Culture Apothecary with Alex Clark – Episode Summary

Episode Title: Attachment Styles: What’s Yours & Why It Matters
Guest: Thais Gibson, PhD
Date: October 14, 2025
Podcast Host: Alex Clark (Turning Point USA)

Brief Overview of the Episode

In this engaging episode, Alex Clark sits down with attachment theory expert and founder of the Personal Development School, Thais Gibson, to unravel the science and personal impact of attachment styles. Thais demystifies how these subconscious relationship 'rulebooks' are formed in early childhood, influences how we relate to others (and ourselves) as adults, and most importantly, how they can be changed. The conversation is candid and practical, with Alex volunteering her own relationship patterns for real-time analysis, while Thais offers hope that attachment patterns aren’t lifelong sentences but blueprints we can rewire through conscious effort and neuroscience.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What is Attachment Theory?

[01:51]

• Attachment theory explores how childhood experiences condition how we relate, communicate, and perceive threats in adult relationships.
• Developed by John Bowlby & Mary Ainsworth at Cambridge: everyone has an attachment style shaped by "subconscious rules" from early experiences.
• Relationships often run into friction when partners have different “rulebooks.”
• Secure attachment is regarded as the top predictor of relationship longevity and parallels statistics on marriage and divorce.

Quote:

“Your attachment style is sort of like the subconscious set of rules... If you have the rules for Monopoly and I have the rules for Scrabble, there’s going to be a lot of unnecessary friction and confusion.”
— Thais Gibson, [01:51]

2. The Four Major Attachment Styles

[03:13-10:27]

• Secure:
  • Over 50% of people; formed by attuned, emotionally available caregivers.
  • Results in trust, healthy vulnerability, and the capacity to mirror attunement.
• Anxious:
  • Rooted in inconsistent parenting or perceived/real abandonment.
  • Triggers: fear of losing love, abandonment, clingy/people-pleasing behaviors.
• Dismissive Avoidant:
  • Linked to emotional neglect (even subtle) in childhood.
  • Triggers: discomfort with vulnerability, high boundaries, internalized shame.
  • Tend to push people away when things get close.
• Fearful Avoidant/Disorganized:
  • Most impacted by childhood chaos or trauma (e.g., addiction, volatile caregivers).
  • Hold both strong desire for closeness and fear of it—“hot and cold” patterns.
  • Highly vigilant, often mistrustful of others' future intentions.

Quote:

“Fearful avoidance... their way of attaching is like, ‘I’m going to learn everything about you and get to know you so deeply…and try to predict your behaviors essentially in order to feel safe.’”
— Thais Gibson, [09:29]

3. How to Identify Your Attachment Style

[12:41-16:50]

• Thais explains six "pillars" for identifying attachment:
  1. Triggers: What upsets you most in relationships?
  2. Your needs (how you seek comfort/fulfillment).
  3. Communication style.
  4. Nervous system function.
  5. Boundaries.
  6. Behavior patterns.
• Common triggers for each style are broken down.
  • Anxious: abandonment, exclusion, feeling unsafe.
  • Dismissive: shame, being vulnerable, feeling engulfed.
  • Fearful Avoidant: betrayal, uncertainty, powerlessness, unpredictability.

Quote:

“Ultimately your attachment style is the relationship you have to yourself first… it follows you into the workplace, friendships, even your relationship to money.”
— Thais Gibson, [12:59]

4. How Early is Attachment Style Set? Is It Changeable?

[22:52-25:00]

• Attachment style can be observed as early as 0-2 years old, demonstrated through the "Strange Situation" experiment.
• However, conditioning never stops—attachment style can change through later life experiences, trauma, and intentional effort.
• The subconscious is highly receptive in childhood, but neuroplasticity means change is always possible.

Quote:

“There’s no such thing as a point of no return... Your attachment style is not something you are born with—it gets conditioned into you through repetition and emotion.”
— Thais Gibson, [25:00]

5. Healing Your Attachment Style: Practical Steps

[33:11-42:26]
Thais details a six-pillar approach for healing and rewiring attachment patterns:

1. Rewire triggers (identify and address core beliefs driving automatic reactions).
2. Learn your needs (know what you require in relationships and learn to self-soothe).
3. Communicate healthily (focus on positive framing and specificity in requests).
   • Example: “I’m feeling disconnected this week, let’s plan a fun date night,” versus “You never spend enough time with me.”
4. Regulate your nervous system (practice being safe in your body—meditation, breathwork).
5. Address boundaries (insecure styles struggle with boundary-setting in characteristic ways).
6. Change behaviors (replace numbing patterns—like stonewalling or over-clinging—with new habits).

Quote:

“Your conscious mind is only responsible for 3 to 5% of all your beliefs, thoughts, emotions, actions… It is not sabotaging—your subconscious mind is just trying to keep you safe.”
— Thais Gibson, [20:22]

6. Real-Life Patterns & Personalized Analysis

[17:00-22:52]

• Alex shares her personal experiences, revealing tendencies that align with dismissive avoidance with some fearful avoidant features.
• They discuss the nuances—many people have a primary and a secondary attachment style, depending on the context (family, friends, romance).

Quote:

“If I feel like someone’s hurt me, I cut them out… and I feel nothing... but if it’s their choice, I absolutely obsess and spiral.”
— Alex Clark, [21:42]

7. Attachment Styles & Sex

[44:48-46:03]

• Secure: Most consistently satisfied and fulfilled sex lives.
• Fearful Avoidant: Most passionate and novel, but hot-and-cold.
• Dismissive Avoidant: Either reserved unless deeply connected or may use sex for connection.
• Anxious: Least authentic; focus on people-pleasing, less likely to orgasm.

8. Daycare, Environment & Attachment Development

[46:03-47:48]

• It’s less about whether a child attends daycare and more about the emotional quality and amount of attunement they receive relative to other environments.
• Repetition and emotional experience in primary environments shape attachment.

9. Attachment Styles & Mental Health (Critique of Mainstream Approaches)

[47:48-52:25]

• A significant discussion on overprescription of antidepressants/SSRIs and the medical system’s tendency to treat symptoms, not roots.
• Thais advocates that understanding and rewiring attachment patterns (via neuroplasticity) can be more effective and sustainable than lifelong medication for many people.

Quote:

“We have a system that’s incentivized to treat symptoms rather than roots… We have the miracle of neuroplasticity—we can change our brains.”
— Thais Gibson, [51:35]

10. Recommended Resources & Thais’s Work

[52:25-55:18]

• Top recommendation: Attached (noting its limitation for fearful avoidants).
• Thais’s forthcoming book: Learning lap five (on reworking attachment styles via integrated attachment theory).
• Connect with Thais Gibson and her resources at Personal Development School (personaldevelopmentschool.com) and on social media.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Attachment Styles as “Rulebooks”:
  “If you have the rules for Monopoly and I have the rules for Scrabble… there’s going to be a lot of unnecessary friction and confusion.” — Thais Gibson, [01:51]

• Why “Self-Sabotage” is a Misnomer:
  “It’s not sabotaging. It’s your subconscious mind that’s been wired this way, that’s been habituated, just trying to keep you safe.” — Thais Gibson, [20:22]

• Hope for Healing:
  “There’s no such thing as a point of no return… Your attachment style is not something you are born with—it gets conditioned into you through repetition and emotion.” — Thais Gibson, [25:00]

• Misunderstood Chronology:
  “We’ve been told… ‘This is my label, this is who I am.’ But that actually does more of a disservice long-term.” — Thais Gibson, [26:44]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:51] What is attachment theory & why does it matter?
• [03:13] The four attachment styles explained
• [12:41] How to identify your attachment style
• [17:00] Alex’s personal reflection and live assessment
• [22:52] How early is attachment established? Can it change?
• [25:00] The myth of the “point of no return” in attachment
• [33:11] The six pillars of attachment healing
• [37:01] Needs vs. love languages
• [38:49] Communication mistakes & positive framing
• [44:48] Which attachment style has the best sex?
• [46:03] Daycare’s effect on attachment
• [47:48] Attachment styles and mental health; SSRIs critique
• [52:25] Book recommendations

Suggested Action Steps

• Take Thais Gibson’s free attachment style quiz (link at the Personal Development School website).
• Practice pinpointing your relationship triggers and communication strategies.
• Explore methods of nervous system regulation (breathwork, meditation).
• Consider the impact of early environments (including daycare) on children’s emotional wiring.

Closing Notes

Host Reflection:
Alex Clark found Thais’s insights into attachment style both eye-opening and affirming, especially regarding the misconception that some patterns are unchangeable—and about the surprisingly subtle ways attachment wounds manifest in adult life.

Guest’s Remedy for Culture:

"Learn about neuroplasticity and the fact that we can rewire these things… take your mental health into your own hands that way.”
— Thais Gibson, [54:39]

Connect with Thais Gibson:

• Website: personaldevelopmentschool.com
• YouTube: Thais Gibson - Personal Development School
• Instagram: personaldevelopment_school

For more episodes and to join discussion groups, check out the Culture Apothecary podcast with Alex Clark, airing Monday and Thursday nights.