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Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan
Confidence Classic: Believe In Yourself When Everyone Else Says No with Jamie Kern Lim, Founder of IT Cosmetics
00:58:05
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- [00:00]
Jamie Kern Lima
Every time I got rejected, yes, it hurt. There were nights I cried myself to sleep with the covers over my head. Woke up hoping it was a dream. It wasn't. Didn't know what I was going to do. Like, it sucks and it hurts. But in business, to the people that rejected me, they must have thought I was crazy because they would literally reject me sometimes in the most painful way. I would end the phone call like, okay, well it is going to be a yes one day. And so I'm so excited that when your customers get to experience it cosmetics, it's going to be life changing.
- [00:29]
Heather Monahan
Come on this journey with me each.
- [00:31]
Week when you join me. We are going to chase down our.
- [00:35]
Goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow.
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Jamie Kern Lima
I'm ready for my closeup.
- [00:42]
Podcast Sponsor/Announcer
Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to. So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as.
- [00:57]
Heather Monahan
Much as I do.
- [00:58]
Hi and welcome back.
- [01:00]
I'm so excited you're back here with.
- [01:02]
Me again this week. So a lot is happening. It's really been very exciting and makes me super hopeful that I have my first in person speaking engagement in one year. Every single speaking engagement I've had over the past year has been virtual. And what's funny is literally it's one year ago right now. You know, approximately one year ago that I was the keynote speaker speaker for a financial conference in Miami at the Intercontinental in Miami. It was so crazy. It was the first time I ever did a financial conference and it was interesting to say the least, but it actually went great. But that's so sad that it's a year ago, right? And I love being on site. I love being in person with people. I definitely am an extrovert. I definitely like to be around people. Right now, pretty much the only thing that I do on the regular that's around people is I take this socially distance spin class on a roof and just that is super exciting and that makes me feel hopeful. But now this month I actually have this live in person event. I don't even know what it's going to be like, but I'm just super excited. And then I have my first in person board meeting. Our board meetings up until now had been done virtually, but we are doing this one on site and it is just, it's crazy. It's going to feel almost normal.
- [02:27]
Jamie Kern Lima
Right.
- [02:27]
Heather Monahan
I'm super, super excited about that. It's just, it's so funny that just basic things seem like celebratory.
- [02:34]
Jamie Kern Lima
Right.
- [02:34]
Heather Monahan
We have to go crazy and appreciate that we get to be near people and, and see people. It's super, super exciting. So it's gotten me in this whole hopeful mindset that I'm just really hopeful things are going to start coming back to normal. Praying, praying to God that they do. And it's so funny. I was reading the paper this morning, the Wall Street Journal and in Europe, it just, it doesn't look like it similar to what we're experiencing here. And then also I live in Miami. Miami is completely different than other places in the country. So it just, the whole thing is still to me very confusing. But I am super hopeful and I hope you're hopeful too. So to that end, I am putting all the good energy and vibes out there that there will be more in person events now. This is so crazy. Okay, so my guest this week is Jamie Kern Lima, who I absolutely adore. She's amazing. And I had the opportunity to see her speak back in October. We were both keynoting a virtual expo and I didn't know who she was sadly before that. And so that was how I got. I was introduced to her and I messaged her that day. Hey, I just spoke at an event with you. I would love to have you on my show. That was October, right? Here we are in March and it took a while. This woman is out working harder than anyone I've ever seen in my life. And I'll tell you, if you've never launched a book before, it is so much work doing the actual book launch.
- [04:01]
Right.
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There's so many things that have to happen around timing leading up to the book launch, the week of book launch, and then right thereafter. It's really high pressure and in a finite window, right? And I've never seen a book launch done as well as this woman. She took everything to another level. The concept of just go bigger has happened and she has raised the bar. And I'm so fangirling and appreciating and cheering her on, watching her virtually do this and come to find out, you know, she went and I guess Tony Robbins gave her his studio. So she, she lives out in LA and she flew out to Palm beach to use his studio to do this huge online virtual expo that, that she. Her P.S. all of the proceeds of her book are going to Feeding America and she's not keeping any of the money. It's all going to charity, which is unbelievable. But anyhow, she put together this amazing event, and I actually watched the whole entire thing, and I loved the event. I thought it was done so well. And it was so nice that all these people, Tony Robbins, Ed Mylett, all these people donated their time, donated their resources to help her and support her. But I will tell you, I knew or I had an idea how tired this woman must be. And it was funny, before we went on air, I just asked her how she was doing, and she had just flown home back from Palm Beach. You know, you never know what's going on behind the scenes with people. You never know what challenge they could be dealing with, how much time away from their family, how much work they're putting in to make what we see online. You know, appearance fantastic and, you know, wonderful. There's tremendous, you know, lost nights of sleep and sacrifices that people make. And I just, wow. I can't imagine the amount of work that this woman has put in. But it just goes to show, right, there are very few billionaires in the world. And one of the things that if you want to reach that type of success, you're going to have to make tremendous sacrifices and work harder than anyone. And I used to say that I'm definitely the hardest worker I know. After meeting Jamie, she takes a cake. I mean, this woman definitely works harder than me. And I don't know how she does it. I mean, she's got two little kids. She's such an inspirational person and her story is such a great story. Her book is so freaking good. I really loved it. It's number one right now. New York Times, bestseller list, Wall Street Journal, every list. And any list, USA Today, any list you can imagine she's number one on. So that hard work that she put in and raising the bar on a book launch paid off because she nailed every single. And I am so fricking happy for her. It's just so amazing to see, so totally cheering her on. She was the absolute nicest. And I'm so excited for and hopeful for cities opening back up and travel coming back and the vaccine, you know, getting out there and ending this awful lockdown so that I can go face to face and meet people like her. And it was funny. I live in Miami, as I had mentioned, and over the past week, I had seen that Grant Cardone does this event 10x every year. It's a huge event and it's grown massively over the past couple of years. He actually used Marlin's, the baseball stadium here in Miami because he had so many people going. This event, I've been trying to get on this stage for years. It's so frustrating. I will get there. Maybe just not this year. But what, what I wanted to share with you was I noticed on social media he had an in person event on site and I'm creeping on his Instagram and his wife's Instagram trying to see what it looked like because I was so curious. And I'll tell you, there was a lot of people there and not a lot of masks. And again, I'm not judging anybody. People should do whatever they're comfortable with and whatever works for them. I'm definitely in a window of time where I am not here to judge anyone. Things are just too hard for everybody. So it looked, it looked super exciting and I felt so jealous sitting at home watching, you know, on my Insta stories, peeping into their, their event. But it was pretty cool to see how excited people were to all be on site and be together. And oh my gosh, I'm so freaking looking forward to that again. I'm sure you must be too, right? Who isn't? I read in the paper that someone in Europe was writing that the most exciting thing of their year is going to the dentist. And they really get excited to go to the dentist because you get to go somewhere different. And just looking at, gosh, how appreciative we are now for the smallest of things that we never even considered before. It's just, it is so crazy. But I am so here for it. So I'm super excited for this month. I'm super excited for this show. And actually a good friend of mine called and told me that she wants me to start timestamping at what point the intro of the show ends and what point the interview portion of the show begins. So I'm gonna begin to do that. You'll be able to see that in the show notes if you wanna cut right to an interview or, you know, if you want to just listen to an intro, you're gonna have those timestamps available to you in the show notes. We're always trying to find ways to get better as we all need to be and find ways to just go bigger. Like my guest today, Jamie Kern Lima, is gonna show us exact. So hold tight. We'll be right back.
- [09:26]
Meet a different guest each week. Hi and welcome back. I am so freaking excited to introduce you today to Jamie Kern Lima. She started IT Cosmetics in her living room and grew the company into the largest luxury makeup brand in the country. She sold the company to L' Oreal for $1.2 billion and became the first female CEO of a brand in its 100 plus year history. Shout out. Her love for her customers and remarkable authenticity and belief eventually landed her on the Forbes America's richest self made women list. And we've got a chapter in the book about that. I can't wait to jump into it today. She's a mother of two, an investor, a speaker, a thought leader, and she's a major philanthropist. This book that we are going to dive into today, believe it. Number one, New York Times bestselling book, which is unbelievable. But not only that, the profits from this book are going to Feeding America. Is that correct, Jamie?
- [10:29]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah. 100% of all my author proceeds donating to Feeding America and Together Rising. I'm so happy to be here with you, Heather. Thank you so much for having me.
- [10:38]
Heather Monahan
Also, oh my gosh, you're amazing. And I'll tell you, Jamie, I followed your entire book launch. 1. As you know, I have one book that I launched. I have a new one coming out this year. So I'm super intrigued and interested in watching what other people do. But also, I have to tell you, I've always prided myself on. I grew up poor and I'm super hard worker. No one will ever outwork me. That is, until I met you. Because what you did on that freaking book launch, first of all, the free live event, you put on the roster of people that you got to show up for you, the travel that you endured, you've got little, little, little ones at home. What you've been able to do. And then watching you live that day, Jamie, with your awesome team who has been great to work with, you know, and you're saying, guys, wait, this isn't right.
- [11:28]
Jamie Kern Lima
And could someone come out with it?
- [11:29]
Heather Monahan
It was so real and so cool and I was just, I am standing there cheering you on with the other 250,000 people. And I just want to say, major props for the work that you put in, not only for it, cosmetics, for your whole life, but for this book too, because it's been amazing to watch.
- [11:48]
Jamie Kern Lima
Oh, thank you. Yeah, that was wild, the whole thing. I just. You know what? For so many years, I would get messages on Instagram from women who would say, like, oh, I read your story and it was always the highlight reel. I read your story about how you went from Denny's waitress to billion dollar entrepreneur. And they'd say, like, was it. Did you just get lucky or was it easy? And Then they would tell me how in their life they're not getting traction in their business, or they're not. They're getting rejection and they feel embarrassed about it. And I realized, like, oh, my gosh, if people just see the highlight reel and we don't ever share the real stories behind all the stories, then everyone else is tempted to give up on their own dreams because they feel, like, alone in their own struggles or their own rejection. And so I was like, I have to share the real stories that no one knows about. And so I spent two years writing this book and sharing, like, everything I wish I had known that would have saved me. So many nights crying myself to sleep. Like, so much self doubt. So many lessons I learned a lot of times the hard way. And I poured them all into this book. So I cared about the book so much that when it came to its launch, I'm like, I don't know how to launch a book. I believe in this book so much. I was super all in. And the live event that was free, as you know, it was 11 and a half hours live. And it's just so. It's so wild. I couldn't have imagined it feeling more impactful and meaningful than it did on the day. I love that a lot of people who had never been to a personal growth event before, ever, that was their first one, because a lot of times people can't afford it or they can't travel and all those things. And just like, the outcome of the day just even separate from the fact that we were launching a book, it was just so meaningful. You know what I mean? It was like, heart filling and I am all in. Yes. And you see me because we are the same, it sounds like. So thank you for that acknowledgement. My husband's more like, oh, good job on the event. What's for dinner? But, like, you know what? Actually, right, so, like, no, we got.
- [13:55]
Heather Monahan
Is so impressive because in my mind, I always think, oh, if I, you know, achieve that level of success, I'll just kind of kick back. But I know I am like you if I'm gonna do something, especially where you're doing this for Feeding America and showing the money. And then when Tony Robbins said, I'm gonna match that and to watch what you started a movement within that window of time, and you could feel it was so powerful. I was so grateful that you put that on for me. And I feel like I'm lucky enough to be doing well in life. What that day probably did for people who are struggling and just trying to get by. I cannot even imagine. And the people that you help through the charity you donate to. So Mad Trops, super, super impressed. And you just raised the bar for everyone. So I'm so excited to see what.
- [14:46]
Jamie Kern Lima
Comes out of this. Yeah, it was great. And it was, you know, it was just a lot of friends showing up to support and it was actually a really interesting thing for me, Heather, because I'm used to kind of like always showing up for everyone else. But I've realized in life sometimes one of my weaknesses, one of my weaknesses is feeling like I'm worthy of other people showing up for me. I learned that the hard way actually. And I talked about it and believe it about this journey of. Because I've always kind of been the lone wolf. And I thought like o, like I didn't want to get married. I mean I don't need a man like all the things. And I always just thought independence was my badge of honor and I don't need, you know, I got me. I don't need to depend on anyone else. And I went through a really tough struggle with not being able to carry a pregnancy the full term several times over 10 years and ended up had the blessing of going into the adoption process and surrogacy process and trying to, trying to have a baby and ended up having like the most life changing lesson come out of the surrogacy journey which was a beautiful friendship, a lifelong friendship with another woman who did for me what I couldn't do for myself. And kind of in the journey I realized that my whole thought about how, oh, I'm a lone wolf, I got this like independence is a badge of honor. Like for me it actually I got it all wrong. It was like I had this realization life isn't meant to do alone and that I really, my whole badge of honor lone wolf ness was really just a deep seated fear that I wasn't worthy of other people showing up for me. And I realized that. And so part of even the midst of where I'm at right now is actually working on believing that I'm worthy of other people showing up for me the way I show up for them. And so just talking to you in real time about that event, for me, of course it was so much bigger than myself and how I wanted to show up and serve anyone who was going to be part of that day and spend their precious time with us. But personally, like internally it was a season of growth and me being, asking, asking friends to show up for me, that I would show up for and do anything for, but thinking I'm worthy of them. Like just like showing up for. So it was a big kind of season of growth for me and they did and they had nothing to gain. The whole day was free. Everyone showed up for free. It was literally just everyone coming together in service, hoping to inspire and be a big force for good altogether. But anyhow, TMI maybe, but my whole point is I think, well, I took because I talk so much in the book about all the things I did right, all the things I did wrong, but I also talk about how I think we're all if we choose to be still on like a lifelong journey of learning to truly believe in ourselves, truly trust ourselves and know we're enough and we're worthy of the same love from other people that we give other.
- [17:27]
Heather Monahan
People Meet a different guest each week.
- [17:34]
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Heather Monahan
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- [18:10]
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- [20:43]
Heather Monahan
I asked you to try to find your passion.
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Oh, it's so good and I'm, I appreciate you sharing that now because this is after the book, this is now the book launch and still questioning and having to go back to your own fundamentals, the teachings that you know so well, that you lay out so clearly in the book. But everybody has to, anytime we step into a new opportunity, go to that next level, start as a beginner again, all of these things come back. And that's why believe it is such a great handbook for everyone. One of the things I love Jamie, about the book, personally as a new entrepreneur I'm only three years in is rejection. I mean rejection is everywhere. Failed business opportunities, failed concepts that you're pursuing. Can you share a little bit around your story around how much rejection you face and how you never quit?
- [21:35]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah, and I love thank you for that question because I think too that especially women, everyone, but especially women fear rejection and fear like not doing it perfectly. So they literally just talk themselves out of their own truth or never try or never take the risk or they get rejection and we take it so personal that we think like oh, that person rejecting us must be right. Especially if they're an expert or someone who has more experience than we do or whatever. And I feel like, self doubt. And also, rejection kills more dreams than almost anything else. And, you know, when I look back on my journey, like, how did I start with this idea? How did it break through this crowded beauty industry and become, like, right now, as we're talking, it's the largest luxury makeup company in the country. Which is insane, because for years, literally years and years and years and years and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times, the most prestige beauty retailers, the most accomplished beauty industry experts and visionaries all said no, or that it's not going to work, or that they don't think it's the right fit, or that I'm not the right fit. Literally, in every single way they can say that. And I think sometimes that's hard. And I think for me, the big thing that made the difference was when I got good intentionally at hearing my own gut, and when it told me I'm supposed to keep going or I'm supposed to stay authentic to this vision, I trusted it. And that's hard to do because the noise of everyone else's opinion or the noise of the lack, in my case, the lack of proof I was right, the lack of success of my own idea around me for years. When all those things mount up and build, it's easy to think like, our gut is wrong or we don't have what it takes. And my journey was one of, I guess, fearlessly, in a way, embracing rejection. And it didn't mean it wasn't painful and that it didn't hurt every time. But I kept going to, despite all the rejections, and I think so, you know, I was a news anchor thinking I was going to do that my whole career. I love other people's stories, and I dreamed of sharing other people's stories since that was the time I was a little girl and I'd be watching Oprah growing up. And so I was working what I thought was my dream job, and then, you know, got hereditary rosacea on my cheeks, and it would get super red and bumpy and feel like sandpaper. And I'd be anchoring the news live and hear in my earpiece from the producers, there's something on your face. Wipe it off. Wipe it off. You need to wipe it. And I knew I couldn't wipe it off. I knew it was the makeup breaking up and not working. And that started the season of Self Doubt. And, like, what I thought was setbacks, because I thought, am I gonna get fired? Am I gonna lose ratings? And I started trying to find makeup that worked. And, you know, I think it was Bill Osteen who coined this phrase that so often our setbacks are really our setups for what we're supposed to do. And I didn't realize at the time, but it was. It was really that this problem that I thought, and I just had this huge aha moment in the middle of realizing nothing works for my skin. That if I could figure out how to create something that did, it'd probably help a lot of other people too. But it was a moment where my heart, my gut was telling me that, but my mind was like, oh, you're not qualified and you don't know anyone in beauty and you don't have any money and all those things that our inner critic loves to talk us out of. And I made the decision eventually just to trust myself and to launch it. And what I didn't know was how much rejection I would face. And so, you know, it's probably good I didn't know because it was three years of, you know, my husband and I, we on our honeymoon flight to South Africa, we wrote the business plan for it, cosmetics, got back, quit our jobs, dove all in, in the living room with the most naivete ever, thinking, like, oh, my gosh, if we pour every penny we have into figuring this out and making a product that works, it's just going to sell. And we did that. And then it didn't. And it was like, oh. And so we finally launched our own first website. I share all the, like, scrappiness in the book of, like, the embarrassing stuff that we did to try because we couldn't afford to pay ourselves for what would be three years. We couldn't afford to hire anyone who knew what they were doing. So we just had to, like, figure it out the best that we could. But what I didn't know would happen, Heather, was that, like, I just thought, oh, my gosh, these beauty stores I love and I shop in. And like, when I was a Denny's waitress, I'd save my tip money to buy Tony Robbins tapes, but then also to buy, you know, like a Mac lipstick or a Lancome eyeliner. And, like, I loved, like, Sephora and Ulta and QVC and department stores. I just thought, if I create a product that works, they're gonna take it and they're gonna love it. Every single one of them said, no, no, no, no, no, no. Every in person meeting ended with a no. Every phone call ended with a no. There were times I got like, the head guy of all of qvc, who's this touted visionary who literally says to me, you're not the right fit for QVC or for our customers. There were Sephora meetings. I left in tears, and there were so many nights I cried myself to sleep. And, you know, I talk a lot and believe it about all the things that I did wrong, but also the things that I did right that helped me get through those seasons of rejection and help me like, stare my own fear straight in the eye as people were rejecting me and keep my faith bigger than it. And, you know, one of the stories that I talk about in the beginning of the book, which there's a lot of devastating rejections, but, you know, a couple years into the business, we got down to almost no money and a big potential investor called and I thought it was going to be life changing. And he's super famous in the private equity world and they're known for creating all these, these consumer products we all buy in the grocery store and making them household names. And they loved our product. And I thought, oh my gosh, if they invest in us, we won't go bankrupt and maybe they can use their leverage to finally get us yeses in these retailers. And we started meetings with them and meeting after meeting. And we got to the final meeting. My husband and I flew up for the meeting. And in person, about three feet from the head guy, he thanks me and says, you know, congratulations, we think your product's great, but it's a no. We're going to pass on investing in it cosmetics. And when I said, okay, can you tell me why? He paused for a long time and he said, do you want me to be really honest with you? And I said, yes, please, because like, feedback's a gift, you know, even when we don't want to hear it. And I was so used to hearing no by that point, but I'm like, yes, please, you know, and he looked at me and he paused and he's like three feet from me and he says, I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your wig. And I remember, like first of all, like a lifetime of body doubt and like self doubt flooded my body. But I also remember this moment, Heather, and I feel like this is for me the moments that change our life. I remember this moment where I got this gut feeling that said, he's wrong. Like, he's wrong, but I couldn't prove it yet. I had no proof, he's wrong yet. I went out in my car and cried my eyes out. And I spent the next several Years. Every time those words entered my head, I'd have to literally imagine myself turning down the volume on those words, turning up the volume on that feeling I had in my gut and trusting that feeling instead of his words of doubt, which we all need to do in life. And sometimes it's not an investor, right? Sometimes it's our friends or family, sometimes it's a partner. Sometimes it's someone who loves us so much, but they're seeing our dreams through the lens of their own fear. And I talk so much and believe it about how do we turn down the volume on those things and turn up the volume on our knowing? But, yeah, rejection after rejection after rejection. And I didn't take it personally in business. I was a little bit. Just one thing to add to that. I feel like I'm talking so much. Sorry. One thing to add to that.
- [29:30]
Heather Monahan
You have a lot to say. It's very, very good. We want to hear it.
- [29:33]
Jamie Kern Lima
We want to hear it. Well, I have. I made so many mistakes. And, you know, for the last decade I've been in the business just like this is the first time. Probably 95% of the stuff in the book I've never shared before. And I'm just excited because I feel like if all the stuff I failed at, did wrong at, learned the hard way, if it came, can somehow save someone else money time. Crying themselves asleep like, it's so worth it. But I just want to share this because especially because I know so many of the women and people in your community have big dreams and big ambitions and businesses and all kinds of stuff. And I did a lot wrong. But one of the things that I did right was every time I got rejected, I. Yes, it hurt. Yes, all those things. There were nights I cried myself to sleep with the covers over my head. Woke up hoping it was a dream. It wasn't. Didn't know what I was going to do. Like, it sucks and it hurts. But to the people that rejected me, and I'm talking in the business world, I'm not talking like friends or people you're dating, but in a bit in business, to the people that rejected me, they must have thought I was crazy because they would literally reject me sometimes in the most painful way. I would end the phone call like, okay, well, it is going to be a yes one day. And so I'm so excited that when your customers get to experience it cosmetics, it's going to be life changing. I just want you to know that. And then, like, I think they're like. And then a week later, two weeks later, if we got a big press placement or something happened, I would email that buyer as if they had never rejected me five times before and say, great news. Have you seen, like, bye bye under eyes in this magazine? Or whatever it was going on. And I'd be like, I can't wait till we're in your stores because. And I, like, literally, they must have just. But I never took it personally to them. And, you know, I look back now at like, like all the years and no's from everyone. We were eventually able to turn them all into yeses. And I think, had I taken the rejection personally, which is our humanness. Our humanness, A, wants to fear rejection. It sucks. And B, it feels personal. And we want to be like, f you, like, okay, well, and then you don't deserve our brand anywhere. There's all the things we want to think, right? We want to. We want to carry it as resentment or carry it as something personal. But in business, you can't. You can't. And there's a freedom in being able to almost make it impersonal in this weird way and be like, oh, but it will be a yes. And that's what happened when we turn it into a yes in every single retailer eventually and had and have currently beautiful partnerships with them. And they're so supportive and all of that. And I think it's just important to not take it personally. And even the investor, even the head guy, that said he doesn't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like me. So even though that hurts, I actually literally decided to look at it as, oh, I'm not angry at him. He's just as much impacted by a lifetime of the beauty industry as I am. He's saying he doesn't think he can make money off me because I don't look a certain way. And he's just as much impacted as everyone else. And I never got angry at him. And fast forward six years. I hadn't heard from him in six years. But when l' Oreal acquired it, Cosmetics and their largest US Acquisition in history. They're a public company, and so I didn't learn until the day before this happened that they were going to announce the purchase price. I didn't think that was going to be public. And they chose to announce the purchase price. And because they did that, it made the homepage of the Wall Street Journal. It was kind of everywhere. And so that investor reached out to me that day, and I hadn't heard from him in six years. And he Said congratulations on the l' Oreal deal. I was wrong. And I learned a, it would have been the most successful investment in his firm's history had he done it. But also one other thing. I'll say there's a famous saying, rejection is God's protection. Or some people say, rejection is the universe's protection. And had he not rejected me, I was so desperate, I had no money at the time. I didn't know how we were going to make it. If he wanted to invest in me when I was dying for him to invest, I probably would have given him the majority of the company from no money. And you know, because he didn't believe in me. By the time we actually sold Deloreal, we were still the largest shareholders. And it was just like sometimes like when we're in seasons of setback or seasons of rejection and it sucks and it's painful and it doesn't feel fair and it doesn't make sense. It's literally God's protection. It's literally universe's protection. And it's hard to, hard to keep that perspective when we're in it. But I feel like it's always true.
- [34:02]
Heather Monahan
That's where this book is so helpful. And for anyone in this moment right now having that self doubt questioning, is this the universe telling me I should give up? I've received so many nos or should I keep trying? Which is right for me? That is why this book is for this moment. And Jamie, it's so interesting to me. While you were talking, I just started reflecting on the book and thinking of the relationship with you, with beauty throughout the book. It's very, very interesting. From childhood, struggling with what I think pretty much every freaking woman in the world has struggled with self doubt around if you know, you're too tall, you're too short, you develop too young, you have bad skin. Everyone, I don't care who you are, has self doubt. If you're a female because of the images that we see and the way we grew up and then you to become and I don't remember right now, it's escaping me. You won. It was like middle Miss Washington or what was it?
- [34:56]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yes. Yeah. Ms. Washington.
- [34:57]
Heather Monahan
Ms. Ms. Washington. Right. So then you're, you're crowned, you know, around beauty, there's beauty involved. Then to get into Big Brother and be a TV anchor, even though we don't want to admit it, there is the element of, you know, you have to be attractive so you're getting the check marks. But then you get into in the book, some of the bullying and horrible things people have said to you, that I want to fight people. When I'm reading the words, I can't believe somebody talk to you like that. And you're reading that. This is so wrong. And then the Meg Whitman moment and then cew, and that that whole culmination for me in the CEW speech is mind blowing. I am so freaking proud of you. And then to know the fallout you dealt with. You can just share a little bit around that story because I think it's. I'm just so proud that you chose to do the right thing when.
- [35:50]
Jamie Kern Lima
And, gosh, that had to be hard. Yeah. And I think that there is a saying like, the greater our calling, the greater our opposition. And I think that anytime anyone does anything, like, especially this day and age with social media and everything else, I think anytime you step out and do anything that matters, it's going to come with opposition. And I think that's hard. And I think that also keeps. Keeps people from doing anything sometimes or stepping out or speaking their opinion or launching their dream or right. Any of those things. And especially those of us raised as people pleasers, which I definitely was. And so, yeah, I had, you know, I built this company almost being, I want to say, an outsider in the beauty industry because I was doing something different and using real women as models and showing my own, you know, rosacea and all these things and. And really was disruptive on QVC and taking this huge risk when we finally got one chance on air. And I kind of risked it all to show my bare face and put real women, every age, shape, skin tone, size, skin challenge, as my models and call them beautiful and mean it. So I lived by this outsider kind of thing, and I'd always tried so hard. It wasn't intentional. Like, I wanted to be included. I wanted to be inside every retailer. I wanted to be the darling of the industry that was doing something so needed. But sometimes when we're doing something needed, it's not welcome. Sometimes when we want to make a difference or change something or move something forward, it's met with so much opposition. And after it, Cosmetics got huge traction. We built the company to over a thousand employees and became the largest beauty brand in QVC's history and became number one in all these stores. And L' Oreal acquired us. I was getting this big honor from cew, which is Cosmetic Executive Women. So it's kind of like the Academy Awards for acting. It's like the Academy Awards of beauty. And I was getting this achiever Award, which is typically a lifetime achievement type thing. And I was getting it eight years in and I thought, oh, in this one room, Heather, in this one room on this award show day was every single decision maker for every single beauty company in the entire industry. Basically, whether it's the big drugstore brands that you see doing huge magazine and television ads or you know, the really fancy department store brands. All of them come together once a year, almost like the Academy Awards. And there's this event and it's really cool and it's awesome and everyone networks, you can meet a lot of people that way. It's great. But they're all in that one room and they are collectively responsible for the images that billions of girls around the world see in every country. And so anyhow, I get this big award, right? And I find out, I'm like, oh, wow. And so my first thought was, let me write a really awesome thank you speech that just thanks everyone that's helped build it. Cosmetics. All the things you'd expect, right, makes everyone happy, is this big celebratory people pleaser speech. And so I wrote that. And then shortly before the award, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm like, holy crap, wait a minute. I'm about to stand on the podium, give a speech with the people in a room that are what the world tells me power looks like. And they have to listen to me for a minute. I mean, they can go down on their cell phone and text or whatever they want to, but they're all there like they're watching me get this award. I'm not going to throw away the five to ten minutes I have to give a speech. I'm like, this is bigger than me. This isn't even about me. And I thought, you know what, Some of the people in the room are probably really good hearted people that want to move the beauty industry forward and want to do the right thing and change the kind of images that they're using. Their companies, others might not be. Maybe they just want to make money, but either way, all of a sudden I realized it. Cosmetic success can be proof. You don't have to use completely overly photoshopped images that are, are unattainable for anybody, right? So even the people that want to make money, maybe they'll care now because we've done well. And so I got up there on the podium that day and I literally, I wrote a speech called what Will youl Do with the Power that Is yous. And it's in the book and it's so Freaking good.
- [40:14]
Heather Monahan
Everyone has to read this chapter. I love the speech. It's amazing. It's very, very motivating.
- [40:20]
Jamie Kern Lima
Well, thank you. And I, I knew I was taking a big risk. There's a famous Apple commercial that Steve Jobs voices over the words of someone else that someone else wrote. But the Apple commercial says the people who are crazy enough to believe they can change the world are the ones who do. I listened to that over and over that morning because I needed all the courage I can muster up because I knew I might lose friends that day. I knew I was seen as the kind of the new media or the new beauty industry darling. And that might not be the case by the end of the day. And I went up there and I kind of risked it all. And afterwards there's a million press articles on how awesome it was. And then all of a sudden there were some that weren't happy and there was a lot of opposition that came. And, you know, it was a really tough time that I went through in the sense of anybody who's listening to you and me right now, who's gone, who's experienced haters or opposition or critics in the worst way, it was a really tough season of being attacked for actually being someone that took a stand. And so I think they're important conversations to have because people fear that stuff because it sucks and it's painful, but it has to happen for the world to move forward. And, you know, it's always, I mean, there's a famous saying, it's always the right time to do the right thing, even when it's the hard thing. And that's the case. But it's not always easy. And yeah, this book is really also about how do you handle opposition, how do you handle haters and mean girls and all the stuff and how do you come out of it it victoriously in your own heart and in your own headspace. And so, yeah, I share it all. Pretty much.
- [41:59]
Heather Monahan
Meet a different guest each week.
- [42:05]
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- [44:27]
Heather Monahan
I am excited to share that you.
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- [44:52]
Heather Monahan
I asked.
- [44:53]
You to try to find your passion.
- [44:56]
The stuff you share from Big Brother. I'm literally on the floor laughing because any woman, and every woman and you have to check this chapter out too will totally get this chapter. I mean what's so surprising Jamie, is that you know, having seen you speak now once when I was attending that event, I understood the business story. Having read the book I know you. I do feel like it's different, right? I mean, it's awesome what you have achieved. And I'm so fangirling over. And I love that you made the Forbes Richest list, and I love that you wrote a chapter about that, how hard it was to accept at first. Right. But also you taking us through your life, and I believe this for man or woman, it cuts any victim mentality. It strips any excuses that any of us have. And it just re engages you to, like, get back to what your focus and your vision is. And like you said, turn up the volume on the positive things and turn down the negative because it just. It's such a great reminder. And it just also reminds me whenever you immerse yourself in something positive, a mentor from afar or, you know, a show, whatever, it has a profound effect on the way that you're thinking. And just prepping for this interview and immersing myself in your content makes me recommit to my goals. Makes me recommit. And that's what I want for everyone listening, is that there is a way to make it happen and you've got to turn up the volume. And I love that analogy that you use a lot in the book about the microphone. Can you share that story?
- [46:27]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah. Yeah. And thank you for sharing that. I feel like there's so many personal development books that you read them and then you're like, okay, but how do I apply that in my real life? Or how do I connect with that for my life? And I just felt like if I didn't share, like, the real personal side of it, too, and the emotional side of it, and because a lot of people think my story is like, oh, Denny's waitress to build an entrepreneur. But my real story is a girl who did not believe in herself, who had to figure out how to. I know that that's not just my story. It's a story of so many people right now on their own journey, right? Of going, I know I made for more, but I keep doubting myself anyway. And this book is about what to do when it happens to you. And yeah, one of the tools, the microphone is so powerful. So a friend of mine, Bob Goff, we were in just a small conversation in a room, and he shared this. And it was so powerful, it completely changed my life. So I said, I. I asked his blessing. Can I please share this, like, in my book? Because this is going to help so many people. And he's like, yeah, of course. He's like the most amazing guy ever. And. But he explains that we all. Because here's the thing. Let me take a step back. So many of us have really well intended people around us in our circle, right? And for some of us, it's. It's our circle of friends or the friends we grew up with or our family or our partners, partner or our kids, right? Any of those things. And we go through life thinking, like, okay, well, they're my circle. I can't get rid of them all those things. But then every time I talk about my dream or my business or my hope or my insecurity or whatever it is, they speak back to us through the lens of their own fear and their own experiences. And we feel our own vibration lower, or we start to doubt our own dream, or we start to second guess our gut feeling. And we were talking about, what do you do when your own parents lower your vibration? We were having this conversation, and he goes, well, here's what you do. He says, we all have our own microphone, right? And we get to decide who we hand our microphone to and who we let speak into our microphone, into our life. And he goes, some people, you got to take your microphone back from them about certain topics. So you can still love your partner or your kids or your circle of friends you were raised around or your family, but you don't give them your microphone when it comes to talking about your business or your big health goal or your current insecurity. Because every time you do, you just know in your spirit, you just feel your vibration lowering, right? And they mean well. And that's our. And so he's like, you know, you give them your microphone about what's for dinner or how's it, what's going on in the Bachelor or the weather or whatever, but you keep your microphone. And you only give your microphone to people, not people who tell you what you want to hear, but people who literally are for you and want to vibrate at the high level that you also want to vibrate at. And so it's just this intentionality through the idea of we all hold this microphone. And a lot of people, it's so fun because, you know, the book's only been out a couple days, and I'm like, so many people are saying, this one tool. So I'm glad you asked about it. This one tool from the book has been life changing for them because they keep handing their microphone to the dude they're dating. And they love the. They love this guy, but, like, they're getting really mad and they're getting resentful. That every time they hand it to him on, on something about their dream, like they end up feeling like crap after. And so then we're lowering our own vibration on top of it all. We start getting resentful and how freeing it is when we realize like, oh, you know, not everyone has to be everything for us. And let's instead take responsibility of who we hand our own microphone to and who we take it back from so we can keep people in our lives. We don't have to be like, peace out, mom or whatever. Like we keep people in our lives but at new, healthy boundaries. And so that was a super powerful tool because it helps us also just free ourselves from the resentment of other people not showing up for us how we hope they would be, because they're showing up for us within the capacity they have. And that's it.
- [50:43]
Heather Monahan
Oh, it's such a good tool. Another tool that you highlight in the book that I really love because I recently just learned about this and now I'm going to use it more, is the power of visualization. And what you did on that big day that led to the big day of you actually getting on air at QVC, risking everything for 10 minutes. But what you did leading up with the visualization, Jamie, is amazing.
- [51:07]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah, I mean, everything was on the line when we had this one shot on qvc and I knew I was going to walk in that building, get this one chance in this 10 minute window to either hit the sales goal or go out of business. Everything was on the line. And on top of it all, I had experts telling me to use models of perfect skin if I wanted to have a chance to succeed these third party experts, because that's how it had always been done. And my gut was telling me another thing. And so I just had so much pressure. And yeah, I sat in this rental car for a week in the parking lot staring at the front door. Qvc. I don't know, I think it was a coping mechanism. I didn't know how to handle the pressure. And I just sat there every single day and prayed and cried and all those things. And I would visualize the show. I visualize the huge slowed out sign coming up across the screen. And the biggest visualization I had for me that helped me decide what to do was I really imagined, like, who that woman was on the other end who was going to turn her television on if I was lucky enough to be blessed with a minute or two of her time, you know, who was she and what did I want to stand for in that Minute of time she gave me. And when I visualized that, that helped me decide that I wasn't going to listen to these outside experts telling me if I was going to succeed, I had to use only one type of model because I imagined her turning her television on. For some reason. I kept imagining a busy mom in Nebraska folding laundry who had forgotten that she matters, who had forgotten that she's beautiful. And like, I had this visualization that if she turned on her TV even for a minute, even if she bought nothing, I would rather her see me showing models that look like her, calling them beautiful, meaning it. I'd rather do that and stand for something than sell a crapload of product and stand for nothing. And visualizing the sold out sign coming up, visualizing who was on the other end, I think that was big. And honestly, Heather, I didn't even know what I was doing. Like, I thought, oh, I think Olympic athletes, like, they imagine, like, they visualize landing a triple axel and they visualize themselves on the podium getting a medal. So I was like, I'm going to try everything. So I did that. But both those things happened in that 10 minute window. I risked it all, and at the 10 minute mark, the huge sold out sign came up across the screen. Then I cried on national television. I didn't visualize that part, but it all worked out. It's amazing.
- [53:31]
Heather Monahan
Your story is so amazing and it's so well told. You are a masterful storyteller because it's not like reading for anyone that says, oh, I don't want to read a book. This is not reading. This is going on a journey with you. You just brought us along and it's so freaking good. Thank you so much for writing this book. I know that you had people asking you for years to write a book, but I'm glad you waited till now because this thing is. It is one of a kind goals.
- [53:57]
Jamie Kern Lima
Thank you. You know, just, just this week I've been sobbing my eyes out because, like, something you said earlier actually reminded me of this. But one woman wrote in and said, like, when I was reading this book, I was rooting for you through all these stories. And she goes, I realized by the end of the book, I was rooting for myself again. And I was just like, that's exactly why I wrote this. You know what I mean? And you know, I'm donating 100% of the proceeds. Like, literally, I wrote this book because I think, and especially we've all been going through 14 months of a really tough season and a lot of people have been dimming their lights and time to ign our light again. And it's really a book for anyone who struggles with self doubt and wants to overcome it, but also anyone who wants to ignite their light and believe in themselves again, the possibility of their dreams and learn to trust themselves and know they're enough. And so yeah, I'm excited. Thank you for having me here too and just being able to share more of it with you and with your whole community.
- [54:49]
Heather Monahan
Oh, thank you so much, Jamie. You're such a bright light. The power is in this book. I can't wait to freaking see what you do next because I just know you're just getting started and I. And I'm so excited and so gonna be right here cheering you on the entire way.
- [55:03]
Jamie Kern Lima
Well, I hope what I do next is go out to lunch with you when we can travel again. That's my next. I can't wait.
- [55:12]
Heather Monahan
Getting the shot asap. I can't wait for that to happen. And you also mentioned that you might have something pretty amazing for everybody listening right now.
- [55:20]
Jamie Kern Lima
Oh, yeah. So, you know, a lot of times authors will have these really awesome study guides that help you implement all the lessons from the book into your real life. And I really just wanted to get as much out of the book as they can. So I wrote a 95 page believe it action plan that helps you implement all the lessons from the book into your life. And I'm just giving it away for free for anyone who picks up a book anywhere books are sold. And then you just go to Believe it dot com. So the book's called Believe it. And when you go to believe it.com, you just download the 95 page action plan. It's great for leading book clubs, but it's also just great for yourself to, you know, to kind of go through that journey of implementing everything from the book and just getting the most out of it. So yeah, it's all@believeit.com so thank you.
- [56:01]
Heather Monahan
Thank you so much. You can follow Jamie on Instagram amykernlima, go to the website believe it.com, get the book. Everything will be. All the links that you need are in the show notes. You don't want to miss this workbook. Jamie, thank you so much for being here.
- [56:15]
Jamie Kern Lima
Thank you. Thank you, Heather. Thank you so much.
- [56:17]
Heather Monahan
And we'll be right back.
- [56:18]
I asked you to try to find your passion. I hope you love meeting Jamie as much as I loved spending time with her. She is the real deal. And literally we had to Drop off our interview because she had another one right back to back. And it's funny, the PR team that represents her had told me that, hey, you have to really keep it right and tight. And they were not kidding. I mean, she's got these, these interviews stacked, you know, one beyond the other. And she just flown home from Florida after nearly a month of, you know, working on this event and promoting the book. And gosh, just the sacrifices this woman has made. You know, her success did not not come without a cost and she has achieved massive success. But it just reminds me, success may look easy on the outside, but it never really is. It's a lot of freaking hard work. So super impressed and proud of her and gosh, I'm so excited that I got to know her and can't wait for the day that I get to sit down with her in LA and actually meet in person. So much to look forward to. Okay, so here's a great question that came in. Hey, Heather, if you have time, I have a question about my current situation. I've had a successful career in sales leadership so far. Still young and inexperienced though, and have been on a fast track the last few years in technology. I took a risk to switch industries to get some experience in a startup. I've been here one month and never have I encountered sexism like this before in my life. And other companies, what made me a leader here, they see it as, I'm aggressive. What was determined and focused elsewhere is called cold and need to smile more here. Here I'm lost as to how to handle this and pursue other opportunities. I wanted to get your perspective. My dilemma is, do I stay and be the bigger person or leave and hope other companies give me a chance? Okay, listen, leave. I am so adamant about this and so clear on it. It's so often that. And this happened to me, right? Or I, I allowed this happen to me or this is, you know, what I did is for a long time I was in a situation where, you know, someone was putting me down, not responding to emails, trying to hold me back. G looks of judgment all the time, you know, really just treating me in a terrible way, just toxic environment. And I would just kind of look the other way and say, oh, this is just the way it is. You know, corporate America. No, it's not right. There's plenty of companies out there that have great people, that have great cultures and there's opportunity for you not only outside of your company, but outside of your industry. And that's what I really want. Want people to know is that, you know, pick your head up and look outside of the opportunity that you're in. There's plenty of other opportunities within that industry and within a variety of other industries. You can take your talents and skillset wherever you want to go. You don't need to stay in one company, in one job. And just because you went there for a month and you found out it was a toxic culture, get out. The sooner the better. Whenever you're around toxic people or toxic situations, it's going to chip away at your confidence. It's going to erode you and who you are. Do that next rate thing, quit and start looking for that next position. You'll feel better about who you are. And listen, be honest with people. Hey, I. I made a move to a new company to try something new and it was not a fit for me and that's why I left. I'm very clear on what works for me and environments that I fit in and that was not one. And keep it moving and you will find your people. But you've got to pick your head up, fire your villains, get out of that negative situation and and start attracting the right one for you. I hope you love the episode today. If so, please subscribe. Leave me a review and promote it on social media. It means the world to me. Until next week. Keep creating your confidence.
- [60:08]
I decided to change that dynamic.
- [60:12]
I couldn't be more excited for what you're going to hear.
- [60:15]
Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone.
- [60:21]
Jamie Kern Lima
You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it.
- [60:25]
Heather Monahan
Come on this journey with me.