Crissle’s Couch – Session 6
Podcast: Crissle’s Couch
Host: Cake Media
Date: December 16, 2025

Episode Overview

In this vibrant episode of “Crissle’s Couch,” host Krystal is joined by her close friend Lauren Miller (“Lo”), a dancer, interdisciplinary artist, model, and nonprofit founder dedicated to wellness and community for women of color. Together, they dive into listener letters, offering signature straight talk, humor, and soulful advice across topics like marriage intimacy issues, post-grad social anxiety, complicated family betrayals, boundaries, and ending stale friendships. The episode is warm, funny, and consistently honest, reflecting Crissle's brand of equal parts compassion and no-nonsense realism.

Meet the Guest: Lauren Miller (00:21 – 01:24)

• Lauren introduces herself as a “fake Crystal,” referencing previous stand-in work, and shares her background in the arts and her work founding a nonprofit for women of color focused on community, wellness, and the arts.
• “My heart is full.” – Lauren Miller, (00:33)
• Krystal applauds Lauren’s dedication: “It’s not only great to be an artist, but it’s also great to help the community. And, you know, Crystal, that’s what you do.” – Lauren Miller, (01:26)

Listener Letters & Advice

1. Marriage Intimacy Woes – Letter from Erica (01:43 – 14:11)

Summary:
Erica, a physician married to an attorney, writes about her wife's declining interest in intimacy, feelings of rejection, and the emotional distance growing between them. She's planning for counseling but needs advice in the meantime.

Key Discussion Points:

• Krystal affirms ebb and flow in long-term relationships: “The honeymoon phase… It is kind of natural for sex to drop off after a certain amount of time.” (04:05)
• Lauren raises possibility of trauma or life change: “Did something happen one and a half years ago?” (04:33)
• Diagnosing the dynamic: Krystal suggests before assuming infidelity, check for factors like stress, medical issues, mental health, or mismatched libido.
• The impact of rejection on affection:
  • Krystal: “You would quite normally and naturally feel very rejected… the very first thought that most of us have [is] ‘oh, you don’t want me.’” (07:11)
  • Lauren: “I’m not gonna throw myself at you.” (07:17)
• The importance of maintaining other forms of intimacy:
  • “Increase other forms of intimacy. Snuggle more, cuddle more… Even doing sexual things without having sex… scheduling sex, which… can be so sexy.” – Krystal, (07:44, 08:47)
  • Scheduling can keep things “sexy and anticipated.” – Lauren, (08:47)

Notable Moment:

• On mismatched libido and striving not to internalize rejections: “It could just be that you are mismatched in libido… It’s not gender or orientation-based.” – Krystal, (09:49)

Advice Wrap-Up:

• Confirm practical and psychological root causes before therapy.
• Try non-sexual intimacy and novel experiences.
• See a sex and intimacy therapist if self-help doesn’t resolve.
• “Every single couple had something to do with sex… sex discrepancy… You are not alone.” – Krystal, (14:01)

2. Post-Grad Social Life Anxiety – Letter from Pam (14:11 – 24:39)

Summary:
Pam, a recent master’s grad, feels adrift re-entering social life, facing dusty friendships, social awkwardness, and the “comparison game” seeing friends with families and homes.

Key Discussion Points:

• Krystal congratulates Pam and normalizes the post-grad adjustment struggle.
• Advice for reconnecting: “Time to find the pledge, restrengthen those family bonds, download a dating app… be proactive in re-involving yourself.” – Krystal, (16:01)
• Lauren notes real friends will want to celebrate Pam’s accomplishment upon her return.
• On social anxiety:
  • Krystal: “Try to challenge those [negative] thoughts… Take note of how you feel… feelings are just little pieces of information.” (19:15)
  • Lauren: “Why don’t you just walk in the bar and say, you know what? I look so good that nobody wants to talk to me. They’re intimidated.” (21:04)
  • Krystal endorses “overcorrection” as a reframe.
• On resources: Recommends helpguide.org and seeking therapy if anxiety is crippling.

Notable Quotes:

• “You’re not just completely repulsive to the whole planet.… If Mark Zuckerberg can get a wife, you can have a family!” – Krystal and Lauren, (22:05)

Advice Wrap-Up:

• Nurture old connections, reach out even if it feels awkward.
• Challenge anxious, self-critical thoughts.
• Consider therapy for persistent social anxiety.
• “You can nurture the connections you have and even find some new ones once you’re able to get past that little voice in your head that’s tearing you down.” – Krystal, (24:12)

3. Betrayed By My Dad – Letter from Mackenzie (24:39 – 35:13)

Summary:
Mackenzie has repeatedly been at the epicenter of her father’s infidelities, most recently having to confront him and witness the fallout. Her relationship with him is frayed, and an unsympathetic therapist told her she “shouldn’t be impacted.”

Key Discussion Points:

• Krystal is appalled by the therapist’s attack: “I really don’t understand why your therapist would say… that doesn’t make sense. That’s really absurd.” (25:57)
• Both agree Mackenzie needs to directly address her father, emphasizing the right to her own feelings.
• Lauren notes parents as “messed up people,” not figures on a pedestal: “When you become adults, you see that your parents… they’re people. And a lot of them are messed up people.” (30:14)
• Krystal underscores not internalizing a parent’s mistakes:
  • “Please don’t internalize your father’s behavior and then extrapolate that out to the rest of the world… That’s not necessarily how that works.” (34:24)
• Seek a different therapist if trust issues linger.
• The responsibility of adults to consider how actions ripple through family:
  • “I wish people… would think about the impact of your choices beyond just you… that something should be your spouse and your children.” (34:24)

Notable Quote:

• “I’m not coming to you as a wife. I’m coming to you as a daughter. And I’m really hurt.” – Krystal, (35:27)

4. Boundaries vs. Trauma Isolation – Letter from Sebastian (36:10 – 44:08)

Summary:
Sebastian asks how to distinguish between healthy self-protection and trauma-fueled isolation. He found Covid lockdowns peaceful, enjoys solo time, but feels drained by “energy vampires” and questions if he's isolating too much.

Key Discussion Points:

• Krystal identifies key indicators:
  • “If you avoid everybody, that’s not good… It turns into a problem when we say… then everyone is [bad].” (38:07)
  • “There’s nothing wrong with being a loner.… But we also all do need some kind community.” (39:23)
• Lauren and Krystal laugh at being those “yappers” who dominate conversations but stress cycles of giving and space-holding.
• A sanity check: “With friends and family, I would urge you to reevaluate each situation. Also, if you’re closed off to making new friends, that’s another sign that you’re isolating and not protecting yourself.” (43:39)
• On adult friendship:
  • Lauren: “I do think you can make friends at any age… making friends later on in life is not forced… it comes with certain connections.” (44:08)
• Boundaries are healthy; total walling-off is usually trauma or fear.

Notable Moment:

• “You have to give other people the chance to hurt you.… Just one chance.” – Krystal, (41:07)

5. Friendship Red Flags – Cutting Off “JanSport” – Letter from Angela (46:26 – 61:21)

Summary:
Angela, a Black woman, wonders if she should end a 20-year friendship with her white middle school BFF “JanSport,” who abandoned her during hard times, lets her child play at a house with a Trump flag, and dismisses Angela’s feelings about Beyoncé’s cowboy-inspired album.

Key Discussion Points:

• Both are quick to tally the red flags (abandonment when Angela had legal troubles, Trump-supporting neighbors, and music snobbery).
• Lauren: “You had to go upstate, right?… That sounds like the law.” (49:57)
• Krystal: “Should you try to talk to her?… Why not?… This isn’t for her—it’s for you.” (51:12)
• Serious conversations forge or end relationships:
  • “The difficult conversations forge us.… They make your relationship deeper or… this person is just not for me.” – Lauren, (51:42)
• Cultural lines as hard boundaries, especially for Black queer women, and the cumulative exhaustion of making excuses for microaggressions or big disagreements.
• “At some point, you gonna have to believe her, babe. Thank God for your black BFF, right?” – Krystal, (59:56)

Notable/Laugh-Out-Loud Quotes:

• On the Beyoncé discourse:
  • “If Taylor Swift is not country, then you don’t know what country is!” – Krystal (58:33)
• “It ain’t nothing, cut that bitch off.” – Lauren, (61:00)
• “If I don’t feel safe with my child over here, then I don’t feel safe with my me over here.” – Krystal, (56:03)

Advice Wrap-Up:

• It’s valid (and overdue) to walk away from friendships no longer serving you.
• Having the final conversation provides closure for yourself, but don’t expect a satisfying reaction from someone with a long track record of avoidance.
• Family and long-term friends grow apart; cherish the positive but don’t force ongoing connection.

Guest Plugs & Goodbye (61:32 – End)

• Lauren shares her Instagram (@laurenlovesu, “u” as “yew”) and nonprofit Purpose Reboot NYC (prnyc.npo) focused on wellness for women of color.
• Krystal thanks Lauren and encourages her to return.
• Krystal wraps with a reminder for listeners to send questions to the couch.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “I need a person on top of me, breathing on me. You need that other heartbeat.” – Lauren Miller (09:34)
• “I was trying to keep you happy. I was trying to keep you here.” – Lauren Miller, on mismatched sex drives (13:19)
• “If Mark Zuckerberg can have a family, you can have a family.” – Lauren & Krystal, on dating anxiety (22:07)
• “I live here. I didn’t go to her house and say, ‘Are you messing with my daddy?’” – Lauren Miller (29:05)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction of Lauren Miller: 00:21 – 01:33
• Erica’s letter (Marriage Intimacy): 01:43 – 14:11
• Pam’s letter (Post-grad Social Life): 14:14 – 24:39
• Mackenzie’s letter (Parental Betrayal): 24:39 – 35:13
• Sebastian’s letter (Boundaries vs. Isolation): 36:10 – 44:08
• Angela’s letter (Should I End This Friendship?): 46:26 – 61:21
• Guest plugs and Wrap-up: 61:32 – End

Tone and Takeaway

Crissle’s Couch is equal parts laughter, real-deal wisdom, and community care. This episode is candid and affirming, especially for listeners navigating boundaries, romance, and identity in complex social terrain. If you’re seeking advice from people who “get it” and won’t sugarcoat it, this session delivers healing, hard truths, and humor in abundance.