Podcast Summary: Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan

Episode: Confidence Classic: The Confidence Signals You’re Sending with Vanessa Van Edwards
Date: March 3, 2026
Guest: Vanessa Van Edwards (Speaker, Author, Behavioral Researcher)
Host: Heather Monahan

Episode Overview

In this “Confidence Classic” episode, Heather Monahan sits down with Vanessa Van Edwards to unpack the concept of “cues”—the subtle verbal, nonverbal, and environmental signals that influence how we’re perceived and how confidently we interact with others. Vanessa, a behavioral researcher and author of Cues, provides practical science-based strategies for consciously balancing warmth and competence—the twin pillars of charisma—so you can elevate your effectiveness, leadership, and overall confidence.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Hidden Language of “Cues”

• Invisible Signals: Cues are all around us—through body language, facial expressions, word choice, and vocal inflection—but most people aren’t aware of what they send or receive.
  • “There is an invisible language being spoken all around us that has an incredible impact on our daily lives. The language of cues.” (Co-Host, 04:54)
• Origin Story: Vanessa became obsessed with cues after intuitively sensing when situations felt “off” but struggling to explain why. Her research began by identifying “red flag” cues, like the “lip purse” (mashing lips together)—a sign of withholding, as famously spotted in a Lance Armstrong interview.
  • “A lip purse is when we mash our lips together... it’s a nonverbal cue of withholding. It’s literally like your brain is saying, don’t say that. Keep it in, keep it together.” (Vanessa, 07:11)

2. The Purpose and Power of Warmth and Competence

• Charisma Decoded: Research shows that charisma—and the signals we send—come down to two traits: warmth (trust, friendliness) and competence (power, capability).
  • “The most highly charismatic people rank off the charts in just these two traits, which is warmth and competence.” (Vanessa, 12:15)
• Pitfalls of Imbalance: Focusing on only one trait leads to problems—too much competence can make you seem intimidating; too much warmth can lead to being overlooked or not taken seriously.
  • “The smartest people I know might focus all of their energy on one...they’re impressive but not like-able, or everyone likes them but people don’t take them seriously.” (Vanessa, 13:04)
• The Sweet Spot: The “secret sauce” of charisma is balancing both, which makes you “likeable, trustworthy, and reliable.”

3. Practical Applications—How to Use Cues

Decoding and Encoding Cues

• Two Sides: Charismatic people both skillfully read (decode) and send (encode) purposeful cues.
  • Example: Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson uses audience cues (like eyebrow raises) to gauge engagement and determine what anecdotes make it into his books. (16:00)

Email & Communication Audits

• Email Audit: Review your recent important emails. Count warm (trust/collaboration) and competent (efficiency/power) words. The mix predicts how you’re perceived.
  • “In our lab, we can predict exactly where people fall in the charisma scale based on the email audit.” (Vanessa, 26:08)
  • Highly warm = exclamation points, emojis, friendly openers; highly competent = concise, direct, results-oriented.
• Balance for Results: Vanessa emphasizes balancing warmth and competence in key communications for maximum impact. The same applies to presentations, websites, and even social media (“for every warm photo I have a competent photo”). (27:34)

Verbal Priming: The Power of Word Choice

• Research Example: In a study, participants rated chocolate yogurt as “strawberry” when primed to look for that flavor—demonstrating our words influence perceptions.
  • “We are constantly telling people what yogurt they’re eating.” (Vanessa, 22:19)
• Practical Tip: Purposefully use words that prime your team’s desired behaviors (e.g., “collaborate,” “trust,” “open”) when setting agendas or in critical conversations.

Conversation Starters

• Ditch “How are you?”: Replace with warm + competent openers like “Working on anything exciting these days?” to immediately foster a connection that balances both traits. (31:22)

Physical & Spatial Cues

• Meeting Placement: Your seat at a table can signal status or intentions.
  • Sit in someone’s direct sightline to stay top of mind; face the door for power; sit next to a decision maker if aiming for side conversations, but avoid their line of sight if you want to remain in the background. (40:00)
  • “Being the closest to them will help you whisper or talk to them…but if you want to be front of mind or top of mind, you’re actually better off picking seats that are in their direct line of sight.” (Vanessa, 40:22)
• Space Zones: Respecting personal, social, and public space matters for making others comfortable (avoid being a “close talker”).

Vocal Inflection

• Downward Inflection: Signals competence (“Hi, I’m Vanessa. I’m not here right now. Leave a message after the beep.”).
• Upward Inflection: Signals warmth (“Hi, this is Vanessa!” with a rising tone).
• Use intentionally to modulate your presence based on situation and goals, even with kids, colleagues, or voicemails. (45:00)

4. Self-Awareness, Feedback & Growth

• You Can Learn Charisma: Vanessa asserts anyone can learn how to project charisma by being intentional with cues—not just “born with it.”
  • “100%. I think the biggest mistake is [people think] you can only be born with it....The most charismatic people are incredibly purposeful with their cues.” (Vanessa, 15:05)
• Take the Assessment: Vanessa offers a free warmth/competence quiz at ScienceofPeople.com/charisma; share it with colleagues and compare results for insight (43:00).

5. Memorable Moments & Quotes

• “If you know you have an important email to send out with a great announcement, you are confident the cues you’re using are going to get you the response you want.” (Vanessa, 28:38)
• “Confidence comes from control and purpose.” (Vanessa, 46:34)
• “I want you to know exactly what cues you’re sending. No more accidental inflection; don’t give away any more opportunities.” (Vanessa, 46:34)

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• On Lip Purse & Cues: “A lip purse is when we mash our lips together...it’s a nonverbal cue of withholding. It’s literally like your brain is saying, don’t say that. Keep it in, keep it together.” (Vanessa, 07:11)
• On Charisma: “The most highly charismatic people rank off the charts in just these two traits, which is warmth and competence.” (Vanessa, 12:15)
• Email Audit Tip: “In our lab, we can predict exactly where people fall in the charisma scale based on the email audit.” (Vanessa, 26:08)
• On Purposeful Word Choice: “We are constantly telling people what yogurt they’re eating.” (Vanessa, 22:19)
• On Confidence: “Confidence comes from control and purpose.” (Vanessa, 46:34)
• On Written Cues: “For every warm photo, I have a competent photo...because we saw our engagement shot up, we’re hitting that balance.” (Vanessa, 27:34)
• On Taking Feedback: “Take the quiz, and send it to a colleague, partner, and VIP, and ask them to take it as you. It’s horrifying and very telling and extremely helpful.” (Vanessa, 43:23)

Resources & Where to Find More

• Charisma Self-Assessment Quiz: scienceofpeople.com/charisma (Vanessa, 43:00)
• Download Warm & Competence Phrases: scienceofpeople.com/podcast (Vanessa, 47:13)
• Book: Cues by Vanessa Van Edwards (available wherever books are sold, including Audible—read by Vanessa herself) (Vanessa, 46:53)
• Vanessa’s Research & Tools: scienceofpeople.com

Call to Action

Heather and Vanessa encourage listeners to:

• Audit your own cues—in email, conversation, and body language.
• Balance warmth and competence, intentionally and situationally.
• Try new conversation starters to deepen and elevate interactions.
• Visit Vanessa’s website for tests, resources, and more examples.

“Go be warm and competent. Be your best self.” (Vanessa Van Edwards, 47:43)