Session 14 ft. Jamila Bell

Summary

Crissle’s Couch – Session 14 ft. Jamila Bell

Podcast: Crissle’s Couch
Host: CAKE MEDIA (Crissle)
Guest: Jamila Bell
Date: February 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and heartfelt episode, Crissle welcomes Jamila Bell—multi-hyphenate creator, storyteller, and maternal health advocate—to “the couch” for a candid conversation and insightful responses to listener letters. The session explores boundaries and privacy in the social media era, navigating friendship dynamics through change, processing career loss and self-worth, and the complex intersections of identity and support. Real talk, humor, and practical advice combine in a tone that is warm, blunt, caring, and relatable.

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Meet the Guest: Jamila Bell

• Background:

  • Content creator, filmmaker, and co-host of the Unhinged and Immoral podcast.
  • Known for original works that center Black stories and perspectives.
  • Labor doula and lactation consultant supporting Black families and maternal health advocacy.

• Origin Story in Doula Work (01:02)

  • Jamila became a doula after a difficult personal birth experience inspired her:

    “When I was pregnant, I really was, like, very scared because I’m just a hypochondriac myself… I came across doulas, and I just really resonate with that… I actually had a really kind of crazy labor story. And I was like, I think this is, like, my sign.” – Jamila [01:02]

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Listener Letters & Discussion Highlights

1. Social Media Boundaries: “Why Are You Posting My House Online?”

Letter from Elise
[Starts 02:14]

• Situation:

  • Elise’s friend posted numerous photos of her home and personal life on social media without consent.
  • A business owner also staged a photoshoot in Elise’s house for advertising, again without permission.
  • Elise feels her privacy was invaded and wonders how to set boundaries going forward.

• Hosts’ Insights:

  • On respect and consent:

    “Famous or not. Don’t take pictures of my house and post them online, and I don’t know shit about it. Like, to me, that’s extremely weird behavior.” – Crissle [05:15]

  • Both agree posting photos, especially as a business, is unacceptable without permission.

  • On friendship vs business:

    “The business owner was absolutely insane, right?... 17 is excessive. And is it a story post or a feed post? These things matter.” – Jamila [05:52]

  • On privacy as a norm:

    “If you ain’t never seen me post my mantle, you can’t post my mantle.” – Jamila [08:28]

• Setting Boundaries Advice:

  • Be upfront with friends and service providers about photo boundaries.
  • Find a middle ground—don’t let your house become a “museum,” but maintain comfort.
  • Use humor and honesty to keep it real.

• Notable Moment:

  • Crissle and Jamila joke about wanting to see Elise’s allegedly “mansion-like” home:

    “Between 17 and 42 pictures, you live in a mansion!” – Jamila [08:49]

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2. Friendship & Emotional Labor: “Don’t Make My Venting Therapy”

Letter from Brianna
[Starts 12:25]

• Situation:

  • Brianna’s lifelong BFF now suggests she seek therapy instead of venting about relationship issues. Brianna lacks her BFF’s benefits and access to mental healthcare, and feels hurt and shut out.

• Hosts’ Insights:

  • On venting vs advice:

    “When I talk to you, I’m not coming to you to solve my problems... when I’m talking to you, it’s just because we’re best friends and I talk to you about everything.” – Crissle [15:17]

  • On boundary fatigue among friends:

    “People get fed up... when you are kind of going through the same shit over and over, it does get to a point where other people are sometimes like, okay, like, what you finna do for real.” – Crissle [15:17]

  • Jamila suggests cues/disclaimers for “just venting” so friends know not to offer solutions.

• Tactics for Addressing the Issue:

  • Be direct but gentle, “I just want to talk shit with my best friend.”

  • Use humor to lighten the air if that’s your friendship style.

    “Sometimes I’m just crying because I’m dramatic. You know what I mean? Like, this isn’t a problem.” – Jamila [17:32]

  • Recognize when a friendship’s dynamic or closeness has shifted due to life change.

• Takeaway:

  • Honest, clear communication is key—don’t let access gaps in mental healthcare become a wedge between friends.

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3. Real Talk: When Your Friend Hates Your Man

Letter from Heidi
[Starts 23:24]

• Situation:

  • Heidi’s friend keeps badmouthing her boyfriend (who, to be fair, once “deserved it”), despite being asked to stop. The friend escalates to an email breakdown, claiming inauthenticity, and then pulls away from the friendship.

• Hosts’ Insights:

  • On forgiving a partner vs friend’s perspective:

    “Just because you got over it... that’s your man... I don’t like him no more, period... But if you did choose to forgive him... I’m either gonna shut up talking shit about your man or I’m not gonna be your friend no more.” – Crissle [26:09]

  • On the friend’s reaction:

    “When you shut up a little bit, it makes their brain louder. So now you’re not hearing me talk shit. You’re hearing yourself talk shit.” – Jamila [27:46]

  • On email drama:

    “The email was just...passive aggressive. I can't lie. That is really funny...But what y' all need to do is y' all need to have a good old nasty girl chat in person.” – Jamila [30:19, 30:40]

• Advice for Resolution:

  • Avoid written/email conflict—seek an in-person talk to clear tone and intent.

  • Acknowledge if you are, in fact, bothered—don’t fake indifference.

    “I never gave a damn what she said about my man...Then why are y' all even?... You care, baby.” – Jamila [33:48]

  • Be real about what both parties truly want from the friendship.

  • If space is needed, let it happen. Don’t keep reaching out if the other person is standing firm.

• Bonus Theories:

  • Jamila playfully speculates—what if the friend is in love with Heidi? This kind of intensity is sometimes more than platonic [36:27].

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4. Loss of Job, Loss of Self: Navigating Career Identity

Letter from Maude
[Starts 37:23]

• Situation:

  • Maude, after an esteemed five years at a major company, is laid off and struggles with a significant pay cut, lost benefits, lack of pride at work, and the recent death of a beloved dog. Feels devastated, depressed, and disconnected from a sense of worth.

• Hosts’ Insights:

  • On professional validation:

    “When you come from not a lot and you work your way up... it can definitely feel like I made it... But sometimes we put so much into that, that our entire sense of self worth is tied to the job.” – Crissle [41:07]

  • On societal value and work:

    “It’s not your accomplishments that make you good or worthy or important. But in this capitalist society...this is how we evaluate each other.” – Crissle [46:08]

  • Jamila calls out parents for conditional support:

    “Whatever you do or don’t do, I feel like your parents should support that. Like, who gives a damn if you don’t understand what I do for work? Are the bills getting paid?” – Jamila [42:09]

• Advice for Rebuilding:

  • Consider a pivot or new approach—your industry/role doesn't define your value.
  • Therapy is highly recommended, if accessible, for unpacking grief and self-worth.
  • Connect with people who value you beyond your work.
  • Practice daily gratitude journaling—remind yourself of positive things, even if small.

    “Keeping note of all of the beautiful things in your life... can be actually life changing.” – Crissle [48:53]

• Reframing Adversity:

  • Acknowledge that “where you are right now is not just the job... you just kept getting whack, whack, whack... so it’s just hard for you to bounce back.” – Jamila [47:00]
  • Remember: self-worth is about who you are, not where you work or what title you hold.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Highlight | |-----------|---------|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 05:15 | Crissle | “Famous or not. Don’t take pictures of my house and post them online, and I don’t know shit about it.” | | 07:16 | Jamila | “My mother...I definitely had to tell my mom to take something down before.” | | 08:28 | Jamila | “If you ain’t never seen me post my mantle, you can’t post my mantle.” | | 15:17 | Crissle | “When I talk to you, I’m not coming to you to solve my problems...it’s just because we’re best friends and I talk to you about everything.” | | 17:32 | Jamila | “Sometimes I’m just crying because I’m dramatic. You know what I mean? Like, this isn’t a problem.” | | 26:09 | Crissle | “Just because you got over it...that’s your man. Y’ all worked it out...I’m either gonna shut up talking shit about your man or I’m not gonna be your friend no more.” | | 30:19 | Jamila | “The email was passive aggressive. I can’t lie. That is really funny.” | | 41:07 | Crissle | “When you finally do get that title next to your name...it can feel like, damn...our entire sense of self worth is tied to the job.” | | 46:08 | Crissle | “It’s not your accomplishments that make you good or worthy or important. But in this capitalist society...that’s how we end up evaluating each other.” | | 48:16 | Crissle | “Pat yourself on the back and surround yourself with the people who love you and see how great you are. Whether you are a cashier at Walmart or a CEO of a Fortune 500 company.” |

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Guest Introduction & Doula Discussion: 00:46–02:03
• Elise’s Letter (Social Media Privacy): 02:14–12:21
• Brianna’s Letter (Best Friend Boundaries): 12:24–23:15
• Heidi’s Letter (Friend Dislikes Boyfriend): 23:23–37:22
• Maude’s Letter (Job Loss & Identity): 37:23–50:09

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Closing & Where to Find Jamila

• Jamila’s Socials: @_iamjamila (all platforms), YouTube (“My Journey to 30” series upcoming)
• Crissle’s Couch: Submit questions via [e-mail]
• Closing Words:

  “We want you to get to a place where you start seeing like, oh, I am that girl... it has very little to do with the accolades I get from the outside world and more to do about the kind of person I am, how I treat others, how I move.” – Crissle [49:47]

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Tone: Blunt, hilarious, honest, deeply empathetic, with a balance of tough love and gentle accountability.

Summary Usefulness: This episode is a masterclass on personal boundaries, the nuances of social media etiquette, and the evolving nature of support among friends. It's especially valuable for anyone navigating complex intersections of identity, success, and self-worth, and is delivered with genuine care and wit.

Transcript

[A]

Hi and welcome back to Chrystal's Couch, the show where I answer your questions for advice and talk to the most interesting people in the world. Today I'm joined by Jamila Bell. She is a content creator and storyteller who's been building her voice online for over a decade. You might know her from her hilarious social media content or as one half of the Unhinged and Immoral podcast. She's also a filmmaker who is creating original projects the that center black stories and perspectives. And beyond her creative work, Jameela has spent the last few years as a labor doula and lactation consultant, supporting black families and advocating around maternal health. She's here with me today for your listener letters. Please welcome Jamila Bell to the Couch. Thank you so much for being here.

[B]

Thanks for inviting me.

[A]

So I first, you know, found you on TikTok, like, probably a lot of people have, and I'm like, oh, my God, this girl's so funny. Like, I just love her. But now learning more about some of your work with, like, black maternal care doulas and stuff like that, how did you get into that?

[B]

Well, I was pregnant one day and do you know? Yeah. So when I was pregnant, I really was, like, very scared because I'm just a hypochondriac myself. And so just doing all the research to, like, okay, how can I survive labor? Then I came across doulas, and I just really resonate with that. And I've always been, like, obsessed with, like, pregnancy. I don't know. Just a little cuckoo. Yeah. And I actually had a really kind of crazy labor story. And I was like, I think this is, like, my sign. So right after I gave birth, I went through my certification process.

[A]

And I love that. I love that because when you look at the rates of, like, complications and death and all this for black women in this country especially, is really horrifying. So I just. The more of us who are involved in the field and educated and out here helping each other, the better off it can be. We all want healthy mamas and babies, you know. Yeah. Making it Earthside. So thank you so much for that work that you do and for being here today on the show. Very excited to have you.

[B]

I'm very excited.

[A]

Let's dive into our questions. Who's up first?

[B]

Up first. And these are just so juicy.

[A]

Oh, Lord.

[B]

Up first is Elise.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Hi, Crystal. Love your solo podcast. I have a question about people posting other people on social media without their consent. And the first was when a friend came over to spend the night at my house because I lived near the airport and they had a very early flight. I hadn't seen her in a while so I was so excited. We had a nice dinner and spent some time catching up. The next day she went to the airport and I thought all was well. But later that evening I got a text from another friend and said, looks like you guys had a good time last night. Turns out my friend posted 17 pictures of the inside of my house, our dinner and a back shot of me walking away in my PJs. Very important detail. It looks like every time I left the room she took a photo. I asked her to take them down and she begrudgingly did so, saying that she just wanted to brag and show people what a good time she had. Why are you bragging about my house and my Cheerios? Come on. I told her if she came over again I didn't want her to take or post any pictures of me or my home. She said, girl, it's not like you're a celebrity. Exactly. I'm a regular person, so taking pictures of my home seems like even weirder and more intrusive. She agreed not to take any other photos and deleted her post. But honestly, I'm still mad that the conversation had to be had in the first place. Fast forward to last week when I hired someone to come in and hang blinds and curtains of me. This was a black woman owned business and it was recommended recommended to me by someone I trust. I ran to the store for a few hours but other than that I was home while she was working and she did a fantastic job. I went to leave her a positive review on on her website this morning and found 42 pictures of my house on her website and they were not just of the windows that she did, they were even pictures of my dog. And on top of that she changed her clothes so it was like she was having a photo shoot. I asked her to take all the pictures down and she promptly did so. Her explanation was that my house is so nice she thought the photos would help her business. I don't understand how invading your customers privacy is a part of anyone's business model. I was going to use her do other rooms upstairs and recommend her and other to others, but now I'm not doing either. What is it with people taking unprof unapproved pictures and videos of other people and their things and posting them on social media? Since when do I have to say do not post me, my family, my home, my dogs on social media before I Sit down with friends or small business owners. Does everything have to be for clicks and likes? How can I avoid this moving forward? Thanks, Elise.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Now that was delicious.

[A]

Thank you for this. There's a lot going on there, so Elise must have a beautiful.

[B]

I will say no shade. I need the pictures of the night. I do need those pictures.

[A]

Low key. Wish you would have sent some pictures.

[B]

You know, take me there.

[A]

Because I want to say, you know, first of all, I do think people are trying to be complimentary, but they are going about it in a way that is so disrespectful of your privacy and your space. Like, famous or not. Don't take pictures of my house and post them online, and I don't know shit about it. Like, to me, that's extremely weird behavior. I don't know why. You know, I guess I. I think sometimes I'm under the assumption that some things everybody just knows, you know, like, you just don't go to somebody's house and take pictures. Especially the business owner who was, like, doing the windows.

[B]

The business owner was absolutely insane, right? Like, okay, now you're dragging it now, friend. I can. You know what I'm. Cause, you know, I was listening. I was like, I don't know if my friend had a really nice house. I might have posted the, you know, the vibe pit or something. Fireplace. Like, yeah, look where I'm at. But 17 is excessive. And is it a story post or a feed post? These things matter.

[A]

They do. Cause if you. Yeah, they do. Because the feed post is gonna live forever, right? It would be different if it was a story and just on close friends or something, right?

[B]

Like, I'm just here with my homegirl cooking, and it's like, were you also. And then it was like, well, it was the backside. Maybe she was just trying to show you, and you just happened to turn around and it was just giving. I hope he's not looking me walk. So I don't know. Sometimes, you know.

[A]

Yeah, I could see it a little more with the friend, but the business owner changed her outfits, too. That means she was like, oh, no, I got to take it for.

[B]

You didn't even need to go to the bathroom. You was putting up curtains. So you took some time to go to the bathroom, change, take another picture, get the dogs.

[A]

Yeah, that was a lot, right? So you. You know, your career and everything, you're very online and has this ever come up with you and any of your friendships with, like, maybe not the exact same scenario, but I was gonna say.

[B]

My home Is not picture perfect in the same sense. I don't know if anyone's rushing to post pictures of my home in that same way.

[A]

Right, but is it like a thing of privacy maybe, where you feel like people are sharing things that they really shouldn't be with others online or not really?

[B]

My mother.

[A]

Okay, well.

[B]

And see, I just think that it's just one of those things where, like, I don't think my parents have a full conception of what being like, quote unquote, social media famous is and what that's like.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I definitely had to tell my mom to take something down before. And I was like, girl, take that down, please. And she's like, well, this is not so. And I'm like, girl, no, take it down. But of course, I don't think it's like malice intent, but it's like having to explain that to them because they're elders.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They don't know nothing. You know, my friends, they've been around me since, you know, really, really young. So honestly, I don't think I have to school them. For real. For real. And a lot of they're more private in general, so this is really not an issue with them.

[A]

For real. Yeah. I. To me, it is strange to take pictures of somebody's house and then just post them. It's even weirder for the business owner, really. She was.

[B]

So there's nothing I can tell you, sister.

[A]

But if you haven't seen me post pictures of my house and all this, and then when I say something about it, be like, well, girl, you ain't famous. What do they have to do with anything? I said I'm not comfortable with this. And why didn't you ask? Like, you took 17 pictures and didn't ask.

[B]

And that's a good rule of thumb. If you ain't never seen me post my mantle, you can't post my mans.

[A]

Literally. Why would you do that? You see, I'm hiding him exactly.

[B]

Like, why is you doing that? Like, now everybody see the cracks. Like, come on.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

I don't know. I did need to see pictures. Sister, you should have sent that. I wanted to see the exact.

[A]

No, I really do. Like, I'm.

[B]

Because between 17 and 42 pictures, you live in a mansion. Yeah.

[A]

No, your home is really gorgeous.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Especially for this perfect stranger to be like, not only is this so cute, I'm gonna go out to the car and get this.

[B]

Is finna book me some clients. Yeah. Thank you.

[A]

So I think we are in an age where a lot of people do Kind of automatically put things online. Like when. When Elise said, does everything have to be for clicks and likes? Kind of. I mean, especially for a business owner, showing pictures of your work inside of a gorgeous home. That. When she said, I thought it would help my business. It really might.

[B]

She was being genuine. That was her genuine part.

[A]

But she should have said, can I post these pictures? And offered you some sort of concession, some kind of discount on your next service or something, because this is advertising, right? That the friend is different. Where should have just been, like, please don't post my home. Yeah, I know you might think I'm doing too much and I'm. I'm too private or too paranoid or whatever, but this is my home and I get to make the rules here. Like, yeah, that's something else. But I would say, how can you avoid this moving forward? Okay, so we know you. You have a gorgeous house. So as far as business owners are concerned, maybe just have that conversation in advance. Like, please do not take photos of anything that you're not authorized to take photos of anything that you're gonna post online. I would certainly need approval. We need to work that out in advance. But with friends, I mean, what are you comfortable with? Cause, like, bitch, if you got a fire pit, I feel like you should let us.

[B]

Like, I can't post nothing. Okay.

[A]

Like.

[B]

Cause also, no shade. I can't do. Just strict, strict, strict. Like, I feel like I gotta sit. Like, let me not do nothing for this bitch yelling at me. Like, let me do.

[A]

Homes are supposed to be for living in. This is not a museum.

[B]

Maybe we could do a selfie with your house in the background and we.

[A]

Don'T even have to say we at your house.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

We don't even have to say that. But, you know, like, I. I think you should figure out what you're comfortable with because you don't want. Like Jamila just said, you don't want people to come over and feel like they in church, where, like, you got to stay real still and don't touch nothing in my beautiful, pristine house. You know, you don't want to take it that far either. There's a healthy middle ground here where your space is respected and people feel comfortable and have a good time in your home.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I think just, you know, some honest conversations with your friends about what you feel comfortable with. But, you know, I would. I would be annoyed by this too, but I would also be a little flattered. Like, okay, like. Cause niggas can't help themselves.

[B]

Everybody coming in. Okay. I Was gonna say, I'm a Gemini, I would have been like, they love me.

[A]

Tag me next time, bitch.

[B]

Yes, exactly. Just put my face in it. Like, not just my ass.

[A]

Right. Since you taking pictures anyway of me and my PJs, let me turn around and have a whole photo shoot.

[B]

And clearly you're thick, too, so.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Clearly, you just the bright girl. Good job.

[A]

She posted a picture of you from the back, like she said. Yeah, I'm bragging on my thick, fine friend in her beautiful house, so. Yeah, but, you know, it's 2026, and a lot of people do just automatically put their whole lives online, and sometimes you have to reel them in and be like, hey, I don't live on TikTok like you do. Please, please. Okay. Good luck, Elise. I think you can. You can figure this out pretty easily. And congrats on the gorgeous home and the big ass and the badass girl. You winning.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

All right, who's next?

[B]

We have Brianna.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. I'm having a hard time bringing up an uncomfortable conversation with my BFF. We're in our mid-30s, and we've been friends for almost 20 years. We are literally platonic cellmates.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

In the first 16 years, we never had an argument. Disagreements, yes. But we've always been able to have a healthy conversation, and we've been understood, and we've always understood each other where we're coming from. At the very least, we've had our issues with mental health, like anxiety and depression. Okay. It's gotten more difficult to fake it while we make it the older we get. I'm single and childless. She's partnered with two kids, so of course there's been a natural shift in our friendship because of that. She also has great benefits through her job, so she's able to regularly take time off to care for her mental health, Something I cannot do. I was dealing with a guy that I really liked for the better part of 2025 when he changed up and I cut him off. I was talking to my BFF about how frustrating it is to genuinely like a guy just for him to show me why I shouldn't have. So real, real, real, real. When I cried to her about how disappointed I was, she told me I needed to either speak to the lady or her mom, who was like a second mother to me. Before I could talk to her again about my relationship issues.

[A]

Oof.

[B]

I felt more sad. I know she only said that because she sees the positive benefits that a therapist and psychiatrist have had for her, and she only Wants that for me, but it feels like she's forgotten what it's like to not have access to that kind of help. And now I don't feel as comfortable talking to her about the heavier things I'm dealing with.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How can I approach the conversation without offending her? Also letting her know that I just want to talk shit with my best friend. I don't need her to be my therapist. I just want to be able to share my deeper feelings and thoughts about my experiences. Thanks, Brianna.

[A]

Oh, man. I think it's so rough when you're just trying to vent to somebody and they're like, have you considered a psychiatrist? Like.

[B]

Thought we were having a fun party. What's going on? Okay.

[A]

I thought we were having a conversation. I think your friend, your friend jumping to before you could talk to me about your. Relate my. Your relationship again, you need to either call a therapist or call my mama.

[B]

Yeah, like, girl, okay.

[A]

Something a bit extreme about that something is it sounds like, is she super fed up with you? Has she lost all patience with you? Is it something where you have been maybe dealing with the same situation over and over again? You keep choosing the same type of man, or like you're repeating some cycles. So she's like, I'm trying to figure out why she would come at you with that energy.

[B]

I was like, do you do this often, sister? You should have gave me a little bit more behind the scenes. How often do you just. Because that I can understand, like, okay, girl. God damn it.

[A]

Yeah, people get fed up. You know, when you are kind of going through the same shit over and over, it does get to a point where other people are sometimes like, okay, like, what you finna do for real. But this is. You said you've both had your issues with, like, depression, anxiety, and she's partnered, she has kids. You're single and childless, and she has this great job with all these insurance benefits so she can get help she can easily afford with, you know, her job and the insurance and everything, to see a therapist and a psychiatrist. Excuse me. So that means she's probably also on meds to help keep her stabilized, that sort of thing. And that's all access to resources that you don't have. So in this situation, I think, is there. Is there something wrong or what's keeping you from just sitting down with her and being like, hey, when I talk to you, I'm not coming to you to solve my problems. And I don't know if it. If it's something you're saying that is Making her think that, or if she just thinks, oh, well, you coming to me so you want me to fix it. But I think it would help a lot to just be very clear that, like, when I'm talking to you, it's just because we're best friends and I talk to you about everything. It's not because I think you gonna swoop in and fix my life.

[B]

Yeah. And there's nothing you can do about a nigga not liking no more. So you know what I mean? I was just telling you. So I didn't, you know, I didn't write nothing you can do about that. These are boys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It happens all the time. You're like, yeah, I was dating this man for eight or nine months, and then all of a sudden he started acting up. Unfortunately, we've all heard this.

[B]

Yeah. Like, we know what that is.

[A]

But I'm not tired. If my friend has complained to me about dating, I'm not like, ugh, call the lady. Especially if it's like, this man fucked up.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Why would I then be like, oh, girl, you need to call a therapist. No. You could come over here and vent to me about how draining it is to try to find a boyfriend that you actually like and want to build a life with. Because of course it is. Every straight woman I know, every last one of them. Is doing the same. So what would. If you were in this situation, how do you think you would approach the conversation with your friend?

[B]

I'm a little bit more blunt. Okay. So I would have been like, okay, well, like, hold on. I would have said something right there. Like, lady, what's the lady gonna do about a nigga? Like, did she have another one for me? Like, why are we suggesting. Like, why are we going there? Like, me being crazy or not has nothing to do with this man not liking me. Like, I would have just kind of did it right there. Like, okay, girl, not too much. And just because you got your car and your keys and your degree and you think you know everything, you know, Like, I would kind of have to calm her down a little bit. That's just the way I maneuver. And I kind of want to just like, made a little hehe haha out of it. Because it's like, okay, girl, like, sometimes I'm just crying because I'm dramatic. You know what I mean? Like, this isn't a problem.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But sometimes I also give that disclaimer to my friends. Like, just venting.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, obviously you don't know what to do. Just Just kind of getting this out there. And I think you kind of need to throw your disclaimers, especially if, you know, you have a overly helpful friend. Like, okay, girl.

[A]

Right, Relax. Because that. I think that's such a good point to sometimes be like, oh, girl, can I just. Do you. Can I just sit here and tell you about how shitty this day went?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Versus, you know, whatever else you might be doing. But also, that is. It's such a good point that, like, we're. We're not trying to come to you and have you, like, come fix my whole life. Like, I'm just venting about it because it's draining and annoying. I'm not asking for you to come in and change everything for me and this friend. It's a very thin line between I want you to get some help. Like, I wanna support you in what you need. Versus it can sound condescending to be like, oh, girl, before you come to me again, call a therapist or call my mama. Just.

[B]

And I'm still stuck on the. My mama, which. I mean, it's like, I get weak clothes, but, like, I can't come to you, but I can come to your mother.

[A]

That. Why don't you just say, I can't help you?

[B]

Yeah, you just talking at that point. I don't wanna talk to your mama.

[A]

Right. Cause if you said. Cause when you say that to me, you're telling me I am not qualified to help you. But I'm not asking you to help me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'm asking you to listen. And so if the real issue is you don't wanna hear it no more, then we have a different conversation that we need to have because. Are you blaming me for men not acting? Right. That's not fair. Right? Like, are you. What you want me to do? Not date, not have sex, not go out? Like, what?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cause that ain't.

[B]

We gonna do that.

[A]

We gonna do it.

[B]

We gonna do that.

[A]

Don't be social. Like, I'm not gonna shut my whole life down. But it is hard to date. And sometimes married people do get into that place of, like, they forget what the trenches are like.

[B]

I don't know, girl, My man got two jobs.

[A]

I don't know what you mean. My husband and my two children in my perfect job and my perfect house and perfect life. Like, okay, girl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I do genuinely love that for you. But it can feel, even if she doesn't intend it to sound condescending, it can feel that way coming from somebody who forget the husband even, who has a good Job with good benefits.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Cause in this economy, you doing real good if you can easily afford all this. Right? Because the mental health care stuff is not cheap. So yeah, I would, I would definitely come to her with the energy of like, I'm not asking you to save me. So if you don't want to hear it, just the. That I have shit going on in my life, then maybe we're not as close as I thought we were and.

[B]

We must reassess this friendship.

[A]

Yes, yes. Maybe we need to reassess how close we are because this is, I mean, this is supposed to be your best friend. She's had platonic soul mates. We've been like this for 20 years. That's like sisters. So you don't wanna, if you don't wanna hear about my dating life anymore, then that makes me feel like maybe we are. Maybe this level of friendship is not where we are anymore. Maybe you and, you know, there are some people who feel like I'm married, I have kids, I have this, I have that. So I can't have too many single friends. I can't have too many.

[B]

You know, we get it, like, okay, get happy. And all of a sudden, okay, okay, girl.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

I guess. And no shade. If y' all are really that close, like, you should be able to kind of low key cuss her out a little bit.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you, you should be able to be. Yeah, to be. I'm trying to say this in like a therapy way. You should be able to talk openly about how you feel without fear of this person is not going to want to be in my life no more because I was honest about how, you know, how I feel and what's really going on. So I think just coming at it like that, that should not be offensive to her. Just saying, you know, I'm calling because I want to talk shit with my best friend and that's, you know, that's all there is to it. And then based off what she says, you can decide, you know, okay, she didn't get it. She thought, cause, you know, oh, my best friend's a Capricorn. My best friend is one of these problem solver type people. So she assumed that I needed her to tell me what I was doing wrong or what I need to do to get niggas to act different or whatever. Girl, no, no, I promise to God, I was not coming to you for that. I was coming to you to talk to you about this situation and that's really all I need. And hopefully, as my best friend, we can do that because anytime you want to complain about them snot nose children or your man going out golfing all weekend or whatever it is they do, like I'm, I, I'm here to listen to you. When you have struggles, hopefully you are in a place where you could do the same thing for me.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Good luck, Brianna. I hope that conversation goes well. All right, Jamila, who we got?

[B]

Up next we have Heidi.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Dear Crystal, My friend has been talking shit about my man for about a year and to be fair, he did deserve it at one point, but he presently does not. When I asked her to leave it alone, she spiraled and wrote me an email saying that since I was clearly privately angry about this for so long, she can no longer trust any of our interactions. She accused me of harboring resentment and told me that I'm an inauthentic, dishonest, lack lack direct communication and that we have different friendship values. At one point I plainly told her to keep my man's name out her mouth and she still talks about him. So it's not for a lack of direct communication on my part. She said in her email. Email is still sending me by the way. Right? She said in her email that she wasn't responding to anything I'd said, but sharing her feelings for context. It seems that she made some incorrect assumptions about what I said and how I felt, then took it. Then took it and wrote intel and reacted very poorly. Yeah, she has a history of jumping. Jumping right to severing ties versus working through issues in her romantic relationships and it seems this extends to her friendships too. Even though I understand this about her, I'm frustrated by her behavior. I don't even give a shit what she said about my man and I never did. Okay, I just wanted her to chill. But I tried to be clear. I tried to clear the air with her and it only resulted in her doubling down. I hope that the time and space she she'd reprocess the situation and realize the error of her ways, but it's been weeks and nothing. I would hate to lose a friendship over a man, but I'm not trying to let her metaphorically spit in my face again because she still not in a place to discuss what it is and what it isn't. We do share several mutual friends who absolutely agree that she's tripping, but they're going through a lot in their personal lives right now and I don't want them to be involved. How do you recommend someone to proceed in a situation where they can pinpoint the communication breakdown. But previous efforts to connect have gone wrong. This is where I always get stuck. And delete my reply to her because the answer seems clear that I need to walk away. But. But I am just so frustrated because this is so silly. Please help. Thanks, Heidi.

[A]

Well, I don't know, Heidi. You kind of. You confused me in the beginning because you was like, she talking shit about my man. But he did deserve it. So now I'm like, what do you do?

[B]

It's just like, girl, don't leave out that detail. Cause that's important detail.

[A]

I might still be mad at your man too, depending on what he did. However, this is why it's tricky. Oh my God. This is why. Because your man doing you, I'm assuming it's cheating or something big like that. He did something messy, you chose to forgive him and that's fine for you. But as your friend, I probably feel like you deserve better than whatever that put you through. And just because, you know, you got over it. Of course you got over it. That's your man. Y' all worked it out. Y' all live together, sleep together, whatever else. Like, I don't like him no more, period. Like, he is not going to suddenly seem like a better person in my eyes just because you forgave him. However. However, if you did choose to forgive him and continue your relationship with him, and you asked me to shut up talking shit about your man, I'm either gonna shut up talking shit about your man or I'm not gonna be your friend no more. It's one or the other, like. Cause it's hard for me to say that because I do love being mean to men. I do. It's like, it really does bring me a lot of joy. But if my friend has decided that's who she wants to spend her life with, partner her life with, it makes sense that she don't wanna hear somebody constantly tearing that person down too. So what do you think, child?

[B]

Listen. Everyone is hard headed in general, so you kind of have to do a little reverse psychology.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

When you shut up a little bit, it makes their brain louder. So now you're not hearing me talk shit. You're hearing yourself talk shit. The issue is you're still not over it.

[A]

Ooh, okay. All right. A little pretty.

[B]

Because if you was really over it, you could kiki. Cause maybe she's just kikiing like, ah, I've already cheated. No, I don't know. Maybe he said, you know, I don't know exactly what the jokes are. We don't know what he did.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I think that, like, you still have a little bit of, like, oof, oof, oof about him and doing his little, you know, bad doings. And the fact that she keeps bringing it up is making it harder for you to move on.

[A]

Oh, that's.

[B]

And so Queen has to shut the hell up so that you can realize he's not shit and then subsequently leave him. But as far as what you should do in the meantime, between time, Yeah, I really don't know. I think you should just leave the man. Like, let's get back to that. Let's focus on the real issue. Sounds like you have a good friend, right? I don't know. That's just me, though.

[A]

So. She said he did deserve it, but right now he does not. Mm.

[B]

Manipulation.

[A]

You see how it's so hard to just trust that a man actually grew up and did the right thing and now he treating you, and we're like, sorry, girl, I have been here before. That nigga playing with you, making you think shit is sweet, making you think shit is cute, and he meanwhile, behind your back doing xyz, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I really do be trying to approach these letters with, like, with the assumption that people are doing their best and they have the best intentions, but that's really not always the case. And I think it's such a good point. What you brought up about, like, the friend constantly bringing it up is keeping Heidi from being able to say, yeah, well, damn, you know, Like, I just. I'm trying to pretend that he didn't sleep with my cousin, but you keep bringing it up being messy.

[B]

And I feel like them friends is lying. The friends?

[A]

The friends that said she not. That said the other girl's tripping.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And the reason I know that is because if they really feel like she was tripping, they would have told us she was tripping. They think you tripping, but they wanna. They wanna be there for you, and they wanna lead with empathy. And they're like, no, she tripping for real. But, you know, I got a lot going on, girl. Like, that's just. Oh, she tripping. But, you know, like, that's what we say to shut you the hell up. They are the friends that's gonna shut the hell up. And like, girl, that's your business. I don't care. She's your strong friend and your little yap, yap, yap friend. She's probably a Gemini shout out to my sister.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

We see each other.

[A]

Okay. So then the Email. What do you think about the email situation? Because.

[B]

Okay, the email was pass. Progress. I can't lie. That is really funny. Like her doing. But you know what, If I'm assuming correct, that she's a Gemini, she needed to write an email because it was gonna be very lengthy and she needed time to get typing. Sometimes when you pulled out that laptop, it's serious, bitch.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Like, I need to type and read and da, da. So she was. That was dedication and care with passive aggression.

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

What y' all need to do is y' all need to have a good old nasty girl chat in person.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You keep typing your reply. No. Y' all need to meet in person and just hold each other's hands.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Get back to our roots.

[A]

Yes. Look each other in the eyes, sitting right next to or across from each other and saying, girl. Cause you know, she. Heidi put something in the email about, you know, she misunderstood something I said. She took it the wrong way. That's. Cause y' all going back and forth through email.

[B]

Exactly. And you know, you be reading all type of attitude.

[A]

Yes. Oh, all the dots, girl, you can read so much tone.

[B]

I've been in every tone. I hate text. Cause I think everything is attitude. Cause why would. Oh, okay. Attitude.

[A]

See, but. Well, that's not really fair.

[B]

It's not. I never said it was fair. It's just what I do.

[A]

Because it could just be, you know, I'm just typing things very matter of factly, and then you take it as well. Damn, what you got an attitude with me for?

[B]

And it's because I. It's like, no. Cause you text me all the time, and usually you would regularly put a one period. You just added a couple extras. Now, this one is explanation. This is. I don't like the way reading into all that. I read into it, okay? And this all means. It's building my case. That's what it's doing. It's letting me know that there is something to investigate here. Something is a mess.

[A]

See? And you can bypass all of that by just looking each other in the face and having. Because in person, Imma hear your tone. It ain't no. I'm not going to question of. Well, is she being aggressive or is she just typing it like. It ain't no. None of that. Because. And another thing, people tend to have much more respectful, thoughtful energy in person. Because it's like, I'm not typing to the. I'm not talking to the computer. I'm not talking to the email. I'm talking to you.

[B]

And if you really want to get to her, you need to cry. Okay. That's just gonna really bring it home. Let her know that, like, oh, my gosh. Like, I really am sad, cuz. You keep talking about my. And I love him. And it's like, if you really love him, prove it in this conversation. I love him so much. These are things he do. And then if you. You know, if you. If it makes sense, then maybe she'll be like, damn, that really do love her. Let me shut the hell up for a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Even though I don't maybe.

[A]

Right. Cuz if. I mean, even if I don't believe it, if it matters that much to you. Unless you're being abused.

[B]

Right.

[A]

In that case, I'm probably not gonna shut up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But otherwise, you know, he just being a regular fuck, nigga. That's really up to you. If you want to put up with that, that's really on you. But she also, you know, you said it's been weeks, and she still. You haven't heard back. And you would hate to lose a friendship over a man and all this. It sound like.

[B]

Sounds like you are.

[A]

I mean, right? It sound like she is standing on it. Like, yeah, your man is just that annoying. She. She feel like she cannot get over it. But also, Heidi, I think you need to be a little bit more real with yourself, because that line about, I never gave a damn what she said about my man. I don't care what she got to say about it. Then why are y' all even?

[B]

You care, baby. You care, baby.

[A]

Cause if you didn't care, why would you bring it up? Why would you have to say something over and over again? Like, I think, like you said, you would be laughing at it every time somebody talk. Talked about. I mean, if you really didn't care what she had to say about your man, it gets under your skin. It bothers you. You need to be real with yourself about that. I think sometimes we want to make it seem like nothing affects us and what other people say and do don't have an effect on us.

[B]

Yet.

[A]

This is irritating to you? Yeah, this is irritating. You would not have asked her to leave it alone if it didn't bother you.

[B]

Yeah. You're so bothered.

[A]

And you are. You are bothered because you don't want to be reminded of the shortcomings of this man that you chose.

[B]

And it's just like, did you know that there were other men? Like, you really are. Are you married? Like, what's the tea like, why Are you so, like, stuck over this?

[A]

And that might be the point that your friend is making. Like you stuck on this girl. It's a million billion n.

[B]

Have you seen.

[A]

Have you. Did you hear.

[B]

Come to Atlanta, okay? On a. A good little weekend.

[A]

Yes. They cute down here, girl with the little accents and everything. You come out to Atlanta.

[B]

They not better, but you know.

[A]

Oh, no, no. In. In many ways they're much worse.

[B]

Yes. Oh, you know, actually, don't come to Atlanta. I'm sorry, girl.

[A]

There's only 10 straight single men in Atlanta, so you will be fighting everybody else for one. But you don't have to. If you don't have to, you know, choose this one necessarily. Of course, I don't know your man. Maybe he is great and he just had one little slip up. But you're trying.

[B]

You've.

[A]

You've tried to clear the air with her. You said it only resulted in her doubling down. Now, y' all haven't spoken in weeks. You trying to communicate. It's not happening at this point. I would let her come to me because how many more times are you supposed to reach out and try to communicate about something with somebody who has doubled down, tripled down on the way they feel about it? Like, I'm just not gonna keep reaching out. So many times when the conversation continues to end up in a place of. Of me saying, I don't want you to talk about my man. And you saying, well, your man's garbage, so I am gonna talk about him.

[B]

Yeah. And if it really was like, something, a small infraction, let's say it wasn't a cheat. Let's say, you know, he is genuinely an amazing fellow and it really was just a one little oopsie boopsie. I think she might be in love with you and she's actually a lesbian. Cause now that I think about it, an email. My sister's a lesbian. I know their ways. Okay, well, she's in love with you, and she's like, actually, he's not good enough for you because I am. So think about that as well.

[A]

Okay, well, anything's possible. Anything is possible. Does this friend. Do you think there's a possibility this friend is like, I'm actually.

[B]

I'm just trying to cover all bases.

[A]

Is she being strict? Because she like, yeah, you deserve better and I'm the better. Come on, complain with me.

[B]

They don't even know that that's what they trying to say. It's like she's just trying to figure it out. Possible them feelings are Conflicted?

[A]

Yeah, it's possible. But I, I, I think you've reached out enough to try to repair this situation. And it sounds like you're in a place where if she don't stop talking about your man, you don't want to be friends with her anyway. And so if she's not ready to do that, you might as well leave her wherever she is. Because, I mean, you can't force somebody to see things your way, and you can't force them to be aligned with you. So I am wishing you the best of luck trying to make this work with your friend Heidi. Hopefully it all resolves itself.

[B]

We have Maude.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Hi, Crystal. Like a lot of people who have been impacted by the economic tampering of that puckered hemorrhoid of a president, I got laid. I got laid off from the best job I've ever had in my 12 years of working professionally. I haven't been able to find peace since. Since I moved across the country my 20s, to a competitive city where I knew no one, but managed to network, improve myself, improve myself into a position at a large international company. As an awkward gay kid from the south, having this company next to my name meant everything to me. It proved to the people that I grew around that I was intelligent and talented. My parents, who never understood what I did, suddenly felt proud of me and were excited about my work. As embarrassing as it sounds, for the first time in my life, people actually found me to be interesting. On top of that, pay was probably the highest I'll ever make. The benefits were actually beneficial, and my husband and I were even able to buy our first home with a reasonable commute from my office. I worked with that company for five years. It's been, it's been months since I've been laid off and I still haven't been able to shake the anger, depression, and the loss of self worth. And to make it all much worse, my dog died two weeks ago. God damn. I've managed to find a new job, but my fall from grace race stings. I make tens of thousands less while doing more work with a longer commute and worse benefits. I don't feel any sense of pride in the work that I do. And the career path that I have now that have been on now seems so far from obtainable that I don't see the point in trying anymore. Sometimes I even wish I had never worked there and just stayed being broke freelancers. So I wouldn't know how much better working could be. I would love some advice on careers Managing our identity and self worth forth within jobs. Thanks, Mod. My God.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

It was just hit after hit.

[A]

It was.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

I do feel for you because that orange in the White House has indeed a lot of things up everything for a lot of industries. And I mean, I have friends who, you know, have all the degrees and you know, they have these very fancy, high powered jobs and all this. And yet the decisions that the White House is making are affecting people in industries. You wouldn't even, you wouldn't even think of it because of what's going on. So I do have a lot of empathy for you and I, I feel like I get this because we share some similarities. But more importantly, I know that when you come from like not a lot and you manage to work your way up into a big position, when you finally do get that title next to your name or you, you're associated with this big, huge, prestigious company or whatever, it does feel like, damn, you know, it can, it can definitely feel like I made it. Like this is validation of you as a person or you as an employee that like all the years people didn't believe in you or discounted you, all the hard work, all of that, it's like it paid off and you know, literally and figuratively, like the money was great, you felt good about yourself, your parents was bragging on you, you know, like, that's a, a, it's a great place to be in. The problem is that sometimes we put so much into that that our entire sense of self worth is tied to the job. And I think that's what Mod is talking about here. That like the, the job meant so much to me and I was so attached to what it meant to be working at this company that without it, I feel like I'm not as good of a person. I feel like I'm not as worthy as a person as what, you know, what I used to be when I worked at Google or whatever. So.

[B]

Tragic.

[A]

This is hard, especially because your parents also, it was like they never understood what I did. They never really got me and suddenly they're proud of me and excited, are excited about my work because it's like, damn, I had to have this job at this company for my parents to pour into me like that, like that's hurtful too because now it's like, dam, I don't have. If they stopped, you know, telling you, oh, we're so proud of you, or they stop bragging about your accomplishments. Like, damn, y' all really, it's like y' all don't have nothing nice to say about me unless I'm working with this company. So I feel for her. Cause this is a hard place to be in with, you know, not having the prestigious job, making much less money. And, you know, it's like, damn, I kind of wish I never even knew what nice things were like, because now I'm back down here in the trenches.

[B]

Yeah, it's pretty rough. And it's like, I mean, not to be shady to your parents, but I do feel like your parents need a quick whack because it's like, I'm never not gonna give everyone their whackings.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

Whatever you do or don't do, I feel like your parents should support that. Like, who gives a damn if you don't understand? What I do for work is the bills getting paid. Mom and dad, like, tell them to stop being some old boomer sticking them up. Like, everybody doesn't work for insurance. Yeah, there's some really creative jobs out there that you've never heard of. And it's like, what the hell does it matter to you? So that's just my quick whacking of the parents. I just need to get that out there.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I wish you would have included the actual industry just so I can really paint my picture in my head. Cause it's just like corporate is so, like, foreign to me in general. They have titles that I've never heard of. These are words that they're making up consistently. These are things I feel like your parents at this point, I don't understand what you do. So, you know, corporate is just so all over the place. But I mean, as far as, like, I guess, advice and don't take this from me, I get fired consistently. I've gotten fired plenty of times. I've lost plenty of jobs. You know what I mean? That's just kind of my bag. And that's why I talk on the Internet for a living now, since I.

[A]

Had to be self employed. About me, you know what I'm saying? I lose that job, you know, I do.

[B]

I understand your pain right there, but maybe a pivot, okay? You know, never be afraid to pivot in general. What you do is not who you.

[A]

Are all the time.

[B]

So definitely figure out a way that you can maintain a level of creative freedom, or I guess because it's hard to figure out what you do within those. Those words, but a level of creative freedom within that industry because you can work different jobs within the same industry. So maybe it's just time to, you know, flip and switch you know, maybe it's time to look elsewhere. Maybe it's time to completely throw all that away and become an actor. I don't know.

[A]

Who knows?

[B]

Maybe it's time to move to LA with $5 in your bank account and a baby on your back and get.

[A]

To hustle and a dream in your pocket and figuring it out from there. I think even as a creative freelancer, which I guess I've been For the past 13 years, at this point, you do. Like, the pivot is still sometimes necessary, or you just. Just switch up the approach to the things you do. But, like, even for me, there can be this sense of, like, damn, I've accomplished all these things, and I've had all these accolades, all these awards. You know, I met Beyonce. It's not gonna get bigger than that. So it's like, now what? Like, you know, what else is there? What else am I supposed to be aspiring to? Like, what else matters?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And even though the situation that Maude is talking about is different, you know, this is a downgrade in a lot of ways, and it's so. It's stressful and hurtful in that. I think having that perspective of, like, okay, so what am I going to do with this? Can be really helpful. But this is hard because it may be that, you know, your industry is so messed up because of who's in charge right now that it's hard to pivot within it. You may have gone to school for this. And so it's like, yeah, realistically, what am I supposed to do? But. But I think because we can't always control our employment status, it becomes that much more important to control the way we talk about ourselves and think about ourselves. So, like, you know, when everything is at its height and you're just at your biggest heyday and everybody loves you, and it's just constant applause and all that, that it's very easy to feel like I'm a good person because I've done all these things. No, you're a good person because of who you are. It's who you are. It's the way you behave. It's the way you treat others. It's the way you talk to others. It's not your accomplishments that make you good or worthy or important. But in this capitalist society, and with.

[B]

Me, it always comes back to, okay, white supremacy.

[A]

Yes. In this society, this is how we evaluate each other based on what you can contribute to the economy and whether we feel like you're, you know, worthy in that way. That's how we End up evaluating each other and unfortunately that can turn into us feeling that way about ourselves. So if you do have access to a therapist, I'm always going to recommend a therapist to help you work through like you said, you know, anger, depression, loss of self worth. All of that is very real when you sort of have this fall from grace. So working with a professional can definitely help you get through that. But if that's not really accessible right now or if you need something to do to help you out in the meantime, I would try to connect with the people who see the value in you regardless of what you do. And unfortunately that does not sound like your parents, which is so painful.

[B]

Unfortunate.

[A]

I really do hate that. But you know, do you have friends? Do you have a spouse or significant other?

[B]

I think he said he was married. Yeah. If you now dog died. So that's. I was like, you know what? You kind of just. The thing is, is where you are right now is not just the job. You just got kept getting whack, whack, whack you did. So it's just hard for you to bounce back. And then you're in a job that you hate which again, you know, been there, done that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But try to. I think therapy is definitely going to be a great start because you kind of just need to just declutter that brain.

[A]

You need to get a lot out. Yes. The loss of the dog alone, alone. I don't even want to think about losing my. So the loss you had all that losing your job and everything and then the dog died two later. Yeah, no, actually institutionalize me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just going to call somebody and just. Yeah, I need a grippy sock vacation actually because I'm not going to be able to sustain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like you mean the fact that you even still getting up and going to work, Baby, hello. Pat yourself on the back and. And surround yourself with the people who love you and see how great you are. Whether you are a cashier at Walmart or a CEO of a Fortune 500 company. You need the people around you who see the value in you without all of the other stuff.

[B]

Yeah. And I hate to be that guy, but at least you have a job right now. So no shade. Stack them bills. You got a husband, you gotta stop complaining at some point. No shade. Not to be like the other girl's friend.

[A]

Right, Right. Not you being like. Well just let you know you are doing a lot. Damn girl.

[B]

After a while of self pity you have to look in the mirror and be like get it together sister. So look in the mirror and be like, you know what? I do have a husband. I do have a job. I do have breath in my lungs today. I'm gonna make a pot roast and I'm gonna sit on that couch. I'm just gonna have a good day today. Yeah, let's have a good day today.

[A]

Yes. I think the way that I would phrase that is like taking note of the things you are grateful for. It is really. It can be, be. It can be actually be life changing. It's something that a lot of therapists recommend to people who are struggling in this way is keeping like a gratitude journal where every day you just write down like two or three things, like, grateful for my husband, grateful to have a home, grateful that we ate today. Like, it can be the smallest things. Grateful that, you know, I'm wearing my favorite pair of draws today. It could be anything. But keeping note of all of the beautiful things in your life written down somewhere to where you can go back and re reference it or. Or you're just keeping it in mind can help. When we are in a place of, like, beating ourselves up for what we feel like we don't have. I feel like that's what you said.

[B]

That's what I was saying. Yeah, that's what I was. That was. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[A]

We do. You know, we. We want you to get to a place where you start seeing like, oh, I am that girl. I am that, that person, that whomever. Like, I'm truly that. And it has. Has little, very little to do with the accolades I get from the outside world and more to do about the kind of person I am, how I treat others, how I move. Yes. On this planet.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

So we are wishing you the best of luck. I'm sorry again that. That man, is he with everybody's job, baby. Honestly, things are not looking good for most of us. Do you know how much please don't get me started on?

[B]

Let's just wish the inevitable happens soon.

[A]

And on that joyful note.

[B]

We are.

[A]

Going to wrap up this week's episode of Crystal Scouts. Jameela, thank you so much for being here.

[B]

Thanks for having me.

[A]

Of course. Please tell the people where they can find you.

[B]

Yes, you can follow me on all socials at underscore iamjamila and on YouTube as well. My journey to 30 starts very, very soon.

[A]

Jamila Bell, congratulations on all of your success. Thank you again for being here.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

And thank you for tuning in to Chrysalis Couch. You can follow us online at Chrysalis Couch. And if you have a question for me, Please email me advicerystlescouch.com okay, we'll see you next week. Thanks to Chime for sponsoring this episode of Crystal Scout. Over at Chime, they are changing the way people bank by building a service that's meant for you. Okay? Not the 1% and it's fee free and smarter banking for everyday people with great products like MyPay, which gives you access to up to $500 of your paycheck anytime and getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit. Did you know there are traditional banks that still don't do this? Like girl, what are you even talking about? Get with the program, okay? It's 2026. Be for real. So forget overdraft fees, minimum balance fees and monthly fees. Chime makes your everyday spending work even harder by delivering real rewards that make a big difference in times like these when it feels like prices have never been higher. The Chime card helps you build your credit history and unlocks cash back with everyday spending. The really the most perfect elite combo. There's no annual fees, no interest and no strings attached. Plus you get 1.5% cash back on eligible Chime cards purchases. My younger self really, really could have used Chime when I was just starting out in New York City 14 years ago and budgeting down to the last dollar on every single payday. You can switch in just a few minutes and start managing your money the smarter way. With Chime Chime is not just smarter banking. It is the most rewarding way to bank join the millions who are already banking fee free. Today it takes just a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com couch that is chime.com.

[C]

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