Podcast Summary
Podcast: Culture Apothecary with Alex Clark
Episode: The Co-Sleeping Controversy: What Parents Are Getting Totally Wrong | @cosleepy
Date: January 9, 2026
Guest: Tiffany Belanger, Founder of Co Sleepy
Overview of the Episode
This episode dives deeply into the polarizing topic of co-sleeping, featuring Tiffany Belanger, the founder of Co Sleepy and leading advocate for safe co-sleeping education. Host Alex Clark seeks to unpack misconceptions, present the science, and address both the practical realities and cultural perceptions surrounding co-sleeping and sleep training. The conversation explores the root causes for the controversy, outlines safety considerations, and considers how different approaches affect both babies and mothers—physically, emotionally, and culturally.
Key Discussion Points and Insights
The Spectrum: Sleep Training vs. Co-Sleeping
- Cry it Out:
- Tiffany criticizes the “cry it out” or extinction method, saying, “Cry it out doesn't really train your baby to sleep. It kind of trains them just to be quiet and silent.” (00:00)
- Sleep training isn’t one-size-fits-all; it varies widely and isn’t suitable for everyone.
- Co-Sleeping Defined:
- “Co sleeping is just setting up a safe space for you and your child to sleep side by side.” (05:14)
- The practice is common globally and across human history; only recent Western trends have prioritized solitary infant sleep.
Research-Backed Benefits of Co-Sleeping
- Breastfeeding:
- Co-sleepers breastfeed longer and with greater ease: “More breastfeeding sessions throughout the night and some are half asleep. They don't even have to fully wake up... the moms who breastfeed in bed share throughout the night breastfeed for like two to three years.” (00:09, 27:02)
- Infant & Maternal Well-Being:
- Infant Regulation: Physical proximity boosts oxytocin (the ‘love hormone’) and decreases stress hormones (cortisol) in both mothers and babies. (23:03)
- Easier Resettling: Babies sleeping near parents resettle faster and with less arousal—sometimes without either waking fully. (24:41)
- Mother’s Mental Health:
- Co-sleeping can reduce maternal anxiety and risk for postpartum depression. (52:55)
- “Once I started co sleeping, it lowered. Like, I don't have to take medication anymore.” (52:55)
- Cultural Context:
- Most cultures co-sleep and have fewer issues with SIDS, often due to safer, more intentional practices based on knowledge passed down generationally. (05:20, 32:09)
Safety First: Guidelines and Red Flags
- Three Unsafe Practices:
- Never co-sleep on a couch, sofa, or recliner. (06:07)
- Never co-sleep if you are not sober (including prescription medications). (06:07)
- Always use a firm mattress, free of blankets, pillows, or plush items around the baby. (06:07)
- Room-Sharing & Bed-Sharing:
- Co-sleeping includes both; safe set-up is crucial. Room-sharing (with baby in their own sleeping space close to parent) is also beneficial and safer for some families. (08:51)
- Transition Out:
- “Co sleeping is just a tool to help make your nights easier. So use it when you want to or need to, and then put it away... It doesn't have to be forever.” (04:32)
- Practical Safety Tips:
- “Cuddle curl” position protects baby (mom curled on her side with baby nestled at chest level, arm blocking baby's access to pillows, knees in front to prevent rolling). (50:19)
- As soon as baby is mobile (~4 months), use bed rails or place the mattress on the floor to prevent falls. (49:56)
Addressing Cultural Fears and Controversy
- Origins of Fear:
- Judgment and fear-mongering are fed by incomplete media stories of bed-sharing tragedies—often omitting critical context like intoxication or unsafe setups. (11:00–11:51)
- The American Academy of Pediatrics’ blanket recommendations against bed-sharing stem from a small subcommittee’s decision in the 1990s and haven’t evolved with newer research. (34:07)
- Medicalization of Sleep:
- Infant sleep only became a “medical issue” in the wake of the SIDS epidemic, before which sleep location was up to the family and community tradition. (11:51)
- Empowerment & Agency:
- Both host and guest lament the lack of autonomy mothers have in making informed choices, often being patronized by rigid blanket guidelines. (35:13)
Debunking Myths and Misconceptions
- “Bad Habits” and Dependency:
- Current research does not show long-term problems with dependency or inability to self-soothe in co-slept children. (48:00)
- Parental Authority:
- Problems with family dynamics (kids “running the show”) are more context-dependent and not inherently caused by co-sleeping. (37:43)
- Secure Attachment:
- Secure attachment does not require co-sleeping, but stress comes when babies’ communications are systematically ignored. (47:34)
International Perspectives
- Other Cultures:
- The U.S. is an outlier. In India and many parts of the world, co-sleeping continues without the same cultural backlash, and sleep transitions happen differently—for example, moving to sleep alongside siblings or grandparents rather than being alone. (32:09, 37:32)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Cry it Out:
- “Cry it out doesn't really train your baby to sleep. It kind of trains them just to be quiet and silent.” – Tiffany (00:00)
- On Mother-Infant Biology:
- “Physical proximity increases oxytocin in both the mom and the baby. And that's the feel good. They call it the love hormone.” – Tiffany (23:03)
- On Cultural Judgment:
- “Honestly, it's none of anybody's business other than you and your husband or your partner, your decision of what to do with your baby.” – Tiffany (11:51)
- On Evolution and Sleep:
- “Only in America and a few of the other countries who have sort of followed our lead, is it like a big deal here?” – Tiffany (32:09)
- On Postpartum Mental Health:
- “Once I started co sleeping, it lowered. Like, I don't have to take medication anymore.” – Tiffany (52:55)
- On Safety & Practicality:
- “When you lie in this cuddle curl position with your knees bent in front of you, you cannot physically roll forward... It's an instinctual position that moms do.” – Tiffany (51:40)
- On Advocacy:
- “Ten to twelve people have decided what we hear from our pediatricians... This has become such a huge thing because 10 to 12 people don't trust women to make an informed choice.” – Tiffany (34:07)
- On Room for Change:
- “Women and babies are worth it. Worth more research studies, more conversations like this... and I really think that could affect our culture.” – Tiffany (54:24)
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Cry it Out vs. True Sleep Training: 00:00–02:25
- Definition, History, and Global Perspective on Co-Sleeping: 05:14–06:01, 20:50
- Safety Red Flags and Guidelines: 06:07–08:18, 48:44
- Breastfeeding and Nighttime Feeding Insights: 00:09, 27:02
- How Sleep Location Shapes Brain and Emotional Development: 04:04, 23:03
- The Medicalization of Sleep in America: 11:51, 32:44, 34:07
- Debate Over Parental Authority and “Bad Habits”: 09:38–10:55, 37:04
- Co-Sleeping Beyond Infancy and Effects on Family Dynamics: 37:04
- Mother’s Mental Health and Co-Sleeping: 38:28, 52:55
- Step-by-Step Bed-Sharing Safety: 48:44–51:40
Resources and Follow-Up
- Tiffany’s Platform:
- Guides and community for safe co-sleeping at Instagram: @cosleepy
- Upcoming book with Hachette
Closing Cultural Remedy
If you could offer one remedy to heal a sick culture, physically, emotionally, or spiritually, what would it be?
- "Anyone who can do it safely should try co sleeping. I really think it makes a difference for the mental health of the mom and the baby. And I think we're worth it." – Tiffany (54:24)
This episode brought a compassionate, nuanced, and research-backed perspective to one of parenting’s most hotly debated issues, empowering parents (especially mothers) to make informed, individualized, and safe choices about their baby’s sleep.