Back on the Couch: Mel Mitchell

Summary

Crissle’s Couch – “Back on the Couch: Mel Mitchell”

Podcast: Crissle’s Couch
Host: Crystal (Crissle)
Guest: Mel Mitchell (comedian, actress, digital storyteller)
Date: March 31, 2026
Episode Theme: Honest, empathetic, and witty advice on friendships, relationships, loss, and life planning, with stand-up comic Mel Mitchell co-piloting listener letters and sharing her own perspective.

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Overview

This episode marks a warm, candid return to “Crissle’s Couch.” Comedian, actress, and social media phenom Mel Mitchell joins Crissle to dispense sharp, relatable advice to listener questions ranging from navigating toxic friendships to the complexities of relationships, grief, and wedding planning. Their conversation is rich in humor, real talk, and moments of gentle accountability—a masterclass in keeping it real and caring at the same time.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up with Mel Mitchell and Her Career (04:18–06:01)

• Mel discusses her career highlights: improv with Kev On Stage, filming in Ohio, and a pilot called “For Freelance.”
• Talks about creating male characters (notably “Quan Dietrich”) using Snapchat filters—“I love that this is what I get to do for a living. I'm just feeling super blessed." (Mel, 05:15)
• They riff on viral bits, bearded drag king performances ("They let me improv for 20 straight minutes... That's probably the favorite thing I've ever done in my career so far." —Mel, 08:04), and the folly of internet fame.

Notable Quote:

“You never know who's actually watching you.”
— Mel Mitchell (06:26)

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2. Listener Letters – Advice & Life Lessons

Letter 1: Ghosting & Toxic Friendship (09:36–20:14)

Maid of honor ghosted me—what do I do?

• Key Issue: After 12 years of friendship and serving as maid of honor, Caitlyn is being ignored/ghosted.
• Both hosts dig into the emotional and practical layers—friendship red flags, communication, and the complexities of adulthood.
• Mel notes: “Sometimes the girlies are just weird. …She’s taking the ball out of your court and she’s doing the fallout on her own.” (11:07)
• Crystal unpacks the significance of being the “maid of honor” and how it doesn’t always mean intimacy—sometimes just being organized or reliable is the reason.
• Both agree—sometimes friendships end naturally. No need to force closure.

Memorable Exchanges:

“That’s a sad story for Caitlyn. …When people say, ‘I have to walk on eggshells,’ that’s always a red flag.”
— Crystal (13:35)

“A beautiful part of grown adulthood is just letting things play out.”
— Mel Mitchell (20:14)

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Letter 2: Supporting a Friend With a Bad Husband (20:18–34:54)

Friend’s in a toxic marriage—should I set boundaries or stick around?

• Jasmine is exhausted by a friend who continually chooses her misogynistic, unreliable, cheating husband.
• Mel gets real: “Are you doing that life of a wife shit? Don’t let this wife shit be your whole personality.” (22:05)
• They discuss:
  • Importance of separating image from reality
  • Drawing healthy boundaries without abandoning friends
  • Recognizing the line between bad choices and abusive situations (“Figure out if your friend is okay physically—can she leave if she wants to?” —Mel, 24:24)
  • Community care—“If you’re going to be a friend, then be a friend. Offer some support however you can.” (Crystal, 31:26)

Notable Quote:

“If you are going to be a friend, be a friend. Offer some support however you can. But it’s also fair to say… it stresses me out to see the way you’re being treated.”
— Crystal (31:27)

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Letter 3: Navigating Mother Loss & New Motherhood (40:04–50:53)

How do I move forward from the loss of my mother?

• Violet writes about losing her “North Star,” her mother, while six months pregnant; she’s overwhelmed by grief and unsure how to heal.
• Mel, drawing from personal loss around her own father, assures there’s no “schedule” for moving on; grief lives alongside joy. “Losing a parent…feels like yesterday and 100 years ago at the same time.” (42:33)
• Therapeutic approaches: therapy, gentle self-compassion, talking about her mom as much as she needs to (“Bring her up whenever you need to. This is part of grieving.” —Crystal, 50:06)
• The community’s patience is real: “They have a lot more compassion for you and where you are than it sounds like you do right now.” (Crystal, 49:58)

Memorable Quote:

“What is grief, but love enduring?”
— Mel (43:30, paraphrasing WandaVision)

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Letter 4: The Carrie Bradshaw Dilemma—Breaking Up With the Bad Boyfriend (51:02–62:49)

Why can’t I let go of my dead-end relationship?

• A listener, calling herself “Carrie Bradshaw,” details a relationship with a man who struggles with drugs, cheating, and a bad temper. She finally initiates a breakup but struggles with letting go of the past.
• Both hosts emphasize the bare minimum in relationships and why “the representative” is never the real person.
• Mel: “Carrie needs to date herself—pour into yourself all the care and concern you were giving this man.” (60:50)
• Crystal recommends therapy, focusing on self, and remembering the ‘real’ man isn’t who he was in the honeymoon phase: “It’s not the man you want, it’s the feeling you had when you were with him.” (62:23)

Notable Quotes:

“A drug problem and a bad temper and cheating… The first time you raise your voice, who you hollering at?”
— Crystal (55:00)

“Just date Carrie for a while!”
— Mel (60:47)

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Letter 5: Wedding Planning FOMO—Big Bash or Elopement? (65:55–82:38)

Am I missing out on my ‘bridal era’ by eloping instead of having a big wedding?

• A bride-to-be, “Vivica,” is torn between financial prudence and wedding ‘FOMO’ after seeing a friend’s big day.
• Mel, currently wedding planning, gives real talk about costs and alternative ways to have special moments (“If you want the attention, that’s the whole point…Don’t pretend you don’t want the things when you want the things—do the things you want to do.” —Mel, 71:11).
• Advice:
  • Ceremony costs are commonly LESS than the reception (food, drinks, venue)
  • DIY and barter sponsorships when possible
  • Have both: courthouse/private wedding now, full party/reception later; you can even redo vows/ceremony for family and friends
  • Don’t go into major debt for one day unless you have a clear payoff plan

Memorable Quotes:

“If you want your moment, but you don’t have it right now, save up and in 10 years, have the wedding you want.”
— Mel (82:27)

“Don’t deprive yourself of something you want to prove a point to no one. Nobody gives a fuck what kind of wedding you have—they want to come love and support you.”
— Mel (76:44)

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Notable Quotes and Moments by Timestamp

• [04:31] Mel Mitchell on 2026: “Everything’s fine in the little dog and it’s like everything’s on fire behind it. That’s me.”
• [05:15] Mel: “I love that this is what I get to do for a living.”
• [13:35] Crystal: “When people say ‘I have to walk on eggshells when I’m around you’—that’s always a red flag.”
• [20:14] Mel: “A beautiful part of grown adulthood is just letting things play out.”
• [22:05] Mel: “I can’t let this wife shit be my whole personality.”
• [31:27] Crystal: “If you are going to be a friend, be a friend. Offer some support.”
• [43:30] Mel: “What is grief, but love enduring?” (paraphrasing)
• [50:06] Crystal: “Bring her up whenever you need to talk about it. This is part of grieving.”
• [55:00] Crystal: “A drug problem and a bad temper and cheating… First time you raise your voice, who you hollering at?”
• [62:23] Crystal: “It’s not the man you want, it’s the feeling that you had when you were first with him.”
• [71:11] Mel: “Don’t pretend you don’t want the things when you want the things—do the things you want to do.”
• [76:44] Mel: “Don’t deprive yourself of something you want to prove a point to no one.”

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Episode Vibe & Final Thoughts

• This episode is quintessentially “Crissle’s Couch”—equal parts hilarious, tough-love, and nurturing.
• Mel’s comedic delivery and lived reality give the advice that extra edge.
• Crystal’s genuine empathy for letter-writers, combined with her own seasoned-woman perspective, grounds the whole show in warmth and relatability.
• The episode successfully balances laugh-out-loud moments (on men, weddings, and musty fears) – with serious explorations of grief and relationship trauma.
• Practical, creative ideas abound: from wedding cost hacks, to emotional boundaries, to the universal advice—if you are in pain, don’t go it alone; cry, call a friend, find community.

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Where to Find Mel Mitchell [83:07]

• Twitter & TikTok: @thebaddestmanmitch
• Instagram: @thebaddestmitch
• YouTube, Tubi, BET – “I’m places, baby. Just look me up.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [04:18] – Mel’s career update & comedic skits
• [09:36] – Letter 1: Toxic friendship and ghosting
• [20:18] – Letter 2: Supporting a friend in a bad marriage
• [40:04] – Letter 3: Navigating mother loss during motherhood
• [51:02] – Letter 4: Carrie Bradshaw & letting go of a dead-end relationship
• [65:55] – Letter 5: Wedding planning FOMO
• [83:07] – Where to find Mel Mitchell

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A heartfelt, rollicking episode that will have you laughing, nodding, and maybe even crying in solidarity with the problems and possibilities of being human, Black, and in community.

Transcript

[Mel Mitchell]

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[Crystal]

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[Mel Mitchell]

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[Crystal]

This spring, Wayfair is making it easy to refresh your home by finding quality furniture and decor that fits your budget. Now my personal taste is a home that's very cozy, very warm. It has a bohemian, all natural kind of vibe. And Wayfair helped me bring my vision to life with blankets, throws, ottomans, tables, and even a dog bed for Lanie that completely matches my aesthetic. I just visited the website Wayfair.com and filtered each category by texture, material, color and size to find the pieces that I needed. And of course, of course Queen Virgo. I checked the thousands of reviews to be sure that those purchases were right for me. Now, as someone who loves to put things together, assembly for the desk that I ordered was super easy. But I know that not everyone is as handy as I am. It's not a problem, babe. Wayfair can also help you find installation and assembly services near you for an experience that is truly seamless. It's a simple process that sets Wayfair apart from other retailers. And now my new furniture and other pieces look amazing in my home. Even Laney agrees. Baby, she cannot get enough of her new bed. Like I have to drag her out of that thing. So find the furniture, decor and essentials that fit your unique style and budget by heading to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. Hi and welcome back to Krystal's Couch, the show where I answer your questions for advice and talk to the most interesting people in the world. Today I'm joined by the one and only Mel Mitchell. She is a stand up comedian, actress and digital storyteller. You have probably seen her online where she has built a massive audience with her takes on everyday life and pop culture on. You may have seen her on stage with Kev on stage, Ari Lennox, Roy Wood Jr. Just to name a few. And she has been expanding her roles on screen doing more things with BET2B and a film premiering at Sundance this year. Please give it up for Mel Mitch.

[Mel Mitchell]

Hey guys. I'm so happy you here. Oh my God. Okay. I'm. I'm not excited anymore. I'm just normal.

[Crystal]

Thank you so much for being on the couch.

[Mel Mitchell]

How are you? How are things? I'm good. 2026, you know.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah. I think with the world just being. I mean literally we're. I don't even have three weeks in this year. How many weeks? This year has been hell already, Already. So I'm just trying to lean into the joy and the whimsy of life and just be as silly as possible because like it's like everything's fine in the little Dog. And it's like everything's on fire behind it. That's me.

[Crystal]

That's. I mean.

[Mel Mitchell]

But personally, things are doing great. I'm very excited. You know, Sundance is coming up. I'm in the pilot called for Freelance by the Turner brothers. They're amazing family affair over there. Super, super fun project to work on. We, you know, went to Ohio last year and shot that. You know, I'm trying to get my acting back, so that's fun. Last year, we did. We did Safe Space with Kevin Sage on Tubi. So fun. So that was like an improv thing. And I love being a comedian. Oh, my God. We. We really carried on. Like, he gave us, like, here. Here's the premise. And me and Patrick got on that couch and fucking played, like, we played so bad. So it was so exciting. I love that this is what I get to do for a living. So it's just. I'm just feeling super blessed. I'm super happy. And, yeah, you know, I made it here. And I'm just gonna keep on being ridiculous. Right now, I am impersonating Ryan Coogler, and he has not seen a cease and desist yet. So we're doing great. Okay.

[Crystal]

You know, maybe he's seen it and he's a fan.

[Mel Mitchell]

Maybe, you know, that is my hope. That is my hope.

[Crystal]

He's like, I actually love it. Keep going.

[Mel Mitchell]

Thank you. That is my hope.

[Crystal]

It has been so much fun to watch your career grow over the years. Your personal podcast with your friend Tali, the jokes on upod, all of your skits and things that you do online. You're just so entertaining. So when I decided to come to Atlanta and shoot, I was like, we have to see if she's available to come.

[Mel Mitchell]

Oh, my God, yes. And I got the message from my manager. I was like, excuse me, who wants to. Me, girl. Yes, you.

[Crystal]

Absolutely.

[Mel Mitchell]

So, yeah, it's been very grounding. Like, I think that I'm just posting my stupid beard filter videos into the void, but you never know who's actually watching you.

[Crystal]

I love fake Quan Dietrich.

[Mel Mitchell]

You know Quan Dietrich, he's just. He's the best. The weirdest thing is when I post a dumb quanditrich skit and women be real life choosing, like, hold on. He kind of fine. I'm like, that's me. And stop.

[Crystal]

I mean, I'm sure.

[Mel Mitchell]

But the females love niggas with titties and hips, though.

[Crystal]

I love when the filter breaks up and, like, your hair comes through, and

[Mel Mitchell]

it's like the sew in is Just fighting to be seen in the basket. That's always my favorite part as well. Cause it kind of ruins the reality because you do forget he's not a real person sometimes. Even me and I am him, I kind of get. I get real Johnny Depp, you know, he thought he was Jack Sparrow for a while. I become Quandice, and it starts to scare me.

[Crystal]

The one where he we gonna get to the questions in the mail problem. But the one where he went to like one therapy session and then came back and was like, nah, we gotta have Naudre's therapist, you know?

[Mel Mitchell]

And I think that's so what's so fun about me and I have like 10 different male characters that I do is because n have made billions of dollars of pretending to be women. Oh, yeah. Big, big. Driven by misogyny and hate. So I am taking missandry and hate and creating art with it. And I think, why not?

[Crystal]

Yes, why not?

[Mel Mitchell]

And it's a filter, so it's much easier. But I've done full drag once.

[Crystal]

Really?

[Mel Mitchell]

I did the full Quan Dietrich. I did. So last year, I have a show that we were pitching called Comic Creeping, and for the Valentine's Day special, the producer reached out, like, hey, have you ever done quandic in real life? I'm like, no, it's a Snapchat filter. Y' all know this, right? They're like, well, we have things, baby. We can get you a makeup artist.

[Crystal]

We can.

[Mel Mitchell]

She did the ball cap, she put the beard on. She, like, lined me up. It was the most fun I probably have ever had. So they had me come in and I did Quanditric on Friday and I did myself on Saturday. So I came in as quanditric, did a whole thing. They let me improv for 20 straight minutes, ranting about Valentine's Day and. And females and hoes. I didn't write anything down. I literally just went off the dome for 20 full minutes talking to myself. And then the next day, I went in full makeup, beat hair, done as myself, and replied to Juan Dietrich. And then they put it together so seamlessly. It was amazing. That's probably the favorite thing I've probably ever done in my career so far. Drag king. It sounds like you really should do drag. And I'm like, I may have too much fun with that. I'mma be down to the balls bothering the trans men, choosing on them, being like. Cause you know who got a really fine trans son? Tommy Davidson.

[Crystal]

I was about to.

[Mel Mitchell]

Tommy Davidson got the finest trans son.

[Crystal]

Not you. Plotting on Tommy Lynch. With a whole ring on your finger?

[Mel Mitchell]

No, but it's just for like, I think the girls look to me because someone said, like, you don't let no fine nigga go unseen. And I feel that is my job now. Yeah, like, yes, I married, sure. However, the girls have to know where to find niggas.

[Crystal]

Is got to.

[Mel Mitchell]

And that is my job.

[Crystal]

That's the service you provide.

[Mel Mitchell]

I can't let the girls down.

[Crystal]

Well, thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to be here. Let's dive into the questions. The questions?

[Mel Mitchell]

Yes.

[Crystal]

Who do we have up first?

[Mel Mitchell]

Okay, we have Caitlyn. Okay, let me just go right on into it. Let's get into it. Caitlyn. What's going on, Kate? I think my friend of 12 years is starting to ghost me. It started with one word answers to my questions about how her recent move went. Then she stopped location sharing with me, and now she has not responded to the two texts I've sent her over the past two weeks. She has read receipts on. So I know she's seen my messages and she has been posting on social media. I'm honestly just confused and have been racking my brain and anxiously thinking about everything I could have done wrong to warrant this. Excuse me. To be honest, it's a pretty toxic friendship to begin with. Well, there it is. I feel like I always have to bite my tongue around her because she misinterprets everything I say. We live in different states, so we don't even see each other that often, which makes us all weirder. I'm fine with distancing our friendship, but I think the ghosting is strange given I was the maid of honor in her wedding and we have not had any recent conflict. What should I do?

[Crystal]

Oh, man. Wait, so you were the maid of honor in her wedding and now she can't respond to a text and she's

[Mel Mitchell]

like, soft, launching the fallout.

[Crystal]

So something about this feels.

[Mel Mitchell]

I don't know.

[Crystal]

I'm getting very big, immature vibes from. Sure. Because it's like, even if you really, like, you fucked my man or whatever, like, you. You really crossed the line. You did something egregious. I don't know what would stop me from actually saying to you, hey, girl, we have beef for xyz.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah, I think sometimes the girlies are just weird. And it sounds like she's taking the ball out of your court and she's doing the fallout on her own and doing you a favor. Kind of just let it. Okay, well, I tried. You did your Part. You sent your two little texts. You did. You did your part.

[Crystal]

You did do that. You sent your text.

[Mel Mitchell]

So just let her come around on her own time, girl. Cause Caitlyn, she seemed like she's already made her decision.

[Crystal]

Yes, it does. It very much does seem that way. I'm just trying to understand how y' all went from maid of honor in my wedding. I can't text you back like, y' all been friends for 12 years.

[Mel Mitchell]

What is. And does she have other friends? Because if you. Not. If y' all fake close and you and her made a monarch that don't. She probably don't have no friends for real. She probably had a wedding for, like, sisters and cousins.

[Crystal]

Damn. You know what? That's an excellent point, because I guess to me, as soon as I hear maid of honor and friends for 12 years, I'm thinking this is a friend who's more like a sister. You know, like, we doing sleepovers, we doing each other's makeup.

[Mel Mitchell]

I know with me, like, apparently, 10 bridesmaids is a lot.

[Crystal]

It's not a little.

[Mel Mitchell]

It's not a little. I have picked 10 bridesmaids. But in my defense, I have real sisters. I'm in a sorority with eight billion members.

[Crystal]

Right, right, right.

[Mel Mitchell]

I have two billion line sisters. And then you have the lines before and after. I know people.

[Crystal]

Right, right. You're a popular girl.

[Mel Mitchell]

I'm a popular. I'm just a GROSS Girl. So 10. I had to narrow it down to 10. I feel like people still like that whole MPP. Somebody mad. Yeah, somebody has to be mad. And I'm just not even addressing it because, sister, you want me to have 15 bridesmaids? Like, I'm Sheryl Lee Ralph. What do you want me to do?

[Crystal]

Yeah, I think they do.

[Mel Mitchell]

So they. Yeah, I think they do. But anyway, when it came down to picking maid of honor, all of y' all are my girly girls. You know what I'm saying? But I had to pick. It is also a job, so maybe you're the more organized friend. It's not based on closeness, because I was like, who can do the maid of honor job, too?

[Crystal]

Damn.

[Mel Mitchell]

Who am I close to? That also I can trust you.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

To be my maid of honor.

[Crystal]

Caitlin's a Virgo or a Capricorn, and

[Mel Mitchell]

she's probably feeling really good on Canva, and that's why she is made of honor. Not because y' all just that close, you know? So like I said, for maida honor's like, okay, close for sure.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

But can I Can I get you on the phone?

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Mel Mitchell]

Are you can if I'm freaking out. Can you help me unfreak out and not freak out with me? Right. Are you level headed? Are you. Can you do this? Can you do that?

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Mel Mitchell]

So you gotta think of different things with maid of honor. So maybe that's why she was maid of honor as well as the girl may just be crazy.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

There are levels to what the actual issue is.

[Crystal]

I just it it. This is a sad story I think for Caitlyn. Even though she said, you know, like it's kind of a toxic friendship and you always have to bite your tongue around her. When people say that, when they say I always have to watch what I say around you. I have to walk on eggshells when I'm around you or with you. That's always a red flag to me. Like it's a sign that that person isn't receptive to. To being even gently corrected.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

The idea that they could have done anything wrong is like how dare you. Like they immediately get defensive.

[Mel Mitchell]

And I'm reading in between, I'm putting in between the lines. I'm putting extra stuff that she did not say in here. Oh that's fine.

[Crystal]

No, she said I want your interpretation for.

[Mel Mitchell]

So we're going to go here. It's a pretty toxic friendship to begin with. I feel like I always have to bite my tongue around her because she misinterprets everything I say about what maid of honor in her wedding. Wedding nigga husband. It's that nigga.

[Crystal]

I can't talk to you about that nigga.

[Mel Mitchell]

Or it's that nigga. It's something with that man. Yeah, this is my. My antennas are with that man. It's something with that man. Either and it may not be something you did. The man may be. And I'm saying he's like harming her physically. But it's something to do with that man. It may not have nothing to do with you Caitlyn.

[Crystal]

It sounds like it doesn't.

[Mel Mitchell]

It sounds like it may be a life thing. She might be pregnant again or something like that. Or she. He may lost the job at the factory. It could be something man related. That ain't really got nothing to do with you. But you know when you're friends with a male centered girlies and I'm putting a lot on this friend. I'm honestly making all this up and that's fine. And you only gave us so much sometimes with the girlies and their men's. You know when something Happened with that man. You also have to go when you do nothing.

[Crystal]

See, I love talking to straight women because I would have. My brain would have never even come

[Mel Mitchell]

up with, you know, the straight brain. We're in hell. There's a lot going on. Yeah, you gotta. You gotta think of everything.

[Crystal]

I was just talking to the makeup artist and I was saying, you know, my friends who are. My female friends who are married to men are like, you know, as far as men go, he's great. Like, you know, this is a good man. This is. I like my husband and good father. But my friends, twitch, twitch. My friends who are married to women are like, my heart has flowered. I've never been happier. God has smiled on me.

[Mel Mitchell]

It's humiliation ritual.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Mel Mitchell]

It's like the.

[Crystal]

The.

[Mel Mitchell]

It's insane. We've lived together for a year and again, love him down to the ground. He's amazing. And I probably would not do this with any other man.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Mel Mitchell]

See, however, I feel like I've been to war.

[Crystal]

They're all like, I found one man.

[Mel Mitchell]

You only have to like one nigga. That is like, my.

[Crystal]

That's cut me off too bad.

[Mel Mitchell]

That's what. That's all you need to find. Because if a girl could just be gay, they would just be gay. But it's like, I, like, unfortunately, literally,

[Crystal]

the makeup artist literally just said the same thing. Like, if I could be with a woman, I promise you, I would. She's like, I've been with my man for three years. You know, we get in the house, we thinking about getting a dog and all this, like.

[Mel Mitchell]

But he's still a man. It's so much madness that I didn't budget for mentally, that I didn't think I'm arguing about things. I didn't think. Like, again, the girls have been cheated on before. I've been cheated on before. It rewire your brain. Whatever. Whatever. Sure. That's child's play. When you live with a man, it's so much shit to argue about. Like, we in here arguing about the fucking spoons. Nigga, what the fuck did the spoons do? That's just an example. What do we argue about? Reese? I'm like, if you would have told child me what living with a man would bring up arguments about, right? And it's not even like, we don't like breaking dishes arguing, but it's like, are we sitting. Are we disagreeing over the trash on small dishes?

[Crystal]

Small shit, like regular.

[Mel Mitchell]

Wow. But you just. But I think it's kind of just like a. It's like living with a sibling. A non platonic sibling.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

Like me and my sister when we share the bathroom every day. Always something but like that. When you live with a person in that close proximity, you're gonna bump heads because it's close to human beings. That's just natural. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be together, but it's just kind of just like there's a person in your space all day. When I lived at home with my mom, we didn't argue because she in her room, I'm in mine. If this person's in my bed, in my bathroom, in my kitchen, in my living room, there's always a fucking game on that I wasn't prepared for. I did not know games came on just about every day.

[Crystal]

They do.

[Mel Mitchell]

And I'm thinking we about to sit up and watch his and hers. No, the Pistons playing. Oh, oh.

[Crystal]

And basketball. There is legit a game every day.

[Mel Mitchell]

Every day.

[Crystal]

He got league pass you. You ain't never getting free.

[Mel Mitchell]

No, but the thing is, you gotta have all these different fucking logins. You gotta have Peacock. You gotta have the. What's the bet?

[Crystal]

Apple.

[Mel Mitchell]

The. Not the. DraftKings is the draft Kings. It's the other one. Whatever.

[Crystal]

There's like five of them.

[Mel Mitchell]

You got to watch those apps to play the games because they don't play all the games on cable. But because we don't live in Detroit, we're not getting it on local channels. So he got to damn near pirate. He got to do all the different shits. And I want to watch my program.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

There's a very specific hell that straight women are in that you have to know how to navigate so many different things that could be. Because with men, it's just. You just never know, right? Like her nigga could be having like a furry phase and she gotta spend her time making furry costumes for her nigga. Yeah. And that's how you ain't heard from her?

[Crystal]

You know, I would. Cause I've been trying to rack my brain, like, what could you have possibly done? And the idea that, you know, there's a husband in here somewhere influencing things in one way or another, that makes so much sense. So, Kalen, I think you've done all that you can here. You sent the two texts. She hasn't responded, but she's still posting on TikTok and Twitter and whatever else. She's ignoring you for whatever reason she has. But my thing is, if she won't talk to you about it, what else can you possibly do like, you've reached

[Mel Mitchell]

out, you've done your part. If you did something, she'll come around.

[Crystal]

And I hate when people like, well, she know what she did. Bitch, if I told you. I didn't.

[Mel Mitchell]

I don't know.

[Crystal]

I legit don't know.

[Mel Mitchell]

I don't know.

[Crystal]

So either she responds and y' all have an adult conversation about it, or she doesn't. But this feels like a very childish way to approach the situation to me, so I say, even if she does hit you up, have the conversation come to an understanding. You know, you go your way and I go mine, and we don't really need to.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

Even though 12 years, that's a long time.

[Mel Mitchell]

You have memories, like. And I hate that. Like, I've fallen out with friends who I've had to tell my phone, when you play that little slideshow, don't show that bitch no more. Oh, yes. Cause it'd be like, here's a girl.

[Crystal]

You found the memories, right?

[Mel Mitchell]

Oh, that memories be like, hey, leave me alone. Granted, whether I like the girl anymore or not, I don't want to remember the friend that I had because it hurts. It does hurt. So I get it. But you kind of just. We grown. You kind of just got to let things play out.

[Crystal]

And sometimes friendships do just come to a natural end, and that's just what it is.

[Mel Mitchell]

And it ain't got to be no bad blood or craziness with it, right?

[Crystal]

Exactly.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

Best of luck, Caitlin. All right, Mel, who's next?

[Mel Mitchell]

Jasmine. Okay. I've had a friend for several years that I love very much, but she has married someone I hate. He's a misogynist. He doesn't believe in science or math.

[Crystal]

Oh, quantity.

[Mel Mitchell]

He ain't a provider. The list goes on and on. He's also a cheater, but she continues to stay with him and have kids with him, which is her business. Jesus Christ. These friends today, my issue is that as a friend, I have put in the time to listen to her talk about her marital issues, give her advice and act as a sounding board. But enough is enough. She continues to get amnesia and spoil this man every time he does her wrong. She goes off on him for a couple days and buys him gifts and pays for him to go and pays for him to go on trips. It's getting to a point where me and her other very good friends avoid her phone calls at times because it's just too much.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

Then she will send us texts showing proof of his disrespect and cheating. It makes me want to block her, but I don't want to be a judgmental friend or abandon her at a time of need. You wrote crystal, babe. You're already judging, but it's okay. How do you draw the line with someone who is choosing to be in a situation where they're being disrespected? I guess it's hit a breaking point because now she's making a huge investment that ties her even more closely to him. And I know he won't stop doing what he's doing, and I'm genuinely scared for the outcome. She's celebrating it as a win, and I want to support her, but it's like I'm looking through a crystal ball and the result is all bad. Sometimes I feel like the image of being a wife is more important to her than reality. And any advice is welcome. Thanks, Jasmine.

[Crystal]

Oh, man. That last line about the image of being a wife more important than reality.

[Mel Mitchell]

Listen, that's the.

[Crystal]

That's the case for so many women.

[Mel Mitchell]

So many women. So many. And I have to check myself, like, make sure. Don't I be in that mirror. Like, bitch, don't you be over here.

[Crystal]

Are you doing that life of a wife shit?

[Mel Mitchell]

Are you like, No, I genuinely. I do it, like, satirically. But, like, I do feel like he's a great partner. Whatever, Whatever. But, like, I can't let this wife shit be my whole personality.

[Crystal]

I can't turn into one of those girls.

[Mel Mitchell]

Oh, I can't be that girl. I refuse to be that girl. And I think so many women, all they have is that girl. And that's why they lean so deeply into it. Like, I cannot make that my personality because I'm going to Sundance and I was just on TV and I do this. I'm going to continue to do stuff. So I. Melanie, the person can be a person outside of being a wife and eventually mother, but, like, I need to be me. And also, you can't put your eggs in the basket of a man because he's going to disappoint you. Not saying this as a woman's scorn, but just as a person with eyes.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

You can't put that in another person.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

Especially one who has proven Jasmine, friend.

[Crystal]

Yeah, it's. This is tricky because sometimes we feel like, oh, my God, my friend is choosing this dumb shit. She keeps choosing this man who's disrespecting her and treating her wrong and all this. And it can be very hard to tell the difference between is my friend being a dumb bird or is my friend in an abusive situation. Also that where she really needs like, support to get out of it and free herself.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

And so. So from the outside looking in especially,

[Mel Mitchell]

oh, she's so dumb. She's paying for this. She's doing that. Like she's in jail.

[Crystal]

Yeah. So that's the thing.

[Mel Mitchell]

I.

[Crystal]

There were so many points along this letter. I was like, wait a minute, what the are you talking about? He's a misogynist. He don't believe in science or math. He's a cheater. And then when he apologizes, she spoils him.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah, it's something. Something in the milk ain't clean.

[Crystal]

I thought was supposed to spoil you. When they got caught cheating, what happened to you was supposed to be getting

[Mel Mitchell]

bad because he cheated you paying for

[Crystal]

him to go on trips and then turning around and complaining to us again like, sister, are you a victim? I think I would. My first question would. I would really.

[Mel Mitchell]

Once we figure out if she's a victim or not. Yeah. Can move forward with any judgment because

[Crystal]

you want to judge so bad.

[Mel Mitchell]

And she. It's like, I think Jasmine's already prejudging.

[Crystal]

Well, it's hard not to.

[Mel Mitchell]

It's hard not to judge in these kind of.

[Crystal]

These details. Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

So it's like, okay, figure out if your friend is okay physically. Can she leave even if she wanted to?

[Crystal]

Oh, she wants to leave. Right, Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

Can she leave even if she wanted to? Once we. Okay. Have we decided yes or no? Whatever. Okay, now let's figure something else out. Is this a low self esteem thing? Is this. Cause like also that I'm learning and I feel it icky. Since I've gotten engaged, I. Other women have been so weird to me. Not in like a mean way, but kind of like a. What's the prayer? Oh, you. You must be. And it's like, oh, hey. Yeah. So it's the social capital amongst women of being married. Like, it's like a.

[Crystal]

Having a husband elevates you.

[Mel Mitchell]

Having a husband elevates you socially.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

Having a man in general elevates you socially among other women. And you know, I'm around more like, like minded women who don't think that way. So I think I'm normal in my usual bubble. But when I go outside my bubble and people are like, ooh, you have a ring. Ooh, a husband. Ooh, a man. I'm just like, whoa, hey, hold on.

[Crystal]

There's a lot of them out here. Sister, what's up?

[Mel Mitchell]

It's okay. Yeah. So a lot of people think that way. And so, you know, even the. What's the song? Is it not. Is it Betty Wright? It was like, I'd rather have a piece of man than no man at all.

[Crystal]

Oh, yeah. And every time.

[Mel Mitchell]

That has raised generations. And we've seen that so much. So the girls rather have a piece of man. Then I don't have a man. It's like, well, yes, baby.

[Crystal]

And then you don't have somebody dragging you down, stressing you out, doing you wrong, and then you making excuses for him. The idea that he does you wrong and then you go and do things for nice things for him.

[Mel Mitchell]

Is it. Try to get him to not cheat again? Is that. What's the retention plan over there? I don't know. But again.

[Crystal]

And she has kids with them already. I was about to say, well, don't have kids, but they do have kids.

[Mel Mitchell]

They already have kids. My thing is. Okay. And this is toxic.

[Crystal]

Okay. Love that.

[Mel Mitchell]

If a man's cheating on you and you just not gonna leave, she gotta cheat back.

[Crystal]

Some stuff.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah, you got to.

[Crystal]

You gotta cheat.

[Mel Mitchell]

Get you a little something on the side. If you not gonna cheat, you gotta do something evil. You must do. You gotta cut all the shoestrings up.

[Crystal]

I've been by somebody else.

[Mel Mitchell]

One of them kids. I learned that Bob Marley's wife got her little outside baby.

[Crystal]

Oh, period. Well, why not?

[Mel Mitchell]

Well, why not?

[Crystal]

That nigga got 300 outside kids.

[Mel Mitchell]

Have you won? We ain't gotta break up. I'm gonna have me an outside baby. Me one.

[Crystal]

And you claiming it.

[Mel Mitchell]

And he did. If you're not going to leave, get you a piece, sister. Yes. Do something. You got.

[Crystal]

I. I fully agree with that, actually.

[Mel Mitchell]

So you can. So you can go to sleep. And I ain't going to make again. I've been there. I. I get it. Not wanting to leave or leaving and still wanting to make it work. Whatever. You got to do something, girl.

[Crystal]

Right? That's the thing. I've been there too, where it's like, damn, you did me wrong. But I do still have very strong feelings for you.

[Mel Mitchell]

So you're not gonna get away with this.

[Crystal]

You won't.

[Mel Mitchell]

You won't get away with it.

[Crystal]

I can't say that I've ever then paid for that purpose.

[Mel Mitchell]

No, that's not. That's not the way.

[Crystal]

Buying you gifts.

[Mel Mitchell]

If you pay for the trip and then he gets jumped by the cartel in Mexico. Yeah, then. Okay, now I see the picture.

[Crystal]

You paid for the trip to Mexico, and then a tragedy happened in Mexico.

[Mel Mitchell]

Then you get robbed. Oh. Oh, no. I would have knew that you was gonna get robbed at this restaurant. Now I get it.

[Crystal]

That's so crazy how y' all get here. Yeah. So I think this in the. If I was in this exact same situation, what I would have done in my 20s and early 30s is very different from now because I've definitely. Before therapy, I would have been like, girl, don't come to me talking about this nigga no more. And I swear to God, I mean

[Mel Mitchell]

that, like, set the boundary. That is why, you know, set the boundary. Once you confirm is she safe or not, set the boundary.

[Crystal]

Well. And you might not know the answer to whether she.

[Mel Mitchell]

Because she's not gonna be able to say yes straight up or no. Well.

[Crystal]

And so often we don't know how men are gonna act until we do something. So maybe you do pack up yourself and these children and leave. And then he decides to flip out and start being crazy.

[Mel Mitchell]

Like, you just never know.

[Crystal]

That's right. That's something you can't really anticipate. But at this big age, after all of my education and everything, I would sit down with her one on one and being like, look, as your friend of several years, I love you deeply. Your man doesn't believe in vaccines. He can't act.

[Mel Mitchell]

The baby's got measles finger. Like, what are we talking about? He don't believe in math. The math one was crazy. Science is one thing. Math. He following Terrence Howard.

[Crystal]

Cause math just feel like you should be able to. Like, how you don't believe that these acts.

[Mel Mitchell]

Terrence Howard doesn't believe one plus one equals one.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Mel Mitchell]

He, like, has, like, defended that he's publicly. Or the one times one. I think it's one times one.

[Crystal]

He. Say that again because I don't understand what you're saying. He.

[Mel Mitchell]

Terrence Howard does not believe that one times one equals one.

[Crystal]

He does not believe that one time. What else would it be?

[Mel Mitchell]

I think he says it's two or something like that. It's like some kind of, like, conspiracy mathematic theory that one times one isn't one, that I can't fully explain, but it's like a whole thing. Like, he's really, like, putting money into this research.

[Crystal]

Some hotel shit.

[Mel Mitchell]

I believe that's what it sounds like. Weird science.

[Crystal]

The original man.

[Mel Mitchell]

Foolish. Like, legit. It's okay. It's foolishness. Yeah. You.

[Crystal]

Jasmine mentioned that her friend is now making a huge investment with this man, but I don't think there's a bigger investment than reproducing.

[Mel Mitchell]

So.

[Crystal]

So.

[Mel Mitchell]

Cause I'm trying to figure out, other than having. She said they already married, they already have kids, so what could it possibly be?

[Crystal]

Oh, right. They're married. Okay.

[Mel Mitchell]

They're already married.

[Crystal]

Right? So it's not even as simple as just leaving. We got to get the courts.

[Mel Mitchell]

Maybe it's a business.

[Crystal]

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. She's financing something big. They're going into business together. Some entrepreneur shit. He making T shirts or something.

[Mel Mitchell]

Right?

[Crystal]

And she wants to be like, my

[Mel Mitchell]

man, my man, my man.

[Crystal]

I would. I would have a conversation with her that basically consists of, I love you deeply. I'm concerned about you because I feel like you deserve to be treated so beautifully. Like, you have such a sweet spirit. You have such a good and generous heart. I want you to be treated accordingly. And yet this nigga keeps dragging you through the mud, like, as a friend. I know that's your husband. I know you gonna choose your husband.

[Mel Mitchell]

I didn't know that. You have to be prepared as that friend to be. Can she stay with you? Cause you making her leave this nigga because her and them kids come in your house.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Mel Mitchell]

Well.

[Crystal]

Well. And so what kind of support can you offer if she does choose to leave? But she's probably not doing that, you know, if they're.

[Mel Mitchell]

She's not. Right?

[Crystal]

And so going into the conversation saying, I just want you to know that if you are ever at a point where you like, damn, I really do deserve better than this. Like, damn, I really am sick of this nigga, then you can come to me and I will do what I can to support you, help you move on from this.

[Mel Mitchell]

Be ready to help. Don't be sitting there and being. Well, she's just so dumb and stupid. And dumb and stupid.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

But okay, what are you doing to help your friends since you care so much?

[Crystal]

Yes. Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

How are you gonna support.

[Crystal]

How am I gonna support? Right?

[Mel Mitchell]

Can she come on your couch? Can you give her some money to get a hotel? Can you do.

[Crystal]

Literally, can you. Can you pick us up and help us move our shit from this house?

[Mel Mitchell]

Can you take a little baby in the school and football practice? Like, be community. Everybody want community, but they don't wanna be a part of said community.

[Crystal]

Yes. If you are going to. If you're going to be a friend, then be a friend. Offer some support however you can. But it's also fair to say it's. It stresses me out to see the way that you're being treated. And what's sad about this is that you can Be so earnest and so sincere and come to her with the kindness, intentions and spirit behind what you're saying. And she may very well still be like, that's my husband. I don't know what you talking about. Jealous bitch or whatever.

[Mel Mitchell]

Oh, once that jealous starts hitting, it's like, you know what, baby?

[Crystal]

You know what?

[Mel Mitchell]

Nevermind.

[Crystal]

Jealous of what, Girl, Don't.

[Mel Mitchell]

Don't worry about it.

[Crystal]

Because if he don't believe in science or math, I have trouble believing he's good at reading or, you know, social studies.

[Mel Mitchell]

He not good at lunch. He might be okay at pe. None of the subjects or he's gonna be good. No. Yeah.

[Crystal]

So this is a conversation that can be had where just try to avoid the judgment. Try to avoid the. If I was you, I wouldn't be putting up with this.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yes.

[Crystal]

Blah, blah, blah. Make it more. Talk about it from a place of concern. Because that's really what it is. You don't like to see your friend going through this, being hurt. It's not like he cheats. And she called y' all like, yeah, girl, he cheating again. So I'm finna go get my dick on the side. That would be totally different, right, bitch? The way I would. I would carpool with you. I'll sit in the car. I'll wait.

[Mel Mitchell]

I'll be in the living room.

[Crystal]

Yeah, just.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

That's a lot.

[Crystal]

Yes. And keep in mind that if the image of being a wife is really what's most important to her, then what you say is not going to change that.

[Mel Mitchell]

Because they see singleness as a disease. So the lepers are telling you to leave and join the leprosy clan.

[Crystal]

You just want me to be miserable and single like you.

[Mel Mitchell]

Exactly.

[Crystal]

Am I miserable or are you miserable? You paying for a man to go on trips after he slept with somebody else.

[Mel Mitchell]

And even I am miserable.

[Crystal]

So are you.

[Mel Mitchell]

We is miserable. At least I'm miserable by myself.

[Crystal]

I'm not miserable because of who else is in my home. So approach it with that. And so hopefully she will always have in the back of her mind like, damn, Jasmine did say that.

[Mel Mitchell]

She specifically told me.

[Crystal]

Yes. That if I ever felt like, damn. Even if it's just referrals for therapists, you know, I'm gonna send you to therapy for black girls or whatever.

[Mel Mitchell]

Something, something, something.

[Crystal]

But she'll at least know that, hey, I did have one friend who said she was in my corner no matter what I chose to do. If I decided that I was ready to do something different, then I'll reach out and. And, you know, chat with her and see what's going on. But other than that, it's like, hey, it breaks my heart to see you be continuously disrespected like this. As my friend, I know you deserve better. And it's getting to a point where it hurts me so much, it's hard for me to bear witness to it on a regular basis. Like, I'm not. Yeah. I can't keep putting myself in that position because it's. It's. People don't like to hear this, but our. Our actions can indeed affect others around us, even if it's none of their business, because they love us. People don't want to see us give.

[Mel Mitchell]

I'm trying to see you harmed. Like, yes. Let's figure something else out, friend.

[Crystal]

All right, Jasmine. Hope it goes well. Let me know who's next. Okay.

[Mel Mitchell]

This one doesn't have a name.

[Crystal]

It doesn't.

[Mel Mitchell]

It doesn't have any.

[Crystal]

Let's make up one.

[Mel Mitchell]

Okay.

[Crystal]

This episode of Crystal's Couch is sponsored by BetterHelp. March includes International Women's Day. And this month, Better Help is taking a moment to celebrate women's achievements and power while also acknowledging the unseen responsibilities that so many of us carry every day. Most of us spend a majority of our time working and caring for children, parents, pets, our homes, or maybe even all of the above. My friend Jade, who you all have heard multiple times on this very show, is one of those women who seems to be doing it all. So I want to take a minute to say, sister, I see how hard you hustle for yourself and your family, and I so admire your strength and your work ethic. Sometimes the expectations placed on us feel too heavy to bear, and that's where therapy can help. Regularly meeting with a therapist can help you create balance in your life and support your overall well being. As someone who has been in therapy for eight years, I can personally vouch for how life changing the experience has been for me. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform with over 30,000 fully licensed therapists. And they can help take some of the guesswork out of finding the right therapist by using a short questionnaire to help identify your specific needs and preferences. But if you're not satisfied, BetterHelp allows you to switch to a different practitioner at any time from their tailored recommendations. Your emotional well being matters. So find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] chrysal that's betterhelp.com C R I S S

[Mel Mitchell]

L E

[Crystal]

this episode of Crystal's Couch is brought to you by Chime. Chime isn't just another banking app. It's fee free and smarter banking built for the average person, not the 1%. Old school banks charge overdraft and monthly fees, which is literally what the fans do not want to see. Okay, we need products like Chimes MyPay, which gives you access to up to $500 of your paycheck anytime and getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit. With Chime, your everyday spending works even harder by delivering real rewards and with the cost of everything right now. I don't know about you, but I need every reward I can get. Chime offers overdraft coverage. You can count on up to 3% APY on savings and can even help boost your credit with the new Chime card. It's the cash back card that helps you build your credit with your own money, two things that old school banks usually do not put together. And when you get qualifying direct deposits, you get 1.5% back on eligible Chime card purchases. Just about everybody I know either uses it or could absolutely benefit from it. Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank. So join the millions who are already banking fee free today. It takes just a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com couch that's chime.com

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[Crystal]

This spring, Wayfair is making it easy to refresh your home by finding quality furniture and decor that fits your budget. Now, my personal taste is a home that's very cozy, very warm. It has a bohemian, all natural kind of vibe. And Wayfair helped me bring my vision to life with blankets, throws, ottomans, tables and even a dog bed for Lani that completely matches my aesthetic. I just visited the website Wayfair.com and filtered each category by texture, material, color and size to find the pieces that I needed and of course. Of course, Queen Virgo. I checked the thousands of reviews to be sure that those purchases were right for me. Now, as someone who loves to put things together, assembly for the desk that I ordered was super easy. But I know that not everyone is as handy as I am. It's not a problem, babe. Wayfair can also help you find installation and assembly services near you for an experience that is truly seamless. It's a simple process that sets Wayfair apart from other retailers. And now my new furniture and other pieces look amazing in my home. Even Laney agrees. Baby, she cannot get enough of her new bed. Like I have to drag her out of that thing. So find the furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget by heading to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. Should it be Mel Josephine. Josephine.

[Mel Mitchell]

Josephine.

[Crystal]

Work Bake Josephine.

[Mel Mitchell]

Hi, Crystal. My mom died when I was six months pregnant with my first child. And I've been a mess ever since. Right already, like, okay, we're set. She was my best friend and I used to call her my North Star. Even if I wasn't lost, she was always there, shining bright to guide, support, and protect me. We did everything together. I would FaceTime her just to show her my kitchen was clean and she was a pivotal part of my daily life and routine. Even Mondays were dubbed Mama Mondays by my husband because he knew that that's how me and my mom got ourselves ready for the week ahead. This is so sweet. And I'm already sad.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

I say all this to say that since she died, it has been hell dealing with my family in the extreme loneliness. I've had to set clear hard boundaries with my family because when my mama was dying, she warned me about all the different ways they were going to about to cut up and act and act with me after she passed. And of course she was right. Because black people gonna act up when somebody dies. Well, I'm assuming that they're. Black people in general do cut out with people dies, but yeah, you know, specifically. Oh, that folk cut up so bad.

[Crystal]

We bad about that.

[Mel Mitchell]

At first I went into grief counseling and therapy, but recently stopped going to therapy due to scheduling conflicts. I'm currently looking for a new therapist, but it's rough out here in these insurance streets. Yes, it is. I have wonderful friends who are kind and support me. I have an Incredible husband and two kids under 2, both born after her death. My Husband and I are very hands on and present with our kids like our mothers were for us. But my mama and I spent so much time planning the things we would do together when I had kids. Now I do it alone and it sucks. Nothing comes close to filling that void that was left behind by my mom. My question is, how do I move forward? How do I not let the grief constantly affect me? My mom is always on my mind. She's one of the first thoughts I have in the morning and one of the last before I go to bed. I. I find myself bringing her up in every conversation. I feel like I don't know how to navigate life without her. I've asked the people around me if I bring her up too much, and they all say no. But part of me thinks they're saying that because they know it will hurt my feelings if they said yes. Thanks for any advice you may have, Violet.

[Crystal]

Okay, that makes sense. Violet.

[Mel Mitchell]

Oh, it did say Violet. Sorry.

[Crystal]

No, no.

[Mel Mitchell]

Sorry. Violet. Josephine.

[Crystal]

It's okay. Josephine. Violet, Whomever. Oh, this is sad. So if your. Your mother died when you were six months pregnant with your first child, and then you said you have two under two or two around two, so that

[Mel Mitchell]

means your mama, like two, three years ago, right?

[Crystal]

So that means your mama died within the last few years. She just. That she. That might as well be yesterday.

[Mel Mitchell]

That literally so. As someone who has lost a parent. I lost my dad when I was 15, and I'm about to be 32, which is insane to think that that was 16 years ago. That was yesterday.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

Literally. Like, losing a parent or just losing anyone close to you feels like yesterday and 100 years ago at the same time. Like, there are so many different things that, like, I talk about my daddy every day and he died half my life ago, so. You're doing fine, sweets. I can only imagine. It seems like you and your mother had a beautiful relationship. And I know this may sound cliche, but, like, hold on to that, because people didn't even get that. You know what I'm saying? I think with my father, I hear so many horror stories that people have about their dads and them being awful and all this. My dad was a Saint. I got 15 and three quarters of a strong, amazing, sweet dad. Some people don't even get one day, you know what I'm saying? Some people's dad are alive as we speak, and they ain't heard from that nigga. And it's like I can hold on to what I had because I had it. Yeah, it's like the. The saying, it's better to love than lost, than never loved at all. Like, you had something beautiful, a relationship like that with your mama.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

So many women's. And I'm. I'm not trying to preach to you. Like, you should be grateful that you. This is not what I'm talking about.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

But I'm saying that you had something so beautiful, and it is fair to mourn that, grieve that. And I think you should lean into the grief, because this is also a cliche Marvel quote from WandaVision. But it was so beautiful. Envision the robot. He said, what is grief but not love everlasting? But, like, that is so true. And there's still so many things that I unpack in my grief this far out that I'm learning new things about it. And I'm being reminded of things about my father that I'd forgotten. I did something so crazy. I had a bunch of the mini dv, like home videos at home, and I couldn't get the camera on, so I took it to one of the places that would make your home videos digital. And I didn't know what was on the tapes. It was a video from my sister's graduation party in 2006. And I have not seen my dad in video form in so long. I hadn't seen him just walking around talking and joking. And in so long, I was sobbing on the floor, crying. And it was beautiful, though. I needed that. So I think you should lean into the grief. Don't think you're getting on anybody's nerves. And your feelings are valid because that is so fresh. And you could probably be dealing with a little bit of postpartum. You have two babies back to back like that.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

All of your feelings are bad. Little girl cry. Actually, I hope you cry right now. I hope as you listen to this, you're crying. Yeah, do that. Let it all out. But a beautiful part of grief is you're grieving something because it was beautiful. You don't grieve something that wasn't great.

[Crystal]

True. You especially not like this, you know?

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

It's you. You know, she said, like, how do I move forward? How do I not let the grief constantly affect me? I think you have to maybe adjust your expectations of where you. It's never gonna be at this point

[Mel Mitchell]

in three years out.

[Crystal]

Especially because your mother died while pregnant while you were in the process of.

[Mel Mitchell]

You need to give yourself more grace. Yes.

[Crystal]

And y' all FaceTime every day. And, you know, I'm sure she was

[Mel Mitchell]

like, oh, my grandbaby. I can't wait.

[Crystal]

Yeah, sweetie, That's a massive loss.

[Mel Mitchell]

All that is fair.

[Crystal]

It sounds like you're. You feel like, oh, I'm supposed to be doing better. I'm supposed to be this. I'm supposed to be that. You're not supposed to be anything as far as the grief is concerned. If you can get back in with grief counseling and therapy. I know you said there were scheduling conflicts and insurance can be a mess. That's very true. But I would make that a top priority if somebody else, your husband or one of these close, wonderful friends, if they can help you with that. Because grief counseling really does help a lot.

[Mel Mitchell]

But

[Crystal]

when she said nothing comes close to filling the void that was left behind by your mother. And it won't.

[Mel Mitchell]

Nothing will and it won't.

[Crystal]

And that's okay. And it has to be. But when you take into consideration that it's hard for most people to lose a parent.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

At any age. Literally. Much less when you are also in the process of becoming a parent. And y' all were as close as you were. And now you have two kids. Like, even you, Mel, like you mentioned earlier, getting married later this year and then hopefully becoming a mom. Yeah. Sometime after that. I'm sure that whatever feelings you have for your dad. And it sounds like he was incredible.

[Mel Mitchell]

He was great.

[Crystal]

When you become a mother and then watching your husband become a father.

[Mel Mitchell]

I'm already pre cried about that. See, like, even with planning my wedding, I'm like, look, we gonna do a quick little acknowledge. I ain't doing no moment of silence of shit for my wedding. I ain't doing a. His receipt for who my dad was sitting. But he did so he would sit here if he was alive. But. So I'm not doing all that. I'm not trying to be. To have a hole look over that ncs. I'm not doing all that shit. But because it's like I cannot let it consume me. And I'm gonna let it happen. I'm gonna have. He gonna have something, but I can't make a whole production out of it because I'm planning for my future grief. A grief that happened 16 years ago.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

But it's like, it's gonna always be there. I'm not gonna avoid it completely. I'm not gonna go out of my way to ruin my day.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

But it's gonna be. I'm gonna cry my wedding day.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

It's because.

[Crystal]

Because all the things you would have thought about that day, you know, all the things.

[Mel Mitchell]

How he would have acted and all that. And I'm like, a way of coping. Like, oh, well, you know, my dad gonna miss my wedding. But it's okay because he don't even know me no more because I'm such a different person than I was when I was a teenager. And he don't know Dwayne, blah, blah, blah. He acts Jack like Dwayne, so he mess with Dwayne. And then I realized how I act exactly the same. It's so funny. I saw a video from my sister's party. I did a speech. I was 11 at my sister's graduation party. And I was doing stand up. I was up there killing the room. I had it in the palm of my hand. I'm like, this little bitch is the same bitch I am today. So it's like, there's your. Your parent. Even beyond the grave, they know you. They love you, and they will give you that space to be sad.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Mel Mitchell]

And you have to give yourself that space. Like, girl, that is yesterday. I think of, like, how I acted out in the years following my dad's death, like, in undergrad. I was hell on wheels in undergrad. But, like, I think about him like, damn, my daddy had just died.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

My daddy had just died three years ago. And I'm. Yeah, I'm cutting out.

[Crystal]

I'm tweaking.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah. I'm sure a mess.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

I'm mean as fuck. Yes, I'm a bitch.

[Crystal]

Yeah. There's a lot going on.

[Mel Mitchell]

I'm dead.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

It's not fucking fair. And then losing a parent in, like, the mother's days and the father's days, and you see the people who got daddies, and you ain't got one. Yaya Mayweather get to have her daddy and she act like that. And I ain't got no daddy.

[Crystal]

And I'm trying to think of what's worse like it. The number of shitty parents who are out here just alive.

[Mel Mitchell]

They just get to be alive.

[Crystal]

And your wonderful dad had to die. Why one of the shit dads couldn't die.

[Mel Mitchell]

Why the dad beat, right? Wow. Blueface deadbeat is halfway into that one. Like, wow, my dad.

[Crystal]

My dad had to die. Wow. It was plenty of niggas to choose from. And y' all said mine had to die.

[Mel Mitchell]

But daddy, you got to see Tunis. Your Tony cuss out black China again, but your sweet angel mother is gone. That's fucking fair. And that just be. That's. That's fucking life, Right?

[Crystal]

I think the people around you are not Lying when they say you don't bring her up too much because they understand you lost your mother, who was also your best friend. They have a lot more compassion for

[Mel Mitchell]

you and where you are right now

[Crystal]

than it sounds like you do. So lean into the fact that they're all so supportive. I love to hear this about your husband and your friends.

[Mel Mitchell]

He sounds great.

[Crystal]

Like your husband is a very hands on dad and. And all that, which is great. But baby, it's gonna hurt again. Can't recommend trying to work out grief counseling. Going back to that. Enough. But talk about it. Talk about your mama to anybody who will listen. Talking about. I feel like I bring her up in every conversation. And that's fine. And that's fine. Bring her up whenever you. You need to talk about it. You need to get it out. This is part of grieving. And I am so genuinely so sorry for your loss.

[Mel Mitchell]

So sorry.

[Crystal]

Especially because I just keep coming back to the fact that you were being.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

This was supposed to be a time where it's like you and your mama and your baby and this. All the feelings. And so you really have to be gentle with yourself. Violet. Josephine. Good luck, sweetie. All right, Mel, who we got next?

[Mel Mitchell]

Okay. We have Carrie Bradshaw.

[Crystal]

So I already know it's gonna be a mess.

[Mel Mitchell]

God bless it already. That girl.

[Crystal]

Do you watch Sex and the City? Are you.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yes. I haven't finished my watch. I'm on like season three. But, like, I watch all the movies and I know all the lore. Okay. I just haven't fully watched as an adult.

[Crystal]

But you know enough to know.

[Mel Mitchell]

Oh, I know.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Mel Mitchell]

She's a mess.

[Crystal]

Okay. Okay.

[Mel Mitchell]

Hi, Crystal. I'm Carrie Bradshaw. Because apparently I can't walk away from a dead relationship. That is beyond embarrassing.

[Crystal]

Drag yourself then, baby.

[Mel Mitchell]

As long as you know, sister. I met this man six months after my last relationship and we had been together for two years. The relationship before him was very humbling for me. I was cheated on, lied about, and too and was so stressed out that it triggered a thyroid problem. Sister, you should have just took a break. My current partner felt like a calming presence when we met. He was attentive and a good listener who gave me time to really express myself. I was unemployed for nine months. And while I was struggling with money, he was feeding me when he could and take me out to do things together.

[Crystal]

Okay. Okay.

[Mel Mitchell]

Eight months into our relationship, our whole dynamic changed. I used to see this man five times a week. We'd spend time at each other's places and we were in constant Communication. He suddenly got distanced and it was very hard to get him to communicate. I'd ask him to hang out and he respond 48 hours later, if at all. I had to have so many conversations about check ins and certain responsibilities while being in relationships. I don't need you to send me your location, but I need you to let me know you're alive.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Mel Mitchell]

Oh yeah. I should mention he is 34 with a drug problem. And the reason I don't hear from him for two to three days at a time is because he goes on benders with his bum friends.

[Crystal]

Harry, Harry. This is worse than pig.

[Mel Mitchell]

He finally told me that he reached out to an old friend with benefits and they went on a date. Before he brought her back to his apartment, he. He said she's polyamorous and very respectful. And when she noticed my things around his place, she asked him about me. If I knew he was. If I knew what he was doing. He said he told her no and that he did consider me to be someone serious. So because of that they did not do whatever they were planning to do right now. What I heard was that he. He premeditated cheating. And he did cheat. As far as I'm concerned. I don't believe that they did not hook up. You did all that just to turn away? Yeah, I'm not dumb. Even it was already cheating when he went on a date. Like girl, the cheating is in his art. But maybe I am because he begged for me to stay and I did. But with a cracked open heart. Everything changed after that. He did not try hard for long. We kept getting into arguments about checking in. He went from why? I went from why aren't you talking to me? I don't know what's going on in your life to just text me if you're alive. Like I don't need the details. At this point. The rose colored glasses started to turn clear and the drugs became an issue. His temper became an issue. The way he spoke and treated me in arguments became an issue. His lack of priorities to himself became an issue. And it became clear he and I would not go the distance. I realized this six months ago and just last night I was able to finally break up with him.

[Crystal]

Look at God.

[Mel Mitchell]

Where I'm having trouble is forgetting that who we were a year ago just doesn't exist anymore. My mind knows this, but my heart still has this hope that he'll come back and be with the calm, safe and be the calm, safe place he used to be. Nowadays I prefer spending my time alone or go with my good Judy than with him. Yet somehow I can't let this go. I miss him, but not the him he is now. How do I work through this? I am reeling from this breakup and I want to hold strong. I used to judge Carrie so much for this, but, girl, I'm sorry. This is hard. Sincerely, another Carrie Bradshaw.

[Crystal]

Oh, man. Well, I'm so glad you realized before you wrote this email that you needed to break up with this man.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

A drug problem and a bad temper and cheating, and I didn't even get to that. But let me tell you, the first

[Mel Mitchell]

time you raised your. Who you hollering at?

[Crystal]

You won't be yelling at me.

[Mel Mitchell]

I don't like no mean ass.

[Crystal]

No. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's nothing.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yelling and call you all kinds of. And hoes he's going to hit.

[Crystal]

Oh, yeah. And it's just a. It's a short step.

[Mel Mitchell]

Matter of time.

[Crystal]

It's a short step. Yeah. I don't. I don't play with no kinds of abuse, including verbal.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

So you having a bad temper is not going to work out with me at all. But I think Mel. Mel said this when she was reading the letter, when she said something like, you know, I met him six months after my last relationship ended, and that person was hell. And then this guy seemed so great

[Mel Mitchell]

at first and triggered a thyroid problem. Girl, you in the hospital.

[Crystal]

You need a break. You need a real break from niggas, from all men.

[Mel Mitchell]

You need.

[Crystal]

You can't.

[Mel Mitchell]

It is quite literally taking a toll on your health. Yes. You need to just.

[Crystal]

Yes. And so I think you were definitely still dealing with the ramifications of that last relationship. You got into this new one. And at first he seemed great because he sent his representative. We all know the representative will show up and be so chill. And things seem great at first, but I don't care how great he seemed to be at that point. The cheating, the drugs, the temper problem, there's all reasons to not continue to pursue something with this man. And it really sounds like you need to take some time being single.

[Mel Mitchell]

Focus on Carrie, babe.

[Crystal]

Yeah. What does Carrie Bradshaw really need to stop worrying about men? God damn.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

Carrie, you got real. And now thinking of the HBO character and not so much you, but a big part. Yeah. Carrie was like, you. You want these men, but then you act kind of childish when you with them.

[Mel Mitchell]

You.

[Crystal]

There's definitely elements of, like, immaturity, insecurity coming through.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

You chasing after that, you know, are married or with Somebody else. And like all this sort of thing, you need time to yourself by yourself where you are not worried about nobody else.

[Mel Mitchell]

Especially since it seems to have. It's one thing to just be stressed out by, but you thyroid issues. That is a very serious thing.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

And it's very concerning. Even the. The fact that this man was going two to three day drug. What benders.

[Crystal]

You're 34 years old. Two to three days. No, you need to go on a job bender. What you talking about?

[Mel Mitchell]

Wait, where's your job?

[Crystal]

Where is your job? We're not doing that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Mel Mitchell]

Cause that mean that's a big drug. You ain't smoking weed for four days. You want hair.

[Crystal]

Wrong.

[Mel Mitchell]

That's crack. You got needles and pipes and shit. You ain't just smoking. It's a lot of stuff going three, four days.

[Crystal]

Yeah. You doing that. You doing things like that.

[Mel Mitchell]

That's the from rent. He over there like with Will you light my candle. He's on the mo. Hard drugs, baby. You need to.

[Crystal]

He is cuz a weed bender. You're not going nowhere but to sleep. This man doing something else. He doing wild and crazy in the streets.

[Mel Mitchell]

Right.

[Crystal]

I. I think it might be helpful for you to know that who he was a year ago and you know, this whole like, why can't we just go back to who he was then? Because that wasn't really him.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

Because that was not him. That was him being on his best behavior for a very short period of time. Of course that fell apart because these niggas can't keep it up for too long. The. The real stuff will come through. When you don't do the work to actually mature, grow up, start doing better with yourself. All of the pretense that you have. It will fall apart.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

Before too long. Because you just can't keep it up forever.

[Mel Mitchell]

So.

[Crystal]

Yes. The. This situation with reaching out to the ex friend with benefits. Do you think they slept together? I think it's possible they didn't. I think it's possible.

[Mel Mitchell]

It is a world where that. Because again, the polyamorous people are strict as the polygirlies are. This is respectful. Do you know what are the parameters they do be serious polyamorous girls. Oh they little rules. They don't play by them rules.

[Crystal]

You right.

[Mel Mitchell]

So there is a reality where they did. But the fact that he set up an actual romantic context date and brought her with Holmes with the pretenses to hunch that lady he was already cheating.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

So it's just. I Mean, sure, y' all did.

[Crystal]

Hunch.

[Mel Mitchell]

Sure.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

But like.

[Crystal]

But whether they did or didn't, I guess it doesn't really matter. But since it was in his heart to cheat, you might as well just.

[Mel Mitchell]

It was cheating.

[Crystal]

Yes, you might as well.

[Mel Mitchell]

If you wanted them emotional cheating girlies, then it was very much so. Emotional cheating.

[Crystal]

Right. But you, you know, you fell for him because he was a good listener and let you talk. Unfortunately, that is the bare minimum.

[Mel Mitchell]

It is. But again, he's.

[Crystal]

When you're dating men, I know sometimes it doesn't seem that way. You might be like, wow, I hit the jackpot. But somebody who listens and allows you to express yourself is really.

[Mel Mitchell]

It was high. He let you talk. Cause he's a high officer.

[Crystal]

You are giving him way too much.

[Mel Mitchell]

He probably couldn't talk.

[Crystal]

That nigga was like trying to figure out which you was the real you.

[Mel Mitchell]

He was sitting there like.

[Crystal]

You said that man. He was real quiet.

[Mel Mitchell]

Well, crack don't you respectful. Cause he's high, baby. Yeah.

[Crystal]

You know, he took you out to dinner a few times and he let you express yourself and you was like, this is the man for me, babes. I. I understand your Carrie.

[Mel Mitchell]

Just date Carrie for a while.

[Crystal]

Just date Carrie for a while.

[Mel Mitchell]

And that's you.

[Crystal]

And you really do need that. You need to nurture yourself. Pour into yourself all of the care and concern that you were giving this man while he was out doing drugs in the streets with his bum ass friends. You deserve that exact same effort. So I am going to encourage you to really pour into yourself. You know, I don't think we ever saw Carrie Bradshaw go to therapy, you know, on. At least not on that original.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah, I'm sure she did on this. And just like that, I stopped watching it because I didn't like Shay Diaz. I they.

[Crystal]

And just like that was not for.

[Mel Mitchell]

I didn't finish. I watched the first season.

[Crystal]

Did you. Did you like it?

[Mel Mitchell]

Not really. I enjoy again the Shay Diaz that was dating Miranda and Miranda was in her coochie ate when. When somebody just said surgery. You getting finger popped in the kitchen and shit. I'm not.

[Crystal]

I'm not looking at that.

[Mel Mitchell]

I'm not doing that. It's too much.

[Crystal]

Right? But yes, some. Some real time and attention on yourself. I'm always going to recommend a therapist if you can always one. But ask your the when the when the urge to contact him is so strong. I want you to think about the worst that he put you through and then ask yourself, do I really want to Go through that again with a nigga that I know got a heroin problem.

[Mel Mitchell]

It's the heroin. It really is. It's absolutely the heron for me.

[Crystal]

And then you got a temper and

[Mel Mitchell]

you mean, it's like everything. If a cheater is bad, a nigga on heron is bad, a mean nigga's bad. All of them together.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

You not gonna be all three. Pick one.

[Crystal]

It's not the man you want. It's the feeling that you had when you were first with him. That's what you want.

[Mel Mitchell]

And just having a man in general again. The straight girls are in hell. I don't know. The straight girls are in hell. It just keeps coming back up.

[Crystal]

I had to have the straight, straight, married girl, engaged lady here to help bring some context and perspectives to some of this. But, yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head. Carrie needs to date herself.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah, it's okay.

[Crystal]

All right, I think we got one more letter.

[Mel Mitchell]

It's the last one.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Mel Mitchell]

I'm so glad I read good. I'm saying, because this would have been a very difficult day for me if I did not know how to read. Well, it's a lot of reading. Luckily, I'm a scholar. I skipped a grade because I had a very high reading level. I graduated high school at 16 years old. Okay. Yeah, I don't get to brag about that because everyone's grown now, but that

[Crystal]

was a big deal. That's me with my. Oh, I got a 1450 on the SAT or whatever. Like, sweetie. And that was in 2000.

[Mel Mitchell]

We don't care no what I be doing. I got a 1600. Oh. But in 2010, they had changed the scale, but it sounds cool.

[Crystal]

Sometimes I say, so I'm thinking perfect score.

[Mel Mitchell]

So I would say that sometimes people are like, oh. And I'm like, the max is like, 2400 at the time, but it's like 1600.

[Crystal]

You say you got a 1350 now. People are like, God damn, can you read?

[Mel Mitchell]

It's very different now.

[Crystal]

It's very different.

[Mel Mitchell]

They changed the score. But at the time, I was like, good enough, bitch.

[Crystal]

It's like bragging on your gpa. Like, who cares?

[Mel Mitchell]

Who gives a fuck?

[Crystal]

Me and my 3.9. We care.

[Mel Mitchell]

It's like that TikTok train. I used to be a hell of an athlete. Like, no one gives a fuck.

[Crystal]

Please. The niggas who are like, yeah, we

[Mel Mitchell]

went to state three times in high school in 1997.

[Crystal]

1997. What?

[Mel Mitchell]

Clay English Say he played football when the helmets were soft. Oh, Shit. N. It's time to stop.

[Crystal]

If it was more than five years

[Mel Mitchell]

ago, if it was a Clinton or Bush presidency, no one gives a fuck.

[Crystal]

If it wasn't no social media back then.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah, if I can't find it on your Instagram, it's too long ago.

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[Mel Mitchell]

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[Crystal]

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[Mel Mitchell]

Experian.

[Crystal]

All right, last letter. Yes, Vivica.

[Mel Mitchell]

Okay. I'm getting married next year to the most amazing person in the world. Before we got engaged, I was convinced we were having a big wedding because that's all we ever talked about. It wasn't until we reached out to our dream venue and they got back to us with a quote of $60,000 that we reconsidered.

[Crystal]

Sorry, that is crazy. But wedding stuff, I'm sure you know.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah, yeah, I'll get into it once I finish because it's a thing.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

When I told my fiance about the cost, I said, woo, let's just elope. And he was like, I'm down with that. I Was surprised since he was always talking about a big wedding and has lots of friends. But we started really painting the picture of what that could be for us. Going to a lavish destination, having a beautiful, intimate ceremony, and then living it up in our honeymoon while still having a celebration with our loved ones. After, we spent weeks talking about the different options and weighing out the pros and cons. Ultimately, having an intimate ceremony 100 focused on us and being out of the country sounded like a dream. So that's what we've been planning. Recently, one of my favorite co workers got married and I was a bridesmaid. This is where the FOMO hit. There was so much anticipation and buildup in her bridal suite leading to getting her her down the aisle. Making tiktoks, taking pics together and getting dressed up was all so cute. Then everyone heard their vows and teared up. I thought, I want people to hear our vows and cry. I want people to okay, Joan. I'm happy for my friend. I'm happy for her.

[Crystal]

You are not, girl.

[Mel Mitchell]

I want people to see me look the best I've ever looked. Immediately after the wedding, I started to doubt our decision. Now, granted, the hype of the wedding was really that first half of the day up until they said I do. After that, I really couldn't wait to get into bed. The reception part was cool, but really the ceremony was my favorite. Said no one ever. We are so far into planning this elopement that it feels too far to turn back. My fiance said all the back and forth is making him less excited to elope and he just wants to to stick with one decision. Enjoy the lead up to it. He said he could have gone either way but was down with eloping because he felt that was the most romantic thing we could ever do. Since it's all about us and our love. He says all he cares about is getting married to me, and he's excited to do that. It doesn't help that my algorithm is all these beautiful brides breaking down. Get off that phone.

[Crystal]

Yep, it's that phone.

[Mel Mitchell]

Phone. We move to the other side of the country and lately have been feeling like maybe I'm not experiencing the full essence of my bridal era. No wedding plan and no bridal shower. I'm doing a bachelorette, which is cool, but it just feels like it's not happening the way I thought things would be before I got engaged. And maybe there would have been more hoopla if there was a countdown that everyone was looking forward to. We have the reception venue decoration and food booked. But what if nobody cares? Since it's not the same day? We say I do. Isn't that what people actually want to be a part of? Care about the food so thicker and shaking it. They care about the reception. People with the party. The reception is cute, but that's really for y'. All.

[Crystal]

The ceremony.

[Mel Mitchell]

I mean, the ceremony. I mean, the reception is the fun part. The ceremony is like, oh, this is so cute.

[Crystal]

It's sweet.

[Mel Mitchell]

But the guests give a damn about the reception.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

Honestly, I still don't know if I want to spend my wedding day with my fiance on 101 or if I want a huge party and to be the belle of the ball. The wedding I want will require us taking out a hefty loan. While this current plan allows us to live in a very upscale downtown and spend however we want, doing a big wedding would essentially bring down our present quality of presentation, quality of life immediately, plus at least one additional year being on a very strict budget to pay off the loan. No fun date nights or multiple trips a year. I am just at a point where I don't want to look back and regret either decision, because I could also see myself having spent over 100k on a wedding, and then the next day comes, and I am like, well, I could have done without all of that. I know I only can determine what's right for me, but I'm making the right. Am I making the right choice? Knowing all the details? What would you do? Thanks. Viva them.

[Crystal]

I think you're the perfect person to answer this.

[Mel Mitchell]

Absolutely.

[Crystal]

Since you're in the thick of wedding planning yourself.

[Mel Mitchell]

I am in the thick of wedding planning, and it is expensive. Everything is money, money, money, money, money. I will say now, they didn't say no. $60,000. For my opinion, it is not $6,000, but it is. It's definitely five figures. And it's all inclusive, though. Includes the foods, the drinks.

[Crystal]

Oh, nice.

[Mel Mitchell]

Everything. Whatever. So outside of that, we only have to do, like, the. The flowers and the. The dress and the clothes and, like, other. Other stuff, but, like, everything that comes to the venue is in the venue.

[Crystal]

Nice. Nice.

[Mel Mitchell]

But if you're trying to cut cost, the ceremony is not the extensive part of the wedding. The reception's expensive part.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Mel Mitchell]

That's where the money comes in. Because that's the liquor, that's the food.

[Crystal]

Yep. The.

[Mel Mitchell]

The place is, like, 250 ahead. Yeah. So, like, I don't know for me, luckily, because I'm gonna go get her. I'm gonna get what I need. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna make me a pitch deck and I've been able to. I'm gonna get me a sponsor. Exactly. I've been able to leverage my following to get things sponsored, but everybody does not have that.

[Crystal]

Oh, I know. That's right. I do love that for you.

[Mel Mitchell]

So I've been definitely bartering and like, okay, what you need, I can make. I got a video. I could do it this, I could do that. Because I want things. Because like once I got. Because I thought about, okay, do I want to do destination? Do I want to. If I'm doing me a wedding, if I'm getting married, I'm doing me a wedding.

[Crystal]

Yeah, I get that.

[Mel Mitchell]

I'm gonna have me a wedding.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

Because I want same. I want those things too. But I wasn't gonna pimp myself out of think. Tricking myself into thinking I don't want those things.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

Because of the money. You want it, right? You over here getting married in a dark corner. Oh, I'm just so different. No, you're not. You want the attention too. That's the whole point.

[Crystal]

Different.

[Mel Mitchell]

You're not different. And that's okay.

[Crystal]

You went to your home girls wedding and was like, wait a minute, I'm gonna be the center of attention. I bet you tik toks with my girls.

[Mel Mitchell]

I can't wait to make tik toks with my.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

And I've been having to create. Instead of being stressed about my wedding, I've been creating fun things. Like my bridal proposal was very, very fun for me. Cuz I, that I, that I did plan.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

Cuz it's like I don't know a lot about weddings, but I do know cute. And I'm a. Yeah. I'm a marketing girl. Like before I quit my job to do this full time, I worked in marketing and television.

[Crystal]

Love that.

[Mel Mitchell]

And I was gonna make me a pitch deck at work. So I did America Next Top model themed. I make it very cute. I did see this. That was so cute. And I did. It was so fun. I did everything on Canva myself because that was fun for me. Yeah. And I. And that wasn't super expensive to put on. I found me a little space, did that. My brother in law catered.

[Crystal]

Love that.

[Mel Mitchell]

Had a white dress already. I ain't had to buy no new shit. My wedding planner found me some vendors to give me a little backdrop and that was that. But you have to create the things that you want for yourself. Don't if you ain't got it. Figure it out, right? DIY it. Them DIY brides. Hey, I planned a wedding for 700 and here's how it came out. It should be cute enough.

[Crystal]

You just have to do it all yourself.

[Mel Mitchell]

You.

[Crystal]

And if every last bit of it,

[Mel Mitchell]

if you want to DIY to have the moment you want, then DIY it, girl.

[Crystal]

Yeah, I don't know where you live.

[Mel Mitchell]

Going to Publix. Get you a cake and figure it out, right? But don't rob yourself of that moment.

[Crystal]

And it sounds like you really do want. That's what you want. I just don't know that you need to have, you know, $100,000 worth of that.

[Mel Mitchell]

There's a middle ground. You ain't gotta spend 100 bands.

[Crystal]

Especially if this 60k is just the venue.

[Mel Mitchell]

You can find somewhere else that goddamn wedding, sister. You can figure something else out because you ain't gotta have Princess Diane in their wedding, right? There is a small. You can downsize and still have a quality. And again, get off that

[Crystal]

because you

[Mel Mitchell]

looking at all them Stanlow photography videos and that is that NBA? No, football players. A football player who got married last year and their wedding was so expensive, so nice. He had like a. It was like a train on his suit and was like, oh, you got undressed. But it's like, no, he had a piece of his mama wedding dress. It was a whole thing. But it was like if I was a different kind of, I would have been like, dang, they got fireworks and stuff, but they wet and I ain't got fireworks. No, I'm gonna have the wedding that I wanna have and you have the wedding that you wanna have. That makes sense for you, right? And if you want fireworks, well, you better go down on the 4th of July and go find you some fireworks so you can put em yourself.

[Crystal]

Tell your cousin and them, hey, keep these in a dry spot until my

[Mel Mitchell]

wedding and make it work. You ain't gotta go to date. Yeah. If we have this wedding, we can't go on date nights. We can't have no McDonald's for the rest of the year. What? It's other ways.

[Crystal]

Yes, there's. Yes. I think that is such an exc. If it's. If you're talking about, well, to have my dream wedding, we would have to downscale everything and not have any fun for a couple of years. And all this is that really worth. My dream is not to. And also you can have all that for one night.

[Mel Mitchell]

You can go to the courthouse now and then have it a Little further down the line.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Mel Mitchell]

Until you can have a reasonable dream wedding. Like for me. I never had an idea of a dream wedding. Like as a little girl. My dream wedding was marrying Brian from B5. So that's not happening. So we can pivot from my 11 year old.

[Crystal]

That shit for sale.

[Mel Mitchell]

But I never like had a Pinterest board. And I gotta have this, I gotta have that. As long as the shit. Cute.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

And I look great. If you like it. And my booty look big and my waist looks snatched. I'm having a great day.

[Crystal]

That's what you want for your day. Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

But you gotta go for the things that you want. Want. That makes sense though. You got to make it make sense. Because a hundred thousand dollars in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the rest of the year. That don't make sense.

[Crystal]

Taking out loans for this alone.

[Mel Mitchell]

And that's the thing. We're paying monthly for the wedding.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Mel Mitchell]

So they're getting like a couple thousand or however much a month from the both of us. Because again my daddy did. Not even being funny.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Mel Mitchell]

I know that's a big. I'm sorry. I say that so you do callously because. But that's my coping mechanism. Because we're funny. My dad was very funny. That's where I get my humor from. And he would laugh at me saying it like that.

[Crystal]

Okay. My daddy.

[Mel Mitchell]

Dad. So I'm paying for this wedding.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

Right. I gotta pay for it.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Mel Mitchell]

So.

[Crystal]

So we setting some money aside every month and we're putting it towards. And even.

[Mel Mitchell]

We're not gonna be in debt though.

[Crystal]

But if you wanted to, you could. If you said to yourself I want the dream wedding is $250,000, my God.

[Mel Mitchell]

You could do that.

[Crystal]

Would I suggest or recommend that? Fuck no. If you have to take out a loan to have it and you can't repay that loan like within a few months or so. I can't recommend that. Because you're not. You're going to be paying the loan plus interest. Of course. If it's something you can pay back without paying interest. Is somebody giving you like a two years no interest loan or whatever then?

[Mel Mitchell]

Maybe.

[Crystal]

But also too good to be true. Right?

[Mel Mitchell]

That I think you should weigh your expectations, sister.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

Be realistic.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Mel Mitchell]

But also don't. Don't deprive yourself of something. You want to prove a point to no one.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Mel Mitchell]

Don't nobody give a fuck what kind of wedding you have. They want to come love and support you.

[Crystal]

They do the.

[Mel Mitchell]

That is the people that matter.

[Crystal]

Right. You were like, oh, the ceremony is the best part. That's because you all heart eye emoji, thinking about your man and how you can't wait to exchange vows.

[Mel Mitchell]

It be hot in that ceremony. You sitting next to it.

[Crystal]

The rest of us are sitting, waiting

[Mel Mitchell]

for the updates to kick in, ready to fucking go right as soon as it. Okay, y' all may now get up, right? Cocktail hour. Oh, yeah.

[Crystal]

Oh, clap. Yes, girl.

[Mel Mitchell]

Some beanies and weenies.

[Crystal]

Let's go to cocktail hour while they go take their pictures. Open bar, they can start drinking.

[Mel Mitchell]

People are there to get drunk. They don't care about that ceremony.

[Crystal]

Look, we're here to celebrate you, of course. So however you want your day to look, I want to support that, but I'm not going to be like, oh, well, yeah, girl, you should just spend all this money that you don't have. Don't do that. I would not recommend that.

[Mel Mitchell]

And get. And if you want it that bad again, get on Tik Tok, get on Pinterest and see how the girls are planning their weddings on next to nothing. Look into the micro weddings, right?

[Crystal]

Yes. And have it like you said. You don't have to have this wedding in three months or whatever. You can push it back as far as you want to, especially if you just thinking about the receptionist reception. Because going to the courthouse and getting married is always an option. Y' all can be married tomorrow if you want.

[Mel Mitchell]

No. And then sometimes courthouses do little specials.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

Somebody know they had, like, a little Valentine's Day special at the clubhouse.

[Crystal]

Oh, okay.

[Mel Mitchell]

And they was just, all right, you want to come get married?

[Crystal]

We'll come do like, $10 wedding or whatever.

[Mel Mitchell]

Yeah, whatever.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

Getting married is the easy part. But if you want your moment, which every little girl. Not every little girl, but like most

[Crystal]

girls, which is okay. Yes.

[Mel Mitchell]

Most little girls dream about their wedding

[Crystal]

and mainly how pretty they're.

[Mel Mitchell]

How pretty they're gonna be in their big dress and their makeup and in their hair.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Mel Mitchell]

And that. And again, even for me, as someone who's getting married, that is not. Because I always just get stressed out thinking about my wedding. Cause I don't want to be musty. Like, I'm thinking about, like, oh, my God, what if my musty what if my periods on. What if this? What if. Yeah, what if my hair sweat out? What if this? What if that? Oh, my God. I get stressed out thinking about my wedding. That's not something I've been like. Cause I just think about all the things that can go wrong in A day like that. I'm excited. Yeah, I'm gonna look great.

[Crystal]

Oh, yeah, no, you're gonna be cute.

[Mel Mitchell]

I tried on wedding dresses and the way a corset looks on me. Am I gonna be able to breathe? No, no. I'm gonna look fucking hot.

[Crystal]

But I don't have to breathe while I'm taking that picture.

[Mel Mitchell]

And I'm gonna be a little change of outfit that's gonna be a little more roomy, something for you to be

[Crystal]

a little more comfortable in for your party. Oh, okay.

[Mel Mitchell]

Shaking ass.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

I said, my bridesmaids, if you're not shaking ass, why are you even here? Why are you even here? Hands on your knees, on the ground.

[Crystal]

I gave you your baddie chain. I said, you shake it.

[Mel Mitchell]

Literally. No. I had again, be the kind of bride that you want to be because I decided to be, like, a fun, unhinged bride. Not like a bridezilla, but just unhinged. I had, like, rules. I did a presentation as well.

[Crystal]

Oh, Lord.

[Mel Mitchell]

And I presented my bride. Bridesmaid rules.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Mel Mitchell]

And I was like, okay, rule number one is don't piss me off. Rule number two is one band, one sound.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

But it was, like, fun. But it's like, also because I've heard so many horror stories of bridesmaids and this and that, like, falling out. It gets crazy. And I wanted to, like, put out, you know, what the costs are going to be, because that's a big concern. When I was in a wedding some years ago, I'm like, bitch, I ain't got no money, so I gotta spend hundreds, hundreds, thousands.

[Crystal]

The dress and makeup alone, literally.

[Mel Mitchell]

So I was able to find a way to sponsor the dresses so the girls ain't got to pay for their dresses.

[Crystal]

On it.

[Mel Mitchell]

I'm on it. Y' all a got to pay for the dresses. Just send me your measurements. We gonna figure it out, period. So, like, you gonna be good.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

But you guys got to know what kind of bride you want to be. Yeah.

[Crystal]

I think the idea of, like, me and my person going to some island somewhere and having a beautiful, private ceremony and then going on a honeymoon right after that, and then coming back and having a reception with all the friends and family. That sounds so beautiful to me.

[Mel Mitchell]

That's beautiful.

[Crystal]

Yeah. You know what? Actually, I am going to go to some destination I can barely pronounce. Fiji and whatever the hell else. Three plane rides to get there with me and my man, and we're going to have, like.

[Mel Mitchell]

I.

[Crystal]

That sounds like so much fun to me, but Mel's Right. If you look into cut costs and you wanted the reception either way. You said you wanted to have a celebration either way because you wanted to celebrate with your loved ones. That was always going to be part of it. The reception is where the money is. That is where.

[Mel Mitchell]

And then you can also. Even then, because the reception damn near is only like a tenth of the price. You can just have a little fake ceremony then, too.

[Crystal]

Well, I have another little ceremony. No, for real, I've had.

[Mel Mitchell]

I've gone to a wedding where they were already married. Still did all the ceremony stuff and still had it.

[Crystal]

Just do it. Yeah.

[Mel Mitchell]

No, literally, you cannot even know you already married.

[Crystal]

You grown.

[Mel Mitchell]

You could do whatever the f you want. Because we're grown.

[Crystal]

You really can.

[Mel Mitchell]

And that's the fun part. And it's like, don't pretend you don't want the things. When you want the things, do the things that you want to do.

[Crystal]

But also, if you do the little private one on one thing and then you decide later, I want my bridal moment. You can always have a wedding. It ain't no rules.

[Mel Mitchell]

You can have a wedding in 10 years. You can have a wedding in two years.

[Crystal]

You can do like Jackie, Christy and

[Mel Mitchell]

get married every day. Christy's wife.

[Crystal]

And have a wedding every year if you want to.

[Mel Mitchell]

Every year. Because. And honestly, I had her on my mood board for my engagement. She and my fiance was like, absolutely, you cannot put me on a leash. And I was like, well, why not? And that man said, you can do whatever the f you want, sister.

[Crystal]

You can.

[Mel Mitchell]

And if you don't get your moment right now, save up and in 10 years, have the wedding you want.

[Crystal]

Absolutely. Good luck. Congratulations on your impending nuptial.

[Mel Mitchell]

Congrats, sister brat.

[Crystal]

That is going to wrap up this week's episode of Christmas Couch. Mel, thank you so much for being here. Yes, this was such a delight. Again, I. It has been so much fun to watch your career blossom online and to. I'm not on Twitter anymore, but TikTok and all that. I see all of you.

[Mel Mitchell]

Because what is even going on over there? It's so bad.

[Crystal]

I'm not doing that.

[Mel Mitchell]

It's so bad.

[Crystal]

But thankfully you're on all the other platforms. Please tell the people where they can find you. And yes, on Twitter, unfortunately, if you're

[Mel Mitchell]

still there, I am the baddest man Mitch on Twitter and TikTok. I'm the baddest Mitch Instagram. I'm it. Smell Mitch. You can find me on YouTube. I'm on Tubi. I'm on BET. I'm just. I'm places baby. Just look me up. It has been such an honor, Crystal. I have been. I've been a fan for so long and I've been answering questions and letters with you in my car for years. So it's such an honor to be here giving people advice with you. So. So I told her. She doesn't understand how mother she is. She is mother for real. For bitches who talk too much and got seasoned conduct, you are the mother of all mothers. As a Beyonce, Stan, and someone who thinks they know everything, I'm very honored to be sharing this space with you.

[Crystal]

The seasoned conduct really spoke to me. Well, I love to be mother. I'm so proud of you. My baby. You're doing amazing, sweetie.

[Mel Mitchell]

I can't wait to look at her go. Thank you.

[Crystal]

Thank you.

[Mel Mitchell]

Oh, this is so fun.

[Crystal]

That's it for this week's episode of Chrysalis Couch. Follow us online at Crystal's Couch and if you have a question for me, email me advicerystlescouch.com we'll see you next week.

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[Mel Mitchell]

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[Mel Mitchell]

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[Crystal]

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[Crystal]

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