Creative Masculinity is an initiative and business around encouraging men to determine their own version of healthy masculinity through building community with like-minded men. We believe that patriarchy is the root cause of many of men's mental health problems and seek to undo it by redefining masculinity and healing from our traumas. If this initiative interest you consider joining one of our groups.

In our first episode, we talk to Graham, the founder of a middle school in Queens, NY. We talk about what it means to group as a Black boy in white educational settings and how it affects the choices you make. Then we talk about deciding what kind of man you want to be after college and the advantages of being affable if you want to go far in white settings. We close with a discussion about leadership and how to determine the kind of leader you want to be.

Growing up as a black boy in white spaces means learning how to manage expectations about your race and choosing a path that is authentic to you.

It’s a shame that kids of color have to leave their neighborhoods to get a good education. Graham was a high-achieving student who benefited from the Dwight program and went to a top Ranking boarding school, Saint Paul’s. At Saint Paul’s Graham realized that he was no longer a big fish in a small pond and suddenly he had to contend with expectations about his race and gender. He felt that as a black male he was expected to be good at sports and didn’t want people to assume that he was. He avoided playing basketball because of this. Even when he tried to make his own way, by focusing on music, he still dealt with expectations about the kind of music he should be good at making.

Developing your masculinity as a Black man as you grow up means learning how to take up space in ways that are non-threatening if you want to succeed in life.

The years after college are when Black men build their personal and professional personas. For any Black man who wishes to make it in a white world, being affable is a key skill. Graham learned the skills of being affable from his father who modeled what being a warm loving presence looked like. A Black man’s physicality can be turned from a threat to an asset through being affable. I used to live with Graham and two other close friends in my early twenties and I hated going out with them because they were all taller and more affable than me. I felt like I faded in the background. I was surprised to hear that Graham felt like he had to up his game to match my other two friends who were taller than him.

If you want to be a Black man in a leadership position you need to have a clear sense of what kind of leader you want to be and be willing to put in the work to deserve to lead.

Part of becoming a leader is understanding what you have to contribute. Graham became a leader in education because he felt like children of color should not have to travel as far as he did to receive a good education. He didn’t start out in education but he wishes he had. After going to graduate school for an MBA he realized that there were many school leaders who knew the in and outs of teaching but didn’t know what it took to make a school thrive as an organization. Sometimes black men enter education thinking that their mere presence is good enough Graham is intentional about the kind of Black leader he wants to be. He wants to embody a leader who is patient empathic and results-oriented. Graham’s advice to any Black man who wants to lead is to be humble and put the work in to make it happen.

music credit: Co-Axial Escapement by Eaters using a CC4 license https://bit.ly/3pGX4tH