Session 8 featuring Justin Frett

Summary

Crissle’s Couch – Session 8 ft. Justin Frett (Dec 30, 2025)

Podcast: Crissle’s Couch
Host: Crissle (CAKE MEDIA)
Guest: Justin Frett (Content Creator, “Preacher Boy”)
Release Date: December 30, 2025

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Episode Overview

This candid conversation between Crissle and viral content creator Justin Frett is a deep dive into honesty, impact, authenticity, and navigating both success and vulnerability in the hyper-visible world of online content creation. Justin shares his journey from church kid to digital “preacher,” reflects on the challenges of social media fame, and explores the importance of self-belief, boundaries, and real-life impact beyond numbers. The episode is packed with humor, wisdom, and unfiltered truths about finding your voice, defining success, and balancing public influence with personal boundaries.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Finding Your Voice as a Storyteller

• Roots in Childhood: Justin discusses always being a “poetic speaker” and “preacher boy” as a child, even when those tendencies weren’t celebrated.
  • “Like they say, it’s not on you, it’s in you.” (Justin, 00:58)
  • “I’ve always been someone who had a word.” (Justin, 01:08)
• Navigating family encouragement vs. discouragement and ultimately turning childhood judgments into adult purpose.
  • “A lot of the times what you’re judged for as a kid does turn into your purpose and people just don’t see it yet.” (Justin, 02:29)

2. Premature Gratitude & Mindset Shifts

• The importance of being “prematurely grateful”—expressing thanks for blessings not yet received to cultivate self-confidence and resilience.
  • “I’m grateful for the millions that’s not in my bank account yet. I don’t know how it’s gonna get there, but I know that it will get there.” (Justin, 02:59)
  • “If you don’t [believe in yourself], who will?” (Justin, 04:45)
• Manifesting is less magical thinking, more perspective shift: focusing on positivity and possibility in the face of self-doubt and uncertainty.
  • “I have to be prematurely grateful. I have to really be so sure in myself and sure in the universe, sure in God, sure in what is possible, that I’m grateful for it, even though I don’t know how it’s gonna happen.” (Justin, 03:35)

3. Navigating Uncertainty and Self-Employment

• The unpredictability of a career on the internet: platforms can vanish, algorithms change, and popularity is fleeting.
  • “The indicator of my win, for me, is impact.” (Justin, 08:35)
  • Both agree impact—rather than mere financial gain—is a truer measure of success and fulfillment (09:22).
• Staying humble and willing to pivot, even if it means going back to a traditional job:
  • “There is nothing about me that feels above going back to a 9 to 5 job and sitting at the cubicle. I’m not beneath that.” (Justin, 08:07)

4. Authenticity Amidst Audience Pressure

• The challenge (and necessity) of staying real as popularity climbs.
  • “There have been certain subjects I’ve wanted to talk about that I’ve sat back on because I don’t think it was beneficial for me to discuss and to touch... I know my place.” (Justin, 10:23)
• The danger of prioritizing likability over truth.
  • “For the most part of being motivational is being real. And sometimes people online are so concerned with likability that you’re teetering on just what the truth is, period.” (Justin, 11:07)
• Navigating parasocial relationships and maintaining boundaries as people begin to see you as a “bestie” or even “family.”
  • “I can’t hold the weight of everyone’s emotion and feeling...It’s less of a burden and more of a—I really hope [my words] help people realize their own strength.” (Justin, 12:15; 12:39)

5. Advice, Empathy and Boundaries Online

• Both hosts discuss the limits of giving advice through the internet, especially around trauma and mental health.
  • “I'm in no position to give that to you. In no position.” (Justin, 13:41)
  • “There are stories my clients have told me that I will never forget...But therapy is not advice. Advice is extremely different from giving advice.” (Crissle, 25:05)
• The unique trust audiences place in creators, and why creators must recognize their professional limits.

6. Groundedness, Reflection, and Growth

• Justin credits his maturity to being raised in the church, by Black women, and by observing powerful storytelling from elders.
  • “Black women are... able to say some of the most powerful and poetic things, and it’s really just their gift of gab. They’re just talking.” (Justin, 18:26)
• Reflection as a habit—constantly analyzing decisions, wins, and errors (19:15).

7. Content Creation: Consistency vs. Authenticity

• Pressure to always “have a word” dissipates when content broadens to include lighter, more diverse pieces—fashion, humor, everyday life.
  • “I have removed the pressure of always feeling the need to have a word...I don’t want to be performative. I want to be real.” (Justin, 20:18; 21:31)
• Both reflect on being moved by their own older content, viewing it as evidence of authenticity.
  • “I’m moved by my own word.” (Justin, 22:42)
  • “People will clip something and be like, ‘oh my God, this really hit for me.’ And I listen back, I’m like, oh.” (Crissle, 22:47)

8. Therapy, Purpose, and Impact

• Justin reveals his early dream of being a therapist and shares concerns about carrying others’ burdens.
  • “I just don’t want to move around with all of that sitting on me every day.” (Justin, 23:56)
• The fulfillment of realizing his content helps people heal—sometimes reopening his own healing journey.
  • “Knowing that your content has had that sort of impact on people, has that changed the relationship that you have with yourself?” (Crissle, 26:15)
  • “Long story short, no. Because this, in so many ways, feels like my purpose.” (Justin, 27:36)

9. Balancing Visibility, Business, and Real-World Impact

• The drive for more than online love—desiring tangible business opportunities and acknowledgment from the industry.
  • “It’s hard for me to accept the idea that I’ve had such a worldly impact on somebody’s life... and it not be moved into real world.” (Justin, 33:48)
• Yearning for action, not just words, from collaborators:
  • “Not just the words, but the action.” (Justin, 38:42)

10. Legacy, Growth, and Long-Term Vision

• Both reflect on legacy, impact beyond numbers, and wanting to be remembered for putting more good into the world than harm.
  • “My heart was good, and I was really trying to spark some honest, real conversation.” (Justin, 39:29)

11. Relationships, Dating, and Public Life

• Increased difficulty building new, authentic relationships as public profile grows, especially around dating and friendship intentions.
  • “I will say it’s made it more difficult to build new, genuine relationships...Like I think we’re genuine, regular friends, and then I get a text...I really want to do content. I’m like, oh God.” (Justin, 44:04)
  • Both share stories of navigating trust, NDAs, and the hazards—and perks—of having a public profile.
  • “Everybody that I slept with, I made them sign NDAs.” (Crissle, 47:36)

12. Looking Forward: Next Chapters

• Justin’s aspirations include book writing, potentially podcasting again, and expanding his brand with purpose while staying grounded and “prematurely grateful.”
  • “I hope this next chapter involves chapters. So I hope to have a book.” (Justin, 60:34)
  • “I’m just gonna continue to do me and continue to be great and fabulous and favored.” (Justin, 61:12)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Self-Belief:
  • “If you don’t, who will? If you don’t believe in you?... It’s hard for me to ever have faith in my life and believe in me if I don’t have the capacity.” – Justin, 04:45
• On Impact over Numbers:
  • “The indicator of my win, for me, is impact.” – Justin, 08:35
  • “There was nothing like being a therapist and working with people and actually seeing their lives change. Yes, impact.” – Crissle, 09:10
• On Boundaries and Advice:
  • “I know my place...I don’t know you personally. You don’t know me personally. And though you feel connected to what I said and it was an aha moment for you, it doesn’t mean I’m qualified to further that conversation with you.” – Justin, 16:01
• On Therapy as a Career vs. Advice:
  • “Therapy is not. Advice is extremely different. Extremely different from giving advice.” – Crissle, 25:05
• On Authenticity:
  • “When you do make that your niche, you’re bound to be repetitive. You don’t have that many thoughts...I want to have the impact. And I’m not going to have it being scripted.” – Justin, 21:31

Fun/Tender Exchanges

• “I’m a combination of both. If you don’t believe me, let me show you Exhibit A.” – Justin (on having both pieces and style), 20:49
• “Black women are...able to say some of the most powerful and poetic things, and it’s really just their gift of gab. They’re just talking.” – Justin, 18:26
• “I have definitely said things in messages...But I’m like, no, I said that shit.” – Justin, 59:22

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Timestamps for Noteworthy Segments

• [00:58] – Justin on innate storytelling, “preacher boy” roots
• [02:59] – Premature gratitude philosophy
• [04:45] – On self-belief and internal validation
• [08:35] – Redefining “win” as impact vs. financial gain
• [10:23] – Dealing with authenticity versus public pressure
• [12:15] – Boundaries: “other people’s feelings can’t be my weight”
• [16:01] – Ethical limits of advice to audience
• [18:26] – Influence of Black women and elders on his wisdom
• [21:31] – Diversifying content, resisting pressure to always be profound
• [23:56] – Hesitation to pursue therapy as a career
• [27:36] – Purpose and ongoing relationship with oneself
• [33:48] – Struggle for real-world recognition and action
• [39:29] – Legacy as the people’s people, striving for good
• [44:04] – Friendship and dating: detecting ulterior motives
• [47:36] – Dating challenges: using NDAs, trust issues
• [60:34] – Next chapter goals: book, more content, staying grateful

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Tone & Style

The episode is warm, candid, soulful, and sometimes wryly humorous. Both speakers keep it real—sharing deeply, joking lightly, and using accessible, sometimes poetic language. The focus remains on self-knowledge, helping others, and doing so while minding boundaries and honoring one’s own mental health.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Purposeful creativity pays off most when you lead with honesty and impact—not numbers.
• Set boundaries and know your limits: especially as a creator, your value is not just in what you offer online.
• Authenticity sustains long-term—even when it means being less likable in the short run or taking breaks to diversify.
• Real connection is more than online engagement; it’s about tangible opportunities and genuine, reciprocal relationships.
• Personal growth is constant—embrace the discomfort, but don’t ignore self-reflection and self-love.

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For more, follow Justin Frett at JSTNFRTT and Crissle at Crissle’s Couch on all platforms.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, y'. All. Welcome back to Krystal's couch. Today I am joined by Justin Frett. He is a Harlem native, a content creator and cultural commentator. You probably already know him as the best friend in your head. That online preacher who always has a sermon at his home. I know he does. For me, he blends humor, heart, and healing. It is through his incredible storytelling that he turns everyday chaos into connection, building a community of over 50 million people across social media platforms. Please welcome to the couch Justin Fritz. Oh, my God, I sound so important. And you are. Thank you so much for being here. Like I just said, you've built this huge community by being honest, funny, vulnerable. How did you find your voice as a storyteller?

[B]

You know, like they say, it's not on you, it's in you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I just think I was always that person. Like, I was. I've always been a sort of poetic speaker.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I've always been someone who had a word. My nickname as a kid was preacher boy. You know, like, I was the church kid. I was. So it's just kind of. It's always been my way of being. I think the journey has been really being able to be open and out loud about the thoughts and the feelings and expressing it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But that. That way is me and you.

[A]

So you've been like that since childhood. Is this something that was encouraged in you by the people you grew up around? Or were they like, boy, chill out, you are doing a lot.

[B]

The latter. Okay. The latter.

[A]

Black people.

[B]

Yeah, I know how we are. Yes. You know, especially when you're a boy, it also just becomes a very different convers. But I think that's also the beauty of where I'm at. Like, I'm celebrated now for all of that versus growing up, being discouraged for it, you know?

[A]

Yeah, no, I do. I absolutely do. I read a lot as a kid and I was just constantly, like, in books and running my mouth and got a bunch of excessive talking on report cards and stuff like that. And now it's like, I literally get paid to yap and give my opinion. So, yeah, transitioning from childhood to adulthood and taking those things that people didn't really rock with and turning it into a career, that's quite impressive.

[B]

I feel like a lot of the times what you're judged for as a kid does turn into your purpose and people just don't see it yet. They don't get that in you yet.

[A]

See, that's what I. You be saying stuff like that, and I'm like, that's It. No, for real. You had a TikTok that I saw the other day about being prematurely grateful. Yes, baby. When I said that really resonated with me when you were like, just go ahead and say it now. I'm grateful for the millions that's not in my bank account yet.

[B]

I don't know how it's gonna get there, but I know that it will get there.

[A]

Yes. And it's really, for me, it's less about, like, manifesting and more about shifting your perspective and speaking more positivity into your life, even if you're only saying it to yourself. I think sometimes we really don't understand just how much we can tear ourselves down with our thoughts if they're automatically negative in nature. Is that something you've had to deal with a lot?

[B]

You know, I really. I've always loved on me, I think when I say, you know, be prematurely grateful, you know, grateful for what you know you will have, even though you don't know how you're gonna have it yet. It really is just talking about the state of the world, and we are really sitting in so much uncertainty and there are so many people around us who are really fearful and concerned. And that doesn't make us exempt. I just think our concerns might be different from the masses. And I have to be prematurely grateful. I have to really be so sure in myself and sure in the universe, sure in God, sure in what is possible, that I'm grateful for it, even though I don't know how it's gonna happen. It might not make sense to anybody that I think there'll be millions in that account.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But. But I really have no question or doubt about it. I'm already grateful for it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Sorry. I just wanna. I wanna. No, I. I feel it when I say that. I really do.

[A]

And that's the thing, like, listening to you talk, I'm like. I can feel how much you are feeling what you're saying. How do you get to a place, though, of being so sure about yourself? Especially if you didn't come from a background that was necessarily encouraging or accepting.

[B]

If you don't, who will?

[A]

I'm sorry?

[B]

If you don't, who will if you don't believe in you? You know, like, who? It's hard to ever convince people to look at you a certain way if you don't have a look of yourself in a certain way. You know, it's hard to have people love on you if you don't love on you. It's hard for me to ever have faith in my life and believe in me if I don't have the capacity, you know what I mean? And so I think that's the first step in the work.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And the minute that you don't believe is possible, the minute you're not able to speak life over yourself, you really do submit to whatever the world gives you. And they'll give you nothing and they.

[A]

Will tear you down and take what you do have if they have the opportunity. So do you have moments where you're ever like, oh, I'm just really not feeling it all the positivity and the encouragement. I'm just not feeling it today?

[B]

Yeah. But I don't sit in it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't wallow in it. But I definitely. Yeah, like I said, the world is so uncomfortable. There's so much going on.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I'm questioning everything. I'm questioning like the Jevotee of my career. I'm questioning where I'm going, what I really want to do, what makes me happy. I'm questioning what makes sense. I'm questioning it all. And it is nerve wracking. But I can't sit in that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yes, I do. Because the longer you sort of stew in that place of. I mean, and it's really less to me, it's less about uncertainty about the world and more about uncertainty about yourself. And sometimes that will creep into your heart and you really start second guessing everything about you and not really contextualizing and putting things into the proper perspective. So I find that so fascinating, especially because you said, you know, sometimes you worry about your career when you're self employed and you kind of do your business on the Internet and you're employed through social media, it can feel very much like here today, gone tomorrow.

[B]

And it can be right. Not just literally.

[A]

Yes, quite literally. Literally. You can make one wrong move and overnight everything that was popping for you has burst.

[B]

Yeah. Or an app can be shut down.

[A]

And then there goes your whole audience. Or. Yeah. A misstep one way or people misunderstand something else and it can all just kind of go up in smoke. How long have you been. How long has social media been a career for you? Do you remember when it switched from just you being online to it being more like a job?

[B]

Hmm. I've been making content now for about two years. It didn't really become a job for me, funny enough, until this year in January.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Is. Yeah, it's when it became a job and it was an interesting moment. If any of us. Remember January of 2025. It was around that moment, like, remember they were getting rid. They were talks about getting rid of TikTok.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And everyone was having so much conversation, especially those who do depend on content of, like, what we were doing. And I remember in that moment in time of not really being worried, and I was saying to be. And I think this is the important thing about entrepreneurship and running your own thing is understanding it. Actually, no matter what foundation you have, it could be gone in a millisecond.

[A]

Okay. Yes.

[B]

And it's one being humble enough to be like, I can go back to what I know works.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

So if this doesn't work, there is nothing about me that feels above going back to a 9 to 5 job and sitting at the cubicle.

[A]

There's nothing about you talking my language.

[B]

I'm not beneath that. I'm okay to have to go back, if that's what that is. But also, I've shifted my relationship with my success.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And when you are not successful, hoping to be successful, oftentimes the indicator of your win is financial.

[A]

Right?

[B]

The indicator of my win, for me, is impact.

[A]

My goodness.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

No, I do. It's just fascinating to hear that from somebody who really only started their career in this past year to already have that kind of clarity of, oh, it's really not about the numbers. It's about what I'm doing for others. I feel like 12, 13 years in the game. It's only been since I got my master's last year that I'm like, oh, it. You know, the other things have been nice. Do not get me wrong. Yeah. The Reed has done incredible things. Absolutely changed my life. But there was nothing like being a therapist and working with people and actually seeing their lives change. Yes, impact. Yes. Yes, impact.

[B]

Yeah. And all those beautiful things, the money, the notoriety, it really does come with the impact. It comes with that naturally and organically. But the intention has to really be pure and it has to be good. And my intention in this whole thing, it was never to have followers. It was never for 50 million likes. It was. It was always to say the truth and to help and to connect and to have impact. And so if another video is not seen, I've accomplished that, and so that's fine.

[A]

Yeah. No, I love that because there are so many people who are kind of making this sort of, you know, hashtag, motivational content, that kind of thing. What's been your approach to staying authentic as your popularity has grown? Because that's something a Lot of people run into where you're super popular, and it might feel like, ooh, how do I stay real when everything around me has changed so suddenly? Or is that something you even struggle.

[B]

With in certain aspects? Like, you know, I think we have to be mindful about certain things that we say, especially the more eyes that are on you. So there definitely have been certain subjects that I've wanted to talk about that I've sat back on because I don't think it was beneficial for me to discuss and to touch.

[A]

So you're like, I'm not the messenger for this.

[B]

There's certain things. I'm like, I'm not the messenger for that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I know my place, and I know what to involve myself in and what not to involve myself in. But for the most part of being motivational is being real. And sometimes people online are so concerned with likability.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That you're teetering on just what the truth is. Period. And so whatever I'm talking about, if I really feel strongly about it and it feels like the truth to me, somebody not liking it is not making me hesitant to speak up.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because I've spoken about some things. I was like, oh, they might whoop my ass tomorrow.

[A]

I get that.

[B]

But I'm like, I'm from Harlem. My God.

[A]

I guess y' all just gonna be mad.

[B]

I could. I'll dust the Timbs off, take the Vaseline out and do what we gotta do now.

[A]

You're too pretty for me.

[B]

Fact, you too pretty for all that.

[A]

You're too pretty for that. So. But do you feel this pressure of, like, oh, I gotta have the right words all the time? So many people. Like, I go through the comments on your videos, and people are like, oh, my God, I needed this so much? That sort of thing that can add up to a lot of pressure on a young person who's just trying to help others.

[B]

And still figuring out my own life.

[A]

Yes. And still figuring out. It's not like you have all the answers.

[B]

No, none of us do.

[A]

Right. So do you feel like, oh, my goodness, there's a lot of pressure for me to get it right on TikTok.

[B]

What's funny? I don't feel pressure because other people's feelings can't be my weight and it can't be my burden. And I'm pleased that you felt connected to what I said. I'm pleased that that had made a breakthrough for you. That was the goal there. But I can't. I can't hold the weight of everyone's. Emotion and feeling.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And so it's less of a burden and more of a. I really hope that in this watching this, people realized their own strength and understanding of themselves and they just didn't tap into it. That hit for you because you felt that and you didn't have the words for it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know what I mean? You felt connected with that because you sat in that feeling and that emotion and it just hadn't been articulated yet. And so now use that to be the tool to maybe go to therapy, to have a conversation with the family, to start your own personal healing journey. You know, it's difficult when you have these type of conversations because people do sometimes turn to you for the answer. And so I get like, DMs of people asking me some of the most shocking and heartbreaking questions and asking for pieces of advice. And I'm in no position to give that to you. In no position. Do you struggle with, like, do I respond to this?

[A]

Well, it's part of the reason why I started this show, which is strictly an advice show. And, you know, I do interviews, but part of it was, you know, I've gone to grad school. I've learned a lot through grad school and being in therapy for over eight years. So, like, what am I going to do with all of that now? And there are a lot of people hurting, and they don't necessarily have the resources around them. And sometimes people reach out to me because, like you said, I said something. And they were like, that just flipped a switch for me. I didn't have the words for that until you articulated it. And so they naturally come to you for it because you're the one who introduced them to this thought. So they're looking for something deeper. They want to go further with that. So for me, it's more like before I went to grad school, I was very much like, don't ask me too many questions about mental health stuff and all that. I'm not a professional. I'm only somebody in therapy. I'm only sharing what I've learned in therapy. Now I feel a little more confident in giving people advice. But before it was like, you know, ask me something silly. You know, ask me about your boyfriend who came in at 3am and what should you do? You know, stuff like that. But don't really ask me about, like, mental health or trauma you've been through. Like, I don't want to get too deep into that because I don't want to say the wrong thing. I definitely had that Fear of, like, I don't want to say the wrong thing and be dragged or somebody be like, oh, my God, this was the worst advice ever. That sort of thing. So I held back, and I think that was a good thing I do, because grad school really expanded my perspective. And I think more than anything, it gave me this level of empathy for people, understanding that we really all have a story. And the worst people among us, that's somebody's child who was once an innocent child. And God only knows what has happened to them or what they've done during.

[B]

The course of life.

[A]

Yes, during the course of life to end up where they are now. That doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself to save them, but it does. I kind of automatically approach everybody with a curiosity instead of a judgment. And that is the biggest thing probably, that I got from grad school that made me say, okay, I think I'm ready now to venture into a place where I'm giving advice freely.

[B]

That's important. I really teeter on really giving personal advice, and I rarely ever do because I just know my. It goes back to what I said before. I know my place. I don't know you personally. You don't know me personally. And though you feel connected to what I said and it was an aha moment for you, it doesn't mean I'm qualified to further that conversation with you. You know, and it's, I know my place. You know, I get messages sometime with parents asking me advice on raising their kids. I'm not qualified.

[A]

Don't ask me about your marriage.

[B]

Yeah. You know, you're asking me how to navigate some unfortunate things that are happening at the job. I'm not qualified. I can give you the basic things of what I said, and it's the basic things probably that you already heard me say, but I can't go deep in that because it also. It does in so many ways fall on you because there is that parasocial relationship there where the audience just has such a trust in you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they see themselves in you and they feel connected to you. You feel like family and you feel like the bestie, and they take your word sometime as Bible.

[A]

Yeah. And I'm sure you get that a lot, especially with the way you speak and the content of your videos. So much of my content has been ratchet, so people know that, like, sometimes she's deep and sometimes she's a mess. But your content is very. It's like, it's preacher boy.

[B]

Yeah. That phone call with God stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's all in the way you speak. It's in the way you present yourself. There's a lot of soul there. And you feel. Just talking to you. You seem like a very grounded person at a pretty young age. Where does that. Where does that come from?

[B]

25 years, y'.

[A]

All. Yeah. This is what I'm saying. That's very young to have the perspective that you have. I think I have not met people your age who speak and think the way you do, so that you just. You're like. It was. I was born with it.

[B]

I think that's definitely. I think that's definitely nurture. You know, I grew up with. Like I said, I grew up in the church. There's a certain experience you have in the church. You know, the mothers of the church. I grew up very closely with my grandmother, you know, so she gave that sort of Southern elderly perspective to a lot of things.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

I grew up around a lot of women, and black women are. When you really analyze your childhood, are able to say some of the most powerful and poetic things, and it's really just their gift of gab. They're just talking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it doesn't hit you in the moment, but you look over your life, and it was something so magical that your brain couldn't comprehend then, but now you completely understand. And all of that has just. All of it has just carried with me. And I'm a very. I reflect a lot. I think a lot about my decisions. I think a lot about my errors. I think a lot about my wins. I think a lot about the world. So many of us are navigating through it, and we don't really analyze anything.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

We're just going through the emotion.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I'm looking at it all. Yeah.

[A]

I think for some people, especially once you start adding in spouses and kids and all this to the mix, you kind of lose the time to really sit with yourself and go through things that way, because you're constantly taking care of others and being involved with other things. But it sounds like the energy. Yes. Right. And you only have so much energy for any one given thing. But. But you have. It sounds like you have really been deliberate in. In the way. Not just the way you speak, but the way you've approached taking your point of view and. And bringing it to social media. Do you ever feel like, oof, okay, there's a big difference between putting out a video whenever I want to and being consistent with content creation. How do you keep that fresh without feeling like, ugh, you know, I'm saying the same thing over and over or I don't know what to say.

[B]

I have those conversations a lot, actually, with my managers and things. I think one thing is I have removed the pressure of always feeling the need to have a word.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

And so now I'm giving a lot more. The content is a bit more diverse now. You know, sometime I'm giving you my little outfits, you know.

[A]

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. The bag.

[B]

With the bag. Yes. Oh, nice.

[A]

Navy on navy outfit. I said, oh, yes.

[B]

You know, there's two types of fashion girls. It's the girls who have pieces and.

[A]

It'S the girls who have style.

[B]

I'm a combination of both. If you don't believe me, let me show you Exhibit A. Oh, yes. Yeah.

[A]

And so you see, I've been doing things like that.

[B]

I don't need to have a word. It's funny. I'm still kind of saying a word, but it's not that deep. It's a nice little giggle, something to laugh at. It's lighthearted.

[A]

To be rich. To be rich, yes.

[B]

I'm doing, like, I'm doing all of those things now. I'm removing the pressure to always have a word. Because when you do make that your niche, you're bound to be repetitive. Right. You don't have that many thoughts, you know what I mean? And there's not that much aha. Moments happening for me yesterday to tomorrow.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so I have to give myself. And I don't want to be performative. I want to be real. I want to be connected. I want to be passionate. I want to. I want to have the impact. And I'm not going to have it being scripted right now.

[A]

That's true. Because once you are no longer coming from a place of authenticity, your audience will probably be able to pick up on that. Right. Immediately. Immediately. So it's important to not just diversify, but to stay true to yourself. Not just doing other things for the hell of it. But you're obviously very much into fashion. That's a real part of you. So why not share that part of you instead of feeling like, oh, well, let me think of something deep to say, like, what is it?

[B]

And doing it in my way and what's been important. I give these people advice all the time. When they do ask me about content is I really do consume my own content and really try to think, am I entertained? Am I moved? Am I engaged with this? And the thing that's kept me able to continue to be motivated is sometime I do look back at the old videos and they still hit me. I'm moved by my own word.

[A]

Okay. I know that's right.

[B]

And that's the. Do you ever just listen to old episodes of stuff?

[A]

Sometimes people will clip something and be like, oh, my God, this really hit for me. And I listen back, I'm like, oh.

[B]

He was like, wow, that was. You did that. And that's when, you know it was real.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like, I removed the fact that I'm even looking at myself. And I just can't believe I said that. That happens for me a lot. I'm like, oh, wow.

[A]

That came out of my mouth.

[B]

That came out on the sidewalk. Ok.

[A]

I just was recording and uploading it, and now it's got 800,000 likes or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's a crazy life.

[A]

It is. So have you ever done any sort of therapy or counseling before?

[B]

I have. That was, you know, and that was an old dream of mine to be a therapist.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, my.

[B]

It was. I let that go.

[A]

You did. It's not too late.

[B]

It's never too late for things like that. I don't know if I'm able to let it go. Like, I don't know if I can sit with a patient or, you know, is that the proper term?

[A]

Well, patient is really more of the medical. What would I say I use for a client.

[B]

Okay. For that.

[A]

But a lot of PhDs and psychiatrists do say patient.

[B]

Okay. I couldn't imagine sitting with a client and being able to, like, let go of their story. And I know that's a part of the training process. And, you know, that will take mastery. I just don't want that. I just. I don't want to move around with all of that sitting on me every day.

[A]

Well, you do learn. You. Like you said, it is part of the education to learn to let things go, especially in grad school. There's so much support with professors and whoever you're working with in your internship, that sort of thing, you learn ways of getting that out of your body. But also, there are stories my clients have told me that I will never forget. And even though I haven't worked with those people in over a year, I will never forget the people that I've worked with that I've had an impact on. So. But. And, you know, there's something to be said for doing it later in life. Like, I think one of the reasons grad school was really not. It was challenging because it was a lot of work, but it wasn't challenging. In the way a lot of my younger cohort members were struggling because they simply had not lived as much life as I have.

[B]

So it wasn't as mentally taxing for you from an emotional standpoint?

[A]

Yes, that, and because I had been in therapy for so long, a lot of times I would just channel my therapist, be like, what was she saying if this was me in this moment? But, you know, I think a lot of what being a good therapist entails is simply being able to sit with someone else's story, not internalize it, but be able to identify with it or see where somebody's coming from and then approach their pain from that angle. From, like, I see what you're saying, I feel what you're feeling, or I understand how you're feeling. And so I'm coming to you. I'm using whatever approach based off that. It's not just, oh, well, girl, let me tell you what you should do. Therapy is not. Advice is extremely different. Extremely different from giving advice. Yes, extremely. So, you know, maybe you don't feel like it now, but in another 10 years, 20 years, maybe you, like, maybe.

[B]

You'Ll have an update episode. It's me talking about my first few classes.

[A]

Yes. And you'll be like, well, I did it. I decided to go to grad school. Because.

[B]

Yes. You never know.

[A]

I mean, and you just. You honestly seem like the type, or you like, yeah, my spirit is leading me towards helping others because I know your content has helped others to heal. Do you feel like that? You know, knowing that your content has had that sort of impact on people, has that changed the relationship that you have with yourself?

[B]

I remember when this journey was really starting and I was really starting to get followers and views, and it was a new thing in my life. And at the time that it was happening, I was really questioning what I was meant to do. And in my moments of reflection, I said something that I carry with me all the time. And in that, I said, damn, what did I say?

[A]

You said, no, what is the saying.

[B]

That I say in that? I said something to the effect of something will bring you visibility, girl. What do I say? Long story short. Okay, go back to the question.

[A]

So the question was, do you, knowing that you have encouraged other people to heal.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Has that changed the relationship that you have with yourself?

[B]

The relationship that I have with myself, Long story short, no. Because this, in so many ways, feels like my purpose.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I'm very passionate about what's happening, and I'm passionate about what it is that I'm doing.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I really believe that whatever the mission is, it's something really great and I'm trying to ride the wave. I will say that this new era has made it more. It's made it more complicated for me to feel open to shifting.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

In the sense that, you know, people, they do depend on the word. And so there's been many moments that I've thought about, I don't know if I'm gonna do this anymore. I'm gonna go Back to the 9 to 5 job and stop. And then I meet somebody on the sidewalk, move to tears by seeing me. And like, what you said the other day really got me through. And when I hear that, it's like, you can't stop now.

[A]

So that encourages you.

[B]

It encourages me. And it always happens each time that I'm like, how more can I do it? Every time I have that thought, wow, somebody sees me and it's just like, okay, I'll do another video. I'll say something, I'll say something else.

[A]

That I find that so interesting because I think for me, I used to be so freaked out by people having that response to me. When the read first really blew up and people would, like, recognize me on the street and stuff, I would be like, no, what? I don't have that impact on you. I'm not that. Like, I was trying to reject it, almost not reject the person, but I think I was rejecting being seen in that way and having value to people that I didn't know. But it sounds like you have really embraced that. You're like, well, you know, it.

[B]

That makes it real. You know, you look at the account, you see the numbers. But that's statistics.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

You know, I. Meeting someone in real life and them able to like, really love on me and tell me whatever it is that I. What it was making them laugh, making them cry, I guess so many people said that they've rebuilt a relationship with God because of me.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

When I hear things like that, that's real.

[A]

Yes, it is.

[B]

That's real. That isn't a viewership. That isn't a comment. That is a real face to face connection. It's a human thing. And it does. It grounds me and it makes me feel like, okay, you're doing something. You're doing something really good and something really right. Even though maybe sometime it doesn't feel like it's enough, it's been enough for somebody.

[A]

Really. Yeah. I'm wondering how it could be insufficient.

[B]

I think insufficient from a. I talk about this A lot. It's funny. Insufficient from a business perspective.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I've been able to make this my job and things, and I'm extremely grateful. And, you know, a lot of the complaints I have are champagne problems, and that's also a blessing.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But it's difficult to be told that you have so much impact, so much reach, people have so much love for you, and you sometimes feel like it's not reflected.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And that has actually been the toughest part of this journey because it reminds me of my childhood in so many ways, of people saying, like, you're gonna be something. You're great, you're amazing, you're special. You're a star. And really having the power, the access, the resources to do something to change my life and prove to me I'm as great as you claim I am. And they never did. And so now to be in this position and to go into rooms with PR agencies.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

To go into rooms with owners of brands, to go into rooms with people who have the power to say, book him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they look me in my face and talk about, I love you. I love your videos. Oh, my God, you make me laugh. You got me through. You've never emailed me. Oop. You know what I mean? It's hard to. And I remember saying this to somebody, and she said. And I thought it was a great question. I said, it's fair. She said, well, for me, I understand what you're saying, but it calls to question. Is what you're doing really in good heart if you're hoping for a result in it in that way? And I said, well, first of all.

[A]

This is my business, so can I have a job?

[B]

So at surface level, right. But also I said to her, it's the same thing in my eyes for you. Let's say you are a woman. You're married with kids. You didn't make dinner, you didn't clean the house. Expecting the thank you, but it made you feel good when you got it.

[A]

Mm. Okay.

[B]

I'm at that point where I just. I'm waiting for the real, genuine thank yous. The real thank yous. Not just, I like your video, bye, see you later, but the type of thank you. I like your video so much. You was on my heart. This is what I got. I got these things for you. Do you think this makes sense? Do you like this? How can we. Opportunities, real opportunities. Real, tangible for real opportunities. That shows me how much I've really given.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So. Hmm. So do you feel like the love and the financial side of things are not aligned. Like there's just not. For all of the love you're receiving, there's really not enough of the real world benefits to kind of go along with that, to correlate with that.

[B]

I wouldn't hone in on the financial aspect because like I said, these are champagne complaints. So the financial things are there. It's more about. It's hard for me to accept the idea that I've had such a worldly impact on somebody's life in a really grand and amazing way for whatever that is, for whatever has been communicated for me, for whatever that love is and it not be moved into real world. And though my words are real, though my impact might be real for you, that phone is in real world. And so it's difficult for me to be face to face with you in this real world moment. And you tell me this, and it's amazing, but it doesn't transition into allowing that impact and love to spread in a really different way.

[A]

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[B]

I'm Trying to find the words that make it clearest.

[A]

Well, I'm just wondering, if it's not financial, then what other real world impact are you looking to like?

[B]

Just more in life.

[A]

Have your brand be expanded more in life. Yeah. You know, be bigger.

[B]

Yeah. It's like, for example, you know, let's say, let's use Dorita as an example in this. Right. The money is there, the work is there. That's amazing. Life, though, in some ways I would think, and correct me if I'm wrong, would feel really limited if that was all you did.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

Well, like, wouldn't you. Like, wouldn't it be beautiful? You went back to school, you started this. You have so many outside projects, so many other things that really feed you and make you feel full. And there are opportunities and things that come of that that really show to you your impact, what you've done. The work is real. It's not just in the thank yous, but it's in the rooms you enter.

[A]

I see.

[B]

It's in the email you receive. Yes, it's real.

[A]

Yes. I think now I have a clearer understanding of what you mean because it is true that for a while, the read was the only thing I did. And that was fine because I was recovering from trauma, going to therapy, really doing a lot of very difficult internal self work that I really didn't have the energy to put into too many other projects. But it's also true that the read opened up so many doors for me to be on Uncommon Sense and Drunk History. And I've just had countless opportunities and things I've been able to do because of the show. Like where you said the. We appreciate you. We love what you say. It's not just words. It means, okay, so come shoot this show with me.

[B]

It's action behind that.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

I should have used that example earlier. Sorry, y'.

[A]

All. No, no, no.

[B]

Yeah, I like that it's action.

[A]

No, but I think it's important to have the conversation so people see how we get to the understanding that we have.

[B]

We work through our thoughts.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes. It can't just be, oh, well, here I am and I am perfect, and here is my perfectly articulated thought. Like, yes, I see what you mean. To not have it just be the thank yous, which do mean a lot, but to have other things come forth because of that.

[B]

Not just the words, but the action.

[A]

Right, right, right, right. So when you think about your legacy, even though you.

[B]

I feel crazy asking.

[A]

I feel crazy asking a 25 year old about their legacy. But you kind of have this gravity about you where it's like, I'm a, you know, you a young MLK or something, where it's like, we finna be quoting Justin Fred for a long time.

[B]

I hope so. Yeah.

[A]

Is that the sort of impact that you want your work to have? Cause it was the first thing you said. Impact. That's what matters the most. Is that how you see yourself, kind of living forever?

[B]

I think so. I think in so many ways, like, you know, with the Internet, the legacy is there. I mean, even if I was just a one video wonder, that one video for someone is the legacy. That's what they know me for. That's the thing. So I do definitely think that that is a part of the impact. I hope that, you know, at the end of the day when people do think about me, that they know, like, my heart was good and I was really trying to spark some honest, real conversation. And there was moments of motivation, there was moments of me working through my thoughts and vulnerability with you. There were. There were moments of me encouraging you the ways that I once needed to be encouraged. It was all of those things. I was the people's people. Yeah.

[A]

That's what I hope that at the end of the day, for whatever faults or missteps I may have had, that y' all see my heart, that I genuinely did try to put more good into this world than negative. And I tried to leave this place better than how I found it.

[B]

Even if I said it a little strict and stern, even if I, you know, it was real loving.

[A]

Still a couple feathers.

[B]

Yeah, I have.

[A]

I stepped on a few toes. I have. But overall, I, you know, I did more good than harm.

[B]

My intention was very good.

[A]

And hopefully that intention also led to real life impact, which for you, I mean, you are far less raggedy than I am, so I'm sure you don't have. I'm sure you don't have the issues.

[B]

Not raggedy.

[A]

Oh, I'm talking about not raggedy. Well, the thing is, I came into this media landscape completely not expecting the read to be a big thing. This was before podcasts were huge. And so people got a lot of my unfiltered, unhealed, unfair, paused self for a very long time. So when you kind of grow up in that way, in this public eye sort of way, it can be challenging because people are like, well, I remember Crystal from 2013, and she was not this bitch who's sitting here now acting this way. And I'm like, you right?

[B]

Which is beautiful. They saw the evolution, the growth.

[A]

Well, see, some people think that's beautiful. And some people are like, nah. There are some people who really feel like you can't change. Some people do feel. Yeah. That people are just sort of stuck and static. And that's another thing that I have really learned from therapy is that just about everybody has the capacity to change, whether they get there, whether they have the resources and support they need to get there, is a completely different conversation.

[B]

And we're supposed to.

[A]

Well, now are we gonna talk about what we supposed to have versus or what we do have versus what the real world actually gives us? Yes. And. And that's also part of what I'm trying to do here. It's like, you know, therapy is inaccessible for a lot of people. And so however I can share the things I've learned in school and as being a client to other people, where somebody says, ooh, that thing she said that reminds me of me. Or, you know, like you said earlier, you said something that really just flipped a switch for somebody. Maybe that thing can be the catalyst for you to go start your own journey towards. I mean, healing journey is like so cliche, but that's really what it is.

[B]

Whew.

[A]

What is? I mean. Cause I feel like this conversation could get really deep if we wanted to let it come on. So with all of the success you've had, do you find that your relationships have changed at all?

[B]

Their personal relationships?

[A]

Yes. Like family, friends, that sort of thing?

[B]

Um, honestly, I'm gonna say it's a double edged sword. Like for the most part. No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, like, I talk a lot online about boundaries and standards and all, and I really do navigate my life that way. So I. It's a no in many ways because I just, I have boundaries. People don't play with me in that way.

[A]

You said they actually know better.

[B]

Yeah, like the people don't play. Like, people don't play with me in that way. I'm not disrespected in that way. Especially because I make it very obvious it wouldn't be tolerated for me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I will say it's made it more difficult to build new, genuine relationships. So it's made it difficult in the sense of dating. Like, I think they've never seen anything. And then, you know, I see you actually did.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Like those things like, are like, oh, God. Which it doesn't bother me. But also, let's not act like you don't know what I do then, or even friends. Like, I think we're genuine, regular Friends. And then I get a text or we out at lunch and you talking about, I really want to do content. I'm like, oh, God.

[A]

Oh my goodness. I can't tell you how many times I thought that I was just making a friend. Like legit thought that I was making a friend. And then it turns into, oh, well, no, it was actually, you know, I'm trying to meet Kyle Fury or whatever.

[B]

It was an ulterior motive.

[A]

Yes, yes. And so I see what you mean about it being harder to trust new connections in that way. Especially with dating. Especially, like, I dated somebody very briefly who didn't seem to know anything about me or what I did. But then I also saw a picture of them wearing the Reid merch on the Instagram.

[B]

That's so crazy.

[A]

And I mean, they had it. They were like, well, you know, I just went to that one with a friend. I didn't, you know, I didn't put two and two together. That that was you. And I'm like, okay, that could be true. But it's the sort of thing where.

[B]

You like, this was far fetched. Seems like a little. I didn't put two and two together.

[A]

Please, I wanna believe her so bad.

[B]

You were at the show watching. At some point when you saw me again, it, like had to click.

[A]

No, they said it did not click. And I'm like, okay, well, I choose to believe you. Okay. But it's that sort of thing where it's like, do I really. You know, you kind of. You question things in that way when. Yes. Is dating something you're comfortable talking about?

[B]

Yes. I wanted to actually ask you in that when those things happen, does it make you question what their actual attraction to you was? Because sometime I wonder, was the lore really the mug or was the lore the fact that you felt like now you have a proximity to, I don't know, some form of celebrity or just some form of something different in terms of like a public eye thing. And I also meet a lot of people too, which you can add on this too, who sometime their attraction to me. If they want to see how much of what I say on that phone is real, they want to see if I'm going to live up to that love talk that I say.

[A]

Right. Or is it all going to drop once the kid stops?

[B]

Or is it a fake?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then is he really like that or is he really not like that?

[A]

Demon just, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, for me, I'm always a demon, so I, I don't think people Expect anything better out of me ever.

[B]

I'm a classy demon.

[A]

But it does. It makes dating so much more challenging for me as a queer black woman. Especially because it's like, most of the people that I have dated over the past decade absolutely knew who I was. You know, had listened to the show, called themselves a fan, that sort of thing. And so it does for a while. I made everybody sign NDAs. Everybody that I slept with, I made them sign NDAs that they would not share any details of our relationship or any photos that we took, videos. Things of that nature definitely affected my.

[B]

Sex life for sure.

[A]

Yes. Yes. Because it makes you triple question everybody that you allow to be close to you in that way. And even now when people show interest, I'm like, do you really like me? Are you really interested in me? Or. Or did you see me with Beyonce?

[B]

Will it be your next story time?

[A]

Yeah. You trying to be, right? You just trying to be near me for a few weeks so you can go and tell your friends, you know, this, this, this. So it does make it. It makes it extremely hard to date.

[B]

I also hate thinking like that because there is something very arrogant also about that perspective.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because it's like, I'm not Beyonce.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So it's like, okay, how do you teeter between. That is a realistic feeling. And that's okay to maybe think that there's a versus, like, girl, calm down.

[A]

Well, I don't do too much. You know, I'm not like, of course you only want me because of course.

[B]

You know who I am.

[A]

I'm never. I'm not doing all that. But when you approach me, like, oh, my God, I'm such a huge fan. You're so fine. Can I get your number? It's kind of like automatic.

[B]

Well.

[A]

And so I think part of my hesitation is because this has unfolded in disastrous ways before.

[B]

Oh, so you've dated fans?

[A]

So I've. I have dated.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I have dated. I mean, if I didn't. I don't wanna say if I didn't date fans, I wouldn't date anybody. But everybody who approaches me knows who I am at this point. So it's like. And I've had situations where I've met people, you know, at the club, at a party, whatever, and everything seemed cool. And I said to them, you know, like, I'm not interested in dating. You seem really cool. Like, I like, let's legit be friends. Like, I would love to hang out with you, get to know you in that way, but I'm not Trying to date. It's like, people really don't want to hear that. And so they just hear, you know, let's be friends. And they're like, okay, I still gotta end. And so I've had situations where it really turned into. It was clear to me by the way you behave that you were expecting something else out of this that you would not have been expecting from somebody else that you dated. So I think if I hadn't had. Yes. So if I had not had those negative experiences, I probably wouldn't be so nervous or, you know, like, I'm a little trepidatious about this. I don't know what you finna do, but since I have. It's kind of like, oof. So how do I navigate that? Do I just stay single?

[B]

Cause I've had those conversations of, like, I don't want to be. And they think. They think more of it. And I always. It always annoys me because I'm like, okay, you do know who I am. You've seen me. When have I ever seemed unclear?

[A]

Ooh, tell them again.

[B]

So if I said I'm not looking for. I really wanna be your friend, what about me makes you think that that's not my truth?

[A]

Right.

[B]

What about how I've navigated and talked and you see me move through the world makes you think that that was not very clear and serious?

[A]

Right. But at that point, they're not thinking about you and what you've said. They're thinking about themselves and what they want. And so that's where I just take my time with new connections. I don't. I'm not one of those no new friends people. I love new friends, a village. But I. Yes, but I have to really trust that you care about me, the human being, and not me, the personality that's, you know, been on these shows and is in these pictures with famous people. And that's just the sort of thing. That's the sort of bond that. That is only established through time. You have to prove your. They have to prove themselves in that way. You know, of course there's no. Like, you're not auditioning to be my friend, but if you say one thing and then I turn around and you're secretly, like, recording me or something or.

[B]

Has that happened, Baby? Oh, my God, baby.

[A]

Not only has it happened, I have had. This is why I started making people do the NDAs and stuff.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Because I had exes threaten to leak certain stuff online. Oh, my God.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I'm like, you would really Play me like that.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yes. It gets.

[B]

Wow. But these are people that approach. Cause you said, like, people approach you, and a lot of these people oftentimes know who you are. Are you ever the approacher?

[A]

No. Okay. I'm never. I've never been that girl who approaches.

[B]

Is there a reason?

[A]

Well, I mean, I don't know. I've never needed to.

[B]

Oh. I'm also, you know, don't feel bad, y'. All. This is pretty privileged type of things. This is pretty privileged things over here, honey.

[A]

Pretty girl. Come on. But I'm also, you know, I'm old and I'm Southern, and I just don't have never approached. I date mostly masculine presenting people, and they've always just been the ones to sort of take the initiative and come up to me. I've never really done that before, but maybe I should start honestly.

[B]

Because I feel like the approach sets a tone, though.

[A]

I think you onto something. Yeah.

[B]

I mean. Cause you might have a better eye for what it is. That's gonna work. And maybe these people approaching you, they are not. They're not moving with good intention.

[A]

And meanwhile, I'm just like, okay, are you fine? Cause whether you find dictates whether this conversation goes any further, that's all I'm thinking about. Right.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So after I had incidences of people like, surprise, FaceTiming me and making me talk to your mama.

[B]

I don't like that.

[A]

Don't do that.

[B]

Don't do that.

[A]

Do not do that to me. I don't like that.

[B]

That's happened to me often.

[A]

Yes. It's like, man, come on, don't do that. I'm over here in my bonnet, pimple cream on my face. Like, please let me. I'm just the girl.

[B]

I don't like that. I mean, even if I didn't have, like, a social. It's just like. Like, still don't.

[A]

I'm on the spot. You putting me on the spot, and you're calling me.

[B]

I'm on your phone. I didn't call. I'm not doing this to have introductions with other people.

[A]

Especially if people are looking for, like, crystal and, like, come entertain us and see.

[B]

Funny. You gotta be friendly and you gotta do all that, and you might not be in the mood for all that.

[A]

I don't have a joke sitting on my spirit for you, Miss Lady.

[B]

Like, that is a big turnoff.

[A]

I do not like that. Yes, I also don't like that. But those experiences are what led me to kind of overcorrecting and going in the direction of okay, NDA is for everybody then. And we not even kissing without you signing this NDA first.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Oh, yeah. I got really strict.

[B]

Not even kissing.

[A]

I got really strict.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then after therapy, I started loosening up again. Like, okay, you can trust people a little bit. A little. You can give them a little space to mess up. Yes. But it's been. Dating is such a challenge for me at this point. I feel like my friends are gonna have to co sign somebody before.

[B]

It's tough out here. It's tough out here. Are you only really meeting people in person? Are you using apps?

[A]

Are you using things I don't get on the apps? Because as soon as I get on the apps, it's like, oh, my God, is this really you? And then I'm like, okay, I can't deal with that.

[B]

No, Raya.

[A]

Raya is just full of, like, tech frat white boys who are like, I'm the CEO of some pasta company or something. Like, I have not seen anything that. That strikes my fancy on Raya. You have luck on Raya. I've matched with some people on Raya.

[B]

Really?

[A]

No, I'm mostly in person. Although a couple of my exes, they. We met through DMs. One of them DMed me a picture of themselves nude and said, I'm your future ex girlfriend. And I said, you damn sure are. You responded to that. I did.

[B]

Oh, that would have been an immediate block for me. No, she was.

[A]

She was very fine.

[B]

I don't even care. You don't respect me.

[A]

Well, this was before therapy. Was it? Yes, this was before. Well, no, maybe before I got to that point in therapy, but it was the. Yeah, yeah. She sent me a nude and was like, I'm your future ex girlfriend. I was like, yeah, you are. What's up? Oh, my God, that did work. That would not work no more.

[B]

That was your raggedy error you was talking about.

[A]

That's that raggedy stuff you talking about earlier, you know, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

[B]

Oh, my God. That would have made me so sickened.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Cause I just would have felt so even. You could have been gorgeous, and I'm sure she was. I would have felt so disrespected by nudes. I don't know you.

[A]

Yeah, well, I mean, that's how you get what she got to say.

[B]

What happened to, hello, how are you?

[A]

You know what? It wasn't just the nude. It was the I'm your future ex girlfriend that made me. So I said, okay, what's up? I'm finna follow you back.

[B]

That's so funny. My brain. I would have read that. I was like, oh, you've said that a few times.

[A]

Well, we've established that you're a better person than I am.

[B]

That is not what we have not.

[A]

We established at the beginning of this conversation that you are far more level headed and all. You make more sense than I do.

[B]

So I think I'm low key, very distrusting romantically. And so I analyze every single little word and movement. I analyzed it all so that would read as cute, but I'm like, oh, you said that to about. You said that to a few niggas.

[A]

I'm sure she has. I'm sure she didn't retire that line after me, but I'm good. Yeah. A couple of people I have met just through, you know, DMs on Instagram, but most. Yeah, no, for the most part, you need to meet me in person so that we know the chemistry is real.

[B]

It's real.

[A]

Cause anybody can be charming through DMs.

[B]

Through a tech. Yeah. Especially with this AI.

[A]

Oh, oh, please.

[B]

Where people are replying with AI.

[A]

They're replying.

[B]

They're like seeing. What should I say to this? Yes.

[A]

No. Yeah, that's not gonna work out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What you mean, what should I say to this?

[B]

You don't need to work out. Like you know they're true. Exactly. You need to use your instinct, be who you are.

[A]

Oh, come on.

[B]

Ask an AI. How should I respond to this message?

[A]

No, I don't.

[B]

Something with a flirt. Give me. Flirty prompt. Give me.

[A]

I have never. No, no, for the most part. You need to find me in person. So that's that we can be sure, you know, on both sides. Just because you've seen me for years doesn't mean that in person we really gonna vibe together.

[B]

So best moments are in person. Truly.

[A]

They really are.

[B]

I've met people on apps. I've met people in person. And I mean, I'm fine with both, but the in person story always just feels more beautiful. Yeah, always.

[A]

It just, you know, there's something about meeting in person that feels so organic. Really, where it's just like we were just two people in New York.

[B]

So Rom com.

[A]

Yes. We were just at the set and you saw me from across the room and bought me a drink and came over and said hi and we started talking and I gave you my number and you texted me.

[B]

Wait, you were giving them. So with the NDA situation, did they have to sign It. And then they got the number. How did the number stuff work for you?

[A]

No. So with the NDA, you could have my number, but I'm not gonna text you nothing that I'm not okay with you screenshotting and putting out publicly, you know? So I'm gonna keep the text cute. I'm gonna keep the DMs cute until you sign that. But I've moved out of my NDA era.

[B]

Okay, you're completely done.

[A]

No. Yes, I am. At this point, if I can't, well, watch this. Bite me in the ass. But at this point, I feel like if I can't trust you, then what are we even doing here?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also, we gotta just stand on who we are. Like, you know, there's certain things, obviously, I don't want out in the world, but I. I have definitely said things in messages. And after I said, I was like, oh, my God, this person would just show this to the world.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But I'm like, no, I said that shit.

[A]

Yeah. Oh. And I meant that. That's me. No, I meant that I felt like.

[B]

That in the moment.

[A]

I just feel like, especially with sexuality, that's not something that I share with the world. Like, I do not talk about my sex life and things of that nature at all. So it feels very private and personal and it's the last thing I want the world to know about. Cause it's not for everybody.

[B]

It's not. Yeah. I don't discuss that, so.

[A]

How dare you Vi.

[B]

I don't discuss that either. I don't really talk about my dating life publicly.

[A]

Yeah, No, I don't post the people I date. You can't. That has been for their benefit. You can, but. Right. It's just a part of my life where it's like, I think I need to keep this to myself, really. As much as humanly possible.

[B]

Something has to be sacred, right?

[A]

Something has to be. Exactly. Justin, you have built this incredibly powerful community with your why's beyond your years words. What do you think the next chapter of your career looks like? Are you thinking that far ahead yet? Yes, of course. I must. You must?

[B]

I must. So we all must. This next chapter of my life. I hope that this next chapter involves chapters. So I hope to have a book. Did you like that? And this. Why I made it this far, Honey. Did you live? I hope the next chapter has lots of chapters.

[A]

Incredible. Oh, word. Smith.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

Somebody give this man a book deal right now. Simon N. Schuster. Call him.

[B]

Thanks. So I hope that's a part of my next journey. I feel bad for you. I used to have a podcast, so I hope that at some point in the future that is that makes a return in some cap.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I'm just gonna continue to do me and continue to be great and fabulous and favored. And I'm already prematurely grateful, baby.

[A]

Justin, Fred, thank you so much for being on Chrystal's couch.

[B]

Thank you for having me.

[A]

Please tell the people where they can find you.

[B]

You can find me everywhere at JSTNFRTT. Love you.

[A]

One of my favorites on TikTok. Make sure you give him a follow. Go check out his content. That's going to wrap up this week's episode of Chrysalis Couch. Again, follow us online at Chrysalis Couch, and if you have a question for me, send it to advicerislescouch.com we'll see you next week.