Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan

Episode: Confidence Classic: The Secret to Deepening Your Relationships (Navigating Infidelity, Dating & Reconnection)
Guest: Kathryn Gordon, Relationship expert & author of Relationship Grit
Date: December 9, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode is a "Confidence Classic" featuring a powerful, candid conversation between host Heather Monahan and her close friend Kathryn Gordon. The two dive deeply into the keys for building and revitalizing intimate relationships—everything from first dates to healing after infidelity—drawing from Kathryn’s personal journey and her book Relationship Grit. They discuss practical relationship principles, real-life challenges, the importance of communication, modeling for children, and the gritty side of overcoming relational setbacks. Kathryn’s decades of experience and vulnerability shine as she shares tools for readers at any stage—single, dating, married, or recovering from relationship wounds.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why Relationships Deserve to Come First (00:49)

• Kathryn Gordon underscores: Relationship with your partner should be prioritized above all others, even before work, friends, or children.
  • “So many times it’s your co-workers and your children and friends … and then your partner gets what’s left. No, it should be the other way around.” (00:49)

The Blind Date: Heather Steps Out of Her Comfort Zone (02:54–04:28)

• Heather opens up about her own nerves and self-doubt ahead of a rare blind date, crediting Kathryn’s book and advice for helping her prepare.
  • Kathryn’s hands-on support for Heather demonstrates the tangible difference these relationship principles can make, even before the first date.

Relationship Grit: Who the Book Is For (04:28–05:14)

• Not just for couples—Kathryn stresses these principles help anyone: singles, those recovering from breakups, work relationships, even parenting.
• The book’s structure includes 11 tips each from a male and female perspective, offering practical, immediately actionable advice.

Standout Relationship Tips (05:14–07:59)

• Don’t Compete With Your Partner
  • Heather shares her habitual competitiveness and the breakthrough realization: “We’re here to be on the same team.” (06:26)
  • Kathryn: “When you don’t compete and you actually start cheering each other on … you start to lift each other up.” (06:51)
• Modeling What You Know
  • Kathryn acknowledges we often mirror what we saw growing up. Changing learned patterns can reshape our relationships.

The Power of Compliments (08:20–10:44)

• Kathryn tells a personal story: in a stressful moment, she overcame jealousy toward her husband by deliberately choosing to compliment him.
  • “It disarmed me. It took away that feeling of jealousy … the more you start doing these things … it gets easier and easier.” (09:36)
• The importance of practicing new habits—even when it feels awkward at first.

Addressing Past Hurts & Breaking Cycles (10:44–13:37)

• Kathryn describes growing up in a dysfunctional home and repeating destructive relationship templates until she sought therapy and did her own healing work.
• “I did a lot of my relationship work when I wasn’t in a relationship.” (11:35)

Making Relationship Habits Stick: Family Meetings & Communication (13:58–16:35)

• Family/Partner Meetings: Kathryn recommends regular check-ins to strengthen connection—weekly if possible—even if it’s a remote call.
• Notable quote: “Where there’s a void in communication, negativity will fill it.” (14:09; attributed to John Gordon)
• Story of an 85-year-old reader changing her marriage with a single act of kindness, illustrating it’s never too late.

Vulnerability and Two-Sided Perspective (20:29–23:54)

• Both Kathryn and her husband John share their “raw and honest” sides in the book, alternating perspectives for each major event or conflict.
  • “If John and I can stay together and have the type of relationship we have now, anybody can do it.” (21:45)

The “GRIT” Framework for Relationships (23:54–27:17)

• Kathryn explains the acronym:
  • G: God (or a sense of deeper connection/faith)
  • R: Resolve (commitment to working through tough times)
  • I: Invest (putting energy and attention into the relationship)
  • T: Together (seeing yourselves as a united team, even when effort is uneven)
  • “Sometimes I’m giving 80% and John’s giving 20 … we’re always working toward the same thing.” (26:37)
• Emphasis: Before giving up, try these principles—unless there is abuse present.

The Critical Role of Modeling for Children (30:03–31:08)

• Heather and Kathryn discuss how even if you didn’t witness healthy relationships growing up, you can change the legacy for your own children and teach them communication.
  • “If you take a moment to really ask yourself that question: is the relationship you’re living in right now one that you want your children to emulate?” (30:29)

The Truth About Infidelity, Reconnection, and Forgiveness (33:14–39:18)

• Kathryn candidly reveals episodes of emotional infidelity in her marriage’s early years and the struggle to forgive—and the role of prayer and accountability in healing.
  • “He was giving his heart to someone else … I had always said if someone did that to me, I was out.” (35:12)
  • The story of John meeting a stranger on a plane who encouraged him to create a family prayer—a turning point for their marriage.
    • “I wasn’t saying [the prayer] because of what he had done. … I grabbed his hand and said the prayer. … That was the day I felt my heart had turned.” (37:45)
• Kathryn highlights how their healing journey set healthy boundaries for the future (e.g., John’s strict rules about interactions while traveling).

The Ripple Effect: Hope, Healing, and Community Feedback (31:48–33:14)

• The Gordons often receive notes from couples who “saved their marriage” thanks to these principles.
  • “You can create the relationship you want in the relationship you’re in now. You don’t have to throw it all away.” (31:51)
• Free action plan available at relationshipgritbook.com

Kathryn’s Next Chapter: Sex, Intimacy, and Real Talk (39:31–41:54)

• Kathryn previews her new book (in development) about deepening intimacy and experiencing meaningful sex—not just the physical, but real oneness in relationships.
  • “This is a book about intimacy and oneness … not about positions. … It’s about being deeply connected.” (40:55)
• Her podcast Katherine for Real features frank discussions and high-profile guests (including Heather herself).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You only know what you know. … So, yeah, I do think the tips we have in this book will absolutely change someone’s paradigm and the way they approach relationships.” (07:59, Kathryn)
• “When there’s a void in communication, negativity will fill it.”
  (14:09, John Gordon via Kathryn)
• “You can make your relationship everything you always wanted it to be. It’s vulnerability, communication, grit.”
  (23:54, Kathryn)
• “Make him your king and he’ll make you his queen. … It’s about lifting each other up, being on the same team.”
  (31:51, Kathryn)
• “I wanted to cut him down at that moment. … And that’s when it hit me: just compliment him. … It disarmed me.”
  (09:09, Kathryn)
• “Sometimes you need to ask yourself: do you love this person? Do you want to make the relationship work? … It’s never too late.”
  (10:44, Kathryn)
• “If you take a moment to really ask yourself that question—is the relationship you’re living in right now one you want your children to emulate? … That can be powerful.”
  (30:29, Heather)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:49 — Kathryn: Relationships should come first
• 02:54 — Heather shares her own dating nerves, Kathryn’s advice
• 05:14 — Book tip: Don’t compete with your partner
• 08:20 — The impact of compliments in relationships
• 10:44 — The importance of healing old wounds before entering new relationships
• 13:58 — Family meetings and the danger of communication voids
• 20:29 — The vulnerability and honesty in Relationship Grit
• 23:54 — “GRIT” Framework explained
• 30:03 — Are you modeling relationships you want your kids to repeat?
• 33:14 — The real-life infidelity, the power of prayer, and healing
• 39:31 — Kathryn’s new book focus: intimacy and connection
• 41:54 — How to connect and get resources from Kathryn

Further Resources

• Kathryn Gordon’s book: relationshipgritbook.com (includes free action plan)
• Kathryn’s podcast: Katherine for Real
• Contact: Instagram @rngordon

Tone & Style

The episode is warm, encouraging, and exceptionally vulnerable. Kathryn and Heather are candid and empathetic, never shying from the gritty realities of love and connection. Their conversation is filled with actionable takeaways, real-life stories, and a contagious sense of hope that “it’s never too late” to create the relationship you want.

For anyone seeking to deepen their relationships—whether romantic, familial, or platonic—this episode serves as both a roadmap and a reminder that courage, communication, and care can transform even the most challenging connections.