Crissle’s Couch – Session 14 ft. Jamila Bell
Podcast: Crissle’s Couch
Host: CAKE MEDIA (Crissle)
Guest: Jamila Bell
Date: February 10, 2026
Episode Overview
In this lively and heartfelt episode, Crissle welcomes Jamila Bell—multi-hyphenate creator, storyteller, and maternal health advocate—to “the couch” for a candid conversation and insightful responses to listener letters. The session explores boundaries and privacy in the social media era, navigating friendship dynamics through change, processing career loss and self-worth, and the complex intersections of identity and support. Real talk, humor, and practical advice combine in a tone that is warm, blunt, caring, and relatable.
Meet the Guest: Jamila Bell
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Background:
- Content creator, filmmaker, and co-host of the Unhinged and Immoral podcast.
- Known for original works that center Black stories and perspectives.
- Labor doula and lactation consultant supporting Black families and maternal health advocacy.
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Origin Story in Doula Work (01:02)
- Jamila became a doula after a difficult personal birth experience inspired her:
“When I was pregnant, I really was, like, very scared because I’m just a hypochondriac myself… I came across doulas, and I just really resonate with that… I actually had a really kind of crazy labor story. And I was like, I think this is, like, my sign.” – Jamila [01:02]
- Jamila became a doula after a difficult personal birth experience inspired her:
Listener Letters & Discussion Highlights
1. Social Media Boundaries: “Why Are You Posting My House Online?”
Letter from Elise
[Starts 02:14]
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Situation:
- Elise’s friend posted numerous photos of her home and personal life on social media without consent.
- A business owner also staged a photoshoot in Elise’s house for advertising, again without permission.
- Elise feels her privacy was invaded and wonders how to set boundaries going forward.
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Hosts’ Insights:
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On respect and consent:
“Famous or not. Don’t take pictures of my house and post them online, and I don’t know shit about it. Like, to me, that’s extremely weird behavior.” – Crissle [05:15]
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Both agree posting photos, especially as a business, is unacceptable without permission.
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On friendship vs business:
“The business owner was absolutely insane, right?... 17 is excessive. And is it a story post or a feed post? These things matter.” – Jamila [05:52]
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On privacy as a norm:
“If you ain’t never seen me post my mantle, you can’t post my mantle.” – Jamila [08:28]
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Setting Boundaries Advice:
- Be upfront with friends and service providers about photo boundaries.
- Find a middle ground—don’t let your house become a “museum,” but maintain comfort.
- Use humor and honesty to keep it real.
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Notable Moment:
- Crissle and Jamila joke about wanting to see Elise’s allegedly “mansion-like” home:
“Between 17 and 42 pictures, you live in a mansion!” – Jamila [08:49]
- Crissle and Jamila joke about wanting to see Elise’s allegedly “mansion-like” home:
2. Friendship & Emotional Labor: “Don’t Make My Venting Therapy”
Letter from Brianna
[Starts 12:25]
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Situation:
- Brianna’s lifelong BFF now suggests she seek therapy instead of venting about relationship issues. Brianna lacks her BFF’s benefits and access to mental healthcare, and feels hurt and shut out.
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Hosts’ Insights:
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On venting vs advice:
“When I talk to you, I’m not coming to you to solve my problems... when I’m talking to you, it’s just because we’re best friends and I talk to you about everything.” – Crissle [15:17]
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On boundary fatigue among friends:
“People get fed up... when you are kind of going through the same shit over and over, it does get to a point where other people are sometimes like, okay, like, what you finna do for real.” – Crissle [15:17]
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Jamila suggests cues/disclaimers for “just venting” so friends know not to offer solutions.
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Tactics for Addressing the Issue:
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Be direct but gentle, “I just want to talk shit with my best friend.”
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Use humor to lighten the air if that’s your friendship style.
“Sometimes I’m just crying because I’m dramatic. You know what I mean? Like, this isn’t a problem.” – Jamila [17:32]
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Recognize when a friendship’s dynamic or closeness has shifted due to life change.
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Takeaway:
- Honest, clear communication is key—don’t let access gaps in mental healthcare become a wedge between friends.
3. Real Talk: When Your Friend Hates Your Man
Letter from Heidi
[Starts 23:24]
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Situation:
- Heidi’s friend keeps badmouthing her boyfriend (who, to be fair, once “deserved it”), despite being asked to stop. The friend escalates to an email breakdown, claiming inauthenticity, and then pulls away from the friendship.
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Hosts’ Insights:
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On forgiving a partner vs friend’s perspective:
“Just because you got over it... that’s your man... I don’t like him no more, period... But if you did choose to forgive him... I’m either gonna shut up talking shit about your man or I’m not gonna be your friend no more.” – Crissle [26:09]
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On the friend’s reaction:
“When you shut up a little bit, it makes their brain louder. So now you’re not hearing me talk shit. You’re hearing yourself talk shit.” – Jamila [27:46]
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On email drama:
“The email was just...passive aggressive. I can't lie. That is really funny...But what y' all need to do is y' all need to have a good old nasty girl chat in person.” – Jamila [30:19, 30:40]
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Advice for Resolution:
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Avoid written/email conflict—seek an in-person talk to clear tone and intent.
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Acknowledge if you are, in fact, bothered—don’t fake indifference.
“I never gave a damn what she said about my man...Then why are y' all even?... You care, baby.” – Jamila [33:48]
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Be real about what both parties truly want from the friendship.
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If space is needed, let it happen. Don’t keep reaching out if the other person is standing firm.
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Bonus Theories:
- Jamila playfully speculates—what if the friend is in love with Heidi? This kind of intensity is sometimes more than platonic [36:27].
4. Loss of Job, Loss of Self: Navigating Career Identity
Letter from Maude
[Starts 37:23]
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Situation:
- Maude, after an esteemed five years at a major company, is laid off and struggles with a significant pay cut, lost benefits, lack of pride at work, and the recent death of a beloved dog. Feels devastated, depressed, and disconnected from a sense of worth.
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Hosts’ Insights:
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On professional validation:
“When you come from not a lot and you work your way up... it can definitely feel like I made it... But sometimes we put so much into that, that our entire sense of self worth is tied to the job.” – Crissle [41:07]
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On societal value and work:
“It’s not your accomplishments that make you good or worthy or important. But in this capitalist society...this is how we evaluate each other.” – Crissle [46:08]
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Jamila calls out parents for conditional support:
“Whatever you do or don’t do, I feel like your parents should support that. Like, who gives a damn if you don’t understand what I do for work? Are the bills getting paid?” – Jamila [42:09]
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Advice for Rebuilding:
- Consider a pivot or new approach—your industry/role doesn't define your value.
- Therapy is highly recommended, if accessible, for unpacking grief and self-worth.
- Connect with people who value you beyond your work.
- Practice daily gratitude journaling—remind yourself of positive things, even if small.
“Keeping note of all of the beautiful things in your life... can be actually life changing.” – Crissle [48:53]
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Reframing Adversity:
- Acknowledge that “where you are right now is not just the job... you just kept getting whack, whack, whack... so it’s just hard for you to bounce back.” – Jamila [47:00]
- Remember: self-worth is about who you are, not where you work or what title you hold.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Highlight | |-----------|---------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 05:15 | Crissle | “Famous or not. Don’t take pictures of my house and post them online, and I don’t know shit about it.” | | 07:16 | Jamila | “My mother...I definitely had to tell my mom to take something down before.” | | 08:28 | Jamila | “If you ain’t never seen me post my mantle, you can’t post my mantle.” | | 15:17 | Crissle | “When I talk to you, I’m not coming to you to solve my problems...it’s just because we’re best friends and I talk to you about everything.” | | 17:32 | Jamila | “Sometimes I’m just crying because I’m dramatic. You know what I mean? Like, this isn’t a problem.” | | 26:09 | Crissle | “Just because you got over it...that’s your man. Y’ all worked it out...I’m either gonna shut up talking shit about your man or I’m not gonna be your friend no more.” | | 30:19 | Jamila | “The email was passive aggressive. I can’t lie. That is really funny.” | | 41:07 | Crissle | “When you finally do get that title next to your name...it can feel like, damn...our entire sense of self worth is tied to the job.” | | 46:08 | Crissle | “It’s not your accomplishments that make you good or worthy or important. But in this capitalist society...that’s how we end up evaluating each other.” | | 48:16 | Crissle | “Pat yourself on the back and surround yourself with the people who love you and see how great you are. Whether you are a cashier at Walmart or a CEO of a Fortune 500 company.” |
Timestamps for Key Segments
- Guest Introduction & Doula Discussion: 00:46–02:03
- Elise’s Letter (Social Media Privacy): 02:14–12:21
- Brianna’s Letter (Best Friend Boundaries): 12:24–23:15
- Heidi’s Letter (Friend Dislikes Boyfriend): 23:23–37:22
- Maude’s Letter (Job Loss & Identity): 37:23–50:09
Closing & Where to Find Jamila
- Jamila’s Socials: @_iamjamila (all platforms), YouTube (“My Journey to 30” series upcoming)
- Crissle’s Couch: Submit questions via advice@crisslescouch.com
- Closing Words:
“We want you to get to a place where you start seeing like, oh, I am that girl... it has very little to do with the accolades I get from the outside world and more to do about the kind of person I am, how I treat others, how I move.” – Crissle [49:47]
Tone: Blunt, hilarious, honest, deeply empathetic, with a balance of tough love and gentle accountability.
Summary Usefulness: This episode is a masterclass on personal boundaries, the nuances of social media etiquette, and the evolving nature of support among friends. It's especially valuable for anyone navigating complex intersections of identity, success, and self-worth, and is delivered with genuine care and wit.