Session 35: Calling Crissle

Summary

Crissle’s Couch: Session 35 – “Calling Crissle”

Date: July 14, 2026
Host: Crissle
Podcast: Crissle’s Couch
Episode Theme: Navigating Family Dynamics, Parent-Child Boundaries, and Friendship Fallout

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Episode Overview

Session 35 of Crissle’s Couch dives deeply into emotionally complex listener stories centered on fraught family relationships and tests of friendship. With her trademark blend of empathy, honesty, and gentle realness, Crissle offers live advice to three callers wrestling with boundaries, parental estrangement, and the grief of unmet expectations. Listeners are invited to reflect on their own histories and healing as these vivid conversations unfold.

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Key Segments & Insights

[01:31] – [20:16]

Call 1: Chichi – Coping with a Disappearing Mother

• Situation Summarized:

  • Chichi, the eldest child living far from home, is worried and hurt after her mother ghosts her for two weeks, missing Mother’s Day contact, only to reappear on Chichi’s birthday acting as if nothing happened. The estrangement is complicated by her mother’s marriage to an incarcerated man, whom Chichi cannot stand.
  • Chichi feels retraumatized and childlike, recalling a childhood where she “constantly cater[ed] to her emotional body” (Chichi, 04:49). She seeks advice on whether to go no contact or try to write her mother a heartfelt letter explaining her hurt.

• Crissle’s Guidance:

  • Validates Chichi’s feelings by referencing the pattern of parentification and emotional neglect older siblings often face:
    “It’s very common for the oldest child to bear the brunt of the parents’ missteps or whatever they may have going on.” (Crissle, 06:23)
  • Reframes the pattern: the real block to intimacy with her mother isn’t the men she chooses, but her mother’s unresolved trauma.
    • “Whatever is blocking the relationship lives within your mother. It’s her own trauma, her own issues… it doesn’t eliminate the pain.” (Crissle, 14:19)
  • Strongly supports writing a letter, emphasizing that it doesn’t need to be an ultimatum but should be honest, thorough, and for Chichi’s own healing:
    • “It doesn’t have to be an ultimatum… I’ve been hurting for a long time, since I was a child, and I was put in a position of having to act like an adult before I was an adult … And this situation over Mother’s Day … I don’t deserve that. I just don’t deserve it.” (Crissle, 17:59)
  • Suggests taking time, writing and revising, and points out the process is for her, not her mother’s response.
  • Ends with affirmation:
    • "Regardless of how your mother acts, know that you deserve the world. And I hope you have community, support, chosen family and friends around you who can pour into you and love you the way you deserve.” (Crissle, 19:55)

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[22:36] – [40:45]

Call 2: Sasha – Financial Entanglements and the Pain of Parental Disappointment

• Situation Summarized:

  • Sasha has cut off her mother and brother following a blow-up over money. Her mother, who has a long pattern of relying financially on her children, asks for large sums for parties and daily needs, misrepresents Sasha’s contributions, and guilt-trips her for expressing boundaries.
  • Sasha struggles with guilt, unresolved grief (her father passed away), and the pain of being the “responsible” child in a chaotic household:
    • “Ever since I got a job, up until about a couple of years ago, I got laid off for, like, nine months... But I've always had. When I lived with her, I had bills in the house and everything.” (Sasha, 24:56)

• Crissle’s Guidance:

  • Investigates, with great empathy, Sasha’s lifelong role as quasi-provider and emotional support for her mother and how this role was never healthily reciprocal:
    • “The beautiful thing about adulthood is that we do get to make our own decisions. … We don’t have to remain in contact with anyone who is actively hurting us.” (Crissle, 32:06)
  • Highly recommends sending a letter or email where Sasha details her pain—not just about money, but “years and years and years of hurt feelings that build up to this moment” (Crissle, 33:50). Emphasizes the letter is for Sasha, not for a two-way dialogue:
    • “You can send that off and have it be done... You can block her email address as soon as you send it... You don’t have to engage in a back and forth with your mother if it doesn’t feel safe to do that.” (Crissle, 34:24)
  • Connects Sasha’s depression and hesitation to childhood emotional neglect, affirms her therapy, and reiterates the value of expressing pent-up pain for the sake of owning her adult autonomy.

• Memorable Quote: “This letter is a gift for you to show yourself: I'm not a helpless child anymore. I’m an adult, and I can make my own decisions about who has access to me.” (Crissle, 40:30)

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[41:12] – [56:13]

Call 3: Nia – Nursing School Fallout: Friendship, Missteps, and Boundaries

• Situation Summarized:

  • Nia recently graduated nursing school and fell out with a close friend (Carrie) after a series of misunderstandings:
    • Nia fails to disclose a sideswipe to Carrie’s car (which she was borrowing).
    • Nia has another friend perform her graduation pinning, unintentionally hurting Carrie (who then withdraws and collects her car).
    • A mutual friend reveals Carrie feels the friendship has been one-sided.
    • Nia, though regretful about the car, is stung by the accusation of being a “user” and unsure if reconciliation is worth pursuing.

• Crissle’s Guidance:

  • Points out both parties acted immaturely: miscommunication, avoidance, and involving third parties rather than direct conversation.
  • Encourages self-reflection: If Nia feels guilt over her own behavior, a simple apology might offer closure, but if the friendship was unhealthy and the "one-sided" accusation rings false, it's okay to move on.
    • “In this situation, it kind of sounds like the both of you have moved on. And, you know, it may just be for the best, but I also wouldn't be surprised if maybe you're feeling a little bit guilty about the way you handled things or if there's a part of you that maybe regrets the way you handled certain things." (Crissle, 51:19)
    • “I'm a big fan of: If I feel like I did something wrong, talking to the person… but, other than that… if she's talking about friendship PTSD and all this, then it may be best that y'all just … got through nursing school together and this was just a nursing school friend, and now it is what it is.” (Crissle, 51:19–53:14)
  • Affirms Nia’s boundary setting and emphasizes growth: “Sometimes with boundaries, especially when it’s our first time doing it, we go from zero to a hundred...” (Crissle, 55:22)
  • Reassures her that mistakes and missteps are learning experiences, “Everything is [a] learning experience.” (Crissle, 55:59)

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Notable Quotes & Emotional Highlights

• On Parental Pain:
  “Emotionally immature parents leave such a mark on us, and the pain will carry on well into adulthood.” (Crissle, 20:47)
• On Context vs. Relief:
  “We can know why our mothers behave the way they do. And it still does not change the fact that it hurts. … All it does is provide some context. It helps with understanding, but it doesn’t eliminate the pain.” (Crissle, 14:19)
• On Asserting Self-Worth:
  “I'm not a toy. I'm not a doll. I'm your human child that didn't ask to come to this.” (Crissle, 19:37)
• On Ending Friendships:
  “Sometimes with boundaries, especially when it’s our first time doing it, we go from zero to a hundred. … Maybe this wasn't the healthiest friendship in the first place.” (Crissle, 55:22)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Chichi’s Call (Parental Estrangement, Boundaries, Grief):
  [01:31] – [20:16]
• Sasha’s Call (Financial Guilt, Estrangement, Vulnerability):
  [22:36] – [40:45]
• Nia’s Call (Friendship Conflict, Communication, Boundaries):
  [41:12] – [56:13]

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Episode Tone & Takeaways

• Crissle’s tone throughout is validating, warm, honest, and never shaming. She weaves in her own relatable stories and openly validates the pain, guilt, and confusion callers face.
• The episode underscores the importance of clear communication, setting boundaries, and finding closure on your own terms—even when the other party is unwilling or unable to give it to you.
• Listeners are reminded: family and friendships can be nurturing, but it’s okay to walk away if they demand too much of your spirit.

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Summary for New Listeners

Whether you’re wrestling with a complicated parent, a draining sibling, or a friendship that just won’t work, this episode of Crissle’s Couch offers a gently honest look at why so many of us struggle to let go—and why learning to put ourselves first is the real healing work. This isn’t therapy, but as always, it just might be the next best thing.

Transcript

[Chichi]

The best dancers from across the globe are about to join me for the audition of a lifetime.

[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Crystal]

I'm here to win.

[Chichi]

Nothing is gonna stop me.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Our star judges will decide.

[Chichi]

This is what hunger looks like.

[Sasha]

It was 100% the wrong choice.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Robert Irwin hosts The next era of

[Chichi]

ballroom starts right here on Dancing with the Stars. The next Pro.

[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Crystal]

Hi and welcome to Crystal's Couch, the show where I answer your letters for advice and talk to the most interesting people in the world. I'm back talking to more of you live. This is one of my favorite parts of the show to do. I just love being able to have conversations with you guys and get deeper into your questions. So let's not waste any time. Let's jump right in and see who's up first. Hello.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hi.

[Crystal]

Hi. What's your name?

[Chichi]

I'm Chichi.

[Crystal]

Hi, Chichi. What's going on?

[Chichi]

So I will just get right to it. So around Mother's Day, so I spoke with my mother the Friday before Mother's Day and Sunday, that actual day of Mother's Day, I called her and I didn't get. I got her voicemail. And so I'm like, okay, well, she'll call me back. I never hear from her. It's maybe, you know, like three days later. I still haven't heard from my mom. And I live in the Pacific Northwest and she lives in like the regional deep South. And my mom doesn't really have a lot of community, which is a big part of our issue right now. And I'm all the way out here and so I'm calling her, texting her. I'm not getting any response. And finally I just say, listen here, miss lady. If I don't hear from you, I'm calling a welfare check, because you're not about to have me worried about you. Who do you have out there that's going to come check on you? And so I never hear from her, even after that. My birthday rolls around on the 1st, and I finally hear from her, and I say, how have you been, Mom? Like, what's. You know, what's going on? She is acting like nothing's happened. She's acting like she hasn't ghosted me for weeks. And she didn't know at the time that I knew that she. On Mother's Day, that she was driving to meet her husband, who I cannot stand in jail. She did not know that added context. And so when. When we're talking on the phone and she's acting like everything's cool, copacetic, she's checking in on me. I just moved. And she's like, how was the move?

[Crystal]

I'm like, it good.

[Chichi]

And in my. My Gemini mind, I'm like, listen, lady, let's cut the crap. Like, you ghosted me, and you didn't call you. You didn't respond to my calls and texts for two weeks. I'm worried about you, right?

[Crystal]

Whole time.

[Chichi]

She said. I said.

[Sasha]

I asked her, I said, how was your Mother's Day, Ma?

[Chichi]

It was just another day. I said, what you mean, it was just another day? She said, well, I didn't hear from none of my kids. I just heard from my husband's kids. Kids. I said, I called you, Sweets. I got your voicemail. So then I realized, I'm like, you're. She start. She was trying to paint this narrative. She. Because she knows how I feel about her husband. And then it's very much so. Well, I didn't hear from none of my kids. And so I was like, well, I know you went to visit your husband. As soon as I said something about her husband, you know, it's like, nene, my man, My man.

[Sasha]

You can't say nothing about my man.

[Crystal]

Oh, Lord.

[Chichi]

And she blew up at me. I blew up at her for the simple fact that I was trying to get her to understand how hurtful that was and how immediately it put me back into my child body of constantly catering to her emotional body and her, you know, her emotions as an adult, as an only child, or not only child, but as the oldest child. And we didn't speak for a Couple of days after that, I said some things about her jail, her jailbird that she did not like. She did not like that.

[Crystal]

Oh, Lord.

[Chichi]

And now our communication is so strange because she's doing this thing that she has always done, which is just, everything's okay. We don't have to address anything. Meanwhile, my feelings are hurt and I, I, I don't have any relations in my relationships in my life that are like that, where we can just not talk to each other for two weeks and have people worried about you. And then is. And so I just feel like, Michael, my question is like, I'm in a place where I want to like really write her a letter instead of trying to talk to her because. Right. Talking to her activates me. It really does. And I need an apology from her or I just kind of want to go. No contact. Because it has really, really dysregulated me and it has brought up a lot of wounds that I realize I still hang on to.

[Sasha]

Okay.

[Crystal]

Okay. So it sounds like your childhood was a little rough with, with your mom and maybe she didn't have the most stable of emotions and you were trying to take care of that. And you were the oldest child, so maybe also looking out for your younger siblings too. And it's very common for the oldest child to bear the brunt of the parents missteps or whatever they may have going on. So it may be that if she was erratic with her emotions that you ended up getting the worst of that and. Okay. So.

[Chichi]

Very much so.

[Crystal]

How long have you two not lived in the same place?

[Chichi]

Oh my goodness, for years. At least five years.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Chichi]

But I have, I do, I'm the only one that visits her frequently. Like I will go and take some time to see her.

[Crystal]

Wow. And that's quite the flight from the PNW to the south.

[Chichi]

Don't even child the transfers. And I'm as restless.

[Crystal]

Right, right. Okay. Talk to me a little bit about her husband. When did she marry him?

[Chichi]

She married him. I would, I would also say maybe about four or five years ago, shortly after she divorced her longtime husband.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Chichi]

And this was the last time we were estranged because of this same sort of thing. I was trying to get her to understand that her and her husband had sacrificed relationships, meaningful relationships with, with their children for the sake of their toxic marriage. And I said that to her verbatim and she did not. I bet she didn't hearing that from me because her thing is always like, you're my child. So like. But she eventually was like, you were Right. But we were estranged because I did not like. And I didn't. I don't. I don't foster that kind of relationship in my life, and I don't the ways that she was treating us and herself. I was just like, mom, I. I can't do this with you.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Chichi]

And I was just. I think I got. Because I was also 30. I turned 30 at that point, and so I think I just kind of was fully understanding myself, my upbringing, and I feel like recently that there's been another round of that.

[Crystal]

Yeah. Okay. So is the husband. The husband is currently incarcerated.

[Chichi]

Very much so. And has been. I'm sorry. I cannot stand it.

[Crystal]

What did he do?

[Chichi]

He. I will say this. When I first met him, it was how I saw my mom behaving behind.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Chichi]

Lying. She was doing things behind him that I was just. That I'd never. I'd never seen in her. And he's a drug addict, and I want to be snake oil pastor. And I just. I was just, like, looking at my mom, like, mom, like, what are you doing?

[Crystal]

Right.

[Chichi]

And I just never saw it for him. Never. Not once. Because in my mind, once she got rid of the last one, I thought. I thought. I was like, she's going to get her passport. She's about to travel abroad. She's about to be on her Eat Pray, Love. Like, I was really, like, gagging for her moment. And then you married a. In jail. And I just. Me is like, I want. I want my. I want her to see that she is worthy of so much more than. Her value is not tied to how she hold a nigga down or hold anybody.

[Crystal]

Right, Right.

[Sasha]

Right.

[Chichi]

And so it really hurts when I see her behave like that. But then I also. Why you got to go to me, like, 50. What do you say before, Like.

[Nia]

Right.

[Crystal]

So it sounds like seeing your mother act this way behind this incarcerated man that she married is bringing up some feelings about her, maybe her previous marriage and how the two of them abandoned their children to stay together in that toxicity. And so it's very possible that you're feeling triggered and like, oh, you about to abandon me again for the sake of somebody who isn't worth it is just one way of putting it. But nobody is worth more than your children to you. Or at least they shouldn't be. So. Okay. Okay, so now your disdain for her husband is making more sense. I'm seeing it. Okay, so you're thinking of writing her a letter. What do you. What. What is it that you want to communicate to her?

[Chichi]

I really, it. Like I was saying before, it. Sometimes it gets really hard for me because I just get so frustrated because there are. There are things that I don't fully. Oh, I'm about to get choked up. There are things that I don't fully say to her out of fear of one it being necessarily my place, you know, And I feel like it would be easier to just like, really give her the, like, the raw. Like, I know that you behave like this because of this that you know and I know and I know that, you know, you are worth so much more than this. And I wish that sometimes you would. You would see that and you would really, really receive that. But also, there are boundaries when it comes to having a relationship with me in your life. And one of those is you cannot just ghost me because you feel slighted and not communicate that to me. And I'm out here thinking that something's happened to you. Right.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Chichi]

Full time. You was driving them Southern back roads to go see him shackled.

[Crystal]

Right. And talking to his kids instead of yours and then turning around and being like, well, I didn't hear from my children on mother today, girl, because you didn't answer the phone.

[Chichi]

Because you didn't call me back.

[Crystal]

Right, right. Oh, that's so painful.

[Chichi]

And that's what. When. When we talked on the phone and I realized that I hadn't heard from her because she was. It was some petty, like, get back because she, she.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Chichi]

The narrative she was spinning, that hurt. And I'm like, you know what, lady? I'm the only one that calls you. I'm the. I'm the one that will come and visit you the most. Not. Not to take that away from my other siblings, but they're all estranged.

[Crystal]

Yeah. And it sounds like for a very good reason. Yes.

[Chichi]

And I. I don't blame. I don't blame any of them.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Chichi]

But I also understand why, and I would like to communicate that I want to have a relationship with her, but not at the expense of myself.

[Crystal]

Right, Right. I understand why your siblings are estranged from your mother, and I understand why you haven't yet taken that leap, because it does sound like you were probably parentified as a child and put in roles that a child really should not have had to be in. Monitoring a parent's moods or emotions or whatever else they may have going on. That's not the job of a child. And so maybe your younger siblings were able to. Because you took the brunt of that. Maybe they were able to be more like, wow, Mommy's really kind of, you know, something ain't going the way it's supposed to here with this dynamic. And you have probably tried to hold on maybe in the hopes that you would get the mother that you deserve to have one day. And it may have felt when she divorced that man that you were finally gonna get that, like, oh, you finally saw.

[Chichi]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

And now I'm gonna get what I. The mommy I always deserved. She's finally away from that man. You know, she gonna be on her Eat, Pray, Love. She gonna pour into her kids. She gonna, you know, do right by us, and we're gonna be closer. And, you know, it's very common for us to kind of get our hopes up in that is blocking the close relationship is finally removed. But what is more commonly the case is that whatever is blocking the relationship lives within your mother. It's her own trauma, it's her own issues that she maybe has never dealt with or is pushing down and trying to ignore. You know, I don't know her story.

[Chichi]

No, this is very much so. Feels very much so aligned like we did. I did get a glimpse of that when she divorced her last husband and I went to visit her, and I was like, oh, you know. Yes. I was like this. I was like, my girl. Like, I was. I was seeing her really sort of pour into her, into herself.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Chichi]

And then when the darkness came around, it just came so strange again.

[Crystal]

Yeah, I understand. I think I may have talked about this before, but there was a time where my mother, you know, she. We had this big, long conversation, and she was like, I just have to apologize because I just really didn't know what to do with a child like you. And you were just so special. And I. You know, I did things that I thought were right, and in hindsight, I guess they weren't. And I thought I was just like, oh, my God, this is the conversation I've been waiting on my whole life. Like, me and my mommy about to be close. And she started calling me every day.

[Sponsor/BetterHelp Representative]

But I knew.

[Crystal]

Noticed that she would only call me to talk about my baby brother. Like, she would call me and be like, adam doing this, Adam doing that. And after a few weeks of that, I was like, you know, I thought you were gonna, you know, call to talk about me, like, about my. To ask me about my life and my job and what I'm doing in New York. You know, like, Adam is right there in Oklahoma with you. I live all the way in New York City. You don't have no questions about, like, what I'm doing who my friends are, like, anything like that. And so I said, you know, if you just gonna call me to complain about Adam, then don't call me. And she stopped calling. And when I say I was devastated because it was like I had kind of coasted along for years at this level of, like, okay, you know, she don't really care, whatever. And then we had this moment, and my hopes shot way up, even though I didn't want them to, even though I didn't even really know that they did. My hopes shot way up. And so to be let down again like that, it was almost worse than the lowered expectations that I already had, you know, So I really do understand the grief that comes from, like, feeling like maybe now that relationship, maybe now you're going to have that mom and that sort of bond with her that you see so many other people having that you know, you deserve. But unfortunately, every mother is not equipped to be that way. And we can know why our mothers behave the way they do. And it still does not change the fact that it hurts. It does not take away the hurt. All it does is provide some context. It helps with understanding, but it doesn't eliminate the pain associated with that at all. So I'm fully in favor of writing this letter. The things that you found it hard to say, detail them out, let it all out, you know? And, I mean, email is great, but I think if you're willing to handwrite it, that might be even better. And everybody's handwriting is not. Is not the best show.

[Chichi]

Mine is chicken scratch.

[Nia]

So.

[Crystal]

Right. So if, you know, yours is chicken scratch, maybe not, but, you know, just sort of organizing your thoughts. Give yourself plenty of time to write this and, you know, come back to it over the course of several days or weeks if you need to, and make sure you get it all out. Say everything that you want to say. And it doesn't have to be an ultimatum of you either, you know, stop acting like this, or, you know, I'm not gonna talk to you anymore. It doesn't have to be that. Of course it can be. But it can also just be. I've been hurting for a long time, since I was a child, and I was put in a position of having to act like an adult well before I was an adult. And this situation over Mother's Day where I tried to reach out to you, and you were busy with that man and talking to his kids and then turning around and being like, well, I don't know where my kids were on the other end of the phone that you didn't answer, girl, like, and then punishing me for that when I was reaching out to you, trying to find out I'm over here worried sick about you and you just ignoring me because of whatever's going on in your mind. Like, I don't deserve that. I just don't deserve it.

[Chichi]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

So I would say get the feelings out. If you want to issue that ultimatum, that's completely up to you. But you can also just say, I'm not going to subject myself to being hurt like this time and time again. I would love to have a relationship with my mother, but only if she. She wants to have one with me. You can't just pick me up and put me down whenever you feel like it.

[Chichi]

Yes.

[Sasha]

Yes.

[Crystal]

I'm not a toy. I'm not a doll. I'm your human child that didn't ask

[Chichi]

to come to this.

[Sponsor/BetterHelp Representative]

Right?

[Crystal]

You chose to have me, girl. You owe me, baby. You brought me here very much so thank you.

[Chichi]

Thank you so much.

[Crystal]

Oh, you're welcome, Chichi. I hope that helps. And best of luck to you. Regardless of how your mother acts, know that you deserve the world. And I hope you have community, support, chosen family and friends around you who can pour into you and love you the way you deserve very much.

[Chichi]

So thank you so much, Crystal. I really appreciate it.

[Crystal]

You're welcome, babe. Take care.

[Chichi]

All right, you too.

[Crystal]

All right, bye. Oh, my goodness, y'. All, it's. It comes up over and over again because it's so common. Emotionally immature parents leave such a mark on us, and the pain will carry on well into adulthood. I have had clients in their 50s and 60s who are like, I don't know why this still bothers me, but when I was six years old, my mom did this, or When I was 8, my dad did that. Because that happened at a fundamental time in your life by someone who was supposed to love and protect you at all costs and who did the exact opposite. So if you relate to Chi Chi's story, I'm sending you so much love.

[Sponsor/BetterHelp Representative]

This episode of Crystal's Couch is sponsored by BetterHelp. Nowadays, people are talking more openly about mental health than ever before. But sometimes asking for help can still be challenging. BetterHelp's 2026 State of Stigma report surveyed 2,000Americans and revealed that 85% of Americans believe getting support is wise, yet 74% say society discourages people from doing so. Now, I think this might be because. Because so many of us, including myself,

[Crystal]

at one point, you know, we've been

[Sponsor/BetterHelp Representative]

in a space where we truly believe in mental health support like therapy and medication. But we're still hesitant to choose those options for ourselves out of fear of what our friends and family might think of us. So continuing to be open about both

[Crystal]

our struggles and the tools we use

[Sponsor/BetterHelp Representative]

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[Crystal]

L E All right, let me dive right in and see who's our next caller. Hello.

[Sasha]

Hi, how are you?

[Crystal]

I'm good, thank you. How are you?

[Sasha]

I'm doing good. I'm doing good.

[Crystal]

Wonderful. What's your name?

[Sasha]

My name is Sasha.

[Crystal]

Hi, Sasha. What's going on?

[Sasha]

So I recently had to cut off my mom and my brother after my mom kept telling my brother that I was ignoring her and or feeling away about giving her money. Okay, so about almost two years ago, I guess now her 60th birthday was happening a year later, so she wanted to have a party in Belize context. She's from Belize. She was born there. So she wanted my siblings and I to give her $1,000 towards her party. And we had to figure out transportation and lodging, so flights and all of that. And about halfway through the year after she told us, so six months later I had to move because I was having issues with my landlord. Around that time she had called me and asked me for like $500 and I told her I didn't have it and she asked me why I didn't have it. From there, I didn't feel comfortable about going to the party as this is like an ongoing transitional situation with my mother and I didn't heard from her in months and it prior to her needing the money. So now my mother and my, my mom are bro. My mom, my mom and my brother are mad at me because I didn't go to the party. Essentially My brother has also been, like, basically funding her needs. I didn't say this before, but my mom currently doesn't work also.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Sasha]

So he told. She basically told him that I was ignoring her and now won't talk to me either because he feels like I'm not contributing when I used to, when I was 17 and all of that. So I'm having a hard time pushing past, leaving my family behind. Right. And I know that you mentioned that's something that you went through prior. So my question is basically, how do I move on?

[Crystal]

Yeah. Okay, well, let's. Let's go back a little bit. How long ago was your mom's birthday party? Was it a year ago at this point?

[Sasha]

It was last November.

[Crystal]

Last November. Okay, so several months. And did I hear you say you've been contributing financially since you were 17?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes.

[Sasha]

So ever since I got a job, up until about a couple of years ago, I got laid off for, like, nine months. So I wasn't really able to help her as much as I was before. But I've always had. When I lived with her, I had bills in the house and everything.

[Crystal]

So your mother charged.

[Narrator/Announcer]

She.

[Crystal]

She made you pay bills when you were a teenager, when you were still in high school, it sounds like.

[Sasha]

I wouldn't say like she necessarily made me, but it kind of fell into my responsibilities. So my cell phone essentially was always cut off under her. So when she was paying for it, like, every couple of months, it would get cut off. So when I got a job, I was like, I'll take it over. And I ended up taking over her.

[Crystal]

Got it. Okay. So it sounds like maybe your mother has never been good with money. Is that fair to say?

[Sasha]

Yes. Okay.

[Sponsor/BetterHelp Representative]

Okay.

[Crystal]

And so then she wanted you all to contribute $1,000 for her party in Belize, and then she also asked you for another $500 sometime after that and then asked you why you didn't have it. What was your response to that?

[Sasha]

I don't know if it was like an essentially additional to that thousand. I think she was trying to ask me for an advance on it.

[Crystal]

Oh, okay.

[Sasha]

Her birthday gift.

[Crystal]

Got it. Okay.

[Sasha]

But I. So when we had that conversation, I was trying to be calm and not be rude because that's essentially what she tells people when I say that I don't have the money to give her. She tells them that I'm being moved to her.

[Crystal]

Okay. And have you all ever had a conversation about finances, like an in depth conversation about money?

[Sasha]

Not really. I really can't have, like, in depth conversations about My mom, really, about my childhood or anything that happened because she starts this conversation about, like, why does everybody think she's a terrible mother?

[Crystal]

Okay, so she's one of the ones. As soon as you say anything even remotely critical, it's like, oh, I must be an awful mother. I'm just the worst. So you, all of my children just think I'm the worst mother in the world. She's. She. Okay, okay, I see, I see. So when you decided not to talk to your mom and brother anymore, was that a conversation you had with them or have you just kind of ghosted?

[Sasha]

I essentially ghosted because the day that it all happened, I essentially got like a really nasty text about from my brother saying that why was I ignoring her and that I'm like, basically it would help his pockets if I were to help when I didn't know what anything was going on. So I basically, I regret this, but I was kind of angry in my conversation towards her and that didn't really help. But in that conversation, it was kind of like hitting a brick wall. And she wasn't understanding how, like, her actions and telling him that was negative.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Sasha]

And she was also kind of ignoring it or saying that she didn't say it. So I basically was just like, I think we're not getting to the same page. So that's just it. But I didn't tell them that I was basically ghosting them. She actually called me yesterday and I just saw like the blocked voice now. So.

[Crystal]

Okay, so how do you feel about sending some sort of communication? Whether it's an email or a handwritten letter or even having like a face to face or a FaceTime, anything like that? How do you feel about having a conversation with her or sending her a message that basically says, this is why we're not currently in contact with each other and just sort of detailing the way that you feel. Like every time you try to bring up your issue, she deflects or she tries to make it seem like, you know, she's this terrible person. Maybe a guilt trip, that sort of thing. What do you think would happen if you did that?

[Sasha]

Um, I was supposed to be writing a letter to her.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Sasha]

A while back, but I've avoided it because honestly, I'm scared of sharing my emotions with her.

[Crystal]

What was it like for you to grow up with your mom?

[Sasha]

She's a Caribbean mother. So it was just a lot of like, I took care of you. You had a photo, you had food in your plate. And I also over my head, but I also feel like, because she was bad with money, a lot of times it wasn't necessarily truthful that she kind of gave us this life that she says, because, like, I'm talking about always behind on rent, or there were times when we didn't have electricity in our household. So any emotions I've ever bring to her, she's kind of, like, brushed it off.

[Crystal]

Right. So it. Is it safe to say that even when you tried to come with her about the way you felt about things that maybe didn't have anything to do with money or, you know, bills or food or housing, if you just had feelings about anything, that she wasn't really very receptive to that either, or was she?

[Sasha]

That's correct.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Sasha]

There was a time when I was taking my driver's test, and I basically funded that whole situation. Like, I paid for my lessons, everything. And at the time, I failed my first test. So my second test, I basically needed money to, like, borrow the car, all of that from the driving school. So I basically asked her, like, hey, can I borrow your car for my driving test so I don't have to pay for it? And she was just like, what do you mean, you need to borrow my car? I need my car. And then I just never asked her about it. And when I brought it up later on, she was just like, well, what happened? And I was just like, well, I never asked you about it again because you hadn't. I didn't like the response that I got the first time I asked.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Sasha]

So she was like, well, that's your fault because you should have brought your needs to me. But it's just like I did. But it wasn't necessarily shown that they would be fulfilled.

[Crystal]

Right.

[Sasha]

Okay.

[Crystal]

And was your dad or a step parent around when you were growing up, or was it just your mom?

[Sasha]

My dad was around. Like, I knew my dad. Like, my dad was in my life, but he also went to prison for five years.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Sasha]

In the middle of my childhood. So he also knows about, like, her and money and how she's not great with it. But my dad also passed away, like, five years ago, so.

[Crystal]

Okay, I'm sorry.

[Sasha]

So I think that's also why I'm struggling with letting her go, because this is my own parent.

[Crystal]

Right?

[Sasha]

Yes. Okay.

[Sponsor/BetterHelp Representative]

Okay.

[Crystal]

So you've thought about writing this letter, which I do think is a good idea, but you're kind of hitting a brick wall because you don't want to be vulnerable about. And it sounds like since your emotions never really had a safe place to land with her, that Makes a lot of sense. We're very hesitant to open ourselves up, you know, in that way to someone who has shown us time and time and time again that our feelings are not a safe place with them. Okay, does your brother still try to reach out or does he kind of just leave you alone?

[Sasha]

No, he's younger, so he's about 22. So anything that, you know, younger kids like, they just. Just don't listen to anything once they made the decision.

[Crystal]

Yeah, well, because you are so hesitant as far as the emotions, you know, her receiving your emotions, which I completely understand. I do think a letter is probably. A letter or an email is probably a better idea than trying to have a face to face conversation, because things can escalate very quickly in person or in a live conversation, and you can sort of be transported and triggered right back to an early childhood age where you're feeling like a defenseless, helpless kid again when you are not that anymore. The beautiful thing about adulthood is that we do get to make our own decisions. We do get to craft the life that we want to live, and we don't have to remain in contact with anyone who is actively hurting us. So what I think is so great about a letter is that you can put. This is so interesting because I just talked to somebody who is also considering writing a letter to their mother. And one of the things I said to them is that you can put all of your feelings right in that letter. And it doesn't have to be a back and forth like it can be. You know, if you, you are wondering where I've been or why I've been distant, here are the reasons. And it's not just about money, because it's never just about money. It's also about how I feel when I'm around you, how I feel when I talk to you. It's about the dynamic between the two of us. It's about me not feeling valued beyond monetary purposes or whatever it is you may be feeling. I don't wanna put words into your mouth, but there's probably a long list of things your mother has done or said to you that could not, you know, possibly fit in this episode. And the beautiful thing about an email is you can detail all that out. You can make it very clear why you feel the way you feel. And you don't have to have a response from her. You know, it doesn't have to be a back and forth. You can send that off and have it be done. How does that sound to you?

[Sasha]

Um, I think I was so Busy thinking about like an actual response that I didn't think about. The fact that she, she didn't have to, like, I don't have to hear her response.

[Crystal]

Yeah, you can send the email and then block her. You can write the letter and mail it and then if she mails you something back, you can just throw it away or never open it or burn it or whatever you want to do. Like, you don't have to engage in a back and forth with your mother if it doesn't feel safe to do that. I think this is much deeper than just, you know, $1,000 for a birthday trip and things like that. You know, people don't tend to cut off their family members, especially when this is their one living parent. People really don't do that over a one time situation. It tends to be years and years and years of hurt feelings that build up to this moment.

[Sasha]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

Yeah. Does that sound like you?

[Sasha]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Chichi]

Hmm.

[Crystal]

So what do you. Do you think that's something that you may consider? This idea of just writing the letter and sending it off and letting the chips fall where they may? Or is that.

[Sasha]

Yeah, I think I can do that now that I don't have to anticipate her response.

[Crystal]

Yeah, I mean, it's clear to me, like, I can see that you're tearful and emotional here. This is obviously something that's really hurting you very deeply. So I don't want to just say, oh, girl, just write the letter and, you know, fuck whatever she got to say in response. But you know, like you said, sometimes we don't even consider something as an option until someone else brings it up. Like you can just say it. And you know, this is your mother. Obviously you care very deeply. And if this has been since last November, is it, Is it. How long have you not been speaking to her?

[Sasha]

November was the party. Okay, stop speaking to them. Around February.

[Crystal]

Okay, so it's been over a year.

[Sasha]

No, February.

[Crystal]

This February. Okay, so it's been a few months. Okay, yes. And. And how would you say you felt in these past four or five months or so without being in contact at first?

[Sasha]

It was fine. I've been talking to my therapist about it because.

[Crystal]

Okay, great.

[Sasha]

As it was going on, and she asked me all of these questions, like, did you tell them that you blocked them? What happens if they reach out? And I didn't have any of these accident answers because, like, I didn't anticipate blocking them. So right now it's kind of hitting me harder because, like, I thought she would have reached out by now, or at least cared to see that. It's been months and it's kind of like, whatever. And she's still talking to my other siblings, like, so it was kind of hurtful to me in that. Right. So I'm trying to, like, move on from it. And my therapist has suggested that I consider medication because it's been kind of ongoing. That's kind of where I am with it.

[Crystal]

Okay. Well, yeah, you. By medication, does she mean an antidepressant? Yeah, I mean, you may need one or you may benefit from one, I should say. But I. Did I hear you say that your mother actually called you yesterday, but you just didn't answer the phone?

[Sasha]

Well, she's blocked, so I just thought, like on my iPad, I guess it showed, like she had caught. Like there was a voicemail.

[Crystal]

Got it. Okay. And did you listen to the voicemail or.

[Sasha]

I read the transcription, but it wasn't like anything like addressing anything that had went on. It was just like, hi, I didn't hear from you, wondering how you're doing. It was just like someone, like your neighbor could have said, yeah, yeah.

[Crystal]

You know what is so interesting about that is, like, after I disowned my father and blocked him and stopped talking to him, I got a voicemail from his blocked number one day, like two years later. And when I tell you this voicemail was, hey, just calling to see how you doing. Call me back. Love, Dad. I was like, who the fuck are you? Like, are you joking? You. Now, granted, me and my dad had a big blow up. It doesn't sound like you and your mom had anything like that. But for him to just come back around a couple of years later, giving me a voicemail that was fully Delulu, was like, girl, we are not cool. And you know that. And it sounds like your mom kind of is doing the same thing where she's just like, I'm just gonna call and leave a regular degular voicemail. Like, I talk to my daughter all the time. Like, no, baby, you know, shit is not copacetic. Right. I think it will do your heart a lot of good to get the pain out, to take your time with writing it and express yourself in whatever ways you feel like you need to. I love that you have a therapist. Definitely continue to talk to your therapist about this, but get it out. You know, talk about the things that really hurt. Even if it's stuff that goes back to childhood. Because again, this is not about this one incident. This is years and years worth of stuff building up. So get your feelings out. Express yourself through that email or, you know, however you want to do it. And then you get to be in control over whether you ever read her response. You know, you can block her email address as soon as you send it, like I said. So I. I think that's a great idea. And it'll. It'll give her some information, and, you know, who knows what she might do with that? You know, she could take it and decide to completely change herself and the way she is with her children, or she can decide that you're the problem and, you know, blah, blah, blah. This child is ungrateful. You know, who knows? We don't know how it'll go, but we know that you'll finally be in a position to express yourself. And it sounds like you've never really felt comfortable enough to do that before. So this is really. This letter is a gift for you to show yourself. Like, I'm not a helpless child anymore. I'm an adult, and I can make my own decisions about who has access to me.

[Sasha]

Right.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Sasha]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Crystal]

You're welcome, Sasha. Anything else?

[Sasha]

No, that's it.

[Crystal]

Okay, well, thank you so much for calling in. Best of luck.

[Sasha]

Thanks.

[Crystal]

Let me know how it goes.

[Sasha]

For sure.

[Crystal]

Okay, bye. Bye.

[Sasha]

Bye, bye.

[Crystal]

Oh, man, y', all, is it family hour on Chrysalis couch this week? I get it. You know I get it. You know, I get it with these PA Parents. If don't nobody understand, Chris will understand. All right, I think we have time for one more caller. Let me see who's there.

[Sponsor/BetterHelp Representative]

Hello?

[Nia]

Hey, Crystal.

[Sponsor/BetterHelp Representative]

Hi.

[Nia]

How are you? I'm good. I cannot believe I'm talking to you. Oh, my God.

[Crystal]

What's your name? Nia. Nia, what's going on with you?

[Nia]

Okay, so I just want your opinion. Okay, so I recently graduated from nursing school, and while I was there, I became, like, friends with this girl, like, and she let me use her second car. So the day before my graduation, while I was at my hair appointment, somebody sideswiped the car. I wasn't in the car. I didn't tell her. I know. That was raggedy. I should have told her, but. So the day of my graduation, she. It's like a pinning ceremony. Like, they just put, like, a tassel or, like, those ropes around your neck. And I had one of my other friends from school do it. And my friend that let me use her car, we could just call her Carrie.

[Sasha]

Okay.

[Nia]

She was, like, visibly upset after the fact that she didn't want to go out to celebrate with me. Or nothing. She said she had something to do. And after I had came back from celebrating, she, like, popped up at my house because she had my location. And she just was like, I'm coming to get my vehicle. I'm like, okay. So I just got my stuff out of it, and I ended up blocking her. But I was talking to another mutual friend about it, and she tried to make it seem like it was about the car, which I would understand, and. But the thing that rubbed me the wrong way was that she said that our friendship felt one sided.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Nia]

So I was just one. And I haven't talked to her since. So I graduated April 30th. You know, we coming up on.

[Crystal]

Yeah. End of June, Right?

[Nia]

Yeah. So it's been a while. So I was just wondering, like, do you think that our friendship is, like, worth working out, or should I just leave it where it's at?

[Crystal]

Hmm. Well, what kind of. How were you all. You all met in nursing school.

[Nia]

Yeah. So we all knew each other for about two and a half years, but we were, like, real close. Like, clearly. Or. She wouldn't let me see her car.

[Crystal]

Right. Right. Yeah. Okay. And so can I ask why you didn't tell her that? The car got sideswiped, raggedy.

[Nia]

But I just figured, like, it was just like, literally a scratch, so I just figured I could just have it, like, wiped out, which I know. Like, I take accountability on that part.

[Sasha]

Okay.

[Crystal]

Okay. Okay. And so you asked someone else to pin you at graduation, and she was hurt by that.

[Sasha]

Yeah.

[Nia]

But. Okay, so a little backstory on that. I was supposed to graduate. Like, me and her were in the same cohort. Cohort originally. And I was supposed to graduate in December, so had I graduated in December, she wouldn't have been able to do it anyway. I just kept the original person who was supposed to pay me.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Nia]

So it's not like it was, like, done out of spite or anything.

[Crystal]

I see. And so what. How would you characterize Yalls friendship? Like, what kind of things did y' all do together? What was your vibe like together?

[Nia]

I feel like we had a good friendship. Like, I used to go over her house. She would cook me and stuff. That sounds like we was in a relationship. But no, like, she, like, she likes the host and stuff. Like, so she's just like, invite me over and, like, she'd cook or whatever.

[Crystal]

Did y' all ever go out? Like, to, you know, clubs or parties, things like that?

[Nia]

That's not my vibe.

[Crystal]

Okay. Concerts, anything? Like, did y' all ever go do anything Together?

[Nia]

No, like we would just like go to the gym, like go to parks, go like just sit each other, sit in each other face.

[Crystal]

Okay. Okay.

[Nia]

So I wanted to say like she was just like a kicking friend, but I feel like. Well, my whole thing is I just don't like how she

[Crystal]

was.

[Nia]

How she went to somebody else saying that, that the friendship feel one sided because she was in a better financial position than me. But I did things to like that friends do. Like at clinicals I had my boyfriend picking up her son from daycare on days we had clinicals.

[Crystal]

Oh, nice. Okay.

[Nia]

Yeah, a listening ear. Like she don't have like the best family dynamics. So like she leaned on me a lot, like emotional support and stuff like that. And I'm always there for her in that type of way, so.

[Crystal]

Okay, because I was gonna ask where you thought the one sided friendship comment, like where you thought that was coming from. Do you think maybe she thought, oh, you know, I'm helping her out with this car and stuff like that, and she doesn't do things. I'm cooking, you know, inviting her over and she don't do stuff like that for me.

[Nia]

But that's the thing. Okay. So one day she was at work and I had seen her like post on Instagram, like she was running late and she couldn't go get a coffee. So I made her a plate. I had cooked. I made her a plate and I had went and drove and took her some food and a coffee.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Nia]

So to me it felt like it was more so about the pennant. And like everybody else who knows her feel like it was more so about the penny.

[Crystal]

Okay.

[Nia]

Because it was another friend who was sitting next to her and she said when my friend got up to pin me, like, she stopped recording and her. And she put her phone down and her face just dropped. Like she didn't clap or anything.

[Crystal]

Wow.

[Sasha]

Okay.

[Crystal]

So she was like, really is. So the pinning thing must be a big deal. Is it a big deal or no? Okay.

[Nia]

To me, I don't, I didn't see it as a big deal.

[Crystal]

Okay. So it meant a lot to her. Okay, Maybe. Yeah. Did. Did the two of you talk about her pinning you?

[Nia]

No, because she just came and got her car and I probably made a rash decision with blocking her, but it's just like. But the one sided. I just like the one sided friendship thing that really like rubbed me the wrong way. I don't like when people like try to minimize how you are as a friend.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Nia]

They upset about one thing.

[Crystal]

Yep, Yep. I completely Understand that I do. And so I agree that, you know, she came to pick up her car and you blocked her. That sounds like what? Like, sounds like we missed a couple steps there. Like how did we get from picking up your car to blocking? But with this extra context, I think it makes more sense. Almost like, I mean, well, do you think from her point of view it's, well, I came and got my car and now she don't get to use my car no more. So she blocked me because I took my car back.

[Nia]

I really don't know how she maybe, but to me it was more so like I feel like she tried to take away from my day because like I said. Okay, so she didn't say that one sided comment to me. So it's like my other friend told me that. So I don't want to like put her in the middle of anything.

[Crystal]

Gotcha. Okay.

[Nia]

It's just that, that really just rubbed me the wrong way and it's like for me personally, if my friends are doing something or saying something that I don't like, I'm going to address it with them.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Nia]

I feel like we just grown and that's just like the right thing to do. Like even before, like before this, me and her had like an incident where like I said, she don't have the best family dynamic. So a lot of the time we was friends, her and her sister wasn't cool, but her and her sister ended up like rekindling their relationship, whatever. And I feel like the invitations stopped like towards me.

[Sasha]

Right.

[Nia]

So I said something about it and then she just like tried to flip it around. Like I don't know how you could feel like that. And I'm like, use my second car. And I wouldn't even let my siblings do that. But I'm like, you kind of missing

[Crystal]

my point, but okay, yes, it sounds like for you it's not about the car and for her it really is. Yeah. But also not just about the car. It's also a lot about this pinning ceremony. Like maybe she thought the two of you were so close that you would ask her to do something like that. Like, it sounds like you all had a tight bond in nursing school. Not like, you know, this is obviously not a best friend since kindergarten or something like that, but over those couple, two or three years, the two of you had gotten really close in that context. So. But if you never had a conversation about the pending ceremony, that it kind of sounds like the both of you were a little immature here, honestly, because, you know, you could have told that girl that somebody sideswiped her car.

[Nia]

I know that was wrecking.

[Crystal]

You turned right around and blocked her. It wasn't no kind of conversation or nothing, so. But then she also is kind of reacting from her emotions, and, you know, she's feeling away and not coming to you about it, telling a third person. And now you're in the position of like, well, I don't want to bring this third girl into it and be like, such and such. Told me what you said, like, wow, bitch. Like, I fully get that. I wouldn't want to do that either. So that's why I'm saying the both of you have been a little. You could have handled this differently, the both of you. But it sounds like you miss her. How long ago did all this happen?

[Nia]

Going on two months ago.

[Crystal]

Two months. Okay. And do you miss her?

[Nia]

I mean, I do, but it's like, now that I, like, separated myself from the situation, I feel like it's certain things that we didn't really, like, align on. But, I mean, I'm not like, obviously she was a good friend, but. Yeah, I just feel like I would be okay not talking to her because. Because a different. Well, the same friend who told me, like, she, like, you could visibly tell she felt the way. Like, after the pending, she said that she had posted something on Instagram. Like, she got friend ptsd. She never wanted to be around another weirdo.

[Crystal]

Oh, Lord. Okay, so we being dramatic.

[Nia]

Yeah. But it's like, she also used to talk about, like, her other friends to me too. So I'm like, I know. Like, I already know how you get down.

[Crystal]

Yes. Okay, so in this situation, it kind of sounds like the both of you have moved on. And, you know, it may just be for the best, but I also wouldn't be surprised if maybe you're feeling a little bit guilty about the way you handled things or if there's a part of you that maybe regrets the way you handled certain things. And if that is at all true for you, like, if you like, damn, you know, I could have told that girl about her sideswipe or whatever. Like, for example, then I would say it's worth it to reach out, if only to apologize for the things that you feel like you did wrong or the things you feel like you could have handled differently, but not necessarily, like, unblocking and reaching out to try to rekindle some big friendship. I'm a big fan of. If I feel like I did something wrong talking to the person that, you know, I feel like I did that to. And saying that, like, you know, for whatever else we had going on. I could have told you about that scratch. I was gonna try to get it taken care of and then you found it before I could say something. And then I just felt like, damn, I'm grimy for that. You know, stuff like that. I would reach out and, you know, apologize for if I felt like I mishandled things in a certain way. But other than that, it's kind of like, yeah, I don't know that. Is she talking about friendship, PTSD and all this? Then it may be best that y' all just, you know, you got through nursing school together and this was just a nursing school friend and. And now it is what it is. It sounds like you both have, you know, I mean, nursing. I'm sure you got a lot to do, a lot to focus on. So. Yeah, you know, you can. You can definitely choose to just leave it where it is and move on if that feels more aligned for you.

[Nia]

Yeah. Because I really just don't appreciate that one sided comment because, I mean, either

[Crystal]

that would piss me off.

[Nia]

Yeah. It felt like you trying to call me a user. Yeah, yeah, I just didn't like that. And I feel like she tried to make it more about the car and it wasn't really about the pin.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Nia]

Because oddly enough, her and a friend that pimmy work together. So after that she saw her at work and just walked straight past her, which is odd.

[Crystal]

Okay, so then it sounds okay, so I would. I. The more you talk about this, the more I'm like, yeah, I would leave it alone. Like, if you can't come to me and say, hey, I was really, really hurt. Even though I never talked to you about the pinning ceremony, I'm realizing now I should have because I really wanted to be the one to pin you and my feelings were so hurt when it wasn't me. Like, she should have been able to come to you and say that to you without going to somebody else and saying things like, oh, well, I just feel like she not a good one sided and I. Blah, blah, blah. Like, it didn't have to be all that either. She could have handled it much differently than she did.

[Nia]

Yeah, that's my whole point. Yeah, I don't appreciate that at all.

[Crystal]

I get it. I wouldn't either. So like I said, if you don't feel like there's anything you need to apologize for or be like, my bad, I could have did that differently. Then leave it where it is.

[Nia]

Yeah, I mean, I could apologize about the But, I mean, I just don't see the point at this point. It's been like two months, like.

[Crystal]

But if it's still bothering you, if you're still thinking about it, then it's worth addressing.

[Nia]

But this is. Okay. So another thing is, I'm, like, really bad at, like, setting boundaries, so that's like, the first time that somebody did something to me that I didn't like, and I just stood on business and cut them off. Okay. So I don't know if it's like, more so that.

[Crystal]

Well, and. And, you know, the thing is, you can still stand on that and you can say, I regret what I did in this way. However, I don't want to be friends. You can. You can say what you have to say and go right back to not talking to her.

[Sasha]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Nia]

I think she blocked me anyway, though.

[Crystal]

She probably. I mean, she probably has

[Nia]

social media after I block her from my phone.

[Crystal]

Okay. Yep, yep. So it may be a moot point anyway, but, you know, sometimes with boundaries, especially when it's our first time doing it, we go from zero to a hundred, and it sounds like you kind went that route, but it also sounds like maybe this wasn't the healthiest friendship in the first place. So. It really does. It really does. So maybe this is just, you know, lessons have been learned, and in your other friendship dynamics, people you meet moving forward, you'll have a better idea of how to handle conflicts like this.

[Nia]

Yes.

[Crystal]

Yes.

[Nia]

Everything is learning experience.

[Crystal]

It absolutely is. And this is not the end of the world by any means, so you'll be fine.

[Nia]

Thank you.

[Crystal]

You're welcome. Boo, thank you so much for calling into the show.

[Nia]

I love you.

[Crystal]

Thank you, baby. Take care, you boo.

[Nia]

Bye. Bye.

[Crystal]

Oh, my goodness, y' all friendships, man. We all have them. And, you know, sometimes we just hit these bumps in the road and you gotta figure out, is this worth saving? Cause it not. It isn't always. It isn't always, but it's worth asking yourself the question. Question. All right, guys, that's going to wrap up this week's episode of Chrysalis Couch. If you have a question for me, please send me an email. Advicerislescouch.com we'll see you next week.