Session 17 ft. Lauren Miller - Crissle’s Couch

Transcript

A (0:01)

Welcome to Chrissa's Couch, the show where I answer your letters for advice and talk to the most interesting people in the world. Today I am joined again by Lauren Miller.

B (0:11)

I'm here.

A (0:11)

Thank you so much for coming back on the show. No problem.

B (0:14)

It's my pleasure always.

A (0:16)

How are you doing with all of this mess with the weather in the

B (0:19)

city, Girl, the snow. Okay, so the snow is one thing, but then the cold was another thing.

A (0:25)

Right.

B (0:26)

So I don't know how I'm surviving.

A (0:28)

It's been pretty gross. So I do appreciate you making the trek to come do the show with me today. I'm so. You were so much fun the last time I spoke. Gotta get that girl back in here. Thank you. All right, are you ready to jump into the inbox with me?

B (0:43)

I am. We got the little text set up

A (0:45)

so, you know, we try to do a little something.

B (0:48)

I'm ready.

A (0:48)

All right, who's up first?

B (0:49)

Okay, so we have Pascal.

A (0:51)

Okay.

B (0:52)

He says. Or she, but it says, hey, Krystal, I love the new show and I'm really proud of you, your personal growth and journey thus far. So I'm happy to report that I'm starting therapy soon. But I have a dilemma. I'm a 42 year old perimenopausal black woman, only child, single, no kids, live alone and have a very small circle of friends and family that do not live close by. I want your opinion on self inflicted isolation. Last year I did a lot of deep cleaning of my social circle and ended a lot of friendships and romantic connections. From imbalanced, emotionally draining friendships to unserious situationships, everything got chopped, cut off, period. I think perimenopause shifted my priorities quite a bit. I grew a lot last year and those choices brought me a lot more peace to my life. Of course. But now I'm just in my apartment alone all the time. Since I work from home, I decided to take a break from the dating and social media apps to reset for the new year because I find that I use them to temporarily fill my void of loneliness.

Summary

Crissle’s Couch – Session 17 ft. Lauren Miller
Date: March 3, 2026

Episode Overview

In Session 17 of “Crissle’s Couch,” host Crissle is joined by repeat guest Lauren Miller for an episode rich in candid advice, mutual vulnerability, and plenty of laughter. Together, they respond to listener letters on themes of isolation, self-improvement, difficult relationships, and the messy reality of building connections. Listeners get practical insight into issues like loneliness, ADHD, political differences in relationships, and the complex boundaries of friendship with someone struggling with addiction. The episode mixes empathy and directness, signature Crissle, with Lauren adding both levity and personal reflection.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Navigating Self-Inflicted Isolation (Pascal’s Letter)

[00:49–13:43]

Summary of Letter:
Pascal, a 42-year-old Black woman in perimenopause, writes about her feelings of profound loneliness after “deep cleaning” her social circle, ending draining friendships and situationships, and withdrawing from dating and social media. She wonders if this isolation is a control issue and asks how to healthily open up to love and friendship.
Crissle’s Take:
- Recognizes the safety people find in isolation: “In isolation, we’re not going to get our hearts broken.” [03:10]
- Highlights that humans are wired for connection, and total isolation often stems from lack of trust due to past hurts: “It might be a control issue, but at the root of it, it’s you wanting to keep yourself safe and not knowing how else to do that.” [04:30]
Lauren’s Take & Memorable Quote:
- Relates to the struggle, noting how being an only child and living alone increases isolation: “That is very isolating within itself. And then you’ve cut so many people off…” [04:49]
- Stresses not rushing connection but making space for new and potentially loving relationships: “You haven’t even met all of the people in your life that’s going to love you.” [06:13]
Practical Tips:
- Seek therapy to address trust and vulnerability.
- Accept that meaningful relationships require some risk and vulnerability.
- Replenish your social circle after cutting ties and invest time in healing from past patterns.
Discussion on Perimenopause:
Both agree that life transitions can prompt reevaluation, but attribute Pascal’s changes more to self-reflection than hormonal shifts. [12:56–13:43]

2. Feeling Stuck & Battling ADHD (Ms. Ross’s Letter)

[13:43–26:35]

Summary of Letter:
Ms. Ross, nearing 40, shares her struggles with perceived lack of accomplishment, depression, ADHD, and being dropped by her last therapist for not making enough progress. She asks if she can “trick herself” into healthier habits.
Crissle’s Take:
- Validates Ms. Ross’s struggles, highlighting how overwhelming compounding challenges can be: “That’s a lot you trying to go up against with no support…” [15:49]
- Criticizes the previous therapist for failing Ms. Ross: “That’s kind of the exact opposite of what therapy’s supposed to be like.” [17:04]
Lauren’s Advice:
- Reframes the question: “Even you writing in… it’s about grace and treating yourself how you would treat somebody else.” [19:14]
- Explains the need to gamify life for ADHD brains—shares her experience with the Finch app and lists: “Brush my teeth, get out of bed, drink water, do one thing that makes me happy today.” [21:16]
Practical Techniques:
- Use gamification and to-do lists to make self-care and chores engaging. [22:08]
- Leverage online ADHD and mental health resources.
- Be gentle and forgiving with setbacks—shame doesn’t work as motivation: “If shame worked, we would all be [fixed]...” [20:04]
- Structure daily tasks with reminders and calendars.

3. Political Differences in Relationships (Bradford’s Letter)

[26:35–37:43]

Summary of Letter:
Bradford, 26, from a wealthy Manhattan family, details a loving, long-term relationship with his Black boyfriend, who is “Republican adjacent,” unlike liberal Bradford and his family. He wonders if he should address the issue, especially since he is considering proposing.
Crissle & Lauren’s Analysis:
- Crissle lays it out: “Normally I would say, absolutely, this is worth the conversation… I can’t be with a Republican… For you it obviously isn’t.” [30:24]
- Lauren questions the utility of a conversation if Bradford isn’t willing to break up: “If you’re literally saying, hey, I’m not gonna break up with him because of this, so then why bring it up, baby?” [31:11]
- Both point out the internal conflict: “It’s bothering you enough to type this all up and email me about it.” (Crissle) [31:40]
- Suggest Bradford reflect deeply before proposing: “You need to really have a deep, personal conversation with yourself about what really matters to you… are you willing to compromise those for the sake of this relationship?” [34:21]
- Discuss the complexities of queer identity and Republican politics: “There’s a whole group called the Log Cabin Republicans…” [35:16]
Actionable Insight:
- If core values clash, be honest about how much it really matters, and have the tough conversation before legal or emotional commitments deepen.
- If you’re unwilling to leave, bringing up a contentious issue may just cause unnecessary tension.

4. Learning to Open Up in Dating (Darla’s Letter)

[37:43–46:49]

Summary of Letter:
Darla, 30, describes herself as closed-off despite finally meeting a man she might like. She fears she has a problem since she’s not sure how to be open, risks numbing herself, and wonders whether she should keep dating him or move on.
Lauren’s (Humorous) Analysis:
- Jokes about calling out avoidant attachment styles: “She sounds avoidant, right? So that’s avoidant, right?” [39:32]
- Validates Darla’s caution: “Pattern recognition… is saying, this is some bullshit. Get me out of here.” [40:07]
Crissle’s Guidance:
- Encourages giving the connection more time: “Give your system a chance to really build something with somebody else… if the flags keep coming up green, that’s a sign to let the trust develop.” [41:27]
- Explains discomfort when experiencing healthy love after toxic patterns: “You’re overwhelmed by the good of it and so you numb yourself out of it… your nervous system is conditioned and primed for garbage.” [43:29]
Key Takeaways:
- Take things slowly—vulnerability and trust take time and repeated positive experiences to develop.
- “You’re not wasting nobody’s time if he wanna be around you.” (Lauren) [42:05]
- Use journaling and therapy to process overwhelming emotions about intimacy.

5. Setting Boundaries with a Friend in Addiction (Jackie’s Letter)

[46:54–58:49]

Summary of Letter:
Jackie writes about her alcoholic friend, who is mean and often accuses Jackie (and her mother) of being jealous or unsupportive. Jackie feels guilty for wanting to cut the friend off, fearing she is “kicking her while she’s down.”
Crissle’s Empathy and Directness:
- Explains the guilt might stem from being taught to take care of others at her own expense: “You were raised to take care of other people, to always consider what they have going on…”
- On addiction: “She is not under your care. That’s not abandonment.” [54:32]
- On drawing boundaries: “You get to say, ‘I’ve had enough of the way you treat me and I’m going to step back from this relationship.’” [51:52]
- “If it was up to you, she would be sober and happy… but you don’t deserve to be mistreated.” [58:09]
Lauren’s Practical Framing:
- Advocates for clearly communicating boundaries: “Let her know, this will be the reason why I cut you off…It’s the way you treat me.” [52:36]
- Suggests leaving a door open: “If she ever does… you can hold that space for her.” [55:52]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“You have to give people the chance to hurt you.” – Crissle [08:53]
“You haven’t even met all of the people in your life that’s going to love you.” – Lauren [06:17]
“If shame worked, we would all be [fixed]...” – Crissle [20:04]
“Gamify your life. And if you want to trick yourself…making lists.” – Lauren [22:03]
“I can’t be with a Republican, not even like a moderate Republican. That’s not for me.” – Crissle [30:39]
“You’re not wasting nobody’s time if he wanna be around you.” – Lauren [42:05]
“You do have to…let yourself have some experience with feeling the joy of it too, baby.” – Crissle [46:45]
“You cannot abandon an alcoholic woman… She is not under your care.” – Crissle [54:32]

Episode Timeline & Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------| | 00:49–13:43 | Pascal on Isolation & Trust Issues | | 13:43–26:35 | Ms. Ross on Feeling Stuck & Gamifying Life | | 26:35–37:43 | Bradford’s Political Divide in Relationship | | 37:43–46:49 | Darla on Fear of Intimacy & Vulnerability | | 46:54–58:49 | Jackie’s Friendship with an Alcoholic |

Tone & Vibe

The conversation throughout is warm, honest, and lightly irreverent, balancing tough love and solidarity. Crissle leans into her wisdom and lived experience, while Lauren provides humor and additional personal perspective. The language is relatable, conversational, and authentically rooted in care for the listeners—even when truth-telling stings a bit.