Podcast Summary: Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan

Episode: Confidence Classic: Finding Gratitude In Your Hardest Moments With “Gratitude Guru” Chris Schembra
Release Date: November 19, 2025
Host: Heather Monahan
Guest: Chris Schembra

Episode Overview

In this powerful episode, Heather Monahan is joined by Chris Schembra—bestselling author, speaker, and USA Today's "Gratitude Guru". They explore the transformative role of gratitude, particularly amid life's hardest moments. Chris shares his unique, science-backed approach to gratitude, moving past superficial positivity into deep, actionable practices that generate authentic connection in business and life. Both Heather and Chris open up about personal adversity, emphasizing how reframing hardship through gratitude not only heals but forges confidence and meaning.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Redefining Gratitude: Beyond “Woo-Woo” Positivity

• Chris’s approach:
  Chris challenges the prevalent, superficial “just be grateful for the sun” attitude. He roots his work in the science of gratitude as a practice of giving real, specific thanks, especially for overlooked or even negative experiences.
  • “Gratitude for so many years has been this fluffy, wuffy, airy fairy spiritual… Well, here's the thing about gratitude. We think that to be grateful is to be grateful to someone.” (B, 03:56)
• Origin story:
  Chris traces his journey from internal struggle to starting intimate dinners—where deep gratitude, not surface-level thanks, became the focus.
  • The question he asks: “If you could give credit or thanks to one person in your life that you don’t give enough credit or thanks to, that you’ve never thought to thank, who would that be?” (B, 06:33)

2. From Loneliness to Connection: The Power of the Dinner Table

• Creating real community:
  Chris describes how facilitating gratitude in small groups saved his life and created profound emotional connections among participants—many of whom were high achievers unaccustomed to such vulnerability.
  • “Every week people would pour in by the dozens… And not only did the power of community save my life, but the power of gratitude.” (B, 08:01)
  • “Less than eight people cried—we considered it a failed night.” (B, 10:50)
• Business impact:
  Organizations began hiring Chris to break down barriers, boost belonging, and create client loyalty through emotionally meaningful experiences.
  • “Google found in their Promotion to Emotion study that buyers with a strong emotional tie to your brand are five times more likely to consider purchasing, 12 times more likely to purchase, and 30 times more likely to pay a premium.” (B, 13:10)

3. Adapting to Crisis: Gratitude in the Pandemic

• From in-person to virtual:
  Shut down by the pandemic, Chris pivoted to Zoom-based gratitude experiences. The signature focus on real, vulnerable sharing had a “99.998% success rate” in shifting moods and building connection—even through a screen.
  • “For the first couple months of the pandemic… 50 to 100 people came every night.” (B, 19:50)
• Results:
  Gratitude, delivered authentically, proved resilient and scalable, helping thousands of clients combat disconnection, anxiety, and burnout.

4. The Unseen Side: Chris’s Own Hardest Moment

• Personal crisis:
  Chris vulnerably reveals a dramatic episode of non-suicidal self-injury and the spiral of darkness he faced despite outward success. His turning point comes when a friend challenges his perspective—reminding him that gratitude is a choice, even amid suffering.
  • “You can either wake up in the morning and focus too much on what’s going wrong... or you can wake up and you can appreciate all the good things... The difference is gratitude and ingratitude.” (B, 23:21)
• Lesson from history and Stoicism:
  He draws parallels to Seneca’s teachings: humanity has always wrestled with ingratitude, but we can choose appreciation as an antidote to despair.

5. Practical Tools: Grateful Processing of Unpleasant Memories

• Scientifically-backed practice:
  Chris explains Dr. Philip Watkins' research, which demonstrates that writing about negative experiences—then intentionally seeking gratitude for what those experiences taught—can transform trauma into empowerment.
  • “Group number three, they actually wrote about it and then looked at it and said, ‘Hmm, did it teach me empathy? Give me self-confidence?’... If you could say yes, it can become one of the greatest things that's ever happened to you.” (B, 29:38)
• Concrete advice:
  Challenge yourself to list the positive outcomes or growth from hardships, not just dwell on the pain. This reframing opens the path to resilience.

6. Stoicism & Gratitude: Finding Strength in Adversity

• Heather’s question:
  “You talk about stoicism—why is it important and what did you learn from it?” (C, 36:52)
• Chris’s response:
  He credits thinkers like Marcus Aurelius and modern interpreters such as Ryan Holiday for helping him realize the deepest growth comes not from success but from overcoming obstacles. Gratitude, he argues, belongs at the heart of this stoic approach.
  • “The truest answers to life don't come from the positive things. They come from how you accept, conquer, learn from, use to your advantage the negative things.” (B, 38:53)

7. Owning Your Shame, Building Confidence

• Heather’s revelation:
  Heather shares her own journey of overcoming childhood abuse, divorce, financial crisis, and professional setbacks. By publicly owning her story, she strips shame of its power.
  • “Shame is either going to claim you or you’re going to claim it…the minute I flip the script on shame, I own it. Shame is my homeboy, right? It doesn’t exist in my life anymore.” (C, 41:53)
• Mutual encouragement:
  Both hosts model how embracing vulnerability builds unparalleled confidence and community.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On real gratitude:
  “Gratitude…has been this fluffy, wuffy, airy fairy spiritual…[but] it started about six years ago…On the outside my life looked pretty awesome on paper, but on the inside, I was completely screaming.”
  — Chris Schembra (B, 03:56)

• On the power of community:
  “People didn’t give the airy, fairy, farty, warty version of gratitude that we’re all used to. They told real stories…It was intoxicating. It was life changing. It was real.”
  — Chris Schembra (B, 06:33)

• On business and emotion:
  “Buyers with a strong emotional tie to your brand are five times more likely to consider purchasing, 12 times more likely to purchase, and 30 times more likely to pay a premium.”
  — Chris Schembra (B, 13:10)

• On facing darkness:
  “I engaged in my most recent and largest episode of non-suicidal self-injury…I'm lucky to be alive. In the days that followed, I was a pile of mush…I said, oh my God, I'm not alone. There are others who feel this exact type of way. Boom. Let's host a virtual experience.”
  — Chris Schembra (B, 23:21)

• On shame:
  “Shame is either going to claim you or you're going to claim it... The minute I flip the script on shame, I own it. Shame is my homeboy, right? It doesn’t exist in my life anymore.”
  — Heather Monahan (C, 41:53)

• On the power of feeling:
  “People won’t remember what you did. They won’t remember what you said, but they'll always remember how you made them feel.”
  — Chris Schembra quoting Maya Angelou (B, 43:19)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Chris’s countercultural approach to gratitude — 03:56
• The catalyst dinner and initial results — 06:33
• Bringing emotional vulnerability to work/business — 10:08
• The “Promotion to Emotion” study data — 13:10
• Pandemic pivot: virtual gratitude experiences — 18:13
• Chris’s darkest moment and the reframing of gratitude — 23:21
• How to process negative memories through gratitude — 29:38
• Introduction to stoicism as a practice for adversity — 36:52
• Heather’s personal story and lessons on shame — 41:53
• Closing: Maya Angelou’s quote and listener call-to-action — 43:19

Final Thoughts & Resources

• Chris’s latest book:
  Gratitude Through Hard Times is out now. Chris encourages everyone, especially those facing hardship, to read it and explore reflection exercises within.
• Where to connect:
  • Find Chris on [LinkedIn] and [Rolling Stone Magazine].
  • For events and more resources, he suggests: “Just Google Chris Schembra—you’ll find the book, the columns, and plenty of free content.” (B, 44:50)
• Takeaway for listeners:
  When life feels darkest, gratitude—rooted in honesty, not superficiality—can be a lamp and a ladder. Vulnerability, community, and real emotional connection are the source of personal and professional confidence.

Heather’s closing encouragement:
“You are about to unlock something so incredible in yourself, it’s amazing.” (C, 40:55)

Chris’s parting message:
“When you’re down in the dumps and you can make that part of your life story, it will not only help you, but it’ll help a lot of people around you.” (B, 43:19)