Session 1

Summary

Crissle’s Couch – Session 1 (November 11, 2025)

Host: Crissle
Podcast: Crissle’s Couch by CAKE MEDIA

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Episode Overview

The inaugural episode of Crissle’s Couch sets the tone for a uniquely warm, irreverent, and insightful advice show that blends humor, candor, and compassion. Drawing on her decade-long podcasting experience and background in mental health counseling, Crissle introduces the series as a “metaphorical couch”—a safe and real space for listeners’ letters, personal reflection, and challenging discussions. Each letter receives practical, sensitive, and sometimes tough love advice, with co-host Jade contributing personal anecdotes and further perspective.

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Main Discussion Points and Listener Letters

[00:02] Introduction: The Crissle’s Couch Approach

• Crissle welcomes listeners, describing the podcast as a “place for honesty and laughter” where real-life struggles and joys are examined together.
• Emphasizes that though she holds a degree in mental health counseling, she is not a therapist—an important disclaimer for the show.
• Format includes listener letters, solo musings, and guest conversations, combining “culture, critique, and care.”

[01:24] Listener Letter 1: Setting Boundaries with an Overwhelming Friend

From: “Summer Walker, Texas Ranger”
Issue: Overwhelmed by a friend’s constant trauma dumping; feels unable to set boundaries as a self-proclaimed “empath.”

Key Advice and Insights

• Clarity is Step One:
  “First, Summer has to figure out exactly what her boundaries are… It’s always hardest the first time.” – Crissle [03:21]
• Boundaries are Self-Care, Not Punishment:
  “Boundaries aren't being mean. You're not punishing somebody… You have to advocate for yourself, 'cause who the hell else is gonna do it?” – Crissle [05:25]
• Prepare for Pushback:
  “Normally, people who act like that are very used to depending on your lack of boundaries… underneath that defensiveness… is a fear that they're no longer gonna have that caretaker in their lives.” – Crissle [06:16]
• Boundaries with Consequences Matter:
  “Boundaries without consequences are just suggestions. They mean nothing if you're not gonna follow through.” – Crissle [07:30]

Highlight Moment

• Light teasing about the letter’s creative pseudonym (“I don’t think you said Summer Walker, Texas Ranger enough” – Crissle [03:08]), establishing the show’s playful but direct tone.

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[07:43] Listener Letter 2: Feeling Stuck After Divorce and Single Parenting

From: “Naomi Campbell's Homestyle Chicken Noodle Soup”
Issue: 43-year-old single mom feels like a failure post-divorce, struggles with depression, and compares herself negatively to others.

Key Advice and Insights

• Self-Compassion Over Comparison:
  “Please don’t compare my Instagram highlight reel to your real life.” – Crissle [08:39]
• Invisible Labor Acknowledged:
  “You're using all the energy you do have to take care of your son… at least you're not neglecting your baby.” – Crissle [10:03]
• ‘Spoons Theory’ for Energy Management:
  “On any given day, you have a certain number of spoons available to use… once your spoons are gone, you have no more.” – Crissle [10:47]
• Behind-the-Scenes Reality:
  Discusses privilege, luck, and the incomplete reality depicted on social media.
  “I was lucky to find so much success in the entertainment industry… that luck is a huge part of the reason why I’m not in your exact shoes.” – Crissle [12:10]
• Explore Support Systems:
  “Look for single mom groups in your area. That’s a great way to make friends and increase community.” – Crissle [16:28]
• Concrete Steps for Self-Care:
  “If your dad can watch the kid once or twice a week, even just going out for a walk… Something where you’re not spending the energy that you have in taking care of someone else, but in taking care of you.” – Crissle [17:06]

Memorable Moment

• “May he have the day he deserves.” – Jade, speaking wryly about the cheating ex-husband. [15:35]
• Supportive admonition: “You didn't do this to you, girl. These are life circumstances. You're a single mother trying to survive in this capitalist hellscape. And it's hard.” – Crissle [15:46]

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[18:40] Listener Letter 3: Relationship with a Partner Who Never Admits Fault

From: “Cheryl Lee Ralph Tresvant”
Issue: Feels invalidated and blamed in disagreements with her boyfriend; considering cohabiting with him and his ailing (possibly toxic) mother.

Key Advice and Insights

• Red Flags of Accountability:
  “People who can never admit when they're wrong… That is a giant red flag. It don’t get gianter or redder than that.” – Crissle [20:26]
• Refusal to Admit Fault = Dealbreaker:
  “Refusing to ever admit when you fuck up is [a reason to break up].” – Crissle [20:34]
• Stand Firm, Don’t Self-Gaslight:
  “You know good and damn well you did not drink up all the Kool Aid except two swallows and put it back in the ice box. I know I did not do that. And I’m not gonna take the blame for it.” – Crissle [23:04]
• Don’t Move In or Combine Finances:
  “Under no circumstances should you move in with this man or attach yourself to him legally in any way.” – Crissle [22:27]
• Name the Control Tactics:
  “All these are control tactics, honestly… That's someone who is not emotionally mature enough to share your life with.” – Jade and Crissle [24:27-24:30]
• Family Ties Not Your Responsibility:
  “Now his mama’s sick, so I can’t really push—yes, the fuck you can! That ain’t your mama. Do not allow that woman to move in with you.” – Crissle [25:16]

Notable Quotes

• “All roads are leading to him and his mother terrorizing your fucking life.” – Jade [26:28]
• “My mama can't even live with me, much less some nigga mama. It's not happening.” – Crissle [26:49]

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[27:58] Listener Letter 4: Husband Shuts Down After Father’s Cancer Diagnosis

From: “Ella Mae West”
Issue: After family losses, husband is emotionally withdrawn and avoids family events; she wonders how to support him.

Key Advice and Insights

• Differentiate Between Support and Forcing Openness:
  “I think I would try to accept that his feelings about his father are obviously very complicated, and he just is not ready to share them with anybody, including you.” – Crissle [31:12]
• Assess for Depression or Harm:
  “Is he struggling at work… struggling with substances, abandoning his responsibilities? Is he withdrawing…?” – Crissle [31:11]
• Concrete Support Suggestions:
  “Continue to show your support in the best way that you can… maybe [his family members] could write him a letter so that it's something he can read and process in his own time.” – Jade [33:18]
• Don’t Carry All The Weight:
  “I hope you don't feel like you need to be his end-all, be-all of support, because that will then be very heavy on you.” – Jade [32:54]
• Encourage Therapy if Possible:
  “If you can find a Black male therapist, bonus points if he matches y’alls ethnicity… but most men, if they're not gonna talk to their wives, they are not gonna talk to a therapist.” – Crissle [36:04]
• Let Family Share the Load:
  “Ask the family for some help. I'm really curious to know how this family showed up. I'm really—but ask them for some help. You can't handle this all on your own.” – Jade [36:51]

Memorable Moment

• “DJs are always a great connection. Don’t sleep with them.” – Jade and Crissle, offering comic asides about getting plugged into new social circles. [47:56]

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[38:35] Listener Letter 5: New City, New Loneliness, and Clinging to a Situationship

From: “Hattie McDam. Daniel”
Issue: Moved to a big city, feels lonely and attaches to a man she’s casually dated, unsure if her feelings are real or circumstantial.

Key Advice and Insights

• Reflect on Your Own Counsel:
  “What would you tell your client in this situation?” – Crissle [41:48]
• He’s Told You the Truth:
  “A man that you’ve already been casually dating for three months, turning around and being like, 'let’s just start a friendship'… that sounded to me like he was trying to let you down easy.” – Crissle [42:23]
• Focus on Platonic and Broader Social Networks:
  “Making friends can be so challenging as an adult… but you’re in a graduate program. I made so many great friends in grad school.” – Crissle [45:01]
• Explore the City, Be Social:
  Advice to join activities—sports, church, trivia, bar events, cooking classes, Meetups, connecting with classmates (several examples), and not to romanticize the one relationship.
• Humor and Life Lessons:
  “Don’t try to be attached to no dick.” – Crissle [50:47]

Memorable Moments

• “If they play drums… especially a Drummer.” (on not hooking up with DJ/musician types) – [48:09]
• “Just me and my mean ass cat…” – Jade, envisioning a day of new social balance [49:27]

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “Boundaries without consequences are just suggestions.” – Crissle [07:30]
• “Please don’t compare my Instagram highlight reel to your real life.” – Crissle [08:39]
• “You're a single mother trying to survive in this capitalist hellscape. And it's hard.” – Crissle [15:46]
• “All these are control tactics, honestly.” – Jade [24:27]
• “Stand on it. I know good and damn well I did not drink up all the Kool Aid…” – Crissle [23:04]
• “Don’t allow that woman to move in with you. Do not allow that man.” – Crissle [25:16]
• “Ask the family for some help. You can’t handle this all on your own.” – Jade [36:51]
• “Don’t try to be attached to no dick.” – Crissle [50:47]
• “You have to advocate for yourself, because who the hell else is gonna do it?” – Crissle [05:38]
• “Comparison is the thief of joy. For real.” – Crissle [13:24]

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Episode Structure / Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:02] – Welcome and show’s mission/introduction by Crissle.
• [01:24] – Listener Letter 1: Overloading friend and boundaries.
• [07:43] – Listener Letter 2: Single motherhood, self-worth, and depression.
• [18:40] – Listener Letter 3: Partner never takes blame, toxic family dynamics.
• [27:58] – Listener Letter 4: Husband’s emotional withdrawal after illness in his family.
• [38:35] – Listener Letter 5: New city, loneliness, clinging to a friendship/situationship.

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Tone & Takeaways

True to its promise, Crissle’s Couch brings sharp truth, empathy, and wit. Crissle models a balance of practical advice and humor, unflinchingly naming red flags and societal pressures, but never letting compassion slip. Listeners will feel seen, encouraged, and challenged to reflect on their own needs, boundaries, and self-advocacy. Whether it’s navigating overbearing friends, single parenting, rocky partnerships, or starting over in a new city, the couch is a space for real talk—often with laughs, always with care.

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Closing Reminder:
If you have a question for Crissle, she invites listener letters at advicerystlescouch.com, promising more culture, critique, and care next week.

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Transcript

[A]

Hello, and welcome to the very first episode of Crystal's Couch. I'm Krystal, and this is the place where we can kick off our shoes and have the kind of conversations that are both entertaining and meaningful. So think of this as a metaphorical couch, a place for honesty and laughter and what it means to live and figure all of this insane life stuff out together. So this show is more than about just telling stories. It's about creating a space for advice and perspective, meet a little bit of humor and a lot of truth. I've been podcasting for well over a decade. I am truly Yalls og. But along the way, I took a big step in my own journey by going back to school and earning a master's degree in mental health counseling. Now, I am not a therapist, which is a fact I will be repeating quite frequently, but that education and training really did inform the way I see the world and the way I want to help people think through the issues that they're facing on Krystal's couch. Some weeks you'll hear from guests, and some weeks it'll just be us, like today. Either way, the mission is the same, to give you a mix of insight and entertainment that leaves you feeling a little bit lighter and a little more understood. So grab a seat. I'm glad you've joined me. Let's get into it. All right, Jay, who we got up first?

[B]

All right, our first letter is from Summer Walker, Texas Ranger. So Summer Walker, Texas Ranger, is a clinically diagnosed bipolar 2, major depressive girly. This is her words, not mine. Okay? She has all heart and a problem with boundaries, apparently. All right, so she's got a friend who apparently is a trauma softball player she unleashes like a baseball cage. And this is way beyond trauma dumping, according to Summer Walker, Texas Ranger. This is like a trauma garbage truck. A fleet of garbage trucks, apparently. So the conversation always ends up being one sided. So Summer Walker, Texas Ranger, was going through a depressive episode recently. And when she reached out to the friend, the friend then was sending pictures of her pet. And this was a trap of sorts, it sounds like to Summer Walker, Texas Ranger. She said she's trying to lure her in, like it the clown. And this was all a ploy so that she could talk about all her own business. She wants to talk about her problems at home, her job, and her situationship. Cause Summer Walker, Texas Ranger, let us know that her boyfriend is not her boyfriend. I see what you did there, queen. So she loves her friend very much. She is also an Empath. So she feels very deeply when her friend does share these things.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But she needs some help setting some boundaries.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cause this gets a little overwhelming for her. So what's your advice for Summer Walker, Texas Ranger, on setting healthy boundaries with friends who dump on you without a care for your own needs?

[A]

I don't think you said Summer Walker, Texas Ranger enough.

[B]

I don't think I did either. Summer Walker, Texas Ranger.

[A]

There'S really something wrong with you.

[B]

You love everything about it though.

[A]

Okay, well, so there's a few things here. First, I think Summer, I'm just gonna say, Summer, you did so much there. I think first Summer has to figure out exactly what her boundaries are. The thing about setting boundaries is that it's always hardest the first time. It can be so nerve wracking to tell somebody, look, I really don't like being treated this way, or I feel like I'm not being seen heard, et cetera. So first you have to figure out exactly what your issues are, where your boundaries are, like what you have to be clear about, what you want to express to her. And then when you go to her, you can sort of acknowledge her experience while also making sure you don't abandon yourself. So you pick the right time and place, you know, in the middle of her birthday dinner is not it. But when the two of you have some. When the two of you have some time to yourselves, you can bring it up and be like, listen, I know you're going through a lot with that man, that's not your man, and you know, other things that are going on. But I feel like whenever I have a depressive episode or I try to reach out to you to get some of that same sort of caring consideration, you really are just not giving it back. And so it feels like this friendship is one sided. What do you think about that?

[B]

I think, I think when setting boundaries, you first of all have to make sure that you're very clear about what you want. I think that's super important. What is it you're actually looking for? Because a lot of times we get irritated about stuff, but then when it comes down to having the conversations, we get like flubbed and fumbled because we haven't really been very clear about what it is we're looking for first.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I think that's first and foremost. But if this is somebody who loves you as much as you're claiming to love them as well, I don't think it's wrong for you to have a conversation and let them know that this is maybe A pattern that you're noticing and it hurts your feelings.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[A]

A lot of people who say, you know, I'm all heart. I just care so much. I'm such an empath sometimes. The main thing that those people need to learn is that boundaries aren't being mean. You're not punishing somebody.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

This is a way for you to take care of yourself. You have to advocate for yourself, because who the hell else is gonna do it?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And people who need emotionally will take and take and take and take unendingly until you can actually work up the nerve to say, girl, this ain't it. Like, I'm not just an endless well of compassion and care for you. I have to care for myself, and you're not even showing me. So it's even more important that I take care of myself and give me what I need. Yeah, legitimately. Nobody else is gonna do that for you as an adult. You have to get to that place. So I would say approach the conversation with this empathy that you have. You know, approach it with kindness. Not like, oh, bitch, I'm tired of your shit. But, you know, understand that some people may get it and some people may not, and this friend may react defensively or get angry at you. And I think that really just tells you more about the state of relationship than anything else, because normally, people who act like that are very used to depending on your lack of boundaries. And so underneath that defensiveness and that anger and that aggression is a fear that they're no longer gonna have that caretaker in their lives. So be prepared for different responses. But understand that you're not ever wrong for taking care of yourself and advocating for what you need. If you need to get outside support, maybe you can talk to some other trusted friends. If you have a therapist, you can reach out to them about your concerns. Sometimes that outside validation is really useful when we're doubting ourselves. But, yeah, you first and foremost have to be really sure of what you need and feel like you can communicate those boundaries and stand on what you said. Because boundaries without consequences are just suggestions. They mean nothing if you're not gonna follow through. Best of luck to you. Summer Walker, Texas Ranger. Let me know how it goes. All right.

[B]

Our next letter comes from Naomi Campbell's Homestyle Chicken Noodle Soup. So Naomi Campbell's Homestyle Chicken Noodle Soup. I'll say it only those two times. Is feeling like she's failing at life. She's 43 years old. She's a single mother of a nine year old. She's feeling stuck and like she's. She's not really living and following her purpose. There's a lot here about accomplishment. So she feels like she hasn't accomplished a lot in life and she doesn't know how to change it. It's like a plateau period. Okay, so the catalyst for all this was her divorce. She got divorced about eight years ago, and she was married for 10 years before even getting pregnant with her son. So clearly life took a turn that she wasn't expecting.

[A]

Right.

[B]

In the most nigga of ways. Because can you guess? He cheated and got his girlfriend pregnant. So I know after y' all had.

[A]

Been married for 10 years.

[B]

For 10 years.

[A]

So I finally gave you a baby and this is how you act? Well, I think, first of all, please don't compare my Instagram highlight reel to your real life.

[B]

I know this is not my show, but, you know, I was sitting over here like, wait, hold on. Naomi Campbell's house chicken noodle soup.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Sometimes that's what I have to heat up for dinner. You know what I mean?

[A]

I fail at motivating myself all the time. I have depression and adhd. I'm trying to find the right combination of meds to work for me, but it is definitely not some clean, tight routine over here, baby. Like, I struggle to get basic self care things done sometimes too, that it's just normal when you're dealing with these, especially depression. Like, you are beating yourself up, but you're depressed. And so you said something like you feel like you're a loser because you're struggling so much to do things, but you're struggling to do things because you have a mental illness. Something is holding you back. You're not just sitting around refusing to work or refusing to try. In fact, you're using all the energy you do have to take care of your son. Didn't she mention that? Like, she just does everything that her child needs and she can't do anything past that. Yeah, but that's great. At least you're not neglecting your baby.

[B]

Ooh, very important.

[A]

Out of nowhere, like you. You are taking all of the energy that you can scrounge up every day, and you are using it to care for your child, who does not deserve to have a father who would abandon his family this way. You are trying to recover from your marriage falling apart and the pressure of being a single mother. Those are two extremely difficult things for anybody to go through, much less at the same time. So I would say Give yourself some grace as far as that's concerned. Because, I mean, we might cut this part out, but there's this idea of like, having a certain number of spoons. And I think the autism community. Jade, you can chime in.

[B]

Yeah, I'm an expert.

[A]

Yeah, I think the autism community kind of came up with this. And it's this idea that on any given day, you have a certain number of spoons available to use. And, you know, one day you might have three, the next day you might have eight. But the thing is, once you use a spoon towards any given activity or exert an amount of energy that's using a spoon, and once your spoons are gone, you have no more. So it sounds like you might start the day with 20 spoons and you burn through 18 of them just getting your child up and at school. Yeah, because that is a task all in itself.

[B]

Listen, some days you might start off.

[A]

With two spoons, right? And that's on a good day with the 20 spoons. If you start off with two and all you can do is get that baby bathed and gone to school and then you on the couch crying for the rest of the day. That makes sense to me. I think you don't do yourself any favors by beating yourself up for what you're not capable of doing right now. So I think it's also important, like, going back to this idea of, like, I see you and your friends and the things y' all have done. I have been extremely fortunate. Like, I don't even feel comfortable calling it a blessing because I don't see why God would give it to me and not to somebody else. I was lucky to find so much success in the entertainment industry. And that luck is a huge part of the reason why I'm not in your exact shoes, baby. Like, most people cannot afford to pay for therapy every single week. And I'm like, full price. My therapist does not take insurance. Like, most people don't have that kind of financial flexibility.

[B]

I'm most people.

[A]

Okay? And I'm self employed and I'm well compensated. So I mostly get to pick and choose when I work. I don't have children. I do have my baby. My baby girl.

[B]

My darling baby girl.

[A]

Yes. Yes, I have my doll baby, but I don't have children. And so that means that on the days when I do have very low energy, I get to at least spend all that energy on me. Lani don't wanna do nothing other than what I'm doing. So if I wanna lay in bed all day, she's fine with that. She don't give a fuck. She do not need me to go cut on Bluey or Paw Patrol. We don't have to do reading workbooks or no shit like that. Like, we can chill for the whole weekend if that's what we wanna do, get up and have some snacks to go back to bed. So, again, I've been fortunate to not be in a place where I have to spend that energy that I don't have taking care of somebody else. So I just want to really make that clear. Like, comparison is the thief of joy. For real.

[B]

That was my concern. Yeah, it was. A lot of, you know, it's not realistic, Right. And like you said, it's snapshots into people's lives through social media, which can be so dangerous when we're feeling ungrounded ourselves and where we are. And I'm thinking about going to become an electrician, Naomi. Like, you know, that's a good job. Like, I love podcasting, but. But also, the government hates black people and has cut all DEI initiatives and I am no longer making money. And I say that to you transparently because I want you to understand that you don't need to compare yourself to anybody else out there, because not everybody is. Has Mirro circumstances around them. Even if very similar, it's still not exactly the same. So please give yourself some grace and stop comparing yourself to anybody else.

[A]

Yeah, you see Jade out here with her beautiful husband and child and traveling and winning James Beard Awards, but, you know, y' all don't. You're not there for the everyday of our lives and, you know, the things that we publish on social media. I don't go live to show y' all when I'm having a very shitty day and really doubting myself and not sure what I want to do with my life. And I don't know where I'm going. Like, I don't. I don't share those parts with y'. All. When I finally get myself together, that's when y' all see me. But you don't really see the lows. You only see the highs. So please don't compare your lows to my highs. That is only going to make you feel worse about yourself. I definitely think you could benefit from therapy and medication, but it sounds like that's probably out of reach for you right now. Understandably so. Again, try to start with that grace and understanding. You did not sign up to be a single mother. It's very crazy that your husband decided to act like this and Impregnate his damn girlfriend after y' all had already been married for a decade.

[B]

May he have the day he deserves.

[A]

The life he deserves.

[B]

Yeah, that is trash. I wish you the worst. Prayers down.

[A]

It's so much harder to pull yourself out of hard times when you're kicking yourself for being in the hard times in the first place. But you didn't do this to you, girl. These are life circumstances. You're a single mother trying to survive in this capitalist hellscape. And it's hard. It's hard. So I would ask, who else is your support system besides your dad? I know you said you're living with your dad. Thank God for that. But take a look around, really think about it. Think about who's there for you in material ways, emotional ways, financial ways. Speaking of which, if your ex is not on child support, he damn well should be. And I mean now, girl.

[B]

Yeah, don't be.

[A]

Go straight to the courthouse.

[B]

Take his ass straight onto the gavel in the room.

[A]

Go straight to the courthouse and get your duckets. Look for single mom groups in your area. That's a great way to make friends and increase community. If your kid has friends at the. I know sometimes other parents at school can be kind of dicey. Jade hates.

[B]

I hate other parents.

[A]

Jade hates other parents. But sometimes you need a break from these kids, and so play dates are great for that. If you can join the pta, maybe that'll get you involved in other ways and you can meet other people, maybe somebody that you're actually cool with who has kids. That will just give you a greater sense of community. That can help boost your mental health. Is it possible for your dad to watch the kid, you know, like, once or twice a week while you just go do something for yourself? Like, it could be simple. It doesn't have to. You don't have to spend money on this. You can just go to the gym or take a long walk around your neighborhood solo. Something for you to pour into yourself. Something where you're not spending the energy that you have in taking care of someone else, but in taking care of you. As I would always say to anybody, stay away from alcohol and drugs if that's a problem for you. It's very easy to reach for those things when we're depressed. Trust me, I know. In fact, there used to be nothing better than popping a couple edibles and having me a glass of wine and simply letting the vibes take me away. Yes, Foulgone style, it's tempting to try to get away from how you're feeling right now. But. But those substances usually end up making things much worse for you in the long run. So, you know the standard things any doctor or healthcare professional will tell you. Get plenty of sleep, drink lots of water, put the phone down. Even though scrolling on TikTok endlessly can be so fun. But yeah, small steps like that will help you on the process towards getting better. And they really do make all the difference. Best of luck to you. Naomi Campbell's homestyle homestyle chicken noodle soup. Noodle soup, yes. Good luck. I'm almost afraid to ask, but who's next?

[B]

All right, so our next listener is Cheryl Lee Ralph Tresvant. And she writes that she's been with her man for about a year. So, you know, kind of fresh.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now, there seems to be a balancing issue when it comes to arguments, and she feels like she is always in the wrong no matter how the arguments turn out.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

Even when she feels like she knows she's right, she gets shut down or it boomerangs back to her in some way, shape, form or fashion.

[A]

Got you.

[B]

That is troubling. So, you know, a lot of things don't get resolved, especially when somebody is always this place of blame.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So now enters a mother in law type situation. The. The boyfriend's mother is ill and she might be moving in with them as they move into a new place together. Layers on layers on layers. Croissant. And recently they've been sharing a one bedroom apartment, but they need to get more space. His mother is apparently a little toxic nucleus for him. A little bit of an enabler maybe.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A little bit of a problem.

[A]

Mom. Got you.

[B]

Got you a momblum. And you know, Cheryl Lee Ralph Tresvant feels like she's doing all the emotional heavy lifting in the relationship as far as communication goes, and she's not being met with the same energy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So she wants to know if you think that this is just a communication issue that they can work or is he just an incapable partner? Well, based off of what we've heard.

[A]

In this letter, well, two things can be true.

[B]

Absolutely. I have thoughts.

[A]

So this is an issue that can be worked on, but I don't think it's necessarily one of communication. People who can never admit when they're wrong. That is a giant red flag. It don't get gianter or redder than that. You do not want to build a life on fire. You do not want to build a life with somebody who cannot take ownership of their words and behaviors. Yeah. Every mistake that a person makes is not necessarily a reason to break up, but refusing to ever admit when you fuck up is. We all make mistakes sometimes, and there's a lot of reasons why he might be acting like that. Maybe he used to get his ass beat when he was a kid or, like, punished really severely anytime he made any little mistake. So now he just does everything he can to avoid being seen as the person in the wrong. But regardless of his reasons for acting this way, you deserve better. And I think you know that. So ask yourself, are you really in the wrong or is this man just incapable of admitting when you're right? It's not likely that you are always at fault. Right, J?

[B]

No. Absolutely. Absolutely the fuck not. I don't know if I can even say that here.

[A]

You two. We got to beat that up right now, okay?

[B]

Bleep absolutely the bleep not. I know you're not wrong 100% of the time because nobody is right. And I also really encourage you to just. Just put a little magnifying glass to this relationship and make sure this is a healthy dynamic for you going forward. Because I can tell you that's not going to get better.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That type of behavior and that type of. That type of treatment, that doesn't get better.

[A]

Yes. It sounds to me like he finds a way to keep the argument going no matter what she says or does, until she's finally just like, fine n fine.

[B]

Like, it sounds like there's zero lack of accountability. And that's a problem no matter what. Your dynamic is romantic.

[A]

There's zero accountability.

[B]

There's no accountability. That's a dangerous place to be.

[A]

Right. So let me be super clear. Under no circumstances should you move in with this man or attach yourself to him legally in any way. Any problem. Like Jay just said, whatever problems you have before cohabitation will get worse once you are literally trapped in the same lease in the same home. And it's very interesting that y' all are sharing your one bedroom apartment. Why is that? Why aren't y' all sharing his one bedroom apartment? Does he have a job? Does he make enough money to support himself in that way? Are you going to have to be the person who signs the lease? Is it going on your credit? Are you paying most of the rent? Just because you like somebody or love somebody is not a good enough reason to become their caretaker. So wherever he and his mama would go without your support is where they should be going. I would encourage you to break up with this man. He doesn't sound like he's Worth staying with to me. But if you're not ready to do that, it sounds like you really do like him. Then the next time y' all get into an argument, and you know for a fact you are not wrong, just stand on it. Cause he's wearing you down with the constant arguing, constantly bringing it up, and you finally just give up because you tired of having the same fucking conversation over and over. No, girl, stand on it. I know good and damn well I did not drink up all the grape Kool Aid. I know I did not. I did not drink up all the Kool Aid except two swallows and then put it back in the ice box. I know I did not do that. And I'm not gonna take the blame for it. And if he backs down, he's like, okay, all right, you right. It must have been me. It must have been my mama. Blah, blah, bl. Then that's a good sign. That's somebody who can. He's probably not used to you standing up for yourself, but once you actually do, he's like, okay, I can't play with her no more. Like, let me figure out something else. But if he blows up or goes silent like you said he likes to do, instead of communicating, he likes to just go silent. Or if he insists on continuing the argument again, I'm gonna say it's time to go in and cut that nigga loose. Get him out of your home.

[B]

All of these are control tactics, honestly.

[A]

Exactly. These are control tactics, and that's someone who is not emotionally mature enough to share your life with. So resist that guilt, that feeling of like, oh, let me just go along with it so that we not arguing no more. Resist that feeling. Because whatever you have going on in your past that's causing you to continue to go along with this man who is making you. You're gaslighting yourself into believing that you somehow did something wrong when you know good and damn well you didn't. So stay firm. And I mean, it really sounds like you probably gonna have to get away from this man, girl. Sorry.

[B]

He's gonna have to get away from you. Because you. You're the one with the small apartment. I guarantee you it's gonna feel that much bigger, right?

[A]

All of a sudden, you're gonna be like, I don't think I need.

[B]

As soon as you get him and his ego up out of there, I.

[A]

Don'T need no more space. I need to get this grown ass man out of my house who is stressing me out. You come home every day. I pay rent Nigga, when my neighbors are the lease police. My home. My home. Okay. No. And now his mama's sick, so I can't really push. Yes. The fuck you can't. That ain't your mama. Do not allow that woman to move in with you. Do not allow that man.

[B]

So you've not tied yourself that deeply to him, to where you have to make all of these moves in sync together.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, it's okay. I think you should present the idea of maybe you all dating while him and his mother figure out their living situation. And you stay where you're at. So it gives you more space.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

To really explore this relationship, if that's what you're choosing to do.

[A]

Yes. But take a step back. Y' all been together for about a year, and y' all been sharing your one bedroom apartment. Okay. Not no more.

[B]

Mm. Mm.

[A]

Y' all need to go back to dating a little bit more casually where he is not constantly in your home. Again, why are y' all not in his home?

[B]

And if he opposes that and he doesn't wanna. He doesn't wanna have that kind of living situation, then you need to really assess that too. Cause there's another issue underneath.

[A]

I mean, all roads are leading to a breakup.

[B]

To me, all roads are leading to him and his mother terrorizing your fucking life.

[A]

If you go along with this girl, you are gonna be so miserable when him and his mama are ganging up on you in the house that you pay for.

[B]

You already said she's toxic.

[A]

We've been toxic. Sorry.

[B]

It's not my show.

[A]

My mama can't even live with me, much less some nigga mama. It's not happening.

[B]

Well, you know, I understand this dynamic. Well, I understand the mother in law dynamic.

[A]

Yeah. Your husband is not pigheaded.

[B]

And my mother in law is not a place of right.

[A]

And your mother in law is not toxic and horrib.

[B]

This is not about, like, fuck all mothers. But this is. But this is definitely. This really feels like a situation where you could feel backed into a corner and alone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's. These are not. These are not green flags, sister.

[A]

And it's abuser tactics to make you feel controlled and isolated so that you go along with whatever they want. I'm not saying he's an abuser, but I am saying he's showing signs of it. And that won't ease up out of nowhere. You have to advocate for yourself. Yeah. Good luck. Who was this?

[B]

Sheryl Lee? Ralph Tresevant.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not saying that. Good luck, Barbara. Howard. Um. Yes. Don't sign a lease with this man. Don't.

[B]

No, please don't. Please don't.

[A]

All right, Jade, who's next on your docket?

[B]

All right, so our next listener letter is from Ella Mae West.

[A]

Okay, Easy.

[B]

See? Not too crazy.

[A]

Not too. Not this one. Not this one.

[B]

Nice combo.

[A]

This one. This uno singular one.

[B]

So Ella Mae west has been married for a little bit over a year, but she's been with her husband for over seven years, all in all.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So she is close with his family. She's gotten to know them really well, you know, through different Negro gatherings. You can imagine all of the ones. He comes from a very large family, an extremely large family. He's one of five. And then his grandparents had 24 children.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So hundreds of cousins.

[B]

Lots of cousins. Got you very black.

[A]

I know this. Yes.

[B]

So a few years ago, Ella Mae West's maternal grandmother was diagnosed with colon cancer. Follow me. Okay. Mm. So she was devastated. He was very comforting. This is not about any of that. He was very much there for her. But he got a call the same day that his father was diagnosed with brain cancer.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

I know. That's a lot. That's a huge load. When he got that call, Ella Mae west says that she saw something break in him. It wasn't like a violent break. It wasn't something like that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But he kind of shut down, and he's been shut down ever since. And it seems that it's been going and going, going and going. So, you know, it wasn't as noticeable initially, the grief. Also, her grandmother did end up passing away condolences. So she was distracted with, you know, her own grief and her own loss.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But once she kind of came out of that, she noticed that her husband's not engaging in any family functions. He's not. Down to the point where he stopped driving past his father's house. If his father was going to be at a function, he would not go.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I know. Okay. So she tries to have conversations with him. He kind of. Kind of turns those conversations around. Flips it, she said. He kind of fakes a happy facade when that happens. So she only gets updates through his siblings and actually direct communication herself. The family keeps asking her if something happened. She's unaware. Cause he won't talk about it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's not talking to the family. So she. She wants some advice around. If she's reading too far into this. No sister. And is she putting in enough effort as a wife? Is she going about this whole thing Wrong. What are your thoughts around how she can handle this situation?

[A]

Got you. Well, I'm not a wife, so maybe you'll have a little bit more context to add here. But if he refuses to acknowledge his father's condition in any way, even when it's just the two of y', all privately, but he was there, you know, supporting you through your grandmother's illness and death and all that, then I don't know. That kind of feels like it's his decision. Is it having an adverse effect on him? Meaning, does he seem more stressed out? Does he seem irritable, short on patience? Is he drinking more or doing drugs? Is he struggling at work or calling out of work, not taking care of his responsibilities in that way? Is he not doing things around the house? Is he being grumpy with you? It sounds like he's not. It sounds like he's just.

[B]

It sounds like he's just avoidant.

[A]

Right? Sounds like he's just avoidant, but he's not taking it out on anybody else, and he's not taking out on himself. Well, you didn't tell us all of this, but, you know, these are questions to ask yourself, like, is he doing all that, struggling with substances, abandoning his responsibilities, things like that? Is he withdrawing from his other friends and life activities? I know he's not doing stuff with the family anymore, but other friends and events and stuff like that that they might have is. I'm trying to decide if this is, like, an overall sort of depression or if this is just tied to the family. It sounds like it's definitely tied to his father's illness in some way, one way or the other. But if he isn't doing any of those things, then I think I would try to accept that. His feelings about his father are obviously very complicated, and he just is not ready to share them with anybody, including you, which is. Which is perfectly fine in theory. As long as he. Again, as long as he's not hurting himself or hurting others with his hard feelings, it's okay to not be ready to talk about it. But you have the experience of being a wife, so what do you think?

[B]

I think this is really challenging, but I do agree with you. I feel like it's hard to pull something out of somebody when they're not ready to share it, and oftentimes that just exacerbates, you know, the frustration of that particular situation. I'm really concerned with the way that he's handling his family, and I'm really. Which really makes me concerned for what could happen with His. His father's eventual passing and how he will take that. I hope you don't feel like you need to be his end all. Be all of support, because that will then be very heavy on you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I agree with Crystal. I think you just continue to show your support in the best way that you can. I'm curious to know how his siblings and his family reach out to him.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You know, how. How. How much emphasis are they putting on this? Are they showing up to Yalls house? Has anybody written him a letter? Have. Maybe you could encourage them to do so.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, and find other means. Maybe everybody can write him a letter so that it's something he can read and process in his own time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But this does concern me for how he will eventually handle that loss. And especially with him having time to spend with his father now. And he's not doing it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I pray for you, sister. You're doing the best that you can. And I don't think there's much more that you can do.

[A]

Right. I mean, so it's been a few years, right? I would imagine in this massive family, where it sounds like y' all all live in the same city or close enough to each other that by now some cousins would have popped up. Like, what's going on? Like, we ain't seen you at none of the cookouts, and it's somebody's birthday every other day. In this family. We ain't seen you at none of the birthdays. Like, what's up with you? I would imagine something like that has already happened. But also, again, the feelings can be complicated. It could be something like he's afraid of his father's death, and so he's trying to avoid it entirely. By avoiding your dad, his dad. By avoiding his dad, avoiding the family. It could be that hearing about this has triggered something else in him. It's reminded him of some aspect of his childhood that he's never shared with anybody. He could have some potentially negative feelings about his father that he's not ready to deal with. And now he feels like, well, I can't say nothing to him. Cause this man is dying of brain cancer or whatever. So that's why I say it sounds complicated. Because we really don't know whether the feelings are of anticipatory grief or of like, I have some shit I need to get off my chest and I don't feel like I can. Or it could be some third, fourth, fifth, other thing entirely. But I think as long as you are, you are remaining in this Space of like, I'm here to support you first and foremost, whatever you need in order to get through this. That's my job, to support you through the same way you supported me through my grandmother's death. So if that means we just don't go to family functions when your dad's gonna be there, okay, you know, I'm your wife. This isn't my family. It's your family. So however you wanna interact with them, that's what we'll do. Like, if you're not ready to sit down and tell me your deepest darkest fears or whatever else, I mean, I'm gonna encourage you. I'm gonna remind you constantly. And not just by words. I don't mean constantly, like every other day being like, hey, you know, you can tell me anything. But, like, showing up for him. It's actions, it's behaviors that teach somebody that we're someone that is trustworthy. And I'm sure your husband feels that way about you. But again, his feelings right now are very strong and probably very messy. And so even a few years later, he may just not be in a place to talk about it. And if he's not. Lord my black men in therapy.

[B]

Oh, gosh.

[A]

Especially heterosexual cisgender black men in therapy. If he's not ready to talk to his wife, he's probably not gonna talk to a therapist. But if you can find a black male therapist, bonus points if he matches Yalls ethnicity. If y' all are Caribbean or black American or, you know, immigrated from Africa or somewhere else, wherever it may be, then that probably just helps even more. On a cultural level. A therapist might be able to help, but most men, if they're not gonna talk to their wives, they are not gonna talk to a therapist. So I. But yeah, it sounds to me like you're doing everything you can do as a wife without being pushy and trying to force it out of him, which might just cause to be resentful, I think.

[B]

Ask the family for some help. I'm really curious to know how this family showed up. I'm really. But ask them for some help. You can't handle this all on your own.

[A]

Right. So it sounds like, Correct me if I'm wrong, it sounds like the family is reaching out to her. Yeah. And being like, what's going on?

[B]

Because they're not getting responses.

[A]

Okay. Because he's just ignoring they phone calls too. Okay.

[B]

So I'm like, you know, are we again, driving? I'm not really one for showing up to folks houses without. But like, this is where we come in for a drive by, a letter, write an email, just some other means of communication to take the full load off of you having to be the only person to be the support system for him.

[A]

So I would say reach out to the family if he is showing some of those problematic signs that I mentioned earlier. If he is, you know, being irritable, stressed out, you know, taking those feelings out on you or others, leaving work, using substances, things like that. Otherwise, if you. If you reach out to them and he doesn't, he's not showing any signs of needing help. I mean, you can, of course, it's up to you, but that could go. That could go either way. It could be this big moment where he cries and tells everybody what's going on and y' all all hug and you figure it out. Or he could be like, why the fuck would you call my nosy ass family?

[B]

Listen, go one way or the other.

[A]

To come over here. Like, damn, can I just have some time? Like, it can go either way. You know your man better than we do. But best of luck, Ella Mae.

[B]

We pray your peace.

[A]

Good luck to you, baby girl. I'm sorry for your loss. And, yeah, this is. This is hard, but your hands are kind of tied until he decides to open up, I think. Yeah.

[B]

Ready for the next one?

[A]

I'm ready for our last guest of the day.

[B]

All right, our next letter comes from Hattie McDam. Daniel. All right.

[A]

Of course it does.

[B]

Very good. So love that one so much.

[A]

So proud of yourself.

[B]

So she writes to you that she recently moved to a new city. It's a larger city, apparently. She comes from a very small hometown.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And she's having. She's struggling with some feelings of loneliness and, like, being by herself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So she moved to a new city recently. She's from a small town. She was living with her parents, which she was dreading, of course, but now she finds herself a little lonely. She finds herself actually kind of missing some connection. She's happy where she's at, apparently. She's doing an internship in marriage and family counseling. Okay, very good. But the days of work are not, you know, it's not much. It's two to three days a week. You know how that goes.

[A]

I do.

[B]

She had a bit of issue with her mother right before she left. Like, the last six months, I think, were a little rocky.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And she was living there for two years. She's made some new friends in the new place. But ultimately the loneliness is just. It's just much right now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She's not working an actual job, just doing the internship. So she's spending a lot of time. She's spending a lot of money, a lot of time smoking weed and trying to go out and get a social life, essentially. Okay, so now is with the Okie doke. She's clinging to a man. Okay, so she found herself a man. What, that. Those were her words. I'm clinging to a man. But I just put the accent on it. Cause it feels appropriate.

[A]

All right?

[B]

She's never been a big relationship girl, you know, not out of any disgust or disdain or bad experiences. It's just not her jam.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

But a man is where she has found solace in the new city because he's been a really good friend to her companion. Yeah, yeah, he's been a good friend. He's helped her out in finding things and, you know, he's been a task. Rabbit, apparently her cat is mean as shit. And he's one of the few people that the cat actually likes. Oh, that's a good sign. That's a very good sign. Means he has a good spirit. Animals and babies, you know what I'm saying? She had good friends back at home, but this is like a brand new chapter for her. Right? So the situation here is that with this man, they dated three months casually. He told her that he wants to pursue them as a friendship. He enjoys spending time with her, she enjoys spending time with him. But he would like to start off as friends and then see how they can develop past that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Doesn't sound like fuckboyness, but you never know, you know?

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

I think that's actually very fair. You know what I'm saying? So he's saying he would like to start off that way. She is feeling stronger feelings, but she's not sure if the feelings that she feels are more so because she is lonely in this new city and he's been a place of solace.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or if she really, actually really likes this man, but she doesn't wanna fully push him away and she doesn't wanna give up. A good friend ultimately.

[A]

Got you.

[B]

So she'd like to know how to handle this. How does she feel safe and secure within herself and not seeking that in other relationships.

[A]

Okay, well, first things, congratulations on the degree. I'm gonna do the therapist thing and say, well, what would you tell your client in this situation? Which is so annoying, but it is a very valid question. What would you say to a client who was struggling with something similar to this? I think? Hmm. Well, so your greatest fear Is that you push him away. But it sounds like he kind of pushed himself away, at least in a romantic sense. Like, this man has told you, like, I just want to have a friendship. And then, you know, maybe I'll develop feelings for you, but I don't have them right now. You have them right now. A man that you've already been casually dating for three months, turning around and being like, let's just start a friendship and then see where it goes. But that's not how I feel about you. I don't know, Jade. Tell me how you feel. But that sounded to me like he was trying to let you down easy and be like, you know, we're cool. We have fun, Love hanging out with your mean ass cat. But. But that's as far as this is gonna go. I don't really look at you like that.

[B]

Well, what she said verbatim, if that's helpful. I asked, what are we doing after three months of casually dating? And he told me that he wanted to start a friendship and see if things could develop beyond that, but that he doesn't have feelings for me in that way right now. Now, that gives me a little bit of pause.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Because I don't know how you ca. I don't know what casually dating for. It sounds like y' all was casually fucking for three months.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? That's. That's what it sounds like. And listen. Been there, sister. You know what I mean? Been there. But what the ultimate issue is in reading through this, sister, is less about the man. The man is like a placeholder for company.

[A]

Right.

[B]

She wants to know more, so how to be comfortable being okay with being by herself.

[A]

Yeah, well, it sounds like.

[B]

But also, that nigga sounds like he on some bullshit. Okay, go ahead.

[A]

So. Right. My first thought was definitely that. This has kind of tried to tell you a relationship, ain't it? Like, let's see where it goes. But I don't have these feelings for you right now. I think I would just be focused on that I don't have feelings for you. Especially because you said the more y' all hang out, your feelings are growing. He's not saying, oh, you know, at first I didn't see it, but now I'm really, you know, trying to make you my girl. It doesn't sound like he's been feeling that way for however long y' all have since y' all have had this conversation. So if the worst thing that can happen here is that you no longer talk to this man, I Don't think that's so terrible. I think the bigger issue here is that you're quite lonely. You're in this new city. You don't have close people around. Your parents got on your nerves, but at least they were there, you know, in your smaller hometown. And, yeah, it sounds like you don't really need to learn how to be okay with being alone. Sounds like actually you're fine with being alone. It sounds like you need to find more people to share your life with, people who are not this man. So, you know, making new friends, which. Making friends can be so challenging as an adult. It really can. But luckily you're in a graduate program. I made so many great friends in grad school. People who are really smart, insightful, just seemed to really get along with them in class. When we had group projects, they said smart things during class discussions, things like that, that I would just sort of gravitate to. And we had little hangouts. We had, like a little holiday party. And, you know, just things like that where you can make connections with people and then you choose to nurture them. Outside of that. I think a lot of us are very used to putting that kind of nurturing energy into relationships, because even if you're not a big relationship person, we are taught to put that sort of energy into romance. Yeah, we're not really taught to do that with platonic connections. So, yeah, what can you do to. You've got all this free time where you're not seeing clients and you're just kind of smoking weed and trying to go out, but you stuck on this, man. Try harder on the going out. Are you religious? I know you said you grew up in a conservative home. You might not still be that way, but finding a church home could be really helpful. Again, reaching, connecting with classmates that you already vibe with. They're right there. But, you know, what are you into Sports? I'm a big sports girl. Go to sports. If you have professional leagues in this city, go to some games if that's what you're into. If you like trivia, look up bar trivia or things like that.

[B]

Cooking classes.

[A]

Cooking classes.

[B]

Just activities in general.

[A]

Paint and sips.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're in a new city and a bigger city. It's time to explore. Go do things. When I first moved to New York, baby, when I tell you, I did not turn down any invitations.

[B]

Listen, she used to be trucking around, this bitch with her vans on and her backpack.

[A]

Shut up, bitch. I did, though. I did. Me and my vans and my silver backpack and My H and M jeans went everywhere.

[B]

Bitch went everywhere.

[A]

Sure, I did not turn down any invitations. A few people knew I moved to New York and they put me on the mailing list for stuff. And every time I got an invite, yes, I'll be there. I don't care. I've worked all day. I'm gonna go home, change into something that's not really any cuter, and then I'm gonna go back out. Fresh off the Oklahoma bus Fresh off that Oklahoma train. But you know what? It was a great way to network. Even though I wasn't great at networking, it was great opportunities for that and it was great ways to meet people. Do you have any social media friends who live in this city? So many of my closest friends are people that I met through either people I followed online or they were friends with people that I followed online and I met them in real life and we just all got along and so. And now we're very close. So there's lots of different ways to open yourself up, especially in a newer, bigger place. But you do have to put that effort forth.

[B]

DJs. DJs are always a great connection.

[A]

Don't sleep with them.

[B]

Finding out. Don't.

[A]

Don't sleep with them.

[B]

Nobody who does anything with musician.

[A]

Right? Don't sleep with anybody in the industry.

[B]

No, they play drums. I don't care if it's at the.

[A]

Church, especially if they play drums. Especially a Drummer.

[B]

But. But DJs always know what's going on around the city.

[A]

Yeah, they do.

[B]

They find the cool events. That's a great way, taking classes. You meet other people there who are solo. Maybe felt a little funky, you know what I'm saying? Jump on some, on some forums for your city, see what's going on. Maybe there are people Google what's going.

[A]

On in Denver or wherever you live this weekend. Yes, for sure. Check Eventbrite and other websites like that where people just post, you know, different stuff going on in the city. I think Meetup is still around where people who. When I first moved here, I had no way of watching New Orleans Saints games because why would Saints games be broadcast in New York? But I found a Saints fan meetup on Meetup where they would just go to this one bar and this bar would show the Saints games. And so that's where I went to watch Saints games when I first moved here.

[B]

So.

[A]

So you do have to put forth the effort. But the more you get connected to other people, the less you'll feel so desperately attached to this one man. I Mean. He sounds nice.

[B]

And the more you feel when you go home after you, like, do all of that, when you go home, home is gonna feel so good. Just be like, yes, I'm here by myself.

[A]

Yes. Oh, I love it. Just me and my mean ass cat, right?

[B]

Just me and my mean ass kitty cat. You know what I'm saying? Watch your Netflix or whatever the case is, but once you're going out frequently like that and you find a routine for yourself, you're gonna enjoy being by yourself after a while.

[A]

I agree fully. And this man, you know, he can just continue to be tech support.

[B]

TaskRabbit. I need my ceiling fan hung.

[A]

I actually got a new tv. If you could come mount that for.

[B]

Me, please, with the adjustable turning mount.

[A]

Since he want to take some time and see where it goes, girl.

[B]

Also sister, if I may. Oh, Lord, you know, if you can just get rid. If you can, like, put these feelings into an appropriate place and you start getting to a place where you're having a good time on your own, you can still have fun with this casual man. You see what I'm saying? As long as it's in a healthy place for you, like you are at the time of your life where it's time to have a fucking blast. Have a fucking blast.

[A]

I will not recommend that you sleep with somebody that you have feelings for who has said.

[B]

They literally said, when you put those in a place, it don't have to be him. Go get some new one. Don't rely on it.

[A]

What I'm saying is somebody else.

[B]

Let everybody be casual. You know what I'm saying? Just enjoy yourself right now. Don't try to be attached to no dick.

[A]

Don't try to be attached to no dick. Yes. Go enjoy yourself and enjoy this new city, this new time in your life. And yeah, I think between your grad program and all the different opportunities available wherever you live, you should be able to find a more robust social life. And that should help, because as much as I wish we were not, humans are social creatures, and we do need each other. No one thrives in isolation, so leave your house. Good luck. All right, that is the very first episode of Chrysalis Couch. Shout out to Fran. Thank you so much for tuning in, tuning in and joining me on the couch today. Follow us online at Crystal's Couch, and if you have a question for me, send it on over to advicerystlescouch.com I'll see you next week.