Session 15 ft. Jade

Summary

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Crissle’s Couch — Session 15 ft. Jade

Podcast by CAKE MEDIA
Original Air Date: February 17, 2026

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Episode Overview

This week on Crissle’s Couch, host Crissle welcomes back fan-favorite Jade for a laughter-filled, honest, and empathetic session tackling listener letters. Crystal and Jade serve up candid advice, sharp social commentary, and a blend of tough love and encouragement, touching on fears about parenthood, financial strain in relationships, friendship fallouts, workplace drama, and wedding party woes—all with their signature mix of humor and heart.

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Featured Topics & Key Insights

1. Fear of Parenthood and Mental Health

(06:00 – 16:30)

• Listener Letter: “What can I do if I’m genuinely terrified of having kids because of family history with mental health and addiction issues?”
• Key Points:
  • Crissle:
    • Acknowledges the real anxiety around bringing kids into the world and validates the option to opt out of parenthood if fear is overwhelming.

      “You don’t have to do that if you’re genuinely terrified, like you quite literally said you were, of having kids.” (06:25)

    • Emphasizes there's no guarantees with having children and every child is unique—positive and negative outcomes are unpredictable.
    • Notes that even perfect parents can’t shield their kids from every challenge.
  • Jade:
    • Shares her own initial fear of pregnancy and motherhood, referencing her own family’s struggles and her daughter’s quirks:

      “I was genuinely terrified of having a child for multiple reasons, for the physical pain, for what I could not control as far as how their personality would come out...” (09:34)

    • Explains that parenting is filled with challenge but also immense joy:

      “She has been my greatest teacher and my greatest lesson in this life. And my biggest challenge as well.” (11:00)

    • Encourages not to parent from a place of fear, while also being pragmatic about the lack of guarantees.
    • Highlights the importance of balancing awareness of potential difficulties with openness to the joys and rewards of parenting.
• Memorable Moment:
  • Crissle brings humor to a heavy topic with stories about her dog, Lainey, and quick asides about quirky children and family dynamics.

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2. Relationship Strain and Financial Imbalance

(16:28 – 38:00)

• Listener Letter: “I supported my partner through loss and a career change, but now I’m shouldering all the bills. She wants to move out, but doesn’t want to break up. Advice?”
• Key Points:
  • Crissle:
    • Points out the classic mistake of moving in too soon, especially before seeing how a partner handles adulthood (“You are the new parent now.”).
    • Urges the listener to evaluate the relationship based on present actions, not just past potential or early compatibility:

      “You are enabling this behavior ... You’re not putting her in a position to grow up.” (37:53)

    • Stresses the importance of boundaries and self-care, especially when one partner is unwilling to contribute equally.
  • Jade:
    • Brings a chef’s perspective, warning about the realities of the hospitality industry (“You will never be sustained the way you think you will as a chef.” 23:54).
    • Uses tough love to press the listener to prioritize their own needs:

      “You gotta be a little better to yourself. Like, you have not considered yourself in any of these decisions...” (25:19)

    • Highlights the pitfalls of propping up a partner ignoring consequences of their choices.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Crissle, on boundaries:

    “... you gotta weigh all the sides. I just don’t want you to go in and be like, ugh, what if my kid’s a crackhead?” (15:02)

  • Jade, on enabling partners:

    “You didn’t sign up to be responsible for it until you did.” (26:17)

• Actionable Advice:
  • Don’t keep shouldering someone else’s responsibilities; it’s time to put your foot down, reclaim your peace, and if needed, end it.

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3. Friendship Fallouts and Communication

(39:06 – 50:30)

• Listener Letter: “I lost a close friend after a minor conflict and she cut me off. Did I do something wrong?”
• Key Points:
  • Crissle & Jade:
    • Agree the “conflict” wasn’t friendship-ending and that sometimes, people (especially new friends post-move) just aren’t a good fit long-term.
    • Discuss the dangers of letting resentment simmer:

      “If my friends would be like, you know what we ask each other ... Do you want feedback or do you just want me to listen?” (42:15)

    • Jade suggests the listener’s irritation may have seeped through, possibly making their comment harsher than intended.
    • Both agree on the value of being honest about irritation early on to avoid blowups.
• Memorable Moment:
  • Crissle & Jade lampoon the friend’s long, teary voice message and mailing back the keys with tongue-in-cheek dramatics.
• Advice Summed Up:
  • “Say things when they get on your nerves and not let it fester.” (49:10)
  • Sometimes friendships serve a purpose and pass—let them go and move forward.

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4. Workplace Drama: “Too Polished” and Not Being Heard

(50:39 – 63:18)

• Listener Letter: “A teacher I supervise refused to do her duties, yelled at me; my manager told me I was ‘too polished’ and made it my job to fix the relationship.”
• Key Points:
  • Jade:
    • Immediately zeros in on the problem: the manager undermined the listener.

      “Your manager is the problem here.” (53:32)

    • Calls out the absurdity of “too polished” as an actual critique.

      “That would make me cuss you out. And then I dare you to fire me for that.” (55:38)

  • Crissle:
    • Encourages documenting everything and keeping communication strictly professional.

      “There’s nothing else for me and you to talk about. Cause you disrespected the fuck out of me.” (57:35)

    • Urges seeking support up the management chain or through HR if necessary.
    • Empathizes with the structural challenges educators face, encourages finding fulfillment in serving students, and not to let toxic adults ruin the positive aspects of the work.
• Memorable Exchange:
  • Jade on incompetent bosses:

    “If anybody out there would like to take care of me and all I have to do is ... and me by proxy ... I come with her!” (35:38)

• Advice:
  • Stay professional, protect your peace, and escalate as needed—but remember why you’re in your job in the first place.

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5. Wedding Woes: Friends, Exes, and RSVPs

(63:43 – 73:38)

• Listener Letter: “My nonbinary friend Eric cheated on their fiancée Liz. Now neither has RSVP’d to my wedding. I wanted both there—even as wedding party members. What do I do?”
• Key Points:
  • Crissle:
    • Stresses Eric should step up:

      “Their former fiancée ... Eric and Liz should be able to put on their adult underpants. There’s a bitch I don’t like a lot of places I go.” (66:36)

    • Questions why either would let their personal drama upstage the joy of a close friend’s wedding.
  • Jade:
    • Adds empathy, noting sometimes drama is just unavoidable, but agrees the focus should be on the couple’s happiness, not others' mess:

      “They’re either going to choose not to be there or they’re going to choose to be there. ... What you gonna do at that point?” (68:41)

    • Advocates for transparency—have honest conversations with both parties, but don’t let their baggage steal your joy.
• Advice:
  • Be upfront but don’t twist yourself in knots over grown folks’ decisions—focus on your union.
• Memorable Quip:
  • Jade on RSVP etiquette:

    “Don’t show up. You better send me a crock pot.” (70:10)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamp Quick Reference

• “If you feel like, oh God, if I had a kid with severe mental health issues ... you can just opt out. You weren’t born being a parent.” —Crissle (06:25)
• “Sometimes ... the quietest things ... Kids are some of the funniest you'll ever. Hilarious, funny.” —Jade (10:38)
• “You’re not putting her in a position to do that. You are enabling this behavior in a way ...” —Crissle (37:53)
• “You gotta be a little better to yourself. Like, you have not considered yourself in any of these decisions, right?” —Jade (25:42)
• “Say things when they get on your nerves and not let it fester is so important.” —Crissle (49:10)
• “Your manager’s the problem here. No, but that’s what I’m saying. The manager ... you’re a higher up.” —Jade (53:32)
• “There’s nothing else for me and you to talk about ... Cause you disrespected the fuck out of me.” —Crissle (57:35)
• “Eric and Liz should be able to put on their adult underpants about this ... Like, there’s a bitch I don’t like a lot of places I go.” —Crissle (66:36)
• “If you don’t think you can put that hurt aside, it will make me sad to not have you there, but...” —Jade (71:07)

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Recurring Memorable Moments

• “Annoying the dog shit out of me” running joke, Jade & Crissle apply humor when friendships grate on their nerves.
• Child and pet antics: frequent, genuine laughs about Jade's daughter and Lainey, Crissle's dog, grounding the advice in everyday realities.
• Witty digs at capitalism: recurring critique of workplace dynamics, financial struggle, and societal pressures.

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Timestamps for Major Listener Letters

• Fear of Parenthood/Mental Health: 06:00 – 16:30
• Relationship Financial Imbalance: 16:28 – 38:00
• Friendship Fallout: 39:06 – 50:30
• Workplace Drama (“Too Polished”): 50:39 – 63:18
• Wedding Woes: 63:43 – 73:38

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Takeaways & Episode Tone

• Empathetic, honest, unfiltered—Crissle and Jade offer both affirmation and gentle challenge without shying away from hard truths.
• Humorous and relatable—real-life examples, quick wit, and sidebar banter keep tough topics approachable and engaging.
• Accountability with Care—Listeners are encouraged to set boundaries, advocate for themselves, and seek joy, but also to be self-aware and considerate.

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Conclusion

Session 15 of Crissle’s Couch delivers deeply relatable, sharp, and funny advice on the messiness of real life, relationships, work, and personal choices. If you need practical, sometimes tough, but always loving wisdom—with plenty of laughs—this is your space to feel heard, challenged, and maybe a little lighter.

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Transcript

[Crystal]

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[Host]

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[Host]

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[Crystal]

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[Host]

I don't know if y' all are.

[Crystal]

On the east coast or anywhere near the northern part of the country, but, baby, it is freezing in New York right now. So my top priority for this month is definitely getting new blankets and throws for the living room and the bedroom. I found the perfect Sherpa fleece throw on wayfair for under $30. And I found an all natural 100% hand knit chenille blanket for those nights when the temperature is in the single digits with which these days is every single night. Thankfully, Wayfair has a huge selection of home decor items, so anyone can find something that meets their needs and matches their aesthetic. You can filter by color, material, size, design rating, even special features like heated or wearable blankets, and of course, by price to find something that would be perfect in your home. I love to mix both neutrals and splashes of color in my apartment, and these blankets feel fit that aesthetic perfectly. It's just this perfect, cozy, serene vibe that I'm going for when I'm trying to curate my space.

[Host]

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[Crystal]

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[Host]

Hi, and welcome back to Krystal's Couch, the show where I answer your questions for advice and talk to the most interesting in the world. Today I am joined by the fan favorite, Jade of all jades is here. Armana, thank you so much for being here.

[Jade]

Always.

[Host]

Como esta?

[Jade]

You know I'm here. My little Nisita is in the corner.

[Host]

Yes, Lainey's here. If you hear a bark, I'm probably not gonna bother to edit it out.

[Jade]

And you shouldn't.

[Host]

I'm probably not because she. She's here with me today. Sometimes you have to take your kids to work.

[Jade]

Absolutely.

[Host]

When they're sick. So pray for me.

[Jade]

Sorry, that was. Oh, sorry, Laney.

[Host]

You know, kidding her. This is why Amy's. This is really the problem with Aneys. Why will A's wait for a fucking camera and mic to be on to tell the world what you got going on with your digestive system?

[Jade]

It's the mom. It's the mom of me.

[Host]

Like you. Oh, my God.

[Jade]

I'm like, she had diarrhe. They need the details.

[Host]

Anyway, Jade and I are back Today to answer more of your questions. I'm excited to jump into the inbox with you, Sister.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Host]

What do we have? Who's up first?

[Jade]

All right, so I just thought it would be very appropriate with it being Black History Month. 100 years commemorating Black History Month.

[Host]

Oh, wow, I didn't realize.

[Jade]

Yes, it is. Starting with Negro History. Okay, so we're gonna do some historical figures as the name. As the different names.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Host]

You couldn't just use the names that they provided? That would be crazy.

[Jade]

No, absolutely not. So our first one is one of the Little Rock Nine. Okay. Minnie Jean Brown. Tricky. So Mini Jean Brown Tricky writes.

[Host]

Hi, Crystal.

[Jade]

What can I do if I'm genuinely terrified of having kids? Oh, Sister. I have a sibling who went through some mental health issues, and it was the worst time of my life. I also have seen a few of my cousins of mine abuse drugs and end up in horrible situations. I think my parents were pretty great parents, but my siblings still had mental health issues. I see kids and babies now, and I think they're cute. But realistically, I'm thinking, what if they grow up to have such severe issues that they do drugs and end up homeless on the street or taking their own lives? I know this might sound so crazy, but this has been a genuine concern for the past 12 years. Thanks, Minnie Jean Brown. Tricky.

[Host]

Well, all those names that I'm not.

[Jade]

Gonna repeat, just say Minnie Jean.

[Host]

Well, I mean, I hate to be extremely obvious, but the number one thing you can do is just not have them.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Host]

Like, if you that scared, you could just opt out. You weren't born being a parent. You don't have to do that if you're genuinely terrified, like you quite literally said you were, of having kids. But beyond that, because it sounds like you really want them, and that's why the conflict is coming in. The thing about children is that they're just young humans, and so you're rolling the dice when you decide to have them. You don't know what you're gonna get. That kid could be anything. Autistic, disabled, a genius, an asshole. You. You might get a sociopath. You might get somebody with mental health issues. You are probably gonna get a very kind, charming little person. But people come with all sorts of things going on with them. And so even if you did have really great parents, well, first of all, siblings often have a different experience of their parents. So maybe your experience wasn't the same as your siblings. But even if y' all had the number one top flight A1 parents in the world, Some people just have mental health issues. Sometimes you're born with it. Sometimes other things happen to you. And so I would say if you feel like, oh, God, if I had a kid with severe mental health issues, I just wouldn't. I feel like I wouldn't be able to cope with that. I would just shut down. Or that's something I just absolutely don't want to deal with.

[Jade]

There's.

[Host]

Nobody's gonna give you a guarantee. Like, there's not one thing you can do as a parent to make sure that your kid never struggles in that way. What do you think, Mama Jade?

[Jade]

Ooh. I was like, whoa. Is this one of my relatives writing this email? That's crazy. If I may be fully transparent, my father and my uncle were raised in the same house. Same mother, same father. My father is one of my favorite people on the planet, and my uncle is on crack.

[Host]

A lot going on with your uncle?

[Jade]

Yeah, among many other things. And it does come from mental health issues as a child as well. If I'm being, you know, all the way, live with it. So I agree with you. You can't control what happens with your kids. As a person who has a human child, I'm saying that specifically because Lainey's in the room too.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Jade]

I was really, really scared to have a kid. I was really scared. I was scared to get pregnant. So I'd never been pregnant before I got pregnant. You know what I mean? I was like, I don't want none of you niggas. I remember you saying this, what comes out of me. And also, I wasn't really hype about, like, I was impressed to be a mother. And then when it happened organically, it happened for me, like, when my body felt safe. Shut up, Crystal.

[Host]

When my body felt safe, say, organically. Yeah. It happened organically.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Host]

Biblically actually is how it happened. We don't have to bring Jesus into it.

[Crystal]

No.

[Jade]

I just wanted to be a little phobic for a second, so.

[Host]

I'm kidding, guys. Oh, my God.

[Jade]

But I was genuinely terrified of having a child for multiple reasons, for the physical pain, for what I could not control as far as how their personality would come out, having grown up in that environment with family members like that. And you know what? She's a star child. You know what I'm saying?

[Host]

She is.

[Jade]

And she got some quirks to her, too.

[Host]

She's human.

[Jade]

You know, there's things we working out. You know, one of those eyes just started going wonky. Did you know that that can happen later on?

[Host]

Yeah.

[Jade]

So I got her in vision therapy. You know, this nigga costs so much money for her dance, but she.

[Host]

Please don't get me started with her dance. The point she was on, while she's.

[Jade]

On point, I was like, oh, so many fees. So I say all that to say it was such blessing. And don't, don't let the fear lead you. You know what I'm saying? Don't let the fear fully lead you. I think all of your concerns are very valid. And also, you know, I didn't see anything else in here about everything. Just felt like doom and gloom.

[Host]

Right. So there's actually great things about having kids.

[Jade]

The quietest things. Yeah. First of all, there's some of the funniest you'll ever. Hilarious, funny. Like, Noah talks about me being white every day. Every day, Every day. She makes me laugh and I'm really grateful for her. And she's been my biggest lesson. That's the thing too. She has been my greatest teacher and my greatest lesson in this life.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And my biggest challenge as well.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Jade]

You know what I'm saying?

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Host]

Because she's a little you.

[Jade]

Ooh. But like water.

[Host]

A Virgo mom with a cancer baby. Tricky, tricky.

[Jade]

Oh, God.

[Host]

God, you're so funny.

[Jade]

You're so tricky.

[Host]

God's like, you kind of did that on your own, but yeah, sure.

[Jade]

But I hope, Minnijean, that that was somewhat helpful.

[Host]

Yes. I mean, I fully agree with what you said. Kids and babies are cute and they are funny. Mandisa, the makeup artist, her son just came in and he was like, I heard a dog. And I said, oh, yeah, you know, my baby's here, but she's not feeling too well. And he looked at her, he said, yeah, she looks sick and sad. And I just walked out. I said, okay, okay. Yeah, she do look kind of terrible. I see what you mean. You get that sort of joy with kids. You do all the time. Like, I, I don't want to raise any, but I love the children in my life. They are so funny when they get on their group facetime shit and they start talking about what the hell ever and sharing tiktoks and trying to see. Mandisa's kid was in here trying to see who could do the most push ups and shit.

[Jade]

Like, damn, I was late.

[Host]

They're just fun.

[Jade]

They are. They're a good time. They are.

[Host]

So if you really want to have children, you feel like you're in a space mentally, emotionally, physically to have them, I would say don't let the fear that they Might have a mental illness deter you. But be prepared to support them if that's the case. The same way you would if anything else happened. Because anything can happen with these kids. And what you have one day may not be what you have the next or even in the next five minutes. So.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah, I think.

[Jade]

Yeah, that just sparked a little thing. Sorry.

[Host]

Oh, yeah, no, please.

[Jade]

Where? I've been seeing some videos online of parents who are raising, like, severely autistic children. Right?

[Host]

Oh, yeah.

[Jade]

Some nonverbal, et cetera. And a lot of them handle it beautifully. But I have seen also some very honest, honest people on there who are like, yo, this shit is hard. And I never thought my life would turn out this way.

[Host]

Right.

[Jade]

And of course, people's first reaction be like, goddamn, what's wrong with you? But also, that shit is hard.

[Host]

No, I fully get it.

[Jade]

And I think when you're considering having children, I do want you to zoom out and consider every aspect of it without it being fully negative, because there are beautiful aspects. But also make sure you do consider and you are ready for whatever could come your way.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Otherwise you don't need to do it.

[Host]

And that's why this is controversial amongst some people. But when genetic testing is done in utero and they say, oh, your baby might have this or that, and people decide to terminate the pregnancy, I see no issue with that. If, you know now that that's not something. It's not even just about the mental toll it will take on you or how much work it will be. It's also a huge cost associated with having kids who have certain issues going on. I'm not advocating for, you know, to be, you know, no neurodivergent kids or whatever. I would never say that. But, you know, when kids have severe issues like that and you have trouble keeping them in daycare, trouble keeping them in school, you can't ever find a babysitter because the kids like to run off or.

[Jade]

Right.

[Host]

Stuff like that. That is an extreme. I've seen some of those same videos on TikTok. And my heart just goes out to these parents most. Cause it's mostly mothers doing it by themselves. And then if you have another kid on top of that. Please. It's so hard to hold down a job. But see, now we're getting back into what's hard about kids.

[Jade]

I mean, because you gotta weigh all the sides to it, though. You gotta weigh all the sides. Yeah. You know, I just don't. I just don't want Minni Jean to go in and be like, ugh, what if my kid's a crackhead?

[Host]

I can't do this. Cause they might be a crackhead.

[Jade]

And I'm like, they might. But they also might be, like, you know, a math teacher. I don't know.

[Host]

Yeah, but I think the odds are better that your kid's gonna be, like, a construction worker who has a pretty nice life. You know, a spouse and a couple.

[Jade]

Of kids, and I wish my kid was a construction worker. Bliss.

[Host]

Listen, I'm actually plotting on a construction worker right now. Cause what you need? Free home repair construction worker, too. We need that in the family. I need that. I'm thinking, hmm, what? All in my home can be upgraded.

[Jade]

You know, because what's yours is mine, sister.

[Host]

Jay said, and when that nigga done, send them my way.

[Jade]

Okay. I got some hanging shelves that need to be mounted.

[Host]

Jay gonna be like, is your man free? Because I do need an aquarium.

[Jade]

Yeah, I have a list of tasks.

[Host]

I'd also like a greenhouse for all of my plants. Anyway, I hope we've given you some things to consider here, Norma Jean.

[Jade]

Who? Mini Jean.

[Host]

Minnie Jean. Thank you for your contributions to black history, and we're wishing you the best of luck regardless of what you decide to do.

[Jade]

Absolutely.

[Host]

All right, Jade, who's next?

[Jade]

Hi, Crystal.

[Host]

Hey, Chris.

[Jade]

I've been with my partner for two and a half years now, and there's been a drastic energy and dynamic shift in our relationship. The first seven months of our relationship was amazing. Unfortunately, my partner suffered the loss of a parent within our first year of being together, and that was a new experience for us both. I tried my best to support her during her grieving process. After her parent died, some things began coming to light and starting to change the course of our relationship. I learned that her parents supported her financially and basically did almost everything for her. It got to the point where she had to move out of her apartment and had to learn how to take care of herself financially. Being the kind and caring girlfriend I am, I offered for her to move in with me. This way we could spend more time together and it would ease the financial burden for both of us. We originally agreed to splitting everything 5050 so we could both save and meet our own financial goals. Everything was fine at first until my partner decided to quit her salary corporate job and go back to school to earn her culinary degree.

[Host]

Oh, no.

[Jade]

Oh, I'm torn. I feel.

[Host]

Yeah, you're people. I'm over here like, oh, no. What do you mean? But, yeah, no, that's me. I'm a creative Endeavor scam. It's a $40,000 scam. Come on, man.

[Jade]

I fully supported this decision, but I shared with her my experience in the hospitality industry and how the pay rate for beginner cooks would be extremely low with very long hours. I asked her if she was prepared for this change and she assured me she could handle it.

[Host]

Famous last words.

[Jade]

Poor dumb doll. I supported her decision and watched as she dedicated all her energy and focus into this new venture and was having a blast. It's fun. The issue began when her portion of the bills were being paid late, then not at all.

[Host]

Yep.

[Jade]

Eventually my partner asked if we could temporarily change the bill structure since now I was making more money than her now due to the career change and for her to just pay the smaller bills and groceries while I took care of rent. I agreed since she told me it would only be temporary and once she started making more money, we would go back to paying 50. 50. No, y' all not well.

[Host]

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Why you act like you don't know how to work the app, girl?

[Jade]

Because like, it's just. I'll figure it out for the next one.

[Host]

Oh my God.

[Jade]

Well, that was almost a year ago and things have yet to change.

[Host]

Oh, no shit.

[Jade]

During this, she has hopped from countless jobs saying she's gonna earn more at the next place and once she does, she will contribute more financially, but she never does. We've stopped going on dates because she's either at school in the morning or working at night. We're barely having sex and she stopped doing little things like getting me flowers or small gifts like she used to. When we first started dating, I even had to get a part time job to cover any bills she failed to pay and to save money because all my money was going to taking care of the household. Now my partner has told me she wants to move out because she wants her own space. I'm with what dollars? Where are you going, brokey?

[Host]

With what money?

[Jade]

She said that sometimes when she gets home, she doesn't want to talk and just wants to be to herself and she feels she can't do that living with me. I'm sorry. We'll come back, okay?

[Host]

Yeah, we will.

[Jade]

The issue is, for the past month, I've told her to do what's best for her and was going to accept her moving out. However, she doesn't want to break up. I told her if she wants to move out, that's fine, but I would not be interested in being together anymore. Since I said that, she's been going back and Forth on whether she wants to move or stay. Of course, I'd love to stay with my partner if things improve, but I don't think it's fair to me to stay in this relationship that's no longer serving me. Can you give me advice on what I should do next? Thanks. Katherine Dunham.

[Host]

Katherine Dunham. Wowzers. Okay, Edamana, it sounds like y' all moved in together in the first year of dating. Yeah, I almost never recommend that. The especially. Well, mm, no. So the parent died first. Very sad. After, I think y' all had been together for seven months, and then all of a sudden you were like, oh, I'm seeing now that your parent was really still taking care of you, even though you were grown and doing everything for you. And then you were like, okay, yeah, come live with me.

[Crystal]

Why?

[Host]

I think you are the new parent.

[Jade]

Yeah, no, you've definitely become the new parent.

[Host]

You have become the new parent to.

[Jade]

A teenager who is waffling in all decisions in life.

[Host]

I mean, quitting your corporate job to go to culinary school. It sounds nice if the other person is, like, independently wealthy.

[Jade]

No, let me tell you who quits a corporate job to go to culinary school. Victoria Monet.

[Host]

Even I would not quit. Yeah.

[Jade]

You know what I'm saying? Y' all heard my journey to culinary school and through it. Yeah.

[Host]

You know what I was doing when I went to culinary school? Yeah, there's a lot.

[Jade]

Fuck you, Sallie Mae. But anyway.

[Host]

That'S a huge. From, like, very consistent pay, probably great benefits, time off, that sort of thing.

[Jade]

Benefits.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Host]

This is what I'm saying. Health insurance number one and two and three. We are grown, bitch.

[Jade]

You gotta go to the dentist, the eye doctor. You gotta get your levels checked at the doctor. Like, Right, I'm sorry.

[Host]

No, it's okay. Because that's very real. Most people, when you're talking to your partner and they're like, yeah, I wanna quit my job and go to culinary school. That is gonna come up. Cause, like. Okay, and then what? We're sharing the bills here.

[Crystal]

50.

[Jade]

50.

[Host]

You're going to school. That means you're costing money, not making it. You're not going to be making money. And then you're gonna have to start from the bottom as a cook.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Host]

Which, yes, is very hard work, very low pay and shit. Hours in the hospitality industry. You never getting Valentine's Day with your partner ever the fuck again.

[Jade]

Why do you think me and my husband don't celebrate Valentine's Day 14 years to this day? Because we met bartending in the service.

[Host]

You're not getting that day off.

[Jade]

You're not. So that set the tone, Right?

[Host]

Oh, girl. So, right. So y' all had all that going on. And my question becomes, well, if you saw her not really being that efficient of an adult, why would you then invite her into your home? I know you said, like, I'm kind, I'm caring. So I did this for her, you know, and it would help ease the financial burden for both of us. But she didn't demonstrate an ability to make good choices and do the responsible thing for herself before that point. So now you're at a place where she's hopping from job to job, probably waiting for it to not suck. And it always. I don't wanna say always will.

[Jade]

No, I'll. It will always suck. I'm gonna tell you that right motherfucking now. I'm gonna tell you that right now. Love being a chef. Absolutely. Would I recommend somebody go do some shit like this?

[Crystal]

Absolutely.

[Jade]

The fuck not. Yeah, this shit is hard. It's hard on your body.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Jade]

It will never sustain you the way.

[Host]

That you think it's going to. You know what level you have to be at to be rich as a chef.

[Jade]

Think about how big a commercial kitchen is in a restaurant. It can only fit with so many niggas in it in the first place, if that's the path you want to go.

[Host]

Food is hard, right?

[Jade]

It's hard. That's a hard industry.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Host]

You're gonna be a line cook for a while.

[Jade]

If that's even what you want to do. Then what? You want to be a caterer, Then you. You got a thousand other caterers out here. You got to do price comparison. Food cost is going up. People are not going out to eat the way that they used to. So that industry is shifting within itself. People are not drinking the way that they used to. I just don't understand.

[Host]

This lady.

[Jade]

Like, I don't know. She fell backwards.

[Host]

She like.

[Crystal]

I don't.

[Host]

Where are you, Jake? Jade, please. I'm so stressed by this decision making. And I knew when I said culinary school, Jade is gonna have something to say about culinary school. Yeah. Yeah, I am.

[Jade]

Like, make sure you got a rich.

[Host]

Parent who can take care of that shit. That's what I'm saying. You can only do stuff like this and it not be a squeeze on the household if y' all already have a surplus. Mainly financial resources. And so she gets to jump from job to job to job because you're her new mom.

[Jade]

Yeah. Katherine, I think I know we supposed to be talking to you. I've been talking to you. A shiftless girlfriend. I think you have to. You gotta be a little better to yourself. Like, you have not considered yourself in any of these decisions, right? Even down to this lady getting a waffle back and forth about whether or not she wants to leave. No, girl, go.

[Host]

Go to your.

[Jade]

Go to your home and your family. Like, you don't need to take responsibility for this person anymore, who is literally. You had to go get a part time job.

[Host]

That's what's blowing me. That's what's blowing me.

[Jade]

You deserve better than this.

[Host]

Right.

[Jade]

And it doesn't mean she's a bad person at all. It doesn't mean that her needing to find a new, you know, line of creativity or whatever it is she's looking for, there's anything wrong with that. You just don't need to be responsible for it because you didn't sign up to be responsible for it until you did.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Host]

And that's the thing. Y' all were supposed to be living together so that the financial burden would be eased for both of you. Yeah, but the financial burden has only been eased for her. Yeah, she's the one who has all of her needs met and gets to quit a job as soon as she don't like it no more or whatever else. And you are the one who's now working even more to pick up her slack, to take care of the things she doesn't. Plus also, you know, provide for her. I think Jade has, you know, there were some strong words in there, but she's correct about you needing to put your foot down. Yeah, I'm sure this. This is a lovely woman. Like, I'm sure your partner has nice qualities somewhere.

[Jade]

She says she likes it and she wished that the shit was going better.

[Host]

And said, you know, I'd love to stay if things improve, but how much more time are you willing to give it? Cause y' all moved in together. Sounds like about a year and a year ago. Yeah.

[Jade]

Mm.

[Host]

I think once the lease is up.

[Jade]

And they've been together two years.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Host]

If she's, you know, the legality of it, you know, if she's on the lease, then I do this and blah, blah, blah. Or I could kick you out. All of that is just kind of like very dependent on your. But I think it's in your best interest to figure out what it is you really want. And is this person meeting that right now not. Does she have the potential to do it? Not. Those first seven months were Great. Because you were. Because you weren't my dependent.

[Jade]

Right.

[Crystal]

But like.

[Jade]

And we were still in honeymoon phase. Let's be clear.

[Host]

And you were still in honeymoon phase. Yes, things do get different. Especially when you move in together. Hello?

[Jade]

Real life starts kicking in the bubble burger quickly.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Jade]

When you.

[Host]

And see. And now she wants to move out. Which is so funny. Cause like, with what money?

[Jade]

Okay, that was my next. I was waiting for you to finish.

[Host]

I'm like. And she's the one who had the.

[Jade]

Audacity to come and be like, I think I wanna move out. I need my me space.

[Host]

Like, move out. And with who are you supposed to be paying for her to move out? Is that what she.

[Jade]

Well, I don't think so. Oh, well, they better not the fuck be, Katherine.

[Host]

Well, what apartment are you gonna get with inconsistent income? Come.

[Crystal]

Thanks to Chime for sponsoring this episode of Crystal Scout.

[Host]

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[Crystal]

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[Host]

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[Crystal]

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[Crystal]

Hey y' all and welcome to 2026. I know most of us have goals and aspirations for ourselves this new year, and of course I'm no exception. A big one for me is optimizing the space in my New York City apartment to make it work better for me and my dog Lanie. Thankfully, Wayfair is right there as the perfect one stop shop for bedding, accent pillows and mirrors, storage solutions and so much more.

[Host]

I don't know if y' all are.

[Crystal]

On the east coast or anywhere near the northern part of the country, but baby, it is freezing in New York right now. So my top priority for this month is definitely getting new blankets and throws for the living room and the bedroom. I found the perfect Sherpa fleece throw on wayfair for under $30. And I found an all natural 100 hand knit chenille blanket for those nights when the temperature is in the single digit, which these days is every single night. Thankfully, Wayfair has a huge selection of home decor items so anyone can find something that meets their needs and matches their aesthetic. You can filter by color, material, size, design rating, even special features like heated or wearable blankets, and of course by price to find something that would be perfect in your home. I love to mix both neutrals and splashes of color in my apartment and these blankets fit that aesthetic perfectly. It's just this perfect, cozy, serene vibe that I'm going for when I'm trying to curate my space.

[Host]

You can do the same thing in your home.

[Crystal]

Get organized, refresh and back on track this new year. For way less, head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, Every Home.

[Jade]

This is what I I would like to know where this lady thought she was going, right? What's her plan if you've been footing the bill for all this stuff all this time, but she now got the fundadas to just jump out and do whatever it is she wants to do, right?

[Crystal]

Sometimes you're right.

[Jade]

I'm not trying to put the battery in your back to be angry, but.

[Host]

Like, no, sometimes you have to point things out for people perspective. This sounds crazy. Yes, it sounds.

[Jade]

I'm not supposed to say that on mental Health show.

[Host]

Well, I mean, I say it. I say that too. But more than anything, it sounds unfair. And it sounds like it's going to be permanently unfair. It doesn't sound temporary. Yeah, she said, oh, you know, let me go to school and I can handle it. And we'll still do 50.

[Crystal]

50?

[Host]

Oh, wait, no. Can we do 70? 30? Oh, well, I'll just buy you doordash.

[Jade]

And you take care of the rent. Okay. And then you. You come back and you're like, so. Girl, I'm so exhausted of this space. Like, I just need to wake up and be in my. You.

[Host]

Yeah, pay me back, bitch. That might be the biggest red flag to me is that she says she feels like when she comes home, she can't just sit and be herself. That mean, why the fuck not? This is your home.

[Jade]

I need to hear from this lady.

[Host]

That is a sign that she isn't comfortable in the home. And again, I'm confused as to why that might be. A lot of people, after a long day or stressful day, do not wanna come home and immediately start yapping. That's fine. I can give you your space. When you come home, you can go take you a lavender shower and do your aromatherapy and go have some time to yourself. And then once you feel better, or once you, you know, you've gotten back to sort of like a baseline, you come back out and join your family.

[Crystal]

I don't.

[Jade]

That just.

[Crystal]

What do you mean?

[Host]

That sounds more like I'm not comfortable here. And maybe what it is really saying is I'm not comfortable in this relationship. But then when you flat out said, okay, well, if you move out, then we not gonna be together no more. Now she's like, okay, well, I'm not trying to say all that. Well, what are you trying to say? Both of y' all are just, oh, wiffle waffling in this gray area. You're letting her sort of flounce around and try to figure things out.

[Jade]

That's the problem.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Jade]

That's the problem.

[Host]

And. And it is really unfair to you. Who is this? Josephine. Catherine.

[Jade]

Catherine. Very good.

[Host]

It's really unfair to you, Katherine. I wouldn't give this too much more time to figure out if things are gonna change. You've had the conversation. I actually. I think if she had come to me and said, I want my own space, I wanna move out, I would've been like, I agree. Because you know what? You could quit your part time job when she leaves.

[Jade]

You sure can. Cause you didn't have it.

[Host]

You didn't have. You did before she moved in. I think your expenses are going to be lowered once you're no longer footing the bill for this other person.

[Jade]

Like she wants to be a little princess that does what she wants to do when she wants to do it. And listen, I could be wrong, but that's what it sounds like. Well, I can't pay for this, but I still wanna do this. Okay, now I wanna do this. Katherine, you need some better stability and you need some better boundaries.

[Host]

Yeah. If anybody out there would like to take care of me and all I have to do is and me by proxy. Cause I come with her. No, she's got a whole ass husband. She can stay with him.

[Jade]

He's a math teacher. Y' all know teachers, you know.

[Host]

Oh, well, that's two income household. That's a two income household. I don't wanna hear it. If anybody would like to scoop me up and say, here you go, little princess. And you just pay for the doordash every week.

[Jade]

You are about to get a slew of AARP studs in your inbox who are like, baby, I will buy you a house. And they're gonna come with their steel toed boots and their hard bottoms.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And y' all are gonna go dancing at the juke joint.

[Host]

You done being offensive? Are you done disrespecting my people? They're my people too, remember? Right. They looking at you like, I know Uncle Jade not trying.

[Jade]

I am speaking about a certain ilk of the uncle. Okay. I'm still a pirate.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Host]

I think it's in your best interest to end this relationship. But also I think you. We've gotta find a way for you to see that.

[Jade]

Yeah. Katherine, how is.

[Host]

And I keep bringing up fairness. There's always gonna be times where the relationship is not 50, 50 in all ways. One of us does more laundry. The other one mows the lawn. The other one takes the kids to school. The other one picks.

[Jade]

Her ass better have been cooking dinner. I know that I don't say that often, but I know her ass better have been in that motherfucking kitchen.

[Host]

Girl, you better put that color on when I tell you I don't need to be paying for breakfast, lunch or dinner.

[Jade]

Bitch, I know y' all have sandwich day, pasta day. I want every Shake every. I want bread day bitch.

[Host]

All the shit.

[Crystal]

You.

[Jade]

I want you to break down a rabbit in front of me. And I want to pan sear with a burblanck like you put those skills to use now.

[Host]

Taylor. If I were you, I would let her go.

[Jade]

Katherine.

[Host]

Oh. My bad.

[Crystal]

You.

[Host]

You come up with just what you say. Whatever you want to say. So.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Host]

But I would. I think this has run its course. And what is really going on with your girlfriend is a very strong need to grow up. And you're not. You're not. You're not putting her in a position to do that. You are enabling this behavior in a way we all do get to an age. And part of this is like the problem with capitalism. So. You know, I'm not necessarily saying this is how it should be. But it is a reality of this society that able bodied adults have to go to fucking work.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Host]

Or find somebody rich enough to take care of them.

[Jade]

Yeah. And who's willing.

[Host]

Right?

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Host]

And it sounds like your girl didn't find somebody rich, but she did find somebody willing. But that sort of strain. It drains you. It creates resentment in the relationship. I think it's time to let her go.

[Jade]

Yeah. We pray your peace, Kathleen.

[Host]

Absolutely. Every time.

[Jade]

I pray for your boundaries. And I hope you are able to get rid of that UPS job as soon as this lady gets the fuck. Respectfully. Okay.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Host]

Best of luck, babe. Who's next?

[Jade]

Jade Jane M. Bola. All right. You all can look her up.

[Host]

Okay.

[Jade]

She was technically the first black woman judge.

[Host]

Oh yes.

[Jade]

Technically. 1939. All right.

[Host]

Longo.

[Jade]

Yeah, that's her. Yeah. Okay. I had a friend named Shay who I met years ago when I was in a bad place. I had just relocated after a very hard breakup and it felt like we really clicked in a way that I never have before with a friend. The last few months before our friendship ended. She was annoying the dog shit out of me with her contact. I'm sorry, I gotta pause that.

[Host]

Annoying the dog.

[Crystal]

Shut up.

[Host]

Oh my God.

[Jade]

That really just made me laugh. Happen sometimes.

[Host]

Happens sometimes.

[Jade]

All right. I'm so sorry. She was annoying the dog shit out of me with her constant need to correct me about everything. Including things that did not even matter. Virgo. I talk. I know.

[Host]

I was thinking of some things we are bad about that.

[Jade]

I talked with my therapist about it and she suggested that I gently let her know I needed what I needed from her the next time she annoyed me. At the time I was dating a lot and I asked her opinion on A guy I was going to end things with because he was always late. She disagreed with me, which was fine, and I jokingly said, I know you're Shay and you're always right, but I don't really want to hear that right now. When she heard that, she sent me a voice message where she was clearly crying. I immediately apologized because I did not intend to hurt her feelings. She says she's right all the time, so I didn't think she'd be mad, and that's fair. She completely shut me down and just responded with, I don't wanna talk about it at all. I was hurt because we had a conflict before where she wanted to get a lot off her chest about how I was making her feel, and I gave her the space to do that. In her rant about me, several of the things she said were incorrect, but we worked through it. Her delivery was hurtful, but I felt like it was up to me as her friend to see that she was just trying to communicate with me to make our friendship better. But in this situation, she did not give me that same chance or understanding. I texted her again to let her know I genuinely was not sure how to approach a conversation without us discussing the issue and wanted to give her space. Months went by and she finally texted me to check my email.

[Host]

Craziness.

[Jade]

I was so excited because I thought maybe it was a letter inviting me to patch things up, but it wasn't. She then mailed me back the spare keys to my home and I knew it was really over.

[Host]

Damn.

[Jade]

Do you have any input on how I could have handled this situation better? Any advice or feedback is appreciated. Thanks, Jane.

[Host]

You know what, Jane? I don't think I do. I think you saying, you know, y'. All. You asked her opinion about a guy, she disagreed on your reasons for breaking up, and you said, I know you always right, girl. I'm not trying to hear that right now. I don't think that's a big deal. Certainly not friendship ending kind of stuff.

[Jade]

Right? Sometimes you just don't wanna hear it. And I respect if my friends would be like, you know what we ask each other in situations? Are you venting to me for? Do you want, like, feedback or do you just want me to listen?

[Crystal]

Right.

[Jade]

And then that just sets the scene right there, right?

[Host]

I mean, you did ask for her opinion and she gave it. So then saying, I don't want to hear that right now might be a little confusing, but I don't see friendship ending, you know, coming from that. For her to turn around and then send you a voice message where she was crying. I'm sorry. My empathy has just about run out with that. I really do not like that. I don't wanna be like, why you so fucking sensitive? Cause there's nothing wrong with being sensitive.

[Jade]

I was really over here like, ugh, crying.

[Host]

Cry, you little bitch.

[Jade]

I was like, that's not healthy. And Dr. Joy would be judging me.

[Host]

Yeah, no, Dr. Joy would be like, now, Jade, you know, I'm sorry. I know Dr. Joy and Dr. Well, Dr. Raquel's a little bit more.

[Jade]

She's a little bit more.

[Host]

She's a little rowdier. Just that North Philly, she a little rowdier with it.

[Jade]

But I do. But don't. Like, was this cry was this regular or what was this crying bit about? I feel like something's missing from here.

[Host]

Well, and I think what it might be is that sometimes when we meet people when we're in a bad place, they're also in a bad place.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Host]

And it's possible that this friend Shay is just not really that mature. She's got some other things going on. It sounds like y' all had conflict before, and you handled it in a much more mature way, like letting her get her feelings off her chest. And, you know, even though it felt like her delivery was hurtful or some of the other things you said, she said that you didn't really agree with. You gave her the space to get it out. And then y' all talked about it, her just completely shutting down, being completely unwilling. And it's not like I think it's fine to say, hey, I got an issue with you right now. Give me a couple of weeks or something, and then we could sit down and talk about it. But right now, I'm deep in my feelings. That's rational and understandable. To go months without talking about this and then to send an email ending our friendship and mail my keys back. So we never even had a fucking conversation about what the issue issue was.

[Jade]

Now, if I may.

[Host]

Please do.

[Jade]

I don't know. Okay. I'm going on, like, clearly, we don't ever know what these letters.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Host]

Exactly.

[Jade]

Y' all could be 1000% wrong writing these letters. But, okay, speaking from a bitch's standpoint, the very top of this email, you said, I got a friend named Shay, and she irritates the dog shit out of me, which was hilarious. That aside, I have been highly irritated by a friend. Did not. I did not wanna hurt that person's feelings. And in the effort of not hurting their feelings, I then let the resentment build up and I hurt their feelings worse than I.

[Host]

Than you would have had you just said it now.

[Jade]

Okay. You know, back to the future. We're still friends, so don't worry about it.

[Host]

But I was like, is this me?

[Jade]

No, no, that's not you. I've told your black.

[Host]

Where were we at?

[Jade]

Where were we at your house for Super Bowl. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Host]

You got your. You were irritated.

[Jade]

I was irritated. And I told. Where, sister?

[Host]

I said, you're getting on my nerves. But I say all that to say.

[Jade]

I built up this. Not a true resentment for this friend, but like, she was getting on my.

[Host]

She was irritating the dog shit out of me.

[Jade]

And since I did not speak in order speak on it initially, when I finally did, it came out much harsher than I realized it did. So I'm also wondering if perhaps. Yep, your irritation that you've built up, which could be very valid irritation, has come out more than you realize it has in your communication with her. And maybe in this particular setting, it was kind of like the straw. You know what I mean? I'm just.

[Host]

You know, your tone may have been extremely bitchy with the. Like, I know you, Shay, and you the smartest bitch in the world.

[Jade]

Okay. You might have been letting this bitch know energetically for a while.

[Host]

She's been getting on your nerves. Right. You know, which I get it. You know, it happens. It does happen. We are human. You spend time with people, eventually they gonna get on your fucking nerves.

[Jade]

Exactly.

[Host]

So that's a great point. It could be that your delivery was a lot stanker than you thought it was.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Host]

However, if you said these literal words and she shut down like that and never entertained the conversation, I still think y' all were just not that great of friends, really. Or she, you know, there's something there that's keeping her from behaving in a way that I would expect most adults to behave. You could have waited till you was done crying to send me a voice message talking about how that hurt your feelings to me. That sending it where you like you got the tears all in you choked up in your.

[Jade]

And yelling me back keys. Like, ugh, bitch.

[Host]

You could have just brought the keys. Like, why you so dramatic?

[Jade]

Aggressive ass bullshit. Don't fucking mail me no keys. And we. And have no real conversation, bitch.

[Crystal]

I didn't.

[Jade]

But that's what.

[Host]

And then you text me to. To tell me to check my email. Bitch.

[Jade]

Passive aggressive. I hate passive aggressive. You know, I have no respect for that.

[Host]

You don't.

[Jade]

So don't look for nothing healthy for me coming when somebody comes at you passive aggressive at that point, like, bitch, say it with your chest. Yeah, I'm over that.

[Host]

I don't know if she expected you to kiss her ass and chase after her while her feelings were hurt, and I don't know what maybe she was expecting, but I do think there's a strong possibility you're better off without this friend. Because I just. I think if y' all were really close and you said you had relocated after a hard breakup, so maybe this was like your first real friend in.

[Jade]

This new space in this new pla.

[Host]

Yeah, right.

[Jade]

When she served her purpose for the time that she did.

[Host]

Exactly.

[Jade]

Also that.

[Host]

But sometimes, you know, that first friend is like the first pancake and it don't come out.

[Jade]

Right. Right.

[Host]

And you got to throw it out.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Jade]

Or you hide it under the other ones like they did to my mothers at IHOP one time.

[Host]

The kids will eat it. Give it to the baby. The baby will eat it. Just rip it up and put it on the b.

[Jade]

Do that. I'm like, no, give it to the kid. They don't respect anything.

[Host]

Give it to the dog. The dog will eat that.

[Jade]

That's also a very good point. If she was. She was your first friend. I forgot she relocated. So if she was your first friend, then good. You had your friend for a couple of years now, you know, a little bit more of what you want, what you don't want.

[Host]

Right.

[Jade]

Maybe next time you'll speak up quicker. Maybe next time you'll get a less irritating friend.

[Host]

I don't know.

[Jade]

Yes. You know, but let her go on about her business and wish her well.

[Host]

No, I think your point about saying things when they get on your nerves and not letting it fester is so important.

[Jade]

You've got to.

[Host]

I think if there is any input that I could give on handling the situation better if you did that, it would be that. Otherwise, this is what I would do. If a friend said, oh, you know, well.

[Jade]

And it.

[Host]

It sounds like she just sent you a voice message where she was crying. I don't know if she said that.

[Jade]

This is what I'm saying. I think, you know, I'm like, you know, I hate a. A half assed story, but this is also a letter. So I get it. Like, we can only do. But so much in a way.

[Host]

Please, please.

[Jade]

It's not them. It's me. I get it.

[Host]

I. Yeah, yeah. So if I hurt your feelings, I'm gonna apologize. And I'm trying to Talk to you about it. You say, oh, I'm not in the space to talk about it. I'm going to give you your fucking space. Cause I'm an adult, and if I say I don't feel like talking about this right now, I would want that respected.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Host]

People who say they want one thing, but they secretly want you to know that they really want you to go do something else. I'm not. You and I are not gonna last long.

[Jade]

Yeah, you don't.

[Host]

Cause I don't play mind games. It's not even that I can't. I fucking don't want to. Say what you mean and mean what you say literally. Good luck. Who is this?

[Jade]

Jane M. Boland.

[Crystal]

Mm.

[Host]

Good luck, Ms. Bolen. I hope you find another friend and things work out better.

[Jade]

Our next listener is Ava Coleman's twin brother.

[Host]

Fun.

[Jade]

Very good. Hey, Chrysal, I need to lay on your couch for a second. I work in a school and I am black, gay, and the only man in the building. Usually I mind my business, drink my water, and try to lead grown people like they're well grown. But this past week has been extremely trying. Long story short, one of the teachers I managed decided she was no longer participating in one of her assigned duties. Just straight up, like, I'm not doing that well. Hold us. Was she me?

[Host]

Is she Ava Coleman?

[Jade]

I reminded her multiple times of her assigned duties like a reasonable human being. And sis told me no every single time. I'm sorry.

[Host]

She's a queen.

[Jade]

Then, just to lock in the chaos, she screamed at me in the hallway like we were filming a season finality of a season finale of a reality show. And I have betrayed her in front of the entire cast.

[Host]

Oh no.

[Jade]

I love your dramatics. I followed all the protocols regarding documenting the incident and escalating to higher ups. I was expecting a clear standard consequence. Instead, when my manager and I met, I realized the two of them had already talked.

[Host]

Uh oh.

[Jade]

The focus shifted from her refusing to do her job and screaming at me in a public hallway to me, specifically my manager, telling me I come across too polished, that write ups don't change behavior, and that I needed to consider how to build a better relationship with this teacher. Suddenly, it was giving. So I'm the problem. Me. I'm the drama. Mind you, I have no personal issues with this woman. My only request was to please do the duty that everyone else on the team does.

[Crystal]

Your job.

[Jade]

Somehow the final meeting turned into her getting a verbal warning, airing all her grievances, and me walking out with the responsibility to rebuild a relationship I wasn't straining in the first place. So now I'm sitting here looking at both my manager and the teacher sideways. How did I go from supervising someone to being villain coded in my own workplace? And how do I move forward, working with a teacher who screamed at me and a manager who seems more invested in smoothing things than holding her accountable? I just want to do my job, protect my peace, and not get cussed out in the hallways. Please. Advice. Thanks. Ava Coleman's twin brother.

[Host]

Well, if you're Ava's twin, Avery, then yeah, Avery, you probably already know how to deal with people like this. Cause this sounded like Ava if she was a teacher.

[Jade]

No, I'm not doing that.

[Host]

And at first, Jay was like, you know what? You clap for that woman.

[Jade]

Because I just. I mean, listen, it's fierce.

[Host]

Like, no, you have to do your fucking job.

[Jade]

I agree. It's fierce to tell somebody just no, though.

[Host]

It's fierce on sitcom network tv. It is not fierce in real life.

[Jade]

Not when you're a part of a team. Right. And when you're managing it, I can imagine that's incredibly stressful.

[Host]

And how you just gonna say, no, I'm not doing lunch duty? Yes, the fuck you are.

[Jade]

My real issue. Avery.

[Crystal]

Mm.

[Host]

Avery is crazy. Why would I start that?

[Jade]

Because it's great, actually. Okay. My real issue is, is your manager. Your manager allowed this. A. This lady overstepped you by going to your manager, and then your manager undermined you by getting this whole plan together, whatever it is. I don't even know what the bitch said she's not doing, but your manager undermined you, and then now this has created, like, a strained dynamic, and I think that's where it really has to be addressed first before you can figure out what this belligerent bitch is like.

[Host]

I just.

[Jade]

Where she had in life. I'm so curious.

[Host]

I mean, screaming at you in the hallway is crazy.

[Jade]

No, that's crazy.

[Host]

And I would probably have a real bad attitude about that. Cause. Who are you hollering at?

[Jade]

Don't ever yell at me. Don't yell at me.

[Host]

Your manager might have been like, okay, don't do that no more. Because look around. There is a teacher shortage, and they are not. They probably, like, we cannot afford to lose.

[Jade]

Also, that's unsafe to children. You screaming on another teacher in the hallway, like, what?

[Crystal]

You.

[Host]

What, girl?

[Jade]

Do you need to take a leave of absence?

[Host]

I've never been at a job where I felt like I could just holler at my boss, especially for Asking me to do the duties that I am supposed to do. Yeah, it's not a situation where you were disrespecting the fuck out of her and she snapped. Yeah, she got tired of you saying, hey, you do have to, you know, clean the chalkboards.

[Jade]

And your manager called you too poly. Your manager is the problem here.

[Host]

Yeah, your manager's the problem. No, but that's what I'm saying. The manager. You're a higher up.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Host]

If you're a principal, you're higher up at the district or whatever is like figure it out. Cause we don't have no more teachers. Nobody wants to be a fucking teacher. We paying $38,000 a year for people with master's degrees in six years of experience. Like we don't have nobody else to come do this job. But too polished is a ridiculous.

[Jade]

That's not even a valid critique. Like, that's not a valid critique. That would make me cuss you out. And then I dare you to fire me for that.

[Host]

That's like telling me I'm too good at my job.

[Jade]

Yeah, like what is that? That is the same idiocy as you are overqualified. If I'm applying for this bitch, clearly.

[Host]

I know you think I don't know.

[Jade]

Hello when you say that's not your business right now. Like I need this job. Like, what you mean?

[Host]

Too polish, right?

[Jade]

Oh, your manager's an idiot.

[Host]

Yeah, too polished is ridiculous. Write ups don't change behavior. Then why do we have them?

[Jade]

What's the protocol? So let's just all be buck wild in this bitch then, right?

[Crystal]

Right.

[Host]

I think this teacher knows they not gonna fire her because. And you know how I don't know.

[Jade]

The race of this teacher, but I have.

[Host]

But if she knows she would have Barbara Howard.

[Jade]

She might be a Jade Verrett.

[Host]

I don't know. I'm the worst employee ever. She done got good and comfortable at that school. Everybody know her. She know everybody in the district well enough to go behind your back and talk to your boss first. Child, listen, listen. I'm not losing shit.

[Jade]

But you do not deserve to be your screamed on. I'll tell you that right now.

[Host]

Right.

[Jade]

You never deserve to be screamed on.

[Host]

So at this point, I think if I were in your position, I would keep my dealings with her too strictly necessary.

[Jade]

Yep. And always have a third party.

[Host]

However, you do still have to do what you were told to do. Like you do still have to do the duties that are outlined for you. And so if you don't, I am going to tell you, hey, you didn't do recess duty or whatever. And you, like, I'm going to document all that and send that right along to my boss. But I won't be having no, like, hey, just a friendly reminder, blah, blah, blah, like, you fuck up. I'm just documenting it and sending it along. There is nothing else for me and you to talk about. Cause you disrespected the fuck out of me.

[Jade]

Also, who's your manager's manager? Like, who can you overstep? Who can you go to for this.

[Host]

Move to your right.

[Jade]

You got an hr? Who's the HR at the school? Okay, you gotta go talk to them and give them all of this breakdown. Because I guarantee you nobody wants to report that they told somebody they're too polished.

[Host]

I'm really struggling with how that makes sense in the context of a school. Especially when you talking about talking to the other teachers. Maybe if you're a principal at an elementary school, you want somebody like Mom Donnie, who will entertain the kids and be kind of personable or whatever. But this is a professional context. My job is to manage a group of teachers exactly.

[Jade]

Like, did I walk into the break room and go, salutations. I hear my dungarees like, what? I know you don't talk like that because you talk like Nene on this fucking letter. So I know you not going in there like that. What is too polished?

[Host]

The idea that I would need to figure out how to build a better relationship with somebody who screamed at me in a hallway because I told her to do her job.

[Jade]

Yeah. Nah.

[Host]

Yeah, y' all got me fucked up.

[Jade]

Yeah, God's still working on me. Cause ain't no fucking way. I told you when Spike screamed on me. Oh, yes, I told you when he speaked on me. And statute of limitations, and I don't care. Spike, you got a problem, you can come call me. Spike called me.

[Host]

Is Spike not gonna call you?

[Jade]

He's not, but he might. I don't know. He's audacious like that. Spike screamed on me and I let him go for a minute. And then I had to stop him and say, spike, the man whose balls I came out of and the one who lays next to me at night, do not talk to me like that. Do not talk to me like that.

[Crystal]

Literally.

[Jade]

So you have every right. You can handle it, Go to your higher ups, do all your things, but you have every right to put your foot down about somebody not yelling at you, Right? That's disrespectful as fuck, right?

[Host]

So if it's something that she's supposed to be doing, that then makes more workload, increases the workload for other teachers. Maybe they will start to complain, and then the district will take it more seriously. But if I were you, when I tell you, y' all can suck my dick with this. And let me tell you something. Jade is a rotten employee, but I am not. I am Little Miss early.

[Jade]

And that's by choice. Let's be clear.

[Host]

Right? It's not like Jade just. Jade's not. You know, some of us are just not meant for the corporate.

[Jade]

And I know that. You know what I'm saying?

[Host]

I went out to dinner with my.

[Jade]

Old co workers the other day, and they were like, yo, you were the fucking worst. You were the worst and the best coworker we've ever had.

[Host]

Oh. Cause she's a vibe.

[Jade]

Yeah, no, totally a vibe. I get my hair braided.

[Host]

But like.

[Jade]

But like anything else, like, it's coming back to angel. Corko World is not my jam, so.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Host]

But it is mine. I really thrived in a corporate environment, and I do love that kind of work. And I am an excellent employee. I go above and be. I do. I really do.

[Jade]

No, you do.

[Host]

My bosses have all loved me. Like, said, I. I'm great. You really lucked out with me. But screaming at me, completely unfounded. Oh, no. The whole building gonna hear this.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

Nah.

[Jade]

Yeah, nah.

[Host]

Y' all got me fucked up. But, you know, sometimes you just have to say to yourself in the morning, because of fucking capitalism, I have to do this job. So I'm gonna go in here and do this job. I'm not gonna let this bitch, you know, drive me crazy. If you holler at me again, I am simply going to send that right along to the district or whoever else is supposed to know, like, I'm not going back and forth with you.

[Jade]

But, yeah, also, I don't know how I'm assuming you love your job. Let's just say that for. I don't know. You called yourself Ava Coleman's twin brother.

[Host]

So I don't know. Ava loves her job. She does.

[Jade]

Like, at the root of it all, she does.

[Host]

I mean, she loves it because she really does whatever she wants to do in addition to.

[Jade]

But in the real world.

[Host]

Right.

[Jade]

I have a friend who is an educator, and she's facing immense challenge right now. Immense on the structural level and from the higher ups and what she has to constantly. We were just talking about this. What she has to constantly do now, right now at this really challenging juncture is continue to remind herself about these kids and how much she cares about these kids.

[Host]

Yes.

[Jade]

So she'll share the stories with them, you know, with me about them and things they've said. And she's like, this is what helps to level out all the bullshit that I have to deal with from the adults. So I hope that A, you address this bitch yelling at you like cause never the fuck. But B, I hope that you're able to find some levity in what you do and loving what you do despite the bullshit that you have to deal with as well.

[Host]

And if you have to get assigned to a different school next semester, so be it.

[Jade]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host]

So be it. But I mean it sounds like there's no real consequences for the verbal warning is nothing. That's not that don't go on a file or nothing. That's just saying, okay, don't do it.

[Jade]

Again and don't verbal warning me. I will lie and say you never said it.

[Host]

So you could cuss this bitch out.

[Jade]

In her ear and then you could lie. Avery and ne. Look, my family is not abundant now.

[Host]

We're getting to the things that you really shouldn't do.

[Jade]

Shouldn't. Sure. Okay. But who can prove it? Not a motherfucker, anybody. So you would be yell at me again, bitch, and it's gonna be me and motherfucking you. You hear me? And nobody. She'll never be able to prove that shit either.

[Host]

It might be that the most efficient way to protect. Cause I'm skipping right past that. The most efficient way to protect your piece is to be as professional with this person as possible and not to with her otherwise. And focus on doing a great job.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Host]

Good luck. Avery Coleman.

[Jade]

Oh my God. So much luck to you.

[Host]

All right, who's our last letter from? Jade?

[Jade]

All right. Hattie writes, hi, Crystal. My fiance Tina and I have been together for four years and are planning to get married at the end of the year. I have a friend, Eric, who I plan to be as one of my groomsmen. Or at least I thought so. Eric is non binary and has been with their fiance Liz for about three years. I consider both Eric and Liz to be family at this point. Tina and I sent out our wedding invites and we went separate. And we sent separate invites to Eric and Liz.

[Crystal]

Got you.

[Jade]

A couple of days went by. The fuck is a die? A couple of days went by and we didn't hear anything from either one of them. On our RSVP date, Eric called me and said that they and Liz are no Longer together because. Because they cheated on her. They also mentioned that they probably wouldn't be at the wedding if Liz is there out of respect for her. I've known Eric for a while. They have a past of doing their partners dirty. I'm sorry.

[Host]

Damn.

[Jade]

However, they seem as though they got their shit together for this relationship. Clearly I was wrong. I feel selfish for this. But I'm pretty disappointed in Eric's response. I can't have you at our wedding because you decided to take. I know they'll be sad for the next few months. And I still plan to be a good friend and make sure they're okay. But damn. This is a big milestone for me. Right. And you probably won't be there. Crazy. I really would like both Eric and Liz to be at our wedding. But I also understand they probably don't want to be around each other. Should I tell Eric how I feel or should I let it go? Should I reach out to Liz separately about if she plans to be in attendance or. Because neither of them RSVP'd by the date? We still. Should I just say fuck them and keep it moving. Part of me thinks Eric would feel some type of way if Liz is there and they're not. I know this special day is supposed to be about Tina and I before I could.

[Host]

Right.

[Jade]

But I feel hurt that someone close to me is potentially choosing not to be there. Help me. Thanks. Hattie McDaniel. That's how she typed it. Help me.

[Host]

Okay. She said it wasn't my special jade flare this time. I did that myself. Oh, Hattie, Hattie. What a mess.

[Jade]

Your friend is an asshole real bad.

[Crystal]

Eric is a real.

[Jade]

Yeah, a real dick is an asshole. So.

[Host]

I've been a bridesmaid I don't know, a million times. I've never gotten an invite to the wedding as a bridesmaid. You know, I think it's a little confusing.

[Jade]

Cause Eric was going to be in the wedding, right?

[Host]

Eric was. Well, you wanted Eric.

[Jade]

You wanted me.

[Host]

I would've that conversation about being a groomsman before I sent out an invite. So that maybe Eric had a little bit more context for how important it was for you. To you. For them to be there. But I do also think Eric and Liz.

[Jade]

Liz.

[Host]

Their former fiance. Yeah. I do think Eric and Liz should be able to put on their adult underpants about this. And figure out how to coexist at this party without making it awkward and weird. Like, if you consider both of them to be family at this point, I'm not sure why they can't show up separately. Like, there's a bitch I don't like a lot of places I go.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Host]

Why would I let that stop me? Especially from somebody that close to me, somebody who was gonna be in my bridal part.

[Jade]

And if you opt out of celebrating with me because of it, then you know what? You're lost.

[Crystal]

That.

[Host]

I mean, I really can't imagine skipping out on a super close friend's wedding because I don't wanna see my ex because I did my ex wrong. Is that really a good. You got a face like. Well.

[Jade]

Well, one time I had a birthday and there you go.

[Host]

So one time you had a birthday and what?

[Jade]

And two friends were having some mess betwixt themselves and they did not show up to the birthday.

[Host]

Oh, no.

[Jade]

And it was noticeable that they weren't there. And when I found out that they weren't there because it had gotten messy over there.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Jade]

I was like, well, that's really disappointing that you let that take place over my birthday. But also, yeah, go handle your mess. Like, just don't bring that shit over here. So, you know, if you view them like family, you'll be sad that they're not there.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Jade]

If they choose not to be there, you're still gonna marry. You're still gonna be with your love. And if you choose to be friends with them afterwards, then great. But they're not gonna be the focus of your date either. I think this is giving. This is putting a lot on them, you know what I'm saying? And taking away from what you really should be focused on.

[Host]

I see what you're saying.

[Jade]

I just.

[Host]

I don't know. There's a part of me that's like, y' all are grown, though.

[Jade]

Well, yes, they are grown, but if they're grown, then they have. Then they're gonna use their autonomy to do whatever the fuck they're gonna do. They're either gonna choose not to be there or they're gonna choose to be there.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Jade]

What you gonna do at that point?

[Host]

Yeah, if. So since Liz didn't rsvp, I might call Eric and be like, look, Liz not even coming to the wedding.

[Jade]

Liz didn't go.

[Host]

I was gonna ask you to be a groomsman. So why don't you just come?

[Jade]

Who are you friends with first? No, I'm just playing.

[Host]

Nah, Hattie was friends with Eric first.

[Jade]

Okay, so then tell Eric.

[Host]

So then, you know that's what I'm saying.

[Jade]

But also, Eric's in the wrong. Remember?

[Host]

Eric is in the wrong real bad, too. Cause how you cheat on your fiance.

[Jade]

Yeah, that's crazy. That's crazy. I mean, definitely tell your friend there an asshole. Let's be clear. You put me in a real precarious situation.

[Crystal]

This is a very fucked up position.

[Host]

And when you decided to step out on Liz, did you think about the ramifications this would have on me? Did you?

[Crystal]

Did you?

[Host]

You didn't. I'm very good at making the situation about me.

[Jade]

You didn't think about me at all.

[Host]

I know you lost the love of your life or whatever, but that was because of your own fucked up behavior.

[Jade]

You got rid of the love of your life. You willfully did that shit. Especially if they have a pattern of doing that. So at that point now too, I understand why you don't want to make Liz uncomfortable. I get that.

[Host]

But Liz not coming. Liz is an rsvp.

[Jade]

Liz has not confirmed.

[Host]

Oh, and you know a lot of people, they just don't fill out the rsvp. But then they show up anyway.

[Jade]

Don't fucking do that at a wedding.

[Host]

You'll get turned around.

[Jade]

Don't at the door fucking with me.

[Crystal]

Do that.

[Host]

A wedding you get. There is a headcount here. We are paying $175 per plate for.

[Jade]

You to eat this rice fucking pilaf for you to eat this dry chicken. Bitch, you better fucking respond. Don't show up. You better send me a crock pot.

[Host]

Right.

[Jade]

Sorry.

[Host]

Anyway, no, I get it.

[Jade]

I.

[Host]

If. I mean, I guess you could reach out just to be sure. But if somebody doesn't RSVP to me, that's them saying they're not coming.

[Jade]

Also, you could have a transparent conversation with all parties here. Liz, I really fuck with you. Yeah, I know you were done dirty. I really want you at my day. You already know that. I think Eric was fucked up for what they did. But also, you know, that's my nigga, them. So like, you know, if you don't think you can put that hurt aside, it will make me sad to not have you there. But.

[Host]

But I was planning to ask Eric to be a groomsman. So I wanted to give you a heads up.

[Jade]

That's it. And all you can do is leave people to whatever their decisions are gonna be after that. But I think a straight up and down conversation, I think that's the best.

[Host]

Way to handle it.

[Jade]

Actually.

[Host]

I was trying to think of like how to have this conversation in a way that first of all honors the fact that this is supposed to be once again your big day out hanging you and Tina supposed To be all.

[Jade]

Wrapped up right now. You supposed to be on the Zola, but you're out here writing this letter. You supposed to be checking to save the dates and counting. And I know you're not gonna have dried chicken. Cause I imagine anybody who doesn't write, who writes into this show is not gonna have dry chicken at their wall.

[Host]

Sometimes the chicken's just dry.

[Jade]

That's true.

[Host]

Sometimes the caterers leave the little lid off and it dries out.

[Jade]

Sometimes you don't have a choice but to miss the place. That's caterers. Another conversation. But, yeah, you supposed to be focused on what you know, you supposed to be enjoying yourself, preparing for this, and you too busy worried about these two niggas.

[Host]

Right.

[Jade]

You know, and that's just not fair to you either.

[Host]

Exactly. Exactly. I think what Jay proposed as a conversation to Liz is really smart and letting. Just kind of letting Liz know. In fact, it could even be like, okay, girls night. Let's go drink and talk about how Eric ain't shit. Let's go find you in the.

[Jade]

Hello.

[Host]

Eric is really a bum. How dare they. Like.

[Jade]

And you know I love them, girl.

[Host]

And you know, you know, you know I love them down.

[Jade]

But wow, you know I like them.

[Host]

I mean, and I would be over there, like. And, yeah, he. They used to be the worst in the world. But I really thought that turned it around.

[Jade]

I just want you to know I'm going out on Friday, and I'm talking big about you. Big. Cause you deserve it.

[Host]

Cause you deserve it.

[Jade]

But I love you.

[Host]

I do love you. But I love Liz, too.

[Jade]

Yeah. And that's that.

[Host]

So, yeah, I'm gonna go commiserate with my homegirl, and then I'm gonna have this conversation, see if she still wants to come to the wedding. Even though your dirty ass is gonna.

[Jade]

Be up there, you dirty dick.

[Host]

Like.

[Jade]

Oh, Hattie.

[Host]

Yes.

[Jade]

I just pray that y' all have a beautiful wedding. Right.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Jade]

I hope that you are able to shift your focus.

[Host]

No drama.

[Jade]

To where it's supposed to be. No drama. I hope you're able to be present, remember your day.

[Host]

Yes.

[Jade]

Really enjoy it.

[Host]

Really celebrate you and your spouse and yalls Big, big moment. So congratulations.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Host]

Good luck with the nuptials and let.

[Crystal]

Us know how it goes. Yes.

[Host]

All right. That's gonna wrap up this week's episode of Crystal Scouts. Thank you again, Jade, of all jades for being here. Let the people know where they can.

[Jade]

Find you, you, Jade of all jades everywhere. Also, Jaden XD every week and getting grown as well.

[Host]

She's Noah's mom, so.

[Jade]

Oh yeah, I'm also Noah's mom, so.

[Host]

I'm probably at a dance recital, right?

[Jade]

Somewhere talking to another parent that I have no desire to do, but I.

[Host]

Don'T want to talk to. But I have to because.

[Jade]

Do you smoke reefer? Other parent? No. Okay.

[Host]

So sorry, we have nothing else to talk about.

[Jade]

All right, thanks for having me, friend.

[Host]

You can. Oh, anytime, Hermona. See you very, very soon. You can follow Chrysalis Couch online at Chrysalis Couch. Our website is chrysaliscouch.com and if you have a question you'd like to ask me, please send me an email advicerislascouch.com all right, we'll see you next week.

[Crystal]

Thanks to Chime for sponsoring this episode of Crystal Scout.

[Host]

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[Crystal]

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[Host]

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[Crystal]

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[Host]

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[Crystal]

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[Sponsor Voice]

Couch Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank Banking services a secured Chime Visa credit card and my pay line of credit provided by the Bancor Bank NA or Stride Bank NA. My pay eligibility requirements apply, and credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com feesinfo advertised annual percentage yield with Chime otherwise 1.0% APY applies. No min balance required. Chime card on time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms.