← Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan
Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan
Confidence Classic: Redefine Success and Create Limitless Possibility with Laura Gassner Otting
01:39:54
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- [00:00]
Heather Monahan
In today's rapidly changing workplace, HR must evolve beyond its outdated, compliance driven role into a dynamic force for building thriving human centered cultures. If you're an HR professional interested in revolutionary change, then the HR Renaissance is your essential roadmap. Jathan Genove, an organization development consultant and executive coach, brings his knowledge and practical insight to help HR leaders design a workplace where trust, respect and appreciation flourish. Unlock employee potential through innovative people centered strategies Improving hiring and promotional practices Minimize harassment by focusing on civility versus the law Become a catalyst for constructive organizational change. Whether you're looking to improve employee engagement or align your people strategy with organizational success, the HR Renaissance is your indispensable playbook for necessary change in the modern business world. If you want to make necessary changes in the modern business world, pick up a copy of the HR Renaissance today.
- [00:59]
Laura Gassner Otting
People say Follow your passion. I think follow your passion is the world's worst advice. In fact, I'd like to say on stage that it's the spoken word illegitimate sister of the Live Love Laugh tattoo. And I just know that at some point someone's gonna come up to me afterwards and like yell at me and show me their Live Love Laugh tattoo. But it really is. I mean, it's like an Instagram meme. So like, don't follow your passion. Do the thing where you would fail for sure, but still want to do it. Because that's investing in your passion. You're learning and you're growing and you're challenging yourself and you're on that edge of incompetence. So if you don't just follow your passion but you invest in it, you're going to be much more successful. Because this idea of I'm going to follow my passion and find bliss tells us that the minute something goes wrong, the minute you fail, oh, that must not be your passion. Go find something else. Right? But I know you've had people on your show like Jesse Itzler and Sarah Blakely and Gary Vaynerchuk and even Kendra Holm. Think about them. Their stories are not great stories because they're only successful. Their stories are great stories because they are passionate about what they do because they failed over and over and over again. And that's how they figured out how to get better. So they didn't just find their passion and follow their passion, they invested in their passion.
- [02:03]
Heather Monahan
Come on this journey with me each week when you join me. We are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow.
- [02:13]
Laura Gassner Otting
I'm ready for my close up.
- [02:15]
Heather Monahan
Tell Me. Have you been enjoying these new bonus Confidence Classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to. So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do. Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited that you're back with me again today. Thank you for being here. There is so much going on. I have absolutely had the craziest week. Not all good, I will tell you that. And it wouldn't be me if I didn't share with you what's really going on. So I've got to tell you an unbelievable story that happened this week and what I learned from it and what I want to share with you about it. Hopefully that you can take away as well. So Monday I woke up to an email from one of my advertisers on the podcast. He was trying to work out a long term deal for 2020 on my show and he had gotten an email sent to him by the sales rep on my team that said, oh, we're not carrying Heather's show in 2020. So he flipped the email to me and said, heather, what the heck is going on now? When I saw this, don't forget I'm on the east coast primarily my headquarters and office is in la. The team is in la. So there is a time change there. I took a deep breath and I had known and I had noticed that a number of shows had been let go recently. They weren't being picked up for the next year. I had noticed that I had seen a couple of people that I've been friendly with different host noticing on Instagram that their shows were discontinued. I didn't really think much of it because so far the feedback's been really good on my show and thank you for the reviews. Please keep leaving me reviews. It helps so much in sharing with your friends. It's fantastic. So I've been hearing great feedback I really hadn't thought about. Wow, I need to worry about the show being picked up for 2020. Never crossed my mind. I signed a multi year deal with Podcast one this year in when my show launched in May of 2019. So so to say I was shocked is an understatement. Now don't forget I was just fired two years ago from a longtime radio executive position I had. Then a year ago I was with Perry Ellis International as their brand ambassador and they ended my contract surprisingly. So I have a little experience now with getting Fired or being discontinued or, you know, parting ways with partnerships, whatever. But I love my podcast. I love Podcast one. I was beyond upset, but there's something interesting about me, and I wonder if you're this way or if you're the opposite way When a crisis strikes, that's usually when I'm my best in some ways, meaning I go into action mode. I go into, okay. I don't dwell on or even really reflect on what's happened or what the obstacle is. I just focus on solution. Solution. So in that moment, instead of saying, hey, let me take a step back here and gain some more information and communicate with the appropriate parties, I immediately jumped into 2020 and where can my show be? I'm not giving up on this show. I need to move the show. And I started Googling. How do you move a show from one platform to another? How long does that take? I went and started pulling up my contract with Podcast one and reading through everything and highlighting different areas to try to understand. I went into survival mode of how do I keep the show on the air? Obviously, I was really upset. So one of the good things about being 45, there's plenty of things that are not so good, by the way, but one of the good things about being 45 is I am getting to know myself better. And it's been pointed out to me in my personal life a couple times that sometimes I just react, which is what I'm explaining to you. And sometimes in business, that's a real asset, right? That obstacles don't stop me. I always find a solution. I teach my kid that every day. There always is a solution. And I typically just look beyond the obstacle and find another way. But sometimes you need to say, okay, that can be an asset, but it also can be a liability. And knowing myself, I said, you know what? I'm going to go to the gym right now. I've got to back off. I went to the gym and I worked out because that's where I get my clarity. And I can think of. And don't forget, I'm on the east coast and the team's on the west coast, so I really couldn't speak to anyone anyways. I got home and I said, you know what? I'm jumping the gun. I'm going to send an email to the founder and the CEO of my company and just explain to them what's going on, give them all the information, and let them know I'm really confused and I need their help. And, you know, I'm just asking for communication. Because I don't know what's going on. And I did that. And then as I sat there, I was obviously panicking. I decided I'm just going to call my. My point of contact because I don't want to sit here not knowing and just wondering, you know, what's going on. So I called my day to day point of contact who's become a friend of mine, and he picks up immediately on a cell and says, listen, I already know why you're calling. I got the email. Here's what I want you to know. It was not your show. This is a miscommunication there, you know, who knows, maybe it was a salesperson was moving fast. There was a bunch of shows that weren't getting picked up. So she had, you know, inadvertently added my show to the list. It wasn't cr Correct. Thank goodness. Oh, my gosh, that was such a great moment. Hearing that, however, doesn't stop there. So I said, oh, my gosh, I've been in a complete tizzy, you know, category five hurricane happening over here. In my mind, I have been freaking out, calling, you know, trying to figure out how do people move shows? And, you know, I just, the idea of me losing my show next year really, you know, put me in a downward spiral. And he starts telling me, well, listen, you need to know how this works. And I was happy to learn because I didn't know, but. But apparently it's sort of like the Jack Welch rule, which is essentially every year you need to evaluate your lowest tier, you know, lowest 10% of the company, lowest performers. And listen, hey, they've got over 300 shows. Some of the biggest shows in the podcast game are with podcast one. Adam Carolla, Dr. Drew, Lady Gang, Caitlin Bristow. I mean, there's so many amazing shows. TI's new show is killing it. So there's all these amazing shows. And while my show, I, I know you like it and I'm so happy you do. I have not grown to that level that these other shows have exploded to. So I'd also been told this was a long game and that I really needed to be patient and commit to it weekly and see the bigger picture. But what I was excited, my friend was teaching me was, okay, this is a business and metrics are important. And if you're not getting X amount of downloads each episode, you could be evaluated to be discontinued or not picked up again. So I could sense a little frustration in his voice. And I'm sure it's end of the year and he's probably had to have a lot of difficult conversations with hosts in regards to not being picked up. Which, as we all know, that's never an easy or pleasant conversation to have. Someone's going to be disappointed, upset, or, you know, what, what, whatever it could be, but definitely it's not a positive conversation or exciting one. So as I'm hearing him talk, I said, listen, you know, let me ask you this then. Is my show on the chopping block? Because here's what I know from this experience this morning. I would rather be in the know so I can find a solution, so I can find a plan B versus be blindsided and who knows what's going on at that time and only have, you know, a short window to transition somewhere else and panic. You know, is there any way you could just be transparent with me and let me know? And he said, well, I've never been asked this before, Heather. You're basically asking me if you potentially eventually could be fired in the future. You know what? Let me do this. It's fair, because this was an error. You know, it was a mistake, miscommunication, whatever mistakes happen. He said, but now we're sitting on this big topic. It's sort of like the elephant in the room now that you're wondering if that is going to end up being you. And so I said, yeah, I am. He also explained to me no new shows can be added until other shows are removed. So again, back to that Jack Welch rule, letting the bottom 10% go so you can bring in new and see if they perform at a higher level. So I understood the business model now, which was helpful, but also, you know, it's the burden of knowledge now. I started thinking, well, if I'm, I'm not ti. TI came on the same or within the same window of time that I did. And his shows doing millions of downloads. I'm not getting millions of downloads an episode. I'm in the tens of thousands. So there's a huge gap there. I started thinking, maybe I am on the chopping block. Please, you know, find out, talk to whoever you need to, but I'd rather know now than just be surprised next year sometime so that this is all happening on Monday and I'm super stressed out. And he calls me back. And don't forget, I had sent that email to the CEO and founder and hadn't heard back from them, which I knew. Now my point person was managing this piece of the business and the communication. So I was okay with that. I hear back from him and he said, heather, you're not going to believe this. I said, what? And he said, no, your show is not on the chopping block. And what's interesting is out of this whole mess, we dug into your numbers, we dug into the strategy that we launched you with, and we just had a very large conversation with the key stakeholders in our company about you, which hasn't happened. And this is side note, that hasn't happened because I'm not ti. And because I'm not one of the number one fastest growing show on the platform. I get it. Right? That's the 8020 rule. You spend 80% of your time with your 20% of your biggest clients or biggest revenue drivers. So I get that I'm not the top tier of shows based on revenue, based on downloads. That makes sense. That's an excellent business decision. And I'm looking at this from a business standpoint and business viewpoint, not from an emotional. This is my show standpoint. Right. And thankfully I have the ability to do that because my job as a chief revenue officer in media, you know, I had to look at things from a business standpoint and remove emotion. It's crazy now that I'm on this side of the microphone and I am the talent, but I can still very easily see it from a business perspective. And my friend knows that. So he was explaining to me in that regard. I really appreciated it. So. And I'm sharing this with you so you understand too. You just never know what can happen in business. But decisions have to be made to ensure that the bottom line is growing, the company is growing, and that goals are hit and exceeded. Get it?
- [12:55]
Laura Gassner Otting
Got it.
- [12:56]
Heather Monahan
So the funny part is he explains to me we had not done a deep dive on your show other than at launch, which was in May, of course, because I'm not that top tier percent. Right. He said no one had really dove into it. What we just found is your show is doing fantastic. And the founder actually said in the meeting, holy cow, I didn't realize that, you know, this was happening. Did any of you? And I guess nobody did. And he said, listen, we need to get more behind Heather's show. Let's have a strategy meeting with Heather. Can she come out here and let's all sit down together, let's build out a new strategy. It's time now. The show launched in May and now here we are in December. Let's have a plan and strategy for 2020 on how we can grow the show. All of us collaborate and work together and, you know, let's give her some more support. So it ends up that this awful situation, this mistake that happened inadvertently, no one's fault, it was just an error. Mistakes happen. Not a big deal. Ends up being this huge saving grace that brought attention to my show to the most, you know, to the founder and the CEO. Because of this mistake, now I'm having the opportunity to sit down with them and put together a game plan and strategy that I would have never asked for. It just wouldn't have even crossed my mind because I had been in this for the long haul. And, you know, the CEO had always explained to me that, you know, don't get hard on your cell phone. Don't compare yourself to ti. Don't compare yourself to some of these other people, because you just follow your path, your game plan, which was our plan at launch, and it's going to continue to evolve and grow. So it was so great because this one mistake, this one error, ended up being a conversation starter that is now going to help me help the show, help grow our audience, help find ways to get better. And it also showed me something super important, which is when you're in a tough spot and you feel like you're backed against a wall and you reach out for help, people are gonna show you their true colors. And the founder of Podcast one showed me his, and it was the most amazing text exchange that I had with him. After I got off the phone with my friend at Podcast one, I sent the founder a text and I just put in all caps, thank you with all exclamation points. And he wrote back to me. I'm sorry for this misunderstanding. As you know now, that was never the intent. Looking forward to meeting with you and having this strategy meeting. And I just wrote back, you are the best. Thank you. And he wrote back, and so are you. And it was such a cool feeling, especially because, you know, my situation in corporate America, where people didn't have my back, they were trying to sabotage me. Here was someone that, when, you know, a light was being shined on my show, and no, I'm not at the top tier there, so it could be easy to just say, oh, ignore her, or whatever. He didn't. He said, how can we help her? And how can we help grow together as a team and how can we work on this together? So it's so important to when people show you who they are, recognize that, appreciate them, or make decisions otherwise. Meaning when I was in corporate America, I would just kind of turn a blind eye and look away when it was very clear people did not have my back, I would just, you know, refocus on me and get back to work now. It's unbelievable how nice it feels to know someone at the highest level totally has my back and wants me to succeed as me and part of the team and just unbelievable. So this next time something negative happens to you, take a moment, take a breath, focus on getting clarity, and communicate with the right people. Ask good questions. You never know what the circumstance may be and you never know what greatness might come out of it. So it's just, oh, my gosh, I'm so happy. This really low moment for me turned into such an unbelievable opportunity and a chance for me to see how this company has my back, how they support me, and how I work with fantastic people and. And coming from a place where I didn't, it makes me so grateful. So definitely a time to be grateful for people who support you. Let them know how much it matters, because when you feel appreciated, it is such a game changer. And I'm so grateful and so grateful to podcast one for having my back and supporting me and grateful for this experience and reflecting on the importance of clarity and communication and as always, gratitude. So the next morning when I woke up, I was saying to my son, oh, my gosh, honey, I thought I lost my show yesterday. And in fact, I didn't lose my show. My show is going to be great in 2020 and bigger than I ever thought because of the amazing people I work with. And he was high fiving me and I said, what are you grateful for today? And we started turning it into, you know, a conversation around gratitude. So who you work with is so important. Make sure people have your back and if they don't, start taking action now to get yourself of there. I've heard from a lot of people recently that are unhappy at work and thinking about next year. And I'll tell you what, now is the time. I mean, there isn't any time like right now. And today on the show, I'm really excited for you to meet a friend of mine, a new friend of mine, actually. My new. My new friend Laura. You're going to hear the whole story, how she came down to Miami to see me. We went to an unbelievable party together on the sickest yacht I have ever been on in my life. Oh, yeah. Might just have to say the owner of the Red Sox yacht. Yeah. Crazy, epic, unbelievable party. She's such a cool woman. You're gonna love her. You're gonna love her book. Wait till you see right now. Good Morning America just came out and named it one of the top 10 books for gifts for this holiday season. So you gotta check out Limitless. And because she flew down here last week, we actually had to do our interview on Zoom because, you know, she lives in Boston, I live in Miami, and the whole goal was to do the podcast face to face because I believe in that so much. But because she'd gone so out of her way for me, I said, you know what, let's just do it on Zoom. We'll put the videos on so I can see you. And now that I know you, I feel a lot more comfortable. So this is my Zoom interview, no joke. And I'm so excited for you to meet Laura and I can't wait to hear what you think. Meet a different guest each week. Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited you're here to meet my good friend Laura Gassner Otting. You are going to love her. We are going to share a personal story, but first I want to give you a little bit of background into this amazing woman. Through limitless possibility, Laura collaborates and she's a change agent. She works with entrepreneurs, investors, leaders and donors to push past doubt and indecision that consign great ideas to limbo. She delivers strategic thinking, well honed wisdom and catalytic. Holy cow. It's a big word perspective informed by decades of navigating change across the startup, nonprofit, political and philanthropic landscapes. Holy diversity. Laura's 25 year resume is defined by her entrepreneurial edge. She served as a presidential appointee in Bill Clinton's White House. We need to get more into that. She left a leadership role at respected nonprofit search firm Isaacson Miller to expand the startup execsearches.com and founded and ran the nonprofit professionals advisory group. I mean, this goes on and on. Laura is a complete boss. She is a best selling author. Her book Limitless we're going to dig into today and it's really going to benefit everyone into looking at that next level of confidence and how you find your passion, which, Laura, I have to tell you, I am asked about this so much and I don't always have the right answer. So I'm so excited you're joining us today. Thanks for being here.
- [21:01]
Laura Gassner Otting
I am so excited to be here. Although I wish I was in the sunshine with you again in Miami. No better than the snow in Boston.
- [21:08]
Heather Monahan
Yeah. So we have to get into this. This is so crazy. So for months Laura and I have, we both travel. Laura is also a very highly regarded keynote speaker, travels the country and for some Reason we are continually missing each other in cities and we have been looking to get Laura on the show. Laura wanted to come on the show, and we couldn't find a date where we were going to be in the same city to work together. So this was great. This past Saturday, I get an email. It was either Friday, maybe it was Friday. I get an email from Laura saying, hey, are you going to be in town this weekend? I could actually come in on Saturday for an event. Would love for you to come with me, and then we could do the podcast simultaneously. So I said, yeah, let's do it. So Saturday morning, Laura flew into Miami and just said, all right, let's go. Came by, picked me up at my house in an Uber. We shot over to an unbelievable party, which ended up being so unbelievable that we never actually recorded our podcast. So here we are a couple of days later, finally getting this done. And I'm so glad, Laura, that you're the kind of person that just says, hey, there's a chance for us to get together and do something. I'm hopping on a plane. Let's make it happen.
- [22:22]
Laura Gassner Otting
I think so many times in my life there are like, there are stories that like, you look super, super successful in the moment, but it only happened because there were like 15 other little things that you said yes to maybe months ago or years ago that when you track back, you go, oh, it all started because I said yes to going to this event where I met this person who then introduced me to this other person who became a mentor who then gave me the opportunity for this job. And here I in this great best selling experience because I said yes to that thing that I had no idea was going to result in where I am now. But you can't write those plans. And I have people come up to me all the time and they're like, how did you do it? I'd love to hear, how did you go from doing executive search to becoming a speaker and an author? And I'm like, well, I could tell you and I could make it up that it was a strategy because I can write that backwards. But at the time, I had no idea. So for me, I think do interesting things with interesting people and interesting stuff happens and party sounded like an interesting idea. Your podcast seemed like an interesting opportunity and you seem like an interesting person. So ding, ding, ding, let's say yes.
- [23:32]
Heather Monahan
Well, you know, it's funny, you just opened my eyes to something else. How we originally got connected was through a previous guest of mine, Kendra hall, who happens to be A friend of yours. But it's not like you guys grew up together. You connected with her when you were out on your speaking circuit, which not everybody. Some people view other speakers as competitors, especially women against women. But you didn't do that.
- [23:56]
Laura Gassner Otting
Well, not only didn't I do that, when I was asked to be on Good Morning America, I texted her and I was like, hey, you live in New York City, right? Any chance you're going to be in town on May 23rd? Because I'm going to be on Good Morning America. Want to come with me? Because she and I had been. We'd been this, like this. This. This exercise fight club. It was me and five other speakers. She was one of them. She was the one person I didn't know, but I was invited into this group by another person who's this, you know, incredible speaker. So of course I'm gonna say yes, because I want to be in his club. And the goal was you have to work out three times a week or you owe everybody else in the group $100. So, you know, work out three times a week or it's gonna cost you 500 bucks, which means you're going to get your ass to the gym three times a week. So there was one number I didn't know, and I finally figured out who she was. Months into it, I looked her up and she seemed pretty neat. I saw that she had a book coming out, and I thought, well, I'm going to Good Morning America. She seems like a good person. I bet she wants to let people know about her book when it comes out, too. So if I bring her with me, then I can, like, low key, introduce her to the producer, Good Morning America, and maybe we can get her on when her book comes out also. I don't know. Why not? Right? Like, it didn't cost me anything to bring her along. It wasn't going to make me less successful to help her be successful. Like, success is a pie. We can all have plenty of it. So, yeah, I brought her along. And I think because I did that, she said, you should really talk to Heather Monahan. She's crushing it. She's got this podcast. You should be on her show because everybody's going to hear about your book. And so by helping someone else, I help myself too.
- [25:27]
Heather Monahan
Yes. That's so interesting to me. And gosh, you already know this. My experience with women in business has not been that positive, typically. So it's so refreshing for me to hear about. And I want people to know this because I'm in the same game of, you know, promoting yourself and creating contacts at different shows, it's very challenging. It's very competitive. So to have someone that wants to help you and is not looking for anything in return is unbelievable. Speaks to your character immensely. I saw it firsthand because you were doing the same thing with me Saturday at this event with very high profile people walking me around, being my wingman, introducing me to everyone and promoting me, telling them about my TED Talk, telling them about my show. You know, that doesn't happen often. And that's why I believe that good things keep coming back to you because you put so much good out there.
- [26:22]
Laura Gassner Otting
So this is like kind of a kiss up moment for you here on your show. But I'm gonna kiss up anyway and tell you how awesome your TEDx is. And by the way, to all of your listeners, if you haven't watched Heather's TedX, watch it, share it, comment on it. Because the more that you watch it and share it and comment on it, the more Big Ted sees it and goes, oh, we should put that on Big Ted's site. So pro tip, watch comment. Like, but what I loved about the talk is that it really echoed a lot of my own experience. So when I was 22 years old, I found myself working in the White House, right? And we can talk about, you know, how I got there and all of that. And I walked in and I was like, wow, this is amazing. There are all these powerhouse women here. And I tried to talk to them, and I found almost every single one of them climbed up the ladder and slammed the door behind them. And there were very few. And those very few were exceptionally transformative in my career, but there were very few of them. And I remember thinking so often, God, what if we were all like that, right? Like, once you've gotten up to the high place, helping somebody else, like building, you know, more rungs on the ladder doesn't take anything away from you. And so I think early on I just decided, I promised myself that I would continue to do that for other people because it just feels crappy when somebody shuts you out of the room. It just. There's no reason to do it. And so I didn't realize that. In fact, it's actually pretty selfish because you get tons back in return. But that whole, you know, women being sometimes the worst enemies and not the best allies in work was really. I mean, I love that you put that together and I love that you put it out there in such a brave way because. Because I do think it's counterintuitive to what most people expect. And it goes against the, like, rah, rah sisterhood, that we all support each other, because the truth is, we don't all support each other, but we should.
- [28:11]
Heather Monahan
Absolutely. And thank you for saying that. Thank you so much. So, you know, one of the things you just brought up and you said, you know, it was courageous or whatever to put that TEDx out, and a lot of people had said that to me, but I didn't think about it in that regard very much. And let me tell you why. And it's similar to what you mentioned to me about working in the White House. Once you get to a certain level of fear and taking on really scary things and pushing yourself to that next level, it starts becoming easier because you see, wait, hang on. I didn't die. I lived through this. And for you, it seems like the White House, which sort of is the top of the top, once you took that on and were able to survive that environment and with that really high caliber level working with the president, I mean, you start asking, okay, should I really be afraid of writing a book?
- [28:59]
Laura Gassner Otting
You know, there's a certain point in your life where you're like, well, I've gotten this far. As you said, I didn't die, so I guess I'm gonna be okay. You know, I think that true confidence comes from competence. Like, every time you put one foot in front of the other, you go, oh, okay, I didn't die. So I put one foot in front of the other. I can run a mile. Okay, I've made it a mile. Maybe I could run a 5k. I've done a 5k. Maybe I could do a 10k. And on and on. And every time you show yourself that you can do something, you develop competence. And out of competence comes this confidence to dream bigger dreams. And, you know, people, I guess, lecture a lot in entrepreneurship classes. And there's always somebody, and it's usually a young woman in the back of the room and kind of sheepishly raises her hand at the end and she's like, you know, you've been a serial entrepreneur. You've created all these businesses. How long does it usually take you to create your business plan? And I'll usually say, like, well, you have a cocktail napkin. It's all right for you right now. I usually do things because I can't not do them. But what I say is, I turn the question around to her and I say, well, let me ask you a question. You're sitting here in an entrepreneurship Class, what are you going to do if the business plan that you're busy writing fails? And she goes, well, I guess I'll go back and I'll find a job in a cubicle and I'll work there and pay my bills until I write the next business plan and start the next thing. And I said, great, you have a plan B, then you know you're not going to die. So now let's focus on plan A. Right? You spend all this time worrying about failure, which is what we do when we're worried about confidence. We worry about what's going to happen if I fail. The truth is, we all know what's going to happen if we fail. Like, what's the worst thing that can happen? So let's stop thinking about that and let's think about the best thing that can happen and think about success. Because we spend time planning for success, then when we get it, we actually can do something with it.
- [30:41]
Heather Monahan
That's such a great point. Because if we're putting our focus on something, we're putting our energy, our thoughts, our creativity towards it. So we're actually going to self sabotage if we're constantly thinking about, what if I fail? And I mean, I know I've done that before when I went out on my own as an entrepreneur, I definitely thought just as much about what if I fail as what if I succeed and how do I succeed? And I would toggle back and forth and it wasn't until I closed the door on that, okay, what if I go back to corporate America? What if I don't succeed as an entrepreneur? I just decided I'm not going to go back, so I don't need to think about it anymore. And when I made that shift, I suddenly moved much faster.
- [31:19]
Laura Gassner Otting
Yeah, I mean, like, what if we stopped saying that voice in our head that says, you're gonna die, you're gonna fail, everyone's gonna laugh at you, it's gonna be terrible. You're like, high school nemesis is gonna point their finger, be like, ha ha, right? Like, what if we stopped listening to that voice and instead heard that voice rather than the governor that tells us to stop, stop, stop. What if we heard that voice as the cheerleader saying, holy crap, you're doing something you've never done before, Right? Like, you're gonna be amazing. Good for you for doing something brave. The first marathon I ran, it was 93 degrees on Marathon Monday in Boston. And I have this funny little non exciting condition called vasovagosyncope, which means that I pass out when I get really dehydrated. So, you know, 93 degrees a marathon, it's pretty bad. So I didn't really even know my name by the time I got to mile 16. By the time you get to mile 20, which for any of your listeners who's run marathons, know, is as far as you go in training, I got to mile 20. And at mile 20.1, I remember thinking to myself, I wonder what happens now? I've never gone this far. I've never run this far before. This is a crazy midlife crisis. Why not? And there was a voice inside my head that was like, oh, my God, you're gonna die. You have to stop. Like, this is gonna be terrible. Stop, stop, stop. And, you know, my feet are, like, you know, like, dripping into the. Into the asphalt. And there was another voice inside my head that was saying, oh, my God, you're gonna do it. You're gonna be a marathoner. Like, run, walk, crawl, cartwheel. You get over the finish line, and somebody's going to put a medal around your neck and a big silver heat shield around you like a superhero. And for the rest of your life, you're going to be a marathoner. Right. And only one of those voices gets to win, and you have to be the one that decides. And if we listen to the voice that says stop as, like, the thing that keeps us safe, rather than the cheering section that goes, oh, my God, good for you. You're out on the very bleeding edge of your incompetence, and that's where you learn and you grow and you change and you get better and you get strong and you get richer and you get more successful. Yeah. Like, I want to spend my time there because who doesn't want a big cheering section around them?
- [33:36]
Heather Monahan
Yeah, that's really powerful. And I couldn't agree with you more. And you brought up so many different things that relate back to your book that I want to dig into. Two points that you just encapsulated within that story is, you know, it's about success, but sometimes success doesn't equal happiness. In this instance that you just described, it does, because you've grown. And at this point, you're in a place where your success is leveling up with happiness. But for a lot of us, myself included, I have appeared successful on the outside, but haven't been happy on the inside. And a lot of limitless and some of the founding principles around your book are about success not equaling happiness. I mean, how much have you looked into that?
- [34:21]
Laura Gassner Otting
Yeah. So Think about the career that you've had, right? You've been super successful. You have this beautiful resume. On the outside, it looks perfect, right? And everybody comes up to you at events and at parties and at speeches like, oh, my God, you're amazing. And sometimes it feels like you're amazing. And sometimes you're like, well, I'm not so sure, right? Because we spend. I mean, now it does, because you've made very specific changes in your career to be where you are today. But for most people, most people, they spend a lot of time filling out these checkboxes, right? Like, think about it. When you were younger in your career, you had a scorecard that you kept in your back pocket. And the scorecard was probably given to you by somebody at some point along the way, and you probably remember when you got it. But that scorecard might have been a teacher saying, you know, Heather, you're pretty argumentative. You should be a lawyer, or you could talk people into anything. You should go into sales, or, gee, you seem like you like science. You should be a doctor. And we all go, oh, okay, I guess I should be a lawyer, or I should go into marketing, or I should be a physician. Check for me. In my case, I was argumentative, and I was told I should be a doctor or I should be a lawyer. So I said, okay, fine, fourth grade teacher. You seem like you know what you're talking about, even though you possess no crystal ball or Ouija board, but I'll still take my entire path and change it, end up in law school. And then I ended up in law school, and I hated every minute of it. And I thought, this is terrible. I don't want to be here, right? So we have these scorecards that might have come from a teacher or maybe a parent told you who you should date and who you should marry and when you should have children and where you should live and where you should set your kids to school. Or maybe you had a boss that said, success here is, you know, getting to a certain number billable hours or sales or whatever your goals might be. And so you did all the things you were supposed to do, and on paper, you got the promotion. You got the perfect white wedding. You got, you know, the educational path. Then you woke up one day and you're like, all right, well, so I'm successful, but am I really happy? Am I really fulfilled? Am I really doing what I want to do? And, oh, my God, is this it? Right? Like, surely I must be meant for something more. There has to be something bigger or better. Or, you know, this is where midlife crises come from. And quarter life crises and three quarter life crises I've had. Millennials and Gen Xers and boomers all come up to me alike saying, yes, I get it, yes, this makes so much sense. And what I found in. Did I look into it, I spent 20 years interviewing leaders at the very top of their game, and they were super, super successful, which of course is why, as a headhunter, I wanted to talk to them, but they weren't happy, which is why they wanted to talk to me. And what I found was that the few that were actually happy didn't just have success, they had consonants, right? They had alignment, they had flow. The who they were matched what they did. So you know those moments when the very best of what you do is being called upon to solve a problem you actually care about and you're being rewarded for it in some way that's financially or karmically interesting to you, right? Like, those are the moments where you're in alignment, you're in flow, you feel like you could walk through fire. That's when you're limitless, right? You're in consonance. Everything that you do matches everything that you are. And so the book really goes into what makes up consonants and how everybody individually can create their own rubric at whatever time in their life to find their own consonants.
- [37:43]
Heather Monahan
So what you described, I felt that maybe once in my whole life. And you know, I'll say yes, I'm doing passion driven work now, mission driven work that I love. However, I'm still a company of one and I'm constantly overloaded and my revenues aren't where they need to be to hit that tipping point, to build out the team, which is really what I need to start doing so I can start breathing again and then enjoy where I am. Right? So it doesn't mean you can do passion driven work, but it doesn't have those other pieces necessarily that you describe. You're not really in that continence, in that flow, right?
- [38:16]
Laura Gassner Otting
Well, so consonants is made up of four things. The first is calling. And calling is. It's like this gravitational force. It's this thing that you care about. It's a business. You want to build a family, you want to nurture a bottom line that you want to reach. It's a cause that you want to, that you want to serve, right? Is something that inspires you. So for you, it's building the speaking business, right? It's building the podcast and the speaking business. And the sort of Heather Monahan Brand. And we all have to have something. It doesn't have to be the thing that drives you, but there has to be something that you actually care about. The second piece is connection. And connection answers the question, do you actually matter? Like, does your work matter? What if you called in sick to work tomorrow? Would anybody notice? Would anybody care? Right. In your case, everybody would notice, and everybody would care because it's just you. So the question is, how much of the work that you're doing on a daily basis is directly in line with building Heather Monahan Brand? So how much connection do you have to your work? I'm guessing probably a lot.
- [39:18]
Heather Monahan
A lot, right. For sure, though I didn't when I was in corporate America, but now that I'm working for myself, I do. Yes.
- [39:24]
Laura Gassner Otting
So number three is contribution. So if connection is all about the work itself, contribution is really about you. And contribution is an understanding of how this job, how this brand, how this paycheck contributes to the community that you want to build, to the company's bottom line, to serving that cause, to whatever it is that you want to do, how you manifest your goals on a daily basis, how it builds your career trajectory. So how is the work that you're doing contributing to the life you want and the lifestyle you need? That's number three. And then number four is control. And control really reflects how much you personally are able to influence how much connection your work has to your calling and how much that calling is contributing to the life that you want. And so I would say for you, you have this calling, right? You have, you know, this thing that you want to build, that the Heather Monahan business, you're clearly connected to that work. It's contributing to the life that you want because it's allowing you finally to step out from corporate America and to be out of the shadows. And you have control. But because you're, You're. You're, you know, you're your own boss. But what you're probably feeling is this is so. So what? The work that you're doing right now, you have consonants in your work. You would just like to have more control, right? If you had more control, then. If you had more control would probably affect how much that work is connecting. Because you could then delegate, you know, some of the production of the podcast or some of the, you know, outreach for the speaking or, you know, we were talk on Saturday night that now you have this great representation from speaking agencies. So, you know, you have a little bit, you know, less of having to do the. The grunt work around, setting up speaking engagement so you can spend more time doing, you know, being connected to the work that matters or just building those great talks. So for everybody, at every age and at every life stage, your own personal rubric of consonants, how much calling, connection, contribution, and control you want will be different. So what you didn't have in corporate America, you absolutely built up where you are now. But you're probably. If you were to look at your business plan, you would say, in order for me to be both successful and happy, I need to make sure that in fact, my contribution is way higher. Right? I'm making more money, my connection is much purer, so that I'm doing only the stuff that only I can do and everyone else should do everything else, because that will allow you to really have control over the work that you have. The calling that you have is guiding everything. But so you really are sort of pushing much more towards consonants now than you were in the corporate world. But you know very specifically what you need to do in order to really feel, to really fulfill that.
- [41:56]
Heather Monahan
I think what I want people to know, because I couldn't agree more with you right now. And I was totally unaware of this idea of consonants, of limitless back when I was in corporate America. I didn't know any of this existed, had no idea. So for the people that are listening right now and they're saying, oh, easy for Heather, you know, she got fired and she's in the situation now. I'm at a job every day where I used to like what I did for work. I did feel connected to it. I thought everything was good, but lately I'm just not feeling it anymore. How do they know? Is it because of their boss? Is it because the industry is starting to decline? Is it because the work isn't challenging any longer and they're evolving? How do they figure out, hang on, I need to leave this industry, I need to leave this company. What do I do? Because I hear from so many people, how do I find my passion? I don't know if I'm in it or not.
- [42:45]
Laura Gassner Otting
There's a couple things that I would say to that. I think the first is, and I know you know this, because I know, I know that, you know, you know, the recruiting world, we get recruited to jobs with a certain rubric, a certain scorecard, right? And then we get retained in those jobs by a totally different one. So when I was recruiting in those 20 years of doing executive search, I used to listen for about eight motivating factors. That I would say motivated any candidate at any time to take a job. And if I heard, you know, one or two or three of them, I was like, all right, this is cool. I know there'll be another conversation. And if I heard four or five of them, maybe six, I'd be like, all right, if they're qualified, I can probably get them in front of my client. And if I heard seven or eight, I was like, the fish is in the boat. I'm all set. I'm going to look at my other 20 clients that are burning a fire in my inbox right now. And there are things like, what's the mission of the organization, of the company? Right? It's like, is that inspiring to people? How inspirational is the leader? How much will I learn from this person? How good of a manager are they? What kinds of skills am I going to develop? So, you know, new skills, onboarding? What is the scale of impact that I'm going to be able to make in this? What is the geography of the organization? Where are they based? What's the brand, prestige? How good will it look on my resume for the next job? And, of course, money, right? So we all care about that. But money isn't the thing that motivates everyone first and foremost. And in fact, for most people, it's not. It's a factor, but it's not usually the top one. And so what happens in companies is that we get recruited because we care about certain things. Maybe the boss, maybe the mission, maybe the money. And what happens is maybe we're not making as much money as we thought, or maybe we're making the money, but our boss has left, and so we don't really like the new boss as well. Or maybe the company's had a little bit of strategic redirection, and we don't really love the new way that it's going. But they keep throwing money at us, so we feel bad and we're not really sure. So I would tell people, first, revisit those things. Why did you actually come to the company in the first place? And to think about whether that's really what's keeping you there. Now, the second thing is I would say that we all change, right? So if you take a job when you're 28 years old and five years later you're married and you've got a young kid, the thing that you liked about the job may be totally different. The thing that you're looking for in your life may be totally different. It may be that you went to go Work for a nonprofit organization because you wanted to save the world, and then. Then you decided you actually like to fly first class, and that's okay. It may be that you went to a job because you were all 100% fully in, and then you had a kid and you were like, you know what? I actually want to. I want to. I want to get home every night and read my kid a bedtime story. And that's okay, too. It may be that you took a job and you realized I'm actually hungrier for career advancement than I thought, and I'm going to be all in on this job, and that's okay, too. Like, I tell people all the time, your calling may be curing cancer, but your calling may also be buying a Maserati in a beach house. And I'm not here to purpose shame anybody. Like, whatever your calling is, is your calling. But I think we get purpose wrong and passion wrong because we think that it has to be part of this, like, big, big thing that's, you know, holier than thou, that we wear the white hat. And the truth is, it really just has to be the thing that you care about. And so people always say, tell me what you would do if you knew you wouldn't fail, and that's your passion. And I'm like, that's bullshit. Tell me what you would do if you knew you would fail for sure, but you'd still be willing to do it over and over and over again because you want to get better, Right? People say, follow your passion. I think follow your passion is the world's worst advice. In fact, I'd like to say on stage that it's the spoken word illegitimate sister of the Live Love Laugh tattoo. And I just know that at some point, someone's gonna come up to me afterwards and, like, yell at me and show me their Live Love Laugh tattoo. But it really is. I mean, it's like an Instagram meme. So, like, don't follow your passion. Do the thing where you would fail for sure, but still want to do it, because that's investing in your passion. You're learning and you're growing and you're challenging yourself, and you're on that edge of incompetence. So if you don't just follow your passion, but if you invest in it, you're going to be much more successful. Because this idea of I'm going to follow my passion and find bliss tells us that the minute something goes wrong, the minute you fail, oh, that must not be your passion. Go find something else. Right? But I know you've had people on your show like Jesse Itzler and Sarah Blakely and Gary Vaynerchuk and even Kendra Holm. Think about them. Their stories are not great stories because they're only successful. Their stories are great stories because they are passionate about what they do, because they failed over and over and over again. And that's how they figured out how to get better. So they didn't just find their passion and follow their passion. They invested in their passion.
- [47:16]
Heather Monahan
Meet a different guest each week. I asked you to try to find your passion, but here's the challenge, and I agree with what you're saying. But I also have tremendous empathy because it was only two years ago I was in corporate America, being the person that wanted so bad to be living in flow and love, you know, and doing something different. But I was so scared. And I also saw it or was told it was selfish, crazy. What are you, nuts? You know, people would say, people that I regarded highly, you know, you make a lot of money. Are you nuts? Why would you want to risk this? You're a single mother, you know? And I started getting more and more scared. And I'll never forget, I took the largest stage I'd ever taken at that point. And I had some situation at work that night, and it went really well, and I got amazing feedback. And when I flew home, I remember thinking, I have this amazing feeling, like magic right now from what happened this night. And I've never felt that at work before. Something. How do I get into that situation again? And then I thought, I don't even know. It was a fluke incident that I got that opportunity. I don't even know. Get back to, you know, get real, Heather. And I couldn't figure out how to connect those dots to take that next step to make it happen. So I just forgot about it. And that was six years before I got fired. So that's a long time ago. I had an inkling that, hey, I might be a really good speaker and I might get joy out of doing something like this. I had the idea, but because I had people around me who cared about me that would say, you're crazy. No way. You're supposed to be here. You're doing amazing. I talked myself out of it, and I froze when the opportunity came to say, okay, how do I take that next step and make this happen? And I think so many people listening to the show right now do that exact same thing. Either you talk yourself out of it because you're scared and you don't know what that next step is to take because it's dark, it's not clear, and you just stop and go back to what you know. Or you have people in your life that are saying, don't do this, it's going to be the biggest mistake of your life. And that paralyzes you too.
- [49:20]
Laura Gassner Otting
So I think that those people who say, don't do this, it's going to be the biggest mistake of your life are really saying, you shouldn't do this. Because I could never do it. It would be the biggest mistake of my life. And I'm scared. Yes, that happens all the time. And then we see their pain and we onboard their pain and we go, oh, okay, I guess I shouldn't do it because this person who I regard highly is telling me they shouldn't do it. But if Michael Jordan said to Tom Brady, you shouldn't throw a 50 yard pass when there's three seconds left of a football game because, oh my God, I couldn't do that, Tom Brady would not be, you know, the super bowl mvp. Sorry, I live in Boston. To all your fans who are in Miami or Miami hating the Patriots, and here I am.
- [50:02]
Heather Monahan
Everyone hates us Patriots fans. That's okay.
- [50:05]
Laura Gassner Otting
What can I tell you? But, you know, you're from Boston too, so I figured I could do it. But I'm saying, like, Michael Jordan, one of the greatest basketball players that ever lived, and yet he would look at Tom Brady and say, you're crazy, man. Like, why would you do that? Just because somebody's great at something and you look up to them doesn't mean that they know what's right for you. And I think we have to stop giving votes in our lives to people who shouldn't even have voices. So there are people in our lives who we love. Our parents, childhood friends, maybe, you know, other moms we met at the playgroup, maybe other people, our divisions at work, who are very comfortable and happy where they are and change is really scary. When I sold my company, I ran into a friend of mine at Starbucks and she was like, hey, what's going on? And I said, I just sold my company, signed the papers this morning. And she said, that's amazing. What are you gonna do now? And I said, I don't know. And I didn't say anything else. And you could see the look of horror come over her face, like, well, now I don't know what to do. I don't know what box to put you in in my brain. We all need these sort of, you know, Shortcuts. I don't know how to think about what you're doing. I don't know if I'd be comfortable with not knowing. What's she gonna do for money? Are we still gonna to dinner? It's like, it's all these questions, like, every time you do dry new wear and your friends look at you like, are you still gonna be fun? It's like, yes, it's all gonna be okay. Like, my choices don't affect you. It's all fine. But I think we have people in our life who really are super well meaning, like that fourth grade teacher or the parent or maybe the boss. Hopefully the boss who tell you what they think success should be and what success should be for you, because it's what success is for them. And it's very difficult for people to say, you know, that seems crazy to me, but what a great adventure that would be for you. And I think we need to find what I call framily, which is like this combination of friends and family that are like your found family, you know, like, you know, you meet people along the way. Like you and I, like, we met each other and we were like instantly bonded sisters. It's awesome. And these people become the wind in your sails. And they don't just say, hey, yeah, go do that crazy thing. They go, hey, let's talk about what you would do if you failed, what you do if you succeeded, what kind of support you need around you and whether it makes sense for you to do now, as opposed to like, no, anybody who shuts down your crazy, harebrained big ideas immediately. Like, the party of no people. They should not be in your life at all. The party of, let's talk about it, let's explore it. Let's see if it makes sense. People. Fine, have pragmatic people in your life. But like, the party of no. Like, those are toxic vampires and you have to get rid them. Or at least, at the very least, don't ask them for advice. And when they give it to you, go, thanks so much. I love. It's so great. It means so much to me that you care so much about me and then move on.
- [52:53]
Heather Monahan
Will you share on the same topic, the Good Morning America story and how you opened up and engaged with the audience and what happened? Because I think that this is so relevant to your point that you're making.
- [53:04]
Laura Gassner Otting
Oh, yeah. On actual live tv. So the way I got a Good Morning America was that Robin Roberts and I spoke at the same event, and so she got my book and she handed it to her senior producer and said, book her on the show. Which is amazing because I'd already been turned down by like three other producers that my publicist tried to try to get me on the show. So, you know, keep asking, right? Yes.
- [53:26]
Heather Monahan
And ask different people and ask different people, Right?
- [53:29]
Laura Gassner Otting
You want confidence. Confidence is what this person thinks you and that person thinks of you. Right. It's like you just ask the wrong person. It's not their judgment, it's finding the right person. So the night before, Rob and gets pulled away on some other news and is not able to interview me. And she'd already tweeted about my book and put it on Facebook and Instagram and sent it out to like millions and millions of people. So I was like, this is gonna be awesome. Totally friendly audience. She's gonna make sure I succeed. Cool. Like live national tv. Amazing.
- [53:59]
Heather Monahan
Huge.
- [53:59]
Laura Gassner Otting
And it was not just like a sit down segment like the one I did on the Today show, but it was like a stand up, like they built a set and props and all sorts of stuff. It was like a feature. A feature segment. I didn't know. It looks so good.
- [54:09]
Heather Monahan
And you guys can check it out if you Google it, gma, Limitless, Laura online, you'll see it. And what they did was amazing. The logo, everything was so cool.
- [54:18]
Laura Gassner Otting
It was amazing. So the night before, I get it, like, she Instagram messages me and tells me that she can't go and is apologizing. And Amy Roback's gonna interview me and take great care of me and Fantastic. Okay, awesome.
- [54:30]
Heather Monahan
So call temperature, fear moment.
- [54:32]
Laura Gassner Otting
Total. Like, I mean, I was like, well, I guess I'll be thinner on TV tomorrow because I just lost my lunch. So I show up at the studio at like 4:45 for rehearsal. And we're going through it and you know, you do like rehearsal and hair and makeup and all the stuff. And Amy is just learning about me in the moment, just learning about the book in the moment. And so the producer is saying to her, so I want you to. There's gonna be a certain point and you're gonna ask the live studio audience, how many of you have ever made a decision for your life based on what someone else thinks you should do? And every single hand in the audience goes up and I said, oh, and I should ask then. And how many of you are happy? And every hand will go down. And the producer looks at me and Amy looks at me. Their eyes get big like saucers. And they were like, that's really dangerous. This is live tv. Like, that might not go well. And I was like, hold my beer. And then we go on tv and. And she asked the question, and every hand goes up, and I asked the question, and every hand goes down. And it was like, I could not believe it went as well as it did. Like, there's one hand, like, in the second row that sort of tentatively went up. And then she was like, no, actually, no. But it was so incredible because the audience was so engaged, and even if that wasn't necessarily the answer, that they felt they knew what the right answer was going to be. They knew what it should have been. So it flowed so well. But at that point, I'd given the talk so many times that I really knew how people were reacting to it. I really knew that this. I thought I wrote a business book, right, about, how do you, like, live this great life through changing your career? And what I realized by that point, a couple months after the book came out, is that I really wrote this personal development book and sort of a how to be your own, you know, personal leader. And what it really came down to was that we are defining success by the way everybody else defines success. It. And so even though we're going at it, and even though we have the right bank account and the right car and the right job and the right this, it doesn't feel right because it's not actually right for us. And so by that point, I was so confident, I knew. I knew it was going to go fine. And I can't tell you how many comments I got on two things. The first, how did I know? Like, how. Like, how was I so brave to ask this audience that question and know it was going to be okay? Number one. And number two, there's a moment where I sort of rip up the ballot of everyone else's votes, and then I pushed the ballot box away. Amy was supposed to let me pass in front of her, so I would just push the thing right off to the right a little bit easily. But she didn't, because, again, like, she just met me that morning, and it was very quick. So I had to, like, reach around behind her, grab and, like, kind of push it, and the ballot box fly it, like, it kind of twirls behind us, and then it lands 10ft behind us, but smack in the middle of us in the camera angle with the logo facing perfectly forward. And, you know, at that moment, the guys in the control room were like, yes, I got two comments. The first was, how were you so brave on live national TV to ask this Question of a completely random set of strangers. And number two, how did you make the battle box land so perfectly? Were there magnets in it? Like, the first one, I knew competence leads to confidence, and the second one was just sheer dumb luck.
- [57:48]
Heather Monahan
Well, it came out so good, and it was so eye opening to me because you always reflect on yourself and the question that you asked. You know when people have a vote in my life and I choose to let them have that vote. Wow. Many times. And like you also just said, Laura, as much as this is a business book and it really is about finding that ideal career and ideal life for yourself, it is more than that. Because the same principles apply to your personal life.
- [58:14]
Laura Gassner Otting
Yeah, I mean, because you said, I had this moment, I felt so good. Like, you were limitless. You were, in consonants, like you were kicking ass and taking names on that stage. And by the way, your limitless moments, it could be this loud in front of people. Like, big sale, big speech, whatever it is. It could be like a quiet moment where you're helping a loved one through a really tough situation, or you're working with a colleague through, like, an intractable problem. It could be quiet. It could be private. Could just be you working on that proposal. It could be loud, it could be quiet. It's just, this is when you were in your fundamental best state of you. So you had that moment where you were limitless, and then you said these words. I talked myself out of it, but I don't think you did. I think you let other people talk you out of it. Right. Like, you had those two voices in your head, and you could either put one foot in front of the other and make it to the marathon finish line, or you could say, you know what, maybe I'll just stop now, because I should be comfortable where I am. And I think comfort. I think comfort is the very enemy of confidence.
- [59:13]
Heather Monahan
Absolutely.
- [59:14]
Laura Gassner Otting
You know, you posted something on Instagram the other day that said, like, confidence is not about feeling great about yourself. It's about. About. Or it's about. The thing was, like, confidence isn't about having other people like you. It's about being okay when they don't.
- [59:26]
Heather Monahan
Right.
- [59:26]
Laura Gassner Otting
And there will be people in your life who don't like you when you're more confident. Because when you are more confident, they see that as a reflection of them being less confident. And my next book is. I'm sort of working on this. I was telling you about it Saturday night. Is this idea of wonder hell, where you are so humbled and amazed and grateful and it's so wonderful that anybody wants to spend even five minutes looking at a thing that you created where you've been successful. And also, it's exhausting. And you've never been so tired in all your life. And it's kind of hell. It's wonder hell. And you're probably in this now where you've got this great TedX. You put it out, people are paying attention, you're speaking, things are starting to grow. And you've learned that you have this burden that rests on your shoulders, and that is your burden of your potential. You realize that you're actually meant for something more than you realized before. And every one of your listeners knows this feeling that you're like, oh, actually, the burden of my potential is as big as my ego. And if I think that I can do more and I should do more, and this idea that I have can be bigger, it can only be bigger if I choose to serve. If I walk through the Rubicon and I choose to serve it. And you had a moment where you chose not to serve your ability to be out there and be a messenger and to be a speaker and to be a proselytizer of your ideas, but you can't get away from it. It came back to find you because it was what you were meant to do. And so the next book I want to write about is Wonderhell, where you make a decision and you actually lean into the burden that you have of the potential that you can actually build this thing to be something bigger. And one of the themes in the book, I think, will be that you're going to have to get rid of a lot of people in your life who don't like you when you've outgrown the place that you've held for them, right? Like, people like us when we are at the place that they've always known us to be. And as soon as we start getting bigger, they think they're getting smaller, which I think brings us back to the beginning, where everybody can get bigger. We can all rise together, right? Success is not pie. We can all have plenty. And so I think the more that you grow and the more that you dream and the more that you're confident, the more that you just have these big, audacious, hairy goals, right? Like, I've never met a revolution I didn't like. Like, I love the audacity of the big idea, but there will be people in your life who go, oh, well, if she's got a big idea, then maybe my ideas are small. Oh, she's buying a fancy car. Maybe my idea is not. My. My car is not big enough. If she's giving money to nonprofits, maybe I'm selfish. Like, people can only judge themselves based on the sort of echo that it makes with you. And I think we have to stop doing that to ourselves, because that's just illogical.
- [62:04]
Heather Monahan
Well, I like that point that you make that when you're growing, when you're going to that next level, when you're stepping into your flow, other people aren't going to like it because they're not in theirs. And we need to realize we might have just outgrown some people. And that can be scary and hard at first, but it's not our decision. We're still showing up as ourselves, our best version of ourselves. And if other people can't handle it, that's just part of growing. It's unfortunate, but. But I truly believe you just have to let grace and let go. You can't try to change you to make somebody else happy.
- [62:39]
Laura Gassner Otting
Yeah. And I think that, well, if we start letting who we are today hold us back from who we want to become, then we're failing to serve our potential. But if we let other people stop us from getting there, well, then shame on us. That's just us. There's nobody doing that to us but us. And that goes for the fourth grade teacher or the parent or the boss. And I started my own company because I had a boss. I tell the story in the book. He had a number of partners who were partners in name only. And one day in the middle of the night, they all decided to leave and, you know, go do their own thing. And when they did, they left him with a lot of. A lot of debt. And I woke up one day and I thought, well, I just got married. We just bought a condo. I got to pay a mortgage. This company can't go under. I better start hustling. And I started selling my own work, right? I started selling my own book of business. And I walked into his office one day. Day. And my title was associate. Right. I was Laura Gassner, associate. And he was Arnie Miller of Isaacson Miller. The story is a happy ending because I did dedicate my book to him. He's been a wonderful mentor and friend to me, even all these years later after I left him and started a competitive firm. But I walked into his office one day and I said, Arnie, I'm 28 years old. I look like a kid. I'm selling my own book of business. I think you should give me a better title, because that will make me look more real to the outside world. Like, I have confidence in myself, but they don't have confidence in me. And I need you to give me the little, you know, check boxes that give me that. And he basically threw me out of his office. He was like, ah, that's ridiculous. You're being selfish. You know, you don't need a title. I don't have a title. I was like, your name's on the door. You want to put my name on the door? Fine. I don't need a title. But until you put my name on the door, let me help you get more money into this firm by, you know, like, I was like, I'm doing this for you, right? Like, yeah, for me, too. But, like, we're all going to win here. And he basically yelled it me, told me I was selfish, sent me on my way. And about two weeks later, he walks into my office. He says, I want to introduce you to somebody I've just hired to be a vice president in our firm because we need some more grownups around here. And he introduces me to a friend of his of, like, 30 years. The woman's like, you know, 60 years old, his peer. And I looked at her and I looked at him, and I said, well, that's really interesting. I'm going to go home now. It was like, Friday afternoon. I said, I'll be back on Monday, and we should have a conversation then about what my future is in this firm. Because right now, I don't see one.
- [65:02]
Heather Monahan
Good for you. I love this story.
- [65:04]
Laura Gassner Otting
I think that there are very few moments in your life where you hold all the cards. And I think there are even fewer moments when you know you do. And it was so clear to me in that moment that I was like, wait, what? This woman who has no background in surge, who has never sold a piece of business in her life, who's just been your friend for 30 years, and she's here because she's got gray hair, and I'm the one who, like, saved your ass. Like, no, that's not gonna work for me. And he calls me Saturdays, all day, all morning, all afternoon, calls me Sunday. I finally pick up the phone on Sunday, and I'm like, I'll be in the office tomorrow. Goodbye. Like, I'm not having this conversation over the weekend. So I come back to the office on Monday, and he sits me down and he says, so I'm prepared to make you a vice president. So I'd like to apologize for what happened. And he gives me this huge promotion, this huge raise. And, you know, the moral of the story is I just wanted to be senior associate, right? But if I had said, oh, you're right, I shouldn't get a better title. And you're right, I'm really too young. And, oh, you're right, this older woman really should have this job. And, you know, I should sit back and let you define for me what makes sense and how I should be successful and whether or not I should have confidence in the work that I have. It wouldn't have worked, but I knew what I was doing. And I firmly believe that if we sit around in life and we just wait around for all we deserve, we're never going to get what we demand. And so my challenge to your listeners is, what are you going to demand from this one big juicy life you have? I know you've got listeners that are sitting there and their corporate office is going to God. Well, you're right, I do want to change, but I'm really scared and I have all these people telling me I shouldn't and I don't really know and I'm not sure what my backup is going to be. And what if I ask and they say no? What if you ask and they say yes? You have to know what to ask for. You have to know what you want. You have to know what matters to you, like what hill are you going to die on? Because if you don't know the answer to that, then you're going in asking for them to just throw whatever, like keepy quiet money at you. And I don't want keepy quiet money. I want F you money. You have one life on earth, so go live it and like, live into it fully. But you have to decide what that means. And it could be curing cancer or it could be buying the Maserati, but it's up to you.
- [67:12]
Heather Monahan
Meet a different guest each week. I asked you to try to find your passion. So one, this is interesting to me because. Because sometimes things can appear so good on the outside and making some decisions, some small pivots, small changes can really take you to where you're meant to be. And that takes me back to when I watched your TEDx, which I think is fantastic. And I think you're a phenomenal speaker. And I am very critical of speakers since we spend a lot of time doing that. I very rarely give people compliments. And you're a very good speaker. And when I told you that, you said to me, oh, no, that is not Good. I love how you added me and I, I'm so much better now and I wanted to hear from you, what was it? First of all, you are really good on the TEDx, but so why is it that you're so much better now? What are the things that you did differently to take you to that next level?
- [68:11]
Laura Gassner Otting
So the TEDx was my very first speech I ever gave in my life.
- [68:18]
Heather Monahan
I can't believe that.
- [68:19]
Laura Gassner Otting
I know, that's sort of ridiculous. It was in front of 2,600 people at the Boston Opera House, which, you know, as you know, is this beautiful gold gilded, you know, crystal chandelier place where like they do the Nutcracker every year. And I had no interest in doing it. I got asked to do it and my immediate reaction was like, f you, no way. I have no interest. And my then 14 year old, now 17 year old was sitting in the car next to me and I think I told you the story, but I'll tell it for the, for your listeners. And as soon as I took the call on speakerphone and then I hung up the phone, I was like, no way, no thanks, I don't want to date. Thanks for asking. Goodbye and hang up the phone and we're driving and my little picture of a son sitting in the front seat looks over at me and he's like, so, mom, don't you always tell me I should do things that scare me? And don't you always tell me that if it doesn't challenge me, it doesn't change me? And don't you always tell me that life starts on the other side of the fear?
- [69:13]
Heather Monahan
Yes.
- [69:14]
Laura Gassner Otting
It's like someone gives mom. It's like, oh God, I guess I got to do this. So I called them back. I do it six weeks later, I'm up on the stage, no notes, no net, go right, just like do it. And I think the reason that that talk was good, I mean, it was good for like the talk's like 11 and a half minutes. I think I crushed it for the first 11. And then there's a moment where you see me look off stage left, right? If you know me, you see the look on my face and you're like, she has no idea what to say next. And I literally blanked on the next line. And then I took a break breath and I remembered the line after the next line. So I didn't get like one of the really important lines in. But you know, I'll take credit for 11 great minutes, 11 and a half minute talk. And the reason that the talk was good is because it was an issue about which I'm really passionate. But I got up on stage and I was told, this is how people deliver TEDxS. This is what you should wear. This is how you should act. This is the way the kids are. Your voice. And I see spoke like a TedX talker. I was very, you know, I just did it the way that I saw other people do it. And the woman who trained me for it, bless her heart, said every time I got on stage to practice, she's like, where'd you go? She's like, you got on stage. And lgo disappeared. And I was so nervous about giving the talk that I just wanted to wear somebody else's armor and I wanted to pretend I was someone else, you know, during the Todd Herman alter ego thing, right? So I put on my Todd Herman clothes and I. And I. And I went out there to be Brene Brown or, you know, to, like, be Amy Cuddy or to go speak like them, which is great because their talks are amazing, but they're not me. So when I tried to be them, I was just a poor version of them. I was just an iterative version of them. Now you fast forward a few years, and I've spoken on stage enough times, and I've forgotten my next line enough times, and I've had people interrupt me enough times, and I've had, you know, I now do live coaching on stage. So, like, I've had random things asked of me. Me, I've done training, I've done improv classes. I've done all these things that have made me realize I know what will happen if I fail. So now I know what I can do to succeed. And if you watch a talk I give now, I get on stage, and I am so me. I mean, I get on stage and I am cracking jokes and I'm telling stories, and my voice is cracking from the emotion of a story that I tell. Because I understand now that a speech isn't a speech, it's a performance, and that you have to sort of give all of yourself. I can't hide in somebody else's clothes that my alter ego is actually not Brene or Amy or Mel Robbins or Rachel Hollis. My alter ego is just lgo, right? Like, it's. I don't want to be Laura gasnerading TEDx talker. I want to be Laura. I want to be lgo cocktail party attendee, right? Like, I'm much more fun at a cocktail party. And so I worked very hard to Try to just show up fully as me. Not worrying about the judgment of the audience, not thinking, you know, you know, when you speak, you're giving your talk, but there's also a voice in the back of your head going, where's that guy going? And is she going to the bathroom? Or is she tweeting my brilliance? Or is he texting his, you know, friend? Oh, my God, I'm so bored. The speaker sucks, right? Like, so you're giving your. You're talking out of your mouth, and yet you're hearing something else in the back of your head. So now I understand that unless I'm so fully in the speech that, like, my Fitbit Reg, my whoop registers it as a workout, and I'm so fully into the speech that I can't even hear that other voice in the back of my head because I am so locked into the people that are right there emotional with me that I'm not really fully in it now I have fun. Not like when I wrote about this is what I learned from the scariest thing I ever did, aka my TedX. I talked about that there is nothing as loud as the deafening silence of 2,600 people waiting for your next breath. And now there's nothing as exciting for me as the deafening silence of those 2,600 people. Because you know that they're listening and they're there with you and they're processing. Like, they may be looking at you with this resting bitch face, but really you're hitting them in the gut, and they're like, oh, oh, oh. And they're thinking so deeply that they're not in control of, like, doing the happy smile nodding thing that want audiences to do. You're actually, like, you're reaching into their core and you're changing their DNA. And that is fun to play with. And so now I see that as, like, a challenge, and I see that as exciting as opposed to terrifying and a judgment on me as a person.
- [73:50]
Heather Monahan
And that's only three years from TEDx till now, correct?
- [73:54]
Laura Gassner Otting
It's only three years. And I almost hate to admit this, but it's not even three years of really speaking. It was like, I did the TEDx, and then I got asked to do a speech in Idaho, and then that led to a couple speeches in California, and then I did, like, a bunch of other small ones. And then I thought, you know, there were small but big fees, and I thought, these other people who have big fees all have books. I should get me one of them, right? Like, that makes a Lot of sense. And I had written a book when I did search about how to go from corporate to nonprofit work. So I was known as, like, the nonprofit girl. Here's another problem with confidence when other people write your story, right? Like, I come from politics. If you're not telling your own story, somebody else is. And they're not getting it right. I can 100% guarantee it. And even if they are getting it right, they're not delivering it with the passion and the energy and the magnetism that you can. And so the fact that I had a book already was actually worse than not having a book at all, because it defined me as something other than what I currently was, which was so much more than just nonprofit. And so I thought I should get. I should get me one of those books that makes a lot of sense. And so I actually spent. During the three years, I probably spent a year in the process of, like, the development and the writing and the, you know, putting the book together. So I've really only been speaking for, like, a year and a half. But the truth is, I've been me for almost 49 years. I'm really good at being me. I'm getting better at speaking, but I'm getting better faster at speaking because I'm not trying to be a speaker. I'm trying to be me. And when I'm me, I know how to do that. I've been doing that forever.
- [75:25]
Heather Monahan
It's the only thing I know how to. Actually, that's such great advice for everyone, because for so long when I was younger, I did channel different people, different Personas and situations when I was nervous, because that was the best I could do at that time. However, now this year and last year, I've really leaned into being the flawed version of me. Whether that be that I forgot a line or I tripped over something walking out on the stage, I make it a joke. That's who I am. You know, laugh with me, hate me. It's irrelevant. This is who I am. And the more you truly step into that, oh, my gosh, the more you connect with people, the more transparent you become, the more powerful you become. That's sort of where all that magic lies.
- [76:05]
Laura Gassner Otting
It's so true. And, you know, I hate the advice that people are like, well, fake it till you make it. I just, like, that makes me crazy. Like, when I was 22 and I was working in the White House, I had people, mostly guys, who were like, fake it till you make it. And it was just such bro y advice. And so I'd walk in. You know, I went to University of Texas and I got to the White House because I just kept showing up on the campaign over and over and over. And I just met people who ended up in interesting places and who were kind to me along the way. But most of the other people who ended up in the White House at my age went to Ivy League schools, were super hotshots whose parents were huge donors. And they just like, they went to, like, they went to prep school with each other since they were like 4 years old. They were like in the club, right? And I definitely felt like, like the gross, you know, the gross fat cousin with the warts. Like, I definitely felt like I did not. I mean, I was literally, literally wearing my mother's clothes. Like I, like, I have pictures, multiple pictures of myself with President Clinton, literally wearing my mother suits, like 1980s, you know, shoulder pads because I didn't have my own clothes. And these people, like, they just, they'd gone to like events, they just knew how to be in these situations. And we'd walk in in the morning and they'd come in with their beautiful, you know, leather satchels that were handed down from, you know, know great grandpa whoever and you know, you know, Bunny, the grandmother. And they, they would have their newspapers, the New York Times and the Washington Post and they'd be like dog eared and highlighted and they come in and they'd sit down before meeting started and they'd be just writing down ideas and they're on their paper writing and writing and writing the furious brilliant ideas. And I remember thinking to myself, I don't have any of those, I don't have any of those clothes or those briefcases or those newspapers, papers or those ideas. Like I don't have any of those. So I would sit there before the meeting would start and I would just write random stuff on and they were like my grocery list. I mean, I just, I couldn't. Like, I remember writing a letter to my parents once. I feel like I had to like write things that didn't look like list form. And I was faking it till I made it. But what I missed during that time was I missed all the conversations that were happening around me. How people communicated about what they did on the weekends and what meetings they were going to and the relationships that they were forming and all the learning that was happening and the resources that were being discussed and the networks that were being created because I was so busy faking it that I actually missed the good stuff that was happening and not Only that once I faked it and once I made it, and once I got to the place that everybody was, I didn't even know if I wanted to be there because I didn't spend any time failing and learning and growing. And when I went there, as soon as something went wrong, I'd already built the house on such a false foundation that I wasn't prepared for failure. And. And so I think fake it till you make it just doesn't work because of that. And people want to see authenticity. They want to see that we're human. They want, like, people want me to get up on stage, and the first story they want me to tell is about how my kids were so terrible on the first day of school. I didn't get that perfect. I didn't get that perfect photo, and I cried about it. And I'm emotional when I tell the story on stage. And people are like, oh, so her life that looks so perfect from the outside. Actually, she fights with her kids, too, in the same way that I do. Like, it happens. It happens to all of us. And I think when we're so busy trying to prove to the world that we're perfect, right? We're so busy faking it, we're so busy, it's exhausting to try to always have, like, the shiny Facebook photo and the shiny Facebook friends and all of that. So, you know, if you follow me on social media, you'll see that I'll post things of, like, you know, me with no makeup on and, you know, like, me, like, with, you know, terrible accidents. You know, like, you know, when I'm running because I'm so klutzy, or, like, I post real stuff because it's human. And I think I can be the messenger of being a badass. You can be a messenger being confident. Because we also know what it's like to not be a badass and to not be confident, because otherwise, like, if it's just. If it's just, like, I would never want to go to a dentist that never had a root canal. I never want to go to an OB GYN who didn't have a baby. Like, I want them to know what the bad stuff feels like, too. I don't want to just go to a dentist who flosses his teeth four times a day. Like. Like, that's no fun. What am I going to learn from that guy, right? So I think, like, we need to be with people who know what the muck feels like because they can also appreciate how good the shine is.
- [80:19]
Heather Monahan
I Love that you shared that we are all in the muck and it does not stop. It's always ebbs and flows, coming and going. So, Laura, please tell me, where can everyone find you? Where can everyone grab Limitless? It's an amazing holiday gift. If people are looking for a holiday gift or if you're looking for some answers for yourself, where can they find it?
- [80:38]
Laura Gassner Otting
So the book is available on Amazon.com and in Barnes and Noble anywhere five books are sold and if they go to the website, they can get it there as well. We have the book as well as a little necklace that says Limitless, which is a great gift also because it's a lovely thing to remind you or someone you love that they are in fact limitless. I'm on all the socials at hey lgo. So all my good friends call me lgo, so hey there. Hey LGO on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and then special thing, if people are listening and they're like, you know, this consonants thing really does sound like my path to confidence and I really want to find it. I want to figure out how much calling, connection, contribution, control I need to have in my life. They can go to limitlessassessment.com and it's like a 20 minute quiz. So it's kind of intense, it takes a little bit of time. But for anybody who's listened to this podcast, they know that I'm kind of intense too. And, you know, it's your life, you should give it 20 minutes. But at the end of the quiz, you will get a beautiful little radar graph that shows two things. The first is how much of each of those four calling, connection, contribution, and control you have in your life right now, and how much of each you want to have in your life. And they overlay. And where they're not, you know, in consonants is where you're not in consonance. And then there's some very quick tips for each one of the four about if you need more, here's what to do today, right now, in order to start making moves to get there. So when you're sitting in that corporate job, or you're sitting, you know, in school, or you're trying to figure out what it is that you want to do and you want to know what to ask for, right? And those moments where you hold the cards and you're going to go out and demand what you really want to have in your life, this is actually a roadmap to help you figure out what it is you actually care about.
- [82:15]
Heather Monahan
Amazing. So we will put those links in the show notes so everyone has them. Please check Laura out. Take the quiz, make the move. And Laura, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for flying down to Miami to hang with me and I'm so grateful for you.
- [82:29]
Laura Gassner Otting
So fun. And we're going to have to do it again.
- [82:32]
Heather Monahan
I asked you to try to find your path. Ashley. I hope you enjoyed meeting Laura. As much as I loved hanging with her, she is the real deal and I'm so excited to share something else with you. You know, she's always looking to connect and help others. Well, I'm excited to say that I Amazon prime, one of their producers, reached out to me about doing a TV show with them. I'm actually meeting with them on Sunday to discuss specifics. And when I was with Laura, I. I asked her what her goals were and what she was looking to achieve moving forward, and she said, I really want to do a show. So I ran the idea by my contacts at Amazon and they said they were interested and I paired them together. So they're going to meet and see if they can work on something too. So I'm so excited. Good people help good people. When you put good out there, good comes back to you. So, you know, whatever you can do today to help others, it comes back back tenfold. I live my life like that and I'm certain of it. Okay, so what I wanted to get into is and share with you. I posted on LinkedIn last week about my TEDx talk dropping. If you've not seen my TEDx talk yet, it is 10 minutes. I guarantee you will freak out. Love it, Be obsessed with it. I have gotten pictures. Companies are playing it for their employees.
- [83:51]
Laura Gassner Otting
Yeah.
- [83:52]
Heather Monahan
Sales tee teams are playing it to fire up their sales teams. It is really doing so well. If you have not watched it, go to YouTube, type in Heather Monahan. You're gonna see it. Please like it, comment, share. It helps me so much. You have no idea. But more importantly than that, it's really opening up this big idea, which is, yes, the MeToo movement's great, but we can't just look at male harassers in the workplace when the most evil villain a woman will ever encounter at work is another woman. And we need to shine a light on that taboo conversation that no one wants to talk about. Calling out the mean girls. They're there and we cannot allow it to go on and turn a blind eye to it. I'm done with that. I hope you hear this in my voice. I'm very passionate about this, but what's interesting that I didn't expect I posted about it on LinkedIn a week ago. That post has reached over over 850,000 people. Go on my LinkedIn and you'll see it. It's crazy. It's been shared 172 times so far in a week and there's 600 or 700 comments currently. When you go into the comments I really encourage you to do this also because I want you to see how I structured this because it's you can get your post to go viral if you use my blueprint and I'm happy to tell you how I did it. But anyhow, so. And I'll tell you you in a minute when you go into the comments on this post and you can't miss it because it's eight pictures of me on a TEDx stage. It's very simple. You'll know exactly the one I'm talking about. So when you go into the comments you're going to see everyone is sharing their own story of being bullied and harassed a lot, most by women in the workplace and how awful it is for them. I mean there are so many stories, it's just going to be mind boggling to you. How it's more common than I thought. I mean I knew it was a big deal but I didn't realize to what extent and it's really disturbing and if we don't do something about it, if we don't shine a light on it, it's not going to go away on its own. Clearly I have personal too much personal experience with this. We've got to shine a light on bullying. Shine a light on women bullying other women and put an end to it. I'm so flipping over it. So, so this 10 minute talk, I swear I guarantee you will love it. I crushed it. I am so proud of myself and I so need your help to spread this message and get this big idea out there and put an end to this bullying. Gosh, you're going to flip when you see the comments. I'll just read one of them. Thank you for sharing your story. I have a close family member who constantly this is on my wall on the post. Like you'll see people are writing me so many personal statements, stories. I have a close family member who constantly feels attacked, marginalized for being an introvert. Sounds like that kind of discrimination is so much more widespread than I thought. You also bring up a good point that I've seen over and over again. It's the victim of bullying that leaves the organization and is stuck with the bully still there, which is so counterproductive. And that, unfortunately, is typically what happens. And then this person goes on to say, my villain used a death, death by a thousand paper cuts approach where each cut seemed insignificant and made me feel like I was possibly overreacting until I saw the consistent slices started adding up. So you are right on point about how bullying is often disguised as something else. There are so many stories, literally I think it's 700 now, stories on this post that you're gonna see you're not alone. If you've been dealing with a bully, and I don't care if it's a man or woman, it's irrelevant. But you know, bullying isn't just happening on playgrounds, it's happening in the workplace and it's got to end. And I'm so hopeful that this TED Talk is going to get elevated to ted, which only happens if we get so many views on TEDx. So please help me comment, like and share. But you know it's going to bring some attention to this conversation that just isn't happening and something needs to happen about it. I know that Gretchen Carlson's out there advocating that people don't sign NDAs anymore. And you'll see in my TED Talk that's exactly what I did not do. I pushed the NDA away. And I'm so proud of myself for that too. And you will feel my emotion in that because it's so real. And P.S. one other thing. Some hater wrote on my LinkedIn wall that they didn't believe that I was actually chased by a Rottweiler. That's true. That that story is 100 true. Happened in Worcester, Mass. When I was dating a police officer. Whole story is legit. Whole TED Talk is true and legit. So just letting you know that please check it out. It's 10 minutes. It's worthwhile. And I need your help to spread this message and this bullying in the workplace because I'm so over it and I'm so grateful today to work with great people that have my back and everyone should have that opportunity. It's a right. Everyone should have that opportunity. Opportunity. Which brings me to a couple of questions that I've received this week. I've received some people specifically telling me that they hate their job, messaging around. I hate my job. I've been miserable for two years. However, this is coming from a lawyer. I just received a really good job offer at a new firm and I'm paralyzed with fear Hang on. This is what I said to this woman. So you're telling me you hate your job. You. You don't. The people that you work with don't have your back. If anything, you feel like they quietly sabotage you and don't help elevate you. They don't believe in you, but you want to stay there instead of take a chance on yourself in this new opportunity. Here's the thing. And she said, yeah, I wish I had left 10 years ago, but right now might not be the ideal time. Bs. That's fear talking. Just because as kids, we learn when you're scared, run away as adults. Here's what I know. If you're feeling fear, that's your opportunity to grow. Go. Step into fear. It's a green light. That means go. This woman is holding herself back. And here's what's going to happen. Fast forward in your mind five years. So let's put ourselves in this woman's shoes. She's been miserable for the past couple of years at work. If it had been up to her, she would have left. Now that she reflects, she should have left a couple years ago. Well, if couple years ago was the best, best time and that didn't happen, then right now is the only other time. Go and go fast. Leave, get. I mean, aren't you sick of listening to yourself complain about work, of the relationship, whatever it is, but take action and do something. Now is the time. We're wrapping up a decade, people. 19 is a wrap. We're moving on to 2020. Let's do it with a clean slate going in with opportunity, expectations for ourselves and goals that we're going to achieve. And that all starts with us and holding ourselves accountable. So if you're sick of hearing yourself complain, frankly, I'm sick of getting messages like this from people. Pull the trigger. Step into the fear and go for it. Take a chance on you. Then I actually got a phone call from a friend of mine who was explaining how she's marginalized at work in a very big way. Her boss will laugh at her ideas in front of other employees. Her boss made a joke about how inadequate she was in front of a client. Okay, those aren't red flags. Those are reasons to leave a company and leave now. And I understand people will say to me, well, it's not easy. Listen, I was fired at 43 years old at the top of my game. I get not easy. It's scary, it's hard. But if success was easy, everyone would have habit. None of this stuff is easy. Right. You have to step into this fear. You have to believe in yourself. You have to take the chance on you. If you don't believe in you, nobody else will. And we're teaching people how to treat us. So the more we allow situations like that to go on, the more they're going to intensify, the more frequent they will become. And then we'll be banging our head against the wall at home at night saying, how did it get like this? Pull the trigger. Update the rest. Resume. Go on LinkedIn. Leverage LinkedIn. It's unbelievable. You're going to see my post with over 800,000 views and say, wow, I should create a post like this to network and get myself out of my current job and elevate myself and my brand by investing in me. And I want to share with you one of the strategies behind that post. So ask people for what you want. In my post, I always say, please like comment and share. Ask people for their help, right? If you guys like what I'm writing, please like comment and share it. It helps me and that works. Use hashtags on LinkedIn. They definitely help so much. And then it will tell you when one of your hashtags, your post is trending in that hashtag. I use hashtags that are contextual to what I'm writing about. So if I'm writing about the Ted Talk, I, I use hashtag TedX, hashtag TedX Women, hashtag Ted Talks. Right? So you want people that might be interested in that topic to see it. And I'm vulnerable in my posts. You know, I share real, true stories and I'm transparent. And that's different. If you're going to go on LinkedIn and say, Here's a top three sales goals for growing your business in 2020 and boring. Get real. Talk about the difficult conversation that you had with an employee and what you learned from it and how you grew from it, or how you learned you did something incorrectly, right? Or like me, how you allowed a miscommunication to almost derail you. And now you've, you're becoming more disciplined to take a deep breath and communicate better moving forward. So you have all the information, you know, just be real and that will separate you from everyone on LinkedIn or any social media platform for that matter, anyways, because so few people are are real on social media. So as always, thank you for hanging with me for another week in this crazy life. Know that they all, all of these days are not good ones. There have been some low moments. But specific to this week. Wow, what a lesson that I take away from miscommunication and the importance on gaining clarity instead of focusing on next steps and action. I'm so grateful again for working with good people. If you are not working with good people, pull the trigger, update the Resume, get on LinkedIn and get out of there. This is a sign you've been waiting for. Get going until next week. I hope you keep creating your confidence and I look forward to see you. Then I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear. Start learning and growing conventional. Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone.
- [94:18]
Laura Gassner Otting
You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it.
- [94:21]
Heather Monahan
Come on this journey with me.