Session 12 ft Mel Mitchell

Summary

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Crissle’s Couch – Session 12 ft. Mel Mitchell (Jan 27, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this engaging and laughter-filled session, Crissle welcomes comedian, actress, and content creator Mel Mitchell to the couch. Together, they tackle listener questions about friendship fallouts, supporting friends in messy relationships, moving through grief, breakups, and wedding FOMO. The episode is equal parts hilarious, honest, and affirming, offering tough love, cultural commentary, and genuine advice—with Mel’s signature storytelling and comedic edge throughout.

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Featured Guest: Mel Mitchell

• Who’s Mel?: Stand-up comic, actress, digital storyteller, and internet sensation known for her hilarious takes on everyday life and viral characters like Quan Dietrich.
• Career Highlights: Onstage with KevOnStage, Ari Lennox, Roy Wood Jr.; appearances on Tubi, BET, and a new film at Sundance 2026.
• On Gratitude & Growing Success: “I love that this is what I get to do for a living. I’m just feeling super blessed. I’m super happy. And yeah, you know, I made it here and I’m just gonna keep on being ridiculous.” (01:31)

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Key Discussion Points & Listener Letters

1. Mel’s Creative Process & The Internet’s Unexpected Rewards

• Fun of Playing Characters: Mel talks about comic improvisation, her male alter-ego "Quan Dietrich," and even doing drag king for a show:
  “We carried on…me and Patrick got on that couch and fucking played, like, we played so bad.” (01:22)
• Unexpected Impact:
  “I think that I’m just posting my stupid beard filter videos into the void, but you never know who’s actually watching you.” (02:48)
• Women Flirting With Her Alter-Ego: “The weirdest thing is when I post a dumb QuanDietrich skit and women be real life choosing...I’m like, that’s me. And stop.” (03:02)
• On Internet Fame: “You don’t let no fine nigga go unseen. And I feel that is my job now.” (05:29)

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2. Advice Segment – Friendship Fade-out

Letter 1 (06:00) – Caitlyn
Issue: Caitlyn is being ghosted by a friend of 12 years; she was maid of honor but now gets ignored.

Insights & Reactions:

• On Abrupt Friend Ghosting:
  Crissle: “Even if you...crossed the line, I don’t know what would stop me from actually saying to you, hey girl, we have beef for X, Y, Z.” (07:06)
  Mel: “It sounds like she’s taking the ball out of your court and doing the fallout on her own... Do you a favor. Just let it.” (07:28)
• Toxic Friendship Check:
  Crissle: “When people say ‘I always have to watch what I say around you’, that’s always a red flag...it’s a sign they aren’t receptive to being even gently corrected.” (10:18)
• Men Often At the Center of Friendship Drama:
  Mel: “My antennas are...it's that man. Either and it may not be something you did—the man may be...It may not have nothing to do with you, Caitlyn.” (11:02)
• Letting Go is Hard, But Natural:
  “You gotta just let things play out. Sometimes friendships come to a natural end, and that’s just what it is.” (16:28 – Crissle)

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3. Advice Segment – Tired of Your Friend’s Messy Marriage

Letter 2 (16:40) – Jasmine
Issue: Jasmine’s friend is stuck in a toxic marriage with a cheating, disrespectful, antimath “provider.” Jasmine is fatigued by supporting her.

Insights & Reactions:

• Supporting But Setting Boundaries:
  Crissle: “Sometimes it’s hard to tell if your friend is being a dumb bird or is in an abusive situation where she really needs support to get out of it.” (19:29)
• Judging vs. Compassion:
  Mel: “Figure out if your friend is okay physically. Can she leave if she wanted to leave?” (20:46)
• Marriage as Social Capital:
  “The social capital amongst women of being married... Having a husband elevates you socially.” (21:16)
• If You Won’t Leave a Cheater…
  Mel: “If a man’s cheating on you and you just not gonna leave, you gotta cheat backs or something. Cut all the shoestrings up. Have a baby by somebody else.” (22:28)
• If Supporting Is Too Hard, Say So:
  Crissle: “As your friend...it stresses me out to see the way you’re being treated. And what’s sad is you can have the sincerest intentions, but she may still be like, ‘That’s my husband...jealous bitch,’ or whatever.” (28:07)

Memorable Quote:

“People don’t like to hear this, but our actions can indeed affect others around us, even if it’s none of their business, because they love us.” (30:56 – Crissle)

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4. Advice Segment – Overwhelmed by Grief After Losing a Parent

Letter 3 (31:30) – Violet Issue: Violet lost her mother while pregnant and feels unable to move on from the loss, unsure if she’s grieving “too much.”

Insights & Reactions:

• Grieving is Nonlinear & Valid:
  Mel (on losing her father young): “Losing a parent or just anyone close feels like yesterday and a hundred years ago at the same time.” (34:01)
• Cherish the Good Relationship, Mourn the Loss:
  “People would love to have had that...You had something beautiful...And it is fair to mourn that, grieve that.” (34:58 – Mel)
• Grief as Love:
  “What is grief if not love everlasting?” (35:14 – Mel, quoting WandaVision)
• You Don’t ‘Get Over’ Deep Loss:
  Crissle: “Adjust your expectations…You’re not supposed to be doing better. If you can get back in with grief counseling, that would be a top priority.” (36:39)
• Sincere Reminder: “I am so genuinely sorry for your loss. Talk about your mama to anybody who will listen.” (41:27 – Crissle)

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5. Advice Segment – Letting Go of a Dead Relationship

Letter 4 (42:30) – ‘Carrie Bradshaw’ Issue: Carrie can’t let go of a relationship with a man who cheats, has a temper, and drug problems.

Insights & Reactions:

• When the Bad Outweighs the Good:
  Crissle: “I don’t play with any kinds of abuse, including verbal.” (46:41)
• Time for a Break From Men:
  “You need a real break from niggas, from all men.” (47:09 – Mel)
• Infatuation With the Idea of ‘Him’:
  “It’s not the man you want. It’s the feeling you had when you were first with him.” (53:51 – Mel)
• You Deserve Your Own Care:
  Crissle: “You deserve that exact same effort...” (52:37)
• On the Pattern of ‘Carrie Bradshaw-ing’ Yourself:
  “Just date Carrie for a while. You really do need that.” (52:15 – Mel)

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6. Advice Segment – Wedding FOMO Vs Practicality

Letter 5 (55:56) – Vivica Issue: After planning an intimate elopement, Vivica worries she’s missing out on the “bridal experience” she envisioned.

Insights & Reactions:

• Weddings Are $$$$:
  Mel: “Everything is money, money, money, money, money…I wasn’t going to trick myself into thinking I don’t want those things just because of the money.” (59:42)
• You Can DIY the Moments You Want:
  “If you want TikToks with your girls, have them. If you want cute bridal moments, make them happen, even if it’s small or DIY.” (62:28)
• Go After What YOU Want (Within Reason):
  “You ain’t gotta spend 100 bands...There is a middle ground.” (62:58)
• Guest Perspective:
  “People want to party. The ceremony? The guests give a damn about the reception.” (58:55)
• Get Creative, Take Your Time:
  “If you want your moment, you can always have a wedding. It ain’t no rules.” (71:58 – Mel)

Memorable Quote:

“Don’t pretend you don’t want the things when you want the things. Yes, do the things that you want to do.” (71:52 – Mel)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “You only have to like one nigga.” (12:32 – Mel)
• On marriage image vs. reality: “Sometimes I feel like the image of being a wife is more important to her than reality.” (18:13 – Jasmine’s letter, echoed throughout the response)
• On wedding costs and social media pressure: “You looking at all them Stanlow photography videos... you ain’t gotta have Princess Diana in their wedding.” (63:02)
• On DIYing your big moments: “If you want it that bad again, get on TikTok, get on Pinterest and see how the girls are planning their weddings on next to nothing.” (67:39 – Mel)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:01 – Introduction & Mel’s career
• 02:40 – Viral characters & drag king experience
• 05:56 – Listener Letter 1 (Caitlyn): Ghosting Friend
• 16:40 – Listener Letter 2 (Jasmine): Friend in Messy Marriage
• 31:30 – Listener Letter 3 (Violet): Grieving Mom’s Death
• 42:30 – Listener Letter 4 (Carrie): Letting Go of Relationship
• 55:56 – Listener Letter 5 (Vivica): Wedding FOMO
• 72:59 – Follow Mel; Episode wrap-up

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Tone, Takeaways, & Closing

Crissle and Mel keep the tone playful, candid, and affirming, blending humor with real talk and care. Whether discussing the realities of marriage, supporting friends through difficult life circumstances, or how to make your own joy, the advice is rooted in empathy as well as lived experience.

“Be the kind of bride you want to be. Don’t deprive yourself... Do the things you want to do.” (69:51 – Mel)

Find Mel:
@thebaddestmelmitch on Twitter, TikTok; @itsmelmitch on IG; on Tubi, BET, YouTube.

Contact the show:
Follow @crisslescouch; Email: [e-mail]

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This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating tough relationships, deep loss, self-discovery, or just in need of a little comedic honesty on life’s messiest moments.

Transcript

[A]

Hi and welcome back to Crystal's Couch, the show where I answer your questions for advice and talk to the most interesting people in the world. Today I'm joined by the one and only Mel Mitchell. She is a stand up comedian, actress and digital storyteller. You have probably seen her online where she has built a massive audience with her takes on everyday life and pop culture. Or you may have seen her on stage with Kev on stage. Ari Lennox, Roy Wood Jr. Just to name a few. And she has been expanding her roles on screen, doing more things with BT2B and a film premiering at Sundance this year. Please give it up for Mel Mitch.

[B]

Hey, guys. I'm so happy to be here. Oh, my God.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm. I'm not excited anymore. I'm just normal.

[A]

Thank you so much for being on the couch.

[B]

How are you?

[A]

How are things?

[B]

I'm good. 2026, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I think with the world just being. I mean, literally we're. I don't even have three weeks in this year. How many weeks? This year has been hell already, Already. So I'm just trying to lean into the joy and the whimsy of life and just be as silly as possible because, like, it's like everything's fine in the little dog and it's like everything's on fire project. That's me.

[A]

That's.

[B]

I mean, but personally, things are doing great. I'm very excited. You know, Sundance is coming up. I'm in the pilot called Freelance by the Turner brothers. They're amazing family affair over there. Super, super fun project to work on. We, you know, went to Ohio last year and shot that. You know, I'm trying to get my acting back, so that's fun. Last year we did, we did Safe Space with Kev onstage on Tubi. So fun. So that was like an improv thing. And I love being a comedian work with. Oh my God. We, we really carried on like, he gave us like, here, here's the premise. And me and Patrick got on that couch and fucking played like, we played so bad. So it was so exciting. I love that this is what I get to do for a living. So it's just, I'm just feeling super blessed. I'm super happy. And yeah, you know, I made it here and I'm just gonna keep on being ridiculous. Right now I am impersonating Ryan Coogler and he has not seen a cease and desist yet. So we're doing great. Okay.

[A]

You know, maybe he's seen it and he's a Fan, maybe.

[B]

You know, that is my hope. That is my hope.

[A]

He's like, I actually love it. Keep going. Thank you.

[B]

That is my hope.

[A]

It has been so much fun to watch your career grow over the years. Your personal podcast with your friend Tali, the jokes on you pod, all of your skits and things that you do online. You're just so entertaining. So when I decided to come to Atlanta and shoot, I was like, we have to see if she's available to come.

[B]

Oh, my God, yes. And I got the message from my manager. I was like, excuse me, who wants to. Me, girl.

[A]

Yes, you. Absolutely.

[B]

So, yeah, it's been very grounding. Like, I think that I'm just posting my stupid beard filter videos into the void, but you never know who's actually watching you.

[A]

I love fake Quan Dietrich.

[B]

You know, Quanditrich, he's just. He's the best. The weirdest thing is when I post a dumb quanditrich skit and women be real life, choosing like, hold on. He kind of fine. I'm like, that's me. And stop.

[A]

I mean, I'm sure.

[B]

But the females love niggas with titties and hips, though.

[A]

I love when the filter breaks up and, like, your hair comes through and.

[B]

It'S like the sew in just fighting to be seen in the basket. That's always my favorite part as well. Cause it kind of ruins the reality because you do forget he's not a real person sometimes. Even me and I am him, I kind of get. I get real Johnny Depp, you know, he thought he was Jack Sparrow for a while. I become Quandice, and it starts to scare me.

[A]

The one way he we gonna get to the questions in the mail problem. But the one where he went to, like, one therapy session and then came back and was like, nah, we gotta have boundaries.

[B]

Because, you know, and I think that what's so fun about me and I have, like, 10 different male characters that I do is because n have made billions of dollars of pretending to be women. Oh, yeah. Big, big dreams driven by misogyny and hate. So I am taking misandry and hate and creating art with it. And I think, why not? Yes, why not? And it's a filter, so it's much easier. But I've done full drag once.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I did the full Juan Detric. I did. So last year, I have a show that we were pitching called Comic Creeping. And for the Valentine's Day special, the producer reached out like, hey, have you ever done quandic in real life? I'm like, no, It's a Snapchat filter. Y' all know this, right? They're like, well, we have things, baby. We can get you a makeup artist.

[A]

We can.

[B]

She did the ball cap. She put the beard on. She, like, lined me up. It was the most fun I probably have ever had. So they had me come in, and I did Quanditric on Friday, and I did myself on Saturday. So I came in as Quanditric, did a whole thing. They let me improv for 20 straight minutes, ranting about Valentine's Day and. And females and hoes. I didn't. I had. I didn't write anything down. I literally just went off the dome for 20 full minutes talking to myself. And then the next day, I went in, full makeup, beat, hair done as myself, and replied to Quan Dietrich. And then they put it together so seamlessly. It was amazing. That's probably the favorite thing I've probably ever done in my career so far. Drag king. And so I was like, you really should do drag. And I'm like, I may have too much fun with that. I'm gonna be down to the balls bothering the trans men, choosing on them, being like. Cause you know who got a really fine trans son? Ooh, Tommy Davidson.

[A]

I was about to.

[B]

Tommy Davidson got the finest trans son.

[A]

Not you plotting on Tommy Lincoln with a whole ring on your finger.

[B]

No, but it's just for, like, I think the girls look to me because someone said, like, you don't let no fine nigga go unseen. And I feel that is my job now. Yeah, like, yes, I married, sure. However, the girls have to know where to find niggas.

[A]

Is got to.

[B]

And that is my job.

[A]

That's the service you provide.

[B]

I can't let the girls down.

[A]

Well, thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to be here. Let's dive into the questions. The questions.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Who do we have up first?

[B]

Okay, we have Caitlyn. Okay, let me just go right on into it. Let's get into it. Caitlyn. What's going on, Kate? I think my friend of 12 years is starting to ghost me. It started with one word answers to my questions about how her recent move went. Then she stopped location sharing with me, and now she has not responded to the two texts I've sent her over the past two weeks. She has read receipts on, so I know she's seen my messages and she has been posting on social media. I'm honestly just confused and have been racking my brain and anxiously thinking about everything I could have done wrong to Warrant this. Excuse me? To be honest, it's a pretty toxic friendship to begin with. Well, there it is. I feel like I always have to bite my tongue around her because she misinterprets everything I say. We live in different states, so we don't even see each other that often, which makes us all weirder. I'm fine with distancing our friendship, but I think the ghosting is strange, given I was the maid of honor in her wedding and we have not had any recent conflict. What should I do?

[A]

Oh, man. Wait, so you were the maid of honor in her wedding, and now she can't respond to a text, and she's.

[B]

Like, soft, launching the fallout.

[A]

So something about this feels. I don't know. I'm getting very big, immature vibes from. Sure. Because it's like, even if you really, like, you fucked my man or whatever, like, you. You really crossed the line. You did something egregious. I don't know what would stop me from actually saying to you, hey, girl, we have beef for X, Y, Z.

[B]

Yeah, I think sometimes the girlies are just weird. And it sounds like she's taking the ball out of your court and she's doing the fallout on her own and doing you a favor. Kind of just let it. Okay, I tried. You did your part. You sent your two little texts.

[A]

You did.

[B]

You did your part.

[A]

You did do that. You sent your.

[B]

So just let her come around on her own time, girl. Cause Caitlyn, she seems like she's already made her decision.

[A]

Yes, it does. It very much does seem that way. I'm just trying to understand how y' all went from maid of honor in my wedding. I can't text you back like, y' all been friends for 12 years.

[B]

What is. And does she have other friends? Because if you. Not. If y' all fake close and you and her maid of miner. That don't. She probably don't have no friends for real. She probably had a wedding for, like, sisters and cousins.

[A]

Damn. You know what? That's an excellent point. Because I guess to me, as soon as I hear maid of honor and friends for 12 years, I'm thinking this is a friend who's more like a sister. You know, like, we doing sleepovers. We doing each other's makeup.

[B]

Cause I know with me, like, apparently, 10 bridesmaids is a lot.

[A]

It's not a little.

[B]

It's not a little. I have picked 10 bridesmaids. But in my defense, I have real sisters. I'm in a sorority with 8 billion members. I have 2 billion line sisters. And then you have the lines before and after. I know people.

[A]

Right, right. You're a popular girl.

[B]

I'm a popular. I'm just a gross girl. So 10. I had to narrow it down to 10. I feel like people still like that whole MPP. Somebody mad. Yeah. Somebody has to be mad. And I'm just not even addressing it because, sister, you want me to have 15 bridesmaids? Like, I'm Sheryl Lee Ralph. What do you want me to do?

[A]

Yeah, I think they do.

[B]

So they. Yeah, I think they do. But anyway, when it came down to picking maid of honor, all of y' all are my girly girls. You know what I'm saying? But I had to pick. It is also a job. So maybe you're the more organized friend. It's not based on closeness. Cause I was like, who can do the maid of honor job too?

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Who am I close to that also I can trust you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To be my maid of honor.

[A]

Caitlin's a Virgo or a Capricorn, and.

[B]

She'S probably really, really good on Canva, and that's why she is made of honor. Not because y' all just that close, you know? So like I said, is like, okay, close for sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But can I. Can I get you on the phone?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Are you can. If I'm freaking out, can you help me unfreak out and not freak out with me?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Are you level headed? Are you. Can you do this? Can you do that?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So you gotta think of different things with maid of honor. So maybe that's why she was maid of honor as well as the girl may just be crazy.

[A]

Right.

[B]

There are levels to what the actual issue is.

[A]

I just. It, it. This is a sad story, I think, for Caitlyn, even though she said, you know, like, it's kind of a toxic friendship and you always have to bite your tongue around her. When people say that, when they say I always have to watch what I say around you, I have to walk on eggshells. When I'm around you or with you, that's always a red flag to me. Like, it's a sign that that person isn't receptive to. To being even gently corrected.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The idea that they could have done anything wrong is like, how dare you? Like, they immediately get defensive.

[B]

And I'm reading in between. I'm putting in between the lines. I'm putting extra stuff that she did not say in here.

[A]

That's fine. No, she said, I want your interpretation for.

[B]

So we're going to Go here. It's a pretty toxic friendship to begin with. I feel like I always have to bite my tongue around her because she misinterprets everything I say about what H. Maid of honor in her wedding. Wedding N husband. It's that nigga.

[A]

I can't talk to you about that nigga.

[B]

Or it's that nigga. It's something with that man. Yeah, this is my. My antennas are. It's that man. It's something with that man. Either and it may not be something you did. The man may be. And I'm saying he's like harming her physically but it's something to do with that man. It may not have nothing to do with you Caitlyn.

[A]

It sounds like it.

[B]

Doesn't it sound like it may be a life thing. She might be pregnant again or something like that.

[A]

Or she.

[B]

He may lost the job at the factory. It could be something man related. That ain't really got nothing to do with you. But you know, when you're friends with a male centered girlies and I'm putting a lot on this friend, you. I'm honestly making all this up and that's fine. And you only gave us so much. Sometimes with the girlies and their men's. You know, when something happened with that man, you also have to go when you do nothing.

[A]

See, I love talking to straight women because I would have. My brain would have never even come.

[B]

Up with, you know, the straight brain. We're in hell.

[A]

There's a lot going on.

[B]

Yeah, you gotta, you gotta think of everything.

[A]

I was just talking to the makeup artist and I was saying, you know, my friends who are my female friends who are married to men are like, you know, as far as men go, he's great. Like, you know, this is a good man. This is. I like my husband and good father. But my friends twitch, twitch. My friends who are married to women are like my heart has flowered. I've never been happier. God has smiled on me.

[B]

It's humiliation ritual.

[A]

Yes. It's like the, the.

[B]

It's insane. We've lived together for a year and again love him down to the ground. He's amazing now. And I probably would not do this with any other man.

[A]

Right?

[B]

See, however, I feel like I've been to war.

[A]

They're all like, I found one man.

[B]

You only have to like one nigga. That is like my.

[A]

Too bad.

[B]

That's what. That's all you need to find. Because if a girl could just be gay, they would just be gay. But it's like, I like, unfortunately, literally.

[A]

The makeup artist literally just said the same thing. Like, if I could be with a woman, I promise you I would. She's like, I've been with my man for three years. You know, we get in the house, we thinking about getting a dog and.

[B]

All this, like, but he's still a man. It's so much madness that I didn't budget for mentally that I didn't think I'm arguing about things I didn't think. Like, again, the girls have been cheated on before. I've been cheated on before. It rewire your brain. Whatever, Whatever. Sure. That's child's play. When you live with a man, it's so much shit to argue about. Like we in here arguing about the fucking spoons. Nigga, what the fuck did the spoons do? That's just an example.

[A]

What do we argue about? Reese?

[B]

I'm like, if you would have told child me what living with a man would bring up arguments about.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And it's not even like we don't like breaking dishes arguing, but it's like, are we sitting, are we disagreeing over.

[A]

The trash on small dishes? Small shit like regular. Wow.

[B]

But you just. I think it's kind of just like a. It's like living with a sibling. A non platonic sibling.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like me and my sister when we share the bathroom every day, always something, but like that. When you live with a person in that close proximity, you're gonna bump past because it's cool. Human beings, that's just natural. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't be together, but it's just kind of just like there's a person in your space all day. When I lived at home with my mom, we didn't argue because she in her room, I'm in mine. If this person's in my bed, in my bathroom, in my kitchen, in my living room, there's always a fucking game on that I wasn't prepared for. I did not know games came on just about every day.

[A]

They do.

[B]

And I'm thinking we about to sit up and watch his and hers. No, the Pistons playing. Oh, oh.

[A]

And basketball, there is legit a game every day.

[B]

Every day.

[A]

He got league pass. You ain't never getting free.

[B]

No, but the thing is you gotta have all these different fucking logins. You gotta have peacock. You gotta have the. What's the bet?

[A]

Apple.

[B]

The.

[A]

Not the DraftKings is the draft.

[B]

Kings is the other one. Whatever.

[A]

There's like five of them.

[B]

You got to watch those apps to play the Games, because they don't play all the games on cable. Because we don't live in Detroit. We're not getting it on local channels. So he got to damn near pirate. He got to do all the different shits. And I want to watch my program, right? There's a very specific hell that straight women are in that you have to know how to navigate so many different things that could be. Because when men, it's just. You just never know, right? Like, her nigga could be having, like, a furry phase, and she gotta spend her time making furry costumes for her nigga. Yeah. And that's why you ain't heard from her, you know?

[A]

Cause I've been trying to rack my brain, like, what could you have possibly done? And the idea that, you know, there's a husband in here somewhere influencing things in one way or another, that makes so much sense. So, Caitlin, I think you've done all that you can here. You sent the two texts. She hasn't responded, but she's still posting on TikTok and Twitter and whatever else. She's ignoring you for whatever reason she has. But my thing is, if she won't talk to you about it, what else can you possibly do?

[B]

Like, you've reached out, you've done your part.

[A]

If you did something, she'll come around. And I hate when people like, well, she know what she did. Bitch, if I told you I didn't, I don't know. I legit don't know. I don't know. So either she responds and y' all have an adult conversation about it, or she doesn't, but this feels like a very childish way to approach the situation to me, so I say, even if she does hit you up, have the conversation come to an understanding? You know, you go your way and I go mine, and we don't really need to. Even though 12 years, that's a long time.

[B]

You have memories, like. And I hate that. Like, I've fallen out with friends who I've had to tell my phone, when you play that little slideshow, don't show that bitch no more.

[A]

Oh, oh, yes.

[B]

Cause it'd be like, here's a girl.

[A]

You found the memories, right?

[B]

Oh, that memories leave me alone. Cause granted, whether I like the girl anymore or not, I don't want to remember the friend that I had because it hurts. It does hurt. So I get it. But you kind of just. We grown. You kind of just got to let things play out.

[A]

And sometimes friendships do just come to a natural end, and that's just what it is.

[B]

And it ain't got to be no bad blood or craziness with it, right?

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Best of luck, Caitlyn. All right, Mel, who's next?

[B]

Jasmine.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I've had a friend for several years that I love very much, but she has married someone I hate. He's a misogynist. He doesn't believe in science or math.

[A]

Oh, quantity.

[B]

He ain't a provider. The list goes on and on. He's also a cheater, but she continues to stay with him and have kids with him, which is her business. Jesus Christ. These friends. Today, my issue is that as a friend, I have put in the time to listen to her talk about her marital issues, give her advice, and act as a sounding board. But enough is enough. She continues to get amnesia and spoil this man every time he does her wrong. She goes off on him for a couple days, then buys him gifts and pays for him to go and pays for him to go on trips. It's getting to a point where me and her other very good friends avoid her phone calls at times because it's just too much.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Then she will send us texts showing proof of his disrespect and cheating. It makes me want to block her, but I don't want to be a judgmental friend or abandon her at a time of need. You wrote Crystal, babe, you're already judging, but it's okay. How do you draw the line with someone who is choosing to be in a situation where they're being disrespected? I guess it's hit a breaking point because now she's making a huge investment that ties her even more closely to him. And I know he won't stop doing what he's doing, and I'm genuinely scared for the outcome. She's celebrating it as a win, and I want to support her, but it's like I'm looking through a crystal ball, and the result is all bad. Sometimes I feel like the image of being a wife is more important to her than reality. And any advice is welcome. Thanks, Jasmine.

[A]

Oh, man. That last line about the image of being a wife more important than reality.

[B]

Listen, that's the.

[A]

That's the case for so many.

[B]

So many women. So many. And I have to check myself, like, make sure. Don't I be in that mirror. Like, bitch, don't you be over yourself.

[A]

Are you doing that life of a wife shit? Are you like.

[B]

No, I genuinely. I do it, like, satirically. But, like, I. I do feel like he's a great partner. Whatever. Whatever. But, like, I Can't let this wife shit be my whole personality.

[A]

I can't turn into one of those girls.

[B]

Oh, I can't be that girl. I can't. I refuse to be that girl. And I think so many women, all they have is that girl. And that's why they lean so deeply into it. Like, I cannot make that my personality because I'm going to Sundance and I was just on TV and I do this. I'm going to continue to do stuff. So I. Melanie, the person can be a person outside of being a wife and eventually mother, but, like, I need to be me. And also, you can't put your eggs in the basket of a man because he's going to disappoint you. Not saying this as a woman's scorn, but just as a person with eyes.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You can't put that in another person.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Especially one who has proven Jasmine friend.

[A]

Yeah. It's. This is tricky because sometimes we feel like, oh, my God, my friend is choosing this dumb shit. She keeps choosing this man who's disrespecting her and treating her wrong and all this. And it can be very hard to tell the difference between is my friend being a dumb bird or is my friend in an abusive situation?

[B]

Also that.

[A]

Where she really needs, like, support to get out of it and free herself.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so. So from the outside looking in especially.

[B]

Oh, she's so dumb. She's paying for this. She's doing that. Like, she's in jail.

[A]

Yeah. So that's the thing. I. There were so many points along this letter. I was like, wait a minute. What the are you talking about? He's a misogynist. He don't believe in science or math. He's a cheater. And then when he apologizes, she spoils him. Yeah.

[B]

It's something. Something in the milk ain't clean.

[A]

I thought was supposed to spoil you. When they got caught cheating, what happened to you was supposed to be getting.

[B]

Bad because he cheated you paying for.

[A]

Him to go on trips and then turning around and complaining to us again like, sister, are you a victim? I think I would. My first question would. I would really.

[B]

Once we figure out if she's a victim or not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can move forward with any judgment because.

[A]

You want to judge so bad.

[B]

And she. It's like, I think Jasmine's already prejudging.

[A]

Well, it's hard not to.

[B]

It's hard not to judge in these kind of things. Right. So it's like, okay, figure out if your friend is okay physically. Can she leave even if she wanted to leave.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

Can she leave even if she wanted to? Once we. Okay. Have we decided yes or no? Whatever. Okay. Now let's figure something else out. Is this a low self esteem thing? Is this. Cause like also that I'm learning and I feel it icky. Since I've gotten engaged, I. Other women have been so weird to me. Not in like a mean way, but kind of like a. What's the prayer? Ooh, you must be. And it's like, oh, hey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's the social capital amongst women of being married. Like, it's like a.

[A]

Having a husband elevates you.

[B]

Having a husband elevates you socially.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Having a man in general elevates you socially among other women. And you know, I'm around more like, like minded women who don't think that way. So I think I'm normal in my usual bubble. But when I go outside my bubble and people are like, ooh, you have a ring. Ooh, a husband. Ooh, a man. I'm just like, whoa, hey, hold on.

[A]

There's a lot of them out here. Sister, what's up?

[B]

It's okay. Yeah, So a lot of people think that way. And so, you know, even the. What's the song? Is it Betty Wright? It was like, I'd rather have a piece of man than no man at all.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And every time that has raised generations. And we've seen that so much. So the girls rather have a piece of man, then I don't have a man. It's like, well, yes, baby.

[A]

And then you don't have somebody dragging you down, stressing you out, doing you wrong, and then you making excuses for him. The idea that he does you wrong and then you go and do things for nice things for him.

[B]

Is it try to get him to not cheat again? Is that. What's the retention plan over there? I don't know. But again.

[A]

And she has kids with them already. I was about to say, well, don't have kids. But they do have kids.

[B]

They already have kids. My thing is. Okay. And this is toxic.

[A]

Okay, Love that.

[B]

If a man's cheating on you and you just not gonna leave, she gotta cheat backs or something. Yeah, you got to. You gotta cheat. Get you a little something on the side. If you not gonna cheat, you gotta do something evil. You must do. You gotta cut all the shoestrings up.

[A]

Have a baby about somebody else.

[B]

Okay. One of them kids. I learned that Bob Marley's wife got her little outside baby, period.

[A]

Well, why not?

[B]

Well, why not?

[A]

That nigga got 300 outside kids.

[B]

Have you one? We ain't got no. We ain't gotta break up. I'm gonna have me an outside baby.

[A]

And you claiming it.

[B]

And he did. If you not gonna leave, get you a peace, sister. Yes. Do something you got.

[A]

I. I fully agree with that, actually.

[B]

So you can. So you can go to sleep. And I ain't gonna make again. I've been there. I get it. Not wanting to leave or leaving and still wanting to make it right. Whatever.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You gotta do something, girl.

[A]

Right. That's the thing. I've been there too, where it's like, damn, you did me wrong. But I do still have very strong feelings for you.

[B]

So you're not gonna get away with this.

[A]

You won't.

[B]

You won't get away with it.

[A]

I can't say that I've ever then paid for that purpose.

[B]

No, that's not. That's not the way. Buying you gifts if you pay for the trip and then he gets jumped by the cartel in Mexico.

[A]

Yeah. Then.

[B]

Okay, now I see the pictures.

[A]

You paid for the trip to Mexico, and then a tragedy happened in Mexico.

[B]

Then you get robbed.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

I would have knew that you was gonna get robbed at this restaurant. Now I get it.

[A]

That's so crazy. How y' all getting here. Yeah. So I think this in the. If I was in this exact same situation, what I would have done in my 20s and early 30s is very different from now, because I've definitely. Before therapy, I would have been like, girl, don't come to me talking about this nigga no more. And I swear to God, I mean that, like.

[B]

And set the boundary. That is possible. Set the boundary. Once you confirm is she safe or not, set the boundary well.

[A]

And you might not know the answer to whether she's not gonna be able.

[B]

To say yes straight up or no.

[A]

Well. And so often we don't know how men are gonna act until we do something. So maybe you do pack up yourself and these children and leave. And then he decides to flip out and start being crazy.

[B]

Like, you just never know.

[A]

That's right. That's something you can't really anticipate. But I. At this big age, after all of my education and everything, I would sit down with her one on one and being like, look, as your friend of several years, I love you deeply. Your man doesn't believe in vaccines. He can't act.

[B]

The baby's got measles finger. Like, what are we talking about? He don't believe in math. The math on was Crazy science is one thing. Math. He following Terrence Howard.

[A]

Cause math just feel like you should be able to, like how you don't believe that these acts.

[B]

Terrence Howard doesn't believe one plus one equals one.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

He, like, has, like, defended that he's publicly. Or is it one times one? I think it's one times one.

[A]

He say that again? Because I don't understand what you're saying.

[B]

Terrence Howard does not believe that one times one equals one.

[A]

He does not believe that one time. What else would it be?

[B]

I think he says it's two or something like that. It's like some kind of, like, conspiracy mathematic theory that one times one isn't one. It's so stupid that I can't fully explain, but it's like a whole thing. Like, he's really, like, putting money into this research.

[A]

Some hotel.

[B]

I believe that's what it sounds like. Weird science.

[A]

The original man.

[B]

Foolish. Like, legit. It's okay. It's foolishness. Yeah. You.

[A]

Jasmine mentioned that her friend is now making a huge investment with this man, but I don't think there's a bigger investment than reproducing.

[B]

So.

[A]

So.

[B]

Cause I'm trying to figure out, other than having. She says they already married. They already have kids, so what could it possibly be?

[A]

Oh, right. They're married. Okay.

[B]

They're already married.

[A]

Right? So it's not even as simple as just leaving. We got to get the courts.

[B]

Maybe it's a business.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. She's financing something big. They're going into business together. Some entrepreneur shit. He making T shirts or something, Right? And she wants to be like, my.

[B]

Man, my man, my man.

[A]

I would. I would have a conversation with her that basically consists of, I love you deeply. I'm concerned about you because I feel like you deserve to be treated so beautifully. Like, you have such a sweet spirit. You have such a good and generous heart. I want you to be treated accordingly. And yet this nigga keeps dragging you through the mud, like, as a friend. I know that's your husband. I know you gonna choose your husband.

[B]

I didn't know that. You need to be prepared as that friend to be. Can she stay with you because you making her leave this nigga?

[A]

She's at choose because her and them kids come in your house, right?

[B]

Well.

[A]

Well. And so what kind of support can you offer if she does choose to leave? But she's probably not doing that, you know, if they're. She's not right. And so going into the conversation saying, I just want you to know that if you are ever at a point where you like, damn, I really do deserve better than this. Like, damn, I really am sick of this nigga, then you can come to me and I will do what I can to support you, help you move on from this.

[B]

Be ready to help. Don't be sitting there and being, well, she's just so dumb and stupid and dumb and stupid.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But okay, what are you doing to help your friends since you care so much?

[A]

Yes. Right.

[B]

How are you gonna support.

[A]

How am I gonna support?

[B]

Can she come on your couch? Can you give us some money to get a hotel?

[A]

Can you do, literally, can you. Can you pick us up and help us move our shit from this house?

[B]

Can you take a little baby into school and football practice? Like, be community. Everybody want community, but they don't wanna be a part of said community. Yes.

[A]

If you are going to, if you're going to be a friend, then be a friend. Offer some support however you can. But it's also fair to say it's. It stresses me out to see the way that you're being treated. And what's sad about this is that you can be so earnest and so sincere and come to her with the kindness, intentions and spirit behind what you're saying. And she may very well still be like, that's my husband. I don't know what you talking about. Jealous bitch or whatever.

[B]

Once that jealous starts hitting, it's like, you know what, baby?

[A]

You know what?

[B]

Nevermind.

[A]

Jealous of what? Girl, don't, don't worry about it. Because if he don't believe in science or math, I have trouble believing he's good at reading or, you know, social studies.

[B]

He not good at lunch. He might be okay at pe. None of the subjects. Or he's gonna be good. No.

[A]

Yeah. So this is a conversation that can be had where just try to avoid the judgment. Try to avoid the. If I was you, I wouldn't be putting up with this. Yes, blah, blah, blah. Make it more. Talk about it from a place of concern, because that's really what it is. You don't like to see your friend going through this, being hurt? It's not like he cheats. And she called y' all like, yeah, girl, he cheating again. So I'm finna go get my dick on the side. That would be totally different, right? Bitch, the way I would. I would carpool with you. I'll sit in the car. I'll wait.

[B]

I'll be in the living room. Yeah, yeah, that's a lot.

[A]

Yes. And keep in mind that if the image of being a wife is really what's most important to her, then what you say is not going to change that.

[B]

Because they see singleness as a disease. So the lepers are telling you to leave and join the leprosy clan.

[A]

You just want me to be miserable and single like you.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Am I miserable or are you miserable? You paying for a man to go on trips after he slept with somebody else.

[B]

And I am miserable.

[A]

So are you.

[B]

He is miserable.

[A]

At least a miserable by myself.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'm not miserable because of who else is in my home. So approach it with that. And so hopefully she will always have in the back of her mind, like, damn, Jasmine did say that.

[B]

She specifically told me.

[A]

Yes. That if I ever felt like, damn, even if it's just referrals for therapists, you know, I'm gonna send you to therapy for black girls or whatever.

[B]

Something, something, something.

[A]

But she'll at least know that, hey, I did have one friend who said she was in my corner no matter what I chose to do. If I decided that I was ready to do something different, then I'll reach out and chat with her and see what's going on. But other than that, it's like, hey, it breaks my heart to see you be continuously disrespected like this. As my friend, I know you deserve better. And it's getting to a point where it hurts me so much, it's hard for me to bear witness to it on a regular basis. Like, I'm not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't keep putting myself in that position because it's. It's. People don't like to hear this, but our. Our actions can indeed affect others around us, even if it's none of their business, because they love us. People don't want to see us give.

[B]

I'm tired of seeing you harmed. Like.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Let's figure something else out, friend.

[A]

All right, Jasmine. Hope it goes well. Let me know who's next. Okay.

[B]

This one doesn't have a name.

[A]

It doesn't.

[B]

It doesn't have an.

[A]

Let's make up one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Should it be Mel.

[B]

Josephine.

[A]

Josephine.

[B]

Josephine.

[A]

Work. Baker.

[B]

Josephine. Hi, Crystal. My mom died when I was six months pregnant with my first child, and I've been a mess ever since. Right Already, like, okay, we're set. She was my best friend, and I used to call her my North Star. Even if I wasn't lost, she was always there, shining bright to guide, support, and protect me. We did everything together. I would FaceTime her just to show her my kitchen was clean. And she was a pivotal part of my daily life and routine. Even Mondays were dubbed Mama Mondays by my husband because he knew that that's how me and my mom got ourselves ready for the week ahead. This is so sweet. And I'm already sad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I say all this to say that since she died, it has been hell dealing with my family in the extreme loneliness. I've had to set clear, hard boundaries with my family because when my mama was dying, she warned me about all the different ways they were going to about to cut up and act and act with me after she passed. And of course she was right. Because black people gonna act up when somebody dies. Well, I'm assuming that they're Black people in general do cut out when people dies, but yeah, you know, specifically. Oh, that won't cut up so bad.

[A]

We bad about that.

[B]

At first I went into grief counseling and therapy, but recently stopped going to therapy due to scheduling conflicts. I'm currently looking for a new therapist, but it's rough out here in these insurance streets. Yes, it is. I have wonderful friends who are kind and support me. I have an Incredible husband and two kids under 2, both born after her death. My husband and I are very hands on and present with our kids like our mothers were for us. But my mama and I spent so much time planning the things we would do together when I had kids. Now I do it alone and it sucks. Nothing comes close to filling that void that was left behind by my mom. My question is, how do I move forward? How do I not let the grief constantly affect me? My mom is always on my mind. She's one of the first thoughts I have in the morning and one of the last before I go to bed. I. I find myself bringing her up in every conversation. I feel like I don't know how to navigate life without her. I've asked the people around me if I bring her up too much and they all say no. But part of me thinks they're saying that because they know it will hurt my feelings if they said yes. Thanks for any advice you may have, Violet.

[A]

Okay, that made me sad. Violet.

[B]

Oh, I did say Violet at the end. Sorry.

[A]

No, no, sorry.

[B]

Violet. Josephine.

[A]

It's okay. Josephine. Violet, whomever. Oh, this is sad. So if your. Your mother died when you were six months pregnant with your first child, and then you said you have two under two or two around two, so that.

[B]

Means your mama like two, three years ago.

[A]

Right. So that means your mama died within the last Few years. She just. That she. That might as well be yesterday.

[B]

That literally.

[A]

So.

[B]

As someone who has lost a parent. I lost my dad when I was 15, and I'm about to be 32, which is insane to think that that was 16 years ago. That was yesterday.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Literally, like, losing a parent or just losing anyone close to you feels like yesterday and 100 years ago at the same time. Like, there's different things that, Like, I talk about my daddy every day, and he died half my life ago, so. You're doing fine, sweets. I can only imagine. It seems like you and your mother had a beautiful relationship. And I know this may sound cliche, but, like, hold on to that, because people didn't even get that. You know what I'm saying? I think with my father, I hear so many horror stories that people have about their dads and them being awful and all this. My dad was a Saint. I got 15¾ of a strong, amazing, sweet dad. Some people don't even get one day. You know what I'm saying? Some people's dad are alive as we speak, and they ain't heard from that nigga. And it's like, I can hold on to what I had because I had it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like the saying, it's better to love than lost, than never loved at all. Like, you had something beautiful, a relationship like that with your mama. So many women's. And I'm not trying to preach to you, like, you should be grateful that you. This is not what I'm talking about.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I'm saying that you had something so beautiful, and it is fair to mourn that, grieve that. And I think you should lean into. Lean into the grief, because this is also a cliche Marvel quote from WandaVision. But it was so beautiful. In Vision the robot, he said, what is grief but not love everlasting? But, like, that is so true. And there's still so many things that I unpack in my grief this far out that I'm learning new things about it. And I'm being reminded of things about my father that I'd forgotten. I did something so crazy. I. I had a bunch of the mini dv, like, home videos at home, and I couldn't get the camera on, so I took it to one of the places that would make your home videos digital. And I didn't know what was on the tapes. It was a video from my sister's graduation party in 2006. And I have not seen my dad in video form in so long. I hadn't Seen him just walking around talking and joking and so long. I was sobbing on the floor, crying. And it was beautiful, though. I needed that. So I think you should lean into the grief. Don't think you're getting on anybody's nerves. And your feelings are valid because that is so fresh. And you could probably be dealing with a little bit of postpartum. You had two babies back to back like that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

All of your feelings are badly. Girl, cry. Actually, I hope you cry right now. I hope as you listen to this, you're crying. Yeah, do that. Let it all out. But a beautiful part of grief is you're grieving something because it was beautiful. You don't grieve something that wasn't great.

[A]

True. You especially not like this. You know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's you. You know, she said, like, how do I move forward? How do I not let the grief constantly affect me? I think you have to maybe adjust your expectations of where you.

[B]

It's never gonna miss to be at this point in three years out.

[A]

Especially because your mother died while pregnant while you were in the process.

[B]

You need to give yourself more grace.

[A]

Yes. And y' all FaceTime every day. And, you know, I'm sure she was like, oh, my grandbaby, I can't wait. Yeah, sweetie, that's a massive loss. All that is fair. It sounds like you're. You feel like, oh, I'm supposed to be doing better. I'm supposed to be this. I'm supposed to be that. You're not supposed to be anything as far as the grief is concerned. If you can get back in with grief counseling and therapy. I know you said there were scheduling conflicts and insurance can be a mess. That's very true. But I would make that a top priority if somebody else, your husband or one of these close, wonderful friends, if they can help you with that. Because grief counseling really does help a lot. But.

[B]

When.

[A]

When she said, nothing comes close to filling the void that was left behind by your mother. And it won't.

[B]

Nothing will and it won't.

[A]

And that's okay. And it has to be. But when you take into consideration that it's hard for most people to lose a parent.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At any age. Literally. Much less when you are also in the process of becoming a parent. And y' all were as close as you were. And now you have two kids. Like even you, Mel, like you mentioned earlier, getting married later this year and then hopefully becoming a mom. Yeah. Sometime after that. I'm sure that whatever feelings you have for your dad. And it sounds like he was incredible.

[B]

He was great.

[A]

When you become a mother and then watching your husband become a father, I'm.

[B]

Already pretty crowd about that. See, like, even when planning my wedding, I'm like, look, we gonna do a quick little acknowledge. I ain't doing no moment of silence of shit for my wedding. I ain't doing a. His deceit for who my dad was sitting, but he did so he would sit here if he was allowed, but he not. So I'm not doing all that. I'm not trying to be. To have him to look over that cry and cry. I'm not doing all that shit. But because it's like I cannot let it consume me and I'mma let it happen. I'm going have. He going to have something. But I can't make a whole production out of it because I'm planning for my future grief, a grief that happened 16 years ago, right? But it's like it's going to always be there. I'm not going to avoid it completely. I'm not going to go out of my way to ruin my day, right? But it's gonna be. I'm gonna cry my wedding day to, right?

[A]

It's because all the things you would have thought about that day, you know.

[B]

All the things, how he would have.

[A]

Acted and all that.

[B]

And I'm like a way of coping. Like, oh, well, you know, my dad gonna miss my wedding. But it's okay because he don't even know me no more because I'm such a different person than I was when I was a teenager. And he don't know Dwayne, blah, blah, blah. He acts Jack like Dwayne. So he does it with Dwayne. And then I realized how I act exactly the same. It's so funny. I saw a video from my sister's party. I did a speech. I was 11 at my sister's graduation party. And I was doing stand up. I was up there killing the room. I had it in the palm of my hand. I'm like, this little bitch is the same bitch I am today. So it's like, there's your. Your parent. Even beyond the grave. They know you, they love you and they will give you that space to be sad.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you have to give yourself that space. Like, girl, that is yesterday. I think of like how I acted out in the years following my dad's death. Like in undergrad. I was hell on wheels in undergrad. But like, I think about him like, damn, my daddy had just died. Yeah, my daddy had just died three years Ago. And I'm. Yeah, I'm cutting out.

[A]

I'm tweaking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm watching a mess. Yeah. I'm mean as fuck. Yes, I'm a bitch. Yeah. There's a lot going on.

[B]

I'm dead.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not fucking fair. And then losing a parent in like the mother's days and the father's days and you see the people who got daddies and you ain't got one. Yaya Mayweather get to have her daddy and she act like that. And I ain't got no daddy.

[A]

And I'm trying to think of what's worse.

[B]

Like it.

[A]

The number of shitty parents who are out here just alive.

[B]

They just get to be alive.

[A]

And your wonderful dad had to die. Why one of the shit dads couldn't die. Why the dad beat, right?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Blueface dad beat is halfway in the network.

[B]

Like, wow, my dad.

[A]

My dad had to die. Wow. It was plenty of niggas to choose from. And y' all said mine had to die.

[B]

But Daddy, you gotta see Toby. Your Tony cuss out Black China again. But your sweet angel mother is gone. That's fucking fair. And that just be. That's. That's fucking life. Right?

[A]

I think the people around you are not lying when they say you don't bring her up too much because they understand you lost your mother, who was also your best friend. They have a lot more compassion for.

[B]

You and where you are right now.

[A]

Than it sounds like you do. So lean into the fact that they're all so supportive. I love to hear this about your husband and your friends. He sounds great. Your husband is a very hands on dad and I and all that, which is great, but baby, it's gonna hurt again. Can't recommend trying to work out grief counseling, going back to that. Enough. But talk about it. Talk about your mama to anybody who will listen. Talking about. I feel like I bring her up in every conversation. And that's fine. And that's fine. Bring her up whenever you. You need to talk about it. You need to get it out. It's. This is part of grieving. And I am so genuinely so sorry for your loss. So sorry. Especially because I just keep coming back to the fact that you were being. Yeah. This was supposed to be a time where it's like you and your mama and your baby and this all the feelings and so you really have to be gentle with yourself. Violet. Josephine. Good luck, sweetie. All right, Mel, who we got next?

[B]

Okay, we have Carrie Bradshaw, so I.

[A]

Already know it's gonna Be a mess.

[B]

God bless it already, that girl.

[A]

Do you watch Sex and the City?

[B]

Are you. Yes. I haven't finished my watch. I'm on like season three. But like, I watch all the movies and I know all the lore.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I just haven't fully watched as an adult.

[A]

But you know enough to know.

[B]

Oh, I know.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She's a mess.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Hi, Crystal. I'm Carrie Bradshaw. Because apparently I can't walk away from a dead relationship that is beyond embarrassing.

[A]

Drag yourself in, baby.

[B]

As long as you know, sister. I met this man six months after my last relationship and we had been together for two years. The relationship before him was very humbling for me. I was cheated on, lied about and too and was so stressed out that it triggered a thyroid problem. Sister, you should have just took a break. My current partner felt like a calming presence when we met. He was attentive and a good listener who gave me time to really express myself. I was unemployed for nine months and while I was struggling with money, he was feeding me when he could and take me out to do things together.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Eight months into our relationship, our whole dynamic changed. I used to see this man five times a week. We'd spend time at each other's places and we were in constant communication. He suddenly got distanced and it was very hard to get him to communicate. I'd ask him to hang out and he respond 48 hours later, if at all. I had to have so many conversations about check ins and certain responsibilities while being in relationships. I don't need you to send me your location, but I need you to let me know you're alive.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Oh, yeah. I should mention he is 34 with a drug problem. And the reason I don't hear from him for two to three days at a time is because he goes on benders with his bum friends.

[A]

This is worse than pigs.

[B]

He finally told me that he reached out to an old friend with benefits and they went on a date before he brought her back to his apartment. He said she's polyamorous and very respectful. And when she noticed my things around his place, she asked him about me. If I knew he was. If I knew what he was doing. He said he told her no and that he did consider me to be someone serious. So because of that, they did not do whatever they were planning to do right. Now what I heard was that he. He premeditated cheating. And he did cheat, as far as I'm concerned. I don't believe that they did not hook up. You did all that just to turn away. Yeah, I'm not dumb. Even it was already cheating when he.

[A]

Went on a date. Like girl, cheating is in his heart.

[B]

But maybe I am because he begged for me to stay and I did. But with a cracked open heart. Everything changed after that. He did not try hard for long. He kept getting into arguments about checking in. He went from why? I went from, why aren't you talking to me? I don't know what's going on in your life to just text me if you're alive. Like, I don't need the details at this point.

[A]

My God.

[B]

The rose colored glasses started to turn clear and the drugs became an issue. His temper became an issue. The way he spoke and treated me in arguments became an issue. His lack of priorities to himself became an issue. And it became clear he and I would not go the distance. I realized this six months ago and just last night I was able to finally break up with him.

[A]

Look at God.

[B]

Where I'm having trouble is forgetting that who we were a year ago just doesn't exist anymore. My mind knows this, but my heart still has this hope that he'll come back and be with the calm, safe. And be the calm, safe place he used to be. Nowadays, I prefer spending my time alone or go with my good Judy than with him. Yet somehow I can't let this go. I miss him, but not the him he is now. How do I work through this? I am reeling from this breakup and I want to hold strong. I used to judge Carrie so much for this, but girl, I'm sorry. This is hard. Sincerely, another Carrie Bradshaw.

[A]

Oh, man. Well, I'm so glad you realized before you wrote this email that you needed to break up with this man. Yeah, a drug problem and a bad temper and cheating and I didn't even get to that. But let me tell you, the first.

[B]

Time you raised your. Who you hollering at?

[A]

You won't be yelling at me.

[B]

I don't like no mean ass.

[A]

No. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's nothing.

[B]

Yelling and call all kinds of. And hoes. He's going to hit you.

[A]

Oh yeah. And it's just a. It's a short step.

[B]

Matter of time.

[A]

It's a short step. Yeah, I don't. I don't play with no kinds of abuse, including verbal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you having a bad temper is not going to work out with me at all. But I think Mel. Mel said this when she was reading the letter when she said something like, you know, I met him six months after my Last relationship ended, and that person was hell. And then this guy seemed so great.

[B]

At first, it triggered a thyroid problem. Girl, you in the hospital.

[A]

You need a break. You need a real break from niggas, from all men. You need you.

[B]

It is quite literally taking a toll on your health. Yes. You need to just.

[A]

Yes. And so I think you were definitely still dealing with the ramifications of that last relationship. You got into this new one. And at first he seemed great because he sent his representative. We all know the representative will show up and be so chill. And things seem great at first, but I don't care how great he seemed to be at that point. The cheating, the drugs, the temper problem, there's all reasons to not continue to pursue something with this man. And it really sounds like you need to take some time being single.

[B]

Focus on Carrie, babe.

[A]

Yeah. What does Carrie Bradshaw really need to stop worrying about? Men.

[B]

God.

[A]

God damn.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Carrie, you got real. And now thinking of the HBO character and not so much you, but a big part. Yeah. Carrie was like, you. You want these men, but then you act kind of childish when you with them. You. There's definitely elements of like, immaturity, insecurity coming through.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You chasing after that, you know, are married or with somebody else and like all this sort of thing, you need time to yourself by yourself, where you are, not worried about nobody else.

[B]

Especially since it seems to have. It's one thing to just be stressed out by niggas, but you thyroid issues, that is a very serious thing.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And it's very concerning.

[A]

Even the.

[B]

The fact that this man was going two to three day drug.

[A]

What? Benders. You're 34 years old. Two to three days. No, you need to go on a job bender. Nigga, what you talking about?

[B]

Wait, where's your job?

[A]

Where is your job? We're not doing that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

Cause that mean that's a big drug. You ain't smoking weed for four days. You want hair.

[A]

Wrong.

[B]

That's crack. You got needles and pipes and shit. You ain't just smoking. It's a lot of stuff going.

[A]

If you.

[B]

Three, four days.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You doing that.

[A]

You doing things like that.

[B]

That's the N from Rent. He over there like with Will you light my candle? He's on them hard drugs. Drugs, baby.

[A]

You need to. He is. Because a weed bender, you're not going nowhere but to sleep. This man doing something else. He doing wild and crazy. The streets. Right. I. I think it might be helpful for you to know that who he was a year ago. And, you know, this whole like, why can't we just go back to who he was then? Because that wasn't really him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because that was not him. That was him being on his best behavior for a very short period of time. Of course that fell apart because these niggas can't keep it up for too long. The real stuff will come through. And when you don't do the work to actually mature, grow up, start doing better with yourself. All of the pretense that you have, it will fall apart before too long because you just can't keep it up forever. So. Yes. This situation with reaching out to the ex friend with benefits. Do you think they slept together? I think it's possible they didn't. I think it's possible.

[B]

It is a world where that. Because again, the polyamorous people are strict as the polygirlies are disrespectful. Do you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What are the parameters? They do be serious polyamorous girls. Oh, they little rules. They don't play by them rules. You right. So there is a reality where they did not. But the fact that he set up an actual romantic context date and brought her with Holmes with the pretenses to hunch that lady he was already cheating. So it's just. I mean, sure, y' all did hunch, sure, Right.

[A]

But like. But whether they did or didn't, I guess it doesn't really matter. But since it was in his heart to cheat, you might as well just. It was cheating. Yes, you might as well.

[B]

If you wanted them emotional cheating girlies, then it was very much so. Emotional cheating.

[A]

Right. But you, you know, you fell for him because he was a good listener and let you talk. Unfortunately, that is the bare minimum. It is.

[B]

But again, he's.

[A]

When you're dating men, I know sometimes it doesn't seem that way. You might be like, wow, I hit the jackpot. But somebody who listens and allows you to express yourself is really. I thought it. Was. He let you talk because he's a high officer. You are giving him way too much. He probably couldn't talk. That was like trying to figure out which you was the real you. You said he. That man. He was real quiet. He respectful.

[B]

Because he's high, baby. Yeah.

[A]

You know, he took you out to dinner a few times and he let you express yourself, and you was like, this is the man for me, babes. I. I understand your Carrie.

[B]

Just date Carrie for a while.

[A]

Just date Carrie for a while. And you really do need that. You need to Nurture yourself. Pour into yourself all of the care and concern that you were giving this man while he was out doing drugs in the streets with his bum ass friends. You deserve that exact same effort. So I am going to encourage you to really pour into yourself. You know, I don't think we ever saw Carrie Bradshaw go to therapy, you know, on. At least not on that original.

[B]

Yeah, I'm sure she did it on this. And just like that, I stopped watching it because I didn't like Shay Diaz. I they.

[A]

And just like that was not for.

[B]

I didn't finish. I watched the first season.

[A]

Did you. Did you like it? Not really.

[B]

I enjoy again, the Shay Diaz that was dating Amanda and Miranda was in her coochie ate when. When somebody just said surgery and you getting finger popped in the kitchen and shit.

[A]

I'm not looking at that. I'm not doing that.

[B]

It's too much. Right?

[A]

But yes, some. Some real time and attention on yourself. I'm always gonna recommend a therapist if you could always one. But ask your when. When the urge to contact him is so strong, I want you to think about the worst that he put you through and then ask yourself, do I really want to go through that again with a nigga that I know got a heroin problem?

[B]

It's the heroin. It really is. It's absolutely the heron for me.

[A]

And then you got a temper and.

[B]

You mean, it's like everything. If a cheater is bad, a nigga on heron is bad, a mean nigga's bad. All of them together?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You not gonna be all three. Pick one.

[A]

It's not the man you want. It's the feeling that you had when you were first with him. That's what you want.

[B]

And just having a man in general again. The straight girls are in hell.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

The straight girls are in hell. It just keeps coming back up.

[A]

I had to have the straight. Straight married girl engaged lady here to help bring some context and perspectives to some of this. But, yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head. Carrie needs to date herself.

[B]

Yeah. It's okay.

[A]

All right, I think we got one more letter. It's the last one. Okay.

[B]

I'm so glad I read good. I'm saying because this would have been a very difficult day for me if I did not know how to read. Well, it's a lot of reading. Luckily, I'm a scholar. I skipped a grade because I had a very high reading level. I graduated high school at 16 years old. Okay. Yeah. I don't get to brag about that because everyone's grown now.

[A]

But that was a big deal. That's me with my own. I got a 1450 on the SAT or whatever. Like, sweetie. And that was 2000.

[B]

We don't care no what I be doing. I got a 1600. Oh. But in 2010, they had changed the scale, but it sounds cool.

[A]

Sometimes I say so I'm thinking perfect score.

[B]

So I would say that sometimes people like, oh. And I'm like, the max is like 2,400 at the time, but it's like 1600.

[A]

You say you got a 1350 now, and people are like, God damn, can you read? It's very different now.

[B]

It's very different. They changed the score, but at the time, I was like, good enough, bitch.

[A]

It's like bragging on your gpa. Like, who cares?

[B]

Who gives a fuck?

[A]

Me and my 3.9. We care.

[B]

It's like that TikTok trend. I used to be a hell of an athlete. Like, no one gives a fuck. Please.

[A]

The niggas who are like, yeah. We went to state three times in high school.

[B]

In 1997.

[A]

In 1997. 97.

[B]

What? Clay English say he played football when the helmets were soft. Oh.

[A]

It'S time to stop. If it was more than five years.

[B]

Ago, if it was a Clinton or Bush presidency, no one gives a.

[A]

If it wasn't. No social media back then.

[B]

Yeah. If I can't find it on your Instagram, it's too long ago. All right, last one.

[A]

Letter. Yes, Vivica.

[B]

Okay. I'm getting married next year to the most amazing person in the world. Before we got engaged, I was convinced we were having a big wedding because that's all we ever talked about. It wasn't until we reached out to our dream venue and they got back to us with a quote of $60,000 that we reconsidered.

[A]

Sorry, that is crazy. But wedding stuff, I'm sure you know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I'll get into it once I finish.

[A]

Because it's a thing. Yeah.

[B]

When I told my fiance about the cost, I said, woo, let's just elope. And he was like, I'm down with that. I was surprised since he was always talking about a big wedding and has lots of friends. But we started really painting the picture of where that could be for us. Going to a lavish destination, having a beautiful, intimate ceremony, and then living it up in our honeymoon while still having a celebration with our loved ones. After, we spent weeks talking about the different options and weighing out the pros and cons. Ultimately having an intimate ceremony 100 focused on us and being out of the country sounded like a dream. So that's what we've been planning. Recently, one of my favorite co workers got married and I was a bridesmaid. This is where the FOMO hit. There was so much anticipation and build up in her bridal suite leading to getting her her down the aisle. Making tiktoks, taking pics together and getting dressed up was also cute. Yeah. Then everyone heard their vows and teared up. I thought, I want people to hear our vows and cry. I want people to okay, Joan.

[A]

I'm happy for my friend.

[B]

I'm happy for her.

[A]

You are not, girl.

[B]

I want people to see me look the best I've ever looked. Immediately after the wedding, I started to doubt our decision. Now, granted, the hype of the wedding was really that first half of the day up until they said I do. After that, I really couldn't wait to get into bed. The reception part was cool, but really the ceremony was my favorite. Said no one ever. We are so far into planning this elopement that it feels too far to turn back. My fiance said all the back and forth is making him less excited to elope and he just wants to to stick with one decision. Enjoy the lead up to it. He said he could have gone either way but was down with eloping because he felt that was the most romantic thing we could ever do. Since it's all about us and our love. He says all he cares about is getting married to me and he's excited to do that. It doesn't help that my algorithm is all these beautiful brides breaking down. Get off that phone.

[A]

Yep, it's that phone.

[B]

Phone. We move to the other side of the country and lately have been feeling like maybe I'm not experiencing the full essence of my bridal era. No wedding planner, no bridal shower. I'm doing a bachelorette, which is cool, but it just feels like it's not happening the way I thought things would be before I got engaged. And maybe there would have been more hoopla if there was a countdown that everyone was looking forward to. We have the reception venue decoration and food booked, but what if nobody cares since it's not the same day we say I do? Isn't that what people actually want to be a part of? Care about the food so thicker and shaking. They care about the reception. People want to party. The reception is cute. But that's really for y'.

[A]

All. The ceremony.

[B]

I mean, the ceremony. I mean, the reception is the fun part. The Ceremony is like, oh, this is so cute.

[A]

It's sweet, but the guests give a.

[B]

Damn about the reception.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Honestly, I still don't know if I want to spend my wedding day with my fiance on 1101 or if I want a huge party and to be the belle of the ball. The wedding I want will require us taking out a hefty loan. While this current plan allows us to live in a very upscale downtown and spend however we want, doing a big wedding would essentially bring down our present quality of. Present quality of life immediately, plus at least one additional year being on a very strict budget to pay off the loan. No fun date nights or multiple trips a year. I am just at a point where I don't want to look back and regret either decision, because I could also see myself having spent over 100k on a wedding. And then the next day comes, and I am like, well, I could have done without all of that. I know I only can determine what's right for me, but I'm making the right. Am I making the right choice? Knowing all the details, what would you do? Thanks, Vivica.

[A]

I think you're the perfect person to answer this.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Since you're in the thick of wedding planning yourself.

[B]

I am in the thick of wedding planning, and it is expensive. Everything is money, money, money, money, money. I will say now they didn't say no. $60,000. For my opinion, it is not $6,000, but it is. It's definitely five figures. And it's all inclusive, though. Includes the foods, the drinks.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

Everything. Whatever. So outside of that, we only have to do, like, the. The flowers and the. The dress and the clothes and, like, other. Other stuff, but, like, everything that comes to the venue is in the venue.

[A]

Nice. Nice.

[B]

But if you're trying to cut cost, the ceremony is not the extensive part of the wedding. The reception's expensive part.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's where the money comes in, because that's the liquor.

[A]

That's the food. Yep. The.

[B]

The place is, like, 250 ahead.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like, I don't know for me, luckily, because I'm gonna go get her. I'm gonna get what I need. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna make me a pitch deck, and I've been able to. I'm gonna get me. I've been able to leverage my following to get things sponsored, but everybody does not have that.

[A]

Oh, I know. That's right. I do love that for you.

[B]

So I've been definitely bartering and, like, okay, what you need I can. Look, I got a video. I could do this, I could do that. Because I want things. Because like, once I got. Because I thought about, okay, do I want to do destination? Do I want to. If I'm doing me a wedding, if I'm getting married, I'm doing me a wedding.

[A]

Yeah, I get that.

[B]

I'm gonna have me a wedding.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I want same. I want those things too. But I wasn't gonna pimp myself out of tricking myself into thinking I don't want those things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because of the money. You want it, right? You over here getting married in a dark corner. Oh, I'm just so different. No, you're not. You want the attention too. That's the whole point.

[A]

So d different. You not different.

[B]

And that's okay.

[A]

You went to your homegirls wedding and was like, wait a minute, I'm gonna be the center of attention. I bet you tik toks with my girls.

[B]

I can't wait to make tik toks with my.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I've been having to create. Instead of being stressed about my wedding, I've been creating fun things. Like my bridal proposal was very, very fun for me. Cuz I. That I. That I did plan.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cuz it's like I don't know a lot about weddings, but I do know cute. And I'm a. Yeah. I'm a marketing girl. Like before I quit my job to do this full time, I worked in marketing and television.

[A]

Love that.

[B]

And I was gonna make me a pitch deck at work. So I did America next top model themed. I make it very cute. I did see this.

[A]

That was so good.

[B]

And I did. It was so fun. I did everything on Canva myself because that was fun for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that wasn't super expensive to put on. I found me a little space, did that. My brother in law catered. Love that. Had a white dress already. I ain't had to buy no new shit. My wedding planner found me some vendors to give me a little backdrop and that was that. But you have to create the things that you want for yourself.

[A]

Don't.

[B]

If you ain't got it, figure it out.

[A]

Right.

[B]

DIY it. Them DIY brides. Hey, I planned a wedding for 700 and here's how it came out. It should be cute enough.

[A]

You just have to do it all yourself. You. And if every last bit of it.

[B]

If you want to DIY to have the moment you want, then DIY it, girl.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know where you live. Going to Publix get you a cake and figure it out.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But don't rob yourself of that moment.

[A]

And it sounds like you really do want that.

[B]

That's what you want.

[A]

I just don't know that you need to have, you know, $100,000 worth of that.

[B]

There's a middle ground. You ain't gotta spend 100 bands.

[A]

Especially if this 60k is just the venue.

[B]

You don't include somewhere else like that goddamn wedding sister. You can figure something else out because you ain't gotta have Princess Diana in their wedding. Right. There is a small. You can downsize and still have a quality. And again, get off that phone because you looking at all them Stanlow photography videos and that. Is that NBA? No, that's football players. A football player who got married last year and their wedding was so expensive, so nice. He had like a. It was like a train on his suit and was like, oh, you got him dressed. But it's like no, he had a piece of his mama wear and dress. It was a whole thing. But it was like if I was a different kind of, I would have been like, dang, they got fireworks and stuff. But they went. And I ain't got fireworks. My. No, I'm gonna have the wedding that I wanna have and you have the wedding that you wanna have. That makes sense for you, right? And if you want fireworks, well, you better go down on the 4th of July and go find you some fireworks so you can put em yourself.

[A]

Tell your cousin and them, hey, keep these in a dry spot until my wedding and make it work.

[B]

You ain't gotta go to date. Yeah, if we have this wedding, we can't go on date nights. We can't have no McDonald's for the rest of the year.

[A]

What?

[B]

It's other ways.

[A]

Yes, there's. Yes. I think that is such an excellent point. If it's. If you're talking about. Well, to have my dream wedding, we would have to downscale everything and not have any fun for a couple of years. And all this is that really worth is my dream is not to. And also you can have all that for one night.

[B]

You can go to the courthouse now and then you can have it a little further down the line.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Until you can have a reasonable dream wedding. Like for me, I never had an idea of a dream wedding. Like as a little girl, my dream wedding was marrying Brian from B5. So that's not happening. So we can, we can pivot from my 11 year old, that shit for sale. But I never like had a pinterest board. And I gotta have this. I gotta have that. As long as the shit. Cute.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I look great. If you like it. And my booty look big and my waist looks snatched. I'm having a great day.

[A]

That's what you want for your day? Yeah.

[B]

But you gotta go for the things that you want. That makes sense though. You got to make it make sense. Because a hundred thousand dollars in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the rest of the year. That don't make sense.

[A]

Taking out loans for this alone.

[B]

And that's the thing. We're paying monthly for the wedding.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So they're getting like a couple thousand or however much a month from the both of us. Because again, my daddy did not even being funny.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I know that's a big. I'm sorry. I say that so you do callously because. But that's my coping mechanism. Because we're funny. My dad was very funny. That's where I get my humor from. And he would laugh at me saying it like that.

[A]

Okay. My daddy. Dad.

[B]

So I'm paying for this wedding.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. I gotta pay for it.

[A]

Right? So. So we. We setting some money aside every month and we're putting it towards.

[B]

And even so we're done. We're not gonna be in debt though.

[A]

But if you wanted to, you could. If you said to yourself, I want the dream wedding is $250,000, my God. You could do that. Would I suggest or recommend that? Fuck no. If you have to take out a loan to have it and you can't repay that loan like within a few months or so. I can't recommend that because you're not. You're going to be paying the loan plus interest. Of course if it's something you can pay back without paying interest. Is somebody giving you like a two years no interest loan or whatever then? Maybe. But also too good to be true. Right? That.

[B]

I think you should weigh your expectations, sister.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Be realistic.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But also don't. Don't deprive yourself of something. You want to prove a point to no one.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Don't nobody give a fuck what kind of wedding you have. They want to come love and support you.

[A]

They do.

[B]

That is the people that matter.

[A]

Right? You were like, oh, the ceremony's the best part. That's because you all heart eye emoji thinking about your man and how you can't wait to exchange vows.

[B]

It be hot in that ceremony. You sitting next to us are sitting.

[A]

Waiting for the other kick in ready to fucking go.

[B]

Right? As soon as it Okay, y' all may now get up, right? Cocktail hour. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, clap. Yes, girl.

[B]

Some beanies and weenies.

[A]

Let's go to cocktail hour while they go take their pictures. Open bar, we can start drinking.

[B]

People are there to get drunk. They don't care about that ceremony. We're.

[A]

We're here to celebrate you, of course. So however you want your day to look, I want to support that, but I'm not going to be like, oh, well, yeah, girl, you should just spend all this money that you don't have.

[B]

Don't do that.

[A]

I would not recommend that.

[B]

And get. And if you want it that bad again, get on Tik Tok, get on Pinterest and see how the girls are planning their weddings on next to nothing.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Look into the micro weddings, Right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And.

[A]

And have it like you said. You don't have to have this wedding, you know, in three months or whatever. You can push it back as far as you want to, especially if you just thinking about the receptionist reception. Because going to the courthouse and getting married is always an option. Y' all can be married tomorrow if you want.

[B]

No. And then sometimes courthouses do little specials.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Somebody knows. They had like a little Valentine's Day special at the clubhouse.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

And they was just, all right, you want to come get married?

[A]

We'll come do like $10 wedding or whatever.

[B]

Yeah, whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Getting married is the easy part. But if you want your moment, which every little girl. Not every little girl, but like most.

[A]

Little girls, which is okay. Yes.

[B]

Most little girls dream about their wedding.

[A]

And mainly how pretty they're gonna be.

[B]

How pretty they're gonna be in their big dress and their makeup and their hair.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And that. And again, even for me, as someone who's getting married, that is not. Cause I always just get stressed out thinking about my wedding. Cause I don't wanna be musty. Like, I'm thinking about, like, oh, my God, what if my musty.

[A]

What if my periods on.

[B]

What if this? What if. Yeah, what if my hair sweat out? What if this? What if that? Oh, my God. I get stressed out thinking about my wedding. That's not something I've been like. Cause I just think about all the things that can go wrong in a day like that. I'm excited. Yeah, I'm gonna look great.

[A]

Oh, yeah. No, you're gonna be cute.

[B]

I tried on wedding dresses and the way a corset looks on me. Am I gonna be able to breathe?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

I'm gonna look fucking hot, but I.

[A]

Don'T have to breathe while I'm taking that picture.

[B]

And I'm having me a little change of outfit that's gonna be a little more roomy.

[A]

Something for you to be a little more comfortable in for your party. Oh, okay. Shaking ass. Yeah.

[B]

I tell my bridesmaids, if you're not shaking ass, why are you even here? Why are you even here? Hands on your knees, on the ground.

[A]

I gave you your baddie chain. I said, you shaking.

[B]

Literally no. I had again, be the kind of bride that you want to be. Because I decided to be like a fun, unhinged bride. Not like a bridezilla, but just unhinged. I had, like, rules. I did a presentation as well.

[A]

Oh, Lord.

[B]

And I presented my bride's rules.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I was like, okay, Rule number one is don't piss me off. Rule number two is one band, one sound.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it was, like, fun. But it's like also, cuz I've heard so many horror stories of bridesmaids and this and that, like, falling out. It gets crazy. And I wanted to, like, put out, you know, what the costs are going to be because that's a big concern. When I was in a wedding some years ago, I'm like, I ain't got the money. So I spend hundreds of hundreds, thousands.

[A]

The dress and makeup alone, literally.

[B]

So I was able to find a way to sponsor the dresses so the girls ain't got to pay for their dresses. I done figured, I'm on it. Y' all ain't got to pay for their dresses. Just send me your measurements. We going to figure it out, period. So, like, you going to be good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you just got to know what kind of bride you want to be. Yeah.

[A]

I think the idea of, like, me and my person going to some island somewhere and having a beautiful private ceremony and then going on a honeymoon right after that, and then coming back and having a reception with all the friends and family, that sounds so beautiful to me. Yeah. You know what? Actually, I am going to go to some destination I can barely pronounce. Fiji and whatever the hell else. Three plane rides to get there with me and my man. And we're going to have like.

[B]

I.

[A]

That sounds like so much fun to me. But Mel's right. If you look into cut costs and you wanted the reception either way. You said you wanted to have a celebration either way because you wanted to celebrate with your loved ones. That was always gonna be part of it. The reception is where the money is. That is where the money is.

[B]

And then you can also, even then Cause the reception damn near is only like a tenth of the price. You can just have a little fake ceremony then, too.

[A]

Well, have another little ceremony. No, for real.

[B]

I've gone to a wedding where they were already married. Still did all the ceremony stuff and still had.

[A]

Just do it. Yep.

[B]

No, literally, you can do it.

[A]

They might not even know you already married. You grown.

[B]

You can do whatever the f you want. Because we're grown.

[A]

You really can.

[B]

And that's the fun. And it's like, don't pretend you don't want the things when you want the things. Yes, do the things that you want to do.

[A]

But also if you do the little private one on one thing and then you decide later, I want my bridal moment. You can always have a wedding. It ain't no rules.

[B]

You can have a wedding in 10 years. You can have a wedding in two years.

[A]

You can do like Jackie Christie and.

[B]

Get married every year.

[A]

Chrissy's wife. Yes. And have a wedding every year if you want to.

[B]

Every year. Because, Jack. And honestly, I had her on my mood board for my invasion show, and my fiance was like, absolutely. You cannot put me on a leash. And I was like, well, why not?

[A]

And that man said, you can do.

[B]

Whatever the f you want, sister.

[A]

You can.

[B]

And if you don't get your moment right now, save up and in 10 years, have the wedding you want.

[A]

Absolutely. Good luck. Congratulations on your impending nuptial.

[B]

Congrats, sister brat.

[A]

That is gonna wrap up this week's episode of Christmas Couch. Mel, thank you so, so for being here. Yes. This was such a delight. Again, I. It has been so much fun to watch your career blossom online into. I'm not on Twitter anymore, but tick tock and all that. I see all of you.

[B]

Because what is even going on over there? It's so bad.

[A]

I'm not doing that.

[B]

It's so bad.

[A]

But thankfully, you're on all the other platforms. Please tell the people where they can find you. And yes, on Twitter, unfortunately, if you're.

[B]

Still there, I am the baddest man Mitch on Twitter. And Tick tock. I'm the baddest Mitch Instagram. I'm it. Smell Mitch. You can find me on YouTube. I'm on Tubi. I'm on BET. I'm just. I'm places, baby. Just look me up. It has been such an honor, Crystal. I have been. I've been a fan for so long, and I've been answering questions and letters with you in my car for years. So it's such an honor to be here giving people advice with you. So? So I told her. She doesn't understand how mother she is. She is mother for real. For bitches who talk too much and got seasoned conduct, you are the mother of all mothers. And as a Beyonce, Stan, and someone who thinks they know everything, I'm very honored to be sharing this space with you.

[A]

The season conduct really spoke to me. Well, I love to be mother. I'm so proud of you. My baby. You're doing amazing, sweetie. Look at her go.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Oh, this is so fun.

[A]

That's it for this week's episode of Crystal's Couch. Follow us online at Crystal's Couch, and if you have a question for me, email me advice at crystalscouch. Com. We'll see you next week.