← Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan
Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan
Confidence Classic: The Power To Decide and Build a Life You Love with Ally Love
01:13:25
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- [00:00]
Heather
If you feel like you're in the dark because of those things, all I want you to imagine is that if you turned on the light in this dark room that you're in, the reality of the situation is that there will be people standing shoulder to shoulder with you because you're not alone in this discomfort. You're not alone in your uncertainty. You're not alone in this turmoil that you're going through, in this emotional space that you're in. And while our emotions and our stories may be different and uniquely ours, you are not alone in the fact that you still have to confront those things and deal with those things.
- [00:30]
Ali Love
Come on this journey with me each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow.
- [00:41]
Cody
I'm ready for my close up.
- [00:42]
Ali Love
Hi and welcome back. I so appreciate you being here with me today. Oh my gosh, so much to tell you. So first I have to tell you about my episode today and my guest and what happened off air because it was. This is actually the second time I've cried in the last year since I've had a podcast. I'm not a big crier. Early on in my corporate America career and I was in sales leadership, I would see people make mistakes, right? I would see them cry and get frustrated and wear their emotions on their sleeve. I started to observe those people would only reach a certain level. They wouldn't go beyond that level because their emotions had the better of them. They didn't have control of their emotions. So I used to say to myself, I played baseball as a kid, softball as I got older and I've always loved baseball and I just used to always say there is no crying in baseball. So no matter how upset I would get in corporate America, which was very freaking upset, you have no idea the jack balls I worked with. I would get really, really upset and stress was piling on and I would go into the ladies room and breathe or I'd walk outside or I'd go for a ride in my car. Anything to get myself out of the situation, control and calm myself and then re engage when I was in control of my emotions. So saying that I cried twice, the first time was when I recorded Flip Flippin who I actually absolutely freaking love. And if you haven't heard that episode, go back and listen to it. It's all about your third story, the story that you're telling yourself and how you can change it cuz it's a lie. I love that freaking story. I love that episode. I love that man. He's awesome. So, anyhow, that was the first time I cried. Okay, so fast forward to now. I found out about Ali Love. A little over a year ago, I was at my friend Christina's house in Atlanta. She had a peloton. We didn't have anyone to watch the kids, so we couldn't go exercise out of the house. And. And she said, oh, just go upstairs and do a Peloton ride. Which I did. And she said, take an Ally Love class. Ally has this real warmth and positive energy and inclusive message. She's a black woman, she's young, she's gorgeous, but there's something about her that people trust and are drawn to. And I was right. So I didn't have a peloton at the time, but when the pandemic hit, I ordered a peloton and the ones and twos and got that thing in here so fast and had a huge blow up with my building because I didn't have a reservation for the elevator, and that's policy. And the woman downstairs was trying to forbid the peloton people to bring the bike in. I lost my mind. Occasionally I do that. And I called the head of the building and said, it is a pandemic and this is life and death situations, and I need some type of exercise while I am quarantined in my small condo. And they. They let it up. Okay, so that was the good news. Got the peloton in for the win. And truly, during quarantine, when for a couple months, we weren't able to leave the house at all, that was the only exercise I got. And it was a saving grace for me because it transported me out of here to a different place where I wasn't alone. I had my son here with me, but I wasn't the only adult. And, you know, seeing someone else, their face right on my screen talking to me, oh, my gosh, I love that. It was a game changer, lifesaver for me. So I always knew I wanted to have my favorite instructors on the show, but hadn't. I had reached out a few times and hadn't heard back. Like anything, you know, when I hear crickets, I might wait a little bit, but I'm going to pivot and come back after you. So I came back after Ally Love. She connected me to the peloton team. They scheduled her, and today we have her on the show. Now, that is not why I cried. So I had researched Ali a lot outside of peloton. The same Way I would any, anyone that I interview, I, I read their books, I, I listen to their TED talks, I, whatever their thing is, I'm all over it for hours and hours to prep and make sure I'm prepared for the interview. So I just consumed so much of Ali's content. Her TED Talk's awesome. It's really short, seven minutes. It's really good. And she killed it. I, you know, I went through so many different interviews that she's done and was just so blown away by her story. Also, I didn't know she's going to share something with us today, and she only just recently started talking about it and something that happened to her when she was nine years old. So, you know, she's being very vulnerable, and I know how scary that can be. Well, being a white woman that's interviewing a black woman right now, in the current situation in the world, I felt vulnerable. I also felt it was my job and duty to show up and ask her what her thoughts are, how she's leading, how she's leading as a peloton instructor, as a black woman in this environment we're in. I didn't know how to word it, and I really hadn't been thinking about that because the more I would think about it, I got scared, right? Scared. Because here's the thing, people are judging other people. People are hating on other people. I've gotten some really nasty messages. If you don't post something fast enough, you're wrong. If you post something too fast and didn't do it right, you're wrong. If you didn't use the right hashtag, you're wrong. If you weren't vocal enough, you're wrong. And those are the kinds of things that I'm getting. And I know some really large influencers that have deleted Instagram pages, paused posting, because the amount of attack they're getting is massive. I'm not here to weigh in on if it's warranted with some of these people. Listen, some of these people, if anyone's racist, then I get it. You know, I do not tolerate racism, however. It's just there's a lot of hatred out there right now. There's a lot of attack right now, and there's a lot of judging. And frankly, there's a lot of ignorance, too. And that's what my fear was, was that I would be ignorant. I didn't want to be ignorant. And that's what I kept thinking about, is that if I say it the wrong way, I'm ignorant. I was afraid I didn't want to do it wrong and I didn't know the right way to do it because for me, I haven't done it before. Up until this point, I've just posted things online. And every time I post something, I either get someone hating what I posted or telling me they could have done a better, better, you know, it's not right. And so I know that I'm in a judgment zone. And that's, you know, a little uncomfortable, right? It's a little, little scary. And this is different because it's live and there's no editing and there's just conversation and two people. And. And while I follow Ally and know a lot about her and feel like I know her, it's not like we've ever hung out and, you know, gone on a trip together. So my vibe is that I really feel she's so inclusive. So I thought, you know, what if I'm going to do this as a. Really to do with. Because she's. She comes from a place of love. And I feel like if you come from a place of love, there can't be hate. So I hadn't thought about it a lot because that's sort of my strategy. I'll share this with you when I have a super busy day, which I did today, and I'm back to back all day long, and I have my son here and, you know, he's stuck inside all day and I have to cook for him and I have to do all these meetings or I get to. I should reframe that. I get to. I'm so blessed to have my son and so, so grateful for that. However, in the olden days, he'd be at camp and I take him there at nine and he gets picked up at five and he plays sports all day and all is well and I get my job done. But it's different now. So everything's different now, right? So anyhow, I. What I do is I try not to get too focused on the thing ahead of me. I just focus on the situation I'm in. Otherwise I'd get overwhelmed. So that's kind of my strategy. And I wasn't thinking about the complexity of what I. My concerns were and that I didn't want to be ignorant and that I didn't want to say the wrong thing and that my intent is good. And I know my intent is good, but sometimes it doesn't matter right in the world, sometimes words get twisted or people hear something different, or you didn't say something right, and mistakes get made. And so I was scared. So we get on the call, and I said to Ali, it's the same thing I usually say to most people. I said, is there anything you don't want to talk about today? Is anything off limits? And she said, no, I trust you. And so that made me feel really happy.
- [08:50]
Heather
Right.
- [08:50]
Ali Love
So I said, okay. All right, great. So we do the whole interview, which you're going to hear in a minute, and if I'd ever stopped talking. Right. And so at the end, I asked her about the. What I said. I believe I said racial unrest. I think that's the words I use. I don't know. I didn't write anything down. I didn't, you know, script something out. I never script anything out, by the way, for the show. I do my work, but I don't believe in scripts. So I think I said racial unrest. Now, I was nervous. I wonder if you'll hear my voice. I'm super interested to hear if you do. But I also really trust Ali and feel she's inclusive and feel she comes from a place of love. So I was willing to take that risk, and I felt it was the right thing to do. How could I talk to her and not address this? That, to me, is sheepish, and there's no place for that. I would rather have an imperfect conversation where I mess up some words and maybe I don't do things right, but my intent is right and my heart is good, and I mean for good. And if people know me and are in a conversation with me, then that's felt. That's how I led in this uncertain conversation. So I did not say it correctly, and I knew it once it came out of my mouth. However, I will say this woman handled herself with extreme poise and explained in a really beautiful way how I could say it moving forward. And she said, you know, it's not racial unrest. It's Black Lives Matter. And you'll hear Ali explain it. But it wasn't attacking. I wasn't offended. She taught me something, you know, something really powerful so that I don't have to feel ignorant or uncertain moving forward, that I have verbiage and words that I can use that are better. Right. That's the only way we get better sometimes is making mistakes. And I was so grateful she didn't attack me. And I was grateful she understood I was coming from a place of good, and I was grateful she included me. And she talked a lot about, you're not alone, you're not alone, and that it touched my Heart so much I could cry again right now. So we finish the interview, which you're gonna hear in a minute if I ever stop talking. And I pressed stop recording, and I thanked her. I said, listen, I am so grateful that you just explained that to me, and I know my words were wrong. And thank you for not attacking me, and thank you for explaining it beautifully, and thank you for being that kind and loving and inclusive you. Because I didn't do it right. Oh, gosh, this is so hard for me. And she was amazing. She didn't have her camera on, you know, which I get sometimes. You don't want to get ready for every show or whatever, and you have other things going on. That's fine. But she turned her camera on right away because I started crying. And she said, listen to me. I am so glad and grateful you did have the conversation. And she said, the conversation needs to be had. This is all about having the conversation. It doesn't have to be the perfect one. It just has to be had. That's a start. That's somewhere to begin. And I just. I lost it. I was bawling. It was very emotional. I even feel emotional right now explaining it to you, because I was scared, and I'm an unchartered water, and I just. Like, all of us are right. It's not just me. It was scary, and I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be ignorant. That was my big thing. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I didn't want to be ignorant, and I didn't want to say the wrong things when I wanted to say the right things. And you know what? I didn't say the right things. And I still feel really proud that I did it. And that's because she comforted me.
- [12:30]
Cody
She.
- [12:31]
Ali Love
Here she is. She's the one saying, it's okay. And you know what? And she's a true leader. And she's so freaking young. I'm just so. I'm impressed. I'm so inspired by her. She's a total boss. And I just felt so grateful because ironically, one of my mentees had sent me an email while I was doing the interview. I get off, and I go to my email to respond back to people, and I see an email from one of my mentees, and it said something to the effect of, Heather, I've got a team meeting tomorrow with all my employees. You know, he's got a sizable company, and he said, we haven't had a team meeting in over a month. And I don't know what to do. Do I bring up the racial situation in the US Right now, or is it best just not to say anything? No one's brought it up to me. You know, kind of like sort of how I was sitting there myself before I interviewed Ali, like, listen, this is on the table. I've got to. I've got to address it, but I don't know the words to. He didn't know the words to say. And I was so grateful. I just had that conversation because I responded to him. You absolutely have to bring it up. And there aren't right or perfect words, and you're going to make mistakes, but it's about leading with courage that you have the right intent. And I explained to him what Ali said to me. I didn't use the right words, but she was so grateful that I used words. So an imperfect conversation will always be better than none. And I feel so good sharing that feedback from her. And I felt really good encouraging him to have the conversation tomorrow, which he is going to. And I can't wait to hear how imperfectly perfect it goes. But I'm proud of him for coming from a place of good and not having the answers and doing it anyway. So now turning it over to this interview, which I think is amazing, and I think you're going to as well.
- [14:20]
Cody
Meet a different guest each week. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so excited for you to meet my guest today. She's a model, she's a host, she's a speaker, she's a TEDx speaker, which, you know, I'm so passionate about. She's a peloton instructor, a social media influencer, a brand ambassador, and she's CEO and founder of the Love Squad. Ali Love, thank you so much for being here today.
- [14:52]
Heather
Thank you so much for having me. Heather, I'm so excited to chat with you.
- [14:55]
Cody
I'm excited to chat with you too. There's so much about you, Ali, that to me, it's so important to amplify your voice and your message right now. And really at the core of that is your inclusivity, which I feel every class that I take whenever I see your social media posts. And I know that you've created this community that people feel accepted, empowered, and motivated with the message that you have around positivity and including others. And first of all, I want to thank you for that because it's so important right now that everybody hears it.
- [15:30]
Heather
Oh, thank you. I tend to get that question interesting enough. It's like, how are you the most positive person. And a short answer. I'm not. I'm just like everyone else. And that level of inclusivity is all encompassing and understanding that we are all maybe different in regards, but all uniquely the same. We all want to be better and be better versions of ourselves. And so I think for me it's as much as possible evening the playing fields and letting everyone know that you're always invited and you always have a seat at the table I'm sitting at.
- [15:59]
Cody
Well, that's nice to hear because these days it doesn't always feel that way. So thank you for putting that out there.
- [16:04]
Ali Love
One of the things that I wanted.
- [16:06]
Cody
To start with today is when people see you, people create a story in their mind. Right. You know, oh, this woman's so beautiful and she's so fit and she can do things. Of course she can be positive. I mean, her life is so perfect. She's on Good Morning America, she's doing this and that. And as I've researched you and learned so much about you, I know and I want everyone to know your life has been faced with incredible challenges beginning as early as 9. And I was hoping you could share with us that adversity and what you did to overcome it.
- [16:41]
Heather
Absolutely. I will preempt this by saying social media is a really tiny aperture to what real life looks like. Right. It's a curated space. So is anything that's usually on tv, you have makeup on, you have your best outfit. All of these things are curated opportunities. And not to say that they're not important, because they are. We use these platforms to share stories, to share information, but sometimes what ends up happening is that the story gets dismissed a bit and it's more of the optics. And so I just wanted to preempt what my story I'm about to share with that because I think it's really important. Again, this concept of being approachable and relatable is really true to who I am. At nine years old, I got hit by a car. I was at a family gathering. And you know, as a family, we usually on the weekends do family barbecues and celebrate and just enjoy each other's time. And so I was at a family gathering. I went to the ice cream truck to get some ice cream. Like any fun ready to eat ice cream nine year old is. And then I was walking across the street in a car which was parked on the side, drove around and hit me. I ended up flying up in the air, landing on the hood of the car, rolling to the side, I broke my left femur I cracked a lot of my front teeth and I skinned my body up. I was in the hospital for seven days. Five of those seven days. I had a weight tied to my ankle to keep the bone, my femur bones separated because at the age of nine, there was no plate for my hip. Because your femur is basically your hip, it's the largest bone in your body. And most times people break their hips, they're a little older. So it was very rare that a nine year old would come into the hospital in an emergency with a broken hip. And so that was the case. And I had to wait for five days until they created a plate and then shipped it from China so that I could have surgery. And now during this time, I can tell you it wasn't easy and I could not imagine what my family was going through because as an adult now, while I don't have kids, I do have nieces and nephews. I can only imagine how challenging, how heart wrenching and how emotional that could be for any parent. What ended up happening was that experience, however traumatic it was, was a turning point in my life, even at nine years old. And I will be transparent, Heather, and say I haven't actually shared this story quite a bit. I only recently started talking about it since we've been in this pandemic. So for the past two and a half months and it's been coming up because while you are in your home and you're thinking about life or death, because we're hit with COVID 19, a lot of self awareness started to really play a role in the work that I was doing for myself. And so this story started to really manifest. And I've talked about it with my mom quite a bit, but it was this moment where she was standing next to me. She had just finished talking to the doctor and she said, you know, she was honest, she said it's not looking good and you have a decision to make. Now the question that she asked me at that time, I don't know if I'd have the courage to ask a nine year old, let alone a nine year old that was my daughter. But she asked me, she said, you have a choice and you can either choose to live, and if you choose to live, you have to fight, you have to fight relentlessly, you have to fight hard or you can choose to die. And if you choose to die, we support you. We know that it's not easy. And she was like, if you choose life, you have to pray to God and you have to fight. You make that decision and you let us know. And it was one of those things again, that was odd. As I think about it, in the past, she gave me some time in the hospital. She went down, took a walk, came back, and we kind of picked up on the conversation. And after me praying, I grew up very religious. My family's religious. After praying, I let her know. I was like, you know what? I want to live, I want to fight. And it was that opportunity that my mom afforded me the responsibility to decide about my own life. That was a turning point for me. And I started fighting. And I keep saying this often, it's like in that moment of choosing to fight for my life, I've never stopped. And it's not like a woe is me story, but it was that turning point that said, you know what? I understand what close to death feels like. I know what it feels like to be in a hospital room for a very long time, not sure and when you would get out in a sense, because we weren't sure when the plate was gonna be finished. And I know what it feels like to make a decision about yourself. And so ever since that moment, I sincerely have always decided to decide. I've never just idly said, you know, I'm not gonna make a decision because not making a decision is making a decision. And so I've been decisive in where I go, knowing that there are consequences on both sides. But that has played a big role in what my life has ended. The path into which I taken over the years.
- [21:09]
Cody
Wow. I am a mother with a 13 year old. And I just, I have so much empathy for all of you, your entire family going through that.
- [21:19]
Ali Love
I can't. I can't imagine.
- [21:20]
Cody
And so proud of you and of your mom. When you got back home. So you, you were not mobile. You're laying in a bed, and the rest of the world went back to regular life. But you didn't get to, right?
- [21:35]
Heather
Not at all. I mean, at that point, I had a cast that covered my entire stomach all the way down to my foot. So it was a half of a body cast. And I had a hospital bed in my living room. So we had to re. You know, with any child that's injured, you usually have to make some adjustments to how you're living. And so we had to make some major adjustments. I was homeschooled. I had physical therapy once. The cast, the cast had to come off in parts. That's how big it was. So, you know, it was like having this part, the entire cast on for six weeks. And then having a quarter of the, you know, of it removed around the ankle and then at the knee and then at the waist. And so it was one of those things where I probably had a cast for about five months on, but it was removed in parts. And during that time, I can say that it definitely tested my relationship with my mom because I was going through a lot of pain and she was there with me while I was home schooled and going through physical therapy. But it was one of those times where it really was, again, not only a turning point in me deciding around my life, but it was a turning point in solidifying a solid foundation between my mother and I. And it's not easy. As you say, you have a 13 year old. When you get to preteens, it gets even harder emotionally and then teens. And so I think we went through all of the preteen teen emotions. When I was nine years old, because I was in the house with her, she would take me outside to get some sun. We lived in Miami, so we'd go in our backyard and it was awful because she'd have me laying out there and my cast was sweating and I would be annoyed by her. And so we had a lot of the tough conversations early on. And it really put us in a great place to become close friends. Obviously, she's my mom and my family, but it's put us in a position even to this day to become the closest of friends.
- [23:12]
Ali Love
You know, I was watching an interview.
- [23:14]
Cody
That you did recently and hearing you describe looking out the window and watching other kids go to school, watching them come home from school, watching them live their lives while you were stuck in the house with your mother, not having the most enjoyable time. And, you know, listening to you talk about that really related to me. Around the pandemic, around quarantine, and how many of us feel looking out a window. I happen to live in a building, so going out of the building often has not been part of the program while we're in the quarantine because, you know, you run into people in the halls and in your building. And I just, I really related to that feeling that you would have looking outside the window and reevaluating, when this is over, what different changes will I make? Was that part of the way that you were thinking is, how can I reengage when this is over?
- [24:10]
Heather
It was almost as if you're acknowledging you're witnessing everyone move about and you're static and you feel like you're not doing enough. Even as a young kid, you're not playing enough, you're not going to school, you know, you're just not doing enough. It put me in a position where I started feeling like, yeah, I had fomo, fear of missing out. I was missing out on so much. But it did help put in perspective, don't take things for granted. And the same thing with quarantine. Often enough and interesting that you bring this up. We had a big, in our four year, we had a big window that looked out, yes, into our front yard and in our front yard was as far away, it was like a sidewalk. And so I'd see everyone going to school in the morning and I'd stand there in that window and it just reminded me never to take anything for granted. And that was one of the reasons why I ended up becoming a dancer. Because the doctor, after physical therapy let my mom know, manage your expectations. She may walk with a limp, she probably will have arthritis when she's in high school and she'll probably never become a runner or be very athletic. So manage your expectations. And so knowing this information and actually going through this everyday wide stand in front of this window and see life happening before me. I decided I wasn't going to take anything for granted. And I didn't want anyone to decide who and what I could do but me, but me and God. And so I decided, yeah, I'm going to start running, I'm going to start walking, I'm going to start dancing. So I started doing these things and really learning how to do them. And eventually I became a dancer. That's why I moved to New York City is to pursue dance. And when I came to New York City, I ended up going to, I got a scholarship to go to Fordham University and get a bachelor's in fine arts through the Alvin Ailey program and minor in theology. And still during that time in college we used to have floor to ceiling windows. I would stand in my dorm room and look outside and watch how busy New York was. And it would be a moment of nostalgia and of course like a moment of being grateful and pretty cathartic in a way of acknowledging that I wouldn't take this for granted. I wouldn't take the fact that I was able to move away from home, go to school, use my body at that point to really convey messages in a big city that I always loved. As I'm talking to you right now, exactly what we're talking about is what I'm doing. I literally sit in front of the windows of my apartment while we have been in pandemic and I have calls, I have meetings and I look out of the window at everything that's going on. It's just a great reminder again, not to take things for granted.
- [26:32]
Cody
It truly is and it is a challenge sometimes not to have that FOMO that what is going on out there, but to refocus it to. We have so much to be grateful for regardless of wherever we are right now. So I appreciate that perspective. From deciding to become a dancer and overcoming all of these odds, how does your trajectory change and evolve? It's such a non traditional path and that interests me because it isn't simplistic or it doesn't seem like it would be simplistic. To go from all the challenges you had to a dancer, to a host in the NBA, to a peloton instructor, to a business owner, to someone teaching others how to build businesses. How does all of that unfold? Did you ever know it was unfolding?
- [27:19]
Heather
Short answer, no, but longer answer, it end up unfolding in one specific way. I always say that you find your career one of two ways. Either you've known since you were a kid that you were going to do this and nothing has deterred you from that path, or you lean into people telling you what you're good at. And so I knew that I could do a lot more than dance. And the reality, to be completely candid with everyone who's listening, many of us know what it means to either graduate high school or college or just venture out into adulthood. And you have to make a decision. You have to either follow a love, a pursuit or passion or you got to make money to survive. At the point of my senior years, I started working with companies. I got forwarded the opportunity to go to San Francisco and Canada and work with these professional companies. What I realized is that I wouldn't be able to sustain or afford living in New York once I graduated. And I didn't want to, quote unquote, become a starving artist. And the reason is because honestly, my family wouldn't be able to bail me out or help me, so I didn't have any cushion. And so what ended up happening was around my senior year I decided to go in to become a model. I was like, what are my other assets that I could use? And for lack of a better word, exploit in a way to make sure that I am using every talent God has given me. I remember my mom telling me this story and I'm going want to butcher it in the Bible of just like, you know, this man was given one talent, he Buried it. This man was given two talents. He used it. It multiplies. This man was given, you know, whatever talents. And it's like the more of that story of being given talents is that if you hide your talents, then they die, they fall away. But if you utilize them, they grow, they multiply. And so I knew that that was a possibility. If I could defy almost dying and coming out to be a dancer and move to the best city in. I would say this is a personal opinion. The best city in the world. One of the best cities in the world, New York, and pursue that passion, I. That I could use and leverage other skill sets. There was more that I could offer. And so I started modeling, which put me in a position financially to be able to afford a house with an apartment with one roommate instead of three. And then from modeling, I knew. I saw that there were girls that were a little older than me, but similar hosting. They were doing, you know, New York 1 and the taxicabs and all of these things. And I was like, wait a minute, how did she get there? And I started doing research. And I have always been curious around, how did someone get to the place that they are? Not to say I should have everything, but also to identify what are my strong points. And at a young age, I knew in college what my strengths were. I knew that I was a good dancer. I knew that I was a great performer. And most importantly, one of the things that I knew I was great at, most importantly and that I loved doing, was talking to people. I could talk all day to everybody. I loved it. In New York, everyone has so many interesting stories. And so that's when I started taking classes. I leaned into. Even with anything, I always say, lean into resources to figure out what you don't know. So that's what I did. I started taking hosting classes, and I started going on. I started googling New York hosting auditions, anything. Until I got an agent and I was signed with Wilhelmino Modeling. And then I started doing hosting. And so I really, really, for the lack of a better word, or maybe more not a lack of a better word, but for the word we're commonly hearing these days. I hustled hard, right? It was my. And in my own words, I bossed up. It was me just again, leveraging those skill sets and those passions to put me in a position where I could afford living in New York. I was safe. I was in a position where I wanted more, and I could figure out how to do that. And I think that that's what my family wanted. My mom was like, you can stay there but we got to make sure you're okay. And so that was the agreement that we had and it end up working out.
- [30:46]
Cody
Meet a different guest each week.
- [30:52]
Unknown
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Ali Love
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Unknown
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- [34:35]
Cody
I asked you to try to find your passion. So it's such a non traditional, non conventional path that you follow. Where does that motivation and that boss up come from? So many people would have stopped with, okay, I become a dancer, I become a model, I become a speaker and a host. So many people would plateau there and be just fine with that. How and why did you add a TED talk to it? Become a peloton instructor, Start working with brands? Where does that push come from?
- [35:10]
Heather
So it's actually the story of love squad. It's of all of this. And I know those of you that are listening, this sounds so. It might sound so good to you, but it comes with a lot of nos. It came with a lot of no's, and it definitely came with a lot of heartache and quote unquote failure. Right? These things, these lessons. But it was one of the reasons why I bossed up or hustle hard or any tagline or any quotable message you want to put in front of that is because it was basically out of frustration and a lack of resources as Young woman, as a young mixed woman, as a young black woman in New York City. It's not easy. You know, it's not easy wanting to make more of yourself, especially when you don't have a clear path. I think I look at my life kind of like how Sheryl Sandberg talks about moving around in a company in her book Lean In. It's a jungle gym. It's not just vertical, you know, it's a jungle gym that you're moving. And that's kind of how I look at my career, being a part of this last generation. People are dynamic. Women are dynamic. We are dynamic, and we're multidimensional, multifaceted. And it's one of those things to say you have more than one passion. Most times you have more than one skill set you can offer. And so I wanted to make sure that I was going down the right path. And the only way to do that was to pursue these areas that I was curious about. And so in those moments of hard times, in this concept of an unconventional career path, this frustration and lack of resources didn't always afford me the opportunity to be in rooms where decisions were being made or to be in places where I could network and find my fairy God, mentor, mother, or whatever. Like, I wasn't able to do those things. And so what I decided to do once I got a little older, past 21, was offer the information back. I know. And I come back to what I said to you, Heather, when we first started talking, is there's no difference between me and anyone that's listening. No matter how old you are, how young you are, where you live, in terms of what we desire for ourselves and for our family, we are all uniquely different. I do identify that. I would be remiss if we didn't say that, but we are all uniquely the same in wanting to be our better versions of ourselves or be our best selves, or continue to help be a citizen of our community and continue to do things fairly and just and equally. And those are all of our desires, for the most part. And so knowing that I didn't want any, if I got to, you know, from point A to point B, and it took me three hours, and I can offer insight to someone who is either around curious to get from point A to point B, I can offer them insight that will shorten that time, and they get there in 90 minutes, why wouldn't I do that? And so that's when I created Love Squad. I was like, you know, all the information that I. It may not be much, but everything that I know right now or have learned, I'd love to share with someone so they don't have to get frustrated or they don't have to pay for it. Knowledge is very expensive. Information is expensive. And so I created Love Squad out of, again, a sheer frustration and lack of resources to say, hey, everyone, come out. It started out as a website. Adidas found the website. It was really crappy website, to be completely transparent. Adidas found it, asked if I would create some content for their site. I was definitely emailed back, like, I think you got the wrong person because this is not good stuff. And they were like, no, we want you to create some content. And from there, I decided to continue pursuing this quote, unquote blog that I had. And it was about the time I was talking to a friend and she's like, you need to invite people out. And at this time, I only had about 3,000 followers on my Instagram. And I had. And not to say that wasn't a lot. I mean, that's still a lot of people following you. So I was very grateful. But I'm not sure all those people were interested in meeting me at this point. I think I was hosting for the Brooklyn Nets, and I decided to do a little event partner with a space in New York City and invite anyone who wanted to come out. It was going to be a free event, 50 spots, because, you know, New York, we don't have that much space. 50 spots. And what ended up happening, which was the aha moment around Love Squad, is what ended up happening was I opened the evite and within 15 seconds, 50 spots were taken and 75 people were on the wait list. And now this event was going to encompass a workout and then a panel discussion between me and one of my friends. I invited my friend, I was like, girl, can you work for me for free? And she said, yes, she's great. And so it was basically the conversation part that people started sticking around for. I just shared information on how I build a website, how I started building a brand, where Love Squad came from, how I auditioned, just offering some simple tricks and tips to help the community. And from there, I just decided to continue to pursue that. So I guess again, long answer to your question is unconventional. Absolutely. But frustration and lack of resources really were my driving point to say, I think I'm worth it and I think I could do it. And I want to do this for my family. And so that's what I'm doing.
- [39:50]
Cody
It's amazing. And I love the analogy of the jungle gym. Because. Because for myself, being in corporate America for 20 plus years, I always thought careers were so linear, and it was just supposed to be that way. I don't even know if anyone ever verbalized that to me or that's just what I saw or understood. But this idea that you had to be in one lane and there was a goal at the end of the lane, and I just love this idea of busting up the lanes and taking your talents wherever they go. Have you ever felt through any of these journeys as you move to a different role or added or leverage your talents for a new opportunity? Oh, this one's just not a right fit for me. Ooh, I'm not good at this one. I'm gonna pivot and dump that one and step away from it.
- [40:33]
Heather
I think that what ended up happening is like, you kind of make those tough decisions that you do have to leave. So I remember being a Nick City dancer, and I'd been a Nick City dancer for three seasons, and I had a conversation with my boyfriend Andrew, who's still my boyfriend now, and we were talking about, should I say a fourth season? So if I say being a Nick City dancer was affording me that visibility, I love being a part of the team. This was my entry point to the NBA because right after this, I started hosting for the Nets. And so we talked about progress. Identifying what progress looks like to you as an individual is really what drives this decision of leaving or moving on or making a change. And so he asked me what progress looked like, and I told him, and he said, do you think that that can happen where you are in terms of being on the team? And I said it was highly unlikely. And so he said, well, that drives your decision. It seems like you should leave. And it was very uncomfortable because I was like, okay, this makes sense, but it just doesn't feel good. Like no one wants to leave. And at that time, I didn't have anything lined up right. Like, I was like, oh, okay, I'm just gonna leave this job. And so I end up really trusting him and in terms of, like, his feedback. And I left. And what ended up happening was, was it actually shaped my adult career in a sense. I spent three months at home quite a bit, and instead of I realized there was a difference between being busy and being productive. In this three months, being busy is like, yeah, my Instagram story's lit, but I haven't done anything to add value to my long term goal or even to figure out what that long term goal was. Or even short term goal. And so I had a lot of again, that self awareness, that self discovery started to happen. I ended up started hosting. That's when I started taking hosting classes. That was the time I said, you know what, let me explore this. I started by doing camera work. I was like, let me just go take a class to see how to get better on camera because I'm going on castings with my modeling agency that were for commercials. And I had no clue. And again, all this may sound glamorous, but when you're getting a no. Every time you go to a commercial casting, you're like, yeah, well, maybe this is telling me I don't got it, I don't have it. But the reality was it's not that I wasn't good enough. It's just I wasn't prepared. I wasn't at that point. And so using those three months, I started taking classes, really going in for it. And honestly, what ended up happening, I sent an email out to all the people that were in my Gmail account at that time and I said, I am a host. I called myself a host. No one did, but I did after taking like, you know, three months of classes. And I will host your kids baby birthday party, your baby shower, your charity event. I will host for free, for experience. And it was literally at this point, Heather, that one of my friends who worked for the Brooklyn Nets, they had just moved to Brooklyn, she was like, hey, you've been a part of the NBA. Maybe you could be our host. And I came in for an interview and I was super honest. I was like, hey, no skills here. I do know how the NBA works. I know the game, I know basketball. And it ended up happening where they offered me the job. And if I hadn't had that conversation with my boyfriend Andrew at the time of making the decision, it wasn't me just on a whim saying, I'm done with this or it doesn't make me feel good. No, it was literally like, what does progress identify what progress looks like for you? Is that allowed in the space that you're in at the company that you're in? Is it opportunity? If it's not, then that kind of answers your question and it makes you make those tough decisions. So that was a story that highlights. I had to make that decision. It was uncomfortable. I probably felt like I wasn't ready. But I did it and it led me to now I've been a host of the Brooklyn Nets for seven seasons. It's one of the best jobs that I have ever had. It's an organization that I love. I've grown there. I mean, I have learned things that I don't think I could ever learn. Because in hosting, you got to do it in real time.
- [44:05]
Cody
You're so good at it too. You're real. And everything I looked at, it's really very impressive. And I appreciate that you invested in yourself and took the classes, you put the time and you offered your services for free at first. I think a lot of people want to leapfrog that window and not do it, and that's where the hard work and experience comes from. I also love that you called yourself a host before anyone else called you one. That resonates with me so much. I remember when I got fired and left corporate America, I would say, oh, I got fired, I got fired. I don't know what I'm gonna do. When I had, I was already writing a book. I was already knew I was going to work for myself. But to make that leap and start saying to people, oh, I work for myself. I'm an entrepreneur, I'm an author. To actually put it out to the world was super, super scary. So I'm so proud of you that you did that. Before anyone called you a host, you called yourself one. I seriously applau because I believe when you do put things out to the universe, you will start connecting dots and opportunities will start lining up for you. So that, that was brilliant that you did that. Meet a different guest each week.
- [45:14]
Unknown
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- [46:57]
Cody
I asked you to try to find your passion.
- [47:01]
Unknown
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Ali Love
Win.
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Unknown
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You.
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- [48:41]
Ali Love
I asked you to try to find your.
- [48:43]
Cody
Passion so from there and you brought this up when you were just sharing that story. You were talking about the importance of these bigger picture goals, what does that look like for you right now? What are those grandiose goals for you?
- [48:57]
Heather
I actually never put too much pressure on myself to figure that out or have that answer right away. Like many of us, we're in a position where we try to map out what the next 10 years looks like. We'd probably fail because we never know we'd be here. What we had mapped out for 2020 did not look like this. That is probably a unanimous quote for everyone where you're just like, I didn't expect it to look like this. So for me, what I end up doing is a short term goal. I want to continue on the paths that I'm in. I love being a peloton instructor. I love our community. I love being able. And that also too didn't come. That wasn't something that I thought I'd be either. I never wanted to be an instructor because I didn't think that I was going to ever be good at that or that I had anything to offer in that area. So that's what I mean is that even becoming a peloton instructor. If I had put myself in a position when I became the host of the Brooklyn Nets to look at five years, set a five year goal and a ten year goal, I would have sold myself short because one of the best things that had ever happened to me was becoming a peloton instructor. So for me right now, I stay true to that. I think I do want to stay in the lane of live, on camera, scripted, unscripted tv. I love motivational positivity. I love how to. Because again, if I can get you from point A to point B, it took me three hours, but it only takes you 90 minutes. I want to be able to offer that, or at least connect the dots to someone who can get you that information. So be a conduit through the conversation for that. I know that again, these are the things that I love to do. What they will look like in the next five years, 10 years, I don't know, because technology is moving faster than my mind. And so I want to be, as I always say, don't be flexible, be fluid, because flexibility has a breaking point. I want to be as fluid and my abilities to think beyond what is right now. But also I want to be pretty diligent in what I have going on. So I'm dedicated to Love Squad, to hosting for the Brooklyn Nets Adidas Global Ambassador, being a peloton instructor as I continue to pursue those skills because I can identify Progress in all of those areas. I just know it'll lead me to that point of, okay, if there is a next move that I need to make in the next couple years, it will come through my curiosity and diligence for working really hard in those areas because they have great, again, great exposure, great platforms, and I can identify progress.
- [51:15]
Cody
So you bring up peloton, and that's actually how I found you a little over a year ago. I didn't have a peloton at the time, and I was at a girlfriend's house, staying at our house with her family in Atlanta, and we wanted to work out and there wasn't anyone to watch the kids. And she said, just go upstairs and ride the peloton. And I said, well, who do I take for a class? She said, well, Ally Love. And, yeah, she's a huge fan and still is. And so that was my first experience with peloton. What was interesting is fast forward months. I always took classes in a location. I love being around people and I love the energy of leaving my home and working out somewhere. This is pre pandemic, obviously. When I was seeing the news the first week of March and seeing that there was a potential that we were going to be hit with this pandemic, I. I got online and I bought my peloton with a rushed delivery, and it literally came four days before we were put on quarantine. That bike, I have to tell you, that bike, you, Alex, Cody, I mean, you guys saved me. It is unbelievable how that bike and the community, the high fives, the music, the messaging that you give and share in your ride, how uplifting that was. I wonder for you, being on the other end, being responsible and in the leadership role, knowing so many people are tuning into you as a lifeline stuck at home, what was that experience like for you?
- [52:47]
Heather
Well, first, I want to say thank you so much to your friend for suggesting me. I appreciate it. It never gets old. And thank you. I mean, on behalf of my colleagues. We have definitely the best instructors in the world. And I always say it's because of their level of humanity that just sets them ap. I love, love, love my fellow instructors. But in terms of now being at home, what ended up happening was with the pandemic and everything happening with COVID we end up teaching from home, many of us. Peloton, I will say our production techs have some magic in their fingertips where, as to quote Jen Sherman, I, like, opened my door and there was a production studio in front of my door. They packaged everything up Sent it to some of our homes who had the space. And we were able to set up a studio and be able to stream content live from home. And I think one of our members made a really good statement. They're like, are you really socially distancing? And if so, how are you doing it? Because you usually have 25,000 people live in your living room. And I thought that was so funny. And I thought it was a clear, clear kind of like picture of what's going on. But Peloton is uniquely positioned in the intersectionality of media, of technology, of fitness. And the real, I say engine for us is our community, is our humanity, is the fact that we understand that while we didn't know, I mean, I didn't know exactly what a pandemic felt like. This is the first of my lifetime. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what to do and do it correctly. But I did the best that I could. And with that being said, is like to continue to stay connected on social, on Facebook, taking rides, swarming, being able to. I also, just like you, Heather, I ended up getting a bike right at the top of Pandemic so that I could engage with our community so I can hop on in my living room and take a ride. And many of you are like, ali, why didn't you have a bike already? Aren't you an instructor? Let me put it this way, I was very close. I am very close to the studio, so if I wanted to ride, I can do that. I'm also not always like, once I bring work home, I'm on it all the time, which was my fear. But it's a reality now, which I love because I'm not in the studio as much. So no, I didn't have a bike because they were bikes at our studio, in our locker rooms that we could, you know, we could utilize. So I got my riding in. But becoming a home rider at the top of the pandemic, I was able to swarm. I still ride at 6am with my 6am hit us on a Tabata ride. We pick a ride, I post it on my stories. I get about 200 people that will swarm in the mornings, Tuesday at 6am Even though there's nothing on the schedule and we'll take the same ride from five months ago. And so I will say, like, it has been a life changer for me, me not only just as an instructor, but recently as a home writer, being able to transition and offer new content to our members because they are handling life just as much as we are, you know how it feels to hop on that bike and say, all right, I kind of, you know, I'm frustrated today. I'm confused. There's a level up to uncertainty. I'm anxious. And while Peloton is not a cure by any means, it has definitely been an outlet for me and many of my family to handle what's going on, to get on and brighten up your day. If you get on a Cody ride or an Alex ride or you get one of my feel good rides or any instructor, really, it's a way to just not only get your workout in, but to add some levity to maybe what you're going through, give you an extra boost. And so I'm always shocked when I tell the story of how there is a production studio in my living room and it magically streams to people globally, like across the world. People will be in my living room Sunday at 1:00pm Eastern Standard Time. And I'm like, this is incredible. That is just to tell the incredible people that we work with at Peloton, like, it's not just one instructor. It's not just six instructors. It's not all 33. It's our organization, it's our company. It's real.
- [56:29]
Cody
It's also more intimate. Right. When you're. As a writer, because I can see your love artwork behind you when you're riding and talking to us and you feel literally we're in your home. And that connection, I think, solidifies community and. And intimacy at a time when people are feeling alone. One of the things that I've got to ask you about, and it's interesting because I do take outs Cody and your rides. Those are my three instructors that I follow. And you've each handled this differently. And I'm curious from a leadership standpoint, because I see each one of you as leaders for your communities. As the racial unrest has accelerated, become the protesting, the rioting. There's so much angst, fear unknown right now throughout our entire world, not just our country, as we're seeing this unfold. How is it that you decided to approach this or not approach this, to talk about it or not talk about it? How has that process been for you? Because just being on the outside, I assume that it must be challenging or, you know, the messages that you get from people. What has that process been like for.
- [57:40]
Heather
For. This is a turning point for Black Lives Matter in terms of. It's been around for seven years and this is not the first time this situation has happened. But when you Talk about this racial unrest that's accelerated. I think it's just more of it being, again, I kind of always use the word a turning point. It's been recognized largely, and I can't speak in terms of, for my other instructors or fellow instructors, but what I can say is that for me, I talk about bringing your whole self to the bike. I talk about bringing your whole self to work. It's something that our company has really encouraged. You know, it is one of the best companies, if not the best company that I've ever worked for. And in any place that we talk about it in Love Squad, at any place you go, you want to feel like you belong there and you want to feel like you can bring your whole self there and that you can be your authentic self. And so I don't think that the expectation was set that anything otherwise was going to happen at any point, no matter what's going on when we get on the bike or on the mat. And so in terms of how I handled it, I know for me it was. It still is an emotional process, but most importantly, it is a learning experience in the sense of leaning into resources, really leaning into listening and learning, even as a black woman, of what is going on, what's the history? How do we speak about the this, what are people going through? And again, the upside of our community is that we are in contact. People will hop on when I'm on Instagram live and ask questions or slide in my DMs. And now, with that being said, not every question is going to feel good. And that is okay. That's what creates dialogue. And not to say I engage with every single DM or every single question, but I'm aware, my ears to the street, because my community is a part of me. And in order to cultivate and really, truly be a part of a community, we have to listen to each other. We have to know. We have to at least have a pulse of what's going on. And so again, I took the opportunity to download Audible books and I started doing. I do endurance training on the bike. So on my Saturdays when I'm riding for two hours doing endurance training, I put on my Audible book and I listen. I listen to those that are experts in anti racism, understanding what key words means. When we're talking about racism in general. How is it different from discrimination and prejudice, being able to articulate how I feel? Because. Because as much as I've gone through personal circumstances, there are many times I didn't have the right words to express what happened to me or how I felt about those things. And so again, I had leaned into resources. I continue to do so right now, reading Audible Books, podcasts, and then open up dialogue with my family, with my fellow instructors, with my friends. They're my friends as well. And I think that that was the way that it has helped me and continues to help me to understand what is my message when I get on that bike. Because I don't want to ever go anywhere and speak and not be aware or intentionally pretend I'm unaware what the emotions of the people around me are going through. And so when I do my Sundays with Love and we talk about a virtue of courage, or we talk about temperance, or we talk about friendship, I don't talk about all the positive things, because we can identify the positive things. The things that we're going through are the not so positive. The things that we have this unrest with are the not so positive things. And it's the things that we want to learn how to work through. And we want to learn that we're not alone. And we want to learn that we aren't in the dark. And so it's this concept of even right now, as we're in this turning point and I get on the bike and whether it's a pop ride or Intervals and Arms ride, or Sundays with Love or Feel Good ride, it's me recognizing and highlighting that while we may feel a certain high level of uncertainty, while we may feel anxious, while we may feel overwhelmed, while we may feel that we don't know what to say or that we don't want to say the wrong things, but we don't want to be silent. I always talk about leaning into the resources and the voices that are in the know, but also this concept of if you feel like you're in the dark because of those things, all I want you to imagine is that if you turned on the light in this dark room that you're in, the reality of the situation is that there will be people standing shoulder to shoulder with you because you're not alone in this discomfort. You're not alone in your uncertainty. You're not alone in this turmoil that you're going through, in this emotional space that you're in. And while our emotions and our stories may be different and uniquely ours, you are not alone in the fact that you still have to confront those things and deal with those things. And so to get all that wrapped up in a nice bow is that at any time you get me on the bike, the point is for Me to be a real person. I'm gonna give you a great work and I'm going to motivate you, but I'm also a real person. And not that I say I'm going to be the most preachy person all the time and give you a sermon on the bike, but it's just understanding. Like bringing my whole self to that bike or to the mat is really important. And I want to be my true self. I want to be me in any space. And so that was the decision that I made for many years, is that what makes me feel good is when I'm myself and I'm my most kind self and my most honest self, transparent self. And that's what I remind myself about before I get on that bike and clip in.
- [62:48]
Cody
That was so beautifully said. So thank you for explaining that because.
- [62:53]
Ali Love
You made the point that we're not alone.
- [62:54]
Cody
And I've always felt that through your rides, through your messaging and it's just.
- [62:59]
Ali Love
More important now than ever.
- [63:00]
Cody
So if people are not following yet, Ali, where can they find you?
- [63:03]
Heather
Oh, thank you. If you would like to follow me, I'm alimisslove on Instagram allielove.com on my website and then I would encourage any of you that are looking for what we've been doing. We've been a conduit for resources around Black Lives Matter, around Covid, around business, well being of women. But Love Squad, Love Squad on Instagram is ovsquad. And then sign up for the newsletter. Those are always really educational and informative and leading you to resources that could potentially be catalysts for change for you. But that's lovesquad.com thank you so much.
- [63:34]
Cody
For your time today. Thank you for including us in your community and thank you for your message and for teachings. I am already following you, everybody. I'm encouraging you to follow Ali too. She's got the best, most positive message out there. Thank you, Ali, for being here.
- [63:48]
Heather
Thank you, Heather. This was incredible. Thank you to everyone who took the time to listen to the end. I'm sending you all love and light. Thank you again, Heather.
- [63:54]
Ali Love
Hold tight.
- [63:54]
Cody
We'll be right back.
- [63:55]
Ali Love
I ask you to try to find your passion. I hope you love meeting Ally Love as much as I love meeting her and spending time with her. Drop some major wisdom again. Such a young, powerful woman which makes me so excited for the future. Future inclusive and love is where it's at. And I'm all in. So, okay, a few things. One, I wanted to respond to a question that was sentenced to Me. So here we go. Hey, Heather, heard you on podcast. Mom's moving on. I'm currently married with a 10 month old little girl. My husband and I have been fighting P. S by the way. Everyone in the world is fighting during quarantine. The pressure on everyone is excessive. About a month or maybe a little over a month ago, I had James Sexton on who's a famous New York divorce attorney. And he called this out, that there would be more divorces than we've ever seen in the history of our country once quarantine ends. And it's just everyone's routine was upset. Everyone's. There was uncertainty everywhere. There's financial uncertainty, there's unrest with children, responsibility. I mean, there's so much going on for everyone. So I just hope everyone cuts themselves a break. And you know, today my son sat in his room all day long and I felt terrible about it, but I had have to cut myself a break too. I know I have a job to do as well. And you know, it's easy in these moments to get down on things and we've just got to be kind to ourselves. Okay, So I feel he doesn't listen to me and I feel we're headed for divorce. At times I find myself having thoughts like, would I divorce him if I knew I could get full custody? I'm curious how you knew it was time to get a divorce or if you have any advice. So. So here's the thing. Oh my gosh. I was crystal clear when it was time to get a divorce. I remember thinking I could kill that man. I was so angry at him. It was. I thought I could throw a chair at him. I literally thought I might throw something at him. That's how angry. A level of anger I didn't even know existed inside me. That's how mad I was when I finally. That was my final straw. I'll never forget. Oh my gosh. I was livid. So you hit a breaking point, I think. I mean, listen, everybody's different, right? But for me it was clear. I just. The one question I asked myself was, would you rather be with him unhappily married or be willing to be single with a small child? Which one? And I, I really thought it through, you know, because some people leave to be with someone else, that's, in my opinion, not the right answer. That's a recipe for disaster. But if you can do it and just be on your own, would you be happier? And when I played it out in my mind, I was, yeah, I would. I wouldn't be let down all the time. I wouldn't be arguing all the time. I'd have energy back. I wouldn't have this negative pull on me that I wasn't happy with something and I was just letting it linger. So I kind of liken that back to firing your villains to create confidence. And I'm not saying that he was a villain. I'm saying in that situation, for me, it was like this pulling negative gnaw on me. And when you get rid of that, you set yourself up for further success because you put positive energy back into your life. You eliminate negative energy. You eliminate fighting all these negative emotions and feelings that really begin to consume you. So for me, it was crystal clear. And I'd ask yourself that question. Listen, we. We might have other people in our ear. We might have. Your mother might be saying, don't get a divorce, don't get a. You really got to tune out other people and listen to yourself, listen to your instinct, listen to your intuition journal. That's another good, great way to start to hear your inner voice. You have the answer inside you. You already know what the answer is. And frankly, if you're reaching out to me, I'm pretty clear what the answer is. It's funny. People reach out to me when they want the aggressive kick in the pants. I know that it happens all the time. I get people message me, should I leave my job if A, B, C and D. Well, let me tell you something. If you are reaching out to me, you probably are looking that for push. So why don't you go ahead and do it right? So that's the indicator to me, the fact that she reached out to me probably says that she should do it. But she needs to answer that question for herself. I cannot tell her what to do and no one else can. She will know the right thing to do. She will listen to herself and answer this question for herself. I remember when I was younger, a therapist would say, that's me. And I'd get so mad I'd be like, no, you just tell me, tell me what to do. It's so much easier. But you have to take responsibility when it's your own decisions, right? That's why it is hard to harder. But the more you do that, the more you step into owning your voice, the more you step into listening to your own voice and acting on your intuition, the happier your life will become. It's the things we don't want to look at that we don't want to see, that we don't want to deal with that, we want to ignore that, really start to weigh us down. So shed those things just like we shed the virus and move on.
- [68:37]
Cody
Okay?
- [68:37]
Ali Love
The other thing I really wanted to get into is one of my mentees had an interesting challenge that I want to share with everyone. Back when I was in corporate America, I was in beyond so many BS meetings that were ridiculous and oftentimes you'd be dealing with peers and they'd be responsible for work and they're not hitting their deadlines and it affects you and you can't get your job done when everybody else isn't. And the leader at the table isn't leading. Right. They're not holding anyone accountable and you're getting frustrated. But you have to be PC and you have to, have to smile and you can't call the leader at the table what you want to call them.
- [69:15]
Heather
Useless. Right?
- [69:16]
Ali Love
So there's this whole facade and dance that goes on in corporate America, which frankly I do not miss. But so many of us are in it, right? So one of my mentees is knee deep in it. Senior level executive, major company, but she's with a lot of peers and a leader who's not leading. And they have these meetings where they get clear on the outcome, but it's not clear what the deadlines are, what the workflow process is, who's responsible for what. And there's no follow up email. So when she explains to me the challenge she was facing and she doesn't want to appear a bitch, right, you know, she doesn't want to be nagging everyone. So I had a couple of ideas for her. One is to ask for help because I think that's a really kind way to approach a situation and most people want to help one another. So you can always reach back out to the quote, unquote pretend leader and say, I need your help. We left the meeting and I'm crystal clear on the outcome. Thank you so much for that direction. Direction. However, I'm not clear on this. Can you tell me who's responsible for ABC and when that deadline is? You know, so approaching in a more gentle asking for help way is a safe way to bpc, yet accomplish your goal. Another way that I like to do it is she was saying, you know, I need to get this information and report from my peer. We're equals. I can't tell him what to do. I can't tell him a deadline and the leader's not doing it. I would reach out, I said, with the headline or beginning of your email Saying, I'm confused, I'm confused. I'm not able to get my work done if I can't get access to your reports. Do you have any direction around when your team's pulling those reports together or when you can get them done? I just want you and I to both look great going into this meeting. How can we both come out on top? You know, can you give me some feedback? So I love leading with. I'm confused because it's not like you're blaming someone, but you need some insight into what's going on. And then the other thing is aligning yourself with them. Right. I want us both to look great in the meeting and in order for, you know, you and I are in this together and as you know, we need to rely on one another's information and reports so that we can both do our part. I can promise to get this to you by X. What date works for you? You know, to be more collaborative is another way that you can achieve your goal without pissing people off and still, you know, be professional. So those are some of the approaches that I shared this week and hopefully you find them helpful. You know, I have to tell you, if you are struggling with communicating right now during these uncertain times, during this pandemic, during, you know, all the challenges in the world and so many people are, I want you to know that I partnered with Harvard professor John Westman. I'm so excited. I taught his class for him, a sales and marketing class for him. Well, actually twice I've done it in the, in the past year. We've become friends and he's taking the Harvard curriculum with me to you. We're doing a live one to one group coaching call. I'm so excited. We're going to go through all of the data, all of the research on how to connect with people in a non offensive way, how to sell during really stressful times, and how to do it in a way, way that activates dopamine in your customer's mind so they actually walk away feeling good about the interaction, feeling good about the conversation, and feeling good about you. When your customer is feeling good about you, they're probably going to buy from you. So you've got to join me for this. There are limited seats available. I am going to include a link to the event. It's Thursday so we don't have a lot of time. So definitely click the link, check it out, see if you can still grab a seat and if you want, you can use the code S E L L for a hundred dollars off your ticket. This is one event you cannot afford to miss. We are live. We are answering your questions. We are doing role playing. We are giving you strategies. We are giving you narratives. We are giving it all to you. You will have everything you need to approach your clients and to communicate with others during this really stressful time. I guarantee it's worth worth it. It's a money back guarantee. You've got my word on it. You don't like it, you get your money back. But you're gonna love it and you're gonna get the value because John's been doing this at Harvard for the past couple of months and the testimonials are amazing. So definitely make the time show up. Click the link and I can't wait to see you there. Can't wait to work with you. And as always, thank you for being here. And until next week, keep creating your confidence. I decided to change that dynamic. I couldn't be more excited for what you're going to hear.
- [73:46]
Unknown
Start learning and growing.
- [73:48]
Ali Love
Inevitably something will happen. No one succeeds alone.
- [73:53]
Heather
You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it.
- [73:56]
Ali Love
Come on this journey with me.