Where we going?

[A]

So are you. Who's the soul mate? Like, are you with her? You still in contact with her?

[D]

No, I cut her off, I want to say probably about two, three months ago.

[A]

Oh, this is. This is.

[D]

But I'm gonna move back up there near her on Monday, which is cold. Which is some cold. So we'll see how I go from there.

[B]

No, he got A lot of.

[A]

How's the dating? How's the dating a scene been for you then?

[D]

Oh, I ain't been trying to really date too much because that should do too much. Because when I quit with my baby mama, the next I started with was engaged, and I was like, yeah, it's ugly out here if this the next person I'm talking to. So, you know, I'm just staying out the game.

[B]

I tall are you?

[D]

I'm six foot.

[B]

Six foot. What would you do for a living?

[D]

I bury people. I bury veterans.

[B]

Bury veterans. Okay. Good job. Good job.

[A]

Disable you. You got the jokes.

[B]

You got a car?

[D]

Yeah, I got a car.

[B]

Got a car. You got your own place?

[D]

Yeah, that's why I'm moving Monday.

[B]

Okay. Like, what's wrong with you, bro? Like, how you keep.

[C]

Like, it gotta be something, Bro, you missing an eyeball?

[D]

No, I ain't missing no eyeball.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

How many kids? How many kids you got? Everybody say you got pretty eyes. Crazy.

[C]

Crazy.

[D]

I got two.

[B]

You got two kids? How many baby mamas?

[D]

I got one.

[B]

How old are you?

[D]

Pat, we've been through this. We went through this.

[B]

Pat.

[D]

You told. You try to tell me, get back with my baby mama on the little. When I said, I want to get a jump my crackheads, you was like, get back with her, bro.

[B]

I told you.

[D]

Hell no.

[B]

But I'm just saying, look what happened since then. You should have listened to me.

[D]

I mean. I mean, I've been hitting her, but, I mean, you feel me? I ain't gonna get back with her.

[B]

You need to get back with her, bro. But some dude take her off the market.

[D]

Come on, D. He. I ain't gonna have you. She. She. She's stupid now. He can have.

[A]

All right. All right, bro. Have a good one, bro.

[C]

You said a lot. You just said a lot with that.

[E]

Hello.

[A]

What it do? What it do? Welcome to Craft Podcast.

[E]

Thank you. This is exciting.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What's your situation?

[E]

Okay, so I'm, like, in love with this guy. Guy. And, like, we've been talking for a while, and he's my first ever non white guy I've ever dated.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

What is he.

[E]

And he's Mexican.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

And I'm, like, embarrassed because it's like I'm. He listens to this, which is the funniest part to this podcast together. And, yeah, he just, like, won't make me his girlfriend. And I'm trying. I need. I need advice, like, on how to get him.

[A]

He won't make you. Like, how long y' all Been talking six months.

[B]

Okay. Like, what's. What's transpired in those six months? Has it been, like, day one since y' all met? Day one? Y' all hung with each other every day since then, or was it kind of dicey at the beginning?

[E]

I'm. I. It's on and off. Like, I'm kind of finding out that I'm a little crazy when it comes to dating this guy because I'm, like, obsessed with him.

[A]

Okay, what counts as obsessed? Like, what are some things you've done that would give.

[D]

That.

[E]

It makes me like, I'm literally just. Like, I've shown up at his house one time that was. I've never done that unannounced. And, yeah, for. Because I'm like. I just was like, I feel like he's with someone. He wasn't. He was asleep. And so then.

[B]

But also, did you know this by, like, looking over him, or did you just know he was asleep? Like, how did you know you asleep?

[E]

He answered the door. He answered the door.

[B]

Thought you broke into his house and said, oh, he's sleep.

[A]

Did you go home after this?

[D]

That.

[E]

No, I stayed.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[E]

But he was like. He was like, okay. But he also, like, I won't even lie. Like, I'm pretty. I'm learning because I'm, like, from this relationship. I am very toxic, and, like, I end things every other week, but the reason I end things is because I don't trust him because I'm not his girlfriend, and all I want to do is just be his girlfriend, and then it would be fixed. I wouldn't be crazy.

[A]

Have you brought this up?

[E]

Oh, so many times.

[A]

And what was his response to that?

[E]

He's like, don't force it. I'm like, I'm fortunate. Like, I'm about to give you flowers now because I feel like I have to take over.

[B]

Stand up.

[D]

Stand.

[B]

I'm gonna need you to stand up right now.

[A]

Showing up to a crib, like, with no call, no text.

[B]

You don't. You don't.

[A]

It's kind of crazy.

[B]

Yeah, you're, like. You're, like, almost in, like, a begging stage. If you gotta, like, beg somebody.

[E]

Okay, okay.

[B]

But I'm just saying.

[E]

No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

If you. If somebody says. If you. If you bring up a relationship, even if I didn't want to ask the girl I was with to be my girlfriend yet, but I planned on it, I wouldn't shut her down completely. Like, he shut you down. I would leave it open.

[E]

He didn't shut me down.

[B]

You're forcing it.

[A]

You say, don't want to force it or don't force it.

[E]

No, he didn't shut me down. Like, I wasn't forcing it. He was like, just like, wait. Just wait until it's right.

[B]

No. That was his exact words. Wait until it's right.

[E]

He said no.

[B]

What were his exact words?

[E]

Maybe more like, you're doing too much.

[C]

There's hope.

[B]

Like, no, I think y' all gonna get together.

[C]

Definitely.

[B]

You got this.

[E]

No, no, no. He walks on his tippy toes and it. Like, I love that he does. Like, he's one of those people.

[B]

Got it. So you just love everything about him and you notice all the little things,

[E]

but he should be, like, appreciative of that, because I'm like, damn. Like, he's so cute. He walks on his tippy toes.

[B]

Okay, bigger question, because you sound like, I think your problem. The only thing that turns you off about him is that you can't trust him and you're not his girlfriend. So my question to you is. My question to you is, like, where is he spending every night? Like, is. Are you seeing him? Are you talking to him every day? Are you seeing him every day? Like, how often is it.

[E]

Yeah, like, he just moved out of his house, and he moved back in with his mom because his Lisa said it. But before that, we were with each other every single day.

[B]

I think we just talked. No, he high school basketball coach, but never mind.

[E]

No, Like, I don't know. And then I'm, like, obsessed with his culture, which is so white of me to say, but, like, he, like. Like, he's like. I think that's also a big thing, is that when he speaks Spanish, that's so attractive.

[B]

But you. You say something in Spanish.

[E]

Hola. Comoste?

[B]

Yeah, see you.

[E]

Me ambre es Gracie.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You want those tamales type of people?

[E]

No, I went to it. He brought me to a Mexican. He brought me to a Mexican, like, breakfast place, and I have never felt so. Everyone was looking at us because I'm the only white person in there.

[B]

You probably asked. He's probably asking for the green sauce.

[E]

Is that the non spicy one? I didn't learn how to do the cha cha. No, I dance with him.

[B]

Oh, man. Yeah, you're cooked. But. But you might not be, because it got to be something there if he's still around. So I can't judge from this far away.

[E]

Well, we love each. We do, like, love each other. Like, we say, I love you and stuff like that. That's why I'm like, if we're at that point, why don't you just make

[A]

me both y' all say y' all love each other, right?

[E]

Yeah, we do. Yeah, we. I literally was with him this morning.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's not. You don't go days without seeing him.

[E]

No, No, I don't think I can. Can.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

But also, he can't either most of the time. Sometimes he's like, so where's that.

[B]

So, okay, last question. Where's the trust part coming in. Has there been other women in the six months?

[E]

Yeah, there has.

[B]

There we go.

[E]

So, yes, that literally is it. And it's like, the main reason I end things is because she. She's literally a brought up because of, like, he still. She still reaches out to him.

[A]

Him is his ex.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

How long. How long was he dating that ex?

[E]

Three years. Okay.

[B]

Why did they break up? Why did they break up? That's very important.

[E]

I just. Because he was going out, I'm pretty sure. And she just didn't like it. And then the feelings kind of, like, went away. But, like, they ended on good terms. Terms.

[B]

That's not good. I was hoping somebody cheated on somebody, would have had some cooking, but they ended on good terms, and they still keep in contact with each other.

[E]

Okay, so, like, I don't. That's why I. Like, I. Yeah, maybe, but I tell him not to. That's why I end things. And he's like, it's not like that. It's not like that.

[A]

I'm like, wait, what ton of voice and what tone of voices he's saying? It's not like that.

[E]

It's. It's the exact kind of tone of voice you think. It's like the. It's not like that.

[D]

Like, I don't even know.

[E]

Like, he's basically like, I don't care.

[A]

Like, that's your lot one, too.

[B]

I'm not gonna lie. This hurt.

[D]

Yeah, this. It hurt.

[B]

It hurt to see you going through this and that. There's nothing we can do. You got to go through whatever you got to go through by yourself.

[E]

Because it's like, no, he is. He's obsessed with you guys. You guys need to just tell him. Choose her. She learned how to do the salsa. I even went to a Mexican band, and I made it on their Instagram.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[E]

It went viral.

[B]

You are just. I would. I would advise you just, like, just keep. Just keep it short and just keep it about him not learning his hold.

[A]

I just.

[E]

No, just say.

[B]

Just say real quick.

[E]

You should Date her. He.

[D]

He knows this is me.

[E]

Probably.

[C]

Run.

[D]

No.

[B]

Run, run. I just muted run, bro, before she put a sombrero on your newborn.

[A]

No, I think y' all work out, though.

[B]

Yeah, y' all gotta.

[E]

Thanks.

[D]

All right.

[B]

You don't believe us.

[A]

Hey, bro, we're about to say that you should, like, get back with her, but we're lying. Okay? We're lying. We're just saying this so she can get off the phone. No, we got. We actually got a message for him, actually.

[E]

What?

[A]

Hey, bro, we're saying a message for

[D]

him right now, okay?

[A]

Hey, bro, get back with her and stuff. You know, know, type.

[B]

Run, run.

[C]

I'm playing.

[A]

I'm playing.

[B]

I'm playing.

[E]

But you're. That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah, he's not playing.

[B]

No, I'm not playing. Listen, bro, she is.

[D]

Damn.

[B]

Come on now. You know damn well you shouldn't be bringing her home to.

[C]

Come on now. Abuela. Come on.

[B]

I don't want to see this.

[E]

Y' all keep cutting off.

[B]

Oh, no, no.

[A]

This is signaling.

[D]

Anyway.

[A]

Well, anyway, appreciate you being on the. On the.

[B]

Marry her, bro.

[E]

Thank you. Marry me. Yeah, Run. Thank you.

[B]

All right.

[C]

Thank you.

[D]

Thank you.

[E]

Bye.

[D]

Bye, bye. Hello? Y.

[A]

All right, we're doing true. Two truths and a lie. Everybody heard me when I said that this.

[B]

Two truth.

[A]

Two truths and a lot. Go ahead.

[D]

So the two truths and one lie was I like to lick my girl's nostrils. I found out that I don't like getting my ass ate, and I'm a mailman.

[B]

I'm gonna say the lie is that you're a mailman.

[D]

No, that's the truth.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

You like licking your girl's nostrils is the L.

[D]

Yep.

[B]

Oh, wait, what was the other one?

[C]

He like getting his ass.

[A]

He found out he don't like getting his ass ate.

[C]

Oh. Oh, he don't like it.

[B]

You.

[C]

You got.

[B]

You got a girl? You got a girlfriend?

[D]

No, I got a fiance, but this wasn't my fiance that did it.

[C]

Oh, it never is, bro. It never is. By the way, it's never the show that you married. It's always your. Your elite eater. You know what I'm saying? 6. 6 Man of the year.

[A]

How'd you find out? You. Obviously. Obviously, you. You guys did it. But, like, how was the conversation brought up? Did you know that was going to happen that day or that night?

[C]

But did she just put your legs up like she was changing your diaper?

[D]

Well, she. She did. Did that, too, but she had sat me down on the bed, was, like, so what are the things you haven't done, want to do? Want to try? And I was like, well, I done did everything. I just. I lowkey tried wanted to get my ass ate. And she was like, sure. And I said, why were you so quick with that?

[C]

Because she's eating with ass.

[D]

And then she said, take them off. And then I lift my legs up. And at that moment I was like, I don't like this. I feel like a. Yeah, you was

[C]

holding the back of your knees up.

[D]

I was. And then at one point I decided to cross my legs and she was like, even tighter. I was like, all right, cool.

[C]

Yeah, that's wild, bro. Your. Your feet was pointed at the ceiling fan.

[D]

Nah, I was. They were on her back. Digging.

[B]

She said digging. You are. I. I like don't believe this is a one time thing, bro.

[D]

No, I was a straight one time thing. I actually blocked her after that.

[B]

Said he blocked her after that.

[D]

Okay. N. It was the part after was pulling up into the water burger like line and then my was just farting. I was like, yeah, I can't do that again.

[B]

No, she your farting. She doing more than that.

[C]

Yo, facts.

[D]

She tried, but I was like, hey man. I said, just wait.

[B]

She tried.

[D]

So I mean, yeah.

[C]

Oh my God, she put a turkey baster up there.

[A]

So the thing is that you say you didn't like it. Was it the only thing you didn't like was the position you're in?

[D]

No, I didn't like the whole. Her tongue in the ass.

[A]

So you let her do.

[D]

I like the tension.

[A]

Did you bring that up to her during the moment or did you let the whole thing kind of go?

[D]

No, got see it through, my boy.

[B]

I was farting. Like you couldn't control your farts.

[D]

Like, nah, nah. I was actually weirded out. I was like, that's how girls feel.

[B]

No, something had to go up. This like there's no way you just fart.

[C]

You can't get your asshole open. Did she eat your ass right after the colonoscopy? Like, how is that happening?

[B]

The story not adding up, bro. I'm not going to lie.

[C]

I'm holding a fart right now just out of respect for the pod.

[D]

I don't know, maybe because I was nervous and then I let loose after

[C]

your asshole started twitching, he leveled out and it was farting after.

[A]

That is funny. You asked another question. You can ask to the prompt. Am I wrong if.

[D]

Am I wrong if I wait until my girl goes to sleep to beat my meat?

[B]

Why. Why do you wait until she goes to sleep. Is she not giving you sex?

[D]

No, she. She gave it to me. It's just on the night, she don't feel like it. I'm just like, I'm away. And she's like, you. You can go do it. I'm just like, nah, it's just weird that, you know, so I'm just gonna wait.

[C]

She still know?

[B]

What, does she think you're doing it, too? Because most. Most women are either, like, they made you a tape or they gave you some pictures because they don't want you looking at other women like, what are you doing?

[D]

No, I'm not. And she's fine with me watching porn. It's just. She thinks that I like big booty white girls, and I hate big booty white girls.

[B]

I don't know if you hate big booty white.

[C]

Otherwise. Big booty white girls, and I hate big booty white girl.

[B]

You got Sarah J all over this.

[D]

Hey, that was my starter. That was my starter kit.

[A]

I think you got Alexis Texas tattoo.

[C]

This thing is still onion booty bookmark in 2026, man.

[A]

So, like, does she care about what you look at, though? Like, the category?

[D]

Not really. I know she would have a problem if I had only fans, which I don't. So, I mean, other than that, not really.

[B]

So she don't check your phone for, like, anything?

[A]

Anything?

[D]

Nah, not really. She trusts me.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Are you watching Pinot on your phone?

[D]

Wait, what?

[C]

You watching this on your phone?

[D]

Who don't?

[B]

I mean. I mean, yeah, we all do, but,

[C]

like, if you at the crib, bro, like you said, you going to the bathroom, like, you might as well just go take your laptop with you, bro, and watch the. In 4K. Like, you know, big screen, That's.

[D]

That's too much.

[A]

Too many pixels in one screen.

[C]

Yeah, that game.

[D]

I gotta take my headphones, gotta keep one ear open, make sure nobody waking up.

[B]

He a little shy. Everything is too much. He'd be like, no, that's too much.

[D]

Stop.

[B]

I ain't let her do that. That was too much. I hear her.

[D]

I hear her wake up and I stop being my meat, and I'll go lay back down. And she'll be like, what were you doing? I was taking a. Oh, my bad.

[C]

Respect.

[B]

It's something else you watching that you're not supposed to be watching. That's why I think you wait. Because if she lets you. Oh, hell, if she lets you do all that stuff. This is like, something not adding up. Like, you left out the part about your gaping and you just farted. Now it's like, my wife is okay with me watching porn, but I wait until she sleep. That tells me that you're watching something that she wouldn't approve of. There's two things missing from both stories.

[D]

They're just, like, definitely not. I mean, maybe. Maybe she might think it's weird because I watch Twitter porn. Than regular pornhub.

[B]

Oh, you one of those. You're getting places.

[A]

See, now the algorithm to just choose what you see.

[B]

Okay. Sn.

[A]

I think I'm all books bookmark.

[D]

And she was like, why you got this bookmarked? And I'm like, hey, I was just trying to watch it.

[A]

What was the bookmark, though?

[D]

Massage for

[A]

we're getting deeper into.

[C]

All right, man.

[A]

All right. You have a good one. Oh, man. Meryl, appreciate you coming on the pod, bro. Appreciate it, bro. We're trying to set this up for a minute.

[C]

Appreciate y', all, man, for real. Hey, listen, if you don't understand when to thing. Understand this. This is the Ellis Pod out right now.

[A]

I appreciate it, bro.

[C]

Crash dummies.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

Human direct flap. I'm here, you know?

[B]

I mean.

[C]

And that's it. And that's all. If you don't subscribe to this, if

[B]

you're not on the Patreon live show.

[A]

Merch.

[C]

The live shows, the merch, all that, bro. Stop playing. Stop playing. There's only, like, two good podcasts out there. This is one of them. Put some money in my mess. This got, kid.

[A]

All right, y'.

[D]

All.

[A]

That's been the episode. Peace, Pe.

[B]

Appreciate it.