Podcast Summary: Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan

Episode: Confidence Classic: Where True Confidence Really Comes From with Nicole Kalil
Host: Heather Monahan
Guest: Nicole Kalil
Release Date: January 27, 2026

Main Theme & Purpose

This episode explores the true nature of confidence—what it is (and isn’t), how it’s built, and the myths that often mislead women about where confidence comes from. Heather Monahan welcomes Nicole Kalil, a former Fortune 100 executive and acclaimed “Confidence Sherpa,” to dissect why confidence must be built from the inside out, illuminate practical strategies to foster self-trust, and expose the “Confidence Con” that keeps so many from reaching their potential. The conversation is candid, tactical, filled with real-life examples, and deeply supportive of women’s voices in leadership and life.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Nicole’s Journey into Confidence (05:23)

• Nicole reveals the catalyst for her deep dive into confidence: despite appearing self-assured as an executive in finance, she felt disconnected and inauthentic. Experiencing the pain of this misalignment fueled her quest to understand—and rebuild—true confidence.
• She shares:

  “The honest answer is because I'd completely disconnected from my own...I was living so inauthentically. I was trying so hard to be like everyone else around me and I completely lost any confidence I might have had anywhere along the way.” (05:23 – Nicole Kalil)

2. Confident Action Through Teaching and Modeling (06:57)

• Nicole describes how teaching others about confidence forced her to “model it more,” deepening her own journey.
• Heather relates by telling a story about showing up for a public speech in ripped jeans, realizing that living her own advice about authenticity led to positive feedback and reinforced confidence.
• Nicole emphasizes that mistakes, missteps, and failures are not confidence killers—they are confidence builders:

  “Mistakes, failure, losses, missteps. Those things actually build our confidence, not derail it.” (10:35 – Nicole Kalil)

3. The Genesis of Nicole’s Book (14:22)

• The book “Validation is for Parking: How Women Can Beat the Confidence Con” was inspired by both Nicole’s public speaking work and her recognition of a profound imbalance in business literature, with 92% of books written by men. Nicole wanted to add women’s voices and perspectives, focusing on the unique challenges and opportunities women face in building confidence.

4. The "Confidence Con"—The Biggest Myth (20:55)

• Nicole defines “The Confidence Con” as the false belief that confidence is bestowed by outside factors—like promotions, appearances, or others’ approval—when in truth, it’s about self-trust.

  "The root of the word confidence is trust. So confidence is when we trust ourselves...Confidence is that firm and bold trust in ourselves. What it isn't: the way we look or feeling happy all the time..." (21:20 – Nicole Kalil)

5. How to Build Authentic Confidence (22:49)

• Building trust with oneself mirrors how we build trust with others. Key strategies include:
  • Keeping commitments to yourself, not just others.
  • Setting boundaries and learning to say no when it’s true for you.
  • Being your own “hype person.”
  • Avoiding overcommitment so you can actually follow through.
• Nicole points out:

  "If we can keep the commitments we make to others, but also to ourselves...they're equally important as it relates to the trust we have in ourselves." (23:10 – Nicole Kalil)

6. Authenticity vs. Fitting In—Advocating for Yourself in the Workplace (28:54)

• Nicole and Heather discuss using your voice and the challenge of staying authentic, especially for women in male-dominated fields.
• Nicole admits,

  "Me using my voice has never been a challenge...Where I struggled was being authentic in that...I did it a little bit more aggressively, a little more bluntly, a little bit from a more masculine lens...what I didn't bring to the table was empathy, was listening, was being transparent and vulnerable." (28:54 – Nicole Kalil)

7. Five Confidence Derailers (32:47)

Nicole identifies five pitfalls that particularly impact women:

1. Perfectionism: The need to do and look perfectly at all times.
2. Head Trash: Negative self-talk and inner bullying.
3. Comparison and Judgment: Measuring your reality against others’ highlight reels.
4. Overthinking: Analysis paralysis that leads to inaction—and regret.
5. External Validation Seeking: Believing confidence is granted by achievements or approval, rather than grown from the inside.

"Perfectionism is the number one confidence derailer...I've heard it called the enemy of confidence and I couldn't agree more."
(32:54 – Nicole Kalil)

8. Final Reflections—Validation and Internal Confidence (36:24)

• Heather shares how losing her job (and the outward “proofs” of confidence) forced her to realize the power of internally sourced confidence, which no one can take away.
• Both urge listeners: confidence is not what you project or achieve; it is what you cultivate within.

9. Book and Contact Information (37:04)

• Book: “Validation is for Parking: How Women Can Beat the Confidence Con”
  Available on NicoleKalil.com, Amazon, and Barnes & Noble.
• Social Media:
  • Instagram: @nicolemkalil (“If you want to follow me with cursing, follow me on Instagram.”)
  • LinkedIn: Nicole Kalil (“If you want to follow me, perfection, follow me on LinkedIn.")

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The lack of confidence is what had me focus on it...I really wanted to dig into the more tactical side of confidence.” (05:23 – Nicole Kalil)
• “Mistakes, failures, losses, missteps. Those things actually build our confidence, not derail it.” (10:35 – Nicole Kalil)
• “The root of the word confidence is trust. So confidence is when we trust ourselves.” (21:20 – Nicole Kalil)
• “We are typically better at keeping commitments to others...than we are the ones that we make to ourselves. And they're equally important as it relates to the trust we have in ourselves.” (23:10 – Nicole Kalil)
• “Perfectionism is the number one confidence derailer...the enemy of confidence.” (32:54 – Nicole Kalil)
• “No one can ever take that stuff from you. Right. And so it's so much more powerful...” (36:24 – Heather Monahan)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Nicole’s personal journey with confidence: 05:23
• Modeling confidence by teaching: 06:57
• Why Nicole wrote her book: 14:22
• “The Confidence Con” defined: 20:55
• Building self-trust and confidence tactics: 22:49
• Advocating for yourself authentically: 28:54
• Five major confidence derailers: 32:47
• Book, resources, and final thoughts: 37:04

Episode Tone

Upbeat, honest, and empowering—Heather and Nicole keep it real about professional setbacks, personal growth, and the ongoing practice of being your fullest, most confident self. The conversation is supportive, practical, and gives listeners both inspiration and actionable steps.

For Listeners

If you want to create lasting, genuine confidence—and break free from the myths that keep you small—this episode is packed with stories, strategies, and encouragement to help you build trust in yourself, honor your authenticity, and move forward boldly in business and in life.