Crissle’s Couch – Session 19 ft. Jade

Date: March 17, 2026
Host: Crissle
Guest: Jade

Episode Overview

In this lively and heartfelt session, Crissle and fan-favorite Jade team up to provide candid, compassionate, and unfiltered advice to listeners navigating issues related to self-worth, family, community, parenting, and boundary-setting. The duo tackle a series of listener letters, blending sharp insight, lived experience, humor, and tough love to address struggles ranging from internalized shame and religious trauma to parental paranoia and the complexities of chosen family. The episode balances laughter with vulnerability—as always, “not therapy, but maybe the next best thing.”

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Healing Self-Worth and Overcoming Childhood Trauma

Letter #1: “ENJ Brandy Norwood”—Struggles with Self-Value as a Gay Black Man
[00:36 – 13:27]

• Listener’s Dilemma: Internalized feelings of unworthiness stemming from a childhood filled with parental favoritism, religious shame, and external homophobia. Despite leaving religion and building some self-acceptance, lingering triggers persist, especially relating to relationships and isolation.
• Crissle’s Guidance ([02:55]):
  • Recommends “inner child” work—keeping childhood photos nearby as visual reminders.
  • Suggests Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy if accessible.
  • Emphasizes intentional self-compassion: “Start to really…think about treating yourself now the same way you deserve to be treated when you were that age.”
  • Quote: “It’s hard for me to believe that I have value just as I am, that if I’m not, like, being superwoman, then I’m garbage, basically.” (04:08)
• Jade Adds ([05:26]):
  • Highlights the damage of religious indoctrination.
  • Encourages speaking to oneself with the same grace given to loved ones: “You would not tolerate listening to your loved ones speak about themselves in that way.” (06:00)
  • Notes sometimes family’s “best” is not good enough—seek support elsewhere if necessary.
• Both Stress:
  • Healing takes time; be patient and kind to yourself.
  • Confront or disengage from unsupportive family (“your parents are…just two human beings in the grand scheme of things…” [09:00]).
  • Seek community—don’t underestimate the value of external connections (11:14).

2. Paranoia in a Parent Figure

Letter #2: “newmonica, Lewinsky”—Navigating a Stepdad’s Paranoia
[13:33 – 28:09]

• Listener’s Dilemma: Stepdad exhibits paranoid behaviors—believes he’s being watched, uses fake names, restricts tech, compulsively guards household privacy. The paranoia disrupts day-to-day family functioning.
• Crissle’s Take ([14:57]):
  • Acknowledges overlap between rational caution and true paranoia.
  • Explains difference: “Intuition should bring a sense of peace or calm. Paranoia will bring a sense of panic or fear.” (17:43)
  • Difficult to help—avoiding outright contradiction, while not validating delusions.
  • Suggests: Acknowledge feelings (“That sounds really scary…”) but don’t reinforce false beliefs.
• Support Strategies ([19:02]; [21:04]):
  • Encourage documenting incidents for evidence; gently, in lucid moments, compare paranoid predictions to outcomes.
  • Emphasize the need for professional help; family can’t “fix” deep-seated mental health issues alone.
  • Support groups for those living with paranoid relatives may help (for the mother).
• Memorable Moment:
  • Jade’s attempt to find levity in the darkness—“Order Instacart?…he’s gonna think it’s the KGB.” (21:25)
• Bottom Line:
  • Exercise patience, attention, and boundaries; prioritize safety and seek clinical intervention if at all possible.

3. Parenting Black Kids, Trans Identity, and Community in “White Spaces”

Letter #3: “Mary J. Blige”—Struggling with Black and Trans Identity in the Midwest
[28:15 – 39:22]

• Listener’s Scenario: Black single mother of twins (one autistic daughter, one trans son) in Iowa—kids are deeply unhappy, struggle with identity, no local community. Weighs staying (safer, cheaper, more stable) against moving somewhere with more Black/trans community support.
• Crissle & Jade’s Double-Take ([30:24]; [32:10]):
  • Acknowledge the isolation and pressure of raising Black, neurodivergent, and trans kids in overwhelmingly white environments.
  • Recognize trade-offs between cost of living, career stability, and social/emotional safety for children.
• Jade’s Perspective ([33:33]):
  • Cites her own experience—urban environment offers more community, but sacrifices may be required.
  • “I totally understand…cost of living is cheaper here…[but] I have witnessed kids [with no community] not thrive.”
• Advice:
  • If possible, consider relocating for greater community and diversity (even to the “black side” of town or nearby cities).
  • Seek online and local affinity/support groups for kids and self.
  • Strongly emphasize: “You didn’t do nothing wrong…your child being autistic or trans…people beating you up for that is crazy, man.” (38:00)
• Memorable:
  • “Annapolis? Is that a Arundel Mills? You can go to the Arundel Mills…” (36:56)
  • Tough love for ignorant family/community members—“You’re not gonna shame my motherfucking kid. I will bully you and your family.” (38:23)

4. Boundaries in Caretaking, Stepparenting, and the Child-Free Choice

Letter #4: “Adina Howard the Duck”—Partner Keeps Taking in Grandkids, Against Boundaries
[39:30 – 51:56]

• Dilemma: Listener entered relationship with a girlfriend who had four grown kids (fine), but then took custody of grandkids with promise it was temporary. Now has six young kids in the house, partner keeps taking in more. Listener neither wants to raise kids nor agrees with partner’s parenting style (harsh/verbal abuse).
• Crissle’s Take ([43:08]):
  • Empathizes with pain of breaking connection with children who are attached to her.
  • The “first best time to leave” was when the first promise was broken; “the second best time is right now.”
• Jade’s Angle ([45:25]):
  • Respects the child-free choice; notes that sometimes people change their mind, but it’s 100% valid not to want kids.
  • Warns of brewing resentment: “You’re going to have to…shit or get off the pot, because…you are only gonna continue to become more and more attached.”
  • Flags partner’s lack of receptiveness to critique on her parenting (“…that’s not a good sign.”)
• Decision Point:
  • If you’re not seen as an equal parent, staying isn’t sustainable; you’re not obligated to remain out of guilt.
  • On partner’s logic (“my grandkids won't grow up to be no bum ass, weak ass, ghetto ass adults…”): “You are literally their first bully.” (48:34)
• Memorable:
  • “You yell at a baby…It would be almost impossible for me to conceal my disgust.” (51:23)

5. Surviving Family Narcissism & Maintaining No Contact

Letter #5: “Spliff Star Jones”—Stalking and Narcissism from the Family
[52:15 – 64:43]

• Context: Listener (43) is estranged from father after lifelong abuse, scapegoated against a golden child sibling. Family drove to Atlanta for an “ambush,” then continues to stalk her, triggering a severe CPTSD episode.
• Crissle’s Advice ([54:58]; [57:32]):
  • Affirms listener’s right to strict boundaries and cutting off toxic relatives: “…nothing’s more important than my peace. I mean that shit. Everybody can go behind my peace, my safety.” (59:12)
  • Recommends ending all contact, blocking numbers, securing digital privacy (stop sharing location), and—if necessary—involving law enforcement for stalking or harassment.
  • “If I have to get a restraining order, there’s no step I won’t take to protect my own peace.” (60:56)
• Jade’s Additions ([55:30]; [61:02]):
  • Mixes humor and reality: “Would you like a curse performed at this table?”
  • Laments loss of mother, encourages leaning on chosen family and friends.
  • “Do not let these niggas come and interrupt your peace.”
  • Encourages embracing the “spoiled and ungrateful” accusations: “Lean into it. Y’ all think I’m mentally ill? Again, I will show you.” (63:21)
• Support:
  • Both express genuine admiration for the listener’s academic and emotional work—she’s “busting [her] ass” on that PhD.
  • Closing: “Take care of yourself, first and foremost, because these people—not gonna do it.” (64:05)

Notable Quotes & Moments With Timestamps

• On self-talk and healing:
  “When you start to…think about treating yourself now the same way you deserve to be treated when you were that age. It takes time.” (04:34 – Crissle)

• On indoctrination and inner voice:
  “You would not tolerate listening to your loved ones speak about themselves in that way.” (06:00 – Jade)

• On confronting unsupportive family:
  “We need to disengage or separate as much of the attachment to them that would really love for their validation.” (08:02 – Crissle)

• On paranoia boundaries:
  “Intuition should bring a sense of peace or calm. Paranoia will bring a sense of panic or fear…” (17:43 – Crissle)

• On the child-free relationship dilemma:
  “The first best time to leave was…when that four months was up and they were still there…The second best time is right now.” (43:53 – Crissle)

• On not compromising self for guilt:
  “You also can’t stay in a relationship out of a certain obligation too. Like no matter what that is. And that’s really hard…when children are that small.” (49:32 – Jade)

• On family stalking:
  “If I have to get a restraining order, there’s no step I won’t take to protect my own peace.” (60:56 – Crissle)

• On validation:
  “Take care of yourself, first and foremost, because these people—not gonna do it.” (64:05 – Crissle)

Segment Timestamps Overview

• Letter #1 (Self-worth and Healing): 00:36–13:27
• Letter #2 (Stepfather’s Paranoia): 13:33–28:09
• Letter #3 (Community & Parenting in Iowa): 28:15–39:22
• Letter #4 (Grandkids/Parenting Boundaries): 39:30–51:56
• Letter #5 (Family No Contact/Narcissism): 52:15–64:43

Tone and Takeaways

• Language is frank, loving, and direct—often employing humor as relief for heavy topics.
• Advice blends affirmation, hard truths, and advocacy for self-preservation.
• Message: Healing is ongoing, boundaries are vital, and the path to self-respect sometimes requires tough—and even lonely—choices. No one’s alone on Crissle’s Couch.

For more, visit chrysaliscouch.com or email advice@crystalscouch.com to submit a question.